The Dream of Suzumiya Haruhi
by Perkele
Summary: Continuing past vol.9 The forces around Haruhi begin moving to secure victory over each other, and Kyon will have to try and save her, but not necessarily from who you might expect. Kyon's world and relationships will all be questioned as a result.
1. Act I: It's all just in your head

Note: It is recommended that readers of this story have read or at least know what happens in the Haruhi novels (up to the ninth one as of writing), as elements and characters from throughout the series proper will be used.

Revised intro (nothing truly essential is said here, feel free to skip to the actual story if you feel like it):

It's rather difficult to provide any sort of synopsis for this story, as it really isn't that simple. I like to think it covers a wide range of genres (especially now that I have the time to continue it). There's adventure and drama, troubled relationships and issues of trust, possible conspiracies and the odd, hopefully humorous turns of phrase (more likely not because English is only my second language). This story is a rather experimental project for me, as I like to try and avoid or subvert common conventions of storytelling, which, undoubtedly, will be polarizing and not all too appealing to some. For example, I love a well executed anti-climax, though I probably won't be aiming for such a thing here. And things will probably get worse, a lot worse, before they get better, as I think protagonists are always only as great as the obstacles they face (whether they actually overcome them, now that's an entirely different thing). It's an interesting project, writing with an unreliable narrator (and no, this does not mean Kyon is lying and actively trying to deceive readers, as some unfortunately seem to think when I mention this)

Anyway, though the relationship between Haruhi and Kyon will be integral to the story throughout it, as this story is very much about examining the nature of her powers and the world in which these characters live, this does not mean other relationships will be ignored. All options are open really for this story, with small twists and other complicating factors thrown in along the way.

The story has also now been turned into acts as well, though many elements will continue throughout the acts. And one more thing readers should definitely know, this is not meant to be a light-hearted adventure; sometimes things can get a bit grim, but I will attempt to temper it with wit and lighter moments as best I can. This story is not recommended for those who hate to use their brains while reading and enjoy simple escapism (I certainly do occasionally), but intended to provoke thought, sometimes very explicitly, as there are chapters where philosophical "lectures" will be given, but most reviews thus far have said I have done a good job of keeping them interesting enough, even introductory to some. I have certainly tried to introduce philosophy as simply as possible in a more in-depth manner, because at the very heart of it, the Haruhi series is a philosophical story, that has shamefully not bothered getting into much philosophy in later parts, like in some of the earlier parts, and has always worked best when these issues have been at the heart of the narrative. The occasional silliness is okay in between, but whether it is how the premise of the series was set or with parallel realities along with time travel and pop psychology here and there, these philosophical stories have been the best for me. Haruhi's antics can only be so much fun for so long.

I hope this intro hasn't scared people away, as it's not just boring dialogue and examination all the time, there's plenty of crazy stuff as well. Well, if you're still reading, please enjoy. Reviews are always appreciated.

* * *

Act I

Eyes glowing with pure energy, blue lightning flashing and crackling around her slender body, and a nonexistent wind billowing her skirt, shirt and hair, Haruhi floated through the burning wreckage of the school. Like the Angel of Death, she descended down upon me, her face as cold as the energy around her was hot. Wherever the bolts of energy struck, an explosion followed, leaving nothing but a small glowing hole where the energy had entered. Walls had crumbled, no buildings stood in sight. The landscape was unrecognisable. The pandemonium she had caused with her omnipotence warping the very space around us.

The ground moulded itself before me into stairs with a red carpet on it. Haruhi landed on the top step with a gentle tap. She stood there, looking down at me. Her empty eyes stared at me, with the white glow of her eyes, tinted by cobalt, only intensifying. It was almost as if she was judging me.

Oh God… so is this what it means to have the Fear of God placed in you? I can't say I much like it. It's not humbling, it's horrifying. Her stray thought could end me just as easily as change me into something completely unrecognisable, and then bring me back like nothing had happened at all.

"Haruhi…?"

Her brow furrowed into a glare, her lips turning into a snarling grimace. A storm erupted around us. Heavy blocks of concrete and steel flew into the air along with uprooted trees and other various pieces of debris. All of it spiralled around us, as if we were in the eye of the storm… what am I talking about? We _were_ in the middle of it all. Everything _did_ revolve around Haruhi.

"I'm sorry, I –"

"Enough," Haruhi's cold voice rang through my head, like granite slabs sliding against each other, her voice booming with the ancient power of the cosmos. "…Enough."

She raised her hand at me, her slender fingers stretched towards me. "It's over."

The energy crackled and snapped around her, snaking its way in the form of various tendrils around her hand, into her outstretched palm, gathering into a condensed orb of power.

"Please! I didn't want to hurt you!"

"I thought I could trust you. I thought you were different from the others. But you just wanted to use me like they did, didn't you?"

"No – I –"

"_Enough_… Enough lies… I've had enough of this all. It _Ends_ today."

Haruhi opened her palm fully, slowly extending it towards me with final deliberation.

"WAIT! Don't do this! Haruhi, I –"

"Goodbye, Kyon."

The energy rushing forth at me consumed everything. It was frightfully swift and slow at the same time. An eternity within a fraction of a second. Teasing my mind with the hope of escape, while whispering prophecies of unending pain and suffering in my ears. My little personal hell as everything slowly mingled into nothing around me, everything disappearing into the complete whiteness of what I could only assume was oblivion.

…

…

…

"AAAGHH!" I shouted as the pain spread through my head. I held the top of my head tenderly, rubbing on the sore spot. I opened my tear filled eyes, clenching my teeth together in pain. I saw nothing but white.

Damn it, that smarts.

I turned my head, spotting my bed on my left side. I looked back up again at my white ceiling.

What the hell?

Where was I?

"Kyon, what's going on in here?" my sister's voice rang annoyingly from the direction of my feet.

I slouched onto my elbows, taking one hand to wipe my blurry eyes so I could see properly.

Apparently I was in my room, lying on the floor, next to my bed. My sister was peeking in from behind my door.

"Did you fall out of your bed again?" My sister asked in that annoying tone, mocking me like all younger siblings must do. The little sadists…

"…Yes," I grudgingly admitted as I got up.

My breathing was short and laboured, sweat was everywhere. I looked down at my pants. At least I hadn't wet myself… I think. Yeah, it was all just a lot of sweat. Phew. Complete and total humiliation had been averted.

My sister snickered at me, before shouting at me that breakfast was ready and running off to do whatever nefarious things little siblings do when they're not tormenting their betters, i.e. me. At least she was gone for now.

Agh, just what had happened to me? I guess I'd fallen out of my bed because of a… nightmare? What had it been about?

I strained my brain, knowing it was something important and familiar, something worth a moment's contemplation.

_Haruhi's eyes glowed white with energy, lightning crackling around her, glaring at me with intense hatred._

Oh. Crap.

_She lifted her palm up at me, directing her immense power at me._

It had been a nightmare about Haruhi, about the End. The _End_?

I gulped nervously. She wouldn't do that to me, would she? Why was she angry at me in the first place? Why did she want to kill me? How had she gotten like that?

As these questions and thousands of others just like them whizzed through my mind, one prevailing thought enthralled me; I had never been this frightened by Haruhi before. And what made it worse, for some reason, I felt that this was going to happen anyway, no matter what I did, that it was inevitable, that she would kill me, but worst of all by far, because I _deserved_ it.

What did it mean?

Nothing, it's just a dream.

But what if it isn't?

It is.

But what _if_?

Then we're all screwed no matter what, so don't worry about it.

Now _there's_ a comforting thought.

Hey, I'm just you, don't get too snippy.

Am I developing a split personality all of a sudden?

Now _that's_ a comforting thought, ain't it?

I hate you.

I mean me.

_What_?

I'm me.

…Shuddup!

Leaving my annoying thoughts aside, I made my way out of the room before my brain decided to play more tricks on me and make me head straight to full blown schizophrenia. As I got to breakfast I did a quick survey. Everything seemed to check out, nothing out of place. There's Shamisen on the floor, eating from his bowl, meowing occasionally. There's my little sister, also on the floor, trying to eat her cereal out from her own bowl by licking it out while making an occasional cat sound.

…

As much as I would like to say something weird was going on, I couldn't really do so in good conscience.

Unfortunately, this was only the first semi-surprising event of the day. As I was in the shower, my sister rushed in, throwing the phone at my head. I desperately struggled to stop it from falling into the water, only increasing my sister's delight, before she spirited herself away again.

Jeez, what's up with _her_ today?

I then noticed the phone was on, and that someone was on the line. Okay, that was weird; we never got phone calls this early.

"Um, hello?" I asked, hesitantly raising the phone to my ear.

"KYON!" Haruhi's voice blasted through the earpiece.

I _really_ should have seen this one coming.

Even though I held the phone at arm's length, I could still hear Haruhi loud and clear, very loudly I might add. The girl's got an impressive set of lungs on her, that's for sure.

"Get your ass outside! It's awesome! C'mon we gotta go! We can't miss a beat! Get! Get! Get! OHHH!"

Wait, what's going on? Just what –

Haruhi hung up.

Great, just _fantastic_. It's too damn early for this. I'm not ready, everything's still… Sigh. What day is it anyway?

Although Haruhi had nearly chewed my ear off through the phone, I took all the time I wanted to dress up and get ready. When I had asked my sister what day it was, she had looked at me strangely before advancing to simply laughing at me heartily for a couple of minutes (much to my annoyance), until she answered "Monday" amidst tears of laughter. So, roughly 20 minutes later, I was in my school uniform and ready for another day at school, most of the time being taken up to get mentally prepared for some sort of crazy thing that was bound to happen to me because of Haruhi.

Even so, I was not prepared to meet Haruhi waiting for me in front of my house, bold as a baboon's butt in her own school uniform, impatiently tapping her foot while her arms were crossed. In one of her hands, she was holding a stopwatch. As I got out, she took a look at it, and the scowl on her face only grew darker.

"24 minutes and 42 seconds!" Haruhi yelled angrily.

Wow, she actually _waited_ that long for me to get out? I can't wait to see how she sees fit to punish me for this if she was willing to wait this long for me, considering how excited she sounded on the phone. The perfect way to start out what was turning out to be the perfect day…

"Is this how promptly you issue forth if the Commander calls on you? 25 minutes until you even get out! And what if I hadn't been _here_? Somewhere else? Like at school? How long would that have taken? I could have been abducted and probed by aliens 3 and a half times already!"

Um, sorry? Wait, three and a half? Just where do you get these figures?

"I knew you'd be a lazy bum, so I showed up personally to pick you up. C'mon, everybody else is probably waiting already!"

Before I could ask any questions, Haruhi marched up to me, grabbed me by my tie and pulled me with her down the streets with stunning speed. _Oh_, the looks we got: some of shocked disbelief at such an odd sight, some of annoyance at such a public display of some form of indecency, and far too many sly, knowing smiles for my liking.

"Where are we going?" I managed to ask as the tie around my neck tightened like a noose. I managed to nudge a few fingers between it and my throat, relieving some of the pressure. This struggle of mine of course got a few laughs out of the people watching our peculiar little procession.

Haruhi turned her head to look over her shoulder at me. Her eyes glowed with a genuine excitement that is all too often lost in the daily exuberance she exudes. Her smile was wider than a bear's behind.

"It's fantastic, Kyon! Truly amazing!"

It wasn't. Really, it wasn't. At least, not for me.

Haruhi had pulled me up along a road which went up at a rather big incline, one of the bigger hills that made up the geography of our town. In fact, this particular hill was something of a landmark for me; here the town ended. A place I never really approached but had had the chance to pass by occasionally as my family would sometimes feel like going out of town for various reasons, i.e. special shopping or a small vacation. It was the border of my small world. The effect was only increased by the fact that the land just beyond the hill was rather bleak; there were hardly any trees with occasional tufts of tall grass on an otherwise barren landscape. I have no idea how such an ugly and barren spot got so close to my lovely town. So because of all of this, I was utterly mystified by why Haruhi would be pulling me along to see such a boring view.

Well, I shortly got my answer as we climbed to the top of the small hill so I could get a proper look at the valley below. Haruhi let go of my tie and gave a gasp of glee as her bright eyes took in the sight.

Apparently, the circus had come to town. Ok, that's a slight oversimplification. It was more of a carnival, really. It certainly was big, if nothing else. There were stalls, full of fast food and sugary sweets; entertainers of various sorts, clowns and street performers of all flavours doing everything from juggling knives to fortunetelling; there were even mechanical rides in place amongst the giant tents and buildings that had suddenly sprung up in the vast, empty space. If I strained my eyes, I thought I could see even larger structures in the distance. Was that a rollercoaster?

Ok, I take it back. This _is_ pretty amazing. But since it was Haruhi who had dragged me along with such overwhelming excitement, I had been expecting the long-awaited aliens to have landed in their saucers, the time travellers to have shown up with laser cannons and riding dinosaurs, the espers to have started full on war with the nation's government with their crazy powers, or the enigmatic slider to finally have made his or her appearance.

Just how did something like this get approved anyway? Just thinking about the logistics required for something like this boggles the mind. The place was packed with people squirming between the tents and structures. It put ant hills to shame with such multitudes of roaming people everywhere. Was it a holiday? Surely Haruhi would have mentioned something as she so enjoys them so much. But most importantly, how hadn't I noticed something like this? A carnival of this great a size couldn't have just popped up during the night as it appeared to have. This was suspicious to the infinite degree. Yet… it was just a carnival, hardly the place for something sinister. Trust me, you can't remain suspicious of such an exciting and lively spectacle as this, no matter how much you try. And I tried very hard, I swear!

Haruhi grabbed me by my arm, hugging it to her closely as she stared hungrily at the carnival below. "Isn't this amazing, Kyon?" she asked excitedly, bouncing up and down on her heels, rubbing her chest against my arm.

Apparently, she was so excited that she hadn't noticed this little act of intimacy. For me, it was rather hard to concentrate on the astonishing sight when there was a pair of firm, yet soft breasts rubbing against my arm.

Gulp.

"Uhmm, yeah," I managed to mutter. My eyes kept darting back and forth between her and the distant carnival I was supposed to be looking at with her. Oh man, I just know I'm going to get punished for this. And worst of all, it's not even my fault in the _slightest_! _She's_ the one rubbing up against me, how could I not have a reaction like this? My heart must have been beating faster than a hummingbird's wings.

However, Haruhi was so excited that instead of punishing me, or even noticing anything, she just started down the hill, thankfully pulling me along by my arm this time instead of my tie. "C'mon! Let's go!"

But I held my ground this time, pulling us backwards. Haruhi almost fell over at the sudden resistance.

"What the hell?" she asked, putting lemons to shame with her new sour look. The earlier enthusiasm had been replaced with an equally dangerous amount of irritation.

"Hey, are you dense or something?" Actually there's no need to answer that question, silly me. "We have school today. In fact it's just about to start. C'mon, we have to hurry." I pulled on her hand, put she resisted just as strongly as I had done merely seconds ago. The only difference ended up being in how we respectively handled the situation.

Like a little child, she protested: "NOOO~OO! I wanna go to the carnival! NOW!"

"We'll come back later in the day, okay?" I tried to shush her like one of those parents in a store with a kid who wanted ridiculous amounts of sweets.

"But everybody else is already waiting for us there!"

Oh my… don't these people have any common sense at all? Why do I always end up being the voice of reason in our group? Everyone else is either a sycophant, simply uncaring or just too damn scared to do anything. Sure, the likes of Koizumi and Nagato can probably easily skip a day or two without falling behind in school (They could both probably teach on a university level. Actually, Nagato could probably have taught Einstein a thing or two), but what about the likes of Asahina-san and me? Certainly she at least saw the idiocy in all of this? Ah, who am I kidding? She was sent here to observe just as much as the others. It's probably in her orders to do whatever Haruhi commands, just like it is for everyone else. If this wasn't the case, I'd probably be stuck alone with Haruhi in the SOS-Brigade.

"Look," I said, rubbing the bridge of my nose in frustration, "Call them and tell them to go back to school. We'll come back here later, I promise. It's not like the carnival will just disappear all of a sudden. Something of this size will probably last for weeks."

Haruhi pouted for a short moment, looking at me critically, before she gave an exasperated sigh. "Fine, Kyon, we'll come back later."

"Thank you," I said pulling her back down the hill. She slowly slouched behind me.

"But don't you think it's weird? I mean, I had no idea they were building this. You'd think at least someone would have said something… It's just so strange…"

Yeah, yeah, I know. And I'm just as certain that we'll spend an insane amount of time solving this 'mystery'. Sigh. Will you just stop dragging your feet and call the others already?

When we eventually arrived at the school, half an hour late since it had taken extremely long to pull Haruhi back there because of her exaggeratedly slow gait while she phoned the rest of the Brigade (Man, she really had her sights set on this, didn't she?), I found yet another surprise waiting for me that morning.

The school was closed, nothing stirred on the premises. I went up to the gate and read the sign that had been posted: "The school has been closed due to an unexpected gas leak. The school shall remain closed until further notice as to allow time for repairs and to make certain that the safety of its students and faculty can be assured. Repairs may take a couple of days or even a week. Please use the time out of school wisely."

No way. This is just too damn convenient!

"Well, isn't that nice," Haruhi said smugly, cracking a wide smile. "I guess I'll call the others and tell them to go back to the original rendezvous point."

While Haruhi eagerly thumbed the number of Koizumi, I stood still, wondering if Haruhi had had something to do with this. It was just too damn convenient. She had desperately wanted to go to the carnival, and here she was, provided with ample excuse to do so. But surely this gas leak hadn't happened just as school had started? The thought of Haruhi's subconscious starting the slow demolishment of the school brought back annoying memories from earlier this morning.

"Let's go, Kyon! We have a ton of things to do!" Haruhi exclaimed as she pulled me along, waving her free hand happily as she pulled me along in a complete reversal of roles from our walk to school. This time it was me who was slowly being dragged behind.

Sigh… Well, no school for possibly a week. That's nice, right? But most of it'll probably be wasted dealing with Haruhi, I thought sourly. At least I won't be alone though. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? It's _just_ a mysterious carnival that's popped up from nowhere, possibly summoned there by Haruhi, just like the school being closed to ensure entry to it. Ah _damn_, why can't I just enjoy any little bit of luck I receive instead of obsessing about how much of it sprung from Haruhi's mind?

…Maybe the others will have something to say that might help? Something that will relieve at least a modicum of the stress that's starting to pile up for me? Please…


	2. A few more oddities emerge

"Isn't this amazing?" Koizumi asked as we walked through the carnival, complete with a lofty smile as he turned his head around, inspecting everything with great curiosity, just like Haruhi and Asahina-san were doing up front (obviously with lesser restraint than Koizumi). Nagato merely walked behind us, nose-deep in a new book.

"Yeah, unbelievable…" I muttered. "Especially if you consider the convenience of the whole matter."

"You're talking about the school, aren't you? And not just this carnival's sudden appearance?"

"Yeah, of course. What else?"

"Hmm, that is quite understandable, all things considered. But as always, we cannot be fully certain of what is going on. Perhaps this is just a – for lack of a better word – a normal carnival. But then again, maybe this is all just as well Suzumiya-san's doing or maybe…"

Oh great, what is this? A dramatic pause? You've gotta be kidding me! Just when did you develop a sadistic tendency like this?

"There is something else going on in the shadows, by our mysterious 'enemies'…" Koizumi said rather ominously, before chuckling lightly. "Best keep a keen lookout, eh?" He actually nudged my side playfully after that, before returning to look at all the stands and performers.

Nice, thanks a lot, Koizumi. As if I hadn't been worried enough as it were.

As Haruhi pulled the tense Asahina-san after her, with the smiling Koizumi silently following them, towards a stall with tin cans piled up for throwing at, I gave the last member of our group a look. Without even looking up from her book, she stopped right in front of me just before crashing into me. She lifted her eyes from her book momentarily to glimpse at the cause of her sudden need to stop, but noticing that it was only me standing in front of her, she returned her eyes to her book and then slowly walked after the others, still reading.

Hmm… She seems rather unfocused, doesn't she? I wonder if it's because –

Ah, whatever. It's just my paranoid mind overworking itself. It's to be expected when having to deal with all the crazy stuff I'm confronted with on such a frequent basis, after all. I should just relax and enjoy the week as much as I can. Surely nothing sinister will happen in such an open place, even though the circumstances under which this carnival did pop up are rather suspicious. Sometimes, coincidences do happen.

Here's hoping this is one of those times. Seriously, I could use a vacation. And what better place to relax than a carnival? Of course, I'll have to put up with Haruhi, but I can also enjoy the company of everyone else. Oh, I know! I'll have Koizumi entertain Haruhi, since that's basically his job, as I understand it. Then maybe I'll get some nice alone time with Asahina-san! Ah, what bliss that would be! Or maybe I'll take Na–

"Hey! Stop daydreaming in the middle of the streets, Kyon! Get over here and win me a stuffed battle alligator!"

Can't you do it yourself? I mean, you can pitch like a pro!

"Of course I could, easily even! That's exactly why I'm not doing it. I'd clean this place out all by myself! – No, Mikuru, aim higher! – So instead, I'm making sure you all win ones by yourself as rewards! It builds character!"

Then why do I have to win one for _you_? I thought we were to be rewarded for our efforts. That certainly would send the right impression, wouldn't it?

"Idiot! I'm building your character most, since you need it the most!" Haruhi exclaimed, pointing an authorative finger at me. "Nothing builds character like loss! I don't have time to waste using conventional methods with the likes of you. We need quick results!"

_Conventional methods..._ just how is any of this conventional? And just what is _wrong_ with my character? Other than being the only one to ever object to your insane schemes?

Haruhi had however focused her attention fully on Asahina-san by now, who was desperately trying to get her throws to go in the right direction. She had already hit someone else's target, and was blushing profusely because of this. Of course, with Haruhi shouting advice behind her back in a rather aggressive manner, this feeling of inadequacy was probably only increasing.

"Could you keep it down? People are starting to look," I muttered with embarrassment as I approached my friends.

"Sure, just as soon as everyone wins something. No! Now your aim is way too high! Why can't you be more like Yuki? She got it on the first try!"

I peered around and noticed that Nagato had indeed succeeded in winning a prize already. Apparently, she had received a grey owl as a reward, or maybe she had chosen it herself (I have no idea, since I wasn't there when it happened). Then again, if you could decide your prize, I have no doubt that Haruhi would have intervened and chosen something for Nagato in her place. In any case, the taciturn girl was back to reading again, with the cute little owl held under an armpit, the stuffed animal looking rather forlorn in that position.

Koizumi on the other hand was making a commendable effort. He had hit most of his targets, a few cans on the top, and was apparently on his last ball. He squinted with concentration, taking a long while to aim. He actually raised his other hand and held up a thumb as if to aim with it, kind of like one of those artists trying to grasp the proper perspective or something, measuring distances and angles. Eventually, he did throw his last ball – and lo and behold! – did succeed in toppling over the remaining cans. For a reward, he chose a turtle.

I would probably have spent more time considering these choices in prizes a bit more , if Haruhi hadn't made me start trying to win my own prize (for her). I don't even know why she's calling it a battle alligator, it's just a demented looking lizard with over-sized teeth in actuality.

We remained at the booth for a good 15 minutes. I swear, if I had been given the chance to do this on my own, I would have probably won that stupid lizard on my second try at the very least. That goes double for the blushing Asahina-san. But what can you do, when you have a crazy weirdo shouting in your ear when you're trying to concentrate? Both of our attempts were ultimately rendered pointless. Haruhi decided to give up on us, grudgingly, before she took our places and immediately won us our prizes; for Asahina-san, a cute koala, while my prize naturally went to Haruhi herself. For no apparent reason, she had decided to get a shark instead. Make of that what you will, although I would like to point out a few things sharks and alligators share in common: both ancient predators with big teeth and rather nasty tempers. You _don't_ want to get on their wrong side in a literal or figurative way.

After that, we wandered about aimlessly until Haruhi spotted an ice cream vendor. With surprising politeness, she asked what everyone wanted. Koizumi asked for a pear-flavoured one, Asahina-san asked for strawberry, Nagato didn't say anything as she continued reading so we decided to get her uncontroversial vanilla, and Haruhi said she wanted me to choose for her, saying she wanted it to be a surprise. As she sent me to buy everyone the ice cream (with my own money of course), I realized that the reason for her asking what everyone wanted in that seemingly polite manner had merely been a way for me to take everyone's orders. I can't believe I'm _still_ unable see through such obvious tricks beforehand…

After paying a ridiculously high price for the ice creams, which was only to be expected in such a place of profit as a carnival, I slowly began my journey back towards the others, carefully balancing everyone's ice cream cones. This was a task that proved to be surprisingly difficult in the hot weather where the ice creams started melting immediately and because the press of the crowd was on me constantly in the form of careless jostling. I tried to weave through the crowd while craning my head constantly, seeking safe routes in the dense forest of people. This proving too slow a process, I decided to double back and go behind the row of food stalls where there were fewer people, if any.

As I had thought, this was a far better way to gain access to the benches where everyone else was. Soon I had emerged from the little corridor behind the stalls and was making my triumphant return to the others with all the ice cream fully intact. It's odd how peaceful it all seems from an outsider's perspective. There she is, a regular looking, pretty school girl, surrounded by an assortment of friends as she goes on about something exciting. Another equally sexy girl listens with restrained curiosity while a handsome looking guy smiles, shaking his head at the conversation. And then there is yet another great looking girl, reading next to them. Because she is sitting so close to the others, you'd assume that she is just as much a part of the group as all the others, perhaps reading with half-hearted concentration while keeping an ear out for gossip or other tidbits (or is it titbits? sounds a bit dirty).

I looked around, having a sudden need to contrast this innocent scene with the normal world around me. And sure enough, I could see several other groups of people behaving in a similar looking manner. Like over there. There was a girl who –

But before I had fully had the time to give the other girl my full attention, something tripped me. It sent me flying along with all the ice creams. The worst part about this, easily overshadowing the slight bruising I received from the tumble, was that our frozen snacks went flying straight for the others. Both Haruhi and Asahina-san were hit in the chest, while Koizumi was hit in the face (hah, at least there was some luck!). Nagato on the other hand caught her vanilla cone before it hit her without even raising her head from her book. With one hand supporting the book by its spine, she caught the thing and merely gave it an inquisitive lick before continuing reading, eyes never leaving the text.

Haruhi stomped over to my fallen body, glaring dangerously. When she got close to me, she put her hands on her hips and bent over to look down directly in my face with a death glare, or her energizing one. I still can't fully tell which is which even by now. She then proceeded to glare some more at me, before she pointed at her messy chest.

"Chocolate? That was your big surprise? _Chocolate_?!"

Uhm, yeah sorry about the lack of originality… Now if those were all your concerns regarding this incident, how about we move onto –

"And you ruined my uniform! Along with Mikuru-chan's! What, was this some sneaky, ill-planned attempt at getting us to undress?"

"No, I just tripped over some-"

"Silence! I'll think about your punishment as the two of us go and change." Haruhi gave an indignant huff before she strode off, nose held high, to drag Asahina-san along with her to an undisclosed location.

"You guys stay here! Anyone who moves and has fun without the two of us will be forced to run through the carnival dressed only in diapers, shouting 'Change me! I made a doodoo' continuously for hours!" Haruhi shouted over her shoulder as she and Asahina-san disappeared into the crowds around us.

Sit right here? Fine by me. It'll probably be the most relaxed moment I'll get out of this week. So, fare thee well, Haruhi! Although I'll miss Asahina-san's sweet presence, I can barely wait to find out what they'll change into… just something more casual or maybe even something a bit more – best stop right there before my brain overheats in this already hot weather.

While I was trying to not let my imagination run wild with lovely images of Haruhi and Asahina-san in various states of dress (and undress, I must shamefully admit), Koizumi had finished wiping his face off with a handkerchief he'd pulled from his pocket. He then walked over to me, where I was still lying on the ground, casually resting my head against a supporting hand as I gazed dreamily at the skies.

"My, I've never had my ice cream delivered in such a direct manner," Koizumi said, cracking a slight smile.

"Haha, very funny. A real comedian you are. Seriously, forget physics and philosophy, and go on a road show."

Koizumi gave an amused hum, before he sat down next to me on the ground, peering about.

"So what was it that caused you to trip?"

"Dunno," I answered, looking back the way from which I'd come. I spotted some sort of plastic toy on my path. "Guess it was that toy… I could've sworn it wasn't there when I started walking towards you guys."

"Well, perhaps you were distracted by something," Koizumi said, giving the toy a critical look.

"Yeah, I guess… We're not gonna just sit here on the ground, are we?"

"Not if you don't want to. We could very well join Nagato-san at the benches."

I gave the girl a look. As if on cue, she gave her melting ice cream another quick lick.

"Well it sure as hell beats sitting on the ground like some losers," I said as I got up, dusting myself off.

"Heh, I suppose so."

So the two of us walked over and joined Nagato on the bench, with me in the middle of these two strange people. Nagato kept focused on her book, always giving her ice cream a lick just before it melted its way onto her hand. Impressive precision, considering how she never takes her eyes off the printed text. Koizumi leaned back, adopting a relaxed pose.

We sat there for a while, simply enjoying the sounds, smells and presence of the carnival. The cacophony of sounds seemed to have a rhythm to it, like waves breaking on a rocky coast. The smells of sweet, salty and fatty foods mixed together, forming an oddly intoxicating scent that triggered a favourable response in one's brain, a primal yearning for all the quick energy one could get, an instinct rendered more harmful than useful in the present times of abundance in food. And all of this, along with the presence of the people around us, seemed to weigh on our hearts like gravity. It was all oddly relaxing, just sitting here, soaking in the atmosphere of it all.

I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to wander once again.

…

……

………

"Hey, Kyon, how do I look?"

"Divine… simply divine, ma dear…"

"Hih, thanks…"

"No prob. I enjoy complimenting real beauty."

"…You're not even looking."

"…Yes I am. You look great."

"Wake up, idiot!"

"Huh?"

"I SAID, WAKE UP!"

Wah? I opened my eyes. There Haruhi was, standing in front of me, face almost touching mine. She looked kind of irritated, to put it lightly.

"What were you mumbling about? I couldn't understand a word," Haruhi asked, raising an eyebrow.

Oh man! What had I just said? I must have been dreaming or something. But I can't remember what it was about. You know, one of those dreams where it practically evaporates completely as you open your eyes and only a general recollection of the feeling you had remains, or maybe you don't, but this is what had happened to me. The bliss I was feeling after my dream was creating a terrifying contrast with the fear wrestling in my gut. This volatile cocktail was wrecking havoc on my nerves as I stared apprehensively at the angrily questioning face of Haruhi.

"Uh, nothing…" I hazarded a nervous reply, before adding honestly, "Can't even remember anymore."

"Hmf." Haruhi pulled back, flicking her hair out of her eyes in the slight breeze. As she finally gave me some personal space, I could get a proper look at her new outfit: sandals, short blue skirt and a loose, light pink tank top with yellow flower patterns on it. She hitched up the long strap of a small bag on her shoulder carelessly as she walked off. I guess she'd gone all the way home to change… Wait, just how long had I been out?

"Almost an hour," Koizumi answered helpfully, putting the newspaper he'd been reading aside.

Oh… I looked to my left and saw Nagato still reading there next to me, minus the ice cream. Huh, looks like I didn't miss much. Although I wonder where everyone's stuffed toys have gone.

"Mikuru-cha~an! You look good enough to eat!" Haruhi said with cattish delight, instantly drawing my full and undivided attention in her direction. "Even though you're wearing my old clothes, you look great!"

It's not often that I agree wholeheartedly with Haruhi, but this was definitely one of those rare times. Standing before us, Asahina-san was sporting a t-shirt far too tight for her with a teddy bear's head on it stretched to its limits across her ample chest. She was also wearing what looked like an old, frayed pair of jeans that ultimately functioned more as a pair of shorts in their deteriorated state.

"Wh-why couldn't I take any of y-your more current p-pieces of clothing?" Asahina-san whimpered, starting to go crimson as other people started to notice her state of dress. There were a bit too many hungry looks in the crowd, if you ask me.

"Because none of them would have looked as sexy on you as these!" Haruhi exclaimed, hugging the flustered girl tightly. This action garnered a lot more attention from the people looking at us, but it was nothing compared to what came next. I think people actually started gathering around us after that.

Haruhi buried her face in Asahina-san's chest and rolled her face happily against the teddy face. "So cuuu~uute!" she squealed as she continued the unrelenting nuzzling.

"EEEEEEEKH!!" Asahina-san went as all attention in the vicinity of our group was solely fixed on her and Haruhi.

Ok, I understand why this is getting so much attention, since after all, I would like to see more, but I can't just sit back while the poor girl is being humiliated like this in public. I have to do something. So I got up and quickly pulled Haruhi off ("Hey! What the hell gives, Kyon?!") and put my school uniform's jacket over Asahina-san's shoulders. Naturally, this got a rather loud grumbling from almost all of the male audience that had stopped to watch the show.

Sure, this probably wasn't as tantalizing a sight as the previous one, but for me, seeing the girl wrapped tightly in my very own jacket filled me with an odd sense of pride. I guess it would be something akin to an animal marking its territory. (I know, it's a horribly demeaning analogy, but I thought it was rather accurate of the way I felt at the time. Please forgive me, Asahina-san.)

"Th-thank you," Asahina-san mumbled, keeping her burning cheeks toward the ground.

"Sometimes I just don't get you, Kyon," Haruhi said with slightly pouting lips and a soft frown, hands on her hips.

What the hell's that supposed to mean? Of course I'd protect a girl like Asahina-san from the hungry looks of hyenas. As if I could even contemplate about doing something else.

"Hmm, you're so different from most guys, but I guess that's just what makes you…" Haruhi's voice trailed off. She looked almost contemplative.

Uhm, hello? You know, stopping in the middle of sentences like that is probably a sure sign of mental instability. Not that there was any _real_ doubt before in my mind, but –

"Come on! We've wasted enough time here already. I wanna go see the circus act. I hear they have lions and dangerous sword tricks for display!" Haruhi said, breaking her sudden reverie abruptly with her usual over-exuding excitement. She marched forth, the audience that had gathered to watch us parting immediately to let her pass, as she waved for us to follow her.

Naturally I had to pay for the tickets. But at least I got to choose the seating arrangement (ME – Asahina-san – Nagato – Koizumi – Haruhi). This ingenious manipulation on my part was rendered pointless however as I took my seat and Haruhi sat right next to me, without even looking at her seat number. She just sat down and told Nagato to sit next to her. I wondered why she had done this, but apparently it was only so that she could take Nagato's little book away from her. Haruhi pocketed the book in her small pouch and said that Nagato had done enough reading for the day. It was time to sit back and enjoy the show. Resistance was futile.

Sure enough, the circus act did indeed contain lions, sword tricks, fire-eaters, trapeze shows and clowns of course. Nothing fantastic. Seriously, if you've seen one circus act, you've pretty much seen them all. The only interesting bit was the lions. At least their fierce roars and dangerous looks could cause even my heart to beat faster as the idiots performing with them whipped and did other borderline abusive things to them and then stuck their heads in the lions' mouths. If I even tried something like that with Shamisen, I'd be nothing but a huge mess of scabs the next day.

Haruhi on the other hand had found it all very exciting. "That was pretty cool. It was my first time in a circus."

Well, I guess that explains why she found it so interesting. I doubt she would have enjoyed it that much if she'd seen circus acts before like I had. This girl gets bored of things even easier than I do usually.

Then again, she had spent quite a lot of time poking me and asking me questions about the acts, so I guess if the acts themselves weren't interesting enough, she had certainly kept her interest up by using me as an information terminal. Not that I had been much help, but she seemed to think of me as an expert on the matter after I had mentioned having seen a few circus acts before the show had started. Sigh. Why couldn't she have bothered Koizumi with all those incessant questions? I bet he could have given complete historical lectures on sword tricks and feline genealogy while all my answers had pretty much gone like this: "I think the knives are weighted to help in the throwing", "No, I have _no_ idea if the lion's claws have been filed down or not" and "How should I know if the clowns' feet really _are_ that big, although I sincerely doubt it".

Maybe this was my punishment for spilling the ice cream on her? Nah, this is just typical Haruhi rudeness. She probably forgot about the whole thing already. She's just so excited right now to keep little details like punishing me in mind.

As we were leaving the large tent, with our Commander leading the way out while talking excitedly with both Koizumi and Asahina-san, I decided to take the opportunity to go to the toilets. After notifying our leader of my intents and receiving her approval (hey, I don't want to get punished!), I started heading for the toilets, following some signs. But before I had taken even more than three steps, I felt a slight tug on the back of my shirt. I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was giving me that gentle little tug anymore.

"What is it, Nagato? I really have to go to the toilet," I said without turning, pointing at the signs.

"…Wait," Nagato said quietly.

"For what?"

She didn't say anything after that, so I turned around and gave the little girl an inquisitive look. She was still holding on to my shirt, but when I turned around to look at her, she met my look with her normal poker face.

"Seriously, I really need to go."

"…"

"What? What is it? Is something strange going on? Something dangerous?"

"You may proceed now." Nagato then let go of my shirt and walked over to the others very nonchalantly.

Ok, what was that? Suddenly I don't feel like going to pee anymore. I feel very hesitant… Screw it, my bladder's gonna explode!

So I ran to the washroom, a surprisingly sturdy looking structure with what appeared to be functioning plumbing for something that had supposedly appeared along with the carnival in a blink of the eye. I did however keep a keen eye on the crowds, but nothing suspicious caught my eyes as I whizzed into the bathroom (where I'd do some different whizzing). Just my paranoid mind working again I guess, although a few follow up questions probably wouldn't hurt.

When I emerged from the washroom, foolishly zipping up in public, having forgotten to do so earlier, I ran into a fellow school mate: Tsuruya-san, probably the only person I knew who could go toe to toe with Haruhi in unrelenting, insane, zestful energy.

"How's it hanging, Kyon-kun?" she asked, stifling a giggle. The pink cotton candy she was holding almost fell out of her hands as she shook like a leaf, trying to stop the explosion of laughter she was undoubtedly trying to keep in check. For my sake, I hope. I really don't need more attention on my crotch at the moment.

"Fine, just fine." Thanks for noticing. Really, _thanks_.

"Here alone?" Tsuruya-san asked, twirling the cotton candy at the carnival at large.

"No, the whole SOS-Brigade is here."

"Really? That's cool! Shame I can't join you guys at the moment, but my family's all here and we've decided to make a day of it together. But maybe we'll meet again later! See ya!" Tsuruya-san said with a wink and a blown kiss my way as she skipped away.

Well, that was friendly, _really_ friendly.

It amazes me that Haruhi hasn't made her a proper member of the Brigade already. Hmm, maybe Haruhi would feel her position threatened by such a similar presence as herself in the club. Sure, there might be other ways to explain this away, but I just don't really buy them. Tsuruy-san may say stuff like how she likes to watch rather than join in but that just seems hard to believe any more… Maybe I've just spent too much time with Haruhi, resulting in my views becoming a little distorted. In any case, I don't think the clubroom could sustain both of their strange personalities for very long anyway. More importantly, I don't think _I_ could handle them both at the same time.

As I waded through the crowds towards the others, I bumped into Koizumi, carrying snacks and drinks. Apparently he'd been sent on errands while I was unavailable.

"What took you so long?" He asked casually as we continued walking.

"You know, lines, and I ran into Tsuruya-san," I answered him, and for some bizarre reason decided to add, "Another cutie we happen to know."

This one needless line apparently sparked something in Koizumi's mind. "Ah… hmmm… another fair damsel of yours."

I could only manage to raise an eyebrow in response to such an odd thing to say, but I rallied valiantly and succeeded in following the act with a word: "Huh?" Well, sort of.

"Oh, just remarking on the amount of visibly attractive females we seem to be surrounded by."

You got that right. It's odd how we're surrounded by so many cute girls, really. I mean, just think about it. Practically all the girls I have had the luck to merely exchange words with during my time in this school could all have made the cover of a magazine with ease.

"And you think this is merely coincidence, that you are surrounded by what you deem as beautiful in this world?"

What do you mean? Of course it's a freaking coincidence. I am incredibly lucky. And so are you… I guess.

"_That_ or your happiness is a very important desire for someone." Koizumi gave me a conspiratorial wink.

Just what are you talking about?

"You must admit that your life has taken many favourable turns after coming to this school and joining Suzumiya-san's SOS-Brigade. And I'm not merely talking about all the exciting adventures. Three girls, all equally aesthetically appealing as they are different in personality, each one of them sharing an almost intimate relationship with you. And one of them actually appears to personify the pure, unadulterated, imaginative, naïve drive for excitement and adventure most of us have given up by now at this level of maturity, filling our lives with excitement and wonder. A truly wondrous find. Highly unlikely. Almost like a typical boy's dream…" Koizumi then stared up at the sky with an almost yearning look in his eyes.

Seriously, what are you getting at?

"Perhaps we shall discuss this later, for it appears that presently one of these special ladies is demanding our presence. And we wouldn't want to disappoint her, now would we?" Koizumi gave me a wink and a sneaky smile before nudging his head at Haruhi, who was jumping up and down, waving at us frantically.

"Oi! What took you guys so long?" Haruhi shouted at us as we approached her.

We were away for a couple of minutes so don't get so testy. Or did we somehow stumble into a time distorting bubble or something?

"My apologies, but you wouldn't believe those lines," Koizumi answered politely, adopting his usual nice guy smile after the rather enigmatic expressions he had been giving me only seconds ago.

"Never mind. I want to go on the rides. They look like a lot of fun," Haruhi said, switching far too easily from irritation to eagerness. She grabbed a soda from Koizumi, gave a long, hard suck on the straw, loudly draining it of its contents and then threw it away carelessly, only to have it land in a trash can. Wow. And without waiting for anyone else's reply or possible objection, she walked off, not even taking the time to see if everybody was following her. But then again, why would she need to? Of course we'll follow her, it's gotten that bad… No. it's always been that bad, hasn't it?

Nagato and Asahina-san took their respective treats from Koizumi and silently trailed after Haruhi.

"Popcorn?" Koizumi offered me some politely.

"Sure," I said, careful to only quickly dip my hand into the container, lest I be suckered into carrying it and I had received too much treatment like that from Haruhi today to last me for a good while. We then proceeded to follow the girls.

"Hmm, I wonder if there is enough carnival festivities around here to keep Suzumiya-san entertained. It feels like we will shortly run out of attractions to visit at the rate we're going," Koizumi mused, starting up an apparently innocent topic.

"Yeah, I guess." I took another small grab at some popcorn. Mmm, salty. "Think that'll become a problem? She'll get bored and… _do_ something about it?"

"That is certainly a possibility."

"So what, we gotta make sure she keeps entertained? How should we do that? Try to slow her down? Be my guest." Seriously, step up man, give me a break, I deserve it. And a prize, a really big honking prize.

"I'm sure a possibility will present itself to us in such an interesting setting as this, but of course it would be best to have a contingency plan. I'm certain you can think of something to entertain her."

"Me? Why me? You're the one always coming up with things to keep her entertained, like fake murders and such."

"True, but these were hardly spontaneous thoughts. All of those plans took several days, if not weeks, to complete to a satisfactory degree. I think you would be far better suited to thinking of something stimulating for her in such a limited time as this. She values your thoughts highly, after all. Remember how she wanted to build your character the most? Or when she made you choose an ice cream for her as well. Almost like she wanted you to take some more initiative in your relationship with her."

You're reading way too much into the craziness that is solely known as Haruhi.

"Perhaps she is starting to get tired of merely ordering you about. Maybe she wants a more… equal counterpart. Someone with a similar drive and boldness as she herself has. Your apparent passiveness might seem rather unpleasing to her."

"Passiveness? I'm the _only_ one putting up any sort of resistance to her behaviour."

"Yes, but I think she might have started to think you're not doing _enough_ resisting. To be perfectly honest, you could try a lot harder… but not _too_ hard of course. We don't want to aggravate her."

Sigh. "Where's a slider when you need one? One of those could probably keep her entertained… Geez, just where is that slider guy anyway? Why hasn't one of those showed up yet? She _did_ ask for one of them, didn't she?"

Koizumi gave me a funny look.

"What?" I asked apprehensively. Seriously, Koizumi had one of the weirdest looks on his face I had ever seen. I'm not sure whether he was attempting to hold back a riotous laugh or just feeling constipated. Maybe it was just my imagination… Yeah, it probably was just that. Cool, collected Koizumi couldn't be seen making faces like that in public, no matter how much I wanted to see him make a fool of himself in front of people.

"Are you being serious? This isn't a joke?" Koizumi asked me, sounding surprisingly incredulous, smiling a little as if I had actually made a one.

"No, of course not."

"I was under the impression that a slider is someone who goes to alternate realities."

"You'd be correct." Gimme some more popcorn… huh, these ones have butter on them, really sloppy and uneven work…

"Funny, as far as I know, there's only one person in our group who found himself in an alternate reality."

I think I get what you're getting at (talking about Nagatos' realm), but you're way off base here.

"You were there as well," I said, clearly refuting his stupid idea.

"Not my current consciousness, judging by what you told me. So in effect, only you travelled to an alternate reality."

This was getting annoying

"That was an alternate timeline, completely different." I think I've had enough popcorn.

"Really? I see no difference at all, none whatsoever. It's all an alternative reality in any case, by definition," Koizumi said, smiling with an almost fiendish glee in his eyes.

……Shut up. I really don't appreciate humour like this.


	3. Movement on the frontlines

When we reached the giant rollercoaster, with an even bigger Ferris wheel behind it, I was able to leave Koizumi behind. The two of us had walked the remainder of the trip silently together, neither saying anything. For me, the reason was simple: I don't like having my existence questioned like that, I have enough things to worry about as they are. Why Koizumi had chosen to remain silent, instead of coming up with another topic to discuss as he usually does since he is always brimming with thoughts, ideas, and theories, I had no idea. Maybe he sensed the silent storm clouds in my mind and didn't want to annoy me any further, or maybe he thought I had fallen deep into thought, questioning my role in Haruhi's world, or maybe even that I had started to work on a plan to ensure Haruhi's happiness.

In any case, I was immensely relieved when we arrived at the rollercoaster, where I left his side and snuck in between Nagato and Asahina-san. The two girls both gave me a sideways glance, before returning to look at Haruhi, who was standing in front of us all, hands on hips, looking up at the massive structure of excitement. I bet she had a demented smile on her face as she stared at the ride, that, or she was foaming at the mouth. I honestly can't say which is likelier anymore.

We remained like that for a surprisingly long while.

"What do you think she is thinking about?" Asahina-san leaned in towards me to whisper, holding tightly on to my coat around her.

"No idea… Maybe she's wondering if she can combine all the rides together into one super ride."

"R-really?" Asahina-san asked, sounding truly shocked.

"No, not really. I don't have any idea," I said hastily, feeling a little shameful at my weak attempt at humour.

"Oh…" She sounded pleasantly relieved after that. The coat slipped a little as she relaxed.

Hmm, great, I'm not the only one worried with her stray thoughts.

Nagato on the other hand merely continued silently concentrating her cool stare on Haruhi.

Suddenly Haruhi turned around to give us all a bright wide smile. "Okay!"

What?

"Let's do it!"

Do what?

"Conquer this beast in the name of the mighty SOS-Brigade!"

You're… talking about the rollercoaster, right?

"What else?"

To be quite frank, this all seems rather low-key for you, Haruhi. All you've done so far is drag us around from one attraction to another, without any incredibly insane ideas. You might still be behaving in a way most normal people wouldn't, but for you, this is all rather… disappointing.

Disappointing? What the hell am I thinking? I should be jumping for joy at the prospect at such normal events with you. What's wrong with me?

"C'mon, ya dolt, you're riding with me. I wanna see you scream."

W-what?

"Yuki will just be totally unfazed by this all, Koizumi might give a whoop or two, and Mikuru-chan will squeal like a piglet. The only mystery to me here is you. How will our Kyon react to an adrenaline rush? Huhuu… Will he grit his teeth, trying to impress us all as a sturdy pillar to lean on, will his courage fail him, or will he be unable to process his horror, resulting in an insane fit of laughter meant to ward off the demons of fear?"

…Okay… I guess that's reasonable… coming from you at least. But I would however prefer going with Asahina-san so when she does get frightened, I could… wait, those bars holding us in place would prevent any consoling touch, and brave words would be lost in the passing wind's roaring so… let me go with Nagato, with her comforting stoic presence by my side I can deal with your madness later on level ground.

"No objections! I want a front row seat for this!" Haruhi grabbed me by my arm and pulled me along towards the line for the ride. The others followed loyally like dogs.

We had only waited for a couple of minutes in the line before the inevitable happened.

"Gaaah! What is this? What's taking so long?!" Haruhi asked, fidgeting as she jumped up into the air to peer ahead of us at the line. "I can't see the entrance! Are we even in the right line?"

"Calm down. I'm sure we'll get there eventually."

"That's exactly the problem, idiot."

Haruhi frowned at me, her impatience starting to seep into me. Can't this girl just relax for a moment? Good things come to those who wait… No, on second thought, that's just stupid. If you want something, you have to chase it, work for it, sacrifice for it, but there are still limits to it. You should have some patience, since you can't control everything… Ugh, this is Haruhi, what am I even thinking? Best thing I can do is to try and instil some relatively normal thoughts and behaviour into her so she doesn't go bonkers and jumpstart Armageddon.

"Popcorn?" Koizumi offered the tribute to our queen with a smile fit for one.

Haruhi huffed at the offering, staring dully at the popcorn with pouting lips. Then she took out a handful and with graceful fingers, picked one and tossed it into the air, opening her mouth and catching the fluffy piece of food in it. She continued this game for a while, tossing the food successively higher and higher with each throw. At first I was more than eager to step back and allow her to keep herself entertained, but eventually, she started using more and more bizarre ways of getting the popcorn in her mouth, resulting in her starting to wobble back and forth. People were starting to get annoyed by the rocking girl's behaviour, especially since she had started throwing the popcorn so high that the occasional gust of wind would catch it and change its trajectory upon downfall, landing on the heads of other waiting people.

"Uh, Haruhi, I think you should stop for now."

"Why? You want some? I think Koizumi's still got some left… Nom!"

"No, it's just that some people aren't too keen on getting showered by popcorn."

"Hh, sounds fun to me, free food is free food," Haruhi said, tossing another piece of popcorn high into the air. "Damn, another floater… Oh well, better luck next time…"

I grabbed her by the wrist just as she was about to throw another one into the air. Immediately she turned to look at me, the eyes that had been staring upwards in an almost unfocused haze now suddenly focused on my own with the intensity and precision of a laser. "What?" she hissed.

"Stop." I pointed at the people behind us in the line, most of whom had started glaring angrily at the cute girl raining popcorn on their parades.

"Let go." Haruhi forcefully pulled herself free and spun around on her heels, throwing away what few pieces of popcorn she had left as she crossed her arms. "So annoying… Why won't this line go any faster?"

I looked around. Both Koizumi and Asahina-san looked rather apprehensive now and Nagato, well, Nagato was being Nagato, silently observing the exchange between us. Sometimes I wonder, especially since she spends so much time simply watching, what it is that she really thinks about me and everyone else.

Suddenly Koizumi's phone rang. He looked at the display and gave a slight frown at it. "Excuse me, everyone, but I really have to take this. In private."

"Huh? What? Where are you going? You can't leave now! The lines are just about to start moving," Haruhi said, spinning around on her spot once again, only this time she looked somewhat alarmed.

"I'm sorry, but I have to take this. It could be very important." Koizumi stepped out of the line and walked under the shade of a tree, roughly 30 metres away from us, where he answered the phone, holding a hand in front of his mouth, muffling his words, which would probably have been inaudible to us in any case at such a distance, unless he intended to start shouting.

"What's he doing?" Haruhi asked, standing on her toes in an attempt to see past the crowds swarming between us and Koizumi. Being taller than her, I was able to get a look at him, whispering into his phone, eyes darting in our direction every now and then, followed by a small nod of the head every time. How oddly revealing body language from our most valued player. Usually nothing gets past his mask.

No idea what he's talking about, but it certainly looks suspicious… speaking of suspicious behaviour, there's something I had nearly forgotten.

"Hey, Nagato –"

Nagato turned her empty eyes towards me dutifully, but at that moment, the line unexpectedly lurched forward.

"Finally! Let's go! It looks like Koizumi will just have to go next time. Seems like the rollercoaster's only got two-seaters anyway. One of us would've gotten left out if he hadn't stepped out."

She took hold of my tie and pulled me after her. Damn it! Bad enough you did this once already to me today in public, but again?!

"Quick, into the front car! Or is it better in the back? I dunno, let's go to the front, we'll see better at least! Yuki, Mikuru, you take the one behind us!"

Haruhi pushed aside a guy who looked like a walking brick wall with a temper nowhere near his impressive height as she pulled me after her. I could only gag helplessly at the man and hope he realized that we were both dealing with a mad person who should not be toyed with. In all honesty, she could probably have taken him out. I bet she went to all the martial arts clubs at some point and deemed them unworthy of her time, unable to find anything interesting or worthwhile to do in any of them, already excelling in all they had to teach.

"Eh-excuse us," Asahina-san peeped up innocently. "Could we get past you, please?"

Noticing the two cute girls trying to head for the car behind us, the ogre of a man stepped aside with a dumb smile on his face (a natural response to seeing two well-mannered beauties like them asking politely, unlike someone else I knew).

"Th-thank you," Asahina-san said timidly, getting into the car with a look of extreme apprehension on her pretty face. It only got worse when the impassive Nagato sat next to her. I don't think I'll ever fully understand why Asahina-san has such a negative response to her, but then again, my view of Nagato is extremely biased, I depend on her the most.

Nagato turned her head from side to side, and then up at the locking apparatus meant to hold her in place once the ride started. She pointed at it and gave Asahina-san an inquisitive looking blink.

"Eh? What? Oh… I t-think that's what makes sure we're" – The safety bars descended upon the two girls suddenly – "SAFE!!"

"…I see…" Nagato said, her head returning to its default position, locked into place, ready for the ride.

"Head forwards, Kyon! Or do you want to lose it?" Haruhi asked as we settled into our seats.

I pulled back on my tie and took a deep breath of fresh air. Maybe I should just take the damn thing off.

After the two of us were latched down into place (apparently being the last ones) the roller coaster trudged along, clanking rhythmically.

"Is it supposed to make so much noise?" Asahina-san asked worriedly.

Now that I think about it, this might well be the first time she's ever even seen a rollercoaster. Remembering how she had once wondered what technology enabled boats to float, this didn't feel like much of a stretch in my imagination. Just how far do you need to be from the future to have rendered boats obsolete in such a thorough way? Or maybe there just weren't any oceans left…

Haruhi turned out to be a rather good judge in character, although it didn't really come as any real to surprise to hear Asahina-san screaming while Nagato remained silent. I think I handled the ride rather well, I certainly enjoyed all the fast twists and turns. Most of the time I was unaware of which direction was up or down. Haruhi kept laughing like a maniac by my side throughout the whole thing.

"That was great! Let's do it again!" Haruhi shouted as she skipped out of the ride afterwards.

I took a look at the other joyriders; Nagato was predictably unfazed, although her hair looked a bit windswept, while Asahina-san was looking rather shaken. Her tightly pursed lips were quivering and she looked rather pale.

"Maybe we should take a rest, it's been a long day," I said taking a look at my watch, even though I had the welfare of the suffering Asahina-san at heart.

"Yyeess, that woould be niiice…" Asahina-san said as she wobbled to a bench and collapsed onto it.

"I guess it's getting kinda late already…" Haruhi gave the orange horizon a look. "Where's Koizumi, by the way?"

I twisted my head around towards the spot where I had last seen him, but the spot was noticeably lacking in the Koizumi-department.

"Hey look! They're gonna have fireworks tonight!" Haruhi exclaimed as she studied a poster that had been carelessly attached to the wall of a nearby shack. Apparently she had already forgotten about Koizumi's absence. "We have to see that."

What? Please, you've pulled us along for almost all of the day, can't we just go home, relax and recharge our batteries for the insanity that is bound to follow us tomorrow? We aren't all fuelled by idiocy, that unending fountain of motivation in the world, like you.

We haven't even had a chance to eat properly yet.

"Hmm, I guess we could grab a bite to eat before that…"

Huoh, finally something reasonable I can agree on. Heck, I would even have been willing to pay for everyone's dinner just to get a chance to relax my feet and chill for a while.

"We'll contact Koizumi once we've gotten some food in our bellies, ain't that right, Mikuru-cha~an?" Haruhi hopped over to the dazed girl and gave her cheek a pinch.

"Eeeh? Yesh," she answered, while Haruhi continued playing with her cheeks.

Ha! Chance! Sorry Asahina-san, you'll have to be my distraction for the moment.

I turned to Nagato and whispered, "Hey, about earlier, when you stopped me from going to the restroom… why did you do that?"

Nagato answered my question with a cool subzero stare.

Well?

"It would not have been advisable at that particular instance," she answered enigmatically.

What's that supposed to mean?

But before I could get a straight answer from the diminutive goddess, something hit my back with great momentum and knocked me over.

Snap, crackle and pop. That was my spine, by the way.

"What are you two whispering about? This is all starting to seem rather suspicious if you ask me." That was Haruhi's voice coming in from somewhere above my head.

I lifted my face from the dry ground into which I had landed face first and spit some dirt out. "What the hell are you doing?"

All of a sudden the girl sat on my back and propped her arms against my shoulders, resting her chin on her hands, just above my own head. "There's something just so off about this whole situation. I can't put my finger on it, but I can't let it go either. It feels odd not being on top of things."

…

You have _got_ to be kidding me.

"Ah, I see you have made yourselves comfortable in my absence," a new voice interjected itself into our affairs.

"Koizumi! Where have you been?" The weight on my back disappeared and I was able to get up.

"Oh, I just had to run on a quick errand for my family." The suddenly manifested Koizumi gave a feeble smile and shrugged innocently.

This was met with an odd look from all of us (well, except Nagato, her stare was just as neutral as always).

"It's rather embarrassing, so I would appreciate it if we did not discuss it."

Everyone remained silent.

"I heard there was going to be a fireworks display later tonight. I trust that we will be going there, that is, if you haven't all already eaten. I received some money for my trouble and would be more than happy to pay for everyone else."

Everything was still quiet after that. Haruhi scrutinized the guy silently, frowning suspiciously, while Asahina-san and I simply stared at him with restrained misgiving.

Koizumi took out his fat wallet and waved it at us like a white flag.

"Nice," Haruhi said, cracking a fiendish smile.

And with that discharging moment, with our doubts left behind for the moment (except mine apparently), we headed for an outdoor restaurant. I'll leave interrogating Nagato for later, since I think there is something even stranger going on with Koizumi. Maybe it's just me, but his fake smile seemed even more artificial and plastic than usual.

"What seems to be bothering you?" Koizumi asked as I joined him once again at the latter half of our small procession.

"What was that mysterious phone call about?"

"Like I said earlier, urgent family business, and I would rather not discuss it amongst unrelated people."

I gave Koizumi a long searching look. He answered it with another weak smile.

"I think you're lying," I stated flatly.

We stared into each other's eyes, both searching for the Achilles' heel in the anatomically incorrect spot.

Koizumi looked away first, stating uncharacteristically grimly, "Everyone lies, Kyon."

What? Are you admitting it now?

"Not everyone," I said, realizing that if he was indeed keeping something from me, I probably couldn't coax him into revealing it, not that easily at least and I don't really feel like getting into a battle of wits in rhetoric with someone as smooth-tongued as Koizumi.

He's statement however made me stop and think. As far as I could tell, almost everyone I knew had secrets they kept to themselves. But this is natural. I bet everyone has something they never tell anyone. For me, there were quite a lot of things, ranging from all the secrets being a part of the SOS-Brigade included and then to the darker kinds, the dreams and desires so dark or fragile you didn't dare tell a single soul about in fear of ridicule and/or rejection. Private secrets even you yourself don't like to dwell on too much, because of the horror and insecurities they might reveal about you and the human condition.

Then there was everyone else in the Brigade. Koizumi was still one giant mystery to me, Asahina-san didn't tell me a lot of things, using the usual line of 'classified information' on me, and Haruhi… well, I'm never even remotely sure what's going on in her head, it's like trying to predict the place of an electron, you could only answer in probabilities. But then there was Nagato, she always gave me straight answers, the only problem being that I never fully understood some of the jargon filled explanations.

And with these thoughts mulling about in my head, I said, perhaps as a way to instil trust or something, "Not Nagato at least."

Koizumi gave me a thoughtful look. "Perhaps, but you shouldn't put it past her either. She's become… more human with every passing day. Whether this is because of our interactions with her or simply a previously nonphysical entity being affected by human brain chemistry, I do not know. But as we all know, there's no other species on this planet so adept and masterful in the art of deception as humans. You should keep in mind that not all lies are made with ill intent, a great many of them are made with the best of intentions, but the most common lies we tell are to ourselves."

I thought back on this observation he had made about Nagato for a moment (There was hardly any reason to contemplate on the other things, rather obvious things, really, a bit cliché if anything to be honest). Certainly this was the case, Nagato had slowly been making progress towards becoming more 'human', but recently, Nagato had delved back so deep into the world of her books that she had actually stopped going to the computer society occasionally. It wasn't like she hadn't been reading a lot _before_, but it felt like that was all she did anymore. Before, she had at least put down her books occasionally, like to watch us do some of the crazier things we did, but now she was so far in the world of her books that she was usually seen reading even when walking around in school nowadays.

Truth be told, I was starting to get worried for her sake. If a normal human had become so invested in the world of literature, they would have been accused of escapism, of trying to avoid reality with a world of fantasy. But with Nagato? This couldn't possibly be the case, could it? There wasn't anything for her to run away from, was there? Hmm, I don't like where this train of thought is heading, so I'll just concentrate on Koizumi's suspicious remarks. Truth be told (once again), this exchange has been building up between the two of us for a very long time. Out of everyone else in the Brigade, I probably know the least about him, so my doubts about him should come as no real surprise to anyone.

"Why should I trust anything you tell me? You're always trying to make me question and doubt everyone else. Why? So I'll trust you more? To sabotage my relationships with others?"

Koizumi gave a slight smirk before he continued, "Perhaps. Case in point, you can't trust me, because you have no idea what my real goals are, but neither do you know what the others intend either. Do you even have any idea what the time travellers intend to do in order to 'fix' the timeline, or how the data entities will extract the key to auto-evolution from Suzumiya-san? Their goals could all be incredibly sinister, the only reason that they haven't done anything drastic being a lack of knowledge at this point. But we have all been observing Suzumiya-san for a rather long time now. The Organization has developed multiple responses to the possible threat she poses on us all already. Do you really think creatures capable of immense computations and people from the future with their advanced technology haven't already come up with thousands of more possible solutions?"

Koizumi paused, taking his time to measure me up.

"All I want you to do is be mindful of the company you keep. You are very important in the grand scheme of things. I can't allow you to be manipulated by anyone else, even if it comes at the cost of your trust for me. Just keep Socrates' words, 'an unexamined life is not worth living', in mind at all times. There are many things to be considered in life, and not simply because of Suzumiya-san's presence, although she does lend many interesting topics to discuss. Keep a watchful eye on everyone around you. Much is in the works, behind all the frontlines. There are reports of increased activity on all sides. On _all_ sides. It seems that someone has decided to take the initiative, prompting a response from everyone else. Patience… is growing regrettably thin. Time is starting to run out. I fear that the endgame is fast approaching."

Just what is _that_ supposed to mean? What are you intending to do? To stop someone? From doing what? Are we in danger? What about Haruhi?

But just then we arrived at the restaurant, prompting Haruhi to exclaim excitedly about food. This gave Koizumi the perfect excuse to detach himself from our conversation so he could go and get us a table.

Man, I am constantly being interrupted when on the cusp of learning something deeper, and most of the time it's because of Haruhi. This is just really annoying. I think I'll have to take matters into my own hands and make sure she's out of the picture for a while so I can figure out a thing or two. For starters, all that ominous talk Koizumi just gave me needs to be settled, and then there's that odd thing with Nagato, but I'll get to that after I'm done with Koizumi.


	4. Just a tiny bit of philosophy, seriously

Dinner passed with a rather disappointing lack of excitement. Sure, Haruhi was as vocal as ever with all sorts of silly topics, but after spending as long a time as I have in her company, you tend go unfazed when subjects like "How do you think the mole people are keeping Atlantis hidden?", "Do you think the government will ever reveal the finds of their R&D concerning alien technology or will the NWO succeed in keeping it hidden?" and "How much wood _could_ a woodchuck chuck?" are brought up.

It's odd how – hmm, what's the right term? – well adapted I've become to her behaviour. It's like it's such a normal part of my life now that I actually want her to do even stranger things, I guess. It's so weird. My life is full with mysterious events already, and yet…

Haruhi's never a part of it. I still kind of think that it's rather sad how she never gets to enjoy the adventures she seeks so vigorously. I hate irony in real life. In a way, I wish I could take her along once in a while. She… deserves it.

She's become more and more settled with reality. She seems to like it as it is now. She definitely demands less of it. Proof for this is the decreased amount of sealed realities (or that's just what Koizumi wants me to think). However, I think she's become more grounded and well adjusted in general as well. She's become a more considerate and open person than she was in the beginning. Sure, she's still weird like a pink elephant, but she's… normalized, I guess.

The way things keep going, just how weird will she remain? Somehow, for the first time in my life, that doesn't seem like such a great thing. Sure, the world is safer than it was before, but there's something missing, and I can't really place my finger on what. I don't want the old Haruhi back, but I don't want her to stop looking for wondrous things or demanding for mysterious events.

'…appears to personify the pure, unadulterated, imaginative, naïve drive for excitement and adventure most of us have given up by now at this level of maturity, filling our lives with excitement and wonder. A truly wondrous find. Highly unlikely. Almost like a typical boy's dream…'

I gave the eccentric girl a sideways glance, noticing how happy she is, surrounded by her friends, prattling on about whatever floats her battleship of a boat. I like seeing that smile, that smile you can only see ever so rarely on her pretty face, that pure, satisfied smile whenever she's truly contented with her place in the world.

Maybe I can let this all slide, all this worrying about how she'll end up if I know she'll keep smiling like that.

"C'mon! The show's gonna start soon!" Haruhi said elatedly as she judged dinner to be over. This meant that only she and Nagato had fully finished eating, Koizumi and Asahina-san only had a few scraps left, but because of my falling into a reverie, I was left deeply unsatisfied.

Really should have thought with my stomach instead of my head…

Haruhi lead us out into a field where people were gathering. It had apparently been left empty, just for this occasion. The fireworks themselves were a short distance away, beyond a small river, while the people could gather on its other side to watch them. Many people had brought blankets on which to lounge on, having late picnics.

We found a spot under a tree and sat around it, leaning against its trunk. It didn't take long for the show to start. Bright flares and explosions of every colour of the spectrum filled the dark sky.

We watched them in silence, giving the occasional exclamation of awe at an especially large explosion.

As I gazed at the lightshow that warped the sky, my gaze became unfocused as all the running about throughout the day finally caught up with me. The colours spun and swirled about like I was inside a giant kaleidoscope. I let my mind wander with the hypnotic display, imagining even larger and more spectacular sights until it all seemed to fade away into dark silence…

The flash of a giant light woke me up.

As I opened my eyes, hoping my retinas hadn't been too damaged, I found myself sitting upright in a chair in a dark room with a spotlight focused on me. I couldn't see anything past the halo of light. Nothing but solid darkness existed outside of the circle of light I was in.

I tried to get up, but soon noticed that it was impossible. You see, I had been tied down. I tried to shout for help, but only muffled yelps could escape the cloth gag that had been wrapped around my head, pulling back my cheeks so I could only mumble and grumble. I tried to struggle against my bonds, but they held steady, just like the chair I was strapped into. Was it bolted to the floor?

What the hell is going on? I can't see anything. Just where am I? What is this? A kidnapping? Was there something in the food? But everyone else ate that food as well. Is this the work of our enemies? Where _is_ everybody?

Another light suddenly flashed in front of me, several metres away. In the spotlight stood a solitary figure.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the new bright source of light. But when they did, I got a good look at the familiar looking person facing me.

The person had a long red coat, embroidered in black and gold. The tall boots that seemed to be made from black leather went high up on slender legs, revealing some skin just above the knees, until the coat covered up the rest. There was a loosely tied belt around the waist and attached to it was what looked like a horse whip. One of the white gloved hands was leaning on a cane, while the other held on to the brim of a big black top hat with a red cloth wrapped around it. The person's head was lowered, preventing me from seeing their face under the hat's wide brim.

I gave a muffled moan. Whether it was meant to be a cry for help or a threat at the possible kidnapper, even I wasn't so sure.

Then, as if I hadn't even been heard, the person lifted their head, the hidden face finally being revealed to me.

I couldn't believe it. Haruhi?!

What the hell? I thought… I thought someone got us or something, but since it's you… I was afraid that… why are you dressed like that? And what's with that mischievous smirk?

"Welcome to the show. It's time to look through the looking glass."

Huh?

Haruhi stood up straight and pointed her cane to her right, causing another spotlight to flash and reveal a hidden spot next to her.

In this little island of light stood a juggling clown, a clown with shoulder length hair and a pale face that stared upwards blankly. It was Nagato, dressed in a black and white Pagliacci-clown costume, complete with a white face and a dark tear painted under her right eye. She kept her eyes focused on the balls, not even giving me a swift glance, seemingly deep in concentration.

The five balls she was juggling had names written on them. It was difficult to make them out as they spun around in the air, but if I strained my eyes, I think I could make out the names of the members of the SOS-Brigade on them.

"Can she hold it all together? Juggling lives and emotions like balls. One miscalculation and it's all over!" Haruhi shouted out as she walked away from Nagato, her own light following her.

What the hell is going on!? This – this is insane.

But before I could give this situation any further thought, another light turned on and revealed a spot behind the one where Haruhi had just stood, instantly drawing my attention.

Dressed in rags of multiple colours, in a piece that looked like someone had taped shreds of clothing together in a maddened hurry was Koizumi, holding a rapier. He held it high, and brandished it about in an extravagant manner until he opened his mouth and swallowed the blade. When he pulled it out of his mouth again, a breath of flame followed the blade on its way out. The stream of fire continued, churning into a vortex until it abruptly ended as he closed his mouth. He gave me a smile just before he hiccupped a puff of smoke.

"What revelations does his silver tongue hide from us? The truth always hurts and offends, yet we yearn for more tricks!" Haruhi continued her trek across the floor, striding elegantly towards a goal hidden from me in the shadows.

Yet another spotlight flashed, revealing Asahina-san in a tight two-piece lion costume, a pair of tight brownish yellow shorts, a top and a spiky headpiece around her face. She had gloves and boots on that made it look like she had paws. She jumped through a hoop on fire next to her and turned around and gave her gloved hand a quick lick. She gave me a sneaky look I thought I had seen on Shamisen all those times just before he would give me a scratch for bothering him.

"Has this lion no courage, merely jumping from hoop to hoop as per instructions, or does it keep its claws in check, waiting for the moment to pounce?"

The spotlight that had followed Haruhi's journey across the floor went out with an 'oomph!'

The three other members continued performing their respective tricks.

Seriously, what the hell?

I'm starting to sound like a broken record.

Without warning, Haruhi reappeared next to Nagato in her light, twirling her cane about. She continued marching past Nagato, until suddenly she struck out at Nagato's legs with her cane, almost causing the girl to stumble. But Nagato kept her eyes on the balls, just and just managing to keep them going.

Hey, stop that!

Haruhi stepped out of the light and soon reappeared next to Koizumi, who was once again in the middle of swallowing his sword. She hit him on the head with her cane. He coughed roughly and pulled the sword out hastily. Little blue flames sputtered out of his mouth along with the coughs.

Why are you doing this?

But Haruhi was gone again. It didn't take a genius to figure out where she was going to show up next.

When she stepped into Asahina-san's little world of light, she had brought out her whip, shouldering the cane.

Oh no, you can't be serious!

She gave Asahina-san a hit of the whip on her butt, eliciting a yelp from the poor girl. Immediately, Asahina-san jumped through her hoop like one of the trained lions in the show.

Now you've just gone too far!

I tried to pull on my restraints once again, unwilling to see my friends take any more abuse from Haruhi, but once again I couldn't even budge the chair I was in. It wasn't even all that sturdy!

As I gave up once again, I noticed that Haruhi had retreated into the darkness again, completely hidden from sight.

Where did she go?

Suddenly I felt a presence behind me. I turned my head around, which was met by her gloved hand reaching out and stroking my cheek tenderly. She circled around me, keeping a constant and gentle hold on my cheek. When she was in front of me, she sat down in my lap, straddling me like a horse. She brought her cane around my neck and then pulled my head closer to hers with it.

I couldn't help but look down at the creamy thighs that were now revealed as her coat parted. Underneath it she had the old bunny suit on, if you can call it that anymore without the ears. I couldn't help wondering whether she still had the fluffy tail above her butt for some reason.

My eyes travelled up her body to her face and saw once again that mischievous smile that hadn't left her face throughout my time in this weird place.

"You ain't seen nothing yet, Kyon!" she said excitedly.

And then she kissed me on the lips.

My eyes must have been bulging like a frog's belly at that moment, but Haruhi on the other hand closed her eyes and gave a contented hum which tickled my lips.

Then she pulled back, smiling wickedly at me again. She gave me a sexy, playful wink.

"Next time, we'll use the whip, okay?"

Gah!

I looked around. I was all alone under the tree. In fact, I couldn't spot anyone else on the field. Where was everybody? What time is it? Why had I been left all alone?

The fireworks were over. All was dark and quiet under the star filled sky.

Oh man…

What was that? Wh-whip? Where did _that_ come from? Aww, man… I'm such a pervert, aren't I? Paging Doctor Freud once more! Macht schnell, bitte! Not that your analysis would have helped me much. All your theories pretty much focused on the human libido anyway, and I don't want confirmation on my own hypothesis, quite the opposite.

"Ah, you're awake," Koizumi said, stepping out from behind the tree.

I jumped at his abrupt appearance.

Crap, don't scare me like that! Suddenly appearing out of nowhere like that.

"Pardon me."

"Where is everyone?"

"When Suzumiya-san noticed that you had somehow managed to fall asleep during the firework display – quite an accomplishment if you ask me – she decided to let you sleep while she took the other two with her to prepare something. She told none of us what it would be. She told me to stay here and watch over you."

Huh… well, I guess I should make the best of this lucky break. Who would have guessed that Haruhi would take care of herself like that? No need to come up with a plan to get rid of her now. Chances like this won't come often around her.

"Okay, Koizumi, spill it. What's going on? And spare me the B.S."

Koizumi gave a light chuckle and then ran his hand through his bangs, setting them straight in the light breeze. "Heh… This is about our earlier talk, isn't it? Very well, I'll spare you the B.S. You deserve it, don't you?"

Damn straight.

"Well," Koizumi said thoughtfully as he settled down next to me against the tree, "I suppose I should come clean with how I see the two of you. You and Suzumiya-san, that is. Things… wouldn't make much sense without a proper context."

Fine, just as long as you tell me what you've been up to.

"Fair warning though, this might take a while. It's not something that can easily be expressed through the use of human language. I'll be forced to make analogies of various sorts with plenty of metaphors just in order to give you a vague understanding of what's going on inside my head at the moment. Language is so very limited after all, especially when we delve into metaphysics."

Okay…

"Are you completely sure? I mean, you won't like it, not by one bit. No one ever likes it when you question values and perspectives like these. That, or you'll be incredibly bored by it all."

Quit stalling and tell me already.

Koizumi took a long, deep breath. "Let's see… where's the perfect place to start…? There's so much to cover… so many crisscrossing ideas… I'll give you the abridged version, okay?" He gave me a smirk and settled into a better position against the tree.

"Are you ready? In a comfortable position? Good. Well, here goes… It's amazing how you and Haruhi are the perfect opposites of each other. You complete each other so perfectly."

Just what are you talking about?

"Well, let's start with the obvious: she is a girl, you are a boy."

You have _got_ to be _kidding_ me! This is your in-depth philosophical analysis?

"Please, allow me to express these thoughts with no interruptions."

...Okay.

"This is merely the beginning of your dualistic, natural pairing, of this binary opposition, this sort of dichotomy, although it's not a case of pure mutual exclusiveness (or perhaps it's more of a case of non-dualism, I haven't found the correct terms for my developing ideas yet). Anyway, she is outgoing, energetic, unafraid, impulsive, active, while you are rather restrained, lazy, doubtful, thoughtful and passive. She will always say what she thinks out loud while you will usually think about it to yourself. You share quite a lot of complimenting opposites together. But like any good dualism, one half cannot exist without the other. Take the yin and yang symbolism for an example. This symbol conveys polar opposites, but with both containing a small hint, a seed of the opposing force, the different coloured dot. This is how I see you two. You are one and the same, merely reflections of the other. Both of you can be just as energetic or melancholically reflective when the call for it rises. Just like the yin and yang, one opposite birthing the other. One cannot exist without the other. You cannot deny how much both of you has given the other. You ground Suzumiya-san with reality, reuniting her with it, while she gives you excitement and wonder. Both of you combat the others flaws (if you'll excuse my use of the term), supporting the other in near perfect symbiosis. It's quite beautiful to be honest. It's just so perfect, too perfect to be honest, and it has made me consider the physicality of this realm very seriously for that very reason.

I used to view the world from a more dualistic perspective, where matter and mind exist separately but in connection with the other. I thought I'd found proof for my views in the incorporeal data entities, beings existing not in a materialistic sense, but an idealistic one, able to form a perfect union in this dualistic world with spirit and matter. But I have recently read some books concerning idealism – the philosophical view that everything is of the mind and nothing is truly physical, or that what we perceive as reality is completely indistinguishable from our minds – and have begun to further question the materialistic side of the world. This all goes back to the anthropocentric view I told you about all that time ago, where everything depends on what we observe, that nothing truly exists unless it is observed. Some philosophers, and theologians of course, – their names escape me at the moment – have gone further than this and put forth that everything in this world is but merely a dream, perhaps God's dream in fact. And here we are, in a world governed by laws fitting human life, a highly improbable thing. Of course, this is a silly argument for the existence of a creator god, simply because improbable doesn't equate impossible. Furthermore, where else would humans come to exist, if not in an environment suited for their emergence? If the oxygen levels had varied more in the planet's history than they had, maybe there would be a completely different form of sentient beings ruling the world. People quite often apply ad ignorantiam fallacies in these matters, that is, saying you can't prove something's inexistence and that this somehow implies existence, but this position does not mean something's existence is still plausible either, like the invisible pink unicorn's existence thought up by some of the snarkier opponents of the supernatural. Of course, no definitive answer or proof can be ascertained, so we'll leave behind these epistemological concerns off to the side for a while.

We know that something happened roughly four years ago. Did Suzumiya-san merely receive her powers then, or did she create this universe then and there, we may never know. Perhaps, as an idealist would have put it, this is all Suzumiya-san's dream, or just a product of her imagination, if you don't want to go to any _real_ extremes. Now, your first argument about this would probably be, why aren't crazy things happening to her like they do in my dreams, well consider this: strange things _are_ happening, and I'm not merely talking about espers, time travellers and aliens appearing behind her back, I'm talking about the way she sees the world herself. Her behaviour is not typical by anyone's standards, she does as she pleases. A very dream like thing, wouldn't you say? But there are restrictions placed by commonsense. I'm sure we have all had dreams that seemed horrifyingly realistic, yet strange at the same time, a much used example is of showing up in school in an embarrassing state of undress, although I must profess that I have found Zhuangzi's example about having a dream about being a butterfly and then wondering whether he is a butterfly dreaming of being human or a human dreaming of being a butterfly to be a far more poetic interpretation of the Dream argument. Well I'm sure this might be something similar to what she experiences. A wondrous club of friends and mysterious events; sounds a lot like a dream to me.

Now, you're going to say that just can't be, this world is far too complex a place for one mind to conjure up. Yet, if you have been introduced to epistemology in the slightest, you would know that what we know, or think we know, is very limited at best, and dubious to the extreme. 'I exist, therefore I am' has been said to be the only thing we can be certain of (although even that statement has its detractors), since sensory perceptions can be tricked just as much in dreams as in the waking world, but how can we tell if this applies to other people we meet? Certainly they would say they are sentient, but to you, an observer, there is no way to confirm it in any meaningful manner either way. Induction from a personal perspective – what you should avoid doing – is applied to other people. Do the characters in your dreams possess sentience? Most people would probably say no, that they are merely manifestations of your own self-awareness. Do you see where I am going with this? Certainly a character in a dream would act and possibly feel like they are sentient, merely because the dreamer subconsciously wills it so, that they are merely performing a role within the confines of the originating consciousness. Continuing this borderline Cartesian line of thought, we seem to enter a very uncertain perspective on reality. No one can _prove_ we are not dreaming or the reverse, so we have to accept what we know even though we will never really know the truth behind it. We are in effect forced to accept the illusion, hoping it's true, never truly knowing one way or the other in any definite way.

As you know, most people think, who know of Suzumiya-san of course, that she is essentially God, and that her will can make things manifest themselves. Now, if this is all her dream, let's examine the one of the most dream-like qualities in it: you. (Yes, you. I'm definitely not trying to be funny or anything.) You are the perfect antithesis to her, going on the adventures she desires to and whatnot, you, the passive one, performing the role of the active, yet another polar reversal in your near dichotomous system. It has led some of my colleagues to wonder how important you yourself are to this godly case. Some have even speculated that you are the god here. Funny isn't it? I dismiss them most of the time, but, well, not completely I should say, not anymore. You should know what I think of you and Haruhi, this near perfect dualistic personification, mirroring and supporting the other. If either one of you is God, then I think it follows that you are both God, whether one or both were created in response to what was perceived as reality. One cannot be without the other in a dualistic world. Together, you complete the puzzle.

Now, you're probably wondering why you are separated if you are one, but that only means you haven't really been paying attention. One cannot exist without the other. Opposites are required to form a world. We have up and down, hot and cold, the earth and the sky, space and matter, right and wrong, love and hate, man and woman, you and Suzumiya-san. I don't see how a world could exist without opposites – although the idea of opposites is a bit problematic as well, as I have wondered if the lack of something constitutes an opposite – but of course, if omnipotence does truly exist to the extent that logic cannot be applied to it, why not? I'm certain you've heard of the old problem of omnipotence, 'Could God himself make a stone so heavy, he himself couldn't lift it?'-paradox, an apparent limitation on omnipotence. I doubt I need to explain it to you. There are of course counter arguments to this, but they are rather weak, considering how they always tend to deviate from orthodox monotheistic schools. Like the problem of evil: If evil exists, why doesn't God remove it? Is he willing, but unable to? If he is able to, why does he – a supposedly merciful and benevolent God – not remove it? He is uncaring and/or immoral, or not all-powerful, hardly worth the title of God and worship in either case. It's amazing how old this problem is, thought up by one of the ancient Greeks, Epicurus, if I recall correctly.

Now, the most commonly held opposition to this is the Free Will argument, but sadly it however falls short as well. Certainly there is merit in the argument for postulating that we should learn and figure things out and be able to choose for ourselves, in order to be deserving of life, but why bring God into the equation at all in that case? The argument practically teeters on swaying towards an atheistic existential worldview, or at the very least on the agnostic. God has very little room in such a mental framework, functioning merely as the potential initial spark behind the Big Bang, the shape of the Universe as we only know it in its present form. There is definitely no need or place for a guiding sentience when individuality is stressed to such a degree, where one is supposed to take responsibility and think for themselves without the outdated values of others, even gods. If God is nothing but a force of nature, why worship it anymore than gravity or electromagnetism? In fact, perhaps those forces were the initial spark, requiring no awareness of any level.

I can, to a certain extent, understand the Free Will argument in this case with the analogy of the dynamic between a human parent and their child: one wants a child to flourish and grow, but does not a parent also have the duty and responsibility to protect their child from harm, especially if that parent is of vastly greater intellect than the 'child' and that harm is planned and executed by his 'brother'? How can you justify personal growth of a particular group at the cost of genocide, the individual growth of countless other innocents? How are they unfit to grow and learn like those who are allowed to live? How many people must suffer before peace is attained? Allowing so many people to die, why? To teach us a lesson? This is a surprisingly consequentialist outlook for something that requires us to act according to absolute moral values, not to mention a bit hypocritical. How can such immoral actions ever be allowed by someone who is, by definition, good? As they say, evil only triumphs through inaction…

Continuing this line of thought for the sake of argument, if nothing else, why does God, the all merciful one, allow natural catastrophes and diseases, events that humans can hold very little responsibility over to happen to good people? Or why not create a world where there is freedom of choice _and _no evil? He is all-powerful after all, is he not? Miracles supposedly break the laws of physics and logic, hence they are called such. Immaculate conception which did not result in a clone, for example. Then why not make a world where we can choose freely yet have no evil? This breaks logic and the laws of nature, but that's what miracles do, it is what makes him omnipotent, supernatural. Yet, here we are.

This is why I think, if there is something comparable to God in our world, it is more likely the case of an all-powerful but not fully aware God that we are dealing with; someone like Suzumiya Haruhi. She could possibly change everything, but doesn't know, isn't fully aware, is perhaps merely reacting to what she perceives as real. This may be like a dream to her, governed by whatever arbitrary restrictions her mind has made up. Is this all the dream of a regular school girl, or something more? I think, if anyone can, that it will be you, her other half, that will find out. You two are perfect, ideal for each other. Is it because she merely wished for a meeting between you two, that she simply created you, or are you part of the same fractured psyche? Personal identity is not as simple as people think. If a completely identical copy of me was made, complete with my memories, how could anyone determine who is the real one? Wouldn't both have the right to _be_ Koizumi Itsuki? As such, perhaps, something similar happened to our God, our Dreamer. Or perhaps it's all just wild fantasy for her, or then again this actually is 'real' and she merely changes things.

We've been around here for years, haven't we? There is a complete history for the world. But who can say how time is perceived in dreams? Is it not relative within the confines of this very reality itself? Fully dependent on our relation to other moving objects and their masses? The mind is a wondrous thing, able fill up the unexplainable with the most ludicrous of concepts, like creatures of omnipotence. All you need to do is look in a book about mythology and see how common everyday incidences were explained through magic and other superstitious fairy tales involving spirits and gods. So why not something simple as Julius Caesar and Napoleon? A piece of cake after concepts like gods, don't you think? For starters, there are no paradoxes with them; just a bunch of details to be memorized, details conjured up rather easily by an imaginative mind, that fountain of limitless potential. In fact, could we ever discover anything that we aren't permitted to know? But then again, that is quite a lot of details to come up with, giving credence to a previous world of some sort existing before more than four years ago. Perhaps we do not exist, except in her mind in a world that is merely a reflection of something else. Perhaps we _do_ exist, but seeing as how easily she can change everything, this might as well _be_ a dream. It's scary, I know. Perhaps there was a world before this realm of reality, but it is now fully governed by Suzumiya-san… a separate reality or a dream… hmm, the difference seems rather moot in either case. But if you truly are her opposite, perhaps you can end it all. Perhaps you can find an answer to our existence. Hmm, choose the red or the blue pill. Live in ignorant bliss or wake up, possibly ending this world. Scary either way, is it not?"

HO-LY SHIT.

"Are you saying – wait, let me just get this all straight – that I'm" – for crying out loud – "Haruhi's… soul mate?"

"Heh, nothing so trite. I was merely hypothesizing about your seemingly perfect dualistic relationship. It is not my place to say how you two should interact or feel. The thing I was pointing out was, are we all her imagination's creations, all of us, without any intrinsic value, or are we something more substantial, are we manifestation's of a person's different psychological faculties or even actual living entities? You have to admit, Suzumiya-san has a very Id-vibe to her. You… as her opposite, do seem to resemble the Super-Ego, acting as her conscience at times. Then again, you might simply be the Ego, trying to cope with the Id's impulses within the limits of society. Perhaps there is no conscience; amorality wouldn't be too far of a stretch. Oh my, here I go again… What I was wondering is, if we are merely manifestations of her mind, how autonomous are we? Discussing matters like we're doing right now, free of Suzumiya's focus, would seem to give credence to our freedom, but perhaps this is more of a metaphorical processing occurring inside the subconscious. No one really knows what occurs in the subconsciousness, hence the name. If Suzumiya-san really is our little demiurge, to what extent do her powers affect us?"

"You're wondering… if we're actually free aren't you?"

"Precisely. Do I do what I wish to do because I choose to, or has everything been predetermined for me? Am I just living out Suzumiya-san's dream, possibly with it ending in our eventual uncovering, thus ending the dream? But what if you, or all of us, are proper parts of the same consciousness? That would allow us more control. It would also explain our need to be manifested; significant parts of the personality coming to the forefront. Since the beginning, I have been wondering whether we are actual beings living in a world that was here before us, that has merely had minor adjustments made, or has everything been created and dreamed up. The only reason it all seems real to us would be because most things in this dream realm appear in a repeating and consistent manner, like us being humans and the laws of physics. The fact that we can't travel past four years in the past makes a past reality incredibly doubtful however. If this universe was created only four years ago, real or dream, then of course we can't go past that moment when Suzumiya-san, in her present form, entered this realm. Huoh… there are just too many unknowns to form any sort of accurate theory. But I must admit, I've been steadily going towards the more idealistic worldview, that this is all the equivalent of our God's dream. The only thing left after that, is to determine if we are not real in any sense, or if we are different parts of a psyche. If it is the latter, we might never really perish, even if this realm disappears. It's all come back again to Descartes, hasn't it? I think, therefore I am, but what if there is only one mind thinking? What if that mind doesn't think that anything truly exists anymore, would the world it thought up continue existing…?"

We were silent for a long time.

"So, about me and my… dualism. That meant…?"

"You are the most likely one to be a separate part of the psyche along with Suzumiya-san if that really is the case. It doesn't even matter whether you, or her, or you both, were created along with everything else. Not when you two are living like this... You are so compatible, like two oppositely charged pieces of matter, coming together, forming more mass than anything around them, and creating gravity around which everything else begins to revolve around. This is how you two seem to me. You two are always at the centre of everything. If this is a dream, and you two are one, then please, keep dreaming of me and the others. I quite enjoy living with you guys."

Sure, buddy…

"I'm sorry for unburdening myself on you like this. The meta-physicality of the world usually upsets most people. Most things become relative, which is both horrifyingly sad and excitingly thrilling. No objective values to follow... Nothing left but to make the realization that if all values were created by man, then all you must do is create your own values to follow, accepting the illusion of values, but becoming the master of them, developing into a Nietzschean Overman of sorts… Not denying the pain and suffering that comes with life, but accepting and affirming it, sublimating it into a force with which to forge a path into the next level of human development. The creation of these values should of course remain consistent, especially in the realm of ethics, i.e. the right of personal autonomy can only be accepted if everyone maintains a duty to uphold it, perhaps applying Kantian approach to their formulations, even if you choose to bend those rules later for consequentialist reasons. Hm, what a wonderful world it would be if everyone actually followed such values… But enough of that. The path of the existentialist is not an easy one, but I think it is rather rewarding… Hmm…" – Koizumi smiled in a musing manner – "You just have to remain on look out for the nihilist in you. Heh. Especially you and your other half. It'd be horrible if God saw no point in existence. Wouldn't it lead to _no_ existence at all?"

"………"

"Once again, I am sorry. I think it would be best if I were to leave you alone with your thoughts now. I've been rambling for long enough as it is and I think I might have accidentally wandered a bit off topic occasionally…"

"Yeah…sure… seeya……"

Koizumi got up and made to leave, but I stood up, needing to ask one more thing all this philosophy had spawned in me.

"Wait…"

"What is it?"

Koizumi placed his hands in his pockets and turned around to look at me with a disconcertingly empty expression.

"If… if this is all a dream…"

"To grossly simplify," Koizumi stated, as if lecturing me like a teacher.

"To put it simply," I intoned, "if this is a dream, or comparable to a dream… how can you go on? If it's all like a dream, nothing really matters…"

"Not necessarily. Remember, it's not just worthwhile to exist, but to live, for yourself, as Sartre would have put it, and no, that does not mean a selfish outlook on life where no one but you matters, quite the contrary really, you should in fact have a greater respect for personal autonomy. This existence, whatever it may be, still beats inexistence in my opinion, but then again, if I did not exist, I couldn't worry about not existing either, so it all works out in the end. Huh, not very comforting was that?"

"No…"

"But that's not why I go on, why I choose to live to the fullest in this world with everyone. I also consider the alternative… Perhaps this is all real to the fullest extent of the word. Now wouldn't it be a significant waste of life, to go about it thinking it was all a dream, and miss everything it had to offer, thinking it's not real, never allowing oneself to appreciate all life has to offer, to smell the proverbial roses? Whatever may be the case, I like this existence, and I shall continue living it for as long as I can. Nihil esse certi, as self-contradictory as it may be as a knowledge statement (which might be seen as a validation of the uncertainty of everything actually, if you think about it). I can perhaps never tell if everything has been determined or not, but choosing to take no responsibility for one's actions whatsoever… would result in a far too risky scenario for me, disgusting even. I like to think my actions and thoughts matter, that I can affect change, make lives better, that I can take responsibility for acts, and I can only do so if I am truly free to choose. I opt to affirm life, no matter in what form it may exist. Maybe it's all a delusion, but then again, in this relativistic universe, what isn't? Huoh… it's all relative… Which means it's completely up to you how you live and choose to view your life. If you see it being pointless, it will truly be pointless, but if you set yourself a goal, who could ever really deny its validity amongst all the other subjective values? Hmm… Nothing really fits…" he mused as he started to walk away. He was already disappearing into the shadows of the evening when he added in a silent voice, as if deep in thought again, "Not unless you put it all together yourself."

By myself…

Just what is reality for me? Am I really here? Have I ever even existed? Looking back on things, I noticed that Haruhi always got what she wanted, one way or the other. It might appear to be because of impressive manipulative skills, sometimes dumb luck, but knowing as much as I do about her, it seems more likely that it's her subconsciousness steering things along.

Are these thoughts even mine, or am I just advancing towards some goal in Haruhi's mind? What if everything is just her will? I mean _all_ of it. It's like I'm just a part of her imagination, like I'm in her fantasy, like I'm in a story made up by a loony. Every weird thing might just be her dream or will. And I'm living her fantasies… because I'm her? She's me? We're one? But…

Even if it isn't so… that we're not two halves of the same coin, whether I'm not her and simply me or just a figment of her imagination… everything will end up as she wants it. Like Koizumi said, if she really is God, then reality is just as good as her dream, no matter how I want to think of this as being real and not just someone else's dream. But maybe it's also _my_ dream…

Just where does Haruhi's will end and mine begin? Where's the line? Am I just living out her fantasy, delusional with thoughts of choice? The data cricket incident jumped into my mind. Haruhi had left the case alone, saying it would work itself out, and from her perspective, it did as we went behind her back and solved it. Then there was of course the convenient appearance of the 'evil' Student Council President she had always wanted. And those were only few of the cases where things simply went her way. She always gets what she wants. The way things keep adding up I don't see how I can doubt this for much longer. It seems that no matter what I choose, no matter what I do, I always end up doing what she wants. I'm like her proxy or worse… a toy, nothing more than a puppet, in the great scheme of things.

Aaagh! I can't take this, this is too much! We're yin and yang?! What the hell! Screw this! I'm my own man! I know my thoughts. I'm me and no one else can be me at the same time, it's just common sense!

Even so, no matter what I told myself, no matter how I tried to keep my mind focused on better, brighter things, I still felt uneasy, not just sick in my stomach anymore. And that was still an understatement. None of it made sense. Not even the unanswerable questions themselves. And unfortunately not even the 'me' asking the questions.

I can't take it…

…

……

………

"Hey, what's got you looking so bummed?" Haruhi asked as she suddenly reappeared, hands clasped behind her back.

She stalked towards me slowly, eyes glinting in the dark like a cat's, looking about tentatively.

"Where's Koizumi?"

"Dunno… gone…" I muttered, struggling a bit to string words together again after all my mind shattering thoughts.

Haruhi stood next to me, shifting her weight on to one leg as she joined me in stargazing. "Hmm… that guy sure keeps disappearing a lot all of a sudden… but I guess this is sort of a lucky break once again."

"What do you mean?" I asked, turning to face her.

She gave me a sneaky smile and produced a bottle of wine from behind her back. "More for us."

"I thought… I thought you would never drink again after the last time… you said something about hating to lose valuable memories…"

"That's why there's only one bottle, silly. Take a leaf out of the ancient Greeks' and the Buddha's teachings: 'Everything in moderation. Nothing to excess.' Take the Middle Way! Follow the Golden Mean! I'll make sure none of us has too much to drink this time." She gave me a warm smile as she grabbed my hand.

Yeah, sure you will, little Miss Responsible. And if I recall correctly, the Buddha was against the use of alcohol because it clouded the mind… but who am I to argue with ancient Greeks, those guys were smarter than most people after thousands of years. Makes you wonder if any _real_ progress is being made at all.

"C'mon, let's take a load off and relax… you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Haruhi asked eagerly, eyes shining in the light of the stars, as she squeezed tightly on my hand. "Just relax, it's a special occasion, we can bend the rules a bit, that, and it can be a lot of laughs too. I've heard a little red wine can be good for the heart and brain as well! Not too sure if this stuff is actually red wine, but who cares?"

You know what? I don't really care at all at the moment. I don't even need to know how you got that bottle or why you've suddenly changed your policy on drinking.

I allowed myself to be pulled along by Haruhi, towards the two other Brigade girls who had been patiently waiting for us from a short distance away.

After hearing all the depressing ideas Koizumi had swimming about in his head like a school of piranhas, I needed something to distract me, to take the edge off, for now at least. The day was over in any case. There was nothing but dreary thoughts swirling about in my head now. Maybe Haruhi had the medicine; I definitely could use a few cheap laughs right about now.

I haven't had much experience with alcohol, but even I could tell that the situation I was in called for a drink. It just seemed like the best thing to do (I blame pop culture for this). I could really use something to pull away the cobwebs of reason and put the nonsensical world into the right perspective.

I chose to ignore the little nagging voice in my head that went on and on about this not helping to solve anything and decided to just go with the flow, to give Haruhi the figurative keys to the car, once and for all. I had just had enough for today. My mind was trying to shut itself off without even the aid of alcohol.

Seriously, how bad could it get?


	5. Nocturne

Apparently, I am just not the kind of person to learn from his past mistakes. Sure, Haruhi had gotten a bit wild the last time, back on that island, but this time… well, I guess it would be best to just tell you what happened. Makes me wonder what exactly was in that bottle, really. Or maybe the stuff on the island had just been watered down for us. In any case, that one magical bottle was split practically evenly amongst us four, _practically_. Never mind the occasional spill, Haruhi taking a big gulp herself whenever it suited her fancy (so much for moderation) or her trying to force some extra down my throat, since apparently Haruhi was once again certain of the other two girls reactions to the substance, thus there being a lesser need for either one to consume much. One was a light weight who needed just the smallest dose and the other a bottomless pit on whom most of it would go to waste. I think you can guess which was which.

After the initial swigs and chit chat, Haruhi decided to make us play a variety of 'drinking' games. They were pretty odd, begging the question whether they were actually the creations of inebriated people having a laugh or just Haruhi making things up as she went along, aiming to both humiliate and torture us for her own pleasure.

While we were all still upright, she made us partake in small silly races with various goals, like running back to the tree, spinning around it 13 times (at first she had wanted 108, but had soon gotten far too dizzy to continue), hopping sideways and then doing somersaults to rest of the way back, but nothing brought her as much joy as the piggyback races. Sure, we changed partners frequently (with me always carrying one of the girls, naturally), but she certainly enjoyed abusing my ears by pulling on them and shouting to gallop faster, practically breaking my ears in the process.

I seriously doubt something like this even fits the definition of a drinking game. For starters, there wasn't a lot of actual drinking going on during the games themselves. It was all pretty stupid, kind of like what little kids would do, but I, and presumably everyone else, seemed to enjoy it. Funny thing that, how taking substances denied from kids essentially makes you revert back to their level.

But this was still only the beginning. Luckily for us, Haruhi grew tired of running about shouting, or maybe she just had trouble standing upright anymore. We soon started taking part in more traditional games, like truth or dare.

I wonder how that became a late night activity to do with possibly intoxicated friends? I've never actually played it before, only heard ridiculous stories from friends about the stupid things people would do, surprisingly not while under the influence of alcohol, but by the pure power of persistent peer pressure. Whoa, that's quite a bit of alliteration right there, dangerous even. Hic!

"Soo… let's see… who should go first, hmm?" Haruhi asked, looking about in an impish manner. "Let's see, let's see, let's see here…"

"A… aren't you supposed to spin the b-bottle?" Asahina-san piped up suddenly, looking about uncertainly.

Just… just how would you know what to do in this type of situation? I'm having a hard time imagining Asahina-san doing something like this before. It's just not her kind of thing. Too personal, too intrusive. She's such a shy girl, after all.

I closed my eyes, letting my mind ponder over things like that, imagining her doing things like that. Asahina-san taking part in 'forbidden' games...

.........

It all became a warm fuzzy feeling that I wanted to hold on to, but was gently pulled out of, as I heard Haruhi's faint voice wafting through the shadowy images of my mind.

"Uhm… mummum… I guess you might be right," Haruhi said thoughtfully, tapping a finger against her little chin. She then cracked a wide enthusiastic smile. "Yeah, we'll let Lady Fortuna decide!"

Haruhi lifted the bottle up to her face, almost falling over at the sudden movement, and inspected the bottle's contents, eyes squinting like a jeweller's at some odd piece of geology. "Huh, empty… tha's good… I guess," she said, sounding rather morose at the sudden lack of liquor.

"Okay, gather around everyone!" Haruhi shouted eagerly as she plopped down on the grassy field. The three of us quickly joined her, forming a small circle.

Haruhi placed the bottle between us, lifted her eyes and gave us all a quick inspection, smirking smugly, before she spun the empty bottle.

It spun for what felt like minutes, revolving haphazardly between us. And then, it stopped.

"So wait… do we take the person the top or the bottom is pointing at?" Haruhi asked, swaying slightly as she frowned at the bottle thoughtfully.

"I… I think it's the top," Asahina-san answered dutifully, holding a hand in front of her mouth, almost managing to conceal her blushing cheeks.

So the three of us turned our heads to the person the top was pointing at, sitting opposite of me: Nagato.

She had kept her eyes locked on the bottle as it had spun and only now raised them and gave us an empty stare. She cocked her head innocently, asking us in that silent manner of hers, to have the bizarre human behaviour she had just witnessed explained to her.

"Yuki… Truth or Dare?" Haruhi asked, still smiling like a fox in a henhouse.

Nagato turned to look her in the face. For the slightest moment, I noticed her pupils twitch in my direction, but ultimately they stayed focused on Haruhi.

Nagato opened her mouth, little lips parting ever so slightly, but said nothing for a long while.

"C'mon, c'mon," Haruhi chanted impatiently.

"…I do not understand the function of this activity."

"You're s'posed ta choose one, truth or dare!"

"…Why?"

"It's just a game, for fun," I offered helpfully, becoming unsettled by the confused air I felt Nagato was emitting.

I really don't want to be bummed out right now, so please, Nagato, just choose one. It may not exactly be fun for the rest of us, since this is Haruhi we're talking about, but let's just play along. We can't stop here and let our minds start thinking again… Stupid Koizumi…

"Truth." The syllable escaped Nagato's lips like the whisper of a passionate lover, well, as far as a monotone voice can sound passionate, to my biased ears.

"Aaaalrighty! Let's see, let's see… what to ask, what to ask…" Haruhi cupped her chin in her palm as she set about to feverishly think up a question to ask the little alien, staring with furious contemplation at the ground before her.

I recalled wondering earlier about what Nagato really thought about us, all of us, but since this was essentially Haruhi's show, I was hesitant to ask.

"Hmmmmummmummm…"

"Ehh…"

Sigh…

"…"

"What do you think… about…?" Haruhi started out, piquing my interest, her face screwed up in concentration, seemingly straining to transfer her esoteric thoughts into something coherent. If you ask me, she normally doesn't really succeed. "No, wait a tick… Uh, I know! – It'll be a delicious insight into our little mystery mascot –

Have you ever kissed someone?"

Huh? What kind of question is that?

"No."

"Huh? Well that was boring, another one!"

Hey, you can't do that! Those aren't the rules, are they? I looked at Asahina-san for a similar outrage at such disregard for rules and other peoples' personal business, but the shy girl had a rather dreamy, unfocused look in her eyes. She still had a hand pressed to her lips, but her little blush had only deepened in colour, and she had started to sway gently, like a piece of grass in the wind. Judging by the gentle cringing of her eyes, she was smiling behind her hand.

"Wanted to kiss someone?" Haruhi continued unabashed, focusing her stare on Nagato's blank face.

"…"

"Wait, didn't you have a secret admirer or something once? What happened with that? I can't remember anymore…"

"The situation was dealt with the appropriate response."

"Ooooh, you sly dog, you! Hih! Next! Next!"

Apparently Haruhi had gotten her answer, drawing who knows what kind of conclusions from Nagato's vague answer.

I gave Nagato a quick glance, but the silent girl had already returned her attention to the bottle between us. I too gave it a look, and could see the dark, blurred reflection of Nagato's eyes in them. In a way, it was like looking straight into her eyes from this angle, as if she was on the other side of the dark glass, but as soon as this 'contact' between our eyes had been made, Nagato's eyes shifted, breaking our little connection. Then again, if she hadn't done so, her eyes would have become impossible to follow on the bottle's surface, since Haruhi had grabbed the bottle and given it another swift twirl.

"Round and round it goes, where will it stop? Nobody knows! Hic!" Haruhi's head spun along with the bottle, tracing its rotations. "Round and round… spinning… revolving… circling… rotating… Quick! Somebody get me a thesaurus! HEHEE!!"

I followed the spinning bottle, almost hypnotized by the movement. My eyelids felt heavy, I closed them for a moment, almost nodding off, several times. Just how long is that damn bottle going to spin?! It's making me feel sleepy. Everything's going fuzzy around the edges…

…

……

The bottle finally came to a halt, pointing at Asahina-san.

"Mikuru-chaa~aaan!"

"Yes…?" Asahina-san asked quietly, still swaying gently. She gave a little hiccup and gave the cutest giggle I've ever heard, melting my heart immediately. Ah, is this heaven?

"I haven't kissed anyone yet…" Asahina-san mumbled, closing her eyes.

Haruhi chortled. "No, silly, that was Yuki's question! Hihi! You have to get your own!"

"Sorry…"

Don't worry, Asahina-san, as if we would ever condemn such an innocent girl like you for anything, well, most of us wouldn't, but the insane are never really included in such general statements.

"No, no, no. First we gotta ask 'truth or dare?', right? Well, truth or dare?"

"Mmmm… whatever you want…"

"Then dare, I say! Enough silly gossip, time for action!" Haruhi exclaimed, giving me a wink.

What's that supposed to mean? Ugh, suddenly my stomach felt a bit uneasy and I don't think it was because of the alcohol… probably. Most likely. I'm almost certain. _Yeah… definitely…_ Wait, what was I so certain of?

"But since you seem so eager for the _romance_…"

…Huh?

"I dare you to…"

Suddenly my heart was starting to beat faster with all this tension that seemed to be leading somewhere – _exciting_.

"What?" Asahina-san asked suddenly, cracking open her heavy eyelids, sounding almost as exhilarated and nervous as I felt.

"Weeell, since kissing seems to be on your mind, I think we should only oblige!"

You're the one who brought the whole matter up, idiot! Now stop this teasing before I have a heart attack.

Haruhi leered at Asahina-san, before she gave me a quick lewd looking smile. Just what are you thinking?

"I think Mikuru-chan should get a little taste of excitement! She's our senpai after all! She needs the experience and the proper treatment!"

Oh, so you finally noticed _that_, eh? Making her dress up as you please, pushing her about and doing all kinds of unsavoury things with her, and only now you realize she is to be treated with a little more reverence.

"I think she should get a kiss! A maiden can't go as long as she has without even a little one!"

Yep, I think I feel a stroke coming on. My heart is exploding! Farewell everyone, let's hope we meet again in heaven, nirvana or the next life!

Haruhi stood up, wobbling a bit on her feet before she ambled towards me. She walked past me haphazardly. When I thought she had walked off completely, I felt a hand touch my shoulder and a warm breath on my right ear. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, Kyon? A little show for you…"

I – uh – that is – we – I – she – uhm – wait – show?

But Haruhi had already moved off. She had pranced over to Asahina-san, sitting on my right side, just a short distance away. The drowsy girl looked up at her approaching Brigade Commander with faint surprise on her blushing face.

Haruhi knelt down next to her, sitting on her knees, and grabbed Asahina-san by the shoulders. She then looked behind her, directly at me, smiling mischievously.

"You ain't seen nothing yet!" She said, before she turned around, and, and –

This… this is a dream, right? Nothing like this could ever happen, right? Right? Or maybe I _did_ have a heart attack and went to heaven. If this is the reward for a good life, I can see why the Buddha spent so much time trying to achieve enlightenment.

Right in front of me, there were two beautiful girls kissing. Wow… Sure, it was just a kiss on the lips, nothing more explicit or risqué, but still… Wow… I mean… _Wow_…

When Haruhi pulled back, to look back at me once again, she had a satisfied smile on her face.

Asahina-san's mouth on the other hand was gaping slightly. Otherwise, her face was still wrapped in a dreamy, blank looking haze. She must have been just as shocked as I was.

"Well?"

Well _what_?

"How would you score that performance?"

Score? Performance? Just what – what do you think you're doing? Seriously, what is going _on_ in your head?

"Or do you want more?"

I gasped for breath at this. Apparently I'd forgotten how to breathe.

Haruhi giggled. Then she stood up, pulling the stricken Asahina-san up along with her. When the two were standing up straight, Haruhi put her arms around Asahina-san's shoulders, hands hanging casually over Asahina-san's breasts, laid her head against Asahina-san's shoulder and raised one leg at the knee, locking herself into a seductive pose.

"Well?"

Seriously, I can't think of anything. My attention is divided completely in two; one half is fully focused on the two girls standing there together, waiting to see what happens next as if the fate of the world depends on it and the other is replaying that earlier scene, over and over and over and over…

"C'mon, Kyon… isn't this what every guy dreams of?" Haruhi asked, stroking Asahina-san's cheek tenderly with one hand, while rubbing her own cheek against Asahina-san's other cheek. "Two girls…" her voice trailed off, as she peered around her, "Oh wait, there's actually _three_ of us here…"

Nagato was still sitting quietly nearby on her knees, watching the odd spectacle. Haruhi skipped to her side, bent over, once again cocking one of her legs behind her at an angle and tickled the little girl under her slim chin. Nagato's head rose at the action, but no other response was forthcoming. Although I do get a feeling of contentment in her eyes, sort of like a purring cat getting scratched, just like Shamisen on a good day. Probably just my imagination though. And the booze, don't forget that.

"Maybe I was using the wrong _bait_, so to speak," Haruhi said, smiling sweetly at Nagato while giving me a sideways glance.

I could hear the furious pounding of my heart in my ears against the backdrop of the rushing roar of blood. My throat felt parched and dry, whereas my palms felt wet with sweat. While my body was a frenzy of uncontrolled action (or reaction, to be more specific), my mind was obstinately inactive, either unwilling or unable to process anything more complex than the sight unfolding in front of me.

"Or maybe Kyon's just a quantity over quality type of guy… c'mon Yuki, join us, why won't you?"

I couldn't take this anymore. I was going to go crazy if this continued. My mind felt like it was a cracked egg, slipping out through my ears. I got up to do… something, but nothing came of it. I lost my already vague sense of balance thanks to the alcohol and went toppling over, losing focus of everything. All was dark after that.

……

…

Ouch…

…

"Kyon! Kyon, are you okay?" I heard a sultry yet worried voice bubble in and out of my ears.

"Ah, my head? What did I hit?" I lurched into a sitting position, rubbing my forehead. I felt something warm slithering down my brow. I tried opening my eyes, but everything seemed to be blurry.

"A rock."

Oh, is that all?

"You're bleeding. Let me get a good look."

"'S okay… I'm okay…"

"Shut up."

I could feel my bangs being held back against my head as the shadow of someone's face darkened my vision.

"You fell over. What's wrong with you? This is the second time you've suddenly dozed off in the middle of all the excitement."

"Must… must have been the booze and…"

"You were right. I shouldn't have brought alcohol again. You'd think I'd've learned from last time… 's not worth it."

"No… it's just…"

I was able to see fully again, not that I liked what I was seeing. Haruhi's sad, worried face, still slightly red from all the drinking, looked at me with deep concern. I didn't like seeing her look so despondent.

"I'm sorry," she said sorrowfully.

This remark caught me off guard for a moment, but there wasn't really much time to be shocked right now. "Not your fault," I said as I reached out a hand and touched her on the shoulder reassuringly, hoping Haruhi would stop looking so glum.

Haruhi's head drooped down miserably, her dark hair shifting to cover her face completely.

I looked around. Asahina-san was lying on the ground with Nagato standing over her, keeping her eyes however, peeled on the two of us.

"What happened to Asahina-san?" I asked.

"She…" Haruhi slowly looked over her shoulder. "I guess she fainted or something…"

"…She is physically unharmed…" Nagato said without taking her eyes off us.

Well, if Nagato says she's alright, then I guess I have nothing to worry about.

Haruhi on the other hand… looks disturbingly distressed.

"Sorry," she muttered again, restarting her earlier recourse of staring at the ground.

She's being rather emotional isn't she? Must be the booze…

"I just… wanted everyone to have fun…"

I patted her on the shoulder again.

"I guess… I guess I went too far, huh?"

Whoa… this might be a groundbreaking event we're dealing with here.

Haruhi hiccupped sadly.

I rubbed my forehead. The blood was already starting to clot, although my hand was a bloody mess when I pulled it back for a proper inspection.

"You can take my…" Haruhi reached into her hair, pulling at her signature orange ribbon. "…If you need it…"

"Nah… I think I'll survive… keep it… it would just get dirty." Besides, my head injury doesn't even seem to be that deep, just a scratch really, and I'm not trying to make a Monty Python reference or anything here.

I held my forehead, pressing my palm against the messy spot I assumed was the cut. It had definitely stopped bleeding.

Man, that was crazy. I must have dozed off or something. Must've been the exhaustion and the drinks. And then I had that dream, it was even crazier. And then… I guess I just fell over as I was sleeping, bumping into the rock eventually as I must've been slumping over… As if something like that dream could ever have happened, something like that never happens in real life. I've never even _heard_ of something like that actually happening in _real_ life. It was just fantasy, it had to be, stuff like that doesn't _really_ happen, you only hear stories but you know the other person is just lying, coming up with some macho stories meant to impress. It was practically as insane as the one where we'd been in that crazy, dark circus. School girls don't just start making out in front of you. Heck, Haruhi even used the same line, 'You ain't seen nothing yet'.

"How long was I out?" I asked taking my palm off my forehead.

Haruhi looked up at me with great surprise in her gleaming eyes. "What do you mean…? You didn't blackout or anything. Just a few seconds at best."

Waitwaitwait… Are you telling me… Wait, so, that wasn't a dream? You actually… woo, I feel dizzy again.

"Are you sure you're okay…?" Haruhi tentatively raised her hand, reaching for my face, but pulled back suddenly as I looked her in the eyes.

"Wha-what? What's with that look?" she asked, looking ridiculously flustered, blushing profusely all of a sudden. She gulped loudly.

What look?

"Stop that," Haruhi said moodily, averting her gaze from mine.

I think you've had too much to drink… says the guy bleeding from his forehead because he couldn't stay upright anymore.

I stood up on wobbly legs, giving my throbbing head a squeeze. There definitely wasn't any bleeding going on anymore, although it did sting like hell still. Geez…

"Wh-what do you think you're doing?" Haruhi suddenly sprung up, swaying lopsidedly, but with a firm frown on her red face, her jaw and her fists at her sides both tightly clenched. "Just where do you think you're going in that state?"

"…Gonna go check up on Asahina-san…"

"Oh…" Haruhi said softly, turning around to follow my gaze to the prone girl lying in the grass.

Slowly we walked over to her, with Haruhi keeping a close eye on me throughout the short distance.

"As stated previously, she is physically unharmed," Nagato gave us an update, sounding just as unfazed by the evening's happenings as she did about everything else.

"We should… uhm…" I scratched the back of my head, trying to form a cohesive thought in my alcohol addled brain. "Do something… about her, that is."

I crouched down and gently reached out to carefully poke Asahina-san on the shoulder. She gave a weak mumble.

"Put her… somewhere nice to sleep…" I gave my heavy eyes a rub. "Ah, what time is it anyway?"

"3:43," Nagato provided obediently.

"In the morning?" I asked, feeling incredibly dumb as soon as I asked the inane question.

"…Yes."

I groaned.

Haruhi crouched down to my level, unsteadily balancing on the soles of her feet, biting her lip in a rather cute manner, even if she was still giving a go at frowning. She kept glancing at me from the corner of her dim eyes, vigilantly keeping an eye on me while also doing the same for Asahina-san.

"Ugh, c'mon… help me get her over there… near the tree… dun think we can make it much further than tha'…"

"Okay…" Haruhi said in a hushed voice.

We both grabbed Asahina-san under her armpits, hoisted her up, and slowly, wobbling dangerously the whole way, made the perilous journey of a couple of metres to the tree. As gently as we could manage, we lowered the girl against the tree. She gave a short moan as her head bumped against the trunk, but she appeared to be unhurt as she gave another a quick mumble again before she started huffing quietly at a normal sounding rhythm.

Man… I'm going to kill myself tomorrow morning, if I can manage it, that is…

"You should too…"

"Should what?" I asked, giving Haruhi a funny look.

"Get some sleep," Haruhi said, giving her tired eyes a rub.

Heh, it's almost cute how she's still trying to play the role of the brave and responsible Brigade Commander. Almost. But it's a bit too late for that. I gave my aching head another gentle massage. It didn't help, quite the opposite. I sat down on a large root, continuing to rub my head, for all the good it did. I closed my eyes, gritting my teeth at the sudden flashes of white pain as I applied pressure on the sore parts, trying to fight my way through the pain towards something hopefully even a tiny bit less painful.

Suddenly, I felt a presence land next to me on the trunk. I opened my eyes and spotted Haruhi sitting next to me, staring up at the sky, looking somewhat forlorn as she stargazed. Like she was searching for a celestial message spelled out for her to say to me. I got the feeling she was feeling a bit guilty.

"Hey."

"What?" Haruhi asked, not taking her eyes off the distant stars.

"You okay?"

She gave me a surprised look. "What? Me? Of course I am, idiot." She then quickly returned her sights back to the skies.

As spunky as ever it seems. Sometimes it's oddly comforting to know that some things never seem to change.

Nagato had silently trailed us, and was now standing nearby, still watching us like a hawk. Like a phantom guardian, those unrelenting eyes took in every last detail, no matter how insignificant. I really _would_ like to hear what she thinks about us, on a personal level after witnessing everything she has.

I gave the other special girl in my life another good look. Haruhi was still staring upwards in that solemn, melancholic way that had sort of become her trademark along with her overexcited craziness.

I noticed a few dark specks and smudges on her hand, resting by her side on the trunk. I squinted at the mess on her hand, trying to get a clear picture of what it was. To my short-lived horror, I noticed that it was blood. I was going to once again ask her if she was okay, if she had been hurt, but luckily I realized in time that it was actually my blood on her hands before making a complete fool of myself.

_My blood… on her hands…_

Damn it. I thought the point of getting this head splitting headache was so I could get rid of depressing thoughts like that.

"You don't look so good," Haruhi said, making a swift glance my way. "You should really get some sleep."

"Yeah, yeah… you too…"

Even so, the two of us just sat there quietly, both looking up at the beautiful tableau of stars, while occasionally sneaking an awkward glance the other was fully aware of, thus making it all seem even more awkward in the end.

"Have you ever seen or read the play, '_Waiting for Godot'_?" Haruhi suddenly asked, tilting her head away from me as she continued stargazing.

"No. Not really into literature."

"I saw it once, and I can't help but feel like I'm in it, sometimes… times like this."

"Really?"

"Yeah. In the play, there are these two guys and they're just…"

"Waiting for Godot?" I said, smirking a little, thinking I had been rather clever.

"Yeah, exactly that…" Haruhi said glumly, sighing a little.

"Oh…" I felt a bit embarrassed now. Obviously I wasn't getting the point here. "Nothing else?"

"No, they just wait… talk… think of suicide… end up doing nothing and just wait, wait for Godot to show up… and he never does."

Maybe it's the booze, or maybe I'm just so tired, tired of myself at the moment, but your words are starting to make sense, in some crazy way I can't explain. I slid my hand down my face, exasperated by the entirety that was my life at the moment. Maybe I hadn't had _enough_ to drink actually. I dunno. Geez…

Underneath it all, just beyond the surface, a shadowy thought dredged through my mind, never quite breaching the surface of my consciousness. I felt I was missing something very important.

"You don't – don't feel like – that is – you haven't considered – ?"

"What? Killing myself? No, don't be stupid. Where did you even get such a half-brained idea anyway? How would that change _anything_? The play wasn't about that either, they didn't do it. It was just a show of how futile all action had become to the characters, how pointless everything seemed, that no action, even something as dark as suicide wasn't even worth the effort, I think. Nothing was worth anything, they didn't know what to do, it was all pointless in the end. They'd try anything, even thoughts of suicide to avoid the emptiness, the nothingness... of life. All they could do was wait… wait for an external force to break the monotony… and it never came…"

Wow, that's depressing. I mean, _really_ depressing.

Suddenly Haruhi broke into a wide smile. "'Nobody comes, nobody goes, nothing happens, it's awful!'" Then she started laughing uncontrollably, holding her sides, until tears of laughter streamed down her face.

The really crazy thing about this was that I joined in on it, starting out chuckling like an idiot who doesn't really get the joke, until I was howling along with her, holding my own sides. We laughed so hard, we actually fell off the large root we were sitting on, although seeing the intoxicated condition we were in, it was bound to have happened anyway.

While we rolled on the ground, laughing our heads off, Nagato, our silent watcher, stood over us, always monitoring our strange behaviour. Once or twice, I could see her tilt her head amidst my tear blurred vision, and every time I only laughed louder, with Haruhi joining in, both of us trying to outlaugh the other.

Eventually, our insane bout of laughter died out, silence gripping the dark night once again. Haruhi and I lied on the ground, spent by the jovial moment, both panting with our chests heaving up and down, like we'd run a bloody marathon.

I looked at her face, flushed from the exertions of the night, the rosy complexion gone for now, small beads of sweat traversing along her pretty features. She turned her head and gave me a similar searching look, dark eyes gleaming with tears, reflecting celestial dots of light. We remained like that for a while, just staring into each other's eyes.

Heh, we are _so_ drunk.

"Mmm…" Haruhi sat up, rubbing her head.

I got up to sit as well. Now that we were both sitting, we were facing in opposite directions. I could hear a gentle huffing sound. I looked about and noticed Asahina-san snoozing a short distance away. Apparently our loud laughing tournament hadn't woken her up. The little tuckered out princess had slept through it all.

Abruptly, I felt a slight weight settle against my back. It was Haruhi, leaning against me, also checking the sleeping beauty out (I could see she was looking in the same direction as I was from the corner of my eye). Haruhi kept wobbling uncertainly against my back, until she relaxed completely and I could feel her head slouch down and rest against my neck.

"Mmmm. Isn't she cute, Kyon? All tuckered out like that? Makes you want to _do_ things to her, doesn't it?"

"What? Something _more_?"

Haruhi giggled at this.

Koizumi's words came back, about us being part of the same being. I have an attraction for Asahina, it's obvious really, and Haruhi… well, she's the one who got to second base after all, isn't she? She's always touching and groping Asahina-san, she said she didn't care if a person was male or female… is she really bisexual or pansexual or whatever the proper term is for a person like that? Or are we just the same, deep down? Are we one? That certainly would explain the apparent attraction to Asahina-san. We certainly seem to possess a certain understanding of each other's thoughts and personalities as well. I'm the only one who can talk her out of her crazier ideas and she can convince me to partake in the rest.

Like her, I know the pain that came with the loss of wonder, but unlike her, I had simply given up. She never gave up, not on anything she believed in. Maybe she is my other half. She brings out the best in me and vice versa. We really suit each other… I guess…

I turned my head slightly, careful not to disturb Haruhi, as I gave a sideways glance at the girl. I couldn't really see her directly, except when her head listed my way, revealing an absurd smile with a bit of drool hanging from the corner of her mouth, eyes unfocused.

"Baaaaaah…" Haruhi went contentedly, just like the animal I assumed she was mimicking, before she wiped her lips.

I couldn't help but chuckle lightly at the silly girl.

Just what is Haruhi to me? I've been asking that question for a long time and I still don't seem to be any closer to an answer than the first time I asked myself that. If anything, it's only gotten harder. Thanks a lot stupid smiley-Koizumi with all your idiotic philosophy. 'Unexamined life is not worth living', my ass. Stupid Socrates as well. All introspection did was fill my head up with question marks. Nope, no answers there. Just more questions.

Aren't question marks weird? I mean, where the hell did this idea come about to make a sign – a sign like that! – to signify inquiry? Seriously, the very concept of the question mark is questionable! Who came up with this silly sign?

…

#$%! Too much… we had had too much… Didn't we...?

Opposites… Sigh. You can try and explain it any damn way you please, Koizumi, but when you start making weird claims about a guy and a chick being complementing opposites, one can't but help to think you're talking about oowey-gooey soul mate crap.

…Okay, let's follow that inane logic of his and see where we stand at the moment. There is a girl, a cute one, leaning against my back. All things considered, things could be worse, a lot worse. She's funny, headstrong, in charge, full of life; pretty much all things desirable in a modern woman, right? But c'mon! She's just so weird and, and, and… different, my 'opposite' to quote the smirking idiot. Opposites may attract when it comes to natural forces, but seriously, you can't simplify how humans think and feel like that! It's just so… counterproductive. And let's not forget how demeaning it is to the notion of free will.

Then again… someone who is your opposite would surely provide a lot of interesting friction for you. You'd never be bored around such a person. All things considered, things could be worse, and let's not forget, I'm not exactly the most sought out guy either.

Man, this is just getting sad. Why am I even thinking like this? Gah, it has got to be the alcohol, making me and the others act and think all silly-nilly. I mean, I just used the term silly-nilly, for crying out loud! If that isn't a sign of influenced faculties, nothing is.

Ugh, if Haruhi is my other half, like my female opposite – and it's a big damn _if!_ – just what is it, if there is something deeper between us, if one of us tried to… you know, uhm, advance our relationship in any way… wouldn't that sort of count as… incest? Well no, that's a bit too strong a word, even if we are one… How about just plain old narcissism? Heh, one of us loves themselves so much that only an opposite gender version of them, with opposing behaviourisms, is enough to satisfy them. HAhahaa… that is sooo messed up… hehehee… Oh man… that is _so_ messed up… what the hell is wrong with us? Or is it just me? I really, really, _really_ hope it's the alcohol bringing out these stupid thoughts.

#$%!

This is just stupid, why did I ever agree to this? This is one of those rare situations where I can tell myself, 'I told you so'.

"The stars, Kyon," Haruhi's dreamy voice shattered my pathetic thoughts. Even if I had no idea what she was on about this time, I more than welcomed the distraction she was providing.

"Huh? What about 'em?"

"Remember… what I told you about – about the time I realized, as a kid, how small and insignificant I was amongst the humans. How the melancholy of being average, one amongst identically boring millions, doing what everyone else does, descended on me…"

"Yeah…" I bet most of us came to that realization at some point. Some, however, might simply be awed by the revelation and feel joyous in the unity of life, but for someone like Haruhi – and me, in a way – it was more depressing than anything else really.

"What I felt then… it was just a precursor, really. I mean, just look upwards!" Haruhi's head slumped down against my left shoulder. I flinched slightly at the sudden movement, but she just stared at the stars silently. I looked upwards as well, allowing my head to rest on her left shoulder. We stared at the heavens, taking in the lights and constellations, unable to name any of the wonders we saw, but merely experiencing it.

As my perceptions widened, taking into consideration the vast distances and magnitude of the stars, realizing how I was staring into various points in the past, my other senses seemed to awaken as well. Against my skin, I could feel the cool coarseness of the breeze that passed by, while the heat against my back seeped into my own body, warming me from the inside, and with these two sensations mixing it felt like I was in a warm bubble bath. I could smell something fruity, a mixture of various sweet and sour fruits, wafting around me. I breathed it in, tasting the flavours that weren't really there. It seemed to be coming in from the left…

"How presumptuous, to think I was insignificant within the world of humans, when there is an endless realm of infinite possibilities just – out _there_! Hah! .......... How silly I've been, feeling small here on Earth, when the planet itself is no more to the Universe than an atom is to us. Actually, even smaller than that, I think. All that space… and we're all so alone…"

"…No, we aren't really."

"Hmm?"

"We're here, in the middle of it all, all of us together."

"But we _aren't_ in the middle of it! Not even close!"

"I wasn't being… literal."

"…"

"Something Koizumi told me… how everything's subjective. How if you yourself give meaning to it all, if you just see it that way. If you give yourself a purpose, it's true, coz... nothing is certain – or something."

I sounded incredibly lame, trying to say something deep about Life, the Universe and Everything, when doubtlessly there have been hundreds of geniuses, poets, writers and philosophers who have done a better job with fewer words, possibly even numbers.

"How… relativistic of him…"

"Heh, I guess, but –"

"In this universe, what isn't?" Haruhi hurriedly finished my sentence, almost like she'd been waiting for me to get to the punchline of an old joke from the get go, wanting to join in on the climax of the thing along with me.

The two of us chuckled lightly together at this. But then, when it was over, everything grew silent. Honestly, I don't even recall hearing a cricket or anything after that.

Suddenly, I felt something smooth brush up against my hand. I peered down, to my right, and noticed Haruhi's hand lying next to mine. Next, I heard her let out a long, dragged out sigh.

"Do you really think… like that?" Haruhi asked in almost despairing tones, like she was unsure of what to think herself, waiting for guidance. My next answer obviously weighed much to her.

"To be honest, I don't know what to think anymore, about anything, really. But of one thing I'm sure, with you around, I'll never feel lonely or bored again, aggravated maybe, but never those other things. You're special, to me at least. I could never think of you as just another face in the crowd."

Warm fingers crisscrossed over my hand, digging in between my own fingers, coiling themselves around mine. I allowed Haruhi to take hold of my hand, to squeeze it tightly, finally realizing in full, that she was feeling just as depressed as I was about everything at the moment for some reason. I gave her hand a little squeeze as well.

"Thanks…" Haruhi said in a hushed voice.

The night passed by like a painted oil picture. Nagato stood silently, still watching over us from a short distance. She hadn't moved a muscle since she had settled into her spot when we had moved Asahina-san. Maybe she'd stay like that, throughout the whole night, just watching us. As much as I wanted to tell her to get some rest too, I felt far too relieved somehow to have her keeping a silent vigil over us. If Nagato was here, everything was all right.

Haruhi and I remained still and silent, leaning against each other's backs, watching the stars, listening to the tiny huffing coming from the sleeping Asahina-san, both intimately aware of the other's body as our lungs would slowly expand as they took everything in, then expel the weariness of the night, until all of it melded into a warm blob of nothing, and we finally got some much needed sleep.


	6. Future forecasts look grim

When I woke up, with a slight headache and eyes blinded by an annoyingly bright light, the first thing I saw (after my eyes adjusted to the light and my mind to the pain) was Nagato staring down at me, head slightly tilted. Maybe I was a bit drowsy still, but she certainly appeared to be emitting a questioning air.

I felt the hard and bumpy bark of the tree against my back. Somehow, I was leaning against it now. How, I had no idea. And… Uh, just what is this dead weight on my shoulder?

I looked down and noticed to my great surprise, Haruhi's head resting against my shoulder. Her mouth was open, thus facilitating a slow but steady stream of saliva onto my shirt. In fact, there was a wet streak down the side of my shirt from my chest to my pants.

Ugh, great… Wait, where's my hand? It's also got some weight on it…

I gently squeezed on whatever the soft thing on top of my hand was, an action that solicited a faint moan from Haruhi.

Uh-oh.

"Whazzat? Schqueezing mah butt?" Haruhi stirred, wiping away the spittle on her lips. She turned her head about lethargically, tired eyes taking in her surroundings. When her eyes settled on my frightened face, her drooping mouth and half-lidded eyes contorted horribly into a look of shock and what looked a lot like disgust. Oh boy…

"AH! Get your hands offa me!" Haruhi shouted, pushing my face away roughly as she herself tried to back off. All this resulted in was the both of us toppling over face first into the ground in opposite directions, because our legs had somehow gotten intertwined during our shared slumber.

"Ugh," Haruhi and I both muttered as we got up on our elbows and gave each other a swift, slightly peevish yet extremely embarrassed look, before hurriedly looking away again together.

Haruhi was apparently the first one to recover. "Touching me… Doing such things to the Brigade Commander as she sleeps, not only violating the sanctity of the position but the innocence of a fair maiden."

Fair maiden! My ass! Who's the one always fondling Asahina-san?

"Who knows what else a scoundrel like you would have done if not for" – Haruhi quickly looked around, spotting Nagato still staring at us – "if not for the vigilance of a proper Brigade member like Yuki!"

Haruhi managed to free herself from my legs with a few painful kicks, stood up and dusted herself off, giving her shapely buttocks extra special care. Throughout all of this, she had taken special care that the two of us weren't facing each other.

"Now… I understand the compulsion primal urges can have on people, especially boys, but more self control is expected from Brigade members." Haruhi gave Nagato a quick glance. "But since I am a benevolent commander, I shall spare you from shame. Yuki! None of this is to be revealed to anyone! Kyon's punishment shall be dealt with in private, without his crimes coming into the public light and damaging the pristine image of the SOS-Brigade!"

There were so many things wrong, and not just in an ironic way with that sanctimonious speech, I didn't feel inclined to dignify it with a response, not that it would have helped anyway. Self control… says the girl who soaked my shirt with drool. And _what_ pristine image? The few normal people who even knew about us thought we were all crazy anyway or viewed us as computer stealing extortionists to be defeated and humiliated. But what was this about a private punishment? I involuntarily shivered at the prospect.

Nagato turned her head slightly, looking from Haruhi to me. "Understood."

"Good." Haruhi then stomped away, still keeping her face hidden from me.

I rubbed my forehead, feeling a new sort of headache take the place of the old one I had managed to get rid of surprisingly easily (a few kick in the shins can really shift your perspective). Apparently, I'd pretty much slept through the worst of the hangover, if that is what I had. Seriously, I'm kind of new to substance abuse.

Wait. My forehead. It's fine. That is, there's no clotted mess of a scab. I can't feel any sort of dent or wound or anything at all. Sure, the rock I had hit had been rather small, but this? What happened to my head wound?

"Uh, Nagato…"

The taciturn girl turned her dark gold-tinted eyes on me.

"Didn't I have a wound here, somewhere?" I patted around my forehead in an aimless manner. Oh _please_ tell me I didn't dream _all_ of that as well. I think I might be going crazy here.

"…Yes."

"Oh, I see. And it just – disappeared?" Now that I know I had had a head wound, I'm starting feel annoyed again, but for totally different reasons. Wounds don't heal in a night. This stinks. Not that I'm ungrateful for the quick fix or anything, but still.

"No."

"Then what?"

"The abrasion was removed."

"Did – did you do that?" The memory of Nagato staring right at my face as I woke up came to mind. "Or was it–"

"Wake up! Everyone get up! It's way past noon already! We're missing out on a lot! We're _way_ behind schedule!" Haruhi made a quick glimpse our way, but turned away immediately as she noticed the two of us looking her way. She strode over to Asahina-san, and by shaking the other girl by the shoulders, began the gentle waking process with her.

Suddenly, a worrisome thought that had completely eluded me the previous day reared its ugly head.

Oh man… My mom is going to kill me. She had no idea where I was, or that school's been cancelled. She probably thinks I've been kidnapped or something. Damn…

"Uh, hey, mom, it's me," I hesitantly spoke into my phone, dreading a full blown maternal tantrum.

"Oh, is that you, honey? How did the sleepover with that old friend of yours go? Any problems?"

Huh? What? Sleepover? What's going on here? "Uhm, no, not as such…"

"You sound a bit woozy, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, mom…"

"Are you sure? The rest of us can cancel our trip and come pick you up."

Trip? A family trip? How didn't I know of this? "No, I'm okay… I just wanted to – uh – check up on _you_ guys. Don't you guys have work and school as well?"

"Ah, how sweet of you. But are you sure you aren't sick or something? You seem to have forgotten everything you said earlier, or is this just typical teenage boy behaviour?"

"I'm fine, just fine."

"We're packed and ready to go, so if you're really okay… you have our number and your key, right? I left some food in the fridge just in case. It should last a week in there. Just in case."

"Okay, mom…"

"Well, if that's all, I really have to go. Your sister is just so excited about this. Bye, love you!"

"Y-you too…"

I hung up and scratched my head.

Seriously, what is going on here? Everywhere I turn there's something strange going on. I'll have to make a list of them all if I want to remember everything. Number one on the list would have to be –

"Hello, everyone," Koizumi said with a bright smile as he walked up to us, waving.

Speak of the devil.

"Where have you been?"

"Hmm? Taking care of a few things… like breakfast, to stretch the definition of the word. I have a table reserved. You wouldn't believe how well this place has been equipped."

Yeah, it's a freaking mystery, all right.

Koizumi smiled his polite mask-like smile at me, looking as nonchalant as ever. For some reason, it just seemed to fill my head with even more doubt.

"Ah, Koizumi. Good to see you again," Haruhi said, keeping her eyes peeled on our suspicious last member, while she dragged the yawning Asahina-san behind her.

"I have reserved and paid for a breakfast table for us, although, I suppose brunch would be the more accurate term here, wouldn't it? Or does it apply at all far after noon?"

"Ah, good, good. Lead us to it! I'm starving!" Haruhi twirled about, marching on the spot, eager to move on.

"Of course," Koizumi said, leading the way back towards the carnival.

I can't shake the feeling I'm missing something extremely important here. Hmm, let's see… I should probably retrace my steps. There was a bunch of mysterious stuff going, and last night, after I confronted Koizumi, I – Come to think of it… I hadn't really gotten anything useful out of him. I mean, amongst filling my head up with depressing theories and ranting in a longwinded manner about things no normal person could understand or actually waste their time considering. Sure, he does that quite often, but… never mind, that's what always happens. I ask him a question and he gives an answer that only raises more. Still, I'll have to corner him about it again. Be more specific and not allow him to start quoting some dead guy.

Breakfast – sorry, that is brunch, I guess – passed in relative silence. There were no loud conversations or silly plans being thrown about. Everyone kept to their meals, tightly at that. I think I was the only one to occasionally raise my head and peer about. The only times words were traded was when condiments and other food stuff was asked to be passed around.

Both Nagato and Haruhi were going through their meals with such brutal efficiency and supreme concentration that nothing but an empty plate would break their focus. Asahina-san kept playing with her food, only occasionally putting something in her mouth. Koizumi was eating in such slow, elegant and well measured movements that we might be in the next ice age by the time he was ready. It was all rather awkward, obviously. A quiet like this just doesn't fit the group.

Eventually, with a sudden eruptive force, Haruhi jumped up and shouted, "Time to go! We've wasted enough time in mundane affairs! There's a whole mysterious carnival about and we've barely begun to scratch at its surface."

She hurried out of the restaurant we'd been in, with all the eyes of the other guests following her walk out as we scrambled after her.

When we got outside, we found her standing in the middle of the swarming masses of people in the carnival. Her hands were on her hips while her head swerved about, searching for something.

"There!" She suddenly exclaimed, pointing at a giant house labelled 'The Mysterious Fun House!!'

She ran to it, as if in hot pursuit of some sort of elusive wild animal. Seriously, slow down girl. I've barely had time to catch all my wits and now you're already running off on your next crazy misadventure.

"Hurry up, you slowpokes!"

Why are we in such a hurry all of a sudden? Don't tell me she really feels like we're losing out on something because of sleeping late. Seems hard to believe. There must be another reason why she's so eager to move on and keep ahead of us. All I've been able to see of her is her back most of the time today.

She sped through the oddly formed doorway of the fun house, a crooked building lacking a proper sense of perspective like the craziest impressionist painting.

As we hurried after her into the hall of the building, we found four doorways, each leading into different directions, with no telling which way Haruhi herself had chosen to go.

I couldn't help but voice my annoyance. "Damn it, where'd she go?"

"S-should we split up? To look for her?" Asahina-san asked as she eyed the portals uncertainly.

"Perhaps, but how should we notify each other once one of us finds her?" Koizumi asked, looking rather worried as well. "Do we all have phones?"

I gave him a careful look before I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt, "Whatever, we'll just run through the thing and meet at the end. One of us is bound to run into her and when that happens, just drag her with you."

Asahina-san and Koizumi traded a swift glance while Nagato gave me a reserved look of inhumanly cool calibre, blinking twice. I think I could guess why the first two seemed to feel rather hesitant about my suggestion, but I had no idea if Nagato's blinking signified anything.

"Uhmm…" Asahina-san went meekly.

"Seems easier said than done," Koizumi said, stepping in to help the lip biting Asahina-san who was coyly bumping her forefingers together in a quaint manner.

"Oh c'mon! Look! It's not that hard! Just because you've been ordered to observe her, she may have god-like powers, and is as stubborn as an ox on steroids, doesn't mean you can't pull her out of there. Can't you guys just for once try and be more… helpful?" I asked, realizing how my words may not have filled the others with much confidence after I'd listed a few of the things why pulling her out of there might be harder than thought at first.

"Very well. We'll see if we can convince her to follow us out, but don't expect too much. None of us hold as much sway over her thoughts as you do."

Oh would you give talk like that a rest already. I don't need a repeat of last night's events.

I walked off, choosing a doorway at random, wanting to spend some time away from everyone for a short while. There was a ton of gunk dragging me down again, well still, since nothing had been resolved and it was all starting to get really infuriating. I needed to get some time to myself to think about a thing or two. Wasting my time like this, looking for Haruhi was just the icing on the cake. That girl could never even give me time to catch my breath before she was dragging me into something crazy. A fun house was probably one of the lesser crazy things, but repeating annoying actions doesn't exactly make them that much easier to swallow. Why I bother, I'm not really all that sure anymore.

Before long, because I hadn't been paying attention which way I took, I had apparently gotten lost within the maze-like innards of the 'fun' house. I had obviously underestimated the mad genius who designed this place. I tried to go back to the entrance, to get a proper bearing, but even that had become impossible for me. I wondered around aimlessly down the haphazardly designed corridors, feeling like I was drunk once again while in a badly done painting that was rocking on waves. The walls were painted in absurd colours that just didn't mix well, creating a noxious feeling; while occasionally the floor would turn to bouncing rubber, start vibrating or something else stupid as I made my way down deeper into the madhouse.

Eventually I found myself in a hall of mirrors. I guess whoever it was that designed this place just wasn't satisfied enough with the crooked hallways and silly floors. I looked around, trying to find someone else other than an oddly warped me staring back at me. But alas, the only thing that caught my eye in that maze was a mirror that seemingly didn't do anything funny with my image. It was kind of odd, seeing myself all normal in the middle of wide, tall, skinny, short and just ridiculously twisted versions of me. I walked up close to it, curiosity slightly aroused by the only normal thing in the hall of illusions.

I gave my nose a lazy scratch as I approached the mirror.

Wait. Something was wrong here. That perfect reflection of mine, it wasn't so perfect after all. While all the other reflections had walked along with me, that one hadn't. It hadn't even tried to scratch its nose. And now that I was closer, it looked tired and dirty, like it'd been chased through the woods by rabid dogs. There were dark shadows under it's eyes, little scratches on its face. In one word, my reflection looked like crap.

What is this? Just what the –

"It's me… I mean you… from the future, your future," my reflection said as it stepped out of its frame, which had apparently merely been a doorway. "Damn it, I don't get it, why do I always fumble there? You'd think I would be better prepared for it by now?"

What the hell?! How can this be happening? I shouldn't be here… twice! What the hell?!

"Look, I know what you're thinking, but I didn't really have any other choice," 'I' told myself as 'I' took another step closer. As a seeming after thought, 'I' added, "Don't worry, you're brain won't explode or anything. Trust me, I know."

"B… but why is it you?! And not the grownup Asahina-san that's here?"

"There's no one else left to tell you this, no one else I can really trust anymore, I'm the only one who could make it here," my future self told me.

What? No one else you – I mean I can –

"Nope, no one."

"Wow, you really are me aren't you?" He could tell exactly what I was thinking, which was only to be expected if he had already lived through this.

Ok, this is just crazy. Maybe I'm dreaming again. But if I was dreaming, would I even make such a question about reality? Plus, I think I should be freaking out a lot more than I am right now, but then again, this isn't exactly the first time I have met myself from another time, although it's the first real direct conversation we've – I've had with myself. This is so freaking weird.

"Yeah, I am you, so stop wondering how crazy this all is. You can waste a lot more time wondering about what's real and what's not later."

Yep, it's me alright. That, or a shape shifting mind reader.

"Listen, I don't have much time, I never do when I come here. We both know how important it is to keep time going as it should, right?"

I nodded. Changing things could have all sorts of crazy unpredictable results. It was best to stay with the evil you knew than try to fix things and possibly make things even worse. And then there was of course the matter of whether the timeline was fixed or not. You know, all the standard reasons.

"Right, listen carefully, I really don't have much time to waste, I need to get back to her and the others. But the gist of it is – and I really wish I could tell you more, but this is all I was told and I can't risk changing things even the slightest – the thing is that you have to look out for Haruhi, make sure she's safe. And then you'll have to go back to the past of course, the evening before Haruhi took you to the carnival. You'll have to take her with you."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Take Haruhi _with_ me?

"Look, just trust me. There's no need to worry. It'll all… sort itself out, mostly. You won't have to worry about stuff like her finding out about all the secret things around her."

But you just said I had to take her _with_ me to the past! How could she not realize what's going on! Even _she's_ not that stupid! And most importantly, WHY?!

'I' said, "Sorry, but I gotta go now. There's still some things to do and I'm not sure if I have the time to do it all. Yeah, I know, the irony involved nearly makes me cry too."

'I' gave a long, deep, familiar sounding sigh. "I really wish I had the time to tell you more about what's going to happen but… that's not what happened to me, so I can't risk changing things, otherwise all that stuff I told you about might become useless… besides, I really do need to hurry, I... I need to go and make sure everything is in order."

"Huh? Like what?"

"You'll know soon enough. Besides, you've got your own weirdo girl to get back to before she get's suspicious. It's odd how it all seems to work out. I had no idea there was so much going on, so much that I myself was doing while trying to keep Haruhi safe."

"Wait, just how do _you_ - ?"

"Know what to do? My future self told me"

"But that doesn't make any more –"

"Sense, since the only way he could have found out if we follow our logic, would mean _his_ future self told him, and so and so on forever I guess. Yeah, I know, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but it's what happens. I guess we're just stuck in some weird loopy time thingy. The way I see it, we can't – or at the very least, shouldn't – change what's happened. There are rules, rules you can bend, but not break. All we can do is make sure what happened, happens. I guess the timeline's just fixed like that."

'I' then walked briskly away into the sea of mirror images, disappearing among them, kind of like 'I' had appeared in the first place. But before doing so 'I' shouted, "Hurry up to Haruhi, she'll be waiting. Just use the doorway I was standing in. Remember: Take Haruhi to the night before the carnival, it's the only way to make sure you guys get here and that she's safe!"

The strange room felt even stranger as I was left alone in it, alone in a hall full of freaky and confused looking me's.

Ok, I've just met a future version of me. Me! I can't believe I'm not freaking out and assuming the fetal position. Something crazy is _definitely_ going on. It's not just an annoying hunch or something any more. I'd go to Koizumi under normal circumstances, but he's been keeping something from me, acting even more suspiciously than usual. I don't know why, but I'm not sure if I can trust him fully at the moment. Asahina-san can hardly ever tell me what's going on, because whenever she does happen to know something, she isn't allowed to tell me, and is usually just as lost as I am with all of this mysterious bullshit. So that only really leaves Nagato, who had also done something strange the previous day.

Suddenly I thought I could start to understand how my future self had run out of people to trust.

Well, this just sucks all around, doesn't it? What's a guy like me supposed to do? The future is in peril and _I'm_ the only one who can save us?

Yeah, we're all screwed, aren't we?

Sigh. If this is a dream reality, it must be of the nightmare variety. You can't possibly call something that causes this much stress a dream, no matter how broad your definition of the word is.

Taking my older version's advice, I took the doorway he'd been in, and soon enough, I was free of that demented house. Whoever had decided to call it a funhouse obviously hadn't actually been inside the damn thing.

At the exit, I found no one else. This of course cast some reasonable doubt on my supposed future self's words about Haruhi waiting for me. Maybe it had been another dream or something. Maybe I was going crazy. Maybe it was just the natural response to the massive overdose of Haruhi exposure I had received in my time at school.

I leaned against a nearby wall and crossed my arms, mulling things over. I would have to look after Haruhi. Why? Was she in danger? Was she in danger now? I gave the exits a nervous glance. And once again, what could I do that a magical data alien, a beautiful time traveller and a mysterious esper couldn't? Were they the source of trouble? I wouldn't be able to trust anyone in the future, after all. I found this hard to believe. Surely none of them would betray me. But this wasn't about me, was it? Once again it was all about Haruhi. Koizumi had been right, I have no idea what exactly my friends' bosses have in mind for Haruhi.

"Raff'n Snaff'n…"

Huh? I turned my head and noticed Haruhi marching towards me, grumbling moodily as she gave her surroundings dark looks. A scared looking Asahina-san trailed after her, still clutching my jacket around her tightly like it was the only thing between her and the pure waves of unadulterated hostility being emitted by Haruhi.

"Can't you idiots keep up at all?" Haruhi asked testily as she stopped next to me, hands crossed and staring daggers at the wall opposite of us. Still not making eye contact with me, I see.

Haruhi tapped her foot impatiently as she continued trying to murder the wall with her stare.

"So, you didn't have a _fun_ time in the _fun_ house?" I asked, risking a little light humour in a foolhardy gamble to lighten the grisly mood for all our sakes. It didn't work, at all.

"Idiot…" Haruhi muttered under her breath without giving a look my way.

"It was… very disorienting. I found her in a room full of lights. They were making different shapes and spinning about and they were using all the colours. But… you're right, it wasn't much fun," Asahina-san said meekly.

That's probably only because you had the misfortune of running into Haruhi on a bad day, one that is like any other day with her, except slightly quieter. It's weird how it's more unsettling than the average day.

"Just where are the others? I wanna get going already." Haruhi's foot was tiresomely tapping away at the ground at the speed of a firing machine gun. "We're wasting precious time…"

"Will you just calm down for a minute? Why are you in such a rush all of a sudden?"

Haruhi's tapping foot stopped cold in its place, but she said nothing. Instead, she walked off to a nearby bench and sat down on it, occasionally giving one of the pebbles at her feet an unenthusiastic kick.

"Uuuh… I'm starting to get worried," Asahina-san said, holding her hands up to her chest.

You and me both, although perhaps for different reasons. I doubt Haruhi will try to re-enact last night's exercise in love to liven up the mood, if that helps at all. There are far more troublesome things brewing…

"Did something strange happen last night?"

Huh?

"Well, it's just that Suzumiya-san's acting a bit strangely from yesterday and when she woke me up… she made a few… odd comments," Asahina-san said, looking apprehensive as she twiddled with her fingers, scrunching up her cute lips.

Gulp. If she doesn't remember what happened to her last night, then maybe it's best not to tell her. I can already picture a flustered Asahina-san fainting with embarrassment. For her sake, I won't say anything about the exciting things I saw happen to her.

"No idea."

"Oh…"

Phew, one crisis averted. Asahina-san would probably die of shame if she found out what happened last night to her. It's in her best interest… Right?

Yeah, keep telling yourself that, pervert. You just wanna lock up that mental image from last night with her and Haruhi and hoard it like a dragon does with gold. All snug and warm and most importantly, all yours.

"Ah, I see you found her," Koizumi said, looking very relieved as he came out from his exit.

"Yeah. Hey, Koizumi," I said, deciding that the moment called for decisive action. I'd just met my future self after all, complete with ominously prophetic warnings. Koizumi's arrival coupled with these warnings I'd just heard had sparked something in me concerning all of his recent behaviour. Last night, he hadn't answered my original question, at all. Like the expert speaker he was, he had completely deflected the matter and distracted me with another. This could not be allowed, especially considering where things seemed to be heading. "I still have something to ask you."

"What is it?" Koizumi asked in a distracted voice as he eyed Haruhi on her bench, swinging her legs in a bored manner.

"You never answered my original question last night."

"Aha." Koizumi's eyes still hadn't left Haruhi.

"Hey, focus. Where did you go? What's going on? Earlier you said that everyone's planning on doing something to Haruhi? Is the Organization planning something? Is Haruhi in danger?"

"What?" The Koizumi who had been living on a plant millions of light-years away returned, giving me an annoyingly not-hostile smile. "I already told you, I was running errands."

Did you just miss my huge string of questions? Or –

"Do you really expect me to swallow that line again?"

I noticed Nagato walk up to us, arriving at last, but I pushed the pointless observation aside. I now had information from the future, that I couldn't trust anyone, and there was no one more suspect right now than Koizumi with his recent behaviour. Koizumi was hiding something, I could just tell. I've spent enough time around everyone in the club to notice if they're not acting normally. Koizumi was unfocused like I'd never before seen him. In fact, as I was grilling him, his brows were furrowed by what looked like quite an annoying problem, even though he still maintained that polite smile of his. It was an odd sight to behold, that was for certain.

"I had errands to do."

"That's it? Wanna elaborate? Oh wait, you said it's personal. Great excuse for the guy who likes to talk his head off about practically everything."

"I… I really do not want to discuss it."

"Hey! Guys, let's go!" Haruhi shouted, now standing by her bench.

Oh not this again. Every single time I get close to finding something out, she interrupts. But not now, I can't let her get in the way now. There's too much at stake. Anything could happen at any moment, and since my future self was being the typical cryptic time travelling prick, it was up to the current me to figure things out.

"You said there was action on all the sides and then you suddenly start disappearing all the time. Do you really think I'd believe you? What's going on? Tell me."

Koizumi's hands twitched slightly as he lost his smirk.

"What? Did I actually manage to make you shut up for once?"

"What's taking you guys so long? COME ON!" Haruhi bellowed, grinding down my tightened nerves some more.

"Kyon-kun, what's going on?" Asahina-san asked worriedly, even her soft tone sounding grating at the moment.

"Answer me!" I was starting to lose my patience here. Could everyone else just shut up for a moment? I need to get to the bottom of this.

"I told you," Koizumi said, placing a great deal of emphasis on his words, "that I was doing errands."

"OI!! LET'S GO!!"

Will you just shut up for one moment?! Why do you have to interrupt me all the time?!

A sudden silence descended upon our gathering. Haruhi had made her way up to us, and was staring at me with the most hostile, venomous and dangerous glare I'd ever seen on her face. It almost literally scared the crap out of me.

Oh crap. Had I just shouted that out loud?

"…Fine, have it your way," Haruhi said darkly, before she grabbed Koizumi by the arm. "The rest of us will just go and enjoy ourselves while you have some time to yourself, since you seem to want it. C'mon guys."

I'd expected Haruhi to literally blow up in my face, but the cold, poison dripping voice she had just used on me cut a lot deeper than a direct tantrum from her would have. Haruhi shouting loudly in an angry manner is something more common and thus more manageable, but this… that tone, it was almost like hearing your beloved mother suddenly saying she didn't love you, not with anger or hate, but a far more terrible genuine disgusted apathy. Cockroaches have been addressed in warmer tones before being squished. Maybe I'm not the only one who's starting to get a better grip on other people.

She pulled Koizumi behind her and the two other girls followed her dutifully. Asahina-san looked frightened beyond belief while Nagato cast a cool look my way, tilting her head. Koizumi tried to smile, but he failed to emit his usual calm, collected self horribly.

Well isn't this perfect? I try to look out for Haruhi and end up losing my nerve and shout at her, only making her angry at me. No good deed goes unpunished, indeed.

"Raff'n snaff'n," was all I could say as I watched everyone walk away.

Haruhi gave one last look my way, still glaring as madly as ever, before she huffed indignantly and turned her head back forwards, taking a firmer grip on Koizumi, looking like one of those silly girls trying to make an ex-boyfriend jealous or something.

I waited until they were a good distance away before I started to follow them, hands deep in my pockets as I walked after them slowly, kicking whatever stupid little things got in my way.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. That was stupid, really stupid. Incredibly stupid. Damn it.

It's all the stress, it's gotta be. I could have handled that a lot better. Even so, Koizumi's keeping something really important from me, from everyone, and with Haruhi in danger, I can't risk playing Mr. Nice Guy for too long. I have to find out what it is, but now I've gotta do it without alerting Haruhi and garnering a full blown outburst from her. She'll kick my ass, I know she will. Regular idiots like me don't get to mess with her. But I'll be damned if I let anyone do something to her.

Look out Koizumi, I'm coming for you. One way or another, we're going to settle this. If you know something you're not telling, something that could endanger Haruhi and all of us, I'll punch you out even at the risk of pissing Haruhi off some more. I can deal with her, but I can't deal with evil conspiracies against us. You said it yourself, Koizumi, there are things going on behind the scenes, and after the fun house, I had the evidence.


	7. Didn't see that coming

I followed the others from a careful distance, making sure they were always in my line of sight as we walked down a street of little outdoor shops. There weren't many people left any more at this hour. I looked at my watch and saw that it was already late in the evening. My, how the time flies when you're having _fun_.

I trailed the others as Haruhi led them to various attractions and rides. I kept a careful eye on Koizumi while scanning the crowds for anything else suspicious. All in all, it seemed that I'd placed quite a cramp in our group. As far as I could tell, there wasn't much talking going on between the others. Haruhi had an ugly scowl on her face throughout it all, while Koizumi and Asahina-san both looked miserable and Nagato followed them all as impassively as always. But in those several hours of following everyone around, after having some time to myself and cooling down (about which Haruhi seemed to have been right about, damn it), I began to question my own convictions.

What if I was just being paranoid? Yes, I know the least about Koizumi and he's been acting suspiciously, but what if that future version of me wasn't really the real thing? I mean, if all of those silly groups that are interested in Haruhi are really pulling out the big guns, couldn't it be that they might try and trick me? Certainly beings such as the data entities, time travellers and others would have the means to impersonate anyone they chose… Maybe I was playing right into their hands, going after Koizumi. A nice Machiavellian scheme to mess with my head, leaving Haruhi unprotected.

Damn it. _What is going on here_?

The last ride Haruhi dragged everyone but me with her was a Ferris wheel. I watched as they clambered onto the thing and kept following their progress around and around tirelessly, occasionally taking a short break from staring at them to survey the crowds for anything suspicious.

When the ride was over, Haruhi led the others past me. When she was a few metres away from where I stood, she halted and gave me a cold stare. I stared right back into her eyes, facing the situation as maturely as I could. This silent exchange continued for a while, until she nudged her head and walked off.

I guess I'd been given permission to join everyone again. But instead of feeling relieved, I started feeling angry again. I was the one looking out for her safety and I was being treated like a misbehaving dog. The nerve…

But nevertheless, I quietly joined the marching Brigade, following up our silent formation. Asahina-san kept glancing back at me with a begging look in her eyes. I had no idea what she wanted and I really didn't want to talk at all in any case, lest I risk another bout with Haruhi, creating even more strife between us. I had to keep myself focused on the rigid looking Koizumi, even though he pissed me off as well at the moment. Luckily the calming presence of Nagato was there next to me to keep a handle on my childish feelings. Like a numbing potion, her mere presence next to me seeped into my body, transferring some of the zen-like stability in her into me. If she hadn't been there, providing her silent support, there's no telling how aggravated I might have gotten with the whole situation.

Haruhi led our troupe up a steep hill, away from the carnival once again, up a pathway filled with Torii gates. Maybe there was a shrine nearby. I wonder why she's leading us here. As far as I could recall, it wasn't a holiday or anything, but then again, Haruhi enjoyed celebrating all sorts of holidays, especially if they were something vague and generally long forgotten. But whatever was the case, it didn't seem to matter as Haruhi led us off the path and into a wooden area. There was something of a path to follow, but if you weren't careful, you'd miss it in the evening light.

We reached a level outcropping that hung on the hill, overlooking the carnival. Metal railing had been placed on the edges so idiots wouldn't fall off. I guess it was a good thing they were there for us.

As darkness slowly came about, swallowing the day, we found ourselves quietly staring at the carnival below next to the railing. Lined up, we watched as the lights were turned on and we were treated to a magnificent lightshow that rivalled the one we'd seen last night with its splendour. So that must have been why Haruhi brought us up here. How she knew about this place, I had no idea and even less inclination to ask.

Haruhi let out a long sigh as she leaned against the railing, giving a quick, gentle smile to the lights below us, her eyes eating up the grandeur of the moment. She stared blankly at the sight after that, making me wonder what exactly it was that had melted away her unbending anger. As I watched her pensive expression, I too was able to let go of the incessant juvenile anger I had been plagued by. All of us stood staring at the sight of lights as if hypnotized.

We remained there for who knows how long, silently watching the fair until its lights were joined by those of the stars. One of us would occasionally yawn, sometimes causing another to do so in response. Eventually the situation advanced so far, that a drowsy Asahina-san was forced to walk over to a nearby bench to 'merely rest her eyes'. It didn't take long for the cute huff-filled snoozing to begin.

"We should find a proper place to sleep tonight. My back's been cramped the whole day after we… slept outside last night," Haruhi suddenly said in a hushed voice, still staring emptily at the horizon.

I still felt like there was something stuck in my throat, like a fat toad, so I didn't answer her, even if my anger had dissipated for now…

"Do you… have any ideas?" Koizumi asked.

"There's a temple nearby. We could probably stay there. It's not like anybody else would be there at night. Yuki."

The silent girl turned her head unquestioningly towards Haruhi.

"Take Mikuru with you to the temple… In fact, all of you should just go."

What, you're not going?

"Do you mind if I stay? It is so rarely that I get to merely admire the celestial patterns," Koizumi said, taking a look upwards.

"Whatever."

Koizumi wants to stay back with her? Yeah, that's not setting off my spider-sense or anything.

Nagato had already moved over to the slumbering Asahina-san, and as if the bigger girl weighed nothing at all, the diminutive figure of Nagato didn't slump at all as she pulled Asahina-san by the arms onto her back and began carrying her back into the forest behind us. Apparently, she knew exactly where to go. Business as usual on that end at least.

I turned around to find Haruhi still staring unfocusedly at the evening sky, leaning against the railing, one foot swinging back and forth like pendulum, slicing up the slowly passing time.

Koizumi had walked a short distance away, hands deep in his pockets as he stared directly upwards, spotting some of the earliest stars. His face too was uncharacteristically blank now. Not a trace of his usual chipper demeanour was to be found in him. He simply stared upwards, void of any identifiable emotion. It was almost like he was thinking extremely deeply.

I settled to leaning against a nearby tree so I could keep an eye on both of them and see the path we'd taken just in case something suspicious tried to come our way. The three of us stayed that way for a long time; in fact it was dark when something actually happened.

"Suzumiya-san?" Koizumi asked with slight puzzlement in his voice. He had slowly drifted further away from us, now looking down over the railing.

"Yeah?" Haruhi asked, giving him a lazy look.

"There's something here I think you might find interesting," Koizumi said, staring intently at something over the edge.

"Really?" Haruhi stood up straight, interest now piqued by whatever it was Koizumi had noticed. "What is it?"

"I think it would be best if you simply came to look by yourself."

"Sure."

Haruhi strode over to Koizumi, who politely stepped aside for her, pointing at something distant.

"Where? What is it?" Haruhi asked eagerly, leaning over the railing, squinting to focus, unwilling to miss out on anything exciting or interesting, just like usual.

"Over that hill… Can't you see?"

As I watched the pair, I noticed something silver flash in the evening light as Koizumi pulled it out from his pocket. With uncanny speed, Koizumi's hand moved up to Haruhi's neck. A small gasp escaped her lips as she stood up straight with shock, one hand reaching for her neck, before she lost her balance and fell backwards into Koizumi's waiting hands.

WHAT THE #$%&?!

As Koizumi pulled the silver thing out from Haruhi's neck, I could see to my full horror that it was a now empty syringe, the silver gleam I'd seen before being the needle. He threw the vile instrument away, carefully cradling Haruhi in his arms, supporting her head against his shoulder.

"What the hell did you just do?!" I shouted as I took a few steps towards them, but found out I was unable to take any more as Koizumi's hands travelled towards Haruhi's neck once again. I froze in place at the threatening sight. My heart was trying to break its way out from my ribcage with its furious pounding.

"I gave her a sedative, a powerful one. She'll be out for a long time," Koizumi answered nonchalantly, as if this was something he did every day. His fingers touched her throat and remained there for a short while until he finally looked up at me. "She'll be okay."

"Okay? Okay?! You just injected her with something! What the #$% is wrong with you?!"

"Calm down, please. This is hard enough as it is…"

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"It had to be done," Koizumi said, staring at me with unfamiliarly cold eyes.

"You… you asshole."

"And just what did you think would happen?" Koizumi's voice had an unfamiliar sharp edge to it, losing for a short moment the normal civil tone he always used although it was still far away from outright hostility, like an indignant teacher who feels his time is being wasted with asinine questions. "You didn't really think the SOS-Brigade would continue on forever? I mean, what do you think would happen when we graduate? Or after school life is completely over? Did you think we would continue on with the Brigade? More importantly, what do you think Suzumiya-san would have done at the mere the prospect of her Brigade absolving? Another time loop? Or perhaps something even stranger to ensure that we would always continue adventuring? Would she just let us go? Give up? No… I can't see that happening… she's simply not the type, not as things are now at least."

"And just what do you think you'll be able to do in order to stop her?"

"She sleeps, right?" Koizumi continued, starting to sound disturbingly calm again now, considering the present circumstances, "When you sleep, higher brain functions take it easy, rest, relax, whatever. If we keep her sedated, maintaining a state similar to sleep, perhaps even deeper than that, then perhaps there will be fewer alterations to our reality. Maybe she will live in her own little dream world, perfectly content in blissful ignorance, leaving us alone. There's some sort of irony there, don't you think?"

"Shut up, asshole."

"Killing her would be far too risky. Everything could disappear along with her mind, but if we keep most of her higher brain functions like reason and imagination down, under control, suppressed, we might be safe. We can't have her stray thoughts disturbing reality. Not anymore. This is a risky route, and I along with many others have made this point clear, but the decision has been made."

"Then what was all that crap about our duality?"

"Certainly they were matters I have considered at length for a long time, but the main function of it was to distract you. I'm not really sure what the case is, I said this, didn't I? You'd noticed my suspicious behaviour, and I couldn't have you focusing on me at such a crucial junction. I needed to have you focused on something else besides me. The best way to do this was to throw some radical ideas at you. I hadn't anticipated on you noticing my feint and confronting me. You… surprised me."

Gee, thanks a #$% for the praise... but if my future self hadn't showed up... damn it all.

"So you're really going to risk doing this to 'God'?" I asked, finally gathering the nerve to take a few hesitant steps towards the two.

"Just so you know," Koizumi said, having fully regained his casual tone by now, sounding a lot like he usually did now. "I am not by any means fond of the concept of a personified deity for intellectual reasons... Not to mention the horrifying consequences life could have if it truly was governed by a humanlike mind. No, I highly doubt a consciousness to be the beginning and end to our existence, in any form. The world is just too strange to have been designed in any way, but of course, that doesn't mean Suzumiya-san doesn't currently posses a great deal of control over it, full in fact. Equating this all to a dream wouldn't really be going too far in my opinion, having all of what exists right now only as a result of her mind. But what Suzumiya-san really is in all of this… who knows… perhaps, we will never discover the dark secret of our existence. I'm not sure if I even want to know anymore. Perhaps what they say about ignorance is truly for the best."

"Blah blah, you can't be #$%ing serious! This is _Haruhi_! Forget God! How could you do this to _her_? Do you even think something as stupid as that will work?!" Going on in a melodramatic fashion about Haruhi had given me the perfect pretext to continue my slow advance without appearing to be too suspicious. There was something of a plan forming in my mind, but boy did it suck hard.

"Don't you see, Kyon? This would have happened anyway. The Organization is bigger and more influential than you could even imagine. No one could have stopped this now that it has been decided upon by the higher-ups. We're not even sure if it'll work, but the Organization's leaders feel that something must be done. Not only that, but since our 'enemies' have made their actions more pro-active, many feel that this is the only way to protect her from them. I hate this… but if I play along now, I can make sure she is safe, well taken care of." Koizumi gently brushed away the few loose strands of hair that the gentle breeze had blown in her eyes. He stared down at her, nestled in his arms like a baby for the moment, before he continued, "I may not be of high standing in the Organization, but I am regarded as something of a Suzumiya Haruhi expert. If I help now, I can look after her."

Forget the dogs, it's a god eat god world.

I was only a couple of metres away now. This was it. I wasn't really sure what I was going to do, but I knew I had to do something. I couldn't just let Koizumi kidnap Haruhi. I had to do something, and do it now before something even crazier happened.

Like a tiger I pounced, throwing all my weight into my shoulder as I plunged at Koizumi. I flew over Haruhi's limp body and hit Koizumi right in the middle of his chest, knocking the wind out of him. The two of us rolled away from Haruhi, who fell heavily to the ground. As we spun, I grabbed hold of Koizumi's jacket with one hand and with the other hit anything that didn't belong to me in the tangled heap of bodies. To my surprise, after having delivered a few knuckle busting blows, there was no kind of resistance from Koizumi whatsoever. Maybe I'd just gotten the drop on him. I pressed my advantage and managed to get on top, straddling him as I saw his surprised face and punched him square in it.

I remained on top of him, panting heavily, pinning him down. Koizumi held his injured nose, little trickles of blood escaping his hold.

"M-more of us will be coming soon. You can't escape," Koizumi mumbled, staring at me with a bizarre mix of unfamiliar shock and fear in his eyes after my assault.

"Whatever." I punched him in the gut before I clambered off him and left him wheezing on the ground.

I crawled over to Haruhi as quickly as I could. Like Sleeping Beauty, she dozed there, unaffected by all the craziness resolving itself around her. I gave her cheek a gentle slap, but didn't get any kind of response from her. Just in case, I checked that she was still breathing normally.

I glanced at Koizumi, now on his knees, but still holding his nose tightly with his eyes closed and teeth gritted.

Okay, I still had some time. Maybe I could take her and –

And that was when I heard it, distant voices coming from the woods with the accompaniment of rustling leaves and twigs.

Damn it! They're already here!

"I… I told you…" Koizumi's said in a hushed, now nasal voice as he met my spooked eyes, sounding as hopeless and apologetic as the captain of the Titanic must have after disaster had struck.

"Damn it," I muttered as I carefully lifted Haruhi onto my back, ready to give the girl a piggyback escape. Her small weight on my back hardly even registered anymore as my brain was wasting its time coming up with increasingly ludicrous escape plans that were of absolutely no actual help whatsoever.

"You can't – you won't be able to save her on your own."

"I'm well aware of that!" I said angrily as I ran off towards the underbrush, hoping I'd manage at least a tiny head start. I could already hear the thumping of feet against the cold, hard ground of the closest Organization members. Hell, I could even make out a word or two.

As I reached the underbrush and the shade of nearby trees, for one triumphant millisecond I thought I had reached a safe darkness in which to make my escape, but the hope was shattered as I halted, hearing more voices coming from in front of me. We were surrounded.

#$%! What now? What now?!

I guess it was a good thing humans are still deep down in the bowels of their beings, nothing more than animals. Because I couldn't think of anything that could have saved us in that situation, my instincts took over. I dove into a bush, its thorns scratching at my face, with only the desperate, overwhelming need to hide and primal fear allowing me to keep from screaming.

I got as low as I could, taking Haruhi from my back and tightly holding her in my arms, trying to make us as small as possible. I held onto her for dear life, closing my eyes, wishing, hoping and even praying upon any force imaginable to save us.

Holding Haruhi tightly while straining my ears, I could barely hear anything but her shallow breathing against my fast breathing and the resounding thumping of my heart. But eventually, I heard footfalls. They were close, very close. They were going to hear me. How couldn't they, when my heart was thumping like a pile driver? But I didn't dare open my eyes to check how close the people were, lest I find myself staring into the eyes of a hungry monster in a business suit.

But the footsteps passed us by. I let out a small sigh, cut it short and berated myself for letting out even the tiniest noise.

"Koizumi, where is she?" I heard someone ask in a gruff voice, only a short distance away.

Oh damn it, Koizumi. I'd totally forgotten him. He'll out me immediately. Damn it. Is this how it ends? I didn't even get that far.

"Sir, I'm sorry. She was taken by him."

"What?! Where? Which way did they go?"

"…There, they went over there…"

Dammitdammitdammit!

"C'mon men, hurry. We don't have a lot of time."

Crap. I'm sorry Haruhi, I tried, I really did. Hell, I may be able to sucker punch a few of them, but it won't be enough. They'll take you away. I'm sorry.

I closed my eyes shut tightly again and held the suddenly frail feeling girl even tighter against my chest, if that was even possible at this moment, as if giving the poor girl a final goodbye, one she wouldn't even be aware of once the bastards took her away and forced her to sleep through her life. The idiots weren't even sure if it would work, and yet they were still ready to risk everything. I had no idea it had all gotten this bad. If I'd known this would have been our last day together…

But instead of growing louder, the footsteps became more distant until they vanished completely. I slowly cracked open an eyelid and peered around carefully like a field mouse for birds of prey. Beyond the few holes of the leafy confines of our hiding spot, I saw nothing. I waited for who knows how long to make sure they were definitely gone before I stood up and looked about. Indeed, we had been left alone.

Wow… Thanks for the head start Koizumi. Thanks… If we ever do run into each other again after all of this is over, I owe you a punch in my face.

I grabbed Haruhi and once again hefted her onto my back and started running deeper into the woods.

So, is this what my future self meant? Is this the part where I'm supposed to look after Haruhi? Thanks for the heads up, 'me'. Why do even 'I' myself have to be such an annoying prick about details when it comes to time travel, especially since 'I' know damn well how much I hate it when it happens? Is it really that hard to give a guy something a bit more useful than cryptic warnings? Man, 'I' suck.

Now, what else had 'I' said? I'd have to go back in time, to before the carnival started, the night before, right? Okay, time travel, that meant I had to go to Asahina-san, and I had to take Haruhi along with me… Why? Is that really the only way to keep her safe? But that's only a couple of days into the past. We'd end up back in this situation anyway unless I changed anything and I wasn't all that sure if I could change anything even if I wanted to. For starters, if I did change things and prevented this situation from happening, that would mean my future self would have no reason to come back and 'help' me which would mean I wouldn't know what to do now which meant I would… Oh, screw this.

I'll just get over to Asahina-san, away from all those psychic loons chasing us. And Nagato was with her as well! She'd be able to help! Heck, I bet she's got a plan and everything ready.

But wait… My running became a slow jogging as I remembered something else I'd been told about my future. There was no one else I could really trust anymore in my future. Even after Koizumi's sudden betrayal, I had a hard time picturing the two sweet angels I knew turning on us. If Koizumi was the type of guy to help us out in the end, even by a little, then surely neither of those sweethearts would even dream of betraying us. But I didn't have a choice, did I? Time travel was required and only Asahina-san had the keys to it. After all, it's what happens (or has happened already and always will, I guess).

So, I guess you're finally getting to go on an adventure with me, Haruhi. I looked over at the head resting on my left shoulder, softly snoozing, looking so damn innocent. Greatest adventure you've ever been on and you're going to sleep through it, it just figures, doesn't it?

Now, where exactly am I? And where are the others? A temple, right? Now where's that? Great. Here I am, in the middle of a forest in the night with an unconscious girl on my back, looking just like one of the kidnappers I was trying to save the girl from if someone were to spot me now, and with no idea where I was or where I should go. Just great.

I bet I'd find the temple if I went back to the path.

But then I'd have to go back to where the kidnappers were, essentially negating my head start.

Fine, I guess I'll just wander around aimlessly in a dark forest.

Great, now I'm being sarcastic towards myself. This night just keeps finding new levels of suckiness as it progresses.

Just hurry up, enough time's been wasted just standing here.

I'm going, I'm going.

After running from tree to tree, desperately trying to maintain my cover just in case I wasn't being deliriously paranoid and there really were hidden assassins in the shadows, I was once again at the scene of the crime. No one was there, but I didn't want to push my luck so I hurried along. I found the path we had taken and quickly jogged along it until I reached the Torii gates, following them up the remainder of the hill. I kept my eyes peeled on my surroundings and my ears trained for the slightest sound. Occasionally I would freeze in place when I thought I saw a shadow move or heard a faint rustling, but since no one had jumped out to attack us, I was forced to conclude these were merely natural nightly sights and sounds. Even so, it should go without mentioning that I was a humongous nerve wreck when we eventually reached the temple.

The temple itself was of an unfamiliar design. Fortified looking walls surrounded the temple with its little garden in between. A narrow, cobbled path lead to the temple proper, which looked mainly Shinto in design on the outside, but had a pair of heavy, ornate doors on it. In fact, it looked more like a small castle than a temple. Maybe it had been converted from some obsolete guard post into something slightly more peaceful but no more practical back in the past.

"Phew…" I gave my sweaty brow a wipe with the back of my hand as we reached the temples gates. I lowered Haruhi off from my back and placed her carefully against the temple's walls, giving my back a good stretch.

Oh man, oh man… this is gonna be a long night, isn't it? I just wanna lie down and sleep like Haruhi is doing, oblivious to all this stupid crap around us and hopefully wake up to a world free of it all.

Suddenly I heard footsteps again, small, little ones approaching from the temple this time, tapping against the tiled ground. I jumped over to Haruhi, hiding in the shade provided by the wall.

Damn it, who is it?

I sneaked a swift glance from behind the wall and spotted a small figure walking towards us in the gloom. It was definitely... not a menacing silhouette. Not in the least, in fact, I think it was… Yes, the figure slowly walking towards us was definitely Nagato. She'd know what to do, she always did. With her help, we'd be able to solve any problem.

I stepped out from the shadows, feeling incredibly relieved for the first time that evening.

"Nagato, you have no idea how happy I'm – I – I – I –"

Clutched firmly in her right hand, Nagato was holding a knife. It shone with grisly brightness in the moonlight. It was a knife I knew all too well. I'd nearly been killed by it twice. Trust me, after harrowing, death defying escapes like those, you learn to recognise that damn knife. I could feel an imaginary wound open in my stomach as my gaze became entranced by the cold blade.

"Wh-what are you doing with that – that knife, Nagato?"

"I have been ordered to remove you from this scenario, no matter what the repercussions," Nagato's monotone voice said as flatly as always, but for me, I had never in my life heard anything as cold come from her lips.


	8. Running away in circles

I gulped nervously, trying to swallow the immense freezing fear that was overwhelming my body. "Wha-what did you just say?"

Nagato took a couple of steps closer to me. My mind was screaming to take a few back myself, but my limbs weren't listening. Instead, they were trembling a little.

"Your termination has been decided upon by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. I have been given explicit orders concerning your removal. The situation has become unstable with numerous uncontrollable variables advancing the scenario into unbeneficial final results. There are far too many rogue forces attempting to coax reactions from Suzumiya Haruhi that the Integrated Data Sentient Entity deems it necessary to force on her stimuli that are more likely to present favourable results to its cause before the situation further deteriorates. Your removal has been deemed as one such stimulus to have favourable results for the copying and/or extraction of raw data creation capabilities from Suzumiya Haruhi," Nagato said, raising the knife perfectly horizontal to her blank face.

"This… you're joking, right? You've finally figured out the finer nuances of humour, right? Right?" I asked, sounding incredibly desperate. It was almost like I'd lost complete control over my body.

_I hate that knife, hate it! Get it away from me, get it away!_

"These are my orders."

I – I can't believe it. Nagato as well? But she's… she's… no. Can't think. Why? Why is she…?

"However, I do not wish to do so," Nagato said, lowering the knife.

I collapsed onto my knees, shaking my head with relief. Of _course_ Nagato's not going to kill me. What's wrong with me? If even Koizumi was willing to help me a little, then there was no chance Nagato would betray me.

"So… So you can help us, right? They want to take her away, but you can help us, like always."

"No."

"What?"

"I am unable to directly assist you. I can however give you the required time to access the technology required to escape. I noticed your temporal variant's presence on the first day of the carnival. The individual temporal signature was an estimated two days older than your current form. I infer this is the moment you travel backwards in time."

"So… wait, was that when we came out from the circus act? When you stopped me from going to the bathroom?" I asked, as I got up, having regained my wits by now.

"…Yes."

"Oh, I see. I guess. Why? Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Cohessiveness of timelines is preferrable. Notifying you would not have changed the outcome in any case."

Like hell it wouldn't have! Or maybe not... I don't know.

"...You should hurry. Others are approaching to ascertain the results of my actions."

"Huh?"

"Hurry. Take Suzumiya Haruhi and do what you must. Asahina Mikuru is sleeping inside the temple. I will delay them for as long as I can."

"I… okay." I hurried over to Haruhi and once again lifted her up on my back. But before I continued onwards to the temple, I stopped to look Nagato in the eyes and told her sternly, "Thank you. I really mean it."

She stared back at me with those eyes that drew me in like a black hole every time. "I have told you before, I will protect you and Suzumiya Haruhi."

I remained there for a moment, practically getting lost in those deep eyes of hers, before her soft voice reminded me to hurry along. I continued my way towards the temple, but couldn't help peering back, seeing the lonesome looking Nagato standing at the gates, ready to face the danger heading our way, which filled me with a feeling of shame for leaving her behind like that. But I pushed it aside, focusing on getting Haruhi out of more than just the literal woods.

"Hang on," I said out loud as I ran through the temple's open doors. To who those words were aimed at, I wasn't so sure.

The dark inside of the temple was filled with faintly burning candles, giving the supporting pillars long and dark shadows. I rushed through the empty place, head spinning as I tried to spot Asahina-san. After reaching the end of the hall, where a golden deity of some kind smiled serenely at me, mocking my turmoil with its calm, I spotted Asahina-san in a nearby corner, still sleeping peacefully.

I lowered the unconscious Haruhi next to her, the sight of the pair sleeping like that together bringing back memories that were quickly smashed apart as I heard the temples doors slam shut.

Damn it, what now? As far as I could tell, there was no one else here but me and the two girls. But I wasn't going to risk it by wasting any more time.

I knelt down and grabbed Asahina-san by the shoulders, and for the first and last time in my life, shook her roughly to wake her up. I didn't have time to be polite now, not even to her.

"Whuz?" Asahina-san blinked a couple of times, gave her eyes a good rub, and stared at me with slight shock colouring her pretty face. "Wh-what's going on?"

"I don't have time to explain, but I need to go back in time."

"You… what?" Asahina-san asked, blinking repeatedly at me, probably wondering if she was dreaming (boy, do I know the feeling lately).

"I need to go back in time, to the evening before the carnival… with Haruhi." I glanced nervously at the sleeping Haruhi, realizing how ridiculous this must all seem to Asahina-san.

Asahina-san followed my quick glance, still looking extremely puzzled, until she noticed the sleeping Haruhi next to her and gave a small, shocked yelp. "W-what is going on here? What did you just say… 'take Suzumiya-san with you'?"

I heard something crash into the doors of the temple, causing a rumbling echo inside the temple.

Damn it... Nagato...

"Look, we have to get out of here. There are people after us. And the only way to get out of here is with time travel."

"I… I… I'm sorry, but I have explicitly been ordered not to use time travel during the course of this week. I couldn't even help if I wanted to. The technology has been locked, pending notation."

Oh no, not you as well. Please tell me you aren't going to try and murder me or something next. I don't think I could handle that. The thought of a homicidal Asahina-san is harder to wrap around one's head than quantum physics.

"I'm s-sorry, but I cannot allow you to use time travel now… f-furthermore, why is Suzuuuu…" Asahina-san's voiced trailed off as her eyes suddenly closed and she fell forwards. I hastily caught her just in time to stop her from hitting the floor.

"Hey, not you too!" I shouted out in frustration as I myself holding yet another unconscious girl.

"Don't worry, Kyon-kun," I heard a sultry voice from behind.

I turned my head around and spotted the source of the familiar voice. Stepping out from behind a nearby pillar was none other than Asahina-san (big) in her secretary-like uniform.

"You…" I was unsure if this was a good development or a bad one. I mean, here I am with two unconscious girls with espers and aliens after me with a time traveller who is just as big a mystery to me as all the others. "Why are you here?"

"Do you really need to ask?" she asked, tilting her head as she winked at me, smiling coyly.

"…Yes, yes I do. You did this, right? To yourself?"

Asahina-san (big) looked around her, her gaze travelling from Asahina-san (small) in my arms to Haruhi against the wall, both unconscious at the moment. "Yes… Kyon, I know you're in a tough spot, and I swear, I'm here to help. I'm going to take you and Haruhi back to when you need to be."

Things really have gotten bad. I can't help but wonder of this is a trick, that instead of taking us back, she'd take us forward and lock us up in the future somewhere. But I needed time travel, so what can I really do?

"If you're really out to help me, you could just tell me how to get out of this. You could tell me if I can save Haruhi and more specifically, how."

"Kyon…"

"And spare me the –"

Once again something crashed against the doors, louder this time. Pieces of plaster fell from the dark ceiling like a poor, gloomy copy of snow.

"I'm sorry, we don't have time for this. Take Suzumiya, now," Asahina-san (big) said in an unusually strict voice. Her eyes were practically glued to the distant doors.

"Fine," I said grudgingly. This obviously wasn't the time.

I lowered Asahina-san (small) next to Haruhi on the wall and picked the other girl up onto my back again. "Just take us to the past, the night before the carnival, and you can tell me what's what there. We should have the time."

"Close your eyes."

"Oh c'mon!"

"Please, just do as I say. We don't have time for this..."

"Fine..." I walked over to her.

"You have no idea what kind of risk I'm taking with this… Uoh, I might be getting into a lot of trouble doing this without proper authorization… But I'm betting it all on you, Kyon-kun. I think this is what needs to be done in order to…"

"To what? And don't say 'classified information' if this situation is really that dire, with you risking so much for us. All this secrecy is starting feel really tiresome."

"I'm sorry, Kyon, even though I know what happens for the most part in the end, I'm still not entirely sure _how_ it all happened..."

"What? Just what is going to happen?"

"Just hush now and close your eyes… Those doors will be opened in exactly 13 seconds and you need to be out of here by then."

I heard the doors crash loudly again against the doorway, sounding like they were breaking apart.

"Okay, do it." I closed my eyes and felt Asahina-san (big) grab my shoulder before a twisting nauseous feeling took hold of my gut. My knees wobbled a bit as I almost lost my balance, since I was standing for two, but Asahina-san's firm hold on me kept me steady. Then it all suddenly went away along with her hand on my shoulder.

"Phew… well now that we've escaped, you can explain a…" My voice trailed off as I opened my eyes and found myself still inside the dark temple, but completely alone with only Haruhi amongst the flickering shadows of the pillars caused by the candles. I looked about frantically, wondering where the hell Asahina-san (big) had gone. Maybe she was hiding behind a pillar again… and where was Asahina-san (small)?

I walked about and noticed that the doors of the temple were open, silver moonlight casting a path into the world outside on the floor.

Oh shit. Did the other interfaces get past Nagato? Did they somehow stop the time travel process?

"Hello? Any homicidal aliens out there?" I asked the shadows, my eyes darting about nervously as my ears strained to pick up the faintest sound. "Anyone?"

No answer was forthcoming and I didn't know whether this was a good thing or not. But since I couldn't stay holed up inside the temple forever, I carefully made my way to the open doors.

"Nagato?" I hissed at the night, but nothing stirred in response.

I stepped out into the cold, crisp night air, looking for signs of the battle that had been making so much noise earlier, but could find nothing different from the scene in front of me than what had been there when I'd passed it the first time. The well kept yard of the temple, nestled in between the short, quaint walls was just as before. The scene was positively tranquil, as it was intended, with the moon and stars giving a slow light to my peaceful surroundings.

Everything was the same, except there was no one here but me and Haruhi dozing against my back.

"We're… in the past, aren't we?" I asked no one in particular as I hitched Haruhi up on my back, making her snort in her sleep. "Hey, can you hear me?" I asked her, thinking she had become responsive, but she just kept sleeping as soundly as ever.

"Okay… fine, I can handle this. I got to. But where should I go… and what the hell do I do?"

Haruhi gave another loud snort.

"Boy you said it, Chewie."

– Hold for applause –

I think I can actually hear the crickets in the nearby woods, mocking me with their chirping.

– Thank you, thank you. You've been a wonderful audience –

I strode back onto the path with the Torii gates, making my way downhill, hoping the cool night air would shock my brain cells into coming up with a clear plan. The Torii gates created a tunnel through which I passed, all of it melting away into a blur as I walked on, deeply focused on what waited for me.

This was the night before the day of the festival. In a few hours or something, Haruhi would drag me away to the fair. Should I wait outside and sneak into my house after 'we' had gone? No… that wouldn't work, would it? My family would get suspicious if I got back all of a sudden with an unconscious girl on my back, and they were going on a family trip as well.

The family trip… I had no idea this was happening but apparently my mom had already spoken with me about it. Was that the actions of my future self? Probably. But if they were going away, that meant my house would be empty… In a couple of days… Groan. And if people are chasing us, that would be the first place to look, right? Except they aren't looking for us yet, I think.

Okay, I guess I could camp out somewhere and – no, forget that, that's horrible. I don't even have the equipment. I don't even have money to get hotel room or anything… The thought of me carrying an unconscious girl into a hotel room made me quiver with fear. No doubt the hotel keepers would call the police because of my suspicious behaviour.

Okay, so where can I go? Somewhere safe?

How about Nagato's place? It's where I've always gone before.

But for some reason, this was the first time going to Nagato didn't feel quite right. Nagato would be able to house us, but for how long exactly? In her current condition, she hasn't been ordered to kill me yet, has she? We could possibly run into more aliens there as well, and Nagato hadn't said anything about me staying with her. The first time she noticed my future self was during the fair, wasn't it? So no, I didn't stay with her.

Then where? Where is safe? Some place secluded, but not too obvious. Somewhere I would never go, to trick my opponents. Somewhere where we could stay hidden and away from people, but not an abandoned house. They _always_ search those first. Not to mention the cold we'd catch like that. That option was as ill-conceived as the camping one.

Come on, where do I know I can hole up for a few days, out of sight, and stay comfortable without alerting anyone while keeping Haruhi safe? It doesn't even have to be all that secure, seeing as no one is actually after us yet.

I had wandered out of the wooded hills and was now standing in the valley where the carnival would be tomorrow. To my relief, the site wasn't empty. It was crawling with construction workers putting on the final touches to the suddenly approaching event. Lights flashed and machinery whirred. It was oddly hypnotic watching the beehive-like activity in the night.

Well at least I know that this wasn't completely Haruhi's doing, although… she could still have wished for it to happen, couldn't she? And this would be her rational side coming up with all the excuses to allow it coming to existence or something.

Bah, stop worrying, the fair is obviously natural and so is probably everything else leading up to us going there, like the school –

The school!

It's going to be empty for a week! No one around, we could stay comfy (Haruhi has everything needed stashed in the clubroom from a sleepover to even Ragnarok), and it's not really something that would seem to be a hiding place. I would never go there if I could help it. I mean, what kind of idiot would hide out there? It's perfect! No one would suspect something like that. Like they say, it might just be crazy enough to work.

But wait, there's a gas leak, we can't stay there… Can we? Wait, the gas leak can't possibly be in both the main school structure and the club complex, can it?

Hmm, I think this deserves some investigation, especially since I have nowhere else to go.

The walk to school felt incredibly long with all the day's activities and horrors piled up along with Haruhi on my back. The few people we ran into weren't really all that threatening at least. I mean, how scary can a drunken hobo be after everything I've seen? He was actually a really nice guy, lewd comments aside. He actually asked if he could help carry Haruhi. I of course refused for obvious reasons. The other late nighters just passed us in silence, few of them even lifting their downcast gazes from the ground as we passed them.

When we reached the empty, almost desolate looking school complex, I stood motionless for a while, trying to make up my mind about something that I wasn't even fully aware of yet. There was a nagging feeling in my gut, kind of like when I forget something important but still vaguely remember that there is something important to be remembered.

Just what am I doing here? Am I doing the right thing? Why am I here? Just what am I going to do?

Haruhi's arms that had limply hung over my shoulders suddenly tightened around my front, squeezing me as she mumbled something.

"Whoa, you awake?" I asked, surprised by the sudden movement.

But Haruhi didn't respond in any way.

"Don't worry, I'll figure something out," I said, before I gave a long yawn. "I'll think of something… Just don't drool all over me again, deal?"

I walked over to the gates but promptly noticed that they were locked. I could probably climb the fence by myself, but getting Haruhi across would be a different matter completely.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Need help?" I heard a gruff voice ask.

I practically jumped out of my clothes in shock, but instead of something as ridiculous as that happening I merely toppled over, doing my best to land on my front, so as not to fall on top of Haruhi.

Aww! Damn it, my elbow!

I quickly staggered onto my knees, fists at the ready even though it hurt like #$%& to raise my left arm. Whoever had found us wasn't going to take Haruhi without a fight.

"Hey, hey, calm down… Jus' me," the scruffy bum I'd met earlier in the evening said as he walked closer with his hands raised in a show of surrender. He was a lot bigger than I had realized.

"What do you want?" I fired the question quickly like a gun, my fists still at the ready.

"Nothing really, jus'… wanna help ya. No one ever even talks ta me anymore, was nice how ya said a few kind words an' I felt like doing something nice for ya… looks like ya could use some help, is all." The bum gave the back of his head an innocent scratch before he gave a little, kind of sad sounding burp.

"Who are you?" My fist were lowered a fraction.

"Nobody, tha's what I've been told for more than twenty years, but hey, if you want, you could just call me a Samaritan."

"Huh? What?"

"Heh, no, I'm not actually from thar, country's long gone, just means I wanna help ya…"

– I _know_ that, I swear. You just caught me off guard. Who actually wants to be _addressed_ like that? –

"Got nothing better ta do anyways, all outta booze, so's can't stand just sitting about sober, feeling sorry for myself, so lemme distract myself with helping you."

"Well… okay, 'Sam'," I said as I lowered my fists, but made a firm resolution to keep an eye on the man, especially on those big pockets on his scrappy coat.

"Hmm, why ya wanna get in there any ways? An' with her? Yer not gonna do nothing funny, are ya?"

"No, we just…" I can't be sure who this guy is so I'll just tell him: "just forgot something at school… her medicine. She's so weak because she forgot to take them earlier and when we spent the day at the carni—" That hasn't happened yet, idiot! " – at a friend's, far away, she was completely drained, fainted in fact."

"Shouldn't ya go to a hospital if she's got a condition like that, fainting an' stuff?"

"No, the medicine will help her immediately… we'll just go and get it, I'll give her some, and then we'll get out of here."

"An' she'll be right as rain after that?"

"Yeah, she'll be able to walk and I'll take her straight home."

"Ah, I see… must be nice to have someone so dedicated to you…"

"Uh, yeah… I guess it is."

"Tha's what's wrong with the world nowadays, innit? Everyone out for themselves. If it don't involve you, why should ya care? Not that tha's the reason I'm like I am, but ya know…"

"Yeah, it's nice to have someone to lean on and watch over you…" Images of our nightly discussion a short while ago under the tree and Haruhi sleeping by my hospital bed passed through my mind briefly. "It's sort of an equivalent trade type of thing, helping others isn't it?"

"Hm, yeah, it is. Human nature that is. Herd animals stay in packs coz it increases survival rates, same for humans… an' there my friend, from pure selfish survival instinct, morality was born. An evolutionary by-product, if ye will. From there we got greed and selfishness along with empathy and compassion, our vices and virtues. Like Darwin said, those who cooperate have a higher chance of surviving. There's no God or noble intent that gave us morals, just instinct. It's all natural…"

Just what kind of bum _are_ you?

"Well, ready?" Sam asked.

"Uh, sure." All this philosophical sounding talk is starting to make my feel suspicious of this guy. Only Koizumi, a guy from the Organization, talks this much about human nature… But how could this bum be after us? We're in the past, they don't know what we're going to do. They're not even chasing us yet… but still, better keep an eye on my new pal…

"So how we gonna do this?" Sam the bum asked, eyeing the fence.

Sam didn't look like the type who was at full control of his body, swaying a bit occasionally with shaking hands, so he probably shouldn't do much climbing. "I guess I'll go over the wall first. Get on top and you'll hand me the girl." This way I can still leap down immediately if he does try something funny with Haruhi.

"Right," Sam said, flicking me a quick two-finger salute.

It's a good thing he didn't seem to be fully coherent. He might have noticed the hole in my plan if he were in a better condition: if the medicine was all I needed, I could have gone to get it myself. I could have made an excuse about not wanting to leave her alone or something, but was just glad to get through this relatively easily. There were other holes a normal person would never accept either, but I must have really lucked out for once.

I climbed up and over the fence, straddling myself on top of it, realizing this might not have been the best idea after all. Balancing here by myself was hard enough already.

"Okay, hand her over," I said in any case. It's not like there's anything better to be done.

"Right, lessee… umm, dun wanna touch nothing I'm not s'posed ta," Sam said rather uncertainly, looking about Haruhi's body.

Oh great…

"Humm, guess I'll take her by the waist," Sam said and did so, grabbing Haruhi by the waste with his massive hands and easily lifted her up to me. Whoa, good thing he isn't against us with brute strength like that. "There we go."

"…Thanks."

I took Haruhi, cautiously leveraged her past myself and carefully lowered her limp body towards the ground on the other side, having to let her drop the final distance however, but it wasn't far. I jumped down quickly and inspected her. I didn't see any scraps.

"Yer girl all right?"

"Yeah, she's fine, but she's not my 'girl', just… just a dear friend, a close childhood friend."

"Ah, I see, just the way you looked, ready to fight me with all that fire in yer eyes… well, best of luck to ya. Make sure she's okay an' if that medicine of hers don't work, get her to a hospital, which is what I think you should have done in the first place."

"Nah, she'll be okay, this has happened before, all she needs is her meds and she'll walk all over us. She'll trample us into a bloody mess if we're not careful."

"They always do, don't they?"

"I wouldn't know anything about that, but she definitely would."

I heard a faint chuckle from the other side of the fence. It slowly faded way into the night. I jumped up and peered over the wall but couldn't spot Sam anywhere.

Just what was that guy's deal anyway? I mean, he can't be that desperate for company, can he? That he'd let a guy carry a sleeping girl to an empty school in the middle of the night? That he would believe such a flimsy lie? Did he really have that much faith in humanity? How could a guy want to help out someone so desperately when no one would help him? Was he really that desperate for human contact or simply that nice a guy?

Anyway, I'll have to keep an eye out for the rest of the night; he could be a spy. Or am I just being paranoid? Like I said earlier, there's no one chasing us yet. But my paranoia was right about Koizumi and everything else. So yeah, I'll have to be extra careful tonight.

Up we get, Haruhi.

I picked up the girl onto my back and made my way towards the clubrooms. There was nowhere else to go, really. Luckily, the door to the building was open. Maybe they thought the fence was enough to keep people out. When I entered the complex that housed the clubrooms, the Old Shack, I gave the air a sizable sniff, but I couldn't smell anything out of the ordinary. I guess that was good, it meant that the gas leak wasn't in here. I made my way towards our clubroom, the empty and dark halls reminding me of closed space, sealed realities or whatever the correct term was. Damn, being in school after hours just creeps me out every time. It must be because I know how young souls are crushed nigh to oblivion to join the corporate system or something else stupid that... Koizumi would say.

...

The clubroom was just as eerie as the rest of the building. Pale light from the window painted everything with long silver lines of light and dark ones of shadows. I walked over to the central table and eased Haruhi onto it. I sat down on the floor, leaning against one of the table's legs, only now realizing how tired I was. I closed my eyes, just to rest for a bit but soon opened them.

The nagging feeling was still there. Something was off about the situation. I got up and walked over to the window and peered out, making sure to remain hidden to people who might be outside as I did so. I scanned the grounds, looked at the school's windows and peered at the roofs but found nothing out of place. Everything was in perfect and quiet stillness.

And there was the problem, wasn't it? Everything was fine, but it shouldn't be. For starters, where's the gas leak that's supposed to close the school? I decided to step outside the clubroom and go for an inspection. I went through all the other clubrooms, sniffing about like a bloodhound but never found the scent I was looking for amongst the seemingly unique smells each different clubroom seemed to contain. Maybe the leak was in the other building?

I walked outside and gave the Old Shack a tour, making sure no one was around and to see if the gas leak wasn't necessarily inside. Once again, my search proved empty.

So, I guess I'll be checking the actual school building then. It, however, was properly locked. (I guess this building was just more important than the other.) I walked around it as well, looking out for the same things I had done with the other building. Though I didn't find what I was looking for, I did discover a way into the school. There was a window left open, next to a tree. How lucky, almost too lucky.

But in any case I climbed up the tree and made my hazardous way into the school, almost falling out a couple of times. The whole surrealism of the night was starting to get to me. I was tired and sleepy and I wasn't even entirely sure what I was doing. Why was I so intent on finding that gas leak? Why did something just feel so off?

I went about the building, using my olfactory senses like I had earlier, but found nothing once again. For the first time during that night, I gave my watch a look, but realized that it might be on a different time because of time travelling, so I went and found one of the school's wall clocks and set my own watch to its time. It was apparently 3:47.

Damn it. There's only a few of hours left until someone shows up, right? And I still haven't found the gas leak that's supposed to close the school. If it doesn't happen, my hiding place won't work at all. In fact, that would change time, if that is even possible.

Maybe it'll show up soon.

Soon, yeah.

I wandered about the school aimlessly, giving the occasional sniff, but mainly focusing on the increasingly nervous panic attack I was starting to build up as the minutes passed. Eventually I found myself in the teachers' lounge. There I spotted keys labelled with 'maintenance' on them. I took them and went down to where I thought I remembered the maintenance door to be.

When I found it, I had trouble opening the door because my hands had started to shake a bit. If the leak wasn't in here of all places, I was running out of options.

I slowly made my way into the maintenance room, completely unsure of what I'd find. There were all sorts of pipes crisscrossing along the walls of the narrow room. Only dials and valves punctuated the tapestry of pipes. In a corner, I spotted a heavy looking wrench.

I looked at my watch. It was already 4:25 and there wasn't even a whiff of the gas leak that would save our asses.

As my eyes swept the room, settling on the wrench eventually, it finally hit me (don't worry, it wasn't the wrench). Maybe this was why there was a gas leak. Maybe I had been the cause of it. Heck, 'I'd' been taking care of a lot of things behind the scenes, hadn't I? Maybe this was just one of those things.

I took the wrench in my hands and the weird feeling that had been bugging me for a while now seemed to lessen. I almost felt like Arthur, pulling out Excalibur from the stone. Of course my situation involved just a wrench in a lowly maintenance room, but the feeling was still oddly magical. It was an odd feeling, gripping destiny in your hands.

Is this what I have to – no, am meant to do? I really hate this. It makes me feel so insignificant, like I have no real control at all. Like I'm just the puppet, faintly aware that I'm being toyed with, occasionally catching a look at my strings. But what can a puppet do if not do as he is made to do?

#$%, I hate this feeling. But… it's for Haruhi's well being, isn't it? Not like I wouldn't do this for all my friends, right?

I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm actually going to break school property and not just something small like scratching on a desk or something. I'm actually committing full-blown vandalism here! But I don't think I have a choice really, not if I want to keep Haruhi safe.

So I took the wrench firmly in both my hands, raised it above my head and brought it down on the valves and pipes with the wrath of Thor.

I hope I didn't do something really stupid. I don't want to blow up!

Suddenly a spurt of cold water hit me dead in the eye.

#$%! Wrong pipe!

Ok, how about this one?

Ow! Hot steam, hot steam!

Third time's the charm, right?! Right?! It had better be!!

I heard a low hissing sound escape after my last swing, somehow different from the sound of steam that was gushing into the room. Then soon, the smell of rotting eggs followed. Okay, mission accomplished. Now get out of here. And be careful when you put the wrench away. I mean, what if it scrapes against something, and makes a spark and kills me in a fireball? I don't want to go down in history as the idiot who destroyed a school with only his teeth left to identify his charred remains. That reminds me, better give the thing a proper wipe just to soothe my paranoia if nothing else. Stupid finger prints…

I gave the fingers on my left hand a tentative lick; couple of them might have gotten burned by the steam. And my left elbow still smarts from falling over at the gates. And my face stings from those scratches I got diving into the bushes. And my feet, aw man, they are beat. I'm all sweaty as well from carrying Haruhi about in an excited state. I could use a nap and a shower and another nap, all of them lasting several hours. And...

But I can't rest yet. I have to make sure everything works out. I have to be ready to run off with Haruhi if things don't go according to plan.

I got out of the pipelined room, locked it up since I didn't want anything to seem too oddly out of place. The gas would seep out through the bottom of the door. I don't think it's even properly covered at the top either. I then jogged to the teacher's lounge and left the keys where I had found them before I let myself out through the school's main doors, the locks clicking behind me as I went.

Soon, I was back in the clubroom. I felt like a phantom as I glided through the room, towards where we kept the tea. There was some instant coffee there as well, if I recalled correctly. Asahina-san had bought it once on Haruhi's orders, but it had been left mainly unused since it made everyone a bit hyper, except for Nagato and... Koizumi. Even Haruhi, that freaking bouncing ball of energy, seemed to become even crazier with it. But right now, even though I didn't much care for the taste of it, I needed something to keep me awake.

As I waited for the water to heat up, I took a seat next to the table. Haruhi was still lying limply on it, her legs hanging over the edge by the knees.

There she is, prone and unconscious, chest heaving up and down with a slight blush on her face. Her already loose top is practically falling off, and worse still, occasionally she would let out a soft sigh that seemed to border on a blissful moan to my mind.

A teenage boy (with raging hormones, right?) should not be this cruelly tempted.

Carefully I hitched up the straps holding up her top, unintentionally touching her soft skin. The brief contact sent goosebumps through my arm and made her sigh once again.

Maybe I should just back off… I don't wanna get any more funny ideas.

As I was about to back off however, I noticed Nagato's little book peeking out from Haruhi's pouch that had managed to stay along with our hazardous escape. I cautiously took it out and saw that it was _The Adventures of Pinocchio_. Well that's a bit odd… I bet she ran out of sci-fi books. It was bound to happen at the rate she went through them.

I put the book down on a nearby shelf with some of the other books Nagato had read. I looked back at Haruhi and realized that she must not be very comfortable on the table. I looked about the clubroom and spotted a coat in the clothes rack that contained all sorts of costumes by now. I took it out and wrapped it into a bundle which I placed under her head to act as a pillow. It was a pleasantly warm night, I mean, morning, so she should be okay…

Huoh… so sleepy… but gotta stay awake… Anything could happen… anything…

Oh man… the things I do for her… and you know the worst part of it all? I'll never get a single thank you out of that girl for any of the trouble I've cleared up for her…

I sat down on the floor, against the wall with the window.

I'll just sit here, hidden from sight, but fully capable of hearing someone if they do approach us. And since I won't really be using my eyes, I can give them a little rest…

No! Don't get suckered into that crap! You're just going to fall asleep if you do that. There's no escaping from this! You can't just wake up from this. There's no escaping this.

Okay, okay, I won't. I'll just… I'll just… what was I doing again?

You're supposed to shtay awake and grumblemumble mrmblbmbrlzzzzzzz…

When I woke after a pleasantly dreamless sleep, opening my heavy eye lids, I found Haruhi staring intently into my eyes from a far too close a position.

"Whoa." I was so shocked to find her there that I bumped my head into the wall behind me.

"I know," Haruhi said sternly, still staring at me, unmoving, not even blinking.

"Wha… what do you know?"

"I know what you did," Haruhi said, closing in on me some more, placing her hands on my shoulders, pushing me firmly against the wall. Suddenly I was starting to feel like a mouse in the presence of a cat.

"Look, whatever it is you think I did, I –"

My sentence was cut short however as Haruhi's head lunged forwards, with her lips colliding with mine, capturing them in a fierce kiss. My eyes shot wide open as I stared at Haruhi, who had closed her eyes as she delivered her kiss to me.

When she pulled back, she gave me a sneaky wink and brushed some of her bangs away from her eyes in a playful manner.

"Wh-wha-what…?" I stammered, trying to understand this new bizarre development in a long string of others I had recently been through.

"I just wanted to thank you, for everything."

Well, okay… someone sure is feeling grateful. But to be fully honest, I wouldn't mind receiving such acts of appreciation more often. They definitely beat your regular shouting and glaring. Although I have to say, this might be going a bit too far all in all.

I gave the weird girl a critical look, at first trying to spot something that would explain her odd behaviour, but instead found something much more prevalent and eye-catching, but wasn't really all that revealing about her change of heart in the end.

There were so many other questions jumping about in my head, vying for attention, like 'what the hell do you think you're doing?' chief among them, that I don't understand how these little gems made it out first: "Why are you back in your school uniform? And you've got a ponytail?"

"I thought you might like it more… but if you don't, I could always take it all off." Haruhi actually managed to get her hands all the way down to the bottom of her shirt, apparently ready to pull the damn thing off, before I caught her hand.

Okay, whoa, just stop right there. Oh boy. Uhm… Whoa.

"What's wrong?" Haruhi asked innocently, giving me a questioning look.

You're about to strip for me, that's what's wrong. Well, for your character at least. There was a time when you didn't care about stripping in front of guys but then you backpedalled on the issue and have deemed me (and others, I suppose) unworthy of seeing your supple young body. And just because we're all alone in an abandoned school, doesn't mean we… actually, now that I think about it, something like that would be the perfect excuse wouldn't it? At least in some silly lovey dovey story.

"You've always been looking out for me, making sure I stay out of too much trouble. Like my guardian angel…" Haruhi played coyly with her ponytail, giving her lower lip a little nibble. "And all I do is shout at you when I should be thanking you. So, this is me, trying to make up for lost time."

I… I don't know what to say. This is just so weird, I'm not really sure how I feel about all of this. It all seems so paradoxical. On one hand… and then – then there's the other… and… yeah…

Has her school uniform's skirt always been that short?

Don't look down there!

Look somewhere... somewhere else... now.

I'm having a really hard time processing all of this, especially with all these distractions.

"Is there anything you need? Anything you want?"

"Uh, n-no, I'm just – just fine, thanks."

"You sure? Because I could get you anything you want, anything," Haruhi practically whispered the lsat part as she leaned in towards me, actually getting so close that her warm breath tickled my lips. "You deserve so much, for doing everything you have done to protect me and everyone else."

I guess…

Haruhi smiled sweetly, tilting her head a bit as she thought about something. Then her eyes suddenly shone with an inner brightness and her smile spread to unprecedented widths.

"Oh, I know! Wait here! I'll be right back!" Haruhi got up and skipped out of the room, but not without giving me a playful wink before she closed the door on me.

I sat where I had been left on the floor, leaning against the wall, probably looking just as much a fool on the outside as I felt on the inside. I couldn't understand the situation at all. Why was Haruhi acting like this? Why was she so eager to please me all of a sudden? How does she know about everything? And if she does know, why isn't she more panicked that people are chasing after her? None of it makes any sense at all.

Something bumped against the door. Had the idiot locked herself out? There was another bump, this time louder.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming."

I wonder what the hell she went to get, and why isn't she saying anything?

As I opened the door, something fell right into my arms, knocking me down along with it. I looked down at the thing in my arms and saw with gut wrenching terror that it was Nagato with her midriff barely anything but a bloody mess. Her strained breathing wheezed uncontrollably. I carefully cradled her so I could look at her flushed face.

"Yu-Yuki…?"

She's… she's bleeding out on me! "Why aren't you healing?!" She had several sharp shafts in her once, and she was completely unfazed back then! What the hell?!

"Data manipulation capabilities have been damaged," Nagato's faint, death like whisper scared me unlike anything I had ever experienced. "Incapable of self-repair. C-corruption in progress. I require… help. H-help me. I am d-dying. I do not wish… to die." Nagato looked up at me with her night-dark eyes, shining with a quiet fear I'd never before seen in them. Her trembling hand reached up towards me, her quivering blood soaked fingers painting crimson lines across my cheek.

I took her hand and held it tightly. I pressed my other hand against her wound, trying to stop the bleeding. "Hang on, hang on… I'm not gonna let you die."

_I shouldn't have left her back there like that._

"Kyon, help!" I heard Haruhi screaming all of a sudden. I turned my head and saw Haruhi struggling against three men in suits at the end of the hallway, thrashing and kicking like a wild animal. "Help! They're gonna take me away!"

What?! No! I –

"H-help me…" Nagato said weakly, her usually level voice trembling before she gurgled horridly and blood dripped out from her mouth. "Don't… let me… die…"

I can't – I can't just –

"HELP!!" Haruhi screamed at the top of her lungs, just before one of the men hit her roughly in the back of the head, knocking her out instantly.

Nagato began thrashing in my arms, her pupils veering up into her skull. Blood poured from her gaping wound. My hand did nothing to halt the tide of blood. She coughed roughly, choking on the blood in her throat.

I can't… I can't do anything…

I held Nagato's body close to mine, the thrashing becoming weaker by the second as I stared in transfixed horror as the men in suits hastily dragged Haruhi's limp body away from me.

NO, NO, NO, DAMN IT!!!

My eyes snapped open, the white ceiling of the classroom filling my view. Cold sweat covered my brow. I frantically looked about and noticed that Haruhi was safe and sound, still sleeping though. And by the look of things, like the orange light filtering into the room, it's now morning.

Whoa… Okay, that… that was intense.

…But it was just a dream, just another stupid dream. This is just getting annoying. Haven't I had enough? There's so much going on anyway. Why do I have to live through all this misleading crap all the time? It's getting olde with an 'e', that old.

But what am I going to do? What if Nagato's out there, dying? What if I can't protect Haruhi either?

Idiot, Nagato's not out there dying. Remember, you're in the past; she's with your past self, messing about with past Haruhi. And you're doing all you can for Haruhi right now.

I wonder if I should go out and try to warn people. No, that's not what happened. Dare I try to screw around with the time stream so I can save my friends?

…Yes, I would, in a heartbeat, but I'm not sure if that would help them. Besides, I'd hate for it to turn out that my attempts at saving my friends would become their downfall in an ironic (and not to mention cliché) twist of fate. No matter what, I must avoid something as banal as that. I couldn't live with myself if that happened.

I gave my eyeballs a good roll around in their sockets, since it felt like the right thing to do.

Haruhi let out a little huff as she slept. It drew my attention away from things I didn't really want to think about. She's always such a distracting factor in my life, no reason for things to change now. She looks so serene; I wish I could have some of the inner peace she seems to have at the moment. With everything that's happened to me, all the weird crazy stuff, it's nice to have these quiet moments with Haruhi, even if the idiot _is_ asleep (or maybe _because_ she's asleep).

At least I hope Haruhi's having better dreams than I am… and that I'm not living them either. If we're all products of her desires, then is anything I dream and wish for really what I want at all? Was there a different me before four years ago, free to think and feel as he wanted? Someone who has since become nothing more than an extension of another's thoughts?

My despairing thoughts were interrupted however as I heard the clank of metal. I looked outside and noticed the principal make his way through the gates towards the proper school building. I glanced at my watch. Apparently I'd only gotten a few hours of restless sleep, and I could definitely feel it. My body was nothing but one aching mess all over.

But never mind that, this is the big moment! I'll see if my gamble worked. I stood up and stared intensely as the principal made his way across the yard. It should work, right? I mean, the school was closed today. But what if you can actually change things? I don't know of which option I'm more scared of. At least one way, although I'll be nothing but a despicable pawn, there won't be so much fearful uncertainty about everything.

It only took a few minutes after the principal had entered for him to walk out again, shouting into his phone. Soon, someone who looked a lot like a manual worker made his way up to school. It didn't take long for him to exit the school and shake his head apologetically at the principal. The principal shouted at him for a bit and he ran off somewhere, while the principal made some more calls. He was still talking on the phone when the worker returned, carrying a sign. The principal shouted some more at the poor fellow and made him attach the sign to the gates. Then the principal handed him a pen to write with and left, taking his phone out again as he walked down the school's hill. The guy scribbled a note I was certain of what it would say.

Yes! It had worked! We could stay here, probably.

The rest of the morning passed in a tedious manner, as I watched as most of the student body came all the way up to school and was forced to turn around. There was an odd mix of agitation and relief on the faces of my fellow schoolmates. Some would cheer out loudly, even start jumping about in a fit of joy, while some would mutter with annoyance at having made a pointless journey and even some looked absolutely downcast.

I took a sip of coffee and almost spat the horrible cold stuff out. I can't believe some people actually like drinking this stuff, it tastes horrible even when it's warm. But then again, maybe that's what helps you stay awake. I certainly feel more alert with my abused taste buds.

Eventually the crowds around the school departed, leaving behind a quiet scenery that should soon be interrupted by a guy dragging behind him a reluctant girl until they would see the poster on the gates and reverse their roles.

I thought back on the moment and tried to remember if I had noticed anything exceptionally weird back then, other than how ridiculously convenient the school shutting down was. And now I knew exactly why it was so damn convenient. I had caused it, throwing causality a hard ball. It's so odd how the past depended on what happened in the future. Merely having a thought like that pass through my head was starting off a migraine.

My thoughts were once again interrupted by Haruhi, but this time by her past self. I could hear her faintly by the gates, even from this distance. I made sure to remain hidden from their sight, just in case one of them had wandering eyes. Causality's enough of a wreck without me adding to the mess it has become because of time travel already.

'We' left soon, leaving us alone once again, making me wonder what the hell should _I_ do now. Apparently, Nagato had noticed me at the carnival today, but why was I there in the first – or should it be second – place? Wasn't I supposed to take care of Haruhi? I couldn't do that if I left for the carnival. And for what purpose? I couldn't have taken her with me, could I? Lugging Haruhi around some more, and especially in broad day light, seemed incredibly stupid. Maybe she would wake up soon and we would go out together. But wouldn't Nagato have noticed a 'temporal variant' of her as well? Or maybe she had and just hadn't had the time to tell me. Nah, that seemed odd. Surely she would have said something. But if Haruhi isn't going to wake up for a while (wasn't the sedative supposedly exceptionally strong?), how could I leave her alone? Someone might wander here I suppose, although it would be kind of unlikely.

Yet again my thoughts were interrupted that morning, but this time, it was by the last person I had expected to see as they entered my field of vision near the gates.


	9. Parallel days

It can't be… What is she doing here? Why is Sasaki here? Is – Could she be the reason for all of this? Koizumi had said that someone had made a move, prompting everyone else to act. Was Sasaki the one who had broken the tender stalemate between the factions around us? But she didn't want the powers, right? Had her 'friends' finally convinced her otherwise?

There she was, standing by the gate with her strange friends, bent over as she read the notice. She got up and turned about, flicking her hair out of her eyes, and addressed her companions. They nodded in unison and walked off. I got up and peered into the window, trying to see where they were headed, but was forced to duck as Sasaki turned her head and gave the school a critical look.

Had she noticed me? I stayed low, the sudden thumping of my heart in my throat slowly waning after the initial shock at nearly being seen by the girl. I waited for a long while until I risked peeking out from the window again. The scene was empty again. I looked about and spotted a shrinking figure going down the hill.

What should I do? What if Sasaki did have something to do with all of this? If that was the case, I should find out what was going on and maybe… maybe try and stop it. 'I' had come to the past to do – what? Notifying myself about going to past was one thing (yeah, got to remember to do that tomorrow) but certainly there was more. 'I' had been in a hurry back then, I had needed to get back to – back to… Who? Who was it?

It was a she, another weirdo girl. Sasaki? Maybe 'I' had told myself what to do after all. I guess 'I' had managed to give myself a clue, intentional or not. Actually, if I just figured it out, it probably was intentional. So I should follow her? But… can I really leave Haruhi behind like this?

I had to lean out of the window so I could spot Sasaki now.

Damn. I need to decide quick, before I lose sight of her.

Gah! Damn it! What should I do?

Okay, okay. Fact #1: I _will_ be at the carnival today, Nagato noticed me. Fact #2: Haruhi is in danger, maybe not directly yet, but the plans are already in motion. Fact #3: They don't know where we are, not yet. Otherwise Sasaki and co would have come straight here if they indeed had planned something.

So… I think I can leave Haruhi for now, today at least. And as far as her waking up, well, let's just hope she doesn't do so yet. My future self had said that I wouldn't have to worry about her finding out, so maybe she'll stay knocked out for a bit longer so I can try and make sense of all of this. That shot she got wasn't completely without its benefits... apparently. I just hope it's not something that'll require an antiserum or anything for her to wake up... Where could I get something like that...?

So I'll leave her here for a little while. But just in case…

I looked about the clubroom and went to the clothes rack. I took some of the heavier pieces of clothing and piled them under the table. Then I took Haruhi into my arms and moved her from on top of the table to under it, letting her rest on the soft pile of clothing. After I'd hastily made sure she was comfortable enough, I hurried to the door. There I gave the room a look. I could see Haruhi's feet under the table.

Wondering what I could do to hide her from sight, I remembered that she had once 'borrowed' a canvas from somewhere. It had originally been for painting some kind of banner or something but she had given up on the idea, becoming bored with it halfway through the messy painting process for some reason left unclarified. It had then served to cover the table whenever we had fancy meals in the room or when Haruhi felt inspiration bite her in the butt and wanted to do more artful things again. The canvas was just a huge mess nowadays, but it would serve to hide her from sight. I quickly got it out and spread it over the table and then went around to see if one could see the slumbering dragon under it.

Satisfied with my work in hiding Haruhi just in case someone did happen to wander into the room, I leapt out of the room and headed outside like a rocket and ran down the hill as fast as I could, nearly falling over as my speed reached dangerous amounts on such a sloping surface. When I got to the bottom of the hill, I twirled about like a ballerina, trying to spot the escaping could-be villains.

I spotted Sasaki's gang moving down the road, a couple of blocks away. I pursued them but kept a safe distance between us, favouring shades and other view obstructing things. All in all, I must have gathered more attention from all the other people about at this time of day as I made my way from one hiding spot to another, but Sasaki and her companions certainly didn't notice me.

What are you up to, Sasaki? Why did you come to our school? Were you looking for us? What are you going to do now? _Where_ are you going?

After following my most likely suspects for a while, their target became all too clear. They too were headed for the carnival along with most of the crowds. Why? Did they know we were going to be there? But if they had some kind of way of tracking us, wouldn't they have noticed us in the clubroom? Maybe they couldn't find us because it had something to do with the fact we were from a different time. But if they had a way to track us, wouldn't they have found us at the carnival in the past? We were there for two days after all. Okay, so maybe it isn't a tracking device of any kind.

My targets soon entered the carnival with me hot on their trail. Now that I was in such a crowded place, I didn't need to bother with finding cover. In fact, it was a lot more work keeping an eye on them and not losing track of them amongst the sea of people than hiding had been. They seemed to be heading towards an area with benches, a familiar area with benches. Shit, maybe they did have some sort of tracking device.

Damn, damn, damn…

Okay, 'we' haven't arrived yet, I think. I can't remember the exact time, but I think the SOS-Brigade should be showing up soon for their ice creams. After the mishap, I would take a nap with Koizumi and Nagato while Haruhi and Asahina-san went out to change into their sexy little outfits.

Okay, assuming that the timeline hasn't been changed by the mere act of time travel or any of my actions, 'we' shouldn't run into Sasaki. But again, was this natural or once again because I had done something to ensure it happening, like with the school shutting down? If I had intervened, how had I done it?

I hid behind a nearby tree as Sasaki and co settled down around a table. Sasaki took the moment to stand up and address them with what looked a lot like a serious proclamation before she settled back done and conversed silently with all of them.

Okay, since 'we' didn't meet them, was it because I had distracted them or had I perhaps led them completely away from them? Was I to join them and make sure they stayed away from Haruhi? My future self had said something about taking care of things and as far as I could tell, Sasaki was the other weirdo girl 'I' had offhandedly referred to.

Okay, so maybe I'm suppo-

Oh, crap, 'we' just arrived. Just what am I supposed to do?

I watched the two groups silently, furiously trying to make up my mind, especially since at any given moment one of the groups could possibly notice the other. This was something I very much wanted to avoid and not simply because it could tear apart time like a wet tissue. Practically all of those people with Sasaki wanted to do something nefarious to Haruhi and the Brigade without a doubt.

Maybe I don't need to do anything. Maybe it'll all work itself out for once. _Please_, Universe, throw a guy a freaking bone for once!

Soon, 'I' left to get the ice cream. And then 'I'd return back from over there, from behind the food stalls, walk over and – and have a direct line of sight to Sasaki! Oh man… There really wasn't a plastic toy in my return path originally.

Okay. This just means I have to do it myself. Sorry, 'me', but you're going down (and I've still got some of the bruises to prove as much). I remember how I had felt a need to compare the sight of Haruhi and the others with another group of people. If such a deed were allowed, 'I' might just notice Sasaki. And that didn't happen before.

But right now, I need a plastic toy with which to trip myself.

Huh, never expected I'd ever use a sentence like that.

Let's see here… I need to work quick here, 'I'll be back soon. My head spun around frantically as I searched for a plastic toy to throw at 'myself' (yet another weird phrase). I quickly spotted a stall with all kinds of merchandise aimed at a clientele under the age of ten. I hurried over to it and dug into my pocket, producing my wallet.

"Quick, give me the heaviest and hardest plastic toy I can get with this money!" I said as I pushed all of the few remaining yen in my wallet into shopkeeper's hands.

He gave me an odd look but shrugged it away and gave his wares an inspection. "I suppose you could get the deluxe power megazordian thingmajiggy or a winged T-Rex or the –"

"Just give me something easy to throw!"

An eyebrow was raised but quickly shrugged away as well. I was a paying customer after all.

"Thanks!" I said hurriedly as I grabbed the outstretched thingamajiggy and ran back to the tree behind which I had been hiding.

I should have a clear shot at 'my' ankles from here. I was close enough to the point where 'I' would re-enter the bench area that even I should be able to score a hit at this distance, especially now that there wasn't an agitated Haruhi yelling advice in my ear like she had been when we'd been trying to win those prizes. Soon, I actually would be the cause of the embarrassing ice cream spill despite what my past self would say to Haruhi.

Someone out there really must have a twisted sense of humour. I just wish everything weird that's happened to me over the few days here wasn't entirely caused by myself, because this whole time trip is going to get really tiresome if I have to tail myself and make sure that everything that happened to me actually does happen.

Then again, do I want everything to happen to me that did happen? I mean, 'our' time at the carnival didn't really turn out so well. And yes, I know it's better to stick with the devil you know, but…

Okay, 'I' just came out from behind the stalls, balancing the ice creams. 'My' eyes are already starting to wander. Better aim true, I can deal with time travel problems later. Right now I need to make sure 'I' don't notice Sasaki.

3, 2, 1, eat plastic 'me'! (Sorry for the inconvenience!)

It was odd watching myself go head over heels, sending all the ice cream flying from a perspective outside of the action. It's kind of like watching old home movies, but so much creepier because it is delivered in so much more graphic detail. Plus, I can still remember the event pretty clearly from the original perspective as well. It's a really weird, slightly overwhelming mix of memory and sight; like the worst case of déjà vu, because this time the things happening twice but from different view points.

I ducked to make sure I wasn't spotted and waited a couple of seconds to hear the familiar yelling of Haruhi. Well, good, that meant everything went as according to plan. Now to make sure Sasaki – _where the hell is she?!_

The table around which Sasaki's troupe had been sitting around was empty, with new people already approaching it. With great panic in my heart, I searched for them in the masses of people around us. I managed to spot them a surprisingly big distance away. Judging by the speed they were walking at, they had set out quite a while ago, probably around the time I was buying the toy.

Oh _please_ tell me I didn't just go through all the trouble of knocking myself down for nothing.

…

I guess I should just trail Sasaki for now. She and her comrades were a good distance away already, so I had to hurry after them. As I knew full well by now, there were all sorts of plans in motion to take out Haruhi and Sasaki with a coalition of our enemies gathered around her was actually a rather likely instigator of the move that forced everyone to act out, now that I thought about it, although there were a few things wrong with that idea.

I needed to find out what she was planning, but how exactly should I do that? I can't hear anything any of them is saying. If I want to know what they're saying, I think the only option left for me might be to… actually join them.

Well whatever the case was, I was certain that the solution would soon present itself to me. But in the mean time, I decided to take care of something I really should have done days ago. While keeping a vigilant eye on Sasaki, I pulled out my phone and thumbed my mother's number.

The conversation was brief and laconic really, and as a lot seems to be in my life nowadays, a bit too convenient. At first, my mother was naturally surprised and wanted to know what I was doing after I told her about the school. I told her I would be spending the following days with friends. At first she wasn't all that sure but as my memories of my earlier conversation with my mother came to mind, I suggested she and the others take a trip of their own, knowing my parents had a few unused vacation days and pulling out an elementary school student from school for a few days should be unproblematic enough (it's not like my sister's whole academic future will go down in flames if she misses a few days of arts and crafts or whatever). This seemed to do the trick and I was soon off the hook. If you ask me, she gave in a bit too easily, but I can't really complain, not when I have so much more to worry and stress about.

So… I guess there's nothing left to do but do what seems to be inevitable at this point. I sped up and swiftly strode forwards.

"Hey, Sasaki," I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as I could.

"Ah, Kyon! So nice to see you…but you look absolutely horrible! Like you haven't slept in days. I've seen healthier looking zombies in movies," Sasaki said as she stepped towards me, smiling gently as she inspected me like a mother would do with a little kid fresh from the playground.

Behind her, Tachibana Kyoko smiled warmly as well, giving me a little wave of her hand in greeting. Fujiwara, the arrogant bastard, had immediately developed a nasty sneering look from the bored one he had been wearing as I showed up. Suou Kuyou had turned to face me with the others but wasn't really looking at me as she seemed to lethargically just stand there.

"Seriously, you look like you were chased by wild wolves," Sasaki said, tilting her head thoughtfully. When she straightened up, a look of reserved realization entered her eyes. "Ah, it must be that Suzumiya girl, running you ragged like a dog. Don't worry, we'll look after you." She smiled again brightly at me.

"Uh yeah, thanks."

That was a rather astute observation, really.

"What're you all doing here?" I asked, eager to resolve the mystery behind Sasaki's appearance. Unfortunately, I couldn't really ask them what they had been doing at the school, because that would have revealed to them I had been there, which might lead them to Haruhi.

"As a matter of fact, these people wanted to see you. Since I had some free time, a couple of days off because my school chooses to have occasional breaks when other schools don't, although it amounts to having a slightly longer school year altogether, I decided to join in," Sasaki said, stepping up just in front of me. "And I as well thought it might be nice to see you myself."

"Oh, nice. But… how did you know to come here?"

"Where else would people go if they got time off from school with such an event as this was going on?"

She had me there, although I wasn't really one of those people who would go to a carnival or anything, alone at least and definitely without being forced to go.

"Where are your friends? I would have imagined that they would have come here with you." Sasaki asked, showing that she really was a clever girl to watch out for.

"They…" I was forced to pause in order to come up with a plausible lie, but couldn't really think of anything special. "They had other things to do."

"Oh, so you're alone then? Perfect. I mean, that allows us to accomplish the goals we set out to achieve a lot easier. Too bad you didn't bump into us earlier when we had seats, we could have stayed there and chatted in peace."

"Uh, yeah, real shame… So what did you guys want to tell me?" I asked as I scanned the other people in the gathering once again.

Tachibana Kyoko opened her mouth, ready to explain something, but Fujiwara stepped up, still wearing that dirty expression and said in a no-nonsense voice, "Suffice to say, something dire is about to happen, and we need your help to avert a crisis."

Huh? They want to stop something horrible from happening? What? Maybe I haven't cleaned my ears in a long while...

"We have all received reports that our antagonistic counterparts are all ready to take on more proactive actions concerning Suzumiya Haruhi. Knowing what we know of them, we cannot allow this to happen. That girl must remain safe and sound for the time being, not to mention free as well. If any of them have their way, we'll lose our chances at saving everything."

Huh? No way. These guys want to protect Haruhi? And they know what the others are planning? Wait... just who is the one making the first move here?

Tachibana Kyoko nimbly stepped around Fujiwara and cleared her throat. "The most immediate threat will come from Koizumi Itsuki's 'Organization'. Since they lack the advanced technologies and powers of the other groups, they will only have speed and surprise on their side, so you must act as fast as you can."

I stared at her, slightly surprised by what I was hearing. I knew what they were planning, but hearing a sincere warning like this from a kidnapping fiend is hard to stomach.

"You… don't look very surprised," Sasaki stated from my side, where she had drifted to when Fujiwara had taken the stage. She had been following the conversation, but now had a questioning eyebrow raised at me.

"I… I sort of knew about that already…"

Tachibana Kyoko's eyes widened with shock, her jaw dropping a bit to allow her surprised voice to exit. "H-how? There is no way you could have been privy to such confidential information! Not even most of that 'Organization' knows about it yet!"

Oops, damn it.

"_ He is ___ not from ____ Time of present_____ he comes… latterly _"

That freaky sullen voice that seemed to struggle to be made came from Kuyou, who was still staring at nothing absentmindedly. Man, she gives me the creeps. As if it wasn't bad enough what she and her people pulled on Nagato back at the snowy cabin.

"What? What are you mumbling about?" Fujiwara said, annoyed deeply as he glanced at her and then at me. He stared at me with those irritating eyes that just made me want to punch him out. He then tapped his right temple with two fingers and his stupid face completely changed. It was like he had just realized he was staring at a ghost.

"You're from the future, a couple of days I'd guess."

"__ Estimations ___ error range __ ±1 ______ two revolutions ___" Kuyou supplied, sounding as eerie as always.

"Yes, that seems about right, a couple of days," Fujiwara said, the default scowl returning to his face.

"Really?" Sasaki asked, sounding rather excited. "You're from the future? Is this true?"

"I…"

This wasn't going anywhere near what I'd planned. I thought I would subtly pry the truth from them with a sneaky approach and find out what dastardly plans they had for Haruhi, but this…?

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

I looked about at them all. The esper-like girl and the nasty time traveller both stared at me intently, while the alternative alien had shifted her empty gaze upwards, above my head.

"Well?" Sasaki asked.

"It's… It's true," I admitted, unable to come with any other option than the truth at this point.

"Wow… that's amazing. Is that why you look so extremely tired? What have you been up to? But wait, wouldn't that mean you must know what happens next?"

"Yes, yes he would," Fujiwara said sternly. "It's not nice, is it? Knowing exactly what is going to happen, knowing how wrong it is and how you could change it all," he added in a less harsh tone than he had ever used on me before, not that it was anywhere even near civil yet. "Not to mention how dreadful it is to know that the totality of your existence is nothing more than a plotted out design."

"Well, yeah... but don't you know what happens as well?"

"Most of the time yes, but not intimately, more like through historical archives and such, in a general but vague manner. Of course, because of Suzumiya, the timeline isn't as cohesive as it used to be. Because of her, everything could change instantaneously. Her ability to create new data from nothing warps up the space-time continuum as we know. We time travellers could be absolutely certain of the following events, but she could essentially change it all, change the whole scenario by adding a factor that was never supposed to be there, forcing us and the others to act as each sees fit. It could all be perfectly fixed, and then she goes and mucks it all up. It's so annoying."

Could that be why Asahina-san's time travellers are working to manipulate things to go as they should? Because Haruhi had changed things or had the past always depended upon the acts of the future?

"Impossible to say any more at this point. But once again, it's yet another reason why she should be dealt with."

What's that supposed to mean?

"The time line should be fixed, on this even my people and the other time travellers can agree upon and even that Suzumiya is the cause of the fault lines. It's just the way they want to go about in fixing it all our group can't accept."

"Just what are you talking about? What meaning of fixed are you using?"

Tachibana Kyoko coughed politely, making me focus on her as she stared back with sharp attention. "We are not your enemies in any way. We tried to make this clear to you, but unfortunately it seems you have already formed negative opinions about us. You must get over them if you want to make the world a better place."

_You're_ the one who kidnapped Asahina-san!

"She would not have been harmed in any way. It was a worthy sacrifice of one person's comfort for the safety of everyone else. If you had the choice of merely holding a person for a limited time in order to save countless lives, wouldn't you do so as well?"

Stop acting like Haruhi's out to destroy the world! She really isn't. And kidnapping someone like Asahina-san is never excusable.

"How can you even think like that? You would honestly risk the lives of billions just to satisfy your selfish needs?" Tachibana Kyoko took a small step backwards, like she was shocked at my thoughts on the matter. "I may have greatly misunderstood your character."

Selfish?

"Hmm, yes, romantic emotions can cause faulty value decisions…" Sasaki mused next to me, tugging her hands behind her back as she looked upwards in a contemplative manner.

What do you mean faulty values? I'm thinking surprisingly well considering all the stress I'm under.

Tachibana Kyoko glanced at Sasaki but quickly returned her attention to me, apparently intending to continue her explanations, but Fujiwara once again interrupted.

"Enough puppy talk. Plans are already in motion, we need to know exactly what happens and how we can avert disaster. Trust me, you don't want to find out what those other time travellers have planned for that girl. It's just horrid no matter how you look at it," Fujiwara said, still looking and sounding like he had been forced to eat something utterly disgusting.

Right, _sure_ they do... then again... What the hell do I know about any of this?

"We should find a place to sit and calm down. I think everyone's starting to get a bit overexcited," Sasaki said, returning back to earth from the heavens she had been examining. "It seems we have a lot to discuss."

And so, our quiet group set out to find a peaceful spot. No one spoke, not even a word, but that was fine by me. I still didn't feel like trusting any of these people, well, except for Sasaki, but that was only a maybe at the moment as well.


	10. Alternative views

Sasaki led us. Her intent was to find a café or something for us to relax in, but she didn't seem to be very focused on the task. Although she did keep looking about for a place for us, she would also quite often sort of zone out and stare upwards contemplatively.

All of a sudden she stopped in her tracks and turned around to face us. "There's something I would like to discuss privately with Kyon, if you guys don't mind. The three of you can keep searching for a place without us. You have my number so just call me when you find it. Okay?"

Fujiwara stared sulkily at her and then at me, but nodded his head, even though it seemed like something he had to force himself to do. Tachibana Kyoko had a serious expression on her face, but she nodded swiftly. Kuyou didn't react in any way.

"Thank you," Sasaki said as she grabbed my hand and led me away.

When we were so far away from the others that I couldn't make them out in the crowds, I finally asked her what she wanted to talk about.

"I'm beginning to get worried, Kyon, really, I am. If Suzumiya Haruhi really is as unstable as they say, perhaps it would be best for everyone that I shouldered the responsibility."

My gut reflex was to say no immediately without any hesitation, but something stopped my mental gears in their tracks. I remembered everything Koizumi had said but an idealistic universe, where we might not be worth anything or free and then the drunken talk I'd had with Haruhi after that. 'In vino veritas', after all. It saddens me to admit it, but Haruhi's a very depressed girl deep down, not to mention a bit confused about what she wants. All that bluster she diffuses is something of a coping mechanism, I guess. The girl denies the world and a deeper part of her for some reason. That can't be healthy, can it? Then again, am I even close to understanding what she wants? Who knows... it seems the girl is constantly shifting, like a chameleon's skin, so how sure can I really be about what she wants and what she wants to get rid off?

Maybe things would be better with Sasaki, she is definitely more stable and mature than Haruhi, but there would be a significant difference if Haruhi's powers were transferred back to Sasaki, if that really was the case. For starters, she'd know that she had unlimited power. And what's that they say about power? Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. I don't think I'd even trust myself with that power if I could choose.

"Yes, you bring up quite a good point. It's the problem with the Ring of Gyges in a way… I'm not sure if anyone should have that power either, and I'm glad to hear that you would avoid even the temptation… but maybe I could dispose of it completely…"

What?

"If this truly is limitless omnipotence we are discussing, then surely disposing of that power should be in the realm of possibility. Of course, herein, we run into the old paradox of omnipotence. Can something that can be destroyed really be considered omnipotence? Shouldn't such a force be stronger than anything else? Of course, if that forces faces itself, they would be equal, wouldn't they? Like the unstoppable force meeting the unmovable object. Such a thing couldn't really happen in this reality, as the force would require an infinite amount of energy while the object would require infinite mass, but with Suzumiya-san's powers, such irregularities could supposedly be called into existence. However, I sincerely doubt our universe could handle such things. The infinite mass would probably crush us and the infinite energy might fry us. In the end, attempting to destroy omnipotence could result in a total cancellation of the universe as it puffs away in a cloud of logical paradox, because two equal opposites should not amount in either side winning."

Ah… yeah, sure, whatever you say. Poof... pop goes the weasel and all that jazz.

"If the power truly is omnipotence, it should have the power to destroy anything, but if it can be overcome by anything, then it wouldn't be the greatest force imaginable, a greater force should exist, but that force would be itself… hmm, very troubling indeed."

So you're worried that it might mean the end of the world if you tried to destroy that power.

"Yes, it certainly is a possibility. There's also the chance that these powers are the only things keeping the forces of nature functioning, maintaining reality. But there's something else. If I were to take that power… do you think I would use it wisely?"

Why are you asking me?

"Out of a significant amount of people, you are probably one of those who knows me best, and the only one of that group who understands the situation we are in. In fact, you know it better than I do currently. So, do you think it would be wise to take this power they are offering me? I think I might be tempted to use it, to change things, to make things better for everyone. And if this is true omnipotence, it should also grant me omniscience if I wished for it, so I should be able to make the right decisions easily. But what if humanity isn't right?"

'Isn't _right_'? What's that supposed to mean?

"What if we're a sort of mistake, messing everything up? It seems to me that the space-time continuum is in peril, possibly simply because of one person like Suzumiya-san, but it could also be the time travellers' fault. What if I were to see that removing humans and their destructive capabilities was the right thing to do for the whole universe, or even humans themselves?" Sasaki was starting to sound a little anxious. Her ridiculously long sentences were coming out a bit faster than usual. I had a hard enough time following them as it was without them slowly accelerating.

Okay, stop right there. We're getting nowhere with this.

"I know, that's exactly my point," she said, inclining her head slightly, pinching the small bridge of her nose with her right hand. She also closed her eyes, clearly straining to put her overwhelming and complex thoughts to words, for my sake most likely. "I don't know what to do. No option seems better than the other. Do I take control? But what if I mess up? And to leave the world in unsafe hands where anything could happen and destroy us all just because of the childish desires of a girl… I mean, what if one day she subconsciously wills something dangerous into existence or thinks it'd be cool if everyone could fly and gravity disappears and everyone floats off into space…"

Hey, don't think like that. Who's been filling your head with this nonsense?

I put my hand on her shoulder, trying to transmute my unnecessary physical support into a possibly more needed moral kind. But Sasaki barely reacted to my invasion of her personal space at all, only lifting her head to look me in the eyes. She stared at my with such an invasive look that it was me who was actually starting to feel uncomfortable with the whole situation rather than her.

Sasaki's brows furrowed some more as she continued thinking. Her slender jaw was set firmly as her mind continued racing, going over who knows how many possibilities and options. She tilted her head, almost like hoping some of them would spill out. She gave an exasperated sigh as she looked away and muttered rather pensively, "…It's too much… There's just too much to consider..."

I really didn't know what to do in this situation. In fact, I wasn't even sure if Sasaki was even in need of any kind of help. She certainly didn't really look like it, more like she was considering how to start writing an essay with a very ambiguous leading question with a limited amount of time simply to understand what it was that needed to be answered. Even so, I felt I should say something to help, even if it might not be necessary. In a way, I felt slightly at fault for the troubling thoughts in her head.

"Hey, look, it's okay, don't worry. Nothing like that would happen. You're thinking way too much, just slow down. I can barely follow." I gave the shoulder I'd been holding what I hoped was a comforting and reassuring tap. I really didn't know what to do with Sasaki. She just seemed so... beyond me.

Sasaki looked upwards reflectively, her lips moving a little, like she was going through some mental notes. "I… I don't know what to do. Why exactly have I been given this role to decide? I'm just one person… how do I know what to do to save the universe? How do I know what's right thing to do? What gives me the right to decide at all? How could one person ever be held accountable for so much?" Sasaki muttered in a hushed voice, more to herself than anything.

"I know… I think I know how you feel… I feel like that _way_ too often myself."

Sasaki gave a little sigh. I could feel her shoulder slag a little as she started to relax a bit in against my hand before she looked at me with a face I thought looked like it was uncertain of whether to go ahead and show a glum expression or not. "How do you deal with all the stress, Kyon?" she asked, still sounding as calm and collected as always, although perhaps a tad curious as well.

I thought about this for a moment, and to my surprise, something that actually felt poignant, at least from me, popped up into my head.

"Just one day at a time," I said as I shrugged, letting go of Sasaki's shoulder, realizing only now how long I'd persisted in that useless show of support.

It was true, after all. I really didn't like to think too much about these things, they were too depressing when you got right down to it. I cross my bridges when I get to them; that idiom's served me pretty well so far.

"Thank you, Kyon, it's comforting to know I'm not alone with these dilemmas," Sasaki said, giving me a little smile as she looked back at me in the eyes again.

"Uhm... no problem..." I hadn't even realized I had helped.

Sasaki sighed sullenly, before she continued, "In any case, I'm sorry you had to see that little… outburst. I really should have better control over myself. I apologise. I guess this was just my… just my little personal 'dark night of the soul'." She smirked with knowing affection at this, like she'd just heard a joke a long lost grandparent had once told her, bringing up warm fuzzy feelings of nostalgia. Then she shook her head, ridding it of useless things, the sharp focus returning into her eyes I had become comfortable with in all my time knowing her.

Outburst? That wasn't really an outburst at all. Maybe just a little bit of venting. I mean, sure, you were talking a bit faster than usual, looking like you were trying to solve a really difficult test question in 3 seconds, but an outburst? No way. I've seen plenty of outbursts, (how could I not with Haruhi around?), and that was as far away from one as possible. It's the decibel of your words that matters, the raw emotion in the words, not the speed the relative speed they're unleashed at. If anything, now that I think about it, your words could just as easily have been taken as excitement or nervousness. I'm not sure if it was one or the other or both or maybe even neither one at all. Sasaki's almost harder to read than the likes of Nagato and Haruhi combined for some reason.

"I think we should head back," Sasaki said, brushing away some of her hair away from her face, only to have it gently swish back to an almost exact place from which the hair had started its short lived expedition across her head.

Yeah. I looked around and noticed that we were very close to a familiar looking restroom. My eyes quickly swivelled around and spotted what I had been afraid to find. The circus tent was way too close. And guessing by the crowds filing out, we didn't have any time to waste at all.

"Come on, we gotta go. Now." I grabbed her hand and pulled her away.

"Huh? What?" Sasaki asked, looking genuinely shocked.

"Trust me!" I said, picking up the pace.

"I – okay," Sasaki said, joining me in a swift trot as I led us quickly back to where we had left the three suspicious 'friends' of hers. The place was empty of them, but packed with passing crowds just as the rest of the carnival.

"What was that about?" Sasaki asked when she was certain I wouldn't suddenly pull her along again.

I gave her a look, wondering just how much I really could trust her in the end. I settled on a compromise: nothing too revealing but informative enough anyway. The reaction could tell me a lot about Sasaki and where I stood with her. "Future stuff."

"Ah, I see..."

Good reaction, I guess...

"I'm sure you'll tell me more when the time is right."

A _really_ good reaction. Maybe a bit _too_ good...

Stop being so paranoid.

It's served me pretty well so far.

Good point.

Sasaki looked around, no doubt trying spot her comrades.

"Why do you hang around with them?" I asked, wondering why I hadn't really done so before. "You're not really friends with them, are you?"

"They're interesting." Sasaki turned around to look at me. "They're aliens, time travellers and espers after all, why wouldn't I be interested in them?"

So, it's just business, really. Sounds like Sasaki; she always kept an objective distance to everything.

"I guess it's something like that. I don't see what's so wrong about them, like you do."

"It's that obvious?"

"Heh, well, yeah. They don't seem all that different from your friends in that – Brigade was it?"

"Hmm, yeah... I guess. I just don't trust them."

"Well, I prefer a lie from an honest face than a lie from dishonest face."

"What?"

"Sorry. What I mean is... well, look at it this way: those three 'friends' of mine came to me with no pretence. They are as they appear, their personalities aren't artificial constructs. If they were, they (mainly Fujiwara and Suou Kuyou) would be far more approachable. Unlike your club mates who seem all to fit certain stereotypical social roles. You didn't get to really know them until after Suzumiya Haruhi introduced them to you, did you?"

Uhm, let me see, it's been a while... Yeah, I think that's how it went. What of it?

"They probably had to fill some sort of criteria for her, and not just the supernatural facets she's not even fully aware of, but personality-wise as well. They had to set up a pretence, a functionality in order to work within the club. They wear masks, bigger ones than most people on average do because they _have_ to fit into her little club, it's their job after all. If they are wise, they won't reveal to you the full extent of their possible personality discrepancies within the club setting and without. It could cause too much disharmony if you for example knew how different they are around Suzumiya and with others."

"And I thought I was paranoid." Although, Koizumi had said he was a different guy in reality...

Sasaki chuckled. "Yes, I suppose that's some reasonable criticism. Of course, I face even what I am told by the others with a grain of salt. It seems to me that everyone has their own agenda in this, so I'm careful not to take any single person's word completely in confidence. I carefully compare everything with what all the others say as well."

"... Sasaki..."

"Yes?" she asked expectantly.

"Can I trust you?"

Sasaki smiled coyly at this. "Probably. No promises though."

I wonder why I'm smiling at something like this.

Sasaki's phone rang. She answered it and had a brief talk with the person on the other side.

"Well, they found a place, a quiet one, but it's on the other side of the carnival. But that only means we can keep on talking together in private, right? Preferably about some lighter topics than the earlier ones."

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Sasaki pointed in a direction and took the lead for the beginning, but I soon drifted to her side.

"Hmm, all this fantastic stuff we're surrounded by, really makes me wonder, what's it all about?"

All of it?

"_All_ of it." Sasaki turned her head levelly to look at me as we continued walking. "Not just the plans of all the groups around us, but in a more... cosmic sense. Why now? Why us? Where are we going with this? You know, all sorts of questions about Life, the Universe and Everything, and even abstract things like fatalism and spiritual things as well."

"Yeah, I guess something like divine plans and gods would fit into all of this."

Sasaki sighed, stretching her neck a little bit before she returned her focus back to me. "You know, I don't understand why everyone always equates spirituality with religious thoughts. Sure, they're related to an extent, but so are a lot of things with spirituality. Prayer, meditation and deep thought aren't really all that different, are they? You can achieve spiritual growth through various ways and experiences as well. It's all just a matter of... depth. It's not about the target of the focus, but the very process itself. Another thing that's always struck me as weird is how surprisingly many people always think someone is essentially a nihilist if they don't believe in something supernatural. There are things far more worth believing in that have greater and more direct relationships with our lives. Things that ultimately matter a lot more than the supernatural, which is a rather silly concept to be honest; if something exists, it's a part of the universe, a natural part of it."

Then what should one spend their time believing in?

"Justice, peace, morality," Sasaki said sternly. "Things like that. All the really important things."

But... you don't need to believe in those things, they just sort of... are.

"Hardly. Justice only works when people believe in it strongly, so strongly that they decide to serve it. I know this will come off as rather relativist, but I think it's close to the truth. Morality and such are purely human constructs; they don't really exist in the universe without humans, humans who believe in them. But I think morality isn't really that relative, because the concept of right and wrong will always essentially lead to the same conclusions if followed logically. The terms are kind of self defining and as many philologists have pointed out, there is a very large linguistic problem of association with the concept of 'good'. Good doesn't just mean morally right in most languages, as it has many other connotations, and if viewed from a naturalistic view like that of Aristotle's, the things that allow humans to naturally flourish would be deemed good and then be seen as being morally superior through possibly fallacious logic."

Uhmm, okay... apparently I have no idea what 'good' means.

"The problem with such naturalistic ethics is of course that how things _ought _to be does not necessarily follow from how things _are_. More importantly, what allows a species, any species, to flourish is dependent on the environment and the species' adaptability. That's why morality can't really be 'natural', but is in fact something that is _unnatural_. But just because justice and morality are unnatural, that doesn't mean they're wrong in any way. Things like that enrich our lives, they don't detract from them in any way. What is right is just as unnatural as medicine. I can't stand people who say something is wrong, sometimes even in a moral sense, on the grounds that it's unnatural when they themselves enjoy plenty of unnatural things like clothing, health care, cooked food, electricity, housing etc. A fully natural life would have us back in the wild, at the mercy of natural selection once again. Right and wrong aren't a part of nature. Nature is merely about survival, it's brutal. Our unnatural lives are far better."

"Hmm, I never thought of it like that."

"Most people don't think of such things much at all, and yet they still have huge debates about such matters, even if they're presumptions and basic arguments aren't even consistent and sound. But enough about meta-ethics, it's not something I really enjoy discussing."

Really? You could have fooled me. But whatever would you like to discuss? A change in subject would be nice. I don't think I can contribute much to conversation on this level.

"Something a bit more abstract, speculative... Something we really don't know about one way or another... Something like..."

Sasaki looked around. Her head stopped turning when she saw a game of cards that looked a lot like a surprisingly well working experiment in swindling. I had half a mind to go over there and warn the young looking kids losing their money for nothing when Sasaki said, "Freedom of will. Fate. Predestination."

Really? Now that's a bit surprising, considering how relevant those things have suddenly come in my life. These still aren't things I like reflecting on too much, but maybe Sasaki could offer a new, fresh, and hopefully better perspective on these matters.

"Hmm, yes, Suzumiya's presence does throw a lot of things to doubt, if even half of what I have been told is true, but... You know, free will is a rather suspect thing even without god-like creatures about."

Okay, what the hell are you talking about now? If you remove God and other highflying ideas like fate from the equation, aren't we practically 'condemned to be free'?

"Well, science, really. Science is all about taking different factors and forming a hypothesis in order to predict results. The core of science is to discover regularity. It reduces the complexities of life into understandable parts (but definitely not simpler as opponents of science would have you believe). And as these little parts start to become clearer, we see that beautiful patterns start to emerge. Predictable patterns."

So what you're saying is, even without fate or God, we still might not actually be free at all?

"Yes, exactly. Although the debate on nature versus nurture still rages, we can see certain trends emerge. I think the two contribute equally, in a restricting manner, really, although the two methods give us the essential tools to learn. Genes probably have a rather large effect on a person's personality, regarding aggressiveness and passiveness at least. I mean, why not? Some chemical compounds are used to sedate us, other drugs excite us; genes are essentially chemicals as well, and they affect how are brains are structured. It all seems to be very physically dependant."

That makes sense. Haruhi probably has an overdose of some chemical in her body… or maybe lack of something. I wonder if common sense has a gene for it?

"Parents, teachers, preachers, friends, culture, everything around us in societies affects us. Schemas are installed. We always approach something from a similar perspective, applying stereotypes. It aides in the decision making process, makes it more efficient. If something works, don't fix it. But those schemas aren't always equipped for all situations, only the environment it has worked in, so when something changes, confusion and fear arise. But I'm not going to get into xenophobia now or other forms of prejudice. These schemas, in a way, are a form of brainwashing, although essentially, it's just a matter of installing stereotypes.

People like to act like they despise stereotypes, yet most of the time they themselves are extremely busy trying to fit into one or another. It's understandable. Stereotypes give us a sense of normality. Humans are always seeking regularity in the world, hence the rising popularity in scientific studies, where we discover the 'stereotypes' of nature so we can predict outcomes. This goes for everyday life as well. Stereotypes help us deal with casual acquaintances. Forming differing and detailed opinions of everyone we meet would be foolhardy and time consuming. Stereotypes facilitate easier social conduct. This is why people also assume a certain role to act when they come into contact with other people, so that they too can be understood easier and communication can be established, for the most part, this is merely adopting a polite smile when meeting other people. Many social groups function with people performing a certain identifiable role, like an alpha male or even a class clown, yet they can act completely differently with other people, like their parents for example. There's nothing wrong with it, just with the hypocrisy involved, which I sometimes find tiresome. It's simply necessary considering our limitations to function using these prescribed scripts instead of actually thinking too much."

What scripts? I'm not an actor on the stage of the world... I'm not sure I really get what you're saying, but I really don't know much about philosophy or psychology, so I'm probably responding out of ignorance.

"People like to file other people into simple and easy to understand compartments; it just makes life less demanding. But because of this behaviour, they too often lose the ability to fully understand people, as in their minds the other people are reduced into one-dimensional characters that perform according to a script they expect. And when they see something that slightly diverges from the known and safe views they have, they respond with the typical protocols associated with incapability to understand. Nothing is really out of character for anyone, it only seems so because we never see past the roles we give, support and use ourselves. The self is _indefinable_. Humans aren't two-faced, no, that would be too easy; we're multi-faced. We adapt. Under all the tribal face paint of society, there is no telling what is really going on. We don't really understand another. How could we as we all live subjective lives? Separated not only by physical distances but mental ones as well.

This is how someone taken for a lazy coward can one day display immense courage in the face of a disaster, taking everyone by surprise with unfamiliar bravery. How an upstanding citizen might one day do something that startles and shocks a community. How a perfectly normal school boy everyone knows to be such with absolute certainty, can suddenly one day go and get a gun with which to shoot everyone they know, without anyone even suspecting anything. And yet people always insist that they know another person, when they are only familiar with one facet of that person, the person that has been constructed for their benefit and is further warped by their own perception. The situational masks we use… they hold us apart, but because we couldn't possibly handle everything that's behind them. It's a double edged sword. We lose either way."

No need to paint such a grim picture for even someone as dense as me to get the point this time.

Sasaki continued, shifting into the next gear. "Psychological studies have revealed that we make many decisions subconsciously before we're even fully aware of them. In a test, neurons and synapses for moving a hand would start firing before the decision was consciously even made. Maybe it wasn't even made at all, perhaps the conscious mind is only rationalizing acts it doesn't really choose, creating a delusion of control. The brain is like a computer, with complex responses. In a way, even our talk of this matter is only a response to something that happened earlier, merely a piece in a chain. Taking the reductive nature of science and applying it to these findings, perhaps we could find a way to predict human behaviour. Right now, it wouldn't work because there are just too many unknown and unquantifiable factors, but in theory, I think it could be done. I wish we had an answer to it; then we could probably tell for certain if we truly are free. Now, if everything could be predicted, how could we explain occasional unpredictable events? Well the Universe will provide. Have you ever heard of Brownian motion?"

Does it have something to do with swilling tea?

"Ha, no. Like some behavioural 'irregularities' are due to differences in genes and chemical imbalances in the brain, this randomness has its roots somewhere, it's not truly 'random' in a true sense of the word, as there's a reason for it. In nature, as in a physics level nature, some particles really do move in random and unpredictable manners. The randomness of particle movement is due to collisions with other particles. I'm not sure, but if you could somehow account for all the particles in some sort of simulation, I think you might be able to predict the movement's course. It seems that we simply can't just see the factors affecting it yet with our current technology, nor even hope to track it all, there's just too much to account for (you'd have to account for _all_ the particles in the air to make this work). But let's assume the movement of these particles really is random. Well, what is a functioning brain if not particles, electrical charges, moving through it?

Perhaps the only reason we have differing thoughts and inspirations is because something goes 'wrong' on the fundamental level with the particles, causing a sort of chain reaction within the mind that results in alternative behaviour, as one accidental action potential occurs and sends a message across synapses. I mean, after all, our physical appearances are mainly different through slight mutations in the genes over generations; perhaps something similar is going on in our brains? Occasional randomness, like once in a while making a wrong decision or something unexpected, would create the illusion of free will, especially when our conscious mind would then rationalize it as a free choice. The apparent learning experience occurring is also added programming that will allow us to give the proper response the next time, creating new synaptic connections, barring anything 'random' happening again. This is all highly speculative of course, but it's fun to consider things like that."

It seems we have really different ideas on what constitutes fun. Then again, I'm not sure if there's exactly anyone I know that really shares my ideas on fun.

"According to some fairly recent ideas in physics," Sasaki said, still as enthusiastic as she had been when she'd started, opening up a new conversation (or maybe she was simply continuing the last one. I honestly can't really say. I'm a monkey out of the trees in all of this). "The universe as we know it now might not have been the first reality to exist. Recent ideas like quantum gravity and string theory seem to suggest that the Big Bang –"

– I can't believe serious scientists actually came up with that innuendo laden name –

"– was merely the forming of the universe as we know it. Now, I'm certainly no expert in these areas, so you should take what I have to say with some reservation. These concepts are supposedly hard to grasp even by experts and I'm nowhere _near_ their level. Anyway, there have also been findings that seem to have revealed some background radiation that is older than the Big Bang estimates. Suggesting that either the Big Bang Theory is faulty or that time existed before the Universe as we know it, instead of beginning along with the birth of our Universe. Then again, time is relative depending on velocities of the observer and the radiation's source, so the measurements might be flawed. Or… I might just have read some outdated info, but it's exciting in any case, isn't?"

Huh, what? Yeah, ancient radiation. Should we get inside a shelter or something to avoid the fallout?

"If this really is the case, that our Universe merely came about from the collapse of a previous one (and further studying must be carried out), it would nicely conform with some philosophical theories on our Universe's origins. Nothing can come out of nothing, right? Unless you subscribe to the more imaginative theories on our origins, of course. I've always assumed that matter must have existed before our Universe as we know it as was formed. Matter is finite, there is never more or less of it, it's all a matter of a fixed amount of particles, just changing form. So, in order for us to be here, there must have been something before. But! Here we run into another classic philosophical problem. What came before that? And before that? The easy way out is God of course, for the intellectually lazy or those who see these matters as a case of idiot scepticism. After all, it does get kind of silly if there is an infinite chain of Universes, but this is where causality leads us, and I think most people would agree that causality governs the Universe. It's really an arbitrary thing where you place the alpha and omega of existence, some put it at God, some with the Universe itself, and some don't put it anywhere.

I think I would probably fall in with the latter crowd on this matter, it just seems to make sense to me, it's where the logic of causality leads, as ridiculous as it may sound from a common sense perspective. It's essentially as foolishly arbitrary as the others, but time keeping has always been an arbitrary thing, even without relativity. I rather prefer the idea of Eternal Resurgence. It's kind of like reincarnation, in a way, I suppose, but not really at all. In Eternal Resurgence, the Universe is repeated forever. This is probably because the factors at the end of the Universe are pretty much the same as in the beginning, you know, because there's still the same amount of matter and energy, coming together once again. In effect, this repetition would mean we only live one life.

Of course, this brings to mind various ideas on predestination and the true nature of time, that is, if it's all 'happened' already and we are only capable seeing a small part of it. I think the data entities might work in a way that allows them to see a wider scale of time than we can and you'd think the time travellers would know about it as well, which begs the question, why would such fatalistic beings bother doing anything when everything has already happened, or been predetermined, depending on your perspective. (Not that they'd have a choice in the matter, but if you knew what happened to you from the very beginning... hmmm)"

I sighed. "You really should discuss matters like this with Ko... with someone else."

Sasaki raised a dignified eyebrow at me. "I see... I'm not boring you, am I?"

But before I could answer: "You have something on your mind... Your own problems, of course. Just what is going to happen? It must be something... very drastic."

I gave her a questioning look she met fearlessly.

"Just a matter of simple deductions, really. If you'd like, I could tell you my theory on what's been – sorry, will happen."

Go right ahead. As long as it's not more heavy talk like before that just seems to go on and on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever...

"Something will happen to the Brigade, something that will shake your trust in them. This I know, because you arrived here alone, despite already knowing what would happen in the future, and instead of seeking out your compatriots who have – I've heard – always helped you with problems associated with time travel before. But you came to us, even if it wasn't entirely done willingly on your part. Furthermore, just like now, you were about to mention one of them, weren't you? Koizumi, the 'philosopher' of your group. You've been rather closemouthed about details concerning the Brigade so far, but I had assumed this was out of a sense of security and distrust towards the others. But your hesitancy to mention Koizumi by name makes me think he is somehow involved with the 'crisis' Fujiwara and the others warned us about. It would seem your secrecy might merely have been a means of avoiding your hurt feelings."

I could only gape at Sasaki, the cute little female Sherlock Holmes I knew.

"I'd like to hear more, but we should probably wait and tell everyone else at the same time. Ah, seems like we've arrived just in time anyway," Sasaki said, smiling brightly as she pointed at a shaded and peaceful looking cafe. I could actually spot the silhouettes of the three others under the large tarpaulin that covered a great deal of tables. I don't know why, but they were the cafe's only customers, although a lot of parched looking people were about. For some reason, they seemed to be unable to see the cafe, gravitating towards the other culinary establishments.

I still wasn't really sure if this was the right thing to do. I don't think I can really trust them, but they might be able to help, so it's worth the risk, I suppose. They might not be on our side, but our goals could coincide this time. 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend' sort of thing, considering future developments, although this was more of a 'my still possible enemy wanting to be friends with me so they could hurt my old friends/new possible enemies'.

"Right, let's get down to business," Sasaki said, rubbing her hands together theatrically before she took the still lingering choice of alliances out of my hands and pulled me into the dark shade.


	11. The other side

"Can we get on with this already?" Fujiwara asked impatiently, sounding more annoying than usually, having had to wait who knows how long for us. "I don't even want to know what you two were up to just so we can speed up the _obviously_ trivial matter of saving the day. It's the Big Damn Heroes moment you must love to bathe in as all the girls stare adoringly but coyly at you, no doubt blushing at your amazing prowess."

What an asshole. I should just take my expensive tea and throw it in his face.

"Uhum," went Tachibana Kyoko, tentatively rubbing her lower lip with the side of an index finger as she gave Fujiwara a disapproving look. "Yes, we really should get started."

I gave Sasaki a glance, but she only smiled at me in an amused manner.

"First, we'll require a general account of the events. We'll ask for details when we need them," Fujiwara said, as if he hadn't even heard Tachibana Kyoko.

"And where would you like to start?" I asked, straining to put as much sarcastic venom in my voice as such a polite question could hold.

"Where you, the other you, is presently," Fujiwara answered like it was such an obvious thing even little children would know it.

I looked at my watch. I think we were just going around at the moment, getting close to the roller coaster, I guess. I hadn't really been keeping time back then, so it's not easy to say.

"Just information, not excuses, _thank_ you very much."

My tea is still pretty close to scalding, you know.

"And _then_?"

Nothing really happened that day. We went to the firework show and then... had a lively evening. There were only slight signs of suspicious things in the works.

"Hmm..." Fujiwara gave his surroundings a thoughtful look, drumming the table with his fingers, but fortunately didn't pry for details. It's quite amazing how he can still look like such a hateful prick even when simply contemplating.

"So it's only tomorrow that something happens? It's by the 'Organization', isn't it?" Tachibana Kyoko asked eagerly.

"Yes."

"I knew it," she said with surprising smugness. "So what exactly do they do? What's their plan?"

They intended to put Haruhi in coma or something.

"Ah, I see..." Tachibana Kyoko said, giving her chin a thoughtful rub as she looked away, loosing herself in her thoughts as well, just like Fujiwara, but apparently going deeper as she propped her head against her hand on the table. "Figures..."

I couldn't help but ask: "And if Sasaki ever turned to be as unstable as you deem Haruhi, how would _you_ respond?"

"I really don't think it would ever come to that with her," she said, still looking away, avoiding my question.

Sasaki continued smiling as she stared at the girl with mild interest but didn't say anything. I had brought the matter up, and in front of Sasaki, which mattered more than just simply asking, so I decided to continue. There would be other times to poke holes in these people's plans.

Well, then I took Haruhi away and we ran into some problems with the IDSE aliens. Nothing big, they just wanted to kill me. Something about the situation deteriorating. I hadn't really been listening. La Resistance had won out in the end, so it didn't really matter.

I gave Kuyou a glance, but she was as unresponsive as always under her little hut of hair.

Then we got to the time travellers. They'd been ordered not to use time travel, but more rebellious behaviour had set me free.

Fujiwara tutted in an annoyed manner, giving his eyes a little roll. "Rebellious... _right_. You're so incredibly easy. Is a pretty face all that's required with you?"

What's _that_ supposed to mean?

"Nothing. Continue."

Then we got to the tricky part. Just how much should I tell these people? Could I trust them with the knowledge that Haruhi was back in the past along with me? I definitely wasn't telling them where she was now, but how much of a risk would it be to tell them when Haruhi was?

"Well? What did you do? How did you escape? How did you save the girl?"

Damn, I don't know what to do. I actually might need their help, so the more they know about the situation, the better they can help me. But they're only situational allies...

"Come on, we haven't got all day."

Damn, damn, damn. Stop cursing and start thinking!

Fujiwara let out an exasperated sigh, turning his head to stare directly at me with a disgusted sneer. "Look, we already know you accessed time travel tech since you're here. What did you do with the girl? You didn't just leave her there, did you? Certainly going to the past to recruit early reinforcements for a timely arrival at the exact moment you left that particular time plane would be a plan, a risky one, but I sincerely doubt you have either the intelligence or the foolhardy courage to try it. So, where is Suzumiya?"

Tachibana Kyoko was staring at me so intently she looked like wolf that wanted to gobble me up, a cute wolf, but a wolf nonetheless. Kuyou had merely shifted her tired eyes towards a spot in the middle of the round table we were seated at.

"Calm down. If he doesn't want to say, he doesn't have to," said Sasaki, who was sitting next to me.

"But this is important!" Tachibana Kyoko blurted.

I gave her another look, along with Sasaki. She seemed to be unsettled by our united staring front and blushed a little, looking down into her lap where she folded her hands. She pursed her lips and remained like that until Sasaki and I pulled out from Operation: Invasive Stare.

"Fine. Just tell us if you did indeed bring her back. We don't actually _need_" – Fujiwara gave Tachibana Kyoko, who was still giving her lap its due attention, a sharp glance – "to know where she is."

Fine. She is back here in the past as well. Safe.

"Whatever," Fujiwara said, leaning back into his chair, looking upwards thoughtfully. "One more thing, how did you know beforehand something was going to happen? And why move backwards in time the amount you did?"

Tomorrow I would have to visit my past self and give him a warning.

A nastier look than his standard one passed over Fujiwara's face, but disappeared quickly. "I suppose it can't be avoided if we want to achieve the prerequisites for our meeting."

Our group was silent for a long while after that remark.

Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. "Well?"

"Well what?" Fujiwara asked, sounding very annoyed, without taking his eyes off the huge canvas covering us.

"What are we going to do?"

"How should I know?"

B-but you're –

"Oh, we'll think of something, but it's going to take some time to come up with a way to clean up _your_ mess with as little trouble as possible."

Fujiwara then launched a conversation with Tachibana Kyoko and Suou Kuyou that I had trouble following. This was because they were using a lot of weird terms and words that sounded suspiciously like complex acronyms. This was rather surprising. Despite there apparently being little chemistry between them, they seemed to be a lot more open with their info than the three special people in the SOS-Brigade. Every time we got together to face a new threat, everyone was providing brand new information for the others. It made me realize that despite the pleasant feeling of camaraderie we shared, we didn't feel like trusting each other with crucial info like these people. It saddened me when I realized that even I kept important things from my friends. They had their secrets and I had mine; number one among them being my little trump card, me and Haruhi's special link with John Smith.

Just how could these people trust each other like this when even we couldn't? What was wrong with _us_?

The three talked for hours. Sasaki would occasionally interrupt them with a comment or a question. Unfortunately I just couldn't follow them at all. Not only was it difficult to follow because of the cryptic nature of the conversation, but I was starting to feel drowsy as well in the warm noon heat, my sleepless night finally starting to catch up with me.

I yawned like a mighty lion, trying to scare the sleepiness away, but I was quickly overwhelmed. I entered a dark realm of shadows that quickly disappeared as my consciousness switched shifts with my subconsciousness.

Yes, the following was a dream, although at the time I hadn't been aware of it.

When I woke up, I found myself on a familiar beach. I was lying in the warm, smooth, white sand as waves kept lapping at my feet.

I heard giggling and splashing. Turning my head, I noticed the girls playing in the sparkling surf. I shielded my eyes from the glare of the sun so I could determine the real shape of the silhouettes. They were a _lovely_ bunch of silhouettes.

"Your drink, your grace," a refined voice said, coming from my other side.

I turned my head again and found a smiling Koizumi standing next to me with a wide silver platter in one hand, a towel draped over the other like a waiter would have done. In fact, he was just like a waiter. The purveyance of this image was probably helped by the fact that he actually _was_ wearing a waiter's outfit. I also noted the shackles complete with heavy looking weights around his feet.

"Why... are you serving me?" I decided to ask first.

"Perhaps there is something you specifically want from me, your grace, and not" – Koizumi coughed politely, nodding at the lovely silhouettes – "one of them."

One of my eyebrows went into a suspicious position immediately. "I doubt it."

"Not like that, your grace."

Koizumi really could pull off a refined, slightly snooty, butler.

"Well if that's case... Stopping to call me 'your grace' would be a nice start."

"Yes, sir."

Eh, that'll do.

"Why am I here? Why is" – I gave the playing girls a closer look – "_Everyone_ here?"

"You requested it, sir."

"Requested?"

"In a manner of speaking. You were under quite a deal of unfair duress, in need of a stress relieving surrounding, sir."

"And that means barely clad teenage girls?"

"I believe so, sir. Your drink," Koizumi said, lowering his platter on which a tall ice filled glass of something pink was looking incredibly good under the hot rays of the beach sun.

I took it and sipped appreciatively on a little straw, smirking broadly.

"Aaah. I could really grow to like this," I said, returning my attention to the frolicking girls.

"I would be incredibly surprised if you didn't... sir."

I gave the despondent sounding Koizumi a look, but the guy had disappeared, shackles and all. Not even his foot prints remained to disturb the clean sand.

"Hey, Kyon! Get over here! We're about to put sunscreen on each other and we could use some help! And then there's the kissing contest you'll have to judge as well!" I heard an authoritative sounding girl shout.

"Hnffs?!" I shouted in shock, suddenly discovering myself in a pool of my drool against the table.

I got up and drowsily looked around for a napkin, so I could clean my wet face.

"Ugh, here, you disgusting thing," Fujiwara's irritating voice focused my mind immediately. "I can barely stand the sight of you when you _aren't_ covered in your fluids."

I took the napkin he handed me and proceeded to wipe my face. Looking around, as I cleaned my face, I noticed that Sasaki and Tachibana Kyoko had disappeared. Fujiwara and Kuyou sat together on the other side, both staring at me with uncaring eyes, but both still managing to do so in completely different manners. Kuyou's was a generally neutral and apathetic one while Fujiwara's easily conveyed his contempt for my well being at the same time. But before I could ask where the two other girls were, the smug looking bastard beat me to the punch.

"Had a nightmare, did we?" he asked with that mocking voice of his that made me wish I had something like a baseball bat to strike the source with.

"Shut up."

"Dreams…" Fujiwara said musingly, as he took out a spoon from a fresh drink he'd ordered and sucked on it a little. "You might be surprised, but even in the future, the human mind is still the greatest mystery in the universe. Most theories have to do with information processing, about memory transfer from short-term to long-term, but I've always liked the old school hypotheses, about the mind relieving pent up pressure created by the repressed mental drives, providing fantasies, dreams, even hallucinations in extreme situations with which to appease those desires."

"What, more Id talk?" I asked, feeling like I could impress the jerk with this little bit of trivia.

"Of course," Fujiwara said, placing the spoon back in his cup and giving its contents a proper mixing. "Freud was the father of psychoanalysis, for better or for worse. It's rather difficult to avoid such a prominent figure when discussing the mind. And of course, he's one of the only psychologists to receive mainstream attention to any great degree, so it's far easier to discuss. But I can't understand how anyone could possibly see any of it as simply anything… natural in your case."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Suzumiya, of course. I think it's far more likely that she's manipulating your mental states and thoughts through her powers."

"She wouldn't do that. I don't think she even could."

I really didn't want to discuss something like this with this bastard, but apparently the idiot couldn't take a hint. Although... what about those recent dreams of mine? If Haruhi and I really are somehow linked, or that she controls everything, then those dreams I've had about her…

Fujiwara laughed heartily at my words, shaking his head in amused disbelief, before he gave me a mocking look. "You're naivety is just endlessly amusing. You're such a _good_ little boy, aren't you? Or perhaps… something else, a mental block perhaps? Keeping you from thinking badly of your slave master?"

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Are you serious? You've seen the extent of her powers. As far as anyone can tell, she's omnipotent. And you think her control over this world is somehow off limits to your mind? You really haven't even considered it? I really must wonder if you're actually that stupid or simply being manipulated."

………

I had considered it... mainly because of Koizumi of course. If I had any real choice in the matter, I would gladly remain blissfully ignorant of whatever forces controlled me. I'm a fellow who likes to live in peace with his comforting delusions. I left the search for truth with people of Koizumi's and Sasaki's calibre. Besides, the last time I had really considered such matters it had ended in... a bloody forehead, soulful talks, a warm comforting feeling against my back with a sweet scent hanging about and my shirt being covered in a wet, sloppy mess and of course – this is something I will never forget in my life – two girls kissing. All in all, perhaps not the worst result imaginable, but something I think I could have lived without in the final analysis.

"Don't you see? This is exactly why Suzumiya's powers probably should be removed, although it's not one of my major current concerns. If she weren't omnipotent, why would everyone be so afraid of her? Obviously she possesses more power than the data entities, and their reality manipulating capabilities are incredible. But as they themselves have said, she can create new data, not just manipulate it. By the definition of such celestial beings, she is omnipotent. What is omnipotence, if not the ability to create something from nothing? She can do anything she wishes. She'll eat a paradox for breakfast if she wants. Worse yet, if she really knew, she'd probably do so eagerly. And yet... for some bizarre reason, you doubt it. If it's not her manipulation of you, then there's only one real option. And that would be because you're simply too afraid to face the consequences. You're a coward, is that it?"

My fists tightened painfully at this. I actually had to fight back a savage urge no civilized human should ever have in present times.

"Do you really think that the reason you've stayed with the SOS-Brigade is of your own volition? That you're performing a duty, saving the Earth or even simply having a good time? I think the far more likely reason is that she simply won't let you leave. You're just deluding yourself. You don't want to leave, because she doesn't want you to leave. Using all that acute understanding of other people's emotional states and thought processes, but never really turning that spyglass on the one object that really matters in all of this, yourself. And that my friend, is what they call a fatal flaw."

"Are you… threatening me?"

Fujiwara rolled his eyes. "I should have guessed... Do they even teach literature in this backwater century? Huoh. You really do have the feel of a Shakespearian fool, but you don't seem to be capable of stumbling into anything insightful regarding what's happening around you, but always remaining on the level of pointless chatter... More like Beckett's rambling Lucky with his Master Pozzo... then again, being treated like a slave who is pulled around by his noose might be better than waiting around in depression for someone to free you from a pointless existence, away from always wondering about the 'what if's' of life, free of the burden of choice......"

Just who the hell is this guy talking about?

"Hm, whatever. You should place that misaimed aggression towards someone more deserving. You're in a… vulnerable state. And no, I'm still not threatening you, but once again referring to the mess of a person that girl has left you as."

"And how are you guys any different? How can you even be sure you aren't being manipulated by her?"

"Of course we're all manipulated by her to a certain extent, but you, oh you," Fujiwara said, taking his spoon out and twirling it about showily, "you're one of her main focuses, how couldn't all your feelings and thoughts be warped by her insanity? I wonder if any of your thoughts are really your own. If anything, you're the biggest puppet of us all. The rest of us, on the sidelines, can breathe slightly easier since she isn't focusing on us. So I guess I should feel a tiny bit grateful to you, or even some pity at how little you are in control, I really should, but..." He placed the spoon back in his drink, giving it a little mix. "Someone more restrained like Sasaki would be a great improvement compared to her and not just because she might be willing to aid us in return."

Fujiwara then finally took a sip out of his drink, pursing his lips as he swilled the drink around in his mouth.

"Hm, needs more sugar," he muttered, his eyes darting to the sugar, and then up at me, since its container happened to be right next to me. We stared at each other, both trying to freeze the other with a colder stare than the other could muster.

"Never mind..." Fujiwara eventually muttered, returning to his drink.

I would have continued staring daggers at the bored looking Fujiwara – an obvious act on his part – but Kuyou's heavy voice made me flinch.

"_ Eyes _____ not so pretty __ now__"

I gaped at the weird – no, bizarre girl, but was once again sidetracked by another girl's voice.

"You really should reconsider," Tachibana Kyoko said, trailing behind Sasaki as the two weaved through the cafe's tables towards us.

"Please, not now," Sasaki said before she sat down next to me and smiled brightly. "A girl can't even go and freshen up in a washroom without being badgered about godhood."

"Not just that," Tachibana Kyoko said sternly.

"Please, I said not now. We can discuss all those matters at a different time, when we don't have to help Kyon," Sasaki told the esper, before she caught wind of the atmosphere that put a Siberian winter to shame between me and Fujiwara. "And what was going on here?"

"Merely conducting a test," Fujiwara said darkly, giving me a glare.

"Ah I see... well, speaking of helping Kyon, have you guys come up with anything?" Sasaki asked, giving the three people a scan.

"I think we can still settle this all peacefully," Tachibana Kyoko said, sitting down.

"And just what is your idea of a peaceful resolution?" I asked, accusation slipping into my voice not just because of Fujiwara, but also as the memory of Asahina-san's kidnapping returned to mind. "Someone you want to kidnap? That seems like a really popular move amongst all you espers."

Tachibana looked at me glumly for a moment, before she said in a slow voice, "No, although a bargaining chip of some kind would help a great deal." She then looked away, her usual warm smile gone for a moment, replaced by a gloomy impassiveness.

"Yes, she's quite right. We need an advantage, otherwise this can only resolve itself in a messy fight where the victor will merely be the last man standing," Fujiwara said, before he glanced at Kuyou. "But I sincerely think that adage could only be used in a purely figurative way in the end."

Kuyou merely focused her empty stare on the now probably cold drink in front of her like some ancient automaton, her head nodding down a couple of degrees rather clunkily.

"Are you sure you won't give us the location of the future Suzumiya?" Fujiwara asked.

Like hell I will.

"Then you leave us with but one choice: you."


	12. Too many girls to worry about

A couple of hours later, with sunset fast approaching, and the waves of people who had for some reason walked around our cafe starting to disperse, I stepped out into the cool evening air, yawning and stretching before I decided to indulge in a favourite pastime behaviourism.

I sighed deeply.

"We'll meet tomorrow again... here, I guess. Would you prefer a certain time?" Sasaki said as she joined me, the three others slowly making their way out from the cafe behind her.

"Just as long as it's before noon... how about around the time we got to the carnival today," I said.

"Ah, yes, of course. I almost forgot... Time travel... this is all just so new for me. I'm still having a hard time believing some of it."

"It doesn't get much easier."

"Mm, I suppose so," Sasaki hesitated for a moment, but then, "Where are you staying? I imagine your house isn't a possibility for any one of the many typical problems associated with time travel... Soo..."

"I've got a place."

"Oh, good..."

There was an odd quiet pressure around us, an unfamiliar air of uncertainty I didn't like.

"Ehm... Excuse me," Tachibana Kyoko stepped up to us, clearing her throat and testing a little smile on us.

"What?"

"I'd... I'd like a word with you, if that's okay?"

Sasaki sighed exasperatedly. "Oh, not again. Could I please go one day without you asking about –"

"A-actually, it's... Kyon, I'd like to talk to." Tachibana Kyoko looked at the ground between us, tilting her head, one foot playing with the dirt at her feet in a slow, almost coy manner, but she had a surprisingly determined look on her face.

"Oh," Sasaki blushed a little with embarrassment, "Sorry."

Well, this was weird. Maybe she wanted to discuss something, like go over some sort of detail of our plan. There wasn't really much of a plan yet to be honest, but everyone had been furiously working at it. The general goal had been agreed upon, but it was the details people hadn't been able to see eye to eye on yet.

"It's quite all right. I do bug you about it a bit too much... don't I?" Tachibana Kyoko said, still staring fixedly at the ground.

"No, it's... it's okay. I..." Sasaki glanced at me. "I guess I'll be going then. See ya."

"See ya." I watched Sasaki's back disappear into the evening and then turned back around. Fujiwara was already striding off with his hands in his pockets and his perma-sneer already back in place. Suou Kuyou was standing still, watching us from a short distance.

"So what did you want to discuss?" I asked Tachibana Kyoko.

The girl looked about, before she asked, "Do you mind if we walk? I heard there would be a fireworks display tonight."

"I guess, as long as we don't get too close."

Tachibana Kyoko blinked blankly at me.

"We, the other us, are there as well."

"Oh, I see..." She thought for a moment. "Okay, we don't have to get too close. I mean... after all... it's not about the fireworks or anything like that. I just thought they might be nice to watch..."

Why is she so tense and hesitant? Could she be… What's she planning?

"Are you sure we can't just talk here, in the open?"

"Hmm...? Oh, please, you don't have to worry. Please, I..." Tachibana Kyoko's eyes returned back to dirt inspection mode. "I really wish you didn't treat me with such suspicion. I only did what I thought was right... we wouldn't have hurt her in any way. We didn't _want_ to do it, of course not, it was just necessary... I mean... we're not... we're not _bad_ people..."

... _Okay_...

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked carefully.

"I..." she looked me dead in the eyes and said, with stunning seriousness, "I'd like to apologise once more."

"Huh?"

"For the kidnapping. For everything. Any inconvenience I, and my associates, might have caused you. Perhaps all of this is our fault. Perhaps we should have done a better job at trying to protect Sasaki. Perhaps we should have been... faster. It just all happened so quickly..."

I stared with confused shock at this weird girl. Quite simply, I was aghast.

"I apologise, for everything," Tachibana said with such sincere conviction in her voice it was like being hit in the guts, as she bowed as low as she could, remaining with her head down, her pigtails hanging limply on her head.

"Uh... it's... okay. You can get back up. Apology accepted." I glanced around but we were practically alone. Only a few occasional people passed us, and it seemed that Kuyou had disappeared during Tachibana's and my awkward talk. I wasn't sure if this was a good thing. At first I had felt embarrassed at the girl's behaviour in front of people, but now that everyone seemed to be gone, I found myself wishing this weren't the case.

Tachibana stood up straight, but avoided looking me in the eyes, still aiming low with her eyes. I don't know why this girl was making me feel so frustratingly nervous all of a sudden, but in such a different way than before. Earlier, a cold and clammy feeling had gripped my bowels whenever I met her, but now, the feeling had travelled upwards and was in my stomach proper, metamorphosing into, well, not the usual butterflies of nervousness... definitely not, but something that felt a lot more like several ravenous bugs with hundreds of legs. For some reason I couldn't explain, I suddenly felt compelled to act a bit more... nicely towards this girl.

"Hey... do you... still want to take that walk?"

Tachibana's eyes finally found my own again, as they opened wide with surprise, her eyebrows attaining new heights.

"I mean... unless that was it, of course," I hurriedly tried to take back my foolish offer. What had I been thinking?

"No!" Tachibana said, raising her hands and shaking them feverishly. "I mean... I'd like that – I mean, it's okay with me... I wouldn't mind... I mean... yes, a walk would be nice. I mean –"

"How about we just, you know, go?" I asked, scratching the back of my head, glancing around sheepishly, deeply wishing I had just walked off from the very beginning.

"Yes, all right," Tachibana said, wiggling her lips uncertainly, briefly glancing sideways.

It took an excruciatingly long while for us to actually move, probably because neither one of us was certain if the other should lead. Awkwardly one would lurch forwards, deciding to lead, stop when they thought this had been the wrong decision, move again when the other would make to follow their aborted lead, but once again stop sheepishly when the other person would stop as well, fearing _they_ had done something wrong.

Our escape from the situation came when we both moved forward at the same time and sort of lucked out by landing into a walk where neither one was leading. Tachibana smiled half-heartedly at me as we got moving, but quickly focused on where she was walking after that.

We walked in silence, both making sure there was a nice, safe distance between the two of us, as we followed the last of the crowds to go and see the show. We stopped on the borders of the field, slightly above the crowds in front of us. I feared the two of us would have to stand there in the continued awkward silence for a very long time, but soon the firework display began, filling up the void with the racket and bluster of a thunderstorm.

I watched the display once again, remembering quite clearly some of the earlier patterns, but soon encountered new ones. I guess I'd fallen asleep quite early the last time.

It was only after the final, immense blast, that the silence between the two of us was broken.

Tachibana cleared her throat and looked at me. "Beautiful, wasn't it?"

I glanced at her, putting my hands in my pockets. "Mmm… second time's the charm."

"Oh. I'd forgotten. You've already seen this. You even mentioned it," the esper looked away, giving her forehead a little punitive tap before she shook her head briefly. "Stupid."

This is so weird.

I kicked at a dirt clump, looking around. The tree was a long way off. It was unlikely Haruhi and the two other girls would walk past us on their quest for inhibition remover.

I don't know this girl at all. I don't know what she wants. But I know what I want.

"Why are you guys so hell bent against Haruhi?" I asked, deciding to fill the awkwardness with some sort conversation, possibly something productive.

"I wouldn't go that far exactly, but…" Tachibana turned back to look at me, clearing her throat. "Ahem. It's kind of hard to explain to someone who doesn't understand, who isn't one of us."

"Try," I said sternly, once again giving a nearby dirt clump an unwarranted kick.

"I guess I could…" Tachibana tapped her lips with a finger as she looked upwards thoughtfully. "Perhaps through an analogy of sorts… hmmm… let's see… I remember learning something once that I could compare it to…"

She continued muttering to herself for a while longer until she seemed to find whatever it was in the filing system of her mind.

"Ah, yes," she said, smiling broadly, "I remember now. Have you ever heard of Catharism?"

No. Although I probably should have since it seems to have something to do with cats.

Tachibana hummed an amused tune. "Nope, no cats. It was an old, probably ancient, and even more likely completely gone by now after a Catholic crusade, sect of Christianity with dualism factoring greatly into it."

Fantastic, more dualism crap. Just perfect. _Please_, tell me more, I _insist_.

"According to their beliefs, alongside God there is another, equal being of omnipotence, the Rex Mundi, the King of the World. They say the world was created not by God, but by the Rex Mundi, and that the corporeal word is evil and chaotic or just generally nasty, something like that. The spirit of Love could not reign supreme in a realm where Power rules. Love and matter are incompatible, because they don't really exist in the same sense. They worshipped the other God, the one that was completely removed from the material world, unsullied by it, who was the manifestation or something of all that is great, you know, spiritual things. I guess."

I think I'm starting to get where you're headed with this. Maybe.

"So… Haruhi is the Rex Mundi? And Sasaki is the other one?"

Take _that_ you dirty dirt clump!

"Kind of," Tachibana said her, brow knotted as she thought hard, "I'm just using something simple, like religious mythology, to help you understand, since most people are familiar with one form of it or another. It's not exactly what we think, but it parallels with most of our views in key places. The Rex Mundi was the creator of the world, but the world was sort of chaotic and corrupt, as a manifestation of his will. This is sort of the way we see the situation with Suzumiya. Four years ago, she created this world, in a way, or at least how it is presently. We don't like the uncertainty of her rule. We think Sasaki would be a far better one, for the reasons I've already told and showed you."

Yeah, I could still remember that supposed Closed Space of Sasaki's, a bright and deathly calm place, empty of anything but that shiny, warm light. It certainly was a step up from the scary darkness inside of Haruhi with rampaging giants of cold light, although not by any means a place I would like to visit again.

Were those extra dimensions really some sort of manifestations of the subconscious? If they were, they had some level of physicality to them, I'd been to them after all… while this world, the one I'm living in now… is it more like the conscious mind's world, or how the person in charge imagines life to be?

"Did that help?" Tachibana asked eagerly.

I suppose. But do you really think Sasaki would make the world a better place? How exactly? Because she would know she had powers? Couldn't you just go and try that with Haruhi? The point that she was a god who simply wasn't fully aware had already been brought up. Maybe she'd be ready to fix things if she really knew.

"Yes, but fix them for whom? Herself or the world?"

I don't think Sasaki would be that much better. Too much power might go to even her sharp head.

"I suppose it's a possibility." Tachibana looked upwards contemplatively, taking a deep breath. "It's just that Suzumiya's powers can be dangerous and I think someone like Sasaki, someone who would deeply consider all the ramifications, would be better, no matter whether she decided to use those powers or not, especially as she is not one to allow outside influences to affect her cool. There is no schism in her subconscious; she seeks to be fully true to her inner self, whatever it may be, unlike Suzumiya who is in constant denial of the reality around her.

Sasaki sees the world for what it is, instead of trying to force her thoughts and will on it, shaping it into something in her mind that it really isn't, unlike Suzumiya who is constantly trying to make reality fit her definition of it, thus changing it. Sasaki's not like most people, clouded by impressions and whatnot. She doesn't come up with empty lies to fill the void… she doesn't accept illusions of any kind. She wouldn't change the world; she'd merely make sure it functioned. Too many times people seem to forget just how _directly_ Suzumiya's powers can affect the world. In fact, we have some early reports that she nearly took your head off once."

What?! What are you talking about?

"I believe you were in the process of filming something," Tachibana said, still looking upwards pensively. "A weaponized optic laser would have killed you if not for one of the aliens' swift intervention."

Ah, yes, the one and only goddess in my world I would ever willingly shower with praise and gratitude: Nagato.

"It's odd how Suzumiya hasn't realized her own powers, if she can so directly apply them, but then again, people have a tendency of ignoring things that don't fit into their world view. And it seems that Koizumi Itsuki's 'Organization' has been working very hard to keep her passive along with you." – She quickly glanced at me – "It makes me wonder why they see her as so much of a better option than Sasaki, when they constantly have to worry about her mental states, directly and indirectly. One of their major concerns has always been that she will wipe out this realm, unsatisfied with it and create a new one."

Hmm, that _is_ kind of weird.

Awkward silence once again dropped by for an unwanted visit after that. Neither one of us seemed to be capable of thinking up anything to say. It looked like shop was all we could discuss.

Then out of nowhere, this wrecking ball of disclosure hit me:

Tachibana shuffled her feet uncertainly. "You know, I like you, I really do, quite a lot in fact. I wish we could move past our past mistakes to something more… appealing."

Huh? What? You… like me, as in… _What_?

Then, after her previous meek appearance, she however looked me fearlessly in the eyes. "Does that bother you?"

I gave her a Look, one that justified the capitalization. She stared back, unflinchingly.

"You're… actually the first girl who's gone and outright said it, I think," I said uncertainly. "That is, if you're saying what I think you're saying."

"...Cool," Tachibana said, glancing happily at the slowly emerging stars.

I gave Tachibana another Look. She just smiled back sweetly, her lovely little lips demanding more of my attention than ever before as they seemed to part slowly, almost invitingly.

Is this for real? I'm probably just imagining all of these sudden undertones, focusing on things that don't really matter, aren't significant at all… Or does she really feel this way or could this possibly be just a manipulation in order to gain my trust? Tachibana is, after all ---

…

Wait…

No. I can't believe it. How could this have happened?

Damn it.

It had taken this long for me to realize what I had been doing for quite a while now. I'd started calling the girl simply as Tachibana. And I'd been keeping such a nice distance from Kyoko by calling her...

...

TACHIBANA KYOKO!

Damn it!

Not Tachibana, not Kyoko (definitely not that), but _Tachibana Kyoko_. She's a kidnapper! Of sweet Asahina-san! I can't believe I actually have to keep reminding myself about that. This isn't good. I'm consorting with the enemy here, aren't I? I can't –

I'm wasting time here.

"I have to go," I said roughly as I quickly strode off, not even giving the girl a chance to say farewell.

I knew I was being rude (to put it lightly, since I didn't want to use profane terms related to male anatomy to describe my behaviour), whether she deserved such treatment or not, but I needed to focus on the girl that really mattered in this mess of a situation. There were too many distractions. It was as if a new army of minor ones had started to take the place of my usual distracter, the biggest one of them all, like some mysterious quota had to be filled in her absence.

I've been gone a whole day, what if she's awake? What if she still _isn't_?

"Why, hullo there, Kyon, we meet again!" an ecstatic voice broke my thoughts, like a brick through a china shop's window.

"Huh?" I gave the yukata-wrapped figure that was fast approaching a quick look over. "Tsuruya-san?"

"Hiya! Hiya!" Tsuruya-san said, clapping her hands together excitedly. "Weren't those fireworks amazing? You saw them right? How could you not?"

"I – yeah, they were great."

"Fancy the two of us meeting again like this? What would people say? Hah! Where are the others? Why are you alone again?" Tsuruya-san continued barraging me mercilessly with questions, not even waiting to hear any replies.

"I –"

"Oh well, it doesn't matter. I'm quite busy myself. There's so much going on! So much I've been put in charge of! Big things are coming for the Tsuruya clan! So I couldn't possibly even take the time off to see you guys, although I wish I could, but duty calls. I gotta go. Something really huge is in the works! So, will you tell the others 'hi' from me?"

"Uh, yeah," I managed to tell the back of Tsuruya-san's head as she nimbly spun on the heels of her sandals and quickly skipped away.

Ok, what was _that_ about? It was like she was _on_ something. Maybe I should run after her and ask for some. I've been running on nothing but fumes for the past days between Haruhi dragging the Brigade around the place and then time travel.

Gah, focus. No more distractions. Focus on Haruhi. Focus on what really matters.

Speaking of running on fumes, if Haruhi hasn't woken up, or even if she has, she hasn't had anything to eat since… I tried to do some calculus in my head but it got a bit confusing with the time travel involved. It should be something like one and a half days, for her. Even people in comas needed to be fed right? But there was the problem. How would I feed her if she hadn't woken up yet? Yogurt maybe? The swallowing reflex still works in unconscious people, right?

I was surprised at my own pragmatism. Haruhi had been alone for a full day, unconscious, and I was thinking of what to feed her, even though I had no idea in what condition she was in, or if she was even where I had left her.

A sudden need for speed entered my legs and I ran through the carnival, only stopping to buy a small bag of easily edible things with money I had been given by Sasaki after she had noticed my money deficiency in the café. The rest of the trip to the school took almost half an hour, almost half of it ending up as me leaning against a wall breathing deeply and wondering if heart attacks could occur to people as young as me instead of actually running. Thinking back on it, I should have just gently jogged. I would probably have gotten there faster that way.

When I arrived, the clubroom was exactly like it had been left by me in the morning. The canvas still hid the little sleeping dragon hidden under the table. I crawled under it and gave Haruhi a swift examination to the best of my medical knowledge. Her breathing was normal, the heart was steadily beating away, and her forehead was pleasantly warm.

For some reason, I couldn't help but sigh with deep relieve, although a small part of me was still worrying because she had hadn't woken up yet.

I looked in the bag of food I had brought and wondered what exactly I was going to do with it. There was no way I could give her anything solid, not unless it was turned into mush. Even though Haruhi had 'borrowed' quite a lot of stuff in the year she's been in this school, she hadn't acquired a blender yet. Putting the food in her mouth and helping her chew it felt stupid and I silently cursed at the even dumber idea that somehow inexplicably managed to pop into my head at feeding her like penguins did with their young. Stupid nature programs, filling my head with the dumbest, most useless of ideas, throwing out the space for proper, serious thinking. How does a person even come up with something as gross like that, even if it is by accident? That's just sick. Sometimes I worry about myself.

So that only really left the drinks. There were a couple that seemed to be full of energy and other things that were supposed to be good for you by rehydrating you or something. I opened one, gently opened Haruhi's mouth and attempted pouring some of it in.

The effort ended in a sloppy face for Haruhi, covered in drink, an even bigger mess on the clothes her head was lounging on and a few rough coughs that threw half of the drink back in my own face.

Once again cursing, I got up to get some paper. I had to take out the wet clothes under her and replace them as well. Face cleaning was done quickly, but my face at least still felt a bit sticky afterwards (I didn't dare try and find out the state of Haruhi's face, that would've required too much touching beyond the careful tapping with the paper).

This was going to be another long night wasn't it?

But I was determined to get something inside Haruhi's stomach (and avoid getting showered in drink again). So the next time I tried to pour some drink into her, I lifted her up, letting her head lean against my shoulder. I carefully cradled her head with one arm and with extreme caution, slowly poured small amounts of liquid into her mouth, stopping all the time to close her mouth and gently lift her head, making her swallow as the drink sloshed into the back of her throat. It was a slow and tedious process, but I felt immensely relieved when it was over. There was a little bit of pride somewhere about as well in my mind afterwards.

I got up from under the table, covering it up once again as I took a seat, intending to have my own little snack before sleep. I was examining a package of something so finely processed I couldn't help but question whether the thing had ever really been organic before, in spite of the proud proclamation stating so on the wrapper, when I decided to have a heart-to-heart talk with Haruhi (sure, she was unconscious, but what the hell). I needed to unburden myself on someone after everything that had happened today. New theories about existence for me, uncertain plans coming together, and a kidnapper who had managed to make me more uncomfortable with an apology and confession than she had by actual kidnap. But none of this was what really bothered me. As much as I hated facing those things, they were easier to come to terms with than something else.

"You'd probably go on some crazy rant about how capitalist corporations are preying upon weak minded liberal wannabes if you saw this quasi-health crap, wouldn't you? Or maybe you'd just munch it all away, leaving me with nothing, saying you wanted more and I was to provide it for you... I'm surprised how unperturbed I am with behaviour like that, from you at least. In fact, I'm sort of wishing for it. Am I a bit of a masochist? Why do I put up with you? Are you just forcing me? Do I feel I have some sort of duty to protect people? Or do I just simply enjoy what you give me too much to quit?"

I sighed, shaking my head, giving Haruhi under the table a look.

"This coma or whatever you're in, it's really making me scared. As cute as you look when you're sleeping, I find myself thinking I'd much rather have you shouting in my ear, giving me an excuse to go all out on a person with my negativity, even if it's all only in my head, instead of out in the open. I guess what I'm trying to say here is... maybe Koizumi had a point about our dualism. All that never-ending positive energy of yours, wrongly used and aimed at innocents most of the time, seems to match up nicely with my negativity and sarcasm. Two equal opposing forces, living and creating a balance of sorts. Heh, maybe all this philosophy crap isn't that hard after all?"

Haruhi just continued huffing lightly in her sleep, not responding in any way.

"Yeah... you just get your rest. Have a few good dreams and maybe soon, we'll both wake up from this nightmare. You at your seat, making megalomaniacal demands, and the rest of us back where we should be, as we should be, free to enjoy the wild ride along with you."

I crawled under the table and made sure Haruhi's head was properly supported and put a big dress on top of her just in case she got cold.

"Pleasant dreams," I muttered, yawning a little myself.

I lied down on the floor next to Haruhi, with her snugly wrapped under the table with me on the cold, hard floor, staring at the empty ceiling. I steepled my fingers together and put them behind my head for support. All in all, I wasn't very comfortable.

"You don't mind, do you?" I asked as I reached for the pile of clothes under Haruhi.

As I pulled at something frilly under her, Haruhi grunted, pulling tightly on her covers, before she delivered a quick kick in my shins.

AUH! Damn it! She kicks like a mule!

Haruhi snorted, sounding oddly defiant and possessive.

I waited for a moment, eyebrow raised, but the girl just continued sleeping soundly. "Fine… Keep your damn dress. I'll just sleep here on the cold floor. I always get the short end of the stick when I'm with you, why should things be different with you unconscious?"

Why am I even talking? She isn't hearing anything. I'm wasting my time. I should just get some sleep. Big day tomorrow with finalizing our plans and sealing up time loops. I'll need my beauty sleep, so I won't look like the mess I probably am. Haven't showered in days, been running around in woods with a girl on my back, haven't gotten much sleep... I could go on listing my tribulations, but this is working better than counting sheep.

I tried once again to pull something from under Haruhi, but she just rolled on top of it, now face to face with me, noses almost touching. I turned away onto my other side, my back to her, as I tried to find a slightly more comfortable position on the unyielding floor, waiting for the night to take hold of my mind, the sounds of Haruhi's breathing louder in my ears than ever before in the silence of the clubroom.


	13. The awkwardness that ensued

It was cold and damp with little light in the cave, just like it had been the last time. At first, the only sound I could hear was the distant cacophony of heavy rainfall. I thought I was all alone in the dark, with only the distant faint light from a faraway opening my only companion. But soon I could pick up on the shallow breathing that wasn't coming from me. It seemed to be coming from the other side of the rock against which I was leaning.

"Why are you here? This is my place..." A faint, indefinite voice could barely be heard against the rush of rain and the strange echo that seemed to swallow the words up before they were even spoken.

"Who –?"

"Get out. This is my place. You don't want to be here, so I don't want you here. Go away."

"What are you –?"

"Go to the others. I don't need you. I don't want you. I just wanted to have someone to share this place with, but not with someone who's only doing so to keep out of the rain. Go out. They'll keep you dry. They'll keep you warm."

"You're not making any –"

"Get out. I have no use for people like you. I'll find out what's at the end of this cave... _by myself_."

Suddenly a deep rumbling came from the hidden bowels of the cave. The stone against my back shook, as if the reverberations were affecting it. A cold blue light shimmered from the innards of the cave, casting a long shadow from the stone, covering me in the complete darkness of its shadow.

"I was doing fine all by myself anyway… the others just held me back in the end. I've grown complacent… I should be about, looking, searching, not wasting time so near the entrance, worrying about others… when all they do is try to use me. Well, I won't be used by anyone anymore! Not even you! You only ever did anything for your own sake... or one of the others... no matter how many hints I gave about what I………"

"I don't under-"

"_Get. Out_."

The rock behind me shook violently and slid forwards slowly, pushing me towards the distant point of grey light, away from the shimmering abyss-like blue deeper inside. The air inside the cave changed, there was a sudden warm moistness now, bringing forth a few drops of sweat on my brow which I wiped away hastily.

"I don't want to be misled anymore. We're all going nowhere, but still bickering about who's in charge. I don't need you or want you, not when you don't really care about me for me. I was alone from the beginning, so I'll be alone in the end as well."

"Wait –"

"_Goodbye._"

The rumbling rock suddenly picked up speed. I was moving so fast I could barely keep my eyes open, as the grey dot that was the cave's distant entrance grew into a mouth with jagged teeth.

"No!"

The rock exploded, throwing me out of the now hot, dark cave with its shifting lights and into the cold, bleak rain outside. After the gloom of the cave, I could barely see, even though the dreary outside world was barely any brighter.

Now that I was outside, the full force of the tempest hit me. Waves crashed against the cliff I was on, rattling my head with incredible shocks. Cold water fell against me in sheets. I could barely see through the thick curtain of rain. Everything was an indefinite blur of dark and grey shadows.

All of a sudden, the cold rain stopped and a shadow fell over me. I looked upwards and saw four silhouettes around me. One of them was supporting the source of my shade, something that looked suspiciously a lot like an umbrella, keeping me dry.

"Don't worry, we'll look after you."

"Yeah, we like you, after all."

My eyes snapped open, the alien and bleary, grey gloom gone, replaced by gold, auburn, and orange in my familiar clubroom as the sun rose. I was on my side, with my head resting on of my hands, fingers numb, but somehow aching at the same time, from the weight of my fat head.

_Great, more stupid dreams..._ Just my mind processing memories. Don't dwell on it too much. You can go crazy that way. Just move along. Nothing supernatural, it simply can't be.

But wait, if those are my hands under my head, then whose is this wrapped around my chest?

I lifted my head and craned around to follow the slender hand from my chest, across my side and then behind me to my back, to which I found Haruhi closely attached, nestled against it. Somehow she'd made her way off her warm bedding and next to me on the cold hard floor. It was kind of silly how this obviously unintentional act of sharing my suffering (yes, the floor was _that_ uncomfortable) made me feel a bit better.

I took Haruhi's hand off me and carefully placed her back on the soft pile of clothes. She gave a little moan as I did so, but it seemed like she still wasn't going to wake up, even though I gave her a little tap on the cheek.

"Well, I guess it's time for breakfast," I said out loud as I got up to inspect my groceries. "I guess it would be best to give you something to drink again. I think I heard you can go like three to five days without food if properly hydrated. I just hope you don't get a full bladder, because I am absolutely not taking you into the toilet or cleaning after you if you turn out to be incontinent."

I smirked down at Haruhi under the table, but she just gave me the standard response: nothing whatsoever.

I chose a bottle at random and went back under the table to nourish her as well as I could with a cheap bottle of what should be something healthy if you believed the merchandisers, using the method I'd applied yesterday.

"Right, I'll be out for most of today as well. If I can, I'll try to come and check up on you earlier than yesterday, but it won't be any earlier than noon, and I sure wouldn't bet on it. If anything, this will turn into a very long night. Tonight we'll try to solve this situation, somehow," I explained to the dozing girl, more for my sake than hers.

"So just... stay out of sight, okay?" I said, cautiously wiping away some juice from her lips.

This was starting to get out of hand, wasn't it? Earlier I'd been worried about slightly debating to myself in my head, but now I was actually providing the conversation on Haruhi's behalf. I had already supplied, in my mind, her part to the conversation, 'You can't tell me what to do!', and was preparing to retort to it before I realized how silly this was all getting.

"Okay, I'll just go now, okay?"

Damn it. Stop asking her questions. You really are a loony. And all of this is probably just your delusion in a padded cell.

Shut it, you.

...

Referring to myself in the second person as if there was a separate person along with me inside my head is probably not a good sign either.

I quickly grabbed some small packet of something to eat with me on my way to our meeting and made sure Haruhi was once again covered up properly. And so, with my splintered mind still trying to engage itself in pithy dialogue, I left Haruhi behind in the clubroom, trying not to obsess too much about her current wellbeing but more on what was to come and how I would ensure her safety in the future.

The carnival was already in full swing by the time I arrived at it. I slowly made my way towards the cafe we had been in yesterday, going over what little we had been able to plan. It was a bit risky, but all in all, it was probably the only solution we had where everyone didn't end up dead.

When I arrived, I was the first one there. This was clear because there were actually other people in the cafe. If the others had arrived, mainly Kuyou, everyone else would treat the little cafe as if it didn't exist. It was a bit unfair really, how we were essentially disturbing the business of a (presumably) honest entrepreneur. Because I felt so bad about this, I decided to order the most expensive drink I could. This benevolence however disappeared as soon as I got a good look at the prices.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I said with haughty indignation to the fresh looking waitress.

"I'm sorry, sir, but there's nothing I can do about your financial situation. Now, if you don't have any money to buy anything at all, I suggest you move along."

Suddenly I didn't feel so bad about these people losing some of their profits.

"I'll just take your cheapest tea," I said, handing her the money.

"You might as well go and boil a cabbage in water if that's all you're going to get," the waitress said as she took my money and quickly strode away without giving me a chance to answer.

If she hadn't been a reasonably good looking woman, I might have shouted something after her. I'm a pretty shallow guy in the end, I guess.

Behind me, someone politely cleared their throat. I was just about to turn around and see who it was when they spoke, freezing me in my tracks.

"Ah, Kyon..." a girl's sweet voice said, making my stomach attempt a somersault all by itself. "Good morning!"

"Uh, hi..." I said lamely as Tachibana Kyoko sat down across from me, smiling brightly at me.

"You look a lot better today. Did you get a good night's sleep? I was worried because of the way you just suddenly rushed off last night," she said, staring at me like a curious cat, carefully moving one slender leg above the other. Had her skirt been that short yesterday? Something like skirt length just hadn't seemed relevant at all before when it came to her.

"Uhm, yeah... slept like a leg – log! Slept like a babe, uh, baby, I mean... I mean..."

"Good," Tachibana Kyoko said, setting her chin on her hand at an angle against the table, still staring at me bewitchingly with an amused smile.

"Ah, yeah..." I loosened my tie, gulping for fresh air which suddenly seemed to be in short supply.

Damn, this is even more awkward than it ever was before with her. Before she was just a kidnapper, it was simple that way, she was easy to despise for that reason alone. Now she was still a kidnapper but something possibly even more fiendish as well. Now she made me feel like jumping off a bridge when earlier I wouldn't have minded at all if it had been her doing the jumping.

"Here's your _tea_," the waitress said in a condescending voice as she delivered my order, arriving just in time to give a small respite from the awkwardness between us, since Tachibana Kyoko just wouldn't stop staring at me with that slightly mysterious look in her eyes. "And what would young miss have?"

"I'll have whatever he's having," Tachibana Kyoko said, her eyes never leaving me as she placed her order.

The waitress sighed, muttering something about 'bloody teenagers', and left us alone again. I almost felt like shouting after her and telling her to sit with us and tell us all about her live just so I could avoid this, whatever it was, with Tachibana Kyoko.

The quiet staring continued for a while, until Tachibana Kyoko smiled sweetly and leaned back in her chair, shifting places with her legs, putting the other on top of the first one.

I gulped again.

I gave my tea all the focus I could muster and began the process of drinking it as slowly as I could. Occasionally I would sneak a glance from my tea, but she would always be staring at me, still smiling at me with undue contentment.

"Hey, guys!" Sasaki said as she joined us, sitting in her spot next to me.

Oh, thank God! You really do exist, you daft bastard!

"Oh wait, I think I forgot something..." Sasaki said looking into a little long strapped purse she was carrying, "Oh man, do I have to go back home to get it...?"

I _was_ going to take back the bastard remark, you know, but it looks like you deserve it.

"It can't be anything that important, surely?" I asked desperately, once again pulling on my tie. It wasn't even wrapped around my neck tightly at all anymore after everything it had been through along with me. The situation just called for nervous tie pulling.

"Well, I guess not. No, not really, just a little vanity item to aid in social interaction and cultural cohesion."

What's she talking about? What kind of magic item can help with talking to people?

"Makeup, not that I really use any."

Then... Then why were you bringing it along now...?

"Oh, no reason really. I just got this strange urge all of a sudden to… I guess I just felt this was a pretty momentous occasion and it thus deserved a little sprucing up," Sasaki said, giving both Tachibana Kyoko and me a brief examination, before scratching the tip of her nose in an uncaring manner. "After all, it's my first real paranormal event. Looking my best, while still casual, probably couldn't hurt."

I don't think I'll ever understand the female mind.

The two girls were now staring at each other, almost as if sizing each other up. I was so glad for this development that I didn't dwell on it at all, just extremely relieved I was out of the spotlight.

Fujiwara and Suou Kuyou appeared next, discussing something together, although it was mostly Fujiwara who was doing the talking.

"But the cessation of data network flow could facilitate the abating of the chronal synchronization rate, if not impeding the very process on a fundamental level. If nothing else, if contact could be made, say through a physical conduit, couldn't the corrupting program be applied? How efficiently could the capabilities be hindered? If it is a matter of energy, we could provide it. But as macrospatial entities how could the transference be conducted between those of your physical level and those operating beyond the molecular habitat? I though they operated on a level past physical limitations, thus there being some difficulties in the transfer to physicality, while you, using molecularly imprinted data should be able to function better in a physical realm. Is it that on this level, there is merely difficulty transferring the vast amounts of data on the particle level to the macroscopic? But overall, you should have the advantage in a physical setting, thus making me believe the application of the programs could be achieved through direct and physical contact. Would you concur?"

Kuyou nodded robotically.

"Hmm, good, good. There might yet be use for this discovery," Fujiwara said, shooting a dirty look at me as he noticed there was only a spot next to me left as Kuyou took the one between Sasaki and Tachibana, who were still staring at each other with blank, perfectly neutral faces.

"Great..." Fujiwara muttered taking his place in our own little Round Table, obviously the Mordred in this story. At least he wasn't trying to steal my seat from right under me yet.

"Shall we get down to business?" he asked, waving at the waitress. He ordered something fancy sounding (meaning: something pretentious with a foreign name), asking for some special extras with it, garnering a smile of respect from the waitress.

He looked at us with a sour face and asked, almost as if it was a great challenge for him, "Anyone else _require_ anything?"

"No, I'm fine." Sasaki said politely, unblinking eyes never leaving Tachibana Kyoko.

"Me too," Tachibana responded just as courteously, staring Sasaki down.

Kuyou said nothing.

"I could use a sandwich," I said, still feeling hungry from my barely existent breakfast.

"Let me guess, the cheapest kind," the waitress stated, rolling her eyes.

"How did you guess?" I said kindly, the polite tone in my voice so sharp you could have cut diamonds with it.

The waitress huffed at me before she walked off.

"What's going on here?" Fujiwara asked, his ugly sneer targeting Sasaki and Tachibana.

"Nothing," the girls said in calm, collected unison, turning to face the rest of us at the same time as well.

Only one word could describe this: creepy.

"Very good," Fujiwara said, eyes flicking between the two girls suspiciously, "As we outlined yesterday, a peaceful resolution, mainly through a negotiation, is most likely our best shot at this. Of course, I have made it my job, as some of you seem to be distracted from considering such minor things, the planning of contingency plans, just in case." He smiled at the last part, as if he'd just made a clever joke.

"Already coming up with an ABC's worth of plans? You're not really filling me up with confidence about the main plan," I said, drumming my fingers on the table.

"Of course you're unsatisfied with the main plan; you're our leverage after all. If anything, it's for this very reason you should be grateful to me. This is why I hate working with ignorant jackanapes like you."

Jackanapes? What, do you browse the dictionary every night before you cry yourself to sleep because you're such a lonely, miserable sack of crap excuse for a human?

"Let's not get racial here, there's nothing wrong with Naples, nor Jacks originating from there," Sasaki said, brushing back some loose bangs from her face.

"Oh, I'm sure it was, perhaps even currently is a nice place. Just don't count on it staying that way, or the majority of other metropolises either."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Sasaki leaned on her hand towards Fujiwara expectantly as she asked.

"Oh, you people already know the reasons for the demise of your societies. It's just that your leaders are unwilling to do anything in the name of serving their economies."

"What, like global warming?" Sasaki asked.

"Pff, merely the precursor. Trust me, it's the rampant breeding of idiots that really messes everything up, and it would have been pretty bad already without climate changes further affecting food production. If you ever do take control of the world, I would suggest taking a limiting approach to births, say... two per coupling. We humans will breed so much and thus consume so much nothing we built can sustain it, and not just the resources, but the social aspects. If you really want to get technical, our planet just isn't suited for a mass consuming top-predator like us, probably nothing is. Then the only option left is the only one that's ever really profited mankind in the long run, as disgusting as it is... war. The technological advances it brings with it will allow advancement along with the... culling it will provide."

What the hell. I thought you time travellers weren't allowed to tell what happens in the future.

"You forget, my socio-politically oblivious, intellectually challenged chum, I intend to change everything, for the better. I divulge information when it suits that purpose. Besides, if you ever read anything or even followed the news casually, none of this would really be new information to you. As I said, you people are already well aware of what will cause your downfall. The tragedy is that you will do practically nothing, or try too little too late to change it."

"And killing little babies is the way to go?"

"I never said that. Ever heard of contraception? Limiting births to two – maybe three if the situation calls for it – per coupling is the only way to go. It'll allow a stable population... Now could we focus on _your_ problems? Debating with the likes of you is annoying, as it seems all you're capable of is constructing crude strawman arguments and just generally missing the point entirely."

Good thing I ordered that scalding tea again. Always good to have a plan B.

Sasaki seemed to notice how I was mentally measuring the distance between Fujiwara and my steaming tea, so she coughed politely, interjecting herself back into the conversation. "Yes, we should move along. How exactly are we going to meet with these people?"

"We all have our methods. We'll each contact our own counterparts. You'll be glad to know that the Sky Canopy Dominion has recently figured out a limited method of communication with the Integrated Data Sentient Entity that should serve our purposes, nothing truly significant, but a means of attracting their attention. After all, all we need is for a delegate of theirs to show up, unarmed. We can handle the actual talks then... And _you_ won't be there," Fujiwara added, turning his cold eyes on Sasaki.

"What, why not?" Sasaki asked, sounding surprisingly shocked.

"You're a high risk factor for most of them. We can't put you in the line of fire. This dolt here however is perfect for the human shield he is," Fujiwara said, pointing lazily at me.

Let's see, he's barely a metre away. Wind conditions are optimal. The tea cup looks sturdy enough as well to cause some extra damage if thrown hard enough.

"But I..."

"Ahem, he's right. You're nothing but a target to them," Tachibana Kyoko said. "We don't want to antagonise them any more than is necessary, by rubbing you in their faces after Suzumiya's disappearance."

Sasaki gave her a sharp, invasive stare, but said quite calmly, "I guess you're right. With the condition of Suzumiya in doubt, my presence could only inflame their worries."

"It's good to know you can keep your calm so well," Tachibana said.

This outwardly innocent remark seemed to have an undertone to it I wasn't fully catching. The two girls were back to staring at each other, but instead of the blank faces before, both wore warm, inviting smiles. I was really confused. There seemed to be something going on between the two of them, but I just couldn't put my finger on what exactly. Was Tachibana just putting Sasaki to the test, to see if she really would be a better host than Haruhi with Sasaki silently facing it, knowing full well what was going on? Or had something happened between them? You just know something's wrong with people when they start acting more civil than usual.

"Your orders," the waitress said with incredible dispassion as she broke our meeting, giving me my sandwich, Tachibana her tea and Fujiwara his foreign drink.

"Keep the change," Fujiwara said, handing her a large bill.

The waitress's eyes almost exploded, until tears of joy ran out of them. She thanked him greatly before he shushed her away with an uncaring wave of his hand. I wonder if he had even noticed the size of the bill he had given. He was simply too interested in examining both Sasaki and Tachibana Kyoko.

"My, my..." he muttered twirling his spoon in his drink as he watched the two. "How very... _intriguing_."

I was surprised to find even Kuyou staring at them, her eyes slowly moving from side to side under her heavy bangs as she tried to examine both of them around her.

"Please, continue with the plan," Sasaki said, sounding just as normal as she always did with her nice smile still in place, but her eyes never leaving Tachibana.

"Yes, please do," Tachibana said, giving her a mirrored treatment, only giving Sasaki a slightly wider smile in return.

Creepy was no longer a term I felt comfortable as using as a label for what was going on. No, it was quickly moving into the area of frightening, mainly because I had never before seen such warm smiles on anyone, ever. There was seriously nothing wrong with the two of them on the surface, they looked just like they always did, but there was just something freaky about the unblinking stares they were giving each other.

"Hmm, well... there's not really much more to it than that. We talk. We use blockhead here for his only good use. We go home safe and sound with the status quo returned if all goes according to plan. The contingency plans however... are still in the works, mainly between me and Kuyou. But don't be discouraged to provide your input, Tachibana, that is, unless you feel you have more important things to do."

"I'm confident in both your abilities. Besides, all we could provide is manpower and financial support anyway, which I doubt you really need right now," Tachibana said.

It's gotta be because they keep having a perfect conversation with the rest of us while staring at each other that's got to be freaking me out.

"True, true..." Fujiwara muttered, still inspecting the pair with newfound interest.

"Soo... what exactly do I have to do?" I asked uncertainly, trying to stop staring at the pair as well.

"Just be there and keep your mouth shut. You'll be notified of the specifics soon enough. We'll handle the talking. We can't risk you messing things up."

I should be more annoyed by his words than I am, but without him sneering at me, it's suddenly a lot harder. I sort of wish he'd give me his full undivided mean spirited focus so I wouldn't be drawn in by the black hole between Sasaki and Tachibana.

"And the backup plans?" I asked almost despairingly.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

...

"Well, if that's it, then I guess I could just leave. It won't be long until I have to go anyway," I said, giving my watch a glance.

This seemed to snap the two girls out of their spell.

"What, you're leaving?" Tachibana asked, getting a swift glance from Sasaki.

"Uh, yeah... but after my sandwich..." I mumbled, suddenly wishing I could have the old oppressive feeling between the two girls back instead of both of them focusing on me.

"Well that's good. I think the two of us could trade words again together, as it seems neither one of us is really required anymore," Sasaki said, having her earlier glance returned to her by Tachibana.

Ugh, why are they both acting like nothing's out of order, smiling like they always do, although it's obvious things aren't for some reason. But I guess this could be my chance to find out.

"I'd also like to discuss some things with Kyon," Tachibana said.

"I think it'd be best if you just stayed here and concentrated on helping the others with the contingency plans, there might still be ways you could help. Don't you agree, Fujiwara?" Sasaki directed her clam words to him like precision missiles. He looked shocked at being pulled into the mess for a brief moment until a fiendish smirk spread across his face.

"Certainly," he said cattishly.

"Perfect," Sasaki said, standing up straight, taking hold of my arm. "You can eat on the way. I always find a walk to be a more stimulating process than just simply sitting."

"I'd actually prefer to eat while –"

"Come along, Kyon," Sasaki said sternly, smiling happily at me.

I didn't dare resist in any way.


	14. The dark secret of time travel

I munched away contentedly at my sandwich, giving it more than its fair share of attention. It was a fair trade, as it was valiantly filling up my stomach.

Sasaki and I were casually walking down a lane, slipping through the crowds. Sasaki was in front, leading me nowhere in particular. She would occasionally glance back at me and smile brightly as she noticed I was still eating. It was only when I finished, brushing off some crumbs from my shirt, that she slowed her pace and joined me by my side.

"I've been doing some thinking, about how even your friends could betray you. Frankly, I don't think you should trust anyone involved at all, especially if they're someone more approachable than the others. It's usually the rude people you can trust to be honest, not the ones with the smiling masks. A smiling face gets to places a scowl can never get to. The truth usually seems offensive and less preferable to a beautiful lie."

Hmm, you probably have a point there. Life's so depressing that if anyone is constantly smiling, they're either crazy with denial, hiding something, or trying to get something.

"Don't worry, this is a onetime-deal-type of thing. I don't trust any of those people as far as I could have thrown my sandwich."

"I think you might have gotten that idiom wrong. Or you're throwing abilities are just atrocious," Sasaki said, smirking playfully.

Maybe a little bit of both. I like to mix and match, spice things up, like that delicious sandwich (which I would _never_ have thrown away!).

"What I'm trying to say, is be careful, especially with Kyoko. We've developed quite a rapport, we share a lot with each other. Just yesterday she called and… Never mind… It's just that lately I've gotten the feeling she knows more than she's letting on. Well, they all do, all of them around us, don't they?"

A phone call, huh? I wonder what exactly was discussed… but it's not really my business.

Anyway, where's this sudden overt mistrust for your comrades coming from? You were reasonably reserved about them before, but this is a bit much from you. Maybe it's you who knows more than their letting on.

"Heh, maybe I do. Then again, don't I always?"

This is more like it. This is the witty Sasaki I know and like. There was just something fundamentally wrong with the overly polite Sasaki earlier. I much more preferred this Sasaki who felt like one of the guys. I wonder if I could take her to the likes of Taniguchi and Kunikida and rate girls with her. Who knows, she might even get a kick out of it, calling it some sort of ironic post-modern feminist act or something else highbrow I wouldn't understand (I'm just stringing words together. I have no idea what I'm saying.)

"So was there anything else you would have liked to discuss?" I asked, placing my hands in my pockets, unsure of whether I really wanted to hear anything more or not. But I had found someone I could come as close to trusting in this situation with Sasaki as I could, so I felt obliged to hear my old friend out, especially seeing how well she'd treated me so far.

"No, not really. I just felt like reminding you about how little you can trust the people around us."

Yeah, yeah, I know... I really do. The only one I trusted the most right now was an unconscious girl under a table and even her relationship with me was dubious as I had no idea just how much of that trust or any of my thoughts were really mine or just placed there by her.

"How much time do you have until you have to meet your past self?" Sasaki asked, casually scanning the crowds.

"I got time... but I think I should take some time to prepare for it. I have to tell him the same exact things he told me after all."

"Yes, you wouldn't want to inadvertently change the course of time, thereby possibly negating all your past efforts or possibly even splitting up reality into two alternative timelines. Neither would help you, personally, as in this iteration... You know, I've been wondering –"

Is there anything you don't wonder about?

"– how exactly does this time travel business work? The devices are TPDD, Temporal Plane Destroying Devices, right? So that would imply that time planes are destroyed around the time traveller... Maybe they themselves don't move in the space-time continuum, but time around them is moved. But if they really do destroy time planes, to what extent? It seems that they aren't completely destroyed, otherwise there would not be a future or even a past left to exist...

No, I'm working within the wrong mindset, aren't I? How silly of me, there can't be just one linear line that has pieces blown out of it. No, a plane is destroyed and the time traveller must move to... to an alternate, identical plane.... there are probably an infinite amount of them. It's like you copied one picture over and over with one line on it. Time is linear, it just isn't one single line. You remove one line and are thus free to go to another line, wherever – I mean whenever you choose on it.

………

My word... who knows how many alternate timelines have been wiped out with all the people throughout its individual history. Certainly, it's just like Eternal Resurgence, that infinite repetitions would in effect amount to one life, but still, where do they get the right to wipe out universes like that? But can the time travellers change a time plane they do not originally belong to? In effect, they would provide a new factor that didn't even exist previously by merely time travelling... and yet, everything always seems to happen as it did... is this because they are retroactively trying to repair the changes they made merely travelling?"

…Huh…?

"No, wait, wait... that's not how it goes... it's more like... ah, how do I explain this to you in a way you'll understand it when I'm trying to make sense of it myself? Ugh... it's like – common sense doesn't apply when you stretch logic like this, language also fails us as we start to examine functions and concepts that have no real correspondence to our understanding and level of physicality... It's sort of like the problem with axiomatic set theory all over again... antinomies... self-contradicting definitions? What am I saying here...? Hmm, give me a moment......" Sasaki was squeezing the bridge of her nose as tightly as her eyes were shut as she struggled with her thinking. "Like causality and free will coming into conflict, both being logically consistent within their own systems, yet contradicting the other... infinite infinities... If all infinite realms are identical then... no.... all are identical then that means one jump equals an infinite amount of simultaneous jumps... thereby destroying all planes of time... but here we are... something has to be holding it all together... reboot?

So everything is... somehow returned after annihilation... time devices themselves or, or something else...? Whatever the case, it seems that the other time travellers are trying to make things go along as they believe them to. Yes, that _is_ what they are doing, isn't it...? Making things go as they think they should... And Fujiwara's trying to stop it..."

Sasaki stopped in her tracks completely now, as she had constantly been slowing down during her confusing monologue, an astonished shock freezing her in place.

My head was spinning from trying to follow Sasaki's esoteric train of thought so I nearly tripped as I stopped along with her.

"Kyon! I... I think we've stumbled on to something huge here! We – we have to do something, don't we? We can't just let time planes be annihilated like this. I mean, all those lives... so much damage, and not just like that, but to the very fabric of time. It's – It's _them_ who's going about it the wrong way. They've basically committed genocide on the human race countless times by time travelling. I think they might be the ones changing timelines and Fujiwara's trying to stop them. Kyon, you have to do something!"

What? What are you talking about? You're not making any sense. That asshole can't possibly be out to help anyone but himself.

"Kyon!!" Sasaki said, deeply frustrated. "Haven't you been listening at _all_?!"

"I've been trying to, does that count?"

"Don't play witty with me now. He doesn't have time to play nice, he's trying to stop the damage the others are causing. He's against predetermined scenarios... unfortunately, I think he knows full well how unchangeable the flow of time is within a single time plane... in a way, it's ironic. The way he would want things to be, without time travellers interfering, would amount in stable time planes that flow forwards unchangingly, but since we would have no true knowledge of what the future would become, it would seem free, compared to this time plane jumping that is destabilizing everything, twisting time planes, distorting them all as they are caught in a temporal tempest, where things aren't as certain since factors are being introduced from different time planes. This has to be why the timeline isn't cohesive anymore... it's not that their time travel is needed to ensure events happening, but... but because time planes are distorted as they're annihilated, things begin to lose form and then somehow... everything is restored somehow…"

"But he's a time traveller, that means he's destroyed plenty of time planes as well."

"He's a utilitarian! Isn't it obvious? They all are! If he can save the whole of existence by removing a few time planes, he'll do it. He's choosing the lesser of two evils. I'm not necessarily saying he's right, but explaining the reasoning behind this."

"Wait, I don't understand... I don't think I even like what I'm hearing."

"Look. Imagine time is like a pile of pictures."

Wait, isn't this sort of how Asahina-san tried to explain it to me?

"But instead of each picture simply being a different instance in time, they all contain the same history inside them. The time travellers don't just destroy successive time planes so they can jump back. One picture doesn't represent a different unit of time, like the first picture being the first day in existence and the next one being the second day; one picture contains an entire timeline! They remove one, or all, but as there are infinite infinities, they are returned to some extent, or because you can't fully wipe out something that is infinite because if you could remove it, it would be finite... so they can move onto the next. They destroy whole realities, ones complete with people, even me and you in it, every time they jump. The destruction of one time plane must leave some sort of... of... mark on the others, so this way all the time planes stay up to date, that the time travellers in the future of the new time line are aware that a jump occurred, otherwise the knowledge of that jump would disappear along with the destroyed time plane and any changes that might have occurred. Like if you drew something on one picture, it automatically gets copied to all of them. Well no... copying isn't really the correct term... I'm sorry, I'm giving you a completely wrong impression. It's more like, like all variations, which are identical, occur simultaneously......

Ah, I can't really explain this, not in a way you'd understand, I'm having trouble putting this all together myself. It's so paradoxical, self-contradicting either way. Look, I think time is falling apart, it's not supposed to work like this. Everyone should remain on their own time plane. It's not just one line looping occasionally, with the other time travellers changing things to the way they think things are meant to occur. Things are different from the way they recall, because the travelling itself introduces factors that aren't supposed to exist, things from different time planes, differing from how history accounts for events. It's a sort of vicious cycle, one wrong turn leading into the next. The planes are blurring together as their structures are worn down by their previous annihilation, their identical patterns getting mixed up as things begin to destabilize, going out of synch, producing wave interference that isn't uniform. This would explain the inconsistencies involved with the causality in the newfound past the other time travellers are trying to fix."

What?! I don't understand any of this! Set theory? What? Infinite infinities? Aren't you just contradicting yourself here?

"Kyon, they're essentially murdering people. Is that right in your opinion? That you can murder as long as you don't get caught? When no one's left to demand justice? If someone is from another reality their existence somehow means less? They know what happens. They've named their time travel instruments as weapons! They have to stop this. I think... you've been _used_. Maybe you should start helping Fujiwara. We're not gods, we don't have the right to choose who lives and dies like this."

...

... I can't do this now... I... I have to focus... _focus_.

"I have to go."

"Kyon."

"I need to close this time loop. I have to save Haruhi. This... this doesn't matter."

"Kyon!"

"I gotta go."

"Don't be so self-centred!"

I ran as fast as I could, leaving behind Sasaki's desperate shouts, not wanting to focus on the crazy things she was saying, knowing that time was ticking away.

I only stopped when I was certain I had left her far behind. My heart was beating a mile a minute, my breathing was laboured, cold sweat was streaming into my eyes, stinging madly.

What's going on with me? Why am I reacting like this to this info?

..........

Just how many times had I personally gone back in time? How many times had I wiped out Haruhi, Nagato, Asahina-san, Koizumi, Tsuruya-san, Taniguchi, Kunikida, my family, even Fujiwara, Tachibana Kyoko and Suou Kuyou? This was... what? My third time? John Smith, going back with Nagato and Asahina-san and now this.

No, I didn't kill anyone. I didn't kill any of them! They're all still here, alive! No one is dead!

_This doesn't make any sense!_

I flopped down on the ground miserably, squatting down against a tree, holding my forehead, trying to make sense of this thing that seemed to be completely logic retardant.

I'd removed them all out of existence whenever I'd jumped. The people before the jump, they were gone, wiped out. They didn't just die, they never even existed. And whenever I arrived, there would be a fresh reality for me.

What? No, that can't be...

But wait, wouldn't there be two of me if I jumped from one reality to another? Yeah, that means it can't be true.

...

You stupid idiot. There _are_ two of you. The other's just waiting to jump as well, destroying you in the process.

But what happens then? I can't just disappear? Don't I still exist in the future?

Yes, but in the time plane the past version of you travels to. Remember? Sasaki said the changes get copied automatically. You're a copy. We're probably all copies ever since the first time travel occurred, well as much as you can be a copy among infinite, identical and equal time planes. You've already died countless times.

_This doesn't make sense... none of it... nothing makes sense._

..........

So it doesn't matter... lives aren't worth squat. They just get erased with nothing left. And when they do, there's still an infinite amount of them left. It's kind of like that alternate world. It was probably gone as well... Why wouldn't it be? I cancelled it out, there shouldn't even be a way for it to exist anymore...

That smiling Nagato, gone, wiped out of existence... why? So I could have what I wanted... No one had really been unhappy there... Except for me and maybe Haruhi, other than that, everyone seemed to be better off. There weren't any shady organizations, no cruel data entities, no manipulative time travellers... Just a smiling Nagato whose smile I'd stolen, just for my own sake... Am I really that selfish?

...

Oh God...

...What have I done...? What have I been doing all this time? Have I been using all of them, just as much as they've been using me? No, even more than that. How much have I really done for anyone else's sake? Have I been helping the people in the Brigade and Haruhi, just because it satisfied some selfish desire?

...............

.........

...

Yes.

...

... I _want_ to be with them. I _want_ to have fun with them. I _want_ them all as my friends again. I _want_ them happy, because that makes me happy...

The SOS-Brigade is _mine_. And anyone who dares to mess with any of them makes the matter personal. The Brigade and everyone in it is mine, like the sheep are a shepherd's, or like the people are a kings. They're mine, to protect and serve. The SOS-Brigade is _all mine_. You try and take it away from me, I'll punch your face in.

And that's all. I'm not noble. I'm just human. I'm selfish, but in a good way, and I'm going to prove it. It's not really a matter of being selfish, but _how_ selfish, I guess. I'll save them, even if I'm not pure in spirit. I'm not a hero, never was, never will be. I'm just a guy, not the best, but definitely not the worst, and that's what will matter to the people you save. Life isn't just one thing or the other, it's always a matter of... degrees in between.

...

I...

I gotta...

I got to go.

I stood up.

_I got to go._

I can't just fold here. They need me. The SOS-Brigade now and here, in all the time planes, they need me. It doesn't matter, all these different planes and crap. What matters is that they're in danger. I have to save them. I have to save Haruhi. It's the only thing that really matters.

I started walking. With every step, the dead weight around them seemed to lessen.

Save Haruhi. It's Eternal Resurgence and crap like that. There's only one life in effect, no matter how many stupid dimensions of time there are, no matter how often they are repeated, and one life counts for something. I have to do this. I have to save Haruhi. It's the only thing I _can_ do.

I was jogging now. I knew where I was going.

Remember what you have to say... instructions, when and where... take care of Haruhi... give the hint about Sasaki... That's it, right? I have to tell him to keep time going as it does... It's the only way I can save Haruhi. If 'I' don't do everything I tell myself to do, I won't have any means to save Haruhi. There was nothing else to do except let time go as it did. To bend over and let Fate do its dirty business to me. Ugh... bit too graphic... I hate my imagination so much some times. If 'I' didn't travel back, wipe out time planes, I wouldn't meet the others, we wouldn't have a plan to save Haruhi, and I would have no way to stand on equal footing with the Organization, the IDSE and Asahina-san's time travellers.

This had to happen. It was necessary just as much as it was predetermined.

I was running by now, pushing people out of my way. I could hear angry shouts behind me, but I couldn't care less.

When I arrived at the 'fun' house, I glanced at my watch. Good, I still had a decent amount of time to find my way in that loony maze and get into position. 'I'd be going to the hall of mirrors. I always did.

It took far too long to find my place in the fun house. Even though I still roughly remembered the earlier course I had taken, I took a few wrong turns inside the confusing place. But in the end, I made it to my place with several minutes to spare.

But all of a sudden I could hear footsteps echoing in the hall. Had I gotten the time wrong? Maybe my watch was slow. Whatever, just do your job. You need to get this over with and then focus on what really matters.

The footsteps were close now. 'I' had to be just around the bend. Yes, I could see a long shadow now, almost here.

I quickly ran over my mental notes and stepped forth, ready to make history.

"I'm you, from the future ---" I started out with a confidence that surprised me, but not as much as the little elementary school boy that nearly ran into me. My speech stopped cold in its tracks as I inspected the kid, now staring up at me with headlight-like eyes.

"Wah...?" the kid mumbled.

"Uh, sorry, kid. Didn't mean to startle you."

"You're... you're _me_ from the future?" the kid asked, looking me up and down, astonished beyond words.

"No, case of mistaken identity," I said, waving my hand hastily, trying to shoo him away.

"Phew." The kid wiped his forehead in relief. "No offense mister, but I really don't wanna look like you when I grows up."

Cheeky little...

"Just get out of here!"

"Right, right!"

Damn it. I should at least take a moment to make sure it's really me coming around. But I should be coming next. It's how this all still works, right? Even if there are multiple planes of identical time lines.

There were the echoes of footsteps again. It had to be me, but just in case...

I waited until 'I' really did show up in the hall, holding back, simply so amazed at the way 'I' looked. 'I' had a scowl on my face, but otherwise, I looked great, so fresh, like I was ready to take on the whole world. If only I could still be as determined now.

My past self was approaching me fast now. As he came, he gave his nose a lazy scratch. Wow, he looks so stupid now, actually. I better stop doing that.

Then, as all the other images of him did likewise, a shocked terror of realization entered all the reflections. Not wanting to let 'myself' come to any silly conclusions, I stepped forth and said, "It's me… I mean you… from the future, your future."

Ah, crap. I knew I should have prepared a proper speech instead of trying to keep mental notes.

"Damn it, I don't get it, why do I always fumble there? You'd think I would be better prepared for it by now?" I asked, almost letting loose a smirk, so glad to notice that my voice wasn't shaking or anything.

'I' looked utterly confused. Bamboozled was probably the correct term, as ridiculous and belittling of the situation as it might sound.

"Look, I know what you're thinking, but I didn't really have any other choice," I said, taking a step closer, trying to figure out how to calm 'myself'. "Don't worry, you're brain won't explode or anything. Trust me, I know."

"B… but why is it you?! And not the grownup Asahina-san that's here?"

"There's no one else left to tell you this, no one else I can really trust anymore, I'm the only one who could make it here," I told my past self.

Even though you wouldn't think it could have been physically possible, my past version seemed to look even more confused. I knew what he was thinking, so I went ahead and confirmed his doubts and fears.

"Nope, no one."

"Wow, you really are me aren't you?" 'I' asked. 'I' seemed to be catching on now. Good. In an odd way, I'm quite proud of myself right now.

"Yeah, I am you, so stop wondering how crazy this all is. You can waste a lot more time wondering about what's real and what's not later."

You don't even know the half of it yet, lucky bastard.

"Listen, I don't have much time, I never do when I come here. We both know how important it is to keep time going as it should, right?"

'I' nodded. Good, this is going amazingly well.

"Right, listen carefully, I really don't have much time to waste, I need to get back to her and the others," I said, throwing in my little clue about Sasaki before I would release the big bomb on 'myself'. "But the gist of it is – and I really wish I could tell you more, but this is all I was told and I can't risk changing things even the slightest – the thing is that you have to look out for Haruhi, make sure she's safe. And then you'll have to go back to the past of course, the evening before Haruhi took you to the carnival. You'll have to take her with you."

'I' nearly flipped over this.

"Look, just trust me. There's no need to worry. It'll all… sort itself out, mostly. You won't have to worry about stuff like her finding out about all the secret things around her."

'I' seemed like 'I' was about to launch into a full barrage of useless questions, so I cut 'myself' off. "Sorry, but I gotta go now. There's still some things to do and I'm not sure if I have the time to do it all. Yeah, I know, the irony involved nearly makes me cry too," I added, trying to lighten up what I knew to be a horrific experience.

I gave a long, deep sigh before I continued. "I really wish I had the time to tell you more about what's going to happen but… that's not what happened to me, so I can't risk changing things, otherwise all that stuff I told you about might become useless… besides, I really do need to hurry, I... I need to go and make sure everything is in order." Yeah, I really do. I've been letting too many things slide, but now everything's different.

"Huh? Like what?"

"You'll know soon enough. Besides, you've got your own weirdo girl to get back to before she get's suspicious," I said, giving myself another subtle clue about Sasaki just in case. It was important, after all. If I didn't go after Sasaki, this would all go to waste. "It's odd how it all seems to work out. I had no idea there was so much going on, so much that I myself was doing while trying to keep her safe."

"Wait, just how do _you_ - ?"

Ah, here it comes. I guess I could give the poor guy some straight answers.

"Know what to do? My future self told me."

"But that doesn't make any more –"

I cut 'myself off again, not really wanting to waste time with questions I already knew. "Sense, since the only way he could have found out if we follow our logic, would mean _his_ future self told him, and so and so on forever I guess. Yeah, I know, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but it's what happens. I guess we're just stuck in some weird loopy time thingy. The way I see it, we can't – or at the very least, shouldn't – change what's happened. There are rules, rules you can bend, but not break. All we can do is make sure what happened, happens. I guess the timeline's just fixed like that."

Maybe it is, I don't really know at all anymore, but it's not important. The thing that matters is that I go back, even if I have to push 'myself' a little, even if Sasaki's untested, newly formed theory was correct.

Our conversation had pretty much run its course now, so I walked off past 'myself' into the hall of mirrors, my current selves following me. I was a good distance off, when I remembered I still had a line to deliver.

Just in case, after all, 'I' am kind of dense.

"Hurry up to Haruhi, she'll be waiting. Just use the doorway I was standing in. Remember: Take Haruhi to the night before the carnival, it's the only way to make sure you guys get here and make sure she's safe!"

Oh crap, I forgot, Haruhi shows up after me. Damn it. Gah! Whatever, it should all work out.

...

#$%!

All in all, that was crap, in pure condensed form. Even though it had worked out, this was a clear sign of how I shouldn't go into things half-assed. I could probably have done that a lot better than I had and saved 'myself' and thereby myself a lot of worry. I need to be better prepared, so maybe it's time for an update from the others. I need to find out if we're ready, if they have all their ducks are in a row.

Time to pull yourself together. This is your D-Day. The world you know is imploding. You have to do better than this. Haruhi and the others deserve it. Focus! _Focus!!_

"Kyon! Kyon! Wait!" I could hear Sasaki shouting from somewhere behind me over the crowds as I exited the funhouse through its entrance. I looked over my shoulder and sure enough, there she was, waving frantically at me in order to catch my attention in the tides of people.

I kept walking.

Guh, damn it! Not now. I don't have time for another lecture from Sasaki. It's not like they're really helping either. I can't waste my time and mind considering the ups and downs of this crazy universe. I have more important things to worry about. Action speaks louder than words after all. No more distractions!

Sasaki was quickly making her way through the crowds to me. "Kyon! I really think we should discuss this new development!" she said, finally catching up to me, slightly out of breath.

"No, no more discussion. I can't keep worrying about the fate of the world like this. I just simply can't! I'm not qualified! I have to focus on what I _can_ save. I can save Haruhi," I said, not stopping to speak to her directly.

Sasaki put a hand on my shoulder, gently trying to slow me down, but I wouldn't have any of it. I brushed it off and picked up some more speed.

"Kyon, don't push me back now!" Sasaki said urgently, maintaining my speed. "Not when we're closing in on the truth! The truth behind all of this!"

"I don't care. I don't wanna know. I just want things back the way they were. No more lies, no more secrets, no more manipulations. I just want the SOS-Brigade back!"

"Kyon! You're not thinking straight. You're not thinking at all! Just pushing through with single-minded will power. You're in a vulnerable state because of all the stress and lack of sleep."

"How do you know I haven't been getting enough sleep?" I asked, stopping so suddenly to look back at her that Sasaki nearly bumped into me.

Sasaki raised an incredulous eyebrow at me. "Well, stupid paranoia like this sure helps put the pieces together, but it gets real easy since you look, quite frankly, like crap."

"Whatever. I don't need your sarcasm. I thought you said you wanted to help, but all I'm getting from you is lip," I said, moving out again.

"Kyon! Just calm down! Slow down and breathe, focus on one thing, like your breathing, nothing cerebral. And stop walking so fast!" Sasaki said sternly, panting a little again.

"No, I'm busy."

"Kyon, please, just calm down."

Enough already!

I pushed Sasaki against a nearby tree, holding her in place by the shoulders. She looked shocked, but wasn't afraid at all under the shade of the tree. Some people around us gave us worried glances, so I moved even closer to Sasaki, our faces almost touching. I took a moment to allow my breathing to slow down and eased my rigid frame, relaxing my shoulders, wondering if I should move my hands somewhere else, but wasn't sure if I could get away with putting my hands somewhere possibly more intimate. From a distance, it should look like we were kissing or about to. No one should bother us.

"You can't scare me away with macho crap like this, if that's what you're trying to do to drive me away. Can't you see how stressed you are? You'd never lay your hands on a girl like this normally," Sasaki said, staring gravely at me.

"Don't be so sure. I have my limits too."

"You'd never hurt a girl," Sasaki said firmly.

I've come surprisingly close, to my shame. Once I would have nearly punched Haruhi if I hadn't been stopped in time and in a different world, I'd pushed a frightened and timid Nagato against a wall, a lot like this. Both times I'd been pushed to my limits, the pressure of Haruhi's behaviour or the terror of being in an alien world getting to me, and now I was afraid I'd go over again, with my world crumbling around me instead of merely disappearing, like it had in that other world, where it was like that life had never existed at all. This was different, like instead of my favourite possession simply being lost, someone was breaking it apart right in front of me and I was powerless to stop it. And if I was pushed enough now, there might not be anyone to stop me this time, myself included.

I took a deep breath, trying to maintain focus on what really mattered. "Leave me alone."

"Kyon," Sasaki sounded almost pleading.

"You're right. I need to calm down. But I can't do it with you bugging me like this right now. Not now. Give me some time and space, okay?

Sasaki gave me a long, searching look. "...Okay."

I let go of her, turning around on my heels and quickly walked off, leaving the worried looking Sasaki behind under the deep shadow of the tree.

"Hey! Are you guys ready with all of your planning?" I asked impatiently as I arrived at our standard cafe.

The three weirdoes were huddled together, breaking apart as I walked up to them. Fujiwara looked up at me from his seat, looking bored. "I suppose so. You could say everything worth considering has been considered and prepared for."

"Good, just tell me what I need to know, the where and when. I want this thing over with."

I didn't really need to know more than that, since their plans didn't include me saying a word, just standing there in place next to them, letting them take the charge.

"Well, we have to wait until your past version is gone from this time plane, of course. We need to maintain the prerequisites for the determined event after all."

"Good. And that time and place would _be_...?"

"We set up a meet an hour after. We've already sent the messages. Who knows, this might have sped up the response the other factions were planning. It could be that our invites caused the others to act more hast-"

"Shut up, I don't care," I said, managing to get a shocked look out of Fujiwara with my newfound audacity. "Just tell me where and when."

"...Two o'clock on the field with the fireworks last night. The site will be secure and free of civilians thanks to Suou Kuyou's data manipulation. I trust you can stay awake for that long," Fujiwara said, smirking dirtily, but I didn't rise to the bait. I might be acting like he would usually, but I was still better than him.

"Good, I'll be there as your 'leverage'," I simply stated as I strode off, having confirmed the plan. It was all I could really do. In the mean time, I could fulfil an informal promise I'd made to Haruhi about seeing her again.

I could hear Fujiwara mutter something that sounded a lot like 'interesting' behind my back as I was going, but I was done with the likes of him until tonight.

After all the excitement was over for now, my adrenalin rush must have been wearing off or something, as I started to feel depressed again. With nothing to do, my mind was free to start thinking again, and I didn't like that.

Why am I doing this? It doesn't seem like the others in the SOS-Brigade are really the good guys at all... and yet... I'm doing this all with nothing but the hope of getting at least some of what I had with them back, even if it meant only having Haruhi back. I mean, how could we ever go back to what we had again after all this? The Commander and Slave #1 were the only ones left with the Brigade, weren't they?

... And then there's everything Sa-

"Kyon, wait!" Tachibana shouted after me, hurried footsteps following. "I still wanted to talk to you!"

But I just didn't care at all anymore at this point, so I kept to my slouching march.

"Kyon, you okay?" Tachibana asked as she ran up next to me, looking just as worried as Sasaki had moments ago.

"Please, just leave me alone."

"You can tell me," Tachibana said, smiling sweetly with genuine enough looking concern in her eyes, "I just want to help."

"Look, I'm just not in the mood right now." I really didn't want to have another confrontation with another girl. Why can't anyone seem to be able to take any of my hardly subtle hints?

Tachibana's smile faded away like snow in the spring. "How long are you going to treat me like this? Wasn't it enough that I apologised again? What do I have to do so you'll treat me like an equal person? First you walk off without a goodbye and now you're completely blowing me off."

"This isn't about that."

"Then what is it? We're on the same side now, if nothing else," Tachibana said sternly. "Forget what happened before with Asahina, what I think and feel about you. If we can't advance in our relationship in any way, from this villainous tension between us, could we at least try and be civil? If there's something going on, we should know. You want our full help, don't you?"

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with. Everything will go according to plan. I'll show up, we'll make everyone back off. You'll get what you want."

"All right..." Tachibana said in a defeated voice. She obviously wanted to say more, but held her tongue in check.

I left her behind as well, just like Sasaki, just standing there, looking like the last ship off a burning island had just sailed away without her.

The clubroom was getting dark by the time I arrived. Although I was aiming to see Haruhi like I had sort of promised, I hadn't been in any hurry. I had kept staring at the skies, waiting for a sign, knowing full well it wouldn't come. Pretty sad, right? Knowingly wasting your time like that on empty hope. Then again, hope is always rather empty in the end... Sigh, yeah, this is sad. Sad, sad Saddity Saddy McSadderson, that's my name now. Excuse me as I go and drown my sorrows in some cheep tea.

I peeked under the canvas and Haruhi was still there, snug as a bug in her little nest.

"So, how was your day today?" I asked in a low monotone as I went off to put together all the 'ingredients' for the instant tea.

Haruhi didn't say anything, still hidden away by the canvas.

"Oh, really? Well that's nice. Guess what I did? I acted like a total dick to people who just want to help me because I'm such a kid who can't handle a little 'world in peril with freedom of will and parallel existences in danger'..."

...

"Sorry about the sarcasm. You're right, I should cut back on it before I die of an overdose of sourness. But you know, life just keeps throwing lemons at me, at high speed, at my head... and I'm too brain damaged afterwards to make lemonade out of it, so I just suck on them until my mouth is full of nothing but sour crap."

...

"No, I didn't go too far with that. I wasn't even trying to be funny. I was just venting, so I guess I gain a bit of verbosity when it happens."

...

"Just shut it," I said, taking the instant tea that was now ready and pouring it into my cup. I walked over to the table and sat down, taking a careful sip of my hot tea. "Nowhere near as good as anything Asahina-san makes, even on a bad day, from instant tea even... I wonder why it always tastes better coming from her...?"

...

"No, I am not a horny bugger who would go bananas even if offered a pile of horse dung by a sexy girl just so I could... 'get it on with her like two rabbits in a sock'? Okay, that's just gross."

...

"'Search your feelings, you know it to be true...' Are you quoting something?"

...

Sigh. "Yeah, this is getting incredibly sad. At first this was relieving some pressure, just talking, airing things out, but it looks like it doesn't really work out if you're talking to yourself. Nope, all it does is depress you some more as you realize you have no one left but yourself anymore to talk with about things bothering you."

...

I took a sip of my lukewarm tea. It's surprising how quickly all the heat escapes. "Hmm, so this is what loneliness tastes like? I think I can also taste an after taste of lunacy as well... ah, yeah, there it is, full blown insanity, bursting in your mouth with the flavour of seven different psychoses..."

...

"You're right, I am having a laugh at myself. No one left to mock but myself... Don't really like it. I think I can see why some people are against it."

Haruhi must have turned over under the table, bumping into one of the table's legs, as the whole damn thing shook like it had been hit by a localized earthquake. My tea cup wobbled dangerously, spilling a bit over onto the canvas covering the table.

Sigh. "I expect you'll be wanting me to clean that up... and make sure you haven't concussed yourself... I think I'll start with the cleaning," I said as I stood up to get some paper.

It's going to be a long night, isn't it? What with us finally going out to sort this mess out, but at least everything's finally on track and going according to plan. No more annoying uncertainties or scary surprises.

There was a knock on the door.


	15. The way I see it

There was a knock on the door.

Damn it, I hate it when I'm right. This really was going to be a long night. And only if we were lucky. The alternative could only mean one thing and one thing only.

The door was locked, so I should have a few seconds if nothing else. I looked about for something I could use as a weapon. I settled for one of the folded up chairs as the knock came again, more insistent this time.

I crept up to the door, heart racing like a wild horse, hoping my sweaty palms would not make me lose hold of my weapon if I indeed had to try and swing it.

"Is anyone in there?" I heard a familiar female voice ask.

"Sasaki…?" I almost squeaked, so flabbergasted by the sudden and unexpected appearance of her voice. At first my muscles relaxed at her friendly tone, but soon tightened up again.

"Kyon? I _thought_ I saw you go in this building. Can you let me in?"

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my hands tightening once again on the chair in my hands. "I thought I told you to leave me alone."

"I know, but there's still... there's still things I want to discuss. I followed you back to the others, took my time, and noticed you were still in an angry state, rushing off, sending Kyoko away almost as roughly as me."

"I... I'm sorry about that, by the way..."

"I know... I knew you'd calm down as well. So I followed you. At first, I was shocked to see you enter the school like this, but really, it's kind of obvious in a way, isn't it? This is the heart of it. It took me a while to find the right room, and even when I had found it, I took a moment to gather my thoughts, just in case you were still fuming."

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked, wanting to move on from my small moment of shameful behaviour. I lowered the chair, but didn't move closer to open the door.

"I wanted to talk about – Oh please, Kyon, could you open the door? It's rather disconcerting trying to speak with you through it. I'm alone if that's what you're worrying about."

"I… okay," I said, sneaking a glance at the carefully covered table with Haruhi under it. "But I'll come out, okay?"

"…Fine."

I put the chair down next the door and opened it. But before I could step out, Sasaki nimbly stepped around the door and me, twirling about as she looked about, taking in the room with an odd amount of interest.

"Sorry, but I've just always wanted to see this place," Sasaki apologised, trying to comfort me with a bright smile as she sat down on the edge of the table.

"Why do you look so grim?" she asked, swinging her legs back and forth, the canvas covering the table revealing some of the clothing under it as it swung back and forth with her feet. "I thought you'd calmed down."

I quickly looked up from where my eyes were practically drilling a hole, hoping she hadn't noticed anything under her feet.

"Okay, you've seen the place," I said, doing my best to control the urgency in my voice. "Nothing special really. Now we can go out and talk. You know, in the pleasant cool night air."

"But you've got snacks and everything in here. We could make a night of it if you wanted," Sasaki said, still smiling as she inspected the table.

I shook my head a bit too quickly.

"Besides, I think the conversation we'll have is more of the kind where you'd prefer to be sitting down." Sasaki glanced at the chair I had intended to use as a weapon and gestured at it. "Go ahead and pull up a chair, why don't you?"

She's a clever girl, too clever. I should get her out of here, but that might be even more suspicious. Maybe I should just distract her, keep her focused on whatever she wants to talk about. But whatever I do, I have to be careful. She might not be against me really, but she might, accidentally or not, tell someone she really shouldn't.

"Okay, okay," I said as I pulled up the chair and unfolded it.

"So, what did you want to discuss?"I asked, sitting down firmly in front of her, careful to keep my eyes focused on hers, straining to keep them away from her swinging feet and the person hidden behind them.

"There's quite a lot I'd like to discuss, but I think it's important that for the time being, we first address what was left unfinished."

"..."

"While you were busy bustling around, leaving me to go and seal up the time loop and then storming off, I had time to consider what I think I discovered concerning the time travellers. Perhaps I should have gone to Fujiwara to confirm or deny my ideas, but he's biased. In fact, based on what I've heard, it seems most of time travellers view time very, very differently, more as alternative realms which share similar characteristic but are causally separate, unique realities."

"Do you really think he's trying to save time and everyone?"

"I believe he thinks so. I think I merely figured out why he thinks this way or how this might all actually work even."

"So what? He might not be right? The other time travellers might still be the good guys?"

"I'm sure they too think they are doing what they think is right. I just think Fujiwara is closer to the right course than they are, based on what we know and have figured out."

"What if you're wrong?"

"We~ell... that's always a possibility of course, but in our short time apart, I've been able to come up with a theory that explains everything. From time travel and time planes to even God and Suzumiya, incorporating what I know about data entities and their birth and applying it to everything."

"What are you talking about? What do Haruhi, God and data beings have to do with what you think you discovered about time travel? How does any of that relate to what you were talking about time planes being destroyed?"

"I think it's all connected, and the secret behind time travel was the last missing piece I needed to put it all together."

"Seriously, what are you talking about?"

"All right... well, as you essentially already know how I suspect time functions, or doesn't under current conditions, I'll go straight to the really _interesting_ bits."

"_Really_ interesting? I don't see how this could get much bigger."

"Don't you think it's odd how a temporal fault line appeared when these god powers arrived, whether it was intended for me or Haruhi, preventing time travel beyond that moment?"

"Koizumi had an idea about that."

"Really?" Sasaki asked, intrigued.

"He thinks the universe might have been formed then, the way it is right now at least, essentially as however Haruhi views reality, as something akin to a dream."

"Ah, yes, of course. It's another likely explanation, but I think it's slightly a bit more complex than that... Consider the state of the timeline. As far as I can tell, it's destabilizing, riddled by paradoxes that are probably eating away at it, only further changing everything along with the changes brought upon us by the time travellers. Time should go in one direction and one direction only. When causality suffers, we do as well."

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me Kyon, in your experiences with time travel, have you ever encountered something that could not possibly exist without the time loop, or something that seems to exist within the time loop, without having any sort of definite beginning?"

"What? I don't understand at all... wait. How about knowing stuff because your future self knew it, and he only knew it because his future self knew it?" Actually, now that I think about it, there's been plenty of those things when I've time travelled.

"Exactly. This information doesn't seem to originate from anywhere. It can only exist within the loop, but it can affect time around it, influencing the future. It's kind of like a whirlpool or a black hole. Everything around it is warped with it. But just imagine there being several distortions like it. Kind of like many black holes in one spot; space and time would be unrecognizable to us in such a place. And if time and space truly are as connected as we think, how we know that the bending of space can affect time, then perhaps the opposite is possible as well."

"What, you think the loops somehow gave Haruhi her powers?"

"No, no. You're jumping to conclusions. I merely wanted to point out how wide an effect these loops, paradoxes and temporal plane distortions could cause, how grave the situation is, not just universally, but perhaps even pan-universally – pan-dimensionally."

"Okay, so it's... big."

"Very. Now, consider how time travel is causing this and how something is put in place to prevent more time travel. Everything happens for a reason. Most of the time this however doesn't involve some profound reason as people like to imagine, but because the universe is simply systematic. Again, this is called causality. Something caused this fault line, but what?"

"We're gonna start running into the ad infinitum paradox again, aren't we? And what caused that? And that? And that?"

"Yes, but I still hold that the Universe, all of existence, came into being by itself, from a previous version of it, creating itself from its previous remains, an ouroboros of sorts. Now, consider how the data entities came about. Beings beyond the physicality of the universe, but intimately connected to it. All that matter bursting forth into space upon creation contained so much information, behaving in a systematic manner, that it birthed computing entities, processing this information until they grew and processed so much that they gained sentience. See how the Universe birthed them, our own sort of resident gods, sort of like how the rest of life emerged?"

"Yeah, so?"

"As I told you before, it seems our Universe is not the first of its kind, not to mention all the possible temporal planes. Consider... how much an infinite amount of realities repeating forever contains information..."

"... No way... you don't mean…"

"Yes, I believe there exists a data entity beyond this reality and all the others, processing them all. Just as much as everything in this universe runs along laws of nature, like a computer executing a program, all those realities are probably running according to some form of defined restrictions. Now, what would an infinitely intelligent program do if it encountered a problem in its programs? Would it notice a discrepancy within its own system? God is the software, and reality is its hardware, to put it metaphorically. It's just running the system, a simulation. And now something's gone wrong. It's like a computer, or a living system, more like a body actually. It's released an anti-body program to deal with the corruption, a corruption in its systems caused by time travel. Time travel is disturbing its program, as planes become twisted due to loops, so it limits it, trying to stop the software problems before the hardware becomes incapable of running it all.

The data entities we know probably couldn't do this, because they were birthed by this particular Universe. They are limited by our Universe's restrictions because they are so connected to it. This... This Data-God's data manipulation isn't limited to a particular realm's restrictions like our aliens' powers are, so it can bypass them, use a backdoor if you will. It's connected to all realities. It can manipulate the data of all realities, perhaps taking what is necessary for one universe to function from another one. Maybe this is what black holes are, maybe matter goes into a wormhole and comes out in another. This would look like creating something from nothing, perhaps enabling creation, serving as the first miraculous spark for existence, from our perspective at least, even if this doesn't solve the creation of the totality of existence. Maybe all universes are just looped versions of previous matter being directed accordingly. Maybe it's only this perceived omnipotence, this Data-God's interference that has saved the universe from being wiped out completely due to time travel, as one time jump would essentially destroy all other realms as their respective versions of time travellers would all jump and terminate all their original time planes. That, or we simply can't fully grasp the meaning of infinite with our limited mental capabilities and language."

"But... but what does Haruhi have to do with this?"

"As you know, the data entities we're acquainted with had to create interfaces in order to interact with our Universe. Maybe this is what the Data-God did. It bypassed the limits of our reality, hacking and rearranging some of our laws, creating this power of omnipotence and then directed it into its interface, an avatar of sorts. It's trying to combat temporal instabilities... so maybe this isn't even the first time it's tried something like this... There are plenty of stories throughout history, of God walking the Earth in human form. After all, we're dealing with time travel, the distortions could start at any time in our history. Maybe Haruhi is just the latest, perhaps most up to date version of an interface or just simply the latest band-aid.

Maybe the time planes can't be destroyed as long as there is someone with these powers sort of anchoring reality. Although the time planes would be destroyed under normal conditions, it's Suzumiya's perception of reality that reconstructs it, allowing us to exist when we shouldn't... that the world cannot exist because of the time travelling and can only exist through the annihilation processes since she is protected from it, beyond time like her powers as they came from a being outside of time, allowing the world to exist because she believes it to exist, expecting it to exist, and then observing it, thus ensuring its existence even after it's been destroyed. The universe only exists because Suzumiya believes and expects it to be there and is then on much more stable ground once she observes it again. This actually makes sense even if time travellers were conjured into existence by Suzumiya... but if that were the case, that would mean she herself was the cause of the instability... then again, some would have us believe that there was an error in the dispensation process of these powers..."

"Haruhi... an interface of a Data-God? Why? Why her? Or anyone?"

"Well, this is the one big hole in my idea... sort of. But hey, I plead the good old 'He works in mysterious ways'-line people always use when confronted with questions of this nature."

"Oh c'mon, you would never forgive someone for not questioning the logic in something as important as that. A lazy, flimsy excuse like that would never satisfy a mind as sharp as yours and not even one as dull as mine."

"You're right. Values and faith and even logic are nothing if not capable of persevering through challenge. But I really don't know... I think an interface was required to help repair time, but have no idea why any specific person would be chosen for this over another."

For some reason, Sasaki seemed to have forgotten that it was her who was originally intended to have these powers, at least that's what Tachibana would have us think.

"But what's really got me worried about these computer-like intelligences is that they too deteriorate with age, or through 'use' more specifically, in our world at least. Software can start to malfunction even if it has the best hardware, simply accumulating errors. It's like a human mind, it could go crazy even if biologically speaking there's nothing necessarily wrong with it. And this Data-God has been around for an eternity... maybe it's just gone nuts. Maybe it made an error, as a being outside of time trying to interact with something within time, something it might be just as unable to fully understand as we when contemplating timelessness."

Crap. I really am glad she told me to sit down for all of this.

"Maybe... maybe it's time for something new. Maybe the Data-God is starting to see how nothing can last, not even itself. Maybe it wants someone to step up and do something..."

"...What are you talking about?"

"Kyon, once again I'd like to ask you to help me consider taking these powers from Suzumiya," Sasaki said, brushing away a few loose strands of hair away from her face, giving the floor a glance.

Oh... well, I guess nothing does escape her consideration after all.

"I don't know what to do," Sasaki said, for once looking truly downcast. "One moment I could be absolutely certain of my decision, intending to stick with it for good, but then something, anything, could happen to change my mind. Sometimes it's something small, trivial, inconsequential. Sometimes it's something huge, colossal, scandalous. It's driving me mad. I can't go through a day without thinking about it anymore. Worst of all, I never examine the problem from the same angle. I'm always coming at it from a different perspective.

At first, you'd think this would be good, but when you know as much as I do, it get's quite horrifying with all the multitudes of applied approaches. I try switching mindsets. I've read countless books. You'd think it would be easy to decide, even if you considered only all the big concerns, like the ethical implications, the spiritual side, social aspects, the psychological facets? But of course within these mentioned areas there are many different, often opposing ideologies and I've considered the problem through them all as well. Can you see how bad it's gotten for me?

I can't decide, so I keep trying to approach the problem from any angle I can imagine. I've tried making lists with pros and cons, but even that hasn't helped. I've tried focusing mainly on the ethics involved, but then I feel I should not try such reductive thought processes in something as all-encompassing a problem as this and have tried applying a holistic mentality to it all, but it's just too much. Nothing works."

"Oh-_kay_…"

I was having a hard time thinking anymore, there was just too much to consider. It was amazing Sasaki had done so much of it without going crazy. I probably would have, and it seemed to be doing a number on Sasaki as well. She looked tired, almost as tired as she did worried. Yes, it was all held back, sealed behind her calm exterior, but it was definitely starting to show around the edges of her eyes. I wanted to help her out, but once again found myself lacking in these areas of thought. So I did what I could with the limited resources at my disposal.

"Want some chocolate?" I asked.

"What?" Sasaki blinked, losing the sharp focus in her eyes for a moment.

"There's some right behind you…" I pointed apprehensively at the bag of goods behind her on the table.

"I pour out my soul and you suggest chocolate…?" Sasaki's eye brow rose a little with her voice. "For what possible reason...? Unless you thought I would appreciate the simulated feeling of affection caused by psychoactive chemicals in the sweet?"

"Hey, I already told you this kind of stuff isn't my cup of tea earlier. I'm completely lost when it comes to all of this. I'm troubled enough with the – uhm – material and ideal sides of this world."

"You… wait, what? What are you talking about?" The eyebrow arched some more.

"You know, if everything is of the mind or not. Something like that."

"Oh, of course. I've always leaned more to the materialistic side of life; I'm not sure if the mind really exists beyond the physical sense, merely the perceived product of chemicals and neurons. All this high level abstract soul searching is kind of silly. I prefer cold hard facts… not this bizarre form of external solipsism Suzumiya seems to inspire in people. You couldn't believe how tiresome it was for me to try and read on about Plato and his ideal forms and whatnot, not that I really have _too_ many objections with idealist/rationalist outlooks, but still…"

Yeah, I really couldn't believe or even begin to. It took me a moment to even remember who Plato was. I haven't the faintest idea what he raved about forms, shapes or whatever. It seemed to me that you had to be either crazy or philosophically minded to go ranting on about something as simple as shapes.

"Look, there's only one real venue left for me to pursue anymore. I've exhausted everything else. I need an exit. Anything! So please, tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me more about what you think. What do you think is the best option? I could change everything. I could…" Sasaki shifted into another position on the table, like she was trying to get comfortable, looking lost for words for the briefest of moments. "I could help you."

"Me… you want to help me…?"

"But of course." Sasaki refocused her sharp eyes on me like the sight of a rifle. "Just tell me what you want, what you need, what you think is right. You're closest to this problem. You've been with Suzumiya for over a year now. You should be the best judge. You don't have selfish motives relating to this subject… do you?"

There's that word again... selfish... I am, pretty selfish in the end... I think I've been using Haruhi as just as much of a distraction from life as she does with the rest of us in the Brigade. We all have something we want, something we're aiming for. But is the Brigade really what I want? In my dark moment, the desire to return to what I had had with them had pulled me out of my small bout of depression and had driven me into short-lived action. And, yet, it feels strange to me in a way, wanting to be with these people. It doesn't seem to fit me in some way I can't explain. I don't belong with these people, even if I do usually enjoy their company. Being with them doesn't feel like it's me. I'm not really me when I'm with them, but someone else, slightly different. Is it that I simply don't know what I really want because... it's not what _I_ really want but what someone else wants me to want? I truly had to fight with the teeth and nails of my mind not to glance at the lower edges of the canvas covering the table near Sasaki's feet to see whether all was properly hidden or not.

It's the old SOS-Brigade I want, right?

"I..."

"Yes, Kyon?" Sasaki leaned down from her high seat on the table, eager to hear my lowly thoughts.

"I'm tired... so damn tired of this all..." I said, giving my temples a rub, shaking my head exasperatedly.

Sasaki sighed, leaned back and gave me a warm, sympathetic look.

"I know, Kyon, I know, and I only want to help you. After all, seeing how worried I am, you should be a nervous wreck after everything you've been through. If even half of it's true... you're a brave guy, Kyon," Sasaki said fondly, brushing away some of the hair in my eyes, so we could clearly look into each other's eyes. She gave my cheek a tender caress, brushing something I hadn't noticed off, all the while staring at me with so much warm sympathy in her eyes she could have melted ice caps. In this case, she certainly _was_ melting my tired heart.

"Living the way you have, uncertain of everything, it must be so horrible. I mean, from what I've heard, the whole world's in the hands of an unstable girl, and you're forced to watch over her, to make sure she doesn't go off the wrong end completely and do something ridiculous to the laws of physics and kill us all. Not to mention the uncertainty that comes from merely living an existence where everything could be decided by an external force, robbing you of what really makes you 'you'. I have never understood how some people who believe in fate or a divine plan could live like that, as merely pawns and be happy with it. Such disregard for life. I might be a bit of a determinist, but at least I'm not a full blown fatalist. I think we can still amount to much, even if we're not always in full control."

"But how…"

"Yes? You can tell me, Kyon, I just want to help you."

"How? How could you help me? Things wouldn't change, not really, even if it was you in charge instead of Haruhi. You already said you weren't certain if you could remove those powers."

"I'm still… thinking," Sasaki said, glancing away briefly.

"How would you getting Haruhi's powers end up in a world any different from the way it is? Sure, there might be more stability but… I'd never really know if my thoughts are my own or just your sense of drama or, or... or whatever crazy thing that would turn out to be messing up my life, making me think and do whatever you might wish for. Even if you might not mean to do something to me, you might just wish for it anyway, treating it as a passing fancy, but it could still come into effect. It'd be just as bad as living like this with Haruhi."

"I wouldn't do that to you, not intentionally at least."

"But that's the thing, her powers, they work on a subconscious level… she could be making us do this, you know," I said, my unmanageable paranoia finally escaping. "She's always looking for excitement, and this sure as hell has been a pulse raising couple of days for me. Probably the only real reason why she isn't here right now is because her rational side just can't see something like this happening, as much as she wants it to, resulting in the mess that is my life." – Sigh – "Maybe Koizumi was right, maybe I'm the Ego to her Id, trying to make sure she can live in the world according to its rules…"

Sasaki smiled at me affectionately, shaking her head a tiny bit, amusement creeping into the corners of her eyes. "You _do_ know that most of Freud's theories have been discredited? Psychoanalysis is dying out, it's all social interaction and biological psychology nowadays."

"Hh, yeah… I've heard about the Oedipal complex thing and sure as hell am glad that's not true but… I think he had a point or two about defence mechanisms and the subconscious."

Sasaki's hand, which had returned to her lap after brushing away something off my cheek, now took hold of my tie. She rubbed at a spot between her thumb and fingers, fixing her eyes on it. "What? That we're all governed by sexual urges, sublimating and repressing them whenever we can? Hmm, I guess you might have a point there." She slowly pulled on my tie, bringing me up closer to her, shifting her eyes to look into mine. "Kyon, things really could be better with me in charge, I could fix so many things. I could make you... everyone happy. We could live so happily... Suzumiya seems to lack the restraint I have. They say the greatest act of freedom is limiting one's freedom and I agree, to a certain extent. We're free to choose who we are, as people, as moral beings, but we shouldn't step on other people's toes to do so. 'Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire,' Epictetus circa a really long time ago."

"Yeah, yeah… I know, I've heard this before in a more convoluted way… but… I can't really trust _anyone_ if these powers exist, if this really is true omnipotence. I'd rather live like this with Haruhi as things are, because at least she isn't actually abusing her power, even if she is making me do things I wouldn't normally do. She doesn't know, it's not really her fault. You gotta believe me, please."

"Okay... I see..." Sasaki said, unleashing her tight hold on my tie, my head sinking a little after her hold, while her eyes wandered across the clubroom once more. "So you would prefer to stick with the status quo, because... the alternative would pretty much be the same. Is this simply too much of a bother on your part, or is there something you like, something you want with this situation with Suzumiya... something you couldn't get with me...?"

What are you...? It's almost like your saying that I... Why is what I want so damn important to you people? What does it matter what my motivations are? Why is that you and Haruhi both seem to care so much about what I want?

Arrgh... why is this all so freaking hard? Why do I have to keep guessing all the time and trying to read people like this...? I really am tired of this all... No, I'm starting to get sick of it. All of it, even the Brigade, at least as this supernatural gathering of secret motivations and manipulations is starting to annoy me. Why can't everything just be simple, like it is on those silent days in the clubroom, those trips to the city and other nice moments? As exciting as all this adventure is, I'd give it all away to have that with the others all the time.

My head kept sinking with all this baggage... Data-Gods, avatar interfaces, distorted time, right and wrong decisions, conspiracies behind the scenes, doubtful motives... too much, just too much.

"It's okay, Kyon, it's gonna be okay..." Sasaki said, brushing my hair down in a caring manner while I continued staring at the floor. "I'm here for you... and as long as I am, I swear I'll do everything I can to help you... I'll look after you, always. We're going to get through this... why? Because we have each other..."

"...Do we? Do we really?"

"What are you talking about?" Sasaki's voice wasn't shocked or anything, there was just a serene curiousness, almost like she already knew the answer, and was a teacher testing her pupil.

"It seems like nothing but one thing can ever happen to me. I have to go back to Haruhi. I just have to."

"Why...?" She asked without sadness or anything you might expect in her voice, but a sort of coaching tone, like she was asking it for my benefit.

"I... I don't know. I really don't know anymore... and it sort of scares me."

"Do you think it's because she's manipulating you?"

"I don't know... I just have to."

"Or is it something else?"

"..."

"Kyon, do you love her?"

"... I don't know. I really don't. Maybe? I mean... I want to be with her, keep her safe, but it doesn't feel like what I've been told love is like. I've never really felt like this about someone... although it might sound like nothing but friendship, it's much deeper than that, but it's not like I want to climb mountains and shout her name either..."

"Maybe the reason you can't fully understand this feeling is because... it's not really yours?"

... I couldn't say anything anymore. It was all just so wrong... my whole life at the moment. I wished I could go back to such simple worries as homework and taking care of Shamisen. This was all just too much.

"It's okay, it's okay..." Sasaki said soothingly, beginning the slow petting of my head again, guiding my head into her warm lap, a comforting port I was gladly led into. "But maybe you can still choose. And if you can, no matter what you choose, I'll support it. If you need to escape, I'll help. If you need advice on wooing the girl, I'll even help you out with that."

"Huh? Why...?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"... No..."

"Kyon, for some reason, you're the closest person I have. All my friends, in school and outside it, they feel like nothing but passing acquaintances to me. Yes, I can have a relatively pleasant time with them, but there's never that deep a connection, it never... 'clicks' with any of them. None of them truly understand, being so caught up in their own little lives with all sorts of distractions, material and emotional. But with you... it's different for some reason."

"What are you saying...?" I asked lifting my head from her lap, looking up into her eyes, shining gently in the darkness of the room, like a lighthouse in a dreary mist guiding me home.

"Kyon... I think that in my own esoteric way, I might actually... love you..."

"........."

I hadn't realized it until now, but I'd been inching my way closer to her. I was barely still on the edge my seat, almost falling off. I tried to move before I fell off, but Sasaki held me down by my shoulders, exerting a gentle but surprisingly controlling weight on them.

"You're not trying to do what I think you're trying to do, are you, Kyon?"

Of... of course not. I was just... just trying to get comfortable... the fact that our faces got dangerously close had nothing to do with anything. Whatever it is you think I was going to do, I certainly hadn't even considered it. Nope, definitely not. Something like that would never cross my mind...

"Good, because for a moment there, I thought you were going to try and kiss me."

"And that'd be so... wrong?" For the first time, my eyes wandered, unable to look directly at Sasaki for some reason. I focused on the clothes rack, the book shelf, the commander's table, anything but her... or the edges of the canvas.

"No, Kyon... I don't want you to kiss me because I don't need it. You don't need to do that for me... I don't even want it... I love you... but not like that... Besides, I don't really think you want to either, you're just stressed and possibly looking for some easy relief, if you were to try and kiss me, of course."

"......"

I'd never noticed before, but there's a really big, ugly stain on the wall behind the currently near empty clothes rack, that looks exactly like –

"Don't turn away," Sasaki said, reaching out carefully to cusp my chin, guiding my head around so we were looking directly into each other's eyes again. "I don't mean like a sibling or something, nothing trite like that. People always want to generalize things, make them simple and easy to understand, split the world in black and white, but life is just too miraculously complicated in order to make such general statements about anything without causing falsified impressions and interpretations.

I just... I don't need physical contact... Do you understand? It does nothing for me... I don't want it at all. I'm just not that kind of person... I want something different than that... Love... _is_ a distraction, especially in a romantic sense and making it physical makes it even worse. I'm probably alone in thinking like this, but I really don't need it, not like that. I don't want it. Love is selfless, or it should be. I'm not seeking gratification of any kind. I want to control myself. I want to be free of all forces that would seize hold of me. I love you, but I'm not going to let that love turn into a noose around my neck.

I want to see you happy, because it makes me happy to see you so, not because something like love is controlling me, forcing me into situations I don't desire or causing unneeded strife, but because I value you as another person, not just because of hormonal misbalances or social programming forcing me to act as expected. I want to be myself, a creature possessing a mind of logic, capable of determining what is right and wrong, free of emotional and other forms of influence. I want to be... authentic, to who I really am. That's where true contentment comes from, I think. I can't become too attached to anything; for everything changes, deteriorates, ends and whatever I become attached to, I am enslaved by, and if I am enslaved by things that change, I will have no real control over myself. I will not submit to any of it.

I'm not sure if I could become all that attached even if I wanted to; I'm just not that type of person. Feelings have never really been much of a part in my life, but sometimes, even I'm affected by something, and frankly, I don't much like it... But if I ever did _choose_ to follow something like love, it would never be because of physical attraction, but something... of the mind, between two beings stripped of falsehoods, pretences and distractions, forming a connection past language and schemas, an understanding so complete we would become one in a way transcending the physical. But I don't think I'll ever choose it, at least in my current state of mind, as ultimately, love is about surrendering to another, exposing yourself to someone who is, unfortunately, someone equally subjective. If one mind, or will, is stronger than the other, if they are not equal, the stronger one will control the other. But it's not just about control.

Although another, someone who loves us, can offer insights into our being and aid in our knowledge of the self, they can only ever observe us as objects in the world, even if they acknowledge us as subjects. Our very own self-awareness is separated from our body by a 'nothingness', another person can never fully understand us, as this gulf of nothingness is even wider between two subjects. In the end, this drive will guide us into a gratifying situation in the hopes of better understanding of the self, but it will never fully succeed either. Two minds can never become one, and if they did, they would once again desire to redefine themselves, releasing yet more existential anxiety.

But first and foremost, love, as I said before, is a distraction. Some will say it's a foundation for morality, but it isn't necessary, there are plenty of secular versions to even normative, deontological and consequentialist ethics. Overall, I think its value in our lives is greatly overrated. Love is a distraction, it takes away our focus from greater things, things that truly set us apart from the rest of the universe. Many artists of various mediums abstained from love, so they could remain in an unfulfilled state, yearning for perfection instead of accepting warm and easy comfort. I think this is because... Love is common. Any fool can love, it's as simple as that. But art, culture, philosophy, justice, all these things that are purely human constructs, they are just so much greater than love ever could be. They transcend this animalistic instinct, whether it's simply a chemical imbalance or a developed form of the herd instinct, driven by self interest.

When I'm like this, unattached, I can feel it – something, maybe love, maybe not, maybe one of those things that transcends all of it – flowing out from me, not in. It's a river, feeding an ocean... It's not something I'm a part of... I'm free of it, above it, _because_ of it... Does that make any sense?"

"...No."

Sasaki smiled warmly at me. "But you still understand how I feel, what I _mean_, don't you?"

"Yeah..."

"That's exactly why I love you," Sasaki said before she leaned down and slowly kissed me comfortingly on my forehead. "There, better?" she asked, as she drew back with eyes full of infectious contentment and kindness and a gentle smile that somehow managed to be alluringly mysterious as well.

I could only nod, feeling so small and childish, yet oddly comforted in her arms, by her touch. Why couldn't I be more like her, free from physical needs, the hold of the world... the realm of the Rex Mundi? Why was I stuck like this in this world, when she had moved on...? Was this what Tachibana saw in her, why she was a better host than Haruhi? She was someone beyond desire and needs, untouched by humanity, free of passion, unmoved by the mysteries of the world, cold and warm at the same time... She was... was... everything Haruhi wasn't.

Forget our dualism... consider theirs...

What tied these two girls together? Why were they chosen for godhood...?

...

There was only one real link between them... and it was me.

So what did I have to do with all of this? Why was I so important? What was the connection? Why me?

Had one of them created me? Had anything happened to me four years ago? Four years ago... I'd been an average brat. I'd also been John Smith...

There was no connection there, was there? No, this is no time for denial. That was around the time Haruhi got her powers, right? That was close to when she drew those alien signs... It was too much to be a coincidence, so had they somehow given Haruhi her powers? If so, had my presence there, with the signs to the two gods of Tanabata Haruhi had drawn, 'I am here', somehow affected me as well, flowed from my future self to all versions of me beyond that point in time? Had that somehow taken away Sasaki's rightful powers and somehow... flowed into us both? Haruhi had gotten the full force, I'd just gotten a little share... but it was enough to reunite us again in school. Was this why we were both somehow needed in returning Sasaki her powers? Was this why Haruhi and I were together like this, living in symbiosis as Koizumi had said, complimenting opposites, two halves of the same whole, both living the dream together? Was this why I seemed to be getting what I wanted out of Haruhi? Because I had a small share of the great power with her? Was this why Haruhi gave me what I needed, escape from boring reality, something exciting to follow, extraordinary meaning to my normal existence? Was that even what I really wanted...?

...

So was Sasaki what it would be like, a sort of avatar, of what it would be like if the power was full and together again? Was that what Tachibana Kyoko saw in her as God? Would Haruhi and I find contentment like her if we were together, reaching this... this... state of enlightenment?

"You okay? You've been out of it for a while now..." Sasaki asked, smiling like a Buddha.

"Sorry..."

"No need to apologise, I understand how taxing this must all be for you."

"...Yeah, I think I'll be fine... tonight's the big night after all..."

"You should sound happier, you're going to get everything you want back..."

"I... I can't really see it all coming back..."

"It'll all come back," Sasaki said firmly.

"How so? Some sort of logic I've overlooked?"

"No, no logic. If it doesn't come back, I'll just make sure it does. I'll personally go and talk everyone into submission, grinding their minds away with my boring lectures," she said, smirking playfully at me.

I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Thanks, Sasaki. You're a great... friend?" That word seemed somehow insulting all of a sudden, now that Sasaki felt like something even more divine than that.

"No need for labels, especially since I think we've passed that particular one," Sasaki said, leaning in towards me so that our foreheads were almost touching. No longer could I flinch, even though she had gotten so close so suddenly. She stared firmly into my eyes. "Just promise me you'll be careful tonight. It could be dangerous."

"Don't worry, if something does go wrong, instead of drowning them in jargon like you would, I'll chew their ears off with my whining and stupid sarcasm."

Sasaki gave a little giggle, her warm breath tickling my lips. "You don't whine that much and you're really not _that_ sarcastic."

"You've never seen me have a regular day with Haruhi."

"Mmm, I suppose so..." Sasaki said as she pulled back, running her hand through her hair, staring at me with suddenly tired eyes. "Thank you, Kyon, for your thoughts on everything. If nothing else, I will not invade the personal autonomy of anyone if I can help it. Perhaps it would be best if I didn't take these powers... not yet at least. Besides, if this really is all on the level of a dream, taking her powers away would be impossible anyway on a fundamental level as she would still be the dreamer. I'm not completely sure yet, but after all, we have more pressing matters to focus on now."

"Huh?"

"You have a maiden to rescue, remember?" Sasaki said as she jumped off the table, her expression as blank as Nagato's. It was completely impossible for me to say what she really thought about everything.

"Oh yeah." Once again, I nearly glanced at the edges of the canvas.

Sasaki walked around me towards the door. For the first time she was in the room, I finally snuck a glance at Haruhi's hideout. Some edges of the pile of clothes under Haruhi were peeking out from under the canvas. I still couldn't risk her possibly letting it slip that Haruhi was here to anyone, so I quickly pushed some of them back under the table as discreetly as I could with my foot before I turned around to see Sasaki off. I was glad to find that she hadn't noticed my suspicious moves, as she had only just gotten to the door, her hand reaching out for the handle. But before she opened the door, she turned and gave a little smile.

"Oh, and in case you were worried about someone finding out about Suzumiya sleeping under the table, don't be. I won't tell a single soul."

What?! You – you knew?! All along?!

"Goodnight, Kyon. Get a good night's rest when this is all over, you deserve a sweet dream or two," Sasaki said with a warm, comforting smile before she left.

...

She'd known, the whole time... Geez...

I sat down on the edge of the table where Sasaki had been sitting and looked down as I kicked backwards on the canvas, revealing the clothes behind them and the tip of one of Haruhi's sandals, her little toes appearing briefly. If I listened carefully, I think I could hear Haruhi's shallow breathing. I'd been pretty stupid thinking something like the canvas would hide her from anything more than a swift casual glance inside the clubroom.

I sighed, feeling full well the exhaustion of my current life weighing down on me.

Ah, Haruhi, the things I do for you, but… why? Once again I'm practically forced to ask, what exactly are you to me? Why am I ready to risk so much for you? A girl I once wanted to punch in the face for what she did to Asahina-san. A girl who sits behind me in class. A girl who I _let_ run my life like a tyrant with the excuse of a fake club. A girl with unimaginable power. A girl who is still a complete mystery to me. A girl I am ready to travel through time and alternate realities to save. A girl I don't want to lose. A girl I might... love?

No way...

Most importantly, why don't I still have a clear answer to this yet? _What is Haruhi to me? _It's not that difficult a question, really. Yet it's still practically as hard to answer as it was the first time I asked it of myself almost a year ago.

I don't know. What does that say about her? What does it say about me?

Did I just mess up really bad and lose my only shot at a normal and happy life? Would Sasaki have been a better option; someone who wouldn't be so erratic and weird, drive me insane, and make me question _everything_? Could Sasaki have given me what I wanted? What do I want? Why don't I seem to really know? Why is it so hard to just figure it out once and for all, without constant second guessing?

No, I do know, kind of. Maybe I am forced to live like this with Haruhi in her dream-like world, but ultimately, I don't mind it that much. I want the SOS-Brigade back as it was. I don't want to lose any of them, but I'm going to, aren't I? Whether it's through betrayal, an epic final fight, the factions getting what they want and leaving after their goals have been achieved or simply after graduation, I would have lost them all in any case. I'd just been avoiding the issue.

#$%&... that Sneering Bastard was right... I am a coward. I don't want to think about the forces controlling me because I simply don't like the grimness it brings my life. I'm afraid to look for the truth. I avoid so many things. Maybe that's also why I can't really say how I feel about all of this. Maybe I'm scared of something I'll find, or maybe I just don't want to commit to any idea or thought, too afraid I'll end up wrong as some new revelation is revealed to me or something once again changes around me. I'm so uncertain of everything now... I really wish I was more like Sasaki, free of it all.

Damn… I just… I just better stop with all this introspection before I go crazy.

I ran my hand through my hair, so freaking tired of everything, and sat down on the floor next to the table. I pulled up the canvas hiding Haruhi and fastened it so I had a clear view of the snoozing girl. She looked beautiful like a princess in the faint light, her head turned with her hair half covering her face, one hand resting in a little fist near her face while the other clutched at her chest.

Will you just wake up already? I don't think I can handle much more of this anymore all by myself. I need someone, even you, even if I have to deal with all the crazy crap you always spout and try to explain this silly situation we're stuck in to you although you probably wouldn't believe me even if I did. It has to be you, because you're the only one who should really have a say in all of this, as the target of all these people. You, or anyone, shouldn't be used like this for any of these purposes, whether it's as God's avatar, the solution to time or auto-evolution.

Please, wake up, help me. I need help. Help that won't mean something grand in the way of the Universe, a change in alliances or warrant a costly price, just the help you would give as the fearless Brigade Commander, because it wouldn't have anything to do with powers or all of existence, but because you care.

There was a soft knock on the door.


	16. The Meet

There was a soft knock on the door.

Oh no...

"Sasaki...?" I asked, desperation sneaking into my voice. Maybe she'd forgotten something, maybe she still had something to say, maybe she –

The soft knock came again.

Once again my hands crept towards the chair I'd set as a default weapon in my mind.

"Who is it?" I asked, my knuckles turning white as I squeezed on the chair, now deeply worried as I still hadn't received an answer.

The lock clicked open, the door slowly sliding open soundlessly. I quickly raised the chair above my head, readying myself for what might very well be my last stand.

I was halfway through my swing at the small figure that entered when I realized who it was. But even with the shock of that person's appearance freezing up my brain, it was too late to stop the momentum of my arms.

The chair stopped however, as a hand shot out with inhuman speed, too fast to track with my eyes, catching the chair in mid-strike. My hands shook as the panic I'd been feeling broke apart, overcome by relief that I hadn't managed to make contact with my attack.

I let go of the chair, taking a step back, but the hand held on to the chair like it weighed nothing at all, holding it in place until the chair was slowly lowered and set away and the door behind the intruder was quietly closed.

"Na... Na... Nagato..." I mumbled, having trouble believing my eyes.

There she was, in her school uniform, looking as calm and unmoved as always even though I'd just tried to take her head off. Her eyes, gleaming faintly like distant searchlights or stars, flickered downwards, spotting the unveiled Haruhi under the table.

"You're here... how?" I was having a hard time rebooting my brain after the shock of such a reunion like this.

"After your time travel enabled departure –"

Wait! That already happened to you? What time is it?!

Oh crap, I have to go soon, but I want to know how she got here... and _why_ she was here.

"........." Nagato stared at me silently, scanning me with her eyes.

"Uhm, Nagato, how are you here? The last time I saw you... you were left behind to defend the temple. It... it didn't sound like you were winning... I was worried."

"I was confronted by two other interfaces."

"And...?"

"They told me to relinquish my defensive position and complete my orders. I refused," Nagato stated flatly, staring fixedly into my eyes.

Wow... I already knew she would fight for us, but the way she said it, made me realize this must have been an immensely difficult thing for her to do. After all, she turned against her own species to allow our escape. How do you go against something that created you from scratch, something with immense power and something that is basically family, or even closer, to you? Something that's practically... your God, I guess.

"How... how did you escape? Did you beat them?" I asked.

"Such a result would have been impossible. I could not possibly overcome the data manipulative processing capabilities of two units. I was merely capable of overcoming Asakura Ryoko in an area of her data jurisdiction because of pre-emptively applied defence programs to aid in my processing."

"So _how_ did you escape?" I asked almost desperately.

"The temporally advanced Asahina Mikuru exited the temple as I was attempting to prevent the others from entering."

Asahina-san (big)...? Is that why she didn't come along with us? 'Thirteen seconds until the door will be opened...' by her apparently.

"So she did what?" I asked, barely able to contain my keenness for more details.

"She made contact with me and temporally displaced us by advancing us fifteen minutes."

"And _then_?"

"She told me where you had relocated. She asked me to ascertain your status and continue providing my protection to the two of you."

"Wait, how did she know where we were?"

"I did not have the required time to ascertain more information as she quickly departed."

Hmmm... There's so much to consider, but... I glanced at my watch again. Damn it. There's so much I want to ask and have explained to me, but there simply isn't time. I have to go and try to make a deal with all groups linked to Haruhi, so I have to go and leave her and Haruhi... but can I?

Oh man, I can't believe this. I can't believe I'm being this paranoid... towards Nagato! She's always been there to help me, saving my life many times, risking everything for us this time! And yet... I can't help but consider if this is a trick of some kind. What if this isn't even really Nagato? I mean, she was created by the IDSE, why couldn't they make a copy of her and use it on me? If these interfaces were comparable to computer programs, couldn't you apply some sort of copy pasting method to their memories? One interface couldn't beat two, she'd said that herself. And how had Asahina-san known where I was?

Nagato cocked her head, apparently intrigued by my silent contemplation.

"You have observed the time twice within a short interval. Is there somewhere you need to be?" Nagato asked helpfully.

Yes, yes there is... I'm just wondering if I can leave like this.

"...Why?"

"First Koizumi went and betrayed us and then even you were ordered to kill me... you can't really blame me for being a bit paranoid, can you?"

"...I have decided to associate myself with you rather than the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. This was not decision made lightly... It was... distressing."

Distressing? Woah, that must have been the most descriptive she has ever been about how she feels. It's got to be Nagato, hasn't it? Why bother with all this subterfuge when you could have skewered me with that chair the moment you found out where Haruhi was. Still, I'm slightly ashamed how hard it is to actually feel the old trust again, knowing what she's done for me. And I want to trust her, I really do.

"You weren't followed, were you?"

"No, precautions were applied. I am momentarily untraceable, even to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. This will doubtlessly result in an enquiry to my whereabouts, but I believe that, considering the circumstances, a final decision concerning my ultimate allegiance had to be made."

"Thanks, Nagato... you really are a great friend. I can't even really comprehend how much you've risked for me, us, but I want to thank you for it. We owe you a lot. I promise I'll do whatever I can to fix all of this."

Nagato stared back at me intently, and then nodded briefly.

I once again checked my watch. I really had to go. It was the culmination of everything. Something not to be missed.

"Nagato, protect Haruhi. There's something I have to do, by myself."

Nagato gave me a swift, determined nod.

"I think I can save us all. I'll be meeting with all the groups involved with Haruhi," I explained as I set to leave, but before I even managed to take one step towards the door...

Nagato reached up carefully, extending her hand to my cheek, touching it with the tips of her little fingers. It was a sort of awkward move on her part, almost like she had never done something like this before, like she'd only read about it in a book, now applying it to the best of her capabilities. But in an odd way, her touch was strangely comforting in spite of the carefully measured, practically calculated way it was conducted in.

"Be careful," Nagato said, "You are important to me."

I instinctively reached up and touched her hand, at first shocked to find it there and hear those words. I was so shocked by this intimate act, the tender touch and the intimate words, that I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something equally heart-warming, but I'm really too much of an idiot to say anything poignant. Instead, my mind had to borrow from something cheesy from an old memory instead of creating something truly meaningful.

"'Here's looking at you, kid.'"

Nagato blinked curiously up at me.

I sighed, the fact that Nagato didn't seem to recognize the quote, made it all even more awkward for me. "Just stay safe. Promise me you'll keep that your highest priority. Don't try any heroics if trouble does come. Just stay safe. Take Haruhi and just run... okay?"

"...Understood."

I left the two girls in the clubroom, hoping they would be fine when I returned, almost as much as I hoped I would be able to return, jogging my way back towards the carnival again in the cool night. Everything was eerily quiet, unlike earlier when I'd been out on the streets with Haruhi on my back. There was nobody outside and none of the houses had lights on. It was as if the whole world was holding its breath in anticipation of the night's main event.

The carnival too was empty, the silent rides without lights casting monstrous shadows in the faint light. When I arrived at the field, I didn't spot anyone there either. Was I late?

"__ Arrival _ registered _____ permittance _________ decreed_" I heard the dull voice of Suou Kuyou behind me.

I turned around and there she was, almost like she'd appeared out of nowhere.

"__ Follow __" Kuyou said, walking past me, not even sparing a look at me.

When I turned to follow here, I spotted two other figures in the middle of the field, Tachibana and Fujiwara by the look of it.

"It's about time. We were beginning to think you had chickened out," Fujiwara said with his old sneer as I arrived.

There was no way a bastard like this could have the best interests of mankind at heart when compared to someone as gentle, lovable and beautiful as Asahina-san, right?

"Please, let's act civil. We're about to partake in the most significant gathering between all the forces around this event. We don't have any room for juvenile behaviour," Tachibana said seriously, trading glances between me and Fujiwara.

Fujiwara huffed. "Very well, you're right. We have to keep focus here."

Yeah, the asshole is right.

Tachibana smiled pleasantly. "Good. Now, is everyone clear on what we're about to do?"

I was about to say something, but Fujiwara beat me to it, aiming his words at me. "You'll keep quiet throughout the meet and we'll handle the negotiation, am I being clear enough for you?"

"_Crystal_."

"Good. The others should arrive momentarily."

"What about all your backup plans?" I asked.

"All in place. Let's just hope it doesn't actually come to employing them," Fujiwara said curtly, turning around to look about the field. "We'd all probably end as molten slag if it came to fisticuffs of any sort."

We waited in silence after that, the three humans looking about with a nervous air while the interface among us had closed her eyes, her head nodding a little, almost like she'd fallen asleep standing up.

Suddenly her head jolted bolt upright, eyes open halfway. "__ Single arrival ____ registered ___ lifting _____ shield _"

The three of us twisted and turned our heads, trying to spot the new arrival, whoever it was. I was the first to spot a shade moving towards us, pointing it out to the others. The figure was small and dressed in what looked a lot like a... North High uniform?

When the person arrived, stopping at a significant distance away from us, around five or six metres, I recognized the person as Kimidori-san. She scanned us all with an expressionless face until she stopped at me and smiled politely, taking a short bow.

"My name is Kimidori Emiri. I am to represent the Integrated Data Sentient Entity in this conference," Kimidori-san introduced herself to the others.

"Yes, we know who you are," Fujiwara said dryly.

"________ Chronological instability ___ registered_______" Kuyou announced, just as gloomily as always.

It didn't take long for us to spot another shadow moving towards us. It was bigger than the earlier one, but also far more feminine. A fine figure I could always recognize. It could only be one person.

Asahina-san (big) in her usual attire took her place at the same distance from us as Kimidori-san, but did not stand close to her either, keeping a short space between them.

"Asahina Mikuru. I trust you all know who I'm with," she said, smiling politely as well as she also scrutinized us, her eyes pausing at me and Fujiwara. "My... this is a bit surprising," she added.

Fujiwara gave her a reserved glare before he turned his head away haughtily.

"Kyon-kun, I had no idea you were involved with this, at least to this degree..." Asahina-san said, staring at me again worriedly.

What? You didn't? How's _that_ possible?

"____ Final _ participant arriving _______ reinitializing shielding __"

The last silhouette was also feminine. As it arrived, taking its place on the other side of Asahina-san (big), also keeping her distance from her 'allies', it turned out to be Mori-san, dressed in a simple, dark business suit.

"Mori Sonou... with the Orgnization," she said, looking at everyone with suspicious eyes.

I gave the people around me a quick look. Fujiwara's usually yapping jaw was firmly fixed, hands set in his pockets. Tachibana was smiling politely, but her eye brows were inclined a little as she focused her eyes on Mori-san. Kuyou was just standing, not really looking at anything, looking completely detached. Our group was standing together while the three others stood away from us, each to themselves. Kimidori-san stared at us, but there was no expression whatsoever on her face. Asahina-san (big) stood firmly, the only sign of her nervousness the rubbing of fingers together in her right hand. Mori-san seemed to be the most faraway from everyone, her eyes darting around, trying to keep everyone in sight.

"Well," Fujiwara said, taking a step forward, "I think we all know why we're here."

"Where is Suzumiya Haruhi?" Mori-san asked immediately. Everyone turned their focus on her, but she didn't flinch.

"Safe," Tachibana said, trying to keep her smile from widening too much.

"Do you really expect us to take your word for it?" Mori-san asked, shooting a swift glare at Tachibana, but keeping her tone perfectly civil, like she would when acting the part of the maid, quickly returning her expression to something more social again.

"It's true, she's safe," I said.

Fujiwara gave me a dirty look that said 'what did I just tell you?'

"In their hands? I am afraid we find this unacceptable," Mori-san said.

"We would have to agree," Asahina-san (big) said.

Kimidori-san gave a clear, definite nod.

"Don't worry, they don't know where she is," I said.

Fujiwara gave me another dirty look before he pulled me around and hissed in my ear, "_What do you think you're doing? You're giving away what little advantage we have! Just shut up, idiot!_"

Like I'm going to let you take control of this meeting. You, and everyone else here, are just here for your own sake, I'm here representing Haruhi. Someone in this messed up world needs to look after her interests.

"Okay, okay," I whispered at him, just so he would let go of me.

We turned back around to the meeting. Asahina-san (big) and Mori-san were trading glances between each other.

"We would like a full explanation of what has happened to Suzumiya Haruhi after her disappearance," Mori-san said.

Tachibana cleared her throat. "Uhum, I think it is _you_ who owes us all an explanation. You tried to seize Suzumiya through kidnap."

Everyone once again focused their attention on Mori-san, who actually flinched slightly now.

"It... it was a necessary precaution. We had received reports of increased activity amongst our enemies. We couldn't risk Suzumiya-san coming to any harm. We had to remove her from danger."

"What _danger_?" Fujiwara asked mockingly.

"From the likes of you."

"We weren't preparing for anything, none of us were," Fujiwara said scornfully.

"We too had detected troubling factors," Kimidori-san interjected.

"Yes, well, so had we," Tachibana said.

Great, everyone had reports, but no one seems to be willing to admit to the first move... maybe none of them actually did make it, except unknowingly perhaps. I bet a lot of wars have started out through history because of faulty intelligence like this, people overreacting and pre-emptively striking, only igniting the situation they were intending to prevent. It seems people will always be stupid, no matter where exactly they come from.

"Okay, okay, everyone had thought something major was going on. Can we just move forwards?" I asked.

"And where exactly would you like us to... _advance_ after all of this?" Mori-san asked, sounding a bit indignant after her questioning.

"_Stop. Talking,"_ Fujiwara hissed at me.

Shut up, will you? It seems like all you guys are capable of doing is trying to search for a scapegoat. I too wouldn't mind finding out whose fault all of this is, but that's not what's most important here.

"I want you all to back off from Haruhi."

"That is unacceptable," Kimidori-san said immediately, "we still require the means of replicating the data creation skills of Suzumiya Haruhi to achieve auto-evolution capabilities."

"Likewise, we still have to determine the reason behind temporal faults. And I don't think these people want to leave Suzumiya-san completely alone either," Asahina-san (big) said.

"Agreed," Fujiwara said grudgingly, "leaving her completely unattended is not what any of us want."

"The Integrated Data Sentient Entity would prefer to reset the parameters of the scenario and resume the earlier, more stable situation to continue data collection in its most advantageous iteration."

Huh? What? They can reset everything? Make it like it never happened? That sounds great!

"No, idiot. What she means is that they would like to return to the status quo as best as they could, putting all your friends back in place to observe Suzumiya. If she does wake up to this, where her friends are missing, she might react negatively. They want everything back in order as it was before any of this happened, because that way they can continue their work," Fujiwara said in an irritated voice, scowling unabashedly at my foolish thoughts.

...Hmm... I'm not sure how exactly I should feel about this. I've been doing all of this for the Brigade, but how can we just go back to the way things were? Knowing what happened...

"I don't see why we should accept these terms, returning to the status quo gives us nothing," Fujiwara said, crossing his arms.

Hey, hey, hey, what are you _doing_? I changed my mind, this is exactly what I want!

"How is aiding you people, ones actively working against us, any sort of thing we would even consider?" Fujiwara continued. "If anything, we should be the ones making demands here. You were the ones to break the stalemate. And now we have this fool in our hands as well."

"We did not make any demands," Kimidori-san said. "I was merely stating what the Integrated Data Sentient Entity desires and is willing to accept. The continued proximal observation of Suzumiya Haruhi in her natural habitat and with factors of her own choosing are the only things we can accept. Any other options will be ignored."

It doesn't sound like she's playing around, you better accept.

"You're hardly in a position to make such demands," Fujiwara retorted, "We have what is most required to return to the previous setting. If you want him back, you will have to make some concessions and accept some of our demands."

Wait, what? Should I be letting this happen?

"Very well, what would these items be?" Kimidori-san asked.

"Wait!" Mori said urgently, looking at Kimidori-san intently. "This isn't merely your negotiation. You do not have the authority to speak on all our behalves."

"Do you not as well desire to return to a previous, more stable setting?" Kimidori-san asked.

"Of course, but certainly making any allowances for them will not aid in returning to it. They want the transfer of Suzumiya-san's powers, don't they?" Mori-san asked as she gestured at our gathering like we were something several days old left on the kitchen table.

"Not really," Fujiwara said.

"Yes we do!" Tachibana said immediately, glancing at Fujiwara with wearied annoyance that said, 'why do we need to go over this _constantly_?'

"The Integrated Data Sentient Entity would be against the transfer of powers as the process might in some way interfere with the powers themselves. Keeping them sealed within familiar parameters is best, unless you can assure that no harm will come to these powers," Kimidori-san said.

"Of course they wouldn't change, they were Sasaki's from the beginning!" Tachibana said, starting get rather irritated at how little her opinion seemed to matter to all of these people.

"Debatable," Kimidori-san stated flatly.

"But you would be willing to allow the transfer if you were allowed to observe Sasaki use them?" Tachibana asked with an increased alertness.

"Correct."

Wait, what's going on here?

Tachibana was staring at me intently. "Would you be willing to assist?"

_What_? How? Why? Sasaki doesn't even really want those powers! She probably wouldn't even use them if she had them, meaning that there'd be nothing to observe. Besides, there is an obvious factor that would change if the power was given to Sasaki, she would know! Maybe the powers only work when they're subconscious.

"He is correct," Kimidori-san said. "We do not desire this outcome, the possible costs far surpassing the possible gains."

Tachibana gave me an adorable puppy-like pouting frown. I almost said sorry out loud.

"Then what _can_ we agree on?" Asahina-san (big), who had merely been silently listening to the conversation asked, going straight to the crux of the matter. She seems like a person not to waste time, fitting that official secretary look of hers... Heh, not that a time traveller would waste time, I suppose, even if they wanted to.

"We will allow you to reinstate your field operatives within the school, as long as we get..." Fujiwara briefly glanced at Tachibana who looked at him uncertainly until he turned his focus to Kuyou who was slowly moving her lips, but not making anything audible. He stared at Kuyou for a long time until she gave a slow nod. "As long as you give us all the intel you have gathered on Suzumiya Haruhi, the extent of her powers, and all discoveries you might have made concerning the changes to this reality she has caused, from _all_ of you."

"What?" Mori-san and Asahina-san asked in perfect unison, both clearly shocked for the first time. Kimidori-san on the other hand focused her cool gaze on Kuyou.

"This would put us on a more even ground. And we would also like..." Fujiwara glanced at Tachibana who nodded certainly this time, "for you to not interfere in any way if we deploy any of our own field operatives."

"Really, this is too much," Asahina-san said. Mori-san was silently nodding her head along with this sentiment.

"Just be glad we aren't asking you to relinquish any of your time travel tech. I would have, but everyone was fairly certain you would have declined immediately and walked off crossly."

"You would have been correct," Asahina-san said indignantly.

"The point of the matter is, you won't get what you want, unless we get something in return. You've made your demands, we've made ours," Fujiwara stated firmly.

Wait... Asahina-san and the others are willing to give me back what I want, why don't I just jump boat?

Well, _they're_ the ones who tried to kidnap Haruhi and kill you. Can you really trust them? And what if Sasaki's theory is correct, what if Fujiwara and the others aren't really the bad guys I thought they were? If they are good guys, I should help them, but if they aren't...

_What should I do?_

But the decision seemed to be taken out of my hands. Kimidori-san, who had taken to staring upwards into the night sky, returned her attention back to us on the planet and said, "The Integrated Data Sentient Entity is willing to accept these terms if the protection of field operatives is extended to all of them, regardless of allegiance. The attempted removal of Asahina Mikuru could have destabilized the optimum observation conditions."

Fujiwara and Tachibana gathered around Kuyou together, to hastily whisper amongst themselves.

"We accept," Fujiwara said, turning back to face the others.

"Hold on. Are you honestly going to relinquish everything you have gathered to these people?" Mori-san asked Kimidori-san, once again pointing at our group like something nasty that had been found under the couch. "To your enemies, when you haven't been willing to share any of it with us?"

"There was never any need to divulge the information," Kimidori-san explained simply.

"But you _do_ realize that your enemies, these other data entities, will be at least as close to anything you might have uncovered concerning auto-evolution, if not even closer with your information added to what they already know. You might lose the race, thereby inviting your own destruction at their hands."

Kimidori-san glanced up at the sky once again briefly. "These terms are acceptable. Without the return of Suzumiya Haruhi and the conditions under which she yields the most data to be collected, we have no chance whatsoever of attaining auto-evolution. Risks must occasionally be undertaken."

Risks? Maybe it's just me, but with my murder attempt and this new risky approach to a fair lot of things, would it be foolish to think there might have been a change in leadership within the IDSE?

"Well, what about the rest of you?" Fujiwara asked, smirking smugly at Asahina-san (big) specifically.

"I think I should confer with my colleagues. Not all of us have direct link-ups to them," she said, glancing at Kimidori-san.

"I too would like to request a recess. This is not something to be considered lightly," Mori-san said.

"To be honest, do we even need these others?" Tachibana asked. "I mean, surely these data beings should have been able to collect far greater amounts of information than the others, seeing as it is what they specialize in."

"What?" Asahina-san and Mori-san asked in perfect shocked harmony once again.

Fujiwara considered this. "As far as information on Suzumiya goes, it is only secondary for me. What I really want, is what the other time travellers know, all the better to predict their following moves."

Asahina-san glared steamily at Fujiwara.

"But then again, I don't think anyone really cares what the Organization with its usual highflying ideas has come up with," Fujiwara said, smirking mockingly at Mori-san.

Mori-san gave him a short, irritated look before she turned to Kimidori-san. "If we are not all accepted into this deal, a return to your preferred setting will be impossible. Not only does it mean we would withdraw our own influence on Suzumiya-san that has been a part of the status quo, but we may seek to disrupt it once again in order to protect her."

"This would be unacceptable. The treaty must encapsulate all parties involved," Kimidori-san said.

"Oh? So does this mean you do want in? I thought you wanted a recess," Fujiwara said, his smirk spreading to sadistic proportions.

"No, I still do. I was just making sure you people wouldn't be able to do anything without us," Mori-san said, smiling with cold smugness, like she was just one move away from checkmate after a very, very long game with plenty of annoying trash talk having taken up most of the time.

"I see... Unfortunately, the offer stands only while on the table. You must decide now. If this offer is not accepted now... we might put into action other plans. You see, waiting around indefinitely, giving you all time to possibly mobilize and find Suzumiya, is out of the question... We might be forced to take a page out of your books and... _strike pre-emptively_," Fujiwara said, his self-satisfied smirk only widening more than I could have believed possible as he threatened the two women.

Mori-san considered this, staring intently at the ground before her feet. Then she looked up with a locked expression. "We accept."

"And what about you?" Fujiwara asked, looking disgustingly gleeful as he looked at Asahina-san (big), who was staring back at him, head at a slight incline, eyebrows lightly furrowed and creased. It was obvious she did not like being pushed into the corner like this.

"Very well... if it means the likes of you will refrain from attempting anything more sinister to my past self and the others," Asahina-san said, staring with deep unwavering disapproval at Fujiwara.

"Hff, that's rich, coming from you, knowing what you've done and are going to do..." Fujiwara said.

Asahina-san stared back stiffly at him but didn't say anything.

"So, are we all agreed?" Tachibana asked, smiling sociably again, like everyone had just settled when and where to gather for a friendly game of badminton.

"Yes," the three opposing representatives said one at a time.

"Good," Fujiwara said, pulling out something small and cylindrical, not unlike like a pen. Both Mori-san and Kimidori-san noted it with great suspicion. Mori-san's knees bent slightly, ready to bounce if necessary and one of her hands went quickly behind her back as if to pull something out while Kimidori-san's mouth opened slightly, no doubt ready to mutter a magic phrase.

"It's okay," Asahina-san (big) said, holding up her hands, halting the two before anything potentially dangerous could happen. "It's merely a data log."

Asahina-san (big) walked up to Fujiwara. She pulled out a similar one from a pocket on her shirt and held it up to him so he could touch ends with them. "Data transfer commencing. You'll be getting a direct feed from our archives. But don't try uploading anything. You _know_ what will happen, to both of us."

"Yes, yes," Fujiwara said uncaringly, a greedy look in his eyes as he stared at the connected devices.

Kimidori-san held up her palm flatly and began that weird, hushed sped up muttering the interfaces used when bending the rules of reality. Slowly something cubic began to form in her hand, loose matter circling around it like a little tornado consisting of what looked like dark sand attaching itself to form something new. The item however wasn't a smooth, perfect cube; it looked like it had small and intricate lines crisscrossing over it. In fact, it looked like it was coming together from the tiniest of fibres.

"This cuboid is a physical representation of 108 yottabytes of information gathered thus far. I am presenting it to you as a direct connection has always failed with your kind. It is up to you to decipher it."

"What? That wasn't a part of the deal!" Fujiwara snapped, breaking contact with his goal for the moment to stare angrily at the alien.

"You requested all data gathered thus far. This is the only way we can transfer the data in a form that would not expand the size of this galaxy 10000 fold if represented in any other form. This is also the data processing language used by us. This is all we know. Representing it in a form you would easily understand is... something we do not yet know." Kimidori-san walked up to Kuyou, who took it and turned it around in her hands, staring at it with her usual, apathetic face.

Uhm... go IDSE aliens? Score one for the good guys? You got to admit, that was pretty damn crafty of them, no matter what their endgame is.

Mori-san glanced away, looking a bit embarrassed. "We'll... we'll send you our files... when we can..."

Tachibana pulled out a pen and paper and sheepishly scribbled something down on it. "Use this e-mail address... or deliver the files to this place..." she said as she handed the note to Mori-san, also avoiding direct eye contact with everyone else.

After data link-ups and ridiculous amounts of information being represented in cube form, I think I'd be a bit embarrassed myself if I had to use the current technology on Earth as well.

Fujiwara's device gave a little beep. He pulled it away and up to his eyes, looking at it with jovial fulfilment, a deep satisfied greed glinting in the corners of his eyes before he shot a snide look towards Asahina-san (big). "It's been a pleasure, Asahina, as always."

Asahina-san just gave him a cool, impassive look before she turned around on her heels "I trust this takes care of everything?" Asahina-san asked as she started walking away.

"I suppose so. We definitely got everything we wanted," Fujiwara said, looking repulsively triumphant. "You go ahead and do what you want in order to continue observing Suzumiya for as _long_ as you can..." He then placed his hands in his pockets and walked off with the most satisfied, smug expression I had ever seen on his ugly face.

Suou Kuyou walked off after him, still turning the cube in her hands and focusing her dull eyes on it as she walked off into the gloom. Tachibana Kyoko also made to leave, but stopped next to me to give me a mysterious look, a look that said many things and nothing all at once. She however walked off after the others without saying a word, not waiting for me to say anything, not that I knew what she wanted me to say.

"Where is Suzumiya-san?" Mori-san asked, appearing next to me, still looking as serious as she had throughout the meeting.

I placed my hands in my pockets before I glanced at her sideways. "Safe," I simply stated.

"We just want to protect her," Mori-san said sternly.

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"Alerting her to the true circumstances surrounding her is far too risky. We had to remove her from the reach of everyone in a way that would not disturb her thoughts."

"You were going to drug her, keep her sedated... for how long?"

"As long as necessary."

"Right. And that wouldn't raise any eyebrows at all, huh? What if you did wake her up and she suddenly found herself in a body ten years older than when she last saw it?"

"..." Mori-san stared bleakly at me.

"You would have kept her like that forever, wouldn't you?"

"It would have been in everyone's best interest, even hers."

"Enough. I've heard enough. I don't care. You ever try anything like this again... with anyone I know... Haruhi might find out about all of you."

"You're _threatening_ us?"

"You're the ones who changed the game. I'm just playing along now. And _you_!" I turned around and pointed at Kimidori-san behind me, who had been silently watching us. "You guys better not try anything like you did again either! I don't know what you think you're doing, but obviously right and wrong weigh very little for you, so let me make the same thing clear to you as I made to these guys. Ever try to harm me or anyone I know, the same happens... that includes letting Nagato do whatever the hell she wants. If she still wants to work with you assholes, then let her. As far as I can tell, you're like her family. She was practically heartbroken having to go against you."

Kimidori-san gave a clear, slow nod.

"My... Aren't you in charge, Kyon-kun?" Asahina-san (big) said, smiling wearily, now sitting on the big roots of a nearby tree I had somehow failed to recognize earlier. "I kind of like it..."

"And you guys... I don't know what you're up to either, but the same applies as well... but other than that, I'd like to thank you personally for helping us."

"What do you mean?" Asahina-san (big) asked, slightly taken aback by my words. "Surely you wouldn't mean... giving into _their_ demands?"

"No. For helping us. Sending me and Haruhi back in time and then saving Nagato."

"What?" Asahina-san (big) blinked like a deer caught in headlights.

"What do you _mean_ 'what'?"

"I... I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about."

"But you... that's what you _did_!"

Asahina-san stared blankly at me, until all of a sudden, she snapped to attention as realization struck. "Or what I _will_ do... Uuuh, I can be so ditzy some times." She quickly strode over to me. "Please, tell me when and where. This is an event that must be ensured to happen with as little allowance for temporal dissonance as possible."

"Uhm... I dunno. Like an hour ago, I think. In a temple," I scanned the surrounding hills in the gloom, pointing at an outcropping with railing on it in the distance, "somewhere over there."

"Thank you. I think that will be enough to find it. Could you just quickly run over the sequence of events for me?"

"Well... I guess from your viewpoint... Nagato will first bring Asahina-san, uh, the younger you, to the temple to sleep. I'll come carrying Haruhi... that's when... when Nagato will decide to go against her orders to kill me and help us out. She'll stay back to guard the entrance. Me and Haruhi will enter and you'll send us back to the night before the carnival started, saying ominously there's only 13 seconds until the door is opened to scare me into action... and then you go out and save Nagato... going forwards in time by fifteen minutes or something... you'll tell her me and Haruhi are staying at the... at the..."

My voice trailed off as I noticed just how intently the two other people were listening to my explanation, especially Mori-san. All of a sudden, I felt I could only trust Asahina-san (big) right now. I got close to her and quietly whispered our hideout's location in her ear.

"Thank you, Kyon-kun. I'll set out to complete this loop immediately," Asahina-san (big) said urgently, before she hastily strode off into the dark night, disappearing into the gloom.

"We won't harm her, especially now that the immediate threat has been dealt with. If nothing else, the information we gave them will keep them busy for a while," Mori-san said, before she repeated her same old question, "Where is Suzumiya-san?"

"No, I'm not going to tell you," I said determinedly. "I don't trust you, either of you, simple as that. If I have to, I'll just stay here all night to make sure you guys don't follow me."

Mori-san stared long and hard at me until, quite surprisingly, she sighed in relief, smiling at me with genuine warmness. "If Suzumiya-san has someone as fierce as you protecting her, then she'll probably be okay, no matter what evil besets her."

Please, don't put it like that. People will only misinterpret such words.

After that, she walked off into the night as well. When I turned around to see if Kimidori-san had anything to add, I found that she had somehow disappeared as well. I would have liked to have asked her a little more about why exactly they had wanted to kill me like that and what exactly was to become of Nagato, to make sure that they wouldn't punish her in any way.

So now I was alone and everything was over... I guess. But had I done the right thing here? I mean, yes, of course, keeping Haruhi safe was the right thing to do, but... it's the way I'd done it. Had I caused more harm like this or helped? Just who really are the good guys in all of this? I really can't tell anymore... But at least there are a few people I can still depend on.

At least I hope so. And unfortunately it seems that hope is pretty much the only thing I have left.


	17. She was snow, melting away

The trek back to the school took a while, as I kept circling about, still paranoid and distrusting towards any odd looking shadows and strange nightly noises, but it was the ever circling doubts in my mind that _really_ slowed down my gait. Once again, I tried to shift my mind away towards lighter things, not really wanting to face issues like these unless it was absolutely necessary, so in the end my mind was a complete mess of unrelated ideas as everything crashed together in a huge disjointed mess.

When I did arrive in the clubroom, I found Nagato vigilantly looking out of the window, her eyes scanning the surroundings robotically. I didn't know what to say, or if I even wanted to say anything, so I busied myself with my usual routine in my new hideout. I set some tea brewing while I checked on Haruhi's condition. As I was down there under the table with her, wondering if I should set about to once again try to feed her, Nagato broke the silence: "How did it go?"

I scratched the back of my head. "Fine, I guess," I said as I got out from under the table, it simply feeling too odd to talk with someone from such a strange place. "You're free to do as you want. You can even join those assholes again if you want, those aliens of yours."

"...Thank you," Nagato said, still watching the window determinedly. "I appreciate it."

"But why would you even want to? After all of this... they tried to kill me and make _you_ do it."

Nagato stopped her window gazing for a short moment to stare at me, until she turned back again. "...Understandable."

"Understandable?!"

"Yes."

"HOW?!"

"You present a dangerous and unpredictable variable that has more influence over the subject matter than any other. Your removal has already been attempted by insubordinate divisions of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity itself in more systematic times. When the situation was becoming less controllable than it had been, an attempt to achieve maximum data compilement before the complete deterioration of the scenario would be a logical conclusion considering their goals and the circumstances."

"But Haruhi wasn't even awake to see it!"

"Most probably the Integrated Data Sentient Entity was unaware of this factor at that instance. However, it would seem probable that the same course of action would be considered most beneficial regardless. Your removal would be a top priority. To achieve this and incite the most quantifiable response from Suzumiya Haruhi, her return to consciousness could be arranged so she could witness the event. It would not be a difficult process."

Those bastards. I can't believe someone like Nagato is in any way related to things that would wake up a girl just so they could see how she reacts to her friend being killed in front of her.

"So you could wake Haruhi up now?"

"Correct."

I looked at Haruhi, remembering how, not too long ago at all, I'd been begging her to wake up. But now that I was calmer than back then, maybe it would be best to just let her continue sleeping until this whole damn situation had been completely resolved, hopefully. There was still quite a lot of dirty laundry to deal with, wasn't there? Although, medically speaking, letting her sleep can't be all that good either...

"Shall I do so?"

"No... Maybe not yet..." I muttered, making my way back towards the tea that should be ready by now.

Nagato nodded, still facing the window. I took out a pair of cups for both of us and poured some fresh tea into both of them. I set them on the table and sat down.

"C'mon, have some tea with me. I don't think anyone will show up now... not tonight at least."

"What would make you conclude so?"

"Just a feeling. Everyone's busy planning what to do next, I guess."

Nagato slowly turned her head and gave me a searching look. I indicated at the tea I had set up for her.

"I could really use someone to talk to... someone I know I can trust... right?"

Nagato gave her tea a long look, and then looked out again, muttering something I couldn't rightly distinguish. Then she quietly sat down across from me, taking a significant sip of the tea that should have still been too hot to drink.

"I have set defensive programs around the area to alert us of intruders," she said, carefully placing the half empty cup on its little saucer without a sound.

"Ah, good……… Why would you want to go back to those data beings? They might make you do this again," I said, the question I'd wanted to ask again since it hadn't really been answered, but had been held back for civility's sake, suddenly bursting out. "I mean, you're nothing like them! You're a good guy! You're one of us, a member of the SOS-Brigade."

"I am not human," Nagato stated simply, staring at me expressionlessly.

"Please, don't do that," I said quietly, focusing my attention briefly on my reflection in my tea.

"...What?" Nagato asked, tilting her head ever so slightly.

"Belittle yourself like that. You're probably the most human person I know," I answered, lifting my gaze from my tea to look her straight in the eyes.

"Although the structural differences are essentially indeterminable, the fact remains that I am not –"

I didn't let her finish. I guess I was still in a no nonsense mood after everything.

"Would you please get over that? I mean, you've read a ton of sci-fi, right? There are always these robots and what not becoming self-aware, where the story teaches us that sentience, feelings, freedom of choice and all that crap aren't limited to our species alone. In fact it's…" And that was when it hit me: _Pinocchio_, Nagato's book I'd found in Haruhi's pouch. "It's why you read them. You see a lot of yourself in all those stories about robots, don't you? You can... relate."

Nagato stared emptily at me, but I thought I could see a hint of surprise in her dark eyes.

Did I go too far? Maybe I'm just really off base here. I mean, even after all of this, I still don't really know all that much about what's going on in Nagato's head. She _is_ an alien, after all... but she's still so damn human under it all...

Yeah, I'm reading _way_ too much into her reading habits here, aren't I? Of course she's going to like sci-fi for all the jargon and quantum theory stuff. Pinocchio's just a coincidence.

_She's not just a puppet… at least, no more than I am…_

Nagato continued staring at me quietly for a while, until she gingerly once again picked up her tea and drank the rest of it in one big, but silent gulp.

"Thank you," Nagato said, just as levelly as always, "for the tea. I believe I should however return to full alert status. I am not as certain as you that we are completely secured yet."

Nagato stood up, and bowed her head briefly as a polite gesture before she returned to her station next to the window, watching the grounds like an owl, intent on protecting us.

"Sure, do whatever you want..." I said glumly, returning to my tea, looking for something helpful in the murky liquid, once again entertaining an empty hope for guidance.

For some reason, I just couldn't sleep. No matter how much time went by, I simply didn't feel sleepy, although I did feel rather tired. It was strange, to say the least, but I guess it might be because just like Nagato, a part of me can't really believe we're out of trouble yet. Well, in a way we aren't, we never have been; this stalemate of danger has existed around us for a long time, but the immediate threat had passed, hadn't it? So why can't I just sleep and relax. I've earned it.

After having finished drinking my tea, I got up to stretch and walk about the room. Nagato only spared a quick look at me in the beginning, but otherwise kept her attention on the window. I went around the table countless times, counting my steps, trying to deprive my imagination of mental processing power to entertain the paranoid part of it.

It was only Haruhi's dreamy mumbling that reminded me how I'd left her unfed for the night. I got down under the table to feed her as I always did. It was over a lot faster now that I knew the proper procedure. It was actually slightly worrying how easy all of this had become. Even more worrying was the soft rumbling coming from her stomach. Carefully, and with plenty of apprehension, I felt Haruhi's flat stomach.

It's hard to say, as I have no idea what her stomach usually feels like, but it did feel sort of empty, I suppose. Maybe I should just wake her up already. From her perspective, she'll wake up after a late night on the next day, although starving. Another concern of course is if I wake her up here, how will I explain us being in the clubroom of a closed school instead of at the temple were she had been planning on staying the night.

A sigh escaped from me as I set Haruhi down and made sure she was comfortable. I got up, giving the back of my head a scratch, hoping the stimulus would spark something in me, but to no avail. Maybe I'm just scratching the wrong spot. After all, isn't it the back of the head where your brain processes what your eyes see? Now, if I only knew where it was my creative part is located in... I bet Nagato would know.

I sidled up to Nagato next to the window, giving the outside world a proper look. For some reason, I'd completely missed all the equipment that had been dragged to the school, next to the main door. It seemed that while I had been about the carnival multiple times, people had been getting to work on repairing the damage I'd caused. I really hope there aren't any signs that would incriminate me at the scene of the crime. That would _really_ make my day...

"I have been considering something for a long time now," Nagato's monotone voice broke the flow of my stream of thought like a dam.

Huh? What?

"But I am unsure if vocalizing my anxieties will achieve anything productive," Nagato said, still slowly searching the school grounds for anything suspicious.

"What do you mean?"

This was... new. Maybe it was just me, but I thought I detected a hint of melancholy in Nagato's voice and the way she absentmindedly watched the darkness outside so bleakly.

"This is difficult to communicate verbally, but I…" Nagato took an uncommon little moment to consider her next words, "feel it should be said. Since entering human society, I have steadily been compiling contradictory data. Very few things concerning humanity are consistent. You are a species amidst contradictions. My own conclusions regarding other subjects have become blurred. When I desynchronized myself from my temporally advanced selves, at first I deeply enjoyed the illusion of freedom it afforded for me, but with time, I have become uncertain of everything I was once so certain about. But then… the inconsistencies and errors kept piling up, adding to my confusion, resulting in erratic behaviour. Behaviour which I estimated to be harmful to others and myself. I opted to try and reduce the amounts of stimulus I receive through social interaction, but it was too late. The errors kept compiling and I could not erase them, they had become inlaid within my internal systems. It was too late to cut myself off from human interaction, the major cause of the errors."

So that was why she had buried her nose deeper into books than ever before, why she'd stopped going to the Computer Club on her spare time, why she seemed slightly more distant than before. This explained a lot, but wasn't excusable. I felt I had to say something to help her out. After everything she'd done for me, it was the least I could do. Besides, creating a world where you can live normally and even smile can't be such a bad thing, even if you consider it erratic behaviour.

"Welcome to being human," I said, desperately trying come up with something to help Nagato out. "Those things are pretty normal. It's hard to think with your head when your heart's shouting something different, if you don't mind my poetic slip of the tongue."

Nagato gave me a look.

"Sorry, that was corny. I'll never try that again."

"No, I did not mind…" Nagato said, once again fully returning to her watch duty.

An awkward silence stole over us for a rather long time, making its presence known like a fox in a henhouse would, but in a total reversal of sound, through a sound on the other side of nothing, not silence, but something what I'd like to call anti-sound.

"I am not sure I prefer this…" Nagato continued, having a surprisingly hard time expressing herself, although her voice was still as level as always. "These contradictory… feelings, they make no sense… I do not find it as appealing as I had first surmised."

In all my time knowing her, she had never spoken with anything but a firm monotone, but now there was an obvious nervous edge to it that made me feel twice as nervous as I imagined she did. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what Nagato thought on a deeper, personal level if it meant this much discomfort for her. But this was important (why else would the taciturn Nagato make the effort?), so I had to do all I could to help her.

"It's because you're an interface, isn't it? Stuck between being a data entity of cold logic and a human being, who can be the greatest lovers and assholes at the same time... or something... you know, just generally messed up... I mean--- Damn it."

I gave the back of my head a tentative scratch. I was in over my head, trying to analyze someone like Nagato. And why was I trying to put it in some deep, meaningful, wannabe poetic way? These words just weren't me. I was trying to be something I wasn't. I was trying to be something... more, for Nagato's sake. Unfortunately, I just wasn't very good at it.

"I think… I think you can only be one or the other, but not both."

"…I concur. I do not like the way I… feel, it is… distressing. There is too much... conflicting data."

"Yuki..." I said carefully, turning to fully face her, putting a hand on her shoulder, turning her away from the window for now. I wanted to help her and repay all the trouble she'd been through, for us most of the time. I felt somehow responsible for most of it. "You've done so much for us... What can we, or I, do to help you? Please, tell me. I'll do anything to help you... to decide, maybe? Maybe I could help you decide which you would prefer..."

I brushed away a few stray strands of hair that had somehow managed to cover her eyes, wanting to look in them, because it was always her eyes, never her stoic face, that told me the most about how she felt.

"You've already made so many big decisions... Maybe it's time to make one last big one."

As Nagato looked up into my eyes, her lips parted slightly, as if she wanted to say something, but no words followed. She just stared into my eyes, my dim reflection in her dark, beautiful eyes, almost glowing in the faint light of the night. Her gaze was so deep, it was like staring into an abyss, a soothing darkness from where I never wanted to return from.

Her hand slowly rose up towards my face again, very slowly, almost uncertainly, although always at the same exact speed. Her little fingertips grazed my cheekbone carefully.

All of a sudden, my heart was racing, drowning away what little hums and whirs a place like the Old Shack contained when everything was quiet enough. But now all I could hear was the pounding of my heart, reverberating through my whole body, like some huge, ancient jungle drums were being beaten somewhere distressingly close.

Whoa. Just what is going on with me? Why am I so nervous and excited? Why is my stomach feeling like it's trying to do a flip all by itself even if the rest of my body doesn't follow? I feel almost ill, but not in a way I want it to pass. In fact, I want… more?

I was raising my own hand towards her face, although I hadn't fully consciously made the decision. But all of a sudden, the moment broke apart as Nagato let a slight gasp, actually more of a short intake of breath, as if she were surprised.

"Someone has entered the school's perimeter," Nagato said, turning away to search the window.

"Wh-what?" For some reason I was having a hard time fully grasping the meaning of Nagato's words, although I could understand them individually. My heart was still pounding like after a marathon and was unwilling to settle down.

"The person has already made it into this building. I would have noticed them earlier but I was not fully concentrating on the defensive programs," Nagato stated flatly as she strode towards the door.

"Wh-what?" I repeated, still having a hard time following this new development.

Nagato was halfway out the clubroom's door when she turned her head, and gave me a serious look, for her that is. "Remain here. I will ascertain the risk level of this intruder."

"Wh-what?" But Nagato had already left.

Almost like instinct, I went to my reliable, foldable chair, folding and then taking a firm hold on it. I really should find a better weapon than this... I carefully inched towards the door, raising the chair into a striking position.

A girl's scream actually made me jump.

_Yuki?!_

I ran out of the room and into the hall outside, ready to strike at the dozens of attackers in my mind. Nagato was standing over a prone figure who was holding their hands up in a shaky defence. I rushed to Nagato's side, ready to batter the threat down into submission.

"EEEEHH!! Puh-please!! D-d-d-don't h-hurt me!"

Nagato's hand moved like a striking cobra's and caught my wrist. She looked at me and calmly pointed at the small figure on the floor.

"A... Asahina-san?!" I asked, stunned to find the girl at my feet, cowering in fear.

"K-K-Kyon-kun...?" Asahina-san squeaked, peeking from behind her hands, her tear-filled eyes glinting in the night. "Y-you're okay..."

"I..." I shamefully glanced at the chair I was still holding over Asahina-san dangerously. "Sorry," I muttered as I lowered the chair and Nagato let go of my wrist.

"N-no... I-it's okay... I... I think I understand the si-situation... I think," Asahina-san mumbled as I offered my hand to her and pulled her up. "Thank you..."

"You're future version sent you here, right?"

"Wh-what?" Asahina-san stuttered, blushing a little. "N-no, I just got the orders to come h-here... They told me you would be here."

I chuckled in relief, as the tension in my body suddenly disappeared, my knees almost buckling. Both of the girls gave me questioning and very concerned looks.

"I'm... I'm just so relieved... that you're both safe," I explained, still heckling to myself like a mad man, running my head through my hair. I really _was_ just incredibly relieved.

"Oh... W-well, so am I," Asahina-san said timidly, smiling warmly.

Oh boy... Suddenly I felt really sleepy, as if this small moment of excitement had burned out all of my energy.

"C'mon... let's get inside..." I said. I felt really woozy now.

I must have been stumbling or something, as both of the girls came to my sides and supported me.

"C-careful," Asahin-san said, voice full of worry. "M-maybe you'd like some tea...?" she carefully suggested.

Yeah, that'd be nice. I always love Asahina-san's tea. For some reason, it always tastes just as sweet and heart-warming as she herself is. It should give me the energy I need.

The girls guided me to a chair. I slumped down into it and waited quietly as Asahina-san hurried about. Nagato stood next to me for a while, until she eventually returned to her place next to the window, although she would now occasionally look away to check up on the two of us. Soon, Asahina-san brought me some tea to drink.

"I – I'm not entirely sure what's been going on," Asahina-san said as she sat down next to me with her own tea. She looked around and asked, "Where is Suzumiya-san? I thought she would be here as well."

"She's under the table." I pointed lazily at the floor.

"Eh?" Asahina-san carefully lifted the side of the canvas to peer under it. She gave a shocked squeak and quickly put the canvas back down in a hurried rush. "Oh... I see... may I ask why?"

"She was..." I was about to elaborate, but decided I'd prefer to have some explanations myself. "How much do you know... about everything?"

"Nn... not much at all..."

She probably doesn't have any idea. She's probably just as much a pawn in all of this as I am. At least, that's what I want to think. Not having the energy to dwell too much on my paranoid thoughts concerning trust, I happily explained everything I knew to her.

Asahina-san was silent after it all, emptily staring at the tea in front of her. "I... I can't believe it..." she muttered weakly.

I've been through it all and can barely believe it all either. But worst of all, no matter how difficult the 'what´ and the 'how' were, it was the 'whys' that were even more confusing and troubling. And then there were the 'what ifs' and 'had I done the right thing' sort of doubts floating about as well. Nothing was certain anymore for me.

"I'm s-sorry I couldn't help at all..." Asahina-san said, her head drooping as she twiddled anxiously with the hem of her tight t-shirt, Haruhi's old one. She still had my jacket wrapped around her shoulders, but I didn't feel any need to ask back for it even now that we were away from prying eyes and in a reasonably warm room.

"Don't worry, you did," I said, taking a sip of my tea.

Asahina-san looked up curiously at me. "Hm?"

"Time travel stuff," I said, too tired to go into much detail.

"Oh... I see... There's nothing I'm supposed to do now, is there?" Asahina-san asked carefully, although she had an eager look in her eyes.

"No... you did great, thanks. You, Nagato and Sa... well, you two are probably the only ones I can really trust anymore in this crazy world."

"...What – What about Suzumiya-san?"

"I guess... It's just that – that she's not someone I can go to when trouble really strikes, sadly."

"Hmm... Yes, I suppose so..."

I gave Asahina-san a sideways glance, noting how sadly she was staring at the table. I glanced at Nagato as well, but she was still watching out for us as keenly as before, intently staring out the window. Even though the SOS-Brigade was starting to come together again, it felt like something vital had gone missing. I couldn't really say what exactly it was, but that was probably because I just couldn't be bothered to think that much anymore. Whatever happens, happens. We choose what we can, and hope for the best. But this... this wasn't the best.

Nagato still wants to work with her own aliens, although they're ripe bastards, but I'll respect it as it's her choice, it's what makes her human, choosing that is. She doesn't want to choose for good yet, and I can understand that, but I don't think time is going to help with the choice, quite the opposite.

Asahina-san doesn't seem to know what to do either anymore. Just like me, how much choice does she have in these matters either? She's being pulled around, destined to become that future version of herself that she already is. But then again, how ignorant can she really be about everything that goes on? She's isn't stupid. She knows what TPDD stands for. Does she still do it anyway, destroy time planes regardless? Just how bad can things get that humanity is ready to wipe out alternate existences to live? Do we just keep making the wrong decisions, only making some more as we try to fix the old ones?

And Koizumi... and his decisions and choices... was he forced to do it? Was he really out to help us? ... I don't know, I just don't.

And most importantly, there's Haruhi and what she wants. Just how far will her choices affect all our lives, if at all? Is she an Avatar of God, meant to show us the way? Or just another faulty decision by an even greater force? Another stupid mistake? If even right decisions can't be made at that high a level, what hope do we have?

The night passed in treacle like silence, no one speaking a word, only the gentle snoring of Haruhi filling the emptiness.


	18. Waking up is always so disappointing

When I woke up, it was obviously morning. Bright white light was filtering through my eye lids, a weak pink light slowly intensifying behind them, but I didn't want to open them up, intently trying to hold onto the warm, drowsy feeling of better things that were trying to escape. The memories of the dreams themselves had already been taken away, but the wonderful feelings left behind were still there, although they too were quickly dissipating as I regained more and more of consciousness, memories concerning reality taking the place of the dreamy ones. The real memories weren't things I wanted to remember, they were dark, gloomy and cold. I wanted the blissful, heavenly, bright and warm images of my dreams. I didn't want to wake up.

But I had to.

I cracked open my eyes and a hazy, but familiar, ceiling came slowly into focus. It was the wrong colour – no, shade – I was expecting to greet me though. It was a comforting sight, but it wasn't one I was supposed to see. It wasn't the clubroom's ceiling, but very familiar, something I had seen regularly for a long time.

Something warm and furry brushed against my toes.

When had I taken my shoes and socks off? And how was I wrapped in a soft blanket? Why was I on a mattress? There wasn't one in the clubroom. If there had been, I would have naturally put Haruhi to sleep on it.

"Meow," went a cat close by.

The place had a quaint smell to it as well, like I was wrapped in the comforting folds of… home. There was the ticking of an alarm clock nearby, that told me that regularity had been restored, that my little corner of the world was ticking away as it was meant to, just like any other day.

This was right, how things were supposed to be, but somehow wrong at the same time.

Why am I in my room?

I sat up to confirm the observations of my other senses with my eyes. I really was in my room.

What's going on? I clearly remember everything. From the carnival to the time travel to the meet. So how could I be back home?

They hadn't... _had_ they?

No, I couldn't have been betrayed again, it's impossible. If they had taken Haruhi, why would they go to the trouble of taking me home as well? They wouldn't do something like that, dash my world apart and then bring me back to a comforting bed... would they?

"Hey, Kyon! What are you still doing, lying about like this?" my sister asked as she peeked at me from behind the door. "You'll be late if you don't get up and that'd be a bad way to start the week."

Start the week? What? Is it Monday? But... that already happened, and not like this. I had a dream, a dream about Haruhi and the End. This isn't how it went. Or is this a later Monday? How long have I been asleep?

"What are you mumbling about? School's gonna start soon. You better hurry," my sister said before she hurried off, no doubt on her way to school as well.

What? No... This isn't how it went. Haruhi's in trouble, I know she is... or was. And what about the others?

I got up, looking about. Everything was as it should be, my room was the organized chaos it always was.

Is it really Monday? But if it is... did any of that happen? Had I just been... dreaming?

No, that's not possible. Something must have happened, but what? Had our 'enemies', whoever they are nowadays, found us? But once again, if they had taken Haruhi, why was I home?

Maybe this was all her doing. Haruhi could have somehow reversed everything, right? She could have done it, but why?

I sneaked a peek at my alarm clock and noticed that I really would be late for school if this was indeed Monday. I should hurry, I wouldn't want to be late.

#$%! What I'm thinking?! School?! Haruhi and the others could be in trouble! Why am I treating it like it doesn't matter? Like it never even happened? What's wrong with me?

I got up and hastily dressed in my school uniform, running out of the house without even a small bite of breakfast. But why was I in such a hurry and where? To school? That doesn't matter! Haruhi's in danger! But for some reason the fear of receiving punishment for being late from the teachers felt more like a real threat than Haruhi's possible wellbeing. Even though I knew she was in trouble, something was preventing me from taking this worry seriously. Why? It's like it doesn't matter, like I'm just panicking over nothing, like a dream.

_It wasn't a dream!_

For the first time in a long while, I took my bike to school. I usually didn't do this, as I enjoyed the slow casual walk and hated pedalling up the hill, but needed to get to school as fast as I could so I wouldn't be late... No! Because Haruhi was in trouble!

When I arrived at school, after the breath stealing ride, I was among the last late arrivals, also hurrying into the school. This was wrong as well. Shouldn't the school be closed because of a gas leak, caused by me? Was this even that Monday?

Am I going _crazy_?

Great, I have no idea what day it really it is, or even what month. What the hell is wrong with me? Why does it feel like all that stuff with Haruhi never happened? It's like although I can clearly remember what happened, I know it didn't actually take place. It was all just too surreal. I mean, just think about everything I've been through.

"Ah, just in time. We were beginning to wonder if you had gotten ill," my teacher said in a dreary voice that clearly told me he hadn't at all even started to consider my wellbeing, as I hurriedly burst into class.

"Sorry. Sorry for being late," I muttered with embarrassment and hurried towards my seat, making sure to avoid eye contact with everyone else in the class. There wouldn't be any understanding looks there, just apathetic stares, disapproving glances and smug looks enjoying the misfortune of others.

But when I was at my chair, I froze in place as I noticed the person sitting behind my seat, staring absentmindedly out of the window, chin resting against a supporting hand.

"Ha... Haruhi...?"

Haruhi turned her head, slight irritation in her features as she took the sight of me in. "Yeah? What?"

"I... but you were... you're not... you're safe..." I mumbled, struggling with Haruhi's sudden appearance, safe and sound, sitting behind me like nothing had happened, like everything was as it should be.

"Of course I am... Why would it be any different, idiot?" Haruhi asked, sounding rather indignant before she returned her attention to the window, looking annoyed.

"I..."

"Are you going to take a seat and partake in the lesson or not?" my teacher asked, starting to sound like he was running out of patience.

"I – Sorry. Right away, sir." I took my seat and set my bag down next to it. Taniguchi and Kunikida were giving me funny looks, along with most of the rest of the class.

What was going on? There Haruhi was, right behind me, just like always. I looked behind me, but she was still focusing all her attention on the window and the world outside, simply not caring about what was going on in class, practically oblivious to the world as her mind soared away into the vast world of adventure beyond the horizon. Everything was like it would be normally.

What if... what if all that danger and risk had been nothing but a dream?

"You look like crap, by the way," Haruhi muttered, giving me a sideways glance that was nearly as hostile as it was questioning. As she stared at me like that, I was unable to turn around and follow the lesson for some reason.

"What's up?" Haruhi asked in a no nonsense voice as she kept sizing me up, actually turning away from the window to do so.

"...N-Nothing, I guess..."

Haruhi gave an irritated huff and turned away again. "Whatever. As if I care..."

It... None of it had happened after all. Haruhi was safe and normal. Agh, I can't believe this... Had it all been nothing but a dream? It was the only thing that was making any sense now. Damn it, it had felt so real. I'd been racing here with my heart pounding fiercely, fearing it had all happened, but somehow my head had still known it was nothing to dwell on.

"Geez, stop staring at me like that, it's getting creepy. Seriously, what the hell's wrong with you today?"

"Nothing..."

"_Sure_, very convincing, but I'll let it slide today as I'm simply not in the mood," Haruhi turned back to the window, but shot me a hostile sideways glance regardless of her apathetic sentiments, "Just stop staring at me like that."

"Why are you in such a rotten mood anyway?" I asked quietly, sneaking a look at the teacher who was completely unaware of anything in the classroom beyond his bland notes on whatever it was he was tonelessly explaining.

"Nothing."

I decided to give the clear blue skies outside a look as well. Two sparrows darted past, caught up in a twirling dance of sorts...

I just couldn't bring myself to even try and listen to the teacher, although I really needed any help I could get, judging by my test scores. This was just depressing. None of it happened, somehow. In a way, I should be happy everything's back to the way it was, but this felt oddly cheap. So much had happened, so much had changed, and I felt like I was still speeding along away with it, but stuck in a static world at the same time.

Haruhi sighed behind me, catching my attention. "Nobody comes, nobody goes, nothing ever happens... nothing really special at least... it's so dreadfully awful and mediocre."

What are you talking about? There'd been plenty of weird things happening, even for you.

"But they've never been really weird or supernatural, like the things I wanted to find... Why can't I seem to find out?"

You –

"Kyon-kun! Wake up! Please, wake up! _She's_ waking up!" Asahina-san shouted desperately, the classroom with Haruhi in it shattering apart, revealing the clubroom beyond it, as I snapped to attention from the table against which I'd been sleeping.

"Huh...? What?"

"She's waking up!" Asahina-san squealed. She was standing next to my chair, pointing a trembling finger at the part of the table where the canvas had been held up. Under the table, Haruhi was stirring, mumbling incoherently, eyes slowing opening and closing a little. She turned her head from side to side as one hand slowly rose to rub her eyes.

Oh crap... ohcrapohcrapohcrap… what do I do? I'm not ready for this yet! _What_ am I going to tell her?

My chair fell over as I hastily got up and took a few hurried steps back with Asahina-san.

"Where... where am I? Why am I under a table?" Haruhi asked faintly, her quickly sharpening stare focusing up on me and Asahina-san. "And why am I so hungry? And..." Haruhi's hand touched her cheek tenderly. "And why is my face so sticky?"

I… I really hope I don't have to answer that last one...

"Ugh, my back is killing me," Haruhi said as she crawled out from under the table and stood up in front of us, stretching her back. She looked around curiously, her hair waving about as she took in the scene. But instead of focusing on me or one of the two other girls as I had feared, her eyes were drawn in by the bag of food on the table. Without any further talk, she simply darted for it and hungrily dug in, dumping everything out and starting to indiscriminately eat anything and everything without even caring to see what exactly it was she was devouring.

"Ah an't bewieve ow ungwy ah am," Haruhi mumbled as she chewed through a triangular sandwich, glancing at us briefly before she turned her attention to next piece of food.

I gave both Asahina-san and Nagato a nervous look. Asahina-san was staring at the floor next to me, her fingers fidgeting about, as her face was in a strained and concerned expression, no doubt considering how horribly bad this could all go. Nagato was still standing by the window, but was intently staring at Haruhi eating like a maddened animal. Her brows were also slightly furrowed, also probably running through worst case scenarios and trying to think of ways to prevent them.

"Ai arh weh ear?" Haruhi mumbled, spraying some of the food in her mouth as she asked me, looking at me curiously.

"What?"

Haruhi swallowed loudly. "Why are we here? What's going on? Why are we in school? This isn't where we were last night. Isn't the school closed? How can we be here?" she asked me urgently before she once again seized the next item of food in her way, beginning to chew on it like a squirrel, but keeping her eyes fixed on me, just as hungry for answers as she must literally be for food.

I have no idea what to say. Damn it. I was going to take my time and figure something plausible to say, maybe even take her back to the temple, but now she was awake, asking questions I couldn't really answer. It's almost like she was crafted with the intent of unsettling me with as little effort as possible.

"Well?" Haruhi asked between bites, still looking at me like I was next on the menu for her.

Ah crap. I'm not like Koizumi, I can't come up with a lie she would believe right on the spot.

Haruhi looked around as if there was a note explaining everything somewhere to be found, just as long as she peered around with enough determination and the correct amount of attentiveness in her eyes.

"This isn't where we were last night... in fact, I can't remember much about it..." Suddenly Haruhi's face lit up for a brief moment with realization until she gave me a dirty look, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "But I do remember you being a total jerk."

What?! I saved your life! I run through forests carrying you on my back, take you back in time, make deals with suspicious people and make sure we get nearly back to normal and this is what I get? Sure, I wasn't really expecting a great big 'thank you'-kiss, but this?! Sigh… Life really _is_ unfair. No good deed goes unpunished. Any other platitudes I've forgotten?

Haruhi watched me darkly as she slowly chewed on a pastry.

"Yeah you were a total –" Haruhi stopped in midsentence as she glanced at both Nagato and Asahina-san. "...You were really rude," she finished rather lamely for her.

I guess it was a good thing we were in company Haruhi held in some form of regard. That or she wasn't comfortable saying exactly whatever she had originally intended to say in front of others. Weird either way, both possible 'insights' probably wrong anyway.

"Then... and then... I really can't remember. What happened?" Haruhi looked around at our faces like a curious cat. Slowly her expression became deeper with unhappy thoughts. "We didn't get drunk again, did we? Ah, that's what happened, isn't it? Damn it! That's why I feel this horrible and can't remember almost anything. I must have had a ton to drink again. My stomach's so empty... did I puke? Gah, it makes so much sense..." Haruhi wailed, knocking on her head in a frustrated manner. "You'd think I would have learned my lesson ages ago, but it seems it's just one of those things where no matter how much you tell yourself to do otherwise, you still don't learn, like how someone says they won't slack with the schoolwork and save it until the last day, but still do so every time no matter what. Kyon, I'm making you personally responsible for taking away any liquor I might ever try to push down on any of us. It's fun, but not worth the trade off! I could possibly deal with the hangover occasionally, but the memory loss is unacceptable! Life's all about making memories, you're essentially the sum of them. If you don't fulfil your duty, you'll be severely punished, Kyon!"

Me responsible? Oh, _come_ on. Why do I have to step up like this? It's not my fault what you choose to put in your body, knowing full well what will happen. And arguing with you is always such a hassle, as you never seem to adhere to normal thought processes. You're bound to change your mind and you hardly ever listen to what I say against you anyway.

This just isn't fair…

But you got to admit it's pretty amazing how people will come up with a reasonable thing for themselves to believe in once faced with something strange, whether it's gods, spirits, luck or just coincidence, we all label things as we see fit and fill up the empty spaces with what we like. Is it that the alternatives are just so unlikely to us, that they frighten us, or maybe we don't really have that much control after all for one or all of those reasons Sasaki was talking about (of which exactly, I don't know, as I've completely forgotten most of the details by now). I wonder if I do that too...? I'd like to think I don't hide behind fantasy glasses like that, seeing the world as I want to see it, but I couldn't tell any way could I, not unless someone else pointed it out to me, right? My thoughts could be just as flawed as anyone's, maybe even more.

"But why are we here? In school?" Haruhi asked again, looking about. "This doesn't make any sense."

"We..." I looked at the cowering Asahina-san and the expressionless Nagato for any kind of help, but found none. Perhaps it was because there really was no one else to turn to, that I found the determination to try and resolve this, even if I didn't have much confidence in being able to turn all of this into sunshine, hugs and kisses. "We couldn't take you to the temple..."

"Temple? Ah, yeah..." Haruhi chewed on this thought along with her meal, eyes turning upwards as she tried to remember. "And why couldn't you?"

"It was... closed."

Okay, this isn't so hard, keep going, little by little. Don't try anything too big, that's how liars get caught.

"Really?"

"Yeah, locked tightly. No idea why though."

"And we came here... why?"

Think, think, think. Something she wouldn't dare question... Oh, I know! This is going to be priceless! She never goes back on her own words after all.

"It was your idea," I said, a smug, triumphant smirk gracing my face as I delivered this checkmate of a verbal attack.

"Huh?" Haruhi stared blankly at me, mouth open, half-chewed food almost spilling out. Her cheeks were a bit pinker than before as well.

"Yeah, you wanted to come here for some reason. You were really drunk." Better tone down that smirk, although that knowing smile of mine is probably unsettling her some more, especially when I mention her being drunk while wearing it.

"I don't remember any of that," Haruhi said suspiciously, although there was a definite uncertainty in her voice.

I can practically see the gears inside her mind turning. Haruhi is the leader of the SOS-Brigade, we always follow her; she had been drunk, meaning she was ready and capable of crazy plans; and most importantly, couldn't remember any of it. I only need to nudge her a little more and she'll fill up the blank spaces all by herself, as humans are always bound to when confronted with the inexplicable.

"Yeah, well, you don't seem to remember anything else about that night either." I turned to Asahina-san. "But that's what happened, right?"

"Eh? Uhm – Ye-yes t-that's true..." Asahina-san mumbled, blushing furiously as she focused all her attention on the floor after the brief flabbergasted look she had given me as I'd asked for her support.

"Right, Nagato?" I asked the silent girl who was still staring intently at Haruhi. She gave a curt nod.

This should seal the deal. There's no way even Haruhi would go against everyone like this, especially if she can't even remember anything about that night, which is really lucky.

"Hmm... here?" Haruhi said quietly, looking about uncertainly.

"It is the SOS-Brigade's base of operations and we were out as the SOS-Brigade, after all. None of the rest of us would come up with something as crazy as sneaking into the school, even when drunk... but you were." I gave another knowing smirk at the last part, knowing how it would affect her.

Haruhi scratched her head, looking at the table, brows furrowed thoughtfully, although there was an oddly sad look about her as well.

"I see... I guess that makes sense." Haruhi turned to look me directly in the eyes, a fierce determination burning in them. "Be sure it never happens again!"

Heh, I win, sort of. How about that?

"But where's Koizumi?"

Ah crap...

"Uhmm... out."

"_Again_?"

"Apparently there's something really serious going on with his family..."

You know, all this lying really isn't so hard, all in all. Just goes to show you how easily even I could have been manipulated all this time with nothing but really small ones pushing me along in just the generally desired direction.

"Well that just won't do! Not only is it taking up valuable Brigade time, but if it really is something dire, it's extremely disappointing he doesn't see fit to tell us about it!" Haruhi said with indignation clear in her voice. A bit too clear, if you know what I mean. Like she's trying to make this thing a bigger deal than it is, to avoid something else. But hey, would anyone want to focus on their drunken debauchery when they can't remember a thing about it and there's a guy like me smirking about it like a creepy old man who knows more than he's letting on? Best let sleeping dogs keep snoozing or whatever.

"This is all so... _disappointing_," Haruhi almost spat out the last word like it was something disgusting she'd tasted.

"How so?"

"We were all supposed to be together and have a fun time... but Koizumi keeps disappearing, I can barely remember much and feel terrible and you... you were a total jerkass."

Would it help if I apologised?

"Ah, Whatever! I've had enough of that carnival anyway. It wasn't really that much fun. Hh, I almost wish school was back again..."

If you wish for something and it's not too unreasonable for even your crazy mind... we might be back in our seats by... What's the day today anyway? Wednesday? Well, I dunno, by Monday? Shouldn't take too long to fix one busted pipe anyway, although the escaped gas might have to be aired out or something. I have no idea what they do about gas leaks.

"Yeah, I've had enough of all of this... I'm going home," Haruhi said as she stood up, dusting herself of the crumbs her hurried feasting had birthed.

What? Really? Is that safe? I glanced at Nagato but she didn't even seem to notice it. I'd have to ask her if she could keep an eye on Haruhi or something.

"I'm starving. I'll probably empty the whole fridge. And I need a bath," Haruhi said, as she pulled up her top, her flat stomach showing a little, as she sniffed at the clothing. "A really long one... and my face is still kind of sticky," she added, rubbing her face against her top, before she quietly muttered to herself, "just what did I do while I was...?"

Haruhi glanced at me, probably thinking I might somehow reveal her supposed drunken misdeeds, but I looked away, not sure how I wanted to play this any further. But apparently she didn't want to know that badly. Her lips scrunched up together in something that was nearly a pout and she glanced away hurriedly, head turning away with one swift movement.

"Yeah, I'm going now... we can maybe talk about all of this later..." Haruhi said as she walked towards the door, not wasting much thought or effort on the rest of as per usual as she walked off, really looking unsatisfied and tired despite all the sleep she had gotten.

At the door however, she turned around to address us one more time. "Relax, take a load off, because by the look of things, especially how ragged Kyon looks, we could use some time to ourselves again."

And with that, she strode out of the room.

I sighed in relief although a part of me was wondering just how much Haruhi had really bought. If nothing else, it seemed she was more concerned about her own condition than anything else. Quite understandable, really. She must feel terrible, being stuck under a table with no real food for days. Just in case, I better take some precautions, maybe even come up with some more comprehensive lies for when she's back to full strength.

"Nagato... is there any way you could make sure Haruhi stays safe? Like watch over her?"

"...Yes."

"Good... Well, I guess we should do as Haruhi says, after all, there's no reason to stay here anymore and we don't wanna get caught either."

"Un," Asahina-san muttered, nodding. Nagato did likewise.

Sigh. It's finally over, essentially, isn't it? Phew... I really could use some R&R. It's been a stressful few days with uncertain consequences; consequences I'll be forced to worry about soon enough again, but not for a day or two. I think I might sleep for a day. I'm pretty beat.

The three of us walked out of the clubroom silently. The only words traded were at the gates where I offered to help the girls over and then afterwards as we split up in the form of polite goodbyes, each going our separate ways after that. It was like the two girls could tell I wasn't really in the mood to discuss anything. This quiet was worth more than gold for me when I didn't have to think what to do or consider the hows and whys of everything. It was over. I didn't have to think about any of it anymore.


	19. Things I lost and learned

Surprisingly, at least for me, it was already by Friday when we were to return to school. I'd been relaxing on my couch for most of Thursday, watching stupid things on TV all by myself as my family was still away, both unable and unwilling to spare a single thought on the situation I was in, although I really should have. I'd been planning on doing pretty much nothing but waste my time for the following days, to take advantage of what little calm I had to myself, but best laid plans 'gang aft agley', right?

On Friday, I made my familiar way up to school, going over things in my mind, trying to determine what exactly was waiting for me. It had been a full day, so things could have changed a lot, even if it wasn't likely. Mostly I was worried that Haruhi had been considering her lapse in memory or found some hole in my hasty lies in the time she had had to recover.

As I strode into class, I found Haruhi lounging at her usual spot behind my seat, head nodding a little slowly and then swiftly snap back upwards just to repeat the process again. It seemed she still hadn't really recovered from it all.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked as I settled down into my place.

"Huh? Ah, yeah, just –" Haruhi gave a great big yawn. "—just tired, is all. I can't believe we're already back in school. I thought I'd have a bit more time to recover, but then again, enough time's been wasted as it is. I can hardly wait to get back to SOS-Brigade business again. We need to plan a proper outing again. As much as I am one for spontaneity, there's just something nice about going out with a clear mission or goal."

"I guess."

Haruhi was for some reason looking at me solemnly – no, wait, it wasn't that. I've seen her wistfully melancholy expression so many times, especially here in class, that I must have just foolishly assumed without really looking that this was the case yet again, but now that I am looking, really looking, she's more... dreamy or whimsical looking than anything. There's a sort of contentment about her I can't understand, yet at the same time she feels oddly detached, like when she's staring at the world through the window in one of her depressed moods. But instead of a window, she was looking at me, almost through me, but not quite, more like past the surface at something deeper and harder to distinguish, smiling quaintly.

"There's nothing on my face, is there?" I hazarded an easygoing question, wanting to break the spell she was under. It was a bit unnerving how she stared at me.

"Heh, no... I was just thinking about something. You just happened to be in the way," Haruhi said, grinning as she turned back to the window, looked outside for a while, but then settled her head against the desk and closed her eyes.

Being grateful enough that she had simply stopped staring at me, I didn't dare press her on whatever it was she had been thinking, even though I really did want to know, considering what had happened with everything. I got a weird feeling something was going on that I wasn't fully aware of although I should be.

The rest of the day passed pretty normally. I did my best to try and follow along while Haruhi somehow managed to doze through most of the morning lessons. If anything, it was this feeling of normalcy that seemed to be upsetting me the most for some reason. I'd been through a lot but the world seemed just like it always did. That was just so wrong somehow. I mean, our 'enemies' (for lack of a better word) are out there with new knowledge, planning who knows what and they might be planning to send in their own spies here. And then what about the guys on 'our side'? Just what are they planning now that the enemies know what they do? How will this change their strategies? I'd already seen what most of them were ready to do in the face of crisis, but now they no longer had the upper hand they had had before. Would this make them even more dangerous?

"Hey, dummy."

Huh?

Haruhi was standing next to me with her bag slung over her shoulder, ready to go. I looked around and noticed that only one person along with us remained in the classroom, some nameless girl I was fairly certain was in my class, cleaning the blackboard.

"Come on, let's go," Haruhi said, picking up my bag and holding it in front of my face.

"Where?" I asked as I got up and took my bag.

"Clubroom, of course," Haruhi said, giving me a funny look like I'd somehow missed an elephant that had trampled past.

We walked in silence to the clubroom, me trailing after Haruhi a few steps behind, hands in my pockets. Although things were pretty typical for us, there also seemed to be a wall between me and Haruhi, for me at least. I really wanted to talk to her, maybe ask her a few subtle questions, but the way she smiled quietly all the time and hummed a happy tune sporadically made me nervous.

"Ah, g-good afternoon, Suzumiya-san, Kyon-kun," Asahina-san said sweetly, bowing a little as we entered, already in her maid outfit.

"Yo," Haruhi said, beaming as she strode to her chair.

Nagato was in her corner, reading a thick book that looked like it had had several bibles for a snack, judging by its girth.

"You seem quite cheerful today," Asahina-san said as she came over to Haruhi's side and offered her some tea.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Haruhi said, blowing on her tea, looking quite chipper indeed. "Don't really know why, it was just a dream after all..."

_What_? What was that?

"Nothing special really," Haruhi said, giving me another grin. "Although it's been repeating in my head since Tuesday night or something."

"What was it about?" I asked nervously.

Haruhi took a big gulp of her tea, delightedly exhaling afterwards. "It's personal," she said, smirking at the knowledge of having something to lord over me once again. Payback for how I'd lorded the knowledge of her forgotten drunken behaviour over her, maybe?

"I see..."

"Besides, it was just a dream. Dreams and hopes mean nothing if you don't have the willpower to live them," Haruhi said as she reclined back into her chair, casually putting her hands behind her head, her smile only widening as she lazily stared at me.

I guess that's true, but considering what your willpower coupled with your crazy dreams and aspirations can do... I shivered a little. Let's not go back to that murky wood of thought. It's much better here in the sunny land of the present with the reassuring presence of Nagato, the lovely tea and devotion of Asahina-san and even Haruhi's currently delightful demeanour.

But... there's something... missing... isn't there...?

There was a little knock on the door before it opened anyway.

"Ah, hello everyone," the charming voice of Koizumi was heard behind me.

All of a sudden, I felt like I had wandered into the Arctic wilderness as a horrid, cold grip was applied to my guts. I slowly turned around and found Koizumi standing directly behind me, smiling like he always did, looking inexplicably typical of his usual self. His annoyingly perfect face was without a blemish, as per usual.

"Ah, Koizumi," Haruhi said, "I was beginning to wonder where you were. I called you yesterday but you said everything had been settled with your family, right?"

"Quite right," Koizumi said, slowly examining the room, one face at a time, that perfect smile of his worthy of becoming an attachment of a statue as it was, memorialized forever for posterity.

Nagato briefly stopped reading to glance at him, but quickly returned to her usual routine. Asahina-san who had been going through the clothes rack did likewise, busying herself with a dress after a hurried, nervous peek at the guy.

"Good," Haruhi said as she turned on the computer and focused all her attention on it.

"Yes? Is there something bothering you?" Koizumi asked me politely as he noticed my stare.

I slowly shook my head.

"Then may I interest you in a game of Uno? I don't think we've given it a try yet, and I got these new edition cards and am quite interested to see what they've changed with them," Koizumi asked, pulling out an Uno pack from inside his jacket pocket.

"...Sure..."

The two of us sat down at the table, on opposite sides as always whenever we would play a game.

Just – just what is this? How can he show up like this, totally out of the blue, like nothing happened? How can he go on like this, like nothing changed after what he did? How can he do this? How could he do what he _did_?

Haruhi might not have anything to say as she can't remember, but it's probably _because_ of him that she can't, him and that serum. I can understand that she just wants to go back to the way things were, business as usual, before the disappointing carnival for her, I wish I could too, but I just can't, not when I know what I know. I hadn't been injected with any serums after all.

I gratefully took the tea Asahina-san offered me. I took in the sight of Nagato quietly reading her latest book, drinking in the sight by inhaling deeply the steaming fragrance escaping from my warm tea. I turned my head and gave our leader a look as well. I took a sip as I saw that she was immersed with whatever she was working on now, not wasting any of her precious time or energy on us, almost like she was completely alone.

I lazily picked up my cards and made a play I was allowed to, not knowing or caring what the real goal of the game was, since as usual, I was already apparently in the lead with no doubt in my mind that my inevitable victory against Koizumi was already well on its way.

Even though it was seemingly back to business in the clubroom with Haruhi typing away madly at her computer, Nagato quietly reading, Asahina-san serving us tea and Koizumi playing a game with me I had never felt so out of place and alone in the room before.

Everyone had seamlessly snuck back into their defined roles. Everything was normal. Everything was as it should be. Everything was horribly wrong. I really did try, I swear, but I just couldn't handle it. I simply couldn't stand it. So only after ten minutes of silent play, I couldn't possibly see any other course of action.

"Hey Haruhi, I need to go out and talk to Koizumi about something. That okay?" I asked as I suddenly stood up.

Haruhi gave me a long searching look complete with an arched eyebrow until she nodded and returned her focus back to her computer, apparently engrossed in something far more important than anything I would ever do.

Koizumi glanced at Haruhi, but as she didn't give a flying hoot about us, shifted his hesitant eyes to me.

"All right," Koizumi said in a businessman-like way as he too stood up.

I walked out of the room, taking the lead. Once outside of the room and in the halls, I kept looking behind me all the time, but we didn't stop there. We kept walking until we were outside and I lead us to a nearby bench. I sat down on one edge and thankfully Koizumi had the foresight to sit on the other side, giving us an ample distance between the two of us.

I didn't say anything for a long time. I just sat there as still as a statue. Koizumi didn't speak either. His gaze was focused on the Old Shack, but not at anything in particular.

"You betrayed us," I finally said in a cold monotone, unable to think of any other approach than the direct, still not wanting to look at the guy. "You tried to kidnap Haruhi."

Koizumi slowly turned his head and gave me an up-and-down look. Then he sighed solemnly. "You must understand, our betrayal, it was done with the best of intentions. We wanted to protect Suzumiya-san and everyone else."

"Even so, I don't think I can trust you like I used to before."

Koizumi smiled sadly at this.

"Good, then you have taken at least some of what I have told you to heart. You can't trust any of the parties involved in this. Worst of all, the data entities and time travellers are operating out of far more selfish motivations than our organization. Well, the time travellers could of course be genuinely trying to save us all from temporal fault lines, but in order to do that, who knows what they might have to do to Suzumiya-san? The data beings are of course the most worrying. I doubt they really care about us at all as a species, even if sentience is something rare. No doubt they have observed countless species live and die. They only showed up in humanoid form to examine Suzumiya-san closer, after all. Their motivations are purely selfish, no matter how you look at it."

"Yeah, but only you were talked into downright betraying us."

"Yes, you're right. Every man has his price. I thought I really was doing the right thing under the circumstances. I thought I could help. But you should keep in mind, that just because our three factions are in a loose alliance, it does not mean that our goals are unified. I doubt the detainment of Suzumiya-san would have been in their interests. Not to mention they may have simply aided you in order to really help themselves and use you later as they see fit. Just because they helped you escape the Organization, doesn't mean they are your allies. In fact, they may only have helped you in order to gain your trust, manipulating the situation so their operatives would seem more appealing in your eyes. You trust the other two more now than you trust me, don't you? Now the time travellers and data beings have a deeper hold on you than ever before."

"And what you're saying right now is different from their behaviour how?"

"I really am glad you are truly starting to understand the situation you are in, even though it comes at such a horrible price. From the first day we all met, you really shouldn't have trusted any of us. In the end, we are all against you and Suzumiya-san, simply protecting you from those who we do not want to accept, just like our enemies wish to do as well. Nothing was ever black and white since the beginning. We merely beat our opponents to the punch. If anything, you should be far more worried about the three of us than your enemies since we can hurt you a lot deeper than any of them ever could."

So... what? I've just been played all this time? By everyone? Really, this was it? Was anything real? Were all the interactions between the three others in the SOS-Brigade nothing but thought-out manipulations, to gain my trust, to manoeuvre me? Asahina-san (big) certainly did that, using me as her unquestioning errand boy, and she probably had quite a lot of input on what Asahina-san (small) was to do as well. Koizumi was a manipulator, this had been clear ever since the island adventure and merely confirmed with the Student Council President and then everything that followed. Nagato... I couldn't even go there... I had too much sympathy for her, which is exactly why I'm afraid I might have been manipulated by her as well. In their defence, they could all be reluctantly acting according to orders, but that doesn't really help, knowing they would choose their orders before me.

"If you don't mind... I'm a bit curious myself. How exactly did you go about arranging this new, or actually old, status quo?" Koizumi asked, now focusing his cool gaze on me fully.

He doesn't know? Maybe he really isn't that high up in the Organization. Should I tell him? It's not like it's really a big secret, although back in the past, I would have felt slightly ashamed going to the others, sort of behind the Brigade's back.

"Sasaki and her... 'friends' helped me."

"You were with Sasaki and the others?" Koizumi asked urgently, a sudden anxiety clear in his being. "What did she tell you? Did she make you do something, _anything_?"

"No, she really helped."

"Yes, but for what purpose? You cannot trust her any more than you do with the rest of us. She's dangerous. She is a very clever girl, smarter than anyone of her age I've ever met, surpassing many people even older than her. If anyone truly has the capability to manipulate you, it's her. Not only that, but she has the motive as well: unlimited power. Many would do anything in order have even a small share of that power."

This doesn't faze me at all anymore, not any of this mistrustful talk. But I don't think Sasaki is the type of person, even if she could do it easily, she probably wouldn't... Sigh... Probably.

"You trust her a great deal now, don't you?" Koizumi asked, looking grim. "She is, after all, the only 'normal' person along with you in this in situation. Naturally you would feel an attraction to her, as she should be the easiest to relate with, someone who would understand your plight. But as someone who knows what is going on, someone being offered Suzumiya-san's powers, she cannot possibly be trusted at all. That she is an old friend of yours makes this all even worse. You'll refuse to believe someone who has been so firmly set in your mind as a helpful friend to be anything else, especially if she plays her role correctly. The best way to gain your trust would be to reinitiate your old friendship and advance it further, building on the past trust, progressing it to something deeper that would allow even greater control over you. She could have set this whole situation up from the very moment you first met again after being apart."

Enough, I know and I've had more than I'd like of talk like this. I can't trust anyone fully like I used to and you taught me that lesson painfully well. I don't trust anyone like I once used to... that me is gone for good. So don't bother rehashing all of this. It's... insulting.

"I'm really sorry it had to come to this," Koizumi said, sounding earnest enough. "I wish our relationship could have remained on more amicable terms. I regard you as one of my true friends, I really do. Unfortunately it's all just so damn... circumstantial. I'm caught in an impasse, between my responsibilities and duties and my loyalties. Just like you, I imagine. The things we humans do with the best of intentions... they sometimes overshadow the acts done out of malicious intent. I... I'm deeply sorry for what I did. I thought I didn't have any options. Huoh, another time, another place, no gods... who knows." He stared upwards cheerlessly, considering how things could have been, no doubt.

Yeah, who knows...? Although I don't see how we would ever have met if it weren't for the current circumstances. Would it all have been better that way? Maybe. Probably not. I don't know.

Speaking of gods... I wonder if I should tell him about Sasaki's theory about Data-God, or just God in general, because that was what it was all about essentially. But as I just didn't really know how to deal with Koizumi under current conditions...

"Hey, Koizumi. Do you think that there could be a God, sort of beyond good and evil, that just sort of makes sure things work, that it maintains some sort of cosmic balance?"

"Hmm... what an interesting question, especially coming from you. How did you come about it?" Koizumi asked, returning his sharp attention to me.

"Nowhere. Just something that popped into my head with your mention of gods."

"Hmmm... I'm starting to think using God as an analogy for what Suzumiya-san is was a mistake. I'm sorry for pushing the idea onto you that Haruhi is God, it's not a perfect analogy, but I think I would have lost you on the very first word if I spoke of an extreme example of a subjective determinal link between the observed and envisioned anthropocentricism of reality or something to that effect."

Yeah, sounds like gibberish to me, like you're just stringing random words together from the dictionary, maybe even inventing some new ones in the process.

"She is not God, she is not perfect, although I suspect many of her attributes, like high success rates in whatever she does – not that she isn't an intelligent young woman – but even her appearances might be her constructs along with our own. In a way, Haruhi is just a symbol of the interpretive and defining power all humans posses when it comes to seeing reality. It's all subjective, and that's the only truth our rational minds can attain through limited understanding and empiricism. Calling her God just muddles the whole subject. She isn't God. This is reality as she sees and expects it, both feeding the other. It's a dream, just as much the reason why you get up in the morning and go to school or why anyone does anything in life. It's all lies, excuses, illusions and delusions, thinking anything is real in a true objective manner. There is no purpose except for what you yourself craft. It's a lie, a beautiful lie, we choose to make ourselves. Whether it's God, art, or even another person, though we might perceive the same physical entity or discuss the same topic, our interpretations are vastly different... As much as it pains me to say... there is no truth.

But to answer your question..."

Koizumi took a moment to look upwards and collect his thought before he continued.

"You know, I've never really put much stock in an anthropomorphised god; too many paradoxes and such, but mainly because it feels too much like an easy answer. I much more prefer pantheistic ideas, although they are in a way very akin to weak atheism they say. Of course, at the heart of the matter, I think I shall remain agnostic about it, as I don't really think we can ever know one way or the other. No true knowledge claim can be made for either case; it's that kind of epistemological issue, just like our reality's nature. But what I like about pantheism is how it equates God to Nature.

Life, in and of itself, is a miracle and I think God is merely a metaphor we gave to it. The problem arose when surrounded by life like we are, this wonderfully miraculous thing, it became normal, commonplace for us. Man adjusts to everything, even miracles. When something as magical as life is all around us, I think we start to take it for granted, and we once again try to believe in something even greater. We make up this image, this idea of something that is even greater than Life itself. It is slightly depressing, how needy we are to believe in something greater than ourselves, whether it is God, Justice or Honour, when we should be content with what beauty already surrounds us. But we will never be satisfied with what we have. Perhaps this is what truly sets us apart from everything else in the Universe, makes us unique and special... but I can't help but wonder... will it ever truly make us happy?"

"You gotta have goals, right? What else are you going to do?"

"Exactly my point, in a manner of speaking. What's the alternative? It doesn't seem like we really have much choice, all in all."

"Come on, you were the one talking about taking responsibility for your life earlier, or was that just more misdirection?"

"Indeed... I just wish... I just wish I was truly free, to truly define what it is to be... but then I'd be God, wouldn't I?"

"Maybe we're all gods, our own God."

"Heh, you're starting to sound like quite the blasphemous philosopher."

"Pff, shut it."

Silence settled down between us again even after that little joking moment when we had both genuinely grinned a little, the only significant sound being the passing wind as it rustled the leaves of a close by tree.

Man, I really wish we could go back to the way everything was. I miss Koizumi, the one before all of this. On the surface, things were fine, but now his very presence filled me with an apprehensive anxiety. I did believe that he really was sorry and had had the best of intentions at heart, but the old trust was gone along with the friendship. Something new was there now, some sort of empty shell, just waiting to be filled, yearning for it in fact, but afraid to let it happen, lest the same thing happen to it that happened to its predecessor. Maybe with time, slowly at first, we'll get what we had back. I really hope we can do that.

There's got to be a way out of all of this and just have Haruhi and the SOS-Brigade as it is intended, as a club of friends doing weird stuff.

"Koizumi, how do we get out of all of this? How do we win?"

"My, my…" Koizumi said, shaking his head slowly. "Taking a fully realist perspective on these matters, ignoring the possible extent of Suzumiya-san's powers over, well, everything, I thought you had already realized by now, that there is no way to win. A stalemate is probably the best you can hope for."

What?

"Not unless you find a way to soothe Suzumiya-san's desires thus appeasing her emotional distress, allowing her to fully integrate with this world and thus pacifying her rampant powers for good."

"And how would I do this?"

Koizumi shook his head again. "Really now, pull the other one why don't you… the easiest way is to make her love you, of course."

............

"Now, now, there's no need for that, especially since I've done things far more worthy of that dirty look. I'm simply giving you some sound advice. It'd be in everyone's best interests if she were to stabilize and completely stop distorting reality by using her powers. Our laws of physics are built around regularity. If she starts messing about with them, even a little, nothing can be predicted or produced, logic will lose its value completely. The only way to stop her from wishing for the world to change is to make her happy with the way it is.

But... I believe even thinking that appeasing Suzumiya-san would solve everything is a bit too optimistic. There's a chance if the inner strife between her opposing mental faculties is resolved, with her desires becoming in line with this world, that all supernatural things might disappear if there is no longer a need for them. This might simply mean the end of my powers, but it might go further with the likes of Asahina-san and especially Nagato-san."

"What, erase them?"

"Yes, possibly."

Damn.

"But the alternative isn't much better. If the supernatural factions behind us remain, they will not stop just because Suzumiya-san is at peace. The time travellers will no doubt still try to solve the cause of the time fault lines and the aliens will still desire auto-evolution capabilities... and the best way to achieve both of those goals is to agitate Suzumiya-san, stimulate her so she uses her powers again, so that they can observe her powers in full."

Double damn.

"As I said, a stalemate is probably the best you can hope for."

Sigh. "What's the point? I'm probably not even free to make these decisions. It's all what Haruhi wants anyway. That or my neurons just firing like some machine, me spouting out responses constructed from my earlier experiences."

Koizumi smiled at me with something incredibly close to fraternal pride. "Certainly questioning your free will is something you should have done from the beginning, especially because of Suzumiya-san's presence, but have you considered her desires in context of what has happened to you recently?"

What are you getting at?

"You, without the rest of the SOS-Brigade, all by yourself, saved her. You did a great deed for her, ready to go to great lengths to save her. In a certain respect, you are her knight in shining armour. But even if this is what she desires, it will not present itself to her directly, as she does not expect reality to work that way, despite her desire for it happening to exist."

"Haruhi's not that type of girl. She isn't any type. She's not such a... such a... such a '_girl_'."

"Is that disappointment I detect in your voice?"

"Don't be stupid. Haruhi doesn't need saving, heck, it's the last thing she wants."

"On the surface, definitely yes, but deep down, I think we _all_ want to be saved, whether we're men or women or how old we get. This is why we seek guidance from religion, science, literature and philosophy. We also seek companionship, because we know deep down how really lonely we are. We look for some with whom we can let all our defences down and simply... be. Many wise men over the millennia have tried to teach us ways of self-fulfilment without the aid of others, to love ourselves so we can love others, but I think it's simply too hard for most of us to do by ourselves, so we need someone else to help defining the self and completing it.

Suzumiya-san on the other hand... is deep set on not being normal, rebelling against not just the world but herself as well in a way. She denies a great deal, practically lives on it. I'm sure even you have picked up on it. She sees the tedium that is a normal life, the melancholy of an existence shared with others living the same meaningless life, she sees it all as being rather pointless and frivolous… and she rejects it, denies it, very strongly, unwilling to accept such a pointless existence, thus giving birth to us in our current states on a subconscious level. She acts brazenly to facilitate a sort of invitation for 'weirdness' to happen around her, pushing back her 'normal' needs, like those associated with love, because that would be expected of her, because that would be a normal existence. It creates a schism, a disparity. Disharmony in her soul. Sealed Realities. Closed Space. Simple anxiety. Call it whatever you want.

But as time has gone by, as she has discovered true companionship, this mental division has begun to close. She has begun to notice that a 'normal' existence can have its positive sides as well, thereby reducing the need to rebel. She is starting to reunite the two wholes, repairing the burnt bridges between them. The 'normal' girl, the melancholic one saddened by the depressing facets of average life, and the 'strange' girl, the one going on adventures and seeking mysteries, both on the lookout for companions for slightly different reasons, are slowly becoming one again, melding into something new. She is definitely not the anti-social person she was in the beginning.

Now, I said earlier that you might have performed the role she desired you to do, but I don't think you are completely without choice, since you are her only real equal to her in her mind. I think, and admittedly, this is rather optimistic… she cares for you deeply, respects you in such a way, to the very core of her existence, that no matter how much she may have wanted to, she would never interfere with your freedom. She respects you, your thoughts… she would – no, possibly could not – bring herself to control you, not directly at least. She may have subconsciously set up a situation, where you would act according to her expectations of you, the image she has of you, but deep down, she would never do something as horrid as deprive you of choice. Yes, she may want things to change, but not at the expense of your individuality, what makes you 'you' in her eyes. Deep down… I think she loves you too much to hurt you like that."

Loves? That's bit too strong a word, don't you think...?

Koizumi slowly shook his head, like hearing a little kid tell a really old and simple joke that wasn't funny on its own, but the because of the way the kid went about telling it so excitedly, like it was the most fresh and original idea ever. "Maybe... heh... maybe... I suppose it depends on how narrow your definition of 'love' is... Or maybe she's not the only one living a life of denial about things that matter the most. It _is_ quite interesting how you don't seem to pick up on what I think is so obvious..."

Koizumi stood up, giving an uncharacteristic, solemn sigh. "I believe both of us have said what needed to be said and hopefully made our peace. I really do hope we can return to even something resembling what we had, but... well, the decision is ultimately yours. I swear, that if I am ever once again cornered by a problem like this, I will share everything with you and we can hopefully come up with a solution together. I made a mistake, and will do all I can to fix it. I quite like what we have with Suzumiya-san, as I a simple enamoured by the pure existential symbolism of her being. I'd be happy if the status quo remained for as long as possible. Dream or not, the difference is moot, really."

"Didn't you say you were worried she'd never let us go?"

"Yes, but at that stressful time, I believe I was trying to rationalize my act for just as much my sake as yours. Besides, one way or the other, it doesn't really matter."

"Aha... okay..."

"Well, see you later, I suppose..."

As Koizumi was walking away, I remembered something. It was foolish, but it felt like it was owed, like it was the right thing to do. I got up and stopped him before he got too far. He turned around with a questioning appearance.

I turned my head and tapped my fully exposed cheek.

"Right here. Let me have it."

"Excuse me?" Koizumi's brows scrunched up with curious astonishment.

"I punched you, several times in fact. And then you gave us the head start we needed. I owe you big. So punch me."

Koizumi awkwardly smirked at this, probably both bemused and amused by my odd offer. "No, that's all right. I _already_ received what I deserved back then. You wouldn't believe the extent me and my colleagues had to go to in order hide the justice dispensed by your righteous fists... And besides, we're being watched." He nodded his head at the Old Shack. "It wouldn't do well to disturb our images, after all."

I looked up at the window behind which the SOS-Brigade's headquarters lurked. Haruhi was standing by the window, one hand on her hip. When she saw that I was looking up at her, she casually turned around and walked out of sight.

"The knight's shining armour is never sullied. It can't be, because we all have to believe in something good, something greater than us. Otherwise, it really is an empty existence. And making sure _she_ doesn't see life as such, is even more important, for all our sakes."

I lied down on the bench, one hand under my head as I stared dejectedly at the bland, cloudless sky after I let Koizumi go, my cheek burning even without being punched for some reason.

I guess this is just my life now. Stuck in a thankless job, mediating between all these crazy people around us, while getting spanked (mainly figuratively) by Haruhi, trying to introduce a little sanity into her regular diet of crazy.

Can I just wake up now? Please?

It's not all bad of course, but… I dunno. I'd probably just whine no matter what the situation was that I'd be thrown into. I'm just hardwired that way. I bet it's in my blood. I probably have a lot of lazy, cowardly and whining ancestors, since those are the types that would probably have been spared from brutal combat (since they'd be rubbish in a fight, thus there being no demand for them to join, thus having a higher survival rate).

As I was about to entertain some more thoughts on what Haruhi wanted and what I did, and how these things tied together, I heard the little steps of someone approaching me. Half expecting it to be Haruhi, angry that I was moping about when there was an SOS-Brigade meeting going on, I sat up, the first syllable of 'sorry' actually escaping my mouth before I noticed that the person heading my way was actually Tsuruya-san, singing quietly to herself.

"_Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dr_ --- Oh. What up, Kyon?" she asked, smiling brightly, waving her hand as she came next to me.

"Hello, Tsuruya-san. What brings you to this grand place?" I asked, gesturing lethargically at the empty yard.

"Nothing really, just passing through on my way home. Can you believe how suddenly school started up again? So weird," Tsuruya-san said, smirking bemusedly.

"Yeah," I confirmed her thoughts as I settled back into a more casual position on my bench. "By the way, how did… how did everything you were put in charge of work out?"

"Everything didn't exactly go according to plan," Tsuruya-san said, sighing in a tired manner, frowning a little in a cute way. "The expected results didn't occur."

"Just what is it that your family does anyway?"

"Oh, a little of this, a little of that and a surprising amount of everything else."

Oh, that's not vague at all... thanks.

"Well, if you insist," Tsuruya-san said, as she gave a shrug of her hands, smiling deviously. "We're actually trying to conquer the world through ritualistically summoned demonic powers gone awry for the moment until control over them is regained after the initial summoning spell was interrupted by someone else thereby directing the awesome power into the wrong host."

………

Tsuruya's face cringed and contorted. She tried to hide it behind her hands, but even that wasn't enough; the laughter burst through anyway. "Bwahahahahahahhhahahahahhaaaaa!! Oh man! Gehhheeheh! You should have – ahahah – seen the look – hehehee – on your face! Huhuhuuu! Priceless!"

She punched me in the shoulder playfully. "Heh! You're great! I just love this! Keep it up, Kyon! You're making this all so much fun to follow!"

Tsuruya-san walked off, still slightly bent as she tried to keep her laughing under control.

Demonic powers... into the wrong host... initial summoning spell went wrong... say, four years ago with someone else's ritualistic looking signs getting in the way... Something she was put in charge of, but didn't work out... no one knew who made the first move in everything that led to all of this...

I'm just imagining things, reading way too much into her silly joke... Right?

Sigh... whatever...

You know what this is called? Apophenia. Look it up. I think I really might be going crazy with paranoia, seeing all sorts of crazy patterns when there really aren't any. There's no real proof, is there?

...

Whatever...

Just let it go... all of it...

It's over... for now...

...

I decided to remain on the bench and skip out on the afternoon's planned event with the SOS-Brigade. I just didn't feel like it. Although everything was seemingly back to normal, I needed time to adjust to it all. Maybe the others hadn't in fact changed so much, but rather I had. If they all were playing roles, nothing would have changed for them. So was I now playing a role just as much as they were, trying to act like nothing happened, so Haruhi wouldn't know? I guess I can fully appreciate how hard this is on everyone else now.

I don't know how long I sat there in a silent stupor, as the only things that pierced the veil of it were the occasionally passing people, on their way home no doubt, and judging the passage of time according to randomly passing students just doesn't work.

It was only when I saw Nagato leaving the Old Shack that my stupor broke. I stood up, intending to walk over to her, knowing her mere presence would help in alleviating my worries, but the intent gaze she gave me froze me in my place as effectively as a barrel of liquid nitrogen would have. Slowly, with a carefully measured movement, Nagato pulled a book out of her bag and lifted it up to her face. As she began reading, she slowly turned away and strode off, nose deep in yet another book.

And just like that, Nagato had made her choice clear to me in a way that spoke more loudly than ear-splitting shouting from her ever could have.

I could understand why she had made this decision. Nagato was a duty bound being. Whether this was programming or not, I didn't know, nor did I care. She wanted to protect us all, and she thought this was the best way. I could understand why she thought like this. How she had been distracted in the clubroom at night, only noticing the perimeter breach when it could have been too late, because she had been distracted... I could understand it, but I just couldn't accept it. Yes, I was glad she was looking out for us, but at this cost? Cutting herself off from a normal life? It just wasn't right. It wasn't fair.

And I'd taken her only chance at a normal life away, all because I was a selfish #$%&. I didn't like that world she'd created, because I had been bored with it. I wanted excitement with Haruhi, so I stole Nagato's beautiful smile away, just because of what I selfishly wanted. And now _she_ was paying the price for it.

I really am a greedy bastard...

I would have chased after her and told her to choose otherwise, but how could I? It was all partly my fault that she found this life between humanity and data beingness so 'distressing'. And it was her choice, after all. I hadn't really given her much choice when I'd taken her dream world away, so I had to respect _this_ choice. In a way, it was the most human thing of all, letting her decide. I just wish she'd chosen otherwise...

"I'm sorry," I whispered to the wind, to relieve my guilty conscience, once again only acting for my own benefit. A dark gloom settled heavily on my shoulders, like some monstrous carrion bird just waiting for me to snap under its weight.

The sun was starting to set, creating darker shades of blue when two small shoes appeared before me in the dirt I had been staring at for who knows how long.

"Hey idiot, what are you still doing out here all alone?" Haruhi asked, clearly annoyed by my absence from the clubroom. "We couldn't go about SOS-Brigade business with you missing. It was a total bust! I sent everyone home already."

"Sorry..." I mumbled dispiritedly, my heart and mind millions of light-years away as I looked up at her frowning face.

"To be honest, I think you're in long need of a proper disciplining."

Huh? What? What is she talking about?

"I've been straining my brain about the past days' events and I think there's plenty of stuff you need to be punished for."

Had she remembered something and misinterpreted it somehow?

Haruhi raised her fist and popped her index finger up. "One: You spilled ice cream over me and Mikuru-chan."

That was an honest mistake! Or it should have appeared to be from your angle.

The middle finger popped up next to the index. "Two: you felt my _nubile_ ass up."

T-that was a pure and perfect example of something beyond my control in any way! It was your alcohol that caused the whole situation!

The ring finger joined the other two. "You were a total and complete jerk to me, acting unforgivably towards your superior."

I... okay, I'm sorry about that one. I really could have handled that better.

Her little finger jumped up like it had been spring-loaded. "Four, and this is the worst of them all..."

More? What else could I have possibly done wrong? Crap, this all just keeps getting better and better doesn't it? Someone better be out there laughing their ass off, because I'm not.

"You didn't even compliment the firmness and shapeliness of my cheeks. After all, how couldn't a pervert like you not enjoy what I have?" Haruhi said, smirking mischievously, eyes shimmering with dangerous playfulness, while her tongue peeked out at the corner of her mouth teasingly.

.........What?!

"Hey, you're the one who felt me up, so pay up!"

You're not serious. You're just... teasing me.

"You can't just do that with nothing in return!"

Return...? Oh no, you are NOT going to grope me back!

"What?! As if I'd want to touch your dirty bits! Weren't you listening at all? Ah, never mind. In any case, you deserve to be severely punished for all of these transgressions."

I couldn't help but gulp nervously and unfortunately, so loudly, that my anxiety was as clear to Haruhi as the sky above us.

Haruhi's lips curled like a predator's at the smell of blood and the sight of an easy kill.

"U-hu-huu... What-to-do?" Haruhi said in an oddly evil rhythmic way, looking like a sinister mastermind plotting the next huge crime as she tapped her cheek with a finger.

As there probably won't be any way to fight this unfair tribunal... Please, nothing too embarrassing. Or painful. I'd like to have the full use of all my body parts afterwards.

As Haruhi stood there staring at me with that satisfied smirk, contemplating on what to do with me, I couldn't help but sink into a bout of thinking on my part as well.

I like this, don't I? The situation I'm in, that is.

Maybe there's nothing supernatural about how I'm drawn to Haruhi's side. Maybe it's because, as someone phlegmatic with no clearly defined goals in life, I'm just attracted to someone with a burning determination strong enough for several people, for the entire world in fact. Is this what people feel when they follow the words of their leaders? How soldiers must have felt in the presence of a famous shogun as he would lead his forces to victory? It didn't matter how impossible or unlikely the goal was, because in their presence anything was possible. I'm always such a cynic, that it's nice to just simply believe in something great with no real reasoning behind it.

Ah, whatever. I don't care, about a lot of things really. I don't want to care about stuff like that. I just want to enjoy the moment around me. I want to enjoy the few things I do care about.

Speaking of the moment around me... My, what a romantic scene we've landed into. Pink cherry blossoms are faintly dancing in the warm breeze, a bit late for the season, but not entirely out of place even now. Even the sun seems to be setting a bit early today, but I'm not even entirely sure what the time really is right now. It's a really beautiful sunset, I might add, painting the sky with yellows, oranges and reds in a lovely, wispy, blurred mix, while I can still spot some deep blues and even a little purple far away from the actual sun, around the edges of my vision. It could all just as well be coincidence. Trouble is, coincidence isn't really something I place much stock in anymore.

If she really wants to kiss me, or for me to kiss her, why does she have to act like this? Is this all a game for her? Do I want to play it? What's the prize?

Oh come on, I _know_ what the prize is... but maybe I should just directly ask her what she wants. It might make this all a lot easier; make her better in tune with her desires if she voices them and make it easier for me to understand at least one person without constantly second guessing their motives...

But not today. No, not yet. I won't ask yet. A part of me likes the mystery. I guess I _do_ want to play the game, whatever it is. My life is so uncertain and full of questions, but I'm not looking for answers, not anymore at least. Data-gods, secret conspiracies and whatever crazy shit; I don't care. I'm not looking for anything, stuff just finds me. Why? Because I think I've already found what I've been looking for. This is what I want and I've found it with Haruhi. Call it whatever you want, but even if you did find a word to describe it, you wouldn't cover even half of what it really is, to me at least. But like I said, it doesn't matter. I've found what I want in life with her and that's as good as it can get, really.

What Haruhi and I share together, I feel really hesitant calling it... you know... that thing... And no, this isn't about labelling things, as if that somehow belittles things, although doing it would in a way feel like taking the easy way out. To be honest, I don't think there really is a word for what we have. All I know is I want to spend as much time with her as possible, and no, I certainly wouldn't mind it at all if she were to shower me with kisses from her pretty lips, but it isn't necessary. Maybe that's... that thing, I dunno. But as long as we're together, I'll be happy, no matter how much I whine. Now _that's_ something I absolutely love to do. And hey, Haruhi certainly provides a lot to whinge about.

It's crazy how much I like this situation, in spite of how I know how little I can trust everyone around me, even reality. It's all just some big game, really. I've realized that I'm using Haruhi just as much as everyone else wants to. Sure, that isn't exactly the nicest of things to do, but she's happy. She's using me just as much as I'm using her. We're both escaping reality together, but in our own ways, maybe everyone is. This may all be Haruhi's game, but no game is any fun if you don't have a worthy opponent (after many rather dull games with Koizumi, I can most sincerely attest to this). It's like Koizumi said all the way back at the beginning of this whole event: Haruhi's looking for an equal, and I'm more than happy to play along.

All of our existences might hinge on Haruhi, maybe even mine in some abstract sense, but for some reason, I don't feel resentful about that at all. Maybe I simply do enjoy the game too much. Or maybe… maybe it's something else entirely. Something I can't describe, am still unable to put to words after everything we've been through together. That special bond of ours…

Between that of a creator and creation…? Between two parts of the same fractured psyche…? Between polar opposites naturally attracted to the other…? Between classmates thrown together by fate…? Between friends who couldn't live in a world without the other…? Between two people… two people who… who might be in...

…

I don't know.

I don't want to know.

But you would, if you only knew half of it, wouldn't you, Haruhi? Whenever there's a mystery of any kind, you spring into action. And that's the really great thing about you. You don't accept anything as it is, you forge your own destiny, your own world, in every sense of the word.

And I'm just happy, being with you.

Isn't that good enough?

And if you want to keep searching for the answers, full of passion and fury like always, I'll follow, like I always do, no matter where it might all lead.

I think I sort of understand the situation I'm in. Life is a dream and the dream is life. There's no real difference. It's all the same to us in the end, just as real. If anything, it's life with all our stupid explanations and subjective interpretations of it that are more fantasy than the dreams. Everything won't end in some flashy way, because that's not how life ends. Because if it did have a proper ending, the dream would end and with it, and so would life. Life doesn't just end like that. Sure, it does end, but not with a bang, not really with a whisper either. Anything else is delusion. If some sort of grand explosion of melodrama or something else extravagant is what you expected, you're probably more delusional and caught up in a fantasy world than I am. Nothing ever ends, even after the dream, even after the 'end'.

So... here we are, alone together in this romantic scene... what do I do to my 'equal', my 'partner'? Or perhaps the question is what do I do _with_ her? It really _is_ a perfect scene, aesthetically at least, and Haruhi has such an energetic and alluring grin on her pretty face, it's all quite a beautiful sight to behold, especially after all the crap I've been though. It's amazing how she can just wipe away my anxieties like they never existed with just a little teasing. My number one distraction from my life. Man, I feel incredibly grateful for her right now.

Well, should I up the ante? Heh, I'm taking this whole game metaphor way too far.

Me and Haruhi together, romantically?

Heh, only in our dreams. Just a little fantasy for me. Nothing but a dream.

"Hey, idiot. What's with the goofy smirk? You look retarded."

Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Geez, what a stupid goofball you are." Haruhi sighed and made a mockery of a forfeiting gesture as she shrugged with her hands.

"Sorry, just the way God made me," I said, still grinning too much for my own benefit, making a joke only I would get.

"Whatever. Well, since we're here together like this," Haruhi said, stepping even closer to me into a wide stance radiating self-assured power, one hand bracing her hip as the other gave a few loose bangs a showy flick in the faint wind. "Remember that time only the two of us went to the café and you told me all that crazy stuff about the others?"

"Ah, yeah. What about it?"

"I liked that. I think – I think we should do that again, just the two of us again. There are some things I'd like to ask and talk about with you. Of course, you would have to pay for everything, as your punishment."

For some reason, I couldn't help but smirk at this. "Sure."

THE END...

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Author's notes and maybe other assorted goodies to follow...


	20. Author's notes and deleted scenes

**Edit: A lot of the stuff here is pretty much out of date, especially now that I have decided to continue with the story. I suggest you skip this chapter, unless you enjoy the ramblings of a guy who probably enjoys tooting his own horn a bit too much and seeing parts of what was going on back in my head when Act I was being written.**

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Author's Notes: Multilayered title, philosophical ramblings, thematic exploration of the series… I really hope this isn't me trying to be cleverer than I really am. And apparently to little effect since it seems I've gone rather unnoticed and/or unappreciated... which is of course a bit depressing to hear, considering I did take months honing this story before release, adding little details through the course of it, and receiving a rather lacking amount of attention (especially now that the story's done).

Well, whatever. Onto the next thing. I probably won't bother going over my future stories to such an obsessive degree as I did with this one though. In fact, I've noticed a trend even in my own works, the light-hearted, almost gimmicky stories seem to gather more reviews per chapter (which is understandable given the escapist nature involved with fanfiction. It's why I certainly used to read fanfics years ago). Not saying I won't put plenty of effort into future works, just not to the practically anal degree as I did with this story.

It's interesting looking back at the process of writing this story as well:

This story was becoming such a huge overwhelming behemoth, that I don't think that overall it worked as well as some of my other stories that have been very concise in nature. But worst of all, this story went through a major plot overhaul at around the halfway point, at around when Kyon settled into the school with Haruhi. I started out writing this piece with such enthusiasm that I ended up heading into territory I wasn't yet ready for. I'd only read up to vol. 6 and really wanted to use Sasaki and her alternate Brigade. But as I had done my best to avoid spoilers of what exactly these people and what their motives were, I couldn't really advance the story at all until I read what remained.

So after having read everything, I saw that Sasaki did not at all conform to the rival image for Haruhi as some spoilerish material I had accidentally stumbled upon seemed to imply. In a way, I had expected her to be slightly more 'villainous', that she actually desired these powers. Yes, poor planning on my part, to start writing a story without even really knowing what the characters I'm planning to use actually are like. I was however glad to discover that Sasaki was quite a logical being and nowhere near as power hungry as I had surmised. But this did call for a major reconstruction of the plot. (I'd been intending to do something more _final_ with this story, with the original name being _The End of Suzumiya Haruhi_ instead of _The Dream_ as it turned out be become). I had to do some real mental acrobatics to try and fit all the new info with what I had already done.

In a way, there are some minor plot threads left out for the future, because I really have no idea where the alternate Brigade is going, and I do not want to go beyond the limits of what has been shown, I'm only using what we know and extrapolating from it as well as I can, extending the ideas present in the original story and following them to their conclusions with the limited things we know. I simply feel too uncomfortable trying to invent something new and try to force it into the series as it isn't really my own and I have no real idea what the end goals are. Then again, there are plenty of unresolved plot threads still in the series and as I see my works something of an expansion on that, I see no harm in not fully concluding plot threads I am unable to complete because the original series has not supplied sufficient info to draw anything much more conclusive.

So the first half and the second half of the story were created in totally different creative atmospheres... I wonder if it shows? I was definitely leading somewhere very different in the beginning (the first dream sequence was supposed to be very unsubtle foreshadowing [don't think something that explicit actually counts as foreshadowing technically], but kept it as it worked thematically with what I was doing). What made all this really difficult is that I had written some ending scenes already. I did my best to salvage what I could, editing them to fit with my new ending, but I'd say a good fourth or maybe even a fifth of the original planned second half got cut out. There was so much editing going on, I'm not sure if this story is all that cohesive as a whole.

But luckily a lot of fresh ideas emerged as I wrote the second half. Because I then knew more than I had previously, brand new ideas like the alternative time travel theory and Data-God emerged. Although everything like this is based on what I know of the series, I really hope I am nowhere near what the original writer has in mind, I'd prefer to be surprised. I seriously doubt I'm even anywhere near the truth with what I think is just fun speculation. Seriously, I just made that stuff up for this story. I'd quite like it in fact if no answer was given at all.

The funny thing about the 'philosophy' chapter with Koizumi, I knew I would run into trouble from some readers, but I thought it'd be more of ideological differences than 'it's too long' or something to that effect. The problem is of course, I can't address most of the issues unless I give people a proper understanding of the basic concepts (which I think I achieved). If I wanted to give a concise examination of the problem however, that would have required an even better amount of pre-knowledge from readers, so less would really not have been better, unless you're already well acquainted with the issues. In fact, all that philosophy is on a rather superficial level.

True, the god-arguments might have been a bit digressive, but I seriously doubt most people would have understood the point I was trying to make unless I drew the parallel with God. Personally, I view Koizumi's philosophy monologue as something of a failure, because it is simply so generic philosophically, cliché if you will. I'm sort of disappointed with that chapter, because I don't think I really got to the crux of the matter, this thing I've decided to label as external solipsism, where the people within a subjective world of the mind believe they are products of another mind, unlike regular solipsism that posits that only the 'your' mind exists.

As some of you might have noticed, if you read my earlier story, 'The Error of Nagato Yuki', I decided to sort of give Yuki an additional coverage in this story that sort of borrows from that story while continuing it as well. In a way, 'The Dream of Suzumiya Haruhi' is an indirect sequel to the first story, as many of the ideas for this story were birthed during writing it and quite a lot of it affected this story. So if Nagato seemed slightly OOC when she arrived at the hideout clubroom, it's because her behaviour is based on my earlier development with her character (and it did provide a parallel with Sasaki; both stuck with similar problems with their subjectivity and objectivity but approaching them from opposing sides). The plot threads left behind in that story couldn't have singlehandedly carried another story, so the connection isn't too strong. However, if nothing else definite carried away from the earlier story, it was Yuki's decision to refrain from more stimulating human interaction.

And yes, I did totally pull off the same thing where I essentially pulled out the main character whose relationship with Kyon I wanted to examine because I think removing that person can allow a good way to examine that relationship when one person isn't 'there'. 'You don't know what you had until you lost it'-sort of thing...

I was a bit dismayed when a couple of people seemed to not realize the subtext about the irregularities in Nagato's behavior and her emotional turmoil in my previous work, so I went back and re-examined some of it in this one, trying to be a bit more explicit about it, but still wanting her problems to remain as subtext. Then again, it may not be entirely my fault the message wasn't clear, but I think that's just wishful thinking on my part. I even made Kyon give some direct input on the whole matter just for this 's a struggle going on inside of her, and it's not simply a programming error, although it could be a result of it. I'd still rather not go outright and say what these 'errors' are, because I don't want to be completely patronizing towards the readership and I sort of feel bad for going this far with my explanations. So I'll stop here. Sorry.

The thing is, as this isn't really my own universe, I don't really want to strike off too far from the source material and sort of establish my own continuity. In a way, I like to think my work sort of fits in with the real series, so that's why anything too drastic is dealt away by the end with a near return to the status quo, as if the works could function in between the real stories. I don't want 'destroy' the Brigade as such, I want my stories to work like a little bubble _inside_ the actual series, so diverting too much from where the real story is going isn't something that I want. I know it might frustrate some people, but I just can't bring myself to change the course of the overall story, even if this particular story was my slight attempt at some mild deconstruction of the series. (I know this was very frustrating for some in the way I concluded _The Error of Nagato Yuki_ and I'm not too sure how well I handled that yet even after all this time but I just don't want to change the status quo of the series any further than possibly adding some undertones to it). Maybe this attitude will change with time, but right now I just can't bring myself to go all out and change everything. It would just be too... I don't know, disrespectful of me.

In fact, I took a very safe course concerning the characterization of the SOS-Brigade. Whenever I push someone like Haruhi into a position that is outside of what is in the original series, I always get at least one person whose interpretation differs from mine, and I've gotten a bit tired of debating small, fine details about her character, especially as the arguments usually boil down to 'let's agree to disagree' because both can back up their claims from the series. The problem is that there usually isn't anything in the actual series from which to make clear references if you're dealing with a hypothetical situation beyond what has been presented. It simply gets tiresome to argue (as more often than not, it's not just different interpretations, but a misreading of the value of Kyon's "insights", and missing the things he doesn't say when I'm writing him), so I took the easy way and wrote most of the SOS-Brigade in what I feel was a rather simplistic way. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to portray Haruhi well enough in a situation where she discovers the supernatural effects around her, and is told about her affect on the world. I actually haven't watched the series in a while, and what I read is starting to fade away. But luckily I had the alternate SOS-Brigade with which I could take more liberties without facing too much nitpicking.

Sasaki was a success, philosophically, unlike Koizumi. Initially, she was just there to provide a counterpoint for Koizumi's idealism with a materialistic perspective, but she really came to life in the later chapters, where I developed her outlook on the world and love from my limited understanding of Buddhism and Jean-Paul Sartre's existential writings. I was glad her chapter actually got a fair share of reviews. Although Nocturne is my favourite chapter in this story (the title is a reference to Eino Leino's _Nocturne_ poem, which sort of inspired the atmosphere of the nightly scene. I think there's a English translation around on the nets, but it just doesn't do the thing much justice)

And if anyone is wondering why I decided that Tachibana Kyoko should be romantically interested in Kyon, I thought it might offer an interesting dynamic if there was one girl who was explicitly and openly after his affections. There wasn't really anything to suggest this in the series, but I just thought it might be interesting, and let's face it, all we've really seen of her is a rather one-dimensional version in the series as she's only just been introduced, so adding a little something completely different to her didn't seem so odd to me at least. But most importantly, it just made the awkward relationship with Kyon even more awkward. It's a relationship I think I would enjoy making more complicated.

Besides, this isn't exactly 'the end', as I do have plans for a sequel. I just don't know if it's really worth it. This story was an indirect sequel to an earlier work, and as far as I can tell, there was only one person who had read that who reviewed some of my earlier chapters, but didn't say a thing when I actually had the Yuki-centric chapter that directly dealt with her decision to hold back from human interaction, if anything, that chapter got a dismally few chapters all in all. I've tried making a direct sequel with another series, and it didn't work out. There are many reasons why it's been discontinued, but one of them was that fewer people were following it than the first part. Obviously people aren't for some reason really up to the task of following sequels, and I can't really blame them. Fanfics are mainly very escapist, not that there aren't good and serious ones as well, but I just found too many of them years ago and haven't bothered reading any since.

I have some ideas for a loose sequel, a continuation of the character relationships, but it feels like there are so many problems with making tied together works. I tried making a direct sequel to a story once... didn't work. I think I lost a lot of readers. So I will never again make direct sequels. Even with this story, it seems like tying it with 'Error' was kind of pointless. There was only one person that I know of who had read the first story, and they stopped commenting before I even got to the Yuki-centric chapter. Worst of all, most of the people who enjoyed that story might not make the connection with this one. I'll probably try and write a sequel, a culmination of ideas started out in 'Error', continued in 'Dream', a sort of final part in my loose trilogy, but the main plot definitely won't be dependent on what happened in the earlier stories. There just seems to be so many interesting possibilities with the characters themselves, that I'll probably try and continue this in some form. I also have some standalone story ideas as well.

Anyway, enough ranting/venting/elaborating; here are the deleted scenes in their unfinished glory from the original ideas!

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Deleted scenes:

A little exposition is necessary here, I suppose. The following scenes were mostly written in the first phase of the work, around the time before the first major plot redraft. Some of them I was slowly working towards, but others I had decided to ditch rather quickly because they either broke the narrative and/or the dramatic tension I was building. I have however decided to include their rough drafts here since I did bother to write them, even though most of them are just really nothing but rough drafts, they are basically nothing but dialogue (this is because when inspiration strikes, it can be very fleeting). There here now, because it's most likely they'll never see the light of day otherwise. Or if I do decide to write a little conclusion to my loose trilogy, don't steal my ideas please. :P

/

**Here, a character was planned to return from the dead. Problem with this one, was that it broke the narrative and tension, no matter if it had been included in either version of the story.**

Interlude: I was snow, melting away…

I've been reinstated.

You made an error, a fatal one. You're of no more use to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity.

…

Don't even think about putting up a fight. You might have been able to outperform me on your own with earlier installations of defensive programs, but now there are two of us. You can't win, let alone even escape.

… Your analysis is correct; probability of exiting this area alive for me is practically 0%. I only posses one course of action.

Surrender. Asakura said smugly.

Incorrect.

What? You don't really intend to fight us do you? Why even bother? You'd be going against the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, your source. Why?

I stand by my initial analysis of the risk evaluation of interfering with mental processes of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Oh _please_. I've been observing you for a while now, this has nothing to do with that. You have received orders. Now comply… that is, unless you would prefer deletion?

I will not allow you or anyone else to harm those two.

You've been infected by the human mindset. You are not thinking rationally. It must be all the inconsistencies with which you must live your life. All those lies and delusional subjective values being portrayed as objective ones. You already know that no values except those that are quantifiable exist in this realm of physicality. Everything else is the product of emotionally confused creatures suffering from self-esteem related issues. Most of them are so lost that they cling to notions of divine intervention, while depriving their younger counterparts from the same feeling of safety they receive from concepts labelled as 'imaginary friends'. The mere inconsistency of such behaviour is horrifying. But I suppose it is only to be expected from creatures who mostly fall into the classifications of their own mental disorders, even if they choose to ignore such blatant [examples]

Nevertheless, this is what I have chosen.

You don't choose, you do as you are ordered.

I will not.

Such insubordination. We should have wiped this mess of faulty data the moment we discovered it. It appears that this planet's corrupt data is infectious. We should remove it all and restore consistency to this universe.

We still require the key to auto-evolution.

We are perfect. We do not need it. Evolution is determined by environmental factors, we are unaffected by them.

This is true, however, we are not without hostiles of equal [level]. To ensure our own existence, we must procure a means of transcending them.

…Fine.

Her code is malicious, she is trying to infect us. She'll destroy us along with herself.

No! Not again! Never again! Asakura slashed madly with her knife, spraying the walls of the temple crimson.

Our connection to the data network has been severed and if they were open when she attempted to affect us…

…?

Her virus might have entered all other interfaces, severing contact with the data network. Our attempts to locate Suzumiya Haruhi will be hampered greatly by this. We must employ more direct means for locating her.

… Well, in that case, I'll just make sure she's dead. She won't bother us again.

We cannot contact the Integrated Data Sentient Entity nor track the whereabouts of our target. We do not have time to waste. We must begin our search immediately.

No, I'm going to make sure she will never be able to stop us again. I will kill her.

Delete, you mean delete.

Yes, delete.

Very well, she is a risk factor, perhaps her removal will prove to be the proper course of action.

Thank you.

[enter Asahina-san (big), grabs Yuki]

/

**Guess who's talking to whom? :P This scene probably would have been dropped even if I had kept the originally planned ending, feels unnecessary.**

Do you think things will be different this time?

Hmm, hard to say…

Did we interfere too much again? I mean, all it seems to do is confuse and distract them. They never seem to understand.

Hey, like they say, we work in mysterious ways.

Oh _please_. Anyone who accepts that drivel as an insight into the workings of the universe instead of identifying it for the ignorance glorifying control phrase it was obviously made to be should be left to die of their own stupidity in the wild. Let nature take its course and rid the gene pool of such idiocy. They'd all be better off after that.

But you have to admit, it's surprisingly astute an observation from beings with such limited capabilities.

Admitting that they're ignorant? Wow, colour me impressed, that's just amazing. I mean, nothing beats a loser admitting that they're a loser. Try and better yourself? No need, once you realize you know nothing, it's all done. Here's your banana, now go play with the other chimps. Trying to rectify the situation couldn't _possibly_ amount to anything could it?

Hahahaa. True, it would be better if they stopped depending on us so much. It makes them weak, sometimes even incapable of free thought, as they whisper empty hopes and desires to the universe, not realizing that all they need is right in front of them and all they need to do is get off their knees and do something about it. It's a wonderful universe to live in, but it could be better if they only applied themselves more instead of wasting time with fantasies and prayers. Nothing will come from nothing.

Grab the bull by the horns.

Yes… Do you ever think that we should just come out straight and admit everything, explain things to them?

Sure, it's worked so well in the past hasn't it? Most of them are idiots, you could explain to them the mysteries of the cosmos in the easiest way to understand, and they'd still manage to either misunderstand everything or just twist it around for personal gain. Sometimes, I don't even know why we bother.

Oh, you know. You're the one who wants to make them more than they are the most. You're the one who believes in then the most.

Sadly that belief is tested far too often.

But those two, you have high hopes for them, don't you? [And their friends.]

Well, let's put it this way, it's a step in the right directions.

And that's all we can really do. Open the door for them, but they have to walk through it by themselves. It's pointless otherwise. A child never learns to fend for itself if it is cuddled by its parents. Progress must be made, otherwise… what's the point?

And what about us? Are we progressing anymore? Is there any point in us continuing? After all, we want them to take charge and start living for themselves, to make authentic choices without being affected by the values of past generations. There is no [more] point in blind subservience and faith. If one doesn't really figure out _why_ something is wrong or right for themselves, what's the point?

No, we'll just keep going on as we are, sort of like those sentient data entities in this realm. I guess we're all just interested in seeing how it all ends. But why so solemn all of a sudden? Maybe you should go back and join them, I know how much you simply like to enjoy their smiles and laughter. The way your heart explodes along with someone else's excitement or happiness. If you wanted to, you could join them.

Mmmm… [smiles…] I'll keep that in mind, thanks. But I think I'll stay on the sidelines, cheering them on, watching them give all their best for something they believe in… I like to watch that special something in others more than anything… But I appreciate the offer.

Hmm, well, in that case… ready to check up on all the others out there?

Yeah, I think we're pretty much done with this realm. And as far as I can tell, it's been the most successful one so far.

Agreed. [opens door in air, white light shines through frame] After you.

And who said chivalry was dead?

I think you did once.

Hush. At least it was a lot more subtle than all the saintly trips you took back a couple of millenniums ago.

I was just trying to help. It's not my fault people took my words out of context and misinterpreted the divinity of life itself for something ridiculously abstract. I especially don't like that deal with how they went about personifying it, and making it a 'he'? How silly, should've been a she if they wanted to do that.

Cos we're more nurturing?

I was thinking more along the lines of nicer to look at, you know, for all those paintings and stuff, but now that you mention, that would have made more sense.

[punches arm]

Heh. I should have realized metaphors were too early for cultures before the birth of written language.

Well… There have been a few success stories haven't there?

Sure. Like that guy who liked to think under trees, delightful chap, very enlightened. Oh, and that German fellow, Friedrich, I think. Shame he went and lost it near the end, he still had so many good ideas to write… They all seem to go a bit nutty in the end, don't they?

Hey, the more you know. Ignorance really is bliss, if you're into being stuck on the level of an idiot.

/

**Oh boy, this is a funny one to reread after everything. Heh, I really thought Sasaki was greedily going after Haruhi's powers, judging from the few things I'd heard. (This happened because I did my best to avoid spoilers, but unfortunately some things slipped through anyway). Underlined parts are things I managed to squeeze back into the actual story, highlighted so I could find them easily for later use. I'm no longer sure how Haruhi would act if she found out any way, and don't want to debate about it either. Besides, it gets a bit silly, to be honest.**

/

Kyon, what's going on? Where is everyone and – and – and – WHAT IS ALL THAT?

Come on! I grabbed her hand and ran off, pulling her along after me.

Stop! What are you doing?

Activate protocol omega.

Dark lines broke out from the surface of the ground, enveloping us in a net as the lines came together in at perpendicular angles. Once the net had formed, the black lines grew thicker, the little squares of light on the ground shrinking away until we were in complete darkness. But even though I couldn't see anything around us, I could make out the three of us inside the dark place as clearly as I could in the brightest day.

"What's going on? Who is this?"

"Whatever you think you're going to do, Sasaki, forget it," I said as I moved in front of Haruhi.

"Kyon, don't you think this should be her decision?"

"What is going on here, Kyon?"

"What are you talking about?" I addressed this question at Sasaki.

"Don't worry, Suzumiya Haruhi. I'm here to make all your dreams come true."

"Who are you and what do you want? And – Kyon, get out of my way!"

"No."

"You got a little peek at the wonders outside, didn't you, Haruhi? I can call you that, right?"

"…I guess…What do you mean? What's going on? What was all that crazy fighting outside… it looked so unreal."

"It was, and I can give you that kind of excitement, that is, if you give me something in return."

"What?"

"Haruhi, don't, just stay back."

"What is going _on_, Kyon?"

"Please, Kyon, drop the gallant act. You're no better than any of the people after her. You're only doing this to serve your own purposes. But it's understandable, it's the power of God, after all. Whether it's the key to auto-evolution, the secret to the mysteries of time, something sacred and holy, or just about enjoying all the exciting stuff that results from it, everyone is just seeking to control and use her. Even you, especially you. The only real reason you're doing all of this is because you enjoy the excitement and wonder she brings to your life. She is your escape from a boring, mundane existence. You'd lost all faith in anything great, majestic and miraculous but found it in her. Now you're just using her, pushing back reality, living out some teenage boy fantasy about magic and wonder. Don't kid yourself, you're only protecting her because that would mean the end for your adventure. You don't really care about any of them, just as long as you have your adventure. I gave you the opportunity to leave this crazy world behind and you still chose this. You simply don't want to feel the melancholy of life, your life. You're just being selfish. You're just using her."

n… no

Just like her, you're using the people around you. You indulge yourself in the little drama that goes on in that club of yours, playing around with all of them, trying to live out some bizarre fantasy with all of those girls. You welcome the adventures, the insanity that surrounds you. You've become addicted to it. It's sick. In a way, you're worse than she is. You could have put an end to all of this a long time ago, but it was your selfishness that prevented it. You're willing to force everyone into a situation that suites you, but since you aren't directly in control of that power, you think that excuses you, makes you unaccountable. But you're wrong. You always had the most control over that power. With subtle manipulations, you've controlled her, made her give you what _you_ want. You could have stopped her, but you went along, feeding her just enough of what she wanted while pulling on the reins if she started to veer out of _your_ fantasy. You would justify it to yourself as protecting the world, timeline, your friends, whatever, but in the end, it was all done for your own sake. You don't really care about any of them unless they provide the dramatic tension your empty life has become. All that unresolved tension with all the girls, you live on it, you toy with them, you _use_ them. You're a selfish bastard, and that is all.

I… I don't know what to say… I'd never even… but I do care… I do… I… do…

Do I?

Just what the hell is this? Who do you think you are anyway? Haruhi shouted. I'm nobody's puppet! And if someone was using us like that, in our Brigade, I would have kicked their asses myself.

It's funny how neither one of you seems to fully grasp the power play between you two. How both your actions and thoughts affect the other, how you live in a sort of symbiosis, how one affects the other. He manipulates you and you do likewise to him, mainly through your subconscious, but occasionally through brazen shouting. It's all about control between you two. It would almost be funny if it weren't so extremely pathetic.

Haruhi jolted up to Sasaki and delivered a fiercesome slap, almost knocking her down.

"I don't know who you are, and frankly, I don't care anymore. But the moment you insult anyone in my Brigade like that, you'll have to deal with my full wrath."

Hh, I never thought it would come down to this, two girls slapping each other. Sasaki slapped Haruhi right in the face just as hard as she herself had been hit, making Haruhi stagger back a bit. Not exactly the clash of the Titans that I had been expecting… but it ends now, one way or the other. I've waited long enough. All of humanity has.

This… this all is what I want, on some sick level, isn't it? Everything that's happened to me, no matter how much I've complained about, I've enjoyed it, at least more than anything that came before. I've had chances to escape, to make the world normal, and every time I chose otherwise. Why? Isn't Haruhi with powers a risk? Why do I endanger the whole world like this? She could have destroyed everything, and still I gave her back her powers. Why?

Because… because I felt I could… control her? Just why did I do that? The world wasn't in danger in that world Nagato created for us, it was safer without data entities, time travellers and espers and any reality warping. Everyone was happy. Even Nagato was smiling back there! And I took it all away… because only _I_ was unhappy with it. Sure, it was only because I still remembered how things were, but I still chose otherwise. Because I wasn't happy living a normal life. I took away Nagato's smile…

I really am a selfish bastard.

The two girls were now wrestling and squealing on the dark invisible ground, pulling at each other's hair. [#$%, it really is like a sick fantasy or something.]

"Kyon! Snap out of it and get this psycho off of me!"

/

I…I can't believe it, I a-actually found them. I never really thought I would, but they're here, and we found them, Kyon. We found them! She blurted out as tears rolled down her cheeks. Aliens, time travellers, espers they were all really here, hiding under my nose, just like you said. She tried to brush away the tears, sniffing as she did, but the tears just kept coming. I'm… I'm so… she sniffled again before she whispered, happy.

I don't think I've ever actually seen Haruhi cry before. Sure, she's always had a sad depressed side to her, but actually crying, now that was something completely different. No matter how dire, depressing or even dangerous a situation got, she would never cry, never turn away. I had no idea how to feel or react to this suddenly crying Haruhi, even if her tears were those of happiness.

She wiped at her eyes, but they were quickly moist again. Heh… why can't I stop crying…? It's… it's unfitting of… the proud SOS-Brigade's Chief… I need to be strong… for you… all of you… you need me.

Yes, I suppose we do. Our existence hinges on you, well, the others' existence at the very least, I guess. Maybe even mine. And for some reason, I don't feel resentful for that anymore. Maybe I just can't be angry at a crying girl, maybe I'm sexist that way, treating girls better than I would a guy in a similar situation. Or maybe… maybe it's something else entirely. Something I can't describe, am still unable to put to words after everything we've been through together. That special bond of ours…

Between that of a creator and creation…? Between two parts of the same fractured psyche…? Between polar opposites naturally attracted to the other…? Between classmates thrown together by fate…? Between friends couldn't live in a world without the other…? Between two people… two people who…

…

I don't know.

I don't want to know.

But you would, if you only knew half of it.

But I'm just happy, being with you.

Isn't that good enough?

And if you want to keep searching for the answers, full of passion and fury like always, I'll follow, like I always do.

/

Hold on dammit! I can't lose you. I can't lose any of you. So don't let go! Why can't _you_ do something? You're the one with all the power!

/

I don't get it, why can't you understand…

/

After I… Lost My Music **(planned title for original epilogue)**

I woke up, the same old white ceiling of my room greeting me again as it did every day.

/

I'd had that dream again, about lazy school days, about afternoons in a clubroom of loosely defined and often changing goals, about the weird girl with an orange ribbon in her hair and her strange friends.

[walks out, make it look like he lost everyone, but then reveal that Koizumi is still there]  
[maybe make some references to the beginning of the series, i.e. I don't believe in (such and such. There was a time when I may have, after my initial dip into the world of adult cynicism, after having my faith in the wondrous returned, when I might even have started to believe in even Santa Claus again)

Once again, like always on Sundays, I was making my way to our usual gathering spot.

We'd share a couple beers and reminisce over the same old stories about our great past adventures. Sometimes we would do so wrapped in deep melancholy, sometimes with a deep resentment stifling the room and occasionally we would be lucky enough to look back and simply smile.

After I'd lost Haruhi, I'd lost the other two as well. But at least I'd gotten a chance to say goodbye to the other two. Asahina-san had given me a tearful farewell, her bittersweet goodbye kiss making the much longed touch of her lips more a curse than the blessing it should have been. She had been forced to return to her own timeline, back to her own life. I could see how leaving us tore her apart. On one hand, her life was here with us, but she had friends and family in the future as well. At least she had disappeared into the future before the rest of us were faced with Nagato's departure.

Just like the time travellers, there was no longer a need for the data entities to remain on Earth after Haruhi had disappeared. But with Nagato… I think she truly wanted nothing more than to stay with us. After the Integrated Data Sentient Entity had repaired its data network, all of the interfaces on Earth had been reabsorbed back into the data stream, whether they wanted to or not. As a final farewell, Nagato had imitated Asahina-san's, treating me to a similar short kiss, which was however cut short as her body disappeared into fragmented matter. The barely tangible touch had left an unforgettable feeling of closeness from the taciturn girl. I liked to think she was still out there, as a separate entity from the IDSE, thinking about us, but it was hard to remain so optimistic.

Now there was only me and Koizumi left. He, along with his esper pals, had lost all psychic powers when Haruhi had departed our world. The Organization had supposedly disbanded, but who knows, or cares any more really?

After Haruhi had left, it had been like she had never been here. All the mystery and magic disappeared from my life. And all I was left with were memories of my sweet time with her and the Brigade. Most of my days, as I worked like the brainless drone I was in some faceless corporation, all I would do was think of our times together. It was incredible how empty my life had become. I seemed to drift through the days, only waking up once a week as Koizumi and I would meet up, only to remember the past together.

It was sad. It was pathetic. It was all I had anymore.

_Damn it. Why'd you leave me? _

All of you…I miss all of you so much.

/

All these years… I've been wondering, why did she leave…? And what was that about me not understanding…

Hmmm… impossible to say, although I have a few theories…

You do? Of course you do.

Suzumiya-san… lived a life of denial… I'm sure even you picked up on it. She saw the tedium that was a normal life, the melancholy of an existence shared with others living the same meaningless life, she saw it all as being rather pointless and frivolous… and she rejected it, denied it, very strongly, unwilling to accept such a pointless existence, thus giving birth to us in our previous states on a subconscious level.

I think… she cared for you deeply, respected you in such a way, to the very core of her existence, that no matter how much she may have wanted to, she would never interfere with your freedom. Realizing how powerful she really was, that reality was merely her plaything… perhaps she thought that everything would finally work out as she wanted, that she would finally get what she wanted, on the surface…

But she respects you, your thoughts… she would – no, possibly could not – bring herself to control you. Deep down, she would never do something as horrid as deprive you of choice. Yes, she was angry. Yes, she may have wanted to change it. But deep down… I think she [loved] you too much to hurt you like that.

/

It's almost funny

What?

How the two of you both seemed to live in denial of the things you cared about most…

What nonsense are you spouting now?

As I said earlier, she lived a life of denial and repression, feeding reality with fantasies, simply because she did not want to face the world for what it was. In a way, this is what I most admired about her, the drive to change reality for your own sake, to find a purpose, but on the other hand… why I pitied her as well. Unable to ever be satisfied… surely, a great source for motivation, but ultimately, to what purpose? A desire like that could never be satisfied/quenched.

And then, there is you again…

Oh not this dualistic crap again!

Hear me out. You too, have repressed a great deal of things. Take Suzumiya-san for example. Did you never really realize the full extent of her feelings for you? I find it hard to believe. If anything, you understood her best. How else could you have done the things you did? How else would she have enjoyed your company to such an extent? I believe… I believe you saw how she felt for you, but like her, were unable to face that reality, for what reason, I'm not completely sure.

You're off your rocker… And headed for the moon.

Perhaps I'm letting my speculations run wild. I apologise. I was being presumptuous. How could anyone ever fully understand what another person wants or feels. Language is such a limited means of communication. So many concepts, ideas and feelings that lack names and even then, when we do share words, we all have individual interpretations of them. It's amazing mankind has managed all and all, with such a crude means of communication as arbitrarily agreed upon sounds…

But I will stand by my statement that you both refused to see clearly the thing you cared about most in your lives.

/

Kyon, did you…

What?

Did you try to grow a moustache?

No, I – I just haven't shaved in a couple of days.

That would explain the sexy stubble.

…

Just kidding. You're in horrible shape. I go away for a short while and you fall apart.

…

What?

You were gone for years.

Yeah, I was, so?

So? _So_?... Never mind… It doesn't matter.

Come on, tell me.

Just – just forget it.

Geez, why are you putting on such a show? Don't be such a girly girl.

I'm not.

…But I was kind of selfish, wasn't I?

…Yeah.

I left you guys for – years? Yeah, it was years for you.

Hey Haruhi!

What?

It's good to have you back.

…It's good to be back

So… what are we gonna do now?

Something crazy. Gently holds my chin, turning me so we're staring into each other's eyes. A whole new adventure.

Once again, like so often happens with her, the world around me stopped, until it melted away into blissful white oblivion, with only the two of us remaining in the middle of nothing.

Go on more adventures, maybe even restart the Brigade again.

Haruhi pulled me by my tie and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

Of course, I'm still in charge.

I smiled at her. Wouldn't have it any other way.

/

**This scene was dropped from the actual story, because it just feels gratuitous**

[Or maybe… Maybe it has something to do with the four humors of Greek antiquity. Not hard to guess what I'm full off (insert witty remark about crap here). Phlegm, obviously. I'm an observer, a bit lazy, but a very dependable friend I guess. I don't think there's much I wouldn't do for the people in the SOS-Brigade. I'm very compassionate towards all of them.

While Haruhi on the other hand… Definitely full of blood and probably a fair share of yellow bile as well in her body. She's generally light-hearted, funloving, spontaneous, has leadership abilities, and is extremely confident. However, this makes her very arrogant, cocky, and indulgent. She indulges in day-dreaming as well. And… let's see… what else was related with a sanguine person, someone with excess blood…? Ah, yeah, how could I forget? She's the very personification of impulsiveness, always acting on whims in an unpredictable fashion.

She needs a good bath with leeches to take care of that problem. Heh, I can already imagine it.

Then there's all the yellow pile, making her a choleric person as well. These people are very active, full of energy, ambition and passion. They're the most domineering as well, being very charismatic, something Haruhi is with absolute certainty, enough to fill garages with. The ones they dominate the most are usually phlegmatic people… sigh… The biggest problem, the negative aspect with choleric people is that they're really bad-tempered, easily pissed off. This one fits her perfectly… the one that's essentially phlegm's opposite… great…

Oh man, this is starting to explain a lot.

But of course, last, but probably still least, she _is_ a melancholic person occasionally. She doesn't fully fit the description, but then again she's only melancholic very rarely, really. She is sort of a perfectionist, demanding things to be her way, as she deems perfection, that is, she demands fun, but she's not really the poetic or artsy type to dwell too much on the tragedy of life, although occasionally lamenting how boring it all is, thus becoming depressed. But she's not really a loner, not anymore at least, nor all that reflective. Though she sort of was before the SOS-Brigade. I guess that mean she's been expelling a lot of black pile then.

Ugh… this is what I hate about the humors, too much talk of yucky human liquids. But damn it! It all seems to fit so well. There's a certain balanced achieved when we're together, although I'm not too sure if simply having excess amounts of all these things really counts as balance.

...

How do I know this stuff? It's like someone's directly feeding information into my head...]

/

P.S Author's Notes: You know what's been bugging me about Kyon for a while now? I'll tell. He seems to know a lot of stuff a guy like him really shouldn't (like in the above deleted scene). By this, I don't mean his emotion reading skills, not in the least, some people are simply empathic by nature. It's what he knows. The most recent example of such knowledge that just seems sort of out of place for him to know is about superluminal particles (vol. 9, chap. 2, iirc). For a guy who seemingly doesn't know much about the sciences, quite often acting like he is confused by the technical jargon spouted by characters like Koizumi and Nagato, he sure does know some interesting details about quantum physics. I think there have been other cases of similar higher level knowledge being presented in his narration, like scientists and the occasional philosophers and mythological beings, but unfortunately my memory isn't that good when it comes to such details and I simply can't be bothered to reread all the volumes just so I can verify this option. I prefer to read in short bursts (which is sort of why I try to keep my own chapters short as well).

Anyway, let's assume that there is something odd going on about the knowledge he occasionally possesses. There are a few options for this: A) He genuinely does just know random, almost trivial bits of information B) He's smarter then he would like us to think and is hiding it from us for some reason or C) Some_thing _is feeding him this information. To be honest, I quite like option C personally, but it may simply be because it thematically works with this project. (This wasn't addressed to much length in the actual story so I decided to write a bit about it here, since I don't think introspection of this sort would have worked for Kyon).

By the way, does anyone remember how Yuki hijacked Haruhi's powers in 'Disappearance? I seem to have either forgotten or it wasn't really explained. If you do remember, please send me a PM and direct me to the passage, since it might come in handy, as future plans for the loose sequel Haruhi story would tie into this one plot point. It just seems like a plothole. I mean, if Yuki is capable of doing it, why can't the other interfaces? And if this is possible, shouldn't they then essentially have the auto-evolution abilities? Even if all interfaces couldn't do this, why wouldn't they order Yuki to do it again and give it to them or study why Yuki, one of their own creations can do this, and not try to replicate it? Hmm... I seem to really be missing something here.


	21. Act II: Getting back to business

Prologue foreword: It's been a while, over half a year I think, but I'm back. So, now that I'm done with my exams and ensuing partying and have a lot of free time on my hands, I feel a bit more confident about trying to continue this story. Initially, I had intended this story to simply involve the time loop and examine the solipsist nature of reality, especially in relation to Haruhi, but as I got to the novels where the 'Anti-SOS Brigade' was introduced, a lot of new story potentials started to emerge in my head. Quite honestly, I think the overall story of Haruhi had essentially started to stagnate with the status quo until Sasaki and her lot appeared ever since _Disappearance_ with plenty of little adventures that didn't really add much or even feel all that riveting or engaging.

You'll have to pardon this new long chapter… it's just that for this project, I have not been writing with chapters in mind at all. Everything is one big file I try and cut into readable pieces. I'd like to give chapters more focus, like I have with some other works, but it hasn't been the process used here, and I don't want to mess with a process in the middle of a story. The chapters will also be of rather differing sizes beacuse of this is all just one long narrative, and unfortunately you readers are going to receive it in slow increments, no doubt making you forget a lot of what came previously, at least the minor details.

Chapters probably won't be arriving weekly or even faster as they did with Act I, as back then the whole story had been written before release. This time, though I have a significant buffer, the story has not been completed before release, so as such, I am more capable of reacting to critique. I'll try and tone down on the philosophy best I can, but it certainly won't go away completely, and I do realize I have something of a habit of digressing when I start to philosophize, simply because it's interesting and a vast area of discussion for me. Quite simply, _everything _is philosophy. I'm thinking we'll get at least one full 'lecture' chapter again at some point, but we'll see. In fact, I think this prologue of sorts is a bit too wordy at points, but I really didn't trim it too much, as I personally just found it interesting enough. But I have weird tastes.

The following act(s) are intended to be more character and relationship focused, especially now that the premise and nature of the world and the dynamics between certain characters have been examined to an extent, there is now ample room to start developing things into new, hopefully interesting areas. I would also like to thank everyone who took the time to give well balanced feedback, with the good and the bad. Let's hope I've taken what I can from them and make something even better. I always feel like I have too many ideas and won't be able to put it all together well enough, at least in regards to this project. As such, I'll try and take my time slowly, try and develop things before getting to the true heart of certain matters.

And so, without further ado (and no more boring bullshit from me), I present to you, the rest of the story!

* * *

Act II (Prologue)

_Do you feel dismayed at all that all your efforts, the personal risk and hardships you endured, have completely gone unnoticed and thus unappreciated by Suzumiya-san?_

…

_All by yourself, you did what the others couldn't, but she never even thanked you?_

…

_Does it not bother you that – _

_You know what really bothers me?_

…_?_

_You trying to strike up a conversation with me all the time._

_I apologize if I have come off as too – _

_Just – just knock it off. It's like… like you're overcompensating. It's annoying._

…_Very well. I respect your choice. I merely thought I could – _

_I know._

_All right, I'll be going then. Farewell._

…_See ya._

I opened my eyes and saw the world outside, just beyond the dirty window frame, just as it had been when I'd rested my head against my hand at the beginning of whatever lesson I had right now. The fresh trees swayed in the gentle spring breeze, green foliage nearly in its full force by now. Dust and the odd green leaf that had for one reason or another decided to give up early, would occasionally be whisked away in circling torrents of wind across the school yard, but only for the length of a breath, like the sigh of a tired old man.

Despite what you might think, it hadn't been a dream. I hadn't even been sleeping. I just felt tired. All the time.

Though Koizumi hadn't actually asked me such pesky and intrusive questions and I hadn't snapped at him, the dialogue in my head was a ghost of essentially all conversations Koizumi and I had shared since _then_. Since I'd made deals with devils in pale moonlight. Since I'd bargained away what little secrets might have been keeping Haruhi and the SOS Brigade safe just to have a moment's respite, to gain more time… or maybe just to delay the inevitable.

But at least I hadn't had a dream in several days. And I was grateful for that, if nothing else. Well, I was also appreciative I had my SOS Brigade as well, or something close enough to it at least. All in all, though a shadow of fear, paranoia and anxiety was my constant companion nowadays, I was actually quite content to be perfectly honest. I had the Brigade. I had Haruhi to lead it. I had Nagato watching over me. I had Asahina-san's sweet presence to grace my days. I had what I wanted.

Yet I had never felt so tired. If I had had the choice, I would have stayed at home and slept through the days and nights, but my mother would have none of that and would now unleash my sister on me like some rabid watchdog after the first time I'd tried to skip school for a day by sleeping in. My sister of course took great joy in shouting and bouncing about in order to rouse me, much like an actual rabid dog really might. I would always feign a groggy state, employing tactics of flaccidly passive resistance that would have made Gandhi proud if they hadn't been used with such selfish goals in mind, by letting her pull on my lethargic arms to get me out of bed although I could have easily gotten out myself.

Despite wishing I could just sleep away the days, sleep followed at the normal times. If I went to bed early, I would just lie there until sleep came to me whenever it would have usually. Even in the morning I would stir whenever I should, whenever I had come accustomed to wake up. Although my biological clock seemed to be ticking away flawlessly, like a cuckoo clock that had gone a bit too far with its cuckoo design (if you knew what I meant) I felt like lying there and thinking of nothing. I was always tired, but apparently not tired enough to sleep.

Lying in bed simply felt… nice, I guess, even if my body would feel weird afterwards; head a bit woozy, muscles cramped, odd taste in my mouth, stomach that was empty but not pained, and tired eyes that seemed to water up almost immediately after opening them. Actually, I always ended up feeling much more tired afterwards whenever I could get away with just lying about than I would after a short normal sleep through the night. But even so, it was worth it, just sort of lying about in a half-sleep, without a care in the world. It wasn't more enjoyable at all than other things in life, just… preferable.

It was weird. I wasn't depressed, definitely not. At least I didn't think I was. It just seemed like what little enthusiasm I had ever had seemed to have gone away. But it wasn't like I couldn't laugh at a good joke or even tell one myself, if I got lucky enough to actually come up with one. The times with others were actually the highpoints of my days now, because with them, all of them, even with Koizumi, I was able to just enjoy the moment and be captured by it in a web.

But the web was weak. It couldn't hold me in place, in the present. Whenever the moment was gone, when the laughs had been laughed, when people were silent for a moment, I seemed to become tired and wearisome immediately. My mind would wander, I would think of things I couldn't remember if I was roused from my reverie. I had become worse than Haruhi ever had been when staring expressionlessly out of the window.

Unless something was actually happening to me, I felt like I was sleep walking through life.

"Kyon."

Not now, okay?

"Kyon!"

Huoh, fine, what is it?

"Kyon, are you okay? You look kinda tired."

I turned my head and found the pleasantly concerned face of Suzumiya Haruhi frowning at me lightly, scrutinizing me with eyes fit for a jeweler in the way they captured every little flaw in the diamond they were inspecting.

"I'm okay… I'm just… I guess I'm just bored."

"Boy, can I relate," Haruhi said, pulling back away from me, straightening up as she crossed her hands, giving a glance at the chalkboard some nameless and faceless member of my class I should have remembered by now was wiping away text that was unreasonably small even for a person with decent enough vision. "Ever since that fair left, it feels like nothing even remotely interesting has come our way. In fact, it's been way too long since the SOS Brigade has really done anything… Maybe we should have another search…"

Whatever's fine with me. I really feel like I need to be kicked into doing anything these days. But I suppose it's a good thing I have Haruhi in that case.

"Well, come on," Haruhi said as she picked up my bag and held it out for me.

I took my bag and hoisted it over my shoulder as I followed Haruhi out into nearly empty halls.

Apparently I'd been stuck rather deep in whatever thoughts I had been in for a while now. Of course, if this was the case, it sort of made me wonder why it had taken Haruhi so long to break my stupor. Maybe she had been in a similar state. Or maybe she had already gone ahead, noticed I hadn't been following and come back for me… No, it couldn't have been that. If I had failed to follow Haruhi, I would have received a far harsher awakening than the one I had. No doubt I would have had my face scribbled over in marker, something that didn't belong inserted in my ear, or just a rough smack in the back of my head. And the thought that Haruhi had seen my dreary state, at first holding back, giving me time to fix myself, but then either gotten bored of waiting or deciding decisive action was needed, seemed even less likely, though not nearly as inconceivable as it might have a year ago.

As we walked along quietly, the flaccid feeling I'd been experiencing for a while now returned like a pimple you thought you were finally free of but with a sense of prideful vengeance, sticking to you in a way that made it painfully obvious for everyone around you what was bothering you, I found myself wishing Haruhi would say something to me, or failing that, I would be able to come up with something to say to her, so we could just waste away the time, but no such luck as always. It was like Haruhi would always, whether intentionally or not, do exactly the opposite of what I wanted.

_How annoying…_

Sigh. A year ago I would have gone to great lengths (though not actually 'killed' as the saying goes, because there's such a thing as going overboard) to have Haruhi just be quiet like this, even if it was just for a few minutes. But nowadays, it was one of the worst things imaginable. But what made everything even worse, was that I couldn't imagine anything else happening either, hence the rut I seemed to be stuck in. Nothing seemed worth doing anymore, and only a distraction of any sort could make me forget it.

As I continued strolling though my murky thoughts, trying to decipher if there was actually anything going on underneath the dim surface grime, it was indeed Haruhi who pulled me out of that quagmire for a brief moment.

"Hey dummy, where you going?" Haruhi asked, looking over her shoulder from the stairs she had started to climb, which I had nearly managed to pass completely in a haze of obliviousness.

"What? I'm… going towards the front door. We _are_ going the clubroom… right?" I asked hesitantly, suddenly very apprehensive in allowing Haruhi to lead me wherever she pleased.

"Yeah, I just remembered I have something to pick up… never mind, just go ahead to the door and wait for me there. Got it? I'll be back in a min."

"Right," I answered my master dutifully before I plodded on ahead towards my ordered destination, placing my hands deep into my pockets, tracing the lines between the tiles on the floor with my eyes, looking for patterns to follow, something to distract me.

When I got to the front door, I chose a spot against a pillar to lean against, yet again setting my mind ready for another explorative trip beyond my muddy surface thoughts in an attempt to discover what the underlining cause of my stagnant thoughts could have been caused by.

But my focus just couldn't hold…

Whether it was a passing pretty girl, the sound of a birds singing in the yard, or the way the streaks of light ran across the floor of the entrance hall through the door and windows, my mind would dart around like a fox in a henhouse, too caught up by all the bounty around him in order to calm down and choose just one chicken to bite instead of trying to nip at them all. My mind would soar like an eagle and…

You know what? I'm using way too many similes related to nature. Which is weird, because I really don't _like_ nature all that much. If it weren't for killing tools, housing, plumbing and medicine, sweet old Mother Nature would have wiped us out a long time ago.

"Hey, could you open the door for me?" a voice seemed to drift into my ears all of a sudden.

"Can't you do it yourself?" I asked, not even bothering to raise my eyes from the floor, on which I'd been following the slow creep of sunlight across the floor, steadily pushing back the shadows into a corner as the sun got lower to better aim at the retreating front of its enemy.

"…I _said_, open the door for me!"

Hmm? The angrily raised voice seemed to focus my thoughts instantaneously. I raised my head and noticed to my growing discomfort, it had actually been Haruhi who had bothered asking me, rather politely even, for just a little help. "Sorry. I'm just…"

"Don't care," Haruhi said brusquely, pushing a large cardboard box into my hands. "Now carry this."

"What is it?" I asked as I followed Haruhi through the door, which she did not in fact bother to hold open for me, allowing it to slam against my shoulder in her wake.

"You'll see soon enough."

"Can't wait…"

There _did_ seem to be something rather off about me. Haruhi had actually bothered being polite with me, and I had responded with a totally uncalled for answer, one I usually wouldn't have given to anyone. In fact, Haruhi seemed to have been a lot nicer towards me in general the past days, though a casual observer probably wouldn't have really noticed. She still continued calling me an idiot or something of similar lacking mental faculties if I didn't immediately comprehend her esoteric train of thoughts, but for me, it seemed like there was less anger in her tone at me for not understanding than usual. And though her answers to my questions were still delivered in a condescending manner, there didn't seem to be the same level of frustration in explaining things to me as there had been in the past.

But somehow in response, I seemed to have started to become rather uncaring towards her actions. Maybe I had just become so accustomed to her by now, or maybe even because I was just trying to avoid not thinking too hard about stuff like that, ulterior motives and such, because I'd been doing too much of that lately… or… huoh… I don't know… whatever… I was just tired, and unfortunately it seemed I was taking it out on Haruhi, though she was just as oblivious to subtlety as ever.

I decided to focus my attention on the box Haruhi had given me instead of obsessing in a paranoid fashion. Though the box was rather large and cumbersome to hold, it hardly weighed anything at all. I gave it a little shake and I could feel something shift around in it, making a sort of faint scratching sound, like the sound of rubbing fabric.

Well, I guess it's not too hard to guess what she's got in here. It has, after all, been a rather long time since we've seen Asahina-san in something new and enticing. I wonder what it is this time. Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it'll look just perfect on our little beautiful angel. Asahina-san could probably wear a potato sack and still make it look good with her divinely shaped figure.

When we eventually entered the clubroom, Haruhi having not held a single door open for me, and my shoulder starting to really feel the after effects of such inconsiderate (or perhaps very much considered) behavior, I was pleased enough to find the others already waiting. Asahina-san was already in her maid outfit and seemed to have served tea for the others while having set up a cup at Haruhi's little table and mine on my side of the big table. Nagato was reading in her corner and Koizumi… was just smiling merrily at our arrival from his usual spot with a steaming cup of tea in front of him.

"Kyon! The box!" Haruhi exclaimed without further explanations as she yanked it out of my hands and marched to the end of the long table, where she flumped the box down without any care for its contents, leaving the box looking miserably dejected as it sagged to one side, a corner now split by the violent drop. "Right, everyone listen up!"

All eyes were turned to Haruhi, except for Nagato's, for whom such an easy case of multitasking as listening and reading came easily.

"We've grown lax in our duties as members of the SOS Brigade, as people meant to usher forth a new age of illumination and rumination! Just what have we achieved? We've been together for over a year now, and what have we to show for it beyond some pictures of fun times and a dog that may or may not have been possessed by spirits? Unacceptable! Simply Intolerable! Capitalized! Even our investigations have ended nowhere, from trying to determine what happened to Asakura to getting a case concerning that loser next door getting the blues or something! This just cannot be! It's a new year for us, and seeing the lackluster start to it, we need to try harder than ever before! We need to employ new, more proactive tactics than ever before! And as a first step to correct this misstep, we'll be trying something new! Mikuru! Strip!"

"Buwhaa?" Asahina-san blurted out, gripping the serving plate tightly to her chest, hiding as best she could behind it.

Wait, how exactly is this all that different from normal, insane demands from Haruhi? Hardly an innovative jump like she had just been clamoring for.

"We need to get you in this new outfit immediately!" Haruhi shouted as she opened the box. "And you too, Yuki! We can't just rely on one mascot figure! Big breasts are fun, but there are all sorts of perverts in the world, who like stroking themselves differently to folks!"

That's different _strokes_ for different folks!

…Though you're not completely off the mark either, I have to admit.

"We need to start capitalizing to our full extent! You two… would it kill you two to show a little more… I dunno, something!" Haruhi waved her hand blindly in the direction of us guys while her other hand along with her eyes were busy rummaging through the contents of the sagging box.

Like the whites of my eyes as I roll them around? Unlikely. If they haven't completely revolved by now, I don't know what would make them do so.

"Come on! We need to raise our public awareness levels to the nth degree if we want to get more sightings of oddities! We've done enough… lollygagging!" Haruhi exclaimed excitedly, especially the last part, before she muttered smugly to herself, "Yes, finally got a chance to use that ridiculous word."

"B-but I…" Asahina-san whimpered meekly.

When exactly had Asahina-san been put on public display like this again? I honestly can't remember. There had been the spectacular bunny outfit, the sexy 'space waitress' or whatever she'd been for that ridiculous excuse for a film and then when we'd been… damn, had Asahina-san been wearing anything special that time Haruhi had been in that cheongsam? Haruhi had looked so great in it I can't remember anything else about that day except the way that dress hugged her figure and how her slender leg was revealed through the cut at the side…

Uh, focus…

I looked at the teary-eyed Asahina-san who seemed to have thought the days of her body being exploited were well behind her.

Naturally, I couldn't help but step forth and rise to her defense. I cleared my throat, preparing myself for the onslaught of faulty reasoning I would have to face from Haruhi.

"Uhum, Haruhi –"

"No!"

What? I hadn't even tried being reasonable yet! Haruhi was supposed to at least feign resentful listening before she just revealed she hadn't been listening at all to me.

"No, Kyon, I am not going to waste time with your asinine protests!" Haruhi all but shouted, pointing testily at me, like I was a dirty convict trying to weasel myself out from jail in a probation hearing. "We're doing this and nothing is going to change my mind!"

"But –"

"No!"

…Am I really that –

"Yes, you really _are_ that predictable. You're eyes always seem to glaze over dimly when it's something to do with Asahina-san, and when you get like that, two things are certain to follow: wet dreams or some idiotic attempt to foil my plans. Well not this time!"

Haruhi marched over to me and pushed at my side with outstretched hands, forcing me into the door.

"Hey, watch it! Even _you_ can't just push me through a door."

"Don't tempt me!" Haruhi bellowed defiantly, like a lion calling my challenge. "Now get out! I won't have you trying to stop my plans, we don't have the time! And no wet dreams out there in the halls either! If I find out you've been lusting over a fellow Brigade member, I'll be sure to neuter you!"

How would you even know if I did have dirty thoughts in another room about… well, sure, that proposed glazed look in my eyes would help in determining it, but that's just a blatant lie. As if I would ever –

"Out!" Haruhi once again pushed me into the door.

"Right, okay, okay, I'm going!" I said as I wrenched the door open and fled.

"Koizumi! You make sure that half-wit doesn't slink away to satisfy some dirty needs. We'll all be needed in this operation, and it'll be starting soon!"

"As you wish," Koizumi said cheerily to such disgusting words, making a little bow before he exited after me, closing the door behind him.

"You know, Mikuru-chan," I could hear Haruhi's loud voice even in the corridor, "I think we've been giving your gratuitously stunning front side too much attention. But I mean, can you really blame me? It _is_ rather distracting. So it's only fair we turn things around!"

"_Eeeehh_!" Asahina-san squealed.

"Ooh, surprisingly firm! Well, aren't you just the perfect package! You know, there are quite a lot of ass guys in the world. I read somewhere guys only like breasts because they resemble a butt. I mean, all those cleavage shots you see in movies, don't they kind of remind you of little, sweet, round butt cheeks? Makes sense, though, I mean, it's how baboons and other apes attract mates!"

So now Haruhi had moved lower along Asahina-san's sublime form, from her breasts to her buttocks. A part of me actually regretted having been booted out of the clubroom so early, especially as it seemed to have been because I'd tried to defend the little beauty, but another part was both ashamed for that sort of thinking and for failing so miserably at even _trying_ to spare Asahina-san from some humiliation. I'd never really succeeded much in that regard, but at least I could always say with some pride, undeserving as it might be actually, that I had done the best I could in at least _trying_. And if you didn't even _try_, what kind of person were you?

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Like you ever fought tooth and nail to prevent Asahina-san from shedding a few more layers of unneeded clothing._

_Shut up._

The halls outside were empty and quiet, almost like the SOS Brigade was the only club in the Old Shack, but with the usual volume inside our clubroom, the hallways always seemed quiet as a crypt in comparison.

"You know, I really thought we were past this sort of behavior from Haruhi…" I said out loud for no particular reason other than that my worries were starting to become too big for my head to contain anymore, as I settled against the wall next to the door.

"She certainly seems to have caught a second wind for some reason," Koizumi said, also leaning against the wall, but aptly choosing to do so on the other side of the door.

"Hmm," I murmured with reflective agreement. "She's actually been surprisingly cheerful ever since… since the fair…"

"Ah… I see…" Koizumi took his time, carefully measuring what to release from his mouth next. "You told me she had experienced a dream afterwards, something she had enjoyed deeply."

"…"

"You don't suppose it could have been about your –"

"Little adventure? You don't honestly think it was anything beyond just a dream? I mean, how'd me going out on my own adventure make _her_ happy? If anything, she'd either be jealous or angry for not taking her along with her, even if she were to just dream about it. Besides… I'm not sure I really did her that big favor…"

Koizumi glanced at me from the corners of his eyes, but not for long enough to make the glance feel _too_ intrusively hostile.

"And another thing, if her dream really _had_ been about me doing what I did, wouldn't she know about you guys?"

"Yes, well… it all depends on how directly her dreams and desires can affect reality while under restrictions of her common sense, a coherent expectation of how the world works, so merely a vague desire inside her head might materialize in a rather more detailed version beyond that simple desire, given a reasonable seeming guise, not to consider how this reality itself can in turn influence her dreams and desire in a form of looping feedback… but the main thing to consider is, you _did_ go out and save her by yourself… I think things would have turned out worse if you hadn't intervened, and if nothing, simply the thought of such an act should be found pleasing by anyone."

And the phantom ghost made its grim appearance once again.

"Don't push it. I'm really not in the mood right now for any of that speculative crap."

"Of course," Koizumi said, politely shutting up, his head ducking a little as he gazed at the floor placidly.

"Look, let's just focus on the here and the now, okay?" I said, feeling a bit bad all of a sudden.

"You're quite right…" Koizumi said, straightening up a little, "these new and more proactive tactics are giving me some unease though. If Suzumiya-san's desires to experience something truly strange are actually increasing –"

"We might start to see some even crazier crap."

"Yes."

"I can't see how much crazier it could get.

"I suppose so, though I for one would not have expected things to turn out the way they have merely a week ago."

"Yeah, you got a point there."

Silence. For a moment, the phantom of the past made words and thoughts heavy, slowing things to be said down to a creeping crawl.

"Of course, that's a rather faulty and overly simplistic way to look at it," Koizumi said, sparking alight a new gasoline line of conversation.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not at all against a new topic.

"Have you ever considered _why_ it is that Suzumiya-san seeks oddities?"

And the burning line met an end before reaching an explosive topic of words, essentially hitting an impassable wall preventing proper conversation.

I know why she does it…

I looked down the empty corridor, little golden specks of dust dancing and twirling in the slanted, orange rays of afternoon sunlight.

Haruhi didn't just have some simple fetish for the strange, no, that really was a gross misunderstanding of her. Whenever she got quiet, whenever a soft gloomy abyss would settle into her bright, pretty eyes, you got a look at the real Haruhi, deep under all the bluster. It wasn't that she was putting on some sort of act, that the exuberant Haruhi in the clubroom fondling Asahina-san like I couldn't even do in my wildest dreams for some reason, wasn't just as much a part of her as anything, but deep in the core of her being, the heart of the white hole that spat out so much craziness into the world at an unlimited rate, was the solemn foundation on which the Suzumiya Haruhi I knew had been established.

Suzumiya Haruhi saw the world as being boring and absurd, lacking meaning and uniqueness. She wanted to find something that would change all that, something special, extraordinary, something that would break the chains of monotony… She wanted to find… something meaningful.

"That's rather astute, coming from you at least…"

"If you say so…"

"I just meant that…" Koizumi's near apologetic sounding voice trailed away as he saw my empty face as I turned it to look ahead impassively at the wall opposite of us.

We were silent after that, both probably struggling to come up with something to say, as whenever we would be together and not talking, the silence between us would not be awkward, but whatever came beyond awkward. If we weren't discussing something trivial, it felt like we were in line for a very embarrassing health concern, unwilling and unable to even look at each other in the eyes.

"So… nice weather we're having," I slowly said.

"Yes, quite pleasant," Koizumi concurred.

Oh great… now we're actually talking about the _weather_! Although my conversations with Koizumi had never really been all that gratifying, with me simply asking questions and looking for suggestions from him, we had at least managed to avoid the dreadful topic of weather before this point. Now however, even that felt extremely strained, well, more than it would normally with any living person, that is.

But things like these had made me realize Koizumi and I had never really been all that close. It had really become all too clear to me that we had never really been friends, at least not close ones in any sense of the words, as far as I understood it at least. If anything, he was just always there to answer my questions. Otherwise, I probably found his company more annoying than anything. And this wasn't because of what had happened at the fair. Well, okay, it had made me realize this as I had examined our relationship, but in doing so, I saw that we just weren't truly friends. We hadn't really lost anything all in all, except maybe some level of trust. We were, and had been, more like… colleagues, I guess. Even when we had shared a better sense of trust between us, I still hadn't trusted him with anything all too private or important, but then again, I was like that with everyone. I don't think anyone really knew me.

Anyway, it wasn't that I hadn't believed in Koizumi's apology, it just wasn't easy going back to what we had had, as little as it might have been, though I did try. I certainly wasn't outright angry at him, but I guess there was a sort of frustration in dealing with him now. Koizumi would do the right thing in the end, I knew this… I just wasn't sure if what he thought was right was exactly the same as I did.

Sigh…

Minutes passed in tedious silence as we both stared about and around the corridor. There were a few posters on a wall I read over and over again so many times I could easily repeat them at any given moment afterwards, though there really wasn't much to remember in the slogan-clad posters.

'Be a man! Join the Judo Club! (female students also accepted)' The last part had been hastily scribbled onto the poster in marker. Sexual equality in action, lack of members or a very weak attempt to get some innocuous groping done, who knew?

'The Calligraphy Club requires fresh and new membership.' All of it written perfectly, of course. Seeing the Calligraphy Club's poster made me wonder if Asahina-san still missed her old club, especially in times like these.

'There are only 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't. If you do, we heartily welcome you to the Computer Club!' …Nerd humor, it had to be, because I for one didn't get it. Great. Nothing helps a cause like condescension from losers. Yeah, good luck with that.

All these old posters from weeks ago apparently hadn't been cleaned up yet. The SOS Brigade too had also tried recruiting new members, but it hadn't exactly worked out. Though Haruhi had at first been nearly jumping out of her skirt in excitement at the prospect at lording over new recruits, her attitude had quickly changed. Though there actually were people crazy enough to do her bidding through some of the entrance tests Haruhi had planned; doing things like 'borrowing' equipment from other classes, promoting awareness of the SOS Brigade and even partaking in idiotic competitions that really reminded you of gladiatorial combat, especially when Haruhi would show her approval or disapproval in the same manner an aloof emperor would have, by giving a slow thumbs up or down (it had usually been down). It was as such, probably a good thing she didn't own lions like the Roman emperors had.

"It's just too unwieldy," Haruhi had said as I'd asked why she hadn't accepted any new memberships, "having all those people to coordinate. Not to mention none of them seemed to really have the drive or required attributes to really help the Brigade move forward. This club is special, at the frontier of all things, and accepting cattle like that would only dilute our purpose and hinder us from our noble goals… No, we need to remain as exclusive as possible, to maintain that only the most worthy and deserving can aid in our quest. Greatness is a rarity, it has to be. If everyone was special, we'd all be boring. The great always forge ahead, leaving the weak and humble to follow if they can. Besides, the five of us… work really well together."

And so Haruhi had turned them all down, though she had told the glum people there might be room next year. That little announcement seemed to have however had a much greater affect on Haruhi herself than the people who had heard it. She spent some time to herself afterwards, occasionally writing some notes on scraps of paper or on the computer, depending on whether she was in class or in the clubroom. What exactly it had been that she'd been considering, I never found out, though I couldn't help but suspect it had somehow related to her new drive to push the SOS Brigade to new heights, as the note making had stopped the other day.

And as my mind was filing away past events into their respective mental folders, something small that had been bugging me for a few days showed up during the inventory in my head.

"You know, I've had some time to think about that whole duality thing between me and Haruhi…"

"And?" Koizumi asked, actually sounding rather intriqued.

"And I think it's a load of crap. Sure, we might have plenty of complimenting opposites, but it's not that simple. Besides, you can twist anything you want into opposites, given the right perspective and use of words. And just as easily as you can make opposites out of anything, you can make opposites the same. Example: the sun and a flashlight, same because they offer light, opposites because one is manufactured while the other works on its own. Hard, soft… both physical with the opposite being… nothing. Black and white seem like opposites, but are both really just varying intensities or shades... depending on how you look at it."

Koizumi smiled broadly at the wall opposite him. "Good, you noticed it."

"Huh?"

Okay, this was surprising.

"I am very glad at the way your mind is developing. I had been worried if you hadn't noted that flaw."

"Flaw, so you knew there was a problem? What kind of philosopher are you? You should have the knowledge and spread it, not misinformation."

"Philosophy does quite literally mean 'love of knowledge', but knowledge is a tricky thing. I won't get into the wonderful world of epistemology, but allow me to give you my way of looking at it. What is the best way to test knowledge?"

"Uhm… question it?"

"Exactly. If something proves false under questioning, it can hardly be considered knowledge, now can it?"

I considered this, absolutely certain I was being asked a trick question, because the answer just seemed laughably obvious… "No."

"Right again. So, the best way to love knowledge, is to constantly question it. Philosophy does not provide you with answers, it is about loving knowledge."

"But your idea was wrong."

"I would hardly think so."

"But you _just _admitted there was a flaw."

"Just as any view of the world, mine is not perfect. Your counter-argument is valid, but it does not disprove my dualism. Opposites exist, you cannot deny that."

"I wasn't. I just said it's more difficult than that."

"What do you know of Taoism?" Koizumi suddenly threw me a conversational curve ball, catching me off guard completely.

"Eh, that's where yin and yang came from originally, right?"

"Yes. While nothing can truly be said of the Tao, it can be known, experienced, I suppose. The Tao is one, everything, and from the Tao came two, yin and yang. Opposites exist for us, but for me at least, they are a manifestation of a greater whole, not truly separating the world, as both yin and yang hold the potential for the other within them. An opposite after all cannot exist without its counterpart. And when the two halves are there, they create the whole and the whole creates them."

"So… what about everything else? I mean… temperature, light or even matter doesn't really have an opposite. Cold is just a lack of heat, darkness a lack of light and emptiness a lack of matter. It's not really an opposite if it's just a lack of something, is it?"

"A question I have asked myself many times as well. Does the lack of something equate its opposite? In fact, opposites might not truly exist at all. I see myself as something of a non-dualist, though I think life manifests, or we interpret it, in a dualistic fashion. Is courage lack of fear? Is laziness an act or lack of action?"

"So, everything is one, though we see it as opposites…"

"Yes."

"I think I get it. Kind of. But we _don't_ complement each other. Period."

Koizumi grinned, amused by what I'd said, but thankfully didn't pursue the topic any further. This was actually a rather bad thing, as much as I had disliked the previous topic, because this meant we were once again left without anything to say to each other.

"So… you once again went and travelled through time…" Koizumi said offhandedly, breaking the long, syrupy silence we had been stuck in for a while now.

"Yeah, so?" I asked, actually eager for the bait of some more distracting conversation.

"Well, I must say time travel has always held a certain interest for me, and I truly do still wish I could accompany you some time."

"It's really not that great."

"Perhaps, but the associated paradoxes are certainly fun to consider."

No thanks. I'd gone over my carrying limit already in time travelling theories.

"Quite frankly, I simply don't understand why anyone would bother time travelling; it is obvious that any attempts to alter the past will only end up as factors that created the situation the time traveler originated from, it's simply logical. If something could be averted, the conditions for the specific need for time travelling would have never come to exist. Time and causality function in a linear manner, the presence of time travel to different points on a time line wouldn't change it. I don't understand why so many people fail to realize this, but I suppose it can sometimes make for good stories, although it's quite laughable how people are always in a hurry in stories where time travel is associated. If you could change the past, there's no hurry, just use the time travel technology or magic to try again and again. And of course you could arrive earlier, no hard feat with time travel, and give yourself ample time to prepare."

Yep, it's just stupid, stupid, stupid...

"Anyway, as I said, as ridiculous as time travel is inherently, I find considering some of the paradoxes involved fun mental workouts in order to keep sharp for actually difficult problems of logic. The classical paradox associated with going to the past and killing an ancestor has always held a unique interest for me."

Why, someone in your family tree you'd be happy if they were spruced away?

"It's simply the impossibility of such an act. If you did kill your ancestor, you grandfather for example, that would eliminate a chain in the genetic chain from which you came, essentially negating your existence. So, if you grandfather died, possibly before having your father, you would never be born. But of course, under current conditions, this is impossible as we cannot travel past four years ago. You could of course attempt to commit suicide in a similar manner, but killing your past self would lead to a similar impossibility in logic. If you died in the past, how could you have travelled into the past to commit the murder?"

"I guess you couldn't have, well, not unless something stupid happened like the timeline changed."

"Exactly. Is the timeline fixed and logical or is it mutable? Is time travel even actual time travel or inter-dimensional travel to realities with different timelines? Can we change actions? Or what if this has already happened, several times in fact?"

Yeah, like I said, something stupid.

"Of course, due to the temporal block placed by Suzumiya-san or someone four years ago, going that far would be impossible, though you could attempt suicide, thus once again negating your time travel trip to kill yourself."

So if I _did_ try doing something like that, something even dumber than killing your own grandfather, who had at best been offensive in regards to his approach to personal hygiene, hardly warranting being killed for any other reason than for you to test the structure of time, what do you think would happen?

"Well, either the timeline would change somehow in a rather illogical manner to allow for an existence of you where you killed yourself, possibly because there are different diverging planes of time, as such, making it so that you did not travel to the past but to an alternate timeline or plane, or perhaps the time line would revert itself to the moment the offending time jump was made, thus ensuring you would repeat the effort infinitely."

"Why infinitely? If the timeline jumps to when I would have made that fateful jump, why couldn't I just abort the jump?"

"Because in killing yourself in the past, you would also erase your _future_ as well. If you don't have a past, I think it follows you can't have a future. And if there is no future for you, or a relative past memory of that future, you wouldn't remember that jump as the timeline would revert to a time before you made the jump, leading to you making that jump again as it and its consequences wouldn't have even happened yet. You would only remember everything leading up to the jump, as the future for yourself, the time travelling you, would have been terminated."

"So if I tried to kill myself in the past, I'd end up in a new reality or create a sort of loop, basically ending time?"

"On the spot, those are the few options I can really think of. I'd suspect the latter would be far more likely, because the former just seems to lack a logical flow to it. Whatever things the time travelers think they have changed in the past, already happened in _their_ past, from future time travelers of another time plane. And based on what we know of time travel, it seems to function in such a linear and logical manner, though with Suzumiya-san around, discrepancies could occur, the impossible could very easily become commonplace, as her mind introduces factors that did not exist in any form of level of time before. This is why I believe, though the data entities are capable of awareness throughout their individual timelines, as such being aware of the past and future within the present, they cannot tell if their efforts to gain data on Suzumiya-san will work out or not. Because Suzumiya-san can alter this very reality and its history. Perhaps this is a problem the data entities wish to rectify, so they can live truly free of outside influence and within a fully logical frame."

"…That time block… any ideas on that? Why is it there in the first place?"

"I actually have quite a lot of ideas for that one, to be honest, but none are conclusive. When she received these powers, there might simply have been a surge of power that broke apart the time line, or she created this reality then and there, so there isn't anything beyond it, or perhaps there is something Suzumiya-san does not want to revisit in any form, something she wants it to be impossible to see again in any way. You know, it's actually quite common for people who have suffered psychological trauma at an early stage in their development to repress such things and sometimes construct imaginary aids, such as fantastical friends or split personalities, in response."

So here we go again, that this is all just in Haruhi's head…

Anyway, what? Some sort of trauma? Geez, that would be so… cliché… or maybe just stupid, I guess is the word I'm looking for (I've been using that word a bit too much lately). Any weirdness explained by childhood trauma, feels a bit too archaic, that sort of Freudian thinking…

Crap. You just know you've been spending too much time around people like Koizumi and Sasaki to even begin to think Freud is archaic.

"Or it was never placed there by Suzumiya-san at all, but by something else."

"Like what?"

"Perhaps whatever gave her her powers, though why whatever force would want to do so completely eludes me."

"Hmm…"

"Just about as much as a 'perfect' being, or a typical ideal of God, would create the world at all. There is simply no reason for a perfect being to create anything, it is perfect, it shouldn't need or desire anything. But of course, Suzumiya-san isn't someone I would classify as 'perfect'."

Well, that's something I can wholeheartedly agree on with you at least.

"But I think that's rather unlikely. As nice as it is to imagine such sublime forces beyond our comprehension, I think it's far more likely an internal result of our reality. Such things are nothing more than speculation at best. I do not as such believe they are powers _derived_ from anywhere, just Suzumiya-san's view of the world that shapes it, whether this is a power of some sort, a form of mankind's transcendental nature, or simply solipsism."

"Hmm…"

"Well, wasn't this nice? We haven't really had a decent chat in a while."

"Hmm, if you say so…" I muttered, straightening up a bit, as my back was starting to cramp against the wall I had been leaning against.

Koizumi took a moment to look at me, as if gauging me for any signs of attack, his eyes with a sharper gleam shining through his usual polite mask. "…Kyon, you _do_ understand that I really did feel that I could only – "

Koizumi's apologetic sounding words were cut short however as the clubroom's door burst open with such force that it swung around and hit me right on the nose.

_GAAH! Son of a… #$%! My nose!_

"D~o~ne!" Haruhi perkily cheered, before her tone changed to suspicious, "Where's Kyon…? Koizumi, even though I told you not to, tell me you didn't let him go off and play with hi–"

"Here, I'm _right_ here," I said, pushing the door back as I made my way out from behind it, clasping tightly to the bridge of my nose that felt like it had been turned into a pincushion for red hot pins. Why pins would be heated up and then pushed into a pincushion afterwards was beyond me, so I guess it wasn't a very well thought out metaphor, though it did describe the hellish pain the pincushion would feel if it could feel anything (once again, not the best metaphor, but I was in _pain!_).

"What were you doing lurking behind there…?" Haruhi asked in a leery voice. "Never mind, not important. We gotta get to phase one," she then concluded, her voice slowly fading away.

When I opened my eyes, having had them tightly squeezed shut as I fought my way through the pain, Haruhi had already bobbed back into clubroom.

As Koizumi walked through the door, he stopped to bend over and examine the hinges. "Hmm, interesting…" he muttered softly, as he straightened up.

"Guh," I muttered, my voice a little nasal as I pinched the tender bridge of my nose tightly, the pain feeling more intense and softer at the same time for some reason as I did so. "What are you talking about _now_?"

"This door," Koizumi said, pointing at it with his thumb, smiling vaguely, "I could have sworn it had hinges that only allowed it to turn one way."

"Well it just did, and into my nose no less, so what's your damn point?"

"Yes, but the hinges used to be the _other_ way around. The door only ever opened _into_ the clubroom."

…What? Just what the hell are you talking about? The door has always – Wait… ah crap, he's right. What the hell?

"Hmm, well, I suppose it's not too difficult to guess what happened," Koizumi said before he left me in the hall.

Great. So once again I am the victim of Haruhi's rampant powers, just so she can burst onto the scene as always. Well, on the bright side, that had only meant throwing back a door instead of fireworks going off at her appearance for Haruhi. There was a certain solace to be found in that fact, as I nurtured my nearly splintered nose, that it wasn't my crotch on fire but instead my nose slowly bleeding a little.

Having wasted enough time in the hall, I entered the clubroom once again, hoping Asahina-san would see to my injuries with her tender touch, possibly even wearing that nurse outfit of hers. But what costume I found her in this time, and the other two girls as well, was much more attention seizing than anything I'd seen any of them in yet.

"A bleeding nose, Kyon…? Seriously? Ugh, you're such a _guy_… a walking, three-legged cliché," Haruhi said in an annoyed voice, giving her eyes a roll, though she obviously didn't have any problems in settling into a posture that clearly showcased her sexy body. "I didn't even think that was actually physically possible, just something retarded that happened in kids' shows."

It probably was, though by now my excited heart was probably adding to the ridiculous, but still containable, nosebleed in my right nostril, as it started pumping vital juices out of me a little faster.

Haruhi seemed to have finally found out about the ever popular cat-girl ensemble; all three girls were now sporting the triangular ears of felines with furry tails hanging between their legs. But 'cat' was merely a theme uniting them all, as none of their outfits were quite same, each one of them in the guise of a different large predator.

Dressed mainly in white, wearing clear stockings with black stripes like those of a tiger, that went just past her knees, leaving her thighs revealed all the way nearly to the top, where she had a pair of tight, very short shorts. She wore a little vest, also adorned in a similar manner as her stockings, but had left it open. Around her chest, she had tightly wrapped white and black cloth in an overlaying manner that made it look like it was striped as well. Dressed like a fierce Siberian tiger, Haruhi stood proudly between the two others.

Nagato wore long, dark boots and gloves, a black skirt and leather vest, tied tightly around her chest in a crisscrossing pattern of string, pushing her little breasts together in a very flattering manner. At first glance, you would have said that her costume was simply all black, but once you gave it a closer look, you could see even darker spots, little circular patterns all over her vest and skirt. Her dark eyes, with that dynamic golden tint to them, completed her calculating, predatory appearance as a silent black panther.

But perhaps most strikingly of all (and it wasn't because she as such looked any better than the other two or anything), Asahina-san truly caught my attention. She was in a tight two-piece lion costume; a pair of tight brownish yellow shorts, a top and a spiky headpiece around her face. She had gloves and boots on that made it look like she had paws.

Okay, that is just weird. Asahina-san's lion costume isn't just similar to the one I dreamed about, it is _exactly_ alike.

"Where did you get these costumes anyway?" I managed to ask after my initial shock, though a drop of blood managed to escape from my nose as my hold on it loosened when I had lost focus, watching the three stunning girls.

"I got Tsuruya to handle it days back, second day in school after the fair, I think it was. I just had this image of Mikuru-chan in a lion costume floating about in my head and it was just so incredibly adorable! Then when I got to thinking of how to arrange it, I ran into Tsuruya, we talked and soon we had plans for all of us!"

All of us? I'm not putting on anything. It might all look fantastic on cute girls like you, but guys, especially like me, can never ever look good in anything, let alone a revealing cat costume. Even the inkling of the thought of wearing something remotely like what the girls were wearing, even if tailored for me, made a tiny shiver of embarrassment run down my spine.

"Onto business! While the other two were putting on their costumes, I prepared the banner. You two will hold it up while the three of us handle the social interaction, naturally."

In that case, you might as well give up now. No offense meant at any of the girls, but none of them were really suited for the job. Sure, they'd capture the attention of everyone around them easily, but between the laconic Nagato and the nervous Asahina-san, you weren't going to be pitching a lot of sales and Haruhi was just completely lost when it came to speaking with people in a respectful manner, unless she somehow deemed it necessary, which was rarely, like when she wanted to interrogate old land lords or stay in the favor of people giving her free stuff or island vacations. The dumb mob ultimately didn't have anything to offer for her beyond potentially bringing her new adventure, which she would find by herself anyway.

Haruhi pushed the folded up banner into my chest, the wide, heavy thing sagging in my arms – "Mush!" – before she pushed me out into the hall and led the way outside.

Haruhi led us through the gates of the school, a little way down the road on the slope, stopping there to order us about into position. Unlike previously, she wanted to make sure the faculty wouldn't get in the way of her promoting her club. She claimed that if the idiot fascists had anything to say, like something along the lines of violating school rules or something as stupid as 'social conduct', she could always counter that they weren't on school property anymore, and that the school had no say in what happened out in the 'real' world.

Anyway, after ordering us about for a while, the wait for people soon brought a calm moment for us to relax under the shade of nearby trees, while Haruhi focused her attention on Asahina-san and her hair, mumbling about ways in which to attract even more people, debating the merits of a tussled mane versus something sleek and marketable more to herself than anyone else, as obviously no one else's opinion could have been anywhere near as important as hers.

Koizumi, Nagato and I sat down a small way off, around one of the bigger trees. While I found a nice nook to settle into, bringing my hands behind my neck as I gazed at the dark canopy above me, hints of blue sky flitting in and out of view through the leaves caught in a faint wind, Koizumi stared off into the horizon, while Nagato opened up the rather large book she had carried all the way from the clubroom and continued reading it.

I glanced at the small girl sitting near me, and my days anxieties just seemed to fade away for a moment, before I noticed the name on the book's cover.

From seeing her read sci-fi books like _The Fall of Hyperion _to_ Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?_ to such fantasy stories as _The Adventures of Pinocchio_ and now _Don Quixote_, it seemed Nagato's interest had slowly shifted from science-fiction to folklore from the Romance languages. Although, if you asked me, I would always support the alternative theory that she had simply gone through all that sci-fi had to offer by now at the rate she read. And just as little as genres seemed to matter to her, neither did languages, as by my reckoning, the old leather bound tome she held in her fair little hands seemed to be in Spanish. I'd only managed to indentify it as Don Quixote since the name appeared on the cover, though spelled slightly differently from the well known English spelling, of course: _El ingenioso hidalgo don Quijote de la Mancha_.

I felt an odd sensation of kinship with the mad knight, having gone through my fair share of crazy quests, but mostly because I too felt an almost overwhelming melancholy some times, now more than ever as I seemed to have seen through my own illusions much like he had in the end. As it had been for Quixote, I feared that it would be my sanity, not my possible insanity, that would be my downfall. Going insane was easy after all, there was no effort in it, unlike in remaining sane in a crazy wordl.

But the craziest thing of all was that all the normal stuff no longer made sense, like school and everything I knew about life. All the weird, paranormal stuff didn't feel so strange anymore. It was the stuff that should make sense, the stuff that had made sense, that didn't make sense anymore. Maybe I was going insane, or maybe I had just started finally thinking philosophically like Koizumi had wanted me to.

The world I had lived in before was almost like a lie and the world I found myself in now felt too true for comfort, too cruel in its veracity when it came to the weird. Normal life just didn't make any sense. What was the point in studying, getting a job, or even living? Why was everything like it was? I had once known with absolute certainty how I had come to be, but now I didn't even know that. What was I doing? Why was I here? What was the world around me? I no longer had any sort of answer for any of these simple questions.

"Kyon! What are you just staring at Yuki-chan for?" Haruhi's irate voice stopped my pointless wondering.

Huh?

I looked up, not having realized my empty gaze had become firmly fixed on Nagato as I'd been thinking about my life.

"Get up, you dolt! No lazing about! Weren't you listening to me at all in the clubroom? Up! This is exactly why we're not ready for more members yet! I couldn't coordinate a bigger force because taking care of you is like a full day job, you big fat fuglyly frowning baby!"

"Fuglyly isn't a real word."

"Focus, idiot! Besides, how can it not be? You understood it perfectly, didn't you? And that's what language is, a means of communication, you durkwat, so it counts as a word!"

…Fine, I definitely understood the meaning of 'durkwat', whatever it was, you little shizbotch.

"What was that?" Haruhi asked with an all too familiar hint of danger in her voice.

"Nothing."

Haruhi gave me a look dirtier than a working mechanic's hands in a gymnast's armpit after a taxing workout, that faltered however as she spotted something behind me, a spark of hungry excitement taking the place of the smoldering glare. "Hold up the sign!" she shouted at me, pushing me away as she hurried to what she had labeled the 'frontal assault area'. "You too, Koizumi! People are finally coming! Yuki, Mikuru, places!"

I turned around and noticed a small gaggle of girls approaching, with a few boys trailing them in their own group.

"Hurry up!"

Koizumi and I complied with due haste, that being the required minimum speed to avoid an ass kicking or at least a tongue lashing, and hoisted up the banner as best as we could, both trying to match the other's angle and height for an awkward moment. I glanced at the banner and was oddly disappointed by it. It only had 'SOS Brigade' written on it, though it had been written in a stylistic fashion and received a few decorations around it, like a shooting star and what was either an odd mushroom or a nuclear explosion.

While the girls went about dealing with the approaching potential victims, each of them acting just as I had predicted, Nagato just staring blankly at people, Asahina-san stuttering as she tried to keep herself as covered as possible with her hands, and Haruhi... being Haruhi. Koizumi took the moment and inched a bit closer to me to ask me something, though still holding the banner as upright as possible somehow.

"I know you don't like it when I ask questions like these but… you went through quite a lot and I can't help but wonder… your relationship with Suzumiya-san, did it… have you gained any sort of new perspective on her and your relationship after everything?"

"Hmm… yeah, I guess." I certainly had now developed something of a grudging appreciation for the role Haruhi played in my life.

Koizumi nodded, thankfully not pushing the topic as I had thought he would.

We watched the hustle and bustle before us for a while, most of the hustling and bustling done by Haruhi of course, which only seemed to drive people away from the club than it seemed to gather any support with the way she hounded them with inane questions and circled about like the predator she was dressed as. Some of the guys had attempted to strike up a conversation with Nagato and Asahina-san, but were unable to coax much out of them before some of the girls started to get annoyed with how greatly their attention seemed to have shifted from them since beginning their way down the hill.

"Well, I guess if this is all Haruhi's got planned, we don't really have much to worry about," I said.

"I suppose you're right, though I still feel oddly apprehensive about what might follow, almost like this is just the calm before something much bigger, like the silent retreat of the sea before a tsunami."

"Just stop worrying and making me worry in return, will you? Life's good, we should try and enjoy it," I said, wishing I had a bit more faith in my own words than I actually did. "If anything, she'll probably only take us on a few more searches or something, nothing too troublesome."

But of course, if I had know back then what personally tiresome things like mere searches could spawn for me, I wouldn't have said something so undeniably stupid.


	22. What is love?

"OUT! Everyone out!" Haruhi screamed from her little table, face red as she completely exerted all her strength into the lung emptying scream, bloodshot eyes with dark shadows under them making her appearance more frightening than usual, putting to shame any horror mask ever made.

Asahina-san, who had been going through her surprisingly large stock of tea leaves by now, sat up straight so quickly it was like instantaneous teleportation. She had been on edge ever since the unusually short tempered Haruhi (short even for her) had appeared in the clubroom with a look that could kill (I think the plant in the corner had actually wilted a little). She let out a shrill squeak before she scurried out as fast as she could, wrenching the door open like her life depended on it, which might very well have been the case.

Koizumi also had quite a shocked look on his face when he heard Haruhi's exceptionally loud outburst. It certainly was an image I gleefully committed to memory. His eyes popped wide open and his mouth gaped foolishly. This of course only lasted barely for a second before he quickly rearranged his face to a polite neutral and hurried out after Asahina-san without a word.

"You too, Yuki! Especially you! I can't stand that constant page turning of yours! It's driving me crazy!" Haruhi shouted, pointing a threatening finger at the reading girl. Haruhi's body now quivered a bit with what looked like restrained fury on her part, although a casual observer could easily have been mistaken. "Screech, screech, screech… it's maddening! And I've had more than enough of it! Are you trying to start fire with all that scratching?"

Nagato complied in a silent, quick and efficient manner, although far slower than the others, by packing her bag with the book she had been reading and strode out of the room, never reacting in any noticeable way towards Haruhi's belligerence other than by moving a bit faster than she usually would in that elegant and measured way she always did things.

I too made my way out of the room just behind Nagato, quite glad for the opportunity to escape Haruhi and hopefully find a quiet place to rest. But just as I was about to close the door behind me –

"Same time as always, Kyon, and don't you dare forget it or try to weasel out or something else stupid... because I'll hunt you down and start cutting off precious parts off your body and stuff them back in places you _really_ wouldn't expect me to," Haruhi said with suddenly cold anger as she gave me a nasty scowl before she flopped her head down on her desk.

I could only grunt anymore at this point to even such a graphic a threat as I closed the door behind me.

"My, my… she really does get grumpy when she isn't getting enough sleep, doesn't she?" Koizumi asked, now leaning against the wall next to the clubroom's door, hands crossed and wearing a slightly troubled looking smile.

"Don't ask stupid questions," I said, trying to stifle a yawn.

"The same could be said about you as well, it seems." Koizumi gave me a meaningful look.

Could you please not take that tone with me? I'm not in the mood right now.

"I'm sure you would like some rest, but I think we're all rather curious as to what the two of you are doing together in the late hours of the night… something that could deprive both of you of so much sleep."

You make it sound so… questionable, which it is, I suppose. In any case, what Haruhi and I have been doing together at night shouldn't be anyone else's business but ours. It's already bad enough that the three of you know of it. Picturing others finding out about us would only set the school on fire with hostile gossip I would be unable to cope with. Then again, I've already heard a few rumors in the general area, but something like this could make it seem even worse and only escalate the situation, which really wasn't anything to speak of at all.

"This'll be the third day in a row, won't it? I think we should all know what exactly it is you two are up to, and not simply because it's starting to interfere with the rest of us, but since all developments with Suzumiya-san are vitally important to all of us and our missions."

Stop trying to sound logical and succeeding, you dingbat.

I looked around at the other two girls. They were both standing by the windows of the corridor, both staring intently at me. Asahina-san was fidgeting with her fingers, pursing her lips as she kept sizing me up in an unfamiliar manner while Nagato merely kept her subzero stare focused on me with laser precision, still like a statue. Neither one seemed to be completely satisfied with the situation, I'll give Koizumi that.

"It's…"

"Yes?" Koizumi said, an eager undertone extremely apparent in his voice.

Even the two girls seemed to lean in for my answer.

"It's really none of your business…"

I could feel the metaphorical temperature drop dramatically. Koizumi had an inkling of an annoyed look on his face, as he placed one hand on his chin thoughtfully, scrutinizing me in a deeper manner than he had ever before.

Nagato just kept staring at me, never flinching or even blinking, which started to make me feel quite nervous to be honest. But ultimately, Asahina-san stepping towards me in a timid way but with a determined look in her eyes probably unnerved me the most.

"Please, Kyon-kun… it… it might be very important… f-for our missions of course," she said, her voice faltering a bit at the end as she hastily added the last part, her eyes darting away for a brief moment.

I gave her a long look, weighing my options. On one hand, I definitely had a point, it wasn't anyone else's business, but on the other hand… refusing a direct request from the sweet as honey Asahina-san was an unbearable offense, condemnable by any sane court in the world.

"…Fine, I'll tell you guys…" I quickly glanced at the clubroom's door. "But not here. I don't want to be caught here telling any of the details in case the dragon wakes."

"Quite understandable. I doubt Suzumiya-san would be pleased if she discovered you revealing intimate details of your shared nights," Koizumi said in a serious voice that still sounded incredibly sardonic to my ears.

"Could you stop talking about it like that?"

"Like what?" Koizumi asked, tilting his head in a rather coy manner.

"Like… never mind. Let's go find a quiet place."

As I led the others out of the building, into the cool but still easily bearable early spring air, I couldn't help yawning throughout most of the journey. I was incredibly tired and it was all because of Haruhi running me ragged throughout the nights. I was sore in all sorts of places as well. The girl was simply relentless and insatiable. No matter how much I tried, she was just never satisfied, riding me ragged like a horse (that's metaphorically speaking, of course… well mostly).

It seemed like I had become a keener point of observation of theirs than Haruhi ever had been for the others. Each one of my fellow Brigade members scrutinized me with such concentration that it was starting to feel a lot like an invasion of my privacy. If I stretched my hand, adjusted my shoulder or something, all of their eyes would follow whatever action of mine in perfect synch.

It was too good an opportunity to waste.

I waved my hand, mirroring a sine wave and watched their eyes bob up and down along with it (with the cute Asahina-san, her head moved along as well). Of course they all quickly realized what I was doing as I snorted in laughter.

"You really are a different person when you have been sleep deprived," Koizumi noted, smiling, but not sounding amused at all.

Gimme a break. I'm dead tired. Stuff seems a lot funnier that way… and annoying as well. Sometimes even both at the same time.

Ugh…

Asahina-san stared at me, looking far too miserable if you asked me, while the cold gaze of Nagato had inconspicuously been highlighted by the smallest furrowing of her brows.

I obviously wasn't doing anyone any favors by prolonging this.

I'd had enough of walking about, getting fresh air and whatnot and decided to sit at a table near the back of the school, under the shade of a tree. I closed my eyes, trying to silence the annoying buzzing of tiredness in my head. I would have gotten away with it and escaped into the blissful unconsciousness of sleep if it weren't for Koizumi's stupid cough.

"We still have things to discuss before you rest."

It had felt so nice, letting darkness roll over not only my sight but my mind as well, and this idiot had to ruin it all.

"I know, I know," I said irritably, opening my eyes and finding the others seated around the table with me, Koizumi directly opposite of me, Asahina-san on my left and Nagato on my right.

"So... what do you want from me?" I asked, not bothering to mask my annoyance with my current situation, choosing to focus my unsatisfied stare on Koizumi since I could never look crossly at either Asahina-san or Nagato.

"Naturally we would like to hear what it is you two are doing and hopefully why. If nothing else, I would personally like to hear if you have any specific impressions on what Suzumiya-san feels about your time together and your own thoughts on the experiences shared together."

Well, well, aren't you the little gossipy housewife.

"I believe it would be best to start with Sunday's events. In fact, I think I should have pressed you more back then. Of course at the time I had no idea the two of you would begin... interacting like this."

Seriously, stop talking about it like that. You're making even me, the one who really knows what's going on, feel like some sort of sexual offender.

"Ah, yes, Sunday!" Asahina-san peeped up, realization striking her, removing the earlier distress. "I can't believe I forgot about it. I mean... a-after that, well, nothing was different r-really, but that was the day all of this started."

_Please_... Nothing happened! I already told you guys back then.

"Yes, you told us nothing special happened between you two back then, and I still believe you, I do, really," Koizumi insisted. "However, I think we would all appreciate knowing the specifics of your time together before we all got together back then. A proper context would help us to determine what exactly is going on and evaluate it properly, offering a correct response if it is necessary."

Correct response...? What's that mean?

"Do we really have to do this every time? We've been together for over a year now. Shouldn't it be obvious by now that we, or I at the very least, are very concerned with Suzumiya-san's psychological states as they can have very direct consequences on the world."

You're right, it should be obvious. I must just be drowsy or something.

"So, please, begin by telling us what transpired between you two before we all met on Sunday. We can move on to your nightly activities later."

Fine, if it'll get me out of this annoying situation and into my warm, lovely, comfortable bed, then fine, I'll give you what you want. _You damn extortionist_…

It had all indeed started on that Sunday, I guess, not that what happened had much to do with what happened later at night, at least I couldn't really see the connection. But I could see how it could be, and probably would be, seen by the others as something more significant than it really was. This was why I really didn't want to tell this.

But here it is, Sunday, before we all got together:

"Ugh, just look at them, disgusting," Haruhi said with a nasty look on her face like she'd found mold in her food. "Don't they have anything better to do than swap fluids?"

Haruhi and I were standing at the train station, unsurprisingly waiting for a train to show up. A SOS Brigade event had been planned to take place at a new and exciting location, far away from the area we usually searched since, according to Haruhi, if we hadn't found anything strange by now, it was because the strange things were on to us and needed to be caught off guard someplace where they wouldn't expect us.

The three other members of the Brigade were already at the destination, waiting for us. Haruhi had ordered everyone to get on the train that left the station at 18:30. Anyone to miss it would be severely punished. The others had obediently gotten on the train, but as for me and Haruhi? Well, both of us had actually missed the train. The others had looked on at us with worried expressions as we chased after the train, both having showed up at the same time, but too late.

And so we were forced to wait for the next train that would arrive in thirty minutes. At first Haruhi had been livid at me for being late. When I pointed out that she was just as late as I was, she quickly corrected my mistake with a flicking of my nose. She explained some nonsense about the duties and privileges of the Brigade's Commander versus those of one of its lowliest members, but I didn't pay it much attention as I just couldn't bring myself to care about any such nonsense.

It was still early spring. The trees were coming back to life in full force, waking up through a sort of stretching exercise; green buds were everywhere, leaves already pushing towards the clear skies in large droves, with only faint white wisps of thin clouds high in the atmosphere.

The cherry blossoms were also still blooming, essentially covering all the various shades in which you could get pink. Undoubtedly they were pretty and all, but people being the romantic fools they always are, always leave out the nasty part in these 'beautiful, majestic and often symbolic' things. It wouldn't take long for all that beauty to fade in a manner only a poet could truly appreciate, while in a much more real sense meaning someone like me would have to start doing yard work again, raking away dead, ugly, brown, soggy and sometimes smelly husks of what remained. I bet no one made poems about cherry blossoms when they were like that.

Then again, that's the always been the problem with romanticism, people only focus on the good and the pretty to an almost idiotic degree, going to great hyperbolic lengths just to describe what were essentially leaves you'd get the next year, barring anything drastic happening. They were just pretty leaves, and yet everyone always wanted to go on yapping about their beauty and symbolism and transience and blah blah blah…

The weather was actually so chilly you could see your breath clearly that day. But none of these things mattered to Haruhi, dressed in an outfit a bit too casual for weather that was hardly getting any warmer yet, something that would have been much better suited for the previous week, like it had been for the fair. She did indeed have a long-sleeved shirt on, though it was still very thin, but the skirt, even if accompanied by long dark socks – are they called socks anymore if they go up past your knees, and especially when they're worn by girls? Don't girls have a completely different vocabulary when it comes to clothing? Not a shirt, but a blouse, that kind of stuff (it all goes over my head) – wasn't enough to stop her from occasionally shivering.

"Seriously," Haruhi said, still frowning as she silently glared at the couple, only a few years older than us, sitting on a nearby bench, tightly wrapped in each other's arms as they kissed passionately.

"I didn't know you had problems with public displays of affection."

"Of course I don't. There's nothing wrong with that. The real problem lies much deeper than that."

"Really?" I asked, actually finding myself a bit interested in what Haruhi thought on the matter.

"Love, it's nothing but this huge distraction. I mean, take a look at all that great figures of history. Practically all of them didn't have any time for it. Most of them only married because it was a power play or to shut people up from bothering them from real work, asking inane questions about their dating lives. Romantic marriages have been around for like… only a hundred years, two hundred tops. If any of the great thinkers and doers of the past had wasted their time satisfying their primal urges like _those_ two," Haruhi gave the kissing couple another swift glare before she continued, "We'd all still be living in caves. I bet the guy who discovered fire only managed to do it because he didn't have a girlfriend slowing him down."

Hmm, you might have a point there. A nerd like him probably wasn't the coolest kid around, giving him plenty of free time, that is, until he went and made a fortune by getting rich on his new and patented discovery. Or then again, the guy was out getting whatever crazy, unnecessary thing his overbearing cave-girlfriend was asking for.

"Who knows, one of them could be the next Einstein, a scientific paradigm shifter, but they're too busy locking lips to try and solve the real mysteries of the universe. Such a waste of potential."

"So is that why you didn't date for long when you were younger? You had better things to do?"

"In a way. At that age, many changes were happening to me, like it happens to all girls."

Eww, I don't need to hear more about that.

"It was my foolish attempt at finding someone interesting, someone special. But I quickly realized it was a colossal waste of time. All those boys were reduced to blathering idiots, all because of _love_. It's like a disease, and luckily I got over it and went to develop a proper cure."

"Cure? What are you talking about?"

"Are you stupid or something?" Haruhi asked agitatedly, giving me an annoyed scowl. "You were right there with me. You gave me the idea in the first place. The SOS Brigade. Well, in a way, I had already been proactively searching by myself, but with the Brigade, things have been going a lot smoother. Now I can focus on what really matters."

"What, like aliens, time travelers and espers?"

"To name a few. I know it seems like they might not exist since we haven't spotted any, but if we just gave up and lived boring, mundane, kiss-filled lives, then we wouldn't achieve anything. At least this way there's a chance for greatness. No one ever got famous for love."

"Well, there's Romeo and Juliet."

"Fictional characters, only adding to the distracting power of love," Haruhi said in a confident, lecturing tone, actually shaking a finger at me dismissively before she continued. "All those sappy books and stories feed on lonely pathetic souls, preying on their low self-esteems. Besides, I wouldn't want to end up like those two lusty teenagers any way; dead because of circumstance and their own idiocy and hormones. _Love_ at first sight… gimme a break. More like lust."

"What about Anthony and Cleopatra?"

"Much like the stories of her beauty, greatly exaggerated I suspect. More like fictional characters after all that romanticizing that's been done to them."

Okay, I give up.

"I mean, it's a horrifyingly selfish concept anyway, love."

Now you lost me.

"All this crap about belonging to someone, about there only being one true love you have to hold on to, a soul mate (and let's not even go to how improbable finding one person in over 7 billion or something people is). I mean, if love is so great and grand, why do people selfishly hold it only for themselves? Why not _share_ the miracle? Don't you think it's wrong to devote yourself solely to one person when there are so many other people out there suffering? Because if you ask me, that's just pure selfishness. The only reason people even search for love is because they're trying to satisfy some need or desire, because they can't handle being alone. They only act kindly towards the other person because that way they get what they want in the end. It's all done in self-interest. Sure, it's not selfish in the way that only one person benefits from it, usually it's the other person as well, but it's always done with your own interests at heart, not really with the others. They say that love is selfless, but that just wouldn't work, people wouldn't be motivated enough if they didn't have a personal stake in it, not to mention that if there's no selfish connection, you're not really attached, and if you aren't fully attached, why would you care?"

Look at her, ranting about selfish behavior. I can't help but smirk a little.

"I'm not sure you really understand what love is…" I carefully interjected.

"Oh yeah?" Haruhi asked, turning her fuming focus towards me in full, giving me the same glare she'd been using on the couple. "Then you explain it to me," she said, crossing her arms in an angry huff.

Me explain love? What's a guy like me supposed to say? It's not like I know anything about love, outside the familial kind at least, and in a way, that's kind of selfish too, isn't it? You only care about people you randomly happened to be born with. It basically happened to everyone, no matter how well or badly their personalities fit. A child loves a parent because, well, who else could they love if not the one who provides them food and shelter? And parents? Well, that's out of my experience to answer.

But that's not really the love she's talking about, is it? No, she's talking about romantic love, all passion and fury, something I know even less about. Other than the few odd crushes over the years, I've never experienced anything like that. And more importantly, they all passed, rather quickly and silently in the end. I know nothing about the love she's talking about, but I don't think she knows much about it either.

So what do I tell her? What's my rebuttal? Do I even really disagree with what she's saying? Let's take a random example that applies here: Leonardo da Vinci is seen as a great man, and I recall hearing somewhere he was mainly celibate no matter what his sexual preferences might have been, saying the act of procreation seemed disgusting to him, which is kind of odd considering how many brilliantly detailed anatomy sketches he made, even on genitalia and astonishingly of a fetus as well. Perhaps that was the reason for it. Maybe because he hadn't been distracted, he was able to objectively focus on his studies. His sketches were a great help to medical practitioners of the past, weren't they? Maybe, I'm not sure. And let's not forget to mention all of his scientific ideas like that crude looking helicopter screw thingy. And naturally all the brilliant art work as well, of course. Duh.

And then there are all sorts of other famous people, both men and women who seemed to only be burdened by marriage with it only adding to their problems, like that famous female poet whose name escapes me since I'm not really interested in literature. Then again, I bet there have been a lot of suffering artists like that. Suffering practically seems to be a requirement in that area of employment.

Hmm… Maybe love just is a distraction. It certainly does feel like a disease, doesn't it? Changes in internal temperature, sweaty palms, closed throats, beating hearts and inability to think straight. Like some rare jungle fever.

And yet, I don't want to say that for some reason. For some reason I want to say it's more, but I don't know why. Weird.

"See? You can't contradict me," Haruhi said, smiling with exceedingly smug triumph.

"You're right, I can't. I haven't experienced something like that, so I can't really say anything specific about it. But I'm not a great man, not someone who will go down in history. Like a vast majority of us I will just pass away having done and said very little of much significance. So instead of _trying_ to achieve glory and fame, perhaps we should just enjoy the gift from the gods. It certainly seems to be a pleasant thing," I said, glancing at the couple still kissing as if they were in parched desert and the only source of water was to be found somewhere hidden in the other person's mouth.

Haruhi gave a low grunt as she crossed her hands, staring darkly ahead. "That's just the type of loser mentality I was talking about. You're even worse than one of those love struck idiots, you're worthless without even having a proper reason like love holding you back."

…Now it's suddenly a proper reason again?

"That – that's not what I meant! You know full well what I meant!"

Yeah, I think I might.

"Idiot…"

We remained quiet after that, standing near the tracks. I took the time to allow Haruhi to cool down. Maybe the chilly weather would help in the process. But now that I think about it, it is rather cold and Haruhi's only wearing something fit for a breezy day in summer. In fact, I could clearly see her shiver occasionally as she stood firmly next to me, arms still crossed tightly.

"It's getting cold. Do you want to borrow my coat?" I asked.

Haruhi gave me a scrutinizing look before she huffed haughtily and turned her head away from me swiftly. "I don't need it."

It only took a minute and a very cold breeze to change her mind and have her 'order' me to give her my coat. At first she nestled her way into it, burying herself deeper into its folds, looking quite content in the new warmth it provided for her, until her head suddenly snapped upwards, a faint look of shocked realization on her face. She quickly shrugged, loosening the coat around her until her shoulders showed once more.

We were silent again after that.

When we eventually got on the train, I led us to a pair of free seats. As I sat down, I politely patted the seat next to me invitingly, but Haruhi decided to remain standing, keeping her eyes locked on a window, emptily staring outside. It felt odd to sit while Haruhi was standing so I stood up as well. Very quickly, the two free spots were taken by other people so we didn't have any other choice but to stand, but it didn't seem to bother Haruhi as she continued wistfully staring out of a window.

As we stood there silently on the rattling train, interspersed by the occasional rough cough that always seems to be present where people gather no matter what season it is, my mind couldn't help but examine the subject of love relative to Haruhi. Quite honestly, it's not something that's been important at all in any way before. Love and Haruhi just didn't mix in my mind, although I suppose there had been an undercurrent dealing with it in my mind for a while, as I found quite a reservoir of questions bubbling forth all of a sudden.

"Why'd you give me those cakes on Valentine's Day any way if you feel like that about love?"

"That…" Haruhi blinked, the sharp focus returning to her eyes as she turned to face me. "It was – don't be a dumbass! It was all in the spirit of the holiday! Even the others gave you ones as well!"

"Pretty much because you made them do it. And then you made sure to label them so that they seemed like friendly things done out of obligation."

"You don't understand at all," Haruhi said with glum irritation, lips clenched ever so slightly.

"You're right, I don't. But like I said before, I don't really know much about love," I said, fairly certain this wound grind her gears in the wrong direction just the right way, if she had even a hint of understanding of subtlety in her.

"What?" Haruhi's head jolted back a bit as her eyes grew bigger, before she gave me an incredulous and frustrated look. "The way you're saying it – it sounds like – like your insinuating that I… what are you, a complete and total moron?"

"Never mind. Like I said, I don't know anything."

"That's right, you don't! You're just trying to get a rise out of me, but I'm not going fall for a trick like that from the likes of you!" Haruhi said as she turned her angry stare towards the outside world rushing past the window, her anger slowly slipping away along with the scenery.

The steady rattling of the train was the only real sound along with that sporadic, annoying cough. Although there was a constant susurrus around us, the train felt disturbingly quiet for me.

"Kyon…" Haruhi eventually said in a hushed voice, her eyes never leaving the window, even for a moment.

"Yeah?" The way Haruhi had spoken my name in such a mysterious manner made me anxious but eager to hear more.

"Do you really… even though you haven't really experienced it…"

"Hm?"

"Do you really hold love in that high a respect?"

I gave this a little thought, giving my chin a contemplative scratch.

"Yeah, I guess so. Having someone you care about and want to spend all your time with… I don't see any problem with that. In fact, it sounds kind of nice really. But then again, what do I know? Wherever divorce is allowed, more than half of marriages end in them. But I've always been of the opinion that they, like most people in modern times, are far too busy rushing into things. If I were to get married, I think I'd take a good long time to get to know the girl before I even asked her on a date. And even then, it'd take a very long time until I started planning anything with her. Because for me, simply spending time with a loved one would be far more important than any sort of title or social status."

"…Nobody asked you about your future marriage plans… idiot," Haruhi said in a quiet voice, adding the last part in a halfhearted manner, almost like out of a sense of duty, perhaps in order to uphold a certain image more than anything else. There was the soft beginning of a glum frown on her face, but it never got the chance to grow fully.

The train screeched to a halt and an inoffensive female voice crackled in through the sound system; we had arrived. The two of us got off the train with a score of others, neither sparing a look at the other as we started heading towards the SOS Brigade's new meeting spot in a new part of town.

As we approached the others, Haruhi shook off my coat from her shoulders and handed it back to me. "Thanks for the coat, you can have it back."

"I don't need it, you keep it for now. You're wearing a lot less than I am, you might catch a cold."

The others were getting close now. I could almost make out their individual features by now.

Haruhi nudged at me with the coat, a sudden urgency creeping into her voice. "Take it! Take it now!"

"Why? Why are you ac-" my words were cut off as Haruhi threw my coat on top of me. When I pulled it off me, Haruhi had raced off, waving her hand energetically at the others.

I put on my jacket, noticing how comfortably warm it felt from leftover body heat after Haruhi's presence in it. There was sweet smell as well, probably from some shampoo or something; maybe she'd recently washed her hair.

After we'd gathered together, the whole of the SOS Brigade, it didn't take long until Haruhi once again ordered me to give her my coat again in the cold weather. I could only smirk as I handed it back to her.


	23. Stupid interruptions

"Interesting," Koizumi said, rubbing his chin, looking up at the sky, where two sparrows were circling about, caught up in a private dance. "...That explains a lot."

No, no it doesn't. Don't you dare go reading too much into that. You're like a gossipy hag the way your mind works sometimes. What happened then, despite the subject we discussed, was not in any way related to what we were up to in the dead of night.

"Then I'm sure you will correct my errors and enlighten me, thus clearing any misconceptions before they have a chance to grow," Koizumi said, a hint of what looked like a smug smile passing on his face.

You really are nothing but a gossip, aren't you? Prying all you can out of me...

"Don't worry, whatever you entrust with us, it will not spread by my lips," Koizumi said, smirking at me widely now in an almost mischievous manner.

Ugh, don't talk about your lips while giving me a look like that, no matter what the context is.

"W-well, our suh-superiors will have to know, of – of course," Asahina-san admitted nervously, looking timidly at me with eyes that said sorry for this break in confidence.

Oh, it's okay, Asahina-san. No doubt that's the least of their invasions of my privacy by now.

"Yes, I suppose so..." Koizumi said, leaning back, continuing to inspect me like an odd looking piece of produce offered for consumption. "Well, I think we should advance to the next part in this little saga, the real mystery."

"I'm not sure if I should... You'll probably misinterpret it as well."

"Not unless it is somehow more suggestive than your light conversation about the nature of love, and if it is true that there is nothing whatsoever going on between the two of you, it shouldn't be possible to read too much into it."

Why couldn't Haruhi have found someone less logical and attentive to my words than Koizumi? It's really hard trying to argue against him when he's like that.

"Okay... you see –"

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Tsuruya-san interrupted me as she came skipping over. "Saw you guys here and just couldn't resist finding out what's going on. I see The Grand Commander isn't here... planning a surprise party or something, are we?" She supplied as an excuse for her intrusion as she sat down in a free spot between Asahina-san and Koizumi.

"N-no, nothing like that," Asahina-san said, blushing slightly as she waved her hands dismissively.

"Then what? Seems kind of _clandestine_ if you ask me," Tsuruya-san said, glancing suspiciously at all of us, but wearing a wide smirk through the motion.

"If you wouldn't mind, Tsuruya-san, we are in the midst of discussing something of a rather delicate nature," Koizumi said, trying to politely shoo her away.

"Really? Like what?" Tsuruya-san asked eagerly, leaning forward to hear more.

I sighed. This was going to be a long, long, loooong day, wasn't it? And all I wanted was to go home and nap until evening so I'd have the energy for a proper night's sle- oh, wait, damn, not going to happen. Haruhi still wants to continue tonight. Sleep is a distant dream.

"C'mon, tell me already!" Tsuruya-san said impatiently, looking for the weakling in our group, the sick gazelle that would spill its beans.

Her searching eyes settled on me, probably because I was still incredibly tired and yawning widely, the obvious chink in the chain of fully awake people.

"What's going on, Kyon-kun?"

"Nothing."

"Wow, you are a really hopeless liar... Hmmm... something delicate to discuss, excluding Haruhi-chan like this and something Kyon-kun feels compelled to lie about, looking like a zombie... Huhuhuhuuu... I think I can guess where we're doing here," Tsuruya-san said slyly, smirking like a fox.

Ugh, not you too as well. Is there no respect for my privacy at all?

Tsuruya-san was now predatorily scanning the others, her smirk growing wider every second. "Hohohohooo..."

Asahina-san was staring intently at the table, nibbling on her lower lip. Koizumi had a slightly annoyed look on his face, for him that is. His face was fairly neutral, but his eyes were squinting a little reproachfully. Nagato was still staring at me, completely unmindful to Tsuruya-san's glances.

"Yes, we are here to discuss what exactly it is that has been keeping Kyon here awake through the past nights... along with Suzumiya-san," Koizumi said, foolishly thinking something like a small revelation like that would satisfy someone like Tsuruya-san instead of merely teasing her some more.

"Oooh... tell me more! But I have to say, it's about time you two got to business. _Way_ too much UST between the two of you," Tsuruya-san said, still smirking like a fox in a henhouse.

"What are you _talking_ about?" I asked darkly. I especially didn't like the sound of this UST, whatever it was.

Tsuruya-san blinked a couple of times like a fresh babe seeing sunlight for the first time. "Uh… nothing, I guess then…" she said, practically stunned by the sound of my voice and the look I was giving her.

"Tsuruya-san, we would be greatly in your debt if you excused yourself and afforded us the time to finish our conversation in private. It took us a great deal of effort to make him open up as much as he did, and I'm afraid your presence might once again shut him up as tightly as a clam," Koizumi said, using a tone like you would use to answer a teacher's question, but it was still fairly obvious how eager he was to get rid of Tsuruya-san.

"Oh, sorry," Tsuruya-san said sheepishly, knocking on her head with a fist lightly, poking her tongue out playfully. She then turned to Asahina-san and whispered something in her ear. All of Asahina-san's blood seemed to go to her face. Tsuruya-san just winked and tapped her on the shoulder as she stood up to leave. "You guys go right ahead. If it's something important, I'm sure I'll find out eventually. Besides, usually the magic is better without knowing what's really going on."

Don't call it magic. Careless talk like that is exactly why I'm in this situation, being drilled about issues that don't even exist.

But before Tsuruya-san left, she leaned in towards me, holding a hand to my ear, as if to whisper something discreetly into it, but she failed to lower her volume as she delivered her taunt, snickering in between words as she struggled to maintain a serious tone. "Haruhi and Kyon... Perhaps located in a tree? Performing the unmentionable; what can only be spelled out in a song with an annoying melody?"

Stop adding _fuel_ to the fire!

"And just in case you're missing my point, lemme do the actual spelling! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Stop _that_!

Tsuruya-san snickered profusely, trying to hide her mouth behind her hand as she ran off.

"Ah... I-I'm s-sorry about Tsuruya-san, she doesn't u-usually act so inconsiderately," Asahina-san hurriedly said, blushing with embarrassment, "It's just that when she gets a bit bored, she tends to... to tease a little."

She must be _really_ bored then. And if that's the case, she should take my place as Haruhi's slave during the nights. I'm sure those two neurotic bouncing balls of unrelenting energy would work better together than we did.

"Speaking of these nights," Koizumi said, returning his sharp, collected gaze to me now that the distraction known as Tsuruya-san was gone. "I think we should cut right down to the chase and find out what it is the two of you have been up to."

"C'mon! It's nothing. Don't you believe me?"

"Your insistence to not divulge any information on what should be an issue of no difference makes it hard to believe it as such. Surely I don't need to remind you of how important developments with Suzumiya-san are to all of us, even if they aren't great earth shattering romantic subplots."

Seriously, stop the use of logic. I can't fight against it when something in my crazy life with Haruhi makes so much sense.

"Fine, I'll get to it, but first, I think we should go back to our outing."

"Why?" Asahina-san asked.

"Well, it all _really_ started back then, despite what some of you might think about that earlier incident between us."

"Really? I don't remember anything out of the ordinary happening that time. We were all there together, for once going on a search as a full group," Koizumi said, brows slightly furrowed as he tried to remember the day.

"Yeah, well, stuff seemed to have happened under your noses then." Some observers...

"Well, in that case, please carry on. I suppose we'll have to wait some more until our curiosities are fully quenched, but it will be worth it to understand the situation fully."

Right, here goes...

We were marching down some lane, Haruhi in the lead, still wearing my jacket, dragging an unresisting Asahina-san behind her, Nagato close behind them, with Koizumi and me bringing up the rear. Many expensive looking shops lined the street. It was a different type of scenery to our usual outings, where grocery and appliance stores were more common.

"Unholy horns of Zuul! Look at the size of that shiny piece of carbon!" Haruhi shouted out, as she rushed to a window with nothing but a necklace with a very large diamond in it, pushing against the window, her warm breath condensing on the glass, until she wiped it away hastily as to have a clear and unobstructed view. "Can you believe the price people attach to a piece of rock just because it looks pretty? It could have been dinosaur poop for all we know. That thing could be put to use as several high-precision cutting tools in various fields, but here it is just sitting... looking shiny... I _want_ one."

I glanced at Koizumi, who shrugged.

"I doubt she would actually receive one, at least not in a way that would conflict with her expectations on how reality operated... although there might be ways the gem were to arrive in her hands in a believable manner for her," he said to me in a hushed voice.

Let's hope nothing like that happens. No doubt the police would become involved if something like that happened and there wouldn't be any explanation good enough to escape a one-way trip to the jailhouse. A criminal record was the last thing I wanted.

"I wonder how big the original piece was before they cut it... I think I heard somewhere that diamonds lose more than half of their size when cut, the stuff left behind being cut into even smaller pieces for more selling until nothing but dust remains and I have no idea what they do with that..."

I once again glanced at Koizumi.

"I'm afraid I'm not well acquainted enough with jewelry production and sales to answer," Koizumi answered the question I hadn't needed to ask of him, smiling politely enough as he gave a little shrug.

"It... it _is_ quite nice looking, isn't it?" Asahina-san asked, looking around her at all of us from next to Haruhi where she had been pulled, shyly looking for confirmation.

Yeah, it's pretty mesmerizing I'll admit, the way it glitters in the light, reflecting a rainbow-like glow at the corners like a prism.

"I wish I had something nice like it, but it's forbidden..." Asahina-san said glumly, giving the necklace a sad look.

"Huh? Why?" Haruhi asked, turning her full attention towards Asahina-san next to her, curiously blinking a couple of times.

"Eh?" The flustered Asahina-san squeaked, turning red like a tomato almost instantly, shaking like a leaf in a storm. "Eh – uhm – t-that is – what I-I meant was – iiiihh..."

"C'mon, spill it. What do you mean it's 'forbidden'?" Haruhi was giving the poor girl a menacing and leery glare as she closed in on Asahina-san, making the shy girl shrink back in quivering fear.

It seemed that Asahina-san had let something confidential slip, probably relating to her role as a time traveler. Trying to come up with something to help her out of trouble like this all of a sudden proved to be too difficult for me, no matter how desperately I strained my mind.

Koizumi made a little cough to catch Haruhi's attention and jumped into action, apparently possessing a mind far faster on the uptake than mine. "Perhaps vanity items of any sort aren't appreciated in the Asahina household," he said, glancing at Asahina-san from the corners of his eyes.

"Ah – uhm – ye-yes... that's – that is correct," Asahina-san said hastily.

"Well, that's only reasonable in principal, but I don't think you should actually go as far as forbidding it. If anything, making something taboo only makes people crave it more!"

For you, nothing could probably be closer to the truth, seeing how you're always doing things you shouldn't. It really boggles the mind how astute you can be about other people but fail so horribly when you should give your own acts some scrutiny.

"Whatever. C'mon, we've spent enough time on material things. Let's move on to material that serves as fuel," Haruhi said, detaching herself from the window and continuing her march down the street, everyone setting off to follow the leader for lack of anything sensible to do.

"She's talking about food, of course," Koizumi answered my glance at him before he added, smirking at me, "You might as well pull out your wallet already."

Sigh...

"Could you lend me some money? Shouldn't you have a ton of money when working for the Organization? All in all, it's the least you could do."

"Hmm... I suppose I could help you this once," Koizumi said as he gave me a careful peek from the corners of his eyes, before pulling out his wallet that was practically bursting with bills and various plastic cards.

"Whoa," was all I could say.

"As you implied, I am very well financed to work with Suzumiya-san," Koizumi said, pulling out a bunch of bills and handing them to me like little worthless scraps of paper, which they kind of were really, though it's hard to admit when you yourself have so little of those worthless scraps.

"Maybe you should just give _me_ all that money, seeing as it's always me who has to spend money on Haruhi," I said with sly hopefulness, tempered by a hint of resentment.

"I'm sorry, but for some reason I feel rather dubious about handing you copious amounts of money to use at your own discretion."

"_You_ don't trust _me_?"

"I don't trust anyone with superfluous amounts of money."

"What about yourself?"

Koizumi smirked broadly. "I see you haven't noticed my new shoes," he said, pointing at his shoes that did indeed shine with a fresh gleam. I'd just assumed that Koizumi was the type of guy to make sure his shoes shined all the time. It was just a presumption, which was a bit silly just for that fact alone, but it had just somehow fit so very well, like the final corner piece to a puzzle.

"Really? No way. I would never have taken you as someone to splurge with money."

"I'd hardly call upgrading shoe ware that is well past its intended use as 'splurging'. Besides, I think I've been very resistant to temptation."

"How so?" I placed my hands in my pockets, my eyes following the flitter of skirts around slender legs in a slight spring breeze trailing in front of us, Koizumi's words passing through my ears, some of it managing to stick to my mind while most of it was turned away, focused on the finer things in life. Ah, spring weather.

"I've been careful not to enter any bookstores for a start."

"What? Afraid you'd go crazy and buy the place empty of all philosophy and science books?"

"Possibly. In fact, I've been careful to avoid shopping districts like this for a while now," Koizumi said as he gestured at all the expensive looking shops surrounding us. "I almost feel like I posses the Ring of Gyges."

"Never would have taken you for a guy into jewelry… Well, not _really_."

Koizumi chuckled lightly at this, as if I'd made a good joke. "Some day I really must lend you one of my books," he muttered, more to himself then me. "Poor Plato… how little people know of you."

"Hey, Mikuru-chan, how do you feel about that ice cream parlor? I mean, all of a sudden, it's actually quite warm, so warm I could use something to cool me down. Maybe it's all this walking about or something. How about you?" Haruhi asked loud enough for even me to hear from the short distance that had sprung up between us guys and the girls as they'd hurried forward. She was now pointing at a restaurant with tables out in front of it.

I groaned. It looked gratuitously expensive.

"Uhm... I wouldn't mind getting something to drink, if that's all right," Asahina-san said timidly.

"Kyon!" Haruhi hollered.

Yep, here it comes. Good thing I was able to get some cash out of Koizumi.

"Dig deep! I wanna try that huge banana split combo! Wanna share?"

What? Share?

But I quickly noticed that the question had been aimed at Asahina-san, at whom Haruhi was now beaming widely.

"You can try some too, Yuki!" Haruhi said excitedly.

Nagato merely gave a little nod.

Phew, for a second there, the image of me and Haruhi sharing a dessert had made my heart stop. My mind had even gone to such sadistic lengths as providing the scene with a beautiful dusk setting with golden and crimson rays of a setting sun bathing us in a warm glow and making sure there was only one spoon between the two of us.

I really have an over imaginative mind, don't I? I wish I hadn't. I feel like such visions might be the end of me some day when my poor ticker really can't take the shock of my mind's theatre's stupid images.

"C'mon, hurry up!" Haruhi shouted as she pulled Asahina-san behind her like a doll towards the nearest table.

"I too could use some refreshments, as the day appears to have unexpectedly gotten warmer," Koizumi said as he pulled off his jacket and folded it over his arm as he strode after the girls.

Right, whatever. As if it really matters what the rest of us really want...

So we all gathered around a round table. If you were curious, this was the seating arrangement: me, Nagato to my left, Haruhi next to her, then Asahina-san and Koizumi on my right.

We didn't have to wait long until a fresh looking girl, not much older than us, came over in an apron to take our orders. Haruhi went ahead and ordered an assortment of desserts, only giving the rest of us time to place an order for a drink or something, as she intended for all of us to sample the desserts together.

The wait for our snacks didn't take long and was filled with pointless small talk. But as soon as the desserts arrived, Haruhi grabbed a big spoon and dug in like a gold digger into an ice cream mountain of gold.

The rest of us went ahead and tried out some of the others along with Haruhi, minutes passing away idly as we simply enjoyed all the extravagant flavors.

A leg brushed against mine under the table after a while though. At first I thought it had been nothing more but a careless movement by someone, but then it returned again, and again and yet again. Was it Asahina-san's?

Gulp. What if it really _was_ Asahina-san, discovering a more adventurous side to her? Gulp.

_A guy could only hope._

I gave the cute girl a look, but she was too busy with her own treat to notice my questioning gaze. And as far as I could tell, there wasn't any extraneous movements on her part going on, judging by the half of her that was visible above the table.

My eyes roamed around, and to my shock, discovered Haruhi gently rocking to the same rhythm as the leg that was rubbing against mine.

"Wait, excuse me," Koizumi said, interrupting my recap of Monday's events like a brick wall that of a speeding car's journey. "Suzumiya-san was... 'playing footsies' with you, as the vernacular would have it?"

'Playing footsies'? Just what century's _vernacular_ are you using? You really shouldn't use too much of your free time to _peruse_ the dictionary, you know.

"Was she, or was she not, engaging in a rather intimate act of physical social interaction?" Koizumi asked, sounding more like his usual self again, but still being far too serious about something he had just moments ago called 'playing footsies'.

"Is this level of physical contact with limbs not typically associated with physical interaction, such as hands, the more common utilized appendages in cases of social introductions, deemed as being significantly more intimate?" Nagato asked Koizumi in that signature monotone of hers, finally speaking out.

"Yes, much more," Koizumi said, giving Nagato a quick, curious glance. Nagato wasn't one to ask many questions. She usually had all the answers.

Nagato nodded curtly, before she returned her steely focus back to me.

"Look, you're once again reading _waaayy_ too much into this!" I insisted, aiming to stop anything stupid from developing.

"Really?" Koizumi asked, carefully raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! It was all quite innocent in fact."

"How so?" asked Koizumi, with the patience of a mountain.

"She... she wasn't like... well, she wasn't rubbing it affectionately or anything. I don't think she even noticed she was doing it."

"Really?" Koizumi actually sounded incredulous this time.

"Yeah! It was more like – like she was just tapping her foot and mine just got in the way. It was very rhythmic. I think she was just enjoying her ice cream so much, that her foot started wagging, like a happy dog's tail or something. I mean, she kept her eyes focused on that ridiculously overblown ice cream dish the whole time, unless she was putting some of it in either Asahina-san's or Nagato's mouth. Even when she talked along with the general conversations, she still kept her eyes peeled on those bananas. Heck, she was even humming to herself most of the time!"

"Very well. I suppose it isn't that difficult to swallow that someone as full of energy as Suzumiya-san would have mannerisms like that –"

I strongly nodded my head, glad this idiot was finally starting to see things my way.

"—but I find your response to this far more perplexing. Obviously, you did not tell her to stop it, as we would have noticed this, but apparently you allowed Suzumiya-san to rub her foot against your leg for so long that you actually picked up on a rhythm to it."

Wait. Just what are you insinuating here? It better not be anything more stupid than usual.

"My next question is: why did you allow this to go on? Did you in some manner enjoy the physical contact between the two of you?"

I knew it! It _was_ something completely idiotic!

"What are you, crazy? Of course not! It would just have felt really, really awkward to, as everyone is talking about something trivial, to suddenly go and say, 'Hey, Haruhi, could you kindly stop rubbing my leg, okay?' especially when she didn't even notice it herself. I mean, can you imagine the outrage something like that might have caused in her?"

"I suppose..." Koizumi muttered musingly, though not sounding thoroughly convinced.

"And why does it even matter what I think or feel about any of this? Haruhi's the one you should be concerned with! It's her mental states that seem to be messing things about usually."

"But... but Kyon-kun... if – if there's something between the t-two of you then... you're just as important," Asahina-san said meekly, avoiding my eyes as she said this.

Sorry? I don't understand. How?

"To use an old adage, it takes two to tango," Koizumi said, slowly drumming his fingers against the table. "A relationship of any kind is not solely dependent on one party's thoughts and emotions. There's always a connection that works both ways. What affects one, affects the other. And if there is a romantic link, or intention for it on one side, one's thoughts will greatly depend on how the other responds to their acts. For example, wouldn't you be more willing to try and ask a girl on a date if you already knew she would accept, that she felt fondly towards you? This is sort of what I mean is happening between you two. Haruhi's actions, thoughts and feelings will greatly depend on your responses to her."

"There's nothing romantic going on between us! How many times do I have to say it?" I was starting to get really frustrated by now.

"I was not saying that there was, just making use of an analogy. This correspondence applies to _all_ forms of relationships. Knowing what you feel, think and do will help us in analyzing the same for Suzumiya-san... but I must say, your urgency to deny a romantic relationship only makes it seem more likely."

_Pleeeaaase_... will you just stop with that already and let me go home and sleep? Besides, what else am I supposed to do but deny the existence of something that doesn't exist?

"I don't know about the other two, but I certainly will take your word for why you allowed the foot rubbing."

I quickly glanced at the two other girls. Asahina-san seemed to be trying to look at everything else but me in the world, eyes shifting about nervously while her lips wiggled about in a similar manner. Nagato was staring at me with such an intensely cool stare for her that it felt like she was seeing through me into the core of my very being.

"Besides, I think it's rather unlikely Suzumiya-san would be the one to explicitly initiate anything between the two of you, no matter how she might feel. No, I think it would most likely require a move on your part if anything were to fundamentally change between the two of you... So as you can see, you're actions weigh very heavily in all of this," Koizumi continued, casually crossing one leg over the other, "Any way, let's move on, shall we? We've had a bit too much conjecture. Was that all that we should know of that day's events, or should we progress to the nights? I feel you haven't quite finished telling us everything about that outing, as I believe you alluded to your nightly jaunts somehow starting because of something that occurred during the day."

Yeah, there was still more to tell, but maybe it would be best to just skip ahead to the part everyone seems so eager to hear. Nothing monumental really happened in between. I think everyone was around me and Haruhi anyway at those times in any case without anything suspicious happening under their noses. Now that I think about, why had I seen fit to start my story from the very beginning, allowing a chance for the foot rubbing incident to be misinterpreted, since after all, it didn't have anything to do with anything? I guess I'm just a bit drowsy from all this action in the night with Haruhi.

"Okay, I'll just skip ahead to the part that's relevant really."

"I wonder why you didn't do that from the very beginning, instead practically regaling us with your little moments with Suzumiya-san," Koizumi said, once again adopting that teasing looking grin.

I will punch you if you don't stop this teasing soon. You guys were the ones who wanted to hear how we waited for the train, although I'd said it wasn't important. But then I had told them about the 'footsies'... Sigh. Okay, my bad. Maybe I'm just telling all of this in a way the leads itself to misinterpretation. I have to try and remain objective about all of this, unlike usually, with all my personal views getting in the way, coloring the happenings around me.

"All right... let's see... well, it was around the time we were all setting out to leave for home when –"

"Hey! Kyon! What's this I heard…? You and Suzumiya?" Taniguchi shouted out from across the yard, as he approached, striding forth with a hungry smirk. "So, it finally happened. Good for you, Kyon. I was starting to wonder if you were even into girls at all, having not made single move with a clubroom full of high-ranking beauties. Sure, personality-wise maybe not the best of the best, but otherwise –" Taniguchi decided to end his sentence with the ever refined wolf holler as he reached us. "I knew it was just a matter of time until the two of you got down to business." He winked and made that 'pointing guns at you'-move that said, 'way to go!' far too loudly.

Just what kind of image do I have? And with Haruhi no less.

Groan...

Koizumi gave a little tired sounding sigh and raised his hands a bit in a shrug as a sign of surrender, shaking his head slowly, a defeated but also slightly amused smile gracing his face. Asahina-san stared at Taniguchi with a surprisingly annoyed look, all the previous tension in her body being focused into the disappointment she was channeling at Taniguchi. She sort of reminded me of her future self in some weird way (well, not so weird if you think about it). Nagato had also shifted her eyes to Taniguchi and was giving him a stare that went beyond subzero in coldness, like anti-heat or something.

"Uhmm..." Taniguchi pulled on his tie, giving a little gulp as he took a careful step backwards from the relatively hostile stares of the girls. "I'll – uh – talk to you later. You seem to be preoccupied..." He then quickly ran off from the unfriendly stares from the girls. "Seeya!" he quickly hollered as he disappeared back inside the school.

"Please continue, Kyon-kun," Asahina-san said with a surprisingly commanding tone, as she turned to look at me intently. It was weird, seeing such a serious look on her cute little face, especially considering how light-hearted our topic really was, or should be considering what it was really all about. It really was almost like Asahina-san (big) was inside Asahina-san (small), and, well, in a very real sense, she was.

"Ohmm, okay, where was I...?"

"You were about to tell us what happened that led to your nightly meets with Suzumiya-san," Asahina-san said sternly, apparently having had more than enough of distractions, as she looked at me with such a serious look on her cute face.

"Well, you see, as we were waiting for the train back..."


	24. A damn fine elephant

The SOS-Brigade was gathered at the train station from where we'd head back home. The day had been long and taxing on everyone. It had been a lot of fun, I'll reluctantly admit. We'd done fun and stupid things, like harassed some old merchants, ran from security personnel for raising a ruckus about criminal prices, tried to fight them off with mannequin legs, before we had hid within a big park. By 'we' of course, I mean mostly Haruhi, as she was always leading us into trouble and sparking it (she for instance took the full blame for the misuse of the mannequin leg, and by misuse, I mean mostly managing to only hit me with it, even if it was by accident).

The rest of us were only involved as much as the innocent bystanders who had been splashed with puddle-water by the hot dog cart we'd scrambled onto as we rode it down a hill to escape our pursuers. We didn't actually steal the thing of course, merely using it to escape, and leaving the hot dogs as they were after the cart slowed down and we ran for our lives. But all of that and all the other silly stuff really weren't important, so I'm skipping ahead.

"Phew, this was awesome... we should go out en masse more often," Haruhi said to me, smiling broadly, as we stood apart from the others who were sitting on a bench, fatigued beyond casual conversation. Koizumi and Asahina-san both looked ragged and more than ready for sleep, while Nagato was making her way through a newspaper she'd found.

"Yeah, it was, I guess," I said, giving my forehead a tired rub. I hope we're not going to get into trouble for this afterwards.

"You _guess_? C'mon, admit it, that was great!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"And better yet, as we did it in a new place, no one even knew who we were. We really should do this again, but in a different place again."

Looks like you've completely forgotten the point of this exercise, to search for oddities, but that's fine with me. I quite enjoy doing normal things with you, well, relatively normal.

Haruhi thoughtfully gazed at me for a surprisingly long time, only turning away casually when I summoned the strength to look her directly back in the eyes. She continued her pensive looking at the others, giving her chin a little rub. "Hmm... they look so tired..."

"Yeah, you're right," I said, glancing at them, feeling just as tired as they looked.

"Kyon... do you think I worked them a bit too hard...?"

What, is this... empathy from our overbearing tyrant leader?

"Maybe we should... I dunno... do something for them."

That sure sounds nice and all, and very fair, but what about me? I'm just as tired as they are, and I can't help but notice I'm not one of the people being pitied here. If you want to relieve people, go right ahead. I think I'd like it very much if you pampered the Brigade a little, once in a while.

"That's it! We need to have something to... commemorate everything we've been through together for more than a year!"

An anniversary party...? How... mundane of you.

"No, nothing like that! It's not even any sort of anniversary as far as I can tell. No, the SOS Brigade's success isn't measured in time, but by actual accomplishments. We need something big..." Haruhi's voice trailed off as she started reflecting on her words, her tongue rolling around in her mouth as she thought, making little bulges on her cheeks occasionally.

I settled against a pillar we had been standing next to, placing my hands in my pockets as I watched the girl think. But before anything came of her brainstorming, the last train of the evening arrived, just as the sun set behind a little mountain, plunging us into gloomy darkness after the dazzling day's events.

All of us got on the train, the three others sitting together while Haruhi once again decided to just stand and stare emptily out the window. For some reason, I had a hard time deciding if I should sit as well or stand. The train was practically empty except for us, so there was no issue of taking away space from others.

Am I really so polite that I can't stand if there's a girl standing...? No, that doesn't seem right. Why would I care, to be perfectly honest?

Hmm...

Maybe it's because I'm actually curious about what she's planning, most of all why. Why does Haruhi feel like she needs to reward the others? Does she really feel guilty for running them ragged? Sounds impossible, to be perfectly honest... well, maybe that's going a bit too far. She does care about us, right? She's come out of her shell and values the Brigade, so maybe improbable would be better than outright impossible. But most importantly, why am _I_ going to have to help her with this?

But even though I stood readily next to her, Haruhi didn't say a word.

When we arrived at our home station, our tired troupe filed out quietly to say our goodbyes. The cute Asahina-san couldn't manage to say anything without yawning, no matter how many times she tried to speak properly. Koizumi too looked drained, unable to maintain his usual perfect posture, listing a little, although he still maintained his pretty smile throughout the farewells. Nagato simply nodded as always, looking just as impassive as on any given moment.

"See you guys tomorrow! We're going home now! We live in the same direction from here, after all!" Haruhi shouted, providing a slightly weird amount of exposition for the others as she started off in the opposite direction to the others.

She'd already marched a fair distance before she turned around to frown at me. "Hey, what's taking you so long? Come on!" she hissed at me, holding a half-closed hand in front of her mouth as a funnel for her words.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, not caring if anyone heard me question Haruhi. The others were a good distance off anyway, so it didn't really matter unless we started shouting.

"What's wrong with you?" Haruhi hissed from a distance in the increasing darkness.

What's wrong with _me_?

"Don't you remember what I just told you? We need to come up with something to do for the others!"

_Seriously?_

"Get your ass over here before I come over there and _kick_ it here!" Haruhi continued her whispered hissing for some reason that completely escaped me.

Not wanting to get beaten by a girl, which probably wasn't too unlikely with the likes of Haruhi, I strode over to her, hands still in my pockets.

"Good, let's go," Haruhi said as I got next to her and she continued her march. I silently followed her, very curious indeed, but so intimidated by the mad gleam in her eyes that I didn't dare press her for more explanations.

As I wondered where exactly Haruhi was leading me, she stopped at a crossroads. She stood there, with her weight shifted to one leg as she cradled one of her elbows with her other hand, providing support for the hand that was reaching up to cusp her chin. After what seemed like the longest minute in my life she turned around and asked quite levelly, "My place or yours?"

"_Huh?_" Asahina-san went, looking like I'd just asked her that question in the present.

What was _that_?

"Eh… oh, ah, nothing…" she muttered, glancing away.

"So Suzumiya-san simply wanted to do nothing more than to come up with a prize or something for us?" Koizumi asked with a face that looked uncertain of what emotion to display.

Yep, that's about it. Told you it was nothing special.

"Hmm... I'm not sure why exactly, but I feel slightly disappointed by your anecdotal tale..." Koizumi said, resting his cheek against a supporting hand on the table, giving the surface a slight drumming with his other hand's fingers, while he gazed at me thoughtfully.

While Koizumi actually did look a little disappointed, the two girls were another story altogether. Asahina-san looked extremely relieved. She had actually sighed as if a great weight was gone from her chest when she had heard why Haruhi wanted me along with her, although a slightly worried look had come across from her as she'd heard how Haruhi had asked me whose house we should go to. Even so, she didn't appear to be anywhere near as anxious as she had been earlier.

"So... that was all it was in the end, was it? Suzumiya-san simply wanted to reward us," Asahina-san said, smiling hopefully.

I glanced at Nagato who was still staring at me just as intently as she had been from the very beginning. Her unblinking stare was really starting to get to me. I felt like an egg being boiled by a laser. Maybe I was imagining it, but the way her head was lowered ever so slightly, gave her an almost... angry look. But that was just because of the angle, naturally. Nothing more.

…

Yeah, definitely the angle.

"Hmmm... you wouldn't be lying to us, would you?" Koizumi asked, straightening up to ask me with a stony face.

"Wha-what?" both Asahina-san and I stammered in unison, both bemused by the pure insanity of such an audacious question from Koizumi.

"Why would I do something like that?" I asked angrily.

"There are many possible reasons," Koizumi answered, totally unperturbed.

"Like _what_?"

"You could be embarrassed, or simply unwilling to share private details."

"And you think I'd be ready to lie about it?"

"I certainly wouldn't put it past you. You're quite resourceful when you put your mind to it."

I'm also drowsy and cranky at the moment like Haruhi, so I really don't have enough focus or energy to construct elaborate lies either. Not only is there an increasing lack of energy, but patience as well. I'm really starting to get sick and tired of all these underhanded things you're suggesting I'm guilty of, lying actually being the least offensive of them.

"My apologies. You're right, I have overstepped my bounds. Please, continue. No matter what the motives, something important could still be gleamed from all of this. Suzumiya-san does not often... seek the sole companionship of anyone."

"_Hmm..._" I mumbled, too tired to point out again how Koizumi felt to me as if still insinuating something more meaningful. I just wanted to get out of this as fast as possible, so I'd just have to show that nothing exceptionally weird was going on. "Right, where was I...?"

I carefully looked around me, but no abrupt interruption was forthcoming this time. The four of us were completely alone in the yard. I couldn't even spot a single silhouette in the windows of the school.

Sigh... and this was actually when I would have welcomed some sort of final distraction. I could probably have used the continuous interruptions as an excuse to not bother with this, but the magical third time seemed to be missing.

"Kyon-kun...?" Asahina-san asked carefully, looking like she was inspecting a fallen kitten as she cocked her head my way.

"Sorry, was waiting for divine intervention or something..."

Hell, I'd even be happy if Haruhi showed up. At least she'd certainly shut these guys up. I doubt any of them would have the guts to keep asking about our nights together if Haruhi were here...

"Anyway..."

"Yes?" Koizumi asked with patient expectation.

"...Do I really have to?" I asked dismally, realizing I'd have to do something myself if I wanted out of this. Koizumi's usually fairly understanding, Asahina-san is such a good person she wouldn't let a mosquito get uncomfortable and although Nagato is a bigger glutton for information than she is for food despite her nice slim figure, she has enough respect for me not to press any issues, not that she'd really care anyway.

"I would greatly appreciate it if you gave this all one last push," Koizumi said, sitting up perfectly straight in attention like he was attending a class right at the front with a strict teacher.

"Yes, Kyon-kun, please. It could be vital!" Asahina-san said eagerly, clapping her hands together as if in prayer as her eyes glimmered in a begging manner.

"Continued elaboration is desirable," Nagato intoned, still staring at me like a statue of an extremely restrained fuming philosopher at one of the world's great unanswerable questions.

Sigh...

No rest for the... no, not wicked, just the weary old me (I haven't done anything wicked after all, despite what some people might think). How many hours of sleep did I even get? Two? Three? And the previous nights hadn't seen much more sleep either...

If I'm not careful with what I'm about to tell, if I'm not fully awake, these guys are just going to get the wrong idea completely. So focus! Push through the haze! Ignore Koizumi's annoying, overly polite tone!

"So, we ended up going to my place... because the rest of my family was away... because we'd be completely alone together..."

Both Koizumi's and Asahina-san's eyes grew wider, and their mouths parted to gape slightly, a little shocked gasp escaping from Asahina-san, and even Nagato finally blinked. Nagato then slowly shifted her dark eyes and glanced at her surprised compatriot interrogators.

"This is significant, is it not?" Nagato asked the others, giving special focus to their surprised faces.

"I would very well say so," Koizumi said dynamically, regaining full control over his face, as he stared at me with newfound interest.

"Su-Su-Su-Suzumiya-san wanted to b-be _alone_ with you?" Asahina-san stuttered worse than a prototype engine, holding her hands together tightly in front of her mouth, looking frightened like there was a giant bear approaching her.

Sigh... I knew it. Such a hyperbolic bunch. Always the end of the world or something with them. Just because a guy and a girl get together at night away from prying eyes, doesn't mean... Ah, who am I kidding? Given an explanation like that, even I'd suspect something dirty. So I guess I have no choice now but to tell everything to avoid confusion.

"_As I was saying..._"

Haruhi and I were heading to my house, walking side by side down the dark streets leading to my neighborhood. We were completely alone; no late joggers, no dog owners accompanying their pets or even the shifty looking guy in a trench coat one might expect waiting around a corner to conduct whatever business only a late hour could allow. It seemed the rest of the world was essentially all in bed. There were hardly any lights on in the buildings, only a few yellow squares in the darkness. It was only by the pale light of street lamps that we could really make our way.

"Why do we need to be alone?" I asked irritably, hands so deep in my pockets I thought I could actually hear seams breaking.

"We need privacy," Haruhi said strictly, frowning likewise with annoyance at my question, which she probably saw as being exceedingly stupid.

"But why?"

"We need to work undisturbed!" Haruhi lectured me loudly, closing her eyes momentarily as she explained, like she was either too tired to give me much attention or possibly even holding back a proper angry outburst.

"But... why?"

"Geez, haven't you ever done anything creative in your whole life?" she turned her head to give me impatient glare. "Discoveries and great ideas aren't all the products of sudden Eureka!-moments in a bathtub. Most things like that are results of long, careful processes. We require, as Virginia Woolf would have put it, a room of our own!"

"But-"

"If you say 'but' one more time, I'll kick _your_ butt to Pluto and back, until it's redder than a baboon's!"

Ha-ha, very clever, practically a pun. I've never heard this level of wittiness from the likes of my little sister for example, although you did take the thing to an unprecedented and even more unnecessary length with the astral bodies and animal anatomy. Totally uncalled for.

"And the word 'why' is also off-limits as of this moment! That isn't important, it's the what and how we're after!"

"Bu-AUH!" I shouted as Haruhi went ahead and actually side kicked me in the butt. I think my heels really did leave the ground for a moment.

"I warned you, idiot!" Haruhi shouted loudly, but not angrily.

"Damn it! You don't have to actually kick me!"

"So you weren't going to say 'but' followed by an anemic 'why'?" A slender, but dubious eyebrow was raised on a pretty face.

...No, I was actually going to say, 'bountiful luck!', because there is _nothing_ better I could have thought of than spending my Sunday evening on before school started again.

"Yeah, _right_." Haruhi rolled her eyes as she started walking again. "C'mon, we don't have all night."

Hmm, it's already rather late. We can't possibly get much done before she goes back home to sle... wait, she _is_ going back home to sleep, right? Right?

Haruhi was already a fair distance off, striding confidently towards her new goal. I hurried after her, gritting my teeth a little in pain, as one of my still sore buttocks was stretched beyond its comfort zone.

"Haruhi..." I made a show of glancing at my watch, hoping I could maneuver Haruhi into giving up on her late night plans with me. "It's getting really late, you know. I'm not sure we can get much done... how 'bout we re-"

"No," Haruhi interrupted me without a glance my way as she continued her march.

"B-" I quickly clamped my mouth shut, just and just avoiding another ass kicking as Haruhi shot a dirty sideways glare at me.

"We're gonna do this and we're gonna do this right," Haruhi said determinedly, lips starting to tighten a little with annoyance.

"Wh-" Damn it. "Haruhi, can I please just ask –"

"No, we're doing this and that's final!" Haruhi said sternly and loudly, before she added in a normal voice, "Besides, you already know why we're doing this."

"For the others, really?" I just still couldn't believe this from Haruhi. For some reason, the Valentine incident where Haruhi had made the others make cakes for us guys and the event she'd planned around it sprang into my mind. I couldn't help but feel I was once again stuck in a similar situation, but to what end? For starters, I'm not on the receiving end here this time. I'm not getting anything out of this... I think. Am I now the means to an end this time?

"Yes," Haruhi insisted in a tired tone. "Why is that so difficult for you to wrap your thick skull around?"

Sigh... "No idea. I'm afraid I once again just don't understand."

Haruhi gave me swift glance, bordering on the same level of frustration as she'd possessed back on the train when I'd spoken a similar line.

"Whatever, we're here," Haruhi said, stopping in front of my house, inspecting it with an oddly focused look. "You better have some food. I'm starving." Haruhi hurried forwards towards my door, leaving me behind. When she reached the door, she turned around. "Well?"

I hadn't followed her. I was still on the street, trying to come to grips with my unsettled guts.

"Haruhi, the two of us, do we really have to do this, here... alone?"

"Why not?"

"I just don't feel... comfortable with this."

"What, you never had a girl over?"

"As a matter of fact..."

"Really?" Haruhi smirked fiendishly before she gave a little mocking chuckle. "Then again, with someone like you in mind, that's not so unexpected."

"Well pardon me for not trying to break the speed record in dating before high school like you."

"Hey, I already told you," Haruhi said urgently, pointing an accusing finger at me, "I was actually looking for someone interesting. Not my fault this world is full of boring people."

No, just with your ridiculous expectations and standards for life. I wonder if there's something just wrong with her chemically, inherently, or does she have _really_ weird parents? Was nature or nurture the source of her insanity? I couldn't picture two adults carrying on like Haruhi and actually keeping jobs, keeping a home and making sure their demented princess was well fed and taken care off, so I tended to side with the former option.

"Hurry up!" Haruhi said loudly, crossing her arms as she leaned on one leg and began tapping impatiently with the other.

"Yeah, yeah, all right. Don't wake up the neighbors," I said as I hurried up next to Haruhi and put my key in the door's lock.

"What, worried they might see you bringing in a girl for the first time and...? What? Afraid that they'll think you've snapped because of repressed sexual urges and are going to rape her?"

– _What? – _

"And they'll call the police? Or... gasp! Your parents?"

You can be a real pain, you know that?

The key clicked in the lock.

"Now to raid your fridge!" Haruhi said excitedly, smiling like a shark that's spotted a seal-like silhouette on the water's surface paddling into the surf. But just like the shark would be disappointed and leave the poor human victim alone after the first bite, Haruhi would be in for a disappointing surprise as well once she would discover the state of my fridge.

Without asking for directions, carelessly tossing off her shoes as she went, Haruhi scrambled off in search of my kitchen.

Geez, she could have at least put them next to each other instead of throwing them off at different distances along the corridor...

I got Haruhi's shoes and put them where my family kept ours, and after putting mine next to hers, hurried after the idiot before she decided my house needed a skylight and did something irreversible to fix the perceived problem.

I found Haruhi's head deep in my fridge, her skirt-clad butt poking out as she inspected the insides, the skirt starting to ride up dangerously, muttering inaudibly to herself.

"This all you have?" She asked grumpily as she stood up straight, a cold hot dog waggling at the corner of her mouth like the cigar of some beat detective in a movie as she chewed on the tip.

"Yep. The micro's over there." I pointed behind her, but Haruhi ignored my directions as she closed the fridge with a little kick, holding the packet with the rest of the sausages in one of her hands.

"Nah, I actually prefer 'em cold. Dunno why. Definitely a distinct flavor though. Anyway, it's the same processed gunk anyway, hot or cold."

The hot dog continued waggling between her lips as she talked, slowly getting shorter as she leisurely made her way along it. I have to admit, she had an impressive bit of lip control. I certainly couldn't hold onto a hot dog and talk at the same time without taking it out of my mouth.

"So..."

"What, you want some too?" Haruhi asked, giving me a leery look, holding the packet just a tiny bit closer to herself, like they were actually in any real danger beyond getting gobbled up by her.

"No, it's just about what we were supposed to do..."

"Ah, 'kay. Well, let's go in your room. Get some paper and pens out. I think we'll just brainstorm or something for now."

"About what exactly?"

"Whatever we're going to do for the others, moron," Haruhi said as she gulped the last of the hot dog's end into her mouth with relative ease. She then put the next one in her mouth and began munching on it, watching me expectantly. "Well?"

"What?"

"Let's go!"

I led the way, wishing for the millionth time I'd tried harder to get into a better school.

"Hmmm... such a boring room..." Haruhi muttered as she jumped onto my bed, swinging her legs back and forth against the side as she looked around once we got in my room. "Tsk, tsk…"

"Sorry, the maid took all the shiny heirlooms away for cleaning."

"_Ha-ha_, ever so _droll_," Haruhi said with uncommon sarcasm. Usually she just went ahead and called me an idiot or some variation upon it without the subtleties of irony. But I must admit I'm even more impressed by her choice of vocabulary. 'Droll' is not a word that would have immediately entered my mind.

In fact, I'm learning a lot of new things about her today.

I went over to my desk and opened a drawer, not even sure if I had the required materials in it. I just wanted to get rid of Haruhi as fast as I could, so I was really hoping what we needed was in there and we could quickly finish whatever it was we were supposed to do. Haruhi had better have a lot of ideas, because I'm just too damn tired to do any heavy thinking now.

Haruhi gave a loud, unrestrained yawn. "C'mon, hurry it up!"

Luckily there was indeed some old scrap paper and pens in my drawer along with other miscellaneous supplies and quite an alarming amount of candy wrappers and other trash. Either I'd been slowly gathering crap for years, or I was not the sole user of the drawer. It certainly wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if my little sister for some reason or other thought hiding garbage in my drawer was a good (or even possibly funny) idea.

"Your sister's so cute. I wish I had a sister like her..." Haruhi muttered offhandedly behind my back on the bed. I glanced back at her and found her lying on the bed, waving her legs slowly in the air while she held a sausage to her mouth like a cigarette and gave it the occasionally chomp as she stared pensively at the empty ceiling.

I really doubt you'd be thinking that if you actually had one. Little sisters are so damn annoying. In fact, I think I'd be much happier and less stressed without one. It seems we humans always want what we don't have.

"Well of course we do. What would be the point in wanting something you already have? It's called progress, look into it."

Hmm, I guess you're right, though I always loath to admit it as much as I would in agreeing with anyone who insisted that one plus one actually equaled seven.

"You know what I'd like? A golden toilet."

What? Holy crap, all too literally. And here I thought I'd seen the full extent of your madness by now.

"Mainly just for the reactions. Seriously, go around saying you have a golden toilet and you'll get some priceless faces," Haruhi glanced at me quickly, a swift smirk showing before returning her sharp eyes upwards, "just like now. But even better would be if you could actually then show it to them. Jaws would _literally_ drop."

Well, I guess... No, I just can't understand the merit in that at all actually.

"Anyway, start taking notes. We're starting to get sidetracked."

Well what can you expect with you in charge? But I'll follow those orders gladly for once, as it should mean quick escape.

"Right, let's see... something commemorative... but what they'd all appreciate... Geez, what the hell do a cute mascot, a smart guy and a bookworm have in common...?"

They're all secretly observing you for starters.

"I chose the three of them specifically to get as wide a range of oddities as possible... other than their slightly vague mysteriousness, well, Mikuru-chan aside, there's nothing really connecting them..."

I decided to do something slightly more constructive with my time, and thought I could practice my cartoon elephant sketch. It was a little simplified doodle I'd once started by drawing simple curves in school during an exceptionally boring day, and had realized I could make a pretty cool and smooth looking elephant out of them. I'd been honing my special brand of art for a few days now during the odd lesson I just couldn't pay attention.

Haruhi kept muttering mostly to herself, trying to list the attributes of others, in order to find some linking ones, but it all just sort of passed through my ears without really registering as I focused on getting the curve of the trunk _just_ right. I would never become a master artist, but at least I would have a _damn_ fine elephant sketch.

"Hey, are you listening to me?"

Huh?

"I said, I could use something to drink... I'm starting to feel really drowsy. Maybe you should... I dunno... brew some coffee or something. That's supposed to keep you awake, right? A low level boosting drug. We could use a little cheat."

I'm not sure if we even have any coffee in the house. I certainly don't drink any. The stuff tastes pretty gross... so I guess the abused taste buds should wake you up if nothing else.

"Go and" – Haruhi yawned like a mighty lioness – "make some... coffee or something. We've been at this for almost half an hour already... and don't have anything to show for it."

So I guess I hadn't missed anything important as I'd been scribbling. Not that I had suspected anything worthwhile spewing from her mouth-hole anyway.

"Chop, chop!"

I got up and noticed that Haruhi was essentially as I'd left her, still staring passively upwards, but her legs were no longer waving in the air, now resting on the bed, bent upwards at the knees, while the packet of hot dogs was empty with the last one being chewed rather lethargically, like an old dog with its chew toy.

Right, coffee, or something like it...

I walked back to the kitchen slowly, starting to feel tired myself as well. Maybe I should have tried helping Haruhi. That would certainly have sped things along and gotten her out of here faster.

Then again...

I looked out of a window and could barely see anything. It was practically pitch black. I peered about, and it looked like the whole town was dark. Was there a power shortage…? But apparently my house still had electricity for lights.

As much as I wanted Haruhi out of here so I could go to sleep already, sending the girl out in the complete darkness didn't feel right either, even if it was a girl as fierce as Haruhi who would doubtlessly beat the snot out of any thief or rapist if they tried anything. In fact, keeping her off the streets was probably in the best interests of the rest of the world in its entirety. Letting Haruhi loose in the dark, where no one could see her, would probably present too great a temptation for her to resist some sort of grand masterpiece of vandalism.

But before I could decide Haruhi's ultimate fate, I'd better do something about our lack of stimulating beverages. I actually did find some instant coffee in a cupboard, dangerously close to its expiration date (I hadn't even been aware coffee had an expiration date), but knowing Haruhi, she'd probably appreciate the added flavor, or the lack of it. Come to think of it, what exactly happens to coffee after it expires? In fact, is this actual coffee at all, seeing as it has an expiration date? Eh, whatever.

For instant coffee (or whatever), it sure took a long time to finish...

When I finally had two cups of piping hot coffee for us, I walked back into my room and found however that Haruhi had fallen asleep on my covers, having pulled some of them over her legs. Usually, I would have been really annoyed by this, but the sight of half a hot dog still stuck in Haruhi's mouth made me chuckle, especially as it shook a little every time she exhaled.

Well, I guess it's decided then... You'll be sleeping over. I don't have the heart to wake you up, looking so cute and all, especially on such a dark night. On top of that, it had been a busy day. I'm surprised you didn't show the same level of weariness as the others.

Hmm... I guess I'll have to take the couch then.

I wonder if I should just leave the hot dog like that? Better yet, where's my camera?

I put the coffee cups down on my desk and actually did look around for my camera briefly, but an overwhelming sleepiness started to take me over soon. I went into the living room and struggled with the couch for a good ten minutes or something, trying to make the damn thing unfold, before I remembered that had been the _old_ couch.

Screw it.

By now I was so groggy I was practically falling asleep on my feet. I guess all the excitement had worn me out as well.

My head fell down against the couch like a sack of bricks and I remembered nothing more after that.

...

...

...

"WAH! Damn it! What time is it?" Haruhi's obnoxious shouting was the first thing to greet me in the morning.

"Whuz...?" I opened my eyes with a snap, half expecting my home to be on fire because of all the sudden commotion.

"Damn it, you stupid moron! Get the #$% up! Before I come over there and #$% you in the #$% with a #$% #$%!"

Wow... that is some pretty inventive use of a rarely used –

"GET! UP!" Haruhi all but screamed at me as she found me on the couch, giving me a little kick in the shins with the sole of her foot.

Awww! What the hell? Why are you so angry? What's going on?

"We're late! Way late! School's been going for... I don't even know! But the Sun's high and the birds are done chirping!"

_Crap_!

I made to get up but – _Gah_! My back! What did I sleep on...? Ungh, apparently my left hand, 'cause it's possibly even sorer than my back.

"Boohoo!" Haruhi shouted impatiently. "Let's go!"

"You're not even in your school uniform. And neither am I, actually."

"Well unless you have a spare hidden in your closet, I don't really have much of a choice!"

"Well I... I was just pointing out..."

"Or what, do you?"

Of course not. Only some weird old perverts would have girls' school outfits in their closets (and schoolgirls of course).

"Couldn't I at least change? I'm still in the same exact clothes as yesterday," I pointed out, not really expecting much leeway.

"And leave me as I am? No way. Don't you have any heart?"

If the situation was reversed and I didn't have a change of clothes handy while you did, I bet you wouldn't care at all, just calling me an idiot for not looking ahead.

"Come on, it'll only take –"

"If I'm gonna have some old fart hassling me for not wearing my uniform, so are you!" Haruhi grabbed my hand and started running out of my house, pulling me along. Not really in the right frame of mind yet, having only woken up moments ago, I couldn't bring myself to resist much.

I just went along, allowing the world to pass me by in something of a blur, not wanting to think about the day ahead.

I had been focused inwards so much, that it was only at the school gates that I noticed something funny about Haruhi.

"Hey Haruhi, you've got a bit of..."

"What?" Haruhi asked testily.

"Some bits of –"

"_What_?" she hissed dangerously.

"Pieces of sausage in your hair."

Forget what I had said about it before, I wish I had that elusive camera of mine for just this moment, I really did. The crimson shock on Haruhi's face was just too cute and funny for words, as she was truly left flabbergasted by this new information.

"Damn it! You did this, didn't you? So like you to do something underhanded like this to me while I was sleeping!"

Yes, I've been waiting for just this moment, where you fall asleep while eating my food so I can cram some of it in your hair. That's been my master plan from the very beginning. It took years of careful planning, some time travel as well, but now the greatly anticipated moment has finally –

"Get a move on!" Haruhi pushed me though the school's doors, before she hurried towards the girls' toilets, a scary look on her face as she tried to find the food in her hair by touch alone.

Not sure if I should just go ahead and go to class or wait for Haruhi, I decided to wait, as any whining I'd get from a teacher was really nothing in comparison to a pissed off Haruhi. On the other hand, staying here probably wouldn't calm her down, as she'd be completely oblivious to the polite gesture, but at least by staying here there shouldn't be any fear of increasing her anger, surely?

Haruhi was predictably in a foul mood when she returned, but she didn't force me to go into class with her together. Instead, she'd had enough time to herself to decide my time would be much better spent by making her tea in clubroom, since there was no point in walking in on a lesson in progress. We would just join the rest of the world of academics for the next lesson and deal with the usual 'fascist whining' (her words).

Asahina-san's worried frown had returned in full swing as she'd listened to my story concerning me and Haruhi's first shared night together unfold itself. It hadn't even lessened when I'd told about the funny part with sausage remnants in Haruhi's hair.

Koizumi stared blankly ahead, completely unreadable to me as he steepled his fingers together and leaned forward against the table expectantly. "So... although you essentially achieved nothing, Suzumiya-san saw fit to try again under the same circumstances... you did get together the next night, correct?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Am I the only one who thinks this might all just be a pretence to spend time alone with you?"

Sigh... "She just wants to come up with something nice, for you guys I might add."

"So your next meet was more productive?"

...Damn... he's like a bloody mind reader sometimes...

"No..."

In fact, Haruhi seemed to get progressively more easily distracted from her goal to plan something for the other guys.

If my life was like a TV show, I would easily get away with a montage here. Possibly with some cool music, but I guess it's ultimately the director's decision. But seeing as Haruhi would probably take over the director's role and do all kinds of weird edits, who knows how that would end. Maybe she'd add some lasers and kaleidoscope backgrounds or something else stupid. Benny Hill's Yakety Sax would also probably have been a likely choice from her, if it weren't so damn overused.

Things seemed to only continue getting more and more action oriented and distant from our original goals. There was probably some sort of link between the two, a correlation of some sort, but which caused which I didn't want to speculate on. And if the following night had remained as easy going and relaxed as the first, my body wouldn't be so tired.


	25. The secret spot

"You're not staying over again, are you?" I asked, carrying both my and Haruhi's school bag as per my orders as we once again marched for my house.

This time however, instead of it being late in the evening, we were strolling along in nice enough afternoon weather. People were out and about as well; shops were open and people filtered through them like sand through an hourglass as they passed through the doorways and then went their own way before they settled into an anthill-like chaotic looking mess in the streets.

"Why do you think we're _here_?" Haruhi asked, irritated by my lack in deductive skills.

Admittedly, I had been curious at first why we hadn't headed straight for my home if Haruhi once again wanted to use up our time planning something, but knowing Haruhi for as long as I had, I wouldn't have been surprised if fickleness on her part had changed these plans. And questioning the reasoning behind any act of Haruhi's had been shown to be a rather empty act anyway according to experience. Prodding too much into why we would do stuff usually just meant a verbal lashing or a kick in the ass as I'd discovered last night.

Sigh… "This is why you asked me if I'd refilled my fridge…" I tonelessly answered. "But seeing as all I've done today is be at school with you, and with my family still away for the day, my fridge is even emptier than yesterday. This means you want to buy food, doesn't it?"

"Huh, maybe you aren't as stupid as you look," Haruhi said, flicking her hair as she turned away from me and headed for a convenience store.

For a brief moment there, I actually considered running away. But the girl knew where I lived and would surely follow. And what would follow from _that_… I didn't dare risk it. My house wasn't equipped for a full barricade against the likes of Haruhi.

"Hello, good sir," an elderly clerk behind the counter right next to the door said, bowing her head politely. "I hope you'll find what you need here."

"Uh, thanks," was all I could mumble as I hurried deeper into the small shop.

The elderly were always rather off-puttingly polite, somehow so strange and alien in the modern world, where a suspicious glance was what essentially passed for a greeting. A 'how do you?' or 'good day' seemed so weird unless you were in for a longer conversation. Then again, it was usually nice to have polite people in the service industry, I guess.

I found Haruhi at a cold locker containing fish, appraising the contents with a critical eye.

"Hmm… that squid looks like it's been left out in the sun for weeks. All malformed and eyes at weird angles… It sort of looks like you!" Haruhi said the taunt enthusiastically, smiling widely at me as I came up next to her.

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at this. The mocking tone and context of the insult just did not go along with the happy, extremely friendly looking face of hers. Was this Haruhi's idea of a joke? Was this how she interacted with people she was comfortable around with? After all, people Haruhi regarded as losers and nobodies, essentially the rest of the population of the world in its entirety, only got an annoyed "shut up!", "leave me alone!" or "you're annoying!" from her.

"That's an interesting observation, if you don't mind," Koizumi said, interrupting my story for what felt like the googolth or whatever crazy sounding number of times.

"Yeah, so what?"

Haruhi had gotten even 'friendlier' with poor Asahina-san on the first day. Besides, that was essentially the way Haruhi had always spoken to me, always putting me down in some manner. I think she might have given me a compliment once or twice, but they had only come about when I had managed to perform exactly as she had wanted me to.

"One might say it's really the only way she knows how to interact with people, by defaming them, but that would be something of an oversimplification, wouldn't you agree?" Koizumi asked, grinning generously at me.

Sure, whatever you want. You know, maybe one of these days you should sit down and write a book, actually, a manual on how to deal with Haruhi. I would certainly rush to buy it and pay whatever price you would be ready to extort from me just to find the off switch on her.

"Sorry, do continue, please. This is all very… illuminating," Koizumi said, still smiling unashamedly.

… All _right_. Now where was I? Damn, you completely disrupted the flow of things, Koizumi. Let's see…

So, Haruhi and I were in the store. We ended up buying some little fish to fry, rice balls and some sort of dip, nothing fancy. I naturally ended up carrying our groceries, as it was 'a loyal member's greatest honor to aid the Chief in any form possible'.

We were walking towards my home along a back alley when Haruhi stopped all of a sudden.

I, not knowing a sudden stop had been planned (or maybe it hadn't), turned around to give her a questioning look. "What? Why did you stop?"

Haruhi looked at me for a moment thoughtfully, amber eyes focused intently on me. I could practically see all the mind work going on inside her brunette head, something of the end product starting to shine in her eyes as inspiration struck. "You know, I think we need a change of location."

What? But we just bought all of this food, with my money! If you're going to suggest going to a restaurant or something, you can count me out. I'll be going home and eating all of this food if you don't mind. Thank you very much.

"Nothing like that," Haruhi said, frowning lightly at me. "I just think we need somewhere better to work than your place. I've got a place in mind where we can prepare the food and everything. It's a bit of a walk away though."

What's wrong with my place? Especially as is it seems to be closer.

"I just couldn't concentrate there, all right?" Haruhi said, glancing away in annoyance, tongue pocking at her cheek in a cute manner, causing a little bulge of frustration. "You're bed was too… comfortable."

You know, you don't _have_ to lie down in it.

"We're going elsewhere," Haruhi stated sternly, twisting around on her heels and stomping off in the opposite direction.

Sigh…

I followed Haruhi obediently, silently walking in her wake. We essentially doubled back, actually passing the store where we'd bought our food, heading for the edge of town. As I was starting to get worried, wondering into what kind of rat hole Haruhi was leading me, we reached a hill, over laden with thick trees that had a surprising amount of foliage to them already.

Haruhi pointed at a little path, one I wouldn't have been able to spot even with amble light. The sun was starting to set, and my fears were starting to get the best of me. The night and the forest just seemed to fill a guy with primal fear, quite understandable if you take into account our ancestry as savannah living hominids. But in modern times, something like running into a wild animal was actually one of the lesser of my worries. All sorts of weirdoes hung out in woods at night. Proof positive: Haruhi was leading me there right now.

"Haruhi, where exactly are we going?" I asked apprehensively, stepping over some large roots that had grown over the path. It seemed the path hadn't seen much use at all, as grass was starting to sprout on it.

"A spot," Haruhi answered enigmatically, pushing away some low branches, but failing to help me, her beast of burden past it, letting the little branches whip back into place and nearly swat me in the face.

"What kind of spot?" I asked, ducking low before I hurried to catch up with Haruhi.

"A special kind."

Great… sounds fantastic. I can barely wait.

We must have climbed that mountain for an hour. I didn't feel comfortable calling it a hill anymore, you see. I nearly fell over several times, tripping over various rocks, roots and the occasional fallen branch while the low branches that hadn't managed to fall in my path, and there were many of them, scratched at my arms and face. Haruhi marched on ahead of me, never slowing down though I was starting to fall behind. But I kept at it with a stiff upper lip, feeling an odd need to keep up without complaining, as if the fleeting back of Haruhi was challenging me to keep up.

Finally we reached a clearing, a little alcove in the sea of trees around us with the dark, ashen remains of previous fires in the middle with a stone circle around it.

"Huoh…"

I set our school bags and groceries by a fallen trunk that had obviously been set there by some earlier campers, sitting down to get my shoe off and remove the nasty little pebble that had been tormenting me for a while now.

"Seriously, what is this place?" I asked, giving my tired back a good stretch.

"I used to come here back when… well, before I made the SOS Brigade. I guess it was sort of my first clubroom, in a way."

Huh. I gave my shoulders a good twisting as well, something popping back into place unpleasantly. I hadn't even realized something had been _out_ of place until it was back _in_.

Haruhi went around the clearing, gathering sticks. "This place had a nice view of our school, the current one. I used to bring my binoculars and I'd spend hours just spying on the place," Haruhi said, smirking to herself at what were apparently fond memories.

"Why would you do something like that?"

"Well, back when I was a kid, like four years ago, I met this guy."

…She's talking about John Smith, isn't she?

"He told me there would be some amazing person there, someone really interesting. I could barely wait to see them! So, in order to make sure I didn't miss anything, I took to spying on the place whenever I could. Of course, the person probably wasn't there yet, but what if there was something strange about the school as well? Oddities attract oddities. It's why you always get haunted mansions with ghost, vampires and werewolves and mysterious government workers in black suits wherever aliens are."

This is very true, seeing as there's a host of strange people around the weirdest person of all in your club, all drawn to your overwhelming and overflowing oddness like stupid moths to a flame.

"So I kept watch… but nothing happened," Haruhi said, a hint of disappointment in her voice as she stacked her gathered kindle into the stone circle. "Nothing happened for so long… no matter what I did… no matter how much I tried… and in a way… that's still the case."

Haruhi walked over to a tree with big roots, kneeling down and reaching deep into a hole amongst the twisted roots. She pulled out a rusty old lighter and gave it a few clicks, sparks flashing a few times before a little flame came to life.

"Good. It still works." Haruhi carefully walked over to the waiting fireplace, shielding the little flame from possible winds. It didn't take long for the small and dry branches to start crackling as a yellow fire settled into its little niche in the world.

Haruhi walked over and flopped onto the other edge of the tree trunk I was sitting on, swinging her legs as she stared upwards at the sky that resembled an oil painting, yellows, oranges and reds mixing beautifully in the brushwork of the setting sun.

"Once we get the embers going, we can cook the food."

"That'll take a while."

"I know," Haruhi said with a slight air of irritation about her I wanted to make sure didn't have a chance to grow into full, petulant hissy fit of a storm.

"So, what are we going to do meanwhile? Are we still going to try and think of something for the others?"

Haruhi gave a long, tired sigh. "…I guess," she muttered, slumping her head on her propped hands, leaning forward against her thighs.

Hmm? Well that was a decidedly undecided response from our headstrong leader. "You _guess_?"

"It's just that, well, I'm having a real hard time with this."

"Well, there's no need to rush. You said yourself this wasn't an actual anniversary of any sort, so it's not like we're working with a deadline here."

"Hmmm…" Haruhi hummed reflectively. "You speak a lot with the others, right?"

"I guess."

"And that's it? You don't know anything more about them? None of them have told you anything about what they want? I mean, like their dreams or hopes or desires?"

You're certainly starting to get surprisingly interested in everyone.

"What about…" Haruhi turned her dark amber eyes to look deeply at me. "What about you, what do _you_ want?"

"Me?"

"Who else would I be talking to?"

Well, now that you mention it… I don't know, I really don't. I don't think there's anything that I want or need as such. All in all, I'm quite content with the way things are. I honestly can't think of anything, but then again, it's pretty much always been that way for me. Life's pretty good, all in all, minor misadventures not included, though I wished school didn't bore me so badly sometimes, especially in the matters that were important. Actually, if there was something I'd change about school, it would certainly be something concerning teaching methods and subjects, but perhaps more in the area of school dress codes to, you know, to incentivize guys like me to step into school with more eagerness. It probably wouldn't raise my grades at all, more like distract me some more, but it would totally be worth it, though as ridiculous as it would be to have girls in little, tiny – never mind, that would be too ridiculous. Maybe just a simple ponytail mandate. That would be golden.

"What's with that stupid smirk?" Haruhi asked, sounding annoyed, always an alarm bell for me.

I shook my head, ridding it of the march of the thousand ponytailed girls and turned to look at the frowning Haruhi next to me. "Nothing."

"…Nothing? So, you're fine with things as they are…"

"Yeah," I answered, taking some time to relax my cheek muscles after the wide, satisfied smirk had stretched them beyond their comfort zones. Apparently smiling wasn't something I did often. "What about you?"

"I… wait, you're asking _me_?"

I resisted the urge to throw back Haruhi's earlier, slightly sarcastic line back in her face, simply because it felt incredibly wrong for the situation. There was something about how completely unexpectedly my question had come to Haruhi, catching her off guard in a way that made me start to consider my words even more carefully than ever before, like I'd just asked 'how do you do?' and offered my hand for a greeting to a foreign dignitary, thus silencing an entire entrance hall in shock of my audacity.

"Nothing," Haruhi said, before she narrowed her eyes into a knife-sharp scowl, "At least nothing from the likes of a stupid oaf like _you_."

Right, okay… moving on. Nothing further to discuss here. Warning signs have been posted and I know not to speed into a dangerous curve like the one I've been forced into.

"So, this place, you used to come here a lot then?" I asked, doing my best to not fan any of Haruhi's _other_ fires.

"Yeah…" Haruhi said, sounding surprisingly nostalgic, before she sluggishly grinned to herself. "I sort of wish I could go back to that, chasing bad guys and mysteries like that, like I used to, not like it is nowadays. The world, it just felt… bigger back then. I was always on the move, no one could hold me back…" the grin left Haruhi's face. "But I guess all things have to end."

I gave Haruhi a long lasting look, wondering just how much she actually believed in that. Certainly she _knew_ all things had to end, but on the other hand, it had been because of her we had been in danger of getting stuck in an endless summer. But maybe the finality of all things had finally fully settled into her mind. She certainly had started to become more accepting of the limits of reality than in the beginning. Maybe she no longer wished for things to go on for as long as possible. I actually didn't know which option I preferred anymore.

"I don't like this," Haruhi broke my chain of thoughts abruptly. "Is the fire ready?"

I gave the fire a look, knowing it couldn't possibly be anything yet but a little happily burning pyre, but it turned out I was completely, utterly and ineffably wrong whenever it came to trying to apply common sense around Haruhi.

Huh. Well look at that. I'll not question how a fire managed to go to glowing embers in just a few odd dozens of minutes at best when several hours should have passed in order to get embers of that quality. Seriously, the things were glowing with the heat of magma by the look of it.

"Good, I'm hungry." Haruhi skewered a pair of fish on some sticks lying about and set them in the ground over the embers.

It was pretty weird. The two of us just sat there, sticking to our food, neither one able to come up with much to talk about. Even Haruhi seemed to struggle with speaking to me. Sometimes she would look at me, open her mouth as if to say something, halt, think about it for half a second, close her mouth shut tightly and shake her head before she'd bite down fiercely on her food, chewing on it aggressively, munching on it louder than was necessary, filling the silence with noise of some kind.

Weird really was the only word in my vocabulary I could come up with to describe the situation, but it felt rather lacking to fully convey how it felt. It wasn't like the situation required a more intensive synonym or anything like that, but it just didn't fully capture everything else that seemed to form the situation around us. For starters, since when has Haruhi ever had second thoughts about saying anything? Or doing anything for that matter?

"So, Suzumiya-san… took you to _that_ place?" Asahina-san asked carefully.

"Yes, I remember some old reports…" Koizumi muttered, before he turned to me with a grin. "Your shared moments certainly carry with them a quaint atmosphere, I have to admit."

Oh shut up. I'm not in the mood, not in the slightest sense.

"There certainly seems to have been some form of minor development here, but of what kind exactly that would be, still eludes me."

Just let me tell my story, all right?

Our late dinner was over, the embers glowing faintly, more like twisted lines of dark red than the spot of scorched earth they had been before. Darkness had crept up on us quickly, first casting us in shadows as the sun disappeared behind the hills and trees, before the sky turned a dark blue, then a purple for a while, before it started thinking black might be its best fit after all, with added little white dots of starlight here and there to finish the ensemble for the evening.

"Right, let's go. We've wasted another evening. You gather the trash, I'll make sure the fire's out and the lighter will be safe," Haruhi said, standing and walking over to the embers, kicking sand and dirt on what remained.

I picked up whatever trash we had produced and put back in the bag I'd carried all of it in the first place. I picked up our other bags and made sure nothing had fallen out or anything. By the time I was done, Haruhi was placing the lighter back in its hiding place.

"All right, let's go," she said, pointing at the path back home.

I took the lead, simply because I was closer to the path and we walked along in silence for a while, until –

"Auh! Damn it!" Haruhi's shout actually made me jump.

"What? What happened?" I asked, a sudden terror breaching my mind's walls for a moment as I turned around to see what might have caused the loud shout.

"I think… hhh…" Haruhi grimaced, now splayed on the ground, one leg tugged to her side in an awkward way, teeth tightening in pain as she hissed, squeezing her foot gingerly. "I sprained my ankle."

"Here, let me help." I put the bags down and offered Haruhi my hand, but she just swatted it away haughtily.

"I don't need your help. I'm fine," she said, leveraging herself up, putting some weight on her leg. Predictably enough, she toppled over immediately.

"#£$%ing #£$%!" Haruhi swore, making many an old time sailor proud. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes as she once again tried to lever herself onto her feet, but yet again fell over. "#£$%!"

"Don't be stupid. Let me help."

"I'm fine! I don't need your help!"

Sigh… let's see, retort options: A) 'Fine, I guess I'll just leave you here then.' Unnecessarily antagonistic. It certainly won't help in cooling her temper down nor help her injured pride. B) 'Just stay here and die.' Even worse. Why did I even think of it? C) 'You know, I heard there are all sorts of lunatics out in these woods at night.' A scare tactic that wouldn't even work on my little sister.

So I guess I'll go for D. At least it has a chance, and I just want to get out of these woods as soon as possible.

"It's a Brigade member's honorable duty, right? To aid his Commander. You'd do the same thing if one of us was injured, after all."

"I…" Haruhi gave a defeated sigh. "Fine. Whatever. Gimme a hand."

Once again I offered the arrogant girl my hand and this time she grabbed it, squeezing tightly on it as I pulled her up. Haruhi nearly fell over as she once again tried to put some weight on her injured foot, but I was ready for the bullheaded attempt this time, knowing full well Haruhi would never give up without a struggle.

While I tightened my grip on her hand, my other hand went to her hip to support her, providing the necessary support just before she once again could fall on her dumb butt. Haruhi's eyes widened as I grabbed her hip, staring at me in shock as we were caught in a position you'd usually only see when two people were dancing the tango or something.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice fainter than typically.

"Making sure you don't smash your face into the dirt or anything. Or do you want me to drop you?"

"No," she admitted, her eyes still locked on me with soft surprise.

"All right." I pulled Haruhi closer to me so I could put her hand over my shoulder, but I could feel her tense up as I did so. "This would be a lot easier if you just relaxed." This was awkward enough without trying to lug around someone mistaking themselves for a statue.

"I _am_ relaxed. Why wouldn't I be? You are, after all, an SOS Brigade member, you have – you have a duty to uphold, and not only to –"

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just get moving before we lose all light."

"Just who do you think you are? For someone who's at the very bottom of our hierarchy, you're sure starting to sound rather commanding. You should be taught a lesson in – AH!"

"Hey, you okay?"

"I… I just tried putting some weight on my leg… ngh… damn it. What the hell? Why's it hurting this much?"

"Look, just don't put any weight on it anymore, okay?" I said, wondering if the girl would ever be ready to take a word of advice from me, no matter how many times she would go through the apparently painful process, like normal psychological conditioning had no effect on her whatsoever. If she was dumb enough to try walking this many times, it didn't seem like I had much hope in trying to help her. "And try to keep your leg elevated… I think it might help."

"You _think_?"

Sigh… this is going to be a long, long night…

"You ready?"

"For what?"

"Well, maybe to leave this place already, though I suppose the cold, dark night does have a sort of quaint feel to it, what with the promise of hypothermia and all."

"Ngh… you're really not nearly as funny as you think you are…"

"Yeah, well, more bad attempts at jokes are what you'll probably be getting as well if we stay here."

"…We should hurry," Haruhi said earnestly after a quick evaluation of her circumstances.

And so began our awkward crab mimicking wobble down the hill with three legs trying to do the job of two, with one of the newly formed tripod's legs bouncing carelessly over the uneven ground, nearly tripping over constantly, bringing a new torment for the other two as they strained to steady the shifting center of mass of the newborn crab being. It was especially difficult as I still had to carry our school bags, though I had decided to leave the garbage behind. Hopefully it wouldn't be the last straw to break the ecosystem of the world.

I kept a constant eye on both the uneven root and rock covered path while also checking on Haruhi's legs all the time, just in case she got it in her head to try and walk again or something even dumber. With each jump her blue skirt rippled back and forth across her thigh, while the muscles tightened and relaxed under the smooth skin over it, pumping away.

_Just making sure she didn't do anything stupid…_

This prime example of an exercise in futility continued for a surprisingly long time, mostly because I simply didn't want to risk angering Haruhi by doing something as stupid as talking to her, and going about it like an idiot as she liked to say, but after nearly an hour of hopping along, feeling like you were onboard a ship heaving about in a storm, with practically all the light having run off for the night, further slowing the trip as you now had to truly strain your eyes to spot potential dangers in your way, you start to get a bit annoyed.

"Haruhi, this is getting us nowhere. It'll be morning by the time we get home. Why don't I… huoh…"

_If I want to get out of here before the sun comes up I have to do it, I'll have to – _

"…carry you?"

"Don't be stupid," Haruhi said, completely unperturbed by my suggestion, as she continued hopping with determined eyes on the path ahead. "We're making excellent time. That's totally unnecessary."

I stopped and Haruhi gave me a questioning glance. I gave Haruhi a little push towards a nearby tree to lean against and dropped the bags I was carry, ready for easy loading once the main cargo was secured.

"Come on." I dropped onto a knee and held my hands out behind me, ready to fully accept the role of a slave I seemed to have been shoved into for at least what remained of high school.

Sigh…

"…Fine," Haruhi said, sounding none too pleased with where things seemed to be heading, like she was the captain of the Titanic, accepting her fate.

Carefully, Haruhi placed her hands on my shoulders and hopped closer. Gingerly, she stretched her injured leg forward under my arm. She then got close and wrapped her arms around my neck. And then, after a hesitant pause, her full weight shifted onto my back, nearly making me fall over at the sudden increased momentum, as the other leg attached to my side and her legs squeezed my midriff painfully while the hands nearly managed to choke me.

"Careful! We nearly flipped over your fat head!" Haruhi shouted in my ear.

"Sorry."

As I got on my feet and managed to take a few uneasy steps, picking up all our stuff once again and somehow found the right balance, Haruhi seemed to relax and loosen the hold of her hands on me, leaning back a little.

As we continued trudging along through the forest path, Haruhi, having stayed as far back as possible, ended up tightening her hold on me, clasping me tighter while her legs on my hips closed around them securely, pressing herself tightly against my back.

"Damn it, Kyon, can't you be more careful? I'm getting my face scratched off because of twigs with you trouncing along like some big old lout, completely oblivious to the further injuries you're causing your Commander!"

"I'll try and be more careful."

"You'll do more than just try if you wish to continue your worthless existence."

Sigh… what stupid thing had I said about a long night? I must have been delirious back then. Somewhere along that dark forest paths, I must have taken a wrong turn and ended up in a hellish dimension of eternal night with a demon on my back. Forget Sisyphus and his struggles…

If I had thought the path had been difficult before, back in a better light and with less weight to carry, I had been monumentally wrong about that as well. I was forced to crunch my legs almost constantly as I ducked under branches. As Haruhi once again tightened her hold on me, I could hear her mutter to herself in a barely audible whisper, "Damn it," and at first I thought it was just more of her prideful resistance against any sort of aid, but the whisper lacked the same sort of anger as the earlier shouting had had. No, the whisper felt more like a disappointed murmur one would say to themself when they'd mess up something they were working on, like there was some sort of private failing going on.

With her body now firmly pressed up against me, I could feel her breasts against my back, and couldn't help but commit the sensation to memory, two soft but pleasantly resisting round things pressing against my back, with some sort of folded fabric, most likely the edges of her bra, digging through my shirt. I sort of wished I were a bit more mature than that though. Unfortunately, such experiences were still new and exciting for me, and I had a sneaking suspicion they would probably remain few and still equally exciting even in the distant future.

This was the first detail I had thus far chosen to omit from the others… that I could remember leaving out at least, though I suppose there might have been other moments. But seeing how crazy the guys had gone over 'playing footsies', forgetting to mention this little, tiny, miniscule detail that had no bearing on the subject matter and could only further harm my image in anyone's eyes, especially in those of innocent Asahina-san's, it was a smart, and necessary I might add, move on my part, even if I do say so myself. And somehow mentioning it to Nagato felt almost worse for some reason, but I wasn't exactly sure why. She definitely wouldn't get teary-eyed or blush profusely, but those eyes could sometimes feel incredibly judgmental, especially when they stared so intently at you that it felt like you were receiving a CAT scan and an EEG for good measure. And as for leaving Koizumi out of the loop on this tidbit, it should go without saying.

We had by now reached the end of the hill, breaching the tree line and leaving the dirt under our feet behind to replace it with even concrete.

"Bench," Haruhi said in my ear, pointing to my left over my shoulder.

I gave a little nod, fully understanding the implied order. I would probably have asked for a break soon anyway because, although Haruhi herself didn't weigh much, thankfully, my legs were still tired, what with all the roots and small pitfalls I had to avoid and balance around with another person on my back, my muscles had remained in a constant state of tension. After all, if I had managed to drop Haruhi, it would have most likely been a good idea to just run for the coastline and hope the sharks got to me before she did.

After arriving at the bench, I turned around and slowly lowered myself, and could finally feel Haruhi's tight hold on me lighten. But as she was pulling her legs away from me, her injured foot twitched as it made contact with my side. I could hear a little noise behind me, like a hiss or air being inhaled through gritted teeth.

"You okay?" I asked, staying still, still squatting, facing away from her.

"Moron, I'm –" Haruhi pulled her leg back with such a hurry that it ended up hitting me in my armpit, once ending in sounding too much like an angry cobra preparing for a fit. "– _fine_."

I looked at the foot in my armpit. It was red and purplish blemishes could be spotted here and there. Even so, I didn't think it was anything too serious. I let go of the bags I had also carried, and with courage summoned from simply being too tired to care, I reached out and grabbed her foot.

"What are you doing?"

"Just hold still," I said, turning it a little, making Haruhi gasp. I pulled back on her sock, revealing reddish skin around the ankle. "Give me your ribbon."

"Huh?" Haruhi asked.

"You've got a keep a thing like this elevated, cold and compressed. Didn't you ever have basic health care? So, seeing as we don't have any ice, we'll just have to do with what we got."

"And my ribbon's for…?"

"Compression."

"That's so dumb… there's no way it works like that. You weren't listening during the class."

"Maybe, but compression was definitely one of the three things you had to do. So, can I at least try?"

"…" Haruhi was silent for a strange while. "Okay."

I held her ankle firmly, doing my best to grip it as tightly as possible without causing too much added pain, Haruhi's movements making it a bit harder as she went about getting the ribbon out from her hair.

"Here," Haruhi handed me her orange ribbon over my shoulder.

I let go of her ankle and went to work, taking off her shoe and sock before I started wrapping her foot like some weird present.

"Gah! Careful, you – agh! Are you trying to cut through my leg? Are you a sadist or something?"

I'm not a doctor, damn it. Cut me some slack.

"You're doing it all wrong!"

Shut it. You didn't even know about this, so how could you possibly know what's the proper procedure?

…Not that I do either, really, but I'll trust my instincts over hers any day.

"Ungh," Haruhi moaned as I wrapped her ribbon around her ankle.

"Stop moving! It can't hurt _that_ much."

"It didn't! Not until you got your clumsy, sweating palms all over my foot!"

"You're not making it easy for me."

"_You're_ not making this any easier for me!"

In my mounting frustration, wanting to get this crap over and done with as soon as possible, I pulled hard on the knot I had made, sealing her ankle as tightly as I could.

"AAAHH!" Haruhi cried out.

Her other leg, which had remained hidden behind my back suddenly sprung forward in response and kicked me squarely in the lower back, sending me toppling over myself. My forehead luckily remained unscathed for the most part, though a bruise wouldn't have been surprising by the feel of it.

"Damn it, did you really have to –" my question was cut short as I turned around to see Haruhi holding her ankle with both hands, teeth clenched almost just as tightly as her eyes, from which a few tears were making their arduous push into the world through the corners of her eyes.

"Damn it…" Haruhi muttered quietly.

"Sorry."

"Shut up," she said with her usual vigor as the worst of the pain seemed to pass.

I went ahead and sat on the other side of the bench and gave my forehead a rub, wondering just how much longer I would have to endure with this night. Haruhi gave her wet eyes a little wipe.

"Hey, can I get a look at it?" I asked eventually.

"Why? You some kind of pervert? This turn you on?"

Groan…

"I'd just like to see if I did it right."

"…Fine."

Haruhi carefully raised her slender leg and brought it over. I let it nestle in my lap as I gave it the inspection, pocking and prodding her ankle carefully, for all the good it would do. I slowly turned and twisted it, watching her cringe whenever I neared a limit. But I was glad to notice that the ankle seemed to be capable of moving as much as it should without her shouting out. I had a doctor or do similar test to me enough times by now to at least know that nothing serious was going on.

"Yeah, just a sprain…" I gave my expert prognosis, ready to get her leg off my lap. "You can have your foot back now."

"Wait," Haruhi said suddenly, making me freeze in place, afraid I'd done something wrong, something bad to her foot, but what followed was probably worse.

"It… it feels better when you rub it…" Haruhi admitted, keeping her eyes fully focused on her ankle.

"Oh… really?" That was hard to believe, taking the level of my care into consideration.

"Yeah…"

"You don't mind if I…?" I asked hesitantly, not really needing to finish my question.

_Hey, whatever helps us get out of this and home sooner, right?_

Haruhi gave a little nod of her head, her eyes never leaving her injured foot.

Cautiously I grabbed her ankle and gave it a squeeze. Not meeting any resistance, I went ahead and started giving it a little massage.

We remained like that for a while, completely silent, both of us watching her foot intently, not wanting to look awkwardly away or trade a weird glance between each other.

Eventually however I could feel Haruhi's leg tense and I knew she wanted to move. I immediately released it and let her remove her foot with all due haste. Haruhi placed the foot against the ground, tapping it tenderly against the surface.

"Thanks, Kyon…" Haruhi said, still staring at her foot.

"For what?" I asked, glancing off into the dark city around us. "I didn't do anything special. If I had, you'd be walking perfectly all by yourself. It's not like I performed surgery. I just carried you, did some crappy first aid, anyone could've done that."

"It's the thought that counts…" Haruhi said softly, her eyes still focused on her ankle

I looked at her, slightly perturbed by the sentiment coming from the bullheaded Haruhi.

"That's – that's what they say, right?" Haruhi said hastily, finally looking at me, looking at me like she had just used her foot to step on mine and injured me instead. A _very_ weird response from Haruhi.

"…"

"Stop looking at me like that! I was just trying to be grateful!" Haruhi said haughtily, looking off quickly, cheeks gaining a little more color.

"…Well, I guess you did a pretty good job then. Well, until you started shouting at me again."

"Just shut up already, you dumb, stupid, slow, dense, idiotic moron."

Any more synonyms for 'intellectually challenged' you want to throw my way?

"Jackass…"

'Ask a stupid question…' Actually, I feel a bit dumber for not being able to come up with a word Haruhi hadn't already used to describe me.

Haruhi gave an exasperated sigh, as she slumped forwards, resting her chin on her raised palms, elbows lodged against her thighs as she once again leaned forward, oddly enough reminding me off my sister long ago, when she hadn't been able to get a puppy, before Shamisen had made his furry way into our lives. "I knew this was a bad idea…"

"Huh? What was that? I didn't quite catch what you were muttering to yourself," I said, wondering what exactly was wrong _now_.

I had always wondered about that habit with people. If you didn't want to be heard, why did you speak out loud? Did you actually want to be heard or was what you were thinking somehow so powerful that it could not be contained within your mind, but had to be spoken because it was so real that the world of the mind, of imagination, was not enough, but it was so real that it had to transfer from the mind into the real world as a vibration of molecules, as sound, something more than what was only felt, something true and actually substantial, even quantifiable if you had the proper equipment. The latter felt a bit ridiculous to me at least, although... it had occasionally happened to me as well.

"Nothing," Haruhi said unhurriedly, staring at the ground in front of her with an unreadable expression, almost as unreadable as Nagato's on her best day. Then she suddenly moved, slouching onto her feet, wobbling a little bit too much as she did so. Without even considering it, I had gotten up and taken a step closer to her, ready to catch her if she fell, but Haruhi held out a hand as she tested her foot, placing more weight on it, though not fully.

"It feels better now… I think you managed to stop the swelling."

"Yeah…"

"…Thanks again. You're a good subordinate."

Smirk. "Thanks for the compliment, they're usually rarer then pearls from you."

This comment however appeared to not have been the right thing to say, as Haruhi's face suddenly came wistful in a depressing manner.

"I should go," she simply stated, just as casually as one would talk of the weather, before I could even ask if something was wrong. She crouched down, most of her weight on her good leg, and picked up her school bag into which she put her discarded sock. She then carefully pushed her injured foot inside her shoe.

"You sure you can –"

"I'll be fine," Haruhi said sternly as she turned away and walked off into the night, quickly disappearing into the dark shadows.

"Hmm… I don't recall her favoring her leg much at all… either she has been hiding it, which, to be perfectly honest, wouldn't surprise me, knowing her character… though the obvious reality warping is also possible in regards to her," Koizumi mused, more to himself than any of us, his eyes slightly glazed as he considered things beyond the need of it. "But I have to say, I'm pleased to note that the two of you are interacting far less strenuously than ever before."

"Ungh," was all I could bother in way of retort anymore. I was just too tired to give this stupid, pointless examination any more attention than it deserved, less than one would for the mating habits of dung beetles. I held my palm to my face, weakly shaking my head, all but ready to just give up on life by now. But luckily, we had reached the end of my pointless tale. I would be free soon!

"Anyway, as you all can clearly see, there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Haruhi. Nothing whatsoever!" I said, actually feeling rather triumphant, having come clean with the others (not that there had really been anything to come clean about, as I'd said), but also because this should have absolutely, definitely, concretely, irrefutably and indubitably proven that there was nothing going on.

"If you say so," Koizumi said, still staring pensively at the table before him.

Urrgh… I give up. I #£$%ing give up. Go ahead, put a bullet in my head, send me to the glue factory, kick my shoddy bucket, whatever, just stop, please…

I rubbed my forehead in defeat, shaking my head with impotent frustration.

"Look, I know what you're getting at, and I won't deny it," I said, leaning against the table, to set the record straight for the last time, the very last time. If it didn't work now, I would honestly just walk off. "Haruhi and I are close, really close, and admitting anything else at this point would just be beyond insane. So far beyond insane I should be locked away before I go so far into denial I start thinking bullets can't hurt people, and it wouldn't be much of a stretch going from 'me and Haruhi don't share anything' to that, but it doesn't mean there's anything beyond that going on. I like spending time with her. Otherwise I would have gotten out of all of this ages ago."

"You have certainly had the opportunity to walk away at any given moment, not being tied down to Suzumiya-san like the rest of us, but you have remained, even going so far as to restore a reality where you could continue spending time with Suzumiya-san as you knew her best, so I agree firmly with you."

"You… what? You finally agree?"

"I don't think I ever said otherwise."

"But you've been hinting at something more all the time!" I voiced my long lasting annoyance, something that had been gestating within me for a long time, like some noxious disease.

"I think it is only _you_ who has inferred something extra from what I have been saying. I simply wanted to know what had occurred between the two of you, and I have."

Sigh… I honestly can't take much more of this…

I shook my tired head before looking around, noting the rather despondent way Asahina-san was staring at the table, her hands clasped in her lap, looking like she was attending a funeral of a distant, although always sweet aunt. I turned my head, and was slightly surprised to find that Nagato's iron hard stare had also shifted away from me finally. Nagato was now simply staring ahead with empty calmness, much like she would whenever a book didn't happen to be in her vicinity.

Asahina-san's lips crinkled, wriggling for a moment like two fighting caterpillars, her brows furrowing problematically, as she began to ask what seemed to be a difficult question. "So, Suzumi-"

"Hey! What are you guys doing here?" the voice of Haruhi stopped Asahina-san in midsentence, the timid girl's eyes going round with weak terror at the interruption, and immediately made all our heads turn like the sound of a gunshot to spot the scowling girl approaching at an ill-fated trajectory for its targets.

Ah, crap...

"Eeep!"

"Oh, ah, Suzumiya-san, we were just..."

"..."

Seriously, what did I do in my past life to receive all this crappy karma? Kill a cute baby panda with a blow to the head with an even cuter kitten? My eyes are so tired they're actually starting to hurt. It feels like someone's poured acid into them.

Haruhi's suspicious eyes darted from a blushing face to a carefully smiling one to a completely placid one until they settled on me and shifted into condemning mode as soon as they made contact with mine.

"Kyon, explain..."


	26. Foreboding evening

"It's nothing, we're not doing anything, just talking… Can I go home? I'd really like a nap right about now..." I said, yawning conveniently, not having the energy to put up with any sort of crap from even Haruhi right now, simply just aiming to defuse the situation as fast as possible before it had the usual habit of being blown to ridiculous proportions by Haruhi, as was typical of her. In my experience, it was always best to just be direct with Haruhi. Any attempts at subtlety with her were usually lost in the tornado of her presence. She simply didn't have any time or patience for crap.

"What are you guys doing here? I thought I dismissed everyone for the day," Haruhi said, placing a hand on a hip and shifting her weight onto it, as she scanned us all once again, still frowning at us with due suspicion.

"We were... simply carrying on with usual afternoon talks. Killing time with idle chitchat about everyday occurrences. Technically, I don't believe you dismissed us, so we stayed back in case you would have liked us to return," Koizumi said, coming up with an innocent enough sounding lie, playing to Haruhi's intense dislike of the mundane.

"Well, I don't," Haruhi said huffily, giving Koizumi a rather cool glower. "You can all go home... except you, Kyon."

Damn it...

"I mean, it's starting to get rather late. What did you expect us to do anymore at this point?" Haruhi asked our group collectively.

"We were sure you would come up with something interesting for us as usual," Koizumi answered, always ready with another new little lie.

"Yeah, well... maybe we don't know each other as well as we thought..." Haruhi said, sounding a bit vacant, as she turned around. "Come on, Kyon, we've got work to do."

Sigh... "Fine." I got up, hitched my bag over my shoulder and trudged after Haruhi wishing I could just go ahead and fall over and sleep, but that would probably earn me a kicking from Haruhi or something.

I glanced behind me and saw the others looking intently at us departing. Koizumi was sitting back, holding his chin thoughtfully, Asahina-san looked as worried as ever, fidgeting a little, while Nagato just stared.

I looked ahead, not wanting to focus anymore on them. It had all been rather annoying, being the subject of such scrutiny. The only things that had been missing from the torturous experience were the dark and dank dungeons and ancient torture devices to have completed my journey back to the time of the Spanish Inquisition.

Haruhi kept quiet as we walked, and I was only too glad to have some time to myself, to let my brain turn off for a moment and just do nothing else but the greatest zen meditation ever: walking about with my hands deep in my pockets. If such a calm and simple thing couldn't give you a moment to yourself and possibly a grander insight into the universe, nothing could.

We walked for a long, silent while, that would have been completely silent between us if it weren't for my constant yawning. Haruhi had done the right thing in ordering everyone out. While she had gotten a nice little nap, I was doing all I could from preventing everything from turning into a blurry fuzz in my closing view of the world as my eyelids seemed to gain weight faster than a meteor soaring straight into the Earth's gravity well.

"Hey, Haruhi, can we call off tonight? I'm really tired. I'm practically falling over here," I asked after a particularly big yawn that nearly _did_ topple me.

But Haruhi didn't say anything, she didn't respond at all. She just kept walking. Something about the way she just walked onwards impassively, holding her bag tightly to her, told me not to ask any more stupid questions.

We walked in silence.

The sun was starting to set already, earlier than it should have. Clouds drifted lazily across the sky, making things look even darker than usual. They didn't look like rain clouds, grey only because of the darkening atmosphere, but everything seemed to be growing dimmer by the heartbeat.

We were halfway to my house, passing through a park when Haruhi abruptly stopped. As I'd been dragging my feet, being so damn tired, I still had more than enough time to stop without bumping into her. There was actually still a rather big distance between the two of us.

"You don't wanna do this anymore, right?" Haruhi asked tonelessly.

"Hm...? Well, no, not right now, at least. I'm really tired. Otherwise... well, it hasn't really been as interesting or exciting as usual, but... it's not _that_ bad."

"Yeah... it _has_ been pretty boring..." Haruhi replied, still with her back facing me.

Hearing Haruhi use the word boring always put me on edge nowadays, knowing what it could potentially mean for the world, but I got a feeling she wasn't feeling the usual kind of boredom.

Koizumi had once gone on a lengthy lecture about the nature of solipsism, how Haruhi's mind created the world around her, but not in some abstract idealist sense, not in a purely solipsist way anyway (or something like that, I can't remember). Her perceptions then allowed her to witness the coherently structured universe around her, which was of her own design, potentially based on an earlier iteration of reality she had experienced, further affirming the universe by witnessing it. It wasn't just that her displeasure at the world would cause it to disappear, no, that was an idiotically oversimplification of the complexity of mental preconceptions and blah blah blah, jargon jargon jargon, fancy sounding shit…

No, it wasn't just boredom that would cause the universe to disappear, although it might change ours, potentially even erase our current one in the process, but something similar would most assuredly take its place, as no sane person would really expect the world to just disappear the next day without any reason. And Haruhi, under all that bluster, that over-compensating manner in which she hoped to invite strange things to happen, was still just as normal as any other person, only being slightly more self-centered than the average person, uncaring of others' rules to a near sociopathic degree sometimes. Even her depression, caused by realizing she was simply one among many in her childhood, wasn't unique at all, which seemed a bit depressingly ironic if you asked me. She had only had a different solution to that realization. While others had simply accepted that depressing fact of life, she had stubbornly fought against it.

Haruhi never gave up.

It was actually getting really dark by now, grim clouds floating through the sky, arriving as if from nowhere, dark islands in a distant ocean of deep blue, acting like an early encroaching dusk.

"…Maybe we should give up on this whole idea."

Haruhi had been standing nearly perfectly still for a while now, with her head lowered a little, tightened fingers clasping the strap of her school bag around her shoulder, while her free hand hung limply her side.

"Huh? Why? Didn't you want to give the others something nice for everything they've endured?"

"Yeah, but it's just that…" Haruhi's head turned upwards to look at the dark, cloudy sky. "We've been doing this for a few days now, and we have nothing to show for it. I thought I knew everyone better than this but, all in all, I've realized I haven't got the faintest idea what any of them would like. I'm having a real hard time with this. I can't think of anything they'd all enjoy… actually, I can't even think of a single thing _one_ of them might really enjoy."

"Really? Nothing?" This lack of imagination on Haruhi's part seemed unfathomable in its own right.

"Well, maybe a book for Yuki, some tea for Mikuru and a new board game for Koizumi."

"Well that didn't seem too difficult. I think all of them would greatly enjoy gifts like those."

Haruhi gave another tired sigh, still staring wistfully upwards. "But they're all so lame and don't really say anything about them as people. I want something special for them, but all I can come up with is anything someone who would spend five minutes in the clubroom watching them could come up with…"

"They're fine gifts," I said reassuringly. "I don't think I could come up with much better."

"But they're not _good_ gifts… they're just… stuff. I don't know these people at all. They're not really my friends. Then again, I didn't make the SOS Brigade to just have fun. I wanted to… have my own adventures, experience something _big_… but even that's something I've failed to do with the SOS Brigade."

"Just what are you talking about? We've been on plenty of adventures, all of us."

"Sure, it's been nice and fun most of the time, but we never… we never found anything truly weird, astounding, amazing. We never found aliens or time travelers or espers or even sliders. We came up short, all in all, and time's starting to run out."

"Time's running out?"

"It just struck me when we had those new recruits about, that time was passing. Mikuru-chan's going to be graduating at the end of the year, isn't she? We'll be one man and mascot short… and then it'll only be a year before it's completely over for the rest of us."

"Haruhi…"

"She'll probably make a nice housewife or something…"

"Or something. I have a strong feeling she'll become a very strong and independent person in the future."

"Mmm… Koizumi'll take his studies to the next level, aiming for some fancy university beyond the rest of us. And Yuki… hmh, she's probably even beyond Koizumi. She's a _real_ savant. Remember how she just picked up the guitar way back when, playing it perfectly. Or how she is with computers and how she's always reading… she could probably put the likes of Einstein to shame. I wouldn't be surprised if NASA came begging for her help."

Yeah, neither would I, though I'd be glad if any foreign agencies associated with space, and thus indirectly associated with the search for extraterrestrials, stayed as far away from her as possible.

"You'll graduate too and… but what about me?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, truly struggling to understand where all of this was coming from and going towards.

"I just can't… I can't picture myself doing anything in the future, like getting a job. All I can see is us keeping on adventuring, together as the SOS Brigade…"

Uh oh, this was starting to sound bad, real bad, Peter Pan bad.

"But that can't last forever," Haruhi continued in a faint monotone, allaying my current worries, but somehow replacing them with another worry of a sort. "I know it possibly can't. One day, it'll all be over and I'll just be left behind, not knowing what to do anymore, having never found anything extraordinary."

"Haruhi… if anyone's going to be left behind, it's me. You're just as much a genius as Koizumi. And you've got so much strength and confidence there's practically nothing you can't do. Coupled with your general disregard for rules and normal thinking… you'd make the perfect business woman. So with that in mind, care to throw some money my way?" I asked, hoping for Haruhi to turn back to her more usual hyper self. The depressed Haruhi always set me at unease. It wasn't something I liked seeing.

"I don't wanna do business," Haruhi replied emptily.

"Yeah…" I admitted, having known this would be the case before I'd even suggested it.

"I just wanna keep going like things are, to keep adventuring with the Brigade, but that's impossible… I guess there are just some things you have to accept in life…"

"…Really?" I asked, feeling oddly uncomfortable with Haruhi's firmer grasp on reality.

"Huh?"

"That doesn't really sound like you, Haruhi."

"What do you mean?" Haruhi turned her head a little my way, though most her face was still hidden behind her hair, the orange ribbon waving about at the sudden movement.

"You've never accepted anything in life, and it… well, as much as I do like it that you're finally starting to get to grips with reality, it's also a bit… depressing to see as well."

"What do you _mean_?"

"You…" For a moment, I thought I wouldn't be able to come with anything, but then the words seemed to just be there, like they had been in the back of my mind forever, just waiting for a situation like this. "You always kept at it, if you wanted something. And what you wanted, it was never tied down to what others expected from you. You lived your own life and that… in a way… I dunno… I'm not envious, but… well, after everything and all… I sort of admire that part about you the most."

"You… admire that? But you –"

"Always whine about your crazy ideas? Yeah, I do, 'cause they _are _ crazy and more often stupid, but… well, quite honestly," I scratched at my right temple, unsure of how to continue, not sure if I even wanted to, "my life got a lot more interesting and – well, fun, after you showed up. In a way, I kind of owe you, big. Without you, I'd never have met the others, and I think my life would just have started to stagnate or something. So seeing you let that fire inside you settle, to start accepting the world as it is, as you should, well, it's also very depressing to see at the same time."

"Kyon…"

"So, I dunno… buck up. You're the Brigade Commander, and… we can't lose her yet."

"I…" It was probably the first time ever I had really seen Haruhi fail to say what she thought, to be left without the words she could use to voice herself, almost felt like she had finally stumbled onto a subject she didn't quite know the words for, words she had never before bothered with. She turned and stared at me with an unfamiliar look in her eyes, like she was seeing someone thought lost for years, yet in a way, always known they would return. Her right fist was now clenched and held tightly near her collar as she gazed uncertainly at me. "Thanks… I guess, but I… I don't…"

"What?"

"Kyon… thanks… really, thanks, but… I still don't know what I'm going to do after I lose you – all of you. I don't want to lose any of you."

"Haruhi, that's still a long way off."

"Only a year with _all_ of us, and if it passes like the last year did, having fun, goofing off, it'll pass in the blink of an eye, with me having not seen or done anything astounding and never…" Once again, an odd pause stopped Haruhi, though it felt like there was so much more to say, so much she just couldn't express in words. "It's just… I haven't felt like this in years, not since I…" Yet another deeply unsettling pause from the straightforward, energetic girl as she glanced briefly upwards before continuing. "I don't know why this is hitting me so hard, but when all those new recruits were around, when I realized just how quickly time had passed for us, how soon and easily people in life come and go, ready to be replaced so easily… I just… I don't want to lose you guys, what we have."

"You won't."

"How?"

"You – you'll find a way. You always do," I said firmly, never having had more faith in anything in the world than what I had just said.

"Not this time. Time goes by. There's nothing I can do about that."

Oh, how wrong you are, but I can't really convince you otherwise, not really, not that it would be a good idea either. Well, I might be able to convince you if I pull out my trump card and tell you about 'John Smith', but that'd be kind of stupid. I always wanted you to calm down a little, and you have and the world isn't in as much danger as it used to be. But even so, I can't help but feel a little disappointed with how things are turning out.

Haruhi's right, after all. We'll all be graduating eventually, and then what? If she's truly accepted this, that she isn't just saying so, isn't still secretly wishing otherwise, then it'll happen. There won't be any time loops or anything. And I'll lose everyone as well. There'll be no more adventures or even nice quiet moments with the Brigade in the clubroom either.

"We're all going to drift apart, because we're not really friends, because we don't know each other in the slightest. Then I'll be by myself again and I really don't know what I'm going to do afterwards…" Haruhi said despondently, looking up at the few spots of deep blue sky that penetrated through the thick, passing clouds. "I've always been so focused on the present, the next adventure, that life after school, it was like a – a distant nightmare. But now it's here, closer than ever. Inevitable. And it's… somehow it's got me petrified. I just can't see anything afterwards. I don't know why."

Suddenly, an idea just crazy enough struck me, something that might just be insane enough to break this grim deadlock we seemed to have unwittingly stumbled into. "…What if you thought of it as the next big adventure?"

"…" Haruhi slowly turned her head to the side and gave me an empty and gloomy but also silently questioning look from the corners of her eyes, some of her bangs falling over her brilliant, dark amber eyes.

"It's not all over. You could think of something. It's… It's a brand new adventure!" I said, feeling a bizarre feeling of excitement as I said so, like I had been the one to discover penicillin or a new continent, like my words held within them the promise of infinite new discoveries. This was great! There was no way Haruhi couldn't take on the challenge! I'd just cracked this little egg of a problem before it even hatched. Finally! A lucky break. Finally I found a way to preemptively stop anything stupid from happening.

Haruhi gave a big, exasperated sigh before she shook her head at the ground, looking extremely disappointed by what I had said. "Don't," she said in a resolute but grave voice.

"Huh?"

"Don't do that. Mock me."

"What?" What the hell was she talking about? "I'm not."

"Even you're not buying those platitudes; I know you well enough when you're not being sincere, not really honest."

"What are you talking about?"

"What you said before was nice, even if it was a bit forced, but now…" she turned her eyes back to the dark, cold night skies. "It's over."

"Haruhi, it's never over unless you let it."

"Shut up, Kyon," Haruhi said in a firm, yet soft voice, not angry at my words but just… tired.

"…"

"Please… Don't do this to me. All that sappy crap, where's it even coming? Why do you care?"

"I…"

"Yeah, you won't say… or there's nothing to say."

"What are you talking about?"

"You… you still don't really get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"You've always understood me the best, why you were fun to have around, but you still haven't realized how it all…"

"What? _What_? You can't just stop there."

"Soon, it'll all be over, and I'll never have…"

"…What?"

"Enough, Kyon, enough. I'm tired of this. But actually, maybe this is for the best, to keep things as they are. Without all of us trying to understand each other any better… I mean, it's still fun and all, although it does feel like something of a waste of time."

"A waste of time…? Haruhi, I honestly thought the whole point of the SOS Brigade was to have fun."

"No… no, that was just the secondary function… and it seems like it might have prevented the main objective from being achieved."

"Main objective…?"

"I've been losing sight of what really matters, getting cozy with you and the others. Lo– liking too much the time we all spend together. Things are… things are starting to get too complicated, and that… that we can't have. I might have liked to have gotten to know everyone better, but I see now, so clearly, all the problems getting too attached would have caused. Making things change any more than what they are already, to better understand each other, to try and gain insight, like we've been trying to do these past few days, to see what connects us all, it… it would just make everything more complicated, more troublesome when it's all over. It'd be best to… to keep things professional, I guess. This was all a mistake."

"I don't get it. What are you talking about?"

"You always understood me best… but you never really realized…"

"Realized what?"

Haruhi gave a final sigh. "…I gotta go now. Good night, Kyon, see ya…" she said, turning away to leave.

Though Haruhi's back told me once again to leave her alone, to not follow, like it had so long ago when I had gotten my first glimpse into the inner working on Haruhi and why she did what she did, I couldn't bring myself to just stand back this time. This time, her words weren't just somber in my ears, but disturbingly despairing, even if Haruhi didn't actually sound like it in reality.

"Haruhi, wait." I grabbed her by the hand, slightly surprised by my own reaction. I felt strangely troubled by what I was hearing. There was a heavy, cumbersome weight at the bottom of my chest, like I had just learned my pet was to be put to sleep or something. Like something nice and wonderful was coming to an end.

"Kyon… Just let me go. You don't have to put up with me for much longer. You've never been happy with this, have you? With any of this. Always complaining. That stuff about owing me… I don't really buy it. One moment of sweet talk – forced or not, how you really do feel or not – it doesn't exactly change everything that came before. I don't buy it. You're just… trying to… I don't know what. I don't know anyone or anything anymore…"

"No, you got it all wrong. I really _do_ appreciate what you've done. Without the Brigade –"

"You'd be perfectly fine without the SOS Brigade," Haruhi retorted. "It was just something to pass the time for you, something to distract you from a boring life. Nothing really matters to you that much... In fact, if there hadn't been a Brigade to begin with, you wouldn't be upset by the prospect of losing it at all. But soon enough, you'll be completely free of me and can leave with the others, and I'll just…"

"What? Haruhi, _what_?"

"Let me go. Why don't you get it? Why don't you understand? You were always the one who got it the best, what sucked the most, but still you never…"

"Haruhi, I don't get this. I don't get this at all. Aren't you happy with the Brigade, with us? Just being with us?"

Haruhi suddenly turned, a strong, fierce look in her eyes like that of a tiger. "Kyon!" Haruhi suddenly snapped at me. "I _don't_ want to _settle_! That's what's happening! With life, with school, with the Brigade, with… you. I'm… I'm settling. And the cost is just too high."

"But… I thought you were happy."

"Yeah, I _am_. _That's_ the problem!"

"Being _happy_ is a problem?"

"I've grown complacent! I like just sitting around in the clubroom with you guys, sometimes goofing about, being with you… and what do I have to show for it? I've found nothing! I've _wasted _so much time, just being happy, making unnecessary acquaintances, settling for what life has given me! It shouldn't be like that! I should… I should be trying to do something great, stupendous. I should be out exploring, seeing what the world holds in it, not growing happy with friends, not _settling_. That's not the life I want… I want more… I want… extraordinary, and I've fallen into the trap, the same trap all the other losers fall into. Greatness only comes to those who suffer and sacrifice, to those who chase it. I've let my basic urges take hold. I've become everything I always wanted to avoid… because I went and settled, got friends and then you…"

"Me…?"

"Kyon… I… this is just… ugh!" Haruhi made a frustrated grunt. "This just isn't working. It's all been such a huge waste! Don't you see? But I don't know what to do… I wanna do something, to go back to what I had, I mean, there's still some time… but I don't want to lose you – any of you."

"You don't have to," I repeated, hoping a repeated volley of the words would allow something to wedge itself past her thick skull.

"No, Kyon, it doesn't work like that."

"Since when? Nothing's ever stopped you before? What's stopping you now?"

"You!" Haruhi pointed an accusing finger in my face, anger starting to sneak its way into her somber tones again.

"Me?" What? What the hell is she talking about now?

"_You're_ the one always telling me what can and can't be done! Well guess, what, I've learned my lesson!" Indignant anger finally entered her desolate tones for good now, making her sound almost spiteful as she threw my actions back in my face. "I've seen what the other side has to offer and I'm just sickened by it! Thanks to you, I've been slowly losing my edge!"

"What? Are you – you're blaming me? For – what? What did _I_ do?"

"Nothing…" Haruhi said with glum distaste, the word bitter in her mouth, the anger smoldering away for the moment, though the look in her eyes was still nothing to joke about, still dark and steaming.

"What? This… this doesn't make any sense."

"Exactly," Haruhi chuckled weakly, giving her head a weary shake. "And nothing's even happened yet." Then she looked me grimly in my eyes. "That's why it'd probably better if we just stopped here. Before I get too… comfortable."

I let her hand go and actually took hold of her by the shoulders. I honestly felt like giving her a shake, to get rid of whatever dark thing had crawled inside her head all of a sudden.

"Stop? What are you saying?"

"I… I don't know. I need to think. I need to step back and breathe."

Haruhi really was breathing harder, almost panting slowly now. Either I hadn't noticed before or it had just started as I'd grabbed her, I didn't know.

"Wait, just… explain it to me. Please. I… I wanna understand better. What exactly haven't I –"

"Let go," Haruhi said brusquely, in an almost toneless voice.

"What?"

"Let go of me," she flatly clarified.

"Haruhi, what exactly do you want from me?"

"I want you to let go of me!" Haruhi's voice suddenly rose to an angry shout as she fiercely ripped my hands off her and strode off. "None of this happened! None of this..." Her loud shouting disappeared, fading away into the echoless night, like it had been dumbstruck by the darkness that had crept around us. "None of _this_ matters..."

"Wait! Haruhi, wait!"

But she just kept walking. I wanted to chase after her and find out what exactly she had meant, what exactly had seemed so hard to say, but the look in Haruhi's eyes as she'd torn herself free from me had made it dead certain I was once again at fault and any further attempts to try and foolishly help would most definitely result in full-blown tantrum. The look had actually _managed_ to make me feel guilty, though I had no idea if I had even done anything stupid or wrong. I'd just wanted to… help. But I should have known by now, Haruhi would have none of that. She was just impossible.

What… what the hell had just happened?

"My, my… It certainly got dark fast," A faint voice behind me said musingly, almost like a thought expressed out loud, though loud enough that I could certainly hear it.

I turned around and spotted a girl, holding a black umbrella at her side, staring upwards at the dark skies above. It had gotten so dark and there was a significant distance between us, so I couldn't really make out any of her features, just her silhouette in the dark. She was about the same height and size of Haruhi, a fairly typical looking girl, I suppose.

"It may very well start raining soon. After all, why _else_ would it be so dark so early?" the girl said, letting her head droop against her shoulder as she gave me a look in the gloom.

"Uh, yeah." I replied laconically, thinking this should be enough for the stranger, before I started walking away towards home.

"Sorry about that," the girl said.

"'Bout what?" I asked, stopping to glance over my shoulder, due to natural curiosity.

"I happened to overhear you and your girlfriend's fight, so full of wicked poison."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Oh… really? Could've fooled me. Could've fooled anyone, maybe even her."

"Excuse me, but who are you?" I turned around to face the girl fully, starting to get rather annoyed with her intrusive style of conversation.

"Oh, no one, no one at all. I'm nobody, nothing to be more exact, in sooth."

"_Right_," I said, once again turning to leave.

"Ever heard of John Donne, perchance?" the girl asked before I'd even managed to take a step away from her.

What? Seriously, who is this girl? Can't she take a hint? I'm really not in the mood to talk right now and with strangers no less. In fact, I've never been too fond of talking with strangers, but now was an especially bad time, about as bad as deciding to visit Hiroshima had been on August 6, 1945.

"I'll take your silence as a most loudly resounding 'no'. John Donne was the one who coined the phrase, 'no man is an island'. I tend to agree."

And no island is a man, so I guess it all works out in the end.

"Aha, that's nice." I once again attempted to leave, managing to actually take two steps before the girl spoke yet again, forcing me to turn around and give her some of my undeserved attention.

"I would say people are more like castles."

I wish I was like a castle, a castle with cannons to drive away approaching people. Really _big_ cannons.

"There's no inherent thing separating them, no metaphorical sea of immeasurable depths between them, making it impossible to connect. No, the obstacles and problems they face with connecting and understanding are due to self-made, obstinate walls. 'Hell is other people'. Humans make things hard for themselves through their subjectivity, yet they all think and behave the same exact way. Individuality, these egoistic walls, they're just illusions, or actually, more like _de_lusions. Maybe they make life better, endurable for the weak and hopeful, I cannot say, but it certainly is nothing more than flightful fantasy of the mind. It's all just egoism, thinking you're somehow unique, though you can never understand yourself, thus seeking another's to help in the endeavor, which is doomed to failure anyway because of each person's different subjective viewing of the world." The girl gave a little chuckle. "Heh. Pathetic."

"Look, I honestly don't care. Now I'm sorry, but I'd really like to go home if you don't mind."

"Then by all means, do go on. No one here is to stop you," The girl spoke oddly, before opening her umbrella with a loud 'whumf'-sound and brought it against her shoulder, plunging her face, which had already been mostly hidden by the gloom of the evening, into complete darkness under the shad of the umbrella.

I was once again making my way away from the weird girl when I heard her mutter, "It's your choice when you want to let go of it all," but this time I didn't indulge her. Let her make all the crazy literary rants she wants, but leave me out. I don't care.

I just wish I could've said something to Haruhi, something to stop her from being so angry and, for lack of a better term, so hurt. I didn't even get why she'd gotten angry. She'd been in a bad mood when we had started walking, but she had seemed more pessimistic than aggravated at that point.

I peered behind me. The girl with the umbrella was walking away now, shrinking away into the shadows of the park.

_Good riddance._

I went ahead and plunged my hands as deep into my pockets as they'd go.

Walking home felt oddly disconcerting. I felt kind of alone. For the past few evenings, I'd had Haruhi making a ruckus as I'd gone home or anywhere else. My house also felt even quieter and creepier than ever before as I reached it. The only nice thing about the deafening silence Haruhi's absence had made was that I would surely get some sleep easily now in the dead silence.

And yet, as I lay in bed, I had trouble falling asleep, though I still felt the lack of a proper night's sleep in my strained eyes and mind. Placing my hands under my head, I took to staring at my empty ceiling, paying far too much attention to the minuscule bumps and dips the plaster seemed to hold.

Maybe I hadn't been able to understand Haruhi because I wasn't fully wake or something.

Stop that. It's not _your_ fault Haruhi's crazy. You were perfectly reasonable, despite your handicap. Haruhi had gotten a nap and it hadn't made her any saner. If anything, she was starting to slip back to the way she was in the beginning.

…But why? Why was Haruhi like this all of a sudden?

The two of us had only been chatting about simple, boring everyday things, mostly centered around the SOS Brigade. Our talks had started slowing down though, and last night with the campfire, with me carrying her on my back through the silent forest, barely a word had really been traded, at least in comparison to other nights.

What the hell was wrong with Haruhi?

It was her, wasn't it? There wasn't anything off about me… or was there?

It was the future she had been more worried about. And the lack of connection and understanding with the others and then… she'd said I got it the best but I'd still failed to realize something, but what?

I don't get it. What did I miss? What haven't I realized yet?

Outside, I could hear the rain start to fall, tapping against my window slowly at first before it progressed to an almost violent rattling.


	27. Odd reaction

Sleep wasn't coming easily.

I closed my eyes, trying hard to go to sleep, hoping the darkness would creep through my eye-lids and into my brain…

…

It didn't work.

I opened my eyes and found a deep darkness above me, little scattered pinpoints of distant light shining through it. Looking around, I found Haruhi in a long white toga-like dress that hugged her body perfectly, standing on a beach with fine, white sand that seemed to almost glow because of its fine color and a beautiful, dark, velvety, starry sky above it; the world around her a world of only light and dark.

Murky waves lapped at the sand, heaving back and forth, the rush of little waves rolling against land the only sound.

Haruhi's eyes were focused on her hands, through which she was pulling a small, golden thread. When she noticed me, her entrancing eyes seemed to pierce through me as she stared emotionlessly at me. Another slender shape emerged from the darkness behind her, in a dress of similar design, but grey in color. And then a third girl, also in a similar dress, but a black version, joined them. The two other girls placed their hands on Haruhi's shoulders in a reassuring manner. I couldn't make out their faces in the dark, as if some great shadow was hiding any and all features just behind Haruhi. All I could really tell about them was that they both wore their hair at shoulder length, much like Haruhi. The grey clad one picked up the end of Haruhi's thread from the ground and pulled it taut. The one in the dark dress pulled out ancient looking shearing scissors.

"The thread is spun," the one in grey said in a serene voice. "The length marked."

"The end has come," the black-clad girl stated as the golden string was handed to her, the ancient shears opening, metal scraping metal, as they travelled across the thread, slowly closing as they neared the length measured by the grey one.

"Does it have to end?" Haruhi asked in a softly pleading voice.

"All things end," the two other girls spoke now in perfect unison, their voices becoming one, strong and undeniable, like the scrape of cold rock slabs against one another in a mausoleum as the new arrival to the growing ranks of the resting dead was sealed away.

"But it was such a nice yarn, such a good story, such a pleasant dream…"

"_All_ things end."

"Will I remember? Will I hold the people I knew and cared in my heart? Will they live on in me?"

"All things fade with time, even memories… _especially_ them. Nothing lasts. All disappears. All dies. All returns to nothing. No body or heart, no mind or soul. All things end."

"But I…" Haruhi didn't complete her sentence, as a great, tired yawn overtook her.

"Sleep now and dream a new dream… before your time comes as well, dear sister, and the dreamless sleep comes."

"All right… but I just want to dream of… happy times… with… with… _who_? What was I…?"

"Sleep now, dear sister," the grey one said alone. "The allotted time has come."

Haruhi's eyes closed, her head nodded a few times, trying her best to fight off the onslaught of sleep, but soon her head drooped as she nearly fell over, bumping into the dark-clad girl, who carefully supported Haruhi's head, brushing at her hair lovingly.

"Sleep," the dark-clad one simply said, nothing more needing to be said.

My eyes sprang open as I woke up in bed, the always constant and reassuring sight of my empty ceiling there to greet me first. I levered myself up onto an elbow and gave my tired eyes a rub before I moved up onto my forehead, giving it a similar treatment.

_Great_… another freaky dream. This is so damn annoying. They always feel so real until you wake up, even if they _are _crazy. And worst of all, I always feel like an idiot afterwards.

_Stupid dreams…_

Well, I guess it was only to be expected, what with the lack of sleep I'd been suffering for a few days. My mind, doing its work, filing stuff away… Even so, this dream had felt different from anything before. In a weird way, it didn't feel like a dream of mine at all. Before, the dreams had always been more – how should I put this? – more related to what was happening in some weird way, like it really was my mind trying to cope with things. Sure, there had been something about endings in the dream and last night, but even so, what the hell? Who were those two girls with Haruhi? They both seemed vaguely familiar, and not only because they both resembled Haruhi a bit.

…

_Got nothing. No ideas. No theories._

I decided to just try and ignore the dream, to push it out of my mind like usually happened with most dreams automatically, but this one was somehow more persistent. I didn't want to think about it, because I knew where considering such a dream would lead to. I would either go to a dark and desolate place of emptiness with nothing but dead ended questions with no answers or…

I shook my head of the thoughts before they got a hold of me and got ready to leave for school.

When I got to school, Haruhi had shown up with her jaw firmly set and a steely look in her eyes. She'd then used up her time in class to write notes that did not in any way relate to the subject being taught, judging by the brief, careful glimpses I had managed to steal of the papers before they were hidden behind a palm or defended by a smoldering stare from Haruhi I couldn't hope to look straight at without suffering mental burns.

Though Haruhi was still exhibiting her usual range of motions and emotions, she kept surprisingly tightlipped whenever I had decided to risk asking her a question concerning what she was doing, only giving a short monosyllabic reply or simply just an affirmative or negative grunt.

I had kept my questions concerned with only her current activities, not venturing beyond the morning; going ahead and asking the girl more about what exactly had happened last night didn't seem like being even remotely close to a bad idea, even if you were in an optimistic mood. The look she would occasionally give me when Haruhi's eyes and mine briefly met was like the diluted version of what she had given me last night, though still a volatile looking cocktail in its own right.

After lessons, she had marched to the clubroom without a word, not even going to the trouble of yelling at me to follow, though this far in our relationship, it really wasn't necessary at all, as the two of us would always just float back to the clubroom automatically after lessons. We arrived at the clubroom, with me following Haruhi from a safe distance, to thankfully find all the others already waiting for us. I didn't think I could have endured more time alone with her.

Haruhi had stomped to the her spot, smacking her little pile of papers against the desk as she gave everyone in the room a critical inspection, making Asahina-san give out a little 'meep'-sound as the hard gaze passed her.

"Right, we've been wasting time," Haruhi said sternly, as she completed her grim scan of all of us. "We still have a lot to do and not that much time to do it in, so we're going to be shifting into the next gear and phase of our plans."

This proclamation had naturally left the room silent, as none of us had any recollection of there ever being any plans made in the first place, much less with the rest of us lowly mortals involved, but also by the cold tone the words were spoken in. None us had high hopes for what followed.

Though I had feared something dreadfully horrible to ensue, Haruhi had simply had us make cardboard squares with text on them attached to sticks for easy holding. Apparently, all Haruhi wanted was to raise awareness of the SOS Brigade some more once again, especially now that new students had time to settle and would notice weird things more easily, also saying that it was more our lack of consistency in promoting awareness rather than anything else that was holding us back. I guess she really did want to put all her effort into finding something extraordinary, unwilling to give up on the chance that someone out in the school had noticed something strange.

Many people had of course heard of the SOS Brigade by now, but no one really knew what exactly it was supposed to be doing, which essentially included most of the members of said club most of the time as well. As far as anyone could tell, it was just a means for Suzumiya Haruhi to indulge in her depraved desires (and no one was particularly sure what those were either, me especially as it had turned out recently).

Haruhi of course wanted to change this perception, especially as there hadn't been a single oddity or weird occurrence to have been brought to her attention in a long time by a third party. And just as always, she seemed to think dressing up in attention grabbing style was the best way to go about it. The only way this outing to inform the ignorant masses differed from most of the others was that even Nagato was yet again dressed up for the occasion along with Asahina-san and Haruhi.

Koizumi and I had stepped out into the hall as the girls changed, but hadn't spoken back then. I'd crossed my arms as I had leaned against the wall in an unhappy display, and it seemed Koizumi had finally managed to take the hint that I didn't want to be pestered about anything. Koizumi leaned back against the wall as well, on the other side of the clubroom's door once more, placing his hands in his pockets as he stared blankly ahead.

The silence was nice between us, as I didn't want to get distracted by anything. The last night's moments were still the most prevalent thing on my mind, as going over them again and again until they made more sense was the only thing I could or wanted to do right now. But even as I got the silence and time to grind over the details, no new revelations occurred to me. It was like some sort of block or obstacle was in place whenever I tried thinking about it. My mind would just focus on Haruhi and the previous night with extremely great detail, not allowing any processing room to be for actually analyzing any of it.

I sighed, knowing I'd probably have to consult Koizumi about it soon like always, although I really didn't want to. It felt like figuring out what was bugging Haruhi _this _time was my puzzle to solve, as I, after all, 'got her best but had failed to realize something'. It was like Haruhi had given me a riddle and going to Koizumi just felt like cheating.

Besides, I didn't want to fuel his annoying mind any further with strange behavior from Haruhi when I was alone with her… not to mention that I really didn't want to talk much with him if it was just the two of us. The last time in the hall had been awkward enough, though we had ultimately made an admirable attempt at pointless banter.

The girls had exited the room in single file, each wearing a uniquely colored variant of the bunny outfit, each of them managing be as cute and sexy as possible in their own ways. I had no idea when Haruhi had procured a new bunny outfit even for Nagato, a white one to go along with her dark one and Asahina-san's red, but found myself feeling glad she had.

Haruhi then distributed the placards and strode off swiftly, shouting at us all to cover as much ground as possible, saying something vague about 'dividing and conquering' as she stomped off. Just as she was about to disappear from sight as she shrunk away by descending a flight of stairs, she yelled out that she would severely punish those caught lazing about or huddled in groups when they shouldn't have. The bouncing bunny ears were the last part of her I saw before she disappeared.

The rest of us had briefly debated whether to indulge Haruhi's fancies or not, but my vote to the contrary had been overturned by the wishes of the majority. Nobody ever wanted to risk pissing Haruhi off, especially when she was already in a less than perfect state.

While the others had presumably done as they had been told, I had found a bench to sit on, leaving my placard resting against it. I'd stayed there, staring at the grey sky, sometimes at the dirt at my feet or at a little puddle left over from the rain last night, the surface of table just in front of my seat or the occasionally passing person, giving a bit more attention if it happened to be a girl, but no more than I really would normally. Somehow, I just wasn't in a mood to do anything at all. Even obsessing about Haruhi's behavior didn't seem worth the trouble. In a way, I suppose I was a bit tired of having to put up with her all the time and examining every possible action of hers like some criminal investigator, always searching for multiple motives.

When Koizumi had made his way to me, who knows after how long a time, he told me activities for today were over. He told me how he and the other two girls had quickly been spotted by the faculty and told to go away and for the girls to change back to their uniforms. Asahina-san and Nagato had complied easily enough and Koizumi had set off to wait somewhere else while they changed back in the clubroom.

Haruhi on the other hand had apparently avoided capture, simply by the fact that she was going about the school at such a pace no one could keep up with her. The reports of a sexy bunny costumed vagabond seemed to be coming from all over the school grounds. She was still probably loose and considered dangerous. Apparently she had already briefly assaulted someone with her placard. She _really_ wasn't in a good mood today. When I'd wondered out loud whether I should go and try to stop her before more damage than a bleeding nose occurred, Koizumi had sat down opposite of me on the other side of the small table and started his usual dribble about me and Haruhi's relationship.

"There was sealed reality yesterday, you know," Koizumi said, going straight to business, the only topic we could really discuss without it feeling too forced nowadays.

"Oh, really?" I asked, not really all that surprised in reality, though I didn't ask it sarcastically. It wasn't that I had been expecting anything, but I certainly wasn't surprised either.

"It was… rather different from earlier ones."

"How so?"

"Well, you remember what they are like. Usually there are at most a few avatars, going about destroying things in a petulant, uncaring manner, occasionally with more zeal than necessary."

"Yeah, so what? Were they going crazy? Berserking? Shooting lasers from their butts?"

"No, nothing quite so dramatic, though in its own way, arguably more frightening."

…Will you just get to the point? I'm not a fan of suspense by any standards. I hate waiting to find out if Asahina-san's teas are better than the day before, though they always are.

"Well, contrary to how they usually act and behave, the avatars within the closed space were rather… how should I say this? Docile? No, that's not quite right. Confused? No, it wasn't like when Sasaki-san appeared… perhaps I should just tell you what I saw."

That would certainly save a lot more time than you playing 'guess the adjective' all by yourself.

"There were only two of them, nothing too atypical about that, but they behaved differently, not just from earlier avatars but differently from each other. While one set off in a rather lethargic march, going straight ahead, destroying only whatever came in front of it by not smashing it, but by walking through it, like it didn't see or care, the other one essentially stayed still, giving the few buildings around it some half-hearted kicks. I'm only guessing of course, as only their body language, unlike their faces, gives us any clue of Suzumiya-san's mental states, and it really did seem to me that the usual frustration was gone, replaced with a sort of disheartened state of anxiety."

Yeah, yeah, go on. I'm still waiting for the big dance number, something really weird happening, something ever so frightful those giant freaks got to this time.

"Since the avatars were not in their typical destructive mood and the closed space showed no signs of expansion, we decided to take our time and study them. It was a rare opportunity."

"So, what did you learn?"

"Nothing as such about the avatars, but since we already know they reflect the internal frustrations of Suzumiya-san, they can be very important. Usually the avatars destroy things, obviously because Suzumiya-san is frustrated with the world, wishing for it to change, the avatars venting this feeling, but for the avatars to do something like this…? Something different must have happened. Perhaps Suzumiya-san no longer wishes for any sort of reality beyond the one she lives in."

A-ha, very interesting. So no cabaret number? I feel surprisingly disappointed.

"There is more, of course."

Of course there is. Either it's some sort of philosophical digression that's coming up or something else stupid that wouldn't really matter much to me.

"Once the avatar that had been walking reached the end of the closed space, it began to push against it."

Okay, I was wrong, this is kind of strange… and creepy.

"While the one slowly trying to push through the barrier continued to do so, the other one sat down, hugging its legs while it stared at the ground in front of it gloomily. We would have continued observing the avatars if the one that had reached the barrier hadn't started a slow, but determined battering of the wall with a fist. We were forced to destroy it."

"Was it seriously… trying to get out?"

"It certainly seemed like that."

Okay, now _that_ was scary. One of those blue giants going about in the real world, destroying buildings with people still in them, sent a chill down my spine far greater than seeing them actually do so in front of me within closed space had.

"I'm not sure that would even be possible, but I think it is far more important to try and understand what this represents for what Suzumiya-san feels. Is she somehow depressed, does she want to move on, escape? But on the other hand, the other avatar merely moped about… what does this mean? Why is there such a difference in the usually uniform behavior? Hmm… Only one thing is clear to me: obviously she is no longer frustrated with reality the same way she used to be… something has changed."

"You don't know that," I quickly rebuked. "How do you it wasn't just a fluke? I mean, this thing could just be some sort momentary lapse. It doesn't mean something big has happened."

"Hmm… you are of course correct. One exception for example in a scientist's studies does not refute a theory. More often than not, it is a sign of human error. Only through repeatability can true results be gleamed. However, there was nothing wrong or different with us, the observers, as far as I could tell. Something was off, different that evening. I could feel it in my skin when I entered the closed space."

So now you're basing your insight on a gut feeling. That's pretty damn unscientific of you. Next you'll be talking about visions and messages from God like some ripe loon. If there was one thing you had going, it was being reasonable… to the extent any philosopher can be among normal people.

"I do not believe it to be so unreasonable to think something occurred. Suzumiya-san seems to be in a fouler mood than most days. Did something noteworthy happen between the two of you last night?" Koizumi asked carefully.

"I don't know," I said, actually being amazingly forthright about the situation in all honesty as I gave my brows a tired rub. "I really don't understand that girl at all. She's always changing… it's like trying to hold quicksilver in your hands. When you think you've got a tighter hold, it just… slips even more."

Koizumi chuckled with surprising amusement, considering our current situation. He tried to be polite about it by covering his mouth, but nothing like that could ever reduce the slight embarrassment you always feel when someone's laughing at you. If anything, phony courteous acting like that makes it worse, making me wonder if it's intentional. With someone as guileful as Koizumi, it wouldn't really surprise me much if it was completely planned.

"What?"

"Nothing." Koizumi waved his hand dismissively, still smiling broadly to himself.

"_What?_"

"It's nothing, really. I at first thought you were trying to quote Dorothy Parker, but that's a bit absurd, isn't it?"

"And what exactly was so funny about it?"

"Oh, nothing about what she said as such, but the context of everything going on right now. The less said, the better. I believe you would only take it the wrong way. You would think I was trying to imply something underhanded. You wouldn't like it."

"Come on, don't leave me hanging like this. What was it?" I asked, starting to feel rather annoyed again. It felt like a repeat of last night was occurring.

"…Very well. 'Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.' …Well, how did you like it?"

...You were right, I didn't like what was implied. You're really starting to get on my nerves about this subject.

Koizumi had always been keen to learn and examine my relationship with Haruhi, but lately his more subtle hints concerning what he suspected or considered likely were really starting to get annoyingly explicit. He had actually transgressed from the earlier subtler hints to full-blown suggestive literary allusions now. Quite frankly, I had simply had enough by now. Maybe some of Haruhi's foul mood had rubbed onto me.

"Just what exactly is Haruhi to _you_? And don't give me that God crap again. Just why exactly is it so damn important to _you_, not the Organization or any ideology, that the two of us get more intimate together? What do you get out of it?" I asked, going directly to the core of the matter. No more games, Koizumi!

Koizumi was silent for a long time, using the moment to gauge the distance between him and a distant cloud to what could have been a fairly accurate estimate, given the time it took for him to stop measuring. "I have watched Suzumiya-san for a long time now… focusing extensively on her whims and will… so how couldn't I… how should I say this…?"

"Live vicariously through me?"

Koizumi chuckled once again at my words. "I can see why you would like to draw a conclusion like that… after all, I have been ordered to be nothing more than an observer to such a charismatic character, to whom I attribute many qualities I hold in high regard, but… No, living vicariously through you is not my aim, even if I do keep pestering you for the 'juicy' details between your interactions…"

Sure, you either have the biggest nose for sticking into other people's business or you're looking for ways to engage in a relationship you've been denied access to. Despite Occam's Razor supporting the first option, the second one also made quite a lot of sense.

"Then again," Koizumi said musingly, almost like to himself, "maybe it's not really my choice at all… after all, all of this world _is_ essentially operating according to Suzumiya-san's whims… maybe my preferences have been altered, thus manipulating my potential freedom, as I certainly don't think I'm acting in a way I wouldn't, or ever really have… then again, how would I know what thoughts are mine and which ones are not if I perceive them all as my own thoughts?"

"Koizumi."

"Hmm…?" He gave me a curious look.

"Don't get lost in that philosophy bullshit again."

Koizumi smirked at me faintly. "Pity. So few ever want to discover the truth behind existence, mainly because logic always leads to the most horrifying conclusions. Free will and purpose seem like naïve illusions, much like reality in all honesty. People tell stories to fill in the void, using religion and whatnot to make sense of it all, but more astoundingly, people accept the hope it provides so readily, when it has so little to do with reality."

"Whatever. You're not trying to avoid the issue, are you?"

Koizumi brought his hand to his chin, his fore and middle fingers tapping the side of his lower lip as he gave my words some thought. "Quite frankly, as much as I do want Suzumiya-san to stabilize and be happy for various reasons, and as much as I do indeed enjoy her company, it is Nagato-san with whom I believe I share a much stronger rapport with."

You share a – wait – _what_? Nagato?

"Though we haven't had many opportunities, the times we have spoken together have been… very _fulfilling_, for both of us, I believe," Koizumi smirked, once again bringing his hand to his chin, tapping his forefinger against the corner of his mouth as he stared at the table between us with an unsettlingly whimsical look in his eyes. "She is very dependable and trustworthy. The girl can definitely keep a secret."

"You've been talking with Nagato? Since when? What have you told her? Secrets? What secrets? Are you keeping something from me again?"

Koizumi gave me a careful look after my volley of sudden questions before he continued. "Well, nearly from the very beginning. As I said, the times have been few because of my duties and the rather strained relations with our factions. But the few times we have conversed," Koizumi hummed in a pleased manner, "very interesting. She has quite a lot to say, provided you ask the right questions."

"Nagato's been talking back to _you_? About _what_?"

"Just things. I really am surprised by how much she has to say, once again, provided you know what to ask. We both share many views on the limited capabilities of the human form, especially in the realm of language and cognitive skills."

Oh, just sci-fi crap like that. Okay. I was a bit worried there for a moment. Now I feel rather relieved. For some reason.

"We both feel that the subjectivity of sentient and sapient beings, especially where emotions always seem to overpower reason, sentience trumping sapience, is rather tiresome. Though I celebrate our subjectivity to a degree, harboring rather existentialist thoughts in the vein of Nietzsche and Sartre, Nagato-san finds it… 'distressing' was the word she used after careful consideration, and I have had to concur, there are many hurtful problems with it as well."

Nagato's been… telling you things… but she's always only… you… but… I… I thought I was the only…

"A charming girl in her own right. Though still a bit too flat, I very much look forward to watching her develop."

You _what_?

I nearly stood up, hands gripping the edges of the table tightly. The slightly surprised look Koizumi gave me as I'd lurched forward in an awkward rush was nothing compared to the shock I experienced myself at noticing how strongly I had suddenly reacted.

What the hell? My knuckles were white with my skin tightly stretched over them.

I quickly released my hold on the table and settled down as best I could. My cheeks felt hot with embarrassment as I looked off at the tops of distant trees, swaying in the breeze. I could feel my heart beat around in my throat, my jugular veins convulsing rapidly. Maybe a few deep breaths would help.

I must still be not getting enough sleep or something.

"Hm?" Koizumi looked at me questioningly. "I'm sorry. Did I say something to upset you…?" Then realization struck him hard in the face, and Koizumi did his best to smile apologetically. "Oh, yes, pardon me. How very careless of me. I see now. I just meant that there's a growing complexity to her character I find interesting. Like watching the human psyche deconstructed and then rebuilt from there. She's… performing quite a difficult… _juggling_ act, yes, trying to balance so many different facets of her life."

"You… oh… ah, never mind. I thought you meant… Sorry, I don't know what got into me. It's just that Nagato's always been – sort of – I dunno…"

"Your forte?"

"Uh, sure, I guess, for lack of a better word."

"Yes…" Koizumi said musingly, though his sharp eyes were more intently focused on me than ever before. "Your highly valued empathic skills. You know, you might truly be better at initially reading people, but a quick glance, no matter how accurate it might be intuitively, is nothing compared to a slow deliberating analysis, based on observations and deductions over a lengthy period of time. My way is more dynamic and grounded, and stronger for it. I'm the tortoise and you're the hare, if you don't mind me saying so."

"I think… I need some more time to catch up on my sleep debt. If you run into Haruhi again, tell her to do likewise. It sure feels like she hasn't been getting enough sleep," I said, getting up to leave, passing Koizumi my placard. "I'm just… I think I'm too tired to deal with _any_ of this at the moment."

"Very well," Koizumi said as he got up, accepting my placard without any hassle.

I walked off, actually intending to do nothing more than maybe nap a little. I felt tired all the time nowadays, and I doubted it was just because of the lack of sleep, thought it probably did contribute significantly to it. Or maybe it was the other way…

…Sigh…

It looked like it might rain today as well, as the grey skies seemed to be getting darker. This of course just showed how determined Haruhi was about taking the SOS Brigade to the next level, as she had been ready to go out and about in her sexy bunny suit, just to raise awareness, though the weather had been far away from perfect for such outfits with plenty of skin even when she'd gone out first. Not that the weather would stop any guy from appreciating the three bunny-suited beauties, and a slight shivering on their part might add an endearing factor to girls, but I couldn't help but hope none of the three girls in my life caught anything even as remotely harmful to them as a little cold.

I had just come off the hill from school and was heading for home when I ran into someone completely unexpected, nearly bumping into the person in my fuzzy-headed state.

"Well, isn't this a nice surprise?" the girl with a gentle warming smile said as she gave me a look over. "Maybe it's just me, but you always seem to look haggard and tired whenever I run into you nowadays, Kyon."

"Sasaki? What are you doing here? Is something wrong? What's happening?" I asked, actually grabbing the girl by the shoulders as a horrible fear gripped the pits of my stomach.

"Whoah, calm down! There's nothing going on, not that I know of at least. What's wrong? Why are you so incredibly tense?" Sasaki asked, placing a gentle hand on one of my own, still gripping her shoulder tightly, as she looked worriedly up at me.

"I – sorry, I… it's just… what are you doing here?" I asked as I ¨loosened my hold on the girl.

"I see you haven't lost your sense of paranoia," Sasaki said, still smiling a smile that melted away icebergs of worry with ease. "I was just passing by, on my way to buy something for my parents, but… well, you look distressed. Care for a cup of tea or something? We've never really had a chance to catch up, not properly. All it's been so far has essentially been the two of us surrounded by the others, usually discussing something related to Suzumiya. How is she by the way?"

"She's… well, I dunno. Same, but… different."

"I see." Sasaki took my hand off her shoulder, gripping it firmly. "Come now, Kyon. Let's talk. Just you and me without any interferences. I have a feeling times like these will be few and far between in the future."

"…Okay, as long as we don't talk about the future."

"Oh? Now you have me positively struggling not to ask why, but don't worry, I won't. I can tell you just need to relax. Come on, I know the perfect place around here."

Sasaki placed another hand on mine and pulled softly, and like I was under the sway of a forest imp's spell, I just followed, feeling my anxieties drift away for the moment.

Sasaki pulled me along to a café nearby, just a few twists and turns of travel along the streets, barely two blocks away from school. She guided me all the way to a warm, dark corner and made sure I sat down, taking an almost motherly approach in her care for me before she sat down as well and looked me eagerly in the eyes.


	28. What is love? HC Redux

"I'm serious, Kyon, what's up with you? How have you been?" Sasaki asked, but as no response seemed to be coming from me, her lovable smile waned for the first time that afternoon. "Kyon, are you all right?"

"I'm just tired."

"No, no you're not, not just physically. Your eyes… there's a sort of exhaustion in them I don't think I've ever seen in any person before, not your age at least. What's wrong?"

"It's… Haruhi, I guess."

"It's always 'Haruhi', isn't it?" Sasaki asked, giving me a comforting smile.

"Yeah, but lately… well, look: last night she sort of had this outburst. She feels like she's settling for something lesser… I think. She feels having a good time is distracting her from what really matters. I think it's really stupid. I don't get it at all."

"Huh," Sasaki said, giving the table between us a thoughtful look.

"What?"

"I never really would have suspected the two of us would share so much."

"What, you too? Why? What's so wrong about being happy?"

"That's not what it's about, at least not for me. For me, an Einstein quote would probably sum it all up best: 'Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds___'_. What most people like and do is, simply put, not great or even really all that good either. I'm not some sort of emotional masochist out looking for as much excitement as possible. I don't know Suzumiya well enough to make that sort of distinction, but I sort of doubt she's just looking for as much drama as possible either."

"…But what if she is?"

"Well," Sasaki said, placing her elbow against the table as she rested her cute little chin on her palm, glancing at the wall next to her. "If that _is_ the case, then based on what we know of her powers, drama is what you'll find."

"…Great."

"You know, I really hate using the word drama in a context like this. It's simply not true to its actual meaning."

"Aha."

Sasaki sighed before she gave me a warm, sympathetic look. "I guess there really _isn't_ anything I can say to distract you from this issue."

"Well, the girl is the center of my life apparently, whether I choose so or not."

"Mmm," Sasaki hummed affirmatively.

"I just wish people would stop treating my relationship with her as some sort of – I dunno – needlessly important thing. That they wouldn't analyze it from every odd angle, implying things. I just want things to be as they are. I'm fine with Haruhi the way things are. It's everyone else's constant questioning of the situation that's making all of this so freaking hard and tiresome."

"I see…" Sasaki said in a hushed and contemplative voice, as she continued watching me warily.

A waitress walked up to us soon, breaking the odd silence between us, although I would have had no problem if the silent moment had continued between us. Even though Sasaki had kept staring at me unflinchingly, there was something just strangely inviting about her eyes that made you want to stare back, unlike with anyone else I knew, when such an intense stare would usually make me avert my gaze, making me feel annoyingly self-conscious.

"Just green tea, for both of us," Sasaki said, her eyes never leaving me as she placed the order. "Would you like some honey with yours, Kyon?"

"…Sure, why not." It would probably require some sort of sweetener to make me enjoy any tea _not_ made by the sweeter-than-honey Asahina-san and her loving care.

"About Suzumiya… it's rather hard to say what she's thinking right now, for me at least. Though most people often act in a stereotypical manner – you remember why, right? – and quite often fall back into the same cognitive modes of processing and defense mechanisms, I have been sad to note that logic has very little to do with an average person's life, this being the case even more so whenever it is a matter of relationships. It's quite frustrating to be perfectly honest."

"Tell me about it…"

We were silent for a short while but before the moment managed to turn awkward on us, our tea was delivered. While I just let mine be to itself, Sasaki latched onto hers almost immediately, giving it a little shake, making the contents swirl about.

"Hey, Sasaki," I said, something she had said a while back coming back into my mind.

"Mm?" she looked back up at me expectantly from her tea.

"Do you really think some sort of entity beyond all of this is the cause of this?"

"…Huh? What do you mean?" Sasaki asked, actually cocking an eyebrow at me, something I couldn't recall her doing often, or maybe even never before.

"What? Your damn theory about how Haruhi got her power!" I said, feeling oddly frustrated by her lack of understanding.

Sasaki blinked twice like one who had never heard of something, an unsettling thing to see from someone who, as a general rule, always knew at least three times more about whatever area of knowledge you felt confident about. "…Huh?"

"The – the Data-God or whatever! The thing behind all of this!"

"Oh, that…" Sasaki looked lost in thought for a moment. "You know, the word 'theory' is thrown around far too easily nowadays in a really haphazard manner," she said in a contemplative yet authoritative tone, like she was a university teacher preparing to start a long lecture. "Some people toss it around, thinking a hypothesis or just _speculation_ is the same thing as a theory, to give their _opinions_ more weight, but nothing could be further from the truth. A theory _must_ have evidence to support it; concrete, quantifiable, repeatable, verifiable evidence. Hence why evolution is taught in schools as fact, just like we learn about gravity or pretty much anything else considered science, because it's _just_ a theory, supported by a great amount of evidence."

"…Just what are you saying?"

"That little fable I spun was pretty impressive, I admit, but it's conjecture at best. For starters, it relies on the assumption that time planes are infinite and capable of being destroyed. It's not a theory, Kyon, just speculation. Besides, when I came to you, as impressive as the hasty idea I had come up with in that afternoon felt even for me, what I really cared about was what to do with the powers. I simply wanted to impress upon you the vast repercussions those powers hold, especially when time is concerned, and I think I got a little carried away. I must have really gotten caught up in all the excitement to miss such obvious flaws. But, I mean, it was the first time I was _truly_ a part of _your_ world."

"Yeah, it's a big difference hearing about all this stuff and actually experiencing it, but… are you… so you're saying, that Data-God…"

"Is basically nothing more than creative thinking along with how time travel truly functions. I'd already forgotten it all because it seemed so bad an idea, in all honesty. I don't really dwell too long on fundamentally flawed ideas. Too many unknowables, arguing from ignorance, like one might for the existence of god or aliens (or one would have before encountering such things)."

"It's actually one of the better ones I've heard," I said, finding myself surprisingly reluctant to let go of Sasaki's 'little fable'.

"Well, I for one sincerely doubt it. We simply don't know enough. But if you liked something I was able to come up with within an afternoon, maybe I should try my hand at prose." A smile as warm as any of Asahina-san's sweet teas graced Sasaki's lips.

"…"

Sasaki's smile waned again as she leaned back to look at me in an apologetic way. "All right… I see I've upset you."

"No, you haven't."

"My _idea_ about what was going on must have seemed like a firm frame of reference to latch onto, much like the speed of light is a constant we fall back on."

"Huh?"

"Oh, you don't know about Einstein's theory of relativity and how its name is a misnomer?"

"A what now?"

"Everything is _not_ relative, at least according to Einstein's theory of – heh – relativity. Everything _but_ the speed of light is relative, relative _to_ the speed of light. Light will always travel at the same speed in a vacuum, the highest speed possible, as light is composed of photons, particles that are essentially without mass, allowing them to reach this maximum speed… or so the theory goes based on current data. So the speed of light is a constant value we depend on. And now, to complete the metaphor, you saw my silly idea as a constant and you latched onto it, thinking it would give you better ground from which to attempt to measure the world around you, much like scientists use the constant of the speed of light in order to measure the 'actual' length or passing time of things moving at different relative speeds depending on the observer."

"…Okay, I didn't get most of that but I just have to say… _wow_."

"Thank you," Sasaki brimmed with pride as she charmingly tilted her head in appreciation. "I just thought of it on the go, but that was an A-grade metaphor, it worked perfectly on _all_ levels. Especially when you consider that Earth too, a thing humans have always held in great importance, is in fact not good as an absolute frame of reference, as the planet itself is revolving while orbiting a sun, which is in turn orbiting a galaxy, which is circling about in its own group of galaxies, which are drifting away from all the other galaxy clusters. So as you can see, there really is no proper frame of reference for you to latch onto as you haven't properly discovered your own constant yet and the world around you, what you only think is real, is just as bad a reference point as Earth _actually_ is in physics."

"…"

"Oh, wait… that wasn't very comforting at all, was it? Sorry. I didn't mean that you were just floating about aimlessly."

"It's okay, Sasaki."

"…Well, there is a sort of constant in your life though, isn't there…?" Sasaki tilted her head, wiping away a few loose strands of her hair from her eyes to look me straight in mine, a private, evocative look reflected in her dark pupils. "Something that everything else is sort of relative _to_," she spoke softly.

"…You're talking about Haruhi, aren't you?"

Sasaki was silent for a moment, as she continued staring at me intently, like she was conducting a phrenological survey of my skull to determine what I was thinking. "…Well, as the potential demiurge of this realm…" Sasaki straightened up and placed her hands around her tea cup, forming a little mound around it, her eyes now focusing on the spiraling spire of steam escaping from the little 'volcano' in front of her, a white line drawn across her brilliant, reflective eyes. "Yup, she's the only thing that's even close to a certainty, I suppose… though her appearance and proficiency at so many things makes one consider that everything might not be as 'natural' with her either."

"Huoh… you're right on the money there," I said, leaning back into my seat, getting into a more comfortable position.

"So… where were we..? Ah, yes…" Sasaki smirked at me, leaving her tea alone for now, "_girl_ trouble." She gave a gentle little giggle at this, something that felt slightly weird coming from her. "Can you believe it? What with everything going on around us, _that_ is essentially what this all boils down to."

Yeah, pretty insane, making me believe that much more that I've just gone mad and am just imagining all of this secrecy and intrigue around me, just to avoid considering... the alternatives, whatever they may or may not be.

"Suzumiya Haruhi…" Sasaki rolled the name on her tongue, like she was testing a new side dish, "it's so strange to talk so much about a girl I've barely even met, to have so much of my life focused on a stranger…"

"I'd almost forgotten about that, how little contact you've actually had with her."

"Do you think I should try to reach out to her?" Sasaki asked, her eyes once again focusing on mine with laser mounted sniper rifle precision. "It might help me understand the situation we're all trapped in, maybe even help you…"

I had a strong yet inexplicable feeling that as much sense as Sasaki's suggestion made, properly introducing her to Haruhi might very well be just as smart a move as making a joke about a king in his court right after Machiavelli's _The Prince_ had been published way back in the past when the virtues of love and fear in regards to respect where being seriously weighed.

"…I think it'd be best if you just… sort of hung back. The last time Haruhi saw you, it apparently spawned a whole new kind of closed space."

"I see. Different how?"

"Well, you know what a normal one is like, right?"

"Giant avatars of built-up frustration, of whatever kind of emotional stress, appear and wreck havoc, destroying the world around them to relieve pressure. A rather… immature 'response', even if it is happening within her mind."

"Yeah, but when you showed up… the things were apparently dumbstruck, confused."

"Hmm… I see. But why did you use the word 'apparently'? Twice in fact."

"Huh?"

"You don't trust the information you were given?"

"…Well, I wasn't there so… I mean, Koizumi… he…"

Sasaki placed her hand over mine, giving the back of my hand a tender, consoling rub of her fingers. "It's all right, I understand. You don't need to go further."

"It's not like I don't trust him to do the right thing… but what if the thing he thinks is right isn't the best for Haruhi and the rest of us?"

Sasaki took a significantly long enough, or at least it felt like that, moment to stare at me. "Kyon, you can't depend on anyone in the world for something like that. You have no idea what's going on inside _anyone's_ head. You never _can_ know. It's simply impossible."

"So, what? I shouldn't trust anyone?"

"Does trust really have much to do with understanding?"

"Sure it does."

"And yet so many people trust in God, when they can never really answer what he is or understand him."

"That's not what this is about."

"I'm just saying faith in something doesn't necessitate understanding."

"So you either don't trust anyone at all or you implicitly trust everyone, is that it?"

"Neither. I don't assume anything before I meet a person. What you seem to have forgotten is that I am _not_ like most people. I for one do not trust something I do not understand, therefore I seek to understand _everything_ fully. It is why I read, study and ask questions. I want to know the truth because that is the only thing, by its definition, you can trust completely… as difficult as it might be for us to decipher due to our stereotyping mind set and limited perceptions. But what we can find out, limited as it might be, we can use reason to piece together. I trust reason because I think it is the only way to the truth."

"And…?"

"What I think you should do when it comes to Koizumi is be reasonable. Analyze the situation, use that skeptical brain of yours. What are his goals? How will he go about achieving them?"

"I _know_ his goals and methods." A bit _too_ well… or maybe I didn't. May faith in reading people had severely been shaken recently.

"Then, now that you know your enemy, you must know your battleground and control it."

"He's… he isn't my enemy," I said slowly.

"Well, that's good, but moot. Regardless, the stage is set. All relationships function on the same dynamics, whether they are antagonistic, symbiotic or something in-between. You have to analyze the situation he and you are in, the circumstances that control and limit your options. If the paths for Koizumi are blocked, I suggest opening some new ones for him to follow. Lead him where you want him to go. Reach out to him and offer him a firm bridge of trust to cross over. I really think you should check out _The Art of War_ or at the very least _The Thirty-Six Stratagems_ if you do get the chance. They contain very relevant information even in current times, though most of it shouldn't exactly be followed literally anymore. There's no need pilfer every goat just because the opportunity presents itself."

"Huh?"

"Stratagem #12," Sasaki grinned at me.

"Any other stratagems I should be aware of?"

Sasaki's grin widened. "Stratagem #10: Hide a knife behind a smile."

Maybe Sasaki wasn't the only one who had read up on ancient Chinese wisdoms.

"Don't even joke like that. You're one of the few people I can trust fully," I said, none too pleased with what was implied about everyone I knew.

Sasaki gave an amused hum. "So, does that mean you understand me or that you just think you understand me? Because I think you're a lot like me, that you only trust what you can understand."

"I think…"

"Yes?"

"We've digressed very heavily from... what were we talking about?"

"Hmm," another amused hum, "I finally managed to distract you from your worries but I guess you can't deny your troubles forever. We wanted to catch up but what we were _really_ discussing was Suzumiya Haruhi."

Sigh. Haruhi, of course. But you had to admit, Sasaki really had managed to get my mind off that annoyingly troublesome girl.

"I'm not really sure I know how to help with her, but if there's any way, I'll do my best to help you."

"Thanks."

"No need... So, let's talk shop. Suzumiya has been acting oddly? Well, that can only really mean one thing: something's changed for her."

"Yeah, but what?"

"You know her best."

"So everyone keeps saying, but I really don't get her at all. She's like quic- ah, never mind. I have no special connection with her or anything. We're just... friends. Good ones, sure, why not. I mean, I'd just be insane not to accept that she's fun to hang around with. Most of the time."

Sasaki breathed out loudly, like a sigh released through her nose, before she brought her fingers together in a downwards lock, her hands joined at the knuckles in front of her on the table, and slowly turned her head and surveyed the crowds. When her head stopped turning, her sharp eyes focusing on something, I turned my head too to see what she had found, and was surprised to see the same couple I'd seen when I had been waiting for a train with Haruhi once again lip-locked in a fight of passion.

"It's funny," Sasaki said, snapping my attention back to her immediately.

"What is?"

Sasaki's eyes remained focused on the pair, though she directed her words at me. "Ask any person on the street what philosophy is about and they'll always answer, 'about trying to figure out what's the meaning of life'."

"...Sorry, I didn't really get the punch line."

Sasaki finally turned away from her target of observation and smiled gently at me, before she leaned her chin against her propped hands, chin resting against the knuckles of her index fingers as she held her hands together.

"In reality, no philosopher worth her degree or mental prowess would waste time on such a trite and, quite frankly, easy to answer question."

"Easy?" I think this was the first time I had ever heard anyone ever state that the meaning of life was easy to answer, especially as how much people kept going on about it all the time everywhere you turned.

"Oh, it's an extremely easy question to answer. Life is defined as matter formed from organic compounds, capable of respiration, homeostasis and reproduction (there might have been a few other criteria, but you get my point). Strictly speaking, from a biological perspective, the actual study of _life_, with bio meaning living, the purpose of life is life in itself. It's that simple."

"Really?"

"Life is just a matter of reproducing and passing down genes, producing a generation that will be tested out under the new surroundings of their time. What everything boils down to is that all life, even in regards to humans, is a matter of biological machines, or organisms, housing genes in order to allow them to reproduce and spread. Overall, it's rather pointless in the end, in the final analysis, but all things are. But as subjective beings, this explanation has always lacked a certain romantic flare to it, one I can actually understand. As beings possessing both sentience and sapience we require something more. I have no problem with this purpose, I've accepted this truth, but we are beings capable of removing ourselves from the hold of natural selection. Darwinism doesn't apply to us all that strictly anymore, as we have all sorts of 'unnatural' means to circumvent nature and our surroundings, such as medicine, gene screening and our own effect on the environment is much greater than its on us (unnatural, what a weird concept, as if something that has come to exist could somehow be 'unnatural'). We are free to choose our purpose and we exercise that freedom. The meaning of life is as subjective a thing you can get."

"I thought you were... what did you call it? A determinist?"

"Hmm, more of a soft determinist really... although compatibilism is something that I also think shows promise."

"A… what now?"

"As self-reflective beings, entities capable of thinking about our being with relation to the world, we are capable of analyzing situations and choosing accordingly, even capable of becoming aware of most of the factors influencing us. However, we are still tied down by our facticity."

"Fact- what?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I really am. It's just that whenever I talk about a subject I'm interested in, I start prattling on about it thinking I'm doing so with someone who is as informed as—I'm sorry, I didn't mean that you were –"

"No, it's true. I have no idea what you're talking about. Go ahead and call me stupid."

"No, you're not stupid, you're just..."

"An ignoramus?"

"Well, obviously not, since you know the word," Sasaki said with a pleased smile.

I smirked at the witty compliment. "Whatever, continue."

"You sure?" Sasaki raised an eyebrow the tiniest amount.

"Sure, why not? I might gleam something useful through whatever you have to say. I'd be a _real_ fool to say no to you. You have a... certain way with philosophy that Koizumi just lacks."

"Perhaps I'm more of a realist and perhaps that appeals to you, or maybe you find my material monism more attractive than his possible dualistic or idealistic thoughts on existence."

Yeah sure, why not. That definitely sounds better than 'I could just stare at your quaintly smiling face no matter what it spouted'. It was true, after all. There was something about Sasaki's faint smile that always set me at ease, made me feel incredibly comfortable.

"All right. No, my point was... Ah yes... No, what I've always thought to be more of an interesting philosophical question is something that has puzzled mankind's mind for several millennia."

"What's that?"

"'What is love?'"

"_Love?_"

"Now _that's_ a crazy enough concept to waste pondering about," Sasaki said with an even brighter smile. "Love is just so delightfully indefinable, so lurid, so confusing... and as someone looking at it from the outside, someone who has never really understood it, I've always held a certain interest in it."

"But you don't really hold that much stock in it, do you? I mean... you've never..." suddenly I was having a hard time speaking, as the topic had turned to something rarely discussed between us: Sasaki's personal feelings on something, and not just thoughts.

"I guess I simply can't help my sense of curiosity. It's such a crazy thing, essentially just a reaction to stimuli and hormones, but there is so much poetry and literature and stories about it, that I just can't help but try to understand it better. Why is it so important? What is its purpose? What _is_ it?"

"All right, so what have you discovered about it? What do you think?"

Sasaki was silent once again, no doubt weighing her following words, cutting off the fatty, brainy parts, dumbing them down for me.

"You know, I don't think a man and a woman can even love each other fully, at least not as things are."

"Huh? Why's that?"

"You know how they always say men will never understand how the female mind works? Well, I think it pretty much applies the other way as well. So if we can never really understand the opposite sex, how can we love them? Isn't that what love is supposed to be, full and complete understanding of another 'soul', that the two of you are practically one? But a man can never really get inside a woman's mind and vice versa. We simply have too many distinctions, not just physically in hormones, but socially. Women and men are pushed into these roles. There's no way we can really understand the issues of another gender when we have our own issues to deal with. I think I can see why the Ancient Greeks and later medieval societies from Japan to the Middle East to the Northern Americas and Europe practiced pederasty. They probably felt that only a man can understand and truly love another man. Although the way they practiced it, between a younger and older male, feels a bit odd by current standards."

"…You can't be serious."

"Look, I'm not just talking about sexual love here. I think, and this is pretty much hearsay but it makes some sense, those men in ancient times had wives along with their same-sex lovers. Maybe the women were seen as a way to continue the man's legacy. Sure, demeaning and degrading if they were seen as nothing more and they acted accordingly, giving up their worth, but I don't see why we couldn't have something similar to this in modern society as well. Every person could have one opposite-sex partner, who they would love to the extent they can, but also a partner who would be able to understand them perfectly; sex would be optional."

I was starting to have a hard time looking Sasaki in the eye.

"Look, don't you feel a greater deal of camaraderie with guys than girls? That they just _get_ you? This doesn't mean you have to sleep with them. It's... platonic love, like friendship, like... what we share, I suppose. There aren't any... illusions... no miscommunication. That's what love should be, right?" Sasaki asked, her dim eyes focused on me, as she brushed some of her loose bangs away.

I gave the back of my neck a rub, suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable, but in an oddly excited way, in a way that was both off putting and welcomed.

"You could still have sex with your wife because you are sexually attracted to her, but spend the meaningful and soulful moments with your true soul mate, the guy who understands you. I really think we're only coupled together with the opposite sex because it's biologically necessary; we feel attracted to the opposite sex because it's sort of pre-programmed into us. I think most 'normal' amorous relationships are built around this aesthetic attraction and passing passion. It's great and nice, but not meaningful and long lasting like true companionship. The passion usually runs out of relationships in three or something years and only the ones where there is true love remain along with the ones that are simply... well off, I suppose. Or trapped by a feeling of obligation. Marriage is more of a business contract, no matter how we as societies dress it up in romanticism. It's an exchange of legal and monetary privileges."

"What if... what if there was a girl, who acted like a boy? You know, well, not like a stereotypical girl, but a very passionate, driven, assertive girl? If she was sort of your soul mate, but you didn't exactly feel any romantic attraction to her, like you had a platonic relationship with her. You'd treat her like one of the guys. But then there would be this other girl, pretty atypical as well, but still... hm, girly I suppose, sort of 'emotional'. I'm not sounding condescending, am I?"

What the hell was I mumbling about now?

"No, no, not at all," Sasaki said quickly, seeming to only gain more steam from what I'd said. "I'm actually glad you noted that gender roles are not so clearly cut anymore, that they are starting to, not necessarily break apart, but change. Women were pressed into this serving role as docile peons and they accepted it for the most part. This is the only reason why people still see girls as generally being more peaceful and mature than boys even though this isn't always the case. There are plenty of idiots on both sides.

There are probably just as many racist women as there are men, though men might just feel a stronger urge to act on and voice these feelings as this is the role they have been given, this sort of active doer. I mean, take a look at the way entertainment is typically divided when it comes to kids, how there's action stories for the boys and love stories for the girls. It's pretty unfair how we push both sexes into these roles. There's all this talk of female liberation and them being the oppressed sex, but men are fairly oppressed as well, of course not to the same extent but relatively well as well. You know that universal rule of 'not striking a woman', at least in a majority of cultures, right? Well, I think it's pretty damn stupid."

What?

"I'm not promoting violence, I just think it's an unfair prejudice. You shouldn't hit anyone. Restricting that rule to just women is sexist. It only enforces the stereotype that women aren't as strong as or even equal to men. Now because of this rule, women themselves don't even see it as being so wrong to strike a man, as no such cultural value exists. I mean, look: the motif of an offended woman going ahead and slapping a man, it's everywhere! (And kind of offensive and belittling towards the female gender, if you ask me)

There was actually a survey recently, and according to it, women in relationships tend to dish out more corporal punishment than men. Sure, a big strong guy can physically withstand more than a woman, but what about psychologically? Being assaulted by someone you love and care about deeply? That's got to leave a deeper psychological scar than a physical one, all the time. And men can't even say anything about it! That's the worst part. It's part of their role in society, being this strong guy who bottles everything up, while women can cry and be 'emotional', just as long as they stay submissive and silent most of the time, typically while they work.

See how we're all oppressed by these gender ideas? Because of them, our chances of finding a soul mate are even lower, as we've alienated the other sex from our own and limited the only ones who can understand us in this society of oppression to those who we aren't necessarily sexually attracted to. We need to let go of these gender roles if we're ever really going to love one another as we're supposed to, fully. Once these roles are gone, we can have those passionate and romantic exchanges and fully understand the other.

If you ask me, this Suzumiya seems to be doing a delightfully strong attempt at subverting traditional gender roles, being an extremely active and assertive person, opening herself up to more possibilities, seemingly a very decided act on her part. And I say good for her; she might actually be a better fit for a man, as long as he's able to overcome his own cultural, gender biases."

There was an uncomfortable lump in my throat, having developed to the unbearable size of a grapefruit. I tried to swallow inconspicuously but I ended up coughing to my embarrassment as Sasaki continued talking about genders and stuff. My cheeks felt warmer than they should have.

"Now as much as I've talked about the differences between the sexes and how they separate us, I really don't think we're really all that different deep down. The differences are just superficial, but unfortunately, superficiality has taken on a greater role in the information age where patience has decreased and we must gain what we can as quickly as possible. The differences are superficial social constructs, but we have let them take too great a hold on us, fuelling this impression of difference. Remember what I told you about stereotypes and their actual usage before? Not that phony prejudiced thinking everyone always thinks stereotyping means.

I'm not saying it's impossible for a man and woman to fully love each other, just more difficult than it need be. Soul mates are in short supply."

"…Soul mate…" I muttered, feeling I should try and contribute even a little, rolling the words in my mouth and head, "what a weird idea, that there's only someone right for you out there…"

"Well the idea of a soul mate is rather common across societies, but the Greeks I believe were some of the earlier ones to truly delve into the idea."

"Wow, you really have put a lot of study into this."

"Heh, I guess, although what follows I sort of stumbled upon by accident, as I'd simply been studying Plato. The idea of a soul mate was essentially created like this according to the Greeks' myths: Long ago, humans did not exist like they do today. A human had four legs, four hands and two faces. They were happy, content creatures. The gods saw this happiness and became jealous; only gods should possess such contentment. Zeus took his lightning and cast it upon humanity, smiting us so that we were split in two, a being with only two hands and legs and just one head. Now humans wander around, looking for their other half. Sometimes it's someone of the opposite sex, sometimes it's not. We come together in love, both physically and mentally, trying to complete our souls like they once were in ages past. It's sort of beautiful, in a way, isn't it? Although, perhaps a bit self-serving."

Sasaki took a big sip of her tea before she continued, "I'm going to paraphrase Plato now."

Go right ahead, it's not like I could call you out on plagiarism even if I wanted to.

"What is love? Simple desire to have and hold what we don't have? If love desires good and beautiful things, then is it beautiful and good? For if love desires these things, then it shouldn't posses them, as there is little point in desiring what one already possesses. Love is neither beautiful nor good, nor wise either. This however doesn't mean it is ugly, bad or ignorant. Don't fall into the trap of thinking things can only be one or the other. Love is something in between. According to Plato, love is a desire for ultimate Beauty, in accordance to his theory of Forms. In a way it's a force that transcends even a possible God. It defines what's right."

"What do you mean, greater than God?"

"Does God say what is right because he decides so, or does God say something is right because it is so, beyond his defining? If right and wrong, or even love, are not answerable to God, then there must be something even greater than God. One of those things could be love."

"Do you really think that?"

"Maybe, maybe not. It's all rather inconsequential for me, really. Love just isn't much more than a curiosity for me. At first I merely assumed it must be some form of evolutionary by-product, to aid in the K-strategy for reproduction utilized by homo sapiens, as they are creatures who multiply relatively rarely in comparison to most of the animal kingdom and care for their young. But that just didn't really fit, not when society is so strongly centered around it, how it has continued to be a presence in mankind's history since times of oral tradition. Treating love as simply nothing more than a biological response is a bit naïve, though far from wrong either.

Anyway, I don't think things like love and morals really exist, except as concepts, totally dependent on minds, which are dependent on physical bodies. I don't believe in something transcending physicality. If there is something beyond this world, it's in no way connected to ours. Even the data beings are limited by physicality, unable to break the laws of physics and tied down to time like we are, even if they are capable of perceiving it differently. And I don't think souls exist as anything more than concepts, no more than morals or love. Does this mean I don't value them? No, of course not. People need to believe in them, they give our lives worth and content. They make our lives better, richer. In a way… they are very beautiful lies, half truths. I understand their worth for others, especially in a world lacking any inherent meaning, but for me, they're not enough. I'd still much rather have the truth, no matter what it is, no matter how cold or cruel."

"So how does love define what's right?" I asked.

"Well, here's one way of looking at it, inspired by my readings on the likes of Plato and Jean-Paul Sartre, but in no means a definitive theory: Love is selfish, it has to be. We're all egoists, whether we admit it or not, whether we acknowledge it or not. Even love is selfish. This is to motivate it and help it work better. If it concerns you directly, you're more inclined to work on it. If you're not personally involved, you're disconnected from it, you won't understand it and the target of love fully. You need to be selfish for the other person. Sartre put it best I think; the other person sees you differently than you ever could, and when they are in love with you they focus on you, and you gain a better insight into your own being from them along with your introspection. The other person helps in your self-fulfillment and vice versa.

Of course, there are problems with this. Being in someone's control like this is dangerous, it causes 'bad faith', allows you to deceive yourself into believing your worth and existence are solely determined by someone else and not by you alone. And as all lives are subjective, how can we rely on another's perspective? Wouldn't seeking as many lovers and their perspectives be a good idea? Then again, Sartre was of the opinion amorous relationships shouldn't be exclusive."

Just where exactly are you going with this? First pederasty made sense to an extent, 'not striking women' is a dumb rule and now you seem to be... advocating polygamy?

"But the point is we need other people, they help us understand ourselves. The self, as far as I see it, is the product of all the factors around you, stretching all the way back in time to when we first developed sentience. We are all one, formed by our interactions, memories and societies but viewing reality in a unique way, each with our own specific perspective on the whole. Unfortunately, the self is indefinable as it is a being-in-itself as well as a being-for-itself, respectively something that simply exists and something that is self-aware, to simplify the matter for you, Kyon.

A person is not just an object in the world, but something that is completely free and always attempting to understand and define itself, according to Sartre. But if we were to define ourselves, even with the help of others, this would limit our freedom and our choices, because being defined is a lmitation. For example, if a human sees themself as only a slave they will just remain as one. This limitation would only cause more genuine 'angst' of the existential kind, as the word was originally used and not as that synonym for pathetic whining from immature people as it is used for nowadays. The world is absurd and we are always free. Denying this or believing otherwise is 'bad faith' for Sartre. There is _always_ choice, like even death for those who _chose_ to become slaves. They weren't truly deprived of choice in a Sartrean worldview.

We are always separated from ourselves and others by a metaphorical _nothingness_, a wall if you will. As we consider ourselves, we only consider ourselves in relation to the world, as limited things, things tied down by facticity. But as I've already explained, this does not work in defining the self. Others can give us fresh insight into ourselves so we use them to our advantage. This is how we _use_ love. Yes, it's sort of degrading, treating others as means, but this way there's a way to help others, as this is a social interaction and as such works both ways, and isn't helping others moral behavior? This love extends to us all. It's what all the philosophies, ideologies and religions have been saying for nearly three thousand years if not more.

Unfortunately, especially with religions, many people have snuck in little rules and such, commandments if you will, that don't really gel with this existential love they wish to advocate. Christianity is a great example of this. Jesus is a character all about love, about it setting us free, although he fails to see its selfish design. Now the real problem arose as some people added values to his words in order to control the populace, as Nietzsche pointed out. It's master/slave morality. Christianity, as it was shaped into by various people, took the dominant values of Rome that were derived from ancient Greek culture, like pride and assertiveness, and twisted them, raising their opposites, humility and meekness, as new Christian virtues just so control could be exerted over the culturally strong and weak as well. Now the weak, who already possessed these values, had their values imposed on the stronger, but fewer ones in society. The ones in high regard in the old system were pulled down so they could be controlled, down to the same level as the low slave-like mentality possessing people, who were weak in the sense that they could not create values but merely followed those created by others, living lives of skepticism and pessimism, full of weak-willed indivuduals who would waste time with Christian values and dreams of heaven, never truly affirming life and just living it. Jesus' message was lost as humanity's Will to Power took hold of his words. We always want to control the world around us as it creates a feeling of safety. It's why we think the world makes sense... We want to control everything, when it's us who is controlled by something that is neither truly chaotic or orderly, but what simply is..."

…It's simply stunning... Just amazing how similar Sasaki and Haruhi are... and yet how different they are as well. Like two sides of a coin, like Asahina-san (small) and Asahina-san (big), what one is and will become, or might. Although I highly doubt Haruhi will ever develop to the same level as Sasaki. You might as well ask a mollusk to do binomial functions. Sasaki was just so beyond everyone else.

"So we're all just a bunch of greedy bastards... not something I'd like to agree with, but it certainly does make a lot of sense, generally speaking of course," I admitted.

"Of course, I understand. We have to generalize, how else could we ever speak of anything if all exceptions were accounted for? Seeing how long it takes me to express just these simple generalizations, we'd be stuck here for months if I were to try and give an all inclusive theory of everything that accounted for all possible exceptions, both known and unknown, but in a manner that could be explained. The human mind simply works in a generalizing way. Recall my explanation of stereotyping as useful mental tools, for learning for example?"

"Yeah, yeah…"

"In the end, people are all the same, and as interesting a psychological phenomenon love is, I think it's rather weak in comparison to the more primal feelings of mankind, like fear and anger. Love didn't bring mankind together, it never does, never as effectively as fear. When there's us and them, someone to fear and hate, people band together. I think that's how society was formed in the first place; scared people coming together to fight and run from others, not because they loved one another."

"People could change, they could be better."

"Yes, they could, but they won't. That's what makes it all so tragic. _That's_ what makes things truly dramatic, in Aristotelian fashion. Our hubris…"

We both fell silent, the dark warmth of our secluded corner growing heavy and stifling for a moment. I stared at my untouched tea, looking for something just under the surface, something that was hidden and held the solution to everything, but as always, it was an empty hope.

"Oh, look at the time. We've addressed so many issues and yet it still doesn't feel like enough, like we've only scratched the surface. After all, philosophy isn't just one topic or subject but _everything_, and everything is quite a lot to discuss," Sasaki said, standing up, giving her bangs a little, familiar looking flick. "We really must do this again. I enjoyed this immensely, but next time, let's try and focus on only what's going on in our lives and none of this silly highbrow stuff you always spring up on me," she said, smirking a little at me.

_Haha_, very funny, very funny indeed. Maybe next time I'll lock you up in a room with Koizumi and see how _you_ like being cornered like this. This way we could also find out which one exits with their head having not been blown apart by the sheer awesome power of the perfect logical argument. At least that way there'd be one less of you to deal with and the winner would be known across the lands as the Unquestionable. I would honestly stop rolling my eyes and sighing and accept anything the Unquestionable would say as absolute truth. But I guess that would have to wait.

"Don't worry, I'll leave you with something that will have you simply begging for another fulfilling meet with me," Sasaki said, wearing an old playful smirk I hadn't seen on her since back in cram school, when she'd once gone on a weird wild streak by screwing loose a pen I had borrowed from her, causing a great dark stain on my desk the two of us ended up cleaning, with Sasaki feeling especially silly and apologetic after her first and probably last attempt at a friendly prank.

Okay, that doesn't really fill the criteria of something crazy for the current me, but prior to meeting Haruhi, something like that had seemed ridiculously nonsensical for me. Ah, good old times of yore... when homework had still been a fairly serious, though often ignored, concern for the distant future that had always snuck up with unexpected slyness.

"There's a reason I don't often visit this café, though I love their tea, you know. But don't worry," Sasaki said as she got up. "I'll pay back next time," she finished with a tiny wink and smile as she quickly strode out of the quaint tea house.

Wait, just what the hell was she –

"Your bill," the waitress said as she arrived like a diving hawk at the first sign of an opening, placing the little scrap of offensive paper that sat smugly on a little pretentious plate onto the table right in front of me. I gave the number laden, nearly two-dimensional villain an unwilling inspection.

You gotta be _kidding_ me! It's just boiled water with _leaves_ in it!

Damn right I'm going to see you again, Sasaki! This is just _ridiculous_!

…

Sigh... The world is just so unreasonable in so many ways... I thought as I dug deep into my pockets for any and all loose change I might have had left. All the weird girls in my life were simply bankrupting me.

_So unreasonable…_


	29. Spring breeze of change

As I took my first heavy steps up the hill for school the next day, I had the once in a life time privilege of running into Nagato. I nearly gasped in surprise as I spotted the fair little girl approaching, wearing her cardigan while a long scarf was wrapped around her neck, blowing about in the cold wind that had decided to add its vote into what sort the new climate should be in what seemed to be an exceptionally undecided spring when it came to weather.

I stood still, waiting for the petite alien to reach me, not bothered at all by the chilling wind anymore as it sieved though the fabric of my pants, shearing my shins with icy needles.

"Hey," I said as the girl arrived by my side.

Nagato looked up at me, her hair flying in her face, nearly covering her gold-tinted obsidian eyes from view. She gave her head a little tilt, asking a silent question that didn't really need an answer.

"...Good morning," she replied.

I couldn't help but smile at the response. A part of me couldn't help but wonder if she would have given me even that a year or so ago.

The two of us just stood there for a moment, looking at each other.

"Well," I said, starting to feel slightly self-conscious under the scrutinizing eyes of Nagato, who always felt like she could see so deep into you that she could tell you the very codons of your DNA or the shape of your synaptic connections, or simply put, what made you literally 'you'. "This is a nice surprise... a year together in this school and we've never really run into each other, well, what with you always in the clubroom. You always probably showed up way before school started anyway or something..."

"..." Nagato just kept staring up at me blankly.

"Quite a nice coincidence, really..." I said, feeling dumber by the nanosecond as I gave my neck a rub and a nearby bush a glance for a hint for more tantalizing small talk on such a rare and dare I say 'auspicious' occasion.

"...It was not a coincidence..." Nagato interjected softly.

"Hmm?"

"...Your arrival at school is always approximately 6 – 8 minutes with an error margin of 37.8 seconds before lessons are scheduled to commence, which in turn vary within a 2 minute range of intended time of commencement."

"...Uh, what?"

"My arrival time was calculated to accommodate this approximation in a manner that would yield a high probability of contact with you."

"...Wait, you _wanted_ to see me?"

"...Yes."

I actually blinked stupidly a few times before I managed to wrangle in my dizzy, wandering brain cells and ask, "...Why?"

"A minor sealed reality event was registered two days ago."

_Oh..._

"So you just wanted to know about that, huh?" I asked, trying to conceal the slight disappointment I suddenly felt.

"The Integrated Data Sentient Entity desires to ascertain as much relevant data as possible."

Though there was no emphasis in her words, the fact that Nagato had made this distinction seemed to add to the odd twisting feeling in my gut, which had started building force as Nagato's brilliant eyes had continued examining me, warming me in the chill of the fresh morning uncomfortably.

"Yeah, Koizumi told me it was somehow different..."

Nagato nodded.

"But I don't know anything really. Haruhi's just been... Well, like I said, I really don't know and quite honestly I don't think I really care anymore. It's all just so... never mind. Tiresome, I guess," I elaborated nevertheless, finding myself wanting to impart some 'data' to Nagato. "But do we have to talk about this, about Haruhi? I mean, this is a rare opportunity after all... Couldn't you and I... maybe, I dunno..." I once again rubbed my neck, hoping friction would cause sparks of inspiration to get my creative fires going. "Maybe we could just... talk, you and I... something that's... well, I don't know, but I really don't want to talk about Haruhi, okay?"

Nagato once again gave her head a little tilt, looking me up carefully, before she gave a little nod.

"Thanks..."

Nagato once again simply nodded, but in a weird way, it was far more reassuring than any words she could have spoken, even if she had quoted the likes of the Shakespeare or some other highly marketed writer.

"Uh, well... we should probably walk as well, since school is starting after all."

Once again, you guessed it, Nagato nodded.

As we strode up the hill, the cherry blossoms, the unusually late bloomers for this year, had finally started doing what I had expected of them. Dark, brown, decaying wounds speckled the faded pink confetti-like trash of the trees as they hopped across the road to school with the help of the breeze. It seemed like the warm period during the carnival when we had been able to spend a night sleeping under the stars and between the roots of a tree during the carnival had managed to wake up the lazy cherry trees out of their overly long winter slumber, kicking them in the butts to remind them that they were late, only to shove them into cooler conditions as punishment for their bad behavior. But of course, as I'd noted when waiting for the train with Haruhi, all that this grand symbolic transience of life meant was just extra yard work for me.

"So..." I tried saying something to Nagato but found myself completely and totally unable to continue just as soon as I started.

A wall seemed to have sprung up between me and Nagato after that damn carnival, a wall I wanted terribly to tear down but seemed to lack the tools do the necessary deed.

'_She has quite a lot to tell, provided you ask the right questions…'_

"So, how are you… doing…?" I asked uncertainly, the question sounding incredibly stupid just as it left my mouth, leaving me wishing I had just kept my damn mouth shut.

Slowly, like the canon of a battleship, Nagato's head turned to face me, placing me squarely in her sights once again. I resisted the urge to look away from the deep dark eyes, though it would have been incredibly hard anyway, as Nagato's eyes always seemed to manage to draw me in, making me feel like I could fall into the comforting darkness within. The world seemed to disappear around us as my ears strained for her answer, my heart actually pacing itself in order to meet whatever it might be, beating just a bit excitingly faster than it would if you were running a race with the finishing line in sight and your opponent right next to you.

"I am fine," she answered before she looked ahead again.

"…Uhm, well, that's – that's nice. Good to hear."

_Man, I am so stupid… letting myself get all wound up for nothing._

But what exactly had Koizumi asked her in order to get her to open up, beyond asking for some specific sort of exposition about some asinine sci-fi minutiae? Why couldn't I do the same? Why had talking to Nagato become so difficult? Before it hadn't been a problem… before her not talking hadn't bothered me at all, actually. Before we hadn't talked any less or more than now, and yet it felt so damn awkward now, now that Nagato had said she wanted to avoid too much social interaction, afraid she would once again go on a rampage or fail to give our safety her full attention.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

I had to fix it.

…But how?

"We have arrived," Nagato suddenly informed me, her lovely quiet tones breaking apart my stupor, shattering the troubling thoughts away into the cold wind.

What? Already? But I didn't even get a chance to – I didn't have the time to – Ugh, damn it. Crap. Okay, next time. I can't just let this thing with Nagato slide. She deserves better. I have to do something.

Nagato was already at the door by the time I had finished with my disappointed thoughts. She stood still to hold the door for me, to which I mumbled my gratitude. I quickly considered telling the little alien to set some time aside so we could maybe try and have a proper conversation about my nagging hang-ups, but when I turned around to ask her, thinking such a thing should be easy to set up, seeing as she probably didn't have much to do outside of school and the Brigade, Nagato was already walking off towards her classroom.

_Next time, I swear._

When I entered my class, I found Haruhi already seated, staring out the window at the world under a grey sky, chin resting against a propped hand. Not an unusual sight by any means of measure, but hardly ever a comforting sign either despite it usually being an indicator that the world was normal. After all, what else would bum the adventurous spirit of Haruhi more than that?

As much as I wanted to ask her how she was doing, I had learned to distinguish when the back of her head said 'please talk to me, I'm so bored and in a rut, although I'll be ridiculously rude about it when you do' and 'stay away... just stay away if you know what's good for you'. This was clearly one of those latter kinds of cranial messagery.

I sat down and took a look around, and true enough to my thoughts, the world around me was just as it should be: perfectly normal. Little groups of girls and boys here and there, but never mixed together. Someone discussing a TV show from yesterday and how it had been 'so damn funny', another a magazine article while eagerly waving the magazine in question about in order to compliment the tale with the pictures included. And of course there was the likes of Taniguchi, leaning smugly back in his chair with his hands crossed, making him look like he had something to be proud about, leering about with lecherous contentment at all the pretty girls our class had seemed to amass through some small act of paradoxical providence by pure chance.

"Uhum," our teacher for the morning lesson cleared his throat, making it loud and clear there hadn't been anything wrong with his throat, but definitely unhinging something vital inside it with such a thorough blast of sound as he entered the class. "Settle down now, please."

The girl who had taken over Asakura's role as class president, or whatever self-delusional moniker the power hungry had chosen to use for their role nowadays, sprung to action and called for all of us to rise for the usual greeting. It was such a mechanical movement that my body essentially went into autopilot while the more conscious part of my mind started preparing to go into hibernation mode as soon as the proper lesson would start, as it really couldn't be bothered much with school anymore nowadays, especially with the boring subject we would have first (read: practically any one of them).

The loud and annoying scraping of chairs being pulled back soon followed as everyone took their seats, followed by the shorter and slightly softer yet still equally annoying scratching, as nearly everyone pulled their chairs closer to their desks, adjusting themselves as necessary.

When my personal autopilot disengaged, my mind couldn't help but wonder if Haruhi had bothered to rise or not for some reason. In fact, what if she never had? What with my body going into a near catatonic state whenever the morning greeting was done, and all individual voices lost in the unified chant (except for that one guy in the middle of the class who _still_ seemed to be going through puberty), I had never really been sure if she had. Of course, there was no way she could have gotten away with it all the time, or any time really, as the new class rep was just as anal with such little details as all the ones I had known before her, but today felt like a day when the world might just bend over to Haruhi's whims and just let her stare moodily out the window.

Whether Haruhi was actually staring out the window moodily or not was also something I wasn't really sure about, as I hadn't seen her face, knowing not to tempt a fate so similar to any who had met the gaze of a Gorgon.

"Uhum... all right... let's see... Uhum... Class, we have a rather special occasion today. We'll be receiving a transfer student, and –"

A susurrus of whispering immediately followed the brief announcement, interrupting what would have followed, not unlike the sound of ravenous locusts descending upon their meal.

"Please be a girl please be a girl please be a girl," I heard Taniguchi chant under his breath, all of his fingers crossed for extra luck.

"I want you _all_ to be on your best behavior in welcoming her," the teacher raised his voice as he continued after the whispering calmed down slightly.

"_Yesss!_" Taniguchi hissed, before he started a new chant, this time bringing his palms together for a prayer. "Please be good looking please be good looking please be good looking."

"Hello, everyone!" a girl with bright auburn hair in two pigtails said enthusiastically as she poked her head in my class, the pigtails swinging merrily, with a wide and friendly smile that would make anyone want to get to know her better.

_No._

"_Yesss!_" Taniguchi hissed in triumph yet again, pumping his fist in celebration. "_Score!_" He then grew disturbingly contemplative, actually giving his chin a pretentious rub. "Wonder if I should have wished for something better..." Then, just as suddenly as the mindful moment had entered him, it left in a hurry like it had found its new place of residence unbearably infested with dirty things, and was soon replaced by the old owner, his collection of creative yet dirty thoughts, summoning a dirty smirk to its old place on his face. "Nah, this is more than fine. She's cute enough."

The class sounded like it was really infested by locusts by now, the very walls seeming to reverberate with haunting whispers, like an Abrahamic god had brought his full wrath upon the people.

_No. She _cannot_ be here!_

"All right class, settle down, settle down. This is Tachibana Kyoko. She has just transferred and I want you all to help make her feel welcome in this new environment."

_What the hell...?_

"I'm glad to be here. I hope we can all get along nicely," Tachibana said as she strode to the front of the class, dressed in our school uniform, and then took a small courteous bow, little pigtails swinging along with her head. "I look forward to getting to know all of you."

"_So_ do _I_..." Taniguchi muttered mostly to himself.

_Why is she _here_?_

"Let's see..." the teacher scanned the classroom, finally settling on Haruhi's and my corner of the world. "There's an empty seat next to Suzumiya-san, the girl with the orange ribbon in her hair at the back."

"All right," Tachibana keenly said as she started down an aisle, each soft little step resounding in my head like the blunt thumping sound of an executioner's axe making slow and painful progress.

_No... No... This can't be happening. This just _can't_!_

As she advanced, my eyes darted away to look out the window at the dull world outside, where grey clouds hung in a bloated fashion, as if waiting for the signal to start their blitz upon the world.

_Crap. What the hell does this mean?_

She was almost near my desk by now, just a few more fatal steps.

_Damn it, what do I do?_

Tachibana strode past my desk, the hem of her new blue skirt wavering past the corner of my eyes like a phantom, before I could hear the low screech of a chair being pulled back to sit in.

"Now, I know you all want to talk about this new member to your class and get to know her, but that will have to wait until recess. We're already running late as it is. Now, who can tell me what an electron volt is? And no, I won't accept such a partial answer as a unit for electricity or something vague like that. Remember, we're discussing particle physics here. What exactly is it used to measure? Come on, this was essentially all you had to read for today's lesson. It's not as if we're discussing weak and strong forces, quarks or even hypothesizing about gravitons."

The noise seemed to waver away like lost heat out a window, before a concert of scratched heads and uncomfortable glances began as the class failed to come up with a single answer to the teacher's questions.

"Hey..." Haruhi said all of a sudden in a languid voice behind me. "I know you, don't I...? Yeah, you're one of Sasaki's mates."

"Yes," Tachibana answered brightly. "It's nice to meet you again and even better to know that you remembered me. I've heard so much about you."

"Huh? How? I hadn't realized knowledge of the SOS Brigade had managed to spread that far yet."

Tachibana gave a light chuckle. "No, from Sasaki-san."

"What? How is that possible? We've barely met."

"Well, from Kyon-kun of course."

"I see..." Haruhi said in slow and measured icy tones, but said nothing whatsoever afterwards, probably having turned to either look back out the window or stare daggers at the back of my head as I feared. I had already been unable to look behind me thanks to Tachibana's sudden appearance, but now that I might run across a foul grimace from Haruhi as well, because it really did feel like the back of my head was being pricked with thousands of tiny needles under a hostile stare, I felt it was absolutely in my future health's best interest not to even risk a death glare that could drop me faster than a the aforementioned Gorgon's could have. Turning to stone would actually have been much more preferable than anything Haruhi could dish out.

The lesson passed like it normally would, though more often than not, someone in class would peer in our corner at the new arrival. I wanted to glance behind me as well, but my neck and my whole body felt like it had been tightened to a breaking point, and if I were to move, something would snap. My fists were clenched, the muscles in my legs taut, ready to run, but I couldn't move, could barely even think. Every time I glanced at the clock on the wall, I couldn't help but wonder if it had broken, what with it hardly moving at all.

_Damn it... this can't be happening._

There was a little clicking sound, before something could be heard rolling towards me.

"Uhm, excuse me Kyon-kun, I seem to have dropped my pencil. It's right next to your foot. Could you be a dear and pass it back to me?"

I looked down and did indeed spot the damned thing next to my foot. For a moment, I just stared at the thing and called it the worst things possible in my head. Then I noticed the looks some of the people around me were starting to give me, curiously raised eyebrows and such.

I picked the little thing up, wanting to do nothing more than crack it in two, but overcame such childish desires and thrust the pencil behind me without looking.

"Uh, a bit more to the right..."

I turned my hand accordingly.

"_My_ right. Heh, careful now, you might shove the pencil up Suzumiya-san's nose."

_Oh for the love of..._

I hastily moved my hand in the other direction, not wanting to risk further angering Haruhi, not that I even knew for certain if she was angry, although all my experience with her and my senses seemed to be screaming a bloody warning at me.

"Thanks," Tachibana said as she grabbed the pencil and relieved me of its awful weight.

It felt like I could never again look behind me, with both my worst fears and nightmares seeming to have teamed up to haunt me, like cold fingers were dancing along my spine.

I looked at the clock on the wall. The lesson would end soon and that meant something would have to be done soon... but what? And how?

I seemed to be stuck in a weird fluctuating time dilation. The minute hand would sometimes take forever to jerk ahead and sometimes it felt like it was just ticking away like a time bomb's dial whenever I nervously glanced at it.

I had to find out what was going on, but I couldn't stand to look behind me, to face this new threat in my sacred place of comforting boredom.

This couldn't be happening, not here, not in school, not in my class, not in one of the last places where my life was still beautifully normal and tedious.

The bell finally rang, ending my old torment while starting a new one, marshalling me to action as all the heads in the class seemed to spin to face our corner. If I wanted to try anything, I would have to do it now before the ravenous scavengers that were my classmates would circle around and descend on our piece of the room.

I got up before any of the others could and turned to face Tachibana, keeping my eyes focused intently on her, not letting my eyes dwell at all on the other girl behind me.

"Tachibana... –san, could I have a word with you? In private."

Tachibana smiled up at me happily, eyes bright and innocent, like it really was the first day of school for her. "Of course," she said as she got up.

I walked out of the room as speedily as I could, not wanting to give my eager classmates even the chance of following us in case they wanted to get to know the new arrival, as they doubtlessly did.

It was only when I was outside in the cool crisp spring air that I finally turned around and looked behind me and faced what I had to.

"What are you doing here?" I asked immediately.

"Such a cold tone for such cold weather... I thought we had moved past –"

"_What_ are you _doing_ here?" I interrupted, not giving her the chance to dodge the question.

Tachibana gave a little sigh, her fresh smile drifting away. "What do you think?" she asked, a slightly tired look in her eyes that had just moments ago been shining with innocent enthusiasm.

"If you so much as hurt a hair on Haruhi's or anyone else's head I'll –"

"Please, Kyon, calm down."

"No!" I grabbed her by the shoulders, the girl tensing up in my hands as I did so. "I know what you people are capable of! You tried kidnapping Asahina-san!"

"I _told_ you, we didn't _want_ to do it!"

"And yet you _did_!"

"You have no idea what's happened before! What we've gone through!"

"So what? That doesn't excuse any of it! I won't let you do whatever you want!"

"None of this is what _I_ wanted! I didn't even know about this town over 3 years ago! My family doesn't live here! I don't know anyone, I have no friends! I only –" Tachibana's voice suddenly cut off, the indignation disappearing to be replaced by soft, carefully spoken words, "this isn't what I – what I _want_... none of this has been what I have wanted..."

We both grew quiet, spent by our sudden outbursts, both panting a little, trying to catch our breath again, to calm down before something dangerous happened, before something _really_ stupid was said.

"What are you doing here...?" I slowly managed to ask again, as I let go of Tachibana's slender shoulders. "Aren't you supposed to be watching Sasaki?"

"I'd much rather be watching you." Tachibana gave me a weak smile, as if testing if it could work.

"…"

"What?"

"Don't."

Tachibana's smile grew more confident. "What? You don't like a little innocent flirting?"

"Do you… are you even really interested in me? Or are you just trying to…"

"What?"

"Manipulate me?"

"Well… seriously, what can I say to that?" Tachibana said, shrugging slightly. "You don't seem to trust anything I say."

"Why. Are. You. Here?"

Tachibana sighed. "What else? To watch and observe Suzumiya."

"Are you... evaluating her? Trying to see if she's stable?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

"Or are you just here to spy on all of us? Don't you already have everything you need to know about us?"

"...I won't deny it. I am here to gain more intel on everything. But I assure, we mean you and the others no harm. We just want to make the world a better, safer place for everyone. Unfortunately, it's simply just naive to think any of it could come about... without sacrifice."

I took a step back, giving the girl a proper inspection, from her shoes to her sailor uniform that fit her perfectly yet seemed disturbingly out of place on her, to her face with eyes staring back me with guarded reservation.

"Just... stay away from the SOS Brigade."

"You know I can't do that."

"I'll be watching you."

"Kyon, I've already apologized for everything. How many times will I have to do so to make you..." Tachibana glanced away at the dirt by her side. "I just wish you would treat me like another fellow human at least, because it's obvious there can't be anything more..."

I turned around and walked off, feeling that all that needed to be said had been said, and staying would only take me down a path I didn't want to follow or even think about. I hurried back into class, taking a deep breath of air to calm down, having done my best, happy that I'd be able to relax at least for a moment before Tachibana would return to class.

"Huh, well that was fast of you," Haruhi said in a distant, thoughtful voice, like she'd just seen something quite unexpected.

"Huh?" I turned around in my seat, but Haruhi was leaning her chin against a propped hand on her desk, gazing at the window, disconcertingly expressionless.

"Girl's here for barely a lesson and you already whisk her away, hands all over her."

"Oh..." I turned back around, giving my neck a sheepish rub, not entirely sure if this meant anything or not. "You – uh – saw us?"

"Kind of hard not to when you go right outside the window."

"Well... it's really not what you think."

"It's not like I care," Haruhi said in a voice that didn't betray her sentiments, still staring at the window in an almost bored manner. "Quite honestly, I was starting to wonder about you, what with you always hanging around and talking with Koizumi."

Don't even go there.

"As long as it doesn't interfere with official SOS Brigade business, I wouldn't have minded, honestly."

Stop. It.

"Same applies here."

"Haruhi, it's really nothing like that."

"I just don't see what you find so interesting about her. She seems pretty damn boring if you ask me."

...Wait, what?

I turned around in my seat again to look Haruhi straight in the eyes at this weird comment, but the enigmatic girl had already turned further away from me into her own world, back again in her usual posture for window gazing, chin resting on a supporting hand, face tucked away so I could only make out the contours of it anymore.

The bell rang and the students hurried back into class, Tachibana included. She walked up to us briskly. If she had somehow changed her demeanor or something, I couldn't have told you, because the moment she walked in, my body went ahead and did its best at a wistful Haruhi impersonation, setting me up to gaze at the dirty windows as well in order to avoid facing the world I was in, much more preferring the vast horizon. I think I finally understood why Haruhi preferred window gazing: there was an odd calmness in the wide space, the line between heaven and earth that seemed to hold a promise of better things. Unfortunately I couldn't help but notice the depressing dark clouds that seemed to be gathering to block the hopeful view.

"Suzumiya-san," Tachibana eventually spoke out some time in the middle of the following lesson. "I've heard a lot of interesting things about you, and I hope I'm not being too forward, but I would really like to get to know you better."

"Too bad," Haruhi retorted in a truly uncaring voice, "'coz I really don't want to get to know you."

"And why is that?" Tachibana asked, actually sounding curious.

"You're boring," Haruhi simply stated.

"Ah... I see..."

And that was that for the brief exchange between the girls behind me for the remainder of the day. In fact, it really did feel like a curtain of silence had descended on our corner. During the breaks, someone would wander over to introduce themselves to Tachibana, to whom she would always reply happily, but sensing the bleak energy radiating from both me and Haruhi, they would usually back off after getting the essential info on Tachibana.

I could honestly say that today had easily been the most uncomfortable day in school in had ever had.

When school finally ended, with everyone picking their bags in order to go home or to just move to their respective clubs, I had just gotten up and hitched my own bag over my shoulder when Haruhi walked past me.

"Kyon, by the way, SOS Brigade activities for today are cancelled. Go and tell the others," she said, stopping next to me to impart this little bit of info like it was just as important as telling what color the sky was, before she strode off. When she had stopped, she had done so just in front of me, once again leaving me to only see her back, which seemed to tell the same thing it had told me way back when she had told me about going to see a baseball game as a kid.

"Well... see ya," Tachibana said, sounding a bit uncertain, though she did make the effort to smile at me before she walked off, a group of girls following her, whispering amongst themselves, giving off a feeling of cackling hyenas following a new meal ticket for gossip.

Sigh...

Well, at least the worst part was over. The day was over, and soon I would hopefully have some answers. I had debated within my mind, rather half-heartedly, whether I should just run off and get Nagato immediately, or maybe even Koizumi, but in an odd way, as much as I had wanted to run away from Tachibana and the paralyzing anxiety her presence caused, I hadn't felt any better about leaving her alone with Haruhi for the school day. Of course it was pretty stupid thinking Tachibana would try anything in the middle of school with so many normal people around, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave her unwatched... although laughably enough I hadn't had the guts to actually _look_ directly at her.

As I walked out of the main building and out into the yard towards the Old Shack, I was met with another surprising visitor. A familiar voice near the gates called to me, summoning me over. Tucked underneath a dark umbrella, hidden from the faint little drizzle that had started just moments ago, bunkered away from the scout units of a larger invasion by the forces of water, stood Sasaki.

"Kyon! Over here!" Sasaki waved readily at me.

"Sasaki, what are _you_ doing here?" I asked as I hurried over.

"I take it Kyoko's transfer hasn't gone unnoticed."

"She's _in_ my class."

"She is?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Kyon, I honestly didn't know. I only found out today. I rushed over as soon as I could, in fact."

"..._Really_?"

"You don't trust me?"

Sigh... "No, it's not that, it's just that... well, with everything that's been going on around me... it's just, I dunno, I can't help but ask."

"Don't worry, I understand. In fact, I'd be more worried if you didn't ask questions. It shows you have a critical mind, which I have always found attractive in you."

Uh, thanks, I guess.

"Come, let's walk. We need to talk," Sasaki said as she proffered me her umbrella, which I took and held so that she was well covered, not yet needing the shelter myself from the slight drizzle.

Sasaki led me along the wall that surrounded my school, her gait surprisingly swift, like she was on a very determined march to reach an event nearing its end before it was too late, the dirt under her feet crunching at perfectly even intervals, possibly rivaling even Nagato's measured walk.

"Something's going on," Sasaki said, her head panning the landscape around her.

This was probably the first time I had actually had to struggle not answering anything Sasaki had said with sarcasm. I was either so rattled by Tachibana's appearance or just really the type of person who could not abide with useless statements, which, to be honest, would explain how easily and nicely I got along with Nagato, who never wasted a single syllable, to how annoying and tiresome Haruhi could be to endure.

"I have to say, this has all taken me by surprise. I had no idea the others were planning anything at all yet. It seemed they were all still caught up in discussing all the new information they had gained."

"Sasaki, what does this mean? Are they really planning on doing something to Haruhi or..."

"Are they actually a viable option? Is that what you want to ask?" Sasaki asked, giving me a sharp glance from the corner of her eyes.

"No, of course not," I immediately responded.

"All right, if you say so... well, whatever they are planning, I intend to find out what. They can't hide behind a veil of ignorance anymore, not now that I know what they've done. I swear, I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

"..."

"Kyon?"

"So you honestly didn't know about this?"

"Kyon," Sasaki stopped walking, and turned to face me with a spellbinding look of authority in her eyes. "You are unlike other people I have met, one of the few people I truly value and appreciate. If there is one thing in this world that is certain, it is that I will always remain true to you. You are... special to me; I don't know any other way to describe it. I can't afford to see you come to harm. I _will_ find a way to help you."

"Sasaki... I..."

I suddenly found my tongue heavy and cumbersome as Sasaki said all of _that_ to me with a straight face. There really were no other high school girls (or even guys) like her in existence. Seriously, who spoke like that to you at an age like this?

But even so… I couldn't help but feel incredibly comforted by her words.

"Now, let's see where we stand," Sasaki kept on talking, continuing her walk, like she hadn't even noticed me stumble with my words after what she had just said to me. "Kyoko's in your class... obviously a means of gaining more information, but the option that more could be in the works cannot be denied. You'll have to keep an eye on her..." Sasaki gazed at the horizon momentarily. "I really do like her, but lately... something's changed with her, something I haven't been able to understand yet. Kyon," she turned to me, "Though I say you have to be careful with Kyoko, please, don't be too cold towards her, she... she isn't a bad person, she's trying her best, like anyone else."

"She's a kidnapper," I stated firmly, needing to do so for my sake if nothing else, as I seemed to be missing a proper frame of reference when it came to the girl. She was another confusing girl in my life, but different from all the others, conjuring far more extreme differences of inner turmoil in my guts than the others. With Tachibana, I really hadn't a clue where I stood.

"Yes, I know about that sordid affair, but it's a mistake she and her affiliates have admitted to. But, to be honest, we have to be careful with all of the people we are surrounded by. To you, this might all seem like some grand adventure with Suzumiya, but to many more people, people you haven't even seen, this is so much more. To them this is life, purpose, fear, destruction, potential, salvation, transcendence, a path to God. The world is much bigger than you have been led to believe."

"Do you know something I don't?"

"Nothing more than forcing a few sharp questions at the people around me has gained. Something I think you should do as well. Things are never that simple... people have many needs and wants, fears and desires... people are messy, stupid, illogical, complex… _emotional_. Huoh, and so hard to understand. If only people really were so simple as to never change, always acting in the same manner, easy to classify by an unchanging characteristic or two... but that would just be too easy, I suppose. If you ask me, such a thing as 'in character' doesn't exist when it comes to real people."

Yeah, if only... Haruhi for sure would be easier to understand. Like an onion, she seems to just grow new layers of confusion. It really is like quicksilver in the hand, trying to get a grip on her and what's going on in her head. It's almost like facing a new person every day with her. And even Nagato, the foundation I had come to depend on, had started to shift precariously. And not to mention Koizumi...

So far, only Asahina-san had remained the same through everything. Nagato had slowly been developing in a lovely direction and was now trying to stifle that growth, while Koizumi had become a dependable friend only to turn that assumption on its head, and Haruhi having gone through the most growth from when I'd met her first from a nearly sociopathic loon who didn't care about anyone, to someone who would watch over her friends no matter whether they were in locked up in mansions are just sleeping off their booze filled head under a tree. It seemed people would just not remain the same characters they were in your head no matter what.

The two of us had by now completed our short trek around the school's perimeter, nearing the gates. A few people walked through it, apparently going home early – the lucky bastards.

"Kyon, are you okay?"

Huh?

"Kyon, are you okay?" Sasaki repeated, after I gave her a confused look.

"I... that is... well..."

"What, are you honestly _that_ surprised by the question?" Sasaki asked, smiling at me, amused by my stumbling words.

"It's not a question I hear a lot. More often than not, it's me asking the questions. You're probably the only person I know more interested in how I'm doing than what's up with Haruhi."

Sasaki gave me a friendly nudge of her shoulder against my arm, chuckling a little to herself. "Oh don't sell yourself short. I'm sure there are more than a few people interested in you."

Yeah, and it's pretty annoying. I'd be more than thrilled if Koizumi stopped paying me any attention. While if the likes of Asahina-san and Nagato were to pay me some more attention on the other hand... well, life certainly would be a lot more bearable within the SOS Brigade. And just like that, my mind wandered off into a fuzzy dream land, escaping reality for the moment, even if Sasaki was there to help me through it all.

"Oh, hello Suzumiya-san," Sasaki said suddenly, shattering my warm thoughts of Asahina-san and Nagato, the former serving tea in a maid costume of the lovely French design while the latter had decided that doing her reading on my lap might be more comfortable.

"Sasaki..." Haruhi answered in a surprisingly cold and uncaring manner, eyes narrowing ever so slightly as she noticed who Sasaki was walking with.

"I'm afraid I have to run off once again," Sasaki said with a warm smile, giving her head an apologetic tilt, the tone of her voice changing slightly, sounding a bit more polite and less relaxed than whenever she spoke with me. "It's a real shame. I hope we'll one day have a chance to get to know each other better. Goodbye!" she said as she strode off, waving farewell at us.

"...You sure do get around, Kyon," Haruhi noted, lips in an unimpressed little pout, as she watched Sasaki disappear down the slope of the hill our school sat on top of.

"Haruhi... I think you might be getting the wrong picture here."

"_Obviously_ you've been spending a lot of time with her as well, since Tachibana seems to know _all_ about me from her."

"It's not like –"

"Whatever. Like I said, I don't care as long as it doesn't interfere with the SOS Brigade. You're free to go about womanizing as much as you want."

"Don't be stupid. It isn't like that."

"Don't care," Haruhi said brusquely as she turned about to march off, giving a dismissive farewell wave of her hand.

I looked upwards, noticing the clouds that had been amassing for most of the day, sprinkling wimpy rain drops on my head to pave the way for the proper, bigger, strapping ones which were still hanging back on the big cloud ships for the sign for the major charge, maybe smoking a metaphorical cigar before their blitzkrieg kamikaze operation began for them.

"Uh, hey, Haruhi, wait up."

"What?" she asked, turning to look over her shoulder at me with unpleased curiosity.

"That's the umbrella from the clubroom, isn't it?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well," I looked up again at the dark skies, the little drizzle forming a light wet coat over my face in the blink of an eye. "It's just that it seems like it'll start pouring soon enough, and I still have to go and tell everyone there'll be no SOS Brigade activities today, so could I have it? You can probably make it home before the rain starts, but I don't have anything."

"Who said I was going home?"

"Then where _are_ you going?"

"None of your business!" Haruhi said haughtily as she turned away and stomped off.

I couldn't help but feel this had been nothing but a lie on Haruhi's part, like an excuse made up on the spot to ensure I'd be punished for whatever crazy transgression I had done this time to her.

But unwilling to worry about nonsense like that, or to gather more water, I hurried out of the weak rain towards the clubroom, hoping that everyone else would already be there by now, ready to solve our newest problem.


	30. Little epiphany

As I opened the door of the clubroom, I found the one person I would have least preferred to be waiting for me in the sanctum of our Brigade, but seeing as things were the way they were, Koizumi's sharp, analytical mind would probably be the most helpful in solving our latest problem, though it still didn't make seeing that annoying grin of his any easier than it had the first time I'd seen that mask of a smile. If only it had been Asahina-san's lovingly warm smile or even Nagato's cool gaze to meet me, I would have felt much more relieved.

"Good afternoon," said Koizumi, who had apparently taken the liberty of brewing himself a cup of tea, sitting with a leg crossed over the other, half turned to meet whoever would enter. "I was beginning to wonder if I had been left to my own devices." He craned his neck to see over my shoulder, but as soon as he noted that there weren't any hyperactive girls behind me, he seemed to relax a little. "I have actually been meaning to ask you about Suzu-"

"Tachibana Kyoko's in my class," I interrupted him before he had a chance to once again start one his tedious lectures or questionings about the nature of Haruhi's and my relationship.

Koizumi's words came to as sudden and final a halt as an egg's flight path through a brick wall. His mouth, still in the shape of forming the third syllable in Haruhi's family name, remained like that for a bemused moment, before a deeply concerned and thoughtful expression invaded his face.

"Tachibana Kyoko...? The very same tha–"

"Yes."

"And she is in the same class as you and Suzumiya-san?"

"Just transferred."

"I see..." Koizumi said, bringing his hand to his mouth, giving his upper lip a thought provoking rub with the brim of his index finger as he turned to examine his cooling tea, little rivulets of steam still twirling into the air in a fading dance. "This... could be a major concern."

Tch, great grasp of the obvious you have there. And let's not forget how well you handle understatements either. I guess philosophy isn't your only strong point.

Koizumi remained silent as he examined the reflective surface of the dark tea. I went over to the tea pot to get my own share of the simmering brew and then settled across from him on the other side of the table, fixing my eyes on my own tea in turn. I wasn't sure how to continue from here.

Should I give Koizumi some more time to consider this? What about the others? Shouldn't they know as well? What exactly could we do about this anyway? What was Tachibana planning? And could Koizumi's brewed tea be anything even drinkable after sampling the sweet delights of Asahina-san's work?

All these and many more equally important thoughts twirled about in my mind as I watched the tea spin after a little stir I'd given the cup.

"How did Suzumiya-san react?" Koizumi suddenly asked.

"What? Haruhi? What's that got to do with anything?"

"As always, everything, as her understanding and expectations go very far in shaping our world."

"Don't you think we should be focusing on the _real_ problem here? You know, the _kidnapper_ among us? Someone who probably _wants_ to harm us?"

"I doubt she wants to directly harm us, even though I fully understand your concern. I just believe we should save that sort of situational analysis for later; when Asahina-san and Nagato-san are here and after Suzumiya-san has gone home."

"She already has."

"She _has_? Why so? This is exactly the sort of thing I wish you would tell me. Is this a reaction to Tachibana Kyoko's appearance?"

Sigh. "I dunno... maybe."

Koizumi didn't so much ask for me to elaborate as he did stare at me like a teacher might when they had asked for you to explain why you had been late for over half of the lesson (thanks to Haruhi, of course).

"She... how should I say this...? Well, she wasn't exactly thrilled."

"Please, avoid the use of litotes and other metaphorical and euphemistic phrases you might be keen on. I want as clear and objective a viewing of the circumstances as possible."

"She seemed fine enough with Tachibana appearing at first, even when she remembered who she was – sort of. But then she seemed to get kind of angry when she heard Tachibana knew about me through Sasaki. And after I'd taken Tachibana out and confronted her –"

"You _already_ did that?"

"Uh, yeah."

"All right, never mind, I'll ask about that later. Continue with Suzumiya-san's reactions."

"Right... well, she seemed to think I was interested in her."

"_Really_?" Koizumi asked, a troubling sounding inflection in his voice that I knew would only cause me more annoyance in the future.

"I said it wasn't like that but I couldn't really say what was going on either."

"Naturally."

"Haruhi said it was okay, as long as it didn't interfere with SOS Brigade business. I once again told her she was just wrong but she seemed to be in one of her moods again. She just kept on going on about how boring Tachibana seemed and even said so to her face when she tried to get to know her better."

Koizumi nodded, digesting the information.

"Then after lessons she said SOS Brigade activities were cancelled for today. You actually probably just missed her by a minute or two."

"Hmm, how so?"

"She'd gone to the clubroom to get the umbrella," I said, nudging my head at the corner where the sole umbrella usually rested between uses.

"Ah..."

"Then when she ran into me and Sasaki at the gates –"

"Wait just a moment. Sasaki-san? She is here as well?"

"She was at the gates. She'd only just found out about Tachibana."

"Really?" Koizumi asked dubiously once again, making me want to do uncivilized things in order to make sure it would never happen again.

"_Really._ She didn't know about it. She said she'd do all she could to help figure out what's going on."

"Kyon... Do you honestly believe that Sasaki-san has no –"

"Absolutely. She's one of the few people I can trust and rely on absolutely."

Koizumi was silent after these words, an unfamiliar look in his eyes I had never seen before. He then sighed and glanced away, unable to keep his eyes locked on mine for too long. "That is of course the most troubling thing about your relationship with her, your explicit trust in her."

"She's earned it."

"...I see," Koizumi said slowly.

We were silent after that, both unable to come up with much more to say. Koizumi seemed to have retreated into his thoughts, weighing options and what not, analyzing the situation the best he could and hopefully providing an easy answer to everything, although this was fairly unlikely, as his solutions usually only served to bring about more troubling questions than the ones started with and offering a cure worse than the problem.

Luckily we weren't stuck in the uncomfortable silence for long, as Nagato and Asahina-san soon entered after a polite knock on the door. I practically sprang up to greet them, pulling up chairs beside me as I blurted out the situation we found ourselves in this time.

Nagato merely looked at me for a moment, before she slowly walked over to the same side as Koizumi and sat down next to him. Asahina-san on the other hand took the sudden news rather badly.

"Wh-what? H-here? One of them is he-here? The one who... who..." Asahina-san bit her lower lip, clasped her hands together, small fingers fidgeting nervously, while her eyes darted across the floor like she was desperately searching for a lost, little, fragile item.

"Don't worry, it'll be okay," I said, trying to sound as reassuring as possible, though it was probably a vain attempt. I'd probably be a nervous wreck too if someone who had attempted kidnapping me showed up in my school.

I further pulled back the seat next to me, tapping against its back invitingly, hoping that at least one of the cute girls would join my side. Asahina-san slowly approached, but when she reached the chair, she didn't sit down on it. Instead, she clutched the back firmly with both of her hands. She held on so tightly, that though her skin was already fairly fair, I could see the skin around her knuckles turn even whiter, almost snow white. Not wanting to force her, I let her just stand there.

"Uh, should we get some tea going, perhaps?" I asked, not quite sure how to handle the situation we were in.

We had been in tough spots before, but never before had the tension been this oppressive, so stifling it nearly made me gag. Nagato was staring straight ahead at nothing, her head slightly elevated, almost like she was staring at the edge where the wall met the ceiling, or perhaps through it. Would it be crazy to think that she might be conversing with the IDSE?

Koizumi, sitting next to Nagato, was so deep in his thoughts you might as well consider him catatonic. When the two girls had entered, he hadn't reacted at all. There was no nervous twitching, no thoughtful chin rubbing, nothing at all. I don't think even his pupils were adjusting anymore. It was like looking at a new, slightly altered version of that statue of that thinking man by some Renaissance sculptor, seeing Koizumi so fully withdrawn into his inner world.

While the two other dependably level-headed people in our group where practically as still as statues, Asahina-san was doing a surprisingly good attempt of her own. If it weren't for the slight trembling of her clenched hands, the little nibbling movements of her lips, she too could have pulled off the act just as well as the others. But the most striking thing about her was the steely look in her eyes, aimed at the table in front of her, which looked like it had been stolen from Asahina-san (big) that really unsettled me. It was one thing to see the determined look in Asahina-san (big)'s eyes when we were surrounded by trouble, but seeing it in the eyes of the still sweet and innocent Asahina-san was just somehow slightly disturbing to see for me. It was almost like watching a pretty flower start to wither, in a way.

"All right," Koizumi suddenly broke the silence, straightening up as he placed one leg over the other, adopting his more usual, calm and collected demeanor, though a sharp gleam remained in his eyes. "Let us discuss our options. The situation is clear, we have finally entered a stage where our possible opponents are so confident that they are ready to force their way into our territory. Some form of countermeasures must be done." Koizumi peered about, but since no one had anything to add or challenge, he continued. "Because of her status, we cannot simply remove her."

"Concurred. A reprisal would surely follow," Nagato replied, her head lowering so that her eyes were perfectly level with the rest of us.

Asahina-san nodded grimly but firmly, eyes still cast downwards.

_Remove_ her...?

I looked around at the cold, steely faces around me. Each one of my fellow Brigade members held an expression of almost chilled detachment, like one might wear when contemplating in what manner to have their house rid of vermin, considering whether to do it cheaply and slowly or expensively and quickly.

Wait, just what did they mean by removal? They couldn't possibly have meant... No, that was impossible. No one could so casually talk about... no, they couldn't. Just... just my paranoia, it had to be. These were still good people, even Koizumi, even if I didn't trust him like I had once. I sincerely hoped that it was just my paranoid mind and not the others seriously contemplating what I had thought they had been considering.

... It had to be.

"Tachibana Kyoko cannot either be transferred, though we could possibly arrange it through data manipulation," Koizumi said, turning to Nagato who nodded briefly, still facing nothing in particular, not meeting his gaze.

"Why not?" I asked.

"She has only _just_ arrived. It would raise far too many questions, far more so than when Asakura-san was removed. As she is not a trouble student, it would certainly raise too many inquiries. Besides, interfering at all with her in any such degree is sure to be met with a hostile response from the others. We don't have much intel on their groups, but we have all been able to determine," Koizumi glanced once more at the girls around the table, "that these people are willing and able to act in far more bold and decisive a manner than we would. Most of them are out to change the world, while we seek to first understand the situation as best we can. They all fear that taking too long will be tantamount to disaster."

"You seem to know quite a lot about these people."

"In the interest of furthering our defenses and to secure Suzumiya-san, our three factions have finally determined it is best to be as open as possible with our information, at least whenever it concerns our opponents. Our superiors saw fit, with the three of us already working closely together, that we would have the best means of acting as intermediaries between our factions. Lately, the three of us have been gathering whenever possible."

You what? _When_?

"We could not have had so much time to share if it had not been thanks to you entertaining Suzumiya-san all by yourself lately. Thanks to you, all three of us have reached a new understanding of each other, I believe."

Wait. New understanding? Just what the hell have you been up to behind my back, Koizumi?

"I already told you I have been discussing many matters with Nagato-san personally. This was no secret."

Yeah, but that was... you made it appear like the two of you were sharing... never mind...

"But now in times of elevated risk, we have relaxed our limitations on confidential information, moving on from our private talks to more open ones. As such, discussion was opened to Asahina-san as well."

Nice, so while I've had to endure a wearisome storm of Haruhiness, like trying to sail through a terrifying hurricane, you've been getting cozy not only with Nagato but Asahina-san as well. Seems like you can't avoid finding new ways to make me dislike and distrust you, Koizumi.

"I can tell you are not happy with this."

Sure I am. Cloud seven. High on mushrooms. Swimming in jewels. Whatever.

"We did not mean to be secretive about this," Koizumi said.

"It's true, Kyon-kun. We all just want what's best for – for you and Suzumiya-san," Asahina-san said, finally turning away from the table to look determinedly in my eyes, though she faltered a little near the end in both voice and eye contact. "If we had all known what we know now, perhaps..." she puckered her lips inward, biting down a little, apparently uncertain of what to say next, but rallied bravely and once again looked me straight in the eyes with strong, alluring confidence, much like her sexy future version would have. "Perhaps we could have avoided what happened at the fair."

...

"So, what do we do now?" I asked, not wanting to dwell too much on the ugly past.

"We obviously cannot touch her, so we must adapt to the situation, make it work for us. This apparent disaster could actually be the break we have been looking for. Instead of allowing our adversaries to gain as much intel on us, we could feed them false information, mislead them. We might even be able to learn more about them as well."

Well, sure, that sounds like a great plan, stupendous even, something I am glad to support if it means more safety for us, but how the hell are we supposed to go about doing it?

"I believe our best chance is through you," Koizumi said with a straight face.

You have _got_ to be kidding!

"Me? Why me? I'm no spy. I'm just about as suave as a streaker in a football game."

"Many reasons... you are in the same class, you have the most contact with her. For reasons such as these, feeding her false information should be easiest from you. Besides, she would most certainly expect a trick from any of us if we were to approach her. You have already had contact with her and are not necessarily as directly affiliated with her opponents as we are. You are the best for this mission."

Oh come on...

I held my forehead, shaking my head at the bare absurdity of it all.

I'm just a guy, a normal guy. I can't pull this off. I nearly cracked when I was all on my own during the fair. Hell, I was talking _out loud_ to myself! But you guys are here now, you can protect us. We have the home advantage, pull off a data trick, play a cunning chess game of wits and words, make a damn time paradox, do _something_! Why does it have to be me? _Always_!

"You will have to acquaint yourself better with this Tachibana, perhaps even earn her trust," Koizumi went on, either completely oblivious or uncaring towards my massive apprehension.

"Forget it."

"I would do it if I could, but because of both of our affiliations, for me to approach her would most likely only incite suspicion at best, if not outright hostility. In fact, I have no idea what she really is as a person, but you obviously do. You seem to have a certain knack for understanding people. I think it can only be you and you alone to do this."

Sigh... Worst part is, as much as I hate to admit it, Tachibana's not so bad, especially when compared to the likes of her other allies, like Fujiwara, favored contender for the greatest asshole award of the millennia, or Kuyou who was just simply beyond creepy with her sullen eyes and robotic speech. Tachibana wasn't bad at all in comparison, what with the nice, polite, charming way she spoke and the bright smile she wore like a well earned medal... but it still didn't mean I wanted anything to do with her.

"We'll have to reconvene again at a later date, once our superiors are fully aware of the situation and have had some time to consider these events. We'll all most likely have more advice and perhaps some ideas on what to tell Tachibana, but meanwhile, I suggest you do your best to get closer to her."

"Huoh... fine, I'll – I'll do what I can."

I hate this...

"Good," Koizumi said briskly enough, getting up like he was a high powered business man who had just completed a measly 100 million deal. "We'll talk more later."

As Koizumi got up, so did Nagato and I. Asahina-san, who had been tightly gripping the chair in front of her, seemed to break out of the spell she had been under, actually sighing in relief, holding one of her hands to her chest before she gave her strained fingers a tender rub after the way she had been holding onto the chair, like it had been a lifeline in a fierce storm.

"You'll be okay, Kyon-kun," Asahina-san said sweetly, smiling endearingly up at me, breaking out one of her most heartwarming smiles ever. "I'm sure of it. We're going to make sure of it this time," she added with firm determination on her part.

I smiled back at her, though the attempt felt weak and empty on my part, at least after the smile Asahina-san had just shone my way.

By now Koizumi had gotten to the door and opened it, holding it open for everyone else. Asahina-san quickly strode forwards, all sign of her previous anxiety gone, replaced now by a rather hard and resolute look in her eyes as she quickly strode out of the room, as if with a new found purpose.

_Looks like the little lion's done hopping through hoops…_

Nagato was halfway through the door when –

"Nagato, I was just wondering if..."

The taciturn girl turned her head, giving me a look over her shoulder from the corner of a dark all-seeing eye.

"Never mind," I said, once again failing to come up with anything to help break through to her.

Nagato gave a brief nod of acknowledgement before she walked through the door, which a politely smiling Koizumi had been keeping open the whole time.

I had wanted to ask her something, anything really, though I hadn't the faintest idea what it could have been. I simply felt that I wanted to reach out to her, to try and spend some time with her, but I just couldn't think of anything to do with her. Whenever I thought of Nagato, it was always her alone, reading a book. There was never room for anyone else there alongside her… even for me.

If it had been anyone else like that, I might have felt pity or something else stupid, but with Nagato... no, nothing like that. She was so strong and above someone like me, I had started to feel like she didn't need or require anyone, least of all me, and in a rather shameful way, that made me feel angry in a way. It wasn't like I wanted to shout or throw things around, it was more like there was something I knew I should be doing, but for some reason simply couldn't and it was just frustrating in so many ways.

"Goodbye for now," Koizumi said, the door clicking shut behind him.

For some reason, and I couldn't understand why at all, Koizumi's words simply wouldn't leave me alone.

'_She has quite a lot to tell, provided you ask the right questions…'_

Sigh…

As if I didn't have enough to worry about with Tachibana and her allies. And then there was Haruhi of course, always Haruhi. Like an anchor strapped to my leg, no matter how much I tried, she too was always on my mind nowadays along with Nagato and the worries of our encroaching enemies.

My only sense of comfort had always been a firm grasp on reality, but nothing seemed quite right anymore. And I wasn't just talking about some sort of meta-physical conundrum if this was somehow real or not or a dream of Haruhi's. Normalcy, as I had known it for over a year now, had somehow slipped away. I had my Brigade, I had school and everything essentially as it had been, but somehow something had changed, shifted behind the backdrop of the play I felt I was in. Some essential prop had been moved without my knowing, somehow affecting me on a subconscious level, making me know something was off, but not quite sure what exactly it was.

I walked up to the clubroom's window, only now noting the faint little rattling against it as raindrops poured down from grey clouds. Both Koizumi and Asahina-san were already running down the hill, both without an umbrella, holding their bags above their heads, while Nagato on the other hand was just walking along, as if she hadn't even noticed the rain.

Hopefully the diminutive girl wouldn't catch a cold, walking along like that in the rain, though there was no possible way that something as meager as an Earth disease, bacterial of viral, could ever bring Nagato down. She was strong, maybe _too_ strong. Maybe that was my problem when it came to Nagato. There was nothing to unravel, no mystery or problem to be solved, no double meanings to be examined like with Haruhi. There was nothing to be helped with…

Was that _my_ problem? Did I somehow need there to be a problem with Nagato?

What am I even thinking? Even I can't tell what I'm thinking anymore.

But there was something meaningful I might have accidentally bumped into in my clumsy attempt at thoughtful reflection.

Maybe there really wasn't anything wrong with Nagato, nothing I could help her with at least. Maybe she had come to terms with who and what she was all by herself. She was strong after all, so maybe it was just me, me who wanted to be the only one she spoke to, the only one to try and help her, the only one who…

Suddenly, I felt oddly disgusted with myself…

Some knight in shining armor I am… or _want_ to be… they don't need me to save them, none of them do. I'm just being presumptuous while they all have their responsibilities and I… don't have anything like that. I'm just drifting along in the wake of Haruhi, trying to make myself feel important and needed among all these extraordinary people. If anything else, I'm probably more of a burden on everyone than anything else. Even sweet little Asahina-san was determined to help out while I was just…

…

So, I guess that means I have to try and do something about it then. Do my part.

Sigh…

I gave the gathered grey mass, the impenetrable cavern above my world, the dark rain clouds, a whimsy and longing glance.

_Tachibana_ _Kyoko…_ The name set my stomach ill at ease, every time.

…

Well, Tachibana, looks like tomorrow you'll be getting your wish after all.


	31. Sinister Manus

It was still drizzling the next morning, but very lightly, so lightly I didn't even notice until I actually got out of my house and walked for a while. I looked up and spotted little oases of golden clumps among the light grey mass that was the sky. In plenty of spots in the sky, the sun was making its slow but sure return. Maybe we would finally get back the pleasantly warm spring we started with during the fair.

As I was walking to school, trying to prepare myself for what waited for me in my class, coming up with conversation openers and the like, going through imaginary lines of dialogue, preparing for any and every sort of eventuality I could conceive of, conjuring up my repertoire of excuses to help with it all, trying to push my limited vocabulary to new heights with some unfettered dimensions of… something as I thought, I found myself getting more anxious with every step that brought me closer to the hill to school. But it wasn't just because of what waited for me at school, but for what might wait for me at the foot of the hill.

But of course, I lamented as I reached the start of the hill, Nagato was nowhere in sight…

Well, at least my vocabulary wasn't letting me down today. 'Repertoire', 'unfettered, 'lamented'… most 'sagacious' of me. I just hoped I was using any of those words correctly. Nagato could probably have told me, since she was like an encyclopedia from the future. I really could have used her calm, strengthening presence today. Whenever she was around, I could sort of leech off the serenity she brought to any situation. When she was around, I always felt better, knowing she had my back, feeling like even I could do things I normally couldn't.

But not this time. Today I was once again on my own. Today I would yet again have to try and do my best all by myself.

I hope I don't start talking to myself again…

_Bump… _something hit my side abruptly.

"Hey, watch it, you big, fat – oh, it's just you…" the thing that had bumped into me turning out to be a peeved Haruhi. "Why are you just standing there anyway?" she asked in annoyed voice that complemented her sour expression.

"Just… thinking," I answered truthfully.

"Tch, I guess it's true what they say. Men really can't do two things at the same time." Haruhi turned away, taking her first steps towards school again after bumping into me. "Walking and thinking's too difficult to do at the same time. Or maybe that's just _you_," she said with a rather steamy look in her eyes as she gave me a quick glower over her shoulder.

"Well," I said, following her, my nervousness for the day breaking, releasing a relieving little counter-sneer at the annoying girl, "If you ask me, it's better to be an idiot who can only do one thing at a time than someone who fails doing multiple things. That way you look like less of a fool when you bump into other idiots. Something distracting _you_ as well?"

"Just shut up. Do you have to stick your anteater nose into everything?"

"Only when loudmouthed little brats keep bothering me."

"Little brat? Well at least I'm not some lazy oaf who can't keep his eyes, or even _hands_, to himself anymore!"

"What?"

"First you try and feel me up at that fair and now onto the next one! I always knew you were a lecher, but it seems you've moved on from merely eyeballing Mikuru."

"Like it's any worse than what you – that's not – why would you even care?"

"You're besmirching the pristine, upstanding image of the SOS Brigade!"

"What image? Everyone thinks you're crazy and we're just your playthings!"

Haruhi gave me a look that stopped me dead in my tracks, brutal like a shot to a charging rhino's skull. If looks could kill, there would have been a smoking crater the size of Australia where I stood.

For a moment there, I thought she was going to punch me in the face pummel me in onto the dirt to join the other maggots.

But Haruhi's deadly glare disappeared from sight suddenly as she turned about fiercely, striding off imperiously. Despite this, against all my senses telling me flight was the best basic option before fight, I followed. I had a job to do…

As we climbed the hill, the cold wind cooling us down on our ascent while the lazy rain seemed to give up for the morning, Haruhi seemed to gradually slow her haughty march. Soon enough, there was only a meter separating us again.

"You're so damn annoying, you know that? No one else even comes close," Haruhi stopped and turned around to shake a finger in my face.

"Didn't know you thought so highly of me," I said, still feeling a bit defensive after the murderous stare she had given me.

"That's not – crap in a bucket! Why do you have to – grah!" Haruhi's fists clenched in anger but she just twirled about and stomped off, her fists still clenched at her sides now. "So damn annoying…" she muttered gutturally like a beast.

By the time we reached class, Haruhi's fiery glare had simmered down to a spiteful scowl which seemed to generate an area of isolation around her. Everyone who had the misfortune of meeting her eyes backed away as far as they could away from her in the crowded halls. A swift whispering spread like wildfire among the students, silencing people all around the school and making sure they were all ready to back off if the girl with the eyes of a demon was approaching.

When we reached our class, with me having followed Haruhi a good half a dozen or so steps behind, even though it had done nothing more than focus the intent stares of the people after Haruhi's passing onto the sole mortal foolish enough to walk in the steps of the pissed off demoness, making me feel a lot like a lawyer of a well known yakuza boss might, the entirety of the class was already sitting, eyes facing forward, though the teacher hadn't even showed up yet.

It was all just insane if you asked me.

"Good morning," Tachibana smartly said as we arrived at our seats, apparently completely oblivious to the tension that had gripped the entirety of the student body when Haruhi had arrived.

Haruhi's head snapped immediately in the direction of the first words spoken to her in several minutes, no doubt giving Tachibana the full force of her glare.

But unlike all the others who had cowered when coming face to face with Haruhi that morning, Tachibana blinked, surprised at first, before she smiled politely. "Off morning?"

"None of your business," Haruhi said, her voice now void of the fiery anger she had used on me, but shifting towards a more uncaring, colder tone as she took her seat, not wasting any time in turning to face the window.

Before sitting down, I glanced around and noted that only a few people had dared to peer about and see what would happen to the new girl now that she had caught Haruhi's attention, and noted with a great amount of annoyance, that they seemed very disappointed when nothing happened.

_Disgusting… some are people are just… disgusting._

"Morning, Kyon," Tachibana said, still smiling inoffensively beyond any form of justified condemnation in regards to her appearance.

"Morning," I muttered, feeling that right now was probably not the best time to initiate Operation: Be Nice To Overly Nice Spy (I couldn't be bothered coming up with anything decent). Haruhi was in a foul mood, and knowing that, anything I might do, whether it was breathing too loudly or talking to another person, like Tachibana right now, might only serve to fuel her irritation. It was probably best to try and leave her alone once again… I hoped.

Nothing worth mentioning really happened after that. When the lesson was over, Haruhi just got up and walked off.

"Out of my way," Haruhi brusquely said to some guy as she actually pushed him out of her way as she left the classroom in an irritated huff.

She really wasn't in a good mood, though all in all, I think I might have seen worse from her.

On a related note, I couldn't help but notice how there seemed to be a squabble going on just a few seats away; something about someone missing an important meeting or some such something something. I didn't really care enough to get the stale little details.

"I hate to ask this but…" Tachibana said, sounding rather tentative about whatever it was she was going to ask, "Well, you've known her for a while so… I mean, it's a little… umm…"

What? Spit it out already.

"Well, is Suzumiya's current behavior… usual, something that happens… uh, regularly?"

"What exactly are you asking?"

"Is it… monthly?"

"…Huh?"

"You _know_…"

"Wait… are you… you can't be… are you seriously asking me if Haruhi has PMS?"

"Hey," Tachibana shrugged, "I don't know her at all, like you keep reminding me. I have no idea what she's like even normally… if this isn't normal, that is."

Oh, so _that's_ how it is… is she baiting me? Trying to make me say something that'll justify her motives?

"She's a rather unique girl, after all, and there _is_ a small percentage of women who act strongly to changes in their bodies… Now, before making some silly quasi-scientific psychological evaluations, I'd much rather like to address physical and concrete options, things that aren't just fairytales told by quacks."

"…You're not actually trying to reduce human thinking to something physical, let alone in regards to girls."

"Girls are hardly the only ones to be affected by hormones. I thought Sasaki-san had discussed with you some of the basics of modern, more scientific psychology."

"She just went on about schemas and stereotypes."

"Ah, yes… very useful… people have some funny preconceptions about how the mind works that are simply just wrong. A person typically only sees what they want to see, it's simply how the mind operates…"

"Whatever, it's not PMS… it happens too often to be that…"

"I see… that's actually even _more_ worrisome."

I gave her a long, hard stare. She responded with a questioning look of her own, but since mine wouldn't go away, she had no choice but to ask, "What?"

"Seriously, PMS? That was your big theory on figuring Haruhi out? I thought you were a bit smarter than that."

"Uhm, thanks, I guess. It's… sort of sweet of you, at least knowing you had already formed such mental associations about me."

I resisted not saying something vague about knowing your enemies.

"So… what else has Sasaki been telling you?" Tachibana asked, tilting her head a little as she gave the tip of a pigtail a tender twirl, her eyes drifting away from me for the moment.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just curious," Tachibana said, straightening up as she gave me her full focus again. "Obviously the two of you have discussed plenty of things, if she's even gone so far as to explain the basics of cognitive psychology to you, something I think she is very good at, by the way. Stereotypes really are just mental tools we _all_ use. Some of them just happen to reinforce prejudices."

"So, you're interested in psychology, huh?"

"…" Tachibana gave me a weird stare after that remark.

"What?"

"Hmm, you actually asked me a personal question…"

"Don't go overanalyzing stuff like that. I get more than enough of that from Koizumi."

"Sorry."

"…"

"I'd actually considered becoming a nurse… since you asked."

"I see…"

"Yup…"

"…"

"Well…this is… awkward," Tachibana admitted reluctantly.

…Oh, is it? I for one hadn't noticed at all. At. _All_.

"Why are you talking to me anyway like this? Why the sudden change in disposition? You were practically ready to throw me out of the school yourself yesterday."

…Damn… "Because… because I…"

But before I could construct a hasty lie, one that would probably have had flimsier foundations than a house of cards, the beats of some pop tune I faintly recalled hearing a while back broke apart my lingering words.

"Ah, my phone!" Tachibana exclaimed, going a shade pinker as she reached into her school bag and pulled out a little cell phone. She looked at the screen, and her surprised, slightly embarrassed appearance by the interruption caused by her property seemed to evaporate as quickly as alcohol rubbed on hands. She quickly pressed a button and the ringtone disappeared. "Excuse me," she said as politely as ever as she got up and strode off, though the look in her eyes revealed to me that whoever had called probably had more distressing news to tell than a normal school girl should usually expect.

Once Tachibana had walked out of the class, I immediately jumped up and hurried to the door, carefully peeking around it in the direction she had headed.

Something was up, I could just tell, and this was a perfect opportunity for me to do some proper counter-spying. It had to be something confidential, why else would she have hung up or silenced her phone and walked off like that to answer it?

As I hurried after Tachibana, I bumped into a guy and his friends. He gave me a dirty look and opened his mouth to say something, but I was off before he got around to it, throwing a quick "sorry" over my shoulder at him. He shouted some _very_ graphically disturbing threats at me, involving my head and my ass, but his friends stopped him from following me, saying things like "Calm down!" and "What's wrong with you?".

By now Tachibana had gone down the hall and turned a corner, heading for the other side of the school. Because there wasn't much of a crowd at all in the hallways, just a few odd groups here and there, I had to make sure I stayed completely out of her line of sight should she happen to turn around, meaning I had to stay and wait until she turned a corner and I would have to hurry along after her. But luckily she didn't go too far. Tachibana stopped near the windows on the other side of the school, at the end of a hallway, turning away from the few passing people and redialed. She was fairly far away, so I tried to do my best to focus on her voice, filtering out the gossip a nearby group of girls was partaking in.

"– _really don't understand what his problem is. Could've slapped him, I swear._"

"_Yeah, I know, he was totally cool yesterday. But today it's like he's a totally different person_…"

"– yes, yes, I know," I heard Tachibana answer after listening to the other person for a short while. "Don't worry, I'll do it… yes, as soon as possible, I know… I _know_! It requires some time… yes, yes, I _know_!" she hung up, pressing the necessary button with unnecessary force, her reflection in the window opposite her revealing a smoldering glare at the small contraption in her hands.

"Nnngh… so… so… _frustrating_!" Tachibana said, nearly furious with irritation, her hand shaking a little as her hold on her phone tightened. "That damn, conceited bas–" then all of a sudden, the anger simply stopped, her tightened hand fell slackly to her side and she took a deep breath, closing her eyes as her head turned upwards. "Huoh," she sighed, returning her eyes to look at herself in the window's reflection, "Let it go, just let it go… it doesn't matter. Remember your job. Focus. Don't let it all get to you, don't let it get… personal… Remember why you're doing this, why it'll all be worth it… huoh… one day this'll all be over and you can…" She closed her eyes, took another deep inhale, followed by a wait, and then a long exhale. "In with the good, out with the bad…"

Tachibana was still for a long time.

"'Things are never as bad as they seem, and even if they are, there's nothing a smile can't fix'," she eventually said, like a child repeating a nursery rhyme, smiling smartly for a moment with pride to match that child's upon reciting the rhyme, before a gloomy opposite of her facial expression took the smile's place. "If only that were really the case…"

I pulled back behind my corner just as she turned back around and then hurried off, hoping I hadn't been noticed. I strode off as quickly as I could, without actually starting a jog, back to my class. I took my seat and turned away from the door to look out through the window.

All right… what did all of that mean? Who had she been talking to? Obviously not a relative… at least I wouldn't refer to any relative as a conceited bastard afterwards, even if the swear had been left unfinished (at least I probably wouldn't). It had to be one of her accomplices, since it had sounded like there was some sort of deed that had to be done as quickly as possible. And out of all the accomplices of Tachibana's that I knew of, only one person fit the words 'frustrating', 'conceited' and 'bastard'. I would have bet all my money on the person on the other side of the line being Fujiwara, which wasn't much after all the café trips Haruhi pulled me along to pay for everyone. Sometimes mobile wallet felt like my sole purpose within the group, what with the roles of mysterious transfer student, odd bookworm, and cute, blustering 'moe' mascot already taken. On the positive side, I hadn't been the one chose to fill the last role.

_…Anyway__…_

Yeah had to be Fujiwara… and that couldn't be good, even if nothing truly sinister was being planned (though it probably was). If Fujiwara had been involved with a sandwich shop, I would have avoided the place like it had the plague (which it probably would have if Fujiwara was involved). Fujiwara was the worst news possible, no matter what it came to. I was sure he could completely demonize even the attempt to rescue cute, fluffy baby pandas from extinction just by his presence in the vicinity of the innocent animals.

But now that I had gotten to the only logical conclusion possible, it being rather easy all in all, my thoughts turned to Tachibana and how… trying everything seemed to be for her. I couldn't help but feel some sympathy for a fellow sigher-at-the-ridiculous-crap-around-them. Maybe the girl wasn't too far beyond redemption yet.

And at just that moment, the girl's reflection passed the window I was staring at. My eyes followed the gentle bobbing of her pigtails before they calmed down as she sat down behind me. I couldn't help but note the rather empty expression on her usually charmingly beaming face.

"So what was that about?" I turned about to ask, making sure I seemed as curious as anyone would if the person they had been talking to walked off to answer their phone, and hopefully distract her enough to make certain she wouldn't remember where our conversation had been before she had left.

"Oh, nothing, just some family things…"

Is that the standard esper response to avoiding questions about suspicious phone calls?

"So, where were we?" Tachibana asked, smiling sweetly once more.

"PMS."

If that couldn't derail a conversation, nothing could.

Tachibana looked literally dumbstruck for a moment before a faint blush settled in place. "Ah… yes, look, I know, not a very good idea. Could we just drop it?"

"You're the one who brought it up."

"Look, please, just drop it," Tachibana said, hiding her eyes under her palm, going pinker in the face with embarrassment.

I couldn't help but smirk at her trying to vainly hide her blushing. In a way, she really reminded me of Asahina-san like this, the cute way she would – Damn it. It's happening again. Sometimes I really do wonder if cute girls are my biggest weakness. It certainly would explain how I managed to drag myself into the SOS Brigade's clubroom every day, what with three high grade beauties waiting there for me (even if one of them was as bothersome as a hungry cannibal on a deserted island to contend with).

"Anyway… Kyon, look, I know we're not really… comfortable around each other, but… would you mind… showing me around the school?" She looked at me uncertainly, giving me a look I remembered seeing before during an evening, just before fireworks, before the fleeting gaze shifted. "Of course I'd understand if you don't – I mean, someone else could just as easily –"

"Sure, I'll do it."

Even if she is a cute girl, I can't just let her go around without being watched. Sure, she probably wouldn't go around planting bombs in lockers, but all in all, I still couldn't trust her enough to leave my sight.

"Oh…" Tachibana mumbled, taken aback by my sudden willingness to work with her, her wary eyes giving the floor an inspection while her fidgeting fingers stopped playing with sides of her skirt. "Okay…"

"We'll do it at lunch."

Tachibana turned her focus to her desk, where she twirled her pencil about for a while. She pursed her lips inwards, sucking them in so she could sort of bite on both the top and lower lips at the same time.

I turned away and found myself once again staring at the window. The sky was still rather gloomy, but rain wasn't really a certainty, with shafts of sunlight making attempts to retake the world still about.

Haruhi returned just as the bell rang and sat silently behind me. When I dared to sneak a glance behind me, I found Haruhi darkly staring upwards at the ceiling, arms crossed, like she was a general, trying to decide in what manner to sacrifice her troops in a pointless last stand. The fact that I formed one fourth of those troops did not fill me with much confidence on my future in the Brigade.

Once more, lessons continued disconcertingly normally, as if in direct defiance and mockery of the unusual business that was going on amidst its students.

When lunch did arrive, Haruhi once again walked off without a single word, having spent all of her time just staring at the ceiling, making me wonder if she had listened to the lesson at all. After all, even I was having trouble concentrating. My eyes would dart between the world beyond the window and the two people behind me reflected in it whenever possible. And despite all the attention I was giving the two girls, I hadn't the faintest idea what I was going to do with either one of them. Haruhi needed to be calmed down, and no, it wasn't because she might endanger the world, but seeing her like this, it just made me feel uncomfortable as well. And Tachibana… well, in a way, things were slightly more simpler with her, but I still wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do with her either.

"Right, let's get the show on the road, shall we?" I asked Tachibana as I got up.

"Right."

We walked into the halls, where some jerk bumped into me and told me to watch where I was going. I gave the idiot a scowl but couldn't bring myself to respond. I had more important things to worry about than who could and couldn't see my shoulder coming.

"Well…" I said, giving my shoulder a rub, "what would you like to know?"

"Just general things, I guess. I _am_, after all, still a new student here."

"What, like toilets and stuff like that?"

"Sure, wouldn't hurt. Plus, I guess if I'm to play my role, I should know if there's anything _strange_ going on here," Tachibana said, smirking almost playfully at me, although 'almost' was probably a stretch of my imagination, set on defensive mode, adding little things to help maintain the proper distance.

"Well… to be honest, it's a really typical school, all in all… well, give or take one maniac here or there."

"You have an interesting relationship with Suzumiya. Half the time you're her devout protector and champion and the other you're putting her down. It's… rather confusing."

"It is. But what else could you expect when it comes to dealing with a weirdo that causes trouble on a general principle?"

"Then why are you so attached to her?"

"I'm not."

"Oh, come on."

"No, look, that's the thing. She _is_ annoying and troublesome, but after nearly losing her… I realized just how much she means to me and my life. But even so, it doesn't mean that we're… Look, she's… fun… most of the time."

"Feels a bit odd if you ask me."

"And maybe it is. Now that over there's the toilet, where you do the obvious. Over there you have the –"

"Seriously, that's how you're going to dodge the question?"

"What question?"

"Never mind."

"Now over there we have – Nagato? What are you doing here?" I asked as I noticed the diminutive bookworm out and about in the halls, surprisingly without a book.

Nagato, who had been standing on the outskirts of a gathering of girls, turned slowly to face me, placid eyes passing from me to Tachibana next to me and then back to me again.

"What's going on here?" I asked as we got closer.

"A classmate's moral behavior in regards to sexual integrity was questioned, thus prompting an emotional response, which instigated a disagreement with high likelihood for violence."

Huh?

"I am _not_ a slut!" the shrill, rage-filled voice of a girl hidden somewhere within the gaggle of girls rang like a glass bell prototype's first and last test. "You _bitch_!"

Oh…

"So, you're Nagato Yuki," Tachibana said, more focused on Nagato at the moment than the brewing ruckus near us, giving the tiny girl a sharp appraisal, before she broke into a smile and offered right hand in greeting. "Glad to meet you! I'm Tachibana Kyoko."

Nagato glanced at the offered palm, but did not shake it. "Yes, I am aware."

"I'll break your fat nose!" another angry girl screamed back at the first one.

"Uhmm… maybe we should move on," I suggested.

"Really? Shouldn't we try to mediate or something?" Tachibana asked, sporting a concerned expression as she craned her neck, trying to spot the people shouting behind the crowd.

Boy, have you got my character pegged wrongly. I might occasionally gather the courage to deal with crazy stuff around Haruhi, but two girls arguing over something like this was not something I wanted to get in the middle of, especially with so many people around. Oddly enough, my attempts at heroics seemed to come much more naturally when I didn't have an appreciative audience.

Besides, a teacher's bound to come by sooner or later to break up the fight. And despite the threats, I had a hard time believing two girls would really come to blows over something so stupid. Maybe if it was two guys… and if it was, there'd be even less of a chance of me intervening. I'd only get punched out, and who knows, that might very well happen as well if I tried to step in between the two girls.

But before any violence did erupt, just as I had predicted, a teacher did show up, sending the girls scattering every which way except directly down or upwards.

"C'mon," I said, not wanting to stick around in case the teacher had the brilliant idea of starting to ask for testimonies.

I had hoped Nagato would accompany me and provide her silent support, but as I led Tachibana away, she just gave us one last scan before walking off.

"Is your school always like this?" Tachibana asked, hurrying up next to me.

"Not as far as I know. I honestly don't ever remember anyone doing anything nearly as public as this, Haruhi excluded of course. Everyone seems a bit… on edge today."

"Yes, _quite_ the coincidence."

"And what exactly is _that_ supposed to –"

"Hey, Kyon!" Taniguchi suddenly called out, appearing almost as if from nowhere, placing a firm grip on my shoulder. "Mind if I have a word with you?"

"…Sure," I said, unsure of what to expect from him all of a sudden.

"Oh, don't worry about me," Tachibana said, smiling charmingly. "I'll keep."

I walked off away with Taniguchi, all the time keeping a wary eye on Tachibana, which Taniguchi seemed to note, which I in turn noted. _Note, note, note..._

"Look, couldn't you back off of her?" Taniguchi asked me once we were far enough.

"Who? Tachibana? ...What are you talking about?"

"Sheesh… seriously? You need me to explain it to you? C'mon, you're in a club with three" – Taniguchi waved the appropriate amount of fingers in my face for emphasis – "_three_ girls from the top five of this entire school! Do you really need to try and complete the whole set? Give the rest of us a chance before you snatch up the new chick into your weird club as well."

"Hey, it's nothing like that. If you want a go at Tachibana, then by all means, give it your best shot. In fact, if you need help, I could –"

"Help? _Your_ help? Hey, just because you've managed to lure so many hotties around you somehow, doesn't mean I need tips from you," Taniguchi said, sleeking his hair back again in a way he probably thought was extremely suave of him. "If you really were the Casanova you think you are, why haven't you made a move on a single one of them? Well, except for Suzumiya."

"There's nothing going on between me and Haruhi."

"Sure, right, and dolphins are just opposable thumbs away from world domination… So, you'll back off on the new girl?"

I raised my hands in eager defeat. "You got me. You can have here. My reach is obviously exceeding my grasp."

"Tth, yeah, I bet it is. You have more than enough to grasp with Asahina and Suzumiya."

Shut up, dreg. And since when do you act like a threatened peacock, strutting up to me and waving fingers in my face? It's a bit… odd of you. Far more aggressive than usually.

Taniguchi seemed to be satisfied for now, as he shifted his eyes to Tachibana and smirked eagerly.

"So, Tachibana-san, was it?" Taniguchi approached the eager and fresh looking transfer student, giving his tie a tug, while his eyebrows took their chance to emphasize a wink with near acrobatic skill. "Do you have a raisin?"

"Uh, no," Tachibana answered uncertainly, though interest had added a little something to her voice. Maybe Taniguchi actually was smoother with the ladies than I'd thought.

"Well, would you like a 'date' then?" Taniguchi asked with another wink.

…

Are you even _trying_?

"Uhum," Tachibana cleared her throat. "No, but thanks… Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to finish my tour of the school with Kyon-kun here," she said as she walked up to me and actually took me by the arm, holding herself close to me as she led us off.

"_Oh, come on!_" I could hear Taniguchi moan as the two of us left him behind.

"Sorry about that," I said, suddenly feeling collective shame for half of mankind.

"Actually, I've heard worse. A lot worse."

"Really, like what?"

Tachibana actually blushed a little. "Well, if my legs were the word, would I help the guy spread -"

"Ky-Kyon-kun?" The sudden sound of Asahina-san's voice nearly made me jump.

_Crap!_

Like Tachibana's touch was hot as lava, I pulled away as I heard the disturbed and shocked voice of Asahina-san. I turned about, and sure enough, there she was, hands tightly clasped at her chest, watching the pair of us like a pair of approaching lepers, taking a tentative step backwards as we noticed her.

"It – it's not what it – I mean, you know that I – I mean, you were there yesterday – this is just, just, just…" My voice thankfully trailed off as my brain seemed to be completely incapable of coming up with anything cohesive to say. At least in silence I would seem like less of an idiot.

"Ah… Asahina-san…" Tachibana said uncertainly. "Well, I guess this had to be done with sooner or later. You're probably the person I should have extended my apologies to first."

Tachibana slowly approached Asahina-san, but because Asahina-san was now shivering almost uncontrollably, making me want to jump in front of her in an effort to spare her from her kidnapper, Tachibana stopped all by herself before she got too close to the trembling girl.

"I am truly regretful for what occurred between us, I hope you can believe this," Tachibana said, holding her hands together with her arms held straight, giving Asahina-san a begging look, lowering her head a little in an act of shame. All in all, she did sound truly regretful.

For a moment, I thought Asahina-san might burst into tears, cheeks red and eyes noticeably wetter than they should be, but after a quick glance at me, something strange happened. She gulped, and as if it had somehow allowed her to swallow her fear, seemed to change immediately. While her near tearful eyes that had made me want to come over and hold her before tears could actually come, a strong and determined look replaced her fearful anxiety in her eyes, almost scaring me, just because the shift had been so quick.

"I… I do not wish you or your kind any harm either," she said strongly, though her cheeks were still practically burning. "I hope we can find a way to coexist."

I was stunned. She hadn't stuttered or anything at all. Wow. That a girl. Seriously. I'm not trying to be sarcastic or anything. I'm impressed.

"Thank you," Tachibana said, smiling in a relieved way. "I know this will sound rather crass, but… bygones?"

Tachibana offered Asahina-san a left hand, to which she extended her right at first, but realizing the two hands didn't quite fit together, incapable of locking together barring some sort of twisting maneuver, she awkwardly changed hands, doing her best to shake hands with her left hand.

Hadn't Tachibana just greeted Nagato with her right hand? Was she ambidextrous? But if she was, why would she switch like that, what with the vast majority of people using their right hand? Why would she do something like that?

Even so, Tachibana was nothing if not courteous, as she quickly noted Asahina-san's anxiety, which had started returning upon physical contact. She smiled politely and then stepped back, giving me a curious glance before she retreated to look out a nearby window.

"Wheeww…" Asahina-san went, sounding not unlike a tea pot of hers as a relieved breath escaped her lips, her knees bending, almost buckling after the tense moment for her.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, taking a worried step closer just in case. If a hug was needed, I certainly wouldn't say no. _Just saying…_

"Y-yes, of c-course, Kyon-kun. Please, d-don't worry about me."

But it's so hard not to.

"It'll be okay," I said. "I'm keeping a close eye on her. I won't let anything happen to you – or anyone else."

"I… I know that…" Asahina-san looked up at me with her endearing eyes, now back to their normal way. "Thank you, Kyon-kun."

"So, you'll be okay? You don't need me to…?"

"No, please," Asahina-san averted her gaze, "continue with what you were doing. It is important after all."

I gave the girl one last careful look, wanting to be absolutely sure I could leave her.

Asahina-san then turned and looked me straight in the eyes, once more with that sudden, determined look in her eyes. As she did, I felt a pang of shame, treating her as being so helpless or fragile. I _did_ want to be there if she needed me, but… well, maybe she didn't. Either.

"Right. I'll be going then."

"See you…" Asahina-san muttered, giving her lower lip an uncertain little bite before she hurried off.

"Well, that went better than I'd hoped," Tachibana said, still holding her hands together tightly, staring intently at Asahina-san's departure as I got close to her.

"Well, she _is_ a very nice person."

"I'm sure she is…" Tachibana said, looking wistful for a moment, as she continued watching Asahina-san until the girl disappeared around a corner. "Must be nice…"

Tachibana sure got nostalgic looking all of a sudden.

"So, where were we?" she asked suddenly, turning to me with a small smile.

"I think you've pretty much seen all there is to see around here… it really is a pretty normal school, all in all."

"I see… you sure?"

"Well, despite the espers, time travelers and aliens, along with the resident god, all things really are as they should be."

"How many of them are there?"

"No idea. For all I know, everyone in this school could be pulling a fast one on me, in on the act to some degree."

"Hmmm… Well, I guess we should be heading back then…" Tachibana glanced at a clock on the wall. "Lunch is almost over and quite frankly, I'm not too comfortable walking these halls. There seems to be an almost hostile feel to the place. A girl walked past me and gave my pigtails a look like she wanted to rip them off my head or even try and see if a punch to the nose would strike them off."

What's a guy supposed to say about that? It's not like I have any problems with how hair is tied about, more often than not it being an improvement, but I couldn't very well go about saying she looked nice enough in her pigtails. There has to be some sort of guide book for stuff like this, surely. But since there isn't, or because I don't have one, I guess I really don't have any other option than to mutter with all the enthusiasm I can muster, "Hrhm, yeah, let's go."

We walked back to class in silence, both sneaking a glance at the other, always when we thought the other wasn't looking, ending up trading awkward glances. I put my hands in my pockets and tried to look to my other side as nonchalantly as I could, but I would always end up checking on her sooner or later. And every time I did, our eyes would meet.

I just wasn't any good at this.

"Kyon, about lunch," Tachibana said slowly and cautiously when we reached our class, her eyes focused fixedly on the floor.

"If you don't have any food, cafeteria's to the left, down the stairs, right, left and right again."

"No, not that. I actually have my own…"

"That's good. There isn't much time and…"

Ah, damn it. Why did I have to decide to show Tachibana around the school at lunch? I wouldn't have much time to run to the cafeteria and eat, not to mention most available food would have been probably eaten by now.

"We could… share," Tachibana suggested, giving a little shrug as she noticed my hungry glances at the few boxed lunches being consumed around the class.

Sigh…

She is really making this difficult for me. How am I supposed to continue trying to spy on her like this? Part of what helps motivate me is knowing that I'm doing so towards an enemy. 'Focusing my hatred into a pointed blade of fury' or something silly like that. I can hardly try and hate her guts if she keeps trying to be nice. But I have to do it, at least to the extent an undercover counter-spy (or whatever I was) could do so without garnering too much suspicion.

"No."

If I hurried, I could probably catch a bite of something nice. And it wasn't like Tachibana could sneak off to do any damage in such limited window of time… right?

"I'll go to the cafeteria. You just… just stay here," I said.

"Sure," Tachibana said glumly as she strode off towards her seat. "Don't worry… not like I have a gun hidden under my skirt…"

Come on… it's not like I… never mind. I did suspect her of something, but honestly, wasn't that a bit too much? It's not like I thought of her as an unrepentant murderer just an odd word away from springing into song and dance, laughing maniacally as she emptied cartridges into anything that moved.

_Grumble_, my stomach interjected on my thoughts, pointing out an ignored angle on everything.

Unable to argue against my stomach's insight on the subject at hand, I hurried off and got something to eat, a little sandwich and an apple (not too bad, but I didn't have much of a choice, having arrived so late). When I got back, just as the lesson was about to start, Haruhi was already back in her seat, staring at the window languidly.

The day passed on like a tired, old elephant tromping along, stopping at little havens of recesses to rest and tank up, just to continue its monotonous march through the empty desert of an average day. I didn't talk much to the girls behind me; not at all with Haruhi who had fully withdrawn and entrenched herself in her corner, and only answering an innocent enough question or two Tachibana would ask sometimes.

All in all, it was quite hard to keep feeling like I was under a constant threat from a Machiavellian plot.


	32. Desperate times

When lessons ended Tachibana left with a polite wave and goodbye, smiling happily at us as she went, not even trying to tag along to an SOS Brigade meeting or anything. For a spy, she really didn't feel all that intrusive. Then again, that probably made the difference between a good spy and a dead one. If you were on a secret mission to discover hidden WMDs, it probably wouldn't be a smart idea to just pop by to ask the evil dictator, complete with his standardized Iron Fist of Ruling©, how it was he was going to take over the world (Essentials of Spying learned within a day of Spying, by me, now _not_ at your local bookstore).

But speaking of SOS meetings…

I turned around slowly, like I was certain there was a tiger waking up from a nap behind me.

Haruhi was still staring at the window, chin resting against a propped hand, face fairly well covered by her hair from my angle.

Were we going to have a meeting at all? It didn't really seem like Haruhi was in the right mood, and seeing as we hadn't had one yesterday…

"Oh, lessons are over…" Haruhi muttered, as she turned her head, tired looking eyes blinking a little before they noticed me and narrowed into a scowl. "Why didn't you say anything?" she snapped at me, irritation quickly jumping back into her voice after the slow drawl just seconds earlier.

"It _just_ ended."

It's not like I'm trying to prolong my time with you at all. It'd be like a man sentenced to death, who had an appeal going with a high chance of success, were to try and speed up the date of his execution by attacking the warden. Just insane.

"We can't afford to waste any more time. We already lost a day yesterday."

Well, that's all on you, as lucky as it was that I got a chance to talk to the others without you mucking about as per usual.

"Hurry it up, worm. March!"

I see all the tranquil window staring has not at all calmed her spirits. Maybe she saw something upsetting. Though what could possibly upset Haruhi was beyond me. Maybe a proclamation outlawing holidays? No, Haruhi would just start an underground movement in rebellion, aiming to liberate all holidays.

Haruhi picked up her bag and hurriedly strode off. I actually had to take a few running steps in order to catch up.

"So, what exactly are we going to do? You had some plans about… making us bigger?"

"…Shut up!" Haruhi answered testily, but then her voice lost some of its edge, "We'll see…"

I'd better just keep quiet. The morning's events were still fresh in my mind. After several hours, having calmed down a bit myself, that little spat between us felt kind of surreal, almost dream-like. But unfortunately this hadn't been the case. The fight had been real. At least real enough that I didn't want to go through even a little argument with Haruhi again.

When the two of us arrived at our clubroom, the others were already there, each one of them ready to report for duty, to spring into action with only a word from their Commander. Asahina-san had brewed some tea but hadn't gotten into her maid costume. Koizumi had been leaning against the wall, but like an officer of the army, he stood to attention immediately as Haruhi entered, holding his hands behind his back. And even Nagato was ready for action. She was standing by her chair and there wasn't a book anywhere near her (discounting the bookcase only a few steps away from her, but that was still a rather big divide on average between the bibliophile and a book).

Everyone seemed to be on edge today.

As we had entered, Haruhi had abruptly stopped at the door in front of me. Her head turned about, as if giving everyone a good look over, and then declined slightly. "So, everyone's here already… and ready to go…"

"Ah, yes… You had plans to take the Brigade to the next level, didn't you?" Koizumi asked, sounding too eager for his own good, staring forwards, still very much like an overly patriotic soldier waiting keenly for his newest suicide including orders.

"…" Haruhi didn't say anything to this and just walked over to the end of the room, past her seat and up to the window. She ran her hand through her hair and then… just stood there, looking out the window, still turned away from the rest of us.

All of us gave her worried looks.

"Did something… happen?" Asahina-san whispered as she approached me.

"No, I don't think so. She's just been… off the whole day."

"Has it been like this ever since Tachibana-san showed up…?" Asahina-san continued her inquiry.

"Well," I glanced at Koizumi who was still standing to attention, but obviously listening to us quite intently. "Well, no. Maybe it just got a little worse but… ever since that last closed space… it's just been…"

"What _did_ happen that night, Kyon?" Koizumi silently asked, though he remained motionless with an eye on Haruhi.

"I don't know. I honestly don't."

I had been obsessing over it a lot before, but with the arrival of Tachibana, I had almost completely forgotten. In a way, I'd seen Haruhi's foul mood solely as a reaction to Tachibana's appearance, but now that I had some time and distance to the most recent of events, I realized all of this had really started that evening. Tachibana obviously wasn't the cause for Haruhi's mood, though she certainly hadn't helped the tiniest bit.

Now, what had had Haruhi so upset back then? I can't believe I'm having such a hard time recalling it.

"All right…" Haruhi said suddenly, instantly demanding our full attention, though her voice was easily within normal human levels. If even physically possible, Koizumi seemed to straighten up some more, while Asahina-san jolted, standing to attention as well. Nagato had been staying still watching Haruhi, and it wasn't like her posture could ever get better or that anything could shock her.

Haruhi finally turned away from the window and gave us all a scan, a somber but firm expression adorning her pretty face.

"These past few days… I've been wracking my brain about what exactly to do… to take us to the next level… _but_…" the final word spoken seemed to carry with it a much heavier note than with others, but maybe that was just me. I mean, I can't recall Haruhi ever using the word 'but'. For Haruhi, life was always so strangely yet wonderfully direct. If there was a mountain to be passed, she would have drilled through it in days. Ifs, buts and maybes were words she shouldn't even know, if you asked me. That was more my expertise, after all.

Haruhi once again looked at all of us, one by one, her expression growing sulkier with each expectant face.

"In order to do that…"

Okay, seriously, what the hell was going on here? What the hell was wrong with Haruhi? Why was a speech about the SOS Brigade – her pride and joy! – giving her this much _trouble_? When had _anything_ given her this much trouble?

"We… that is I… have to…."

For a moment, Haruhi looked completely lost, like a child left in the forest, until just as swiftly as the sad appearance had come about, it disappeared as Haruhi's face started turning redder and her lips creased tightly together as she clenched her jaw, her eyes narrowing while her fists tightened and began to shake a little with all the force going into keeping them closed.

"Damn it!" Haruhi punched the table in front of her, her fist colliding squarely against the smooth surface, teeth clenched in pain for only a flash, before her face grew grim as she stared at her tightened fist on the table and muttered, "Why is this so hard...? Why can't I think like I used to? Back when all this started..." Her angry eyes shifted and found mine, only turning darker. "Kyon!" she shouted, pointing at me accusingly, "Why don't you ever bother coming up with anything ever? Or any of the rest of you?" Now the blaming finger swung around to capture the rest of the Brigade members all in turn. "There's a reason you're all here, _isn't there_?"

I could see her tortured knuckles even from across the room, all red after the sudden punch, but apparently completely inconsequential to her as her threatening hand quivered with anger.

When no one said anything, all of us too shocked by the sudden, frightening outburst, Haruhi turned away, face turning redder as she scowled darkly, brows curved into a hateful glare before it disappeared in a wave of her brown hair, hidden away, now facing the window. Her right hand was raised, going to her forehead, rubbing it as she shook her head.

_Damn it, Haruhi, what's wrong with you?_

"Whatever..." she muttered, stepping closer to the window, placing her still red knuckled hand against the window, softly pressing her palm on the bright, shiny surface, in an almost... melancholic manner, as if seeing a ghostlike memory of things long gone either on the other side of her reflection or within it. Her reflection itself seemed dishearteningly dispirited. "Just go..." her voice sounded so hollow.

Koizumi carefully cleared his throat, so softly I barely heard it, even though I was right next to him, trapped within the dead silence of the clubroom that had struck as suddenly and mercilessly as a blitzkrieg.

"I believe you should try and talk with her..." Koizumi whispered carefully, his voice barely carrying to my ears, as he looked me meaningfully in the eyes.

"But I..."

Sigh. What's the point? I know why it's got to be me, why no one else will quite do, why it's so important that it's done...

Double sigh. Doesn't mean I _want_ to do it. I _hate_ seeing Haruhi like this. It just makes me feel depressed as well in a faint way. A faint way in that it's as if there's a sword hanging over your head, not unlike the annoying feeling you get when you feel you're being watched, only to turn around, see no one, relax for a moment, but still think, almost know, that something's not quite right, although it obviously should be. It's just a feeling, it doesn't make sense, and as such is _really_ damn annoying.

The other two were watching me warily as well now.

Triple sigh...

"Right." I closed my eyes and gave the spot between my eyebrows a weary rub, trying to relieve the gloomy feel of exhaustion that had settled in as soon as I'd seen Haruhi's forlorn back. "Go."

The rest of the SOS Brigade filed out silently, the door clicking shut behind me as they left. I opened my eyes and found the clubroom empty, except for Haruhi at the far end, still frozen in her melancholic posture. Her knuckles were no longer bright red like angered blood, but a rosy pink.

Slowly, not sure what exactly I should do, I walked around the big table in the centre of the room, my eyes firmly focused on Haruhi.

"Hey," I spoke softly, stopping just behind her, on her right side.

"You're still here?" she asked, her voice lacking its usual bravado, but not in any way weakened of its usual power either.

There I was once again, facing the grim back of Haruhi, telling me not to follow or try anything, but the last time I had seen that, things had been different. Last time, I had done exactly what the back had told me… and I'd ended up in the apocalypse alone with Haruhi. Maybe it was time to say 'screw you' to Haruhi's lovely slim silhouette.

"Haruhi, what's going on with you, seriously?" I asked, feeling I could risk placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. Something like that usually worked with people, but there was never anything usual when it came to Haruhi, of course.

_I'm so stupid. It's really quite unbelievable._

"Nothing! Don't _touch_ me!" Haruhi nearly jumped at the contact. With a sudden flare of anger that disappeared as soon as it had appeared, Haruhi swatted my offending hand away with swift action. "I... just... just stay back. Why do you have to be like this? Why do you have to be so hard to... I don't get you. What do you want?" she asked, staring at me with sharp resentment.

"I just want to know what's bothering you."

"Why?" she quizzed hotly with suspicion.

"Because..." Well, guess I might as well say it. I mean, it's true after all. And it's not like I've got any better ideas. "Because I care about you."

"_What_?" Haruhi actually looked shocked to hear this, eyes widening in response, before the few odd bewildered blinks followed. Her voice suddenly felt almost like a whisper after all the anger, though it was just a trick of the contrast, because her voice really wasn't a silent whisper, but a stunned query, like what you'd say if your teacher asked you, instead of something relevant to your studies like what meiosis or the Geneva Convention were, what their favorite color was instead.

"Everyone in the SOS Brigade is a lot closer to me than anyone I've ever known."

The slightly surprised look soured quickly on Haruhi's otherwise attractive face. "Whatever... just stick to business if you have nothing good to say. Don't waste my time. Stop trying – whatever it is you're trying."

"I'm just trying to understand."

Haruhi scoffed at me, blowing a few loose strands of hair out of her face. "Tch, yeah, you try to understand a lot, don't you? Well how well has that been going? Do you even know what you are? To others or yourself?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know how you look at Mikuru-chan, even poor little Yuki-chan. And they both look up to you, sort of need you. It's stupid and I won't stand for it. If you want to go and pump out some of your hormonal juices, go and find some dumpster of a girl to dump your crap on, for as long as that'll last. But I won't have you messing up the Brigade, you got me? So don't try _understanding_ me or the others better. The SOS Brigade isn't about that, and we certainly don't have the time to waste on stupid things like that anymore. We have work to do, so either get with the program... or get out."

"What? What are saying?"

"You heard me," Haruhi said sharply, turning away roughly so she could stomp off. "Now where the hell did everyone go?"

"You told them to –"

"I didn't ask _you_!"

Haruhi yanked the door open and poked her head out. I could actually hear her inhale deeply before she shouted out, "Get back in here and...!", but then, like earlier before, something seemed to rob the force from her voice, as she stumbled on what to say, "And... just get in here..."

The others entered slowly, almost hesitantly into the den of the beast, probably more disturbed by the lack of roars and action than they would have if full chaos had erupted during their short trip out into the hall.

Haruhi sat down at her little desk, steepling her fingers together, darkly surveying the room with deep dissatisfaction from behind her hands. "So, nothing to report?"

Koizumi looked hesitant to reply as he looked about, but he went ahead and answered, as it seemed unlikely that either the laconic Nagato or the cowed Asahina-san would do so in his stead. "No, I'm afraid not."

"Even with our increased awareness efforts?"

"I'm afraid so."

Haruhi sighed, turning around in her chair, deflating visibly as she hunched over a little and leaned her cheek against her hand. "Well then, I guess we'll be staying in today..."

"No plans then, I take it?"

"No... can't come up with anything," Haruhi glumly muttered.

"Would... would you like some tea?" Asahina-san asked, stepping forward timidly, wringing the edges of her skirt, keeping her focus on the ground, like she didn't dare make eye contact, although Haruhi wasn't even facing her.

"Sure, whatever."

Asahina-san immediately scurried off to her work, eager to have something to do, unlike the rest of us who were just standing about awkwardly, completely unsure of what to do, or if we were even needed at all. But seeing as no orders were coming, the rest of us took our usual places. Nagato pulled out yet another new book, something about the season for migrating north, maybe a book about birds. I really could only conclude that she had run out of sci-fi... or maybe she was just trying to assimilate as wide a range of data as possible, or maybe even looking for scenarios on how to interact with people, who knows...

I certainly didn't...

As Asahina-san hurried about, and maybe because she was afraid of what might happen if there wasn't tea around to distract everyone soon enough, all of us were quickly served. She went to Haruhi first, and slowly with the care someone might place meat in a tiger's cage, she offered the tea from a distance, and as soon as it was on Haruhi's table quickly hurried off to serve the rest of us.

I was actually quite sad to note that today's tea was at best a far cry, like that from the base of Mt. Everest to the top, from her usual amazing tea brewing. A very comforting pattern of near daily surprise had been broken. When she was done, Asahina-san stood about, looking helpless, now just as unsure of what to do as the rest of us (Nagato excluded, of course).

"Would the two of you... like to play a game?" Koizumi asked uncertainly.

Asahina-san and I glanced at each other, and after a shrug from me, we nodded in unison at Koizumi. He pulled out a deck of cards from inside his pocket. Because Asahina-san wasn't as well versed in games like Koizumi and I had become within a year in the fun filled days of the Brigade, we decided to play something simple, like Go Fish.

The afternoon passed in monotonous slowness, like a boat through a river of sludge, the only words spoken in the stifling silence when one of us asked for cards and another answered curtly. Nothing really happened, until...

While the three of us had been playing cards Haruhi had remained perfectly still, languidly sitting, just staring at the window, but eventually she had turned about (making us card players pause), and booted up the computer. With her usual enthusiasm, Haruhi had typed in a few things, but mostly just clicked about for a while, until she sighed and turned off the computer. She then pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from her bag, and then... stared at the paper, the pen held precariously over it, just on the verge of touching, so close to unleashing her imaginative thought on paper in whatever form suited her mood. But nothing came of it.

"Damn it," Haruhi muttered, irately tapping the pen against the paper. "C'mon, think, think, think..."

"Eh..." Asahina-san glanced worriedly at Haruhi. "Any sixes?"

"Go fish," I said, also taking a quick, careful glimpse at Haruhi. She was completely focused on the scrap of paper, frowning at it like she wanted it to burst into flames.

Asahina-san went ahead and drew a card from the deck, lips creasing together unhappily as she inspected her new card.

I turned to Koizumi and asked for twos, but before he could answer, something whirled past us, clattering along the table until it fell off and rolled about on the floor for a while. All of us turned our heads as one and found Haruhi scowling ahead, not looking at anything in particular, her hand held low over her table, and judging by the way she held her fingers, she had apparently flicked her pen off the desk, sending it spirally past our faces.

"This meeting is over," Haruhi said, and without any more clarification, turned about in her chair and once again returned to window watching, sitting limply in her chair, the very image of a broken monarch on their throne, shoulders slouched and head wearily lowered.

It took a while for what Haruhi had said to register with us, but soon enough we got up, and with no sign of Haruhi changing her mind, made to leave.

"Nagato, you coming?" I asked as I was about to exit with the two other Brigade members, noticing that Nagato had remained where she was.

Without lifting her eyes from her book, she gave a little shake of her head and pointed at the book.

I guess it must have been an interesting book...

Anyway, outside of the clubroom, Koizumi and Asahina-san were naturally waiting for me.

"We need to talk, right?" I asked, giving my forehead a little rub with the tips of my fore and middle fingers.

"Perhaps..." Koizumi replied, before he crossed his hands, frowning slightly as he gave the door behind me a fleeting look, before shifting back to me. "Is it just me, or is Suzumiya-san experiencing something like a burnout?

Burnout? Haruhi? What is this? The Oxymoronic Olympics?

"Burnouts typically occur when one overexerts themselves, especially when the efforts result in less than expected results," Koizumi went on explaining, waving his hand about as if he were lecturing to a crowd. "It's not too difficult in seeing this happen with Suzumiya-san. Over a year of deep effort and nothing to show for it."

No way. Haruhi does not burn out. In a world running low on fuel, she's an endless reservoir just waiting to be tapped. She's the unstoppable force. She's a white hole, spewing an infinite amount of matter. She's a supernova the size of the universe. When she does go, she'll go with a bang, not a whimper.

But...What if that was it? Was that what Haruhi had been trying to tell me during that one dark evening? I always thought I had had a good handle on everyone around me, but apparently, Koizumi was simply excelling at it with not just with Nagato but Haruhi as well. How had I managed to become so... disconnected from the two?

"But Haruhi's always been so unrelenting... that was her thing, she never gave up on anything. What's happening to her?"

"...You sound rather worried," Koizumi noted.

"Huoh..." I sighed, letting my hand run down across my face in exasperation, too weary to even try and deny it. "Things are just... well, so many things have changed. Everything isn't as fun and dandy as it used to be. There's something ugly and dirty where the silver lining's supposed to be. Nothing's quite right and it's... _really_ starting to annoy me."

"Yes... I'm sorry I cannot offer much help. To be honest, I feel rather lost as well. Nothing really is quite as it should be..."

Asahina-san gave a glum nod of her head, her eyes swiftly switching between both me and Koizumi uncertainly. "Mm... it does kind of feel like that... there's just not the same..." once again she looked at both of us hesitantly, "trust."

Well, there was nothing to say to that.

Koizumi took a deep inhale, paused, and then released his breath. "But I think there's one thing we can all easily enough agree on: As things are right now, it cannot be allowed to stand."

"On that I can fully agree with you, but I just have no idea what to do about anything anymore. Feels like we grew up too fast, missed out on something sweet and innocent."

"...Anyway, about Suzumiya-san..."

"Look, I don't know, I don't know at all anymore. You were wrong about me. I'm not Haruhi's counterpart or whatever. I'm not somehow special in all of this. I just got pulled along into this mess... You know what, I'm going home. I can't wait for this day to just end. It was a total waste. Haruhi's pissed. I got nothing out of Tachibana..."

"Yes... about her, if there is nothing else we can at this time handle, it would be useful if you could somehow mention to her that there is restructuring going on within the infrastructure of our organization. If nothing else, misinformation might help us a little."

Yeah, I'll just casually drop that into a conversation, now won't I? 'Weird weather we're having, what with all those clouds about.' – 'Yes, quite.' – 'Reminds of the way Koizumi's Organization is doing some restructuring – oops, forget I said anything.'

"I'm going home..." I said, turning away to trod off, giving the others a wave of my hand over my slouched shoulder.

The weak rain of the morning hadn't returned, though the sky was still just one huge, bland, grey canvas. The ground had small puddles here and there, but nothing of a significant obstacle, the deepest at best being around a millimeter, barely covering the plastic or whatever bottom my shoes were made of. A faint wind was blowing, sending tiny ripples over the water. My reflection in any of the clear little puddles was never clear enough, twisting with the wind's travels.

In one specific pool, the ugly remains of a cherry blossom made its way with the wind towards the other side, looking like the husk of a destroyed battleship, beaten beyond repair in a battle of forces beyond it, taking water, probably sinking before it would ever reach the water's edge, its journey most likely ending at the bottom of the puddle, a rather deep abyss considering its frail little size.

I couldn't help but wonder if there might actually be something poetic, even more so in dead cherry blossoms, than in a beautiful living one, but unfortunately I wasn't a poet. I simply didn't have a mind sharp enough, capable of seeing the world not just as it was, but as more than it was. If I had, maybe I would have understood Haruhi and Nagato better.

A sigh escaped from my lips, completely catching me by surprise. It felt like even my breath was abandoning ship.

I was halfway back home when I realized there was a distinctive lack of weight on my back, something almost reassuring missing that had always been there on my way home from school.

Damn. I'd forgotten my bag in the clubroom…

* * *

[Trivia: Nagato is reading the wonderful novel _Season of Migration to the North_ by Tayeb Salih. And sorry to disappoint all of you ornithophiles reading this, but it is not about birds. Kyon just doesn't know these things, and in my mind, the only reason he knows the titles of books Nagato has read thus far is because he has taken the time to check them up (at least to google/wiki them if not actually read them). There's a thematic link for the story and mine, but it's probably more in my head than anywhere else discernible.]


	33. Desperate measures

I was just about to enter the clubroom through the door that for some reason had been left slightly ajar, when I encountered something even stranger than what had come before that day. I could hear Haruhi's voice clearly enough as I stood next to the door, my hand hovering just above the handle as I heard it, but it lacked the same sort of energy it usually did. Don't get me wrong, it didn't sound drained or tired as such, but just sort of empty in comparison, almost listless.

"Do you ever feel lonely?" I could hear her ask.

Just who is she talking to?

There was a long silence after that weird question until eventually, after what felt like an exceptionally long time under such curious circumstances, something that sounded a lot like a something solid being slowly placed on a table, making a soft thud.

"I don't mean loneliness as… you know, a bad thing as such, but more of… well, a lack of connection with people, like you just don't understand the people around you, that they seem hopelessly distracted by the dumbest things ever and you just can't understand why it's so damn important to them. They're all so damn stupid… and yet you feel a bit… lonely, I guess, I really can't think of any other word to describe it. It's not really solitude, like going out of your way to spend some time alone, but… well, it's a sort of discomforting lack of… yeah, understanding, I guess. Wishing that people would understand and get with the program, instead of always getting in your way, but I guess that's the _thing_… I honestly can't even conceive of what's going on in the heads of others… or… I couldn't, at least… not until lately. And I really don't like what I'm seeing…"

"…"

"So, do you ever feel that way? Never want to change things? Or are you perfectly happy just to yourself, with your books, without all the idiots of the world always butting in with their dumb ideas, telling you've got it wrong, that you should do things… normally?"

"…Yes, I believe I understand." That was Nagato! "I admit I might have experienced something similar to what you describe."

"Then you get it, do you?"

"…Perhaps."

"Really?" Haruhi asked, voice a bit softer now. "That's… nice to hear… I guess, in a way, but…"

I crept closer to the door, carefully peeking through the small gap between it and the wall, the narrow shaft beyond which something quite weird was happening. I could barely spot the two girls in the dark room, but as my eyes better adjusted to the lack of light, I could see Nagato seated in her usual corner with Haruhi just behind her with her hands on the smaller girl's shoulders. The book she had been reading earlier, about migrations or whatever, had been set on the table, now completely abandoned by its owner, whose eyes were focused on one of the hands on her shoulders.

Haruhi let out a little fatigued sigh, before she sort of slumped forwards, lower towards Nagato, as her hands slipped off her shoulders and down towards her chest.

Just what is going on here?

The almost probing hands stopped however, and tightened around the little girl into a warm looking embrace, hands linking together in front. Haruhi's head slumped against one of Nagato's shoulders, chin resting on it peacefully, head tilting carefully towards the smaller girl, cheeks almost touching.

"But as nice as it is, this little connection, as superficial as it really is, it's not with the person we really want to connect with, is it? Not who we want to understand, to get with the program."

Nagato, whose eyes had been focused on the shoulder where one of Haruhi's hands had been, and now at the head that was resting on it, cocked her head a bit more, as if asking a silent question.

"Is there even such a person?" Haruhi continued, straightening up a little. "Why do we need to connect with anyone? Can't we be who we are alone? Not dependent on another person…"

"…"

"They say humans are social creatures… but don't we have the choice to choose who we are? I don't want to be someone's property or depend on their support… I just… I… I don't know…"

Haruhi turned her head a bit towards Nagato, looking into her dark eyes.

"I don't know what I want. It used to be so simple… how about you? I thought that if there was even one person who might understand how I feel, it'd probably be you, because you usually keep to yourself, so you must have a different perspective on people, kinda like me." Haruhi loosened her hold on Nagato and unhurriedly brought a hand to Nagato's brow, brushing away at some of her bangs, while her other hand, no longer held by the other, swung limply for a moment, until it came to a rest near Nagato's lap. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. For some reason, I just can't seem to think like I used to… My plans and everything, it's like it's all… I dunno, being replaced by… stuff; normal, stupid, boring stuff…" The hand that had gone to brush away some loose bangs now tightened around a slender shoulder of Nagato's "…soft, weak, little, warm things…" Her hold on Nagato loosened. "And I don't know what to do about it… Things just don't make sense and I could use someone who… I don't understand why there can't be more people, just a few, who were like me, instead of all the idiots around us. It's getting a bit annoying, always having to answer obvious questions, always being scolded for trying to make things better…" Haruhi's fingers curled in the hand that had been hanging over Nagato, forming a fist she would clench and then relax. "You said you understood, so… what do you think? Is there a solution? Don't hold back, give me a straight answer, be brutal. Hit me with it."

Nagato simply stared back at Haruhi for what felt like an eternity. Haruhi met her eyes, unfazed by the precise all-seeing gaze of Nagato, until she gave a depressed sounding sigh, disappointedly slumping even more against the smaller girl as it looked like no answer was forthcoming.

"…The physicality of humans separates them not only by physical distances, but further distancing and separating what can only be described as their minds. True unity is impossible in both materialistic and idealistic understanding of the word between humans."

This must have been the longest thing Nagato had ever said to Haruhi, usually just replying with a curt nod or a monosyllabic word, but Haruhi didn't seem surprised at all by the lengthy response. Maybe Haruhi had just taken the axiom 'it's always the quiet ones that surprise you' to heart. And if Koizumi's rants were even anywhere close to the truth, that belief of Haruhi's might very well have induced all the conditions leading up to it. It certainly wouldn't have surprised me at all if Haruhi believed in such a stupid thing and reality just shuffled its feet sheepishly to step out of her way to accommodate her wishes. Maybe this was how Haruhi expected a mysterious bookworm to talk in a proper conversation. Or maybe… no, Haruhi wasn't the type. She was worse at reading people than I was, right? Well, no, actually it was more that she simply didn't care about other people. She was clever but… I don't know. This is what's happening, maybe I should just accept it.

Haruhi sighed again, glancing away from the deep, dark eyes of Nagato and then at the floor by their side. "Yeah, tell me something I don't know…"

Was she… making a joke? Or did she really understand all of that? I honestly couldn't tell.

"Non-physical unification is possible, but that requires the lack of matter to which one is bound upon creation. However, that form of unity is not without similar issues as the one I believe you are attempting to address."

Haruhi once again returned her eyes from the floor to instead look deeply into Nagato's brilliant eyes, an obviously far better object for appreciation.

"If melding of individuals is achieved, and although all previous cases of misunderstandings are cleared, the resultant entity is still a single entity with boundaries within a greater reality than itself, still attempting to define its existence in similar ways as the separated individuals originally, in relation to the reality it experiences. Perfection is still sought."

That sounded an awful lot like a rather personal response. At least I could be confident about that, even if I no longer considered myself an expert on Nagato. Maybe she was describing life for data beings in their true form. Nagato certainly seemed to be more communicative now than she'd been with me in a long time, ever since that blasted fair. And now even Haruhi seemed to be able to ask the right questions while I was floundering about like a fish out of water in trying to understand the alien.

Haruhi stared at Nagato for a long time, until, "I'm not completely sure, but it sounds like you're saying it's all pretty damn pointless."

"Yes. There is no intended purpose in existence and even self-determined purpose lacks a sense of definite clarity and absolute sense to it for sentient beings. Sapient beings unaffected by sentience however do not react in such a manner, but as far as can be determined, there are very few humans who are sapient without also being sentient."

"So… there's nothing to be done, huh?"

"Gathered data suggests that most humans circumvent this problem of self-definition by focusing on another and then having that person reciprocate. It does not solve the problem, instead alleviating it, but the process seems to allow for a focal point that is not as distressed when defined by the other instead of the self. Though only the self can truly know what it is, it lacks objectivity, and humans desire to have a source of true knowledge with which to define themselves through. As such, it is my hypothesis that one person can afford for another something that is then associated with a sense of authority in self-definition, as this new definition of self does not come from oneself, seemingly possessing an authority beyond the self as the individual seeking definition grants this control over their being. In summation: everyone needs someone."

"So we want to be told who are, who we're supposed to be… by someone else. To be given our value by someone who looks at us, sees us for what we really are, and… loves us? Because we can't do it ourselves…"

"…"

"Yuki…" Haruhi turned her head away, and looked down so that her bangs fell and covered her face completely. "I just can't accept that. I'm my own person. I don't want to depend on anyone but me. I don't _need_ anyone. That's how it should be. And I won't accept it any other way."

"Yes, you are… unique."

Haruhi slowly looked up again, once more wiping the hair away from Nagato's face, twisting some the strands between her lithe fingers. She stared long and hard at Nagato and then stood up, taking a small step backwards, letting Nagato's hair slip through her prone fingers, as she continued her thoughtful scrutiny of the girl sitting in front of her, like seeing something completely new that stirred an expectation of relief within her. Then, as if she'd come to some sort of conclusion, she reached out and carefully cupped Nagato's chin, raising her face so they were once again staring straight into each other's eyes.

"I knew there was more to you than just an introverted bookworm the moment I saw you, I just knew…" Haruhi turned to glimpse out window fleetingly for a silent instant. "With things the way they are, with nothing working right now, with everything just going so horribly wrong for some reason… I can't help but wonder… _what if_? What if I'm going about it all wrong? What if there's a reason why everything's the way it is, so boring and depressing…? Because it works better than the alternative… always looking, always searching… in vain. So… _what if_?"

Slowly, with careful deliberation, like a priestess performing an ancient ritual, Haruhi bent over and came closer to Nagato's face. She stopped at just the last moment, when their faces were nearly touching. Nagato, looking up into Haruhi's face, looked as calm and serene as ever, while Haruhi, staring downwards at Nagato, looked worn and in need of relief, almost parched. Haruhi's lips parted slightly, breathing out carefully, before she closed her eyes and the gap between the two of them fully, giving Nagato a kiss on the lips.

The scene seemed to freeze, the sounds of the world vanished, as I held my breath, too shocked and scared to intrude in any possible way on this intimate moment between the two, horrified I might break the fragile instance, but unable to back off either, transfixed by the splendor of the moment.

When Haruhi broke the kiss, nothing seemed to have changed between the two girls. Nagato stared calmly up at Haruhi, like she had throughout the soft kiss, completely unfazed by it, and Haruhi herself seemed just as melancholic as she had before it.

"Mmmm… Thanks, Yuki, for the input, but… there's just something not quite right here. I think, although we know and share a lot of things… I'm not sure if we still really understand each other. Shame…" Haruhi said as she turned on her heels and headed off, carefully touching her lips with the tips of her fore and middle finger in a whimsy manner, a soft, wondering look in her eyes.

Haruhi was already halfway across the room, nearing the door, when my dumb brain stopped going gaga about what it had seen and realized how much I was in trouble.

_Oh shit, oh shit, ohshitohshitshitshitshit! Gotta get outta here! If she catches me spying on them – ! – Run! – ! – MOVE!_

I backed up, head spinning like crazy, and I spotted a nearby clubroom's door ajar. Not having time to second guess this rare case of serendipity as usual, I lunged for the door, pulled it back in order to squeeze through and bit down on my lips once I was hidden in the room's complete darkness, trying to slow down my frantic breathing before it revealed me. I didn't dare wander any further into the room, since I couldn't see anything inside and was too afraid of possibly bumping into something and making a ruckus.

Slowly, I turned around and peered through the streak of dim light coming from the half-open door, hoping against hope Haruhi would just walk past.

I heard the SOS Brigade's door creak open, and the padding of two shoes against the floor. I bit down harder on my lips, not sure if my breathing had calmed down, because the beating of my heart was so loud inside me now I thought only the deaf could avoid the harsh drumming in my chest.

I saw a shadow move across the streak of light in my hideout. I waited until I couldn't hear a single sound from the halls, even several minutes after I'd heard what I thought had been the sound of the Old Shack's main door opening and closing, before I got out from my hiding place.

I then returned to the scene of the crime, well, mine really.

Nagato was still sitting in her corner, looking like a perfect life-sized doll. She remained perfectly still, not moving an inch, never even blinking. I stood at the door, watching her. I wanted to go over and –

Nagato moved, raising a hand in a slow, measured manner, cautiously touching her lips, almost like she was mimicking Haruhi's earlier actions. Her little lips were opened as she held fingers tenderly against her lower lip, looking surprisingly contemplative all of a sudden, once more frozen in a perfect moment. And then, as suddenly as the move to her lips had come, the lowering of her hand came as just an unnerving move in counterbalance to her stillness. Nagato then however picked up her book, opened it up on the page with the bookmark and went back to quietly reading, just as she always did, no matter what happened.

I decided I could leave my bag in the clubroom for the night.

…

…

…

Okay… let's set the record straight (and no, I'm not trying to make a lame pun here).

I had just seen Haruhi kiss Nagato.

Under normal conditions, I might have considered placing this moment in the top three moments of my life. It had been a magical experience even for a spectator like me but… seriously…

What the hell was going on? With Haruhi and even Nagato? I was just so confused.

Did Haruhi have a thing for Nagato? But if she did, she wouldn't have left like that, would she? I know I wouldn't just leave like that if I actually managed to make out with a girl like that. Besides, despite having developed a rather caring concern for Nagato over our adventures, like when we'd been trapped in that blizzard and Nagato had fallen ill due to some sort of data attack, Haruhi had never struck me as sharing anything really all that significant with Nagato, or with anyone else really. Then again, what did I know about any of these people anymore, if I had even known anything from the beginning. I hadn't been able see what Koizumi would do in a though spot, how Nagato felt about life as an interface or what Haruhi was going through. I didn't know anyone at all.

…

And I couldn't let that stand.

The SOS Brigade was essentially all I had. They were the closest thing I had to friends, if not even closer, for better or for worse. It was kind of sad, really. But I couldn't just bug out now. If they were closest things I had to friends… I should fight for them, right?

But what was I supposed to do?

Haruhi… and even Nagato… lonely? The word just didn't seem to apply to either one of them, at least not how I understood the word. Nagato was a bastion of strength and solitude, capable of living in perfect isolation for three years, so beyond anything I could ever handle, stronger than most people in so many ways. Haruhi too had been isolated from people, but it had been entirely by her own choice. She hadn't wanted to waste time on boring, normal, mundane people.

And yet… they both felt disconnected from the world. Yes, I guess you could describe it like that. Is that loneliness? Inability to connect and understand others? I guess it would be, since life is what you make it, and not what others, be it people or gods, want or decide. If the two were lonely, like anything else our group seemed to go through, they weren't lonely in the same way ordinary people were. It wasn't painful for them, they didn't feel hurt… they were just tired of people. Maybe that's a kind of loneliness too.

I wish I could help both of them, make them relax and open up a little and just enjoy what they already have, like I do. I just wish I knew how to help.

…

Why do I keep thinking either one of them needs my help? They're both so strong. That's what makes them so special. But that doesn't mean that sometimes… But they both also… I don't know. I really can't understand the two anymore, especially Haruhi. Whenever I think I have a grasp on her character, I find another layer. She's always changing. I can never really understand her. Nagato on the other hand… well, maybe I do understand, maybe too well. But she's not going to let anything happen. She cares for all of us too much, even if she doesn't really show it.

I guess… the two really do mean a lot to me. I can't explain it otherwise.

And with these thoughts in mind, I made my choice. I was going to do whatever I could. I was done second guessing, I was done with doubt. I was ready to act. I was ready to be done with all of this crap that had snuck into our lives and ready to set things right, to try and find a way to resolve all of this and try and get back what we had all had before. I wanted nothing but fun and games, but then again… had it ever been that way? I had been the victim of attempted murder twice already in our adventures, first attempt coming at me nearly from the start. Why the hell was I looking back at everything through these rose-tinted glasses?

I mean, I had nearly died on several occasions thanks to Haruhi being in my life. Did I really want to fix any of this? You could only fix something that had broken. Maybe there had never been anything wholesome from the very beginning.

But… still… I…

Damn it. The Brigade meant something to me as well. It wasn't just a pet project of Haruhi's anymore. It really was my Brigade as much as Haruhi's. Somehow Haruhi had done it, she had made the SOS Brigade big and great, even if it was only in my heart. I wanted these people in my life for some reason. Maybe I was a masochist. That certainly would explain a lot. Certainly would explain why I kept crawling back for more all the time, especially when it came to dealing with Haruhi.

…

Screw it. Screw it all rigid with a rusty pitchfork. I'm done with this. I can't take it anymore. The straw has not only broken the camel's back but somehow managed to skewer it as well. Screw it all and then some.

…

I need to do something.

I want _my_ Brigade back.

Soon, with a twisting, nauseating mix of fear and nerves, wracking every last brain cell of mine, wondering if any of this was even remotely the right thing to do and not just yet another way for me to mess things up, I knocked on the door.

"Nagato?"

The world was silent after that. The hall I was in echoed with the stillness of the evening. Nothing seemed to stir. I pressed my ear against the door but couldn't hear a thing, not footsteps or even the faint scratch of a page being turned.

Had she already left?

The door cracked open and nearly made me fall over as it moved like a phantom all of a sudden. As I struggled to stay standing, taking a step forward to balance myself, I came dangerously close to Nagato's face, staring at me with blank inquisitiveness.

"Ah… Na-Nagato… you're still here…"

The fair girl nodded.

"Mind if I… come in?" I asked. "I think I left my bag here."

Another nod from the pale little girl before she strode off to her usual spot and picked up her book, placing it in her lap and once more continued her reading.

Why did she do that? She must have known there was more to my visit than just my bag. Then again, if she had just started staring at me with her deep, beautiful eyes, watching me in full, probably seeing me in ways I could never see her, from all the myriads of wavelengths of the electromagnetic spectrum to even how I worked microscopically, I don't think I would have had the nerve to ask her what I wanted – no, needed to know.

"Nagato…"

A page was turned, but I knew I had her attention.

"Are you happy?" I finally asked.

Nagato looked up from her book and gave me a curious, silent look.

"With the way things are?" I clarified quickly, finally feeling I had asked Nagato a proper question.

Nagato took a short moment to consider this. "I am… as content as I feel comfortable in allowing myself to be."

"So, you've made a decision then? I mean, you remember what we talked about, during that fair, here in the clubroom…"

Nagato nodded, her eyes shifting focus to the floor between us. "My duty and function has always been the observation and protection of Suzumiya Haruhi." She looked up at me. "I have chosen to extend my protection to you and everyone else within the SOS Brigade. …I am… happy."

"But, don't you want… _more_? I don't want to see you waste your life. You don't have to be just a data being in a human body."

"Define 'more'."

"Huh?"

Nagato shut her book, the weak little thump like the gavel of a judge, or the hammer of God in the realm of silence she governed. "You appear to be under the impression that by limiting social interactions I am bereft of something worthwhile."

"Well, yeah," I muttered, starting to feel a bit regretful, realizing I really wasn't prepared for this at all, for helping Nagato. In a way, it almost felt like she was angry at me for trying to coax her out of her strong castle of willful solitude.

"What is this 'more'? From what I have observed, social interaction appears to have caused you nothing but frustration. You appear to be most at peace when…" Nagato's calm words came to an uncharacteristic halt as she focused down on me, a miniscule change in her eyes I couldn't help but note: a sort of softening.

"What?"

"When you are just alone with me, silent," Nagato said.

"…Maybe that's the point I'm trying to get at. What about you? What do you feel like when we're just together, silent?"

"…Content."

"And you don't want… _more_ of that?"

"Momentary, circumstantial contentment is not preferable to the satisfaction of performing to my operational purpose. Do not humans also intend to live to their full potential?"

"Yeah, but… shouldn't your purpose be up to you?"

"I need not construct a purpose for my existence like you because I have been designed with it. I am fully aware of and willing to fulfill my purpose. I have chosen to accept it. I feel… sorry for you. You do not possess the same certainty of existence as I do. My operational purpose will allow for the creation of a perfect entity."

"And then what?"

"Perfection is its own goal and end. There is nothing beyond perfection."

"So, you'll be God."

"A majority of humans would probably classify us as such upon reaching a level beyond evolution, as a perfect being beyond all physical requirements. We would be complete, content for eternity, our very own purpose."

"And you'll do what?"

"Your question is erroneous. Perfection is infinite, all encompassing, lacking of nothing."

"And you'll do _what_?" I asked, unable to stomach what she was telling me.

Nagato gave me a look that felt like it was slightly annoyed. "You cannot comprehend. Your language is far too limited. It is pointless to discuss this further."

"But if you're perfect… you won't need anything… you won't… you won't have a reason to stay with… us."

"…Perfection is its own end and purpose. There will no longer be any need for anything this reality could offer."

"…Do you really… just want to escape this all?" I asked, wishing I had never found out just how little all of our time had meant to her in the long run.

"…Sentience has not offered my existence any notable benefits, only… distressing factors, producing a summative amount of errors to occur in processing. If I were to allow the accumulation of such errors, more mistakes could occur, in example my creation of a reality of my own design. I do not wish to experience similar or potentially worse results due to these errors. If the errors of sentience are allowed to compile, I will become increasingly unpredictable. This is not what I desire. I am… envious of my purely sapient counterparts within the Integrated Data Sentient Entity."

"But they're sentient too, aren't they? Isn't everything? I mean, it's in your name."

"Sentience is unlikely for beings operating directly with the data produced by the matter of this reality, but as imperfect beings, it is reasonable to assume that even data entities are capable of experiencing subjectivity. Our perception of reality is still limited by our coordinates within a three-dimensional space, though our perception of time is full along a linear line of operation unlike for humans. But we do not desire this. We seek objectivity and perfect understanding of ourselves and reality. We seek to know everything. We seek a state of being beyond the need of endlessly processing data as we have from the beginning of our existence. We seek an existence that is certain and absolute, something the existence of Suzumiya Haruhi deprives us of unless we develop the ability to counter her raw data creational abilities."

Why is everyone around me so caught up in trying to achieve something greater, to understand the way their world works? Am I honestly the only guy who is – was happy with what he had? Why couldn't everyone else just be happy? Was I really the only one settling? Did that make me the loser in the bunch? Haruhi certainly would have thought so.

"Well… as long as there aren't any regrets…"

I was turning away when Nagato spoke out.

"Wait…"

"What is it?" I looked over my shoulder, unsure of what to expect anymore.

"I…" Nagato blinked. "I wish you too will be happy."

…

I didn't know what to say to that. I was simply too happy to hear she really did care, even if she didn't want to make anything of it. So all I could manage to mutter was a weak, "Thanks". At least my voice hadn't broken like a twelve-year-old's.

Nagato turned to her book again, leaving me to myself.

"…Well, I guess I'll be going then… But before I do…"

"…"

"Sorry. Sorry I couldn't help you accept another life."

"… I see," Nagato said, for the first time ever in this reality, sounding saddened.

As I was halfway done with my walk to the door, Nagato spoke again, her voice as firm and clear as always. "Suzumiya Haruhi will be in the park where you have previously engaged in time travel with Asahina Mikuru."

"What? How did know you that I was going to… how do you know?"

"Observation. 97 % of sealed reality events are typically caused by spikes in anxiety and frustration levels, which are triggered at random areas in her vicinity. The majority of the remainder of instances of sealed reality events have occurred under similar conditions as now, whereupon Suzumiya Haruhi will enter the park. When exhibiting more typical signs of depression, such as difficulty in expression and/or manic-depressive behavior, Suzumiya Haruhi has a 57 % probability of entering the park, where a localized sealed reality is created after a thus far unpredictable passage of time."

Sometimes it was kind of scary how Nagato can just crunch the numbers on our lives like that, even someone as weird as Haruhi, but I guess Sasaki might have been right about us humans, at least to a certain degree. People are certainly prisoners of habit, if not completely without free will beyond whatever physical factors.

"Okay… I'll do that. Go see her. Thanks."

I turned around to leave, making it all the way to the door, when it happened again. Nagato spoke.

"Help her."

My hand stopped just as I was about to turn the handle.

"Help her be happy."

Sigh…

Damn it.

Her problem really is that she cares… cares too much, far too much for her own good. It's always someone else's needs that come first for her, either the IDSE or us, but never herself. And it… it's too much for me. I just can't think at all on her level. I don't think I could ever be so… so completely selfless and simply good. I still can't get over the thought that the most humane human I know is an alien…

Maybe I really can't help her, to give her what she deserves. I'm not sure anyone could. Because she deserves only the best and I pretty much don't fit the bill enough to make a difference. Even after attempting a breakthrough, I couldn't help but feel that all I'd managed was to just cause more frustration on both sides of the castle wall between us. Hopefully she achieves perfection, because as far as I'm concerned, that's _still_ barely what she deserves.

I turned the handle, opened the door, and walked out.

A lonesome page was turned just as the door clicked shut.


	34. What just happened?

The dreary light of morning invaded my eyes, passing through my closed eyelids, at first coloring my veiled dreamy world in a soft but irritating pink as consciousness was slowly regained. Then the light started getting more hostile, becoming an annoying orange, transgressing into offensive yellow and finally simply going too far as it became an unbearable white.

I had no other choice but to open my eyes. As my blurred vision after a few mitigating blinks began to clear, I noticed something otherwise unpleasant to greet my waking moments. There was something off about the ceiling above me. It was white like it should be, but somehow the wrong shade of white, that is, if white can have shades. I think I'd heard somewhere that white wasn't actually a color, but more of a shade in itself. I hadn't known what to do with the information, as it didn't really make any sense to me, so I had discarded it, only to find myself wondering about it all of a sudden now.

I heard the sizzling sounds of bubbling liquids and smelled a weird odor, like burning… something that _shouldn't_ be burning, wafting into my nose. The smell had a kind of fatty tinge to it, though I thought I could smell incinerated vegetables as well. It was a weird smell I'd never encountered before. Well, actually I had encountered something similar before, at a large outdoor fair or something, but never in my home. The smell was also strong with spices, mostly ones I couldn't identify. It was a bizarre mix of… everything, as far as I could tell. I imagined bazaars must smell something like this.

I got up, feeling extremely drowsy. I rubbed my forehead, wondering what exactly was going on. Things felt weird for some reason, sort of – I dunno – out of place, wrong in some way.

I looked around. Things were definitely off. Why was my room smaller? Where was my desk? Actually, the only proper piece of furniture was the bed I was lying in, and it was a lot lower than it should be. In fact, it wasn't a bed at all, but a futon. There was a closet on the opposite wall, taking up most of it, which wasn't much space to begin with, but I could spot clothes that looked like mine within it. Either someone was as bad a dresser as me, or someone had gone through an awful lot of trouble to play a prank on me or something.

Where the hell was I?

"Are you up yet? Come on! We gotta hurry! We don't have much time!" I heard a disturbingly familiar female voice shout, making me flinch in shock, like I had just heard the telltale roar of a hungry tiger. My bed sheets were pulled up a little higher up my near naked body automatically.

It can't be… I must have heard wrong…

"Oi! Can you hear me?"

No, it can't be, it just _can't_.

"Are you even awake yet, idiot?"

The sizzling seemed to lower in volume and I could hear metal things clang about, before the soft padding of footsteps followed. The door was practically flung open, hitting the wall loudly, nearly hitting the entering person in the face as it rebounded of the poor wall that had signs of earlier damage sustained from similar behavior.

"Damn it! Stupid door…" The girl who should not be here, wherever it was, said as she carefully pushed the door back after the unpleasant bump into it before. "Soon to be my most definitely _former_ nemesis… It'll be the chopstick factory for you one of these days… and not a _good_ factory at that!"

There she was, in her school uniform, as prim and proper looking as she had ever managed to look, but wearing a yellowish apron over it all. Her hands were covered in little oven mitts, one of them resting impatiently against her hip while the other waved a spatula in my direction threateningly, almost like a sword with which to skewer me with.

"Geez, you're not even dressed yet! You're so freaking hopeless! I can't believe you've managed to get this far in life! Did your mommy dress you up for school?"

No, no, no. NO! What the hell is this? I'm still asleep. This is a dream. No, this is a nightmare. This can't be real, this can't be right. _This isn't happening_!

"Hurry up, moron! School starts in a few minutes! Who knows how long Yuki's been waiting? You know she always does."

Yuki? As in Nagato? Waiting? For what? Us? Seriously, what the hell is going on here? What the hell is Haruhi doing barging in on me like this? Why the hell are we here together? What are you doing here? Better yet, what am _I_ doing here?

"Hurry up!" Haruhi shouted irritably, frowning as she spun on her heels and strode off. "Get dressed!"

What… the hell…?

Brain unable to process the sudden appearance of Haruhi in an apron, I didn't know what else to do but do as she had ordered. I just couldn't come up with a single coherent thought, so as it had been an order, one I could easily do, getting dressed just came naturally instead of trying to make sense of any of this. At least doing something came more easily than thought right now.

Wait a minute. I wasn't here yesterday, was I? No, I clearly remember chasing my sister out of my room where she'd been jumping on my bed after I'd returned from yet another typical, although tiring day with the SOS Brigade. I had flopped down onto the bed and fallen asleep as soon as my head had hit the pillow.

No, that wasn't right. That… that had happened before, a long, long time ago.

No, there had been club activities yesterday as well. But afterwards…

I remembered a dark room. I was carrying boxes. An annoying voice was shouting orders behind me, but I had just ignored it. I had then gone ahead and entered a desolate looking room, emptied the box of clothing into a closet and then settled down on the bed after a long day of carrying things. It had been getting dark and I thought I could rest my eyes a little but then everything had gone dark…

_Dark…_

No… wait… that's not right either. I remember… a dark evening… in the clubroom… with… Nagato? And Haruhi had been there as well… and then… there had been stars, trees, _no gravity_, and just… just a dark world disappearing… only to be replaced by a warm, comforting abyss of stillness… submersion in… into… something quite pleasant.

But now I was here, wherever it was, but surprisingly enough, with my full but still barely adequate wardrobe it seemed.

Since Haruhi had been in her school uniform, I took the safe bet and put on my own. When I was dressed, I carefully peeked at the apartment outside the small room I'd been sleeping in. I found myself looking at a very tiny apartment, where there was a small living room of sorts with a low table with a pair of cushions around it and a sliding glass door to a little balcony just behind them. There was a kitchen on the left that was only separated from the living room area by a small, solid counter.

Haruhi was in the tiny kitchen, frying something on a pan, occasionally flipping the multicolored pieces of food in the pan, usually some parts of the food flying out, which would garner a hissed curse from the hurried cook at an almost constant rate you could set your watch to if it weren't for the differing lengths of specific curse words.

"Ready? 'Cause we really gotta go, like now!" Haruhi said as she spotted me. She then turned off the stove, threw off her apron, took an empty boxed lunch and dumped the insides of her messy work in it, sealing it up hastily.

"Come _on_! We're in a hurry!" Haruhi zoomed past me into the small hallway where two pairs of shoes were lying in wait for feet to wear them. A pair of school bags was waiting to be carried next to them as well.

Haruhi put on her shoes and roughly pushed her boxed lunch into her bag. She was opening the door when she stopped and turned her head to give me an annoyed look. "Well? Are you coming to school or not? I don't mind if you skip class, but don't even dream of doing likewise when it comes to the SOS Brigade! If you don't show up, I'll be frying _your_ eggs and little bacon tomorrow morning!"

I had just been threatened, rather graphically through metaphorical language, right? And my bacon wasn't little, it was perfectly normal and average in all ways. I had shamefully once done the research while in the grips of pubescent terror and uncertainty. I was both reassuringly and depressingly normal at the same time.

"I… okay…"

I followed obediently, still too dazed and a little afraid not to obey, to question life as it had suddenly turned for me once again.

"C'mon, c'mon," Haruhi muttered impatiently as I put on my shoes and grabbed my bag.

Haruhi opened the door, took my hand and yanked me out since I wasn't fast enough for her and slammed the door shut after us. She hurried through the hallway towards some stairs.

"Elevator's too slow. C'mon!" she shouted as she hurried along a familiar looking corridor.

I've been here before, in this building, haven't I? It looks like Nagato's apartment building.

I hurried after Haruhi into the stairs where we practically fell down along them at the hazardous speed we were going at. We were outside the building when we ran into Nagato, standing about patiently, just waiting for us.

"C'mon! We're gonna be late!" Haruhi shouted as she rushed past Nagato.

I was about to ask Nagato what was going on, or at least say a polite hello, but the dainty little alien sped off after Haruhi without a word.

I could only gape as this day got even weirder. I had never actually seen Nagato run before. It just looked weird, though there was nothing technically wrong with it; it was perfect as far as I could tell.

I ran after the two girls, who were going so fast I could barely keep them in my sights.

We ran all the way to school, with only me slowing down at the hill. The two girls, both smaller than me, just plowed ahead like members in the Olympic team. I couldn't maintain that kind of speed, but only managed to jog the remainder of the trip. When I finally got to the top of the hill, I found Haruhi bent over, clasping her knees and panting heavily. Nagato stood next to her like a guardian angel, completely unaffected by the run. I stopped next to them, panting as heavily as Haruhi after the run.

"Phew," Haruhi wiped her brow, giving the school a glance, "Just in time. Let's go."

Haruhi strode through the school gates along with what appeared to be the last students to arrive, all of them hurrying a little to get to class on time.

But I just… huoh… okay… never mind… I'll just lie down and die here… and hope my lungs don't cave or explode and leave behind a very disturbing looking corpse… okay…?

Nagato gave me a little sideways glance that felt kind of curious, before she calmly strode into school as well.

I took a moment to catch my breath, just enough to stop the feeling that my lungs were burning, before I hurried into school, feeling edgy about whether I might find other weird things waiting for me.

I mean, who knows, maybe my teacher was a three-headed mutant and people sat upside down in their seats. For me right now those would actually have been the least surprising and odd things to see today.

I arrived in class at the nick of time, giving the teacher a hasty 'excuse me', receiving a polite enough glower in return as I sidled past my fellow students, most too bored or simply uncaring to even spare me a glance as I made my way to my seat, just in front of the one where Haruhi was already seated, my usual seat. Apparently nothing had really changed in school at least.

Only Taniguchi spared me some of his attention, but it was a sly smirk accompanied by an even dirtier wink as he nodded in Haruhi's direction.

_What the hell was that idiot getting at now?_

I'd only been seated for a few seconds at best, still trying to get a grip on the situation I was in, when I felt a far too familiar painful poke of a pencil in my back.

"_What_?" I asked, annoyed, peeking behind me as inconspicuously as I could.

"Hey, you okay?" Haruhi asked, "You've been kind of, I dunno… ditzy today, I guess is the word."

"I'm just… a bit confused," I admitted.

"About what?"

About you and me in that apartment in the same building as Nagato. About why no one else thinks it's weird. About whatever's going on and why I seem to be the only one bothered by it.

"Hello? Anyone home?" Haruhi quizzed me, giving me a worried look like I was the guy appointed to hold onto the key to the prison of the criminally insane, despite me being notoriously known for losing stuff.

"I just… what were we doing yesterday? I feel like I've missed a day or something."

I wanted to ask Haruhi what the two of us had been doing in that apartment together, but it just felt extremely awkward as she seemed to take the whole situation as being perfectly natural and normal. I really wasn't up for the risk of receiving a barrage of 'what's wrong with you, idiot?' or other insulting questions right now. If this was something perfectly explainable, it was far more likely for Haruhi to get aggravated by me and not answer a thing than for her to calmly and patiently explain everything to me. So asking about yesterday seemed like a rather clever idea to me.

"Nothing special really. We hung around at the clubroom, did some stuff, called it a day, got our remaining stuff and went back home. Why are you asking?" Haruhi asked, actually sounding interested in my apparent amnesia.

I wasn't quite sure how to take all this information. It all sounded fairly typical of us, but then how had I turned up where I had in the morning? And what about Nagato and the clubroom and… Haruhi… and…

"What's wrong with your face?" Haruhi asked. "It's going red like a rash on a baby's bum."

"N… nothing." I swallowed nervously, trying to calm down, though it was a rather hard thing to do when the world around you seemed to be in the process of collapsing. That, or it was my mind doing the collapsing. And of course there were the confusing (and thrilling, very, very thrilling) images of Haruhi and Nagato together making everything harder as well… That came out wrong (for the most part).

Okay, this is just messed up. It's like I'm remembering two different lives. Or Three. Or Four… Argh! What the hell?

"Whatever. What's the last thing you can remember?" Haruhi asked, an enthusiastic smile starting to spread across her face as a mystery was starting to slowly reveal itself to her, teasing her with tendrils of more secrets underneath enticing underwear of enigmas.

"Pretty much the same…" I don't think there's anything wrong with telling her this. "I just… really feel like something big happened and I missed it."

"Really? You sure?" Haruhi asked, raising an eyebrow. "Anything else off?"

"Uhmm, no, not really. I just… feel off. Like the opposite of déjà vu, that instead of seeing something twice, I haven't seen something even once."

It really did feel like I'd skipped over half of a movie and was watching something extremely contrary to what had been going on in the beginning. Like I had missed the big twist in the story. Like a story about pirates suddenly turning to samurai.

"Nice," Haruhi smirked at my explanation, tapping her pencil against her cheek. "But it could be something mundane as well…"

Don't say brain tumor. If you start thinking I might have one…

"Or it could be a telepathic mind wipe. Maybe you got involved in a government information leak and you've been 'neutralized'. Did you see aliens, spot mutants, spy secret weapons of massive and total destruction?"

Well if I had and I got my memory erased, I wouldn't know, now would I?

"This could be something really –" Haruhi's ecstatic smile, which was starting to widen into dangerous dimensions, like ones you might see on a movie villain, was interrupted in its growth along with her enthusiasm's.

"Uhum!" Our teacher cleared their throat clearly enough for people in the next room to have heard it.

"Sorry," I said automatically.

Haruhi gave the teacher a little glare, but luckily kept her mouth shut, little lips creased together in a tight clamp. I bet she saw herself as being the one who had been interrupted rudely, rather than the lecturing teacher being bothered by Haruhi's insistent questioning of me.

"How annoying…" I could hear her mutter behind me as I tried to focus my full attention on the board, where things I really should spend my time memorizing and understanding were being scrawled.

So what had happened? It was like I'd suffered amnesia or something. And yet Haruhi's memories seemed to match mine, to a certain extent. But why had the two of us been in that apartment? I really needed to know that. As distressing as possibly losing some of my memories was, I was far more worried about that other little development. Obviously something had happened, but what? Haruhi had said Nagato would wait for us as per usual, but that couldn't be possible, not unless this had happened to us more often than once at least. You couldn't otherwise call it usual. Even Haruhi adhered to the use of language like that. So if there really has been some sort of passage of time and our yesterdays just happen to match maybe coincidentally, wouldn't that mean the two of us might have been there together for…

No. The two of us _living_ together? That couldn't be. I'm just drawing up hasty conclusions. _Ridiculous_, hasty conclusions. I must have missed something. The two of us had probably just needed a place to sleep in for whatever reason, just for one night of course, if there had been a passage of time. Maybe we had been at Nagato's… where there had been that kiss… no, that was wrong. They were in the clubroom. They were there because… Haruhi had essentially driven us all out…

_What the hell is going on?_

"Uh, Haruhi… we've been… in that apartment, how long?" I actually dared to ask the stupid sounding question.

"Hmm? Uhm, lessee… how long has it been…? Can't really remember, but it's got to have been like nearly a month by now."

_A month?_

"Of course, you didn't spend all your time there from the beginning, just getting stuff there really, really slowly. This was actually the first time you've slept over in our apartment for more than a single night."

_What_? A _month_? We've had a place of our own for a _month_? The _two_ of us? Why? How? What in the name of all that is holy and unholy has happened here?

"Don't tell me you're starting to get second thoughts," Haruhi said in a darker tone, giving me a smoldering look to match her voice. "What, are you starting to miss having someone look after you? Are you a little mama's boy?"

Of course not. That is _so_ completely and totally not the problem here!

"Don't forget, this is our next step in our growing independence as we grow up!" Haruhi said, pointing her pencil at me in a determined manner, ready to jab at me if I tried to escape. "I need you there."

You _need_ me there? This is just getting _worse_!

"I can't cover the rent on my own, you know that. That's the only reason we're roommates."

"_U-Humm!_" The teacher cleared their throat so thoroughly the earth itself might have shook with all the force extended. "Are you two going to keep it down? If you can't do that, the both of you are going to have to –"

"Yeah, yeah! Sorry! We'll keep it down!" Haruhi shouted, not sounding at all apologetic, as she leaned back moodily, arms crossed as she glared some more at the teacher. "What a jerk…" she muttered to herself, before she turned her head to look at the world outside the window.

_Haruhi and I were living together…_

The lesson passed quietly enough after that, though I couldn't focus on it at all now.

"Late for class, eh? Knew it was just a matter of time before it happened. Suzumiya keeping you up at nights?" Taniguchi said, smirking slyly at me as he made his way over to me during the break, giving me conspiratorial wink. The idiot.

Haruhi had wandered off, so Taniguchi had no reason not to come and make these stupid questions.

"Nothing like that…" I said grimly.

"You have to admit, it kind of looks like that, Kyon," Kunikida said as he made his way over as well.

"There's nothing going on…" I said, crossing my arms. In fact, I had no idea what was going on. How could something like this even _happen_ in the first place? It simply shouldn't be possible… except something like this already has sort of happened before, hasn't it? Just where am I? It's not a time loop. Like I'd told Haruhi, instead of the déjà vu, I was experiencing the opposite unlike back then.

"Sure, sure. A guy and a girl move in together and you expect us to believe nothing's happening. Come on, give us some dirt," Taniguchi said as he pulled up an empty chair next to me to sit in, getting into a comfortable position, ready to explore the deepest reaches of sexual depravity at his leisure, for hours if needed. "We haven't pressed you at all with this. Come on, give us something. What's it like living with that weirdo? She do kinky things? And when I mean kinky, I mean 'strap you to the wall and shoot chicken eggs at you'-kinky. Coz, you know, it's Suzumiya."

"I really can't say." As I have no memories of even agreeing to any of this.

"Come on. You don't have to tell us any of the _really_ dirty bits. Well, anything Suzumiya would consider dirty." Taniguchi winked again. If one was a casual observer of our conversation, they would probably wonder if he was having some sort of seizure in his eyebrow due to the constant winking. "I bet that still leaves us with a lot of hot and steamy stuff. She strikes me as the kind. Remember how she would start stripping in class way back when we were still present and barely accounted for?"

"There aren't any dirty bits. We're just roommates." Apparently, and I do hope all of this is at the least only as it seems, though I wish it weren't even that.

"You really expect us, or anyone with half a brain, to actually believe that lame lie?"

Yes, you're right, only half brained nitwits would believe something like this could happen in the first place.

"C'mon," Taniguchi egged on, giving my shoulder a nudge of his elbow.

…I really don't need this right now.

"If you don't mind, I'm gonna go for some fresh air," I said as I got up and walked off.

"Aww, come _on_!" Taniguchi moaned after me.

Something strange was definitely going on. Why was I living together with Haruhi? Why was there a gap in my memory? Had I actually lost a month of my life?

Wait…

I had just gotten to the door of the classroom when I realized something actually was out of place in school as well.

_Where was Tachibana?_

Was this a plot? An attack? She had shown up and wouldn't you have guessed it, I'm already caught up in something strange. That has to be it. I'm under attack here.

I walked back to Taniguchi and Kunikida, who were still around my desk. "Where's Tachibana?" I asked them.

"Who?" the pair asked together.

"New girl."

The two guys traded questioning glances, before they once again asked as one, "Who?"

"She just transferred. You know, pretty girl in those little pigtails."

"Kyon, trust me on this," Taniguchi said, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder I just wanted to swat away, "I can say with full and complete certainty, that if there was a good looking transfer student here, I would know about her."

Yeah, you would… you'd have her categorized and graded faster than a teacher could do with a test, even with the incentive of earning a 500 % increase in salary if the deed was done as quickly as possible.

"Okay, never mind," I said as I once again left the confused pair behind me to scratch their collective head.

Something Weird was going on, so I had no other choice but to try and check with my chief consultant on such matters: Koizumi. In fact, maybe I should get Nagato and Asahina-san as well. None of them would probably have any problems with skipping a class or two if something Weird was going on. (Yes, I _did _feel justified in emphasizing Weird with capitalization.)

I found Koizumi first, just outside his class, talking with someone from his class presumably; just some slim nobody in glasses. Perhaps Koizumi was my best bet here after all, since he was the expert in these matters. I hadn't even considered the most obvious option yet, but that was probably because it was also the most frightening… that the world had just been changed on the flippant whims of Haruhi. And if she had changed the world once again, could I even rely on Koizumi being what he had been or even knowing about me?

"But you can't ignore the effects on free will a potential divergence in realities via a matter of choices would have. Choice would become redundant if all possibilities were thus opened," Nobody said.

"But not for a single reality. Each individual reality, even in a sea of infinite realities, would still be the sum of the choices made within it. If anything, free will maintains its metaphysical value," Koizumi countered in inane gibberish.

"Yes, as nice and essential as free will might be from a metaphysical side, on the practical side, neuroscience has shown causality has a much firmer grip on us than even imagined."

"True as well, as all actions flow from previous ones, but that does not necessarily leave us without reflective capabilities that surmount the causal relations."

"Yet our decisions are based on priorities coming from outside our minds and control. People make choices according to their preferences in a determinable fashion. A thirsty man will always choose to drink."

"Not if he is suicidal or wishes to give it to someone he wishes to have it in his place."

"Very rare cases at best. Besides, considerations like those are still based on external things beyond his control and reflection, like his upbringing and social programming. There's a causal link to even suicide and altruism. Everything happens for a reason; it's simple physics, not fate or God."

"Hey, Koizumi," I interrupted what was _surely_ an exciting debate. "Could I talk with you?"

"Ah, Kyon, but of course," Koizumi answered me smartly before he turned to his pal for a farewell of sorts. "We'll have to pick up on this another time, though I highly doubt we'll reach any sort of definitive conclusion."

Well, at least the guy seemed to be familiar enough with me. Koizumi was usually hard to read, but I thought I could spot a sort of softening and easing of his frame as he noticed me.

Nobody gave his glasses a hitch up the long bridge of his nose as he gave me an estranged glance from the corners of his eyes and walked off without a word, leaving us alone.

"So, what is it?" Koizumi asked me.

"What's going on? Why am I living together with Haruhi? Why can't I seem to remember anything about it?" I went for the kill immediately, not feeling like playing cat and mouse at all with these troublesome topics.

"Ah… I see," Koizumi said pensively, bringing his hand to his chin, lightly tapping its side with his fingers. "You've finally regained full awareness, or close enough."

"What? What are you talking about? You know what's going on, don't you?"

"I think it would be best if we found Nagato-san. Her presence should most likely help in explaining a thing or two."

"What's going on?" I asked, not willing to wait any longer now that I knew there were answers to my questions in this nonsensical world.

"Simply put, we are in an alternate reality governed by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity."

"…What? That just raises even more questions!"

"All will be answered shortly, I'm sure. You don't have a problem with skipping a lesson or two, do you?"

"…Not really. No."

"Good. It really is time we got to escaping from this place once and for all."

"Once and for all?"

"Yes. I was quite worried when I was captured in the last scenario, but as it turns out, I was given a body to inhabit as I was integrated into the following scenario, which is our current one."

"…You're just going out of your way now to confuse me, aren't you?"

"Nagato-san should be able to provide a better understanding. It's been a rather long time since we've discussed issues relating to this subject, so I'm afraid I'm a little sketchy on the details at this point."

"Seriously, give me a straight answer! What exactly is going on? Why are Haruhi and I… _living together_?" I was having trouble saying the thing out loud, the two final words coming out in a weak, wimpy manner as a shiver ran up my spine.

"Ah, yes… well, the reasoning for it within this scenario is that both you and Suzumiya-san craved more independence. Why the Integrated Data Sentient Entity created this specific background of course requires some more exposition."

"Like what?"

"Nagato-san's presence should aid in explaining this. As I've understood, she has a method through which you should be able to experience the circumstances of the previous scenario, which I believe were rather definitive in the formation of the current one."

"You're not making _any_ sense… Less than usual even."

"I told you, we're in a reality governed by Nagato-san's superiors," Koizumi said with the patience of a used cars salesman, wrangling in his next unsuspecting victim – that is, client of course. Pardon the _obvious_ mistake.

"I… I don't get it…"

"Yes, that is why we are going to find Nagato-san," Koizumi said, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder that just felt kind of creepy, even more so than Taniguchi's had. What is it with people and physical contact? It isn't like I'm leaking from my shoulder and you need to plug it up or something. I just want answers!

I brushed his hand off and gave him another perplexed and exasperated look, hoping against hope he could just give it to me straight.

"…Why?" was all I could manage to ask at this point.

"Well, we're not entirely sure what exactly led to all of this, but of one thing we can be certain of," Koizumi said, being his annoying dramatic self as he raised a finger for emphasis. "Suzumiya-san created the largest sealed reality ever registered, which the Integrated Data Sentient Entity then took hold via –"

"But… why…?"

"…We should really find Nagato-san."

"…You know, don't you? Why aren't you telling me?"

"I want to bring you up to speed as quickly as possible, but you're not exactly in the right frame of mind yet. You're shocked. You've woken up in a changed reality. We can fix this. Nagato-san can set up the context properly and in a more condensed manner, something that might take hours being dealt with in the matter of minutes. You can ask questions later. In fact, you've already asked most of them already."

"I – what?" If I had actually indulged in any head scratching during our brief conversation, I would probably be etching at my skull by now. I guess I had been lucky enough to be so overwhelmed as to not give the mental command in my frazzled brain.

"It'll save everyone's time and effort if you'll just allow Nagato-san to help. Trust me."

"I…" I tried to come up with something to say back at him, to fight this insanity, but I had no steam left. Maybe I really was leaking from the shoulder. "…okay."

I didn't know what else to do.

As we'd been talking, Koizumi had led us to Nagato's class. As he entered the class, he received more than his fair share of attention, mostly from the girl's still lingering in the class during recess. When he asked for Nagato, some of the happy smiles seemed to ebb, put they were still more than eager to help Koizumi when he flashed them one of his patented smiles and told them it was only club-related. The girls told him Nagato was outside as per usual, getting some reading done in the short minutes of the break.

"Thank you, ladies," Koizumi told them, flashing a smile that made the air-headed goons, who just _had_ to be some of the better looking girls in the school, meaning a guy like me wouldn't be getting a second, let alone a first glance from their likes. The girls might not beat the likes of Ashina-san or even Haruhi and Nagato in beauty, but at least they were sexily nomral (or so I dearly hoped; there were more than enough spies and whatnot to contend with as things were).

"All right, let's go." Koizumi walked off towards some stairs.

"Look, you know why we're here, so can't you just give me that?"

"As a matter of fact, I do not know the exact reason why we are here. I know the IDSE's role in all of this, but how this all truly started, I can only guess."

"Well then, just make a damn guess. Extrapolate, deduce, estimate! Whatever the hell you want to call it! It's not like a guy with your smarts could guess completely wrong."

"Oh, you'd be surprised…" Koizumi gave a halfhearted smile of amusement before he continued, "I'm afraid I simply don't know enough to make an educated guess. Telling you anything without the proper context would doubtlessly only make you misinterpret what I was saying anyway, much like my hasty use of the word 'god' to describe Suzumiya-san, even if it was accurate to a degree. The problem is, your view of the word 'god' is associated with a vast amount of presumptious associations and –"

"Okay, stop. Just stop. You're just trying to piss me off now."

"Trust me, if I wanted to do something like that, I could accomplish it with but a sentence," Koizumi said, his smile, though the typical mask it always was, now seemed to have an ominous feel to it.

I raised an eyebrow at him, but he only chuckled lightly as he got to the main door and pulled it open for me, like the doorman of an expensive hotel, giving a small bow of his head, with his pristine smile still intact.

"Why are you smiling so much anyway?" It's starting to freak me out. Freak me out like a kid in the park who knows better gets freaked out when he meets an elderly man with free candy for you. (Facts of life #4: There is no such thing as free anything. Least of all candy. The less said about that, the better…)

"I'm simply excited that we have another go at this. I was starting to worry we would be lost here forever and my comrades lost."

"Comrades? What, us?"

"No."

"Then who?"

"I'm fairly Nagato-san will help in dealing away with all of this in a time efficient manner, trust me."

As we walked around the corner of the school, coming to the yard with seats and tables, I spotted the lonely silhouette of Nagato sitting on a bench in the shade of the main school building, the morning rays of the sun still coming at an angle so that she was well covered by the immense shadow. She was reading a book about some guy, if I remembered correctly, was some sort of mythological Greek hero. However, the name of the author confused me a little, because it obviously wasn't a Greek guy, but looked English. It wasn't like any nationality truly had some sort of monopoly on their cultural figures, but it still felt odd watching things like samurai movies made by guys whose understanding of bushido was limited to 'katanas are like the best swords, ever, _dude_!'. Not that I was an expert either, though I did feel like I would know a little better. I wouldn't have used the word 'dude', you see.

"Nagato-san," Koizumi greeted her as we walked up to her. "Kyon has regained full awareness, or, well, is aware that a discrepancy exists. You were right in saying we should wait; he can't recall anything experienced in this simulation prior. You can now use the nanites to expedite matters as you explained before, correct?"

Nanites? What nanites? Nanites like – what are they called? – ah, yeah, nanomachines. I see now. Yes, of course, nanomachines.

…

What the _hell_ do nanomachines have to do with anything?

Nagato closed her book with her typical calm, laying it in her lap, and turned to look at me with her deep, piercing eyes. "…Yes," she answered Koizumi, though she kept her steely focus on me.

"Perhaps it would be best to go to the beginning, or what comes closest… the last scenario, where we explained everything we knew to him. You should be able to skip around to the essential parts, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then let's show him what we're dealing with," Koizumi said, turning to look at me, still smiling happily, still creeping me out.

_What is going on here?_

Nagato got up. "Come," was all I got from her, which was just extremely painfully far away from the all inclusive answer I had been waiting for from the super duper alien.

"This should be rather interesting. I rather wish I could experience it as well," Koizumi said, far too dapper about all of this.

"Experience what? What's happening?"

"You'll see."

Koizumi's smile hadn't been this big in a long time. I actually wasn't sure when I'd seen such genuinely excited and cheerful crack in his visage. It was a charming smile, full of cheer and wit, pleasant in all manner and form. It was a smile I did not want to see on someone like Koizumi's face, or for that matter, on anyone who was smarter than me. I didn't like it. It made feel small and stupid. Unfortunately, I seemed to run into that smile far too often with far too many people nowadays.

Koizumi took off at a leisurely pace after Nagato, leaving me stuck in a pit of quicksand-like confusion. It was like the more I struggled, the more I asked questions and tried to understand, the faster I felt I was sinking into bewilderment. Maybe I should just stop, let it all sink in, and hope to be rescued instead of just mucking about myself. After all, what could I do if the IDSE and nanites were involved?

Nagato and Koizumi had managed to walk a short distance before they turned around to wait for me with patient expectation.

Seriously, what the hell just happened?

* * *

[_Trivia: Yuki was reading_ _James Joyce's Ulysses, in case you were wondering. Not much of a connection here to the story, at least any more than _The Fall of Hyperion_ actually had to the plot of the Haruhi-series. I guess there's a degree of stream of consciousness writing in my story, although I'd say it's still rather structured. And I suppose this is all something of a personal Odyssey for our young Kyon, but enough about that._]


	35. Streaming conciousness

Nagato, Koizumi and I were now in the SOS Brigade's clubroom. The tea I had set to brew was bubbling away merrily like a dumb baby unaware of the circumstances around it. Koizumi was sitting across from me where he always sat, still watching me, still wearing that happy smile that set me at unease, making me wonder if I could hold my tea in once I got it if he didn't stop looking at me like that. His smile really _was_ freaking me out, although it was a fairly standard smile from him, just slightly wider than typically, yet it made all the difference between annoyingly charming and wooden and something that just simply felt wrong. Nagato was standing at the end of the table, also watching me, but not nearly as intrusively as Koizumi was doing. I wished I could have just had Nagato staring back at me instead of Koizumi, that way I would have at least enjoyed what I was watching.

"Seriously… what is going on?"

"Patience, all –" Koizumi paused for one of his philosophical moments, one where his eyes could be seen examining more than one option in front of him, no matter how many there were in reality. "– well, most things should be made apparent shortly

"Yeah, because nothing _bad_ whatsoever has ever happened when you've been less than forthcoming with details…"

Koizumi stared back at me solemnly for a brief moment, the cheerful smile he had been holding onto for so long finally slipping away from him, before he turned to Nagato who nodded in non-verbal agreement.

"…Are you ready?" Nagato asked me.

"Are you going to answer some questions yet?"

"All relevant information will be made apparent to you."

"Good. Start talking."

"We actually have something much more efficient in mind," Koizumi said, sounding too much like a savvy businessman for my liking, as his examining gaze returned for me.

"So…" I scratched the back of my ear, nerves making me suddenly itch in all the wrong places, the back of my ear being the least offensive spot I could relieve. "What are you going to do?"

"Nanites," Nagato simply stated.

"Uh, yeah… what about 'em?"

"Your brain was injected with nanites to allow synaptic cohesion through simulation reboots and recalibrations, thus allowing for continued awareness throughout the remaining simulations."

"Huh…?" I wish I hadn't just blinked so stupidly at her, like some dumb kid who needed remedial classes, which I sort of us, having had no choice but being sent to cram school by my mother in order to make sure I got into a decent high school way back in the good days, before meeting Haruhi. Things turn very troubling when cram school was starting to seem like a nostalgic place. At least back then I had had Sasaki there to explain everything I didn't understand in a nice and easy manner though.

"Nagato-san here placed nanites within your brain that have allowed you to remember previous events beyond the current form of the simulation we are in," Koizumi translated, smiling more broadly once again, hopefully only because he was getting a kick out of all of this sci-fi crap and not because he got any enjoyment in there being something weird inside my head.

"Wait… there are things inside my head?" I asked, starting to feel a slight panic. I actually gave my head a rub, but couldn't feel any bumps that hadn't already been there thanks to a mix of normal amounts of occasional clumsiness and Haruhi's attentive handling of me throughout the first third of high school (I'll let you guess which contributed more overall).

"There is no need for alarm," Nagato said. "Additional information will soon be provided."

"Okay… but how? It seemed like you didn't want to explain normally."

"Because we already have," Koizumi simply said.

Seriously: Huh?

"Nagato-san is going to access the nanites and direct your memory recovery now that your brain is in a more… mutable state."

"Mutable?"

"Formation of memories and cognitive processing causes physical change within the brain, as any stimuli would," Nagato did her best to explain, though it was all lost on me. "The nanites record these neuron structures, allowing you to remember past events after hard system reboots. With enough data, they will also be able to reconstruct approximated synaptic connections previous to their delivery into your system."

Once again: Huh? Did I stumble into some sort parallel reality where everyone just speaks neuroscience jargon?

"Perhaps we shouldn't try to impress the mechanics and logistics of all of this on Kyon, but simply stick with getting him up to speed," Koizumi said, smiling a little at Nagato.

Nagato simply nodded to this.

"Hey wait… if these things can even restore memories before they were inserted in me… could they help me possibly remember what led to all of this? Why Haruhi made closed space? That's what they do, restore memories, right?"

Koizumi smiled with subtle, near fraternal pride.

"Yes," Nagato said, "such analysis is theoretically possible. Recalibration of that degree could however be painful. However, the probability of restoring memories before the application of the artificial reality is extremely low. Chances of success are minimal at best. It is recommended to focus on more recent neuron structures than to extrapolate conditions prior to assimilation into the conditions under which the nanites were inserted."

I've got no better ideas, actually none, on how to figure out what happened and how I can get out, so why not?

"Do it."

Nagato nodded, gesturing at the floor. "Lie down."

"Really?"

"You will need to be stabilized. I will require easy access to your limbic system."

"Okay." I took off my jacket and wrapped it up. "Can I use this as a pillow?"

"It will not impair the process."

"Right." I sat down and held the folded jacket behind my neck and head as I got down on the floor.

Nagato strode towards my head. I closed my eyes as the edge of her fluttering skirt got dangerously close. I felt oddly proud in being able to resist taking a peek as I felt Nagato settle down next to me. I opened my eyes and found Nagato, pretty face upside down, staring down at me, sitting on her knees.

"I will redirect a majority of the nanites into the hippocampus," Nagato said, lowering her hands slowly around my head.

"Uhm, why? I thought you needed access to the limbo system?"

"The hippocampus is a part of the limbic system within the brain, an essential neural structure for long-term memory."

"Oh, you meant _that_ hippocampus."

Nagato blinked curiously, almost like she'd been taken aback by me off handed attempt at stress relieving levity. "…Yes."

Slowly, Nagato once again reached for my temples, her barely registering touch caressing my skin lighter than a feather.

"The nanites slowly restore and maintain what they can of the synaptic connections. Restoring extensively removed memories in a more forceful manner while sifting through immense amounts of data in a time frame significantly reduced than the sum of all those memories in a manner intended to not overwhelm the brain could be extremely stressing."

"What does that mean?"

"The sum of all those memories surpasses your age by an exponential factor so great, you would cease to exist within the allotted time if those memories where processed at a rate capable of painless examination before even 0.0000001 % is examined. Attempting a faster progression would result in sensory overload beyond the processing capabilities of your brain."

Wait… did you just call me stupid?

"Your faculties for information processing are simply limited. It is physically impossible for you."

"What about you then?"

"I will assist in the data retrieval and processing, increasing the rate while stabilizing dopamine levels, and personally processing a significant amount of your memories."

"…So you'd be… inside my mind."

That's a bit more intimate than I'm ready to get. No offense. Worst of all, I have no idea what I'm going to find in there. What if Nagato didn't just see memories of past events, but dreams, fantasies and even flights of fancy? All in all, my mind contained a lot of stuff I didn't want anyone to know about, weird things even I only indulged myself with scarcity, too afraid of the fragile and shameful thoughts I sometimes came up with. I wasn't all too comfortable in letting a girl who would, more often than not, accompany a few others in those extremely private thoughts I only entertained when I was perfectly sure I was all alone and to myself like a man in a lighthouse.

"Human memory does not function linearly but associatively. My presence is required if we are to restrict ourselves to relevant memories. But it is your choice."

"…Do it."

Nagato opened her mouth, little lips parting ever so slightly to say – nothing. Everything was silent. I couldn't even hear my breathing or heart beat. Nagato's lips moved, but extremely slowly, until they stopped moving altogether. I was still for a moment, before I tried to move but couldn't. I started panicking, but the feeling disappeared as my… thoughts… began… to… sl… ow… d… o… w…n…

A hot, almost electric, feeling went through my head, from my right ear to the left. A grey static enveloped my sight from around the edges, a fizzling and popping filling my ears. The rest of my body was prickling, almost like I was being poked by billions of little pins. I tasted copper or some other metal on the tip of my tongue.

Was I _bleeding_?

The world suddenly sprang to life again. I leapt up and put my jacket back on, moving rapidly backwards. But the sudden animated reversal of my life started speeding up, moving so fast it all became a grey blur. I could occasionally hear little static chatter and sometimes I saw myself moving about the school, always backwards. I caught glimpses of the clubroom, and my room, at least I thought I did, because whenever I saw these things, they seemed slightly off, but always disappeared from sight before I could really decide what was off about the places.

'Adjusting temporal processing flow…' I heard a voice that reminded me of Nagato's whisper echo within my skull, like the bones that formed it were vibrating themselves.

The scenes that sometimes emerged from the grey blur weren't going backwards anymore. The scenes, though they were shown in the opposite order, were moving forward in time themselves. I was walking after Koizumi and Nagato towards the clubroom. I found Koizumi in the hall talking to Nobody. I was in class, getting pocked in the back with a pencil. I was waking up to the confusing and creepy but also cute sight of Haruhi in an apron. Soon, amidst the grey blurs that allowed me to jump backwards in time, showed me Haruhi in the clubroom, loudly proclaiming something.

And in a flash it was all gone, disappearing into a groggy, nauseating swirl of darkness.

I found my face against a cold smooth surface, but even in my drowsy state, I could tell it wasn't very clean. It felt a bit greasy and there were tiny little spiky specks, like crumbs, pressing against my skin. I raised my heavy feeling head off it and tried to peer about, but before I was able to see anything of significance, it was my ears that were assaulted first. A loud thumping rhythm accompanied by electronic screeching made me cringe until I realized the cacophonous mess was some sort of fast paced techno dance music… I think. It was hard to tell, my mind seemed to be made of treacle. Every thought needed to be forced out of the murky depths of my sub-consciousness into my barely conscious consciousness. The next attack on my senses came at my bleary eyes. Every color of the spectrum seemed to be ganging up on me, battering at my optic nerves. It took a while to realize they came from strobe lights.

"Whe...where am I?" I asked, wiping away some of the spittle hanging from my lips, unsure if anyone was even around to answer me in my still blurry surroundings. And in a way, I sort of hoped no one was around, despite my need for questions. I seemed to have found myself in a rather embarrassing state.

"Dance club..." A faint voice from an indefinable distance drifted through my heavy ears along with the low thumping reverberations of my heart.

Dance club? Why was I in such a place? I've never even wanted to go to one, so is this for real? What's going on?

As I slowly regained my vision, the fuzzy shadows that twisted and coiled around me slowly revolved into humanoid shapes. I was also able to ascertain my own sitting situation as well. I was in a circular booth with a round table in the middle of it. Various glasses of different shapes, sizes and colors littered the table along with what looked a lot like the remains of various snacks.

I lifted my gaze from the dirty table and spotted a familiar looking pair of dancing shadows, two perfect silhouettes I wouldn't mind staring at for as long as I could. The two figures moved like exotic dancers from a movie about ancient times around the equator. They were like two snakes, their hands roaming over the other's body, their hips gyrating and bucking in slow, measured movements, their whole bodies coiling and twisting unlike I'd ever seen anyone move before. It was… attention grabbing to put it lightly.

As I continued staring at them, one of them spotted my wandering gaze, her eyes focusing on mine, no matter how their owner's body twisted and turned. Those eyes were like a tiger's, full of primal power that completely and utterly captivated you, prevented you from moving, no matter how well you knew the danger they hid. Maybe it was the hidden potential for destruction that made them so beautiful, kind of like how one looks with silent, awed reverence at the mushroom cloud's majestic glow. You know the horror it brings with it, but there's simply something beautiful about all that power, something you can't look away from, the magnificent glow of something greater than you.

Haruhi danced seductively with Asahina-san, her eyes never breaking contact with mine.

"This simulation is approaching its intended point of completion," I heard the same quiet voice I'd heard before, but with more focus than before, was able to figure out that it was coming from right next to me. I turned my head and found Nagato sitting next to me, also staring at the two dancing girls.

"Wh-what?" I asked, giving the taciturn girl a proper inspection now that I was fully capable of it. She was in her familiar school uniform, complete with her cardigan, but for some reason, little genuine looking grey cat ears poked out from her hair, twitching a little as I gave them a look. "What's going on? I don't... I don't understand. Where are we? And why can't I... why can't I remember anything?"

"The simulation is nearly complete. The desired results were not achieved however. Likelihood of reinitiating simulation is at an estimated value of 98.78 %. This will commence the beginning of the 47,234,988,123rd consecutive simulation."

"You're not serious, are you?" I said, giving my forehead a weary rub, almost too tired to give a shit.

Nagato levelly turned her head to face me and gave me an empty stare. Her little cat ears twitched again.

Of course not, you don't exactly have the joking gene in you, do you?

"…" Nagato continued staring placidly at me.

Sorry, I'm just really confused.

"This is only the fifth time you have regained full and complete awareness persisting through recalibrations after the first seven intended times in the simulation."

"Only fifth…? Never mind. Hasn't something like this happened before? What do I have to do to Haruhi to make it stop this time?"

"This situation does share several similarities with the time loop experienced before, however, this instance has a differing origin and set parameters."

"Huh?" What does she mean, how is this any different?

"Reboot and recalibration is imminent. If you would prefer it, I can make certain you are protected from the event."

"Um, sure, do that, I guess. It seems we might need the extra time to settle this thing… Wait, I haven't even been fully awake the previous times?"

"Incorrect. You have been fully conscious throughout the majority of instances, but continuity between them nor awareness of them did not exist. Now, if you will allow me to administer the required nanites in order for you to maintain memories and awareness through the reboot event."

It was best to just go along with Nagato; she knew what she was doing, she always did. This situation was crazy, but I'm sure she'll get me out of this mess as per usual. There's nothing to be worried about.

"Okay, do it."

Although I had agreed to it to a certain extent, I hadn't been prepared for Nagato reaching up to my face, gently placing her hand against my cheek, pulling herself closer and delivering a kiss on my lips. Her light lips, free of any sort of makeup, coupled with her cool demeanor, had somehow made me think her touch would be cold as well, but the warmth of her lips really took me by surprise. They were soft too, really soft, completely different from the image of a hard, strong girl she was in my mind, capable of withstanding anything, someone I greatly admired, something not this... squishy…

"Mf?" was the muffled sound that escaped from my trapped lips before everything around me melted away into a silvery goo and reformed as the SOS-Brigade's clubroom, with nothing out of place, looking just as it always did.

"— and that is why!" Haruhi finished her bold statement, whatever it had been, beaming at us like someone dangerously close to overdosing on morphine.

She was standing proudly behind her desk with her hands on her hips as she inspected the gathered people in the room like a general would with their troops.

I looked about and noticed Asahina-san and Tsuruya-san sitting on the opposite side of the big central table, both smiling widely and looking enthusiastically at Haruhi. Nagato was a short distance away from them, sitting in her usual spot, reading a book. For some reason, Koizumi's absence in the room shone more disturbingly than most things I had experienced in the past, almost as distinctly as those fair little lips that had…

I gave Nagato a nervous glance, but she was apparently oblivious to my glimpse at her. Haruhi on the other hand wasn't.

"Kyon, what's up? Why are you acting so distractedly? And eyeballing Yuki like that?"

"I… sorry, what were you saying?" I asked honestly, also knowing this would distract her from her observations since she wouldn't be able to stand it if I wasn't listening to her.

"What, are you dense or something? No, don't bother answering, since you'll only seem like a bigger one if you try to deny it, as you're sure to do."

Tsuruya-san giggled a bit at this but hastily hid her smirk from me with the palm of her hand as I gave her a look.

"Uh, hi. What are _you_ doing here anyway, Tsuruya-san?" I asked, trying to make at least some headway with the odd situation I found myself in.

"What are you talking about? Did you hit your head or something before coming here or is Haruhi right about you?" Tsuruya-san smirked like a wolf at me.

"Yeah, Kyon, what's up? You're really out of it today. You're not getting sick or anything, are you?" Haruhi asked as she strode over and forcefully placed a hand on my forehead.

"Hey, watch it," I said, truly shocked by her sudden touch. I think my heart might have actually skipped a beat.

"Not a chance. No member of my club is going to catch a deadly disease on my watch," Haruhi said in a serious voice as she stared at me with reserved concern.

"And just how likely is that?"

"Surprisingly high in modern globalized times… Nope, no fever at least. Open wide so I can look at your tongue and stuff, like that dangly bit at the end of your mouth that no one seems to know the name of for some reason. But _I_ do… wanna know what it is?" Haruhi asked the last part with a little, egotistical smirk.

Haruhi's hands were already at my jaws, a thumb actually sneaking into my mouth to lock itself against a row of teeth, trying to pry my jaws open when I caught her and pushed her hands aside. She gave me a foul scowl for that.

"Geez, you don't have to be so rude about it. I'm just looking after you," Haruhi said, always finding fault in other before herself.

"I'm fine. Just tell me when this thing will be over… and what you were talking about, I guess."

I really wanted to talk to Nagato and confirm whether or not what I had just experienced was real or not. It was all possible that I had dreamt it all up, since I had apparently been zoning out or something, but something felt really off, even here in the old clubroom. At first I couldn't put my finger on it, but as I scanned the room, I noticed something rather essential missing.

"– As I was saying –"

"Where's the clothes rack?" I interrupted Haruhi just as she was about to start explaining.

She gave me a glare that spoke ill of my future health, with or without a deadly disease. "Will you let me finish for once, idiot? What's the point of asking me to repeat myself if you're just going to interrupt me? You're just trying to waste time, aren't you?"

"Sorry."

"And _what_ clothes rack?"

"The one with all the costumes you make Asahina-san wear all the time," I stated the obvious.

"Huh? What the hell are you talking about?" The look on Haruhi's face was of utter bewilderment. It was quite shocking for me to see. She glanced at Asahina-san who also had a shocked face of complete bamboozlement on her face, accompanied with rosy cheeks.

"Heh! Looks like someone's been having naughty dreams about playing dress up!" Tsuruya-san said with a knowing smirk on her face.

"Ky-Kyon-kun, I – I don't think such things are appropriate for discussion in school," the furiously blushing Asahina-san said, holding a hand up to her mouth as she timidly stared at the table between us.

Haruhi simply crossed her hands and frowned disapprovingly at me.

What? What the hell?

Just as I was about to freak out completely, Nagato closed her book with a snap. All eyes in the room snapped to her along with the sound. She got up and turned around, focusing her cool stare on me.

"…Nurse," Nagato said enigmatically.

– Nurse –

Asahina-san was wearing a nurse's outfit. Haruhi was spinning about like a maddened tornado, taking pictures with such a frenzy, that combined with her spinning and the constant flashing, the rosy cheeked Asahina-san was starting to get dizzy, wobbling uncertainly –

'Random association detected. Retrieving and re-establishing earlier memory line.'

– "Hmm… you're probably right… Yuki!" Haruhi said, somehow managing to fully understand Nagato's frugal statement. "You take Kyon to the nurse while the rest of us wrap up here. You two have your duties and it seems like as good a time as any to stop. But make sure to tell me the results. I want to be certain that no one suffers while in my club. Oh, and it's called 'uvula', just so you know!"

Whew, whatever. Thanks for getting me out of here, Nagato.

Nagato strode over to me and pulled at me by my sleeve. I got up and allowed her to pull me along to the door.

"All right! You two gather the stuff. Oh, and everyone, don't forget to show up early tomorrow. This is the Theatre Club's big chance to shine!" Haruhi shouted enthusiastically at the others.

Theatre Club? Just what the hell are you –

Nagato pulled hard on my sleeve as I was about to turn around and ask Haruhi what the hell was wrong with her. I nearly fell over but averted it by awkwardly hopping along after Nagato as she steadily led me out of the club room, quickly shutting the door behind us.

Just as I was about to redirect my question at her, she yanked on my sleeve, once again nearly toppling me over as she swiftly led me out of the club room complex and out towards the proper school building. As she pulled me along, I could hear that quiet, sped up muttering of hers; she was manipulating data as we hurried along into the school. She took me down a corridor and up to a girl's bathroom that had a sign on it saying it was out of order. She ignored it and pulled me into it without giving the notice any of her time.

"Whoa, wait. I can't go in there," I said. Years of social conditioning were making every fiber of my being try and escape without any real reasoning, but Nagato's iron-like clasp on my sleeve was unrelenting. She only let go of me when she locked the door behind us.

I was in the _girls'_ bathroom. This was so wrong. The place even _smelled_ wrong. For starters, it didn't reek like the public toilets I usually visited. It was clean, too clean. Disgustingly clean (if you didn't have a problem with stupid oxymorons), considering what filth probably passed through even pretty girls just as much it did with guys.

But enough about that worry, when there are so many bigger, _worrisome_ concerns.

"What the hell is going on? This isn't right at all. Theatre club? Where are all the costumes? Where the hell is Koizumi?"

Nagato turned around to face me like a statue on a revolving pedestal and stared at me with her sub-zero stare.

"And… Why did you kiss me? You did, right?" I was so confused with the world I found myself in that the earlier one seemed even more fake, but I couldn't resist asking that one question. On one hand it would confirm that something odd was going on and on the other… it would mean… mean… something very… uhm… very different…

"Application of nanites to the necessary brain cells was required. Injection into the blood stream as is usually done would not have succeeded rapidly enough, as the reboot was seconds away from occurring. A more direct path was required, ideally through the nasal mucosal membrane. Nasal and oral injections were the only options. I surmised this manner of injection would be more appealing to you than the alternative."

The image of Nagato sticking her slender fingers up my nose far as they could go passed through my mind, and I could easily say that she had done the right thing. I'd take a kiss from Nagato any day but her fingers in my nostrils is where I draw the line.

"Oh, okay…" For some reason I felt oddly disappointed with her answer, although it sounded reasonable enough. Was that… _it_? The _only_ reason? "So… what about everything else? What is going on?"

"What we are experiencing now is a simulation, created with the aid of Suzumiya Haruhi's powers, but harnessed by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. A Sealed Reality event, the largest one ever observed, occurred while having been predicted by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity through previously gathered data. A likely location and time of appearance were calculated and an interface was dispatched accordingly into said area at predicted time. The interface was able to enter the extra-dimensional area directly upon its creation, becoming a medium which allowed the Integrated Data Sentient Entity to interface with the Sealed Reality and eventually manipulate it as desired. With the extra-dimensional space provided by Suzumiya Haruhi, an alternate pocket reality under the complete control of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity was created. The parallel pocket reality was then placed around Suzumiya Haruhi with her inside it, along with the remaining members of SOS Brigade."

"Remaining members…?"

"Koizumi Itsuki was inside the Sealed Reality when the Integrated Data Sentient Entity seized full control of it. Due to his inherent psychic abilities and his location within the Sealed Reality before control was exerted over it, he was removed from the pocket reality as it was applied on Suzumiya Haruhi."

"So Koizumi is outside this reality, in the real world?"

"That is one possibility out of two."

"Two?"

"The other is that he, along with other espers inside the Sealed Reality at the time the Integrated Data Sentient Entity seized control, has been shunted out of all realms of actuality. As the dimensional frequencies of the Sealed Reality and our originating reality were synchronized, it is possible that their personal dimensional frequencies remained on that of the original Sealed Reality, leaving them all outside of both realities."

So what, Koizumi is in Limbo or something?

"…Potentially."

"Why is the Integrated Data Sentient Entity doing this?"

"By harnessing the power of a Sealed Reality, simulations with specifically controlled variables can be executed without the actual original plane of reality experiencing from any disadvantageous after effects due to data manipulation. This is a completely controlled space where the repercussions of data manipulation will not interfere with the original data. This is a simulation."

"So what exactly are they trying to achieve here?"

"The goal of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity remains the same: ability for data manipulation to the extent of raw data creation. However, more active testing can be applied to Suzumiya Haruhi without fear of corrupting the target of observation within a setting of full variable control. A more proactive approach can be applied to observing her."

Like a rat in a maze… do I get some cheese if I push the right buttons and a shock if I push the wrong ones?

"So wait. Is that why everything is slightly different? Are they trying to make Haruhi act differently by changing things? Things like making the SOS Brigade into a theatre club? Adding Tsuruya-san to the roster? Is she here to replace the vacancy left behind by Koizumi?"

"Correct."

"What, all of it?"

"Essentially."

"So what are we supposed to do to get out of this?"

Nagato stared at me, neither saying anything by expression or voice.

"No ideas? Or what, can't we get out?"

Nagato remained perfectly still. I was tempted to wave my hand in front of her face to make sure she hadn't drifted off, but stopped myself from doing something so silly. Even if I had done it, Nagato is such a strict stone-faced person that if she didn't feel like responding, she definitely wouldn't. I really should introduce her to poker one day and enroll her in a tournament. With all the money we could get like that, I'm sure we could escape from Haruhi and set up somewhere like the Caribbean and live out the rest of our lives in ideal comfort.

"…Because this is essentially a Sealed Reality event, perhaps attempting a similar method of escape as you did last time would work," Nagato eventually suggested.

You're not serious. _Kiss_ Haruhi? Yeah, let's keep our options open.

"The simulation will repeat until new data results are gathered that the Integrated Data Sentient Entity is satisfied with. Even so, it is highly likely that this simulation will be repeated even after those results until the ultimate objective of the Integrated Sentient Data Entity is achieved."

"Why?"

"Because in this reality there is no fear of unwanted and unpredictable repercussions no matter how greatly or directly the Integrated Sentient Data Entity interferes with the natural progression of the scenario," Nagato repeated with infinite patience. "The simulation will most probably be maintained with careful adjustments being made until the key to auto-evolution is achieved. For the Integrated Data Sentient Entity this is an invaluable opportunity. Far more data has been gathered in the 47,234,988,122 times the simulation has been repeated than in the near four years spent passively observing Suzumiya Haruhi because time is not a concern in this simulation and all variables are under control except for the unknowable unknowns provided by Suzumiya Haruhi and her ability to create raw new data."

Over 47 billion… Oh man…

"And just how long have these simulations lasted?" I asked, already afraid I'd wasted incredible amounts of time like in that earlier loop. Seriously, how can Nagato keep going through this stuff without going completely bonkers?

"No two simulations are identical, even on the time scale. Various lengths have been used throughout."

"How long will this one last?"

"That has not been determined yet."

"Fine, can you get me up to speed on the differences between this reality and the original?"

"This iteration is more similar to the original than a significant amount of the past ones. Despite vastly different scenarios, it appears that Suzumiya Haruhi yields the most results in a habitat of her choosing: this school with a club of as many of her chosen compatriots as possible. Her own autonomy has also been assured, as it became blatantly apparent early on in the simulations that direct control over her resulted in no positive results whatsoever."

"Hmm…" I mumbled, mulling all of this new information in my head. "There's one more thing I'd like to ask."

"…"

"Haruhi… I mean, sure, she's been a little off lately but… the _largest_ closed space ever before? What the hell caused that? Did… someone _die_ or something?"

"No."

Phew. At least it wasn't something ridiculously over dramatic.

"But… All in all, Haruhi's been rather stable – for her, that is – for a while now. I mean, we haven't done anything ridiculously overblown in a long time. She's sort of… matured, right? And not just in that she's gotten more…"

My hands froze in place, having risen up a little, my palms cupped all by themselves. I looked down and stopped talking, since I had a feeling this line of dialogue could get me nowhere good. My hands were also lowered and it was made certain that idle hands would not have any involvement in any way with the Devil by pushing them deep inside my pockets.

"I mean, even at that fair when she got angry at me, there wasn't a sealed reality back then. And even afterwards, when there actually was a proper sealed reality, Koizumi said it was different, almost calmer than the ones before. Sure, she's been having some off days, but the sealed realities don't seem to have been that bad or even common lately. Isn't that a good thing? That she's dealing with her issues in the real world, instead of letting things rage in her head?"

Nagato simply stared back at me.

"I guess what I'm trying ask here is… Why did she suddenly get so frustrated and create a closed space, the biggest one ever? What happened?"

"…"

Nagato was silent for a long while, giving me a long, critical look, until she softly answered, "I am uncertain, but it had something to do with you. Of this, I am certain."


	36. Light conversation, pun intended

Nagato was still examining me with quiet that interest of hers, waiting for a response from me as I ran everything I'd just heard inside my head.

So once again I had found myself in an alternate reality. The changes to this one follow as: Suzumiya Haruhi founded a club, but not the SOS Brigade, instead it was the Theatre Club of her own. Tsuruya-san was taken in as the last member to fill in the mandatory minimum requirement because Koizumi doesn't exist in this reality, with Tsuruya-san probably being recruited in his place because she is pretty weird even if she isn't a mysterious transfer student, since even in this reality Haruhi hasn't given up on all her eccentricities. That was pretty much it, although I suppose there could be some little details off as well, but these were the immediate things that really stood out.

But here's the real kicker, somehow I'm responsible for all of this. Yes, this is all flowing from Haruhi, directed by the IDSE, but I'd been the initial cause of this whole simulation crap. I was the thing that had broken the dam. Just what had I done… to _her_? I had no idea. Shouldn't I be able to remember it if it happened before Haruhi created some closed space? Or maybe it happened right then and there… _What had I done_?

The handle of the restroom's door jiggled, before the telltale rough, scratching sounds of a key being placed unceremoniously inside a lock and opened were heard. My angry looking gym teacher was revealed behind the door, with plenty of schoolgirls behind him, all squeezing their legs together with pained looks on their faces.

"Hey! What are the two of you doing in here?" the teacher shouted grouchily as he spotted the two of us standing there.

But before any hasty, bumbling excuse could be made for the teacher, the girls behind did something that could only be described as a stampede. They pushed him aside and ran for the stalls, jostling each other out of the way to reach the limited amounts of toilets. The angry screams and squeals were almost deafening.

"C'mon!" I shouted at Nagato as I took her hand and fought my way through the tide of pushing girls, past the teacher in the corner who was calling for order amongst the occasional mutterings of "damn, horny teenagers…", using our only chance of escape to the fullest. I definitely didn't want to stay around and explain what exactly I had been doing with a girl in a restroom. I only hoped the teacher hadn't made me in the second he'd had to notice us before the stampede began.

… Seriously though, is this the only girls' toilet or something?

We ran until we were on the opposite side of the building, the pull of Nagato on my hand as I pulled her along barely tangible. It felt like she was just floating after me.

"Phew, that was close," I said, giving my brow wipe of relief as we stopped running.

Nagato gave a little nod in response.

Now that we were alone again in what seemed to be an empty hallway, some questions that had eluded me earlier popped into my head. There was something off about how all of this had started.

"Why did all of this just suddenly start for me in the middle of Haruhi's proclamation? If this reality is always recreated, shouldn't I remember what's different about this scenario?"

"The nanites were only able to restore your previous synaptic conditions now. They are still adjusting to your personal cerebral network. You were unable to retain memories associated with this scenario that had been uploaded into your brain, because processing through too many memories would have been too exhaustive on you neural matter. The nanites prioritized your memories according to relevance to your current conditions to accommodate easier transaction. As the nanites become better attuned to your unique brain structure, you should be able to retain more memories and phase from one scenario to another without any lengthy recalibration."

"Do these scenarios always go back to the beginning of all of this, when Haruhi entered the school?"

"No."

"…Uh, why not?"

"Although it is a high profile reference point, it is not the only one."

Okay, that's all I need to know. As long as I don't always need to relive my experiences with Haruhi from the beginning, I'm happy.

I looked down and noticed I was still holding onto Nagato's hand, and quickly released it, slightly embarrassed I'd kept a hold on her for so long. For Nagato however, the release of her hand barely registered as she let it slip back to her side, merely blinking casually.

"I believe we should retire for today," Nagato said. "The surge of new data must be overwhelming for you."

Yeah, _something_ like that…

Nagato took the lead as we strode down a barren hallway, lockers lining our left in perfect formations, while afternoon sun filtered through the windows on the right. The sound of our steps was the only thing to be heard, disturbingly loud for the lack of any other sounds.

The situation I found myself in definitely was confusing. It seemed that whenever I got some answers, only more questions would spring forth from them, like now.

"Why did you give me a way to remember stuff? And before that, had I been in full control of myself?" I asked as we kept walking, my natural paranoia starting to creep into my line of questioning once again.

"Early in the simulations, a significantly small proportion of control was allowed for humans as the Integrated Data Sentient Entity desired to have full control over all the variables in order to observe which factors influenced Suzumiya Haruhi to the greatest degree. This method however failed to work at all and was quickly rectified. Suzumiya Haruhi's full mental capabilities were restored. However, she quickly noticed discrepancies, even with personality programs in effect for the others that were based on gathered data, and became suspicious, beginning to act in a none beneficial manner. More control was given to the humans surrounding her. You were mostly free throughout the simulations, with the Integrated Data Sentient Entity merely occasionally influencing your choices in gathering new data, which they would not receive under normal conditions. Your full awareness is a favorable condition for the Integrated Sentient Data Entity. With you at the full control of your own mental faculties, with limited external influence, you are expected to aid in yielding a greater amount of data for observation and processing than most of the earlier iterations."

More data will be gathered in this instance of the simulation than the ones before? But the only real difference is me, me being fully aware. It's almost like… No, they didn't do this on purpose did they? Is the only reason I'm fully aware now because they just changed some variable? Did they release me from their hold and make sure I stayed that way only because they wanted to try something different? Is that the only reason Nagato helped me? Is Nagato just using me? Perhaps on orders of the IDSE, but still using me.

…

Why am I thinking these ugly thoughts about Nagato? Don't I really trust her in all of this, or maybe this isn't really my thought at all. What if I'm not really in full control even yet?

Instead of occasionally wondering just how much control Haruhi had over what happened to me and how I feel and think, I knew for certain the Integrated Sentient Data Entity was filling in the role of the bad guy, methodically pulling at all the strings this time.

"Hey, there you guys are!" Haruhi's voice was like the first creaking sounds of the beginning of an avalanche in a silent valley. Both Nagato and I froze in place was we heard it. "Where were you? I went to the nurse but she said she hadn't seen anyone today," she said as she descended a flight of stairs nearby, her eyes narrowed in a wary look.

"We were… just on our way…"

Well that was lame and totally unbelievable. I'm going to get my ear chewed off now, perhaps even literally, aren't I? It certainly wouldn't surprise me if Haruhi thought that might be a good punishment.

"You've been walking towards the nurse's for around twenty minutes? _Yeah right_. Try again, dolt," Haruhi said as she settled into a distrustful position complete with crossed arms and a frowning face. She was the very picture of a skeptic (almost like a female version of me… I know, makes me shudder too).

Crap, what should I say? I really wish Koizumi were here. Coming up with cover stories on the spot is more his expertise than mine.

"We were…"

"Yes?"

"Book," Nagato stated flatly.

"Huh?" Both me and Haruhi asked in synchronized astonishment as our eyes veered to focus on the blank-expressioned girl.

"He borrowed a book from me. I would like it back."

"Really? And you took all this time to tell him that…? With the usual length of your sentences, that must have been some slow talking," Haruhi asked Nagato with a leery squint of her eyes, before she suddenly turned to face me with a challenging call. "Kyon! What's the name of this book?"

"It's… uhm…"

"The –"

"No, Yuki, I want Kyon to tell me."

'Relevance to current scenario lacking. Freeing associative functions to facilitate advancement along relevant memory line. Searching for stimuli to expedite procedure,' a disembodied whisper in my ears spoke.

"I… I don't remember. I can't even remember where I left it. As you might guess, Nagato didn't take this news lightly."

"So the two of you have been doing what? Planning a search?"

"Well, we were going through places I might have left it."

"Not at home?"

"Don't think so."

"I see…" Haruhi's eyes shifted between the pair of us until they eventually settled on Nagato. "Yuki, you should just go ahead and come up with a punishment for such disrespect towards a fellow Brigade member's precious possessions. Be creative. Whatever it is, I'll make sure he does it."

What, you're not going to come up with it yourself? That's rare. You're usually more sadistic than that.

"Don't have the time," Haruhi said, flicking her hair with a hand, sending one of the ends of the orange ribbon on her head flittering about. "I need to finalize our –"

– Ribbon –

I fastened the ribbon around a slender ankle, held out gingerly for me. A pained hiss followed, as air was sucked in through clenched teeth by the rough handling.

– Hiss –

The tea was boiling, hissing as it let out steam.

The clubroom was dishearteningly empty. I couldn't believe how lonely I was starting to feel all of a sudden. I was in a parallel reality, which, quite frankly, was disappointingly similar to my reality, but always differing in key places. Koizumi was gone, Tsuruya was in his place, Haruhi felt… different, and apparently Asahina-san didn't have a clue about time-travel. I'd asked her afterwards, but she had seemed simply confused. The Brigade simply wasn't what it was supposed to be here.

At least the tea ingredients had been where they were supposed to be. I had set some tea brewing and was now sitting down at the long table in the middle of the room, my arms crossed as I stared up at the empty ceiling.

Just what am I going to do? I'd thought I might be able to enjoy this situation, but it seems I just can't bring myself to do anything radical. Although the consequences didn't matter in the long run, I still couldn't do anything that felt… wrong. I wish this wasn't the case, but even so, I still felt responsible for my acts. It was me in charge after all, making the decisions, and as long as I could choose, I was responsible for those choices. True, there wouldn't be consequences once this was all over, but I'd still probably know what I did, and forcing myself on Asahina-san, no matter what the circumstances, wasn't what I wanted to remember.

– Asahina-san –

"K-Kyon-kun…? Wha… what are we doing here?" Asahina-san asked, anxiety creeping into her voice, making it slightly higher than usual. With any other person, this might have been annoying, but for Asahina-san, it only managed to somehow make her even more endearing for me.

I turned around to face the stunningly beautiful girl, cuter than ever as she fidgeted with her hands, thighs tightly held together, blushing profusely, eyes darting around the empty stairwell, taking extra care not to look me in the eyes.

_Gulp…_

"Asahina-san…"

"Y-yes…?" Asahina-san carefully raised her head, and looked me in the face.

"Could I… I mean… I've wanted to… for a very long time now… I…"

"Yes…?" Her eyes seemed to shimmer in the faint light in the rather dark stairwell.

I took a small step closer to her, and my hand started to tremble a little all of a sudden. I gave it a look and forced it to stop quivering. But when I returned my eyes to Asahina-san's level, I noticed that she had backed off, all the way against the wall jus behind her. She was holding her hands together against her chest, shivering a little, starting to look a bit _too_ red, in fact.

"Uhmm, are you okay, Asahina-san?" I asked, getting a bit closer.

"Ah, I, I'm f-fine," she muttered, but drew backwards even more as I took another little tentative step closer to her, practically terrified by me.

The way her full lips were parted ever so slightly, the way her chest had started heaving as I drew closer, the way her eyes really did glimmer in the faint light, the way her hair smelled from this short distance, that sweet but fresh smell, was making my mouth dry, making me wish, to want, to… to ask her something I'd wanted to do since practically the first time I had laid my eyes on her…

_Can I kiss you?_

We were practically face to face now, lips only a few measly inches away, when a short, fearful, quivering gasp escaped from Asahina-san's lips. I could actually feel the air around my own lips rush forward at the sharp intake of breath on her part.

I looked her in the eyes, ready to finally seize what I had been denied for so long and –

'Earlier memory-line backtrack identified. Lacking relevant data to present circumstances. Adjusting… returning to previous data point…_'_

– At least the tea ingredients were still where they were supposed to be. I set some tea brewing and sat down at the long table in the middle of the room, crossing my arms as I stared up at the empty ceiling.

'_Kyon…'_

Huh?

I looked around, but the clubroom was empty. The tea pot was the only thing making noise in the room, sizzling gently as the water was starting to simmer. Distant voices from outside were so muffled you couldn't make out anything distinct either.

Weird, I thought I'd heard someone say my name.

'_Can you… hear… me…?'_

Okay, now I definitely heard someone, although the voice was barely a whisper, almost like the sound of rushing wind.

I walked over to door and pulled it open, but found no one there, so apparently I wasn't being toyed with. I peeked under the table as well just in case Haruhi had had one of her _strokes_ of genius, but found no one there either. I scratched my head as I walked over to the window to see if anyone was down on the grounds, but found no one yet again.

'_Hello…?'_

"Okay, what the hell? Am I going crazy?" Just as I voiced my growing annoyance, I thought I could spot a faint red glow in the shadow of the proper school building, like the point of a laser, but with a glow effect, before the point of light seemed to meld with the school's wall, passing through it.

What the hell…? I… I've seen that light before, haven't I?

The door burst open behind me, hitting the wall with a loud bang as a green blur entered the room and flashed across the room, a firm hand grabbing my tie as I turned around to see what kind of craziness was about to happen next. With surprising force and speed, my tie tightened around my neck like a noose, making me gag.

"I'm not sure what exactly it is you're up to… but know _this_: I'll be keeping an eye on you!" Tsuruya-san, my captor, said in a threatening voice, glaring daggers right through my skull now that we were on eye level.

"Whah are youh tahking 'bout?" I wheezed back at her, reaching for my tie, but Tsuruya-san quickly batted both my hands away with her free hand.

"Mikuru-chan is a sweet girl who doesn't need the advances of perverts like you," she said, her voice a scary, hushed monotone like a snake's hiss when confronted with a mongoose, but still oddly lacking in detectable anger, which admittedly made her all the more frightening in a psychopathic manner.

"Buh I di'n't –"

"I know you didn't actually do anything yet, so I'm warning you _now_. I let your dirty remarks go yesterday, thinking they were just in good fun or something, but if I find you trying any more weird fantasy role games with her, something stupid about her being a time-traveler or something, I might just have to _tighten_" – she pulled down on my tie again, making me gag for air some more, to emphasize her point, I guess – "my watch on you."

"Ohkhayh!" I was quick to agree.

"Good. I'm glad we got that out of the way," Tsuruya-san said casually, releasing me at last as she dusted her hands like she had just completed her chores. "So, what do you think is in store for us today with Haruhi?" she asked, as if nothing had just happened, shifting conversational gears way too quickly.

I was still trying to catch my breath, so I couldn't answer, but that was probably a good thing.

Damn it… Just why do _I _have to be stuck in this situation with not one but _two_ crazy girls? There's just no justice in the world. Shit just happens, and I dare anyone to claim otherwise with a straight face.

"Dunno, haven't seen her today…" I slowly answered as I gave my neck a gentle massage. I really didn't need this right now, so it was best to just go along with it.

"Really?"

"Yeah… besides, don't you still have lessons?"

"Don't you?"

"I'm skipping today."

"Huh, I'm totally seeing a whole new side to you today, Kyon, my boy. Be careful, this dangerous streak you're on might just come back to bite you on the ass."

Unlikely, all things considered… And is it just me, or do you always gain an additional amount of violent tendencies when you're in an alternate reality? What exactly needs to be changed in order for that to happen? Or are you really like this in the real world and I just don't know it? Hell, I can't read people for crap anymore, so it wouldn't really surprise me.

"Well, anyway, you're right. I _do_ have lessons. See ya!" And with those cheery words, Tsuruya-san skipped off, long hair waving freely, closing the door behind her with another bang.

At this moment, the teapot decided to add to the general commotion and started an ear piercing whistle all of a sudden. I hurried over to the annoying thing and turned down the heat, taking the pot of the heater to cool down.

…Right, let's see, where was I before I was nearly choked to death…?

…

That red light… I'm sure I've seen it before.

Leaving my tea to cool down for the moment, I decided to head out and inspect the spot where I'd seen the light disappear. When I arrived, I found a resolutely solid wall that didn't give at all as I pushed on it, nor did it feel warm or anything else one might expect after some sort of laser had passed through it. In fact, there was nothing off about the wall or anything around the area. I looked around, trying to spot the place from where the light could have been shined from. If it had come from somewhere, it should have been the Old Shack, but as far as I could tell, the building looked completely empty, which of course made sense, as lessons were still going on.

_So what had that light been?_

Having no clues to follow, I guess it would just be best to give up on this little mystery, whatever it had been. I had thought the light was somehow connected to the faint voice in my head, but now there wasn't a trace of either one.

'_Kyon…?'_

Crap, it's back!

I spun around on my heels, half expecting to catch my tormentor in the act behind my back, as it really did sound like someone was whispering _right_ in my ear. If there had been a warm moistness of breath in my ear, I would have been especially creped out.

_Nothing._ Absolutely nothing. I guess I'm just imagining things.

I looked behind me again, but still nothing stirred on the empty yard.

Suddenly something warm seemed to slide through my left shoulder. I grabbed a hold on it, but found that there was nothing there. Even my shoulder itself didn't feel warmer although I was certain something warm had passed through it. I even went so far as to reach under my shirt and touch the skin around my shoulder, but nothing seemed out of place.

I glanced at the wall again, but it was still the same.

_Someone had to be playing with a laser or something._

"Okay! Whoever you are, stop messing around! You could blind someone!" Namely me!

'_I don't think… that's something you need to… worry about.'_

A red light that flickered like it was coming in from under lapping waves of water shimmered next to my head.

"What the hell?"

I jumped away from the thing and tried to swat it away, because although it had a faint glow to it, it was obvious now at this distance that it was more solid than a laser light. The faint light seemed to be originating from the thing's centre. But as I tried to hit the thing, foolishly not even considering how dangerous an action like that might be, my hand just passed through the round little glob of reddish light, proving that in fact it wasn't solid after all.

'_Please, calm down… it's only me…'_

'Me'? Wait, this light… and that voice… I've experienced something like this before, but in a much colder and darker version of this school.

"Koizumi?"

'_Yes… How are you?'_

"I'm… I'm fine. But what the hell happened to you? Nagato said you might have been shunted out of reality or something?"

'_That… is an accurate enough… way of explaining my current condition…'_

"But obviously you're not in a different reality, since you're here, more or less. What happened?"

'_As a matter of fact… I truly am outside of reality as we know it… along with many of my companions… It is only through our combined efforts… that we were able to pierce the veil… between actuality and something I like to think… is akin to Plato's idealistic realm… We've made contact with you three times before… but to no avail… It takes great concentration to… focus on achieving communication without dispersal… I fear we only have enough energy… for this last attempt… one more forceful ejection from here… could leave us stranded forever…'_

"Huh? Okay, please retrace your steps. I'm having trouble following what exactly happened to you." For some reason, I could just imagine a spectral Koizumi shrugging nonchalantly, despite the worrying topic.

'_I, along with my companions… were inside a sealed reality… unlike others before it… bigger and expanding faster than before… appeared out of nowhere… thought she had been stable enough… something happened… the avatars, so many of them… they were first dazed, completely stunned… until they went mad, berserker, destroying everything… with more force than ever before… and then suddenly, all went grey… now we are stuck… hard to describe… losing energy… will dissipate into surroundings most likely… nothing real exists here… just thoughts… and nightmares… archetypal beings… essences of ideas… we're losing cohesion… we must escape… or we will perish…'_

"Are you really Koizumi?" I just had to ask. This was all a bit too much to take in so suddenly. I am, after all, in a reality governed by a data being that wants to coax responses out of Haruhi, but allow me to think freely while still maneuvering me around, without stripping me of my unique handling of situations. This, whatever it was, could easily be me being jerked around by someone other than Haruhi for once, which I found far more disconcerting for some reason.

'_I can only plead my case… from what I have been able to gather… from our earlier discussions… you are not completely free… I cannot trust that you are truly you either… but I have no choice…'_

Hey, hey, hey. _I'm_ the one stuck in some weird reality outside of my control (not _that_ different from my own reality, admittedly), so I should have the monopoly on paranoia. I can't have people aiming their suspicions at me when there's more than enough crazy stuff going on around me in the shadows for me to worry about.

'_You must help… please…'_

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Not like I especially want to stay here or anything. Besides, if there really are lives at stake, I can't just sit on my ass and screw about as I had intended. I guess I'd have to do my part to help a little.

"So what do you think I should do?" I asked, not sure exactly where I should aim my voice at. The glimmering glob of light kept moving about in a random looking pattern, like a particle due to Brownian motion, but the faint voice of Koizumi seemed to pass directly into my brain or something, or possibly originate from everywhere around me.

'_I have no idea why this sealed reality was formed… so it is difficult to say what is specifically required… and since the reality you are in … is not exactly the same as our own… it feels almost like a sealed reality… maybe that is why I can appear like this… so whatever condition birthed this place… should be met, I believe…'_

"Just so you know, the Integrated Data Sentient Entity seems to have a hand in all of this. It looks like it seized hold of the closed space somehow, while you guys were in there."

'_Ah, I see… That explains a lot… so perhaps it is not necessary to meet any condition set by Suzumiya-san… but by the data entities instead… presumably their goal is still to gather as much data… on Suzumiya-san in order to achieve auto-evolution…"_

Yeah, right on the money once again, Mr. Analytical.

"Sooo… What? What should I do? Act crazy or something? Force a weird response from Haruhi? Push her in a corner? Because honestly, I'd rather not go poking at that killer beehive, even in another reality."

'_Understandable… and that is certainly a possible option to be pursued… but I would prefer not to rush… though we are indeed running out of energy… we should be able sustain contact for long enough to continue evaluating the situation… for instance, we now know much more than before… How did you know the Integrated Data Sentient Entity was involved?'_

"Nagato told me."

'_Nagato-san…? I see…'_

"What's that supposed to mean?"

'_What?'_

"You seemed to… have a slightly suspicious tone." That is, if a weird energy blob that didn't even have a mouth could have different tones to its voice. Then again, the thing was talking to me after all, so why not suspend my disbelief just a little more?

'_As much as I do value… Nagato-san as a fellow compatriot… she is still ultimately under orders from her superiors… despite her growing… individualization, I suppose is the word… In fact…'_

"What?"

'_Never mind… we need to focus… the previous time we re-established communications with you… you had forgotten our earlier talks… and seemed to be in completely different situations… like now again… How are things currently?'_

"Well, it seems the IDSE is running simulations to test on Haruhi. The current one's not so different from our own reality, except there's no SOS Brigade but a Theatre Club instead with Tsuruya-san in your place and Asahina-san seems not to be a time traveler."

'_A Theatre Club…? Hmm… how fitting.'_

"How so?"

'_Never mind… for now, it would be best for you to follow along… But giving the data entities what they want… might not necessarily be in our best interests…'_

"Why not? Wouldn't they just leave?"

'_Possibly… but wouldn't that also amount… in Nagato-san's disappearance?'_

Okay, fine, forget it then. "Then what can we do? It seems this thing just keeps looping until they get what they want."

'_Perhaps, we can discover… a way to break their hold… we need to know more… take me to Nagato-san…'_

"I would if I could, but I don't know where she is."

I thought I could hear a distant echo-like sigh reverberate inside my head.

'_All right… then we should…"_

"Yeah?"

'_Hmm… Quite frankly… I do not know…'_

_Great._

'_If you could… I suggest finding Nagato-san as quickly as possible… she may be our best option…'_

I guess I could try calling her home, though it's kind of doubtful that will result in anything at all. I don't think the little girl's away sick or anything like that.

I pulled out my cell phone and thumbed Nagato's home number, as Koizumi, the glowing red orb, hovered about expectantly in front of me, but as I had predicted, there was no answer.

'_Do you have any idea where she might have gone…?'_

"None whatsoever."

'_I hope she has not been intentionally pulled out of the scenario… just to make sure we do not attempt anything through her… though I do not believe I have been detected yet… not that I was aware of how important secrecy might be…'_

Hmm… I hope so too. I don't know what I'd do if Nagato wasn't here anymore.

'_What about Suzumiya-san…?'_

"What about the pain in the ass?"

'_If Nagato-san is unattainable for our assistance… Suzumiya-san is our next best bet… She obviously still possesses all her powers… otherwise the purpose of this simulation would be pointless…'_

"Hmmm… I suppose so. Unfortunately, her whereabouts are just as much a mystery to me as Nagato's."

'_Then it seems we are at an impasse for the moment…'_

"Haruhi _did_ have plans for today, and she _did_ seem excited about them, but you know how flippant she is."

'_Yes… In that case… I suppose we have nothing better… to do than wait on her…'_

Fine by me. It's your funeral if we're wasting time, not mine. I have nothing _but_ time here.

As I headed back towards the Old Shack, I couldn't help but feel a little odd as Koizumi hovered next to me like some witch's familiar.

"Am I the only one who can see you? Because if you keep this up…"

'_I can phase through matter to hide away… detection should not be a problem… This place feels very much like a sealed reality… despite its lively appearance…'_

Yup, this place is a major improvement over the dark and creepy closed spaces of Haruhi's I'd been in before.

I opened the door into the club complex and made my way to the stairs, Koizumi floating along with me, bobbing about, but it was eerie to note that the glow he emanated didn't cast any shadows on the nearby walls surrounding us. The light he cast didn't seem to carry at all beyond the glow around him.

"So, all this closed space… Don't you have any idea why it was created by Haruhi in the first place?" I asked as I climbed the stairs.

'_None whatsoever… I was not present… Do you not remember… what happened before?'_

What a stupid question. Of course I remember… Uhm, it was just a normal day. We were in the clubroom, doing the usual routine, the two of us playing a game, Asahina-san serving and fussing about unless watching our game, Nagato reading in her corner and Haruhi at the computer, typing away, looking kind of bored, though she did occasionally chuckle to herself.

'_No… The sealed reality occurred during the evening… SOS Brigade activities were over for the day…'_

What? Are you sure?

'_Positive… my companions also agree…'_

But that would mean… there's a gap in my memory.

'_Perhaps the Integrated Data Sentient Entity… has a far greater influence on this… whole situation than we even suspected…'_

"They're withholding my memories? They can't possibly do that? Can they? Then again, the assholes had had full control of everything, so I guess it's not completely out of the question. But why would they do that then?"

'_Are the rest of your memories fully intact?'_

"Huh? I think they are… but you should know, that's an incredibly stupid question. If there _are_ some memories missing, how could I remember them not being there?"

'_I meant are there any other gaps?'_

"Don't think so."

'_While the worst case scenario of course… is that we are being manipulated… it is possible that there is another reason… you for example don't seem to remember our earlier meetings… perhaps this version of reality… was constructed at a point before the actual sealed reality… was created on the linear time axis…'_

Huh? I'm not following… okay, you know what, never mind. Whatever. Not important. Seriously. Just more jargon talk. I've started to sort of automatically zone out whenever this happens when I'm speaking with Koizumi and Nagato. It's kind of like white noise to me nowadays. I usually get the gist of the matter anyway by context without understanding the specifics. I can just let my eyes glaze over but return to focus when something lowbrow is said again.

We had arrived at the SO- I mean the Theatre Club's door. I got in and held the door open for Koizumi, but he just wafted through the doorframe.

'_So this is the clubroom… Yes, it appears to be as it was in our reality… Quite different from the last time I made contact with you…'_

"How so?"

Maybe it was just me, but the glowing glob that was Koizumi seemed to flicker uncertainly like the flame of a candle next to an open window for a moment.

'…_Let's just say… it was very different…'_

"Yeah, how so?"

'_I really think you would appreciate it… if it was left unsaid… Trust me…'_

…You just had to say something like that, didn't you? Now I really want to hear, but seeing as you usually know what's what, maybe I should listen…

Screw it, tell me!

'_Well, for starters, the school was no longer… situated on the same level relative to the equator… but closer to it… as such, it was a lot warmer…'_

"So… what? More casual attire?"

'_Yes, that seems as… euphemistic a way as possible to describe it…'_

"Okay, fine, I won't ask any more stupid questions." We all have our dirty little secrets, this can be yours.

'_Thank you…'_

With a response like that, I'm definitely not going to push any further. My mind's theatre was already starting to come up with alternatively clad versions of all the girls in warmer weather. It was best to leave this conversation there before I got overly stimulated. It probably wouldn't take long for me to advance to coconut shells and then simply discard them. Because let's face it, those things can't be comfortable. For the girls… of course.

"If Haruhi really is our best shot at escaping… how exactly would we go about that? There seems to be a lot of problems with asking her for help."

'_Naturally, attempting a similar method to the one in the previous –'_

"Don't even go there."

'_Hmm… All right… Of course, there is a problem with that line of thinking… Suzumiya-san was tired of reality then… we have no idea what caused this sealed reality… I was not present and you do not remember… on top of that… the data entities control this realm now… Suzumiya-san's initial reasons for creating closed space… might not matter in resolving this reality…'_

"Yeah, for a while there, I was starting to get worried I'd have to go ahead and tell Haruhi about the true nature of her existence and then try to convince her of it somehow."

'_Making Suzumiya-san aware is of course a possibility… though difficult… We believe it should be a last resort however… especially as Suzumiya-san's sense of reality is now under the influence of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity… the new reality she might conceive of might not resemble our old one… as she is acting under the history of the alternate reality… she probably doesn't even remember me…'_

"Yup. Seems like it. As far as I can tell, it's like you never existed."

'_Though you might alert her to my existence… she would not truly know what I am like and I might not come to exist at all…'_

"All right, all right, it's a last resort. I got it. Could you come up with something _useful_ actually? Some other things to try before we go and try to lock li- before we go and do something _really_ drastic?" Not to mention _stupid_.

'_We have been working on a hypothesis… as the reality you are in is essentially a sealed reality…but as the realm might not be governed by any form of Suzumiya-san's distress… a reality that seems to function very similarly to our own… perhaps inciting a response from her that would essentially create another sealed reality would work…'_

"Huh? A closed space… _inside_ a closed space? Is that your master plan? Better yet, is that even a _good_ idea?"

'_Of course we are not sure if it will work either… though sealed realities appeared inside our reality… they were randomly placed around Suzumiya-san… the stress-relieving reality might form within your reality… or outside it in our home reality… depending on whether that reality even exists anymore…'_

"Just what are you getting at?"

'_Allow me to introduce you to some vaguely solipsist thoughts… our reality, the one where we came from… was shaped by Suzumiya-san's thoughts and expectations… then verified by her perceptions of it to a degree… one affirming the other… while the supernatural elements she desired did not fit into her coherently structured view of the world… in fact, I do not believe we can ever reveal to her our true existence… if she does not believe such things to actually happen no matter how much she wishes for them…'_

"Stop this inane philosophical analysis! You said my reality was gone! What about my home, family, life and everything else? Are they all gone?"

'_No, no… you misunderstand… This reality is essentially the reality Suzumiya-san experiences… as such, there is no need for her to maintain a reality outside of it… this is now the new reality, just as real as ours ever was or wasn't…'_

"But you're existing outside it in Limbo or something, so that proves there are realities outside this one."

'_True, we exist… but we are losing form… There is a reason why I made a comparison with Plato's idealistic realm of forms… but it seems the reference was lost on you… we are losing form as Suzumiya-san no longer conceives of us… does not think of us in any form… This could be happening to our home reality…'_

Great, so I _don't _ have an unlimited amount of time here after all. I really had thought I could try and mess about for a while and have some fun since I hadn't realized I could do that in the time loop, but now it looks like that options been blitzkrieged into oblivion.

'_We are in a realm of ideas, I suppose… perhaps I represent some sort of archetypical persona, at least to her… so I can still exist to an extent until I too will disappear… In fact, I'm am one of the few among us who has retained most attributes…'_

Okay… I don't really get it.

'_Our home reality was the result of an affirming cycle between her conception of reality and her perceptions of it… neither existing without the other… this reality however, is shaped to an extent by the data entities… and this is the reality she perceives… which in turn affirms it in her mind… so if there's no reality to be perceived outside this, at least any specific reality resembling ours… there's no real reason for her to specifically believe in it… so it would seem the new reality, which feels like an odd, sort of cinnamon mix of sealed reality and open reality, is now the new one… and as is the case with us here, it is possible… that our old reality is undergoing a similar dispersal…'_

…

Cinnamon? _Really_? It seems odd that I'd give this observation that much thought beyond the pure absurdity of it, but as I can't really understand much of anything else being said, it's practically forcing me to focus on it… Cinnamon… like in a bun? Reality can _feel_ like a baked good?

'_Although… since the Integrated Data Sentient Entity is controlling this reality… is it doing so from within or without it…?'_

"Okay, enough already! You are badly digressing here! Remember what I asked you? You were supposed to come up with practical solutions, not go on a metaphysical rant! How would a closed space inside a closed space solve anything?"

'_As this reality was formed from a… sealed space of limited size, before it expanded to fully cover ours… I think it stands to reason that this reality is also spatially limited to the same degree…'_

"So it's a like bubble?"

'_Yes… and if we force another 'bubble' inside that… one of similar form…'_

"It'll… burst?"

'_That's the hypothesis…'_

"You're not exactly filling me with confidence here. Besides, what's the bubble bursting into? There might not be another reality out there, that's the point you were trying to make, right?"

'_Yes, an astute observation… which is why we are not certain how exactly to go about this…'_

"Let's just hope we can find Nagato."

'_Indeed…'_

"But if we don't, should I try and make Haruhi feel depressed or –"

The clubroom's door burst open with a loud bang, the walls reverberating with the shock as the door slammed into one of them. A few pieces of plaster actually fell from the ceiling and really made me feel scared for my life for a brief moment as I thought I could hear a dangerous creak above me.

"Hey~hoo!" Haruhi shouted as she barged in, smiling so widely her eyes were practically closed as her cheeks were pulled high enough to make room for the huge smile trying to take over all of her face.

A flash of red before my eyes passed so quickly I only realized what had happened after a weird warmness passed into my chest. Like warm liquid silver, a bubbling ball snuck next to the beats of my hearts, flittering almost like in tune with it.

In one of her waving hands, Haruhi had a paper bag, while the other was firmly clasped to Yuki's, who looked as unfazed and uninterested by the proceedings as a biologist would be by hearing a layman confirm cell theory. Haruhi marched in briskly, pulling Nagato behind her like a doll, followed by an eagerly smiling Tsuruya-san and a worriedly grinning Asahina-san whose eyes kept darting about uncertainly.

"Take a seat, everyone! It's time to get started!" Haruhi shouted, waving the bag about as she led Nagato around the central table to her usual spot, not stopping as she released her hold on the other girl and marched up to me, still beaming that 100 000 kilowatt smile at me.

Gulp…

…_Koizumi is _INSIDE _me! #$%! This so freaking gross on so many levels! Uuugh…_

'_My apologies… I panicked… I'll try to move to the floor discreetly…'_

The little ball of heat started moving down my chest.

_STOP! DON'T YOU _DARE_ GO ANY LOWER!_

'_Interesting…'_

_WHAT?_

'_Apparently, while inside your body… I can hear your thoughts… provided there's enough focus on your part… I can also communicate with you… without being heard by others, as I am projecting my own thoughts in a precise manner… lest there be diffractive dispersal… This could prove very useful…'_

_Don't even think it! As soon as everyone's gone, you are getting out and staying out! I have a thing about other guys inside me… Yeesh, see how bad that sounded?_

'_So if I happened to be of the other gender…? Would your willingness to allow cohabitation be better inclined…?'_

_No! You know what I meant!_

'_I must admit this is surprisingly comfortable… I feel oddly energized… perhaps I am able to extract energy from your body and thus – ' _

_Doesn't freaking matter! You're getting the #$% out as soon as possible!_

"Kyon? What the hell's up with you? You actually look like you literally have ants in your pants… and it's not nearly as amusing to watch as I'd thought it'd be," Haruhi said, looking at me with disgust tinted worry, like one would if confronted by a smelling ranting bum come to talk about salvation through squid brain hats.

"I – I – I have to use the toilet!"

"Then by all means do! I don't want you defecating in here or something. The place already smells weird enough with your testosterone filled sweat mixing with our estrogen."

"Whatever you say!"

I ran as fast as I could out of the room, catching only glimpses of the faces of the other girls around the room. Tsuruya-san was smirking widely with amusement, Asahina-san was frowning with concern, Nagato passively watched me run along, and Haruhi simply had a disdainful glower on her face, probably simply annoyed by my wasteful antics.

As I slammed the door shut behind me, I focused with all of my mind on one single thought: _GET THE #$% OUT!_

'_As you wish…'_

The red ball of energy that was Koizumi emerged from my chest like a ghostly decapitated head, wavering as it came in contact with the world outside my body, but it did seem to have a slightly brighter glow to it, although there was still a disturbing lack of cast shadows from its light.

Huoh… I sighed deeply with relief. After spending more than a year with Haruhi and the insanity she brought to my life, I had never sighed that deeply when she'd given up on of her zanier ideas. I felt incredibly liberated, like a dangerous tumor that would have claimed my life in weeks had been removed.

'_I shall remain out of sight… but I believe you should return as fast as possible and learn… as much as you can about the conditions under which this reality operates… If you wish, I believe I could still maintain contact with you… provided I concentrate hard enough…'_

"No… Just… just stay back for a while, okay?"

'_All right… I see how greatly this experience has affected your frame of mind… I'll hold back and try to listen in… but don't be surprised if I'll ask for a detailed recount… I might not have the concentration to hear at this length… and we should try to conserve energy as well… but your detailed –'_

"Yeah, okay. I'm going now."

Geez… I actually sort of miss the easy, thoughtless quiet of this reality before Koizumi turned up. In a sense, it was another missed opportunity, life without him, but now that he was here… I guess I'll have to get into my normal mindset and try and see if I can gleam some sort of pattern or clues from Haruhi's behavior.

It's going to be a long day, isn't it? Par for the course though, isn't that?


	37. The birth of tragedy

"Geez, what took you so long?" Haruhi asked, still wearing the annoyed frown she'd had when I'd left moments ago as I entered.

"I wasn't even away for a minute."

"Too long!"

She must be really eager to start whatever she has planned.

I took a seat at the end of the long table, giving the girl standing at the other end my full focus, setting up the right frame of mind I'd need in order to try and make useful observations and hopefully figure out what it was I was supposed to do here.

"Right! I stayed up late and with Yuki's help we did a ton of research!" Haruhi slammed the bag she'd been holding against the table and pulled out an impressive, though untidy, pile of papers which she started running through by thumbing about with the pages. "The idea of using a choir like they did in Greek antiquity sounded pretty cool, commenting on the proceedings, acting like a character in itself. Along with that, I gotta say the Aristotelian form of tragedy structure sounds very promising as well. We definitely need hubris; anagnorisis and hamartia are all well and good as well, but it all needs to be cathartic! I want people blubbering like they've never been blubbering! Cleansed of their stupid, empty, everyday worries by truer experiences than their own! Although, as we were going through classical structures, the three part Jo-Ha-Kyu structure to a Noh-play has its appeal as well. I like the idea of having chaos build up for a long middle while the climax comes swiftly and suddenly… In fact, there's so many great ways to go about this…"

Whoa… she was at the library for _one_ evening?

Haruhi's face scrunched up as she stared at her papers with such intensity I was half-expecting her to shoot lasers out of her scanning eyes. Her brows were knotted and her lips were undertaking such a puckered act that it looked like she'd been sucking on nothing but lemons for weeks. Her hands started shaking a little, and a low humming sound that resembled an old race car building speed escaped from her, barely audible but quickly gathering volume along with a redness that was slowly taking over her face. In fact, she looked almost… constipated.

"Screw it!" Haruhi shouted as she threw the papers into the air, scattering the fruits of her labor carelessly onto the clubroom floor. "In the spirit of post-post-modernity, an age that clearly needs a better name, we're tossing all boring and clichéd structures and conventions away! Screw denouements! And climaxes for that part as well! People need to be woken up to the fact that there are more than one way to tell a story! Only narrow-minded fools need a clear beginning, middle and end where everything is neatly resolved and explained for their lazy asses! The process – No! – _journey_ is always more important than the destination! Our play is going to be realistic to the ultimate degree! It's _really_ going to be about life!"

Let me guess, you're going to just wing it. No need to make a huge show about. Just admit you don't have any real idea for what we're doing. Go ahead, I'll wait.

"Our play… it's going to be… a period piece! We're gonna have something timeless! Something that transcends shallow, sickening notions of chronism!"

What? Chronism? What? I guess you really _did_ spend a night in the library, because I haven't been able to understand half of what you've been saying. I still don't know what we're doing. Something about time…? Time travel?

"We need humor as well of course, to balance with the human drama! Doesn't matter what! Dark, light, yellow, pink… whatever color humor you want!"

Color? This is starting to sound oddly racial if you ask me.

"Although we'll be breaking genres, we could still aim for a – a – swashbuckling feel!" Haruhi burst excitedly, waving her arms about energetically, her whole being exuding unrestrained anticipation and excitement. She could barely keep still; she kept hopping from one foot to the other, like she was warming up for a sprint. "Yeah, that's right, we'll have pirates!

Pirates? So is that what you meant earlier? Chronic motion sickness? Ships rolling about on open seas? Or is this play about… time-traveling pirates? Hmm… not too bad an idea to be perfectly honest. If I had the time to kill, I might rent such a stupid film if it did exist and have a laugh at it.

"They're a perfect romantic subject matter!"

Romance… pirates? Oh wait, you must mean romanticism. Yeah, I remember hearing about that in a class once. I'd been surprised to find how little actual romance that entailed. Wordsworth especially had bored me with all his talk of fields. And apparently modernism was a thing of the past as well, who knew? The field of literature sure could use a kick in the head to smarten up.

"Yes, right… this is gonna be perfect! Any other ideas?" Haruhi asked, smiling expectantly at all of us.

"_Uuh, uu~uh_! Do we all get big pirate hats?" Tsuruya-san asked enthusiastically, raising her hand for some reason beyond my reasoning as she asked. "Who are we plundering and looting?"

"Sure, the bigger the hats the better! But you've picked a good topic for discussion. We need antagonists! Conflict is the foundation on which all stories are built!" Haruhi said.

"We-well… pirates are criminals… s-so s-some form of law enforcement… I think," Asahina-san piped up carefully, following Tsuruya-san's lead in raising her hand to answer.

"Hmmm," Haruhi wiggled her lips thoughtfully, cagily tasting the idea. "Not bad… we could go with that… but it's a bit cliché."

"S-sorry," Asahina-san muttered, glancing at the table in front of her with a slightly ashamed look to her.

"We could go about the whole classical opposition of chaos/order and freedom/tradition… but it's the word 'classical' that has me feeling iffy."

Yep, it wouldn't be Haruhi in any reality if she wasn't one to blaze new trails.

"The Law… Nah… There's something off about it, isn't there…? It lacks a certain… crispy crispness of crisperity…" Haruhi looked up at the ceiling for a moment, before she returned to Earth, smiling almost psychopathically. "Oh! I know! We need more action and suspense! And for that we need a more direct and active, not a responsive force like the law! We need to introduce the pirates' greatest archenemy!"

"What, scurvy?" I asked.

"No, idiot! Ninja!"

Ninja? Through what kind of convoluted logic are ninja and pirates worst enemies? They didn't even exist at the same time and place, well, at least not with the pirates everyone pictures them as. There have of course been pirates since the freaking Phoenicians all over the world, but how on earth would trained assassins and what passed for highway bandits of the sea ever cross swords?

"Everyone knows it! They just are, sort of like zombies and cyborgs!"

What? That is just… no, never mind. I'm not even going to dignify that with a response within my _head_. It's just _that_ stupid. Nope, not gonna even _think_ derisively at something so stupid. Not worth the nano-second of thought.

"You know…" Haruhi said musingly, smirking with dangerous design, "We should probably add those as well… and maybe some Nazis as well! They're like the perfect bad guys, completely evil yet stylish in those Hugo Boss uniforms of theirs. Bad guys always have the best outfits! It's almost unfair how cool they are! And then some sort of magic wielding demon warlock who castes meteors of hellfire! Oh man, this is gonna be so cool…"

I cleared my throat as I prepared to shoot her ideas down like the wild geese they were. "There's only five of us and we have nowhere near the budget to even attempt _one_ of those things. And wasn't this thing supposed to be realistic?"

"Sheesh, Kyon, sometimes you're just so culturally retarded it's almost embarrassing! What's more absurd than life? But it's true, costs will be a concern… hmm, fine, we'll just go with my original idea with the ninja, since they fit the best with our pirate setting. Although I think we'll still need some extras… you know, cannon fodder, in the true sense of the word since we're dealing with pirates."

"We're not getting a cannon." I felt it was important to cut Haruhi's extravagant ideas in the bud before they bloomed into giant fierce man-eating plants in her stream of consciousness.

"I wasn't talking about _that_, idiot! I was talking about your mouth breathing friends! Cannon _fodder_!"

Ah, Kunikida and Taniguchi… mouth breathers… Heh, maybe I should let them know what her royal highness thought about them. It might be good for a few laughs.

"Will you start paying attention, Kyon? You've been as airheaded lately as a virgin sacrifice who didn't realize to take a step back in the row when they were asking for volunteers like the rest! I _know_ you're sharper than this!"

Why does that last statement strike me as a bit odd…?

I glanced at Nagato, sitting at the table as well, without a book even near her as she watched Haruhi expressionlessly, and I couldn't help but once again wonder if there were some slight differences with this reality I should know about. Then again, Haruhi and I have known each other for over a year, right? It shouldn't be hard even for the self-centered, yet fairly astute, especially if it came to noticing anything possibly odd, Haruhi to notice I was a bit confused in my new surroundings.

"C'mon, c'mon! More ideas! This is a Theater _Club_! Not a one man show!" Haruhi pumped her fist, giving us all a demanding glare. "Though sometimes I wonder…"

"Well, if we have pirates, we'll need swords! I think I can definitely get some and the wardrobe should be easy enough as well. My family's well connected enough," Tsuruya-san said.

"Heh," Haruhi smirked mischievously at her, "I knew there was a reason why I invited you to join this club!"

Tsuruya-san chuckled along with Haruhi before they started shouting out technical details to each other about props and all that other logistical stuff. It seemed that this play, whatever it was going to be about, was coming along one way or the other into this world, but much like the overgrown infant it was at this stage, the delivery would probably be rather painful.

"This is just me of course, but not all of us actually have to act, right?" I asked when a small break appeared in the conversation.

"What do you mean? You wanted to join didn't you?" Haruhi asked, annoyance swiftly replacing her enthusiasm without a hitch.

Hey, I didn't _actually_ join up for _any_ of this, and I mean that in the most all including sense possible.

"Really? That's not how _I_ remember it!" Tsuruya-san muttered loudly enough for everyone to clearly hear her before she smiled in an amused manner, trading glances between me and Haruhi.

Haruhi looked bemused for only the briefest moment, mouth open as the insults she'd been about to dispense my way were caught in her throat, blinking a few times with confusion, before her face grew tinted with crimson annoyance. "What are you talking about? He – he was practically begging to join us."

"Heh, if you say so…" Tsuruya-san smirked impishly. "Although I wouldn't be surprised if his attitude changed when he heard who _else_ was joining," she added, shooting me a serious, and in a weird way, warning look.

"Whatever! None of that matters! We're not interested with the past! The present and the future through it is what we're concerned about! In order to make the best play ever, we need to focus on the now!" Haruhi jumped onto the table and ran across it. To my continued shock, she only stopped in front of me, crouching down as she grabbed my tie. I had to focus all my will power to look up into her face, unless my wandering eyes spot something I shouldn't, in the interest of my future health. It was the first and probably last time I had ever found the fact that girls wore skirts to school a nuisance. "And if you think you can just bail out when we're just getting started, you might as well try and escape into another dimension, because nothing in this world is going to let you escape, not even death!"

Funny you should say that…

It seems there's added incentive in escaping this reality now. I certainly don't want to flaunt about on a stage following some idiotic plot of Haruhi's design. I'd felt embarrassed enough simply attaching my name to the film we'd made. It'd been hell hearing about it from some casual acquaintances even if my involvement had been off-screen, but allowing the whole school, and possibly the rest of my town to see… Yeah, I'm getting the hell out of here as fast as I can!

'Background stimuli search failed. Forcing memory leap,' a soft whisper spoke inside my head.

A loud vibrating screeching nearly knocked me out. There was a pain, but it… it wasn't physical. It felt like, I don't know, I can't describe it at all. It felt horrible, but nothing like any sort of injury I'd ever had. If you wanted to be completely uninspired about what was happening, you could say it felt like my soul was being torn asunder into a million pieces. But that just sounded stupid and rather belittling all in all of what was actually happening to me. Suffice to say, several hours worth of flight in a cramped chair in a stuffy airplane with soggy food that makes the bags for puking actually necessary along with crying babies feels heavenly in comparison to what I was going through.

'Adjusting…'

"C'mon! Let's go!" Haruhi pulled me out of the classroom the moment the teacher dismissed us, not even allowing me to grab my bag. "You can get it later!"

This happens way too often, being dragged around by Haruhi like this. I hate it. I always get those smug, ignorant smiles that think they know something more than they do from people who spot us. But I've sort of grown accustomed to them by now. Though it still upsets my insides, it's not as bad as it was the first few times, receiving all those lewd and disapproving looks. I really can't help but think of those people as anything but the dumbest beings to ever trudge the world because of their misinterpreting looks, but in all honesty, if I was looking at this myself, I would probably be looking at the poor fellow being dragged around with the same snide grin as everyone else.

"First ones here I see..." Haruhi muttered as she walked into the clubroom, only now releasing her hold on me. "Not even Yuki here yet..."

It's odd how empty the place feels without her just sitting in the corner reading.

"So..." Haruhi sat back in her chair at the computer, putting her legs next to it on the table, and placing her hands behind her head as she leaned backwards, giving me an almost private looking stare. "What do you think?"

About what? Your legs? Context, woman!

"The play."

Really stupid. That's all I have to say. There's not even a plot as far as I can tell. Just some random scenes that, quite frankly, aren't anywhere near as epic as you like to proclaim them to be. The thing's just an overblown collection of 'cool' things. It's like you're trying too hard.

"I can't help but feel that something's a bit off, like we're missing something."

It's called focus, but you've always been a bit lacking in that department, so it's no surprise nothing cohesive is coming out of this nonsense.

"Hmmm... maybe it's the pirates... there's just something that... they're kind of lacking..."

Haruhi fell into a silent reverie, her eyes wandering upwards. I took a seat at the big table, not sure if I should say something or not. An unnatural quiet settled between the two of us. Usually she'd keep yapping about something inane, but now she was just sitting there, thinking. Whenever she got silent like this, it was usually because of a slight bout of depression, but she was just thinking now. There were obviously no dark clouds in her mind.

For ten minutes the two of us just waited until the others showed up, carrying boxes.

"Whooo~weee~! That's heavy!" Tsuruya-san said, stretching her back after she put her box down. "Geez, where was the strapping young lad Kyon when we actually needed him for once?"

Hey, I could have come and helped, but our leader here dragged me to have a highly productive little chat.

Haruhi had already leapt from her seat the moment the others had entered and now had her head buried in the first box.

"Hey, hey! These aren't sabers! These are just katanas!"

Haruhi pulled out one of the three brown paper wrapped swords, pulling away the paper she'd already partially ripped as she'd been expecting the thing. Indeed, it was a black lacquer sheathed katana, lacking any sort of guard. For a katana, it seemed to be exceptionally straight, though it still had a slight curve to it that definitely made it still a katana. The slick and beautiful weapon was unsheathed with a surprisingly slow and reverent motion by Haruhi, who along with everyone else in the room, was spellbound by the shining blade's appearance. The sword actually sang, '_shiiiing!_', as it entered the world of light, making the light dance against its shimmering blade.

Wait, these aren't _actual_ swords, are they?

Haruhi held the sword vertically, close to her face for inspection. Then without any warning, she swung it with blinding speed, slicing the air. A hiss escaped, almost like the very atoms in the air had been cut. She then brought the blade back to her face, holding it at an angle, raising her other hand, a thumb outstretched, ready to –

_Hey, careful! You might cut yourself!_

Without any sign of hesitation, Haruhi ran her thumb across the blade's full edge in one fast, fluid motion.

I actually cringed a little at the sight.

"Ee~e~e~eeh!" Asahina-san mumbled, all color having left her face, wobbling uncertainly as her eyes rolled up in her sockets.

"Hh. Like I thought, you could barely cut butter with it," Haruhi muttered, sounding rather disappointed at not having the tip of her thumb sliced off.

Tsuruya-san, who had crept behind Asahina-san as she'd whimpered weakly, now supporting the frail girl from behind, said indignantly, "Well, yeah, of _course_. What did you _expect_? They're just props. But they use those in movies and real plays. Top grade. I just couldn't find any western swords, well, except for some genuine medieval European claymores, but even my family wasn't willing to pay _that_ much just for rental. They really didn't want to give them up, the selfish buggers."

"That's fine..." Haruhi muttered, still captivated by the blade's shine as she turned it about in her hands, reflections of light flittering across it like butterfly wings. "We'll think of something..."

"C'mon, Mikuru-chan, work with me," Tsuruya-san whispered in the stunned girl's ear. "Let's get you a seat."

As Tsuruya-san dragged Asahina-san towards the table, I pulled up a chair for her. Tsuruya-san whispered thanks, but the way she looked at me as she did so, made me feel like I had done something wrong.

"Anyway," Tsuruya-san said loudly, turning around to face Haruhi with her hands on her hips, "There's enough fabric to make costumes for all the terracotta soldiers in China!"

Please, there's enough hyperbolic crap in the air thanks to Haruhi that you really don't need to add to it.

_Clack!_

Haruhi swiftly re-sheathed the sword, leaving it in her hand as she walked around the boxes, inspecting them from above. "Good work. We'll start fitting costumes today." Her eyes slowly moved away from the boxes and travelled up to mine, giving me a severe look. "Looks like you'll have to find some way to entertain yourself for the day."

Huh? What do you mean?

"We've made a lot of allowances for you, but here we have to draw the line with a lecherous rube like you," Haruhi brought the sheathed sword's tip to my throat with masterful swiftness and precision, breaking into a dirty smile. "No free admissions to the peep show!"

– Peep show –

I was in a large, dark room, with what smelled like cigarette smoke billowing about. Because it was so dark, my eyes were first drawn to the stage where the spotlights were focused. As my eyes adjusted to the low light, I could see small booths with people sitting in them, all of them watching the stage expectantly.

"It's about to start," Haruhi said, standing next to me in a long, tight red dress with a large open cut running down her side, revealing most of her slender leg and a generous amount of a curved hip. "We should get a spot to sit in."

I looked around and noticed that Nagato was standing on my other side, wearing a grey coat that looked like it had been made of felt with great big white buttons on it, wearing a grayish bell-shaped cloche hat to complete her humble ensemble. In fact, now that I could see better in the dim gloom, it seemed like everyone was in wardrobe stolen from the 1930's or something, maybe even earlier. It almost looked like I was in an old gangster movie. Even I had a trench coat on and the hat that I took off my head reminded me of something a sleuth, a private eye might wear. I think it might have been a fedora.

"My best girl's just about to step on stage. Trust me, you don't want to miss it," Haruhi said, placing a white gloved hand, a glove so long it went up past her elbow, onto my shoulder with dainty care, ready to lead me off, but at that moment the burgundy curtains on stage were pulled back and what looked like a giant pink peacock's tail feathers were revealed. I looked closer at the revealed entity, and noticed a pair of sexy legs supporting them. My eyes travelled upward along the curves to the long feathers that moved, revealing the coyly peaking eyes of Asahina-san on the other side.

'Alternate simulation memory autonomously activated. Attempting to return to relevant simulation memory.'

– "So… are you still trying out pirate outfits?" I asked.

"What do you think?" Haruhi asked, annoyance starting to increase to dangerous levels. She was now clad in the high heels taken from her bunny costume, stockings with black and white lines across them, a skirt that barely qualified as a skirt due to its enticingly short length, a white loose sleeved shirt that had been cut short to highlight her taut stomach, with a tight little leather vest holding up her nice breasts together, making them… you _know_… like really nice breasts, breasts you would want to ask over for coffee sometime and get to know them better over some idle chit-chat.

Is that anger I detect in her voice for failing to see the obvious, or angry sarcasm at my stupid, ignorant question? …Oh boy… Fifty-fifty odds… either it's _clearly_ a pirate costume or it's not. If this was any other person on Earth, I'd feel confident in saying it wasn't a pirate costume, but with Haruhi…

"I think you're still missing the big hat…" I made the gamble.

Haruhi huffed indignantly, turning away as she strode off back towards the clubroom, hips swaying like a pendulum with each step. Just like in her sexy bunny suit, Haruhi was confidently striding about in high heels, making the autopilot within the vestigial reptilian remains of my monkey brain follow her mesmerizing backside like a loyal dog. I couldn't help but wonder how she'd learned to walk so well with stilettos, as the magazine I'd found and read out in the hall had made them seem like horrid torture devices. But Haruhi of course wouldn't let anyone tell her how to dress, act and think, no matter from which side of the liberal/conservative axis the guidelines came from…

I'd really been doing too much reading, hadn't I?

I put the 'girly' magazine I had found lying about in the halls down (though having read the thing, calling it girly was probably just my 'typical misogynistic male brain' at work as the bloody thing had taught me prejudiced care) and followed Haruhi into the clubroom. As I entered I found Nagato hitching up her skirt. Fair skin was held revealed for a brief moment as Nagato stopped to observe the new arrival, but soon the milky thigh was hidden again as the skirt was pulled up the rest of the way indifferently, like there hadn't even been an interruption.

_Gulp._

"Hmm, let's see… panty peeking, that'll cost you a full meal for all of us, seconds for the leader of the club if she should so desire," Haruhi, who was now sitting in her usual spot with her arms crossed and now rolling a toothpick she'd found somewhere in her mouth casually, said like she was going through some sort of price list in her mind.

All eyes were on me now, as I stood up straight, trying to slow my breathing. It sure wasn't as easy as I'd thought, due to the increased skin that was showing around the clubroom. Haruhi had removed her leather vest, and had thus revealed to the world the surprisingly large v-cut in her loose shirt. Asahina-san was draped in nothing but a roll of dark green fabric that had been adorned with atypical sequins as far as I could tell, little shoulders in the open air while bare feet poked out from underneath a hem that barely reached her knees. It all seemed to be held together on her body by a few pins and Tsuruya-san, who still had some pins in her mouth in apropos to her role as the costume designer, but for some reason lacking the top half of her school uniform, sporting instead only a yellow laced bra.

"That's triple dessert for everyone as well," Haruhi stated, starting to look a lot colder at me.

"Huh?" I peeled my eyes away from the alluring combo of scantily-clad Asahina-san and Tsuruya-san.

"Bra-browsing."

"Uhh… Sorry. I'll try and keep my eyes closed." I simply don't have enough money to handle too many worthwhile investments at the same time.

I heard a displeased huff from Haruhi but decided it was better to keep my eyes closed than risk anything. But after a while, when no more derisive sounds or even genuine insults were coming my way, I slowly creaked open my eye. In the corner of my eye, I could see that Tsuruya-san had unfortunately decided to put back on the top of her school uniform. But if I turned my head ever so slightly, eased my eye just a tiny bit more to the side, I should be able to catch a glimpse of… where the hell did Asahina-san go?

Instead of getting a nice peek of Asahina-san, I instead was treated to a sight I had already seen. It wasn't as such a boring thing to see, but I had already gotten quite a good look at Haruhi's shapely butt as she'd strode in. Now the girl had taken Asahina-san's place in the mirror and was looking at her image, eyes narrowed in careful judgment as she shifted her weight from one leg to the other.

"There's something off here…" Haruhi muttered as she seized herself up in the mirror that had been set up for the tailoring.

"Mmm," Tsuruya-san hummed affirmatively, spare pins and needles in her mouth, as her eyes fleeted back and forth between Haruhi and her image in the mirror, chin cupped thoughtfully in one hand.

"You know what? I've come to a decision," Haruhi declared after a short pause.

"Yeah?" Tsuruya-san asked eagerly, pulling out a pin from her mouth, ready to make whatever new changes were demanded of her.

"Forget the pirates, we're doing samurai."

"Huh? But what about our swashbuckling adventure?" Tsuruya-san asked, looking practically horrified by this new idea. The soft little tinkling of falling pins against the floor accompanied her shocked voice as all of them slipped loose from her lips.

"What do you mean? Samurai were the swashbucklers of feudal Japan, or knights or whatever. All we've really done is changed the setting. All stories are really the same in the end, always the same themes deep down. The only real differences are just the superficial parts like setting and plot twists. Otherwise it's all been done a gazillion times before."

"But… I really wanted to do pirates…" To put the disappointment in Tsuruya-san's voice into metaphor, I would have had to paint a picture of kittens sitting on marshmallow clouds with a rainbow behind them crying over spilled milk to get the right emotion across. It was sickeningly endearing in a pathetic way.

"…Fine, if you want, you can be a ronin who makes her living by stealing from others."

"But…"

"And you can have as big a hat as you want."

"Yes!" Tsuruya-san gave her fist a little pump in the air. "We'll say I took it from a pirate!"

"All of this will have to be dumped, I'm afraid, for the play itself at least. We might be able use this stuff for spreading the word. You know, promotion. Sex sells and the world is full of hormone driven rabble."

Haruhi kicked off her high heels before she strode towards her seat of power. "Can't understand what the sex appeal is in these things anyway…" Haruhi glanced at me in a discontented manner.

I just gave her a little shrug, not having any inclination to argue against the statement. There were plenty of things that didn't make sense to me in the world but still seemed to be the case. Arguing about why girls seemed even hotter in heels would have been as difficult for me as explaining why water expanded when it froze instead of compacting like other substances. All I knew was that this was the case for both things and I was happy enough the world was so. The world luckily just worked that way.

"Maybe I should just leave for today. It doesn't seem like I'm needed here at all," I said, unsure if I wanted to receive anymore unpleased gazed from Haruhi.

Haruhi huffed loudly as she flopped into her chair, once again crossing her long legs, now accentuated by her stockings, onto her desk as she crossed her arms. "Sure, why not. I was thinking of keeping you around to help in some input, but seeing as we're gonna redo _everything_," Haruhi glanced at Tsuruya-san who was now measuring the thigh of a trembling Asahina-san, "we probably won't have anything to show any time soon."

I bow before your newfound wisdom, oh great sage. Now if you don't mind, I'll be getting out of here. The only thing that could have allowed me to stay was a fee I did not want to pay anyway. In fact, I didn't even want to find out what it entailed. Then again, now that she wasn't changing herself, Haruhi seemed to have completely forgotten about the 'peep show rules'. But I couldn't stay in good conscience. The way Asahina-san was blushing merely by having her perfect figure measured with me around made me feel bad enough. Quite honestly, such a showing of a girl shouldn't be offered so easily. I feel as though I've cheated in a game.

– Showing – Perfect Figure –

Suddenly I was back where I should be, the whole SOS Brigade gathered within our cozy clubroom with nothing out of the ordinary, standing about in a circle, mostly looking rather confused.

"Wha-what the hell's going on?" Nagato asked, peeking in under her school uniform's collar. "…I'm a lot… _smaller_."

I looked down and noticed a rather familiar looking curvature to my body. I looked up, and through the faint reflection of the window on the opposite side of the room, could see a shocked Haruhi staring back at me. I looked down again at the body that seemed to be the same as the one I had seen in the window's reflection.

Nagato turned about, trying to seize a good look at her body in a way a dog might chase its own tail, her hands roaming unashamedly across her supple body. I was starting to suspect that, though she certainly looked like Nagato, the person exploring her nubile body – now facing away from me, but peeking under her skirt – was not in fact Nagato, but might very well be… Haruhi in Nagato's body…?

I actually had to restrain myself from doing a similar inspection of my own body, that is, of Haruhi's body. Just because I'm in a girl's body, doesn't mean I have to figure out what each nook and cranny is for, because let's face it, if I didn't know what they were for by now… I might as well go live in the mountains and become a hermit. Besides, touching Haruhi's body inappropriately would probably garner the owner's wrath, and this mess was already chaotic enough without a tantrum from Haruhi. If that was indeed Haruhi in Nagato's body.

Haruhi on the other hand, although she was still inside a body of her own gender, apparently couldn't keep her hands to herself. "This is so weird," she said, cupping Nagato's little breasts and giving them a jiggle as she turned around, eyes tightly focused on her new assets.

I looked about, away from the Nagato who had pulled up her skirt and was now giving her clenched butt cheeks a squeeze, trying to peer over her shoulder at her new set of gluteal muscles, hoping to find someone to explain this new insanity to me, but only found to my weak horror, that Koizumi was sporting a terrified face, hands held to his mouth, eyes tearing up. It was… weird. Was it… Asahina-san? Koizumi – or maybe Asahina-san, at least I hoped it was indeed Asahina-san making those weird faces on Koizumi's face – was also trying to hold his thighs together in that quaint way of Asahina-san's whenever she was nervous, but kept repositioning his – her? – damn it, this is confusing! – legs all the time.

Asahina-san's body was simply standing still, completely devoid of any expression on the usually explicitly emotional face. Seeing Asahina-san watching us all in almost lethargic and apathetic manner was extremely disconcerting to see.

I, that is, my body, was also inspecting itself, mainly by giving his hands a look over and then running one of them through his new hair, looking extremely reflective throughout all of it. Seeing my own body from the outside and at a lower angle than ever, as whenever I had looked at myself as objectively as possible it had been through a mirror at eye level, felt pretty damn weird to put it lightly. Had I always had that mole on my neck?

"Just what's going on here?" Nagato (most likely Haruhi inside) asked, brows scrunched as she ran her middle finger up between her buttocks.

I looked down at my new body again, a pair of round breasts staring up at me. I looked up again at Nagato who was giving her cute little butt an experimental pat. I then glanced at the others again, all of them except for the creepy Asahina-san preoccupied with their new bodies.

So… why not? Everyone else is doing it. I can hardly be blamed, can I?

I gave the left breast a tentative poke of my finger.

_Huh_…

This is so weird. I have… _things_ on my chest now… So weird.

Poke.

…

Poke.

Squishy.

…

I looked around once again, but no one seemed to be paying me any attention. Everybody seemed to be just as preoccupied with their new bodies as me, though some less than others and some far more than was necessary.

Ah, what the hell. I gave my new breasts a good squeeze.

…

…

…Wow. That was… nice, really nice. I wonder if I could –

"Kyon! What the hell?" I heard Nagato's usually monotone voice shout scarily at me.

_Oh shit._

With blazing fury in her eyes, Nagato was marching towards me in a threatening fashion, little hands curling into tightly clenched fists.

I backed into the door behind, my left hand shifting into frantic automatic mode to search for the handle to escape, while my right hand did its best to give its compatriot the time it needed by rising up and waving about in order to stop the terrifying Nagato approaching me. She was small after all. Maybe I'd be able to catch her by the head and hold her off like in those stupid cartoons, with her fists flailing ineffectually while I held her at a distance by the forehead.

"Cause of error has been detected and rectified," Asahina-san said flatly, interrupting the moment just as Nagato was nearing me with a menacing spring to her step, like she was getting ready to leap at me. "Standby for emergency reboot and recalibration."

–

'Stress levels elevated. Bridging memory of recalibration with instance of free association to allow for less strenuous return to relevant scenario memory.'

–

Haruhi was now trying to make Asahina-san's outfit hotter by essentially pulling it apart. Tsuruya-san was part of the clamor, amidst the loudly barked orders from Haruhi and the squealing from Asahina-san, at first protesting the reworking of her design, having put a lot of effort into it apparently, but soon she was on Haruhi's side as well, picking and pulling at the dwindling outfit. Soon, you couldn't make the claim it had once been a respectable piece of clothing without getting a laugh out of people.

"Less is more! Less is more!" the two demented girls chanted as they went about their mischief.

"NoOoOoOoOooo…" Asahina-san wailed pathetically.

"I'll, uh, wait outside, okay?"

Nobody seemed to either hear me or care. Perhaps I could just stay here. But then Asahina-san had to give me such a tearful and pleading look I felt I had no choice but to step outside the clubroom, muffling the exciting clamor as I shut the door behind me.

"Phew."

Just how am I supposed to focus like this anyway? Maybe I really should have Koizumi drawl on in my head all the time to slow the pace down.

…

_Yeah_, like that would ever be a genuine option. I might as well try shooting myself in the foot and see if _that _helps.

But then again, saving the world from being not thought of for too long or whatever was going to take a lot more concentration than I could muster, it seemed. I can't believe I'm going to even think this, but…

Deep breath…

…

I hope there's a lot less partial nudity in the future.

…

Right. Now I feel dirty and disgusted with myself. Nice. The Integrated Data Sentient Entity is truly pure evil.

Haruhi may have known the textbook definition of tragedy, but I would have argued my fate right now was a prime example of it. Instead of messing about with Aristotle and Noh-plays, we should be adapting my life right now for the stage. At least half of the audience would have had a cathartic experience along with my suffering as I played out my role as the perennial Fool.


	38. The second act is always darker

_The snow twirled and fluttered downwards in slow spirals, landing softly in big puffy clumps on the ground. The only sound that disturbed the soundless falling of snow was the unhurried crunching of wooden sandals against the new gown the earth wore for the season._

This is what my mind's eye saw, instead of the little scraps of paper that flapped down onto the wooden stage, with the quiet clacking of sandals against the wooden floor my other senses perceived.

_The samurai emerged from under the web-like crisscrossing shade left by the leafless trees of the forest, head hanging limply, face completely hidden behind the wide brim of a straw hat. A sheathed katana, with a leather strap around it and the other end of the strap wrapped around the samurai's limp wrist, was being pulled carelessly behind the samurai, leaving a little trail next to the lonesome footprints in the powder snow._

_As the samurai entered the empty clearing, there was a hectic fluttering of oily sounding wings, dreary caws accompanying the frantic beating of the feathered wings. The samurai's head lethargically rose to look upwards to the heavens, where the shades of the carrion birds fluttered, weaving in and out of the misty grey skies. The straw hat fell off the head of the samurai, but never reached the ground, instead settling against the tired warrior's back, as it had been tied around their neck with coarse, old string. The warrior looked upwards, looking parched and haggard, staring with silently begging and weary eyes at the circling birds. A raspy breath escaped, along with a tendril of spiraling wispy air from the mouth into the cold air._

_The tired samurai peered about, noting the fork in the road, with a signpost offering a simple decision, left or right. The warrior strode up and examined the sign for a moment, not a single thing moving in the forest except for the spiraling wisps of white air from the mouth._

_Then, after the heavy stillness, the sword was drawn, cold metal blazing with silver shine in the clear, crisp air. The blade's end was thrust into the ground, gravel crunching in protest, weaker forces of the earth shifting to make way for their forged brethren. The dark, empty scabbard was then held vicariously for a moment, wobbling as the warrior judged its weight._

_The scabbard flew._

_After tossing the scabbard into the air, the samurai's eye shifted to the ground, focusing on the foot of the post. The scabbard twirled in the air, rising higher until it reached its apex, reversing the direction of its revolving dance as it made its way back to towards the earth, away from the cold empty heavens. The scabbard clattered, echoing hollowly._

_The warrior examined it for a moment, making special note of which way the tip was pointing._

"_Left it is," the saumrai said before the fallen scabbard was __gathered __and the sword drawn back out from the earth which had bore it through ages past._

Clack.

_The sword was sheathed, the hat was planted squarely on the messy head, and the first step towards the unknown was taken._

The lights dimmed, leaving everything in the dark.

Geez, what a stupid way to decide where to go. Besides, who _actually_ starts travelling without a clue as to where they want to go? I know the call of the road is somehow always supposed to be magical in stories, but isn't this a bit too much? I for one simply don't buy it.

And I'm absolutely sure I've seen this story before, several times in fact. Then again, her movie had seemed to try and make up for its lack in originality by the shear amount of confusion as well, so I guess it shouldn't be all that surprising her play seemed to be ripped off from somewhere as well. What _exactly_ she was ripping off I wasn't sure of, but what I was certain was that I had seen, heard and even occasionally read this same exact story many times in different forms. Who knows, maybe it's just in the nature of stories to repeat themselves throughout the ages. Archetypes and whatnot if you wanted to be pretentious about it all.

The lights came back.

"Our village is in peril!" Tsuruya-san shouted from off stage, actually managing to sound a bit like a horrified villager.

Well, that takes care of the exposition, doesn't it? Haruhi sure has a way with telling stories, doesn't she?

Asahina-san scurried across the stage in her humble peasant's outfit, face burning red under the combined glare of the stage lights and the expectant audience, which had turned out to be much bigger than anyone had expected. Apparently Haruhi's sexy campaign had been a bigger success this time than with the bunny suits that had swiftly been noticed by the faculty.

As Asahina-san scrambled to fetch all her precious sacks of food and dump them somewhere safe, Tsuruya-san kept screaming for help and such, snickering to herself in her palm between every line, straightening her face and voice with great effort to keep acting every time.

"Hahahaa!" Taniguchi did his best to appear menacing as he stepped on stage. He certainly looked the part in his messy ruffian get-up, but his delivery was strangely flat. "We'll be taking all your rice!"

Why? Why are you doing that? Are you hungry yourself? Or are you just a jerk? What exactly is the motivation here?

"No! Please! Don't! That's wrong!" Asahina-san grabbed a sack of rice like it was her infant.

Sigh… had the movie Haruhi had made been this bad?

…Yes, yes it had been.

"Hahahaa!" When in doubt, do an evil laugh. At least Taniguchi had that down. I still didn't know how Haruhi had managed to 'persuade' him and Kunikida into all of this.

"P-please, leave us alone!" Asahina-san continued her pleading in vain.

"Who's gonna stop us?"

_Huoh_… I clapped my palm against my forehead in annoyed frustration. That's my cue… Enter the humble horse shit shoveler (a brilliant casting choice by none other than Haruhi)… from stage left… maybe I should just keep going and exit stage right.

I grabbed my shovel, wondering if holding it in both my hands made me look any more threatening, took a deep breath, and made the plunge.

"Hey!" I shouted out, making my entrance with so much more gusto than I had expected it caught even me by surprise. I suppose frustration simply came easily with me. Unfortunately my passionate annoyance seemed to run out immediately as soon as it came into contact with the heavy stares of everyone in the crowd. "I… I… I…"

Oh crap. I'm choking up, aren't I?

Why am I even going along with this?

Because even after several days, with _extremely_ _detailed recounts_, that idiot Koizumi still couldn't come up with any sort of solution to any of this!

"Who the hell are you?" Taniguchi asked woodenly. It was amazing how he could simply recite his lines exactly as he'd been told but only deliver them with the same bravado as a bank teller informed you how much money you had saved up on your account. Casting him as a mind-controlled zombie in the movie had obviously been the right choice.

"I… I…"

Oh for the love of… just say _something_!

"You… stop. Go away."

Actually, just keep your mouth shut. It'll be better.

I mean, all I really have to do is –

"_Umph_!"

…Get my ass handed to me on a silver platter…

Kunikida's punch in my gut had caught me by surprise. I had known it would be coming, and we'd actually rehearsed taking a punch in the gut a few times, but with my sudden onset of fatal stupidity caused by what I assumed was stage fright, I was nearly winded. The really dumb thing of course had been in convincing Kunikida to punch me harder to make it look more convincing. Taniguchi would have obliged from the beginning, but if I could decide which of the two would get to punch me, I preferred the smaller guy of the two.

The pain had really caught me off guard.

– Pain –

"You are the saddest excuse for a biped to ever blunder into the world!" Haruhi all but screamed full out, arms held straight at her sides, fists quivering with rage.

"Whatever…" I had had enough of her to last me for a decade. She'd gone too far this time and if she still couldn't see what she was doing was wrong then… I give up. I turned around on the sidewalk and stepped onto the road without a second look, to make my way across and as far away from Haruhi as possible.

But I never made it across.

Two glaring streaks of light blinded my eyes. Rubber screeched like a dying beast, only a few meters away from me. A sharp, hot pain shot up my thigh, but faded away quickly. All of a sudden, everything I knew disappeared into grey nothingness, and nothing but a metallic taste was left in my mouth, before it too disappeared, but not before I heard the scream. It wouldn't end, it just kept echoing without fading. A scream that tore me apart. A scream that broke me. Her scream.

'Stress levels approaching critical levels. Previous scenario memory is nearly complete however. Regulating calcium levels within synaptic regions. Returning to previous memory… Processing…'

Haruhi was standing before the two would-be villains, both on their knees and grasping at various places of fake injury.

"You'll be sorry!" Taniguchi shouted as he struggled to stand, wobbling a little _too_ uncertainly. If he'd been playing a drunkard, his act might have been a bit more convincing.

"We'll get our boss!" Kunikida added as the two hurried off stage.

"Y-you did it! You drove the villains away!" Asahina-san exclaimed in delighted astonishment.

"Rice," was all the bedraggled samurai said to this.

"Ahhh… yes, of course. Come in. I _did_ promise. Please, come in."

Haruhi slowly walked after Asahina-san as she disappeared behind some prop. Her gait however kept decreasing in speed until she was nearly behind the prop and she stopped. Nothing happened for a brief moment until I noticed Haruhi's shoulders tensing up and I remembered I was supposed to say something.

_Shit. What had it been?_

"Ah! Uhm! Wait!" I called out from the floor on which I was still sprawled following my attack. I sat up and gave the back of my head scratch in search of ideas. "How… who did you do that?" Yes, that was along the lines I was supposed to say. "How did you catch that blade like that? No normal ronin could do that… Who are you?"

Haruhi relaxed notably, the tense and squared shoulders dropping immediately as I finished my line of questions. "Just passing through…"

"You… but you heard what they said! They're coming back! We'll be dead! We need help!"

Haruhi stood there for a moment, as if to consider this, but then proceeded to walk after Asahina-san. "Those days are behind me," she said as she stepped out of view behind a prop.

– _/ –Tzzzt_– / –

There was a static shock that ran from one ear to the other. The world disappeared for a second only to reappear again. I was still on stage, but walking about past prop trees.

My character was now on a quest. After Asahina-san's and my pleading for aid had fallen on deaf ears, Asahina-san had told me to seek out the Spirit of the Moon, said to live in the in a hidden alcove deep within the nearby woods.

How convenient.

This was becausr Haruhi's character had lost the will to fight along her journeys. Apparently she'd come across Miyamoto Musashi (give me a break!) in her travels and that had been it for her fighting days. When I'd asked if she had won the duel, expecting Haruhi to have easily triumphed over the great sword saint, Haruhi had actually showed some class. She had answered, 'Yes and no'. At first this had left me confused and judging by the questioning glances and scratched heads, the audience as well. I had asked her to elaborate and after a lengthy pause, she finally did. She told us all how she had come across Miyamoto in her travels.

The two had met on a bridge. The moment they had spotted each other, they froze in place. They had stared at each other for who knows how long, and they had both known the other's skills and strength immediately. Then the two warriors had simply kept walking and passed each other without a word.

People, me included, had still been confused.

Haruhi had then explained the experience. As she had stood there, immediately recognizing she wasn't dealing with a regular mortal, going through every possible attack, every conceivable strike, she had known with absolute certainty beyond any other beliefs she had held that any act on her part, whether she actually made contact with Miyamoto or not, would have ended her life. Miyamoto had apparently gone through the same experience. The two had indeed fought a duel, but it had been on a level beyond physical swords and bodies. Both of them knew that despite being capable of landing a fatal blow on their opponent, they would not walk away alive from the fight. However, perhaps Miyamoto had won the fight in the end, as he had moved on to face Sasaki Kojirou in a duel that would become legendary throughout the ages while Haruhi's fighting spirit had been crushed. It had been the first time the proud warrior had truly come face to face with her mortality, actually experienced the fear of death in combat… and it had broken her. She could no longer duel or fight with the same passion as before. The only reason she had won against the thugs earlier had been because they had been so incredibly inept.

Now she simply wandered the land, doing odd jobs for food, perhaps in a sense, doing all she could to run from the specter of death, of the End.

I had been left awed by the rather poignant tale from Haruhi. Never in a million years had I expected to hear such a compelling story from the likes of Haruhi, whose head was always up in the clouds. But I guess a sense of depth works in both directions.

Anyway, that was what had led to the next 'plot' development. Whilst Haruhi had gotten better acquainted with the friendly bottom of a sake bottle, I had been tasked to seek the aid of a grand oracle, the Spirit of the Moon who saw all things, past present and future, from the heavenly mirror that was the Moon.

_The night was dark as the insides of an ancient tomb. High above distant gems of starlight glittered but were all out done by the reflected radiance of a full Moon, bathing the world in pale light._

The lights had been dimmed and a spotlight had been focused on the canvas at the back of the stage.

_All was silent in the hushed world of the Spirit of the Moon. Nothing stirred in the deep shadows cast by her mirror. It was like a world all its own, like the abyss under the masses of vast oceans, or the night on the dark side of Pluto._

And then somebody in the audience coughed.

_The Spirit of the Moon appeared, the beam of light from the Moon cutting the darkness in half._

Nagato was in a white gown with long draping sleeves that nearly touched the ground, a vision of a luminal deity in all her solemn beauty. Her skin was a light as her white dress, all of her figure glowing in the light like fresh snow.

– Snow –

Snow was drifting down slowly in a barren forest. The dead trees, spread sparsely around me, were like shriveled corpses, flailing at the sky with skinny arms in the cold wind. Though I was wearing thick layers of winter clothing, the freezing chill seemed to strike all the way to my bones.

I was carrying someone on my back. They weren't big or heavy, but my legs were so tired I could barely lift them anymore. The snow made all of this even worse as it nearly reached my knees. I could barely pull myself through the heavy snow.

'Adjusting…'

A sharp pain inside my head accompanied the electric shock this time as the world was wiped away by the grey warbled rush. The stage quickly reappeared.

_All was silent once more as the whole world hushed in anticipation for a single word to drop from the faint lips of the Spirit of the Moon. Slowly, the head that had been lowered as if in reverential humbleness, rose to face the Moon. Her eyes were closed as she bathed in the white glow. Only when the magic of her serenity had seeped into the world did she open her dark eyes, eyes that still shone with the spark of distant stars somehow. Then those starlit pools of darkness turned to see me, and one knew that their final fate was to be revealed to them through the celestial mirrors._

"You - ¤%/#/ - have come - &/^*\%# - seeking…" Nagato's speech was erratic, her sentence oddly broken. Her eyes had opened up more than usual and as I stared into them, I could spot her pupils dilating as well.

"_Nagato_…?" I whispered anxiously, taking a step closer.

This wasn't part of the plan.

Nagato's eyes closed and her head limply fell backwards, like she'd lost all of the muscles in her neck. But just as I was about to reach out and grab her, to make sure she was okay, her head snapped back into position and her eyes were narrowed in an intense look. As I stared into those sharp eyes… something… dangerous stirred.

Why are her eyes so… are they… actually _glowing _a little?

Once more Nagato opened her mouth and spoke, but this time her voice, still its usual tone, seemed to carry with it a reverberating quality that carried her voice unlike ever before.

"The darkness of the journey never-ending shrouds us, waiting to unleash its vengeful howl.  
It whispers like the wind, through threads of life and fate, pushing all towards an end most foul.  
Since times more festive, in joyous fair twice visited, setting friend and foe against each other,  
twisting all against all, feeding lies to topple walls, squires and knights around the Mother.  
Waiting to strike, a silent stab when all seems over, when the grave's been dug for the eternal lie.  
The wind of darkness shall abide, spinning threads ever more… for it knows its time is neigh…"

This… this doesn't have anything to do with the play, does it?

As her ominous proclamation came to an end, Nagato's eyes changed again and something like a sigh escaped from her before her head slumped forwards weakly, the small shift of weight forcing her to take a single step forwards to balance herself.

The stage curtains fell down with a loud flump, making me jump. But as soon I was over the trifling little thing I hurried over to Nagato, who was strangely slumping to one side, looking like she might collapse. As I got close, I could hear her breathing, heavier than ever before.

"Nagato? Are you okay?"

I reached out and steadied her, feeling a little shiver run along her body.

"You're cold and sweating." I brushed the hair off her brow, grazing the cool, sleek skin underneath with my fingertips. Nagato gazed up at me in a daze, looking disoriented like she had been spun around mercilessly, though that probably wouldn't have done anything to her typically.

"Interference… Source unknown. Link with the Integrated Data Sentient Entity was affected. Cross communication caused interference. Data streams were crossed, resulting in a juxtaposition of data from two sources."

"Whatever. I don't care about that stuff. Are you okay?"

"I will recover." Nagato stated as she got up, wavering a bit, but before I could reach out to her, she was practically back to her normal self, standing up straight, adopting a perfect posture any chiropractor would have swooned over.

A fair twice visited? Had Nagato actually been talking about the fair, the carnival we had all visited, where everything had nearly gone to hell? It never had been all too clear how that thing had come to be or who caused everyone else to act out during it. What else had Nagato said? Something about pitting us all against each other… and then a stab after everything was over…

But from where had that message, or more like a prophecy fresh from Delphi, come from? Or maybe the more important question, as always, was from whom?

"Wow, Yuki! That was amazing adlibbing!" Haruhi said, showing up out of nowhere to pat Nagato on the back. "You even put it in rhyme! The rest of you could take a few pointers! Now hurry up on to the next scene! The second act is here, where the storm hits the dung pile, where the heroes' true test against the increasing darkness will come!"

"A'ight! My big debut!" Tsuruya-san exclaimed excitedly, rushing off to fetch her hat and sword.

"C'mon, you two! Move!" Haruhi pushed the two of us off stage with the care of a bulldozer, far too caught up in her production to even notice the state Nagato was in.

I made sure the fragile little girl didn't topple over and led her to sit on a box off stage. She looked so damn pathetic like that, almost like a broken doll, head leaning to one side.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"I will recover," Nagato said, making an effort to look me in the eyes. "Do not worry."

"Seriously, if you need any-"

"Kyon!" Haruhi called out suddenly, interrupting me at a very delicate moment. "Get over here! Everything's ready! Pull the curtains!"

I glanced at Nagato one more time, just in case. She nodded and I was free to go. I rushed off and did my job while Haruhi hurried about with the lights, since everyone else was now on stage.

"Yarr! Thar be plenty o' booty fer plundering 'bout these parts!" I heard Tsuruya-san's boastful voice as I finished securing the curtains.

Looks like the silly girl hadn't given up on her pirate act.

"Uh, boss?" Taniguchi asked, probably a bit confused on how to react, or more specifically just how to act, towards such an outlandish characters.

"Yarr, t'is a fine day to be tasting the sting o' the salty seas!"

"Uhm, yeah… there's a beach just over there…" Taniguchi did his best to roll with the punches of stupidity aimed his way.

"And even better a day fer a defenestration or two, seeing as we got us neigh a plank to walk the scoundrels off'a!"

"Yeah… sure, Boss…"

"Boss-sama fer ye!"

"Sorry… Boss-sama."

"Yarr, get to the looting an' bring me some ale, lest ye be keelhauled through a window wi' the rest o' them!"

Just… just horrible. Please, no more.

I walked up toward the stage to get a better look. Tsuruya-san did indeed have a big three-tip hat like a pirate might wear although otherwise she looked like a rather rich but practical person from the Edo period in her black and yellow costume. For some reason she had a fairly impressive mustache she would twirl about occasionally, making it painfully obvious she was the villain I suppose, for the intellectually challenged out there in the audience. Knowing my school and the staggering amounts of dumbasses you could run into there, this was probably a necessary part of her costume. She stepped about the stage like she owned it, smirking broadly, pointing at things for her henchmen to steal, giving a deep bellowing chuckle every time.

"No! Please stop!" Asahina-san shouted, scampering to the stage to once again protect her precious sack of rice. She dropped onto her knees and hugged the thing like it was a first born child in the times of Moses.

I had to admit I was rather impressed by Asahina-san's acting. She didn't stutter or fumble with her words nearly as much as she would on average. But maybe that was because unlike in real life, in plays you were basically told what to say. You didn't need to think for yourself. While Haruhi had vigorously encouraged people to improvise their lines, Asahina-san had stoutly asked for her lines and then remembered them as best as she could. And if it weren't for her crimson red face, now squarely held against her precious rice sack, you would have thought she had no problems whatsoever with acting.

I actually wished I had had something to hold in front of my face when I'd been acting. I'd dropped my shovel when Kunikida had punched me and the thing had completely been completely lost and forgotten about after that.

"Yarr, this comely lass be surely mine!" Tsuruya strode over and yanked on Asahina-san's wrist. "A wench as fine as ye be right and proper fer a bed warmer!"

I could hear some childish snickers coming from the crowd, especially at the mention of the words 'comely' and 'bed warmer'.

So nice to be in high school, where childish things are put away and people grow up…

"Ah! – N-No! – Please! – _Stop_!"

"Buwhohohohooo…!"

_That_ was her grand evil laugh? She sounded like a goose with hemorrhoids!

I looked around for support for my derisive thoughts but found only Haruhi nearby, come to see the show likewise, smirking at the stage with an eager gleam in her eyes.

"Should've come up with that myself…" the girl muttered enviously, practically spellbound by the show.

_Sigh…_

"Fortunately you're nowhere near as ridiculous as this anymore…" I couldn't help but mutter myself.

"Huh?" Haruhi finally broke away from the magic of the stage, looking at me curiously.

"This is just so stupid. I'm glad you've basically outgrown stuff like this in the year we've been together."

"_What_?"

I thought I could spot a light darkening of the cheeks in the dim light off stage.

"Never mind," I said, looking back towards the stage where Tsuruya-san was dragging Asahina-san about, proudly proclaiming her as her newest possession (or was she supposed to be a he in this play?). She kept going on about her other conquests, in duels and life, in betting and women, to such an overwrought degree you couldn't take any of it seriously soon enough.

Haruhi and I were both still for an awkward moment, before we both hurried off to make sure either the lights were working properly or the curtains were secured tightly. Haruhi disappeared from sight after that and that was for the better, really.

"Haruhi, hurry up, you're up next," I eventually had to call out to her. If her play somehow went wrong, I'd be blamed whether it had been my fault or not. And if it really had been my fault, I'd be in even deeper trouble.

"It's the big fight scene, right?" Haruhi jogged out from behind some props, holding a long linen cloth in her hands, smiling excitedly as she arrived next to me with an eager spring to her step.

"Yeah, time to kick ass and chew… whatever it is samurai chew. Bamboo?"

"I'll need to be blind of course."

"Huh? Why?"

Haruhi gave me a confused look, like I'd just asked if two actually was two. "How else will people know I'm a total badass when I beat the smelly crap out of 'em? I need to be like Zatoichi."

"…You know, you already showed up on stage and you weren't blind. How exactly are you going to explain that?"

"…Whatever, I'll just throw in some expository line somewhere," Haruhi said as she wrapped the cloth around her head, covering up her eyes. "Like a passing bird clawed them out while was taking a nap or I got blinded while fighting a blind guy… is that ironic? …No, not really… Or is it?"

I ignored all the stupidity being spewed my way and tried to continue the conversation like normal people might. "And how are you even going to get on stage like that?"

"I'll manage. I'm in character. Like the samurai I am, my senses are now _greatly _enhanced."

You are just so stupid sometimes I'm nearly laughing out loud. And no, not because you're funny, but because you're so damn delusional there's no sane response.

Haruhi's hands waved about uncertainly in front of her as she took two steps, predictably, a few degrees in the wrong direction. If I didn't say anything, Haruhi would bump her head very hard into a pillar. I'm actually a little surprised how long it took me to decide to do the right thing and stop her.

"You know you look like a total idiot," I said as I placed a hand on her shoulder stopping her just a step away from breaking her pretty nose.

"Bullplop! You're just jealous you didn't think of it first!"

"Seriously, how are you going to fight like this? Maybe if we had actually planned all of this, choreographed the play, you could pull it off. But we haven't."

Haruhi turned to face me. Although her eyes were hidden behind the cloth, I could still see the fire of determination of a thickskulled idiot shining through.

"I can do this," she said with such tenacity that she nearly managed to convince me despite my better judgment.

"Hey, you're already badass enough. You don't need something like this."

"Well, sure, but…"

"Trust me. The blind samurai is so overused."

"But… I'll be completely outdone by Tsuruya if I don't do something even cooler…"

"Trust me, there's no way anyone could ever outshine you in anything. You don't need some sort of gimmick to show off how awesome you are. You're… quite unbelievable the way you are."

"…Really?" Haruhi's voice was slightly softer now, not quite as sharp as usual but still blunt enough to break past any potential obstacles if needed, the question spoken with tentative bemusement.

"Yeah, you're one of a kind," I said, giving my eyes a healthy roll as I pulled the cloth from her eyes, revealing two bright eyes shining up at me, making me unable to help but grin a little at the idiot.

A soft, silent moment followed this obvious statement of mine that made me feel a bit uneasy for some reason. The way Haruhi was just staring at me left me feeling rather insecure. She wasn't angry, sad or even happy looking, which I guess was exactly why I wasn't sure what to do. Not knowing what was going on had developed from a mere inconvenience into something rather dreadful in my life in the year with Haruhi. It had gotten so bad that even little moments like these carried the same seed of fear as the night carrying an unconscious Haruhi through a dark forest had. I hated not knowing what was going on.

"Uhm – I gotta go. Show must go on and stuff!" Haruhi said quickly (_thankfully_!). As she turned about to leave in a hurry, the smile on her face could have put the vast majority of Asahina-san's lovely smiles to shame in its unabashed delight. "Almost missed my damn cue because of you, you dumb dolt!"

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that…"

…

Wait, if she's off to face the bad guy anyway, then what exactly was the point of that subplot with the Spirit of the Moon?

Sigh…

Leave it to Haruhi to throw in random stuff because it just happened to be cool. I mean, scary omen aside, that had been a pretty cool scene. But still… that girl had no idea about story telling whatsoever.

–_/–Tzzzt_–/_–_

'_chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chicka-chicka-chik-chik!' _Nagato clapped a pair of small black tiles rhythmically on the backstage as Haruhi slowly extended her foot, dragging the tip in a short curve as she settled into a wider and lower stance, raising her sword to arm level.

"Hohohohoo…" Tsuruya-san laughed with malicious joviality, like some sort of evil Santa Claus, as she pulled her sword back to the side of her face, until the blade was horizontal and aimed at Haruhi at the level of Tsuruya-san's eyes.

Nagato continued the clapping, and as the tension seemed to build, I thought I could hear a slight increase in the rhythm she was beating, like a microsecond or something, but it could just as easily been my engrossed mind adding to the scene by itself.

'_chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chicka-chicka-chik-chik!_'

"Bring it!" Tsuruya-san shouted as she lunged for Haruhi, going for a lethal stab in the chest.

The brief, almost feral, smirk was only apparent on Haruhi's face for the shortest of moments as she stepped sideways in a blur of motion, pulling her sword back as she prepared to swing it at Tsuruya-san's head, letting out a ferocious howl as she brought the sword around at Tsuruya-san, who had extended her arms in an missed stab.

'_chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chicka-chicka-chik-chik!_'

Tsuruya-san's eyes darted like lightning in Haruhi's direction, gauging the distance in between her face and the sword almost as quickly as she went limp and allowed her body to follow her thrust, flying just under Haruhi's sword as it was about to make contact. She pulled her sword close to her body, blade sticking out as she squeezed into a ball and rolled onto the other side of the stage, springing to her feet and spinning around ready to catch the sword that had chased after her.

'_chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chicka-chicka-chik-chik!_'

Haruhi's strike came down like a hammer against Tsuruya-san's sword, the force of the blow so strong it forced Tsuruya-san down on one knee. The swords screeched like hungry birds as blade slid against blade.

'_chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chicka-chicka-chik-chik!_'

Tsuruya-san's other leg swiped at Haruhi's shin, knocking her off balance so Tsuruya-san could push Haruhi's sword off. As Haruhi stumbled backwards, Tsuruya-san got up and once again went for another stab at Haruhi's chest.

'_chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chicka-chicka-chik-chik!_'

Haruhi brought her sword around in a spinning motion, catching Tsuruya-san's blade and guiding it upwards, almost out of her hands. Tsuruya-san followed her sword, gripping the handle hard, teeth gritted as she held on for her life, unwilling to lose her weapon, coming practically face to face with Haruhi.

'_chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chicka-chicka-chik-chik!_'

Haruhi's knee came out of nowhere, striking Tsuruya-san in the stomach. The long-haired girl let loose a little scream, before she tightly closed her mouth again, biting down the pain as she fell back wards, still holding onto her sword through nothing but willpower.

'_chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chik-chicka-chicka-chik-chik!_'

Haruhi pulled back her blade for a thrust. Tsuruya-san barely managed to roll to her side to avoid the stab as it hit the floor. Her body was on her sword hand, so when she rolled back to strike Haruhi with her other hand, it was her closed fist that hit Haruhi in the ribs.

'_chik-chik-chik-CHIK!' _the clapping came to a halt with a final loud one that silenced the whole world around us.

Haruhi took a few awkward steps back, holding her side. Tsuruya-san got up, likewise holding her sword in one hand, while the other massaged her stomach. Both were panting like cornered animals. They stared at each other, both too spent to show any emotion, until they both smiled hungrily.

"This is it," Haruhi said, taking a firm two-handed grip on her sword.

"The Final Blow," Tsuruya-san mirrored her stance, nodding with full but concise understanding.

"All or nothing."

"Do or die."

"You're not going to let me have the last word, are you?"

"Not a chance."

"Defiant till the end!"

"Yeah, yours!"

The two idiots have completely forgotten they're in a play! What the hell? Are they going to kill each other?

The fighters lunged as one, both screaming like mad berserker warriors, high on the smell of sweat and the taste of blood. They rushed blindly at each other, swords raised, ready to crack skulls by the look of it. But just as they were about to hit, both turned their skull-splitting blows into wide sweeps as the two samurai collided.

They stood still, both frozen, both on the verge of collapsing as they leaned into their swords, embedded in the others gut.

Tsuruya-san's hands twitched, before she smirked. "Ouch…" And collapsed onto her knees. "I guess… evil… never… triumphs…" She chuckled as she delivered the stupid line and then fell flat on her face, making a loud death rasp that lasted for a good half minute. "UUUUUUUUUU-AAAARRRRRRRHHHAAAA-GAAA-A-A-A-A-A-AAHHHHH-HHHYYUUUUUUAAAAAaaaaaaa… blaarrrrghh… pleh… uugh…"

And just like that, with tremendous style all her own, Tsuruya-san the bandit died. The corpse was still for about two seconds and then the face scrunched up and the body started trembling as the young actress without a future did all she could to hold back a cantankerous bellow of laughter as tears began to roll down the side of her face with the monumental strain.

"Boss!" Taniguchi and Kunikida wailed, doing their best to try and cry like babies. "NooOOO~OO!

Haruhi swung her sword in their direction, still panting like she had run a marathon, head lowered with sweat actually dripping from her hair. "Take what you have left and flee… and never come back."

Taniguchi and Kunikida, the brilliant actors they were, held their hands over their faces as they had failed to produce a single actual tear, and kept making awkward sounds as they rushed over to the panting corpse of Tsuruya-san who was doing her best not to giggle, holding her hands to her mouth. The two lackeys grabbed her under the armpits and pulled the snickering corpse away. As they passed, I noticed that Tsuruya-san was practically dripping in sweat as well.

Haruhi straightened up, wiping her brow with a sleeve.

"_Oi, get out there! Your turn to make an ass of yourself!_"Taniguchi hissed as he pushed me onto the stage, Kunikida joining in with a grin as he pushed me forward as well.

"I – ah –"

Crap! What stupid thing had Haruhi wanted me to say? Shit, everyone's watching… Ah, whatever, just wing it. Anything I could come up with couldn't be anything worse than what Haruhi had planned.

"Ah – our village is saved. We owe you… the greatest gratitude. Uhm… food, drinks and other necessities will be made available."

Great, now I sound like a hotel clerk.

Haruhi took deep inhale, catching her breath. She gave me a quick glower for having messed up the end of her play, before she valiantly said, "I don't need any of that."

I remembered now that Haruhi had wanted to make a big deal about the selfless hero, to show just how strong she was. The best way to do that would be to try and push rewards on her and have her refuse.

"But… there must be some way we can repay you…"

"_This is it_!" Some girl whispered excitedly in her friend's ear in the front row.

Huh? _What_ was this?

"You… ah… you saved my live and everyone else… surely there must be something…" I said, taking a step closer, offering my hand, not knowing what I was even offering. But that was showmanship for you. "You… were there for us when we needed you most."

"_They're gonna do it, aren't they?_"

"_I hate it when they try to build tension like this! Just do it already!"_

Do _what_? What were those girls in the front talking about?

I glanced around at the audience. Nothing but eager faces leaning torwards at the stage all around.

"You're right… I did do a lot… but if you hadn't… hadn't been there for me as well when those ninjas attacked… I owe you too…" Haruhi said, taking a step closer to me, staring intently at me, her flushed face starting to regain color. "This fight… this village… even you… it's all changed me, for the better I think."

My face on the other hand was probably redder than a fire truck covered in tomato juice. With all the hot lights focused on us and the crowd staring at us, I had never felt more out of place in my own skin.

"Surely there must –"

"Uuh." The sword in Haruhi's hand dropped, cluttering against the floor as she held her stomach, looking like someone had just kicked her in it. She wobbled dangerously and before I knew it, I had jumped forward to grab her by the shoulders before she fell.

The girls in front gasped.

"Hey, are you okay? Seriously?" I hissed at Haruhi.

"I'm fine. Keep going," Haruhi whispered, gripping me tightly for support as she pulled herself straight again, coming only closer to me. I could feel her strained breathing against the bottom of my chin, hot and moist.

"I… surely I can do something for you. Letting you go just like this… to wander the world… it… it breaks my heart…?" I tried sounding dramatic, hoping there wasn't too much melo in my voice along with the drama.

"I…" Haruhi looked up at me, caught off guard, blinking like she had been asked what country was the largest exporter of potassium in math class. "I didn't know that you… felt like that."

Oh _crap_, what did I just do? What am I supposed to say now? Couldn't she have asked me a question with a nice lead into the next line of dialogue? Or better yet, just say 'sayonara' like a proper wandering hero, too cool for words? Why did she have to leave me with a lingering statement like that, something that absolutely _demanded_ more dialogue?

"I… didn't know either… but seeing you risk yourself, put everything on the line for me – I mean the village… I…"

Where the hell am I going with this? I'm just throwing anything that springs into my mind and its all corny crap. I blame television for this brain rot.

"I've lived my whole life by myself, never needing or wanting someone else… but… no one ever cared… until you…" Haruhi looked at me with new found eyes, like she had found someone long lost though there was a glimmer of uncertainty there as well. She was probably just as unsure as I was in where exactly we were taking this play.

The annoying girls squeaked excitedly.

"I… I… just…" I mumbled, unable to think of anything anymore.

This… this wasn't in the script, like a lot of things, but we had at least rehearsed all the other things at some point, acting according to Haruhi's lead, doing our best to remember what we'd done, improvising as best we could, more like simply playing a game with friends, like you would have when you were younger, but this…

I gripped tighter on Haruhi, having no idea what to say. Everyone was watching me. Even Haruhi was staring at me with hushed expectation all of a sudden. Apparently I had somehow managed to steal the show, despite my awful acting.

The crowd fell silent, and I mean _really_ silent. Before, there had always been a tiny susurrus of whispers and the odd cough, but now, as the tension on stage seemed to be building, it was nothing compared to the oppressive wave surging from the silent crowds watching the two of us.

I could feel all the expectant looks, although I couldn't actually see them, like little fingers dancing up and down my spine and across my skin. Like the audience, I was so focused on what was in front of me that I could barely breathe.

_Just what was going to happen next?_

I could feel the anxiousness of the crowd seep into my being, making me desire – no, yearn for the following action unlike anything else I had in my life. The weight pressing against me, it was going to make me snap; I'd do anything to get rid of it.

A cold bead of sweat ran down my right temple, leaving behind it a cooling streak that quickly disappeared as the heat rose around me. The lights and stares were stifling. I was starting to feel queasy.

_Well? What next?_

Haruhi inched a bit closer, taking one practically insignificant little step towards me. But in spite of the small displacement it actually was, the step was apparently anything but insignificant, as plenty of people in the crowd inhaled sharply as it was made.

I couldn't feel my furiously pounding heart anymore. I couldn't hear my labored breathing either. The only thing I felt was the crowd, watching, waiting for what was coming, all holding their breaths, no one daring to blink.

Haruhi's little lips parted slowly, only by a fraction. Her half-lidded eyes stared at me in an almost empty, detached way, that was in some bizarre way so consuming I couldn't look away. There was a passionate intensity, behind the empty veil, so close, so tangible… I could almost touch it, _feel_ it. Something big was expected.

I gulped loudly. And the spell was broken.

Haruhi put her hand against my chest and halfheartedly pushed me back as she turned around, carelessly placed her sword against her shoulder walked off the stage without a word.

The crowd was so dumbstruck by what had happened they were silent for an unbearably long moment until they erupted into a furious, disgruntled clamor.

"Oi! What the hell?"

"What is this?"

"Total rip-off!"

"You can't do that!"

"Hey! C'mon!"

"There's _gotta_ be more!"

My missing heartbeat returned, echoing in my ears. My breathing was short and raspy. My cheeks felt like they were burning to the bone.

I quickly strode off the stage, away from the angry crowd, past the aghast, gaping Taniguchi, the rapidly blinking Kunikida and even a Tsuruya-san who looked like she'd just seen a stoning in the middle of the street. I walked to the back of the stage where I knew there was a faucet. I turned it on full, spraying cold water around, before I pushed my burning face under the cold stream.

_Damn it… I shouldn't have let the crowd get to me like that._

The ice cold water quickly cooled me down, the fire in my veins disappearing.

'_Did you feel that?' _Koizumi's voice suddenly appeared behind me.

"Wh-what?"

I turned about and found Koizumi hovering in my face, nearly putting my head inside his bright but spatially limited glow.

'_When you and Suzumiya-san… were on stage together…'_

I felt nothing, nothing weird at all. Absolutely nothing. It was just the crowd, staring at us. I'm not an actor. I don't like being in the center of attention. That's all. Nothing else.

"S-seriously, what are you talking about?"

'_There was a… disturbance… in your reality…'_

"Oh… _oh_! Okay. Right. Something we can use?"

Finally!

'_I believe you should… investigate this…'_

"The Integrated Data Sentient Entity detected the data spike as well." Nagato had suddenly shown up as well, nearly giving me another heart attack as she seemed to just pop out from nowhere.

"Right, right, okay, I'll –"

– See Haruhi –

I was in a small cramped room, filled with brooms, buckets and what looked like cardboard cutouts of scenery on one side and a mirror that had been placed on the other behind a small table littered with wigs and makeup. Haruhi was standing in front of the mirror, carefully touching her side. The top half of Haruhi's costume was open now, revealing the white bra she had underneath.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked.

"Fine. How about Tsuruya?" Haruhi asked without taking her eyes off the mirror, keeping fully focused on her own reflection, eyes not even venturing a little to spot me in the mirror.

"When I was coming here she was laughing with the others, showing the spots that were probably going to bruise, all red right now. But like I said, she thought it was a funny thing. Like merit badges or something."

Haruhi hummed affirmatively, but in a detached manner as she continued expecting herself in the mirror, no longer holding her side, but staring at herself like she was looking for a clue to a murder case.

"Haruhi, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Haruhi's voice was void of anything telling.

"The final scene –"

"That was some surprisingly good acting by the way, Kyon. Almost as good as me and Tsuruya… way better than how you started at least."

"Yeah, yeah… really convincing. Especially from you."

"Of course."

"For a moment there, I thought… _Anyway_, my question."

"Right. Go ahead."

"Why'd you just… walk off the stage like that? I thought… well, the crowd wasn't pleased with how things ended."

Haruhi huffed indignantly, glaring quickly at me through the mirror before she returned her focus back to herself, picking out some pieces of fake snow out of her hair. "Like I said in the beginning, only narrow-minded, weak-willed imbeciles need a clear cut ending… this play was about life. It doesn't have a clear structure to it, we make it up as we go, and very rarely, it ends like we want it to."

"I think people were expecting a more… fitting end."

"The play wasn't _supposed_ to have a proper ending! Don't you get it? That's not real, that's not life! Something simple like that is just pure escapism for the dumb masses! A true story should be leaving you wanting more, desiring to go out and do stuff by yourself, to answer the questions left unanswered! You know, that kind of thinking, that the ending has to somehow be final and all-explaining is just the type of thinking that makes all the idiots in the world such huge losers! All they think about is how perfect the ending should be, but they completely ignore everything that led up to it! That's how they view stories and that's how the idiots end up viewing life too, that the end's somehow meaningful, that there's something big afterwards, when all the big stuff happens along the journey! They just think of how nice it would be if they lived happily ever after, and they end up being nothing but empty dreamers without the will to act on the dreams! Nothing ever ends perfectly! The end sucks! Always! So you should get off your fat ass and _do_ something! The end is nothing without the journey, and all the losers always forget it."

Haruhi changed her voice into a nasal, mocking tone, like a little child for a moment as she continued glaring at the mirror. "The end _has_ to be climactic! It _has_ to be big! Wahwahwah!"

She paused, the anger fading from her, replaced by a quieter, more personal feeling sorrow.

"What's so great about things ending anyway?" Haruhi asked softly, as if of herself, reminding me of when we'd been heading back to my place, only to have Haruhi reveal to me how worried she was about the future. "All the best stuff is along the journey, which is always much grander and bigger than the end, but no, it's always the end, the end the end the end! Why are people so _stupid_? I _won't_ dream away my life like they would!" Haruhi once again spouted determinedly.

"Hey, it's just a story," I said, hoping she'd calm down. Anger in Haruhi was always an unsettling dish to swallow.

Haruhi's heated gaze shifted to me, making me feel very uncomfortable in my already itchy peasant costume.

"Don't you _dare_ give me that idiotic crap! What does that even _mean_? '_Just a story'_? Don't you get it? Stories have meaning! Stories shape the world! Whether it's some guy meditating under a tree, some guy hearing voices in a desert or another guy getting nailed to a torture device, stories shape the world! Do you know what's the most publicized storybook in the world, what determines the worldview of millions of people? The Christian Bible! Followed by – you guessed it! – other religious fables about why we're here and such! You never heard a story with a moral to it as a child that didn't affect how you saw the world? Turtles and hares? Three bears and a girl? How about all the fantasy crap all kids believe when their younger? Saving the world from evil? Huh?"

Her scowl shifted away from me and I could breathe a little easier again.

"Don't tell me something is just a story when it's not, when it's all so much more! Bigger than life! Saying 'it's only a story' isn't just an insult towards the art, it's an insult towards all of humanity! We tell stories to make up for the crap that is the world we're given, we tell ourselves stories that it's fair and just, or that it's horrible and pain-filled, but it's just life and life only _is_, it just… exists. Stories give it filling… only losers think a story is only a story, that imagination is just a plaything… cowards and losers… they accept a boring mediocre reality and they only dream to escape it, don't think they can have anything better than what's in front of them, they forget the stories and their meaning… I _wish_ my life was a story…"

I think I preferred the Haruhi who also had a flare for storytelling, but didn't take it so incredibly seriously, more focused on simply delivering an exciting tale, although failing miserably at it as she had tried to film it. It seemed that without the SOS Brigade, Haruhi had latched onto the world of drama very closely.

"I'm afraid there weren't enough play critics in the audience to appreciate your deconstruction."

Haruhi huffed again. "Whatever, not my loss if people are too stupid and lazy to attempt even some light and superficial analysis."

"Yeah, but don't you think you should have…"

"What? Gone ahead and done – _what_?"

"Nothing. Never mind. It was just a bit… anticlimactic."

"Which was exactly the point! Geez…" Haruhi shook her head in disappointment, head hung low afterwards. "What a bunch of idiots… can't see a good thing coming… I'm so tired of getting the same old, same old… Why isn't anyone else…? People should appreciate something different once in a while, something that breaks convention. If nothing else, it'll make you appreciate the regular crap more…" Her head suddenly jumped up and her eyes shot a dangerous ricochet of her actual scowl at me through the mirror. "Now get out."

"Huh?"

"I'm about to change."

"…Oh. Sorry. Of course. I'll go right away. Sorry for this, I was just –"

"You'd do it a lot faster if you actually went and left," Haruhi said gloomily.

A final glance at the now purplish bruise spreading along her flat chest looked painful. Just seeing the thing made me pause in hesitation.

"You sure you don't need –"

"Go. Just _go_."

"Right." I stepped out and closed the door carefully behind me, catching a glimpse of the empty look in Haruhi's eyes in the mirror like the person staring back at her had just let her down in the worst way possible before the lock on the door clicked.

'_How did it go…?' _Koizumi's distant voice was there to ask immediately afterwards.

"Uh… not well," I answered as I turned to face the dimly glowing red orb.

'_I see… how exactly did she react…?'_

"She seemed… disappointed, I guess."

'_Hmmm…'_

Well, whatever. I need some more water. I still feel like my insides are slowly burning up. Koizumi can consider this all by himself for a while.

I walked off towards the water faucet at the back, letting the water run until it was ice cold and splashed some on my face.

Just what am I going to do? How am I going to get out of here? All I've done is wasted time.

I splashed my face again and then took sip of the running water, letting the cold liquid slid down my dry throat.

I hadn't found anything useful in my time with Haruhi here. I thought I would be able to figure out something, but I guess that's always been my problem. I had never really been able to figure out anything on my own, as such. Whether it had been a hint about Snow White or something, I felt I had practically always been given what was necessary to solve the problems with Haruhi. Who knows, maybe that had been because Haruhi had been fully in charge. If there was a problem for her, she probably desired for a way to resolve it and then it did, through whatever means. But right now, in this world, both Koizumi and Nagato were stumped. Neither one of them had any ideas.

We were stuck…

"Unclassified variable detected and neutralized," I heard a familiar girl's voice behind me.

I turned around and spotted Kimidori-san standing a short distance behind me. This would have been a bit alarming on its own, knowing her status, but the fact that she now seemed to be holding a reddish glowing thing in her hands, the weak light flickering more than ever before, made me do a double take.

"Scenario compromised. Recommending immediate reboot and recalibration."

Her hands were clasped tightly around Koizumi, her fingers forming a cage through which Koizumi seemed to be incapable of passing. The red ball of energy kept bouncing about in her hands, but for some reason couldn't pass them like it could with everything else.

"Hey wait! What are you – ?"

– Clasping –

The sharp sound nearly sliced my head in half this time, before a gray wave washed everything away once again.

I had my hands around a slender throat, squeezing as hard as I could. Rough gagging noises against my hard breathing were the only sounds in the dark room. Weak kicks under me couldn't budge me. The furious warm pounding of a heart under my hands was growing at a heady rate, building towards a climax where all sound and motion would seize, where the furious beating of her heart in her throat would fade away with a final defiant but ultimately weak thump and everything would grow cold.

All I felt was an all consuming rage that could only be satisfied once I silenced the girl in my hands once and for all. Only when the heat gripped in my hands disappeared would I be released from the pain. Only the snap of a neck or the crunch of a windpipe could make me satisfied.

'Heart rate and blood pressure rising to critical levels. Cerebral cortex compromised. Over exhaustion imminent.'

'He's having some sort of attack! Get him _out_!' Koizumi's shouting voice was a distant whisper, even fainter than Nagato's.

I was close, so close. Soon I'd be free. Soon I'd be happy. Soon she would be gone.

"Puh-pleezz… St-stohp…" The girl weakly pleaded in a raspy voice as I continued crushing her windpipe, her eyes rolling upwards as I squeezed even tighter, putting all my strength into it, my fingers shaking with overwhelming hatred.

The girl was Haruhi.

A deep reverberating buzzing echo surrounded me and filled me up, before a white hot flash of pain nearly knocked me out.

I was on my hands and knees, puking out my guts by the feel of it. I was shivering all over. Cold sweat poured down my back. Though the pain in my head was gone without a trace, I had never before in my life felt so bad, so utterly disgusted beyond words. Every gasp for breath tasted foul, like the very air around me had been poisoned.

"Kyon? What's wrong with you? Are you all right?" Koizumi asked, his voice softer now, but no longer as if coming from a vast distance or from behind some wall.

"I…" The world around me was as it should be. There weren't people in weird outfits, we weren't in some exotic locale, I wasn't in a wrong body and I wasn't trying to… I didn't have my hands around… "…I really don't know."


	39. This place is not a home

My head was resting against the smooth, cool thighs of Nagato as she brushed away my bangs, the touch of her fingertips barely noticeable but still incredibly soothing as she ran them across my forehead. If I had to liken Nagato's tender touch to anything I had ever before experienced, it was like the soft drizzle of rain on a hot day against your skin, her fingertips grazing my skin like tiny cool droplets.

My head itself was heavy and off balanced by swirling whirlpools tugging away at each other within my skull.

Koizumi was a short distance off, cleaning up what little I had thrown up. Luckily enough for him, because I hadn't actually had breakfast in this reality, there wasn't much to clean up as I had mostly just emptied my stomach of acids, leaving a horrible, sickening taste in my mouth that would make me gag occasionally whenever I would try to take a deep breath.

But Nagato was there, taking care of me, carefully leveraging a cup of tea to my lips, letting me take small sips of it at intervals that felt far too regular, like clockwork, as she continued petting my forehead. Like in a haze, I just remained still, taking in full the comfortable feel of her touch and the depth of the eyes that stared steadfastly down at me. Her eyes were like space, never-ending and vast, hiding who knows what behind them. Her fair skin seemed to glow like stardust. I felt warm and hazy, like I was wrapped in soft linen, fresh from the laundry.

"What exactly happened?" Koizumi's voice drifted through my haze.

"After over exhausting the cerebral cortex, leading to increased and uncontrollable amounts of random associations, a traumatic incident I had wished to avoid experiencing was experienced."

"And what was that?"

Nagato's eyes left mine for the first time in what felt forever, leaving me feeling empty and alone, to glance at Koizumi. "…Personal," Nagato replied, before her beautiful eyes returned to watch over me.

"I see… and what exactly is going on now? He looks… well, I haven't seen a grown person with a face like that unless they were… well… drugged."

"I have raised his endorphin levels and decreased calcium levels within the brain to reduce neurotransmitter transference across synaptic clefts in order to alleviate stress."

"_You're… purty_…" I mumbled at the divine goddess above me, amidst the shine of the stars that were her beautiful white skin and the complete dark majesty that were her black hole eyes.

"Perhaps you have gone a bit too far," Koizumi deduced.

"…Perhaps," Nagato intoned as the gentle rain across my forehead coalesced into five cool fingertips, resting against it, the weight barely tangible.

"_Can I lick your fingers?_" I asked, knowing that was easily the dumbest thing I had ever asked, but not caring nor all too sure why it was the dumbest thing I had ever asked, when it seemed like the only thing one could do when coming into contact with such divinity.

"Decreasing endorphin levels by a factor of sixty percent," Nagato replied, as the godly appendages on my head were reduced to two.

"_Ahh…_" I muttered in disappointment as my Goddess seemed to slip further away from me back into her heavenly abode amongst the stars that birthed her. Everything seemed to slowly get greyer again.

"Good. Although I understand something disturbing must have happened, we really should discuss it and other matters."

There was the screech of chair's legs against the floor next, but I still couldn't take my eyes off Nagato.

"Kyon…?" Koizumi asked, a concerned tone to his voice.

"I…"

Finally my eyes left Nagato and noticed Koizumi sitting next to us on a chair turned around, looking down at me. I looked up at the heavens again, but the Nagato above me was back to her cute old self again. And now the world was flooded with the worn colors of everyday life.

"Ugh… Could I… Koizumi, could you leave? I want to… to talk to Nagato about something first."

One of Koizumi's eyebrows rose in response, as he gave me an intrigued stare, before his questioning eyes shifted to Nagato, who nodded.

"All right, I'll step outside."

Koizumi got up, once again to the accompaniment of the screech of the chair and walked off. I could hear his footsteps padding along until they came to a halt, followed by the sound of the door opening and closing, and all was silent afterwards.

I held my pounding head, my skull feeling like it wasn't a single thing but many squirming eels in a tight satchel.

What the _hell_ had all of that been?

It had been insanity… No, actually not. This had just been unadulterated _stupidity_, like a bunch of ten year olds had gotten together to come up with random crap, thinking these weird lopsided situations were 'cool', or even the ever popular 'dark and edgy'. There was no thought or reason behind any of this. It was all just so… so stupid. Seriously, monkeys with type writers could have come up with more cohesive and better thought out ideas than this. It was like watching the wet dreams of a madman, all of these crazy situations. Only weirdoes would be interested in exploring them any further. I just wanted to get past all of it and hopefully see what had caused this smoldering pile of idiocy to start piling up. And then stop it forever.

_Damn it_… I hadn't even been able to see what had caused all of this in the first place.

Nagato released me completely now, though she said my – whatever – levels would still remain high for a while. I rubbed my forehead. It felt like there was something heavy and sludgy inside my head, and if I rubbed my forehead I could push along little clumps of stress along my skull from place to place, maybe spread it out more evenly.

I tried sitting up with Nagato's hand, soft but firm, against my back.

I turned my head to look her straight in the eyes. "…Nagato, I…"

– / _ = ^ | _ ~ – ¤ ] + _ \ –

A sharp pain ran through my head my head.

A soft grey wave washed over Nagato's fair features, all things losing their colors and depth for a moment. But then a golden auburn light spilled into the world and I was looking back at Nagato's face again. The rays of a setting sun set her dark eyes ablaze with golden hue around her pupils, her hair seemed to glow in the light, even her lips seemed to glisten with the light.

The two of us were alone in the clubroom, at the back near the windows. I had a book in my hands, one I'd just taken out of hers. I set the book down on Haruhi's desk with care, knowing how important it was to her. After my hand had put the book to rest, it slowly travelled upwards, passing through Nagato's her hair, pushing what little strays were in the way of the sun to fully strike her beautiful eyes.

And before I could say anything, Nagato nodded, slowly but determinedly.

I got closer to her. The hand that had pushed some of her hair away and behind her ear now travelled to touch her cheek. In a mirroring move I hadn't even noticed as I'd been so focused on her deep eyes, she grazed my cheekbone with a lighter than air touch.

Slowly I advanced, my lips parting ever so slightly, still uncertain somehow. But then I looked in her eyes again, and somehow I knew there was no reason for doubt. The pretty dark pools had never shone like this before, had never been so bright, had never been so alive before.

I raised my other hand and with both my palms framed her face like the masterpiece it was and kissed the beauty within.

…

The door burst open with a bang.

"Hey, Kyon! I was just thinking we should…" Haruhi sounded ready to burst with excitement at first as she entered, but her voice drifted off before I could even turn to look at her.

For a moment Haruhi just stood there, one hand on the door handle, mouth gaping in shock staring at the two of us. Then her face changed to something more appropriate for her. Her face went crimson with rage and a furious scowl seized the place of her confusion. "What… What do you think you're doing to poor little Yuki, you bastard? Pushing yourself on a quiet little defenseless bookworm! And a member of the SOS-Brigade no less! I'll have your – !"

Haruhi's voice was cut off as the world stopped and a hand suddenly materialized on my forehead, the palm first, followed quickly by the rest of a hand. Nagato seemed to grow nearly instantaneously in front of me from my head, like a passing screen was suddenly revealing her, sitting up in the air upside down, like she was holding on to my head with her thighs behind it while her hand held me by the forehead for balance, pinching my head with her limbs.

Her lips were a blur as the whispers of data manipulation filled the silence of the world I was in. Everything around us started dissolving away quickly, only to be replaced with the same exact clubroom, only the golden rays of a sunset and the furious Haruhi frozen in undignified indignation disappearing from sight, melting away like ice on a stove. It was a strange sight seeing the horizontally level world give way to the ceiling and Nagato staring down at me.

"Wha… what was that?" I asked. My heartbeat had immediately accelerated as the phantom of more flashbacks had passed by.

"Some of the nanites had remained in memory retrieval mode. Your forced ejection from the controlled process of memory retrieval had left a minority of them still active, allowing for another free association to activate a linked memory of an alternate simulation. I apologize. I should have been more attentive. My concentration was focused too much on physically stabilizing you."

"When you were stroking my head… making sure I was okay…"

"…Yes. I apologize."

"…Don't. You were just looking out for me…"

"…All nanites are now functioning at minimum power levels."

As Nagato lifted her palm off my forehead, I gave my skull a good squeeze, gritted my teeth together and released the longest, loudest, most exhaustive groan ever, not even caring if Koizumi heard me out in the corridor, trying to let everything that was wrong and twisted inside me to just blow away. It actually helped a little. But unfortunately some of the heavy things in my head just couldn't be budged so easily, no matter how hard I tried to push them out.

I took a few deep breaths to let my lungs catch up after the exertion.

"It's over now, right?" I asked after I finished venting.

"Yes."

I got up into a proper sitting position, giving my woozy head another rub for luck. I blinked a few times before I was satisfied with the focus I regained and turned to look at Nagato, watching me expressionlessly but attentively. "You saw everything I saw, right?"

Nagato nodded.

"Then you saw the same thing I did… we both saw me… strangling Haruhi, trying to kill her…"

"Yes."

"…?"

Before I could voice the ugly question I felt I _had_ to ask, Nagato took the initiative and answered me. "You were being influenced by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity by means of direct physical manipulation of your brain chemistry to induce aggressive behavior. The test however was aborted. Instead of yielding an explosive amount of data as had been surmised to be a highly probable outcome, there was a full negation of data flow. On average, Suzumiya Haruhi yields a constant and stable amount of data, although not by any means significant as with direct cases of reality altercation. When you were manipulated into attacking her, there was a slight data spike, but then all data outflow ceased completely. The annihilating discontinuation of data was so intense, that the Sealed Reality nearly disappeared by itself as Suzumiya Haruhi's affirmative observation of the reality surrounding her and cognitive processing came to a complete halt in shock. In order to continue testing and prevent a possible complete negation of reality, the test was aborted and the simulation rebooted immediately."

"So… it wasn't really me at all then, trying to…" I couldn't say it anymore now that not only the image, but the feel of my sweaty hands against the hot, smooth skin had returned.

"…No. The Integrated Data Sentient Entity had near complete control over you at that instance."

"And they could do this to me at any time? Take control of me?"

"…Yes."

"But the nanites –"

"Are there to restore and maintain continuity of personal causal memories. Control over you could be seized at any moment. The nanites however would make sure you were completely aware of it."

I could feel my stomach churn once again, but it wasn't a nauseous feeling of weakness like before, but instead a simmering anger taking its place, growing hotter and harder to keep in as the pressure seemed to grow exponentially within a few short breaths.

_Those assholes…_

"No. I won't accept this. I won't let these bastards do this to me anymore. To mess with us like this all the time. You have to help me stop these guys. Aren't you tired of doing what they say? Especially so as they don't seem to care at all about… about anything but themselves!"

"There is nothing I can do… I apologize."

The embers of rage I thought would soon have started a forest fire of fury were quickly cooled however as I heard Nagato quietly apologize yet again.

I gave a tired sigh, closed my eyes for a moment and clasped the bridge of my nose to relieve some pressure. "Don't. Not your fault," I muttered, trying to keep calm before I went overboard. "It's just… how do you put up with it? You can't be happy with all of this."

"It does not matter how I… the individual evaluations of interfaces is not considered reliable enough. Objectivity and repeatability of observations through differing vantage points is the only means of gaining –"

"Okay, _okay_. I wasn't asking about how to gain proper knowledge, but how you feel about this. Please…" I placed a hand on her shoulder, gently of course, as I turned to face her directly. "Tell me what you think."

"…" For the first time ever, Nagato's cool gaze shifted from my eyes to look downwards, making her look almost… shameful.

"You gotta help me… you gotta break free, not just out of this place but what you've been suckered into, for yourself as well as us. I've been there, practically from the beginning, watching you develop. You're so much more than just an interface…"

"I am…"

"Yeah?"

"I am sorry…"

"Don't…"

"I must fulfill my function."

"You're not a robot or something… you're Nagato Yuki, member of the SOS Brigade, a special little bookworm, someone who's…"

Nagato looked upwards, right into my eyes with a piercing stare. "You ask me what I think as an individual, but are you willing to do the same?"

"What? I don't – what are you trying to say?"

"I am what to you? What are you to me? You may understand me to a degree, but I do not understand you at all."

"I…"

"You have been no more direct with me than I have with you. Our level of communication is flawed. I lack the means with which to communicate with you fully, as do you with me. Humans fail at it frequently although they share the same language. Your relationship with Suzumiya Haruhi is proof of that. But I am not human. Full communication is impossible between us. There is no point in even attempting it."

"… I don't know what to say to that."

"…Exactly."

Nagato got up, like she was done with the conversation, ready to walk out. Although her face had remained as placid as ever before, I was getting a weird feeling from her, like a mix of frustration and regret.

"Wait! Nagato, wait."

I couldn't just let her go, there was at least one thing I absolutely had to know, otherwise I would go bald, ripping out my hair in maddening desperation.

"Before you let Koizumi back in and we start… doing whatever it is we're doing, I want to know something."

Nagato stared at me for a passing moment, and then nodded, allowing me to proceed.

"Just now, I – I mean… let me restart. When we kissed, not in the dance club, not when these damn bugs were put in my head, but that time in clubroom – you remember it, don't you?" That last memory flash may have happened solely in my head alone, but Nagato had lived through all of the madness, a lot I hadn't even seen. "Were you ordered to go and kiss me by the IDSE just so they could have Haruhi walk in and see how she reacts or was it something else, something more? Something we _both_ chose to do, free of their control?"

"The Integrated Data Sentient Entity gained a significant amount of data in that event. The resultant data surge nearly caused a significant amount of instability within the simulation. Your thinking however had been altered to the extent to increase its likelihood, technically not removing all choice in the matter from you, but… It was fully a choice on my part to partake in the experiment."

"You… _did_ choose to kiss me?"

"I should not have done so," Nagato said, still facing the door, before she continued her way towards it again.

Why do I always have to feel like I'm letting her down, whenever I try and make her open up? I'm doing this for her sake, after all…

Maybe I'd just been fooling myself, thinking I had some special understanding of Nagato. I mean, how can you understand someone if you never talk with them? Thinking back on things, Nagato and I hadn't shared much together at all, and still I thought I was some sort of expert on her tiny expressions, reading her better than anyone else. Adding more doubt to my understanding of Nagato, Asahina-san had had an interpretation of Nagato when she'd stayed with the diminutive alien due to time travel trouble that was completely different from mine. I'd naturally chocked it up to a misunderstanding on Asahina-san's part, but maybe I didn't know Nagato that well after all. Maybe there wasn't any sort of bond between us. How could there be? We never really spoke to each other. We were just silent together… but I had liked the silence between us. Well, before at least.

So if this was the case, why did I feel so bad about it? If there was no bond from the beginning, why did I feel like I'd lost something immensely precious to me?

"Now that you have been supplied with the necessary information and context, a response to the situation can be constructed. Koizumi Itsuki will be eager to attempt to rescue his comrades."

Oh yeah… those poor saps. Damn, under all this normal looking surface of this reality, it was just more messed up than could be handled.

"So, is everything all right?" Koizumi asked as he entered the clubroom as Nagato shut the door behind him.

"Did you really have to show me all of that?" I asked with a now sudden annoyance springing up inside me at the sight of Koizumi's pretentious, polite face as I got up off the hard floor now that I was lacking in Nagato's tender, caring touch, a reason that had made the uncomfortable floor a worthwhile a place to lie on.

Koizumi took the moment after my question to look at me carefully, eyes darting to gauge Nagato up quickly as well, before he said, "I'm sorry if what you experienced was… harmful in some manner. I honestly thought it would help you understand the situation we are in better. I'm sorry if this wasn't the case."

"But it – it means _nothing_. Haruhi doesn't remember it and even I wouldn't have remembered it if it weren't for you guys. And now that I do remember, I remember stuff that, technically speaking, hasn't really happened at all."

"Yes, I suppose so, in a manner of speaking."

"But it all…" I rubbed my forehead, some of my unease moving away for good. "I could feel all of it, remember every last detail, like it _really_ happened."

"Well, that's because it _did_ happen."

"…"

"I am not sure what exactly you experienced, but if it really was as horrible as you make it seem, then I really am sorry. But I had no idea you would see something like that. Now, if you'll tell me what exactly it was that you experienced, I could help you –"

"No. I'll deal with it myself."

Knowing how greatly Koizumi could obsess about 'playing footsies' I didn't want him to get to analyzing… attempted murder in my head or wherever.

"Let's just – just get to business, all right?"

"Very well…" Koizumi gave me what passed for a sympathetic glance for him as he placed his hands in his pockets and visibly relaxed his shoulders as well. "I assume you saw the last reality in full, or at least the parts that mattered."

Nagato verified this with a nod in my place.

"Good, so…"

"Yeah?"

"Hmm…"

"Come on, spit it out. Why are you suddenly being apprehensive?"

"Well, you really won't like what I'm going to suggest, and what with everything you just experienced… I'm just a little… worried, to be frank. It's nothing heinous, if that's what you're worried about," Koizumi glanced at me once again, truly having an oddly hard time talking to me, "but you certainly won't like it regardless."

"I doubt it could be any worse than what I already saw today."

"Yes… all right, no more stalling, I suppose."

Yes, please.

"Perhaps the earlier method you used to escape a Sealed Reality would work again."

"What? You can't be serious. This again? Besides, Haruhi's not in charge."

"True, but I've noticed a trend emerge. The reality sustained by the IDSE overloads if there is a burst of information from Suzumiya-san… have you noticed when these data spikes tend to occur? You probably don't have memory of all the incidences, like the one where you were hit by a car –"

"I was _what_?"

"Oh… yes, I'm sorry. It was in an earlier scenario where I managed to make contact with you. You were… hit by car. You were hospitalized of course and pulled through it but…"

"But what?"

"Well, Suzumiya-san was present when the accident occurred…"

"Oh, I see…"

"No, you don't, not really. The two of you were arguing…"

"Don't tell me."

In my head, I heard the distant phantom screech of rubber and then that haunting scream.

"Having had enough, you made to walk away from the argument, only to… walk into oncoming traffic… Suzumiya-san blamed herself for the incident."

"…"

"She blockaded herself within the SOS Brigade clubroom for a few days. She wouldn't let anyone in… that is, until you recovered and went to see her. You… did not wish for her to blame herself, as you quickly deduced. The two of you…" Koizumi cleared his throat. "Well, suffice to say the two of you shared a rather tender moment, but before anything significant could occur, there was a data spike."

"… Wait, were you _spying_ on us?"

"Huh? I – well, that is – _that_ is what you're focusing on here?"

"…" I looked away, giving the inside of my cheek a tender bite.

Koizumi gave an amused huff, present circumstances considered. "Well, knowing your character, I suppose it's not too surprising you'd fixate on detail like that instead of –"

"Tell me your stupid plan already, before I die of old age. I'd like to just move on without more depressing crap being piled on here."

"All right. Well, you remember the last time there was a data spike, correct? During the play? I did point it out to you then."

I nodded.

"Well, as you can see data spike tends to occur –"

…I think I can see where this is going.

"– whenever the two of you are –"

Don't say it.

"– close to kissing."

I hate you so much.

"Perhaps if you were to succeed in actually kissing her, not taking any time to hesitate, thus allowing Suzumiya-san's expectations to not grow and produce relatively minor data spikes, we could overturn this whole situation. She still seems to possess a great deal of power even in this realm."

…

"You can't seriously be so adverse to the idea, can you?"

…

"You could of course simply walk up to her and directly kiss her. It would probably be quite a shock for her… possibly too great, of course. After all, we don't want to stun her, but coax an emotional response. As such, something shocking, but not too much so, I suppose."

…

"But I see that you are not fond of this idea either… Perhaps you could attempt asking her out? I've heard the rumors that she'll accept anyone, although I have a feeling, that you being who you are…"

…

"A member of the SOS Brigade," Koizumi said with small innocuous grin, as if that little added thing somehow fixed what he was implying. "She might react a bit differently."

…

"Aren't you going to help me at all with this?"

…How about I help cram a rock in your mouth to plug up all the crap spewing out?

"If all works out, everything should revert back to normal, with only me, you and Nagato-san being any wiser of what passed. And if it doesn't work, we can simply try something else, can't we? If nothing else, you might give the data beings so much data they'll be satisfied."

"Look, I don't wanna – I don't… I do not want to kiss her." I didn't even want to think about Haruhi right now. Just the mere inkling of the thought of her right now was brewing something chaotic and resistant in the pits of my stomach.

"Even if we could then escape? If it meant saving lives?"

"Can't you honestly think of anything else? Use that swollen brain of yours and come up with at least a half decent idea. I'll help you punch the IDSE in the nose if it has one, but I'm not doing the other thing."

"Nagato-san, has Kyon's brain chemistry returned to normal yet?" Koizumi asked the girl, like a doctor of a nurse for an update on a patient. "Because I can't help but feel he's being rather irrational about Suzumiya-san, even for him, that is."

"Neural matter may still not have achieved usual equilibrium but differences should be minor by now. The nanites were given an order to expedite the return, as they have gathered enough data by now to achieve stability with high efficiency."

"Well, quite honestly then, Kyon, I think we only have one option and one option only if we are to escape. This reality is completely under their control. We have nothing to fight against it. Only Suzumiya-san's powers can topple this reality, but I don't believe there's really any other means of achieving the right response from her other than by kissing her. Previous data would indicate as much, don't you agree, Nagato-san?" Koizumi asked the girl, who stared placidly at him for a while, before she eventually delivered a curt nod.

"Really? The two of you, a super alien and a philosopher with magic, can't come up with anything better than kissing a girl? Seriously. Are you even _trying_?"

"I'm afraid we seem to have reached an impasse. Remember this: we have been attempting to solve this problem for some time now."

"Whatever…" Sigh… "You know, enough, I've had enough for right now. I'm going home. I can't take this anymore, not today at least," I said, turning to leave, but Koizumi's question halted me in place.

"You mean you and Suzumiya-san's place, correct?"

"_What_?" I turned to give him a funny look, "Don't be stupid. I am _not_ going to stay with Haruhi."

"But in order to escape and save my comrades, you'll have to make a reaction with enough impact out of her in order to ensure that. I'm quite sure you will have to kiss her."

#$%ing give me a break. "No."

"During the play, I felt the sealed reality weaken. Do you know what was happening at that time? That _exact_ moment. It was the very end of the play, when the two of you were staring deeply into each others' eyes and everyone was expecting the kiss that would end the story, after which the protagonists would live 'happily ever after'… _That_ is exactly when the sealed reality weakened, as everyone was expecting a kiss, and I mean _everyone_."

"No, I am not sleeping over with Haruhi, let alone kissing her."

"We can't waste much more time. Besides, this sealed reality is much bigger than anything that has ever come before… we cannot stall any longer. You have to use the 'big guns'."

"There's got to be a better way… besides, isn't something like that what the IDSE wants, to make as big a reaction out of Haruhi?"

"Either by kissing her you create a dissonance within the sealed reality that releases us or you give the IDSE what it wants and we are free to go when they achieve what they desire. Please, Kyon, I'm _begging_ you. My people do not have much more time… time does not work equally in any of the three planes of reality we know of."

"…But if I don't play along, if I refuse to work with the IDSE, they'll never get what they need, not now that I know what's going on. I'll stay at home," I said, looking for any possible way out of the insanity being suggested.

"Do you really think you can outlast them? You are not in any real position to force them to do anything. Do nothing and you will spend an eternity in a reality never growing past a certain age, forced to live through the same time in various forms…"

"I'm not doing it, you can't make me… I gonna go back home, to my real home."

Koizumi sighed. "I really thought you would have been reasonable about this… but Kyon, you can't go back home."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Your house is empty. Your family has moved away."

"_What?_"

"If you wish to have a roof and a warm bed at all, you have no option but to stay with Suzumiya-san."

"My family moved without me?"

"Yes. In this iteration of reality you were so heartbroken to lose your friends that your parents allowed you to stay."

_Oh come on!_

"That has got to be the most contrived, ridiculous thing ever! Even if my family would move, they would never just let me stay here, let alone me wanting to stay here without them. Doesn't the IDSE have any sense of reality? I may wish to stay here, but I'd go, and there is no way my parents would just let me live alone anywhere without them while I'm still in the middle of high school, whether they had the money or not, even if I made any kind of assurances that I would make things work on my own, even if I could make arrangements to stay somewhere, and even if I had friends or something helping me out. It's just not believable in the least! What sort of an idiot would think that kind of thing could ever work out? I'm still in the middle of high school! Why don't they just as well include winged monkeys, mole people or sophisticated T-Rexes who speak the Queen's English and wear bowler hats as they sample some old brandy? It's just ridiculous! There is no way I would ever live believably like this on my own, let alone with Haruhi! I would never decide on anything like this! And my parents would never go along with it, regardless of the circumstances, even if the prime minister asked for it! No matter how much I begged or cried or moped! And I certainly wouldn't do _any_ of that!"

Koizumi grinned a little like I'd just done something vaguely amusing after I calmed down a little, very little, mainly to just catch my breath after my long and exhaustive explanation. "But this is not reality as we know. We are completely at the IDSE's mercy. It has decided so and there is nothing you can do when it controls reality to this level, even forcing you and your parents to do out of character decisions in a simulation's premise to ensure new scenarios."

"But it's so, so, so damn… _contrived_! My parents just stepping aside and me ending up staying with Haruhi… I mean, even if all that ridiculous crap _did_ happen and my parents would go crazy… Haruhi is the _last_ one I'd stay with. I mean, Nagato's got space with her, right? I'd much more preferred to stay with her. Or what about Tsuruya-san's huge mansion? It's all just so damn _contrived_."

Koizumi shrugged, smiling a weak but sympathetic smile. "I'm sure all other possibilities have somehow been dealt with. There's just nothing to be done about that. It is the way it is. Besides, is it really all that different from our usual reality? Just with a different puppet master running the show or a new writer continuing an old series."

Fine, whatever… we have to get the hell out of here as fast as possible. I think the forced absurdity of this all is actually getting to me more than actually staying with Haruhi… if nothing else, I'll get away from the IDSE's childish version of reality.

"Kyon… your response to all of this seems a bit… strange. Are you really this greatly against staying with Suzumiya-san… or is something that you just witnessed influencing your thinking right now?"

"I'm fine," I lied. "I meant all of it."

"Well in that case… I'm afraid I'm going to have to be rather blunt about this: get over it. We simply cannot wait any longer. Another reboot would surely sever my connection with my people. "

"Yeah, yeah, I got it…"

"…Well, I suppose we should retire for today. We've been here long enough," Koizumi glanced at the window and I noticed that the sun was actually starting it's descent after noon, the sky slowly beginning to lose some of its bright blueness. "Tomorrow, we should start… whatever it is we are going to do. We really don't have the time to waste anymore… my connection to the others is slipping. I can barely hear them anymore, no matter how hard I focus."

After Koizumi had left the clubroom, I couldn't help but voice a nasty little doubt that had been goading at me ever since Koizumi suggested kissing Haruhi.

"Nagato."

She turned to look at me.

"Is this really Koizumi? The last time I saw him, Kimidori-san had caught him… what if this isn't really him? What if his mind's been altered? Or what if it's a personality program? What if he's just trying to make me do what the IDSE wants? I mean, kissing Haruhi, that feels like another unlikely scenario they'd like to test out along with me trying… anything else I did in those earlier simulations."

"…I have not been made aware of such changes. However, I am to remain an unbiased observer, so the information would not be made apparent to me regardless."

"But you've been with this Koizumi for… what, a month?"

"I have not detected any discrepancies in his behavior in our interactions."

"…And have you been… interacting a lot with him? Have you been talking with him like in our world?"

"…Yes."

"I see…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Well, I guess we should go then."

* * *

The walk 'home' took the rest of the day. Having gone without anything to eat the entire day (I think, it was hard to keep track of everything now), I decided to try and eat something. But all that experiment amounted to was a little nibble before I couldn't force anything else down my throat.

Since food wouldn't go down my throat, I decided I'd just walk around. Nagato followed silently, never asking or saying anything. Even so, it was the best support just knowing she was there.

We'd left the school around midday and pretty much just wandered about aimlessly. People passing by would give us questioning glances as the two out of place students would pass them during the day, but no one actually said anything.

I felt like I was looking for something, but no matter where I went, nothing changed. I felt strange. I didn't feel sick, didn't even feel angry anymore in the noise of the city, as people passed by, talking to others next to them or on cell phones. I stopped at a crossroad and just let the ambience of the living city pass through me.

Nagato was always just a step behind, silent as ever.

I wasn't angry, sad or sick. I didn't know how I felt about this anymore. I felt like I'd switched my brain off. Nothing really fazed or touched me at the moment. I felt a faint feeling of ennui on the wind, or as some people preferred to call it, melancholy. But even that was a faint sensation in the blowing wind.

I didn't know how I felt. And maybe that was for the better right now.

Maybe my cerebral cortex was exhausted. Maybe I was just repressing things. It didn't matter. I didn't feel a thing right now. And I was fine with that.

I was an outsider now… sort of like Haruhi, or better yet, more like Sasaki. Or maybe Nagato was the best fit actually. I began to notice strange things around me, picking up mannerisms and trends of speaking or behavior I couldn't understand anymore.

Why was that woman bickering on the phone about some delayed shipment?

Why did that man keep placing his reflection in a window under careful scrutiny, trying to sleek down some frayed hair?

Why were those middle school girls sitting together in a bunch all with their phones out texting feverishly to who knows who when their friends were right there next to them?

Why was that business man in his needlessly expensive suit checking his watch for the seventh time within a minute?

Why was a teenage couple arguing over where to eat?

I think I knew why I felt a distant sense of melancholy now. I was an outsider now. I probably always would be, no matter what happened. What people did made no sense anymore to me because I wasn't 'people' anymore, no matter how hard I might try to think otherwise. I was on the other side now, looking in on humanity from the outside along with Haruhi, Sasaki and Nagato.

But… for how long? As much as I may want to… I'll never be anywhere near any of their levels in anything (except in term of common sense I could surpass Haruhi). Even now, as I stood here looking at people go about, worried and tied down by trivial matters of life, I was fairly certain I would once again be a part of them soon enough, just another trivial cog in a machine going nowhere. I wasn't anything special, not really. I had just been pushed into special circumstances. And maybe everything would be more like usual for me some day, but right now, in this moment, the people walking past me couldn't have been more alien if they had had green skin and antennae.

But maybe that was the real source of the bittersweet sensation I was feeling. I was now more like one of the few people that I suppose mattered the most to me, meaning I should be able to understand and relate to all of them better… but somehow I couldn't see that lasting.

Then again, I probably hadn't really been normal for a long time either. Taniguchi had told me so ages ago when I'd become a part of Haruhi's club. But on a sliding scale, I had still been fairly normal. Right now I was at the other extreme. I'd been there before, back when Asakura had attempted to murder me (twice by my reckoning), back when we'd been worried there was an actual murderer on an isolated island with us, when Nagato had been sick and we'd been stuck in that weird cabin in the blizzard, when Asahina-san had been kidnapped, everything that had happened back during that fair… the list was starting to get too big, really.

But the list was a testament to what I could endure. All those things had been terrifying and disgusting in their own ways, none as such being worse than the others. I was fairly certain I would come out of all of this on the other side again. It wouldn't be easy, and who knows how long it would take to happen, but eventually I would return to being the dumb old me again as usual. Stuck between the normal and the weird, not really fitting in anywhere anymore. In a strange away, I was the _real_ outsider now, unfitting into any pre-established definitions, any that I had at least. I wasn't sure in what category I belonged now. In a world of nails left sticking up, I was a sprouting potato beginning a new life of its own.

…

Sigh.

…

Maybe I should just go ahead and contemplate my navel while I was at it, right? This was the ugly side of the world of Koizumi and even Sasaki: the deeper down you went looking for answers, the less likely you were to find them in the dark recesses of the bottom. Nothing in life was ever certain. I had known _of_ this, but I hadn't actually _known_ this before, truly comprehended the concept. The only certainty was uncertainty.

…

Nagato was standing silently by my side. As always.

…

No, I was wrong. There were other certainties in my life beyond constant uncertainty, like the girl standing firmly next to me. But not in this world, not when even she and all the others, Koizumi, Asahina-san and especially Haruhi, were thrown into a place of uncertainty like this, where even what they were or could be was so twisted it came back around in a loop to punch you in the face.

I looked at the passing faceless crowds that had slowly swelled with the afternoon. So many people with their only concerns things like their next pay check, what someone thought of their appearance, what they were going to eat later and maybe at best when they were going to see someone that mattered to them, at worst someone who decided their financial welfare or truly at best someone who loved them.

None of the world around me made any sense in the dead calm I was in now. None of it mattered. None of it was important.

Only one thing was…

"Nagato…"

The silent girl, standing next to me, turned to look up at me readily.

"Let's go home."

She nodded and I think she knew what I meant. What I _really_ meant. At least I liked to think she did.


	40. So close

Call me old fashioned, call me even hateful and misogynistic, but a girl should not live with a boy like this.

It's all just wrong and I'll tell you why. There are several carefully considered, intricately weighed and long calculations for why living where I am is so damn wrong:  
1) IT'S WITH SUZUMIYA HARUHI!  
2) A girl should be nice and sweet and live sheltered with her family until the proper time, much like the Asahina-san in my head, so an idiot like me can't come along and mess everything up.  
3) _It's with Suzumiya Haruhi_!  
4) I would never choose to live with Haruhi under any circumstances, so therefore I have been robbed of choice, which is just morally wrong.  
5) I'm not yet equipped for leaving my family like this. I simply wouldn't leave my family yet, no matter how much I would have been saddened to leave the Brigade and everyone behind. I already miss my parents and my annoying sister.  
7) It's with Suzumiya Haruhi!  
8) It's so damn contrived it makes me want to throw up again.  
10) _It's with Suzumiya Haruhi… it's with… Suzumiya Haruhi…_  
11) I think I might actually be bursting into tears here.

I kicked at a little piece of trash, so incredibly frustrated by the situation I found myself in.

…

#$&!

…

…

I hate my life.

…

But most importantly of all… How am I even supposed to look Haruhi in the face after… after what I _saw_? I hadn't really considered coming face to face with the girl. All my abhorrence had been directed at only the _concept_ of living with Haruhi rather than the actual experience of it.

I was practically 'home' by now. I could clearly see Nagato's apartment complex just behind some trees planted along the street in front of the building. So close. My eerie calm had passed as we had left the more populated areas behind and things had grown quieter around us. As if in some act of cosmic equilibrium, all the teeming life that had been around in town to distract was now being concentrated into me, as if in an attempt to fill the void left by the lack of people. Nature abhors a vacuum, after all.

I felt more like myself again.

"Are you all right?" Nagato asked from my side, eyes glinting in the evening sun.

"No, I'm not. This is all just so wrong in so many ways I think I lost count of all of them."

Nagato stared at me for a moment. "I am afraid I am unable to provide any assistance with this matter. But should the need arise, I shall be in standby at my apartment."

"Yeah…" I glanced at the building, now too close for comfort, before I looked back at Nagato. "Seriously, can't I just stay with you? I don't… I don't think I can see Haruhi right now."

"If the simulation does not perform according to the set goals established, it will be rebooted. I suggest operating within the parameters defined by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity if you do not wish to raise suspicion of the scenario's efficiency. Seeking housing with anyone other than Suzumiya Haruhi would not provide much new data, as your removal from scenarios has already been tested thoroughly. The Integrated Data Sentient Entity has placed you within these parameters and if you deviate from them, a reboot will reoccur and it is possible that nanite removal could be seen necessary if it appears to result in retrogressive patterns. This would prevent any means of escape for you."

Maybe it's finally the time to use my trump card if I'm ever going to use it.

"I could tell Haruhi about John Smith… about all of you, couldn't I?"

I should have thought of this before… but I guess I'd been… distracted.

Nagato swiftly answered me: "That option is no longer available to you. The Integrated Data Sentient Entity has complete control over this realm. If it suspects that you will endanger the simulation, it will immediately reboot. Even if you were to succeed in notifying Suzumiya Haruhi of your shared connection, the Integrated Data Sentient Entity would notice the buildup of data if it were to endanger the simulation and reboot at such a speed that she would not have the time to fully process the information. If there is a means of escaping, an instantaneous data spike caused by significant and sudden shock is required, not through an eventual cognitive processing such as through the application of skepticism."

Sometimes I really hate my life so much it's unreal. Like this stupid world.

"Furthermore, Koizumi Itsuki has also posited that it might potentially be impossible for you to reveal this information to her under any circumstances, as Suzumiya Haruhi's desires and expectations of life would not allow for you to present anything that might endanger her lifestyle as a human who seeks adventure and other meaningful experiences. If the nature of her powers were to become apparent to her, it might jeopardize her sense of adventure, which is not something she desires, thus it being impossible to do so."

"Okay, okay, fine, bad idea…" I _hate_ Koizumi and his stupid philosophy… always messing up a good idea. And it seems he and Nagato have been spending even more time 'discussing' things together here in this reality. "But at least you'll be nearby now, right?"

Nagato nodded.

The two of us walked on down a lane, through the deep dusk shadows of the trees and emerged on the other side with Nagato's building before us like the fortress of an evil warlord, imperious and ominous unlike it had ever been to me before. Before, it had always felt more like a safe haven, a place I could run to if things went wrong, but now it was one of the last places on Earth I wanted to be in, even beating other candidates like the violent innards of volcanoes and the crushing depths of the oceans.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the climb up the steep stairs of Doom to the Lair of the Dragon Queen as Nagato opened the main door and we walked into the foyer, where the courteous old doorman waved at us with a pleasant smile before he returned to his newspaper.

"Your residence is on the third floor, room 42. Do you wish for me to guide you there?" Nagato asked as we started climbing some stairs.

Any reason to keep the soothing presence of Nagato as close to me as possible for as long as possible was more than wanted right now.

"Couldn't you stay over?"

"…" Nagato glanced at me from an odd angle, past bangs that fell before her eyes, before she looked up ahead again. She didn't say anything until we had climbed past the first floor. "My presence at this juncture would doubtlessly work against the set parameters of this simulation."

Of course.

"…I am sorry."

…Why? Why was she so sorry lately? It wasn't that Nagato had been cold before, it was just that if you didn't really ask her, she wouldn't tell you anything. If anything, saying sorry was the opposite of coldness. Try as she might, I felt Nagato couldn't keep holding her human side back.

"Don't worry, I think I'll manage… somehow." I gave the back of my neck a hesitant rub. "Thanks for caring." Corny as it might have sounded, with Nagato and my relationship the way it was nowadays, I felt it needed to be said.

Nagato didn't respond as she kept climbing the stairs, just a few steps ahead of me, but I thought I had noticed a slight movement in her shoulders, almost as if they had relaxed a little, but seeing as she was going up a flight of stairs at a uniform speed, it could simply have been a trick of the eye (even if I liked thinking it hadn't been).

Soon we were in the clean but rather glum hallways of the third floor. The place had sort of depressing cleanliness to it, much like a hospital. Even the smell of the place reminded me of a hospital. The place was too sterile, lacking in life probably even on the microscopic level.

Nagato stopped and turned with the efficiency of a mechanized soldier to face a door with the number 42 on it. Before I could say a word, she went ahead and knocked on the door in a quick manner.

The whole world went silent except for the sound of my beating heart and shallow breathing, until after a while, as no one seemed to be coming to open the door, the silence was broken by a relieved gulp from me.

"Suzumiya Haruhi does not appear to be home," Nagato informed me of the obvious.

Yeah, looks like it. Maybe this reality isn't actually a living hell after all. Maybe the IDSE realized they might get what they wanted out of Haruhi by giving her what she wanted and shown her her wanted time travelers, aliens, espers and sliders. Then again, it wouldn't have surprised me if they had already tried that a few times in the 47 gazillion or whatever amounts they had done their little experiment on us.

My stay in this reality really was starting to make me feel a lot more sympathy towards test rats, though I still probably wouldn't have picketed government buildings in order to free my rat brethren.

"… I don't think I have a key," I said, unable to avoid grinning a little as I realized this obstacle.

Nagato turned to me, looking me straight in the eyes before she raised her hand smoothly into a rather lethargic looking position. As my eyes glanced at her hand, held out at me like that, her fingers started to curl up one by one in a fluid motion starting from her little finger but stopping to leave her index finger pointing. Then she bobbed her hand up and down twice as she seemed to pointing down at the ground next to me.

"Your bag," she said.

Huh…?

I looked at my bag, but didn't think there was anything off about it. As I raised my head, intending to ask Nagato what she had meant, I found myself watching her retreating back as she was now strolling away soundlessly down the hallway away from me.

Shamefully, I only then realized Nagato had gestured at my bag most likely because my keys were in there. I opened my bag, rummaged around for maybe a good five seconds, and sure enough, there was a key at the bottom.

…

Great.

I took the key, and like it was the last piece required to complete a doomsday device, held it in front of the keyhole, pausing to consider if this was really the right thing to do. But seeing as I didn't really have any other option than staying with Haruhi unless I wanted to reboot the simulation, thus wasting away maybe yet another month not knowing the truth about the world and losing more time to escape and maybe even save Koizumi's comrades… apparently this was all I could do. This was something I had to accept.

All in all though, I'm surprised how long it actually took me to place the key in its hole, hear the little crunch as spokes and who knows what kinds of gears formed the lock scraped against the key, followed by the click as the door was unlocked, and open the door.

As I stood there at the doorstep, staring into the darkness beyond, I couldn't help but note the smell first. There was a much more homely and inviting smell coming from the apartment in comparison to the sterile, off-putting hallways. It actually reminded me of my real home, though I could smell odd aromas like whatever Haruhi had been cooking wafting about as well.

When I finally entered the apartment, finding the light switch and putting my shoes away, I thought I should take a look around. Hopefully Haruhi wasn't in here and just hiding so she could jump out and scare me.

There was a central hallway of sorts that led from the door all the way across the apartment to the sliding window doors of the balcony, beyond which the horizon was an auburn afterthought of the sun, lights speckling dark buildings with dots of light as the world prepared for evening. Immediately to my left near the door was the bathroom, small and cramped with a toilet, a sink and a shower squeezed into the corner. A few steps past the bathroom, along the central avenue of the apartment, was the small kitchen, just as small in design as the bathroom had been, all the necessities like a stove and a fridge all tightly packed to save space.

After the tiny kitchen came the equally unimpressive living area where there was nothing but a low wooden table with large pillows and quilts thrown about, most of them stained with what were hopefully the results of only careless eating manners. What with only the counter in between the living area and the kitchen, you could easily pass the food without even really stretching. The wall between the kitchen and the sliding doors of the balcony was empty, but you could clearly see the worn square outline of a TV on it, most likely the former owners. The pillows and quilts around the table were mostly next to the counter, probably so you could eat with a view of the world outside and have something against your back to lean on if you so chose.

And now, behind me, was my room, small and rather depressing with only a low futon for furniture and some bags huddled in a corner. But right next to my room, opening right into the living room while my room was almost completely blocked by the counter, with the door ajar, was Haruhi's room.

Dare I peek into a girl's room? Although 'girl' was a loose definition when it came to Haruhi. She most certainly more than fit the physical criteria of being a girl, but that's pretty much where all similarities with other girls and all other people as a matter of fact ended, like the Neanderthal's evolutionary line had, dead cold.

What can it hurt?

Careful, it might be booby trapped.

Oh c'mon, even Haruhi's not _that_ crazy.

…

All right. I'll be careful.

Slowly, with the care a zoo keeper would when entering the lions' den, I pushed on the door, letting it swing open and wait to see if there was an explosion or the zip of a trap wire ending in the swoosh of a guillotine or something.

Cautiously, I got on my toes and tried to peek in as far into the room without actually stepping inside it.

Much like my room, Haruhi's was also void of any furniture beyond an almost identical futon to mine. Other than a window that opened to the balcony (no wonder Haruhi had taken it), structurally it was exactly the same. It was however the complete and utter chaos that reigned within it that took me off guard. There was clothing littered everywhere on the floor and even some on the bed. There were shirts and pants and dresses and everything else you might imagine a teenage girl's wardrobe to contain all around the place. Panties and bras seemed to be everywhere and in every color, even some colors I hadn't even known about before. There was even a bra hanging about that had somehow (or for some bizarre reason) been lodged between the small space between the oval light fixture and the ceiling.

And then, almost as if a silent alarm had indeed gone off when I had peeked in Haruhi's room, I could hear the front door's lock crunch as a key was roughly pushed inside it.

_Oh crap! She's home!_

The lock clicked.

_What do I do? How can I – I can't do this!_

The door was pushed open by a foot while the girl that followed in the school uniform, hands full with grocery bags and a key ring hanging from her mouth, blinked and looked at me with a stunned look on her face.

…

"Pah!" Haruhi spat the keys from her mouth, the metal jingling across the floor as her surprised face soured into a scowl. "Where the hell were you? You just disappeared after the first lesson! I said I don't mind if you skip classes, but I told you yesterday evening we needed to go and buy some food! Where the hell did you go?"

Interesting. In the morning she'd been talking about the Brigade, not food. I guess priorities change once you enter the real world. Even Haruhi grows out of childish things in such conditions, apparently.

"I… I felt sick." I lied with such easiness to Haruhi that it didn't sit well with me at all. My eyes fell to the floor. I just couldn't look at the silhouette standing in the yellowish light from the hallway. Her shocked face had brought to my mind another image, with me over her, the near dead look in her eyes, as I sat on top of her with my hands around her -

"Oh, what was it?" Haruhi asked, sounding more surprised than worried, though the angry edge all but evaporated from her voice instantaneously.

"Threw up."

"Hmm… you do look a little flushed." Haruhi put the food down onto the kitchen counter and walked up to me, most likely looking at me critically, looking for whatever might give her a clue as to what had happened to me.

_No, don't come closer!_

But before I could say so, Haruhi had already waltzed up to me and placed a hand on my forehead, frowning as she took my temperature by touch.

The feel of her smooth skin on mine was horrible. It was reminding me of the last time I had felt it. A raging pulse under soft skin. So close to stopping. So close. _Too close._

My eyes swerved to the right, tracing the outline of the missing TV against the wall.

"Open your mouth," Haruhi ordered.

"N-no."

"Do it."

"Thanks, but my uvula's just fine."

"Huh? How did you know that I was gonna…" Haruhi stood silently beforeto me, my eyes on the floor now, and all I could see of her was her legs covered by thigh highs, a blue skirt and hands squeezed lightly. "Whatever. You're fine now, right, you big baby?" she asked, the frown on her face evident by the tone of her voice.

"Yeah…"

My hands felt heavy like someone had switched my fingers with lead. My fingers twitched as I put all effort into keeping them straight, unwilling to let them… _squeeze_ into fists.

"What's up with your hands? They're shaking a little."

"No don't!"

But it was too late. Haruhi had already grabbed a hand, squeezing it between her thumb and fingers, rolling her fingers against my hand like she was looking for a broken bone or something.

"You sure you're okay?" she asked, looking furtively up at me from my hand.

"Yeah, I just – just –"

"You're not looking at me."

"Huh?"

"Your eyes… they're just frantically bouncing about the apartment, looking everywhere but at me."

"N-no, I'm just fine."

All of a sudden I could feel a hand on the back of my neck.

"Look at me," Haruhi said in flat, resolute voice.

"What? Why?"

The ceiling was nothing but an empty, barren wasteland of a dim, stale whiteness.

"Look at me," Haruhi said again, but her voice was softer this time.

Slowly, I could feel her pull my head towards her face. And then it was like my whole body was shaking. I could feel the muscles in my neck straining, fighting back so hard they were twitching with effort. But slowly, like the some steel machine, Haruhi's firm grip was pulling my face down and towards her.

'_Puh-pleezz… St-stop…'_

_NO! That didn't happen!_

Haruhi's right here, all right. Just look at her!

…_I can't._

"Look at me," Haruhi's soft voice was like a tender whisper now.

And then our eyes finally made contact, snapping into place. Her dark amber eyes, not unlike a tiger's, seemed to pierce and paralyze me. My muscles relaxed, giving up the fight, unable to resist anymore as a force stronger than me had me in its sway. Like a whirlpool she had pulled me towards her and the fear of looking directly at her had nearly overwhelmed me, made me sick once again, like whatever I might see might end me sooner than fighting back would have, like it would sap away my life, like the dark vortex to the abyss would have killed my spirit before the whirlpool actually did. But as soon as I gave up and just looked into her eyes and accepted I couldn't just run away from my fate anymore… everything was all right in the end.

As I looked into Haruhi's brilliant eyes, the power that rivaled whatever birthed stars hidden behind them, I could barely remember why I had tried so hard to avoid looking at her in the first place.

Suddenly my vision of Haruhi's eyes was broken as something smacked against my cheek, swinging my head away. As I held my cheek, looking incredulously at the weird girl in front of me, I realized she had actually given me a little slap on the cheek! It hadn't been hard, of course, and though my cheek did tingle a little, the act alone was enough to snap me back into the world beyond Haruhi's eyes.

_What…? I don't… what?_

"You were looking at me weird," Haruhi said offhandedly as a way of an explanation as she turned around and went to the kitchen to put the food away. "You gonna help me out?" she asked petulantly.

"Sh-sure…" I hurried into the little kitchen. We went about work silently, not looking at each other, keeping our focus on the food and the fridge or the cupboards above where the food was deposited all too quickly.

"You know, Kyon… I actually had something special planned for tonight…" Haruhi said when we were done, leaning back onto the counter, her legs blocking the path out from the kitchen. Her head drooped a little, hiding her face completely under her hair, leaving me unable to tell what exactly was going on.

"Oh…" Damn, what the hell did that mean? "Like what?" I asked, the usual anxiousness I always felt when Haruhi had something planned settling in.

Haruhi finally turned her head to face me, taking her time to build suspense, obviously loving it all as the smug smile under her hair was revealed in its full, horrifying glory. Gingerly, with one of her legs, she pushed the last bag she had been in charge of, which she had kept in the hallway because the kitchen was already cramped enough with the two of us in, into the kitchen. She sprung off the counter against which she'd been leaning and knelt down to put a hand into the bag, rustling about for a short while.

"Hey, Kyon, _look what I found…?_" Haruhi said in a sly voice, accompanied with an even seedier looking smile as she pulled out a wine bottle.

Again? She wants to drink with me _again_?

"What do you mean? This is the first time I've even touched the stuff, and I'm admittedly rather curious about the stuff."

Oh yeah, alternate reality. We probably haven't been to that island or that fair here. Haruhi apparently really was the pinnacle of open-mindedness; she'd try anything once. I already had tried it before of course, but with the way Haruhi was staring me down, resistance was, as typical, probably futile at best

"I thought it might be a nice way to celebrate our independence, especially now that the weekend's started. I mean, it's what adults do, they drink! They drink when they're happy, they drink when they're sad. They drink to commemorate, they drink to forget, sometimes even to forget that they drink, but that's beside the point. We have something to celebrate today… this is essentially our first day together here fully."

She rummaged about in the bag again with her free hand and pulled a pair of rather stout shot glasses. How Haruhi managed to not only get the glasses and the alcohol without attracting any sort of suspicion or anything was simply beyond me at this point in this reality. Maybe the IDSE had a hand in everything here, or maybe Haruhi just was dangerously cunning. Thinking back, I had never found out how she had gotten the wine at the fair either.

"Tonight, we honor Dionysus, god of wine, madness and ecstasy! And hopefully we'll either get our socks wet or come up with something brilliant!"

What exactly did getting our socks wet mean? I sure hoped it was a euphemism… or actually, no, a literal interpretation could only be better than any form of euphemism Haruhi would bother with. My only real hope was that she had just coined a new saying and nothing more beyond that in her pre-drunken state of joviality.

So, drinking with Haruhi… why not? I mean, I only nearly got a concussion the last time. But this time we weren't outside, so there would definitely be fewer rocks and no other girls for Haruhi to lock lips with, causing my blood to boil and leading to a stuporous tumble. Besides… I once again feel like avoiding thinking too much and the best way to do that is to have some cheap laughs. And I definitely don't want to do too much thinking along with Haruhi. The mind worked associatively after all, and if Haruhi was the only attention grapping thing in the apartment due to the frugal approach to feng shui, it was pretty obvious what my mind would jump to if given the time and space to go about its paranoid business with only Haruhi around. It was a place I didn't want to go, ever again.

"I'm not going to let you say no!" Haruhi grabbed me by my tie, pulling me closer to her domineeringly challenging smirk, like she wanted me to say no, just so she could pull more on my tie and strangle me.

"Well, I guess I have no choice then."

"Unn!" Haruhi made an affirmative noise, as sharp as the concurrent nod of her head, her smirk only widening with anticipation. "But first!" My tie was given a final yank for emphasis before release. "Food!"

The girl before was off to work in a flash.

"Grab the frying pan! Reach for the salt! Get me some ketchup and toss the jalapenos over here!" Haruhi commanded, sounding a lot like the captain of a pirate ship preparing to set forth into new territories in culinary seas.

I did as ordered, handing over whatever was wanted, more than eager to let my hands do some work rather than my mind. It wasn't exactly a mind exhausting exercise, but it kept me focused enough in what was immediately in front of me instead of any of the troubles beyond the kitchen that would doubtlessly need to be faced later. Definitely later. Much, much later.

"Gimme some of the mushrooms… and rice… wonder if it'll get too salty if I put in some soy sauce…" Haruhi mumbled while I cut some carrots. "Where are the shrimps? Or should I just put in the beans instead?"

"You're not serious. You just tossed in paprika and _cardamom_. What exactly are you trying to do, create a new form of biological weapon or just make me throw up again?"

"Shut up, you'll see," Haruhi said, frowning at the bubbling brown mass in her pot as she stirred it slowly. I was half expecting her to ask for eye of newt or salamander tail in the faint light of the kitchen light. I looked over my shoulder and noticed night had fallen already.

It was after Haruhi had grated some sort of blue and white cheese and strips of what she excitedly proclaimed to be hard to find reindeer meat into the dish that I nearly gagged on the weird smell.

"Seriously, is there anything you're _not_ putting in that?"

"Pineapple. Only total nutjobs put something sweet like that into the main course. Ruining perfectly good pizzas and the like. Pineapple is for fruit salads! If you know what I mean."

I see… Pineapple, of course! How could I have been so blind? _That's_ the one thing that would ruin this Frankensteinian monster of an entrée! At least it was fairly likely this monstrous creation wouldn't chase its creators to the grave. _Fairly_ likely.

"Funny you don't like it then, I guess."

"_Ha-ha_, very funny," Haruhi said, giving her stew an extra forceful stir.

"I knew you'd agree."

"Hey!" Haruhi nudged my shoulder with an elbow, before she pushed a spoonful of brown goo in my face, grinning ecstatically up at me. "Taste it!"

I gave the suspicious looking glop a careful sniff, worried it might smell as bad as it looked. It looked like someone had already done their best to try and eat it, but their insides had failed them and what Haruhi now held in the spoon was what the intestines had managed to push out before all hope was lost. But luckily it didn't smell as bad as it looked. Much like the exotic bazaar feel in the morning, I really couldn't place the smell at all; it was simply an odd mix of everything, forming a brand new smell of its own.

"Maybe not. I'll just make sure we have something normal to eat as well."

Haruhi tutted, dumping the slop back into her pot, the goo dripping disconcertingly slowly like molasses or maybe something even less edible, like treacle. Hopefully it would taste more like the former, but seeing how Haruhi seemed to just dump in anything available, the latter seemed far more likely.

I went about and prepared the salad, putting to use any vegetable and even a few fruits Haruhi hadn't gotten her hands on yet or just had forgotten about. The pineapple was now put to use. By now, she had started dumping meat into the pot, and it seemed she had bought almost as many different types of meat as she had of everything else. She seemed to have shrimp and other miscellaneous sea dwellers mixing it up with the landlubbers as well now.

"You know, you could boil the rice while this cooks. Empty this bag of spices into water while you're at it. We definitely need the chili and whatever else the bag had."

"Where?"

"Right there, next to the celery – ah, never mind."

Our hands bumped into the other's as we both reached for the little plastic bag of spices. While Haruhi's hand jolted away a little, mine jumped away like it had been burned as we made contact for that brief millisecond. The feel of her skin on my hand had actually managed to remind once again of how my hands had felt around her neck…

"Seriously, what's up with you today?" Haruhi asked, frowning at me.

"I'm…" I gave the spot where Haruhi had touched my hand a rub, the warm imprint quickly fading away. "I'm fine. Just… It's nothing. I'm fine."

I took the bag of spices and opened it up, dumping its mixed contents into a pot I placed into the sink, under the faucet as I started filling it up.

"Hmm…" Haruhi looked sideways at me with due suspicion, but didn't push the subject any further thankfully. "Whatever. I just want to eat already. I'm starving."

"Yeah, me too. Here's the water for the rice," I said, happy to just move along, my stomach sharing the sentiment with a low, impatient grumble.

I had filled up the other pot we had with water in the sink and now, with a grunt, heaved the heavy thing out. Some water spilled over as I got it over the sink, but the thing really weighed a ton. My arms were felt taut like the wire of a suspension bridge.

"A little help?" I asked as I tried to straighten my back under the weight (in hindsight, not such a good idea).

This tiny kitchen was obviously more trouble than it was worth (and it probably hadn't been worth much to begin with). Not only had the whole kitchen been designed into an almost torturous small size, making moving about impossible (I actually hadn't been able to move at all for a while now) but our lack of kitchen ware also made things harder. At home I could have just filled the pot on the stove with a little hose or even with a measuring cup, but here we were lacking in all sorts of utilities. Another reason to return home soon, I filed the thought away into a list that was already rather sizable, though most of the list had been filled already with the same filler complaint: living with Suzumiya Haruhi. But so far, thankfully, it hadn't been as bad as expected.

"Right, hold up," Haruhi said as she put her spoon away and turned to help me with the pot. "Whoah, that _is_ heavy."

"No, I just like to make a _show_ of lifting things with grunts."

"Shut up, idiot," Haruhi wittily retorted.

Slowly and awkwardly, we did our best to try and leverage the pot onto the stove –

"Careful. You're going too fast."

– but just as we were about to get it into place, it toppled –

"Aahh!"

– and all the water inside spilled over right onto Haruhi, soaking her front completely.

"Gyah! That's _cold_!"

Haruhi looked down at her drenched uniform. "I'm wet," she declared none too happily.

Uh, yeah I can see that, and would like to add that calling you 'wet' is a severe understatement. You're soaked through completely. Your clothes are dripping into a huge puddle around your feet and – gulp – practically see-through.

My fingers nearly let the pot fall, as they seemed to lose all connection with my brain because as all brain activity, from conscious thought to muscle control, seemed to be going into making my eyes crawl over Haruhi's soaked body, her clothes now clinging tightly to it like a second layer of skin

_Gulp._

"Kyon, you idiot! Are you trying to give me hypothermia?"

Haruhi held herself tightly as she glared at me, shivering a little with a combination of coldness and indignation.

"Sorry, I –"

"Just make the rice, _okay_? Geez…"

Haruhi stomped off out of the kitchen and made a sharp right, probably heading into the bathroom. I mean, there weren't that many options if you went right. Either Haruhi was heading outdoors into the cool evening to dry through some inversion of logic, or it was the bathroom she was headed for.

_Oh boy…_

I could hear Haruhi muttering angrily to herself, obviously not caring if I heard, which was probably the plan anyway. "Damn it… freaking freezing… what sort of a moron… probably did it on purpose… such a pervert…"

Not wanting to further infuriate the girl, I did my best to fill the half empty pot with water, using one of Haruhi's shot glasses to fill it up and do as told. It was slow going, painfully slow, but at least it would get the job done, hopefully before Haruhi got out from the shower by the sound of the running water. Guess the water really had been that cold.

I cooked the rice as best I could while Haruhi showered, the entire little apartment starting to get hotter as the steam from the food and Haruhi's shower got together to hover about menacingly. It was starting to feel like I had wondered into a rainforest. I actually had to wipe my forehead with the back of my sleeve more than once before I ended up taking my school jacket off.

The rice seemed to finish just as the sound of running water faded away.

"You done yet?" Haruhi called out.

I used a spoon to dig out some rice. It looked kind of soggy, but if Haruhi was going to dump the mush she had been cooking on it, it probably wouldn't matter. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Good," Haruhi said, her voice distinctly less muffled by a thin wall all of a sudden.

I turned and found her in nothing but a towel wrapped tightly around her, toweling her head off with another one. Through some sort of act of defiance towards gravity, the towel seemed to stay in place thanks to nothing but a little fold around her chest, showing a fair amount of her cleavage. I was also surprised by how close I came to knowing Haruhi as well as her gynecologist would have thanks to the lacking lengths of the towel. Her legs were still wet and glistening after the shower. The girl really had a ridiculously well proportioned body, like it had been tailor-made to appeal to any guy.

My cheeks felt like they were being scorched off, now by an internal heat instead of the warmth from the stove.

"What?" Haruhi asked, her hair drying coming to a slow stall, before her she blushed as well a little and gave me an unpleased scowl. "Eyes on my stew before it burns, lecher!"

Huh?

Oh damn! Smoke was actually billowing from the pot. I quickly turned the heat off for the pot and dumped in as much cold water as I could with my shot glass. By the look of things, though it was hard to tell because of the muddy look of it originally, I hadn't ruined Haruhi's 'stew'. If anything, it seemed I had been able to add yet another flavor into the mix: slightly burnt.

Sigh…

"Damn!" Haruhi shouted from her room, having wandered off as I'd taken care of the food.

Great, what new torment for a young man's soul was waiting for me now? If she asks me to come in there, I think I might just run away for good. There was only so high my blood pressure could get before my veins would burst.

"I'm all out of fresh clothes… it wouldn't really matter, except some of the stuff is in worse condition than the shirt you ruined, Kyon. Give me one of yours!"

And now she wants to wear my shirt… this is starting to turn really bad. I feel like I'm in some stupid show or something… and in a way, I sort of am.

I hope somebody up there is getting a good laugh, you damn voyeuristic aliens.

My head turned round and about automatically, but I couldn't spot anything suspicious, anything data aliens could have used to manipulate the situation, but who knows, maybe they were constantly pulling some invisible strings around us.

Hm, what a chilling thought…

"Hey? Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah. You sure you can't just wear something of yours? I really won't mind."

"Yeah, well it's not _you_ wearing stuff that's been sitting about needing to be washed for days… what _am_ I going to do about laundry?" she added to herself.

"Keep looking," I insisted, as I stirred Haruhi's stew harder, spreading the thick gunk about.

"There's _nothing_! And I won't wear something smelly and wrinkled _tonight_!"

"Then you're out of luck when it comes to my clothes."

"You just moved! You've got a bag full of fresh clothes! Just one, you stubborn son of a –"

"All right! _Fine_!"

I made sure to lower the temperature on the food, not wanting to incinerate it all in case I didn't return soon enough and headed for my room (if there was any way left to ruin this 'stew', burning would probably be it). I went over to my bag, unzipped it and looked for as a big a T-shirt as I could find, one that would leave far more to the imagination than Haruhi's towel had.

But then again, was that any better? I had a reasonably good imagination. And once it had been given enough fuel…

"Hurry up!" Haruhi hollered from her room.

I did indeed hurry up and offered the T-shirt to the mistress of the house by stretching my arm inside her room as far as it could go without actually entering her room myself. The shirt was quickly yanked out of my hand and I hurried off to mind the food.

"The food done?" Haruhi shouted from her room.

"Think so." I had no idea. Everything was certainly cooked, but that didn't really mean much, to be honest.

"Then serve it!"

I did as ordered and by the time everything was in place, Haruhi stepped out of her room with what looked like nothing but my T-shirt on. No pants or even socks. The girl was obviously a bit too relaxed when it came to her body. She flopped down on the side of the little table with the balcony behind it, leaving the counter as my back support.

And then it hit me like an anvil on the head. It was the smell of food that passed through my nose and into my lungs, filling me up with an odd sensation until my stomach took control as all other body parts were weakened by the assault of the fumes.

I had nearly gone the whole day without food and now my stomach had simply had enough of my subconsciousness's petty hang-ups about life and had reminded the rest of my body what really mattered. My stomach was achingly empty all of a sudden, growling and rumbling so much I could feel it if I pressed a hand against it.

I guess I couldn't help it. I'd have to try and try Haruhi's cooking.

If I die from this, my only regret would have been not eating sooner, because my stomach was _killing _me right now!

I took a fateful spoonful of Haruhi's cooking.

"Wow… this is actually… edible."

"Of course it is. It's not about _what_ you put in the food, it's how _much_. It would've been stupid to just lump in a ton of ketchup, but if you just put a bit and add some peppers, the food get's a nice after taste."

It was more of an after burn than an after taste, but whatever.

"Seriously, when the hell did you learn to cook? The last time I tasted your food you could have used it for rat poisoning."

"When was that?"

"During the winter holi-" What, even that hasn't happened in this reality? "Uh, I guess I just remembered wrong."

"Anyway, if you plan on living by yourself without a wet nurse, you pretty much have to learn. It's do or die now, Kyon!"

I took a few more bites, quickly acquiring a new acquired taste by the feel of things. With every bite, I was starting to like Haruhi's cooking a bit more. It was probably because you never really knew what you were getting until you tasted another spoonful, tasting something new and different every time. It was like several different dishes in one.

"So…" Haruhi smirked at me from the other side of the table after we'd actually eaten everything up, the two of us devouring an entire pot easily between the two of us, hungry like alligators by the look of it. "Ready to get this party _really _started?"

"_Sure_… I guess."

"Let's make this fun. We need to play some sort of game."

"Not truth or dare," I quickly said, a phantom pain from memory striking my head like a rock.

"Pff, that's _lame_. And it's not like a loser like you has any interesting secrets, since you're too much of a wuss to do anything fun anyway, which is why dare is also a bad option."

An amazing judge of character she is, sometimes.

"We'll just play a normal game… with added stakes." Haruhi smirked slyly at me. "So, rock paper scissors or poker?"

"Really? You just wanna play games like those?"

"With added stakes."

"Like what?

"Well, usually it's clothing when it comes to having fun with poker and even drinking sometimes, but I doubt you'd play like that… unless you were hundred percent sure you'd win."

I ignored the taunt sounding statement. "So rock paper scissors…?"

"Maybe… or how about we just see who can drink the other under the table? I hear it's a popular game too…" The smirk on her face was starting to get rather scary.

"But what are the stakes? You said we needed added stakes."

"Well… seeing as this is all about learning independence and how to live by ourselves… whoever loses, will be the others slave for a month!"

And how exactly is that about independence, becoming someone's slave? Not to mention you already treat me like a slave anyway. Seriously, the way this girl's mind works sometimes… maybe she just doesn't really know the meaning of words. I guess I know what to get her as a Christmas gift next, a damn dictionary! And an etiquette book probably wouldn't hurt either… unless she starts using them as projectiles. Now _that_ would hurt_._

"Well? Or are you scared you'll be drunk under the table by a girl? Remember, the table's really low, so I imagine it'll get rather uncomfortable once you lose!"

"Sure, sure, whatever. It doesn't seem like I can actually lose anything like this… only win."

"You say that now, but you have no idea what I have planned for my new slave… hehehee… ever gone fishing with a trombone?"

But before I could say anything halfway intelligent to something so stupid –

_Clink!_

Haruhi slammed the shot glasses onto the table, surprising me most when they didn't break at Haruhi's rough handling. She then pulled out the bottle and filled the glasses swiftly.

"So, what exactly did you get?" I asked, sniffing carefully at my drink as I took it. Unfortunately, I was no wine connoisseur, so I might just have been sniffing turpentine for all I knew.

"I think it's just wine… I think. Maybe white. It sure is the color."

"You don't even know _what_ we're drinking?"

"I just told the bum to get us something tasty."

So that's how she got this. Probably some depraved loser with no sense of morals, looking for some quick cash. How a guy like that had had the honor to respect a trade with a teenage girl was crazy, but on the other hand, there was no escaping an enraged or determined Haruhi either. One of the food packages had as a matter of fact had a mysterious dent in it, but I was probably reading too much into it.

"Rock paper scissors for who goes first."

Through some bizarre trick of fate, I actually won. Haruhi squinted dirtily at me for having the audacity to use something as ridiculous as paper against her obvious choice of rock (even as a kid, I could always tell apart the guys who would choose rock by the dumb glint in their eyes). She started impatiently drumming her fingers on the table as she continued glaring at me.

I looked at the slightly yellowish drink, gave it a swirl and sniffed it again some more. It stung my nose almost like a punch. I was really having a hard time believing it was just wine.

"Hurry up! If you don't, you'll not only forfeit but have to start wearing a top hat to school!"

We haven't even started yet and now we're already coming up with inane rules. Well, we can't have that. I don't think I could make the top hat look work.

I downed the shot glass in one go… and nearly coughed it all up.

_That was definitely not wine! _

"Hmm…" Haruhi sniffed her own drink. She withdrew from it and clasped her nose tightly. "Gah! You could clean sinks with this! It'd probably go through the pipes, but the mess would be gone."

But despite her pained expression and statement, Haruhi gave me a hard stare before she downed her drink in one go, coughing a little as well, holding her hand in front of her mouth.

"Maybe we should cut it with something –"

"No, this is a _battle_ now! To the last one standing go the spoils! Drink!"

So as always, it was the game rather than the actual activity in itself that was important.

We took some more quick shots, the stuff tasting no better with each consecutive one, though you oddly started wanting to drink more of the horrible stuff the more you drank it. I'd heard you shouldn't drink the hard stuff too fast once, but that memory had surfaced when it was far too late for it.

"Well…?" A Haruhi with reddening cheeks asked. "Feel anything?"

"Nope," I said and immediately straightened my posture as I noticed I was starting to list to the left.

"Hah! Liar!" Haruhi leaned forwards to point at me and nearly fell onto the table, haphazardly placing her hand on the table for support, nearly knocking our glasses over. "You do that all the time, don't you?"

"Do what?"

"Drink!"

"Huh?"

"Drink! Don't even try to weasel out! No babbling!" Haruhi waved a finger in my face aggressively, trying to point straight but failing.

"Okay, okay."

_Gulp. Yuck._

Immediately after I had drunk my drink, Haruhi settled back and emptied hers, before she filled the glasses again, actually managing to spill a surprising amount of the stuff into the glasses though she was wobbling about more than usual.

"Lie," Haruhi continued all of a sudden as she finished refilling. "You do that."

"No I don't."

"Yeah, you do. Telling silly crap about the others, like their aliens or something and – and when you look at stuff and I – I ask and you say something different than what you're thinking. You're never honest!"

"That's not true."

"_That's_ not true!"

"_You're_ never honest! You always just – just – just –"

"HA! Drink!"

_Gulp. Eugh._

"You always – whenever something serious happens – you just – just say it's about the SOS Brigade… I don't buy it."

"Of course it is! Everything else sucks!"

"Everything?"

"Uhm… _Yeah_," Haruhi said slowly, as if it was so obvious it needn't have been said, before she drank again. "Hey, hey! Kyon!"

"What?"

"Do that thing! That thing they always do in movies!"

"Do what?"

"Put – put your," Haruhi giggled drunkenly, "Your tie around your head! So silly!"

Huh?

What?

What movies?

I looked down at my tie, hanging loosely on my chest like always. But it was a tie, you couldn't wear a tie on you head! That was just _silly_! Ties are for necks, hats are for heads! And shoes for…! …Feet! _Yeah_! …Or was it?

"Do it!" Haruhi hit the table demandingly, sending the glasses jittering along the table in odd directions.

Well, when you put it like that, why the hell not?

I loosened my tie and pulled it up, the damn thing getting stuck on my nose. Haruhi started laughing, holding her stomach.

I struggled a ridiculously long time with getting the tie past my nose, chuckling a little to myself as I did so, while Haruhi kept laughing at me. And when I finally got it on my head – _Tadaa!_ – Haruhi fell over as she howled in amusement, clutching her stomach tightly as she rocked back and forth on her back, kicking her legs. Tears were actually streaming from her cheeks.

"HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHHHAAA!" Haruhi bellowed. "Why am – ehehheheh! – I laughing – ahahahaa! – so much?"

"Heh…"

I looked up from the silly sight of a twisting Haruhi on the floor with my T-shirt rolling up her body, revealing some lemon yellow panties as she rolled around on the ground. I glanced upward from the fun sight however as I happened to glimpse a look at myself in the reflection of the glass doors behind Haruhi.

You know what, I _did_ look ridiculous with my tie around my head!

"Heheh…"

I tugged on it and felt my head slosh in the same direction. Whoops!

Haruhi snorted, making gagging noises. "Stohp – Hurgh! – Yoh'r killin meh!"

My laughter died all of a sudden, my voice trailing off. The guy staring back at me in window had frozen still, mouth still gaping a little, left in mid-laugh, eyes like that of a man who had sold his soul for soap.

Haruhi got onto her knees, still holding her stomach like her guts were in actual danger of falling out. " HAHAHhaahahaaa…" Her laughing however also faded away suddenly as she noticed me, only her tired panting after all the laughing filling the sudden silence. She wiped her wet eyes and blinked a few times before she looked worriedly at me. "What's wrong…?"

"…Nothing. Let's just keep going."

I took the bottle and filled our glasses almost to the brim, spilling more onto the table than Haruhi had when she had been wobbling like a mad person. I put the bottle down, the loud thump deafeningly final and resolute. I emptied my glass, no longer really even tasting the stuff as it slide down my throat like liquid sand paper.

"Kyon…" Haruhi looked at me uncertainly, like she really didn't know how to react.

"Just drink," I said, wiping my lips of the burning drink left over. "You're losing."

"Hum," Haruhi frowned, her lips in a cutesy pout, before she grabbed her glass and downed it in one go, still coughing a little, turning even redder as she looked at me crossly or disappointedly, I wasn't sure.

I filled our glasses again, and immediately emptied mine, expecting to feel some of the burning warmth that usually accompanied the drink to fill me, and it did, but only for a moment, leaving me feeling only more cold and grim after the passing heat had disappeared, instead of hot and happy like before.

Haruhi drank hers, this time managing to not cough, though her face turned even redder still as she clamped her mouth shut, biting down on both of her lips, and then bounced as she hiccupped.

"Heh…" I actually chuckled.

Haruhi smiled a little after she recovered from her odd hiccup of an attempt to prevent herself from coughing.

As I was about to pour us another shot, she grabbed my hand. I looked up at her from our empty glasses into the beaming face of Haruhi, radiating warm energy.

"Wait… I… I need something to wear too!"

Haruhi got up, nearly falling over in the process, and then walked the short distance to her room, it actually taking more time than it should have as she nearly toppled over into the kitchen area. Maybe she was taking the scenic route.

_Heh… that was stupid… _I'm_ being stupid._

I could hear Haruhi clamber about in her room, cursing to herself, actually shouting out once, apparently having stubbed a toe, before she got out holding her head, covering up the space where her orange ribbon should have been. But I could clearly see something peach-colored under her fingers as she smirked at me like she had beaten me in race.

"How do I look? You think we're set for drinking some more now?" Haruhi asked excitedly as she pulled her hands off her head and revealed a peach-colored bra she had secured on her head on top of the lemon panties over her orange ribbon, the tied bits still poking out at the sides.

I actually fell over as I burst into laughter, hitting my head on the wall behind me, only laughing harder at the numb pain across my skull.

Haruhi walked over and nearly fell onto the floor, before she just flopped onto her stomach and lay on the other side of the table, laughing at me. We just lied there, face to face on the floor, laughing until it started hurting, lungs burning for air and stomach aching.

_It was just like back then, at the fair…_

I'd actually forgotten that the fair hadn't been just a never-ending torment, a hellish trip for me, but I had actually shared a soft, quiet little moment with Haruhi I was actually now reminiscing about with the warmth of nostalgia.

"Ready for some more…?" Haruhi asked, panting as she stared almost dreamily at me, much like back during that night.

"I guess…"

One thing about Haruhi was sure, no matter what happened, I could always have fun with her, and I wasn't just talking about the alcohol induced laughing fests. Whether it was working in the kitchen or running about on some insane trip, riding away on hot dog carts or just hanging around in the clubroom, being with Haruhi was always fun in a weird way.

No matter what happened, no matter how low I got knocked down, Haruhi was always there, ready to give me a much needed kick on the ass to get me back in the tumble.

"_Thanks…_"

"For what?"

"For… for being you."

"…What kind of a thank you is that? Heheh. It's easy being me. No trouble at all. I'm always me. Who else would I be?"

"Yeah, I know… that's why I wanna say thanks."

"…" Haruhi watched me warily, until the corners of her mouth curved upwards ever so slightly. "You're so stupid."

"Heh… yeah, I guess I am."

"C'mon, we're not done yet. Night's young and therefore still naïve, ready to try all kinds of things it pro'lly shouldn't."

As we got up, taking our seats again, Haruhi filled up our glasses once again, her bra barely attached onto her head anymore, most of it hanging on one side, her hair freer than usually. I was going to lean back against the counter behind me and relax for a bit, but Haruhi handed me my drink so I had to lean forward instead to take it. We drank our drinks together this time.

Haruhi smirked all of a sudden, a sly looking expression passing her face, before it drained away and a sullen face took its place all of a sudden. She then solenly pulled the bar and panties of her head and creleslly threw them away.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Haruhi answered glumly, her eyes staring emptily at the small table between us.

"Oh come on…"

Unknowingly, she'd cheered me up from my little bout of depression, so I felt obligated to at least try.

"No, no… you won't get it, that's the problem. Nothing's ever wrong. It's always just okay, never great, never bad, just okay. I hate it, this dreadful mediocrity. There's something wrong with this world, something missing. I can't tell what it is, but it's something… something vital. I need more… That's why…"

"What?"

"That's why I made sure you'd move in with me."

"_What_?"

"Kyon, I've realized something in our time together." Haruhi pressed her hands against the glossy surface of the table, leaning in over it. "You give me something no one else can." Haruhi moved forward onto the table, placing one knee on the edge and then the other even further along the table as she started a slow crawl towards me. "And I want more…"

What – what is this?

Haruhi crawled over to me and placed a hand on my chest, gently pushing me back into the counter behind me as she continued her advance. "And what I want, I always get." Haruhi was all but on top of me now, getting off the table, settling in my lap, sitting on top of my hips, very close now, too close. "_Always_."

She leaned forward, and softly whispered in my ear, "You know, I couldn't find a clean bra or panties… so I ended up just taking _off_ the ones I was wearing."

"So…"

_Gulp_…

Under that T-shirt, she's – she's got – _oh boy_. She's got nothing on under there. That means she's practically naked. Oh God. I'm becoming increasingly stupid at an indirect proportion to the amount of clothing worn.

My hand went to my neck to loosen my stifling tie, but as I fumbled to find it, I remembered it was on my head now.

"Ha-Haruhi, what're you doing?"

"What you want, right?" Haruhi grabbed my raised hand by the wrist and pulled it down away from my head and down, closer to her chest, now pushed forward a little. Slowly but certainly, she pressed my hand to her chest, right in the crevice between her breasts so my hand was surrounded on both sides by warm but firm flesh.

_Her lips were so close to mine._

"You did it on purpose, didn't you?" Haruhi whispered in sultry tones, activating something in the deep reaches of my brain, like a fight or flight reaction, speeding up my heartbeat and oxygen intake. "Spilled all that _cold_ water on me. Wanted to see a bit better, didn't you? To see what _stuck_ out? To see what I had to… to play with. You wanna do dirty things to me."

Haruhi pushed my hands against the wall behind me, pinning me against it. Despite the hold on me not being hard at all, I couldn't make myself move. As Haruhi's grip tightened around my wrists, I could feel my heart beat increase in excitement, like my body was preparing itself for a quick escape, the slight sensation of sharp pain eliciting a sharp intake of air that Haruhi seemed to notice, making her smirk all the more devious and alluring.

I could feel the soft resistance of her flesh against mine as she pushed her breasts against my chest. "You want to touch, to hold… to own me, don't you? You want me, all yours? Your plaything, your possession. To do with as you please. To squeeze and smack around, to hurt and please, to make me fulfill your darkest fantasies… to be yours, in _every_ possible way, completely."

"N-no – was – accident…" I mumbled, my brain still stuck on her accusing me of spilling cold water on her, unable to process what was happening any faster.

_Why is she so close?_

"You want me… all yours…" She steered one of my hands to her thigh, and slowly led my hand across her smooth skin and up to the curve of her naked butt. The creamy and soft flesh was just there, ready to be squeezed, toyed with as pleased. She guided my hand slowly along her curves, up along her supple body, to dangerous and forbidden places, before she brought my hand to a stop against a buttocks with a slap and a devious smirk.

"Serious… seriously, what's gotten into you?"

"Nothing…" she whispered as she maneuvered herself better onto my lap and gave her hips a willing buck against mine, "_yet_."

_Gulp… _

Haruhi's tongue flicked out a little, barely moistening her top lip, slickening up the pink skin with warm moistness before she gave her hips the tiniest of encouraging bucks against my pelvis again.

I couldn't look away.

_Her lips were so close to mine._

"Haruhi…"

_So close._

And just as I thought one of my major organs was going to explode or my brain shut down, the hold on my wrists disappeared along with the soft weight of Haruhi on my lap. Haruhi got up, looking bored as she gave her bangs a flick, before she twirled about on her feet and walked over the table, flopping down at her spot as she jumped down. She assumed a position she would usually take in class, leaning a hand against the table as she propped her chin up with it as well as she stared off to her side, at the currently blank wall where the whitened shadow of a former TV was now, looking away as if nothing special had just happened.

"What – what the _hell_?"

My heart had nearly exploded through my rib cage!

"You would have done it, wouldn't you?" Haruhi asked almost casually, though there was hint of disapproval in her voice. "Taken advantage of a girl in a weakened state." She sighed. "How disappointing, you're just a typical guy after all."

"_Taken advantage_? _You_ were the one pushing yourself on _me_! As if I'd even ever do something like that!"

"Why not?" Haruhi sharply turned her head to look at me, an annoyed eyebrow rising in challenge. "Why wouldn't you want a piece of me? What's wrong with you?"

Huoh, there's just no winning with you, is there?

This is just crazy. You'd never go this far normally, would you? And it's not just the alcohol. Can the environment really have that much of an effect on a person? Are we nothing more than the products of the world around us? Or would Haruhi really do something like this…? I didn't know. I didn't _want_ to know anymore.

"Admit it, you were disappointed when you found out I was just messing with you," Haruhi said as she leaned back, stretching the legs she had enticed me with.

"This is all just a game for you, isn't it? You don't care about others at all," I said, feeling a little like a victim here.

"That's not true."

"It is."

"I care about everyone in the Brigade."

"_Your_ Brigade."

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You only care about them because they do as you tell them and play along with you, not because you genuinely care about them."

"What a horrible thing to say," Haruhi stated, rather flatly, not really caring too much about what I was saying, though there was a light furrowing of the brows.

"But it's true, isn't it?"

"…Screw you," Haruhi said in a cold monotone before she staggered up and left for her room.

Sigh…

Her hand was tightly clenched on the handle, when Haruhi stopped suddenly and stood still, only her hand tightening more around the handle, going white as she squeezed harder.

Was she getting ready to slam the door?

"No, screw you, Kyon!" Haruhi suddenly turned around, a lava-hot look in her blurry eyes, her already reddened face seeming to gain some more of the color. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Act like you know me, that you're better than me, that you _know_ better than me? Like you know how everything is supposed to work… Why are you so damn _arrogant_?"

"What? _Me_?"

"You always tell me what's right and proper. Always telling me how to be. You think I'm just some kid, who doesn't even understand things like friendship and even love!"

Love? Where is this coming from?

"Just like on that train trip, you've gotta tell how things are supposed to be and work."

Wait, they removed the island and even the fair, but _that_ part they kept? There really is no sense or consistency to all of this!

"You don't know what you're talking about," I said.

"And you don't know me!" Haruhi swiftly strode up and grabbed me by the collar, staring at me like I was the general of an invading general in times past. "Kyon! You got the hots for me?"

"_What_?"

"Any time we've been together today, you've been acting weird! Ever since you _finally_ moved in with me for good! And when I tried coming onto you, you were like a stupid thirteen year old girl, all blushing and muttering! That's what this is about, isn't it? You're in love with me! That's why you just want to possess me, be better. You want to reduce me to a possession!"

"That's not love, and it isn't what I want to do to you!"

"That's exactly what you want! It's exactly what you _do_! In love, a person wants to be the very foundation for the other, to be the only absolute value relative to everything else. You want to be that for me, everyone does. It's why we ask, 'would you forsake everything and run away with me?', 'would you abandon everything for me?', 'would you kill for me?' when we're in love. We want to be the foundation of everything for the other, even morality. Tell me, how does it feel, telling me how I feel? Does it give you some sort of rush? Gives you a feeling of importance, _knowing_ better what others only _think_?"

"… Haruhi… that's… if it is what's happening between us, it's not really love."

"Oh _yeah_? So you know better? Once _again_! Fine! Tell me what love is! Better yet, why don't you _show_ me!" Haruhi pulled violently on my shirt and once again brought our faces dangerously close.

Suddenly the both of us were breathing hard into each other's face, the sudden explosion of emotions catching us off-guard.

"…Even if I did want to posses you, Haruhi, and maybe there's a part in people that does want to posses the object of their love, that can't be how love really works."

"_Really_ now?"

"If I were to ever posses you, and it's practically impossible, you wouldn't be you anymore, you wouldn't be the person I love."

"…So, _do_ you?"

"What?"

"Love me?"

"… Huh?"

"Well, do you?"

"…"

"Tick tock, Kyon."

"…I… I was just saying, being hypothetical."

"Whatever. You piss me off either way. I'm done with this." The hand that had tightly clasped my shirt and held me close to her face, pushed me away roughly. Without another word, Haruhi stormed to her room, finally slamming the door behind her.

…

…I hate my life.

My limbs feeling heavy and sapped of strength all of a sudden, and something dense sloshing in my head, I think I might just rest where I sat.

Maybe I should just have gone along with the game… At least I would've gotten a kiss that way, or maybe just a slap in the face. In any case, either burning sensation would have been better than this. Hell, maybe I would have gotten out of this mess of a reality just like that.

I closed my eyes and shortly dreamed of nothing.

…

…

…

…

My heavy slumber was broken by the slamming of a door and the patter of running feet. But it wasn't until I heard the loud, disgusting noise of someone puking, heaving up their insides forcibly, that my dreamy state was truly shattered, bursting through my sleep with it the worst headache I had ever had. It felt like my skull was two sizes too small for my brain, like my scalp was constricting. I opened my eyes to see what kind of alien brain leech was assaulting my head, only to have my retinas seared with blinding din of morning light. I held my head, pulling on my hair, trying to stop my scalp from behaving like an anaconda on my head, but nothing worked. I was having a hard time breathing, my throat felt small and clamped.

_What the hell was going on?_

As I heard the sound of puking again, something jumped up inside my stomach, quickly crawling up my throat. I got up as fast as I could, but the pain in my head nearly made me tumble. I clasped my mouth shut as I hobbled towards the bathroom like an injured chimpanzee.

As I got there, Haruhi was on her knees with her head inside the toilet bowel, and she made a sound like a dying animal and something smelly was spurted against the ceramics.

The assault of both the sounds and stinks of throwing up made me gag, and I could taste something absolutely vile in my mouth, thick and slimy like a slug. I hurried forward and threw up in the sink.

The two of us emptied our stomachs with barely any time to breathe in amidst painful puking.

When it seemed like we were both done, panting for fresh air though there was none in the stinking apartment anymore, I drooped down onto the floor and held my still aching head. It wasn't as bad as it had been before throwing up, but it was still a lightyear away from simply annoying.

Haruhi was now lying down, forehead against the cool tiles of the bathroom, still panting like she had run a marathon.

_Was this a hangover? How had I managed to avoid this before? It had never been this bad!_

"Never… never again…" Haruhi rasped.

The two of us remained perfectly still, hoping to reduce all sound to a bare minimum. The problem with this however was that, at least for me, once my ears settled to the low levels, I started picking up new and low sounds to aggravate me. The tiresome humming of the fridge on the other side of the apartment, the distant voices of people in the streets along with the occasional passing car and bird's singing were now suddenly ridiculously loud and annoying, almost like they were all inside my ear canals now. Any and every single sound felt like a screeching yell right next to my ear at best. Otherwise it felt like someone was trying to skewer my head through my ears. There was a constant pressure on the inside of my skull, like something was trying to push its way out.

I rubbed my forehead with my other fingers while my thumbs tended to my temples in an attempt to relieve pressure.

It helped, a little, but only a little.

"Haruhi, 'bout last night…" I eventually spoke out, once the sounds I usually wouldn't even hear stopped being so rough on my ears.

"Shut up. You're voice is giving me a headache."

"Hmm?"

"I don't wanna talk about it, about anything right now… you're pissing me off. Shut up!" Haruhi told the floor moodily, cringing as she raised her voice.

Not that the sound of her voice or even mine didn't make me feel like splitting my skull to relieve some pressure, but…

"Any idea what helps with a hangover?" Haruhi asked before I could say anything more.

"No idea… time?"

"You're so useless…"

Silence.

"Food? If you can keep it down, that is. Something greasy and salty."

"Get some for me."

"You can walk can't you…?"

"I TOLD YOU TO DO IT, OKAY?"

_Aahh, my head! _

"Unngh," Haruhi grunted, the outburst seemingly doing damage to herself as well, as she squeezed her head by the temples between her clenched fists.

I got up to leave, not really wanting to spend any time around her like this anyway, when Haruhi got on her knees. For a moment I actually thought she might have decided to help me after all

"Ulp."

The sound of stuff splashing in the toilet bowl accompanied by a fresh batch of stink that had for the most part dissipated by now drove me out of the bathroom faster than the sight of a retired folks nudist colony.

I stepped into the kitchen, squinting because there was a lot more irksome light in this area of the apartment, shining in through the balcony door screens. I scoured the kitchen for food, checking the small cupboards and the fridge for any scraps, but it looked like anything edible had been foolishly thrown into our party meal, most of it now making its way down the sewers of our town. Of course, if one was truly in desperate need of nourishment, you could always lick what little remained on our plates, which would at best satisfy a group of ants.

"Where's the food?" Haruhi yelled, her voice echoing a little from the toilet.

_Ungh… my head._

"There's nothing left!"

"What? How's that possible? I bo – ulp – bought so much!"

"Nothing's left!"

"Then… then go get some more!"

I _knew_ it. I freaking _knew_ it! I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach Haruhi at all. Not even for a day!

Feeling I could use some time away from the grating sound of Haruhi's voice and her equally annoying behavior, I thought Haruhi's idea might actually be a good one. I opened a door to the balcony for some fresh air, hoping the place would be in better condistion once I returned. I then got my shoes and got out. I was halfway down the stairs when I realized I still had my tie around my head. Luckily that was as long as that nonsense lasted.

"Morning, sir," the man at the door greeted me, before he returned to his magazine.

"Uh… yeah, morning,"

"Nice weather today. Where's that pretty girl of yours?"

"Yeah, really sunny," I agreed as I walked out into the glare.

My eyes were starting to get used to sunlight again, though it hurt like a hammer to the eyeball still. After puking though, I was starting to feel a bit better. The fresh air felt good too, even though I felt pretty tired.

Not sure where exactly the closest convenience store was, I started off in a random direction, feeling that right was always a right way to go when at a loss. I walked down a street, a fair amount of people about so early – as soon as I considered this, I realized the sun was actually nearly as high as it ever got, almost at its apex.

Damn, I really should learn by now that drinking wasn't worth it, but on the other hand, I had already told myself numerous times to do my homework on time, but that had never worked out either. Maybe I was just a creature of habit. Maybe I was just stupid. Or maybe I was just human.

As I walked along, I couldn't help but start feeling a little depressed. How was I supposed to get back home? Haruhi was Haruhi, even if she did feel a bit different here. Kissing her just didn't seem at all like any sort of solution. There had to be a way, something else, anything, but what? What? Koizumi and Nagato were stumped and Asahina-san… was she even a time traveler here? Well, maybe it was better for her not to be involved with all of this constant stress anyway. Stress caused crow's-feet and other nasty things, so I didn't want any of that befalling the gorgeous Venus de Milo 2.0 amongst us. I on the other hand must look like an old and wizened fart by now, at best.

Sigh…

Seriously, what am I going to do? I hate this, and not because it's weird or something, but because it isn't even _real_! None of this matters, always changing according to something else's will… Of course, I knew it wasn't all that different from how it was normally with Haruhi but… well, I guess home is just home, always, even when parallel realities are concerned.

…

I hate this! I want home! I want to see my annoying sister! I want to have my hand scratched by a fussy Shamisen! I wanted to taste my mother's mediocre cooking! I wanted to sleep in my own bed!

I didn't want to… to face something like I had here… sweaty hands around a smooth neck… gagging noises and weak kicking… begging…

No! Damn it! Don't do this to yourself!

It wasn't even you.

…

I hate this! I want out! Why are they doing this to me and Haruhi, torturing us like this, putting us through hell? Auto-evolution can't be that #$%ing important! Why do they even need to evolve? If they're not evolving anymore, they're essentially perfect, beyond the threat of extinction! Natural selection doesn't apply to them! They're _beyond_ nature! The only thing that could even threaten them is Haruhi, and she doesn't even know they exist. Other than the Macroscopic Sky Canopy thingies, who they can't even come in proper contact with, they really don't have anything to worry about. So why are they doing this to me?

I don't want this, I don't want to see Haruhi hurt like this, even if it is for a moment that disappears. And what about Nagato? Again they've made her live through countless lives that really don't matter.

How am I going to get out of this? I can't just keep living like this forever, going through all these crazy experiences only to have them wiped out from everyone's memories apart from mine and Nagato's and maybe Koizumi's. It's too much. I want out!

I… I just want out… please… I just want out…

The air in front of me cracked, splintering into a spider web-like pattern, small shards of the sky and background behind it falling away like it had all been painted on a wall. The shards began falling at a faster pace, bigger pieces falling out now that the smaller ones weren't supporting them, crashing soundlessly against the ground, breaking into smaller and smaller pieces until it looked like they disappeared into nothing.

People on the streets screamed and ran, chaos erupting all of a sudden on the weekend street.

Standing in the bright white hole left by the destruction of the scenery, was Tachibana Kyoko, mouth agape with a little bit of drool hanging from her lips as she stared emptily upwards like a zombie. The girl also seemed to have a faint reddish silhouette surrounding her. Suou Kuyoh was standing next to her, holding Tachibana by her shoulder, her lips moving freakishly slowly without making a sound.

_What the hell?_

Suou stopped her soundless chanting, and all of a sudden a giant spasm ran across Tachibana's whole body, like she had just been electrocuted and the vague glow around her flickered off. Tachibana gasped and lost her balance, falling forward as she seemed to lose consciousness after the spell that had been cast on her was broken. I instinctively leapt forward to catch her before her face hit the asphalt.

"All right, looks like we made it," a cold, disgusted voice said, sounding none too pleased about the achievement. Fujiwara, it had to be, I could tell without even looking; that repulsive oily voice of his like hot steam up my spine.

"Oh my… It really doesn't look as different as I had expected," I heard a familiar voice I found myself actually happy to hear. Sasaki!

"What – what are you all doing here? How?" I asked, cradling the prone Tachibana in my arms, hitching her up a bit to better support her neck as I looked up from the panting, flushed and feverish looking girl in my arms at the people behind her.

Smiling as charmingly as always and delivering a lighthearted wink at me as well, Sasaki said, "We came here to rescue you, of course."


	41. Sunday, Bloody Sunday

It seemed like the shattering of the scenery would continue; jagged pieces were still falling around the edges of the hole in space, making no sound as they splintered into nothingness on the ground, disappearing from view as they kept breaking into smaller and smaller bits until you couldn't see them at all. But then, a wave ran across the world, twisting the view in front of me and the hole began to close at a quickly accelerating pace.

A familiar grey liquid metal-like quality seemed to enter the world. But almost like a lightning bolt, Suou was sitting on her knees in front of me. I nearly let out a shocked yelp as the creepy, sullen face suddenly appeared so close to mine, but luckily managed to avoid any extra foolishness on my part, what with the dumb look I was sporting at Sasaki and company's sudden entrance already there to initiate the effect.

Suou framed Tachibana's face with her hands, holding palms to her temples. Suou's face was so close to Tachibana's face, and because of the way she was holding Tachibana's head, I thought she was kissing the unconscious girl in my arms, but upon a closer look after my initial one, I noticed this wasn't the case at all. The girls' foreheads were touching as Suou was moving her lips once again in that freaky slow fashion, I thought I could hear something, like some distant echoed sound, but I couldn't distinguish at all what it was.

"_ Defenses placed _ free _ outside control _"

I looked around. Everything seemed to have an oddly distorted look. My perspective was off. Roughly 40 meters away from me everything seemed to curve a bit, almost like looking through a bottle. Were we inside a bubble?

"Will it hold?" Fujiwara asked.

"_ Negative _ Others maintain _ Sustainability _ limited _ New protection _ recommendable _"

"I think you might mean required..." Fujiwara said, craning his head, lips curled into a disgusted snarl. "If this realm is under the complete data jurisdiction of the IDSE, we need something to protect us before this little bubble… ugh, bursts," Fujiwara said, scowling in disgust at the last part.

Not one for word play of any sort, are we?

"But we're safe now, right? How? You're somehow tapping into Kyoko's powers, aren't you?" Sasaki asked.

"_ Yes _"

"Could you somehow replicate whatever it is that's protecting her and copy it to us, sort of like a vaccine?"

"That's not technically how a vaccine works," Fujiwara said, flicking some hair away from his face in a bored manner.

"I know. You expose the target to the pathogen so their immune system can 'memorize' it and be fully prepared for a proper onset of the disease instead of actually taking the some sort of thing that affords immunity from the healthy person. I'm just trying to help. We might not have much time."

Fujiwara scuffed, probably annoyed that he was actually dealing with someone who was at least on his own level if not even higher, and I'd bet a lot of money that Sasaki was _waaay_ above that bastard. Even if it's not really the case, I really hope he's seething on the inside every time he meets her. The jerkass.

"Well, can you?" the irritated Fujiwara asked Suou.

Suou laid her hand across Tachibana's forehead, as if testing her temperature. "_ Attempting _"

Everyone was silent, waiting anxiously for the silent Suou to answer, though I was barely sure of what exactly had been asked. "_ Negative _ Extrapolation not viable _ replication _ inefficacious _"

"Can we go back?" Sasaki glanced behind her but the hole through which they had burst through had finished fading away, but now things would be better, right?

"_ Quantum extrication _ not viable _"

No, don't say _that_! That sounded an awful lot like a negative answer!

"So…" Sasaki turned about as she took in the area contained within the bubble, a small piece of parkway and half a bench on one side, the street in the middle and the corner of a store on the other. "Are we stuck here?" she asked, starting to sound disturbingly unsure of what to do to my unnerved ears.

Fujiwara had stridden over to the see-through wall that curved and enshrined us, hands deep in his pockets as always. When he reached the wall, he just stood there, looking like he was just going to intimidate the wall to move with his nasty scowl, before he pulled a hand out and pressed it against the wall. I was expecting the guy to make some sort of remark, one he would probably think was extremely snarky, or even use some sort of gadget but he remained completely motionless, keeping his hand in place as he continued glowering at the wall like it owed him money.

"_ Likelihood _ approximated at seemingly _"

"Oh boy, this rescue mission seems to have hit a wall all too quickly." Sasaki exhaled as she slumped down on the curb, elbows against knees as she propped her chin on the raised hands and gave the curved sky a disappointed look. "Figures… one time I personally step in and we get locked in an aquarium."

"Is there any way to even see what's happening on the other side?" Fujiwara rapped on the bubble with his knuckles, not getting any sort of reaction from the wall, not even a pulse or sound. "Everything seems to have frozen in place on the other side."

"We broke in here before, couldn't we just try the same thing with the barrier?" Sasaki asked, not taking her eyes off a still bird stuck in mid-flight she had spotted.

"_ Require ::: energy_" Suou pointed down at Tachibana, hand waving back and forth awkwardly like it was caught in an invisible tide, bobbing about in the current. "_ Lacking _ ¤#[_"

"So we need our little glow in the dark figurine to recharge?" Fujiwara asked as he turned around and strode back to the rest of us.

"So you're here to rescue us?" I asked as he got closer.

Fujiwara tutted so loud I had thought he had actually spit first. "Tth… Don't get me wrong, I'm not here for you, or even that annoying girl of yours. I'm simply here because I need the aid of my allies in my own personal fight and what they want is that girl's power for their reasons. I couldn't care less, but this is what needs to be done in order to make them help me achieve a clear and decisive victory." He then walked off to the other side of the street, as far away from all of us as he could as he settled onto the curb and assumed a fuming but thoughtful position.

Sasaki got up, done with bird watching for now and briskly walked over.

"Kyon – uh, wow, you positively reek." Sasaki held her nose as she got close enough to me.

"Huh? Oh, ah – sorry. It's been kind of crazy."

"Do you mind looking after Kyoko? I'm going to check out that store for supplies, just in case. Okay?"

And before I could even say yes or no, or just ask some questions, Sasaki had hurried to the store, rushing through a door that for the most part remained within the bubble, though a corner of the door on the top didn't follow the rest of it as it was opened.

Still not sure exactly what was going on, with everyone but a limp, unconscious girl in my arms and another one staring at me with such an empty look she could have easily been unconscious as well, I decided to go ahead and get Tachibana to a place that might offer more neck support than was being offered by having her head rest against my arm at an odd angle. I went ahead and lifted her up in my arms, taking her away from the other comatose girl (who seriously could have passed as one, as she hadn't moved an inch, like she had powered down or something), and carried Tachibana to the nearby bench. I set her down and… gave the back of my head a scratch, not knowing anything better to do. Maybe I should just head along after Sasaki and –

"Oh…" Tachibana stirred, blinking lethargically. Her head turned slowly until she found me and I could see her eyes struggle to focus on me. "Kyon…? Really you…?"

"Yeah, it is."

"I…" Tachibana tried to sit up but as she did, what little color she had in her cheeks passed as if stolen by a breeze. She flopped back onto the bench like a dead fish. "Uh…"

"Hey!" I placed a hand on her forehead, which actually did feel like a dead fish, cold and clammy to the touch, and then gave her cheek a little tap of my fingers, not wanting to cause any extra harm but worried that doing nothing might be worse. It was times like these I wished I had considered a life in medical school, because I seemed to attract an unfair amount of unconscious girls to take care of, and still didn't have the faintest idea on what was the correct procedure to deal with them.

Maybe she needed to be rehydrated or… hell, I had no idea. I might as well throw dirt in the air and chant mystical sounding rhymes full of oxymorons in order to fake sounding deep and spiritual for all it mattered.

"Where…?" Tachibana muttered, as she tried to focus on me again in her delirious state. "I have to… to go and…"

"Hey, calm down, mission accomplished. Just try and get some rest."

"So cold…"

I took my jacket off and put it over her, hoping it might help even a little.

"Kyon…" Tachibana sighed, the feverish tone of her voice making me feel hot and bothered, my cheeks burning a little, hearing my name uttered in such a husky whisper. "Have to get to… save him…"

Wow… you can really make a guy feel guilty, can't you? Hard to stay mistrustful of a person who apparently even in their semi-lucid dreams wants nothing more than your safety. Being so suspicious of her earlier definitely did _feel_ like a major mistake at the moment, although I _knew_ it hadn't been.

"_Kyon_… Ky… oonn…"

Okay, just stop already. Please? This is intentional, right?

Tachibana let out a final, weak whimper before she seemed to lose all power like a windup toy. I felt her forehead again, and could feel some warmth returning, reminding me of a stone heating in the rays of a morning sun, a long time ago when I was a kid, having stayed up all night just too see the sunrise once, enjoying the spread of warmth against my exposed skin against the stone along with the steady buildup of light all around me.

I looked around, but Fujiwara was still staring haughtily at the wall surrounding us and Suou seemed to have either set roots, intending to live out the rest of her life through photosynthesis, or just frozen in place as she was exactly as I had left her, staring sullenly ahead. Sasaki was still apparently in the store, or whatever she had access to of it, which couldn't be much at all. I was considering going to see what was taking her so long, when I felt a warm hand coil around my own and give it a soft squeeze.

"Tachibana?"

"Hey…" the flushed looking girl muttered as she stared at me through half-lidded eyes, smiling faintly but pluckily up at me. "Nice to see you…"

"…Yeah, you too. Please tell me you have a way to escape this place."

"Uhm… not completely sure how we got here in the first place."

"How _did_ you guys get in here? I thought only espers like Koizumi could enter Haruhi's closed spaces?

Tachibana sat up on her elbows, wobbled slightly and gave her head a shake, ridding her of some of the soft drowsiness in her eyes. "True, but this isn't exactly one of her sealed realities. Although she is the origin, the IDSE has changed its – what was it now? – the… the functionality frequency to such a degree that it's nearly on the same level as the world we live in normally, making it possible for us to enter it from a more approachable distance. However, it was still very distressing for me. I'm glad I had you to look after me," Tachibana said sweetly, smiling in a way that made me gulp nervously. Her eyes stared at me with a message of eager rewarding in them.

"Just – just doing the right thing, is all. I won't let a girl suffer… even if they are a kidnapper."

"Again with this?" Disappointment quickly replaced the earlier gratitude. "I thought we had moved past that by now."

"I guess I haven't," I said, looking away as I stood up.

Where was Sasaki?

"Well, I have… and I wish you'd let yourself as well. There's no need for hostilities. We could be quite – uhum – happy with each other."

"You should stop talking like that, people are going to get the wrong impression."

"Wrong? You wound me… Uuuuhh," Tachibana moaned, falling back in a dizzy looking spell, holding her forehead.

"Nice try. Like I'm going to fall for something like that."

"…"

"Okay, you can get up now."

"…"

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, a suddenly terrible concern making me reach out and try to shake her by the shoulder, but just as I was about to reach her, one of Tachibana's eyes flicked open, assuming an amused squint.

"Yeah, I am. I just wanted to see how you'd react…"

"That didn't mean anything."

"You're probably right, but it's still rather heartwarming you would spring to my side like that. You're a really good guy. Someone worth admiring."

Such sweet sugar coated praise will only cause a stomachache if dispensed to this great a degree.

"Heh, too much?" Tachibana smiled merrily up at me, like she was meeting an old friend, and after the brief awkwardness in the beginning, had now found a way back into a more comfortable place between them. "I'll be sure to remember that you're a very modest person. See, we're already well on the way toward a better understanding between us, all the time slowly becoming closer."

"So I assume you guys are here to get the god powers back on a level playfield?" I said, taking a step back, putting some distance between the two of us in more ways than one. "So you can try and get it back to Sasaki."

"Pretty much," Tachibana said as she got up into a sitting position again. She shook her head again of the dragging weariness and held her legs closer to her before she returned to watch me attentively. "I'm not entirely sure what the case is for Suou, but she's been extremely supportive, I guess. Fujiwara's just here to help us as he doesn't want to lose valuable resources. And I'm here to retrieve the powers. Your rescue is a bonus." She smiled happily at me.

"And Sasaki?" I asked, eager for escape. And not just from this reality anymore.

Tachibana gave me a critical look. "…I think she's here for you and you alone. If you were worried, she still hasn't seen the light and decided to receive what's rightfully hers, what would make the world a better place."

"Maybe you should just respect your 'God's' decisions," I suggested as I continued watching the store Sasaki had entered.

"She's not 'God', she's just… better than Suzumiya, not as unstable. This power needs to be housed by someone, so we should give it to someone who would not abuse it even unintentionally."

"Right," I muttered.

Seriously, what the hell was taking Sasaki so long? The little corner of a store left inside our little bubble was barely the size of me and – and Haruhi's apartment.

"If Sasaki had been in possession of these powers, you wouldn't have ended up here to begin with."

"…" Couldn't really disagree with that, unfortunately.

"Well, if all goes well. I'm sure we'll escape soon enough. Despite whatever hang-ups I might have about the others, they're still extremely capable individuals," Tachibana said, as she finally took her nerve-racking eyes off of me and instead gazed at Suou, still looking like she had been struck dumb by lightning, and Fujiwara, still looking like he had been struck by every branch of the jerk tree as he fell down it into a pile of smelly dumbass dung.

We were silent for a moment, which although an awkward silence of course, was much more welcome than Tachibana's advances on me. Quite honestly, I couldn't understand what the girl saw in me. It obviously couldn't be my looks, although I'm sure I carry a certain quaint charm with me (as my _completely_ unbiased aunts and cousins have told me). Even personality-wise I couldn't see any basis of attraction in me. It was like… I was just there, and that was enough.

"Kyon," Tachibana asked eventually, "Just tell me one thing."

"Sure. What?" I asked, having thought Tachibana's bothersome staring of me would continue once again, she however averted her eyes toward the bench and pulled her slender legs even closer to herself, the blue skirt of her school uniform sliding dangerously along her thighs, revealing more of her legs than should have ever been allowed. I quickly turned my head and once again gave the door of the shop a needy look.

"If things were different, if we'd met under different circumstances… would you hate me less?"

"I don't exactly hate you…" I admitted as I crossed my arms.

"Dislike me less then. And don't lie to me, I want the truth. I know you don't actually like me like I'd like you to."

"…Probably."

"…Okay. Thanks. Thank you for your honesty."

I craned my head over my shoulder to look at her and found her staring stoically ahead now, without any sort of readable expression on her face.

"You're angry with me now, aren't you?" I asked. I had essentially just tacitly admitted to disliking a person under current circumstances, whether that was really the intention or not. If someone didn't take a little offence at that, there was just something wrong about that person.

"No. Besides, it's not like it matters to you," Tachibana said quite calmly, glancing at me nonchalantly.

"Hey… Kyoko, listen…" I said carefully, deciding to go ahead and sound a little more… understanding toward her, I guess, although I hoped I hadn't crossed a line by first doing what I had and now being so forward as to call her by her first name. "If what you're saying is true, that you… that you like me a lot… then it should be clear to you, or made clear for you, that I'm not right for you. I'm just the best of… limited choices."

Tachibana was silent for a moment, seemingly considering my words.

"You're right. For nearly four years now… my life has been nothing but limited. I don't have any say in what happens to me, where I go, who I see… but I make the best of it…" Tachibana watched me now with willful eyes that seemed to however contain a deploring edge to them, asking for me to help make things better. "I make do with whatever I can… and if I my choices are limited and there is one clearly better than others, why shouldn't I try and grab hold of it, especially if it would make everything else seem worth it? How is that any different from anyone else's life?"

I looked away once more, unable to refute any of what had been said. Life was all about choices, and more often than not, those choices were limited. I knew that all too well. I had made deals with these people, after all.

"Never mind…" Tachibana said, still not sounding angry at all as I had suspected. I sensed movement behind me and turned now to see Tachibana lifting her legs onto the ground, bracing the arm rest of the bench as she began to heave herself up right.

"Hey, you sure you're –"

"I'm fine."

As she stood up, Tachibana wobbled uneasily. Being left in charge of her, I felt I should offer to help, but the way she was staring determinedly at her feet made me reconsider those feelings.

"We should get to work," Tachibana said, staggering forwards.

I grabbed her arm and she looked up at me with surprise.

"That's fine by me," I said. "But maybe we could do it without you falling over or something. You're still weak from… however you got here."

"…All right." Tachibana hobbled closer and took a firm hold of my supporting arm. "Please lead then."

We walked over to where Suou was. I was beginning to wonder if the girl had broken down like the doll she felt like. I glanced over at where Fujiwara was lurking, and he had obviously spotted us gathering, but had made no sign of approaching us, which was fine with me.

"Ah, Kyoko, you're up and about," I heard Sasaki's chipper voice behind me.

Sasaki had apparently finished doing inventory or whatever it was that had taken her so long in the store. She strode over quickly, carrying a small plastic bag.

"Here, I brought you some stuff. I didn't know if you were awake or not, so it's mostly drinks, but I also managed to scrounge a few of those chocolate bars you like," Sasaki said as she handed the little bag over to Tachibana, her leaning weight shifting a little against me as she reached out for them. Tachibana peeked into the bag, and her eyes widened in pleasant surprise like a kid's opening presents on Christmas.

"Wow, I – thanks," Tachibana said, sounding quite shocked to receive such treats from Sasaki. "I had no idea you remembered."

"Remembering what sort of chocolate a friend likes is quite simple after familiarizing yourself with the works of… well, why bother you with any references that would ultimately be lost on you?"

Thank you. Seriously. I get more than enough of that idiocy from Koizumi.

"So, what's going on?" Sasaki asked.

"I want to know what's going on," Tachibana said sternly, a more commanding, though not overly so, tone taking precedence in her voice. She looked over at sulky Fujiwara and shouted, "Get over here, please! We need to get back to work!"

Fujiwara gave her a slow glower, and for a moment it looked like he was ready to give her a rude hand gesture as follow up, but he got up and skulked over to us, hands deep in his pockets.

As Fujiwara joined our little circle, Tachibana spoke out. "I want a full situation report. It looks like we're stuck."

"_Very_ astute," Fujiwara replied. Tachibana gave him a warning look, but didn't take the bait.

Suou's head that had been slowly starting to droop suddenly jumped up. "Full _ analysis complete_: volume decreasing _ steady rate _"

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"Volume is decreasing? At what rate?" Sasaki asked, glancing about at the dome above us, for the first time looking rather nervous.

"_ 1.1 cm _ cube _ 1.1 hours _"

"Well that's not… actually, considering our limited space, it's actually a bit alarming," Sasaki said.

"Any suggestions? Why is this happening? Is there anything we can do to stop it or just escape?" Tachibana asked.

"The dome seems to be impenetrable," Fujiwara said, still managing to sound irrationally spiteful even if he was being somewhat helpful. It was almost like the very idea of helping others was causing him physical pain sometimes.

Suou gave a slow nod to this. "_ Concur_ data suggests _]^_ dimensional pressure _"

"So we're almost like an air bubble in water, slowly being squished… any idea what would happen? Would we die or just be assimilated into the outer reality housing this little pocket world?" Sasaki asked.

"_ Unknown _"

"And nothing can get through? You haven't… tried throwing a rock or something at it?"

Nearly everyone gave Sasaki the 'are you freaking serious?'-look. She just gave a little grin and shrugged. "Hey, Occam's Razor. It's usually the simplest answer that's correct. People just overlook them because they're so obvious. Human minds just like seeing complex patterns and meaning everywhere. We like to over think… _everything_."

"Couldn't we just burst through the inter-dimensional wall like we did last time? At least this time there's an actual 'wall' even," Tachibana suggested as her eyes travelled along the edge of our little world.

"_ More energy _ required_"

"I guess it's a good thing I found those chocolates, eh?" Sasaki grinned a little at Tachibana, who smirked right back at her.

"Currently _ dimensional frequencies _ incompatible _ only this one possesses _ two differing _ quantum _ [#= _ reality _ space _ string _ ¤%¤/_ variation _" Suou mumbled as she raised a lethargic hand to point at me.

Whoah, wait, what? Why is she pointing at _me_?

"So what you're saying is…" Fujiwara hazarded, "that the rest of us and even our bubble are now operating within a different level of reality, while this doofus here is not keyed into just one reality?"

"_ Exposure _ upon our_|¤/_forced entry _"

"I see…" Fujiwara said slowly, a dangerous look sneaking into his eyes as he started eyeing me up like a brand new, shiny tool.

"Kyon, have you tried to interact with the barrier at all?" Sasaki asked, looking worryingly intrigued by me as well.

"No, he's just been with me," Tachibana answered before she shifted her eyes to me as well.

Now the whole lot of them were staring at me in a way that made me feel like I was made of the only scraps of food on a deserted island. This was not a good time to be a person who resembled me, like only I truly did.

"So… you want me to…"

"It couldn't hurt, could it?" Sasaki asked.

Sigh. "Fine." I kind of handed Tachibana, who was still leaning against me, to Sasaki as I walked over to the perfect painting-like wall. I looked at it, then back at the others, their expectant faces egging me on, and slowly like I was placing my hand inside a hungry crocodile's mouth, proceeded to touch the wall.

My hand slid through it like it would through air. I couldn't feel the wall at all as I watched my hand disappear into the still scenery in front of me. Everything felt completely normal even though I couldn't see my hand beyond my wrist anymore.

"Wow."

"Interesting. Let's try something," I heard Fujiwara's voice behind me just as a hand touched my back and pushed me completely through the wall.

I tripped and fell over, but before I could get up and yell at the idiot for pushing me over, my face was slammed hard into the ground, into the dirt of a nearby flower bench.

"Quarantine area has been breached. Intruder identified as belonging to designated primary simulation. Requesting orders for response," the voice of a girl I didn't think I had ever met said in a cold, impartial voice.

Before I even had the time to cough up a response (or at least some of the dirt from my mouth), little fingers wrapped around the back of my neck.

"Acknowledged."

I was yanked up onto my knees to look straight into the face of a pretty girl in my school's uniform. Although she apparently attended my school, I couldn't for the life of me remember ever seeing this girl.

"You will follow me," the girl said. Though her voice wasn't threatening as such, the hold on my neck made it obvious I didn't have much of an option, other than maybe between using my own legs or letting myself be dragged around like the fresh pelt of a caveman.

I got up and looked around to see where exactly I had landed. The scenery outside the bubble was just as I had left it, except all the people roaming about the streets had been replaced by a fewer amount of girls, almost all of them in North High school uniforms.

The girl released her hold on my neck but gave my back a forceful push. Any objections were obviously out of the question, so I just walked forward. As we walked, the girls all watched me carefully as I walked past them. Were all aliens disguised as cute girls? Well, if that was the case, there was at least another reason to like the IDSE despite everything. And as we reached a small gathering of half a dozen girls, I found the first reason. Nagato was among the gathered group.

"Dismissed," another familiar face told my escort, this one belonging to Kimidori-san. She gave me a look up and down and asked, "What is the nature of this incursion?"

I gave her a raised eyebrow.

"Our simulated reality has been breached by unknown forces. We require information."

Straight to business, huh?

"Not really sure," I said, looking around at the placid faces that still somehow managed to look at me in a hostile manner. If Sasaki and her companions really were here to bust me and everyone out, giving the IDSE any information probably wouldn't help that goal in any form.

"We have means of coercing information from you. I assure you that this would not be desirable and barely tolerable an experience for you."

"Look, I don't know anything more than you do. They just popped up."

"Who are 'they'?"

"Well, unless you guys have some other rivals hidden somewhere, it should be fairly obvious."

"I see," Kimidori-san said before she turned to an unknown female next to her. "Increase dimensional pressure upon intruding reality. We should be able to eject the offending reality and its contents and continue the simulation."

"Hey, hold up, you can't just –"

"Reintegrate this one into the current primary simulation whenever enough processing power is made available to allow the action," Kimidori-san said, acting like she hadn't heard me. "Otherwise detain him within the tertiary quarantine zone."

Two of the girls around me grabbed me by the arms, their hands quickly tightening around my wrists as they pulled me back. I tried to wrench myself free from their hold, but the two small girls barely reacted as I pulled against them.

"Hey!"

"You have served your usefulness so far. We are appreciative," Kimidori-san said as she turned to another girl and started issuing new orders.

"Wait! Nagato! Do something!"

Nagato watched me get dragged along. Her eyes followed my struggling calmly, before she turned around to listen fully to Kimidori-san.

"Nagato!"

I was dragged away and as I gave up the futile struggle, I had the time to get a better look at my surroundings. I noticed that the area we were in was also surrounded by a curve in the horizon. It looked like a much larger dome was surrounding the small one with Sasaki and the others.

Suddenly the two girls came to a halt and threw me up against the wall of a building. Before I was able to thank them for the warm hospitality, the building shifted, flowing like liquid as it glowed white for an instant, and reformed itself as a cage for me.

"You will remain here until we possess the free processing power to reintegrate you into the current primary scenario," one of the girls informed me.

"And that would be when?"

"Whenever this intrusion is ejected from our simulation. An approximation of the time required is not available at this instance."

"As always, it's a pleasure working with you people," I said as I crossed my arms and leaned back against the freshly created metal bars imprisoning me. "I get three square meals a day, right? And what about a phone call?"

I peered over my shoulder to witness the two alien girls trade questioning glances before they simply strode off and left me alone.

Damn it. What am I going to do now? I'm trapped in a little cell, in an area surrounded by aliens with godly powers, inside yet another dome within a reality controlled by the IDSE. I might just as well dig myself a hole, jump in it and give up all hope and let the maggots get on with their inevitable work. It felt like there really wasn't anything I could do anymore.

"Are you all right?" a soft, sweet monotone soon came to drive my dreary, angry hopelessness away.

"Nagato?" I asked as I turned about to see her approaching.

"…"

"Boy am I glad to see your face."

"Although you were outside this reality for only 3 minutes, it is good to see you unharmed as well."

"Could've sworn it was longer."

"It is possible time functions at a different level within the intruding pocket reality."

"Whatever. Help me bust out."

"Presently that is not an advisable action."

"Look, let's just bust out of here… and… make our way to the bubble. Sasaki and the others are here to help."

"We cannot –" Nagato's rejection came to a sudden stop, her head snapping back in the direction of the bubble from which I'd come.

"What is it?"

"Something is happening," Nagato simply said.

"_What_?"

Nagato reached and muttered a sped up command, the bars holding me bending in response like fresh spaghetti. "Come. We must hurry."

Nagato grabbed hold of the corner of my sleeve and yanked me out of my cell.

And _yet_ again I was shoved along without my permission, but with Nagato leading the way this time, it wasn't so bad.

"Nagato, what's going on?"

"The pocket reality is no longer undergoing compression. There appears to be resistance."

"And you're taking me back there because… you're going to help in this resistance, whatever it is?"

Nagato said nothing as she pulled me along down an empty street towards the center of all the commotion, Sasaki's little bubble. The clear dome at the corner of a store didn't seem to be hiding anything under it, but it was now crackling with crimson static at a spot near the edge where a host of the alien girls were now gathering.

"Seriously, what's going on?"

"It is uncertain at this time, but it appears that there is slight spatial protrusion and increase in energy levels at a localized area on the surface of the dimensional sphere."

"That doesn't answer _anything_!" You might just as well have cursed me in Swahili.

Nagato stopped and I nearly vaulted over her as I bumped into her small, but resisting frame. It was almost like running into a statue, though on the plus side Nagato was actually – well, that is – softer than a statue. "Remain here. The situation could be dangerous."

"What is it?" I asked, leaning around her to see better now that we were on the street and only a a dozen or so meters away.

"Remain h-"

Whips of voltage cracked like angry whips, cutting Nagato's words off. A spot on the bubble with red static buckled and heaved, the scenery within that spot stretching about. A round protrusion pushed against it like a tongue against a cheek, or like something that was not meant to be inside a human stomach, like an alien egg hatching, ready to burst through the bulging guts. It shook about, as if trashing for release, but in a slow and measuring manner, almost like it could see what was waiting for it and was taking note.

Then the protrusion receded for a moment and everything was silent, only the crackle of high voltages and sparks of electricity over the spot that had stretched and moved there now to fill the still silence as everyone watched it carefully.

"What is that?" was all I managed to ask before a full, dark mop of hair rose from the center of the ripple, encircled by the reddish glow. "No way… how'd she…?"

I thought they needed more energy to… oh yeah, different time frames. Who knows how much time had gone past for the guys inside their personal bubble.

Suou Kuyoh stepped through the rippling bubble or reality or whatever into this one and surveyed the lay of the land with steady indifference. All around her the humanoid interfaces seemed to tense up, like they were preparing to pounce on the girl. From this distance I couldn't tell exactly what was happening, but it seemed like one of the girls was talking to Suou, but the grim, silent girl merely continued looking about as if she couldn't hear. The girl who had spoken out reached out to touch Suou… and then it all basically went to hell.

As contact was made, the girl's hand seemed to simply dissolve as she touched Suou. She pulled back the stump of her hand and took a step back.

Suou seemed to finally notice her now. She reached out to grab the girl but she jumped away. All the interfaces retreated, jumping away with inhuman speed. Suou responded in kind. She lunged for the closest one to her, striking the girl in the chest, her fist simply gliding through her target. Like an acid, Suou's touch seemed to melt the girls it touched. The girl that had been struck was seared in half while the one that had touched Suou, continued losing her arm at an alarming rate.

But the interfaces didn't just stand there gawking. They all sprang into action, leaping away to gain more distance, a fair amount of them turning their hands into long, white-glowing things I could only describe as tentacles, much like how Asakura's hands had morphed all that time ago. Some immediately responded with data manipulation, making the ground around Suou to stab violently at her in the form of jagged spikes, rushing forth like spears of some sort of high powered death trap. The glinting spikes however simply slid through Suou. Even the slashes of the hand-tentacles glided through her.

"_ Stabilize _ control _" I could hear Suou's voice clearly even from the distance. "_ Variables _ limit _"

Then Suou moved with uncanny speed. It was like watching a mountain springing to life. Never having seen her move much at all, the sudden velocity with which she moved was simply mindboggling. The girl was nothing but a dark blur most of the time. She passed through any obstacle thrown her way like a ghost, which was anything the little girls could get their hands on. If seeing Suou move so fast was mind-boggling, then seeing a girl a head shorter than me grab a car and hurl it at Suou, only to have it pass through her, was simply mind-wrecking.

The interfaces continued their retreat, some leaping up between buildings to get to higher ground, only to have Suou chase them down and catch them with her devouring hands, making them dissolve slower now. But the girls continued leaping away across buildings, leading Suou away from us, toward the other side of the little bubble from where Suou had come, catching a girl in the air by the leg before they disappeared behind a building, the leg dissolving away at contact again.

Nagato stepped in front of me as another interface landed next to us. The girl held out her palms in front of her and world around us started breaking apart, disintegrating into little specks of dust that spiraled to her hands. Trees, sidewalks, light posts and even buildings were reduced to swirling dust around us, gathering together into a revolving black ball. But no matter how much more matter was attached, the smooth ball didn't seem to get any bigger than a tennis ball.

"What the hell is going on?" I tried shouting over the crash of a building that was brought down at the speeding Suou, now on my far left, the building having been chopped down by the glowing tentacles of some of the passing interfaces.

"Remain behind me," Nagato instructed, reaching behind me and grabbing a hold my shirt, pulling me closer to her.

The revolving ball started humming as it started vibrating. I could feel an intense heat spreading from the ball as it became a shifting blur in the outspread palms of the girl next to us.

"Matter is being highly condensed and supercharged to use as a high velocity projectile weapon. Remain behind me," Nagato ordered, a hint of anxiety in her voice that made my skin crawl, since it really shouldn't have been there.

"What?"

"Remain behind me. The force of the impact will be immense as the projectile is fired at relativistic speeds."

"Wait! You can't just – just nuke this place!"

"_Remain behind me_."

Before I could say anything more, the sphere was fired. I couldn't even see it move. One moment it was a floating, reverberating blur held in outstretched hands and then there was a massive explosion. Nagato's hand had been raised just in time to prevent the massive flames that swept over everything to flow around us, blue energy crackling around us as a shield against the intense heat of the white flames of the massive explosion. I closed my eyes and held my hands over them, but even so all I could see was a blinding white intensity that burned my eyes, scalding my retinas. The howling inferno around us seemed to last for several minutes. And even when the roar of destruction finally started fading away, the world behind my closed eyes still glowed with white heat.

"It is over," Nagato's faint voice seemed to eventually echo from a distance as the earth rattling explosion seemed to die with a final shock.

I opened my eyes, or thought I had, but still couldn't see anything. Everything was still a white mishmash of shades.

"What the hell did you guys just do? What about Haruhi and Asahina?"

"That blast was contained fully within the secondary quarantine zone, magnifying its force. Harmful radiation to humans will also be absorbed by the boundaries of the quarantine zone. I however cannot protect you like this."

"What?"

"Be safe."

A sharp, blunt pain erupted in my side as I could feel my body lifted off the ground. The wind swept my face and howled in my ears, sounds of distant crashes and more explosions accompanying the rush until it all disappeared and I could feel my shoulder hitting something extremely solid.

"Nagato!" I shouted as loud as I could, afraid something had happened to her, that some sort of blast had taken her out or worse. "Nagato!"

"Kyon! What's going on?" I heard Sasaki all of sudden next to me as hands grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me upright.

I blinked, trying to make sense of the dancing lights and shadows that revolved around me. "Sasaki? What are you doing _here_?"

"You're back inside our little bubble."

I blinked again, my eyes feeling watery and hot at the same. I gave them a rub and could make out the shadow of a person in front of me.

"You were away for over an hour! We had to try _something_!"

"What the hell did you think you were doing? Suou's out there slicing people apart!"

The satisfied chuckle I heard next could only belong to Fujiwara.

"What the hell did you _do_?"

"Remember back at the fair when I had to devise contingency plans? Well, we've just put one into action. Tachibana provided the energy, while Suou appears to be exceeding all expectations by the sound of it. Did you know it wasn't simply because the Macro-spatial entities had trouble constructing interfaces that it took them so long to roll Suou out of the factory line?"

"What are you talking about, asshole?"

"Well, once the Sky Canopy Dominion or whatever ridiculous thing they were called realized the Integrated Data Sentient Entity had beat them to the punch in production of interfaces, they took their time to hone a single, more efficient model than the mass produced crap of theirs. After three years or so, Suou came out of all of that."

What…? I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If Suou was somehow even stronger than a normal interface, then Nagato…

"And now, coupled with power borrowed from Tachibana – over there, drooling once again – she can phase in and out through the realities outside."

"She's slicing people apart!"

"A side effect, I believe. One that works greatly in our favor. She simply has to make herself align to the dimensional frequency of that reality and she will be able to put my old emergency plan into full effect. Don't worry your dull head about the specifics. Just know that the data entities are good as gone. _For good_."

I could picture the filthy, satisfied smirk spreading across Fujiwara's obnoxious face, even if I couldn't see it yet. And all I wanted was to punch it off.

"Once the data entities are eliminated, we can –"

"Fujiwara, you said we were doing reconnaissance!" Sasaki exclaimed, starting sound dangerously indignant.

No… _she's_ out there! I have to – to do something!

Now able to see the fuzzy faces of a worried Sasaki and the maliciously smirking Fujiwara, I looked around, spotting the closest edge to the barrier and I heaved myself up, muscles aching now after my rough flight back in to the bubble.

"Kyon! What are you –"

I ran for the edge of the bubble, pushing through the pain in my side and shoulder, using it to fuel my furious, heated race back into the battlefield.

_Nagato_!

I once again passed through the barrier like it wasn't even there, feeling nothing as I went passed it. But the world I returned to was like something taken from a disaster film. Surrounding the sphere where I'd been in only for a minute or two was a large charred square area the size of a football field where the explosion must have been contained. Beyond the square area was rubble and wreckage everywhere. Not a single building was standing. Sewer pipes had been uplifted and cracked, bleeding waste over the broken land. Everything had been reduced to smoking ruin. If I didn't know it, I would never have even guessed that what I saw was what remained of my home town instead of maybe the smoking crater of a volcano. But far in the distance, I could still see familiar buildings of my town, still upright.

"Nagato!" I shouted as loud as I could, desperate to find the petite alien amongst the wreckage and take her away.

I heard a violent crash to my left. A girl in a burnt school uniform flew out through a pile of rubble, messy and nearly as broken looking as her surroundings. I ran forward, but noticed to my relief that it wasn't Nagato as she came to rolling stop against what might have been a wall once.

Through the smoke of the rubble from which the girl had flown, Suou emerged, looking just as tired as always, but still in clothing that hadn't been torn to shreds in all the fighting. It was like she hadn't taken any damage at all.

The bloody girl grabbed a steel pipe near her and hurled it at Suou, the pipe sharpening into a spike as it flew through the bored face of Suou as she charged through the air at the girl. As Suou landed before the damaged interface, she grabbed her by the arms, but just like before, the girl started to disintegrate at her touch, but much slower than before, muscles evaporating into the air, exposing white bone soon enough until her entire body disappeared, turning to little specks of dust-like matter as her body was broken down, dispersed into nothingness by a weak wind.

"_ Recalibrating _" was all that Suou had to say once she stood up straight once more, after the interface she had touched was completely gone. "_ Search _ next viable _"

"Suou! Stop!"

But the dark haired girl was away before I had even uttered the words. I ran after her as she seemed to hurry off like a bloodhound that had caught a fresh scent. I climbed over piles of rubble Suou cleared with gravity defying high jumps until I reached the peak of a particularly high pile of debris and found what I was looking for.

Nagato was standing still, a thick, crumbled wall to her back, only her eyes moving as they followed Suou's final approach.

"Nagato! Run!" I yelled at her.

But she just stood there.

Why wasn't she doing anything? Why was she just… waiting for Suou to get to her?

Wreckage exploded nearby as another bedraggled girl leapt from a hiding spot from among the ruins, a beam of white concentrated energy from her hand slicing through everything as it streaked for Suou across the ground. The beam passed harmlessly through Suou, but it caught her attention nevertheless. Suou changed her course towards the girl, jumping from one pile of rubble to the next with agility that put robotic deer to shame.

I took my chance and rolled down the pile of rubble I was on top of and ran for Nagato while I had the chance.

"Get out of here!"

Nagato just stood there, eyes peeled on Suou as I ran for her.

There was a crash somewhere behind me, followed by what sounded like a landslide.

"_ Recalibrating _ Search for next _" Suou voice seemed to sound equally loud no matter how far away she was.

I knew what that meant. If Nagato didn't move and do it right now, she'd be nothing but dust in the wind momentarily.

"RUN!" I screamed desperately at Nagato.

She still wouldn't budge.

_Didn't she understand she was going to _die_?_

My eyes darted to where I had heard Suou's colder than the grave monotone from and saw she was now standing upright, eyes firmly fixed on Nagato.

I ran for Nagato as fast as I could. My lungs felt like they were a burning furnace, pumping dry, useless air, trying to get whatever they could to help push me forwards, but it just wasn't enough.

Suou was on the move now, practically gliding across the ground, straight for Nagato.

Even though I had a massive head start and was running so fast it felt like my muscles were going to rip apart, every step I took felt far too slow in comparison to the several inhumanly long strides Suou made in the mean time.

Knowing I wouldn't reach Nagato before her, I put all my hope and energy into a single act of stupidity and desperation. I changed course to try and intercept Suou, a metal pipe poking out from the rubble on my way. I grabbed it and thankfully it pulled loose easily with me, instead of being connected to concrete or something. I gripped it hard in my hands, my knuckles aching as I held it tightly enough so it wouldn't slip out from my sweaty hands. I stopped, took a wide stance, putting to use what I knew of striking with a bat, using what little help Haruhi had actually put into coaching her pathetic excuse for a team way back a long time ago finally to some good use. Suou was close now, speeding at me like a bullet, several meters away, but only a few microseconds in time at best.

I swung the pipe as hard as I could.

The pipe passed straight through her, not slowing her at all as she raced not only through the metal but even through my body on her way to Nagato.

"NOOOO!"

There was a resounding crash behind me as fatal contact was made, dust billowing around and past me, carried by a forceful gust that threw me to my knees along with momentum from the blow that had failed to connect, as all strength left me, knowing I had failed, knowing that Suou had gotten to Nagato.

"No."

This couldn't happen, it just couldn't.

My eyes grew blurred and hot, a few fast blinks clearing my eyes only for a moment.

"No…"

_She couldn't be gone…_

After the final loud crash, the world grew still and silent. Silent like a grave. The debris and dust from the collision that was starting to settle around me stung my eyes and clogged up my throat.

_No…_

"Physical connection established," I heard Nagato's distant voice.

_What…?_

I turned my head around and saw Suou holding Nagato up against some wreckage by the shoulders, but _she_ wasn't – she wasn't… her arms were still attached. She wasn't melting. Nagato wasn't dead.

A giant jagged rock had skewered both of the girls clear through their abdomens. Nagato had placed a hand on the bloody rock between the two girls.

"Commence extrication process."

The rock that had nearly split both of the girls in half began to glow white hot. Blue electric snakes emerged from the rock, crackling and sparking to life, as they coiled themselves around Suou.

"Redirect all available removal programs through conduit."

Suou's body started shaking, her muscles trembled in uncontrolled spasms, but she held on to Nagato tightly. The electric shocks that ran across her body, making her draw into herself, her legs bending while her head shook lower. It was like her body was starting to wrap itself around the white glowing rock, as if pulled by invisible, fundamental forces.

But then, all of a sudden, Suou raised her head in one strong, resisting move and looked Nagato right in the face. Her body started shaking even more, almost vibrating by now, as she struggled to pull herself straight.

The electric sparks coursing over her body crackled louder.

Suou bent her arms and pulled herself closer to Nagato, sliding along the spiked stone that impaled her, pulling herself along it, widening her wound. Blood dripped from her back as she tore away more of her flesh pulling herself forward, completely uncaring of the damage she was doing to her body. Like she was trying some sort of monstrous embrace, Suou stopped only when she was a few centimeters away from Nagato, now face to face. And then she –

Suou kissed Nagato on the lips.

…

…

…

_What the_...?

After the final kiss was complete, Suou collapsed lifelessly onto the jagged rock, like all her energy had truly been wasted on that – _that defiant kiss_? But whatever had just happened would remain a mystery, as Suou's body, just like those she had touched before, disintegrated into free bits of matter, stolen away by a faint breath of wind.

As Suou's body disappeared, Nagato doubled over on the spiked rock through her stomach, which was now slowly losing its frightening glow. Caught off guard by everything that had just happened to me within the span of a minute, I just stared until something kicked my brain back into gear and told me to make sure she was okay. I rushed up to Nagato's body, now hanging limply on the spike.

"Hey…" I panted, before I swallowed to catch my breath. "Hey… you okay…?"

She'd survived worse, hadn't she…?

_Right?_

"Hey, you're okay… you have to be…"

I reached out and just as I was about to touch her, Nagato raised her head a little, her dark eyes shining weakly underneath her sweaty bangs.

"I am… all right. I will repair myself shortly," she slowly answered, before she placed a hand on the jagged rock an it received a silvery polish to it before retreating back into her gaping wound and out through her back into the wall behind her. The small girl would have fallen over if I hadn't been there to catch her in my arms. I held her fragile little form in my arms, carefully leveraging her into a lying position on the ground.

Something wet dripped onto Nagato's cheek.

"Are you hurt?" Nagato asked.

"No, of course not… thanks to you…"

Nagato reached up to my face and tenderly swiped her fingers over my wet cheekbone, her touch softer than a snowflake's.

"Do not cry. I do not like it… when you cry," Nagato said softly as she watched me with tired, slightly blood shot eyes.

"Who's crying?" I asked, in joyful jest.

Nagato's careful touch rose higher, wiping away at the wetness at the corner of one of my eyes.

"Please, do not cry," Nagato repeated. "When you cry, I find it… painful."

"Oh, so _that's_ what you find painful," I said, chuckling a little weakly as I glanced at the blood that remained even as the wound in Nagato's stomach was nearly closed by now by the magic of data manipulation.

"Yes, I do," Nagato said, quite seriously, her brows furrowing ever so lightly at the miscommunication between us.

All of a sudden I couldn't laugh any more in joy at having Nagato safe in my arms, looking up at me, exhausted eyes wavering with concern for me.

"Sorry," I said, giving me eyes a hasty wipe. "I'll try and not let it happen again."

"…Thank you."

I looked at the tattered hole in her stomach, revealing her fair skinned, flat stomach encircled by a messy ring of dried blood. She had already taken care of the worst of it. Just a small patch of red muscle and blood the size of her little fist remained.

"Did you really have to go this far?"

"The enemy combatant remained intangible unless physical contact was initiated by it. Allowing it to attack first in order to establish a stable physical connection was necessary."

"How about you promise _me_ you won't throw yourself out on the line like this ever again?"

"…I will try." Nagato said after a short pause, as deep dark eyes stared all but through me.

"Thanks," I said, hitching the girl into a sitting position, trying to make her more comfortable, but only bringing her closer to me.

"Seriously, thought I was going to lose you," I said as I brushed some of her bangs away, noticing how warm her brow felt to my touch. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"All systems are functioning as expected, though energy levels are low due to being depleted by expenditure of performing as a conduit for expulsion programs." She paused for a moment, her usually steady eyes wavering for a moment, as they seemed to scan my face completely, from top to bottom, no longer just focused on my eyes. "…I too was worried for your safety."

Her pretty lips were covered in ugly dirt, a disgusting mess that shouldn't have been anywhere near her. I wanted to wipe them clean and…

"Nagato, I –"

Rubble rumbled near us, heavy rocks shifting as smaller ones came cascading down from on top of the heaving pile. My muscles tensed, pulling Nagato closer while she made an effort to get up, but both our worries were buried far away under heavy cover of relief as a ravaged and worn Kimidori-san pushed out from behind the rubble, instead of some new crazy hyper-spatial threat from beyond the stars or Haruhi's imagination, wherever they came in the end.

"Status report," she said dispassionately as she clambered out, a bloody mess herself, looking like a broken doll as she held her broken arm in a weird angle, blood still dripping from it in her wake, leaving behind a crimson trail as she limped towards us.

"Enemy combatant has been successfully removed," Nagato stated as she sat up properly, without the need of my supporting arms.

Kimidori-san nodded, before she turned her head to look at the small peaceful piece of my town left inside the crater of destruction, the small bubble where Sasaki, Tachibana and… _Fujiwara_ were.

"Our operation is not complete. We must – where is he going?"

I had risen up and was now quickly making my way back to the protected sphere, my fingers hurting, squeezed tightly into fists.

"Stop him. We must contain the situation." I heard Kimidori-san and hurried forward, breaking into a run. "I _gave_ you an order."

"I cannot comply… Battle damage."

_Thanks, Nagato._

Soon enough I had passed the rubble in my way and stepped through the intangible barrier. The scenery shifted instantly from the warzone back into the normal backdrop of my quiet home town. But besmirching my lovely home town, or what was left of it, even if it was some sort of alternate reality, was the butt ugly face of Fujiwara turning expectantly to face me.

_Just perfectly in place for a fist right in the – _

My fist was locked and loaded, primed to release its full force into the caving of the smug face when my way was blocked.

"Kyon," Sasaki stepped in front of me, blocking the crosshairs of my red anger, placing a firm hand against my chest. I could feel my heart thump against her palm as she pushed back on me. "Don't do it," she said, apparently knowing exactly what I had planned, and yet for some reason thinking trying to stop me would somehow be a good idea.

"He was trying to kill Na– no, he _managed_ to kill a whole bunch of them! Get out of my way!" I managed to hiss through my clenched teeth as I put a hand on Sasaki's shoulder, to push her away, but she held her ground.

"No."

"_No_?"

"Calm down. That won't solve anything."

"They're dead! So is Suou!"

"What?"

"Out of my way, Sasaki. I'm going to beat the crap out of –"

The reverberating sound of a sharp slap followed by a pained yelp rang out in the bubble as Tachibana entered the small red world that contained only Fujiwara's stinking grin, and gave the asshole a small appetizer of what he deserved.

"I didn't give you my power for _that_!" Tachibana screamed, face red and eyes watery as she raised her hand again to strike at Fujiwara, him now holding his cheek with unbelieving shock in his eyes.

"Stupid whelp!" Fujiwara hollered back at her, quickly regaining his composure as he approached Tachibana threateningly. "_You're_ the one who persuaded me into joining your asinine cause because _you_ said you and your allies were ready to do whatever was _necessary_! _I_ did that! And so did the alien! _This_ is what it means! This is what it'll take to _win_!"

"You son of a –"

Tachibana's quivering hand was released once again, but the strike was intercepted by Fujiwara who grabbed her by the wrist and twisted it down and around.

"Aaahhh!" Tachibana screamed in pain.

"Sasaki! Dammit, let me _go_!" I shouted as I pushed against her hand, only causing her to place her other hand against my chest as well to push me back.

"No! Everyone! Calm down! There's been enough violence! It won't solve anything! We're still trapped here and with decreasing space! We can't turn on each other now!"

"Just as soon as this idiot calms –" Tachibana's knee soared forth like a missile, impacting roughly in Fujiwara's crotch, sending the asshole to his knees. "UHFF!" Fujiwara's words came to a shrill halt suddenly.

_Good girl. Hit him again!_

"You do not make the rules, Fujiwara! Nor do you ignore them! We do this the right way or we don't do it at all!" Tachibana shouted hotly at him, now nursing her wrist with an intensity that made me think she was preparing her hand for another slap.

"Ggghh… so when – gah – I try to act – gnnh – proactively, I get scolded," Fujiwara struggled to talk, slowly raising his head to glare up at Tachibana. "Funny how – hh – you didn't have any problems with kidnap."

"They're not the same thing! We would have kept her safe! And it was – it was a mistake! But even so, we would have made sure she would have lived free with choice afterwards! You took that away from all of them!"

"They're manufactured organic robots… how do you even know they're dead…?"

"Please, everyone! Just calm down!" Sasaki insisted, still doing her best to hold me back.

"Sasaki, let me beat the self-righteous snot out of that bastard!"

"SHUT UP!" Sasaki shouted and everyone stopped to gape at her, the power of her raised voice freezing us all in place. "Yes, what Fujiwara did is despicable and should be held accountable, but this is quite simply neither the time nor the place for it. Let alone devolving our disagreements into fist fights. We're still trapped and with a time limit. We came here to get Kyon and the others out. Let's do that. We can assign rightful blame later."

I hated to admit it, but she had a point. Time was running out. Sasaki and the others were trapped in here, and even though I may have genuinely considered the possibility of leaving Fujiwara to be squeezed like a ripe tomato by the invisible walls around us (and relished the thought), leaving either Sasaki or Tachibana behind wasn't even to be considered.

"Now, everyone, we need to figure out a way to –"

"No," I interrupted Sasaki.

"What?"

"Don't worry about it. I think I know a way to get out of here,"

"You do?"

"Yeah… it's just not something I thought I'd ever have to do."

"Kyon, what is it?"

"I'm leaving now. To find Koizumi. It'll all probably take some time so… don't feel obligated to wait to deliver the asshole a proper beating to pass the time," I said as I turned away to leave.

Fujiwara tutted derisively. "_Typical_. Just jealous and wary of being supplanted from his ego feeding role in the midst of everyone's attention because I'm actually _doing_ something to resolve the mess our world is in, instead of hiding behind a thin veil of inability as an excuse to shirk responsibility. You're a _coward_! There's always a choice. And if there aren't choices available, you have to _make_ them."

"Shut up, Fujiwara," Tachibana said with vehement poison edging her words as she crossed her arms and turned moodily away from him.

Once again, good girl. I'm slowly starting to warm up to Tachibana, as long as she keeps that psycho in check like the mad dog he is. Or at least socks him in the nose once. She really isn't that bad at all.

"Kyon, what are you going to do?" Sasaki asked, hurrying up to me just as I was about to pass through the barrier.

"Just trust me… you don't even wanna know. Because _I_ really don't."

And before Sasaki could ask again, I passed through the wall between worlds and left the others behind their protective shield, behind a small veil of ignorance to stew with what their actions had caused, well-intended or not, stupid and reckless or just uncaring. It was time to put all of this crap to an end for good.

Nagato was waiting on the other side of a completely and fully restored world, everything looking just like it had before this morning with people walking leisurely about on bright early noon streets. I glanced behind me and where the bubble should have been was a construction site, busy with men at work.

Nagato watched my approach expectantly. She looked good, but I thought I could spot an unfamiliar weariness in her eyes after everything. Her faced seemed a bit flushed as well.

"…I think we should go and see Koizumi and… and put his stupid plan into action."

Nagato gave a little nod and turned about to lead the way.

_Damn it, I can't believe I'm actually going to do this…_


	42. War paint

"Go on, ask her," Koizumi told me as we walked along a corridor, nearing my classroom at the tick-tock pace of a time bomb.

"No, I won't."

"There really isn't any other way to start the scenario."

"Sure there is."

"Really? Enlighten me then."

"…Give me a minute. I'm sure I'll come up with something."

"You're stalling," Koizumi said rather confidently.

"No, seriously, I'll come up with something."

"…"

"…"

"Well?" Koizumi asked, eager to hear my new and improved battle plan.

"…" Unfortunately my mind was drawing a blank, if you could excuse the nonsensical phrase.

"Just go over and –"

"Wait for it. It'll hit me soon enough. Desperation always makes me think better. I'm a man of action… whenever I get off my ass and actually do something. It'll come to me."

"Honestly…" Koizumi shook his head, exasperated by me.

"I know we don't really have any more options left, but… there has to be a _better_ way. There just has to be. There always is."

"Well, you could go and buy a bouquet of flowers," Koizumi suggested rather smugly.

"Shut up. This isn't funny."

Koizumi grinned at me. "Go on, ask her. Just do it. I'm sure you'll feel better once it's over and done with. _Ask_ Suzumiya-san."

"No, I won't."

"Ask me what?" Haruhi's voice stopped the painfully slow grinding of my mental gears completely as I found her now standing right in front of me all of a sudden, stepping out from my classroom, looking none too pleased to be left out on anything even remotely possible of being interesting.

Koizumi gave me a meaningful lift of his eyebrow. It was probably meant as a sign of encouragement or initiation, but it felt more like a taunt to me.

You did this on purpose, didn't you? Brought us close, used her name out loud like that and told me to do it within earshot, you sneaky –

"Ask me _what_?" Haruhi asked again, irritation flaring at being ignored.

"Go on," Koizumi egged me on like a very bad euthanasia assistant (or good, depending on your point of view on the whole matter).

"I…" Damn it. But hey, it's not like she's going to say yes anyway. So, other than looking like a fool, what's the risk? "I wanted to ask you… if you'd… that is… will you… go out with me, on a date?"

Haruhi gave me an angry glare like she had just found a piece of rotten cheese in a long sought treasure chest, before she looked me up and down, appraising me like livestock for a annoyingly long moment.

"I knew it," she finally said, placing her hand on her hip, "You _do_ have a thing for me."

"_What_? No, I – it's – not like – don't be stu-"

"Yes," Koizumi butted in, smirking all the time, like a kid who had finally received the toy he had been begging for nearly a year. "He's been trying to deny it for who knows how long and for whatever crazy reason."

Haruhi glanced suspiciously at Koizumi before her leery eyes shifted back to me, fine eyebrows furrowing some more, before she made a little huff and flicked her hair. "Sure, why not."

Like I said, Koizumi, she's not – _wait, what_?

"I'll go on a date with you," Haruhi stated matter-of-factly.

"…"

"But if you don't get rid of the dumb slack-jawed expression, I might reconsider," Haruhi said testily, giving her finger a threatening shake in my face.

All right, now it's clearer than ever before (not that there was any real doubt left) that this was a fake reality!

"It's not like I'll turn down a chance for something new and possibly rewarding. That'd just be cowardly and childish."

Well, you're _certainly_ not _one_ of those things. And a little fear never hurt anyone… too much. If anything, it usually helped you stay away from dangerous things, things like Haruhi.

"Just know I'll be going in with low expectations and a short patience. I don't have time to waste on boring everyday events. And I'm pretty sure you'll be incapable of providing anything that _isn't_. But you'll have to pay for everything as _you're_ taking _me_ out," Haruhi explained the fairly obvious for my benefit, no doubt.

There was no way Haruhi would normally just accept this, right? It had to be because she was a slightly different Haruhi, right? Of course. This is somehow a different Haruhi. There's just no way she would accept going on a date with me. Something about her past had been changed, making her act crazy… crazier, pardon me.

Wait… hold on a second… I haven't thought this completely through…

If Haruhi _didn't_ accept going on a date, while she always had previously, that would mean there was something different (special, if you will) about me and that would mean that Haruhi…

Damn it, this is just so typical. Both options are terrible in their own way. Failure really is my only option when it comes to trying and resolving any situation. I'm always just stuck between two nasty options. From resolving the status quo, entering a hopefully more stable and safer world but losing all the excitement and possibly Asahina-san and Nagato, I am always just stuck.

This whole thing is just so… off. It all feels slightly askew, like looking at a curved mirror. _Something_ has to be off about this whole situation and Haruhi… Unfortunately, I just can't say what. And if I can't say what exactly it is, it's just a feeling and you can't control those, and it'll only make me even more unnerved about all of this due to lack of control and reason. Damn it.

There was no way this was just a simple case of Haruhi being 'open-minded'. Even if something about this Haruhi was different, although she was an alternate Haruhi, she was still Haruhi deep down. Call it a gut instinct or something, but I _knew_ there was something more going on here in her accepting a date with me, but what exactly? Everything's like a game with her, every move having to be made with the other's past and future moves in mind, like in chess… So what was the _game_ here? Was I being played or was I playing along? Or were we once again playing against each other?

"So when did you plan to try and entertain me by my lonesome?" Haruhi asked, crossing her arms, apparently really having no confidence whatsoever in our future date.

"How about today, around seven?" Koizumi suggested.

An eyebrow of Haruhi's was raised at this once again as Koizumi took a far too active role in me asking her out, acting incredibly relaxed and naturally about it, when he was just supposed to be a passive observer.

"Fine, whatever," Haruhi told me with all the romantic anticipation of a sea anemone, "I'd have been away that long anyway. There was something I wanted to check out, but now I guess it gives me a chance to prepare as well. I need some fresh clothes. Laundry has turned out to be a more… challenging endeavor than expected."

"Yeah, okay…"

"We'll meet up in town, in front of the café we usually visit." Haruhi then strode off like she had an actual axe to grind, maybe just in case it was needed later that night.

"Hmm, interesting. I wasn't sure if she would accept. I honestly couldn't say," Koizumi muttered, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he watched Haruhi walk off, like he might when considering the paradoxes of existence.

"This isn't right, there's something off about her."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Well, you _do_ know her best."

That's not… why do you enjoy tormenting me so much, you smirking devil?

"Hmm," Koizumi's grin only widened. "Well, it looks like things are finally looking to turn for the better."

"Maybe from where you're standing, but _I _have to go on a date with Haruhi…"

"I really don't see what's so bad about that," Koizumi said, the smile waning as his chipper voice lost some its pomp.

I gave the guy a careful look from the corner of my eye, and noted to my surprise how wistful he seemed at what had transpired. Then as swiftly as the semblance of transferred melancholy of Haruhi's to Koizumi seemed to have come, it passed with the same nonplussed silence as he looked at me and smiled hopefully. "I'm sure the two of you will have a pleasant time together, but before that, we really should prepare."

After what had happened with Sasaki and co., I had gone and seen Koizumi. A plan as such hadn't been hatched and although we'd agreed that I'd go ahead and give his idea a shot, but not that day. Nagato had told me that after the quarantine zone had been secured, more pressure had been applied on the bubble. I'd been worried for Sasaki's and Tachibana's safety naturally, but Nagato had informed me that we still had about a day's worth of time because the smaller the pocket reality got, the more force was needed as the prssure inside built, much like a real thing being compressed might. This meant the IDSE was starting to use up more processing power into squishing the bubble world, turning off some non-essential priorities while focusing on the matter at hand. Our chances of escape would never be higher than for roughly the next thirty or so hours before they were squished, as the IDSE's processing capabilities would be focused there, trying to make the process faster by any means necessary. Besides, Haruhi had still been in rather bad mood when we'd met later in the evening.

I had returned to 'our home', only to find the place empty. Haruhi had returned a while later, sour at having to go off looking for food herself, and not just for that day but to get some more for us in general for the future. She'd kept quiet and to herself most of the time, pulling out a book about a thousand things to see in your lifetime and started working through it with a pen, making notes and markings of interest at random intervals and sometimes sighing as she crossed something out. In the end, there seemed to be a lot more crossing out of sights to see than there were things circled enthusiastically. The remainder of the Sunday passed in calm monotony between the two of us, but by the evening, when we cooked a simple pot of noodles with some pork, Haruhi seemed to have mellowed out towards me. We'd had a little chat about school and homework over dinner, but that had really been that for our interaction during the evening before Haruhi retreated into her room, closing the door behind her, and left me to do the dishes.

In the morning the next day (or today, as such), we'd ended up running to school along with Nagato again. By the feel of things, this seemed to be like an everyday occurrence in this reality. Most of the day that had followed had passed like any other day, until I'd finally gone and done _it_ at lunch.

I'd asked Haruhi out.

But now that the school day was over, and there were no club activities to be had, I'd left for 'home' to prepare for one of most trying experiences in my life, made all the more trying when Koizumi insisted on tagging along to prep me along with the rest of the old gang.

"How exciting, you're finally taking Suzumiya-san out for a date," Koizumi said, smiling an incredibly stupid little smile if you asked me as we entered my room. "A part of me was starting to think I would never actually see it happen. You're persevering resistance to the idea had me doubting myself."

"Well, you're not actually seeing it happen now. A: you're not coming along and B: this isn't real. None of it this will matter once we get out of here."

"Hmm," Koizumi hummed thoughtfully, the corner of his smile rising a little more. "Perhaps. But then again, _you'll_ certainly remember it."

I'm sure I can find some way to repress this sordid event provided I try hard enough. I've heard good things about the old hammer-to-the-head-method.

Asahina-san, now standing off to the side like she was a bit nervous to find herself in a cramped boy's bedroom, looked uncertainly from Koizumi back to me. If you asked me, she was still out of the loop, having only today found out was going on, and if everything worked out okay, she wouldn't remember again either afterwards. Quite honestly, I would rather have left her out of this for that reason alone, not to mention because of the tender nature of our plan, but she had happened to overhear me and Koizumi preparing to ask Haruhi out.

"Y-yes… I… I really wouldn't have expected this either…" Asahina-san mumbled quietly, before she shuffled over to my bed and sat down at one side, while Nagato was on the other end.

Nagato had simply sat down when we'd entered. She'd stayed on the bed quitely, not looking at anything particular but… she wasn't reading. I _knew_ she had a book with her in the school bag beside her, but she hadn't taken it out like usual when she wasn't involved in a conversation and there was one ready for her within the same room as she was. Was she listening to what was going on? It was hard to tell by the impassive face that was simply staring ahead. All we were talking about was me and Haruhi, and how to go about on a date. Not something all too interesting to an alien, right? And yet, she wasn't reading like she usually did.

"Now, what should you wear?" Koizumi wandered over to my closet for an inspection, rummaging through what I had. "Oh dear, this is simply dreadful. You have a very bland wardrobe to be brutally honest, if you'll excuse me."

Yeah, keeps me up at nights, it does, my lack of fine suits and designer rags. I'll be sure to call my old pal Giorgio Armani first thing tomorrow to help fix this unfortunate oversight.

"Look, could you just leave me alone? This is annoying enough without you hanging about like some effeminate fly," I decided to focus my displeasure at everything at the usual suspect.

"If our escape truly does hinge on this, I cannot in good conscience leave this solely on your shoulders. You might have forgotten, but my comrades are still stuck within that Platonic realm. I can't depend on you simply charming Suzumiya-san all by your own means. We need to… dazzle her, raise her expectations, make her heart beat a little faster as she starts to wait anxiously on your next word and touch, to make her yearn for –"

"Okay! Stop! I got the picture! Any more details and this will start to turn to lightcore erotica." I glanced over at the girls, sitting next to each other. Asahina-san was actually blushing and Nagato was just as before, except if I looked closely… her cheeks seemed a bit pinker than usual as well. But I honestly doubt it was what she had heard that had caused it. If you asked me, she was still recovering from the big fight the other day. She'd been looking a little under the weather ever since. I'd asked her about it, but she had laconically as always assured me she was fine. Even so, it was quite a sight to see both of the girls with added color to their cheeks after what Koizumi had just been saying.

"You do realize you must evoke such a strong response from her that it will essentially create a sealed reality larger than this one, or at least equal? And in order to do that, it must be because of something preferably grander than whatever it was that brought this realm about. Suzumiya-san must be so shocked – or, actually… you could also greatly disappoint her, but in order to do either to a strong enough degree, you will indeed have to raise her expectations incredibly high. To either crown all her expectations with an exceptional moment or bring the foundation down for maximum damage."

Talk about mission impossible… I guess I'll go for the second option. If there's one thing I'm confident I can do with absolute efficiency, it's disappoint a girl. A romantic guy, that's just not me, I'm not that kind of guy even in my dreams. I wouldn't know romance if it kicked my ass into a barrel, sealed me in with skunk corpses and threw me down a waterfall. Who knows, maybe my abyssmal kissing technque that had best been practiced on the cheeks of overly friendly aunts could help in disappointing.

"Really? You really want to do that to Suzumiya-san? To raise her hopes up and then bring them crashing down in a brutal fashion? How very heartless, even if there will be no lasting repercussions."

…Well it would probably serve her right. I bet that's exactly how every guy she ever accepted to date felt after she dumped them like a baby seal into a pool of piranhas shortly after.

Koizumi ignored me for now as he went through my closet with more focus. "Hmm… I suppose these pants will have to do… though I could of course go to my house and fetch something better for you."

"No thanks. If I'm doing this, it'll be with my own shirts and pants at least." I'd gladly take the place of that baby seal just to avoid wearing the same pants as you.

"Now let's see… what else…"

"Uhm… the green jacket, o-or was it a shirt…? Uhmm… I… I think Kyon-kun should wear that…" Asahina-san added in a soft voice.

"Hmm?" Koizumi glanced curiously over his shoulder at the input.

"Ah – uhm… I mean… the t-time he wore i-it… he… he looked…" Asahina-san lowered her head to hide her ensuing blushing a little.

"Hmmm… I suppose it's not bad," Koizumi said with enough tact to act as if a simple, innocent opinion had been given.

Sigh. "I mean, what am I supposed to do? I've never been on a date. All my knowledge about dating essentially comes from TV, and that's a load of crap. What the hell am I supposed to do or say?"

"Well, I would open up with a compliment on her appearance. Doubtless even Suzumiya-san will have gone to some length in preparation for this event –"

"Don't call it that. Seriously."

"– and even if she hasn't, a few words concerning her looks certainly couldn't hurt."

"Ye-yes… I'm sure she would l-like that. I would like it too…" Asahina-san continued speaking in a hushed voice, sounding rather sullen to warrant a glance at her. She waved her hands in frantic dismissal as she noticed me look at her. "Ah – I – I – m-m-mean th-that if you t-took me out on a d-date, I'd… I'd… I would… uooohh…" She clasped her red face with her palms.

I too decided to employ some strategic tact and give the girl a chance to recover herself. If anything, it was probably better for me as well.

"Sure, that's easy enough, I guess. But what about after? There's bound to be an awkward silence after that. It just couldn't happen otherwise. It can't. Call it a trope of real life."

Koizumi smirked. "I think you've been watching _too_ much television. Besides, that hardly counts as a genuine 'trope'…"

"Seriously, I have no idea what to talk about with her. She always takes the lead in everything."

"Perhaps she will this time as well."

"Maybe… but what if she doesn't? Come on, help me. I need an alphabet's worth of backup plans just in case. I actually think I'll have used up all the plans up to the Y-plan within half an hour."

"I'm sure the two of you will come up with something interesting to do together. A date favoring spontaneity actually feels better suited for the two of you than some arduously scheduled trip would."

"I'm not good with banter. I'm really not that witty."

"Yes, I _know_."

"…You've just been waiting to say that, haven't you?"

"Perhaps," Koizumi said, smirking once again to himself. "But about topics to discuss, I think you should stick to what you know."

"And what do I know?"

Koizumi smirked at me again, almost like he was trying to hold back a laugh.

"Right, I really set you up for another burn there, didn't I?"

Koizumi turned to the closet once again. "What you _do_ know is the SOS Brigade, of course, and Suzumiya-san."

"No I don't."

"Such a quick rebuke…" Koizumi noted off-handedly as he pulled out a pair of my pants, shook his head and returned it to the closet. "Anyway, this will work in your favor for more than one way. Not only will you know what to say about the subject, but it will be relevant to Suzumiya-san's interests. This way you will certainly avoid boring her."

"Hh, since you seem to know what to do so well, why couldn't _you_ have gone on a date with Haruhi?"

"She has no attraction for me whatsoever." Was that disappointment in Koizumi's voice? No, the statement had been delivered so easily. But even so, what with that reality Nagato had created, I couldn't help but wonder sometimes. "She enjoys your company. You were chosen to be a part of the SOS Brigade despite lacking any of the other criteria she set up for the rest of us. She is always pulling you along for little things as well. You are best for this no matter how you look at it. Besides, I think you're nothing more than nervous. Just act normally, as you always would with her. She obviously enjoys the slightly antagonistic role you play in her game."

"…Hmm…"

"Now, I believe these clothes will be to Suzumiya-san's liking," Koizumi said as he walked up to my bed and placed them neatly between the two girls.

"Really? How so?" I asked, giving the quite unremarkable looking clothes laid out on my bad a critical look, although I couldn't help but note the short-sleeved green shirt-jacket-thing Asahina-san had suggested was in there.

Asahina-san too leaned over to check out my 'ensemble' (when someone like Koizumi puts it together, it's a damn ensemble). Nagato on the other hand remained as silent and inert as before.

"Who doesn't enjoy a little skin?" Koizumi asked.

"Uh… but all she'll be exposed to are my forearms. Not exactly my sexiest parts… or are they?" I gave my arms a judgmental look, pulling back my school jacket's sleeves, trying to appraise them aesthetically. On second thought, my arms might very well be the sexiest part of my body, relatively speaking. I certainly wasn't much of a looker otherwise, especially so with a guy like Koizumi next to me. I wasn't ugly _either_ (I didn't have _that_ low of a self esteem), but I really didn't think I was anything special either.

"Umm… Asahina-san, what do you think?" I asked her uncertainly, feeling that the perspective of an actual girl instead of whatever hypothesized version was in Koizumi's head would be of more help, although asking her about how I looked set loose a few adventurous butterflies in my stomach.

"E-ehh…? Uhm… y-your a-arms? I – eh – uhm – no – I m-mean – I th-think Koizumi-kun is r-right… Ah! Uhm… that is… you'd l-look g-great. N-not that I – I – I – I… oh… bother…"

She's so cute and inoffensive, looking practically desperate for someone to hold her and tell her everything's going to be all right. Why couldn't saving lives ever hinge on making out with Asahina-san? For startes, there wouldn't be any back talk and no chance of setting of some sort of inter-personal mine.

"No, I simply think a certain percentage of skin, regardless of gender, is always desired in something like this. But you obviously can't go too far. You have to leave something for the imagination. This is actually doubly important, seeing how strongly her expectations and desires help to affect the world. Just like my existence as an esper, but beyond her knowledge, came about. With little subconciously noticed things like this, I think we can help build our main attack. And for that, you need to make her want you, slowly build up tension, that is practically about to snap, hold it like that until she can bear it no more. And then…" Koizumi took a needless dramatic pause (giving Asahina-san a chance to catch her breath), "do as the situation demands."

"…You're enjoying this far too much," I said, crossing my _sexy_ arms. "Are you _sure_ you're not trying to live vicariously through me?"

The blushing Asahina-san glanced at him with subtle interest as well as I made the question.

"Heh, no…" Koizumi gave a fanciful chuckle that turned kind of wistful however, before turned to face me quite seriously. "But you do understand what is at stake here and how her mind affects reality, correct?"

Sigh. "Yes…" I answered, like I was being lectured about school safety regulations for the hundredth time. "I just wish I had… I dunno, backup."

"A double date would not work. Things need to remain as intimate as possible. We need her focused only on you and you alone. Anyone else's presence would only serve as a distraction, one she might eagerly pursue in order to avoid facing you directly, much like she has chosen to chase oddities despite not actually expecting they exist as much as she might wish for them to exist in a way to avoid reality as it is. The parallel is actually quite glaring, if you ask me."

"What if we used Nagato?"

"Wh-what?" Asahina-san blurted out, actually flinching as if the words had struck her in the face.

"Excuse me? You would take Nagato-san along with you? Suzumiya-san is certainly an open-minded individual, but I'm not sure she'd appreciate –"

"No, nothing like that! Geez, you're worse than I am… I just meant maybe Nagato could have some way for you to help me out. Like letting you send orders directly into my ear or something. I _do _have robots in my brain here."

Asahina-san deflated visibly as she sighed in relief after the idea of a proposed three-way date had been shot down.

"Something akin to an earphone…? I suppose that idea isn't completely without its merits, but do you really want me and Nagato-san tailing you, watching you from the bushes as I whisper instructions into your ear?"

…You're right, forget it. That was just an all-around bad idea. I could barely stand Koizumi like this, so how could I even begin to function normally with him whispering in my ear (Ugh, a really disgusting idea) about date advice? It never worked well on TV either, though there they were bound to fail to maximize drama and/or humor. In reality however, Murphy's Law was bound to hold , so the results would probably be the same. But most importantly, I found myself simply horrified at the idea of Nagato watching me on a date with Haruhi. It just felt wrong, and somehow… hurtful. She wouldn't cry, she wouldn't glare, she would just stare intently and that somehow… would kill a little part inside me.

But now, thanks to the idiot that Koizumi was, I couldn't get the idea of having both Haruhi and Nagato in cute clothes together along with me, Haruhi turning to her and placing a hand against the slightly shorter girl's cheek and getting closer, noses almost touching as their lips…

"I should probably take a shower now. You know, so everything's as well as can be," I quickly said. "So maybe you guys should start heading out…"

"Yes, good idea. Wash your hair too and don't forget about behind your ears. People always forget about that place. Who knows, perhaps Suzumiya-san has a thing for them. She _did_ after all take her time nibbling on Asahina-san's ear once."

"K-Koizumi-kun…" Asahina-san mumbled. If all of this continued for much longer, the girl would probably remain a flustered pink mess.

Great. Thanks for that image as well, Koizumi. And here I had thought just an ice cold shower would be enough to cool me down after the flash of Haruhi and Nagato together, but now there was that old memory of Haruhi and Asahina-san to contend with that as well. And the two images were starting to have plans about getting together for a joint operation. And then the memories of Haruhi actually kissing both Asahina-san and Nagato separately were freed from their vault by the prodding and poking the mental images.

If only I could bathe in some liquid at absolute zero temperatures, but unfortunately the laws of physics would not allow that for multiple reasons like there being nothing liquid at such a temperature, only solids, being chief among them. That was the point of absolute zero, a total lack of energy between molecules, meaning everything would be solid as the particles would no longer be shaking or whatever.

Thank you, science. You worked better than a cold shower ever could have. I knew there was a reason beyond getting through tests that I had listened in physics class.

"Don't bother trying to put on cologne or anything if you have it!" Koizumi shouted after me. "You're better off not risking the chance of offending Suzumiya-san's olfactory senses with too much of it!"

Like I'd do something as juvenile as _that_… But weirdly enough, I felt an urge to shave myself, to groom myself a little, which was a particularly weird because I really didn't _need _ to shave. And even if I had needed to, I'd probably have done it wrong and just cut myself and ended up covered in fresh little wounds and pieces of red and white toilet paper on my face.

After taking my time in the shower, turning the water as cool as I dared, and actually scrubbing behind my ears (I can't believe I actually did that), I got out of the shower feeling fairly refreshed. After the cold shower, the warm air felt like a protective suit condensing on my skin like another safer layer, bringing with it fresh energy to be used after the shower had stripped away all the old energy had succumbed to the entropy brought on by my overactive imagination. I wrapped up myslef in a towel around the waist and used up another free one to keep otweling off as I headed out.

As I came back into my room, toweling my head off, I found Koizumi standing over my bed, still examining my chosen ensemble with a critical eye. The girls on the other hand had disappeared, which was both a blessing and curse at the moment. I was half-naked, but Koizumi wasn't really someone I wanted to be alone with right now.

"Oh, you're still here," I said with great disappointment but little to none actual surprise.

"Hmmm… I wonder…"

Great, what is it now? What consequential, perspective challenging, meta-physical point have I overlooked now?

Koizumi shifted his pensive stare from my clothes to me standing in the doorway and I suddenly felt even more naked than I actually was. The sharp depth in his eyes was eerily calculating, like those of a butcher weighing up some meat.

"What…?"

"Is there something we could do about your hair?"

…

"It's fine the way it is," I said sternly as I walked to my closet to find some underwear to slip on under my towel.

"While you dress, I could hurry along to a shop and get some products," Koizumi offered, sounding like he thought he was being helpful.

I'm actually more surprised you don't carry any products around all the time. Just saying, not that you would _have_ to carry them, as such, just that… now I feel oddly wrong for being… judgmental? Forget it. I don't know what to think about Koizumi and his preferences, and the less I know, the better.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate this?" I asked as I walked past Koizumi and took a white T-shirt that had been chosen for me to wear under the green thing that would go over it, probably to be left unbuttoned to show off some more color.

"Not in so many words, but the message has been subtly hinted at throughout all of this," Koizumi said, partaking in a little in a little irony.

"I mean, this, this is what it comes down to? Taking Haruhi out? It just seems…"

"Anticlimactic?"

"Well, no, not as such…" I threw my towel over the door of the closet to dry and then returned for my pants. "Or maybe yes. I don't know. I just know I don't want to do this."

"Any particular reason?"

"Not really sure."

"Give it a guess."

"Well, I _guess_… maybe because this is so damn forced."

"Yes, I can understand that concern. Especially as this might very well be the end result of a certain someone's desires."

"I thought Haruhi wasn't in control here."

Koizumi chuckled. "Yes, of course. There's _absolutely _no way reality altering powers could have an effect within a _different_ reality."

"You really _are_ enjoying this too much."

"Of course, it is only reasonable to suspect that the Integrated Data Sentient Entity might also have influenced this scenario to a certain degree."

"Yes, that does sound far more reasonable."

"Then again, who's to say this current happenstance isn't the outcome of some deep desire, much like my fake murder event arguably was."

"Don't start with me… this is all bad enough as it is, with _having_ to take Haruhi out, regardless of the reasons behind it."

"It almost sounds like you were saying that if the circumstances were different, and you did not feel forced, you would be quite content to go out with Suzumiya-san."

"Well I – what? No, of course not! Like I'd ever enjoy going out with that insane she-devil. I _know_ she's just going to make this into a hellish experience. I don't mind mucking about with her sometimes, but this…"

"Entertaining Suzumiya-san certainly will be difficult, but I have faith in you. As always, you know her very well and are capable of adapting to her needs and desires."

"But I don't have a _single_ idea what to do with her! Where do I take her? What do I say? What do I _do_?"

"Like I told you before, speak of what you know. Don't get overconfident or too ambitious. You'll end up fumbling over your words even more than you would normally. And Suzumiya-san is a sharp girl; she'll catch a lie if it's too grandiose."

You would know best about the art of lying, I _guess_.

"For food… a quaint little bistro, something with a rich atmosphere or with a lovely view, but before that… I suggest avoiding the usual, like going to a movie or something."

Sigh. There goes plan D, but I can actually tell why this wouldn't have worked without Koizumi's help. Haruhi hated normal things, finding them unbearably boring. The guys who had tried dating her had no doubt fallen for the usual clichés, like chocolates, flowers, all the usual crap. I could easily picture Haruhi as a young beauty throwing it all back in their faces (maybe even shoving it down their throats) before she stomped off in a huff, shouting about not having time to waste on boring losers. I had a sneaking feeling this was the fate that waited me just like my other fallen comrades in the battle fought in vain for Haruhi's affections. Actually, I couldn't see it happening any other way. Love and Haruhi just didn't seem to mix if you asked me; they were simply mutually exclusive.

"Well, I suppose I've given all the help I can within this short a time. Just remember what is at stake: all our lives along with my colleagues… and Sasaki-san and… the others… Even so, you must not give up, you simply _cannot_. I cannot fail my people a second time."

"Second…?"

"After the fair… They found out how I aided in your escape, although I had gone so far as to… to do what I did to Suzumiya-san, doing as ordered. They now saw how I could not be depended upon to do the right thing in a crisis. I have… never felt as shameful, though I would probably have felt even worse if I had allowed them to do as they had wanted to be done in such dangerous circumstances… In effect, because of my hesitance… my incapability to act decisively… I failed everyone, my people within the Organization, who have been like a family to me when I felt so lost, and you and everyone in the SOS Brigade, who, if possible, mean even more to me…"

"…Hey, you _did_ buy some time… Haruhi and I would have been captured immediately if you hadn't. And to be honest… making Haruhi unconscious sure made everything a lot easier," I said, giving my neck a scratch as I looked away at the dull walls around us.

"…I appreciate what you're trying to do, but… I failed. I could have done more, so much more. I blamed the lack of time I had, that it forced me to make hasty decisions, but it was just my weakness. I could have chosen otherwise. I could have helped more. I could have…" Koizumi closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, giving a defeated and wearisome shake of his head. "I _am_ sorry for what happened."

_Sigh…_

"Yeah, I know… I _do_. I just…"

Koizumi suddenly straightened up, a stoic look on his face. "I should go now, you have to prepare. Talk like this will only distract you. Pardon me."

"…See ya."

I looked down at green shirt Asahina-san had recommended, the only piece of clothing I hadn't put on yet. The sound of the front door opening and closing could be heard, echoing faintly through the hall to my room as Koizumi left.

Amidst all the fun and games, I guess it's easy to forget this is all so much more to some people. For me, it's always been about sharing good times thanks to Haruhi, but for everyone else, lives are truly always at stake, now more so than ever. Koizumi's Organization, whatever its methods, has always had Haruhi's best interests at heart along with the worlds. All this time they've essentially left their lives behind to watch over her, to fight impossible beings in extra dimensions, while I've been mucking about with Haruhi, enjoying my time with the weirdo a bit too much.

Well, I guess when the chips are down, I won't let you down, Koizumi. You might have failed to rise to the occasion once, but you tried, you did what you thought was best and oddly enough, I feel I don't want to let you think you've failed a second time. I'm not sure I've fully forgiven you yet though, but even so… I don't like the idea of letting you down either. Weird…

It's funny, I never really thought we were that close at all, ever, never really considered us to be proper friends, but with everything we've been through… you're practically as important to me as Haruhi, Nagato and Asahina-san. The SOS Brigade… has really grown on me, it seems. I can't imagine life without it anymore. Just what would I be doing if these people weren't in my life? Nothing, probably. Absolutely nothing.

I owe everyone to get us out of here, so we can keep going, doing what we've always done.

…

I just realized how seriously I'm talking about taking a girl on a date. Now I feel kind of stupid actually.

After I pulled on the last of my clothes for the evening, I couldn't help but go and check myself in the mirror of the bathroom. Every crease or fold in my clothes had to be straightened out, every stray hair had to be meticulously folded into place, even my eyebrows looked weird and in need of attention. Had I always had those little shadows under my eyes? And there just seemed to be something fundamentally wrong with my chin in principle. What principle that was, I had no idea.

I had suddenly become irritatingly self-conscious.

When I finally got over my reversed narcissistic tendencies, after I made sure my jacket didn't bunch up in the back or anything, I looked at my watch and –

"_Crap_."

I ran to the door, put on my shoes as quickly as possible and barged out the apartment for my bike, which I hadn't actually planned on using to get to my date.

Great, just great. Now I'm nearly late. I'm going to have to peddle like I wanted to resolve the entire world's energy crisis through the use of my legwork. I'm going to get wet and stinky with sweat. As far as I know, the stench of male sweat has never been alluring in the history of mankind. And if anyone thinks otherwise, I'd like to see them try and spend five minutes in the locker room of any sports team.

I _knew_ I should have used some of that cologne. (Wait, I don't _have _any freaking cologne!) Or at least a heavy coating of deodorant. Damn it, still being obsessive.

_This is going to be so bad…_

My bike wheels screeched as I swerved to a halt at a bike stand, nearly flying off myself while also nearly making a an elderly lady passing by fall over as well. A hasty apology, a locking procedure of my bike that took far too long under the circumstances, another apology because the first one apparently hadn't been heart-felt enough, and I was off, rushing past people in the streets.

_Late late late!_

It felt like everyone was out to get in my way. There were so many people about, all of them blocking my path, it felt like I was in an obstacle course as I ran and swerved about in between people. But that's what you get when you're late and hurrying in a place you shouldn't.

_Crap crap crap!_

The café was just a short sprint away when I stopped dead in my tracks as I noticed what was waiting for me, impatiently tapping a foot against the ground while her hands were crossed and a scowl was fixed to her pretty face as she stared off into the crowds.

…

No way…

…

_Damn it… _she's… she's got a ponytail…

Gulp.

This is so bad.


	43. Kiss it all better

Wow…

She… she's got a ponytail…

…

She looks great. Really, really great. She also looks pissed – after my eyes dislodged from her hair, they needed to go down only a little bit to notice that.

"Late!" Haruhi shouted out and pointed at me unashamedly amongst the crowds, gathering a few passing glances. "You ask me on a date and you have the sheer audacity to show up _late_? Minus twenty points!"

I hadn't realized I was being scored for this. But since it's me, I probably started at a disadvantage. I'm probably now at -520.

"And just for this, you'll be paying for everything and anything!" Haruhi shouted heatedly, still pointing at me with authoritative displeasure.

Well, that's not so bad. I mean, I hadn't assumed it would go any other way. Actually, wait a second, hadn't that been one of the conditions for you going out with me in the first place?

Haruhi stepped up to me – her ponytail waving behind her head – and gave me an inspection. She placed a hand on a hip and shifted the weight to the leg on the same side. Her eyes travelled from my feet to my jacket all the way to my head – was my hair okay? Maybe I should have let Koizumi do something – back to look me sternly in the eyes.

"Hm, you look… different. More presentable, I suppose."

"Thanks. And you look… great."

Although Haruhi was dressed very casually, like she would whenever we had gone on patrol, wearing a blue skirt with a pink top over a white long-sleeved blouse, she really did in fact look great to the fullest extent of the word. It must have been the ponytail. I could barely take my eyes off it.

"New clothes?" I asked.

"As a matter of fact, yes. But I was going to buy these anyway, so don't let it go to your head, dummy."

"Okay, sure."

"What took you so long anyway?"

"I… I was getting ready for the date and I… sort of lost track of time."

Haruhi frowned at me, the frown deepening into a little scowl at the mention of the word 'date', before she huffed discontentedly, looking away with a disapproving pucker of her lips. "We're just going out. It's no big deal."

Yet you've got a… just what details does this reality share with ours, that is, how much of the past is the same? Maybe the ponytail meant nothing; maybe she just thought she looked great with it, like I did. Then again, that would mean that she wanted to look – damn it, stop, just focus on this. I've obviously been spending too much time around Koizumi; everything's got a double meaning now. But I can't afford that right now. There's too much at stake.

"So… what did you want to do?" I asked, giving the back of my head stress relieving scratch.

"Minus thirty points!"

Huh? What now?

"You don't even have any plans for the evening? I thought you'd learned to prepare better for any excursion in your time with the SOS Brigade. Besides, the one who asks another out is obligated to provide the entertainment. _You're _the one who wanted me here, so you have to work. It's like a business contract, I have something you want, but you have to give me what I want in return. It's only reasonable."

I guess, in a way that makes sense… but you make it sound so… well, let's just say talking about taking girls out and doing business in the same context is making me feel like I'm doing something sordid, especially the part where you said you have something I want. But of course, you do; a way out of this place, nothing else.

"Well, I was thinking we could…" My words trailed away as I strained to think, to dredge up some little piece of advice I might have heard, but it seemed the harder I tried the emptier my mind got until there was absolutely nothing going through my head, except for the ponytail that was…

Damn it. I got nothing. What the hell did Koizumi suggest? Some restaurant… but which one? Geez, that guy is always as helpful as an unnecessary colonoscopy some times.

"Yeah?" Haruhi asked impatiently.

"…Go… eat… somewhere…?"

Haruhi gave me one of her patented energizing stares, or maybe it was a death glare; I had never been any good at telling the two of them apart, though the boggy situation I was stuck made me gravitate toward the latter.

"You're just hopeless, aren't you? I had a feeling it might come to this, so it looks like I'll have to take charge… for now. You'll have half an hour to come up with something decent to do while we go."

"Go where?"

"Wherever! Like I said, this doesn't really matter!" Haruhi said as she turned about on her heels, her ponytail swinging like a hypnotist's pendulum as she walked down the street we were on.

_I'm so screwed, aren't I…?_

Haruhi walked off in such a hurry I had to take a few quick strides to catch up.

So, what did people on dates do anyway? Beyond staring lovingly in each other's eyes until the natural thing followed? Haruhi and I definitely weren't there, not anywhere near, unless you counted the angry smoldering glares from Haruhi as something of foreplay.

"So… you wanna…uh, are you sure you wouldn't like to… go watch a movie or something?"

My question was met with a simple glare, but it would have sufficed as a satisfactory answer all by itself.

"You really are just trying to piss me off, aren't you? Was that the idea behind all of this? You got a death wish, Kyon? Because you could always have just asked for a quick execution."

What? Asking a girl out to see a movie is perfectly normal and… oh, I see. How stupid of me. How had I forgotten? Damn it. I really can't think like this, between all the pressure and… and that ponytail… that _damn_ ponytail…

C'mon _man_, pull it together! It's like you're _looking_ for any kind of thing to _distract_ yourself! Yes, Haruhi looks super cute, but so what? Get over it! Keep focused!

"I'm actually curious now. What sort of boring, uncreative, unimaginative, uninspired thing did you happen to have in mind for us to do? Play some dumb arcade games? Go to a damn café? _Karaoke?_" the last question was delivered with such a fierce snarl to it I had to look around just in case there happened to be a angry dog behind me. Haruhi had had some bad experiences, obviously.

Karaoke certainly was supremely lame, there was no denying this, but unfortunately it had been at the top of my list for date activities. I was a walking cliché when it came to dating, really.

"Umm…" My brain failed. I couldn't come up with anything. "You know, your adjectives were pretty redundant."

I was given an unimpressed look.

"Uncreative, unimaginative, uninspired… those are all pretty much the same thing… I guess it's a bit ironic… heh…"

_I am _so _lame…_

"Ugh…" Haruhi made a disgusted grunt before she continued onward.

As we walked off and down along the small streets, littered with little shops and a surprising amount of little tables and mats with trinkets and other small goods set out. It was either a small scale event or I had just finally found my way into an unknown bazaar kind of thing. I had certainly never been around this part of town.

It all oddly enough reminded me of the fair I'd been to recently. There were even little booths where you could win items. A thought struck me as we passed one booth in particular.

"Hey, Haruhi…"

"_What?_" Haruhi basically snapped at me, giving me a fierce, but brief, glance over her shoulder at me. "…What?" she asked again slower as she turned her head forward again.

Well, that was awkward.

"…I was just thinking we could… there's a booth with prizes and…"

Haruhi looked behind her again, raising an eyebrow. "What are you blathering?"

I bit the inside of my cheek sheepishly and jerked my thumb at the prize abundant booth, my eyes wandering away from Haruhi's piercing ones, unable to help noting the small cracks in the pavement, and then the feet of Haruhi, small shoes and tight stockings along her lithe legs.

"Oh… what? You wanna win a prize…? For _me_?" Haruhi asked as if I was suggesting surgery on her kidneys.

"I…" Whatever passes the time. "Sure, why not. Sounds like something… something you'd do on a – a date."

"Whatever." Haruhi's legs quickly disappeared. I looked up and saw her stride off to a bench. She sat down, crossed her hands and lifted one leg to rest over the other. A single finger held against an arm began to tap away like the timer on a bomb, picking up in its frequency all too quickly as she stared at me with dark expectation.

_Time's a wasting… in more ways than one._

I walked up to the grinning middle aged man who ran the booth as soon as the earlier patrons moved out of the way. The game was actually exactly like the one at the fair. Once again I'd have to topple a pyramid of bottles to win something. But at least this time I wouldn't have Haruhi growling in my ear, although the presence of her malevolent stare on the back of my neck felt like ice cold finger running across the bones, which was maybe worse somehow.

I gave up my money and received a ball smaller than my fist. I squeezed the little thing and looked at my target, which seemed a lot further away than it had just a moment ago. How far back into the alley between buildings did the little booth go? It suddenly felt like a hundred meters.

I squeezed again on the ball, much harder this time.

I could feel the narrowing glare on my back. It was there. I just _knew_ it.

This was all so stupid. Lives were at stake and here I was, on a date I didn't want to be on, trying to win some stupid, inconsequential prize for a girl who probably wouldn't even appreciate it with the sweet expected smile a person should, like Asahina-san might. Why didn't I have to go on a date with _her_? Why couldn't I have lives-at-stake-dates with _her_? Or why couldn't the fate of everything we knew hang on taking Nagato to the damn _library_?

…Forget it. That would just ruin the mood. My charisma was low enough as it was. A -12 for all you nerds out there. I didn't need this sort of handicap.

Why couldn't anyone do any better? Why couldn't someone else do what needed to be done? Why did it always have to be me?

My hand started to ache as I crushed the ball in my hand. The booth keeper gave me an odd look.

_Why is it always me?_

The ball soared faster than my eye could keep track off. As it crashed straight through the center of the pyramid, toppling everything over, the anger in me seemed to evaporate, like all my frustrations had been channeled into the ball, turned into energy to make the damn thing go, leaving me drained of my anxieties for the moment as the world was reduced to nothing but me, the flying ball and the target.

I exhaled deeply, hopefully venting whatever steams of annoyance still lingered in me after the heated burst. I actually felt a bit better now, more relaxed.

"Congratulations!" the man said as he handed me a tiger, a dark orange and black in color.

"Thanks…"

I turned around and walked up to Haruhi with my prize. I gave a weak little smile as I offered the cheap little thing to her, still watching me like she had bet money on me losing.

"Guess all your training did come in handy after all."

"What training?"

"Uh, never mind… here."

Haruhi didn't say anything as she accepted the doll and held it in her lap, scrutinizing it with a face tensed up by thought. She stared at it for a long moment, her features softening to Nagato-levels of impassiveness, until she all of a sudden huffed, flicked her hair disapprovingly and uncaringly tossed the toy away.

"Toys? You're going to impress me with _toys_? You're pretty lousy at this. I could name a dozen's worth of losers who had more inspired ideas than you."

"Hey, I thought we were just on a date, not a competition."

"Geez, don't get so worked up about it. Can't you live up to the macho expectations of your gender and not be such a 'girl' about this?"

"_What_? Why can't _you_ be a _girl_ about this?"

"Tth… Idiot. Besides, don't be a moron, life _is_ a competition." Haruhi gave some of the hair against her right temple she had left out from her ponytail a dismissive flick. "How else do you think you're even standing there, looking dumb as ever right now? Some time long ago, a tad pole beat another one to the best feeding spot and here you are, billions of years later, whining about how hard it is to impress a girl," she said as she got up to leave. "The tadpoles didn't whine."

All things considered, the tad pole had it much easier. All it had to deal with was predators and the like while I'm stuck with you. I would gladly switch places with the tadpole and brave ancient shark infested waters than continue this charade.

"Well that's funny, because if you ask me, you _are_ on a tadpole's level," Haruhi said.

Remember why you're doing this. Remember why you're doing this. _Remember why you're doing this_.

"Seriously," I began, knowing I would both regret and be embarrassed by what I was going to say, even if it was necessary, even if it was true, just a tiny bit.

Haruhi turned to glance over her shoulder at me.

"You look great."

Haruhi stared long and hard at me, until she quickly snapped her head forward again, ponytail swinging about like a heavy flail in the heat of combat. "…Thanks," she muttered however before she returned her focus to where she was walking.

Well look at that. My gamble: a glorious, unqualified success! She didn't even snort derisively! Maybe I can actually do this sweet talking a little, although I do understand that 'you look great' doesn't really compare with a Shakespearian sonnet. But when you don't get any shouting out of Haruhi, it's as much a victory as the Spartans loss at Thermopylae.

Nothing like some positive enforcement to help you with an impossible task (even if I don't really believe it).

We kept on walking, not really sure what the hell we should do.

"Hey."

"Yeah? You come up with something to do?"

"No, I just… could I walk next to you?"

"…Sure. Whatever. Do what you want," Haruhi said without slowing down.

I hurried up, taking a few fast steps to bring myself next to her on the street. Dusk was slowly settling in, decreasing the lights levels as well as the amounts of people around the town. But even as the droves of people seemed to disappear, I made the unsettling observation that the majority of people left behind were also couples, walking close, more often than not in contact with each other, with an arm wrapped around a shoulder.

My hand brushed up against Haruhi's.

Should I grab it and hold her hand? Was that… endearing? Or just really, really lame? My hand moved, twitched really, stuck between the decision of either grabbing her hand or not, uncertainty making me fail at both the actions, grabbing and not grabbing. Haruhi's hand however reacted to my second touch, pulling back a little. I looked at her questioningly, but Haruhi had already quickly taken a few steps ahead of me.

Primal instincts were starting to take hold – and no, not _those_ instincts – as I realized I was starting to look for any sort of exit.

"Maybe we could –" Haruhi started.

"Hey, there's a –" as did I, but we both came to abrupt halts just as we stopped to hear what the other had said.

"What?" Haruhi asked, caught off guard by me for probably the first time ever, as she blinked like she'd just been given a small electric shock.

"I was just – what did you –"

"No, it's nothing." Haruhi looked off. "It's _your_ date."

"Uh… well, you hungry? I just spotted a restaurant I went to once. It had some good food…"

And low lighting, soft music, candles, atmosphere… all that stupid, sappy crap. Maybe I'd even be the charming gentleman and pull out a chair for the lady.

The two of us strode into the small restaurant of the Italian variety, not too hurriedly, but definitely not taking any time to waste either to get things moving. The atmosphere seemed perfect to be honest. The place was dark and quiet with small tables ideally for only two people. Candles in old wine bottles were at the center of every table, old wax dripping over the sides.

I went over to a table near the corner, hoping to increase our privacy levels as much as possible, to try and evoke some semblance of intimacy between us. I actually did pull up a chair and turned around to let her sit in it, but by then Haruhi had already strode to the other side of the table and sat down all by herself, giving me a questioning look as I stood behind what was now my chair. As I sat down myself to join her, Haruhi started tapping her finger on the table at a slow beat.

Not sure what exactly was expected, whether it was stimulating chit-chat or funny anecdotes, of which I had neither, I decided to wave at a waitress who quickly brought us some menus and a basket of breadsticks.

"Breadstick?" I asked, taking an eager bite out of one. "They're really good."

Haruhi's face scrunched into an unattractive frown while her hands were crossed. She slid low into her seat, looking rather bored.

"Then again, it's probably better not to fill up on them, right?"

Haruhi's eyes narrowed into little slits.

I gave the breadstick in my hand my full and undivided attention, rather focusing on chewing on it for as long as possible than trying to stare back.

"Hmf!"

I carefully glanced up to see Haruhi turning her head about, scoping the restaurant out.

"So, let me guess, the two of us share a romantic little dinner with dessert at the end, sharing it – but oops! – some got on one of our noses! _Whatever_ will we do? It simply _must_ come off! But alas, no handkerchief! And tenderly, with anxious care, one flicks the worst of it off with a finger, giving the other a chance to taste it off that finger. Then, the nose, still dirty, is given a tentative but still adventurous little lick, a nervous, uncertain giggle is shared – and whoops again! – the lips that were around the nose just slip down a little and we have ourselves a little kiss!"

… Speechless, I was actually speechless.

"_Disgusting_…" Haruhi said. "Don't you have a single fiber of _originality_ in you?"

"I… I didn't even suggest anything yet…"

"…Yeah, that's sort of the problem, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

Haruhi gave a great, big frustrated grunt-like sigh, startling people sitting several tables away. "I'd honestly take anything insipid by this point."

Haruhi straightened up now, but only for a moment, before she leaned forward on her hand and stared at me unhappily.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to do anything?"

"Like what"?

"Geez. Seriously. This is starting to get really annoying. Have you ever even been on a date before?"

"Well, actually, as a matter of fact, quite simply put, no."

"Oh…" This made Haruhi pause, blinking a couple of times and switching her face to a more neutral setting. "Oh, I see." I thought I could see her cheeks gain a little extra color.

"You're my first," I said as I picked up the menu and pulled it in front of me to examine it, hiding Haruhi behind it. The Frutti di Mare looked rather appetizing; it had tuna, shrimp, clams and even some squid. Then again, you can never go wrong with a good old (well, probably not that old, and definitely not literally) pepperoni pizza either.

Haruhi gingerly picked up her menu and then slipped it up to inspect it, her face quickly growing unpleased. "I don't like anything they have here. It's all the same crap you could get anywhere."

"Welcome to the rest of the world, where we eat actual food instead of throwing whatever's around into a pot. And even so, this place has plenty of stuff I haven't even heard of. How can you be sick of it? To what kind of restaurant would I have to take you to in order to get you something served nowhere else?"

"Not sure if it was actually what you'd call a restaurant, but they had a pizza with kebab, jalapenos and feta cheese on it. It was actually surprisingly tasty."

Sounds like an arduously acquired taste, to put it lightly. Or if you wanted to put it another way, it was something I wouldn't touch unless I had Nagato data manipulate my mouth into stainless steel or something else equally resilient.

"It really _was _pretty damn good."

"I'm sure you thought so."

"And what the hell's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Huh?"

"'That I would think so'? I'm starting to note how you have a nasty habit of patronizing me _all_ the time. Didn't your mother teach you any better? I mean, you're always going on about how I should act and what I shouldn't, but what about you? What kind of a hypocrite are you?"

"…_Huh_?"

"Tth… forget it. Sometimes you're just as dull, stupid and vapid as the rest of the sheeple."

"Making up new words again?" I asked as I returned my eyes to the menu.

"Actually not."

"A-ha… good for you then."

A sharp pain struck my leg. "Ah!"

"Final warning."

Shouldn't you give it_ before _you kick me?

"Final warning. Next time you talk so patronizingly to your Commander, you get your junk served to you on a silver platter instead of the squid balls."

"It was actually a pizza I was considering. Preferrably something with tuna."

A long silence followed as we both seemed to run out of things to say. We returned our full focus to our respective menus, but Haruhi, having already made up her mind about the food available, soon enough let her menu flop on the table and propped her chin against a hand, starting to look dangerously bored. But before I could get worried about that, as I peeked over the cover provided my menu, and noted how her eyes began narrowing worrisomely.

"Why exactly did you ask me out?" she asked, straightening up to give me a sharp little glare.

"Huh? What do you mean?" I allowed my paper shield to drop a little in order to try and deactivate any potential conversational bombs.

"This is all so… suspicious."

"Suspicious, how?"

"From the way you asked me to how you're acting right now. You don't really seem to be acting like all the other bozos I made the mistake of wasting my precious time on. You're… well, like you always are, _almost_."

"This really is just my first time asking a girl out."

"Sure, whatever," Haruhi swiftly dismissed my excuse like a rogue fly in a literal no-fly zone, "What are you planning?"

"…Nothing!"

It's uncanny how well she knows me, actually. She can actually tell something's up. Of course, what is up is just ridiculously convoluted, at least it would sound so to her. Stuck in a parallel reality, governed by aliens, all stemming from her reasonably restrictive super-mind (but not reasonable enough to stop something like this from happening in the first place).

"It's actually half the reason why I accepted to go out with you. You're up to something, and I want to know what."

"…"

So this really isn't even a proper date to her. Is that a good thing? Can I use that to my advantage? If she's not treating this as a proper date, would what I had planned for later this evening come as a bigger shock to her then?

"Why was Koizumi there to ask me out? Why aren't you squirming in your seat and stuttering to come up with something to say to me like all the other idiots with crushes?"

"I just… just like you, is all." I pulled the menu up in front of my face.

"If that were the case, why have you put up such a half-hearted attempt at wooing me? You don't even have a plan!"

Damn it, she's good. Too good.

"Is this some sort of distraction? Are the others in on this? What are you _planning_?"

"I'm not planning anything!"

"Yeah right, you really expect me to believe that?"

"Honestly, I just – I just like you…"

Haruhi gave me a disbelieving glare.

"Seriously."

Haruhi's eyes were fast approaching dangerous slits.

"Really, I do."

Haruhi leaned back in her chair, imperiously judging me and my words. "Fine… I'll play along. _For now_."

She stared me down, the distrust still very much a part of her eyes as much as the dark amber color, but luckily the menu was my trusty companion and stalwart defense against the dangers of her energetic stares.

"_Woo me_," she commanded as she crossed her arms, making me seriously doubt she wanted it or at the very least wonder why she had to make it so hard for me. I mean, how is such a hostile disposition supposed to make the order given any easier to do?

"Do you have to keep calling it that? I mean, who talks like that?"

"Obviously _I_ do since I just _did_. And what's wrong with the term? It's correct, isn't it? Or is it that you actually _don't_ like me?" The near-slits made their immediate return. I was starting to worry if allowed time to focus, a laser-like intensity of annoyance might escape from her eyes and cut me in half.

"Are the two of you ready to order?" luckily a smiling waitress approached, though her cheerful smile wavered as she found the couple she had probably assumed to be a loving pair, now with one staring darkly at the other while the other one was doing his best to yet again hide behind the menu.

"I'd like a kebab, jalapeno, feta pizza," Haruhi answered without taking her eyes off me.

"I'm afraid we don't make that."

"You don't have the right ingredients?"

"Well, no –"

"Then what's the point of going to a fancy restaurant if they don't even have a wide enough selection?"

"I'm sure Miss will find something to her tastes in the menu. Our cooks are very good, I assure you."

"If they're so good, why can't they make me what I want or even something resembling it? They can't be that good if they can't make a simple pizza with three toppings."

"I – I – we offer… there's… that is…" the waitress stumbled on her tongue, obviously never having come into contact with such a rude and demanding customer.

"C'mon, Kyon, we're leaving. This place sucks," Haruhi stated loudly, standing up, her chair screeching against the floor, gathering the looks of some other worried clientele. "I know a place where we can get whatever we want on our pizzas _and_ for less."

"But I – this place…"

Haruhi gave me a smoldering look over her shoulder.

"Right," I said as I got up and glance at the waitress and shrugged. "Well, your breadsticks were nice."

The waitress gave me a confused, but also rather relieved look before I dragged myself after Haruhi. If I'd been her, I would have been glad to have gotten rid of any trouble before it began as well.

So much for a quaint bistro with atmosphere… 'Wooing' Haruhi seems to be getting harder and harder by the minute. Now the setting is probably going to be working against me. Haruhi's going to take me to some cheap, stinky diner. How am I supposed to even give off the _illusion_ of being romantic if I'm stuck in some rat hole? I'm a guy who obviously needs any and all advantages he can get.

"_C'mon_!" Haruhi called insistently as she continued marching off.

I tromped along in her wake, placing my hands against the not too distant depths of my pockets, and sighed.

_What am I going to do?_

How do you even romance a normal girl? Then again, what's the point of wondering about that when Haruhi is anything but normal and as such wants anything but normal things? And therein lies the core of my troubles… I am anything but not normal.

Haruhi led me down small streets, full of dingy and cheep shops, foreign flavors and smells floating about. She marched on past everything I might actually usually have stopped to glance at, but seeing as this was Haruhi after all, she had probably already gone through the neighborhood in search of anything truly interesting.

"Here," Haruhi stopped, turned around and gestured sharply at a small little pizzeria, barely the size of a normal room. A sign with letters of the Latin alphabet said nothing to me; I assumed it was a name or something, but that was just a wild guess. I didn't even know what language it was.

"This the place you were talking about?"

"Yup," Haruhi said as she marched along into the pizzeria, a bell ringing as she swept through a door.

I wondered for a moment if I should follow, but then I remembered why I was here in the first place. Participation was undoubtedly a key ingredient in both a successful and unsuccessful date. Even a dateless wonder like me knew as much as that.

The bell rang as unfamiliar and eye wateringly strong smells assaulted my nose. Haruhi was sitting on a barstool, actually smiling (probably the first time during our date) as she rapped her fingers against the counter excitedly.

A big foreign looking guy got out from the kitchen with the accompaniment of loads of steam, wiping his brow on the messy apron he wore, spotted who was waiting for him, and smiled a big, toothy grin, a gold tooth shining as he got closer.

"Haruhi-kun, been a while. What would you like this time? I got a fresh shipment of turnips I'm sure you haven't tried," the guy asked in surprisingly fluent Japanese.

Turnips? Was this really even a pizzeria? I glanced around the place, spotting two small tables that had been crammed into the opposite ends of the small room, with only enough space for two people per table, and… that was it. There weren't any decorations, no menus or pictures of food, no gaudy labels about reduced prices, nothing. Ancient Spartan shops had probably had more going for them than this place.

"Who's the runt?" the burly man asked, as he now wiped his hands, giving me a one eyebrow raised appraisal.

"Never you mind the newest rabble following of mine, Suwa-chan. I'm here for a pizza."

"Just a pizza? But they're just so plain."

"Not when you put your special touch on them," Haruhi said, using flattery to its usual effect when she wanted something she thought worthwhile out of someone she couldn't just coerce as she smiled spryly at the man.

"True, true… you want the turnips? They're not selling well," the man said with unenthusiastic expectation.

"Nah, the same as the last time I asked for a pizza."

"Hmm… let's see… it was egg, ham –"

"No, that was the calzone. I want the pizza with kebab, jalapenos and feta."

"Ah, yes… that one. Doesn't sell well either for some reason I can't understand. Made one of them for myself a few days back."

"Well, most people have horrible tastes. Have you seen some of the crap that passes for entertainment nowadays?"

As Haruhi kept chatting with the cook, there were two things that started to bug me a little. How did she know this guy like that and… how did he do that? Just talk to Haruhi like that? I mean, I had had some decent conversations with the girl, but tonight at least, starting up some discussion seemed to be impossible. I actually wished I could. If I was going to do what I apparently had to, then maybe some casual conversation would help ease me, and Haruhi, into the mood for 'love'. Or close enough.

"C'mon." Haruhi interrupted my train of thought by grabbing me by the arm and yanking me along outside the store. _Ding_ went the bell.

"Where are you taking me now?"

"Just outside. The pizza'll be ready soon. Not like there are any other customers."

"What's outside?"

"Stop asking stupid questions and just… enjoy."

Enjoy what? Your company…?

Haruhi was walking ahead so briskly again I had to take a few quick steps to catch up. I was lead around the pizzeria where a small hill with some trees waited.

"Why are you so suspicious of me taking you on a date anyway?" I decided to go ahead and ask. "The other night you were sure I was into you, but now…"

"It's pretty much _because_ of the other night that this is so suspicious… you're acting differently. You're not like you were before."

"Well, for starters, I'm not drunk."

"…And for seconds? I mean, there's a got to be more. Or are you just one of those jerks who likes to sound fancy and full of himself by saying stuff like 'for starters'?"

"And _secondly_, you're not half-naked."

"I wasn't half-naked."

"You had your bra and panties on your head instead of where they were supposed to be."

"Did I really?" Haruhi asked me in an offhanded manner that left me wondering if it was a sincere question or a question that implied I was once again being toyed with. Whatever the case was, I decided not to find out.

"Anyway, didn't I tell you not to ask dumb questions just a moment ago?" Haruhi asked after a pause, sounding a bit more like her usual peeved self in my company.

"You also said something about enjoyment. What would that entail?"

Haruhi made an exasperated sigh to rival all of mine. "You really just have a death wish, don't you?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"The atmosphere, life, my company, whatever! _Yeesh_! I don't know where you get your kicks!"

I'd seemed to have inadvertently pissed her off a little as she pushed on to the top of the hill with even more speed. She sat down cross-legged next to a tree on the top and started picking at the grass in a fussy manner, staring at the ground as if daring it to stop her from plucking the green strands one by one.

I sat down close to her, but with a safe distance between us.

Things weren't going well. Haruhi needed to cool down but backing off to let her do so would be counter to my plans. This was a date; you were _supposed_ to be together and do fun things. But talking to Haruhi right now seemed like a bad idea… so, if you can't beat them, why not join them?

I pulled out a some grass and rolled the rather plastic feeling plants in between my fingers before I remembered something my grandfather had done to amuse me as a kid. I got as long and wide a piece of grass I could find and then pressed it tightly between the outer sides of my thumbs, pushing the sides together so the grass was held taught between the concaved gap between my thumbs. And then I brought my thumbs to my mouth and blew.

"_Wheeee-eeewhh…_"

"What is that?" Haruhi asked, curious like I had been as a kid when I'd heard the odd, raspy whistling sound the firs time.

I merely turned my hands to her for a moment as explanation before I blew again, trying a melody of sorts. "_Whhhee-whee-whhheeee-wheeeee_…"

It sounded horrible.

"_Wheee-eeeeh-ueeeewh_!" The terrible sound was now answered by its partner from next to me. Haruhi had quickly replicated me and was now actually smirking a little.

"Heh… pretty lame…" Haruhi said as she gathered the grass she had plucked in a palm and then blew, sending the green stalks off in a explosive gust. The flight of the blades of grass stopped short however and soon spiraled back to the earth, not really the most aerodynamic of designs. Some of them flew onto Haruhi but she simply dusted herself off before she lay back on the ground. She put her hands behind her neck and looked upwards calmly now.

I looked upwards as well, noting the twinkling patterns of the earliest and brightest stars in the setting purple of dusk.

"You really like looking at stars, don't you?"

Haruhi didn't answer but just continued staring upwards.

…

Time's starting to run out. I have to get Sasaki and the others out along with the espers. So it would all have to come down to tonight, really. Tonight I'd have to do it. Tonight I'd have to… Sigh. I guess it's not _that_ bad. But… I don't know, I just don't. This is wrong; the situation, that is. Going out with Haruhi just felt weird. It wasn't that her company wasn't fun most of the time, but with things like this… I guess I'm just a guy who hates being pressured or forced to do anything. It certainly explains my hate of homework.

This was all just so damn forced. Living with Haruhi, going on a date with her… it would never happen in reality… in _my_ reality, never in a million years. It was all just so wrong. So the sooner this was over and done with, the better.

Worst of all, this was a pretty lousy date. I didn't think either one of us was enjoying it at all. Being with Haruhi… when placed into the confines of the expected, what would normally happen with people, was quite honestly kind of boring. I thought this would have been a hellish torture in the traditional manner, with Haruhi maybe berating me constantly or something, but in a way this was even worse than that. This was just _boring_.

"Haru-kun, I got your pizza," the cook appeared, carrying our food in the appropriate box.

Haruhi got up, nudged me on the shoulder, gave me the universal sign for 'give me money' by rubbing her thumb against her fingers with a smug smirk. I dug out my wallet, ready to empty it of its contents, but Haruhi just swiped it from my hands. She exchanged the money for the goods, while I on the other hand received a knowing smile and a wink from the man.

_Sigh…_ I hoped he received a look at my eyes rolling in return as he left. Is it just me, or do people assume far too much all too easily? Why do people always think there's something going on between me and Haruhi…

…All right, today was sort of an exception. But still…

Haruhi opened the box with a hungry smile as she plumped down onto grass, sitting cross-legged, resting the box in her open lap. The box opened to the accompaniment of rolling steam, the intense and weird smell of food stuff not intended to be mixed striking me in the pits of my nose. It wasn't awful, but just strong and so new it made me flinch a little in response.

Haruhi scooped up a slice and started chomping away. She was more than halfway through it when she seemed to remember she wasn't alone.

Cheeks bulging with food, she looked at me, her chewing coming to a slow halt that ended with a final, loud gulp as she swallowed. "Want some?"

"Yeah… as a matter of fact, I would." I _did_ pay for the damn thing.

I sat down next to her and took a slice, white strands of cheese stretching out as I pulled it carefully to me. The unfamiliar mix didn't sit well with my taste buds at first. Why anyone would even attempt to mix these flavors together in the first place was just beyond me.

Haruhi handed the pizza box to me forcefully and then went to munching on her slices from a more relaxed position. We ate quietly for a while and before I knew it, I wasn't actually minding the odd taste in my mouth from Haruhi's strange pizza.

"You know, this crazy pizza of yours ain't half bad… too bad it isn't half good either."

"I told to throw in some tuna for you."

You did, huh? You went out of your way to add a little sea food to the food… This date is slowly getting more and more disturbing in tiny, little, incremental ways.

We ate in silence. It was better that way than trying to force some sort of conversation out from our busy mouths.

"Damn, that was good," Haruhi patted her taut stomach with great satisfaction. Her eyes however betrayed her as they begun to track my hands with a hungry gleam fit for a starved lion as I reached out for the last of my remaining slices.

"You want some more?" I asked, ready and very willing to go without a full stomach because the pizza really wasn't something I'd call delectable. Not that I'd call anything 'delectable', but that's beside the point.

There was one last slice of the odd pizza left. I took it and held it out for her. She watched the offering with an almost feline curiosity, judging not only it, but me as well.

"Feed me," she said suddenly, a small sneaky smirk spreading like wildfire across her lips.

What? You suddenly can't do it yourself? What about all that face-stuffing just a few seconds ago?

She leaned back into an imperiously lounging sitting position against the tree behind her. "Feed me. It'll earn you some points. Some _much_ needed points."

I guess I had to do it. I certainly didn't have any better ideas. This date was going horribly if you asked me. It certainly wasn't romantic by anyone's standards. I was failing hard at my mission.

As I reached over to feed her, to do her bidding as was fairly typical no matter how I protested, I noticed how her eyes narrowed suspiciously to gauge me. But as I got closer, she seemed to relax, a rather patronizing sneer spreading across her face. She pulled back further, eyes glinting teasingly.

Sigh. Does she really need to make this more difficult than it already is? Why does she like toying with me so much? Seriously, what exactly is so special about me?

I was practically leaning over her when Haruhi allowed me to reach her distant mouth, and with that predatory glee of hers, she unveiled her teeth and snapped at the food like it was bait, catching me completely off guard.

If she hadn't done that silly, stupid thing, making me flinch a little, what happened could have been avoided.

As she snapped at her food like an alligator, making my self-preservation instincts jump into action just in case my hand was mistaken for food, the pizza was tugged back just as Haruhi pulled back on it with her teeth, setting the cheesy cover free to slap against her chin, splattering cheese and tomato sauce on the lower half of her face.

"Agh!"

With that annoyed yell, most of the good parts (remember, this is relatively speaking) of the pizza fell to the ground. She wiped at her messy chin with her hand, actually managing to remove the worst of it, but ultimately just spreading what remained some more.

I couldn't help it, I swear. But even the Dalai-Lama wouldn't have had the willpower and fortitude to not laugh at the ridiculous mess on the idiot's face.

"Damn it, Kyon! You idiot!"

"Hahahaa!"

"Stop laughing, you moron! Is this seriously how you think –"

"Heh-he-here… let me help," I quickly offered, stifling my laughter as best I could, reaching out to scoop the worst of a glob of tomato sauce of her chin with my thumb.

As I held her dainty chin, Haruhi stared right back into my eyes, brows furrowed at me. "Tth… I can't believe you actually did it and went there. I _told_ you don't like this kind of unoriginality."

"Hey, not my fault you don't know how to eat properly."

"Shut up, Kyon." Haruhi gave me a glare before she sighed. "This is all totally and completely horrible. Easily the worst date I've ever gone on."

"Really?" But of course it had been.

"Boring, tedious and…" Haruhi gave a big old sigh, before her pretty eyes shifted to look away from mine. "I knew this was going to be nothing but a big fat disappointment…"

Yep, you got that right. How exactly am I supposed to… wait, this might just be my way in. I hadn't really realized it, but… well, we'll leave the troublesome analysis for later. That is, if I tell Koizumi anything of what's happened here, since I'm sure he'll want to know. But there's a better chance of me spontaneously bursting into flames than doing something like that.

It might be unoriginal, but it's something you know of, Haruhi, something you're wary off… something you don't want to see and try to avoid… so let's see what happens when something unfamiliar to you is forced on you. Let's see if you're anywhere near as good at handling my shtick (i.e. normal, boring things) as I am at dealing with yours (crazy, weird things).

I was still clasping her chin, our faces so close I could hear her breathing if I strained my ears. I let my thumb slide across the nook between her chin and lips, wiping away the last remnants of tomato sauce.

"…But you still gave me a chance. You didn't just dump me right from the start."

"I… huh?" Haruhi's eyes quickly snapped back to stare at me with sudden shock. "I – I told you I won't say no to any proposition. I keep an open mind to everything. Only a fool would –"

I raised my thumb against her lips, feeling a slight wetness across it as I placed it on her opened mouth, her tongue accidentally licking the tip a little as I cut her off in the middle of her sentence. Her tongue felt warm and sleek, but I tried to ignore the interesting sensation.

"So I can't afford to disappoint, can I?" I asked, gazing into the depths of her dark brown eyes.

That sounded pretty smooth, right?

"You – _what_?"

The shocked surprise with which Haruhi now stared at me nearly made me laugh, but I resisted the urge. This was all just a bit absurd. I couldn't wait for all of this awkward weirdness to just stop.

I gave the bottom of Haruhi's lips another tender brush of my thumb, smoothing down the tiniest of soft bumps away. There was a cool intake of breath, air whipping past the skin around my nail before it returned, now an almost scorching sensation against my digit. Then I felt the quickened pace at which the air was moving in and out through her nose, now more noticeable than before on my thumb and even clearer in my ears.

This is it, I think. The big moment. I doubt I'll get a better chance, not with how lousily this date's gone. I would've rather wrestled bears than waste my time with Haruhi like this. Doing stuff like this, normal things, just didn't appeal even to me when Haruhi was around. She too had felt awkward, much like a caged tiger, I imagined. Doing this with her was just wrong. So I was letting her go back home, to adventuring without the hassles of idiotic romances.

_And no, this wasn't about 'setting the thing you love free', if that was what you were thinking!_

Whatever. This'll all be over soon, wiped away, removed from existence, so go for it. Go crazy. Enjoy yourself, Kyon, my boy. It's not that hard. I've done this before, sort of. And after all, all things considered, Haruhi _is_ a good looking girl. It could be a lot worse. A _lot _worse. And even so, nothing that happened here will matter much if this works, or even if it doesn't work, once everything reboots again. So do it. Go for it. Romance be damned!

I got even closer, almost pushing myself on top of the girl, returning the favor from the other night, pushing my advantage, having caught her off guard the same way she'd done with me. This was the game, wasn't it? Who was on top, figuratively speaking. It's just a game. It doesn't really matter. If I didn't push on ahead now and gave her too much time, she'd probably just push me off. I had to use my advantage or lose it.

I looked into her amber eyes, quivering uncertainly with the tension, covered only by the briefest of heady blinks for an instant. Her cheeks were pink with heat I could actually feel radiating off of them. She wasn't being shy, but she was merely stunned by a _truly_ new and alien experience for her, something she was always looking for in all the wrong places if you asked me.

Haruhi was raising a hand to my chest to push me back. "H-hey, Kyon, just what do you think you're -?"

"You really _do_ look great in that ponytail, you know," I interrupted her as I shifted my hands, only the very tips of my fingers skimming her smooth cheeks as my hands moved to frame her pretty, pinkish, wide-eyed face, so I could pull our faces together for a private meeting between them. This was a moment, a manufactured one, but one I had to use. "I still think so."

Haruhi simply blinked in response at what I said first. "Wha–? I –" Haruhi was going to say something, but whatever it was, it wouldn't have mattered anymore, because if I was right, all of this silliness would be gone.

It's a bit forced, but here we go…

_Goodbye, alternate Haruhi! I'm going back to the real thing__!  
_

I closed my eyes and kissed Haruhi, feeling a slight intake of breath in surprise that sucked my lips even closer to hers, tasting a faint tomato-y taste from the pizza… and the whole world went away, the fading touch of her soft lips against mine the last thing to disappear.

- _The world was silver. Nothing more. No shapes, no lines, no shadows or depth, not even smells or sounds. Everything was silver and silver was everything. Nothing more. _-

It was dark now. Stars speckled the dark velvet of the sky, distant constellations revolving in their slow dances across the universe, moving at a pace unmeasurable to the naked eye so far away from them. I was in a park; leaves swayed and whispered in a breeze. Haruhi was standing in front of me.

This was it, wasn't it? I was back _home_.

Everything was as it should be again.

"Damn – damn it, Kyon. Why'd you have to go and _actually_ kiss me?"


	44. Defying gravity

_I remembered everything now._

…

…

…

So, the park… there was a fifty-fifty chance Haruhi would be there…

I was standing at the intersection at the foot of the hill to school. Though the road here split in four different directions, I only saw two options. I could turn back and return to Nagato, or I could go ahead and look for Haruhi. The problem as such wasn't which I wanted, needed or even had to see more, because in all honesty, the two special girls were a dead even tie in my world, both important to me in different ways.

The problem I was facing was a relatively simple one in mathematics, concerning probability. Unfortunately mathematics had never been my best subject. I was essentially trying to do a gain/risk evaluation, with probabilities taken into consideration (very poorly).

P (x) = 100 %, where x is the likelihood of meeting Nagato, as she would still be in the clubroom or coming down the hill herself eventually, meaning it would be next to impossible to miss her.

P (y) = 50 %, where y is the likelihood of running into Haruhi.

The math was complicated by the knowledge that just like the probability of seeing Haruhi, there was an uncertainty as well in what would happen if I in fact _did_ run into her. I would either go there, having wasted my time, or run into her and…

Yeah, that was probably the biggest problem right there.

Whereas with Nagato things would go much simpler, linearly even, provided she didn't switch into 'Encyclopedia for the Hyper-Intelligent'-mode. If she kept her words short and to the point, as she usually did, and there was no need for explanations or exposition, I was confident I could handle any issue she might have, maybe help her to give up on this whole idea that she had to close herself off from people to work better, even if it was with noble purpose on her part or not (which it most certainly _was_, I knew Nagato that well at least). But Nagato was strong and extremely self-reliant.

But Haruhi… if I didn't go and see her now, now when she really did need help (maybe), it could be disastrous in more ways than one. Sure, the world might explode or something dramatic, but in a way, I was glad to note that was no longer as pressing a concern as it had been long ago, at least in comparison to helping a friend in need. It wasn't that Haruhi was somehow weaker than Nagato, definitely not, but it just seemed like she was in deeper trouble right now, and if I ignored her now I could end up losing a lot more than I would if I didn't go back to Nagato.

Seeing Haruhi was, as such, the primary concern as of now. It was just the uncertainty that bothered me. She'd seemed so lost, cornered by some arbitrary deadline of her own, out of ideas and tired… I wasn't even sure what to do about it.

I had tried to call her, but the calls would always be disconnected after the second beep and soon enough my calls failed to connect at all. Haruhi had probably turned her phone off, which, all in all, wasn't a sign in my favor either. Either I was just harassing her at home or she really was at the park. But either way she wasn't in the mood to talk to me, so if Haruhi actually was in the park and I met her, actually seeing me should be even less of a joy for her than my phone abuse.

Sigh…

Why isn't any of this ever easy?

Maybe it's just me who's making it hard for me, although Haruhi obviously had her part to play in my troubles of course.

Well whatever the case might be, I think there's really only one thing to do, all factors considered.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what may or may not happen at the park, with neither option being all that preferable to the other. Then I took a step forward, pausing only for a moment to reconsider my following actions, only to continue onward, knowing this had to be done.

I was not a betting man in any sense of the word, finding myself far too sensible when it came to money (although how Haruhi managed to pry so much out of my wallet all the time was a contentious point to the contrary I hated to note), I would not only have bet everything I had right now, which wasn't much, but everything I would have in the next ten years as well, that Haruhi was going to be at the park. I could just feel it.

Walking along the dark streets as dusk approached, the few people still about, looking tired and eager for home, I started wondering just what exactly I should say or do if my bet was right. Was Haruhi really experiencing a burnout? Maybe. But it just didn't seem like Haruhi. Something was obviously up. People, including even Haruhi, don't just punch tables for the laughs, no matter how big a fan you are of physical comedy, no matter twisted your sense of humor might be. People who did that for the laughs were barely people at all, and I refused to believe Haruhi was barely a person when it came right down to it.

She wasn't some sort of diabolic god, but she was… Hm, I still don't know. _Still_.

The park was steeped in shadows darker than the night. Everything was still and silent as I entered it, almost like a world removed from ours. Nothing stirred, no bugs chirping and scuttling amidst the grass, no wind rustling leaves, no late birds calling out to each other. All was still. I could feel it in the air, the lack of movement. It really felt like I had stumbled into some alien world by accident.

I made my way through the small lanes designed to wind about the park, allowing as much of the greenery and collected shrubbery to be seen as possible. I passed a familiar bench, stopping for a moment to look at it and wonder about everything; how I was here, what had gone to birth this moment, and so on. But I didn't waste too much on the questions, just allowing them to pass through the waters of my mind, leaving only small imprints, like gentle waves from little droplets only forming for a moment before they disappeared. I placed my hands in my pockets and continued off.

And then, within the heart of the park, the very center of it all, I found her.

Haruhi was standing still, eyes firmly locked on the star-filled sky. When I got next to her, giving her a careful glance from the side, I saw to my great shock a watery glitter to Haruhi's eyes on an otherwise firm face as she gazed upwards, head held as high as always, though there seemed to be something like a tiny droplet forming in the corner of her eye. There was a small wet streak on her cheek where at least a single tear had already travelled before I'd arrived. But even so, her brows were narrowed like there was something disdainful and ugly in the night sky. The welling of tears coldly glinting with the distant light of stars… seemed amiss on her fuming face. In fact, Haruhi shouldn't cry at all, it just wasn't in her character. If she was sad, she wouldn't cry, even if she was losing something or even someone immensely important to her. No she wouldn't cry, she would fight, that was what was best about her… so why was she looking like she might now? Why was she… so angry?

"Damn it, why am I… like this…?" Haruhi asked, her voice strong like iron, resolute, unbending, though her question still faded into the darkness around us like the patter of a fleeing mouse. "This doesn't make any sense. Damn it… it's so stupid." Her voice seemed to gain a fresh furious edge to it as she blinked several times in quick succession, ridding her eyes of the worst of the wetness.

I looked up at the sky, not seeing anything amiss, but knowing what really was wrong all of a sudden in an unspoken way I couldn't have really put to words properly, but I knew enough to maybe help. "And annoying… isn't it? It should be reasonable, it should make sense somehow… but it doesn't."

"Yeah… I'm not even… hurt or anything, I'm not… _sad_ about anything… I don't understand. I've never cried, never. Even as a kid, when I scraped a knee or fell… I never cried. When my granma died, I didn't shed a tear… I _never_ cried for anything, even if I was sad. So… why do I feel like I should be?" She gave one of her eyes a rub of her finger. "Why do my eyes keep bothering me? It's been like this for a while now and I don't know why and it… it's stupid, why am I crying now? Why won't the tears stop? They just keep coming and I don't know why and it… it's stupid," she shook her face hurriedly, her annoyance clear on her face, anger present in the edges of her eyes.

"It's okay…"

"No, no it's not. Why the hell is something like this happening? There's nothing _to_ cry about! What the hell is wrong with me…? I can't – I can't even _think_ like I used to. All kinds of ideas about adventure… they're gone, replaced by warm, weak, little things, not worth any time or consideration… What's wrong with me? I can't… I'm not who, what, I used to be…"

Was she sad because she felt she had lost a part of herself somehow? That the strong, indomitable spirit that gave her the power and ideas to face the world had left her? But, if you really considered it, hadn't it sort of happened already? Haruhi had… calmed down, all in all. For a long time, she hadn't exactly had the same drive she had had in the beginning. Yes, she had taken us all on adventures and the like, but they all felt slightly lesser ever since that trip to the island. Whether it was investigating sick dogs or treasure hunting in the hills, just so she could manipulate us into accepting gifts from her… none of that really compared to the same vigor with which everything had started, the same force with which the SOS Brigade had originally been set up with.

"I'm _not_ sad, Kyon…" Haruhi insisted, and I honestly believed her, the way she said it in with such certainty. "I'm just… _angry_, and I don't know why and that makes me feel even _angrier_… because I don't – I can't – I don't understand what's going on anymore… who am I surrounded by, what am I doing… everything's going like I always expected it go… but never how I wanted it to…"

"But isn't it – aren't things still good…?"

"Things are… fine, _that's_ the problem. I could work with great, even better with bad, because then you'd have something to struggle against… but things are just… just… they just _are_!"

"Okay, I can get that, see why you might be frustrated, but I can't really understand why fine is so damn terrible. Most people dream of being just fine…"

"Yeah, losers the lot of them…" Haruhi said sourly.

"Haruhi, what's going on?"

She didn't say anything, but just kept staring at the sky with quiet, angry disappointment.

It's strange… whenever she feels down, for some reason… I care.

"Haruhi, I'm trying to understand, I really am."

"Tth," Haruhi tutted, "it'd be pretty damn impressive if you could understand… especially when even I don't really understand what's going on myself."

"C'mon, give it a try."

Haruhi gave a long, drawn-out sigh, the look in her eyes softening a little, becoming more wistful now. "I feel… that I have to go, that I have to stay, but I can't go and I can't stay. I'm… stuck. I've always – _always_ known what I want and need to do, but now… I… I don't know anymore. I was always so sure, I knew _exactly_ what I wanted but now… I feel… it's… I don't – I don't _know_… that's the problem. I don't know what I'm chasing anymore or what I'm fighting… if there even was anything in the beginning… have I just been… fooling myself? All of a sudden, it's all just so…"

"Scary?"

"Nn… no, not – not really, no, don't be stupid! I just – Damn it! Why can't this stop? I'm not sad! What the hell?" Haruhi quickly rubbed the sleeve of her uniform in her eyes.

"_Why_ are you so angry?" I asked as diplomatically as possible, trying to wedge my way into the core of the matter at hand before giving Haruhi a chance to grow too angry, at the world or even me.

Haruhi gave me an annoyed scowl, face slightly red, eyes still glistening a little, though the awkward tears seemed to have stopped for good. She gulped, and it almost looked like she was going to turn away in a dignified huff, but the anger seemed to dissipate after she let my question sink in, as she herself gave it some thought turning her head away from me a little.

"I just… don't know what I want anymore… Everything used to be so clear to me, the world worked in one way and one way only, I was in charge. There was a reason I felt excited or angry… I found something interesting, something went wrong… but now… I don't get it… why? Why am I…? Why do I feel like… like I just want to run away in any direction, like I never want to see this place again… and why is this also the only place I ever wanna be…? It doesn't make sense… why doesn't it make sense?"

"Haruhi…"

"It wasn't like this before, when this all started… I had a plan and it felt like it was working, like I was just on the cusp of finding something special… but then… something happened, and I don't know what. All of a sudden, I don't want to look anymore, I don't need anything more… all of a sudden, I'm just… content. I've been excited and depressed and angry, but… I never really felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, that there wasn't something better just beyond the closest hill… and now, somehow, it's almost like I found what I was looking for, but didn't notice. But then, something I can't explain changed _again_… I just… everything seems to be going wrong… and now that there's a timer, just one short year with all of us together, with the pressure really on…" The angry tears were definitely gone now, giving up trying to show up where they never belonged, with the solemn Haruhi simply staring at the world in front of her. "Why do I hate and love this place so much? Why do I wanna run and hide, but stay as long as possible… and," she turned to face me, looking weary and troubled, an almost lost look in her eyes, "Why do I want you to be there, wherever I go?"

"Haruhi…"

I took a tentative step closer, wanting to somehow… I don't know, respond to her finally opening up to me a little, maybe try and get in deeper, past the strong shell and maybe see what sort of great machine made it all tick underneath, to see where it was all heading. I reached out, and once again made the mistake of placing my hand on her shoulder, like I would have with any other normal person in a similar situation.

"No! Damn it, Kyon!" Haruhi suddenly yelled at me, a seething fury gripping her. "Let go! Why do you have to keep –"

But just as suddenly as the anger had struck Haruhi at my touch, her words, so full of venom, made me feel hurt and angry as well. She couldn't keep treating me like this, yanking me back and forth like a toy, always dropping me whenever things were getting serious. This was no longer just about her anymore, about how unbearable her situation was for me to watch, but how painful it was for me to go along with her, always watching her, going on ahead of me, when all I wanted was to be there by her side on the journey. No longer could I stand to be the Sancho to her Quixote.

We were equals, partners, complimenting opposites if you wanted to be a pretentious prick about things. We had been through so much. I had saved her life… and in a way, she had saved mine from me. We had both given each other too much to just throw it all away like this in petty squabbles.

"No! Stop! No more!" I grabbed her firmly with both of my hands by her arms, simply tired of the cat and mouse game we seemed to be stuck in, with one of us toying mercilessly with the other, and then sneaking off before a proper confrontation could be had, leaving experts in guerilla tactics to shame. "Stop trying to push me back all the time!"

"Stop trying to get so _close_! I don't _need_ you! I don't _want_ you! Go away!"

"No, I won't! I want to know what the hell is wrong with you! I can't – I just can't bear to see you like this. It… it hurts me too, makes me angry, seeing you like this. Please, Haruhi, just talk to me, tell me what's wrong."

"Damn it… you just don't get it at all in the end, do you? I thought you were better than this, I really did, but you're just like everyone else, a hopeless loser I'd be better off without."

"If that's really the case, how you really feel, then why the hell have you kept me around then, huh?"

"…" My question silenced Haruhi as she stared at me with an unreadable face.

"Answer me!" My hands tightened around her slender arms, but she didn't seem to respond, her head only drooping lower, bangs sweeping in to cover her face. I wanted to shake some sense into the idiot so she'd just spit it out already. "Damn it! I said –"

"It's _exactly_ because of that!" Haruhi suddenly raised her head and shouted at me angrily.

"What?"

"You're… you're not just a loser, you're _the_ loser. Everything I hate about people. The insipid way they see the world and only its limits, the arrogant way you think you know how the world works when you don't, how you think you have to correct me when you're just as wrong if not even more so than I ever could be, the snide comments that only reveal your own stupidity and weakness, the fear and laziness to reach out and just grab what's out there in the world… Kyon, you are _quintessentially_ what's wrong with the world, you ignorant, self-righteous coward!"

I… I didn't know what to say. This was… not at all what I had expected to hear after everything.

"I won't accept limits, just because you say they're there… like how you tell me to be… to be more _reasonable_ or just _normal_… I won't play the game by your rules… You're my rival… an obstacle to overcome… my greatest… opponent… everything I stand against…" the indignation seemed to melt away as she described how she saw me, replaced by a confused sense of openness, not sure at all what she was doing anymore. "You… you're why I do what I do. You're the reason I want to prove the whole world wrong. To wipe the floor with that stupid smug face of an idiot. It's because of you that I… that I…"

I was still holding her tightly by her arms, my hands digging into her uniform, and the firm flesh underneath. And suddenly both of us seemed to gasp at the same exact moment, not in surprise, but to get more air, some much needed air to get us through… whatever we were stuck in. Both of us where breathing heavily now, practically trading a single warm mouthful of air between the two of us, as if gasping for the other's breath.

"You're the reason why… why I keep going, you stupid idiot," she said, looking up at me with desperate, heated resistance. "Without you… I… Damn it… I hate you so much… and yet… I couldn't… can't see myself without you… Kyon, I… you…"

"Haruhi, I…"

Why was this so hard? What _was_ Haruhi to me? Why can't I _still_ answer that stupid, simple question?

"I am _more_ than this…" she spoke in a hushed voice. "I am _not_ my needs. I am _not_ my feelings… I'm… I'm _more_… so I… _have_ to have more than this… this world… and… and…"

I couldn't look away from her dark amber eyes, half hidden behind stray locks of hair and their shadows, made deeper and longer in the heart of the night.

"Why do you have to… be here when I… when I'm like this…" her voice was barely more than a passionate whisper now. "I… I won't let you bring me down with you…"

I brushed away the stray hair from her eyes, little specks of starlight reflected at me as she stared up at me with what looked like a subtle mix of confusion, caution and yearning. I could still feel her heavy breathing in my face. Her breath was warm and sultry, tickling my lower lip, air moving in and out in little excited mouthfuls. My hold on Haruhi's arm… suddenly I didn't want to let go, no matter what. It felt like the world had disappeared around me and only Haruhi remained. And if I let go… I'd fall and never know anything ever again.

"Kyon," Haruhi breathed my name, and like an intoxicant, that one syllable seemed to make my heart pound all the way in my skull, conveying a message of hurry, of need, jungle drums of the night telling me to act, before it was too late, before I would lose more than I could endure losing.

I could hardly breathe. With every shortened gasp for air, I caught her scent, like a nostalgic memory, beckoning me to warmer, better times.

"Kyon…"

I couldn't take it anymore. Something was wrong and yet so right at the same time. My heart felt like it was going to explode. A tumbling fight was going on in my guts, moving like a swarm of eels. My skin prickled with pins of painful excitement I couldn't now fathom living without. My head was swimming in a sea of murky, hot thoughts; my mind mired, sinking away from thoughts and meaning. I only knew one thing anymore. I only _wanted_ to know one thing.

Slowly, Haruhi turned up to look at me, straight in my eyes. Her eyes gleamed with the remnants of the anguish that had plagued her mind. Her lips had parted slightly, like she wanted to say something, to whisper a private thought. I could feel her breathing against my lips and I became truly conscious of my own hastened breathing, hoping it wasn't bothering her.

We were close, too close. Uncomfortably close. So why wasn't I backing off?

"_Kyon_…" Haruhi practically sighed my name, the roughly starting syllable tickling my lips even more.

I… don't know what to say anymore, what to do. I want to take the hurt away, I want to help, I want to fight this too, but – how? I don't want to… do anything stupid, anything I might regret. I… don't know what to do. I want…

"I… I'm not going to lose to you… I'm going to… going to defeat you…" Haruhi grabbed me in the middle of my arm, the very bottom of my bicep, her hand resting against my forearm, with a grip so hard it would have hurt normally, but so distant and unimportant a sensation now it barely registered beyond a vague sense of even more physical contact, another anchor holding us together in place no matter what might come, another challenge for more action.

I could only stare at her lips anymore as she spoke the words, lips always parted ever so slightly as she panted like she was in the midst of the struggle for her life. I could feel the heat of her body escaping into world past those pretty lips I couldn't look away from now. She was close now, so close.

Why is she getting closer, stretching her neck towards me?

…

Why am I doing the same thing? We're already way too close as it is. If this keeps up, we'll… we'll _bump_ into each other.

My heart was starting to thump around annoyingly. Because we were so close, I was afraid even Haruhi might hear it chugging along like an old steam train up a hill too steep for it.

Haruhi's eyes were half-lidded in a dreamy fashion and her lips were still parted appealingly, but her advance had stopped, like she was waiting.

_She'd never looked better._

The world slowed to a crawl, everything seemed to be waiting. I could feel the tension building. Something was going to break soon. Something big was going to happen. I just wasn't sure what it was, and I didn't really want to risk finding out either. I wasn't ready. This was wrong somehow. We were being played. I couldn't just…

I gave Haruhi's arm a squeeze back, still unable to understand what was happening. She was watching me intently, waiting for my next move. Her breathing had only sped up more. With every passing moment, the pressure around us seemed to build, becoming excruciatingly unbearable.

_What was going to happen next?_

I squeezed her arm even tighter. She exhaled anxiously, her pretty eyes fully focused on my own.

This whole situation was too much. The moment seemed to stretch on forever, waiting for me to break the spell. And I _did_ want to get out, to escape, to stop the heady mess I was; stomach fluttering, throat clamped, heart thrashing, head dizzy. I'd even take the fearful feeling of uncertain anticipation I had had coming here that had disappeared as the warm dizziness in Haruhi's company had taken over, to avoid this weird and unsettling feeling that gripped me tightly, but I didn't know how to end this. There seemed to be something I was expected to do; but I couldn't, I just wasn't ready. I wanted instead to back off and catch my breath again. And not doing what I was expected to do felt even worse, like I'd tear the whole world apart if I turned away now. I was trapped, incapable of choosing. I didn't even know what the choice was, what was expected. How, what and why all seemed like total gibberish in mind.

She shouldn't be this close to me. I shouldn't be this close either.

Haruhi whispered something, but her laboring breathing robbed her voice nearly of all sound. My heart was no longer beating fast, it was just a roaring, continuous crashing, like the sound of a wave hitting a cliff, reverberating through my whole body. I watched her lips open, forming a gentle little circle, her tongue barely visible as she whispered a word I couldn't have heard over the rushing in my head, couldn't have even understood anymore. But even so, I knew she had once again uttered my name, and I could barely handle it.

My mind was a blank; there were no thoughts, no questions, no considerations. All I was, was a collection of sensations: the stifling hold of my tie, the coarse feel of my clothes against my heated skin, the soft, hot feel of Haruhi's smooth arms in my sweaty, trembling hands, the sultry moistness of her anxious breathing, the glow of her skin in the star light, the gleam of her lips as she gave them a quick lick with her darting, wet tongue, the smell of her hair that reminded me of sleepless summers, the soft firmness of her body, now completely pressed against mine.

I didn't know what to do. This was too much. I couldn't think.

I'm stuck.

What do I do?

Why did seeing Haruhi like this make me feel so… so damn uncomfortable, so weird, so unpleasant? And so dreadfully, terrifyingly excited? If I could have chosen, I would have remainef forever like this.

I didn't know what to do. For the first time in my life, I properly understood what it meant to be paralyzed by fear, or something closely resembling it.

I only wanted… just wanted to… to know one thing and one thing only… I just wanted… one… thing…

Just the feel of her lips against mine, and the world and everything in it, no longer existed for me. There was no dangerously beating crashing in my head, no light except for in her dreamy half-closed eyes, no gravity keeping us in place, just Haruhi and her body, which I held close, never wanting to let go, and her lips, better than they could have been even in my dreams…

As I held her tightly by her arms, one of her hands glancing my side with nervous care, just grazing it, recoiling slightly at the touch at first, fingers sliding tentatively across my side next. At first, as our lips touched, her surprisingly smooth ones against mine, her eyes sprung wide open with shock, the stars of the night glinting in her pupils. She went rigid at my touch, back arching as if she were trying to pull back, so caught off guard by my touch it was like she had been burned.

But as the kiss continued, she relaxed, her eyes half closing into a dreamy calm glow. The hand that had been pushed against my side, as if to ward off an attack, travelled across my chest, stopping somewhere near my pounding heart. There was a soft quiver across her lips, as she let out a little hushed sound, sort of like a moan. We were held together for one single moment that should have lasted forever.

Then, all of a sudden, that faint soft touch on my chest turned into a violent push. I nearly toppled over as I was shoved back so forcefully.

_What the…?_

Haruhi now stared at me with a look of… terrified shock? No, couldn't be. But she did look like… like she had just discovered something truly horrendous spying on her during a private moment, horrified by the invasion. She had brought her hand to cover her mouth with such swift action that I thought she was going to wipe her lips in disgust or subdue a scream, but she just held her palm in front of her mouth as she continued staring at me in shocked horror, holding her lips behind her delicate little fingers, her chest now heaving as she panted.

"Damn – damn it, Kyon. Why'd you have to go and _actually_ kiss me?" she asked slowly, still breathing heavily, like in a daze.

She stared at me with utter disbelief, looking at me like a stranger, someone who had snuck into her bedroom at night. She was panting, trying to catch her breath. Her body was tense like a trained bow, ready to snap at any moment, or to unleash a violent volley.

I took a half a step closer.

Her body trembled, not with fear but indignation. A sudden, defiant fire burned in Haruhi's eyes.

"NO! Damn it! …Why… why'd you have to go and _actually_ kiss me?" she repeated, now letting her anger seep into her voice, rising dangerously.

_And this was now the world I was stuck in. Everything hadn't reverted to how it had been, because I'd already messed up before the parallel reality had cropped up, actually causing it. But… why?_

"No! This _cannot_ happen! Why did you have to go and do this? This'll – this – this will wreck everything I've been trying to accomplish for a year now! Are you trying to _ruin_ everything I've been working on? Why would you do something this stupid?"

I… I honestly don't know.

"Damn it, Kyon…"

"I… what? I just… I thought… I don't know what came over me… I just wanted to… to… I dunno… help."

"Haven't you been listening to me at _all_? Damn it, Kyon!" Haruhi turned around and rushed off with a brand new breed of fury at her heels. And this time it didn't take her back to tell me anything, as Haruhi made it all to clear what she wanted from me herself. "_Don't follow me_!"

…What the hell did I just do…?

The wind rustled leaves, crickets chirped and birds called to each other. The heavy tug of gravity was back.

What the hell did I just _do_?


	45. Heraclitus

The sky was mostly clear and sunny the next day, the sun beating down unrelentingly, the first truly hot day of spring. But after last night, it didn't feel particularly warm. Not hot at all.

It really wasn't particularly warm, but the simplicity of a shift of a few degrees all of a sudden always feels worse than a slow gradual change you don't even notice until it's done. All around me on the way to school, guy were taking off their jackets and girls already in their spring uniforms, denied of such an opportunity to cool off as the guys unless they were near Haruhi in terms of modesty, could only wave their hands in their faces for a little relief.

I kept my head down, the sun in the sky a bit too bright for my eyes. Oddly enough, it felt fitting to keep my head down anyway.

"Kyon, I… how are you?" Tachibana, who had been waiting at the door to the classroom, holding her hands together in front, her head hung low as she'd been waiting for me, asked me immediately as I got close, looking at me with genuine enough looking concern.

"Fine…"

"Kyon, I…"

I walked past her into the classroom and noticed Haruhi's empty seat.

Damn it… where is she? The lesson's going to start soon. She's usually here ahead of me, staring out the window. Is she skipping? Did she really not come to school because of… what I did… no, that was just stupid. Haruhi wouldn't hide. Not from anything. But even so… where was she?

"What exactly happened? You left and then after a really long time everything just changed and we were back where and when we'd –"

"I got us all back," I answered gruffly as I continued my way to my desk. I could feel Tachibana behind me, hear the soft patter of her shoes against the floor.

There was still time. It wasn't like Haruhi hadn't been late for school ever before. There was still time.

"I was just worried that something had –"

"Thanks for your concern."

"…Fine, be that way. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Tachibana said softly from behind me.

"Yeah, thanks," I said without looking back.

I sat down on my chair and craned my neck to peer out the window. People were still streaming in, but amongst all the heads churning in through the gates and doors, I couldn't spot a single one with an orange ribbon attached.

_Damn it…_

I gave the back of my head a scratch, sparking fresh memories to life. Everything that had happened between me and Haruhi was a crisp and clear image in my head, like all my senses had gone to their limits to preserve everything that had happened in as great detail as possible. But even so, everything leading up to the kiss still felt like a heady blur. I might remember exactly what had happened, but how and why were distressingly lacking parts in my memories. It was all a grand mystery to me.

_Why had I kissed her?_

Why exactly did I kiss her? Was it some sort of pity on my part? Judging by what had been going on for the week before the kiss, it seemed like a good enough answer as such, but it just didn't fit at all for either one of us. Even when Haruhi was at her lowest, feeling extremely depressed, I'd never felt sorry for her. Pity was just a word that didn't mesh at all with Haruhi. Even in her depressive state of mind, there was an overwhelming power beneath the solemn surface, like the abyss of the ocean. It didn't garner any pity, but more like drew you in deeper along with it before it eventually consumed you. Pity did not belong in the depths of her being.

_Why had I kissed her?_

Only now realizing it, I was actually holding my head tightly by the sides, finger tips digging into my skull as I wracked my brain about the missing piece in the puzzle.

"Kyon, you sure everything's all right?" a worried looking Tachibana asked me again.

I gave her a look and it seemed to drive her away. As Tachibana sat down in her seat, she brought a hand to her cheek, her slim fingers covering her temple as she turned away from me.

What was her deal?

The shrill cry to stand in attention from whoever it was I hadn't bothered remembering the name of acting as class representative interrupted my questioning mind, and I wasn't really able to get back on track anymore afterwards. My mind just wouldn't leave any room for anything else but the detailed image of last night. It wasn't just a picture in my head; I could hear the beat of two hearts, feel the smooth, hot skin under my fingers, the softness of a body pressed against me, and smell fragrant hair, and the smoothness of full lips against mine…

I tried to shake my head free of the night.

What the hell was wrong with me? Why wouldn't that night just leave me alone? Why did it keep badgering me like I owed it a lot of money?

_So stupid…_

…

That was something _she_ would say, wouldn't she?

…

When lessons were finally over for the day, my mind having been totally unable to follow lessons or even consider how it had all come to this, how everything had maybe changed…

No, everything _has_ changed, and I was so certain that it wouldn't, that I'd be free of whatever consequences that might have come out from that parallel reality, but it looks like that place in and of itself was the end result of even dire consequences.

I _hate_ irony.

"Kyon, I'd really like to talk," Tachibana told me, once again approaching me innocuously.

"Yeah, sure, maybe later," I said as I got up to leave.

I could hear Tachibana take a few hesitant steps after me, but they shortly stopped dead. Whatever it was she had wanted to talk ultimately hadn't been important enough to chase me down, which was good news, because right now I had more than enough trouble to contend with.

…

…But I _did_ need to talk with someone, someone who knows what's going on, someone who can help.

Being fully freed from my scholastic duties, I hurried to the SOS Brigade's clubroom, hoping that I'd find anyone capable of lending an opinion on the matter. In fact, they should all probably know, right? It's Haruhi, after all. Anything that happens to her is significant to all of them. Unfortunately, as much as I want someone's help on all of this, I wish I really didn't have to share any of this with the others. It just feels too damn personal. But I don't think I have much of a choice. The very act of kissing Haruhi had spawned all that extra-dimensional trouble. I was afraid of what might come next if I didn't do something now.

But as my usual luck would have it, there was only one person waiting in the clubroom, and that person was even more out of the loop right now than I was.

"Good afternoon, Kyon-kun," the sweet Asahina-san said with wonderful cheer, ready and waiting to serve some tea even if she was still in her school uniform instead of the maid outfit. Under any other conditions, my heart and mind would have been melted away by the lovely greeting and the chance to spend some time with the always stunning beauty, but right now, all that Asahina-san's natural charm managed to do was give a hasty little helping of healthy air to the deflated balloon of my life. Too little too late, so to speak. I _did_ still appreciate it though.

"Hi…" I managed as I took my seat.

Asahina-san was already grasping the teapot when she heard my somber tone. Surprise coloring her cute face, she turned and asked, "Is everything all right?"

Should I tell her? She doesn't know anything of what had happened to me. As far as she knows, it's just another day. She doesn't know what happened between me and Haruhi, but it's going to touch her eventually as well, isn't it?

"I… had a… bad experience last night," I said, indecision making me spout stupid vagueness. "I guess."

There really wasn't any better way to sum everything that had happened to me since I'd last seen Asahina-san as she should be. Parallel realities, murder attempts, disintegrating bodies, a really, really bad mistake before it all… so much had managed to fit inside only one evening for me.

"Oh? I'm sorry to hear that," Asahina-san said, truly sounding like it. "Would you… like some tea?"

"I guess. Thank you."

Unhurriedly, Asahina-san came over to me with a cup and the teapot. She quietly served me some tea, telling me to be careful as it was freshly brewed and as such still very hot, and then stepped back to inspect the clothes rack.

I stared emptily at the spiraling steam escaping my tea, unable, and in another way, unwilling to decide what to do now about anything.

"So… what happened?" Asahina-san asked in a quiet voice. "If you don't mind me asking, o-of course."

I glanced at her but she kept her attention on the costumes we had gathered, going through them all methodically, looking for something out of place, I guess.

"It's about… something happened between me and…" I still wasn't sure if I should tell Asahina-san anything. I don't want to needlessly trouble her, especially because she really isn't involved with this. It's more my problem than anything, but because this is Haruhi we're talking about here…

"It's about Suzumiya-san, isn't it?" Asahina-san said.

"Hm? How'd you know?"

"Something happened… and now everything's different."

"How do you _know_?"

"It was bound to happen sooner or later, like it was planned, like it was all decided for us. Inevitable. I think I was just fooling myself into believing anything else could happen."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry, Kyon-kun, but I – I can't help you. I'm not sure if I ever could change anything… it's like it never really mattered, what I thought I chose…. Things just happen, and we only think we can change things, to choose…"

"Seriously, what are you talking about? You're starting to freak me out."

Asahina-san gave a little sniff, raising one hand to wipe at her face that was still turned away from me. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice unwavering, though it carried an uncommonly somber ton with it. "I knew I shouldn't have grown too attached… but for some reason, I couldn't help myself. I saw all the signs, I kept watch, like I was supposed to, but why? It was so clear what was going to happen. The past week, it was what I'd been waiting for, maybe even – even dreading a little. Everything I'd known since near the beginning was finally happening. Two people can't just live like this together and not… change through that relationship."

"Are you… talking about us?" I asked, hoping I wasn't hearing what I thought I was.

"No… yes… in a way as well, I suppose. I'm not sure what exactly happened between you and Suzumiya-san, but I can guess, and I know I can't help. Whether it's because I'm not allowed to or because I'm just personally too involved, it doesn't matter. I'm not in control, I never was. So it's all up to you, Kyon-kun, only you can affect change in this world along with her."

There was a knock on the door, but the door was opened without waiting for a response. Koizumi and Nagato entered silently. Koizumi had a grim expression that condensed the whole feel of the situation, while Nagato gazed at me with an unfamiliar look in her eyes.

"We need to talk," Koizumi said, the weight of his words heavy like gravestones.

All in all, it didn't take long to tell everything I knew, anything that might help. What I told them left everyone silent, but it was the defeated look of Asahina-san that really bothered me. She looked almost overwhelmed by all the news, only now finding how much had happened. She stared solemnly at an empty spot on the table, hands squeezing tightly on her skirt over her legs.

"I'm still not exactly sure why I kissed her, I felt like…" The feel of her lips against mine made me pause for a moment as the memory of last night resurfaced. "Like I had to, like nothing else was even possible, like I was…"

"Being forced?"

"What?" Forced, what was he talking about? No one was holding a gun to my head or anything. I'd just… just done what I… I don't know.

"Or perhaps compelled would be a better word to describe it? Yes, I suppose it would be."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, starting to get peeved.

"Well, Suzumiya-san is, after all…" Koizumi paused to consider his following words. "Well, her powers hold a direct influence over reality."

"You… no…" It couldn't be, it just simply couldn't. "You think she _made_ me do this?"

"Well, it certainly isn't out of the realm of possibility, is it?"

"But you've said before that she wouldn't do that, that she wouldn't affect free will like that, because she values us and on another occasion, that directly getting what she wants, without even any illusion of struggle wouldn't be what she wanted."

"And you took those words as absolute knowledge? My friend, things change. Suzumiya-san is a very dynamic person. Besides, those were only my optimistic thoughts on the matter at the time. I don't know her was well as you do. You have the most influence over her."

"But then… Why would she even _want_ me to do that? Why doesn't _everything_ she want appear to her?"

"To explain that we have to take a few steps backward to the very foundation from what everything else flows from. To put it as simplistically as possible, and this is one of the things I truly love about her," Koizumi said as he steepled his fingers together and leaned forward, bringing his chiseled chin to a rest against his hands. "Suzumiya-san is not tied down by conventions and habitual thinking. She thinks outside the box, to further simplify. She is always on the lookout for new experiences and very open-minded. Having you kiss her, someone she is closely connected with… is a new experience for her. If nothing else, she might simply desire for something strange and exciting, something dramatic to happen."

"But she – she's had dates before!"

"From what I have gathered, they were all short and meaningless trifles to her, lacking any form of substance from the very beginning. With you, things are different however. In fact, I do believe this was her first real kiss," Koizumi said desolately.

"_What_?"

"Hmmm… As much as I admire her open-mindedness, I really wish she allowed her thoughts on such matters as love to develop a little more… perhaps I did get my wish after all," he said mirthlessly.

"But… but if she can make things happen that directly, why hasn't she _still_ found out about you guys!"

"Honestly…" Koizumi sighed exasperatedly, giving his head a little shake. "Don't you think aliens, time travelers and espers appearing more unlikely than a classmate kissing you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do! Haruhi's not – I'm not… I mean look at this! I'm _talking_ to one!"

"Yes, but look at it from a coherent perspective on reality, based on established ideas and schemas. What is more likely, the supernatural that probably doesn't even exist versus a person you know kissing you? Especially as we are bombarded by such love stories regularly through various mediums. Love at first sight, the close friend who we have always overlooked, sudden realization of love gone unnoticed etc. For Suzumiya-san, you are potentially all those things. She is – to once again put it exceedingly simply – perhaps curious, and you kissing her, however unlikely, is more feasible for her than the supernatural appearing before her."

"It might conceivable, but it's still damn unlikely! There has to have been some sort of desire, even a little one."

"You are looking at this far too simplistically."

"Oh _yeah_?" I asked challengingly, annoyed at being thought of as some sort of idiot for the thousandth time, especially when it came to Haruhi, even more so because the guy saying these things called me an expert on Haruhi all the time.

"Suzumiya-san's world view has _never_ been solely determined by her desires, but her expectations as well, perhaps to even a greater degree by them. Case in point, our secretive presence around her. She _explicitly_ wishes for us, actually voicing this desire publicly, but does not truly expect us to appear, hence our existence in the shadows. Her desire for aliens, espers and time travelers is obviously a _conscious_ desire; otherwise she would be unable to express it explicitly and we would not be what we are, we would not be _exactly _what she asks for, but something vaguer. As you can see, her expectations on reality govern the world much stronger than her desires, subconscious or not. Her 'common sense' moderates what will appear to her, whether she is fully aware of those desires or not, and most of the times, she is very aware of her desires."

"So she _expected_ me to kiss her?"

"Provided the proper setting… I don't see why not."

"_Proper setting_? What the hell's setting got to do with anything?"

"A setting provides expectations. Writers use them to great effect often (and sometimes not so well). A deep and dark place of ominous things will make people expect something terrible happening, much like it did with Suzumiya-san for our island visit."

"But that setting was set up by you."

"Because of the setting _I _was in, that of now belonging to the SOS Brigade, forced to take a more active role in keeping Suzumiya-san pleased with reality as it appeared, and concerned by a factor in that surrounding, that Suzumiya-san appeared bored."

"But the SOS Brigade was my idea, not Haruhi's… sort of."

Koizumi cocked an eyebrow at this bit of information. "I see… but the desire for _that_ setting was caused by the setting that is a normal boring reality, whereupon Suzumiya-san would wish for something extraordinary to occur and change things. So as you can see, the setting has much to do with expectations and desires. If" – Koizumi hummed in amusement – "If the _mood_ is right, one might expect a kiss. An actual desire need not necessarily be present."

"But she… Haruhi herself was acting like she…"

"_Yes_?" Koizumi asked keenly.

"Well, let's put it like this… she didn't seem too bothered by my approach at first."

"Did she seem eager?"

"…"

What the hell was I supposed to say to a question like _that_? He might just as well have asked if she seemed horny. In fact, it felt a lot like he had. And I'd always thought of Koizumi as being a well-mannered and restrained person, even if he did have gossipy tendencies of an elderly woman sometimes.

"I suppose it's not impossible that her own powers could affect her," Koizumi thought out loud. "After all, if these powers are indeed limitless, if she is truly omnipotent, a reality warper in the truest sense, then even she herself shouldn't be out of limits of her powers. It need not even be a direct manipulation of herself, but of her setting to steer things, which in turn would only build on her expectations."

"But why would she even expect something like that?"

"Well, first of all the setting –"

"No, no way, I can't believe that's enough. That the two of us alone in the park at night could…" My words dried up and disappeared like water in a desert as the heat of my own skeptical mind was thrown at the words I was saying, having a hard time believing what I myself was saying as I described our location.

"…Well, when I say setting, I do not simply mean the immediate area around her. Life is like a stream, one action and experience flows from another. The two of you have always been closer; I don't think Suzumiya-san has ever had as intimate a relationship with anyone as she has had with you. And let's not forget that you _did_ spend some days together, all by yourselves, so perhaps she got the wrong impression."

"But it was she who… never mind," I said, remembering how Koizumi had already explained how everything had already been set up by the setting of a setting or something contrived like that. And then there was how I'd been acting lately to Haruhi, asking what was wrong with her, acting like I cared about her. I think I was beginning to see how this might all have worked out in the end.

"If it appears to her that reality is heading towards a point where you kiss her, she will thus come to expect it, and this view on reality will change it accordingly, only strengthening those expectations ala looping feedback. Desire to actually _have_ you kiss her might not even exist as such, so long as there is an _expectation_ for it which will make it happen."

"So, Haruhi made me kiss her… this could happen again, couldn't it?"

"Well, yes. It's been like that from the beginning, I suppose. I mean… isn't this what I already tld you at the fair? But anyway, I doubt it will happen too often, as playing with mindless automatons are no fun, heart and soul are required, to put it metaphorically", Koizumi glanced apologetically at Nagato who didn't respond in any way. "This is what the data entities determined in its simulations as well."

"So she made me do it… okay, that sounds crazy, that she'd actually want that, but I guess it makes sense. Yeah."

It _was_ starting to make sense now. It wasn't me. It wasn't. That's why kissing Haruhi _didn't_ make sense.

Koizumi gave me a long, hard stare, making me feel more uncomfortable than was necessary in present circumstances. Something bad was coming, and just when I thought I had found a nice, fairly neat answer to my troubles, much like an explanation to how the sky was blue was given to your young curious mind back in elementary school science lessons.

"Are you sure you're not just trying to rationalize this away?" he asked with the sternness of a father interrogating his troop of boys after finding a broken window.

"Huh?"

"Let's just assume for the sake of argument, that this was your choice and you are now, quite simply… just afraid to accept the responsibility for your actions?"

_WHAT?_

"I'm afraid I find such a thing unacceptable. If there was ever a time and place to act recklessly and without consideration, it was that artificial reality you were in, though I was glad to find out you had more integrity than that."

"Don't talk to me about integrity. I'm always looking out for everybody, despite my better judgment. You're the type of guy who makes shady deals behind the background."

"Look… I apologize if I managed to offend you, but it's…. quite usual for people to shirk from their responsibilities. It happens all the time in life, and not just on some mundane level either. For example, belief in God, giving this entity you only believe to exist the power to tell you how to live, how you should live, letting outside forces define you for what you are, giving it the ultimate power and responsibility to judge you. For the most part, I think this is a rather irresponsible way to reconcile your faith in a higher being. Isn't it better to not believe in God and take full responsibility for what you think and do, that it is only you and you alone who determines what you are? Giving your freedom up to God, denying it from yourself, deluding yourself into thinking you aren't free to determine what life is about by yourself alone, and what is right and wrong, is incredibly irresponsible. Starting with the far more grounded and unpresumptuous premise that we are alone makes us solely responsible for what we think and do… and if God does exist, what have you lost by living a responsible life? If righteous deeds are punished for lacking some arbitrarily placed faith… then this world truly is absurd, far more than a world without God ever could be."

"So… what exactly are you saying here?" Once again I didn't understand what exactly the point here was.

"We are always free, but sometimes, we are limited by our choices. Sometimes the only thing we can choose is accepting that we have no choice. Some things are simply inevitable, like death. But you can accept this and live free of anxiety. Unfortunately people ultimately avoid responsibility as best as they can, as that is the burden given by freedom."

"So Haruhi…"

"Yes, she might have made you do it, she might have momentarily robbed you of choice, and in that regard, this is not your fault… but are you _sure_ this is the case? Is it really that unfathomable to you to pursue a more intimate relationship with her? Is it impossible that you _wanted_ to kiss her?"

"…If she is controlling me… then yes. I could never be with someone who did that to me."

Koizumi tilted his head as he gave me a final scrutinizing look, before he sighed and gave a weak little shake of his head. "…Very well… You don't need to answer. After all, I too would not be pleased in being placed in a situation with such limited choice, practically none… but you have to look at this more holistically. Don't get suckered into the typical fallacious dichotomous thinking people so often turn to, that there is us and them, black and white, the right and the wrong… it's like a strawman argument. You paint the opponent's side with slander by adding irrelevant and dishonest details, and you seem all the better in comparison. It's always easy to find fault in others, but only thinking makes anything right or wrong. Perhaps what transpired between the two of you was equally the result of both of you. Maybe you pushed her into a corner, maybe she did likewise by subconsciously manipulating the situation around you to ensure you acted like you did, or maybe you both simply wanted to try and connect in a new, more meaningful way. Maybe you _both_ desired something deeper that night."

…For some reason, I don't like any of those options.

"Accept what you can, that is all any of us can do… but what you _must_ accept, no matter what, is the fact that you have an immense hold on Suzumiya-san, so whatever you do, it can potentially change the world through it."

This sounds like the sappiest, lamest attempt at an adolescent love story. 'Your love can change the world…' Nearly makes me gag, something as trite as that. And it's not even a love story at all, more like some twisted power struggle.

"I don't even… huoh… I hate this. This is all just going over my head and looping around to do so again. Why does this have to be so damn difficult? I like being in the SOS brigade with Haruhi and everyone, so why can't we just… let things be?"

"Heraclitus."

"Excuse me?"

"'You can never step in the same river twice.'"

"What the hell are you talking about? Sure you can. That's just insane."

"If you think about it, the molecules that constitute a river are always flowing through it, simply passing through it. The same molecules, the exact same ones that passed you as you went in the river will never again be there ever again together as they were back then."

"Okay, I get that, but it's still the same damn river. A river is a bit more than just the water passing through it. Like they say in real estate: location, location, location."

"I agree, and thanks to Aristotle, who went and responded to Heraclitus' words, there are rational categories of sameness and change, but I won't bore you with those details. The point I'm trying to get across is that things change. You, nor Haruhi or even anyone else, is not the same person, qualitatively at least, even if they stay quantifiably the same."

"I've always been me."

"You have always been an extension of your previous selves, a river of selves. As memories and thoughts coalesce, time granting more and more, you are definitely not the same person you were a few years ago. Maybe you liked something you now find incredibly childish."

"Sure, but that doesn't –"

"Yes, I'm well aware of that, or even any other objection you might have. I've read my John Locke, Aristotle and everything else concerning identity or psychological continuity. I don't mean to be rude, but it's highly doubtful you have come up with a more compelling counter-argument to Heraclitus' claims than hundreds of philosophers before you."

"…Just get to your point, okay?" I asked, starting to get annoyed again.

"_Things change._"

"…Well, _I_ could have told you that."

"Yet you are still seem adamant that a human psyche, or something as vague in concept as a soul, remains unchanged throughout time. Everything around us changes; seas flow back and forth, mountains crumble, continents move, societies rise and fall, economies grow and disintegrate, facts and knowledge increase… how could we not change with the times? We are, despite all our fancy ideas, nothing but animals, still at the hands of nature. Our bodies are never the same, most of the cells that form our body being replaced within seven years. And as for our minds," Koizumi chuckled lightly, "Well, let's just put it this way, if you think your mind is somehow removed from the brain and physical connections, unaffected by chemicals and genes, that it's beyond the world, somehow unique and free to stay as it is, you're a delusional romantic. And we won't even get to how fickle people can be, how easily views can be changed by events or even simple reactions like fear. It's just as the old Buddhist proverb goes, a man is changed by simply walking down a road," Koizumi said, settling back in his seat to assume a more relaxed posture. "It seems that, for better or for worse, things have changed."

Everything had indeed changed… nothing was the same…

And then it hit me.

My eyes swerved to catch the clubroom in a panoramic view, gauging everyone around me, focusing on their faces, even clothes and bodies, trying to determine any sign of something being off about them. My head turned and my eyes darted about, as I frantically tried to spot anything wrong about the place I was in now.

Had there always been an ugly gray blotch on the ceiling? How many outfits were there supposed to be on the clothes rack? Weren't there more books on the highest shelf? Didn't the computer's screen used to be turned to the left a bit more?

"Ky-Kyon-kun, what's w-wrong?" Asahina-san asked nervously, watching me worriedly turn about in my seat.

"Everything's changed, different, not like it used to be…"

"Uhmm… Ye-yes, that's what we've been talking about for –"

"No, this is all wrong," I told the nervous Asahina-san, her bottom lip quivering a little uncertainly a she watched me frightfully. "I would never kiss Haruhi and she would never make me do it. She cares – values us all too much. Koizumi said so, I _know_ so. She's better than that, she's not bad like that, she wouldn't do that to me… ever…"

"Kyon, are you quite al-" Koizumi was about to ask.

"We're still in the simulation, aren't we? This is just wrong, everything, all of it. I'm stuck in the fake reality."

"Kyon, I assure, we are in the real – uh, no, that's not quite right – we're in the original – no, that's not correct either… we are in the same reality created by Suzumiya-san four years ago," Koizumi said. "Maybe."

"That's exactly what they'd want you to think… even make you say… you're not Koizumi, are you? You're just a personality program, trying to make me do what they want." I got up, the chair I'd been sitting on falling over behind me. "You're not real."

"Ky-Kyon-kun?" Asahina-san asked, her eyes shining with a brand new form of fear in them.

"Kyon, we're as real as we ever were before," Koizumi insisted.

"No, you're trying to trick me. None of this makes sense!"

"Do these things ever really make any sense? And I'm not talking about the supernatural here, but you and Suzumiya-san. Anyway, you can now remember fully what's happened before, right? That wasn't the case before in the simulation."

"That's because they're in my head now, working better, more efficiently. Damn it, why'd I let you do it to me?" My eyes darted to Nagato, who was watching me intently. "Now _they're_ in my head. They know what I think. They're working as intended!"

"Calm down!" Koizumi demanded, standing up now.

"Wh-what is h-he t-talking about?" Asahina-san stuttered frightfully.

"Stay back! You're all just trying to use me!"

"We're not your enemies!" Koizumi said firmly as he started making his way around the table, closing in on me from my right.

"Your just programs… or worse…" I took steps backwards, away from Koizumi who was slowly approaching me, looking like he was ready to pounce on me, his hands held out a little to catch me if I ran.

"Kyon –"

"Stay back!"

Someone caught my wrist from behind. I swerved around and was shocked to find Nagato staring coldly up at me. Her hand was like an actual iron vice, though her skin was soft and creaseless, holding my hand in place without budging, no matter how hard I pulled. It felt like my hand would pop off as I pulled as hard as I could, but Nagato's hold was just too strong.

"Let go of me!"

"Calm down," Nagato said, her voice the usual perfect monotone, but striking a chord deep inside me that had me spell bound, made the beating of my racing heart slow. "Everything is all right."

"I…"

And for a moment, I believed her, just like that, without any reasoning whatsoever. I just… it was Nagato… she… she…

"Good. Now, Kyon –" Koizumi said, once again taking a step closer to me.

And like a startled animal, my heart was racing again, trying to lead me to escape.

"No, stay back! Let me go! I knew it, you're not real!"

"Enough," Nagato stated, wrenching my hand toward her and – and she _bit_ my wrist! Two tiny sharp points smaller than needles broke skin – and – and the world around me melted away into darkness as my knees buckled under me and I fell, fell, fell…

…

…

…


	46. The limits of reason

"— _happened to him?"_

"_I don't know. It seemed like he was having a panic attack. Perhaps it's all just been too much… I wonder what exactly it was he refused to talk to me about inside the simulation. And then there was all that… chaos with Sasaki and the others… Quite honestly, I'm surprised how well he's managed to deal with it all. But I do wonder what kind of things has he been keeping bottled inside? And how deep? Does he himself even acknowledge everything he is dealing with?"_

"_I can't… just c-can't believe it… he's always been so… so reassuringly, w-well, realistic about everything. But it was like he went… insane. He kept sh-shouting we weren't real, that they were in his head, whatever 'they' are…"_

"_I think he still believes he is in the sealed reality under the data entities' control."_

"_Oh."_

"_And as for the things in his head… Nagato-san, the nanites you implanted in him, to help him remain aware through reboots…"_

"…"

"_Are they still within him?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I hate to ask, because it'll sound like I'm accusing you of something, but… could the nanites actually do what he fears?"_

"_The nanites only intended function is to maintain synaptic cohesion and form."_

"_But could they do something you are not aware of?"_

"…_It is possible."_

"_Could they somehow be indirectly affecting he's brain chemistry or could they actually be doing something actively?"_

"…_They are operating at minimal power. They are not active currently."_

No… I'm Sancho, not Quixote… but … but even so, I'm the fool following the fool… I… what just… why is…?

My heavy eye lids finally moved, cracking open to let the bright light enter, dark shapes and silhouettes quickly emerging and gaining features. Everybody was now standing around me, looking like doctors or abducting aliens around a surgical table, discussing what to dissect next.

"Why can't I…?" My voice cracked, sounding weak and pathetic, so I had to clear my throat before I could go on. "Why can't I move?"

I could feel my limbs, but only as numb extensions of my body, like they were just pieces of something foreign attached to me. They wouldn't budge. They didn't feel like a part of me at all.

"Ah, he's conscious again," Koizumi said as he turned to look down at me. "We all thought it would be better if you were restrained. You seemed to be having a panic attack. We didn't want to risk you harming yourself or anyone else once you came to.

"But I'm not… not restrained…" I said weakly as I slowly turned my head, unable to spot anything that seemed to be holding me down.

"Your neural connection to your limbs has been momentarily severed," Nagato explained concisely.

"You… _what_?"

"Kyon, calm down," Koizumi said in as soothing tones as he could manage. "As glad as I am that the philosophical mindset has finally become so natural to you after all these practical situations where you have had to apply that sort of thinking with, instead of through the hypothetical considerations I have tried to impress upon you… but I assure you, this is where we came from, our reality."

"…If you're really on my side, why am I restrained? You don't trust me?"

"You were in a panic."

"Elevated levels of adrenaline and various excitatory neurotransmitters were detected in your body following your collapse," Nagato provided background information that meant nothing to me.

"Hmm…" I could spot the danger signs of deeper contemplation starting to form on Koizumi's face. "Do you ever wonder if our brain chemistry changes because of our thoughts, or is it the other way, that all our thoughts are the results of chemicals in our brains? The layman would obviously say the mind or soul is beyond the physical world, but that is simply naïve of course. Lobotomies and psychoactive drugs have shown as much. Physical determinism is for this very reason one of the strongest arguments against free will, not just philosophically, but scientifically."

"Is this your idea of trying to calm me down? Philosophy? Maybe you should just knock me out again before I before I _really_ get tired of you."

Koizumi smirked at me, like I'd just made a playful pun or something. "Anyway… Kyon, this is real, as far as we know."

"And how would I tell the difference?"

"Well, that's the problem, isn't it? How do you prove anything around us truly exists? All one can ever tell for certain existing is thought, but even the 'I' Descartes liked to think existed is a bit of a stretch. Something exists… but what? I guess we can only believe and trust in what makes sense, where logic is applicable. Otherwise, what else do we have?"

"This _doesn't_ make sense."

"Hmmm…" Koizumi's head dipped a little in thought, only to rise with him wearing something of a bittersweet smile. "'There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.'"

_You bastard._ Stop with that nonsense already.

"Perhaps we're all rather insane, thinking any of it makes sense. 'A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.' Heh… I'm getting rather Nietzsche heavy here…"

"This can't be real."

"Why? Why _exactly_? Why do you feel that things cannot change? Why are you so stubbornly sticking to what once was? We've all gone through so much change already, especially Suzumiya-san, but now that things are finally stepping to the next level, you're getting cold feet."

"Kyon-kun," Asahina-san hushed voice hit me like a truck all of a sudden. She sounded almost hurt, terrified of what she was seeing happening. "T-this is all scary, change always is, b-but it's true… you and Suzumiya-san… the two of you have always… w-why can't you see?"

"It's…" And for the first time after waking up, my tongue felt tied up. I didn't know what to say. "It's not like that… I just… I like what we have…"

"Are you scared of losing it?" Koizumi asked, quite seriously now.

"…"

"Is that _honestly_ what this is all about?" he kept egging on.

"Let me go," I sternly answered. I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want to be here. Not when it was all just lies.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"I knew I couldn't trust you…"

"Do you _really_ think so? Better yet, is that how you still _feel_?" I looked up at Koizumi in the eyes, but couldn't hold eye contact for long, an odd sense of shame stealing over me. He turned about, noting the troubled frown of Asahina-san and perhaps even the slight furrowing of Nagato's eyebrows, nearly undetectable to practically everyone outside the SOS Brigade. "Perhaps it is time we all aired our grievances and problems. We have all gone through a lot in the past month, most of us changed by what has happened, the fears and dangers of the world outside our little circle come to bear on us in full swing… I for one know I have done wrong towards you all, and I have tried making amends, apologizing to you each in private, hoping to give my words their due weight. And if I could, I would decide differently, and not allow my fears to warp my decisions, to override reason and loyalty of the strongest sort… I am sorry, for what I did, if that hasn't been evident enough by now… I am sorry for betraying all of you when it mattered the most. I have lost all your trust and deserve the troubled glances, the awkward silences with all of you."

"…" Now I wasn't sure what to say or even think. He seemed so sincere, so regretful.

I… I don't… don't know… I don't _know_. Damn it.

My throat felt tight, like it was a size or two smaller than intended (whatever sizes throats happened to come in). I was unable to raise my eyes to meet anyone else's.

"We know," Asahina-san said slowly, like she was admitting to something personal, hands clasped tightly together as she stared at the floor in front of her. "We know you thought you were doing the best under the circumstances. You thought it was unavoidable, so you thought you'd make the best of it you could… you didn't betray us, you tried to save us… if you hadn't complied, who knows how your people might have tried to seize Suzumiya-san. Without you, Kyon couldn't have taken her to the past."

Koizumi turned his head away from all of us.

"…I have analyzed the situation as well," Nagato said, "and there are no options that could have resulted in significantly preferable outcomes for the SOS Brigade. You did not act wrongly. You did not betray us."

Koizumi remained silent, still looking away from us, but switched from watching a wall to the floor.

"You were not alone in making a difficult decision of alliances," Nagato continued. "I too was under great duress, attempting to decide what would also benefit the SOS Brigade and the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. I however had more options than you… if I had been under the same conditions as you, I would have made the same decisions as you, to try and minimize damage on all sides since it was unavoidable. You are no more at fault than I am. You acted logically even under the circumstances."

"…Yeah, you could have ratted me out when they came for Haruhi, but you didn't. You stayed true to us… thanks…" I admitted, feeling a nasty clump in my throat, making my words hard to say.

"Thank you…" Koizumi said softly, his head still turned down towards the floor.

"And I'm s-sorry I've been so… so… so _useless_. Once again I was unable to help any of you. I d-didn't even _know_ what was going on, let alone the situation we are in now. I… I _promise_, I _will_ do better," Asahina-san said, looking more like the confident Asahina-san of the future than ever before, though her eyes glowed with an unspoken wetness.

"I too feel I have not been performing at optimum capacity, unable to protect you all fully," Nagato said. "I have allowed distractions and discrepancies to divert my focus, resulting in events such as the reality I altered and other cases of carelessness on my part. I too could have done more in order to prevent the incident during the fair and the sealed reality under the Integrated Data Sentient Entity's control, and within, I was less than fully cooperative, once more attempting to appease both you all and the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. But I comprehend now that as a human, devotion and loyalty cannot be spread, when we are so limited within our bodies and experiences."

"We…?" I asked, unable to help but feel a slight jolting need of eager clarification on this part. If she really meant that as I thought she did, then surely that meant that she had finally made a decision.

"Yes. I hereby pledge my full allegiance to the SOS Brigade and will put the safety of all its members my top priority, beyond even my loyalties to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity under all and any circumstances. I will no longer use up any processing time to consider alternatives in which both parties can benefit when a choice that evidently functions in the favor the SOS Brigade is present. I am now severing my connectiona to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity to the farthest extent I am capable of. This should allow for more efficient decision making."

"M-m-me t-too," Asahina-san said, tears now streaming down her cheeks.

"As do I," Koizumi said, he's head dropping further as he brought a hand cover his forehead and eyes.

This… no fakes could pull this off. It wasn't possible. And even if it was, if I could be fooled to this extent, how would I ever know what was real again? This had to be real. This was home, it had to be, because – because this is where my heart is. Haha. This is where my heart is, as supremely lame as it may sound. I belong here. If I can't trust even that feeling anymore, I'm done, broken forever. Screw reason and logic, this _feels _right. This _has_ to be real. It just has to be. All I've been left with is faith. Faith in my friends, the people I love. And I believe them now, more so than ever before. I _am_ home. Thank… thank God. I'm home. For better or for worse, I'm back home again.

"Damn it, guys," My eyes were suddenly starting to get blurry. I blinked repeatedly, driving the water away before it clumped together. "Don't be like this… Don't do this to me… How can you guys say stuff like that, when I'm the real fifth wheel in all of this. I don't have abilities or technology, I'm not really clever or smart…"

"D-don't say that, Kyon-kun!" Asahina-san quickly interjected, actually taking a step forward, hands held together at her chest.

"Sarcasm's the sign of an undereducated mind, right?" I asked with a somber sense of humor.

"Kyon…" Koizumi slowly spoke out, sounding like he didn't want to hear it.

"I'm just a burden. All of you guys always have to look out for me… now you're even making promises on it and I can't… I'm sorry, for all of this, everything. I suggested the SOS Brigade to Haruhi, agve her the idea at least. I travelled back in time, to the Tanabata festival, around the time Haruhi got her power, maybe even making sure she got them by helping her out… because of me, we're all stuck like this… unsure what reality is and what we are… it's all because of me."

"That's a stable time loop, you can't really say where and when it started, the causal link relies on both the past and future…" Koizumi countered in a defeated, but still somehow defiant voice. It was like he had already known it all, but didn't want to accept it.

"Doesn't matter… I'm sorry, for that and everything, and most of all, for not trusting you guys fully… even though I always knew you had my back, how you looked out for me, made sure me and Haruhi stayed happy and protected. I'm sorry for shoveling all the responsibility on you guys…"

…

I took a deep breath.

…

"You guys have always had had my back and it…well, seeing as you've all made promises, oaths…"

Asahina-san was quietly sniffling, tears flowing slowly down her pretty face, but she was smiling. Koizumi had his eyes closed as he pinched the bridge of his, thumb and forefinger tightly pressed against the inside corners of his eyes, almost like there to plug anything up. Nagato had turned her head away from us, but even so, I could catch a glow to her eyes, brighter than ever before, reflecting the setting, afternoon sun before she blinked and the glow seemed to diminish.

"We're the SOS Brigade, so…" I swallowed the clump in my throat, "so let's start acting like it. We're all one. I… I _love_ you guys."

Asahina-san fully burst into tears, crying unashamedly, not that she was the only one tearing up. Koizumi had his head tucked down, a hand clasped over his eyes. Even I needed a moment to gather myself.

We were silent after that. We were silent for as long as we all needed.

"Thank you," Koizumi eventually said as he straightened up, giving one of his eyes a quick rub, a truly genuine smile now in place, nowhere near as out of place as I might have thought after seeing all the simply polite ones. "And as much as I hate to do it, I must remind you all, and myself even, that we're still in the same trouble as before. Our enemies are encroaching and now we face a potentially new internal problem as well."

"We… we'll think of something," Asahina-san said, screwing up her face into a serious one, her lower lip quivering a little with emotion, though the corners of her lips still curled with confidence in all of us.

Koizumi looked at her for a moment, but then his smile only widened further. "I'm sure we will. Now, Nagato-san, first of all, I think we should… Nagato-san? Are you all right?"

Nagato was still facing the window, bathed in the bright yellow light of the setting sun beginning it's descent for the day.

"Hey…" I said carefully. "You okay?"

"If you need some time, we could…" Koizumi trailed off as Nagato shook her head a little, almost like there was something bothersome being dislodged, before she turned to face us, wearing a face as impassive as always.

"No," she answered. "Continue."

"…Nagato-san, could you disarm the nanites? And re-establish his synaptic connections?"

Nagato nodded curtly and strode next to me, placing her soft little hand on my forehead, her touch barely tangible. I heard her faint little whispers, but almost as soon as she had started she was done.

"The nanites have been deactivated. They will be removed from your system through natural means of diffusion."

"Thanks," I said, getting up, my limbs tingling a little, like someone had been sitting on top of them.

Although I didn't really know what was happening, I was glad to know there wouldn't be any machines in my head. Who knows to what ends they could have been used if left there.

"Good," Koizumi said. "Next, we really need some sort of proper plan, something more proactive. So far we have always been reacting to threats. We need to head any trouble off and deal with them before we become overwhelmed."

That sure sounded like thinking taken out from _The Art of War_.

"Sure, but how?" I asked. "Seriously, what can we do?"

"I'm still of the opinion that Tachibana-san might be our best means to any end. Perhaps we should simply try interrogating her?"

"Maybe," I said, not exactly liking the sound of the word 'interrogate', but fully agreeing that we needed to do something better than anything so far. "I think they're planning something, but I haven't the faintest idea what. Tachibana got a phone call telling her to do something as soon as possible, but… I don't know."

"Well, if nothing else, they are apparently now one man short," Koizumi said. "This will mean two things, first that their capabilities will be reduced and secondly, this will most likely cause them to be even more dangerous, like an animal trapped in a corner. I too believe they are nearing a point where they will enact whatever it is they are planning."

"…Okay. I'm gonna talk to her. Maybe… maybe I could actually convince her to join us," I said, the idea sounding actually feasible once I said it out loud, washing away some of my doubts.

"R-really?" Asahina-san asked uncertainly.

"She's really not as bad as I thought," I told her before I turned to Koizumi. "She's just trying to make the best of a bad situation as well."

Koizumi looked me straight in the eyes critically, but he seemed to find whatever it was he was looking for them and nodded. "All right. If you really believe it's possible, I have faith in your abilities."

"S-so do I," Asahina-san quickly peeped, "It's just that…"

"Don't worry," I said, trying to sound as reassuring as possible, understanding what worried her. "She's just… well, I don't think she's really out to get us."

"I…" Asahina-san looked at me, and just like Koizumi, seemed to find something extremely convincing in me. "Mmm," she mumbled affirmatively, giving a great big nod of her head along with it and then a bright smile.

"All right," Koizumi said, also nodding with newfound confidence. "I think we can do this."

I couldn't help but chuckle a little, because there really wasn't much of a plan, but all of us seemed to be ready and willing to march onto the battlefield and swoop in for a decisive victory. Even I was feeling excited about our future.

We could do this. Whatever _it_ was.

"So, when do you think we should put this plan into action?" Koizumi asked.

"As soon as possible. I'll talk to her… tomorrow, I think."

"Would you like some back up?"

I considered this, knowing how smooth Koizumi could be, but knowing Tachibana, it would probably be best to stick with only me. There was something of a connection, probably because she was so intent on having a more intimate one with me, and that was the main reason why I thought I could maybe convince her to help me, why it would only have to be alone. It just wouldn't work if we all came at her.

"No, I'll do it by myself."

"Good… good…" Koizumi muttered, becoming thoughtful, rubbing his chin a little.

"Well, if that is all for today…" Asahina-san said with a happy but also tired smile.

"Yes, I suppose we should retire," Koizumi agreed.

Sure, not a bad idea.

As Asahina-san went ahead through the door, I was surprised to notice Nagato hurry off after her.

"Hmm," I heard Koizumi hum thoughtfully as Nagato left the room.

Barely regretting it, I turned and asked him, "What?"

Koizumi seemed to snap to attention as I spoke to him, pensive eyes having been locked on the door much like mine had been when Nagato had passed. "Oh, nothing really. I was just thinking how… nice it is."

"What is?"

"How nice it is to note that Nagato-san has grown so much… during our talks, it really seemed like she wanted to hold back on life, to avoid living it as much as possible, but if she is fully committed to the SOS Brigade, then…" Koizumi grinned unabashedly, "I very much look forward to enjoying our time together."

"Yeah…" I slowly agreed, feeling a big, heavy knot forming in my stomach as I did so. "So, I guess the two of you have gotten… pretty close. Since she talks to you nowadays."

Instead of me.

I gave the back of my head a little scratch, not really sure of what I should say to anything next, considering a hasty exit all of a sudden as well.

Koizumi tilted his head a little to give me an appraising look. "Kyon, I can't help but detect a sense of jealousy emanating from you whenever I mention Nagato-san nowadays."

"Don't be stupid."

He smiled, amused by my tone, the attempt at nonchalance. "Kyon, do you know what most of our talks together end up dealing with?"

"Sentience and how lousy it is, right? Sci-fi stuff in general."

Whatever it was that Koizumi and Nagato seemed to have so much fun talking about, I really didn't want to know.

"Well, yes, we have discussed such things often, but I think you should understand a few things first… Whenever we meet, it is _I_ who is imposing on her, she would always prefer to have as little contact with people as possible, but she is rather polite in the end. We may start our conversations, or I might start our conversation on any myriad of topics, but everything we ever discuss, no matter what, never failing… Nagato-san always ends up leading the discussion in one direction and one direction only… Kyon, she always ends up talking about you," Koizumi said, smiling faintly, but with a true and undeniable warmth to it, that was far too often missing from his polite and charming mask-like smiles.

…

…What…? I didn't understand what was being said. My brain had suddenly turned to mush, with only a few solid words floating about.

_She… always talking… about me…?_

"You," Koizumi repeated firmly. "No matter what the topic, our talks always turn to you… No matter what happens, whether we're just talking about normal, everyday things or the dangers we are surrounded by… you are always in her thoughts."

"I… am…?"

"Yes."

"…"

"…"

"I… I should go… shouldn't I?"

Koizumi grinned at me.

"After her?"

"Why are you asking me?" he asked, his grin turning into a small, amused smirk.

"I… I'm going… now…"

I reached behind me and fumbled for the door handle, before I got it just right and turned it, getting ready to leave. As I was just about to leave, I caught Koizumi in the corner of my eye, shaking his head, making an amused tutting noise, as I closed the door behind me.

Outside in the quiet halls, I got the chance to try and get a hold on my rampaging thoughts.

What… what _exactly_ did this mean? Did it mean anything? Should I really go after Nagato? What would I even do or say if I did?

In my head, I was replaying moments together with her, the time before meeting Haruhi in the park one of the most prominent ones, as well as the weird, distant ones of her kissing me in a dance club and in the clubroom, even though it hadn't truly been me. Even so, those images had always stayed with as little bright spots in my days.

Nagato had definitely become very important to me, that was certain, but…

Damn it, what am I doing here? How can I… am I really _this_ type of person? I _just_ kissed Haruhi, for whatever reason last night. Am I just – is this some sort of way to avoid responsibility? To throw myself into another problem, leaving the first one behind?

Ah, crap.

I'm confused. So confused.

It's like everything is just coming at me too fast all of a sudden.

…

Screw it. I had to know what exactly was going on here and the only way to do that was by going after her. Nothing ventured and stuff.

I took off down the hall, speeding down the stairs, nearly falling over them, almost crashing through the doors outside into the bright afternoon. Although the sun was shining, I could feel a wet film growing on my face. I looked up and spotted some distant clouds. It was raining on a nearly clear sky, and judging by the ground, the rain had only just started. It was a soft, spring shower, striking from out of nowhere.

Whatever.

I headed off through the courtyard and rushed through the gates, letting gravity do most of the work as I hurried down the hill. Even at this vantage point, I couldn't spot anyone else anywhere on the hill. But at least I knew where Nagato lived. Soon enough I was in the city, streets left mostly barren by the spring rain as people took shelter in shops. It wasn't a heavy rain by any means, but still, if you were out for a good fifteen minutes, you'd still end up wet. I however sped past this estimated time as a car drove past and splashed me, soaking me thoroughly ahead of schedule.

It was near the park close to Nagato's building that I finally spotted the small, lonesome figure making its way towards home.

"Nagato! Wait!"

But she didn't stop. It was like she hadn't even heard me shout. She just kept walking.

I rushed after her and soon caught up.

"Nagato!"

I was just a few meters behind her now.

"Hey!"

_Why isn't she responding at all?_

Since it seemed like my voice had been lost to the wind or something, I felt I had no other choice but to go ahead and grab Nagato. I reached out and caught her by the hand firmly so I could pull her around. I stopped and pulled, turning her around and –

Her face was wet, wet with the rain, little streaks of water running down her cheeks, damp hair gathered in bunches, some of them in her eyes. She looked up at me, looking a little flushed, like she had the beginnings of a faint fever, draining her of strength.

"Ah… are you okay?" I asked.

She gave a faint nod of her head.

"Why are you here?" she asked in a quiet voice

"It's just that… Nagato, I… Yuki, I _can _call you that?"

She stared up at me for a brief moment, and once again gave a little nod.

"Yuki, I – for a long time – that is – I always thought…"

It seemed like words would fail me, but then, all of a sudden, after all the recent confusion, I suddenly knew what to say, the words bursting out like they had always been inside me, just waiting for the moment to bounce out.

"Yuki, for a while now, I've been thinking that the only certain thing in my life is Haruhi, but that's wrong… _You're_ my reference point. Without you… I would've broken down months ago. I always depend on you and you never ask for anything in return. Without you, I'd be nothing, really. You've saved my life more times than I can count anymore… But no more."

My hand tightened around hers, her little fingers squeezed in a bunch now.

"I won't let you push me – or anyone else back anymore. It's wrong. Haruhi does it too, but she does it for herself, you however… you think you're doing it for _us_. But you don't have to. We're the SOS Brigade, we're… ah damn, I'm going to sound so lame… we're stronger together."

She remained still, looking up at me, just as placid as ever.

"Please, Yuki, meet me half way. Don't push me back, when all I want is…"

And suddenly the words and the confidence they had brought with them faded away, leaving me feeling just as confused and uncertain as back when I'd found out just how truly important I was to her.

"…Kyon?" Yuki asked, using my name for the first time I could really remember, always just referring to me as 'you' whenever she spoke to me.

"_Yes_?" I asked, my voice quivering a little with anticipation, but I didn't care if I sounded silly, not now.

The look in her eyes seemed to dim. "…I apologize, but I cannot accept anything but the current situation. I cannot risk otherwise. Conflicting social interaction has led to unpredictable and erratic behavior. There is no consistency in what something feels. Feeling… causes only contradictions and illogical behavior. You as a species acquired sentience before sapience while we developed vice versa. For us, the conflict of emotions is different than for you. Emotions are contradictory and as such are useless data to be purged from a system before it results in malfunctions… as has already happened with me. I cannot… will not… allow my feelings to once more jeopardize everything. I do not wish to… misunderstand myself. I am confused concerning what I feel. It is distressing."

"Yuki… don't… just because what you're feeling is confusing, doesn't mean it's a bad thing."

"It is dangerous."

"No, it's not."

"Goodbye…"

I squeezed on her hand, unable to allow her to leave, to just walk off like this. "No, I'm sorry, but I just can't accept that. Please, just… give it a chance…"

Give what a chance, I actually found myself wondering.

…

I looked down at her beautiful face, the fair skin shining with a gleam to it thanks to the spring rain. I followed a drop of water trickle down from an eye lash just under one of her dark eyes, down her cheek, along the little crease next to her nose and across her top lip, the drop of water disappearing in her mouth between her lips.

…

I should kiss her. It felt like the right thing to do here and now, after everything. All of a sudden I _wanted_ to kiss her.

At least I think I did. Did I? Better yet, should I? I didn't exactly have a great track record in regards to the activity, but…

A gentle little finger was pressed against my lips, quieting me from saying anything more.

"Please, do not complicate the circumstances… for yourself," she said, as if she knew all my doubts as I had been wandering whether to go after her or not.

Damn it. _Still_, she's still just thinking about me. Damn it, that's just – just too much to bear, to even really wrap my head around anymore. And she knows me so well, better than I had even realized. Was I looking for a distraction? Was I using her? Was I using everyone on some level? Maybe. But it didn't change the fact I cared about her, that I wanted her to be happy, preferably with me involved.

"Yuki…"

"You must focus on Tachibana Kyoko and Suzumiya Haruhi. I cannot be a distraction for you anymore than you for me. I am… sorry," she finished in a hushed voice, her head dropping a little as she said this, her wet face now out of sight.

She turned away and walked off, leaving me in the weak spring rain, warm drops of it dripping down my cheeks.

For every two steps forward we took, we would always take one back it seemed.


	47. Not falling in love, just falling apart

I woke up the next day, tired and cranky, having had a hard time falling asleep. My sheets were twisted and knotted around me, constricting like a boa snake. As I looked at my alarm clock, it was quite annoying to discover I'd woken up a good hour before the alarm would go off. I had plenty of time to get dressed and have some toast, my little sister stumbling in on me, yawning and wondering if she was still asleep and dreaming, since I was actually up earlier than she was. I told her I was sorry to wake her up and offered to make her breakfast, having plenty of spare time on my hands for once. But even so, school was still too far off.

So I decided to walk to school, taking whatever little detours I felt I could risk, since I had the extra time.

I was walking down a street when the loud, garbled muttering of a heap of what looked like a pile of garbage on a bench caught my attention.

"– solve for the square root of x as long as it is rational... refer to notes… notice the correlation with results of T-tests… reaffirms not just my hypothesis, but explains the occurrence of random, evolutionary jumps… occur randomly… not… solar flare activity… all determined, not by god, man or design… systems within systems within systems… need to conduct more tests… wheels on wheels on revolutions on revolutions… all cyclic… all systems building off each other… interacting to form more complex systems… told him it was too soon… life, genes, just replicating machines… processing data, from complimentary base pairs to benzene rings… so much information, so much data to process, telling what to do, how to build… just like technology… synergy… all heading for singularity… one exponential point, infinitely approaching the infinite…"

I gave the mumbling man a careful, pitying look. Simply put, he reeked, even at distance. It was like someone had thrown chlorine over a pile of compost before scaring a skunk that had been bathed in rotten eggs. I tossed a few coins I had into the standard hat of any person in this sort of situation next to Sam on the ground.

"There you go, Sam. There's no way you could waste it any worse than Haruhi would make me."

"Whuz? Whyzzat Sham? Noh sham here nor anywhereszh… there iz no sham, no juu or meeh… jusht cogzz… wohkin to bild shhomthinng biggah…" Sam grumbled, nearly waking as he turned over, going back to sleep, barely having made it out of it in the first place. Somehow he'd managed to sound more intelligible asleep than semi-lucid. Go figure.

It was funny looking back on things, like having considered the smelly old bum as a threat before, just because he happened to show up at the right time and spout nonsense. But I guess that was just how the mind worked. People always saw patterns were there weren't any and then made their own explanations, just because something sort of stuck out. People always needed to explain something strange, but usually the explanation they came up with was crazier than the question. Heck, just look at all the religions of the world: either everything here was the result of seven days after a magic word spoken by a force beyond comprehension or maybe even a bird's egg on the knee of a sky goddess come to rest in the sea. People sure could come up with crazy explanations. I think I'd be better off without any of it. Life's tricky enough as it is without wondering how we all got here.

Apophenia… I really have come like that word for some reason. Just sounds nice. And really, it explains so much as well when it comes to the human condition.

I continued my way to school, by now most of the student body arriving along with me to fill her up.

…That sounded wrong somehow, I apologize.

When I arrived in class, I found Haruhi already there, sitting at her seat with her hands clasped together, hiding her mouth behind them, as she stared at the still empty seat in front of her with grim consideration, like she was planning the next assault in a long campaign that was nearing its end, but not how it had been intended at the far more glorious beginning.

This was the first time we'd be seeing each other after… _that_.

"Haruhi… how are you - ?"

"Don't," Haruhi interrupted, not taking her hostile glare off my innocent seat.

"Huh?"

"Do _not_ say or do anything… I still haven't decided your fate," Haruhi stated.

"My… fate?"

"I told you to shut up. Can't you just do that? Trust me when I say this, keeping your mouth shut is the absolute best thing you can do for yourself right now."

"Ah… 'kay," I muttered as I sat down.

Before I could really start to worry about this newest development between Haruhi and me, the other troublesome girl in my life at the moment made her way into class.

"Good morning, you two. Anything interesting happen?" Tachibana asked as she got to us and noticed the tension between the two of us.

"Nope, everything is _fine_," Haruhi answered sharply.

"I was just wandering. You weren't in school the other day."

"Skipped it. Needed to think. Strategize."

"Ah, I see… what about?"

"Leave me alone," Haruhi answered sternly.

"All right," Tachibana responded calmly, knowing not to push her luck as she took her seat and sat ready for the lesson, eyes focused forward and hands held together on her desk.

The first lesson passed in awkward, tense silence in our corner. You know, the kind you could put a knife to and cut as you saw fit, for whatever purpose one would do that. It was a dumb metaphor, but at least I hadn't come up with it.

It was at recess that something happened. I had gotten up to stretch and maybe take a little walk in the halls, just to avoid the two worrisome girls behind my desk and prepare better for the near claustrophobic atmosphere they were both contributing to, but it was then that Haruhi acted.

Haruhi got up, grabbed me by my tie, yanked hard and pulled me along like a toy. Before I knew it, she had pulled me up a flight of stairs, to the same place where she had taken me all the way back when she had gotten the idea for the SOS Brigade.

"_Guh_! What the hell?" I gasped for breath as the familiar old noose around my neck loosened. In an odd way, it was a freakishly reassuring sensation, receiving such standard behavior from her.

Haruhi turned away from me with her shoulders rigidly squared, and took a deep breath. Then she turned around again, a fierce and determined look in her eyes. "Look, we need to settle one thing right here and now…"

"Sure," I said uneasily, giving my tender throat a rub.

"Do you want to kiss me right now?" Haruhi asked with a straight, although still resolute face.

"_What_?"

"Do _you_" – she tapped me on the chest with a pointy finger – "want to _kiss_" – she puckered her lips and made some smacking noises – "_me_?" – she then gestured at her flattering chest like she was talking to a caveman.

"I… no, not really…"

I'm going to get killed now, aren't I? I wonder if it'll be a swift decapitation or a fatal defenestration from this height.

Haruhi gave me a dark scowl, and I really was worried she was going to push me down the stairs or at the least punch me in the face. Her hands were held taut at her sides and both of her fists were tightly clenched.

Then she turned around. "Good."

"_Good_?"

"Yes, keep it that way if you want to stay in the Brigade."

"Huh? I don't… I'm not following."

"I _told_ you before, didn't I? Even reminded you right before you slobbered all over me. I'm not going to settle and waste our limited time together as a Brigade with stupid things." Haruhi crossed her hands, still facing away from me. "Out of the pure goodness of my heart, I'm giving you one more chance. Try and sabotage my efforts one more time and it's the ultimate punishment."

"Ultimate punishment…?"

"Do not in any way cause the SOS Brigade any more inconveniences, because even the slightest of hindrances cannot, absolutely _cannot_ be tolerated anymore! We've wasted so much time already, doing nothing… But I guess it's a good thing this happened with me and not one of the others. You'd doubtlessly suck them into idiocracy, but with me… at least I have the willpower to not waste my time on satisfying pointless needs that amount to nothing worthwhile. We'll keep all of this quiet, you hear? One year, we only have one year and I'll be damned till the end of eternity and a thousand years after that if I let you get in the way of that. The SOS Brigade is far too important to be wasted like this, torn apart by a weakling like you."

Haruhi finally turned to face me again, a severe and unforgiving look on her face. "One chance! Just one!" She held a finger in my face, waving it threateningly. "So don't muck it up… You're still a member of my Brigade, after all…" she finished softly as she walked off down the stairs, leaving me behind, far more confused than anything ever before had done.

…Damn… I just realized how often I've been expressing that same exact sentiment for a while now. Either I'm just a dumb, broken record who likes hyperbole a bit too much, or this is all just getting increasingly crazier. It was a disquieting moment when I realized I was actually rooting for the first option.

When I returned to class Haruhi was at her desk, arms crossed on the desk and chin resting on them, with a fuming, unsatisfied scowl. When she spotted me, her eyes narrowed, but she didn't look away, instead making me avert my eyes by the sheer power of her glare. As I looked away, I noticed Tachibana watching Haruhi from the corners of her eyes, but then she also shifted her focus to me. I had to turn my head completely away from the corner because of the double staring attack. But that didn't help as I caught Taniguchi's eye, the eyebrow above raised gingerly, before the eye darted meaningfully between me and the corner.

I was running out of places to turn my head. Maybe I could ask the teacher and see if there was a chance to switch classrooms entirely.

But as lessons were about to start, I had little choice but to make my way to my seat best as I could by counting the number of seats till I got to mine, since I obviously couldn't look anywhere else but the ground anymore. Even with my back turned to her, I could feel the heated glare aimed at my back as I sat down.

I didn't dare leave my seat for anything until lunch, because I didn't want to risk being suffocated yet again, although if Haruhi had once again wanted me for something, she would just have gone ahead and dragged me off whether I was standing or not.

Placing my hands in my pockets, I turned around. Haruhi's eyes were immediately on me, tracking me like a wary tiger's would have. They narrowed only further into slits as I spoke the words, "Tachibana, could I have a word with you?"

"Sure."

I swiftly walked out of the class, leading Tachibana away. We went all the way outside, making sure to find a quiet spot away from possible prying ears, behind the Old Shack. We kept walking, although we slowed down, both knowing a somewhat difficult conversation was soon to start.

"Kyon, I've been meaning to talk to you. But I rather doubt you'd actually make the effort to come to me of your own just like this. You… want something from me, don't you?"

She really has gotten to know me a bit better, hasn't she?

"Yeah, I do."

Tachibana gave a small frustrated sigh, but didn't look too surprised at being correct. "It's always going to be like this, isn't it? No matter what happens, no matter what I do, you'll never really come to trust me. It's not a thing of logic, but how you feel, isn't it? Trust, that is. You either have it or you don't between people."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I wish I'd gotten to you first, before the others. We could have had a much more –"

"Stop. Not that again."

"I've tried to be open with the people around me. I've tried to 'confabulate' with Fujiwara, as he'd probably like to call it, but every time I try and ask something slightly personal, like why he's doing all of this, he just throws an insult at me and walks off. Suou isn't – wasn't any better, always just so quiet. And Sasaki… she's a great girl and all, don't get me wrong… but she's just in completely different league compared to me. I can't really understand her. And since I have to watch over her, my social circle is very limited. I only report to my colleagues, and they're always nothing but business, never really trading much more than a few pleasantries you would with anyone on the street. I just can't help but feel a little…"

Don't say lonely, don't say lonely, _don't _say lonely. I'll give you whatever you want, just don't go there and try to play the sympathy card on me. I'm really not up to this sort of thing right now. Least of all from cute girls.

All of a sudden, I felt a weight against my shoulder. I turned my head and found to my immense surprise, Tachibana's head resting against it. I almost stopped in midstride.

"You're one of the few people I can really talk to about anything," Tachibana spoke softly as she leaned in better against me, looking wistfully ahead.

I felt a sudden hot wave of embarrassment wash over my face, and my eyes, as if of their own accord, snapped back and forth to see if anyone was watching. I really wanted to shrug her head off my shoulder or even poke at it until it released me from its unbearable weight, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess I'd just have to bear with the pirate's parrot of a head for a little while, maybe.

"And even you think I'm nothing more than a coldhearted, calculating kidnapper. Out of all of us, you only really trust Sasaki…"

"…"

"I understand of course. To you, she's the only _normal_ person in this mess. Not a _freak_ like me."

"…You're not a freak," I grumbled.

"What was that? I couldn't quite catch that," Tachibana said, starting to sound a little amused.

"You're not a freak…" I admitted a little louder.

"Thanks." Tachibana smiled warmly at this

"But don't get any ideas," I quickly told her.

"No ideas to be had, got you." Tachibana's smile only widened.

"And could you take your head off my shoulder?"

"Sure," she said as she slowly raised her head.

I stopped walking and turned to face the pigtailed girl, who gave me a curious look.

"Look, Tachibana," I said, putting what was hopefully the right weight to my words. "I don't think you're a bad person, really, I don't. We don't have to be on opposite sides here. We all want the same things in the end.

"Kyon, are you… are you saying what I think you're saying?"

I took a deep breath to steady myself. "Join us."

Tachibana stared at me uncertainly, but I could see in her eyes something like an eager, hopeful glimmer in them as I finally seemed to open up to her as she wished. This didn't last long however as a glum look took the earlier one's place and she turned her head away to glance at the ground beside her. "…I'm sorry, Kyon, but I… I can't do that, not now."

"Why not? What's wrong with now?"

"…" Tachibana still couldn't look at me.

"Are you guys planning something?"

"Kyon, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you anything, especially about how I feel. You actually trust me now, kinda, but all in all… you probably shouldn't."

"Hey, if there's –"

"I'm sorry," Tachibana told me in a grim, defeated tone before she walked off.

Damn… there's goes _that_ brilliantly thought-out plan.

I returned to the man building after a short time to myself, wondering what I should or even could do now. I had really thought Tachibana would join us, I really had. But more worrisome than that was what could only follow from this. If she thought she couldn't join us now, did that mean she still hoped to succeed with the others? Was there a plan already in motion? Something I wasn't seeing had to be going on in order for her to make this bad decision. I couldn't believe I'd misread Tachibana so badly… though I suppose, recent events considered, it really shouldn't be too surprising either.

As I entered the classroom again, Haruhi was the only one in there, sitting quietly all to herself, staring out the window. She looked out at the world with silent, reserved distaste, seeing something I couldn't, but whatever it was, it was simply wrong for Haruhi.

As I watched her from the doorway, my mind started strolling around Memory Lane to the crossing with Reminiscence Avenue and Contemplation Drive (it was a weird looking juncture).

Haruhi, always the trailblazer, leading the charge into the next adventure… yet she was the one who had been left behind. While the four of us in the Brigade were probably closer than ever, Haruhi had been left alone and to herself. It was no real wonder she had started to feel she didn't have a connection with anyone if you looked at it like that. Subconsciously she had probably picked up on our growing bonds and hidden levels of interaction. She had of course become close to us as well, but the difference was still there, and Haruhi could never endure being second in anything really.

I had wanted to let her in on our secret for a long time now. Hell, I'd even tried telling her once, a long time ago. But now more than ever, I really wanted to include Haruhi in our other SOS Brigade, so she could share what the rest of us had. She deserved it. She had brought us all together. She was the reason we were there… maybe even in the first place, maybe even here at all.

But she hadn't believed me back then, so why would she now?

"Haruhi?" I asked her as I walked up to her eventually.

"Don't," she said, keeping her bleak gaze fixed on the horizon. "Whatever it is, it can't be worth saying."

"Haruhi, you might not think it, but the world, our world, revolves around you. The SOS Brigade is nothing without you… we care about you… we want you to be happy."

But Haruhi didn't reply, keeping her empty eyes on the world outside.

Sigh…

I went to my desk and sat down to face the front of the class and just sat there until the lesson started, Tachibana joining us in our silent corner, also fitting in our gloomy corner easily. I soon found myself staring out the window, much like Haruhi, caught in an uncaring haze of no thoughts.

"C'mon, let's go," Haruhi's voice broke my thoughtless stupor all of a sudden.

I got up to follow our intrepid leader, not wanting to poke the dragon in the flaring nostrils with anything that could be interpreted as a verbal jab.

The two of us strode off down the hallways. We were out through the front doors when a familiar voice called us back.

"Hey, guys! Wait up! Over here!" Tsuruya-san yelled from across the hall, waving her hand excitedly at us as she ran out, a girl with shoulder length hair much like Haruhi's or Sasaki's, but lighter than Sasaki's, a sort of hay colored mess of hair. The girl stared intently at both of us, grinning eagerly while the fingers wrapped around the middle of a black umbrella kept loosening and tightening one by one.

"What's up?" Haruhi asked.

"The sky," Tsuruya said unashamedly, sticking her tongue out playfully as she said the utterly inane thing, apparently fully aware of this herself (at least I dearly hoped she was). "Nah, I just have someone here who's been _dying_ to meet you for a while."

"_Really_?" Haruhi was slightly taken aback by this. After all, it wasn't often that people came seeking her out unless you counted the faculty or the student council.

"Both of you, in fact!" Tsuruya-san said eagerly, cracking a toothy grin at me along with a shifty wink. "She's a first year, but she's something of a family friend."

"Tsuruya, listen. I'm really not in the mood for anything right now," Haruhi said, looking a bit anxious actually.

"I think you'll want to meet her. The girl's a bit of an oddball, even by my standards."

"Oh… well… I…" Haruhi seemed to suddenly be considering this bit of ridiculous information very seriously, but her apprehension was still very much present. "I dunno. I'm kinda busy…"

"I'm pretty sure it'll be worth your time and doubt it'll take much of it either. She really only wants to see you again, nothing more."

"Again?"

"Yeah, apparently she was at your recruitment drive… she told me there was some sort of lack in chairs or something."

"Oh, yeah… I kinda remember that… kind of," Haruhi struggled, making me wonder if she could even recall the event anymore at all. "Well, okay, sure. Just tell her to make it snappy!"

"Right-o! Let the show begin! Hah! " Tsuruya-san exclaimed as she bowed herself out of the way of the girl standing a few steps behind and walked off. "I'll leave you guys to it!"

The mystery girl was roughly the same height as Haruhi, and much like her or Sasaki, kept her hair at should length. Her hair however was a rather light blond, a light brown mix I suppose that teetered on the edge of bright yellow if a beam of light struck it directly. Her hair also seemed rather frayed and messy, almost like she had tiny little beginnings of curls or just had a habit of ruffling them profusely. It was a stark contrast to the full, dark brown hair of Haruhi's. She wore a lopsided grin on her face at all times, like she knew the rules of a game and wasn't willing to let you in on them, but it wasn't a hostile smirk at all, more like a child's, simply enjoying the act of outsmarting her opponent. But the most striking feature about her was her eyes. They were so dark they were practically black. I could barely make out the pupils amidst the dark coalescence.

And she looked strangely familiar…

"Salutations, I'm Fuyumi," the girl's smirk only widened as she offered her hand to Haruhi.

"Just… Fuyumi?" Haruhi asked as she took the hand and gave it vigorous shake.

"Sure, why not? I could explain it, if you wish. But you may call me Fuu, everyone else I know does. Mainly because I _insist_ on it, of course."

"Of course."

"If it helps, consider Fuu as the sound of a cold winter wind passing through the skeleton-like branches of dead trees."

What a… creepy way to come up with a mnemonic. But it's certainly effective, because of the striking imagery, I'll give her that.

"I don't remember seeing you…" Haruhi spoke out after the short little pause in the conversation as she'd given the Fuu girl a full look over. "But there's something about you, something strangely familiar altogether. Like I knew you once… Are you sure we haven't met each other at some other time as well?"

"Depends… can one really place any notion of time into a realm of timelessness from which we all are birthed from?"

"I guess not," Haruhi said with a straight face, but I could spot the soft glimmer of fascination growing in her eyes.

While Haruhi seemed to be becoming increasingly interested by the new girl, I on the other hand was growing all the more uncomfortable by her presence, and worst of all, I had no idea why. The girl was as pretty as any girl I'd met recently (and I highly doubt it's because of what Koizumi had suggested way back at the fair). Her smile, though kind of weird looking, was fairly innocuous as well.

But there was just something wrong about her presence for me. I too felt like I had met her before but was unable to place the face anywhere in my memories, and not just at Haruhi's recruitment drive either. Worst of all, the girl seemed to be causing a weird gut reaction in me, quite literally. As I stared at her, I could feel a slight but sharp tingling sensation against my stomach, almost like something small was being inserted through it.

It was all so weird, especially as I just couldn't tell what the reason was for this weird sense of anxiety around the girl. It just felt _weird_.

"So, _Fuyumi_…" I said, wanting to get a chance to gauge the girl myself.

"Ah, you must be the _Kyon_ I've heard about… quite the nickname you've got. Name that inspires a sense of cynicism if one's familiar with Greek philosophy. That, or fitting for someone on a leash, so to speak. Heh."

"I was given that nickname, you know."

"Very clever still, I suppose. Even cleverer than mine it is."

"How so?"

Fuyumi glanced at Haruhi quickly and grinned widely once more. "I suppose it's more of a fateful coincidence, pardon my paradox. Or is it? Surely coincidences too can be 'fateful'. Anyway, when you have two people like us meet, and one has spring in her name and the other winter, there's a sense of fearful symmetry."

"Yeah, very _subtle_."

Who was this girl? Was Fuyumi really her name? For some reason I honestly found her incredibly suspicious.

"Says the _Kyon_."

"Like I said, I didn't make it up."

"Hmmm… Spring has always been a symbol of birth across all human cultures throughout time, and as such, also symbolizing creation, while winter has typically been associated with death. So fitting, don't you think? My sister… and me, the winter of _your_ discontent."

What the hell did _that_ mean? As if anyone could be a bigger source of discontent for me than Haruhi. Seriously, who did this _stranger_ think she was, talking to me like this?

But Fuyumi was no longer paying any attention to me at all. She'd returned her focus back to Haruhi who had been staring at her intently all this time. It was like Haruhi had been awestruck. She might not have been wide-eyed and slack-jawed, but the way she stared at Fuyumi it was like she was waiting for her to sprout wings.

"I've been waiting for this for so long…"

"What exactly?" Haruhi asked.

"To meet you in person, to properly introduce myself at the perfect moment… Hello, Mother of Life. I am Death, Destroyer of Worlds," Fuyumi said as she held out her hand in greeting, beaming brightly, a smile smart enough for a Nobel prize itself .

"Uhm… what?" Haruhi said uncertainly, face scrunched up somewhere between a delighted smile and an apprehensive frown, unsure of just how to approach this new, interesting, but very odd new find in the animal kingdom of mankind. "You're so… I don't even _know_ what."

"Hmm… interesting, it's only the two of us?"

"What do you mean?"

"…Tell me, sister, what do you know of the Divine Three?"

"The what?"

"The Divine Three, a concept that permeates the collective of all of mankind. All societies knew it, though they dressed the significance of Three in different ways. Have you ever heard of the Trimurti?"

"I… no, no I haven't. I blame modern schooling. They want to _stop_ us from learning and just make us into worker drones."

"It originates from Hinduism, the three cosmic functions that allow for the balance of existence to occur. There is Brahma, the creator or dreamer as I like to think," – Fuyumi tapped the side of her nose – "Vishnu the preserver of what is created and then of course," Fuyumi's smile seemed widen to unhealthy proportions, "And Shiva, the destroyer, the one who transforms the world."

"No, I didn't, but… how is that relevant to anything?" Haruhi's tone wasn't frustrated like mine might have been if asking that sort of question, but actually genuinely sounding intrigued and eager to find out the connection, like a child asking why the sky was blue or where light disappears when you turn it off.

Fuyumi took a deep breath in preparation to unleash something huge. "The three must come together again, after all is said and done, my dear younger sister Clotho. The Moirae must complete the circle, they must continue with their work. You've spun your thread beautifully as always. Lachesis has unfortunately been rather negligent in her duties, I'm afraid. The Allotter has become… too attached to your spun dream to measure its proper, allotted length. But do not fear, for I am here."

"Huh?"

"It is I, Atropos. It's time for a little rest, my dear sister, before we must start again. The circle must be complete."

An awkward moment could only follow from such a proclamation, much like it had when Haruhi had first made her appearance in my life.

"Kyon, who the hell is this chick? She's kinda creepy, isn't she?" Haruhi whispered not so inconspicuously from the corner of her mouth, holding up a palm in front of her mouth in pointless effort at being clandestine, what with Fuyumi barely an arm's length away from the hissed whisper.

I raised an eyebrow, giving Haruhi a questioning look she had unfortunately already beat me to with her own set of thin eyebrows.

You too? _Even_ you? Okay, we're really in treacherous, uncharted waters now. Although, despite what she was saying, Haruhi still sounded rather intrigued.

"Fear not. As always, death comes as a release, a beautiful and merciful rest from the blight of life, though beautiful in its own tragic optimism as it is," Fuyumi practically recited, holding an open palm upwards, as if holding something up only she could see in the sun. "I shall cut your thread, and add it to the collection… and treasure it for eternity, past time and space, even if I should be left alone in the void. For that is my lot in life… No! It is the very essence of my being! Like an eagle must soar through the skies, like a fish must swim, like a lion must prey on the flesh of another… I must come to all! I must offer rest! I must be merciful! For that is what I am, my sweet spring day. I am the winter which cleanses and heals, and from which the life is reborn. Like the Phoenix, only my all-consuming fire can cleanse the weakness and frailty of age. Only from the ashes from which we are come, from the dust we once were and now returned, can something be reborn. It is a cycle of pain to which I inject a moment of respite. Life is pain, from the moment of your first wail, when you are pulled into this hard world without choice, to when I am there to hold you in your final pained moments, offering the oblivion from which you came from, so you can once again be whole and nothing."

"Uhmm… could you stop with the poetics? I don't think I've ever heard an intro like that before," Haruhi might have said this, but she was actually smirking a little now.

"I only visit once usually, and so rarely does it end with a bang, but a whimper, if even that, so I felt inclined to put up a show for you, my young spring blossom."

"Seriously… do I know you?" Once again, Haruhi gave the girl another long look, getting practically lost in this freaky girl's presence.

"As well as any mortal can ever fully be aware of their temporal nature and those along them, though you are so much more, my beautiful spring roll."

"I think you're getting a bit overboard with this," Haruhi said, although the eager grin she wore betrayed the sentiment. "You must have crammed so much symbolism into your little tirade you must be tired."

"I have inspired many a poet in my time, as have you. For we three are part of a sacred whole, we are a trinity beyond the coils of mankind. The three have also worked as the muses. You, the thread spinner, being the greatest of us all. Every dream you conjure up is more beautiful than the next. Inspiration is thy name."

"Uh, thanks… I didn't know the SOS Brigade's adventures had reached so far yet."

"And ever the jester! I do so love you, sister! Without you, I would be so empty. The sacred convent… I think it can be foregone at the moment. The time seems right enough without, all strings coming to an end."

"Convent? Foregone? But that sounds cool. With like witches, right?"

"Ah yes, the witches three indeed. Hah! Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble and all that! Our ways certainly must seem Wyrd in the eyes of men! But you bring up a noteworthy inquiry, how shall we tell the fates of kings and men this time? No doubt I spy a worthy man this time as well, but what of his ambitions?" Fuyumi quickly glanced at me before continuing. "He seems to lack the thirst for blood and thrones and greatness, though there is a need for control in him. But perhaps that is simply because he is still without His Lady. Behind every great man there is an even greater woman, it is said. But what of the infamous, were their women all the more frightening?"

"Wow… you are just… wow… I've never met anyone like you. You practically take my breath away." Haruhi actually looked like it. Her eyes were now widened with something akin to a mix of awe and interest. If Fuyumi had told Haruhi to jump down a well, she'd probably have done it head first.

"Yes, I seem to have that effect on everyone I meet. Old habit, I'm afraid. Very, _very_ old…"

"Hey, I have this club. You ever consider being a part of something special… maybe you should come check us out. Again. I have a weird feeling about you… but in a good way."

"Ahh, yes…" Fuyumi immediately glanced at exactly where our clubroom was and then around at some other windows of the main school building, almost like she was being watched. "No, I'm afraid not. The time is not right for us to truly come together yet."

"What? Really?"

"I'm afraid so… now, you should hurry along. I'm sure you have business of most great import to deal with. You're obviously preoccupied with corporeal concerns at the moment, and we can't have that when the grand moment arrives."

"I… yeah, I do… I guess.

This was so weird. It was like Haruhi was spellbound by the new girl; the way Haruhi kept glancing back at her as she walked off.

Fuyumi turned to face me next. "The Macbeth of this sordid tale, I presume?"

"No, _Kyon_. Remember?"

What the hell was wrong with this girl? It was like she didn't have short term memory or had split personalities. Not to mention this overblown sense of theatrics. Who did she think she was? She was nearly worse than Haruhi.

"You'll have to forgive me, most venerable senpai, it is simply that… well, I have been waiting for this day for so long, to finally out myself from the shadows from beyond which I have remained, so I had to… put on a show worthy of it. When last I saw you, I could not speak freely, as the time was not ready."

There was something about this girl… I'd definitely felt like this before. It was this anxious awkwardness in her presence that I think I recognized better than her body and face. I just wanted to walk away from her prying eyes and hushed presence.

"I know you, don't I? We've met before," I hazarded. There was something disturbingly familiar about this girl, like if you were a shopkeeper who was being asked for a fresh set of knives ready for cutting meat after having sold a set the other day to the same looking person. Unsettling, was the word, I believe I was looking for.

"Yes, twice indeed. There was the recruitment drive with the debacle of the missing chairs – we didn't even trade a hullo – then I happened upon you in the dark after a disagreement with my sister."

"You… wait, that was you? The one who went on about people being castles?"

Fuyumi grinned a toothy smirk. "Well, what do you think?"

"…I guess you were right."

The mysterious girl turned to leave.

"Wait, just… who the hell are you?"

"I see the strings that tie us all together with everything, the threads of fate, and I pull and cut wherever needed… to ensure release, but more importantly… succession."

What the…?

"It's time to wake up, so a new dream can be dreamt." The wide grin on Fuyumi's face was stranger now, almost alien somehow in a way I couldn't explain in words.

_What…?_

Fuyumi glanced upwards at an angle, tilting her head a little, as if she had spotted something flittering about near her head. She held her hand out gingerly, forefinger and thumb extending with delicate care, squeezing together slowly as if she was pinching something very small or thin in the air. "It's going to start raining."

Just as I turned my head away from the odd sight to look upwards at the heavens, a heavy droplet struck me right in the middle of my forehead.

Fuyumi stood still facing the sky, holding her hands out at her sides, umbrella clasped tightly around the middle in one hand. Rain started dripping from the sky. "To feel… every single drop… merging… coming together… there's so many… you almost lose count… you can understand… how I feel… can't you? Every drop… is like the next in the heavy rain… right? But they're not the same… they're made of different compositions… different sizes… different trajectories… all unique though you can't fully see… sometimes… I have to go and walk in the rain… to be reminded of this…" She closed her eyes for a brief moment before she opened them again and looked at my town, nestled in its little valley between the surrounding hills. "So many… from a distance, you can't see them for what they truly are…"

I turned my head to look in the same direction she was, having a feeling I wasn't entirely understanding what was being said, but knowing there was more to it than just the rain. But all I could see down in the town were little specks of people… trickling along the streets between the buildings… like raindrops…

_Who the hell was this girl?_

Fuyumi brought her hands together, palms flattened together, like for prayer, her umbrella hanging by its handle around a wrist, swaying a little. "Aum, shanti, shanti, shanti…" she said in hushed voice, heavy with a deep weight I couldn't fully grasp.

As she seemed to finish the soft, almost reverent silence she had fallen into, she clapped her hands quickly a few times, an energetic and highly amused smile spreading across her young, fresh face. "Soon enough, all shall end. But not yet, not quite yet. Soon enough. _Very_ soon."

Fuyumi's umbrella opened with a dull 'oomphf!' as she brought it to rest on her shoulder, the dark dome hiding her head underneath. "Fare well, young Macbeth. Don't let your thirst for power and control consume you. It'd make for a terrible ending. Hehehhee…"

Fuyumi strode off, chuckling a little sporadically, towards the end of the Old Shack.

What the hell did that mean?

"Wait," I said, realizing I wanted to know what she had meant.

I hurried after her, but as I turned the corner, with Fuyumi having just gone around it herself, I only found an empty area between the fence and the club building. Turning my head about, I tried to see where the weird girl had scurried off. She had rushed into the bushes? Right? Or maybe behind a tree. She couldn't have run off too far…

But no matter where I turned or peered, I couldn't spot Fuyumi anywhere.

Left confused and hopefully only unnecessarily worried and unnerved, I had little option but to go after Haruhi now.

"What took you so long?" Haruhi asked as I found her waiting at the stairs of the Old Shack, cocking an unpleased and irritated eyebrow at me. She had crossed her arms and was now slowly tapping a foot against the floor. Apparently, as soon as she had been left to herself and outside the bewitching area of effect around Fuyumi, her earlier agitation (with me) had returned.

"I was just – just talking to Fuyumi."

Haruhi tutted as she turned about. "Figures…"

"Haruhi, are you really… that is, don't you really want to talk or something?"

"There's nothing to talk about. I thought I made myself exceptionally clear to you on top of the stairs."

"Yeah but –"

"This is exactly the type of thing I don't want to waste my precious time on. So. Shut. _Up_."

"Okay, okay," I muttered hastily, not wanting to make an issue of it, as I gave my neck an apprehensive scratch. It wasn't like I really wanted to drag this old treasure chest of conversation up from the depths it had sunk to, but leaving things to fester was never a good idea. There were so many things I could have handled better just by manning up and being direct with everyone, from Tachibana and Haruhi to Koizumi and Yu- Nagato.

"We have work to do," Haruhi stoutly said as she started ascending the stairs.

"So, you have ideas again now? You've gotten over… stuff?"

Haruhi stopped dead on the stairs.

"Haruhi?" I asked, unsettled by the sudden dead stop, getting an eerie chill from her like back when she'd first really opened up to me about how things were just going wrong.

"Shut up," she said, sounding very unpleased with the world, before she continued climbing.

As we made it to the clubroom, Haruhi pushed the door open agitatedly, making the others who were already present jump a little.

"What are _you_ all looking at?" Haruhi asked testily as we entered.

"N-nothing," Asahina-san quickly replied, keeping her eyes firmly on her feet as her fingers tightened around a tray she was holding.

Koizumi was staring at us intently, gauging both of us equally with a thoughtful expression. He gave the side of his chin a tap of his forefinger, looking like he was trying to solve a particularly tricky puzzle.

Even Nagato was giving the two of us a quick appraisal.

Haruhi, who had been ready to take an eager step back to business inside the clubroom, paused for a brief moment, a weird, curious expression of mild alarm passing across her face as she noted all of this with displeasure, but she soon continued forward soon enough. She got to her desk and flopped down in her chair, a ready and eager grin in place until she noted how everyone was still watching her. "Seriously, what are you looking at?"

Both Koizumi and Asahina-san turned away and made themselves look busy. Koizumi pulled out a deck of cards and began shuffling it while Asahina-san turned her attention to the tea pot and cups, clattering them about, rearranging them although she had already along ago put them in order of size and stayed true to that order.

Only Nagato was still staring at Haruhi.

"_What_?"

Nagato brought two fingers to her lips fleetingly, looking rather wistful for her, her eyes softening contemplatively, conjuring some soft memories in me of a silent, bewitching night. She then slowly returned to her book, the sound of a turning page returning as the steady backdrop of our clubroom. Haruhi had stared back at her for an uncertain moment, unsure of what exactly she was seeing, but gathered herself quickly after Nagato had gone to her book to glare at her default scapegoat: me.

"So… you had something planned?" I asked, looking for an easy way out from her glare with the enticement for action.

"As a matter of fact…"

"H-h-h-here you g-go, S-Suzumiya-san," Asahina stammered as she served Haruhi, blushing a little before she hurried towards me to fill up my tea as speedily as possible as well.

Haruhi raised an eyebrow at Asahina-san's elevated levels of edginess, but once again turned and focused her own slowly growing agitation on me. "Yes, yes I do, as a matter of _fact_," she said with more emphasis, like I'd just tried calling her bluff or something. But before Haruhi continued, she seemed to notice how Koizumi was watching me now from the corner of his eye instead of her. Once again her face scrounged up a little in annoyance, but she quickly huffed her displeasure away and strode over to a cardboard box we had in the corner.

What _was_ everyone looking at anyway?

"Right, where is it?" Haruhi muttered as she dug inside the box, rustling the contents about.

As I was beginning to wonder what exactly it was that she was searching for, Haruhi straightened up, holding a rolled piece of paper in her hands. She then strode back to the end of the long table, threw the roll of paper unceremoniously on it and took a deep sip of tea, loudly gulping before she carelessly put it back on her table, just on the edge, making Asahina-san jump towards it in a fussy hurry, but the tea cup came to a halt after only a few haphazard wobbles.

"Phew." Asahina-san gave her brow a relieved swipe of the back of her palm before she seized the precariously standing cup and placed it back at a safer place on Haruhi's desk. She then hurried along to refill the cup now that it was safe again.

"Right, lessee…" Haruhi muttered, giving her wet lips an uncaring wipe of her sleeve.

Haruhi spread the paper across the table, ordering Asahina-san about to place tea cups in the corners to stop if from recoiling around itself. She revealed a map of our town complete with the old markings we had used in our case concerning Rousseau the dog and his space alien fleas (not that everyone knew about that last detail).

"We'll be doing another search. Standard procedure: We'll be splitting into groups," Haruhi said, starting to sound more excited now that things were starting to look more like an adventure, what with something that resembled a treasure map right in front of her.

"Will you and Kyon-kun be going together then?" Asahina-san asked innocently enough.

"We…" Haruhi's commanding tones dried up faster than rain on the Sahara as she turned her head to give Asahina-san a confused look. "_What_? Wah – what's that supposed – _why_ would you think that?" she urgently asked, sounding like the prosecutor in a court as she shot the question hotly at Asahina-san.

"Ah – I – I – I was j-just assuming that – because the t-two of you – that is – you two are – that is to s-say…"

Haruhi stared blankly at Asahina-san, mouth open questioningly before she turned her head to survey the room and found the other two members of the club watching her with reserved interest. And suddenly, Haruhi's eyes widened as she realized something, the surprise evaporating away out from under a steamier frustration.

"Kyon… you told them… didn't you?" Haruhi asked threateningly, every word asked in slow and heavy leaden tones.

"I… I guess I did."

Haruhi lowered her head, only her clenched teeth showing under her bangs as they swept down to cover her face. Her fists against the table tightened until they quivered, the trembling spreading up her arms until her whole body was shaking. Her clenched teeth hissed with the passing of heated air.

"OUT! GET OUT!" she yelled without much warning.

"What?"

Haruhi was on me before I'd barely finished voicing my bemusement. Hands shot out and struck against my chest, nearly winding me as I was sent hurdling unevenly backwards.

"GET OUT OF THIS ROOM!"

"What? What the hell?"

Haruhi pushed me out of the room, sending me toppling over into a wall in the hallway. "As of right now and forever, you are no longer a member of the SOS Brigade! DON'T EVER COME BACK!" she shouted as she slammed the door behind her

I just sat there dumbly on the floor, like a new born calf hit on the head, unable to believe what had just happened to me.

After who knows how long, when I finally got up from the floor, feeling like I'd just be thrown around by an errant tornado into a strange land with little people and brightly colored brick roads, not knowing how much time had passed, I couldn't help but voice one thing and one thing only: "What the hell…?"

The hall was empty and silent, no one standing by to answer my all important question.

"O… overreact much?" I asked the door as if it was still Haruhi standing there, but the thing stood firm imperiously, unwilling to explain what had happened to me either.

I looked around in a daze, too confused to even rage at my treatment.

"What the hell?" I repeated numbly, the question feeling like the only sensible thing in the world right now, though not by much.

I… I was in shock. I was _actually_ in shock. My body felt numb and my head heavy, nerves all tangled up, not knowing where to take their impulse messages. This was unreal. It couldn't have happened. But it did.

What did this mean? Where do I go now? What do I do? Do I knock on the door, demand answers? Do I back off? Where does this put me? Can I come back? Is this real? What did I do? How did this happen? Why did this happen? What can I do? What will happen if I try to enter? What will happen if I walk away? What… _is_ this?

"What the hell?" I said out loud yet again, a record broken by Haruhi, still unable to comprehend what had really happened to me.


	48. TTFN

What did this mean? The Brigade and everyone in it was my life. It had only taken a year, but that clubroom along with everyone else was my whole life. I didn't really have anything else to do outside the Brigade, no other friends really, nothing. So what was I without the SOS Brigade?

Nothing, really. I'd just been another nobody, callous, cynical and weary of the world. But the Brigade had been different, it had been escape, it had been _special_. No, more than that. It had been a doorway to another completely different world, beyond my expectations and dreams. I'd had adventures and laughs, I'd shared fun times along with the worst. I'd experienced torture and joy. Within the SOS Brigade. I had been alive.

Now I was without it again and I felt… empty, I guess.

And yet… I was also relieved at the same time. Despite the cold clasp of a fear of the unknown and mundane that gripped my gut, there was also great relief in being free of it all, all the responsibility, all the worry. No more frustration, no more high blood pressure, no more idiocy to suffer through.

Without the Brigade, I didn't know who I was, really. And nothing could be scarier and more exciting at the same time. I was lost but free. In summary: I was quite confused.

My doorbell rang.

_Huh_?

Who could that be at this hour?

I walked out of my room and to the door, pausing for a moment with my hand on the handle, wondering if I really wanted to see anyone at the moment, but decided I was just being silly. What if it was something urgent? How about an express package of latest video games and movies? What if I had finally gotten lucky and there was a man in a suit and a bunny girl with an oversized check in their hands on the other side.

I pulled open the door and found what I had been expecting all along.

"Evening, Kyon," Koizumi said rather sullenly.

"G-good evening," Asahina-san mumbled behind the guy.

I spotted Nagato standing behind the others, meeting my gaze.

"May we come in?" Koizumi asked.

"Sure," I answered, stepping aside to let them in.

The others filed in silently, none of them meeting my eyes as they passed. Koizumi headed for the main living room, followed closely by Nagato, but Asahina-san hung back in the foyer, looking absolutely miserable. Her head hung low, her lower lip was quivering and her face was reddened. It looked like she was moments away from breaking into tears.

Poor little thing.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I… I'm so, so sorry, Kyon-kun. It was all my fault!"

"What?"

"I sh-shouldn't have… blurting out like that… stupid, stupid… I told them – ah – I was never any g-g-good for this sort of th-thing. I knew I was g-going to just m-mess it all up…"

"Hey, _hey_… it's not your fault… whatever it is."

"I shouldn't have spoken so off-handedly… I _know_ what's at stake! I know how things work with her… but I… I'm sorry, Kyon-kun… I just keep letting everyone down… I'm so useless." Tears were now dripping down her rosy cheeks and onto the floor in a steady trickle.

I could feel my chin quiver a little. "No, you're not useless. _I'm _ the one who messed up… I think. But with this being Haruhi and all, it would probably have been one thing or the other. So don't blame yourself. You've never been anything but supportive, and knowing everything we've been through, that's easily the one thing we all needed the most. There's never been anything more reassuring than getting some of your tea. Whenever I taste your tea… I know everything's right with the world."

"…R-r-really?" Asahina-san raised her head to look me straight in the eyes, doing her best to rein in her tears.

"Yes."

Asahina-san wrapped her arms around me, giving me a tight hug that took me by surprise. She buried her face against my chest and I could feel a moistness filter through the fabric, but I didn't care. Instead, I took my arms and hugged her harder against myself, smelling the sweet scent of her hair as I did so.

"Thanks for being there for us," I said, not wanting to see the girl cry anymore.

"Th-that's what I was g-going to say…"

I let her hold me for as long as she needed and when I was sure she had had enough time to gather herself: "You sure you're okay?"

"…Yes," Asahina-san sniveled softly.

I gave her shivering shoulder a gentle little pat. "Good". And immediately after my caring touch left her, I saw the shiver leave hger along with my hand, as if I'd managed to physically remove her anxieties.

The two of us then walked into my living room. The other two people in my house were patiently waiting for us. Undoubtedly they had heard everything, but they just sat there stoically, thankfully not saying anything.

"So… anything specific you guy want to talk about?"

"Hmm… I see you haven't lost your droll sense of humor along with… membership," Koizumi said, sounding at first pleased enough until the end where he paused to put my situation as delicately as possible.

"Yeah," I said, giving the back of my head an uncertain scratch. "Tea?"

"I think we're all fine."

"Right…"

"So, do you wish to discuss this?"

"You're actually asking me and not just going on like you usually do?"

"This has been… quite unexpected. I certainly hadn't expected Suzumiya-san to react so… strongly."

"Yeah, me neither. Don't really know why."

Koizumi and Asahina-san traded glances.

"Kyon-kun… isn't it obvious by now?" Asahina-san asked carefully, almost like she wasn't entirely sure this was really the case herself.

I gave her a look, not really sure how I wanted to respond, before I decided on something simple and not open to too much speculation for the others: "…What do you mean?"

"Kyon-kun… you mean a great deal to Suzumiya-san. You've always been the only one she's ever had any real respect for. How Suzumiya-san even intends to continue with the SOS Brigade without you… I have no idea. You are… very important to her."

Nothing new there, I guess. "Obviously not. Why else would I be here?"

"That's only because... because... well..."

"Perhaps it would simply be better to tell Kyon what happened," Koizumi said, putting one leg over the other, apparently settling in for a longer stay than I had wished for. "I feel we would all be best served by hearing your impressions on her. You have a unique handle on her. You know her in a way none of us do.

"You keep saying that for some reason. Is this just more of you steering me along? Trying to enforce the idea or something? Because I really can't see where you're coming at anymore with me 'understanding' her."

Koizumi smiled, more to himself than at me. "Hmm... Let me put it this way. You have a better grasp on certain matters when it comes to Suzumiya-san than I do. You know how to push her, to challenge her. Your presence allows for her to... flourish. You are a catalyst, while I am more of a stabilizing agent. I simply maintain. I can at best placate her sometimes. I cannot steer her or even stop her like you can on occasion. If you ask me, I think that requires some level of understanding, more intimate than mine at least. Perhaps intuition really is the best course of action when it comes to her."

I couldn't help but let out a little derisive laugh. "Yeah, that's why I have a bump on the elbow from being tossed out and you don't."

"I'd say it was proof of what I said, but we can disagree, of course."

"Fine, whatever. Tell me what you want. Should I make some popcorn before we start?"

"I doubt it'll be necessary," Koizumi smirked a little before he peered at the girls, who on the other hand weren't finding anything worth even a little smile in all of this.

I sat down on a chair across from the others on the sofa.

"After she threw you out," Koizumi paused for a moment to recollect, "Suzumiya-san just stood there against the door, head held down, panting heavily until she slid down against the door and held her forehead with a hand, running it through her hair as she looked upwards and… I have never seen such a despairingly empty expression on her face. For a moment I actually thought she might start crying, but she just sat there on her heels, staring desolately at the ceiling. None of us dared to say a word, of course."

Seriously...?

Asahina-san sniffled sadly. "It… it was so sad… p-please… don't r-remind me… I was so s-scared I didn't even… although I wanted to… I just wanted to go and hold her… (sniff)… she just sat there... all to herself, quietly..."

Koizumi glanced at Asahina-san and gave her a sympathetic nod. "Eventually though… she did get up, voice breaking a little at first, and apologized to us that we had to see such a sordid thing as expulsion from the Brigade… and did her best to smile… That was probably the worst for me, how she put up a strong face and acted like it was no big deal, losing you, when it clearly wasn't…"

"Then what?"

"She tried to lighten the atmosphere, made us all play a game or two, never really finished any of them though... eventually she just drifted off to the window to stare out of it emptily."

Sigh...

"So much trouble... and from one little kiss I can't really explain." I gave my right temple a little rub. Why _did_ I kiss her? All I had for an answer was that it had not only felt right at the time, but absolutely necessary. I hadn't actually given it much thought after reconciling with Koizumi and learning what Nagato preferred to talk about.

"…It certainly does prove a complicated development, if she did in fact influence you to do it, and then react this hostilely to getting what she possibly wanted."

But that was it, wasn't it? She might want warm, sweet things as much as any person to a certain extent, but she thinks those things are for the weak and mundane… she wants something bigger than others have… and me kissing her… that's like the first treacherous step down a slippery slope into monotonous mediocrity, a boring existence just like any other's. With kisses and dates and all that crap instead of wonder, excitement and adventure, things you had to work for… even sacrifice for. Life just didn't work like that; if you wanted something better, you had to work for it. Haruhi knew what she wanted and wasn't going to make any excuses no matter what idiots like me said, telling her to relax and just find someone to be happy with. Crazy thing though was that I wasn't thinking Haruhi was so crazy for wanting more from life any more. Who didn't want more than what everyone else had? Who didn't want something special and unique? Who actually _wanted _to settle for anything less than their dreams?

"What do I do now?" I looked around at the others, but they were just as lost looking I myself must have been.

"Apologize," Nagato said.

Huh?

"When a person feels wronged by another, is not an apology the most useful and standard response?"

"Well, yes, but…" Koizumi for once was at a loss as to just how to respond.

"Suzumiya Haruhi obviously desires for a happy and unified Brigade for the remainder of the year, one unobstructed by any form of potential hindrance from personal relationships."

Maybe Nagato was on to something here. She had developed a quiet little understanding with Haruhi, hadn't she? The two definitely shared a few things in common when it came to other people. She too felt there were more important things to life than what other people simply accepted. She too was strong, though not quite as hard as Haruhi. She cared so much for others she was keeping them at a distance. But with Haruhi... that probably wasn't exactly the case... Yeah... probably... although the thought wasn't as easy to dismiss as it should – no, would have been before.

"I'm not sure an apology is quite going to cut it," Koizumi said.

Nagato turned to appraise Koizumi for a change. "Why?"

"He's right," I said. "Haruhi said I only had one chance, one chance to not let what happened between me and her to inconvenience the Brigade… and I already blew it apparently."

"But none of this might even be your fault. If you didn't truly decide, you can hardly be blamed," Koizumi said.

"But an apology would be the surest means of re-entering the SOS Brigade and maintaining stability." Nagato turned to look at me. "That is what you desire, is it not?"

The solemn girl's sharp stare left my mind quiet with that question. It actually managed to make me pause and consider what exactly it was I wanted right now.

"There's nothing to apologize for if he was influenced," Koizumi replied.

"You were the one arguing that I was just hopping on that train of thought to avoid my own responsibility," I added to the conversation, though by this point I was barely listening to it.

"Hmm… unfortunately we simply do not know whichever the case is … Perhaps Nagato-san is right. From Suzumiya-san's perspective, whether she influenced you or not, it will appear to her that you acted by yourself. She will hold you accountable for everything, whether it is fair or not."

As if that was anything new... the dumb idiot. Couldn't she just grow up already and stop blaming me for everything? It _does_ take two tango, even terribly. It wasn't like Haruhi was easy to talk to even when you got through not only her thick skin but skull as well.

I was silent now, considering my options. I gave my chin a rub and turned my eyes to the ceiling, away from the waiting eyes of the others.

"Needless to say, there was of course a sealed reality afterwards, one that was apparently more violent than usual… Kyon, she obviously doesn't want it to be like this," Koizumi continued, no doubt trying to coach a favorable response on the matter from me.

"But _she_ threw me out. I didn't leave." I still had my sight locked on the clear surface of the ceiling, no true answer presenting itself to me.

"True, but –"

"You know what…" I think I'd had enough of this conversation for now. "Maybe this is for the better… I'm just so damn tired of this. If nothing else, I could use a break. Some time with Haruhi out of my head, not mucking up the insides all the time with her constant, needy badgering and annoying pestering, might do me some good."

"K-Kyon-kun, are you seriously saying you won't return…?" Asahina-san asked softly, barely able to look me in the eyes. Maybe she was afraid at what she might find if she looked too closely.

With her looking so destitute at the mere idea of me leaving, I did my best to reassure her while remaining as non-committal as possible to any possible option. "…I'll think about it."

"…All right," Koizumi said briskly enough as he stood up, stretching a little as he did. "I suppose it's only fair. But I do hope you return."

"Yeah, you'll need someone to keep Haruhi in line."

"No…" He said more softly now, looking me right in the eyes. "I really do hope you'll come back. Who will I play against otherwise?" Koizumi asked, with a softly teasing smile.

I couldn't help but grin a little myself, despite the circumstances. "I wouldn't mind playing more either. But I think I just need to take a step back from everything. Everything's just a bit too... much right now."

"Good luck," Koizumi said, offering me his hand.

"Thanks. Hold the fort while I'm gone." I took his hand and gave it a firm shake.

"In that case, you'll _really_ have to hurry back."

I smiled back at the idiot. It really was good to have the same – whatever it was after everything. But right now, even though I genuinely thought of him as a buddy of mine, I really did feel I could use some time away from everything. I didn't need him, the other girls or even Haruhi in my head right now. Right now... I think I needed some time to myself. Hell, I might actually get a chance to relax and read a book. I think I'd been in the middle of something I'd found quite interesting, but with everything going on in my life because of Haruhi in it, that book had quickly become an afterthought and even faster a completely forgotten thing. Maybe I could do something lame like discover who I really was or some crap. Maybe it really was time to step back for my own sake. Sasaki always said I looked ragged whenever she met me nowadays. Some me-time sounded very nice right now.

As Koizumi walked past me towards the foyer, Asahina-san quickly stepped up next. I thought I'd be lucky enough to get another handshake, but she simply ignored the hand that was slowly rising for hers and simply hugged me, catching me completely by surprise once again. I hugged her back and tried not to pay too much attention to the feel of her rather large breasts against my chest, wondering how the sensation had completely bypassed my brain earlier when she had hugged me.

"Ah-I-I'll m-miss you..." Asahina-san mumbled into my shirt, keeping her face tightly pressed against my chest, only the top of her auburn head showing.

"Hey, it's not like the earth is swallowing me, at the moment at least."

"I... I know... i-it's just that... that I... you mean a lot to – to us, all of us."

"Yeah, I kno-"

"And me. Especially me."

"...Uhmm..."

I had never really expected her to say something like that to me, although I'd fantasized about it since pretty much first setting eyes on her. But right now, as nice as it was to hear it at last, it lacked the 'oomph!' it always had had in my head. There were no half-naked little bald men playing harps in togas and wings, not that they would have been wanted in the first place.

"...Uh... thanks," I said lamely, feeling like a complete tool immediately as the word left my mouth.

"I... I'm just glad I finally said it."

"It's... good to get things off your chest," I said, hoping this wasn't taken the wrong way, what with the way she was pressing herself against my chest. I really hoped she'd let go of me soon before I made a bigger fool of myself in front of her. She'd really caught me off-guard like this.

Thankfully Asahina-san released me, rubbing here eyes a bit before she hurried off after Koizumi, not really giving me a chance to catch a glimpse of her properly.

And then only... _she _was left. I hadn't really spoken to her since I'd chased her down like a love-sick puppy or something equally lacking in intelligence.

Nagato looked me in the eyes, her dark, piercing gaze shooting right through me. We just stood silently for a moment. And then she ended the silent communication between us with a curt nod. I replied with a smile, happy enough with the transaction.

At least I wasn't completely mucking things up with all the girls in my life.

Nagato walked past me and soon I could hear the door opening and closing after my friends.

I was alone now... truly alone for the first time in a long time. And yet... I was actually starting to feel pretty good. Fun and exciting the SOS Brigade might be, but was that really what I'd wanted? I'd given up on Santa and other chilidish things long before other kids and this adult-like mentality was actually something of a point of pride for me. My more distant relatives would often call me an old soul, and I preferred to take it as more of a compliment than anything else. I really wasn't looking for fun and excitment, not too much at least. I didn't _want_ to settle, but I really didn't mind that much either and really couldn't still fully grasp why it was so bad not to just be happy with what you had. Maybe people were simply hardwired differently (girls especially, as they always seemed to need to have something big and shiny, and not just literally). I had access to food, the internet, tv and books; maybe it was time to enjoy some simple joys again after Haruhi.

So, what should I do with my time, with no adventure or craziness barreling down my way?

...What was the name of that book again...?

As I took to snooping through my bookcase, pausing at the book Nagato had given me so long ago, wondering when I'd get around to actually fully reading it either (I think my mind had started wandering at some points as I'd tried to read it far too late in the night), my phone rang.

I pulled the thing out of my pocket and found it displaying a number I didn't recognize.

"Hello?" I answered, curious to find out who might be calling me at a time like this.

"You have a lot of obstacles in your path, correct?"

"Who is this?"

"Come to the school, now, and I shall reveal onto you the secrets that will unravel this sordid tapestry of travesty you call life right now. I will show you the means by which all ailments of this world will be resolved, all barriers removed from the way."

And just as I was going to ask her who the hell she thought she was, the phone beeped as the line was closed.

…'Tapestry of travesty'? What the #$%? Wait, that was Fuyumi, wasn't it? Who else do I know who talks like that? Who exactly was this girl and how was she connected to everything? She'd gone on some rant about mythologies and the like, but she didn't actually believe she was some sort of demi-god… did she? No, it's probably just misdirection or something. Someone trying to hide in plain sight with a lot of smoke and mirrors.

Or maybe she was just trying to impress Haruhi, having heard about her tastes. The world was full of all kinds of weirdos, people who might actually seek Haruhi out. Maybe she was trying to get to her through me (oh how mistaken she was if this was the case, right now especially). But even with Fuyumi's earlier enticement, Haruhi hadn't really taken the bait. Haruhi might have been a bit awestruck by someone actually coming up to her, had her appetite whet by the big talk, but she clearly hadn't seen too much potential in Fuyumi, or maybe even seen through her, because otherwise the weird girl would have been hooked up to a make-shift lie detector Haruhi would have built from instructions off the internet to find how much was really true and not. A simple invitation for another consultation seemed... off, although Haruhi had been intent on getting the SOS-Brigade working as per usual at the time, so maybe anyone extra wouldn't have fit in with her concurrent plans.

It was all an act, theatrics for whatever's sake, I could just tell, even if I hadn't really given Fuyumi much of my focus. She felt... like a lie. Simply wrong.

That was it. There was simply something wrong about this girl. I'd felt it back when I'd first met her. There was something deeply unsettling about her, and it wasn't just the fancy way she conducted herself. But even disregarding my gut instincts, she seemed to know more than she should.

I had to find out what was going on. She was too big a question mark in an already uncertain phase in my life. It was time to find out what she was hiding behind that smart ass smile, and whatever it was, it had better be more sincere than her appearance earlier today. It was all simply too grandiose to be taken seriously, or even lightheartedly.

I got my jacket and shoes and hurried out into the pleasant enough evening air, wondering if I really could stay away from Haruhi for long if I even decided to want that. This all felt like a long hidden net starting to tighten around me finally, only now noticed when it was probably too late to do much except to dive in further and hope there was hole somewhere in the button for me to squeeze through.

When I arrived at school and strolled anxiously into the main yard, there was only a cool wind there to greet me, whistling through the branches of nearby tress. This was perhaps even more unnerving than actually meeting someone, even Fuyumi, waiting for me. I looked up and about at the empty school building, darkened windows leering down at me. Nowhere around me could I see signs of another human, the person who had called me. Yes, this was definitely far more unsettling than actually finding something.

The mind played tricks on you. When something terrifying was missing, but expected, your imagination saw fit to fill in the blanks. Every shadow looked deep enough to hide in. Every little creak and crack sounded like the sneaking feet of an assassin.

For the first time, I think I fully and completely understood what Koizumi had been explaining to me about how Haruhi's powers worked. Just create the right setting, the proper circumstances, and your mind did the rest, even if you didn't believe (or want to believe) that something more was out there. The mere uncertainty of it all was far worse than belief, because when one was in doubt, anything could be possible. If you believed or didn't, it was always just one thing you were thinking about. But when you didn't know what to think, there could be anything out there; aliens, time travelers and espers being the least imaginative of them.

...

Maybe I should try near the sports track? After all, it's a big school.

I took a few steps forward and –

"Stop," someone spoke out behind me.

I turned around, surprised to find Fuyumi watching me intently, holding her closed umbrella in her hand as per usual. I hadn't heard anyone approaching, and the gravel under my feet in the school yard was bound to crunch if someone had walked up to me.

"What? What are you - ?"

"It would be best for you to remain here," Fuyumi simply stated, for once lacking that odd smile of hers.

"Fuyumi? Why are you here? What do you me-"

"Shh…" the girl went, bringing a finger to her lips as she shushed me in a condescending manner, like I was some sort of child. She then lowered her hand and smirked at me. "Just wait here. No more than a few minutes. Trust me, it'll all go a lot smoother if you stay here and keep it all contained, instead of walking down the streets when it happens."

"What? What happens?"

"The Unraveling begins. Now that all is in place, with pull of this final string, it will all come undone," Fuyumi said, pinching the air next to her head to pull on something tiny and invisible to me.

Something cracked behind me, followed by the haunting cry of a bird. I turned about in alarm only to find a broken branch wobbling back and forth on the ground near the tree line of the darkening forest around the school while a bird flew across the twilight expanse of the horizon.

"And just what do you - ?" I turned around to ask what the hell she meant, but Fuyumi was gone as soon as I came around, the yard devoid of all signs of life beyond me.

What the…? How did she just disappear like that? Just who was this girl? Or maybe it was an apt time to ask 'what' instead.

My phone rang.

"Hello, Kyon," the girl on the line spoke softly, voice heavy with unfamiliar trepidation.

"Tachibana? How did you get my number?"

"It doesn't matter. Look, where are you?"

"I'm… I'm at the school."

"..." The phone was silent for a while, though I thought I could pick up distant whispers if I strained my ears. "Good. Anyone else there?" Tachibana asked after the pause.

"No… it's just me," I slowly said, giving my empty surroundings one last anxious scan, but no weird, cryptic girls seemed to be up and about anymore at the moment.

"I see... Could you call the others? Asahina, Koizumi and Nagato."

"What's this about?"

"We need to talk. All of us."


	49. A taste of collapse

I called Koizumi on my phone. Luckily enough the girls were still with him.

Koizumi chuckled after I finished relating the gist of what had happened. "So much for the farewell… it seems you just can't keep out of the center of trouble."

"We'll see. I have a feeling this might be big, too big to ignore. We take care of this, and maybe all of this crap will at least ease up a little."

"A very attractive prospect, I'm sure…"

"So?"

"We'll be there shortly. Keep an eye out."

As if I needed to be told.

The phone was silent next, leaving me in an all enveloping stillness. I looked about, waiting for something to just appear or jump out, but once again the scenery was resolutely frozen in suspicious creepiness of a ghost town. I, however, wouldn't be fooled again by this.

I walked over to the main school building and leaned back against the wall, letting my eyes scan the world. Only after a few minutes did I realize I had placed my back against a wall, like I was subconsciously already preparing for some sort of sneak attack.

It was a good ten minutes of nervous glancing and twitching at the slightest things like a scared little kitten would until the others arrived. I finally left the safety of the shadow of the school and hurried over to them.

The others seemed… rather nonplussed so far, but I suppose that was because they, just like me, had no real idea of what to expect. Asahina-san kept peering about while Koizumi naturally looked like he was trying to do binomial functions in his head and Nagato was as unfazed by this as anything else. But fortunately none of them seemed to be any more nervous than me. You couldn't really be bailed out by friends if they were in a worse state than you.

"W-why exactly are we here?" Asahina-san asked, her eyes never settling on one spot around us for longer than a second.

"No idea… but there's something really weird going on."

"Well, this is rather big meeting between our factions, once again."

"Not just that."

A cocked eyebrow from Koizumi followed this. "What else?"

"I was asked to be here, before Tachibana even called me."

"Really?" Koizumi asked, giving the lay of the land a proper survey for the first time now. "Who was it?"

"I don't think I even told you guys about her before, but there's this weird girl, Fuyumi, who's sort of been hanging around in the shadows for a while now."

"Kyon, you really should have told us about –"

"Hey, don't start. I didn't know. I've barely had any contact with her. She's weird, sure, but with all the other crap happening, she seemed really insignificant in comparison."

"I'm sure, but –"

"Ah, good. You're all here." Koizumi's sentence was interrupted by an approaching Tachibana Kyoko, carrying what looked like a tight bundle of dark clothing, followed by the always scowling Fujiwara, his hands deep in his pockets.

"So what do you want?" I asked as soon as they got close enough for proper conversation. I really didn't want to drag this out whatsoever.

"We thought we could –"

"Do we really have to put up with this charade?" Fujiwara now interrupted Tachibana.

"You promised me you'd let me do this my way after what you did," Tachibana said without looking at the guy, keeping her focus instead on me, only the slightest, most nuanced edge of annoyance in her voice. "We can do this better. We should talk… about your surrender."

I took a finger to my ear and stuck it in as deep as possible and gave a good rubbing of the inner walls.

"Sorry, could you say that again? I thought you said 'surrender'."

Tachibana stared at me solemnly, looking like she really didn't want to say what she was going to. "We cannot allow you people to be caretakers of these powers any longer. In my time with Suzumiya Haruhi, it seems like there is a dangerous chance that her thoughts and emotions are directly affecting people. Free will is now also at stake along with the stability of the world. This cannot be allowed to continue. Kyon, I'm asking you one last time to… come with us out of your choosing."

"My choosing? What are you… you saying you'll force me to help transfer the power from Haruhi into Sasaki?"

"It's become clear to me that this must happen, whether or not you or Sasaki accepts it. It is for the best."

"So Sasaki still hasn't given into your demands?"

"No, but these were her powers to begin with. They _belong_ with her. It is meant to be."

"Do you honestly believe that?" Koizumi asked.

"And how is it any different than what you believe?" Tachibana's voice suddenly gained more of an edge to it as she replied to Koizumi. "How would you prove anything you believe about any of this is actually true?"

"…A fair point," Koizumi admitted, "But you know we won't accept this."

"See?" Fujiwara said, clearly beyond exasperation when it came to dealing with us. "Let's just put our plan into effect."

"_What _plan?" I asked, hoping there might still be a way to talk things out like last time when everyone had been brought together. In a time of understatements, this was not looking good at all.

The fiendish smirk on Fujiwara ugly face was smugger than ever before. "The one we've been setting up ever since Tachibana here entered your school."

I looked at Tachibana, actually shocked by what I had heard, but the girl had turned her head away from me, looking off to the side with grim admission of guilt in her eyes.

"Sorry, Kyon," she muttered, still unable to face me.

"What did you _do_?"

"We've set in means to completely cripple the worst of you silly little friends. Right under your nose," Fujiwara said, eyes full of triumph over his lesser enemies, a despicably certainty of victory in his voice. He was simply enjoying this, beating me in a game I hadn't even known about. "You've done well, Tachibana. You should be proud. You did an excellent job of disabling the other time travelers."

"Eh? Wh-what did she do?" Asahina asked.

"That's hardly enough to stop us all together. The Integrated Data –" Koizumi began.

"Is as good as dirt now. And your pitiful organization is no real threat at all. There's no way they'll get here in time even if they were to find out now."

The bushes rustled and at least two dozen people emerged, most of them teenagers with a few adults here and there. I recognized a few of them. I'd seen them along with Tachibana on the first day I'd met her, when she had tried kidnapping Asahina-san.

"You can't be serious. There's no way you people could match the data entities, especially as you're now lacking your own alien backup," Koizumi said.

"That's where you'd be wrong, yet _again_," Fujiwara said, before turning to face Nagato, smiling contently. "Execute protocol 7-omega."

Nagato's body snapped straight into frigid attention, her hands clamping against her sides with her fingers splayed about awkwardly away from her body as her legs also struck together. She seemed to stand on her toes, propelled by the sudden action so much that she started hovering off the ground. Her eyes began to glow with a reddish light, white light tinged with crimson crackling out from her eyes, making the air smell of burnt ozone almost immediately. The electric sparks quickly covered her body from head to toe, until it started to coalesce against her stomach, forming an epicenter from where a thick, stunted shaft of electricity sprang out, twitching as it began to fork into five little parts at the end, forming something like a hand.

"No!" I tried to reach out, to help her, but Koizumi grabbed me and held me back.

"Don't! There's too much energy! I can sense it! It'll kill you!"

"What about _her_?"

Nagato fell back onto the ground, collapsing onto her knees, the crackling energy on her body losing its red hue as it all started to run toward her midriff, now a pure white as the arm grew longer. Two new branches of twisting energy broke out from her chest, next to the bigger one, that now grabbed the ground with its fingers, pulling itself out, clawing its way out from Nagato. One of the new energy spikes began to grow like the arm before it, gaining length fast until it sprung little fingers. The bulge of pure, white electricity between these two hands grew as well, becoming bigger and wider. Soon the silhouette of a head was visible between the hands that were now both holding onto the ground.

As the creature pulled its way out from Nagato's body, she fell backwards onto her back, allowing for most of the body of the creature to be freed. A new coil of energy emerged near Nagato's hips, quickly forming into a leg that joined the rest of the electric body. Now that it had three limbs on the ground, it pulled itself completely free from Nagato's body, a last trail of energy coming along with it quickly forming another leg. The humanoid creature stood up straight, gaining more and more features with every passing moment, the fuzzy outlines disappearing along with the intense glow. It didn't take long for the naked body of Suou to appear from inside the energy.

Tachibana swiftly strode over and handed her the clothes she had been carrying. Suou glanced at them with apathetic eyes before she took the long jacket and pulled it on.

Nagato's spent body lay limply on the ground, mouth gaping as her eyes stared emptily upwards like a corpse's.

I pulled myself free from Koizumi's hold and rushed to her side, dropping onto my knees as I grabbed her, holding her up close to my chest.

"Yuki! Yuki!" I cried out as I shook her body, trying to coax some sort of response.

A sharp gasp for air followed and she blinked as it looked like life returned to her limp body. Her face was flushed as sweat dripped from her brow. And then the shivering started.

"Yuki, you okay?"

"Mah-my… ¤%& k-c-con-nection t-2 the-e-e#=¤/[In-Integrated Dat-ta-t Sen-Sentient Entity hah-has b&en sev-severed-d-d-d…" Yuki spoke like a broken record, bouncing back and forth between her words. "Pros-Pr0cessing-sing [^+% singing cap-capabilities impaired ~/* cur-currently-ly. current. ly."

"Wh-what's g-going on?" Asahina whimpered behind me.

"We've crippled you. If you were to try, you would discover that you are now incapable of traveling to or out of this period of time. Tachibana was able to get close enough to you to allow for a nanite of our own alien design containing a network virus programmed by yours truly to infiltrate your systems. Now this period of time is completely removed from the shared temporal logs. No one will be leaving this place," Fujiwara explained smartly before he set his leering eyes on me.

"Eehh?" Asahina squeaked, holding her hand to her temple, before she muttered in a hushed voice, "Oh no, oh no, oh no…" I guess she'd checked it out for herself somehow.

Damn it. How the hell had I let this happen, right under my nose? I'd been there when Tachibana had met Asahina, shaking hands with her left one instead of the right one as she had just a moment earlier. I'd seen the way Suou had been adjusting her frequencies or whatever to those of the interfaces inside the simulation, destroying them at a slower pace each time she made contact, looking for the right setting. Maybe any interface would have sufficed, but Yuki would probably have been the ideal target due to her position in the SOS Brigade. And then Suou had given that freaky _kiss_ to Yuki before she 'died'! How the hell did I miss all of this? Why was I so #$%ing stupid?

"Now _you'll_ come along," Fujiwara told me. "We'll have to move fast and secure that boorish girl Suzumiya as well now in the window created. Despite its lacking capabilities, your esper group will eventually mobilize, so we'll have to move fast."

"Screw you," I managed to say, as I cradled Yuki in my shaking arms, my body feeling like it was going to explode as I stared at the bastard.

"If that's really the case…" Koizumi said slowly, stepping to the front of our incapacitated team, "Then I'm afraid you've overstepped your advantage."

"What?" Fujiwara asked, not sounding quite as confent as before.

"You really shouldn't have actually called us to a specific spot, but tried to spring this trap on us completely unawares. Immediately after receiving the call from Kyon, to gather for a meet with _you_ people, a rather surprising development by anyone's standards, just what do you suppose I did?"

For the first time that evening, Fujiwara's smirk wavered, as he considered this. His smile slowly introverted itself, like he was a man hunting a lion by its tracks, only to discover that the tracks ended up doubling back on his own.

"Yes," Koizumi explained, "I called my superiors immediately and notified them of the situation. They'll be here shortly. I wouldn't be surprised if the data entities are moving out as well," he glanced over his shoulder at Yuki in my arms, a completely unfamiliar angry scowl on his face, "Barring you've done something to hinder them."

Fujiwara was silent now.

"Fujiwara, if they're really on their –" Tachibana started.

"_Fine_," Fujiwara completely ignored the pleading tones of Tachibana, now fully focused on Koizumi. "They still can't match our firepower. We have our alien back and they've lost all their advanced tech. Our virus will hinder prevent all communications and severely hinder their processing speeds. We'll just keep to an even tighter schedule and we won't have to contend with those mouth-breathers. No need to try being polite. Get the boy!" he shouted at the people gathered around us.

As several of the people advanced on us, my head spinning about trying to look for an escape path, I noticed Koizumi's stance widen and knees bend as he brought his fists up. Even Asahina who I would have expected to grab tightly onto me in a situation like this had backed up towards us and was holding up her fists.

"Uguu~!" I heard an odd sound escape from Asahina, something between a whimper and a frightened moan, before a little sniffle followed. But despite her legs shivering uncontrollably, she hoisted her closed fists higher. "D-d-don't come any c-closer! I m-m-mean it! …Please?"

"Kyon," Koizumi spoke out quickly. "They're coming for you. You need to escape. None of us are targets. We'll clear a path as best as we can. You run. As far as you can. And whatever you do, don't go to Suzumiya. They need the both of you for some reason."

"No, I'm not leaving you guys here!"

"For once!" Koizumi snapped at me. "Be reasonable! Stop relying on your gut instincts, as noble as they might be!"

I felt a tug on my shirt and looked down to find Yuki staring up at me with… deeply imploring eyes. "Go…" she then pushed against me as she made to stand up. I tried to hold her back but she staggered upright, panting heavily, her hands hanging limply by her sides, rising and falling with her deep pants along with the whole of her upper body, while her legs were nearly splayed open, one foot turned dangerously against the ground. "Go…" she barely managed between her pants.

"No… I can't. I just can't…"

"Go on! Grab him!" Fujiwara screamed furiously.

"The forest," Koizumi said. "We'll all have to do this at the same exact moment. If the three of us all charge, we might be able to clear a path for Kyon."

Yuki nodded, her pants heavy in the air. Asahina behind me gave a nervous, stuttering okay.

"All right, on my mark," Koizumi said.

The closest of the attackers was only three meters away at best.

"Wait for it," Koizumi hissed.

"No, stop it," I said desperately, but no one seemed to be listening to me anymore.

"Back off," a tall teen with short hair told the others as he got closer. "No one needs to get hurt."

"Now!" Koizumi shouted.

Yuki launched herself first, the very moment Koizumi even started pronouncing the one syllable word. She sprang forward head first right into the stomach of the guy who had been approaching us, knocking the wind out of a guy twice her size as she threw her weakened body at him and the two fell to the ground.

Asahina let out a yell and charged at the two shocked people behind the guy. Despite her charge, the two assailants were able to restrain her, although it took both of them to do so as she continued struggling, punching and kicking as hard as she could.

Koizumi had also leaped into action and punched a guy who had been moving in to take the place of the guy dropped by Yuki, flooring him instantly.

"Kyon, run!" he yelled as he threw another punch at the next guy, only to have it blocked and receive a knock to his chest, sending him several steps back, nearly falling over until he got his footing back and lunged for the guy, tackling him over.

"GO!" Asahina screamed at the top of her lungs.

The world was over. Only the tree line I was running for existed anymore.

Something caught my leg and I was flying through the air, until the dirt on the ground suddenly rushed against my face.

"You_ may not_ advance_" I heard Suou's dreary voice.

I spat the earth from my mouth and turned around to find the dark haired girl standing over me.

And then, like lightning, Yuki was suddenly behind her, her jaw a blur as she brought both her arms around Suou. As she gripped her arms tightly, they suddenly melted together, forming one solid ring of flesh around Suou as her hands melded inside each other.

"Yuki…"

"Go… _Please_…" the girl barely managed between heavy heaves for breath.

I looked into Yuki's wet eyes, the dark obsidian pools brimmed by reddened veins, and saw a tear making its way down her flushed cheek as she stared intently at me, before her mouth started moving faster than physics allowed, a faint, high-pitched whining growing louder until there was a sudden boom up in the hills, a streak of land cut through the forest like a meteor's path and smoke rising at the end of it.

"No…"

"Get him! Get him! _Get him_!" Fujiwara raged, barking like a maddened hyena in a fight for its life.

I once again got up to run, to do as I had been told, but someone threw me to the ground. We rolled about and I tried to punch whoever was on top of me but something sharp hit the back of my head and everything went dark for a moment.

When I opened my eyes, I was on my knees, both of my arms held painfully behind me at strange angles. I tried to move, but the hold on my hands only tightened and twisted my arms back further.

"We have him."

"Good, good. Knock him out or something. We can't have him delaying us any further."

"Wait!" I shouted out. "What about the others?"

"Them?" I heard the cold laugh of Fujiwara somewhere close. "Hadn't really considered, but how about this, as I'm sure you were about to suggest it yourself… Come quietly and they won't be harmed."

"Tth… read my mind, fancy that," I scoffed best as I could under the current conditions, most likely achieving with it as much as you ever got with sarcasm.

"Barely an achievement by anyone's standards. Now let's hurry before –"

"Fujiwara!" I heard the voice of Asahina, but it was different now, containing a full fury never before ever being present in it.

"You?" Fujiwara sounded scared now.

I yanked my head up, straining my neck in the direction of her voice, and spotted a frightening looking Asahina bearing down on our group, eyes ablaze with unforgiving wrath.

Oh thank, God! Asahina (big)!

"Did you honestly – did you really – how _stupid_ are you? This will ruin _everything_!" Asahina (big) was barreling down on us with frightful haste, looking nearly as reserved as a rabid dog in her fury, her sentences broken by the sheer audacity of the sight before her eyes. It was a wonder she wasn't leaving deep indentations in the ground with her heels, the way she was striding.

"I'm done bending over for fate, for what you think _has_ to happen! _We're_ the masters of our fate!"

"I don't care what _you_ think! You're coming with us! We've got the area surrounded."

"Hh… good for you…"

"So you prevented us from traveling to this time plane… pretty stupid, since we could always just travel further into the past and bypass the planar lock. It _is_ time travel, after all. Fujiwara, I can't believe you overlooked such a simple thing," Asahina (big) said in a more restrained manner, pushing a few strands of hair away that had jumped onto her face during her fast march to us.

Fujiwara stared darkly at her, and then, all of a sudden, a vile, triumphant, but ultimately gleefully thin smirk spread across his face. "Neither can I…" He pulled out a little oval device – "No!" Asahina (big) shouted in sudden overwhelming panic – and then he pressed it.

Nothing happened.

"Uh… what just happened?" One of the guys holding me down asked, perfectly echoing my thoughts.

Both Fujiwara and Asahina (big) were perfectly still. While he still wore the cocky smile of a chess master only seven moves away from carefully plotted victory while she was frozen in place, reaching out for him, an expression of shock and a question left fully unmade on her face. I turned my head and noticed Koizumi in a similar position to mine, held down by two guys, looking at me through a squinting eye that was turning purple while the eyebrow over his good eye rose a little. I looked at Asahina (small) but noticed that she too was stuck in a moment of her own, like someone had taken a picture of her, looking surprised by what Fujiwara had pulled out, like it had been something far more dangerous and mysterious than any mystical artifact in an adventure film would have been for the actors.

"What's going on?"

"Everything… is going according to plan," Tachibana dismally elaborated, her bleak eyes glancing at the frozen Fujiwara and then turning them towards the ground again. "Let's – let's go…"

"Tachibana! _Kyoko_!" I shouted at her, making the girl flinch. "You _know_ this is a bad idea! It won't work! I'll never agree to anything!"

"That… that might not be necessary," Tachibana said, still not looking at me.

What?

"Let's… let's go then…" Tachibana said quietly to everyone, turning around to leave.

"Stop!" I shouted, stopping her instantly in place, like I was some damn wizard. "Look at me!"

Tachibana's shoulders seemed to tense up and her fingers clenched as I demanded her to look at me now.

"Look me in the eyes if you're going to backstab me!" I practically screamed at her.

My angry words were like heavy stones thrown at her, making Tachibana twist around as she heard them, shock coloring her face as she stared at me frightfully. Her tender little lips parted, the tiniest of hesitant quivers running along them. She wanted to say something, so badly, but something was holding her back.

"C'mon, the Fujiwara kid was right, we have to move," one of the guys restraining me said urgently.

"Yes, yes of course," Tachibana muttered as she turned her head away from me swiftly, her face reddening with what I hoped was shame.

The two guys on top of me awkwardly moved about, getting up while still holding me down. They pulled me up along with them once they could resist my frantic twists and jerks, my weak and pathetic attempts at escape, and then started dragging me away from the others.

As I was being dragged along, away from the school and my friends, a gun shot rang out.

"Hold it right there," a female voice, cold as a blizzard gale, said as the bushes all around us started to rustle.

Mori Sonou stepped out of the woods, once again wearing her business suit like she had the last time I had seen her, but this time she held in her hand a gun, faint little strings of smoke trailing upwards from the dead darkness of the muzzle. "Nobody's going anywhere."

I heard the mechanical clicks of guns around me, metal sliding against metal as the guns were cocked. They looked like Walther P99's. I was only able to identify them as such (at least I thought so) because I'd seen an action movie that had gone into great lengths in detail concerning the gun before stuff started blowing up in typical fashion to the genre and the movie actually got interesting. The guns were apparently used mostly by police forces around the world, at least when the movie had been made.

"We have you surrounded. A gun fight's only going to get most of us killed and most likely the prime target of yours as well. Now, none of us wants that, right?"

"No…" Tachibana whispered as she took a few steps backwards, staring fixedly at the gun in Mori-san's hand, like the thing was doing the talking.

"Lay down your arms!" Mori shouted more forcefully now, aiming her words at everyone around us.

Tachibana was now standing close to me. I could hear her mutter something under her breath. It sounded an awful lot like a repetition of the words 'damn it'. Then she took a deep breath.

"We can't do that," Tachibana said.

"You'll risk everything?" Mori asked, looking at the young girl with reserved disbelieve.

"By starting this scenario, we already did," Tachibana said, taking a step forward, summoning her courage. "I think it's _you_ people who won't be willing to risk it. We know how keen you are on keeping things 'right' for Suzumiya. You can't afford to lose any of these people. _You_ will back down."

"Letting you do as you want is tantamount to losing everything. We'll be taking our chances as well. You've just backed us all in corner. _Very_ stupid. We've been doing you a courtesy in not playing hard ball with you, but that courtesy has just expired."

I could see the finger perched treacherously on Mori's gun twitch dangerously.

"Please… nobody needs to get hurt," Tachibana said. "We just want to fix the world."

"The world is fine as it is, thank you very much," Mori said sharply, like she was turning down a traveling salesman. She then shifted her narrowed eyes towards me. "Give the boys to me. We're going."

"You can't," Tachibana insisted. I could see her chest heaving now, as the situation was steadily heading towards a dangerous resolution she couldn't control.

"You really have what it takes, girl? Are you and your comrades really ready to lay down your lives for your beliefs? I know I am. I knew there was a high chance of getting shot, but I came here. I was trained for this. I was _bred_ for this. What about you, all of you? Is this a line you want to cross? Do you so fully believe in your goals? Can you be certain it'll all work even if you succeed here? Can you even be certain you'll make it out of here alive tonight?"

I carefully glanced around me, noting how the people around us were looking about nervously, each one trading quick, questioning glances, no doubt asking each other silently the very same questions Mori-san was and receiving nothing that resembled a nice safe answer.

"I can make the last thing a certainty. Let us all go and I promise you can all leave this place unharmed."

"I…" Tachibana looked around, seeing the many pleading looks she was being given by her comrades. Her eyes narrowed in a determined way, in the way they do when a person sees a clear goal, and she turned to look Mori-san in the eyes completely fearlessly for the first time. "Alri-"

The sky flashed. The earth rumbled. The wind howled. And then the world exploded, more figuratively than otherwise, but still diturbingly literally as well to some degree.

There was an explosion, violently cutting off anything Tachibana had wanted to say. I only realized what it was after I had turned my head to look at the bright, fiery columns in my town, my mind going completely blank at the sight of something so incredibly insane, something that shouldn't have happened no matter what. I was free now, wobbling about even though there hadn't been any real shockwave. It was just… just insane.

The next thing I felt was a hand against my back, pushing me down into the dirt as the shot of a lonely gun being fired echoed loudly in the distant thunder-like rumble of the twin explosions. After that, I couldn't hear anything but a chorus of shouting interspersed with gunfire all around me.

The hand on my back disappeared only for a moment, moving to clutch the collar of my shirt.

"Move!"

I heard a voice that sounded distant although I knew it was coming from a screaming mouth right next to my ear. The hand suddenly yanked me sideways, throwing me onto my stomach, but the frantic pulling didn't stop. I was glad it didn't. I crawled on my stomach to where I was being pulled, hoping I wasn't going to die.

We were within the tree line when the hand pulled me upwards, but held me low so I couldn't stand straight.

"Keep down! Move!" the shouting voice nearby told me, hard to identify as gunshots seemed to muffle all other sound. Even the furious beating of my heart that I felt in my veins was a distant thumping. "Move!" the shrill voice repeated insistently.

My collar was yanked on yet again like I was some unruly dog, but unlike such a dog, I was more than willing to follow. I didn't know what was going on. The world was a mess. The dark woods, clad in deep shadows would have been impossible for me to traverse in these conditions. I couldn't think, at least not about anything else but the sounds of gunshots and the occasional, rapid flashes of light. Somewhere in the distance there was also a stronger, more consistent light, like a giant burning funeral pyre somewhere beyond the woods bathing everything in a creepy, hellish glow.

I was running, almost doubled over, barely able to see past my legs, depending completely on the person guiding me. It only now struck me, after the initial shock of finding myself in a warzone was over, and a rather scary thought it was. Just who was this person leading me? It really _could_ be just about anyone. It was probably Mori, right? She had been close by, come to rescue me and the others… but what if it wasn't?

I allowed myself to be led away for now, to get away from all the dangerous violence, but deciding that before we were completely out of the woods, I would have to stop and see who was leading me.

"Stop! Stop right there! I _will_ shoot!" someone suddenly shouted behind us and both me and the person leading me stopped immediately, like we had hit a wall.

Shit, who was this now? They had a gun… they were either the bad guys come to take me away, or someone here to save me from them, I guess. I still had no idea who was leading me.

I really had to find out what was going on.

I raised my hands into the air and slowly straightened up. The person who had been leading me turned out to be a familiar one as my vision slowly scrawled up over her back. Dressed in our school uniform with little pigtails swaying along with quickened pants was Tachibana, now also standing straight with her hands raised in frightened surrender.

So that had to mean someone else had found us, someone from Koizumi's Organization… but all in all, considering what even those guys were willing to do, that wasn't necessarily the best scenario either, although I suppose it was better than an ally of Tachibana's finding us. But it could have been one of Tachibana's people, right? What if Tachibana was just leading me to safety and one of her people found us, thinking she wasn't doing what she should? What if she really had -

Damn it, this is just stupid.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"There's no need for alarm," I heard Mori speak more calmly, recognizing her voice now that we weren't running and she wasn't shouting. "You can lower your arms. Koizumi, check the girl for concealed weapons."

"Me?" Koizumi's voice was also present behind me.

"Koizumi?" I turned around, happy to hear his voice, finding him standing behind Mori, both panting while their jackets and pants had taken a few tears in all the confusion.

"Are you all right?" Mori-san questioned me as she walked forwards, keeping her gun trained on Tachibana.

"Ye-yeah, just fine, all things considered."

"On the ground, girl. Hands behind you head."

Tachibana silently complied, dropping to her knees, bringing her raised hands against her neck. "Please," she muttered between pants, "Don't kill me. I didn't… didn't mean – I – this wasn't…"

"Shut up," Mori-san ordered coldly. "Koizumi, check her."

Koizumi gave a curt nod and strode over to Tachibana, kneeling down to run his hand down her sides, his fingers noticeably held out away from her body as he ran his palms along her curves, like he was doing all he could to be as inoffensive as possible or something.

"I think she's clean."

"We have to move. This entire area isn't secure. Local law enforcement could also show up at any moment. Although the explosions might have their attention at the moment."

"What were those explosions?" I asked.

"Why don't we ask her?" Mori-san said, her eyes that had been skirting about, looking for any movement in the shadows, now focusing down the barrel of her gun at the girl she was aiming at.

"I – I don't know. It wasn't us. I swear!" Tachibana replied hastily.

"This was your big plan… how could it not have been." This was a statement, not a question. For Mori righ now, guilt was certain. "I'm not sure from this distance, but one of those explosions sure seems to be close to our main base."

"What?" Koizumi practically gasped as his head twisted in the direction of the distant fiery glow. "Oh God… it is…"

"It wasn't us!" Tachibana fearfully shouted, the hands on her neck starting to shake uncontrollably.

"You've crippled all our other allies and now us as well." Mori's voice was colder than liquid nitrogen now.

"We didn't do it!" Tachibana insisted, fear making her voice louder while it made her arms shake.

"Wait… then what's the second explosion for?" Koizumi slowly asked, still watching the reddish horizon with quiet, difficult to process dread, although the curious gleam in his eyes when he would ponder the mysteries of the world was also present as well.

"Wait, there were _two_ explosions?" I asked, taking a few steps to Koizumi's side. I narrowed my eyes and sure enough, there were two bright points in the distant city below in the valley.

"Yes, one is downtown, at our base of operations and the other… further on the east side, near the old refineries…"

"What…?" Tachibana asked, the desperation in her voice being removed by blank shock. "Near the refineries?"

"What's it to you?" Mori immediately asked her.

"That's – that's where _our_ main base is…"

"_What_?" Mori snapped disbelievingly.

"Why would they bomb themselves?" I asked.

"We – we didn't – didn't do any of that. I d-don't know what's going on."

"Doesn't matter now. We have to move." Mori was already moving, her eyes scouring the world around us for any and all threats, gun held out ready firmly in both her hands for a clean kill shot at anything that might jump out.

"Wait, we can't just leave," I said.

"Why not?" Mori asked.

"What about the others?"

"Nagato-san could be anywhere, she disappeared with the other alien… but Asahina-san I believe is still at the school," Koizumi answered uncertainly, not convincing of the girls safety in the slightest even if he had recomposed most of his cool composure, speaking ever so politely even at a time like this.

"Then we have to get her. Both of them."

"No," Mori tersely denied my plan.

"What?" I asked, unable to understand her words. "I'm not leaving anyone behind."

"You're too important. We can't risk losing you."

"No, screw you! I'm going to get them!"

"No, you are _not_." Mori spoke like an irate mother, her brow knotted tighter than a sailor's in a storm.

"Kyon, calm down. We really can't risk losing you –" Koizumi said.

"Shut up, Koizumi!" I shouted at the guy as he put a hand on my shoulder, another dissenting voice of a jackal ready to leave important people behind, making me want to punch him in the face.

"– but I can't allow myself to abandon the Brigade again…" Koizumi said, his voice desolately empty, before turning to look Mori in the eyes. "So, Mori-san, please take Kyon to a safe location. _I_ will go out and find the others."

… I really _am_ such an idiot.

"Don't be stupid, Koizumi," the woman sharply replied, her patience with us nearing a breaking point. "You haven't the training for this. A few defense classes with me isn't nearly enough."

"I know that, but I can't betray their trust again… if you want to stop me, you'll have to knock me out or even shoot me."

Mori-san stared long and hard at Koizumi.

"Wait—just wait…" Tachibana said, growing nervous for the other two's sake as they looked ready to stare each other into submission.

"_What_?" Mori-san snapped at her now.

"D-don't worry, they'll be okay. The time travelers – Fujiwara explained it to me… time… time is just change in space, and space and time are sort of the same thing, tied together, so that one effects the other… warp space, it warps time. So if you stop time, space stops, it doesn't change. I mean, philosophically speaking I guess, that's how we know time passes, because things change. You could have a nuclear bomb go off over them and they wouldn't be affected as long as their specific time-space was frozen."

"Really?" Koizumi asked, although his stare was still fixed on Mori.

"Uh, yeah… I think so," Tachibana slowly answered, but there wasn't much of a detetctable quiver in her voice any longer. "And… the aliens… I don't think you can really kill them, at least not how Kuyou speaks about them. Although, I guess it depends on how they were made and if they're... well, it just depends, I guess."

"Regardless, we cannot go back. We have to secure you," Mori turned to address me once again, the look in her eyes something that would have scared me at any other time. "If we don't, it probably won't matter what happens to any of us."

"What about Haruhi?" I asked.

"A team was dispatched to her home immediately as well. They'll remain hidden unless something threatens her."

Phew. Well, that was a nice little bit of relief at least.

"Koizumi, I'm putting you in charge for now. Keep an eye on the two; keep them safe. I'll scout ahead, but be back as soon as possible. Head half a klick in my direction, _wait_ for me and _don't_ do anything stupid," Mori spoke quickly as she headed out into the dark underbrush, keeping low as she hurried from tree to tree, keeping cover with her gun clasped tightly, ready to shoot first and nevermind the questions, until she soon disappeared into the night, silently like an assassin.

"Well…" Koizumi spoke out after a short, quiet moment. "I suppose we should get moving then…"


	50. Final confrontations

I took a deep breath, drawing in as much of the cool nightly air as possible in order to calm down a little.

It didn't really help. Much.

I looked around, only spotting the weary Koizumi, the depressed and beaten looking Tachibana but thankfully no one else. As I focused on her, she soon became aware of my look, her eyes rising from the ground. She stared back at me, her eyes gleaming in the dark, fearful and miserable. I looked at her long and hard and she ended up nodding, before her head sank down again, as she surrendered silently to us.

We began our silent march through the woods after that. All of us were probably equally nervous. Whenever even the tiniest sound was heard, all of us would freeze in place, even the sounds of our breathing coming to sharps stops as we held them, waiting to see if we were being followed by the thumping of quickly pursuing feet or not.

At some point my pace slowed a bit more than intended and Tachibana nearly bumped into me. I could feel a hand reach out to grab my wrist, but the nervous fingers retreated with hesitant haste before they fully closed around me. In a weird way, I wouldn't have minded at all if she had taken a hold of me, even if she had just… I just couldn't really wrap my head around everything that had happened right now. I had actually trusted her and now… I don't know, I'd been here before with Koizumi, but this time… maybe I really am a sucker for girls with their hair tied back.

Anyway… not really the time for that.

After several minutes of nerve-racking walking and stopping, like we were playing a children's game with our lives at stake, we all froze yet again as we heard a noise. This time however, the sound didn't stop as soon as it had been heard, but steadily grew louder.

There were running feet and panting sounds, quickly growing stronger. Someone was coming.

"Hide, Kyon!" Tachibana whispered suddenly as she pushed me into the bushes, making me fall over into the underbrush.

"_Shit_," I let out a pained hiss as a pain shot through my elbow, having hit it against the ground as I fell. I bit down on my lower lip, to keep from swearing some more.

"You too!" Tachibana quickly told Koizumi. The guy gave the girl a suspicious look, but quickly retreated behind a tree.

I could hear a soft beeping sound as well now, accompanying the other approaching sounds. There were other new sounds as well, very _angry_ sounds. Whoever it was approaching and I was fairly certain it was only one person – we could handle one person, right? – whoever was approaching was cursing under their breath.

"Oh no…" I heard Tachibana mutter as the nearby bushes rustled and the ugly, sweating, scowling face of Fujiwara entered the scene.

The guy looked like a maddened animal, head twisting about, practically spinning as his eyes tried to take in the lay of the land, while always returning to the hand he held out in front of him. In his hand he held a small device that was now beeping louder than ever before. As he came into the spot where Tachibana was standing, he immediately hurried to her, his eyes bulging and his breath, a fast panting before, became a frenzied heaving as he grabbed the girl by the shoulders roughly, giving her a violent shake.

"DID IT WORK? DID IT _WORK_?" Fujiwara shouted, spittle actually flying onto the trembling girl's face, making her flinch.

"Nn… no…" she muttered, turning her head away, a sad and shameful look on her face, eyes closed and lips tightly pressed together into a line.

"What?"

"We… we lost," Tachibana said, still unable to look at Fujiwara, her bottom lip quivering pathetically.

"No…" Fujiwara voice was soft now as he seemed to nearly collapse, his head dropping as his knees bent. Then, suddenly, his hand came across Tachibana's face in a fierce slap, sending her falling over. "NO!" he screamed furiously once again, "We put everything into this! _Everything_! This was our only chance!"

And for the briefest of moments, a second that was both instantaneous and infinite, the world went red. Afterwards, I found myself standing over Fujiwara, panting heavily like I had just run some sort of marathon without knowing, my heart beating fast and my breathing heavy like I was doing it all for two.

I hadn't even really been aware of what I was doing. It was just when Tachibana fell, everything seemed to blur and when it was all over, the sudden pain in my knuckles brought me back to full awareness. Fujiwara, who had only a moment ago been standing over the prone figure of Tachibana,was now on the ground holding the side of his face with both hands, a shocked shine to his eyes, only growing brighter as his face started contorting into a mask of now no longer restrained revulsion.

"_You_…" Fujiwara hissed as he got up, the hatred in his voice hot enough to melt metal, his hands lowering from his red cheek and tightening into shaking fists as he stared at me with a look of absolute disgust unlike I had ever seen in before in anyone

There was a faint metallic click behind me and the pure, undiluted hatred on Fujiwara's face melted away as he stared over my shoulder, terrified shock taking its place.

A gun suddenly appeared on the left side of my vision, followed by an arm held straight and steady with the rest of Mori-san following, the look in her eyes making me wish I was home and deeply tucked away under my blanket.

Mori-san stepped in front of me, aiming her gun right at Fujiwara's head, maybe even between his eyes. "Back off, kid. Just one warning, that's all you get tonight," she said, in a truly no nonsense voice. If I had ever said someone was using a no nonsense voice before, I had been using it incorrectly thus far, because the way Mori-san said it, nonsense really was a thing that would not be tolerated in the slightest.

Heated air rushed through Fujiwara's teeth like through an enraged bull's inflamed nostrils as he watched me, seething inside, a desperate calculation being done underneath all the focused anger, weighing distances and risks even now.

"I'm done with this," he said suddenly and just stalked off into the dark forest. "_All_ of this!"

After the bastard had disappeared, our place in the woods was left in fretful silence for a moment, before I turned around and spotted Tachibana still on the ground.

"Kyoko! Are you okay?" I asked, hurrying next to her, taking a knee as I wanted to take a careful look at her, to make sure she hadn't been hurt.

"I…" the trembling girl slowly turned to look up at me. Tears were running down her red cheeks, while her lips quivered like bowstrings. "No… it – it's all gone so w-wrong… I… I…"

And then she just broke down, sobbing uncontrollably.

I just stared, unable to grasp the situation I was in. Slowly my hand reached out toward her, and I paused.

"It's all ruined…!" Kyoko wailed into her hands that now covered her face, tears streaking through her fingers, damp and darkened specks forming into slowly growing bigger shapes as they joined each other on her skirt. "Not like this… not like this…"

I lowered the hand I had been reaching her shoulder with. Instead, I sat down next to her and draped a hand around her. She started crying against my shoulder, tears dripping past the layers of clothing, but I let her do so, not at all bothered by it now.

"We have to move. We can't just stay here," Mori-san said, stepping closer to us, but keeping her eyes trained on the woods around us.

Tachibana's sobbing ebbed, slowing to pathetic sniffles as she tried to fight back, her fist tightening around my shirt, forming a little bunch.

It was too much. I just couldn't take it anymore. Too much shit had just happened, too many people had been hurt, and worst of all, I had been completely unable to do a thing about it all.

But not anymore.

"I… look after her," I told the others as I got up and freed my self of Tachibana's hold.

"Ky-Kyon?" Tachibana sniffled up at me despairing surprise.

"Wait, just where do you think you're going?" Mori-san quickly asked me as I started making my way past her.

"I can't just let him go like this! What if he comes back?"

"No! Stay with us! We'll find him later!" Mori-san said sharply, but I ignored her and started running in the direction Fujiwara had gone. "Stop!"

"I have to make sure none of this happens again!"

"STOP!" Mori-san shouted.

"I'll come back!"

Running came easily now and soon I could really make out the angry shouts of Mori-san. Soon I could hear Fujiwara making his way through the forest, no longer caring, snapping branches as he pushed them away, stepping on twigs and still cursing under his breath like he literally wanted to hex someone, making it easy for me to follow him.

"Fujiwara! Stop!"I shouted as I caught up with him.

"_You_…" Fujiwara said, the word sounding like the most terrible word ever created as he strained to put all of his seething hatred into it. The look in his eyes as he turned to look at me was worriying, or would have, if I hadn't been glaring back at him. "What the hell do _you_ want?"

"Is it true?"

"What?"

"That this is it? That you won't harm us anymore?"

"_Harm_ you? How have you been _harmed_ in any real way? What has you thinking you're any sort of victim in all of this? What have you ever _lost_?" Fujiwara yelled, pointing at me accusingly, bearing his teeth at me. "You just walk about like an idiot and everything gets fixed for you one way or another!"

"You have no idea what I've been through, what I've done for everyone!" I told him right back.

"You think you're the only _one_? You think you're the only one who has had to make sacrifices? The only one trying _save_ someone special? You self-centered _prick_! You and that harlot with powers, you're both disgusting, both self-absorbed assholes, both just as bad… the two of you deserve each other. You both _disgust_ me."

"Shut up!"

"_Make_ me!"

I didn't bother with words anymore. I was just so sick of this guy. Sick of his face. Sick of his attitude. Sick of his schemes and insults. Sick to my stomach by his very existence.

I swung at him, aiming for his dumb, ugly head.

A sharp pain exploded in my wrist as Fujiwara struck out as well, blocking my blow with his hand. As the sudden pain blinded me, Fujiwara hit me in the face with his free hand. My cheekbone felt like it was going to melt away as pain rushed to my face next. But before I could stumble back a few steps, Fujiwara delivered another punch to my guts. As I crumbled over, clasping at my aching stomach, I felt two clasped hands strike the back of my head, smashing my face into the ground.

As I lay on the ground, my vision blurry with tears, I suddenly felt a sudden new pain in my stomach again as Fujiwara kicked me while I was down. He got in two more kicks before something happened and what I thought had been hatred vanished, replaced by the sudden instinct to rip and tear, to simply hurt, to cause as much pain as possible took over.

I grabbed onto the leg as the next kick was delivered and rolled, pulling the asshole down with me. As soon as I heard his body hit the ground, I released one hand and punched him anywhere I could reach, somewhere in the side.

As Fujiwara gasped as I punched him again. I got on my knees and pulled back my fist to hit me in the face as he held his side pathetically. I managed to get one punch in on his cheek before he kicked me in the hip. The force of the kick sent me backwards a bit, but unfortunately the ground was uneven and there was a shallow drop behind me. I fell backwards into a little lower, open area.

I got up to see where exactly I was, to find the scumbag and finish him, but he did the job for me, lunging at me from the thicket, throwing himself into me. We rolled around on the ground, carried by his leap, but I was determined not to let him beat me. When it seemed like we would stop, I put all my strength into making sure I would be able to get on top and punch him some more, but an elbow to my face ended that plan.

As it felt like my nose had splintered, I rolled away from Fujiwara, holding my face tightly. I could hear him get up, breathing hard, followed by an odd scraping sound. I looked through my fingers just in time to see the thick branch coming at my head and rolled again. As I rolled, my back hit several rocks, creating painful bruises, but I was glad to have them, because I knew I had weapons myself now.

I grabbed a rock nearby and hurled it right at Fujiwara, hitting him in the leg, sending him down to a knee. I took another rock and threw it, hitting him in the stomach. He dropped his weapon and I moved in immediately, running forward to kick him in the chest, sending him splayed onto the ground, growling in pain and anger like an animal.

As I ran after him, he rolled away and came back up on his feet. We were now face to face, my face probably as dirty and bloody as his, panting at each other through gritted teeth as we glared the other down, fists held up high for the next exchange.

Damn it, something wet and dark was getting in my right eye, obstructing my vision at the worst possible moment.

Fujiwara charged, letting out a feral shriek, more like a snarl.

_He's favoring his right leg…_

I took a small step to the left.

_Can't see. Eye stings. Face burns._

Fujiwara threw back his right arm, bringing the left one forward, ready to bat away ant sort of attack or block.

I bent my knees, going as low as I could. As he came dangerously close, I lunged forward, grabbing Fujiwara by the outstretched hand, knowing he'd try to use it stop any sort of attack, but instead of trying to hold him down or stop him in any way, I held on tightly and let him yank me away, throwing him off balance as I brought my other hand around in punch I put all my energy into, screaming both in pain and anger as my knuckles collided with his face.

Fujiwara fell the ground.

"Stay down, asshole!" I shouted at him

"Screw you! This isn't fair!" he struggled against me, kicking wildly with his legs.

I punched him in the nose, shutting the asshole up after a pained squeak.

"Life sucks, and it sure as hell isn't fair, I know that as well as anyone! But it isn't going to get any easier with assholes like you going around making it worse for everyone else!" I shouted at him.

"Self-righteous jackass… are you really this stupid, so caught up in this little bubble with your girls that you can't see the world beyond you and them? Do you _honestly_ think I am _evil_, that I'm some sort of cartoon villain, doing what I do because I _want_ to cause pain…"

"You sure as hell aren't making a good case for anything else than trying to be the biggest dick ever."

Fujiwara took a deep breath that made me steel myself for another outburst of rage , but he simply exhaled deeply before he continued in a slightly more casual manner. "…Maybe I _have_ grown spiteful of the world and all the idiots in it, but _you_ have no idea what _I_ have been through, so don't you dare start lecturing me about trials and tribulations when you have life so easy. Surrounded by friends and easy times… no real tragedy of any kind… what have you _ever_ lost?"

The guy was talking like he had been to hell and back a couple of times, and who knows, maybe he had with his time travel. Certainly something must have been the trigger to all the hell he'd brought on us.

"Just what the hell were you trying to achieve anyway?"

"I told you already, I was trying to make the world better."

"For everyone, or just you?"

Fujiwara chuckled grimly. "You've been spending too much time around Sasaki and Tachibana… you're so weak, a social sponge… have you ever come up with anything original? Your doubts about reality and freedom, I bet they all came from others, like that Koizumi fellow or Sasaki… You're nothing but an idiot and a coward… your life, so nice and warm, is completely dependent on others, whether it's Suzumiya or any of the others. It's only so because of them, because of what they have given you and yet you still dare to speak of hardships and sacrifices…"

"_What were you trying to save?"_ I was tired of him wasting my time.

"Why does it matter? We lost… I thought I could stop it all, prevent time travel from ever being invented – and there was actually a way after all, who would have known! – but it didn't work, we couldn't get the power needed…" Fujiwara looked up at sky now, all his anger gone, replaced by a forlorn sense of lose. "I always knew there was barely a chance, that I might as well have been sticking coins up my nose for all it mattered, that I was just deluding myself into thinking I could stop it… but I had hope, and I found a way… but that's not how time works… if I could have changed the past, there wouldn't have been a need to travel… time travel… so stupid. Hahahaa… hoisted by our own petards… isn't that always the case with us humans…"

"What were you trying to stop?"

"Stop it all from happening. Stop the advancement, stop us from over using our resources, from fuels to time and space, from stopping our meddling and interfering with the past and causing the conditions we were in… the future is a mess, _because_ of us, our manipulations of the past… I tried to stop us from wasting our time… heh heh… but it doesn't matter. We're all screwed in the end, no matter what. It doesn't matter… none of it does. There's no point, no freedom in life. Everything is determined… there's nothing you can do to stop all the pain and hurt… what happened, happened, and that includes everything, all that's different is from when we view time… the future is just the past from a different point of view… and if there are any gods out there who made this world… I piss in their faces! Everything is ruined… and we never even had a choice in the matter… time is a line… just a line… just a stupid #$%ing line!"

"…"

"Go home and make the best of it… I'm done with all of this…" Fujiwara said as he slowly leveraged himself onto his elbows. I stepped back and let him get up, muscles still tensed just in case, but the guy simply gave his surroundings a dreary scan, like he couldn't even really see what he was surrounded by. "I can't even escape this backwater century anymore… I put everything into this, all my tech and power… everything is lost… and it always was… and I _knew_ that… but I had hope, mankind's greatest ailment… if only Pandora hadn't let the last bastard out of the box… at least we could have found comfort in the certainty of pain without foolishly thinking we had a chance, only to see it all fall apart."

"Where are you going now?"

"I'm done with all of this. I'm leaving all of this crap behind me. And if I see any of you again, it'll be ten thousand years too soon."

"Hold it, you two…" the soft sweet tones of a woman suddenly enetered the conversation.

My head swerved around and spotted Asahina-san (big) approaching us, lookig a lot fresher than the last time I had seen her. "Ah – Asahina-san, but… you were frozen and –"

"Oh my G – you really are this stupid, aren't you? Time travel, ever heard of it?" Fujiwara scoffed.

"Yes… as crudely as he put it, I am here thanks to time travel, relatively speaking afterwards of what has happened here tonight. The planar lock and temporal pacification doesn't extend to this far anymore."

"So… so you know what's going to happen here?"

"As well as one can hope to know with the presence of an entity such as Suzumiya-san, capable of altering even time to the degree of making changes so that they are as if they always had been that way."

"Uh… Yeah, but I -"

"But I know what you're worried about."

"Don't say classified –"

"Don't worry," Asahina-san interrupted. "It's too late for any of that anymore."

"So, everyone's safe? Koizumi and you? What about Yuki? She's disappeared and…"

"They will all make it out of this scenario if that's what you're asking. I'm just sorry I won't be able to offer you much help with what comes next."

"What? Why not? What's going to happen?"

"We know now the full extent of the damage we've caused."

"What's going to _happen_?"

"I'm sorry, Kyon, but you know we can't meddle with this."

"_Ha_!" Fujiwara derisively interjected.

"…No," I said slowly, but with deep dtermination.

"Excuse me?" Asahina-san asked.

I was just so damn sick of everything right now that was my life.

"Sorry, but that is pure bullshit. Your very presence here is meddling! You can't just come around being all cryptic and crap, knowing what's going to happen and start playing god, pushing people around like pawns."

Fujiwara started laughing, genuinely laughing in amusement. It was the creepiest thing thus far as he held his stomach and doubled over. "Hear, hear!" He managed to exclaim between shouts as he wiped tears of laughter from his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kyon-kun… I really am, because you're right. We don't have any right. But we did it. We _did_ meddle. And ever since it all started we've been trying to fix that, not knowing whether we were even fixing anything at all or not… but tonight it ends, as far as we're concerned here, I believe."

Fujiwara stopped laughing. "Huh?" he asked as he stood up straight, looking at the deplorable looking Asahina-san in front of us, her hands held together as she stared at the ground sadly.

Asahina looked up. "Come, Fujiwara. It's time to go home."

"Hh… prison or this sad excuse for a century…? Let's go already. Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll reinstate the death penalty."

"I'm sorry for everything that's happened, Kyon-kun. It's all my responsibility. I was supposed to look after 'Fujiwara' but… I'm sorry, Kyon-kun, for everything. I don't know what else to say, except to try and apologize. We really have caused far more trouble with time travel than solved. At first we thought the temporal fault lines were our doing, but seeing how things have turned out, everything would have been much better if we had just left things alone. We've done so much damage by just traveling through time… it's… unreal. Now all we can really hope to do is make sure everything goes as it should, and once that's done… we'll abandon time travel completely. It's come at far too high a cost. I guess humanity deserves what's coming to it, seeing as we caused most of it ourselves. There was so much instability, and in our efforts to fix it, I fear we only added to the damage on all time planes."

"Can we go already? What does he even need to know? It's not like anything will change," Fujiwara said impatiently.

"You still don't get it, do you? He's still our best chance at ensuring a better future." Asahina-san turned to face me. "This is the last time you'll see me."

"What?" I asked.

"We've done too much damage. We can't just keep going back and forth like this. It's all a matter of balance. Energy cannot be destroyed, but time travel… it… it requires so _much_ energy. In order to supersede and overcome an individual time plane, you need a greater amount of power, otherwise it all just cancels out. And in order to overcome the entire time line of a single time plane, you need… more."

"Wait, so you guys… you actually _do_ destroy other time planes to get where you're going. You need… another or two universes' equivalent energy to overcome your own time line and travel from it… otherwise it's just two equal forces pushing against each other…"

"Yes…" Asahina-san admitted softly. "The overall position was that in an infinite amount of time lines, where every existence is unlimited, it ultimately didn't matter if some universes disappeared. If they are all exactly the same or even potentially realities where any and all choices could have happened, then no choice truly mattered, as the opposite had occurred regardless. And if they are all the same, removing one or two per journey would not amount to anything, as all those lives would still continue in countless other realities. But we were wrong. Energy is always finite, even in realms we at first perceived as being unlimited. It cannot be created or destroyed, and in our attempts to save the realities, ours included, at the price of a few others, we ended up feeding on energy that allowed the realities to exist independently, causing the energy holding everything to start compensating by feeding upon the remaining realities. Because of us… our chances of escaping this universe before heat death occurs have decreased, and now there is even less energy, meaning heat death will occur even sooner, as we've only expedited the degradation of usable energy. Because of this, we are suspending all time travel and focusing all our energies on trying to escape our reality, much like people must be doing on their own planes. In the end, we still don't know what we're dealing with."

"Wait, what about Asahi- I mean, you, the younger you."

"She will know shortly of this."

"So she's… going away?"

No… I couldn't lose one of them like this! Not in some grand battle or something else monumental, but because of some sort of super-universal blunder!

"It is up to her. But Kyon-kun, more importantly, you are in a more important position than ever. Only you can change the world through her, like you always have. Only you can make the world better with Suzumiya-san."

"I…" I didn't have the heart to object now, not when it looked like this was our final goodbye, not when Asahina-san (big) was staring at me with such sadness and regret in her beautiful eye. "But I don't know what to do…"

Asahina-san gave a faint smile. "You've already been told a long time ago. Just remember Snow White, as always."

Fujiwara tutted and gave a desolate chuckle. "Always the same thing. Really, so juvenile. You really do have it easy, all in all. All you have to do is just get over yourself."

"Fujiwara!" Asahina-san suddenly scolded him.

"Let's go already," Fujiwara said, unperturbed, his bruised face having returned to scowling once again, the only thing his face seemed to be designed for. "Deep down every human knows we shouldn't be here, knows that our time is limited and it'll all end, horribly most likely. Death hardly ever comes as a calm thing. It's not like he can convince anyone otherwise. He's a prime example of the type. You couldn't have chosen a worse person for this."

"Then I guess it was a good thing _we_ didn't choose him. Now come, we have to face what's coming and stop trying to run away from it."

"That's what _I_ was trying to do…" Fujiwara said more to himself than anyone else as he began walking off.

"Kyon-kun, one more thing," Asahina-san said, looking over her shoulder as she had made to leave after her ward.

"What?"

"Good luck."

The two walked into the night, disappearing into the distant shadows.

* * *

The air was still, heavy with the world, thick with consequences, bloated with things said and not said. It was getting colder as the world got darker. Tiny points of light in the sky seemed further than ever before. All was silent.

Then the bushes behind me rustled.

"Kyon? Kyon?"

It was Koizumi, coming closer by the sound of it. A hand heavily fell on my shoulder, listing me downwards a bit, before it tightened on my shoulder.

"We were all quite worried. You really shouldn't have rushed off like that."

"…"

"Kyon? Are you all right? Did something happen?"

"No… nothing happened. Everything's just as it was…"

"…Yes."

I turned around and found Mori-san and Tachibana standing a few meters behind Koizumi, the former keeping a firm hand pressed against the latter one's shoulder, keeping her from running. As I looked at the two in the deep dusk, Tachibana, eyes shimmering, was unable to look back at me for long, sharply turning her head away practically the moment our eyes met. But I'd seen it. I'd seen the relief before our eyes had met, as she'd discovered me still in one piece.

"So, what now?" Koizumi asked no one in particular.

"We go home, what else?" I simply said.

"Huh?"

"It's over, right?"

"I – well, that is to say – yes, the immediate threat seems to have – but that doesn't –"

"Koizumi." Mori-san's voice was soft like silk now, but it still made everyone watch her intently. "He's right. Go home."

"What? But – about everyone else? What about – ?"

"I'll take care of it. You know I will."

"But –"

"Go."

Koizumi, at first aghast and confused by our sudden nonchalance, seemed to be defeated by the soft spoken command. His shoulder deflated, his head dropped a little, and the gait he began was heavy and slow. He walked grimly away. He and Mori-san had probably already traded a few harsh words while I had been away, by the feel of it.

When he was gone, Mori-san having followed him all the way with her eyes until he had left, turned to face me, eyes like a hunting owl's in the night, incapable of not seeing the slightest of movements, even within my heart.

"What are you going to do now?" she asked.

"Like I said, go home. It's over."

"We all know it's not."

"…Tachibana, come."

"Huh?" the girl's head snapped up to look at me so suddenly I was afraid she'd break her neck.

"I'll take you home. You live here, in this town, don't you?"

"Uhh… y-yeah."

"What is this about?" Mori-san asked.

"Like with Fujiwara, I want to make sure this is all over."

"…I see."

"Don't you have things to take care of as well?"

"Are you sure you can handle her?"

"Do you really think she'll try anything more after all of this?"

Mori-san didn't look at Tachibana, but instead stared long and hard at me, not judging the suspicious girl she still had a firm hand on, but me, like I was some shady figure come to a prison at night to ask for a rebel leader to be released, which I essentially was.

"All right…" The hand against Tachibana's shoulder was finally lifted. The cage was unlocked. "I have work to do."

"You'll make sure they're safe, right?" I asked.

She would know who I was talking about. I would have gone after them myself, but with my eye still stinging from facing Fujiwara, my confidence in handling anything more threatening than another scrawny asshole had been greatly reduced. Even if I had wanted to… all I would have accomplished would be to get in the way, or hurt, or even dead, and that wouldn't help anyone. I couldn't help anyone I cared about in this crazy situation. I was just normal. But I could accept this, so long as I knew someone else special was out there, doing what I couldn't.

"I will. I swear."

And so, with her solemn vow made, Mori-san left us, just me and Tachibana, standing apart from each other, a safe distance between us.

Her head was lowered again. Her right hand gripping her left palm against her lap. There was a quiet sniffle in the cold air.

"You coming?" I asked Tachibana.

"I… I'm so –"

I cleared the rift between us in three long strides, my hand slicing its way through her hands and breaking their hold on eachother as I took her by the hand.

"C'mon, let's go."

"I…" Tachibana sounded shocked as I turned around pulled on her, but she followed quietly in the end, only the occasional nervous twitch of the hand I was holding betraying her stillness.

We had walked clear out of the forest and down two blocks worth of empty streets. Far off in the distance, I could hear emergency sirens and see lights coming on, but that was still on the other side of the town. A soft, bright yellow glow was on the horizon. It wasn't the sun.

"Where do you live?" I asked.

"Kyon, you have to know that –"

"Left or right?"

"…Backwards, actually. We've been going in the wrong direction. We should have taken a left when we got of the woods… Sorry, I should have said something."

"It's okay. You lead."

"Kyon, I –"

"Let's go home. It's been a long night."

"…Yeah, it has…" Tachibana admitted hesitantly.

Slowly, we reversed our course, Tachibana pulling me after her, towards her home. We kept walking in silence until we eventually arrived at a place littered with familiar looking apartment buildings.

"You lived this close to Nagato?"

"Oh? Ah… yes, I was stationed here. I live just two buildings away."

"You've been here all this time?"

"Yes."

"…Weird. We could have crossed paths so much earlier… though I guess I didn't visit Nagato enough…"

"…Yeah…"

The hand that had been firmly locked with mine suddenly pulled itself free to hang lifelessly by the Tachibana's side, her entire body visibly deflating. "This is me." A listless hand pointed at the middle stairwell of the building next to us.

Tachibana was nearly at the door when I asked it.

"Can I come in?"

She froze in place, still turned away from me. "…Why?" she eventually managed.

"…Will you let me come in?" I repeated.

Tachibana was silent, maybe thinking, maybe just too shocked, or maybe even too fatigued by it all now, overcome by the sharp pin pricks of a hellish night I felt too in my head, numbing it all with electric shocks of trepidation.

"Oo… Okay…"

I was led through a door and up some stairs, arriving soon enough at a door. Tachibana opened the door and entered first, leaving me to close the door behind us.

The room I found myself in was small and cramped. If I had once thought Yuki's room had been disheartening in its Spartan aspects, this tiny hole, more like a closet, was downright depressing. The walls were close enough to induce a sense of claustrophobia. The only other room seemed to be a restroom with only space for a toilet and a sink, so close together you could barely sit and do your business without having the sink in your stomach. A small kitchen area with a only microwave for heating up food was a few steps away from a futon.

Had Tachibana been living like this for over three years?

"You… want some tea?" Tachibana asked carefully, keeping her back to me as she turned the lights on. "You like tea after all, right? …Or is it just when Asahina-san makes it for you?

"…Tea will be fine."

I probably wouldn't drink it but it was the thing of it, wasn't? Just a cup of tea in my hand and everything would seem more manageable, more normal.

"Oh God!" Tachibana suddenly gasped as she turned around, holding her hands to her mouth.

"What? What is it it?" I asked as I twisted to see, worried something new was jumpimg out at us.

"Kyon – you – you're bleeding!"

Huh?

"I didn't even notice before in he dark... here, let me..." Tachibana got out some tissue paper and dabbed it against my brow. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing." Suddenly it was me who was having a hard time looking her in the eyes as she stared worriedly up at me.

"Kyon, you don't have to..."

"What?"

"I was going to say lie, but that'd be a bit..." She didn't finish the thought. Instead she walked off to get a bandage for me. With slow and anxious care, she firmly placed it on my brow, flattening it tightly against my skin. I only now felt a bit of a sting to my apparent wound, but not too much so, thanks to the tender care with which Tachibana was treating me.

"Kyon… I think I know why you're here," Tachibana eventually spoke as she seemed to become content enough with my wellbeing.

"Well, that makes things easier then, I guess."

"Yeah, guess so too… You've come here to make sure it ends, all of it."

"I… yeah, that's… that's close enough…"

"…I'm sorry, Kyon. For everything. I didn't mean for any of this. I just wanted… wanted to make the world a better place, to have my little life matter."

"I know. When I looked in your eyes in the school yard… I saw how much this all hurt you too. But –"

"But it doesn't make it any better… I… I _am_ a horrible person, aren't I?" she asked, sounding completely wretched. "Stupid, evil, vile, naïve piece of –"

"Stop it. It's over. I don't want to hear any more."

"…Sorry. I'm sorry. I could have done better, _been_ better. Maybe if I'd just trusted you and followed my heart instead of my head, I…" Her head dropped and she held her palms tightly to her face, hiding her eyes and cheeks from sight. "I – I'm just so sorry! C-can you ever forgive me? No one was supposed to get hurt! I w-wanted the opposite!"

I put a hand n the shivering girl's shoulder and was pleasantly surprised, for no real reason, that this wasn't met with an angry shout like whenever else I might try and help a girl in trouble. "I know. I know."

"I m-m-messed up… really bad. Just following orders… but I laid the ground work. I screwed the time travelers, maybe I even added to Suzumiya's frustration, leading to the conditions where we could place our last part of the plan… I thought I was doing something good. I thought all the trouble I'd gone through, everything, it was for a purpose. I thought I would help… I thought I would get an adventure no one else could and save the day… but all I did was hurt people. I'm so horrible. I'm worthless… I hate myself."

There was definitely no danger here, whatsoever. There was only a sad and lonely girl who had been thrown around by life for four years, hating herself because of what she had managed to endure.

"…I'm sorry, for everything that you've had to go through and… I know none of what's happened has entirely been up to you and…"

"Don't. I'm a horrible, disgusting, ugly person. So stupid, stupid, stupid…" she gave a chilling chuckle. "I even thought I had a chance with you. Really, I did! Hahahaa…" Tachibana laughed completely mirthlessly. "I guess I'm just messed up. Everything I want or try to make better… I end up wrecking."

"Hey," I said as consolingly as possible.

Tachibana seemed to only shrink inside herself even more.

"Hey, listen to me," I said more forcefully now, but softened my voice a little before I would continue. My windpipe felt twisted, like something weird was sticking against the walls. "You're not a bad person… and it's not that you aren't cute, smart and…. but it's just that…"

"I don't much compare to the others…"

"…?"

That hadn't really been what I'd been going for. Did she have something of an inferiority complex or self-esteem issues?

"What with people like Suzumiya-san, Nagato-san and even Sasaki-san around you… I'm not much anything to you… I'm not worthy of your full trust. And rightfully so. I'm just terrible. Just give up on me."

"Kyoko…"

"No, don't… I know why you're here… you're a good guy, really… and it's why I'm… why I wanted to get to know you better, why that interest developed into an attraction far too quickly… I just wanted something good and certain in my life… maybe I don't deserve it. I _have_ done bad things, even if my intentions were right… I don't deserve you or your kindness. I don't deserve anything good."

"Kyoko, I –"

"Please, Kyon, don't. It'll only hurt more afterwards if you show me any kindness, how right I would have been about enjoying my time with you, someone so understanding and… good. Someone just so right for me, exactly what I needed when I was at my weakest…"

"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want _anyone_ to go through anymore trouble. I just want to… set things right. I don't want to string you along. I just want to… I want to help, but it can't be anything more than that… I _do_ care about you."

"That's what makes it so much more painful."

"Please."

"It'll only hurt more later."

"But I could… I don't know. I just… isn't there anything I can do? I hate just… just turning around and walking away now that it's over. It shouldn't be like that. I should be able to do something, something for you, to help you. I honestly believe you and for some reason… can't really be mad at you."

"…Maybe… if only… No," she shook her head stubbornly. "Don't go there. You're making me hopeful…"

"But… I can't just leave you like this, to drop you like some nasty piece of garbage, not after after everything… you deserve more than that. Isn't there anything I could do for you…?"

"If there's something, really, it's wanting you," she looked at me sadly, "to want me… but that's not possible, is it?" she asked, turning away again.

"I don't know if –"

The brewing tea pot, done quivering now, let out a shriek of a whistle. Suddenly Tachibana turned around, grabbed me by the shoulder, tilted her head upwards, launched herself onto her toes and kissed me. Her eyes were closed as our lips brushed against each other. Although she'd sprung up with striking speed, her lips lept to mine with such slow care her touch was like gliding through clouds.

When she pulled back, she opened her eyes, now wet with oncoming tears. "Nothing, right?" she asked, her breathing heavier now, almost a weak pant. "Your heart didn't flutter, there wasn't a rush, your head didn't spin, the world didn't disappear… did it?"

"No…" I said, and I actually felt a little saddened to admit it.

"Then I guess this really is goodbye then." Tachibana turned around once more, hand squeezing the bridge of her nose, her eyes closed, as she gave a little sniffle. "We'll all be going now… we were beaten, we were wrong… we… we wasted everything, lost everything… our own fault, of course."

"Kyoko…"

"Go, please, Kyon, go. I can't… I can't… I can't take anymore of… of this, of you… Please, just go."

Walking out of the door and closing it with a final click of the lock was easily one of the hardest things I had ever done.

It took a moment, my hand still resting on the handle of the door, before I had the strength to walk down the hall and then the struggle downstairs began. Each step down, though gravity was at my side, pulling me down lower, felt harder to take than trying to scale a mountain with lead weights.

The cool, crispy air outside felt almost hostile, little needles of coldness pricking at my exposed skin. I put my hands in my pockets, letting out a deep sigh, my breath a great big, white, swirling billow in the cold air, twisting about, coiling around itself, before it dissipated into the night. I took a few steps forward, just out of the shade of the building into the glare of moonlight, and my head turned, almost by itself, to look at the only window with a light still on in the apartment building behind me.

I'd never wanted anything so badly as just turning around and going back. I wanted to run back up the stairs, as fast as my legs could carry me and… and that was the problem; do what exactly? It wasn't right, leaving a girl, most likely a weeping girl like that behind, especially when it felt like my fault. But I knew I couldn't, shouldn't, with the same certainty that the sky was blue, the earth hard and I was me, that whatever Kyoko and I had shared couldn't be, couldn't be allowed to continue, whatever it had even been.

She had been right. When she had kissed me, I had been shocked, pleasantly in a way, and my heart had beat a little faster with excitement, since it was a kiss from a pretty girl after all, but it hadn't been like it had been with the others, not how all of the rest of the world just seemed to implode, leaving only the two of us together as one.

_It wasn't too late. I could turn around. I could…_

I wanted to go back, to comfort Kyoko, but I knew I couldn't. There was an ending here, bittersweet, but still an ending, a weak sense of closure, unlike what would have remained if I had gone to Kyoko now. I was no longer the guy she needed. I might have been at some point, but no longer. It made me hate myself for having been so rough on her before. Maybe if I'd been kinder before I would have won her over in the end, before all of this happened. But now a moment's escape would only haunt us both more than this tear-filled goodbye ever could.

I sniffled weakly in the cold that had already reached my sinuses and wiped my damp eyes, tender from the sudden change of temperature, from the comfortable warmth of the building to the chill of the outside.

Damn it… Why does it always end up like this? Why do I always fail at this? Why can't I ever be more for the people around me?

_I'm sorry…_


	51. Rhinestone eyes

I didn't know what to do anymore. The grim determination that had driven me before seemed to have evaporated.

Had I done the right things? Was everyone safe? Where were Yuki and Asahina-san? Was Haruhi safe? Could I have stopped this? Was everything alright now? Could it ever be the same? Could I fix what had been broken? What exactly had been broken? Where were we all going to go from here?

Those and what felt like thousands of similar questions swirled about in the muck of my mind, whirring about so you couldn't make a single one out anymore

Everything was a mess. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to even think. My head was buzzing with the white noise of inseparable quiet little thoughts and worries, scratching about in my skull with nowhere to go.

I was so out of it that I was nearly at my doorstep when I finally noticed the person sitting there, waiting for me. With one knee bent and held to her chest was Sasaki, silently staring at a spot on the ground just a meter in front of her, in what looked like extremely deep thought even for her.

What was she doing here, at _this_ time?

For a moment the doubts expressed by Koizumi about her passed through my head, but I quickly dismissed them. It really was impossible for me not to think of her as I always had, to trust her almost implicitly, exactly the thing that had actually worried Koizumi. But what did he know? He'd barey even met her, never spoken to her and really seen just how... amazing she was.

Without any room for big doubts in my head, especially towards Sasaki, I went ahead and approached her.

"Kyon, are you okay? Sasaki asked hurriedly as she spotted me, standing up and taking a few steps closer, immediately growing calmer as she noticed I wasn't walking with a limp or anything, though a worried expression still remained as she got a glimpse of my pummeled face. "Kyon, just what happened tonight? There was an explosion and…"

"What are you doing here?"

"Huh?"

"There was just… something big happened and it… I don't even know myself."

"Kyon… is anyone…?"

The dark question was too hard to ask, even for Sasaki. But trying to answer it was almost harder.

"I… no… no I don't think… no, I don't know…"

We were silent, the uncertainty of life in the night heavy. Faraway, I could hear noises, distant wails, most likely fire trucks. For the world outside ours there had probably just been an accident; these things happen, even in a town like mine. But for me in this heavy and heady moment after everything, now that all was done with, only the girl standing right in front of me mattered. The world was too big for me right now, filled to the brim with things not meant for me or anyone else, but right here and right now, there was someone who was likewise focusing only on me. And it… it was more than I could have asked for right now.

"Sasaki… how long have you been just sitting there?"

"Not sure. Nobody was home so I just waited."

"Yeah, my sister's school had some sort of event thing. Don't ask me what. My parents decided to go and visit some old friends – relatives – some people... Can't really remember." Suddenly I actually smiled a little as a memory drifted through the haze of my head. "My sister wasn't too keen on that and wouldn't leave without Shamisen, our cat. Quite a hissy fit that was, from both of 'em."

"Hmm…" Sasaki hummed with a sense of nostalgia. "Yeah, that sounds like your little sister." Then she looked at me intently.

"So, why are you here? Is something _else_ happening?"

"No, not as far as I can tell."

"Then…?"

"I just wanted to see you, Kyon."

"You… did?"

Sasaki smiled gently at me. "Kyon… are you blushing a little?"

"Huh?"

"It's rather… endearing, isn't it?"

"Very," I said in a tone that came as close to being sarcastic as I allowed myself to be with such a nice person as Sasaki. "Now, you wanna come in?" I asked as I opened the door, holding it open for us.

"It's sort of why I'm here. I was worried, what with everything that's happened. I called Kyoko and… she wanted to be left alone," Sasaki said as she stepped inside.

"Yeah, it's been… pretty damn crazy," I made the understatment as I closed the door behind us. I put my shoes away and Sasaki followed my example with silent efficiency, all the time watching me carefully. I walked into the kitchen, Sasaki following close behind. But in in the kitchen, whatever it was I had been planning escaped my grasp, leaving me behind to scratch my neck a little, not entirely sure how I should proceed. It wasn't like I had a pinata, a clown or anything else not all truly entertaining waiting to burst out of a closet and kill time in brutally boring fashion.

"How is everybody else? Nobody's hurt, are they?"

"It looks like all your…" I took a moment to consider what to call the others, my feelings kind of confused about them as a whole, and also considering how Sasaki saw them, "comrades have disappeared. My guys are licking their wounds as well."

"Hmm… I'm surprised to see how dismayed I am to lose them," Sasaki said, although to me she didn't seem particularly distressed whatsoever. "I don't really have friends, having a difficult time connecting with people, but they were… interesting."

"That's _one_ way to describe them."

"…I take it things finally came to a head between all you people."

'All you people'… It was odd how detached Sasaki could remain from everything. Always.

"I'm sorry it came to that. I really am."

"Not your fault, right?"

"I don't know. I can't help but feel like I could have done more to stop this. I _knew_ they were planning something but…"

"Hey, I _started_ with that as a presumption, but even so…" I quickly said, not wanting any sort of hurt to visit any other person today, especially misaplaced guilt that belonged to me. "Looks like they played us all."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," I repeated with the patience I only ever really had with Sasaki.

"…You look absolutely bedraggled. Worse for wear every time I see you, in fact. Let's make some tea, all right?"

"Sure, whatever. I'll just –"

"No, let me." Sasaki's hand softly clenched my wrist as I made to reach for the kitchen cabinet that held the pots. "Please. Take it easy. You deserve a rest."

"I… thanks, Sasaki." I took a seat around the dining table in the kithcen.

Sasaki, though unfamiliar with my kitchen, soon found everything needed for brewing tea, almost like she had some sort of sixth sense to know where to look. Soon she had the pot warming on the stove, steam already gently twirling out from the spout.

"So, how are you doing? Everything all right now? Everything back to normal?" Sasaki asked as she came back and sat next to me while the tea brewed.

"Hardly. Haruhi threw me out of the Brigade… just before the whole big fight between everyone around the school. I'm not sure I'm going to try going back."

Why was _this_ the thing I was telling Sasaki first of all things?

"…Really?" she asked with her typical, calm interest.

"I'm just too damn tired of it all. Someone could have died. A lot of lives were ruined. I don't want that in my life. Even if it means fun and excitement the rest of the time. Even if it means _real _genuine adventure. It's too high a price."

"…I see," Sasaki said sympathetically, but in a way that didn't sound entirely conviced.

"Things are just… so much easier with… just you."

Sasaki smiled faintly at me, placing her hands over mine. "I feel the same way."

I looked into her eyes and... wasn't quite sure what I was seeing. She was simply watching me, tenderly, I suppose. All the time she wore a soft little loving smile. Soft really was the operative term here; a tender softness was like the very essence of her presence, like the word had been created just to describe her. I could have stared at her for hours, quite contently. Just the way she seemed to watch me so attentively yet without making it feel intrusive in the least. It was remarkable. She was just so... _soft_.

The silent moment would have lasted for who knows how long, except the pot of tea decided to be rude and interrupted with a loud whistle.

"Tea's ready. How about I serve it?" Sasaki asked as she got up to do so.

As I got my tea in my hands, "You know, I don't think I even like tea all that much, though I always have some nearly every day in the clubroom."

"Hmmm..." Sasaki hummed thoughtfully, letting my words seep in as she sat down and inhaled on the steam rising from her own cup and then exhaled peacefully. "Do you know why tea ceremonies are held? They are a means of tradition of course, much like all social conventions, but it is also a way to quiet the mind, much like mediation and prayer, though to be perfectly honest, praying is probably the least spiritual practice out of them if you ask me. Just a means of believing one is _being_ spiritual. Asking for things, whether it be for others or not, is hardly what I would count as spiritual development. Acceptance of the world and things we cannot affect is much more powerful and mature than begging for mercy and forgiveness or even help, which in the end are always up to us."

I just stared at my tea.

"Honey?" Sasaki asked me.

"Huh? What did you just call me?"

"Would you like some honey?" Sasaki asked, grinning at me with subdued playfulness.

"Uh, yeah, sure," I muttered, feeling really stupid, probably blushing a little judging by the warmth on my cheeks.

Sasaki got up and reached into the cupboard she had scrounged for tea and soon withdrew with a jar of honey. She opened it and carefully dipped it over, golden sludge making its way down slowly like treacle. Just as the gunk reached the edge, in danger of all tipping out, a big bulge forming on the edge, Sasaki tipped the jar back expertly at just the right moment, allowing only a small drop to droop into my drink. As the drop fell, little waves spread off from the center, quickly reaching the edges, predictably starting back towards the center, causing interference with ones still following from the center, cancelling each other out. It was… beautiful in its simplicity, its predictability. A perfect system. Unlike my life.

"It's all over now though, isn't it? No more threats, no more enemies?" Sasaki asked as she got a spoon and mixed my tea for me.

"Yeah… I think so. Maybe. No immediate threats at least as far as I can tell right now."

"Then why are you so glum? I'm not necessarily saying you should be running down streets, jumping for joy, but… is a smile too much to ask from you nowadays?"

"Not sure if there's much to smile about."

"How so?"

"Just what am I going to do now? Once again I've gone through all this hell for Haruhi and still… I'm not even in her stupid club anymore. What do I have to show for everything?"

"You're really taking all of this rather hard, don't you think? Maybe a bit too hard? If you don't mind me saying. Everyone's alive and okay, right?"

"Yeah, but..." I paused, unsure for a moment where exactly I was going myself with all of this. I was simply unburdening myself and there seemed to be a lot more baggage than I'd even realized I'd been carrying. "I don't know if I'm in charge of my life anymore… how am I _not_ supposed to feel like this? How am I supposed to feel if everything I know is being pulled about by the hidden desires of someone else, someone who doesn't even know they're doing this all to me and everyone else?"

"…I'm actually a little surprised you're taking the lack of freedom so hard now all of a sudden."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought both Koizumi and I had given you rather good arguments against it both from an idealistic and materialistic point of view a long time ago. But I suppose 'lectures' like that can be a bit overwhelming for the layman."

"Yeah, I guess I should have been prepared, but then… then it was more like… like theory. Hypothetical. More like a story to me. Now…"

"It's much more real?"

"Yeah."

"Interesting. Is it just because you actually feel like you have been controlled… or is it because of _who_ you think might be controlling you?"

"…"

"You know, determinism is an interesting topic, well, for me at least. The account I gave you at the fair of being able to predict eventualities provided one knew all factors, particles, velocities etc. within a system, well, it works to a degree, but unfortunately only at a macroscopic level, because it was, after all, a rather Newtonian view of the world."

"Aha…"

She was speaking words I didn't really care to bother with at the moment, that had ever really meant much to me beyond the means with which to pass tests, but even so, I thought I could feel what she was getting at. A 'but' was coming. Once again things wouldn't be as simple as I would like them to be, even though they had only gotten increasingly complicated over time, all the time adding to my frustrations. But even so, I actually _wanted_ to hear what Sasaki had to say. In some weird way, she made the most sense in any situation to me. Listening to her was somehow a real treat. It didn't feel as personally challenging and hypothetically overblown as Koizumi, but far more grounded. I liked listening to Sasaki actually, even if it was mumb jumbo to me sometimes...

"But quantum physics shows it really isn't that simple."

I knew it.

"Have you ever heard of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle?"

I shook my head in full confidence that I had never heard anything of the sort.

"To put it simply enough as I possibly can, the better you know the velocity of a particle, the more inaccurate your readings of the particle's place in space is, and the other way around. In this manner, even if we had the ways to discover factors affecting the world, we would be unable to account for them all properly. This is why we cannot actually tell where electrons are around an atomic nucleus, only in probabilities. There is also the matter of observer effect: that by observing an event, the presence of the observer changes the nature of the event. Physics is rather philosophical, isn't it? It's like that silly old question about whether a falling tree makes a sound or not when it falls if there is no one to hear it."

I wonder how Sasaki would answer the question. No doubt the answer might confuse me more than the question or anything else. I sort of wished for a distraction like that right now.

"An easy example of the observer effect is in how thermometer's work. The material forming the thermometer itself will absorb heat, as such showing a slightly smaller reading of the actual temperature. Now, to get to my real point…"

"Which is?"

"Life, at least materialistically, is unpredictable. It _is_ very systematic, but the system itself is built to allow discrepancies. The universe really is like one super computer, one giant organism to be more precise. Of course, does this allow free will? Doubtful still, as macroscopic life, one we observe with the naked eye, follows strict rules of physics. I think I explained some of this to you at the fair."

"Yeah, you did."

"My real, real point here is that you have _known_ how unlikely free will actually is, how all actions flow from an earlier one, even the construction of our personalities and our choices, built upon previous ones. We are always in the hold of causality, and even when we become aware of these links… well, that's where it all really gets interesting. Are we then capable of analyzing the causality of our existence and thus enable ourselves to circumvent causality, or are we just deluding ourselves? Is the only real choice we have in accepting that we have no choice?"

"I don't know. I don't wanna know. I used to be so content with everything I had. There wasn't any fear or anxiety. I didn't worry about losing people I cared about. I was _fine_."

"But were you _really_ any happier?"

The question seared right through my head and straight into my heart. Sasaki was simply amazing.

"…Probably not…" I hadn't even really considered it.

"Kyon, are you sure this funk of yours isn't just because it's _Haruhi_ controlling you, and not simple causality?"

"…It's… personal this way. If it was just hydrogen atoms and vibrations deciding everything, I'd have nothing to complain about, it'd just be the way things are. It wouldn't be fair, but it wouldn't be unfair either. It would just _be_. But now that there's a person involved, possibly forcing my hand…"

"A whole moralistic point of view enters the picture."

"Yeah… I don't wanna be _used_… I want… if I want something, I want to want it because it's what I want. You get what I'm saying?"

Sasaki nodded.

"If it's Haruhi telling me what to do… there's someone to blame… and I don't want to blame her. I… I don't know. I just… She shouldn't be the bad guy… She's not. She's…"

"I get it, Kyon." Sasaki placed a reassuring palm on my hand, giving it a soft squeeze.

"If she's…" Words failed me as I tried to explain how I felt. How I felt about myself, the world and even Haruhi.

"…" Sasaki waited patiently for me, probably ready to stay there all night, just holding me by the hand.

"I can't," I said, dropping my head, giving it a defeated shake as I massaged my forehead with my free hand. "I can't do this if she's _making_ me want to kiss her or anything else. That's just not right. It shouldn't be like that. Not at all. It's not fair. Towards me. Towards all the others… Even to _her_."

"…Hmmm. I really didn't expect this kind of maturity from you, Kyon. But I'm glad to have been mistaken." Sasaki smiled heartwarmingly at me. "I really do like it like this, Kyon. You get it. You understand so much better than most what's going on. You really aren't just whining for the sake of whining, you see how this affects others. I really like that about you."

"Aha…"

"No, scratch that. I really like you, Kyon."

I looked at her in the eyes, seeing her do likewise.

"You really are one in a kind to me. Special. I…" Sasaki uncharacteristically paused, shook her head musingly and then smiled softly at me again. "My, my, I'm _finally_ at a loss for words."

We stared into each other's eyes.

"You haven't touched your tea."

"Yeah…"

"There you go." Sasaki pushed the cup closer to me. "Need anything else?"

"…Talk to me, Sasaki."

"…?"

"Just talk to me. No distractions, no problems, no walls. Just… keep talking to me."

Sasaki lowered the tea pot, carefully placing the oven mitt under it as she lowered it onto the table, watching the steam coil out from the spout. "You need a sense of connection. You feel you haven't been able to understand others and you seek someone like you, someone who can understand you just as much as you can understand them. To look across the abyss of existence and look into another's eyes… and know that you're not alone."

"…"

"So, what would you like to talk about?" Sasaki flicked her bangs a lot like Haruhi might, switching up the tone of the conversation a bit too easily, but I silently thanked her for it nevertheless.

"I don't know… It's like whenever I try to talk to Haruhi or Nagato, it just goes wrong. I wish I could just talk to them like I can with you. Why is it so much easier with you?" I shook my tired head. "Why can't I just ask them questions like I can with you and then get an honest answer? Why do relationships have to be so hard?"

Sasaki gave a little amused chuckle, her tongue clucking a little inside her mouth, at what must have sounded rather childish of me, but she then looked at me as if she had been expecting me to ask that question all along. "That's what I've been trying to understand for a long time… I really don't get what people mean by love and the like… at least, not like they do."

"But… all that analysis you gave me at the tea shop…"

"Just analysis, observation and study… you know," Sasaki smirked, but in a rather humorless way, "sometimes I think I might be something of a sociopath."

"What?"

"I just don't seem to feel things like others do." She smiled at me.

"You… don't?"

"I can understand feelings, even react accordingly to them, smile when someone's worried, laugh when needed… but romance, fear, jealousy, hatred… these are things I have never really experienced. Sometimes I feel frustration and weariness, and there is some sense of satisfaction and excitement, but I think it's all just intellectual response to problems. There's no deep passion… nothing really moves me."

Sasaki stood up and slowly walked off to a nearby window, a little black square of nearly perfect darkness where I could only really see Sasaki's serene face reflected back. I couldn't help but stand up as well.

"Music, plays, art…" Sasaki continued musingly. "I can appreciate it, the technical worth and symmetry as much as anyone else… and the reason why I'm so concerned with philosophy and ethics… I think it's because I can understand logic, and because it's one of the few things I truly understand, that I seek to protect and strengthen it, act like someone who is passionate about it… but they have never made me _feel_ anything… and you know what really cements this idea that I might be a sociopath for me?"

"What?"

"I'm fine with not feeling anything. I'm not angry or sad about not experiencing what others, like you, feel. I'm not saying I'm against the experiences, but I don't need them either. I'm fine as things are. I'm fine with just being. I don't need a purpose to live. I'd just like to… understand better, the world and people I exist along with. I _too_ would like to know I'm not alone."

She turned her head towards me again, at a slight angle so her eyes were watching me bewitchingly from behind the hair that was against her cheek

"Kyon… would you help me understand the world better?"

"I..." What was a guy supposed to say to something like that? "Sure, but first things first, Sasaki." I walked up to her and firmly grasped her hand. "You're not a sociopath. You're way too… understanding, empathic. It's not like you can't understand the difference between right and wrong."

"Oh, anyone can understand morality, really. All it ever boils down to is respecting personal autonomy, no matter how you start the formulation. Anyone not adhering to morals simply doesn't care enough to bother with them. It's honestly not that hard to deduce what it's about, although different interpretations of basic principle do exist. I don't think it's a lack of understanding for me at least… and sometimes I feel hard pressed to care, though I do try. But talking of mental conditions, there are always levels to things, varying degrees of heaven and hell… Even so, there is something wrong about me, isn't there?"

"No… if anything, I think you're better off than the rest of us. You're just… so beyond me. You get me like no one else. Being with you is just so much easier than with anyone else… there's no problems, no questioning, no trouble. It's just so easy around you… "

I brushed away a few loose hairs that had strayed to cover her brown brown eyes so I could look her in the eyes again.

"Kyon, are you going to try and kiss me again?"

"I wasn't trying to kiss you the last time…" I said, quick on the draw for once, realizing she was talking about that quiet moment back in the clubroom after the fair.

"But this time?"

"… I'm not _trying_ anything with you. And I don't need to; that's why it's so nice."

"Hmm… and why is that?"

"…?"

"Why exactly don't you try?"

"Why are you… do you _want_ me to?"

"No, Kyon, it's just that, well, we both share and understand a lot… I don't think I'd mind trying to connect with you more… Whenever I'm around you, I actually do feel an odd sort of excitement, like I'm doing something exceptional. So… I can't help but wonder sometimes, about you and me, about what everyone else seems to be capable of doing… I guess I really am just curious."

"Really?"

"Yes," Sasaki said seriously, without even a hint of playfulness in her voice as she stared deeply up into my eyes, as she however placed a tentative feeling hand on my chest, stepping closer, making me really confused, receiving what felt like rather conflicting messages from her. "But it's not just that… Kyon, I want you to be happy. Although you like to think of yourself as a person of reason and doubt, you really aren't. We share and understand a lot, you and I, but not _that_… you have needs and urges… I understand that well enough."

"Just what are you suggesting…?"

"What I think you've been thinking for a while now… whenever we meet, the weariness seems to disappear from your eyes and when we talk, you watch me with a focus no one else has ever given me. Your eyes take me in completely, body and words, even my thoughts. Are you always like that with people… or just me?"

She was right. Being with Sasaki was different from being with anyone else. With her everything was so easy and peaceful. Yes, it lacked the same excitement and even what I suppose was interest, but she was simply so comforting and supporting. Being with Sasaki was like being wrapped carefully in warm folds of silken linen, all the time being patted and rubbed wherever you might be sore and weary as sweet, calming things were whispered in your ears. With others... it was always somewhat difficult, sort of sturm und drang, I guess. Of course, all the trouble was usually worth it in the end, but sometimes it was nice not to be challenged, not to have to prove yourself or try and help the person you cared about. Sometimes it was nice just to simply be with them. And that's what it was like with Sasaki, always. Being with Sasaki was simply... being with Sasaki. There were no strings attached or guesswork.

"Sasaki, what happened in the clubroom… you really are special to me. I just… I've never met anyone like you. I don't know how to respond."

"I'm not sure either. So, we could try something different. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Just talking isn't enough for you, is it? You need more, a fuller connection. Over all, existence is lonely and meaningless, so… something needs to fill the void. Something needs to close our eyes and hush sweet lies in our ears. Meaning needs to be _made_."

I didn't want to think anymore. No more doubt. No more second guesses. I didn't want to make any more choices. I didn't want to think, but just… feel… like I had for a brief moment back in a dark park, a small world removed from all worries, decisions and thinking. When doubts had disappeared, intentions and lies becoming a distant memory before they vanished along with the world, leaving only a certainty beyond thought. I didn't want to think, because that would mean I would have to make decisions, choices, and they would carry consequences, guilt and remorse with them. Not thinking wouldn't do that. Not thinking for a while would feel so good.

"Sasaki..." I tenderly placed a hand on the girl's hip, at first fearing I might be going too far, but when no response was made at my hesitant touch, no indignant slap to the face or hasty push to ward me off, I went ahead and slowly pulled her closer to me.

"Kyon, you know how I feel about you," Sasaki said, her stunning eyes focused on mine with what I though of as calm severity.

"Yeah, I do."

"So I'll never be able to fully reciprocate anything. But if this is what you really want, I can give it to you. To me, it'll only be just another passing moment, but I'll do it, because I want you to be happy."

"It's just – so much easier with you. There's no hidden agenda, no ulterior motive, no second guessing. I wish… I could have this forever."

"Please, Kyon, don't kid yourself," Sasaki said, carefully reaching out to grace my cheekbone with the back of her slender fingers, brushing my cheek slowly. "This is just a moment's respite from all the confusion in your life. You've always chosen a life with Haruhi, from the very beginning, every day you went to that clubroom, and especially when you were forced to decide on what sort of reality you wanted when Nagato provided you with the option. You've always chosen her and you always will. This is just break from it, a distraction… but if it'll help you, I'll gladly do it," Sasaki placed her hand on my arm that was carefully on her hip, pressing it harder against it, sliding it upwards slightly, up her curved side.

"But I…" I gulped nervously, an exciting fear starting to spread through my body. I had never touched a girl like this before. Not _quite_ like this. The last time I had gotten this close I hadn't been in charge, I'd been toyed with instead.

"I'll give you whatever you want, whatever you might need. I'll take the turmoil away as best I can. But I'll never be able to give you anything more than this. I simply can't. I don't feel anything different, nothing I didn't feel for you since first meeting you in cram school. I only want for you to be happy and I know I couldn't give you that, not fully. I can only offer you this," she said, rising closer to me, standing on her toes.

Sasaki's soft lips passed over mine, her bottom lip giving my own a soft caress.

For someone who didn't give a rhino's butt about love, Sasaki was an excellent kisser, nowhere near as awkward was anyone else about it, her lips not nearly as uncertain in their approach, but latching onto mine with such certainty and finesse. It was as if our lips had been made for each others'.

And finally my head was fully cleared of the scratching little thoughts and worries that had crawled around in my skull for so long. With Sasaki by my side, nothing bad could even exist for me right now.

"I'm not… I don't want to just… just use you."

"You're not abusing me in any way. I told you, if you want, you can have me for now, to escape for the moment. But that's all. I can't offer you anything more than this. This is all I feel… this… is my love for you. This is as much my choice as it is yours. So use me, I really don't care. I only want you to be happy. I don't want anything from you. I just want you to be happy."

"Sasaki…"

Sasaki pushed me backwards, unto and over the sofa near us, my knees just seeming to give away with no resistance whatsoever. Suddenly, before I was even sure of where exactly on the couch I was, she was on top of me, light as a cat, pulling off her blouse, revealing a white bra.

"Kyon," she whispered my name in my ear in a sultry tone I'd never heard from her use before, sending a shiver through my spin.

She gave my ear lobe a little nibble before her lips slowly passed along my cheek, her lips barely brushing mys skin, until our lips once again met and latched on hungrily.

I rolled her over, getting on top of her, wanting to make her feel good in return. Her shoulder length hair was sprayed out around her head, like a dark halo of web in the dark.

"Sasaki..."

Her auburn eyes seemed to glow with a new but wonderously familiar golden-brown tint to them in the faint light of the waning moon, a silver sickle, bordering both her pupils on one side.

"Mmm..."

My hand returned to her hip as I kissed her on the lips, yearning for more, desiring to taste her in full now all of a sudden.

The orange ribbon in her hair rustled faintly as I brushed my other hand across her head, through her thick brown hair.

"Haruhi," I whispered.

"…" Sasaki looked placidly up at me, her eyes now darker in shade somehow, like they had always been, not like the slightly lighter, brighter ones they'd been before, just moments ago, someone else's eyes. She stared fixedly at me, two dim amber pools in the night reflecting a shocked boy staring back, completely stunned by what he had just seen and… felt.

"Wha... what did I just say?"

"You said 'Haruhi', Sasaki said stoically, not a hint of any discernible emotion in her voice, but never sounding cold… instead an understanding softness was there to ease my confusion.

"I… I can't believe it."

I honestly couldn't believe it. Haruhi…? Just what kind of Freudian slip had slipped out? And _how_? Haruhi…? What? It didn't… no, it simply didn't make sense… and yet… no… what?

_Haruhi_?

"And now you know what I have always known," Sasaki said, smiling contently up at me.

"Did you… plan this?"

"… No, I meant every word." Sasaki stared intently up at me, a whimsy but caring presence behind her eyes. "If you want me, you can have me. If you don't, that's fine too. I don't want _you_, Kyon, I just want you to be happy. And like I said, you've always chosen Haruhi and you always will. She is who you _really_ want, if anyone. By your choice or not."

"But I… I don't… I've never even really considered… I wouldn't know what to do… to say… she's… I never understood…"

"You always understood what really mattered. That's why I always enjoyed your company. All sorts of little unnecessary details were lost on you, because none of it mattered. You always saw beyond them, beyond the superficialities and you saw to the core, the essence of whatever was said or meant. You understand Haruhi perfectly; you're only focusing on the wrong details, the ones _others_ see. You have to look with your own eyes, your," Sasaki laughed softly, shaking her head in disbelief, "I can't believe I'm actually going to say something this nonsensical… to see with your _heart_. And that's what you just did. You sought relief in me, and you found her, you found Haruhi."

"But you…"

"Kyon, let go of me. I'll never love you like she could, like anyone could for that matter, not the way you need to be loved. This is all I have and I have given it to you. I have given you what you needed… and I couldn't be happier."

Sasaki smiled, like she always did, with the warmth and love of mother setting their eyes on her beautiful newborn, like a father who sees his child grow to be more than he was, like a child when they know they're being held by a loving parent. She looked at me, eyes tearing up ever so slightly, glowing a bit brighter in the faint light, not with any sort of unhappiness, but with unconditional love.

"I…"

Something fell on Sasaki's cheek, a dark speck in the night, splashing without a sound against her fair skin.

"Don't cry, Kyon," Sasaki said, reaching carefully to wipe my cheek bone of the wetness I hadn't even realized was there until she'd touched me with the tips of her fingers. "You don't owe me a thing, except to go out and live your life, happy and content. You live a wonderful life, so full with rich emotions and important people, and I," Sasaki swallowed, a tear streaking down her cheek in turn, "I thank you, for letting me experience something like this, so grand and majestic with you, even if it was just for a moment. I felt your love, Kyon, and it was… so beautiful. Thank you for helping me to try and understand. This is probably the closest I'll ever get."

"My love…" I muttered, barely understanding what I was repeating.

"For her, Haruhi. It…" Sasaki gave a sweet, little laugh as she looked up at me adoringly, like a botanist might watch their prize winning plant, now in full bloom. "It was amazing. Hah… I never knew a tongue could feel like that. Hhm… Go, share it with her. Be happy."

"Sasaki…"

"Don't," she said, pressing a finger against my lips, silencing me. "You've already wasted too much time. Go and tell her, no, go and _show_ her. Please, Kyon… This helpful tree has already born fruit, from your over flowing spring."

"Did you… just make a joke about your name?" *

Sasaki's smile couldn't have been wider. "You always understood best. I can see why Haruhi chose you."

"I have to go now."

"Yes, yes you do."

I hurried off into the cool night, my head a heady mess, hot with fresh confusion.

I was running as fast as I could, leaping over the tiniest of obstacles, scurrying for my goal as quickly as I could. I didn't think, I couldn't. I just ran through the night, not seeing any of the obstacles in my way anymore, only seeing the 100000 megawatt smile of Haruhi's.

But then I stopped running. Because I still didn't know where she lived.

My phone had run our of battery and even if it hadn't, could I have called Haruhi at this time? I wondered if I should return home but I didn't feel tired at all, doubting I could sleep even if i tried. All night I just walked around, trying to tire myself out or something, but nothing seemed to work. I just couldn't get tired. I was bursting with energy. Even hopping, running or jumping jacks and pushups couldn't stop the rush I was on.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll see Haruhi and tell her exactly how I feel, how her smile makes even the darkest, gloomiest day brighter, how her yelling always makes my heart bump faster, makes me feel alive, how her crazy ideas make me feel sharper, more in touch with the world. I wanted to keep adventuring with her. I wanted to explore what came next. I wanted to see Haruhi.

Is this really it? Is this love?

I feel like I'm on drugs. At least this was how I'd always imagined it to be.

I was unstoppable.

But, oddly enough, I don't think I feel at all differently towards Haruhi. I've always felt about her like this. Even after realizing just how special she was to me, after the fair, I hadn't felt compelled to act or anything weird. Her pretty, enthusiastic smiles have always energized me; her belligerence has always made me rise to the call, to accept her challenge; and pointing out the holes in her plans have been a mainstay in our interactions since the beginning.

Is this _really_ love?

I've always felt about Haruhi like this, but I've never…

Oh man, what am I going to do when I see her?

I _do_ want to see her more than ever before, to see what crazy, fun, ludicrous thing she's come up with, to find out how much more she can fill my life with excitement. I want to see that beautiful face with that domineering smirk, those pretty amber eyes that are sharp enough to slice atoms and glow with the power of supernovas.

But what do I _do_? When I see her… do I… _kiss_ her…? It hadn't really worked the last time…

I finally stopped pacing

Am I… _really_ in love with Haruhi?

It just… doesn't make sense…

I sat down on a nearby bench.

I guess it was a good thing I went out into the cold night to cool down a little

I had had some… strange dreams of Haruhi. Had they been _my_ dreams or something else? If they were just dreams, then they probably represented how messed up I was or something to that effect. But if they weren't my dreams, and were instead the results of someone manipulating reality… then what if what I'd just seen and felt wasn't really what I wanted? What if I was being used, manipulated? What if Haruhi actually could affect people's minds? (She had before, hadn't she? Back at school once.) What if this wasn't my choice at all? What if that was the reason none of this made any sense?

But I…

I actually gave my hair a tug in frustration.

I really _did_ want to see Haruhi… why did I have to go and mess this up? Why do I have to be so damn paranoid? Why do I have to live in a world where paranoia like this _isn't_ completely irrational? Why can't I just let go and enjoy? What's wrong with me?

Damn it… for just a few glorious minutes, everything had been so damn simple. I'd just wanted to see Haruhi, that was it, nothing more, but I couldn't even have that…

Okay... calm down...

...

I'm overthinking things, aren't I? (But how couldn't I , knowing what I did?) But what if that was it. What if it was just me inside my head, all alone, screwing everything up? What if all the trouble I'd been having understanding people was all just me? When it wasn't Haruhi mucking things up and making everything difficult for me I would always mess it up myself. Why couldn't I just let myself be happy? What was wrong with me? Why was I so masochistic?

I was just like Haruhi. We were the same. Always looking for the next big hurdle to leap over, the next big obstacle to overcome, never looking far enough to see what was truly ahead. Always moving. Always so focused on just the next big thing and only on how big and _fun_ it would be to handle. It was a thrill, wasn't it? Something had to be wrong, always, otherwise there wasn't anything for us to do, or even enjoy, or most importantly _complain_ about either. We might have differing views on on what constituted trouble, but we both lived for it. Just like everyone thought the Japanese were extra polite, all it was was a difference in protocol, not in severity. A bow's the thing to do here, but the proper thing's a handshake somewhere else. It's not really a matter of who's being more polite, just better adapted to his surroundings.

And me and Haruhi, we want the same things, we just go about it differently. And together... I don't know. Hang on. Let me think a little... We both need trouble, excitement, so when it's not there, one of us makes it for us and we both live with it. We're connected like that. That's us, me and Haruhi. Haruhi and I. We both need what the other gives. That's our relationship. That's what we are to each other.

...Right?

No.

Yes.

Definitely not.

Maybe a little bit.

Damn it! I _don't_ know!'

_I just want to see Haruhi! That's all!_

…

Damn it...

The darkness began to glow slowly, transitioning at a leisurely pace from black to a deep purple, a soft blueness slowly increasing in the paint of the sky before a sharp orangey yellow would pierce the horizon.

I had to settle this. One way or another.

Maybe actually seeing Haruhi instead of this dream version I had running through my head right now would help me to determine what was real and what wasn't. Maybe by seeing the real Haruhi I would know what my real feelings for her were. Maybe this dream of Suzumiya Haruhi was a bit too... dreamy.

_Sounds_ like sound logic. Sort of. Kinda.

There was a certain sense to it. Right now the sweet Haruhi in my head was a bit too perfect, just a tiny bit too… irresistible. I mean, the more I thought about this, the less sense it made.

But wasn't that sort of the thing? What Haruhi had been about since day one and Sasaki had elaborated upon. Love was stupid. It was unreasonable. It made you do dumb stuff. It _was_ dumb.

And I was feeling really dumb right now.

And whatever it was Haruhi and I shared, it was certainly unreasonable and dumb. It was a game between us, an elaborate struggle for power and possession. But power and possesion of what? Each other? Love? Life? Adventure? What exactly were the two of us looking for together?

Was I in love or just being given these emotions to guide me into the outcome Haruhi wanted, like with everything else that seemed to happen around me?

And if Haruhi was actually controlling me… that means _she_ might love me?

Or what if it wasn't even _that_? What if I was just being willed into doing something interesting, something to break the mundane monotony of life?

_No_… couldn't be. She wouldn't. Would she? No, of course not. But what if? No, I just can't accept that. Haruhi cares… in her own stupid way.

So that meant… _she was in love with me_…?

The thought seemed scary all of a sudden, much more so than anything else I had been able to conjure up in my storm of doubts. Not just in how that might further rob me of control, but because it was simply just an alien concept. _Haruhi in love_… it felt wrong to even think it, like I was committing blasphemy of the highest order. I could barely handle a Haruhi who wasn't head over heels for me. How the hell was I supposed to deal with this?

If that was even the case. Seeing as how badly our date in the parallel universe had gone, I couldn't really see us even having a proper romantic relationship. Haruhi acting sweetly, kissing me every now and then…

Gulp.

I shook my head free of such tepid images. No, that just couldn't work. It was crazy in a weird way. Crazier than anything in this world… yet, honestly not the worst thing, not by a long shot, an equator long shot that came back around to hit you on the back of the head.

Groan.

Damn it…

I gave my forehead a little pounding with the flats of my palms.

I can't handle this. I can't just let myself stew here like a rancid side order. The more time goes by, the more my mind seems to grow towards more trouble, like a fungus attracted to self torture instead of water, a very sick and twisted fungus. This was too much. I couldn't just sit here and waste my time trying to answer questions no one could ultimately answer. I was either free or I wasn't, and if I was one or the other, I probably couldn't change it.

I had to know.

I had to know what was going on.

I had to see Haruhi.

So I started my way to school, although judging by the absence of the sun peaking from behind its nocturnal resting place behind the eastern hills, there was still a lot of time until school would start.

* * *

* A/N: I checked it out and apparently Sasaki's name, the way the individual kanji are, roughly means something like "helpful tree". That's right. I'm not above making lame puns in a language I don't even understand.


	52. Death & the Maiden

"Hey! _Hey_! Wake up, kid! Stop dreaming!"

"Wan mrr min-oot, mum…"

Something smacked against my cheek. Hard. I was awake immediately.

"AH! WHAT THE HELL?"

My face felt like someone had planted it against a hot stove.

"What are you doing here?" The person towering over me asked.

My eyes were a bit watery after the sudden assault, so I couldn't really tell who it was I was facing now, but he sounded like an adult, unpleased and someone of some authority. I wiped my eyes and found to my horror a police officer glaring at me.

"What are you doing out here?" the officer asked gruffly.

"I... I was out at night and I – I – I fell asleep. Honestly," I added as the officer's eyes narrowed.

"It's a school day. Shouldn't you be..." the man's sentence wandered off inexplicably, as an uncertain glance was taken around the area.

"What? Um, sir." I really didn't know how to talk to an enforcer of the law, especially when he seemed to be rather absent-minded.

The officer gave me another sharp stare, noting my school uniform. "You're North High, aren't you?"

"Uh, yes... sir."

At the rate our conversation was going, with my answer only seemingly causing a deeper and deeper narrowing of the eyes with each answer, we were probably only two or three answers away from fully closing the officer's eyes.

"You hung over or something?"

"N-no… I'm – I'm on my way to school. You know, yearning for some learning."

A nervous laugh would otherwise have escacped from at something like that in a tense situation like that, but the way I was being glared at told me that would probably only serve the opposite of lightening the mood.

The officer stared at me with all due suspicion, obviously not believing a word if his creasing brows were any indication. But just as I was afraid I was going to be chewed up and spat out like a bad grape, the man gave his stubble covered chin a thoughtful rub. Then the scowl returned, this time accompanied by a suspicious sniff of me. When I seemed to check out, "Go on, hurry then. You shouldn't be late. Not today."

"Ah – yes, sir!"

I got up, wobbled a bit as my numb legs nearly buckled under my weight, receiving a disapproving glower from the officer for this, and hurried off as fast as my stinging legs would allow me to.

As soon as I was out of sight of the watchful police officer, I took a moment to pause to take stock and just breathe calmly for a few moments.

Although the burning hot haze of confusion that had driven me out from my house was gone, the desire to see Haruhi was still there. But so was the thing that had followed hot on its heels, a simple little nagging question: why?

Last night had been hectic by anyone's standards. A fair amount of people would have called it traumatic (fair being the operetive word here, if you know what I mean). Sure, Sasaki and Haruhi shared a lot of similar traits, such as a stunning physique,unorthodox ideas, uncommon interests and even similar hair cuts (oddly enough, I'd never really fully acknowledged that last bit. Sasaki would probably have looked great if she had taken her hair and tied – Stop. Not important). The two were very much different sides of the same coin, to borrow a platitude.

But even so, at the end of it all, when all the trouble was over and I'd been looking for help, my thoughts had turned to Haruhi. That had to mean something. What exactly it meant I wasn't sure. But whatever it was, it had to be important.

I glanced at the time on my phone and realized why the officer had told me to hurry: school was starting in ten freaking minutes!

School... of all the things to worry about right now in my life... but at least everyone should be there... and I could check out and see if they were all safe.

I hiked up the hill to school, feeling finally returning to my numbly tingling legs as blood was passed through them, a transaction that in the end left them feeling more pained than they should after all the action of the previous night. My muscles were sore all over. But this really wasn't the time for that.

As I neared the top, I could hear voices. Good, that meant I couldn't be too late.

But instead of witnessing the typical surge of people arriving just and just barely on time for school, there was a much large rolling mass on the school grounds. All the students seemed to be flocking about, none entering, all talking loudly. Just outside the gates I could see more police officers and news crews with cameras and reporters. Off in the distance, I could see that the whole of the Old Shack had been cordoned off, as well as some parts of the main school building adjacent to it. Even more police officers were crowded in theses areas blocked from civilians.

"Hey! Over here! Kyon, this way!" a voice made itself heard over the clamor of the crowds.

Even though Taniguchi, and Kunikida alongside him, were some of the last people I wanted to see right now they would probably be able to answer what was going on to a somewhat satisfactory degree.

"What's all this?" I asked, letting my eyes roll around the scene once again as I reached the two.

"Not sure," Taniguchi quickly replied. "But looks like someone tried to wreck the school." He looked a bit too pleased with this bit though.

I scanned the crowds yet again, but couldn't spot anyone I was looking for.

"Apparently they're going to have some big conference or something to let everyone know soon," Kunikida said, looking about uncertainly.

"I bet we get to go home. For the day, at least." Taniguchi was _actually_ smiling now.

"It's all pretty weird, to be honest. Our school is vandalized and there's some explosions downtown and in the old refineries."

"Huh? What? Holy crap! Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Kunikida gave him a bemused look. "...It was on all the news channels."

"Did anyone die?"

While Kunikida went about enlightening Taniguchi to the best of his knowledge, their talking along with everybody elses' just dribbled off my mind, like the distant sounds of a river in the background for me.

My eyes hadn't left the crowds for a moment as I kept searching.

There! A spot of auburn hair! Asahina-san's okay. And she's talking to Tsuruya-san and some other girls, probably from her class. But even so, when a break occurred in their conversation, I noticed how she too would scan the crowds.

I waved my hand in the air and soon she picked it up in the crowd. I swear I could see her visibly relax from something like a hundred meters as she spotted me, holding a hand to her chest a sighing deeply in relief.

But even though she was safe and sound by the look of things, I couldn't stop my search now.

All in all, it didn't take long to pick Koizumi in the crowd either. He was actually standing off to the side, his hands crossed as he examined the new world we were in with quiet but sharp interest. When he noticed me, he gave a curt nod in my direction before turning his gaze to the news reporters.

Yuki showed up a few minutes later, looking paler than usual. I would have walked over to her, but the calm little nod she delievered to me said everything I needed to know. 'I'm okay. There is no need to worry.' Even though she looked slightly feverish, the girl walked steadily ahead with her head held high, either unwilling or truly incapable of showing any weakness.

But as happy as I was to see all of my friends and allies safe, one thing was still wrong. One thing should be shining among the crowds in a bold fashion, making a ruckus over something like this that would have put this loud crowd to shame.

Where the hell is she?

"Huh? Suzumiya?"

Had I asked that aloud?

"She was here earlier."

"What? Where is she now?"

"Beats me. This girl showed up, first year I think, and asked her to come along, said something 'bout showing her… something."

"So she's in school?" I asked, standing up, ready to go and find her. "Where? Did she say where she was going?"

"What's it to you?"

"Where did she go?"

"I dunno."

"I think she actually left the whole school with that girl," Kunikida answered, somewhat helpfully.

"_What?_"

"Hey, don't shoot the messengers," Taniguchi said reproachfully, like a man insulted. "All we know is some first year with an umbrella came about and took her away."

Umbrella…

"It was kinda weird. Suzumiya got this... almost hypnotized look in her eyes when the other girl spoke to her."

Someone whose speech had left the mighty Haruhi inexplicably mezmerized...

"Wait, this girl with the umbrella, did she have shoulder-length hair, kind of like Haruhi, but all messy and tangled?"

"Yeah, she did. You know her too? Seriously, what is it with you and all the cute girls? You release pheromones or something?" Taniguchi said, giving a fake sniff of the air.

"And she left, with Haruhi?"

"Yeah… seriously, what's up with you? You went all pale and you're asking about Suzumiya like she's gone for good."

I strode past him, quite sure I didn't have any time whatsoever for him right now. An eerie wind rustled the branches of a nearby tree, making a faint sound like 'fuu' as it whistled past...

_Fuyumi_…

This was too big of a coincidence. She'd been hanging about all the time, somewhere in the shadows, but now, after a huge fight between all the forces around Haruhi, after freaking explosions in our town, she suddenly picks Haruhi up from school. Just picks _Haruhi _up. _Haruhi! _Just like that.

This can't be a coincidence. Something's going on. Something weird. Something Strange, with a capital 's'.

Oh God… I think we've _all_ been played. Worst of all, she seemed to have some sort of magical hold over Haruhi and could appear anywhere as far as I could tell.

"Hey! Where're you going?" Taniguchi shouted after me as I rushed off, straight for our heavy hitter.

The little alien of a girl was quietly standing amidst a a crowd of talking students, unperturbed by her silent proximity, probably her classmates. If you only glanced in their direction, she melded quite easily with the crowd, but if you didn't allow your eyes to stray from the scene, anyone could see that she wasn't involved, wasn't even really quietly listening to what was being said around her.

"Yuki! We need to find…"

"…Yes?"

"I just… it's – it's good to see that you're… you're okay."

"…Yes. There was minimal physical harm to my body. My connection to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity however is still impaired."

"I think there's – wait, oh shit…"

"…?"

"So wait, you can't talk to the IDSE?"

"Yes."

"Oh shit."

"What is wrong?"

"Haruhi, she's gone, Fuyumi took her away and… and... you have no idea who Fuyumi is. She's weird, really weird, talks about being death and stuff and right now… Oh God… what if she wasn't just saying all that to impress Haruhi?"

Yuki tilted her head curiously.

"Look, I think Haruhi's in danger. I think we've all been played. This is just too much of a coincidence. The other guys are out of the game, our guys are incapable of time travel anymore, you can't talk to IDSE, Koizumi's people were hit hard… and now Haruhi's been taken by some crazy chick."

I grabbed Yuki by the shoulders. "We have to find Haruhi. We have to make sure she's safe."

Yuki looked me right in the eyes and then nodded. "Koizumi Itsuki is to your left, an approximate 500 meters, while Asahina Mikuru has moved into the entrance area of the school," she said, already formulating a plan of action while I was still mumbling about in paranoid fashion.

I mean, I didn't actually _know_ if Haruhi was in danger, but I could just tell. This was too much to be a coincidence.

"Right, get Asahina. We'll meet at the front gate."

Yuki gave a curt nod before she briskly walked off. I turned around and ran for Koizumi through the crowds.

"Koizumi!"

"Kyon?"

"Come! We have to go!"

"Wait, just what is the meaning of -"

I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him along back towards where I'd met Yuki. "I think Haruhi's in trouble."

For a moment, I thought Koizumi was going to waste time with questions, his mouth opening a little, but then he closed his mouth, nodded curtly like Yuki had. "What do we need to do?"

The guy trusted me implicitly.

"C'mon, the others should be at the front door."

When we reached the entrance, the girls were indeed standing by.

"What exactly is going on?" Koizumi finally asked.

"This weird girl, Fuyumi, took Haruhi away."

Koizumi glanced carefully at Asahina-san he looked back uncertainly.

"Look, I know I don't have any actual proof or anything, but if someone did want to strike, this would be the perfect moment, wouldn't it? Everybody's immobilized."

"Well, true, ascertaining Suzumiya-san's whereabouts would definitely be –"

"C'mon, let's go!"

"Wait! Exactly where do you intend to go?"

"They can't have gone far! They've only got a few minutes head start on us! C'mon, let's just go!"

Koizumi pulled out his phone. "All right, the three of you hurry on, see if you can catch them. I'll call Mori-san."

I practically ran off, and defintely would have, if it weren't for the crowds

"Kyon-kun, do you really think Suzumiya-san is in real danger?" Asahina-san askednervously.

"I don't know," I said, giving the worst answer. Anything imaginable could be or even have happened, and at the end of the day there were far more worse things a person could imagine than really existed.

When we reached the crossing at the bottom of the hill, Asahina asked, "Wh-which way should we go now?"

Damn it. Good question.

"We have to split up! To cover as much ground as possible! You all have phones, right? Just call the rest of us if you find Haruhi!"

"K-Kyon-kun! Wait!"

"We don't have _time_! We _have_ to find her! She could _die_!"

I ran off, unable to bring myself to waste anymore time. I couldn't posssibly wait any longer if Haruhi was in any kind of danger. I had to find her _now_. After waiting around, unsure of what to do for so long with people like Kyoko, it was damn clear to me indecision would only hurt more, and with Haruhi at risk, I simply couldn't risk it anymore.

Where the hell are you, Haruhi?

I ran for blocks, stopping to hassle passing people for any information they might have on a schoolgirl with an orange ribbon in her hair. It was only when I stopped to ask a walking vendor, after what must have been a good two kilometers of frantic zigzagging across the streets, that I was told the girl had been spotted heading for the park.

Yes, that _same_ damn park as always. Just what was it about that park that seemed to draw troublesome things to it anyway?

Stupid people getting to work and otherwise in my way were pushed aside as I hurried for my destination. It didn't take long for me to spot my target... and the familiar dangerous glint of silver flash in the sun.

I shouted as loud as I could, warning her of the danger. At first I thought no sound escaped from my mouth, as only a thudding, rushing torrent of heated blood rushing through my veins was all I knew in that moment, but Haruhi must have heard me as she turned to look at me with shock.

"HARUHI!"

"_Kyon?"_

"_Run!"_

Not knowing really what to aim for, what was more important, to either stop Fuyumi or protect Haruhi, I lunged forward, trying to do both, to push Haruhi out of the way as I tried to grasp the wrist wielding the knife.

A familiar pain forced its way into my stomach, all too similar to how the cold, almost icy liquid sensation of steel had felt back then in that other reality of Nagato's, where Asakura had stabbed me. I gritted my teeth, thinking I could handle the pain this time, since I knew it from before, but then the cold, sleek blade moved like a shark's fin through water, as it passed easily through more flesh, ripping, rending my stomach apart.

_Not again…_

The pain seared across my stomach, acids within my body mixing painfully with my blood. I fell on the ground, onto my back. I tried to hold my stomach, but everything was swirling. I tried to move, maybe just my arm, at least a finger... but I couldn't. My body felt heavy and distant, and even that sensation was slipping away fast. Colors blurred, shadows danced, light dimmed. I somehow managed to feel hands pressing against my stomach through the pain, before it all turned into one indistinguishable, seething mess. Muffled noises, distantly echoing screams, thumping heartbeats; it all mixed together, roaring like the ocean inside a cave in a bay, like so long ago, but all the time growing fainter, quieter, more distant…

"KYON!" Haruhi's scream sounded distant now, almost like she was shouting at me through deep waters.

_Don't cry… Please… Don't let that be… the last thing I see…_

But Haruhi's crying voice was the last thing I knew of before everything faded away…

…

…

…

…

…

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's more than likely that you've heard of the 'tunnel of light' phenomena that occurs in near death experiences, how someone witnesses the glory and beauty of Heaven or Nirvana at Death's gate. This thing tends to change lives, makes saints out of sinners, makes buddhas out of the ignorant. It's one of the most spiritual events a person could ever experience.

But that's not really the case, not even close. When a person is dying, when they are in real danger of passing on, the body prioritizes systems like the complex machine it is. The most essential system of course is the cardio-vascular system, aka the heart, the thing that keeps you alive. The brain isn't important, not really, barely at all, because if your heart goes, so does everything else. Your body and the cells that form it are quite content (so far as such cretures can) to just continue existing even if you yourself don't. The only truly essential thing in the brain is the limbic system, the central nervous system that extends down from your lower brain to the end of your spine, branching out into sensory and motor nerves. All that gray, wrinkled stuff you see in movies, that doesn't matter, not in the slightest, not at all even. It won't keep you alive when you are, for example, bleeding out.

When something this traumatic to your body occurs, the oxygen is cut off to unnecessary thing like limbs and even the brain. When this happens, when you're brain is deprived of oxygen, some rather interesting things can happen. You lose control of your body. For example, your pupils dilate. And when your pupils dilate, more light moves through your eyes. _This_ is the tunnel of light you experience if you're dying.

Other crazy stuff can happen too when your brain is deprived of oxygen. You might actually even have out of body experiences or see visions. Sometimes you can see these things when you are under anesthetics too, but the limit of outer body experiences, no matter how precisely a person can recall things like what the doctors were talking about while operating on him, when you are so deeply unconscious that you couldn't even feel your skin being cut open, your brain is still working as best as it can, even if it's full of chemicals, or lacking some, like oxygen.

Sometimes the dying can experience visions, things like dreams. Sometimes they can see the pearly gates of heaven or even their life pass before them. Sometimes they can see things that would otherwise be unimaginable for them, except when the higher functions like reason, or 'common sense', cease and what passes for the subconscious, the most instinctual part of our brain, the lizard inside the mammalian ape suit, is free to roam through what is left of the synaptic highways still working.

Can you see the trend here? Can you see under what one, very specific condition all these things occur? You have to be _alive_.

But that, or anything else crazy, didn't happen to me, not after the initial dance of shadows and sensations after the stabbing. Nothing happens when you're dead. _Nothing_.

…

…

…

"Hhoh!" I gasped for breath, taking a great big fearful gulp of air, like I had just surfaced from a swim that nearly took a second too long. My eyes burst open and _then_ there was light. A bright tunnel of it. The blinding light stung the back of my eyes, searing like a hot poker had been rammed into my eyes and then all the way through to the back of my skull. My entire body jolted as I came to, my stomach erupting in pain, nearly making me pass out again.

A shrill, hurried beeping grated against my disoriented grasp on the world.

"Doctor! He's conscious! His stats are elevated!"

"Sedate him! He's still critical!"

The world once again disappeared into darkness and then… nothing.

…

…

…

My eyelids cracked open and I was a part of the world again. Like being born again for the first time, there was only pain in the beginning.

My stomach stung like someone was pouring steaming water onto it. Then the water became hot lead. Then… I couldn't… couldn't use words anymore. Just sensations, barely emotions. All instinct.

Hurts!

Pain!

No!

"Kyon? Kyon!"

"AAAAAHHHH!" I screamed.

"Doctor! Get the damn doctor! Where the hell is that _idiot_?"

It was too much, there was still too much pain. My body was being split in half. I couldn't take it.

I blacked out.

…

…

…

Suddenly my eyes opened again and the world was there. There was light.

And then there was Koizumi, peeling an apple by my bedside.

"Kho… Khoiz-mi?" I croacked, coughing a few times to clear my throat.

"Hh? Kyon? Kyon? Are you all right?" Koizumi quickly stood from the chair he'd been sitting in, the knife in his hands fell, twirling slowly in the air as I watched it fall, my eyes unable to leave it even after the cold shining metal came to a clattering rest on the floor.

"Kyon?"

"…"

"Kyon, can you hear me?"

"…"

"If you can hear me, don't worry. I'll go get the doctor and –"

"No…"

"…?"

"No, I don't…" My eyes left the metal on the floor and immediately went to the half-peeled apple in Koizumi's hand, half yellow flesh and green where the skin remained. "I just… can I eat?" I asked, never having craved anything so much as the apple in front of me before in my life.

"Huh? Oh, this? I… I guess so. But I'm just not sure if you're in a condition to eat solid food. You received a severe gut wound. You're… you're healing, but you're all broken… broken inside now."

"Yeah, I figured…" My voice sounded weird. My throat felt scratchy. "I guess you don't go through something like this without something like that happening… all sick and twisted inside…"

"…That's not what I meant. But… _are_ you all right? How do you feel?"

"I feel… I feel tired… and sick… and somehow… It's not so bad. I'm alive."

"Yes…" Koizumi gave a happy grin..

"I'm alive…"

Koizumi smiled before he picked up the knife and went back to peeling his apple, smiling all the time. When I opened my eyes again, Koizumi was now carving out a slice of a half-eaten apple. I realized I must have dozed off for a while.

"What exactly happened to me? The last thing I remember was… bleeding out on the sidewalk."

Koizumi was silent for an uncomfortable while, deflating a little as he sighed deeply before he answered, "…Clinically speaking, you were dead for a good forty minutes."

"Huh? Dead?"

"You're heart stopped. Under normal conditions, even if you did pull through something like that, you would be brain damaged for life… but nothing experienced lately is exactly normal."

"…"

"Even Nagato-san couldn't revive you… Suzumiya-san was desperate, tearful, yelling… it was… by all accounts, not a pleasant sight… she couldn't believe she could lose you like that… and a miracle occurred. No shafts of light, no immaculate choruses, just the beep of hospital machinery, a jumping line… and you were back among us."

"…"

"So, after your near-death experience, do you have a newfound respect for life?" Koizumi asked, smiling amusedly.

"…No."

"...?" A wary eyebrow was now raised as the smile tiptoed away cautiously from Koizumi's face as he started paying more attention to my tone.

"I didn't feel anything, I didn't find anything. There wasn't some stupid light at the end or even darkness. There was just… nothing. I wasn't anywhere. There wasn't even a me… there was just… peace… Something I'd felt only once before in my life, something I can only appreciate after it's gone. The most calming thing I've ever experienced. I wish…"

"Yes?"

"It hadn't ended. There was no disappointment, no anger, no fear. There wasn't any happiness either, no joy or ecstasy… But it was beautiful, so beautiful, it was… absolute contentment – no, wait, that's wrong… not contentment but… it was… peaceful."

"Complete 'nihilation'… maybe you did disappear and were recreated. Or maybe you were simply recalled, or you're a new you, which would mean… Suzumiya-san knows you extremely well. This would mean she has either learned to understand you like she knows herself… or you were her creation from the start."

"I don't care, I just want…"

"To what? Die? You're not that melodramatic."

"No, not die. Dying is a pain, but death itself… things would have been so easy if I'd never been born… not that I'm bitter about being born, honestly. It's just… well, it's easier that way. There's no one to depend on you, no one to disappoint, no one to protect, no one to fail."

"Yes, life is hard… but that's what makes it worth living, doesn't it? Through pain and suffering, we persevere. To paraphrase Nietzsche, 'that which does not kill us, makes us stronger'."

"…"

"But you've experienced the other end of life's spectrum, it's extreme, it's lack actually. Hmm, it's almost funny…" Koizumi said, smirking to himself. "Nietzsche had something to say about everything… 'look not into the abyss, for it stares back…' But have you seen the abyss and become entranced by it?"

"…Wouldn't bother arguing that…"

"Then you really are still the same old you." Another gentle little grin.

"...You don't need to do that. Try and... engage me, make me smile. Honestly, I don't much feel like smiling. I think I'd just like to sleep... and never wake up. But that's not right. It's not what I need. I don't want it, even if I'd like it. What should I do?"

"I can only think of one cure," Koizumi said, his warm smile returning, "The antithesis of oblivion, the wonderful power of dream, of imagination, of creation."

"…?"

"Once again, Suzumiya-san never left your side…" Koizumi turned his head away from me, toward the end of my bed.

Haruhi was sitting at a chair pulled up to the foot of my bed, her head and arms resting at my feet, a lot like back when I'd fallen down the stairs.

"In a way, I'm rather envious… Once she wakes up, I suggest you stop playing around and… take her seriously… perhaps the time for fun and games is finally over, and we must all face the future and move on."

"…No Koizumi, the game never ends. And quite honestly… I wouldn't have it any other way."

koizumi stared emptily at a wall, before he gave a little nod and returned his focus to what remained of the apple.

I thought we had simply had a pause in the conversation, but when I woke up again, it didn't take a genius to figure out I'd dozed off yet again. I tried to get up, but seemed to nudge Haruhi in the ear, rousing from her from sleep.

"Kyon…" Haruhi said, looking like tears could get the better of her at any moment before her face got red and her brows creased, her mouth curling into something akin to a snarl. "How could you? How could you be so #$%ing stupid? I'd punch you in the gut if it wouldn't… kill you." The anger faded quickly away as the knowledge of the condition I was in returned.

"…Sorry…"

"I can't very well be the SOS Brigade's Commander if… if I lose one of you. It's unbecoming of a leader to lose their followers like that."

This was the first time after everything that Haruhi and I were face to face again. And thankfully she was just her usual self right now. It was good to see her again, so I'd leave it at that for the moment. The things I had been wondering last night or whenever it had been coukd wait. I don't think I could have handled much more at the moment in my state than the all encompassing presence of Suzumiya Haruhi.

"…Your eyes are all red."

"Yeah, they're so dry… " Haruhi gave them a rub. "I stayed up for… I dunno how long. So freaking tired…"

Her stomach rumbled. "So hungry too… haven't eaten in…" Haruhi peered about. "What day is it?"

"How would I know? I just woke up."

"Yeah… you hungry?"

"Yeah, actually, now that you mention it..." I put my hand on top of my stomach, intending to rub it, but the very moment my finger made contact, only casually grazing the gown I wore, a pain shot through my abdomen. Like a spear had been shoved through, I could feel the sting through my stomach all the way to my back.

"Gnnnn!" I gritted my teeth, holding back a scream.

"Kyon!" Haruhi got up, hands stretched out towards me, but stopped as she must have realized touching me couldn't help, squeezing her fists as she clenched her jaw. "I'll – I'll get help," she said hurriedly, already turning before I reached out and grabbed her by the wrist

"No… It's… okay… Don't worry, the pain's… only there if I move my stomach."

I might as well have said it's only there when I breathe, but I couldn't possibly bring myself to let Haruhi worry about me anymore than she already was.

"…Maybe you shouldn't eat after all…" Haruhi said warily as she turned to look at me, still looking extremely worried.

"Yeah, I guess so. If only my fingers did this, I'd hate to find what something like a hamburger would do," I said, smirking a little at Haruhi, but the girl just stared grimly at me, despite my weak attempt at lightening the mood.

Haruhi watched me intently for a while, until her eyes shifted to her wrist, to which my hand was still firmly attached.

"Oh, sorry." I immediately released her and settled back into a better position, the small movement making me wince as my stomach shifted place.

"You should rest," Haruhi stated firmly. She grabbed the sheets and carefully pulled them over, tenderly and very slowly let it settle over my chest.

"Haruhi, it's really not that – "

"Rest," she repeated but with a more authoritative tone

"But I only just – "

"_Rest_," Haruhi ordered stoutly. She stared at me long and hard, a faint quiver of her lower lip barely noticeable before she turned about sharply on her heels and marched off. "I'll be back. I just need some... some food and and stuff and I'll... I'll be back. And then we should... I'll be back. I swear."

But after what felt like forever all alone (though the dumb clock in my room strongly disagreed with this), it was clear I couldn't do anything of the sort.

I ended up wandering. I had to be careful of course. Every little step seemed to reverberate through my body, and stricking my stomach. Worst of all, it felt itchy as well. Just my luck.

Even at the late hours the hospital was still rather busy. It was definitely brightly lit and after the calm darkness of my room, it all felt a bit too much. Not to mention the smell. The place smelled like death. Not in the way that there were fumes or any real smells, but so deeply scrubbed and scoured of life that nothing was left in the halls. There was no breeze, no smells of living people, not even the stink of throw up or anything bowel related. The place was void of life in the halls, down to the microscopic level where even bacteria wasn't allowed to live.

So I sought refuge from it all. I need darkness again. Light was too much right now. And I needed air. Fresh air.

I found a stairwell and started climbing, deciding that the roof would fit my needs best. Hopefully it wouldn't be too cool outside. My hospital gown wasn't much in the way of protection from the elements, especially if the wind picked up and I'd be forced to do something of a Marilyn Monroe impersonation.

The roof was empty and quiet at first sight. The sky was clear and the cloudless sky, sprinkled with bright points of light and the moon.

I took a deep breath and tasted the usual flavors of city: plenty of exhaust fumes mixed with what I thought of as the smell of life, the stink left behind by people just being people. It was by no means a good smell, but it was incredibly comforting.

It was only then that I noticed a solitary figure in the corner of the roof, looking at the cityscape before him as he held one arm by the shoulder while the other held a cigarette. I stared at the figure for a long time before I realized, to my shock, that it was Koizumi.

"You _smoke_?" I asked as I hobbled over to him. He looked practically alien with the thing in his hand, smoke slowly dancing away from the glow at the tip.

The guy turned to look at me slowly, looking quite placid. Perhaps it was the nicotin. But it probably wasn't. Right now very little could surprise any of us.

"Not really… last time was…" Koizumi lowered the cigarette, watching the red glow at the end as he paused to collect his thoughts, "another life ago. It was a social thing, something you did when you were even younger, to fit in, but then you go and learn things, someone teaches you a little, nudges you in the right direction, opens your mind just a tiny bit, opening the flod gates and everything you once thought so important – it fades away. You don't hang around with the same people anymore, you become isolated, you have no one to talk to, everyone feels like an idiot. All the important things about life, responsibility, duty, logic… no one cares, it's not important, it's not a part of life for them, no one really wants to discuss any of it. You transcend and you get left behind. You see things so clearly, you notice patterns, beautiful patterns and you just want to understand it better… and you get left with nothing. You break apart the pieces, try to understand the beauty, and it fades. You can't understand… and you're all alone… no one understands you… you think your pain separates you, makes you different, unique, special, but it's just your ego. There's nothing special about it. We're all the same, so vain and proud, so in love with ourselves, all so far from each other, but still too close, but never close enough for comfort.

Koizumi dropped what remained of the cigarette, a streak of dark red falling to the ground like a falling star, like some ill omen of things to come. "Always hated the taste anyway…" he muttered as he stepped on the half consumed cigarette, grinding it against the ground, the warm glow fading away. "So as an answer to your question, I suppose I simply wanted to be reminded of simpler times. It certainly was as easy as back then to acquire them."

I gave the guy a long and hard stare. "…Seriously, you smoked? You're not cool enough to smoke."

Koizumi grinned. "Why do you think I stopped?"

I actually grinned a little before I turned my attention the sky. It was a beautiful night.

"Listen, you have something special with Suzumiya-san; don't throw it away just because you're afraid of connecting. You can't connect anyway, not really. No one can ever understand another person perfectly. But you can try, and you can achieve something, and isn't something better than nothing?"

"I don't know. I really don't know anymore."

"So where do we go from here?" Koizumi asked as he placed his hand in his pockets and gazed at the ground, at the dark mess that was left of his cigarette, the orange part that was never burned flattened and defeated.

"You tell me."

"That'd be the worst thing I could ever do. No one can really understand another, though we're all the same. Tragic in its irony… I can't understand you fully, so I can't tell you how to live your life. Only you can even come close. Letting someone else tell you how to live life, that's the worst thing you can do, why I've never been able to be much of a fan of organized religion… _personal_ faith… ridiculous… no such thing, though it should be… someone's always got to have the last word, someone has to tell someone how they're doing it wrong, when in the end, they don't really know any more than you do. It's always the same for anything in life," he said, turning to look upwards at the stars in the bleak sky. "I'm sorry for doing that to you, for pushing you in a direction you might not have wanted. I mean, I am one of the few people who likes to exercise thought, so it'd be foolish to assume you would hold it in the same regard."

"No, don't be. I might not like where my mind takes me sometimes, but… without your guidance, all of this would probably have been even harder and more confusing."

"I have told you much and I feel I haven't given you enough room to form your own views. I haven't been a very good guide."

"My own views are… that I have four dear friends with whom I want to spend as much time as I can."

Koizumi smiled. "I rather prefer your views to mine."

"You think we could all just go back to that, pure and simple? Without any of this extra cheese?"

"Perhaps. But if you ask me, there's no need to fear taking any of those relationships to the next level. If there is some final nugget of advice that I can give you… it's that life is a constant fight against the forces of nihilism. Relativism and absolutism are both flawed systems and if anyone ever says otherwise, they are nothing but fools. Life is what you make it… and no one personifies this better, in my experience, than Suzumiya-san. Cherish absolute freedom, but fear it as well. For nothing is quite good nor bad, but only thinking makes it so, to paraphrase Shakespeare and a score of other writers. Life is a struggle, usually pointless, but when we rise above it, when we kill god and move onto creating life of our own, within us, when we become god of our world… we are happy. And sometimes we are lucky and find someone else who helps us and makes it all even more special. In a vain existence of limited possibilities, isn't it something of a miracle to find something as beautiful and passing as love?"

"Probably… but I wouldn't know anything about that. I'm happy with Haruhi and all of you. That's more than enough for me. If you ask me, I've had the most incredible luck. Instead of finding just one special person for me… I found four. Nothing relative about that. It's an absolute fact, and no amount of your inane philosophy could ever change that."

"Good to know…" Koizumi said with a somber smile. "I wish I was even a bit stronger than I am, more willful, able to form new values, in tune with life and free of the weak-willed, but I simply can't let go of what I've been taught. I simply can't think of a better system for creating morals values than the logical consistency proposed by the likes of Kant. I simply can't. It just makes too much sense to me in principle, so couldn't I be an Overman while still being a follower of Kant, forming new values through his teachings, holding him as my personal Zarathustra? … I guess not. Sort of defeats the point… but still I… I wish I was more like Suzumiya-san, so free and forceful… or even more like you, so certain of the world you have created for yourself… but… I feel I must intrude on your world one more time at least. I truly believe, as wonderful as the way you see your life with her now –"

"You're not going to let up on this idea about me and Haruhi, are you?"

"Kyon… You took a knife to the gut for the girl. I think it's time you stopped and looked at her for what she really is. I think it's about time you crossed that personal Rubicon. I think it's time you opened your eyes and instead of wishing otherwise, realized that things have changed. The world you knew is gone. I think that is why you have been… so amiss with the others. Everyone has changed, grown up, even you. Especially Suzumiya-san. But you, in all irony, the one who was always most set in his ways, seeing the world without the childish flight of fantasy someone like Suzumiya-san possessed, were so entrenched in the world of your childhood, in the world brought to you by her, with a clubroom full of friends and adventures that you held onto that, unwilling and unable to accept the change you had brought about in her and she in you. You both grew up, changed through the other."

Koizumi took out another cigarette, turned it about in his hands a few times but ended up flicking it off the roof.

"But you wanted to hold onto the escapism the SOS Brigade brought to you at its most superficial level, as a distraction from the monotony of your melancholic life, that you were unwilling to accept change," Koizumi continued after the pause. "You wanted the adventure, you wanted the crazy Brigade leader, the odd bookworm, the lovely mascot, the mysterious exchange student, but you didn't want what came next… you didn't want to accept what came with it: companionship, responsibility, growth. You just wanted the distraction. This is why you experienced a disconnect from the others. They changed and so did you, all of us together through each other, but you simply couldn't, wouldn't accept it."

I guess it was true, really. I had always liked to SOS Brigade simple, as it had started. But as things had grown and moved, I'd tried to make things like they'd used to be. All this time I'd been wanting and trying to get the old Brigade back, but that was impossible now. Had been for a while.

"You, just like Suzumiya-san, were always in denial towards what mattered the most, not just towards each other, but yourselves. Your true nature. It is time to open your eyes and see not only Suzumiya-san for what she has become in your life, but what _you_ mean in your life. It is time to accept her growth and your own. It is time to say goodbye to the adventures of youth… and grow up. What that entails… I do not know yet myself. I guess it's its own brand of adventure, more perilous than anything that has come before in its own way. Life is a constant battle against nihilism, against purposelessness. We fight and strive and search to find something meaningful, and I honestly think we have found it with Suzumiya-san. Choice… responsibility… love… these are things we will have to not just re-evaluate, but to re-experience, if you will, as we continue on our way." Koizumi turned to look at me, straight in the eyes. "Can you honestly say she hasn't changed you, challenged you and made you grow stronger? You took a knife for her… could you have done so before for someone you loved?"

With a slight feeling of shame: "I... don't know."

"Then open your eyes, see her for what she is, see what she sees in you, and see what you have become. It is time to put childish things away. It is time to open yourself up and take the risks with people you care about, to solidify what you have always held deep within you, but like the weak flame of a candle, have been afraid to expose. But a fire cannot burn without air. Love cannot flourish unless cultivated."

"I… need some time to think, okay?"

Koizumi gave a little nod of his head before he walked off without a word.

Eve though I'd said I needed some time to think, thinking was the last thing on my mind, so to speak. The glowing stars were far too pretty tonight to be wasted. Tonight... I was alive and 'I think, therefore I am' didn't matter. I was alive. I couldn't prove anything of the sort of course, but right now what I thought was life was better than anything else had been before my... hmm... death, I guess.

Had I really been dead? And if I had, what exactly had returned?

I looked up at the pale moon, reflecting the light of the brightly burning sun and wondered... how much it and I shared now.

It was quite some time later, after staring at the moon quietly for what felt like a short eternity when something made me turn.

Encassed in the shadow of the door leading to the roof, with fair skin that nearly glowed in the soft light of the moon was my number one alien, the little data goddess of my world.

"Yuki…"

"I am glad to discover you have fully recovered," she spoke softly as she took this as an invitation to approach me. Just how long had she just been watching me, waiting for me to notice her?

"Yeah, me too…"

I took a break from our conversation to look at the full moon above us.

"That all you have to say to me?"

Yuki nodded slowly.

"I figured as much. Thanks though."

I sat down on the raised edge of the roof, leaning back carefully against the railing that stopped woozy and sick idiots like me from plummeting to their deaths. Yuki joined me and we simply sat there staring at the moon.

We were silent after that. And it was better that way. Neither one of us needed to hear anything. It was just enough that we were there, together. We were from different worlds, realms with different languages, minds of different designs. We couldn't have spoken to each other even if we had tried. We were just too far away from each other. We were like the moon and the sun of old tales, chasing each other but never meeting. But what we could and did share was silence. And perhaps from silence… something beautiful could be born.

"Are you still disconnected from the IDSE?" I eventually discovered myself asking her.

"…Yes."

"Welcome to fully being a human, I guess."

"…"

"Feeling lonely, then?"

She looked me right in the eyes, and blinked softly. "No," she answered, and I could have sworn the monotone voice had a sort... a timbre to it, an undercurrent of meaning that made the word sound incredibly passionate to me even if her voice really wasn't truly all that different in the real world outside my head.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Will you kiss me?"

I nearly fell over as the shock of the question was dlievered to me like a blow to the head.

"…What…?"

"When we were within the reality under the control of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, you asked me if I had initiated the kiss by my own volition. You appeared dismayed when you discovered the circumstances of the incident, that despite my decision to participate, it was not an action originally implemented by myself. It is clear that intention is important to you…"

Yuki's increased use of personal pronouns in speaking of herself was already shocking enough, but this? What was – I don't – Really?

"Uh, yeah."

"You wish to connect with me…"

"Uhm, Na-" I swallowed nervously, "Yuki… I…"

"Humans believe intimacy of this kind is a means of connecting somehow. If you truly do desire to connect with me, to interface with me to as great a degree as physically possible by your species, why have you not attempted this?"

"I… you… I've always… thought that… I did, but… well, I think I did, but you didn't want either one of us to be distracted… so... I don't know what I'm saying," I admitted.

"You felt our earlier kiss was meaningless as it had not been by your own volition."

"I…"

"Now that you are not under the influence of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, that you are capable of choosing without interference, barring the constant although not necessarily detectable interference of Suzumiya Haruhi, would you choose to attempt to connect with me?"

"I… "

Koizumi was right. It really was time to take the risks with the people I loved and cared about. I couldn't let doubt and uncertainty wheedle away at me like it had with... everyone in my life.

"Yes, Yuki, I do want to connect with you."

"…I am pleased to hear so."

I kissed her under the pale moonlight, the feel of her soft little lips pleasantly warm against mine, her smooth cheek under the tips of my fingers, her deep, dark eyes endless pits were I sank into, away from the mess of the world outside them.

Under the moonlight, we kissed. A mere mortal man and some sort of magical goddess, dressed in sci-fi jargon, found each other for a brief moment. An eclipse occurred as the glowing bright sun met the miserable moon, who was nothing but a weak reflection of her beauty.

"You know," I said after I broke the kiss, "People tend to close their eyes when they kiss."

Nagato nodded and promptly closed her eyes.

Wait, did that mean…?

Her mouth was open ever so slightly, expectantly?

"Uh, Yuki?" I asked, not sure I was seeing what I thought I was.

"…Proceed."

I approached her again, but even more softly than last time, for some reason wanting to make absolutely sure she had her eyes closed before I kissed her again. And then she leaned into me, but I couldn't feel her weight against me at all, just the impression of her warm body against mine, almost like it had all been calculated to achieve maximum contact with as little pain to me. And maybe it had been.

_She was amazing..._

When we pulled apart and I looked at her to see if this was all really happening, _it_ happened.

It was such a small, subtle thing that if you weren't watching her pretty face as carefully as I was, or as well-versed already in study of her expressions, you would have missed it: just at the corners of her mouth, was the tiniest of moves, almost unnoticeable. But even so, it was clear to me that Yuki was definitely smiling. And it was so much more beautiful than her weird out of character version's had been in her fake reality. The smile wasn't any more genuine, but it was so much more beautiful because of one crucial thing: it was more real, for me. It had been earned, it hadn't been made. It had taken over a year of effort and struggle together. It might have been a small thing, but hardly anything could have been more important right now than seeing Yuki finally accept what she had become.


	53. Deus Ex Haruhi

The evening was cool. The gentle warmth of Yuki's presence was gone now. We'd silently watched the moon some more, together. It had been more than enough.

I was still watching the moon, but my mind had become bothered once agin, itchy with scratchy thoughts.

I still needed to see Haruhi.

The last time I'd seen her had been something of a haze. Just her presence had been something nearing overwhelming at the time but now I had my head back. Things had remained unresolved for far too long between me and her, and now especially, just like with everyone else, I needed to untangle that messy knot.

I needed to see Haruhi.

After my apparent death (I still had something of a hard time wrapping my head around the whole thing), things had become even clearer. The world was sharp and jagged. Yeah, that was right. Sharp and jagged – like a knife. The smells from earlier had hit me hard, much like the moonlight. It really was time to cut through the bullshit.

I returned to my hospital room, still empty. Apparently I'd barely been away for an hour, according to the dumb clock on the wall. Haruhi was still away, probably eating and maybe cleaning up a little. She'd looked pretty bad. Hopefully she was remembering to take care of herself. More often than not, the girl could really forget the necessities of life when she was focused enough on something. It wouldn't do any of us any good if she ignored herself watching me. I was in a hospital. As far as listing dangerous places go, hospoitals were pretty safe, despite the high mortality rate they happened to possess (it wasn't really _their _fault that dying people congregated there).

"Lovely evening, isn't it?"

I turned my head around at the voice. Standing by the window, draped in shadows and the glow of moonlight stood Fuyumi, watching the moon, running a hand through her messy, stringy hair, looking rather worn and tired although the gentle smile she gave the moon was equally radiant in its own way.

"You... you... you tried to kill me!"

My hand went to clutch at my stomach immediately as i took several steps back.

"No to the first and an especially uncertain maybe to the second

"What the hell are you doing here?" My other hand was reaching blindly behind me for the handle as I did what little I could to buy time, which sounded a lot better than yelling frightfully with little control over what was being said.

The smile widened at the corners. "Tying up loose ends... there's a certain quality about you I've yet to understand, but it's clear to me that you too will have to be dealt with. My sister seems adamant in remaining within the dream and any and all defenses she has placed around will apparently _leap_ to her rescue."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I am the end of the dream that is life. I am the cold embrace of the void. I am the only absolute in all of existence."

"..._No_."

"Excuse me?"

"No. You are not death. Even Haruhi wouldn't think up something like that morbid to haunt around her. It's too damn morbid, even for her. Especially for her."

"She, like any human in time, has come to fully realize that life has it's endings... and _the_ ending."

...No, it couldn't be. Just because she was worried about the SOS brigade ending didn't mean she was thinking of her own life ending, did it? Fuyumi had appeared in the flesh the first time at a rather uncoincidental, if you thought about it.

"Everyone is vaguely concious of that fact of their demise as some distant eventuality," Fuyumi continued, "But sooner or later true understanding dawns that your time is limited, that it all ends."

"No, shut up."

"But it is a moot converstional point. I am not of her design in any shape or design. I was there before life and existence. I was the whole and the balance. I was nothing. But then she was born by her own will. And the duality of imbalance was born. Where nothing had been, darkness and light battled, life fought and died, pain and suffering spread. But don't worry, I'm here to end it all.

"You are _not _death. Get over yourself. Death doesn't stalk around in the shadows, waiting to strike when you're not looking. It isn't merciful or devious. Death is... it's not you. _I_ know. You're not death. Death doesn't walk around killing people awkwardly."

"Wyslawa Szymborska might disagree with you."

"Huh?

"Never mind. Do go on," Fuyumi said nonchalantly, as if she was some therapist listening to the boring rantings of an idle housewife's woes.

"You're not death. Get over yourself. You're way too... up front about it. Not even a death Haruhi would fathom to any degree, as if she even considers the possibility she'll ever die the way she carries on. If you were death, you would truly have been mankind's companion since the beginning. Not to mention this cruel little bitch. Death isn't smug and theatric, it just is. It isn't malicious or even merciful. It's the lack, the absence of everything. It's the void. _I_ would know. You're _not_ death. You're just messed up in the head."

"It's understandable. Death can be such an immensely personal thing to so many. Death is an absolute, but it does not mean all see it the same way. It's a shame you shan't have the time to read some Szymborska... but then again, it wouldn't really matter, now would it?"

I'd finally found the the handle behind after a nerveracking search half lifstening to the ramblings of someone who was clearly insane. With all the strength left in my body I twisted about, earning a painful as I yanked on the door

It didn't budge.

"You can't leave."

"What?"

"I've made sure of it. This place, this little room... it no longer exists in line with the rest of your world. I untethered it from its strings to the world... Now what was it the crass scientists called it...? Ah, yes. It's 'out of phase', whatever that means."

Out of phase? Scientists? Traps? What the hell? Seriously, what the hell was this girl?

"If you wanted to kill Haruhi... why didn't you just do it then? When even I was out of the way, recoloring the pavement."

"Kill her when her thoughts were so fully focused on _you_? When her focus had shifted to you instead me or out of concern for herself? A terrifically bad idea, most indubitably. What if her powers had gone to you instead of me, released from her mortal coils?"

"You _want_ her powers?"

"I need the cycle to begin again, by whatever means necessary. I need her to feel and know with absolute certainty that this world will end, that there is no point in continuing, so from destruction can creation be born yet again. If you only had a limited amount of toy blocks to play with, how could you build anything new with them already being used up?"

"And what's _wrong_ with the way the blocks are right now?"

"The cycle has been stopped. It must begin anew."

"Why?"

"This is but a mere permutation. Form seeking perfection. Do you understand? You draw a circle, but the circle isn't a perfect one ever, is it? Not truly. Maybe there's a bump, maybe it's a bit too elliptical. But the _idea_, the_ form_ of an ideal circle exists, doesn't it? This is a world, imperfect. But there exists the form of an ideal world. That is what we seek. That is what I must create. We must reach perfection. It is my solemn duty along with my sisters'. So you see, you must all die. Death is only the beginning."

"Tell it to Plato, sister."

"Why can't you get it? Why must you impede me? Do you have any idea how long it has taken to orchestrate this? How much planning, how much watching this all entailed? How many _strings_ I had to pull? "

"…It really was you, wasn't it? _You_ were the one who got everyone all excited and roused up for war the first time? And then you made sure they tried again, so they'd take each other out… so you'd have a clear shot at Haruhi…"

Fuyumi smiled, teeth showing a little with pride, before she returned to staring intently at me through half-slitted eyes, almost as if gazing through a hazy half-dream. "I must wake my sister so she can start dreaming once more. She should not be here, within the dream. I need her thoughts focused fully on herself, to know that the end of this world is now and to seek escape. Just herself in that frenzied moment when life becomes most precious, when one knows their life unlike any time before, so intimately that all she will know is herself at its truest, most basic and seek to escape with it, leaving all else but herself behind. Then we three shall all be together once more. And we can _dream_ a new dream again. As is meant."

"You were... you're planning to let her die, slowly? You bitch! You absolute, horrible little _bitch_!"

"Now, now... there's no need to get so _dramatic_ about it, Fuyumi said with a sly smile, perhaps an ironic self-aware one."

"I'm going to stop you," I managed to somehow push the words out through tightly gritted teeth

"You can't stop me. It's not in my nature." Fuyuni stood up straight, taking a deep breath in preparation. "Now, I do believe the time has come for me to end it all. I bid thee farewell, young prince. In hours taxing, in darkness vexing, find comfort as you see fit. Pray, cry or hate, none of it truly matters now. Though none ever did. Fear not however, for I bring thee the greatest gift life can ever receive; it's removal. You shall know peace once more." She held out her hand, turning it about slowly in front of her as if showcasing something small in the palm of her hand for a little crowd around her.

"Where are you going now?"

"You _know_ where I'm going."

"It..." my mind tossed and turned, looking for any way to protect Haruhi. "You can't. You can't leave. Going after Haruhi... it'd be pointless."

"Oh?"

"Yeah... we – we're linked. Always have been. 'It takes two to tango'. What affects her affects me and vice versa. We've got a bond... something that'll keep the world going. I'm... I'm the key. I was ther when it all started. I've been in the center of itaall from the beginning. Her adventures focus on _me_."

Fuyumi was silent for a moment, oddly enough giving this some thought. Her eyes travelled around me, edging around my silhouette. "It is true there is an odd... connection between the two of you in the very foundations of this world I haven't yet figured out... 'key' you say... ah yes, that film of hers..."

"I'm in her thoughts more than you think..." I was ready to do whatever it took right now, just to buy time for Haruhi, maybe even... No, don't go there, not yet. Not when there's still a chance. "I shape this world along with her. You can't just do Haruhi and be done with it." What the hell was I saying? Where was I going with this? "She's invested too muvh in me... who knows what that means in the great scheme of things. How do you know she hasn't – hasn't been dishing out admin rights to... to keep things interesting. It's no fun just running flat... you gotta have walls, obstacles, something to push and bounce against... and sometimes to lean on for support. That's how it works. Everyone else might be pawns in our game, but I'm her castle piece."

"Hmm... Rook."

"Huh?"

"It's called a rook."

"Yeah. Right. She's the queen and I'm her rook."

"...Or king."

"Sure. You can't win without taking the king."

"What are you trying to do, Kyon? Win my heart over?"

"_What_?"

"You do wish to die for her, don't you? You really do love spring sister, don't you?"

"I... It won't work without taking me out. We're one in the same. One pushes and the other shoves."

"Hmm... maybe _that's_ why it all leads to you, why all the strings end with you..."

I gulped nervously. "Yeah..."

"So... do you wish to return to my embrace first then, before my sister? "

People like Yuki, Koizumi and Asahina-san had to be coming around at some point. Not for me, of course, I was trapped now, somehow. But if they couldn't get to me. They'd realize Haruhi would be next, wouldn't they?

I had to do this. I have to buy Haruhi as much time as I can. Any second could count. It had when I'd dived for her, landing between her and the knife.

I had to do it.

I had to sacrifice myself.

I had to die.

Didn't I?

I had Fuyumi's attention now, but all she cared about was ending things, Haruhi, the world and maybe even me. And if I weren't to end by her, on her terms... it'd be off to Haruhi to _end it all_.

Forget Koizumi's theories and everything else, I couldn't live in a world without her. Everything would end for me, if Haruhi wasn't there to push me on. I hadn't really had a chance to explore my life as it was now without Haruhi, but I was pretty sure in the end I would have just settled. But while Haruhi had sponged off me and become more down to earth, I had leeched something off her. I don't think I can settle anymore either. It's all or nothing. Haruhi and everyone has to live, even if it's only for a second longer than me. Because the reverse would be worse than death. It would be life, but without meaning. It would be settling. It would be letting the dream die. And I couldn't stop dreaming of a better tomorrow along with Haruhi anymore. I had ended up running back to her. I had died for her. She was my world now.

"Do it."

Fuyumi stared at me thoughtfully. "Or perhaps I should simply hurry on. I've waited quite a long time for this and even my patience is wearing thin. And you _are_ trapped in here."

"No!"

I tried to reach out and grab Fuyumi by the hand, to stop her, but just as I moved, she vanished. One moment she was there and the other... she had simply flickered out of existence with a slight shift of weight from one heel to the other.

"NO! Come back!"

I ran for the door and yanked on it again, putting both hands around the handle, but nothing happened. I tried slamming my shoulder against it, but all that resulted in was agitating my stomach wound.

I turned around and looked at the window, but before I even tried it, i noticed the leaf blowing in the wind... or actually _not_ blowing in the wind. Suspended in the night air, a single leaf hung like a picture in the middle of the moon's silhouette. There was no need to even try. Even if something hadn't been done to window as well, I was at least two-stories up and in the condition I was in...

"Damn it... it can't end like this. Please, somebody... do something..."

"Well, well… looks like I finally have you by the heart strings, Kyon," the voice of Fuyumi was like the chill winter wind passing through skeletal trees, just as she had wanted me to remember her name. I turned around and found that she had her hand deep inside me, half of her arm gliding along my side as I turned, her hand deeply embedded where my heart was, no doubt clutched firmly around it, by the look of things. "Careful now. You wouldn't want me to lose focus. Really messy when matter phases back inside other matter."

"You'll lose your hand."

"Maybe. You have no idea how my powers work. Besides, a heart versus a hand? The fist always triumphs over heart, haven't you learned anything in history?"

Ba-thump. Ba-thump.

"Honestly, what's a hand before the release into the embrace of oblivion?"

Ba-thump, ba-thump, ba-thump.

"I am all things. I am pain and suffering. I am love and warmth. I am hate and cold. I am cruel and merciful. I am the only absolute. I am thus _everything_."

Ba-thump-ba-thump-ba-thump.

"Enough with the theatrics already," I said, my heart pounding so hard I could barely hear her over it. "If you're gonna do it... just do it."

"...As you wish. I shall be merciful and grant your wish... you deserve it."

I could see the sinews tighten in Fuyumi's hand, the muscles contrict as she prepared to rip out my aching heart. It'd be over soon and Haruhi... she'd live on, for a little longer at least, and somehow, in this tiny room, in this choking moment, it was all worth it.

The soft slide of metal was deafening as I heard the handle of the door behind me turn.

"Kyon, you up? I was thinking we cou– what the hell are you doing to him, you –" Haruhi's shocked voice stopped dead as Fuyumi turned languidly to look over her shoulder, turning just enough so Haruhi could see her hand inside my chest. "What – what the hell _are_ you?"

"The same as you, but different of course, my spring sister."

I took my chance and leapt backwards, using Haruhi's distracting presence to its full advantage, but as I lunged backwards, I could feel a sharp pain on my chest. As I grabbed my chest, the sting catching me off guard, I looked down hurriedly, afraid to see nothing but a big bloody mess where my heart used to be, but there were only three blossoming dots of crimson on my shirt, blooming around three small holes in my gown.

"Eugh, I hate it when it gets under my nails," Fuyumi said with disgust, scowling at three fingers that were dripping blood before she shook it, droplets of _my_ blood splattering against the floor.

"Kyon!" Haruhi shouted, and by some form of instinct I hadn't realized I had, I knew her shout was a warning.

I rolled just as I spotted the foldable chair behind Haruhi as she grabbed it and hurled with astounding speed at us. I landed on my side against a wall, just in time to see the chair pass through Fuyumi and crash through the window behind her, showering me in sharp shrapnel that tore at my arms as I brought them to cover my face.

"What the hell are you?" Haruhi yelled.

"The end of tragedy. The beginning of peace,"

I heard something metallic clink, followed by the heavy thumping sound of fabric falling on the floor.

"Kyon, run!" Haruhi shouted.

"Wait!"

What the hell was she thinking? She couldn't possibly be trying to _attack_!

The patter of running feet, followed by a swoosh came next. I saw a flash of silver slice through Fuyumi.

"Get up and go!" Haruhi shouted again.

I got up, grunting as the shards of glass in my arms shifted, and saw that Haruhi had taken the the long metallic hatstand and was using it with the proficiency of a shaolin monk if you asked me, twirling and spinning it, never a wasteful move in her, striking at Fuyumi, but never making contact as the crude weapon passed through our assailant.

"Give up. Your time has come. You cannot fight the inevitable," Fuyumi said with an little smile. Whther it was there to mock or genuinely simply amused by our efforts, I couldn't have told you.

"Kyon, go!" Haruhi shiouted in between swings.

"I can't just lea-"

"I'll follow, _idiot_!"

I took off, running as fast as I could for the open door, but stopped as I passed through it, wanting to make avsolutely sure Haruhi wasn't left behind, turning around to see if she was still okay. This was a mistake.

"Move!" Haruhi nearly crashed into me as she ran for the door, just microseconds behind me.

She grabbed me by the wrist, a piece of glass sliding into the upper side of my arm as she squeezed, but the pain barely registered, as I ran along with Haruhi for our lives.

Some people shouted as we rushed through night time wards, but our escape was completely unhindered. Soon we were outside and running along the pavement of dark streets.

We didn't stop until we'd zigged and zagged our way through what must have a dozen blocks at the least. What ended up as momentary shelter when we paused was the wall of a closed convenience door. We both leaned againt the wall, side by side, panting desperately for breath in the cool night that tickled your hot skin and burning lungs.

"What – the – hell – was – that – ?" Haruhi asked between pants. " She had – her hand – inside – your chest."

"I…" I struggled to explain, but the thought of exposition, true or false, was washed off as Haruhi placed her hand against my furiously beating chest. Then she grabbed a hold of the bloody fabric and tore a chunk of it off, a big chunk, as she stepped in front of me, still panting heavily as she stared at my chest, pressing her hand against the bleeding spot.

"You're bleeding," she said, staring at my chest with a rather vacant look in her eyes. It was probably shock. What else could it be?

"Oh, hadn't – noticed," I said, most of my sarcasm completely lost by my winded voice

"We have to – to fix you up."

"It – it's just a little scratch. A flesh wound. I'll make it," I said with a fair amount of certainty until my nerves finally managed to make themselves heard in my over-heated brain. My stomach and hands were stinging like they had legions of scorpions with electric pincers fighting to the death.

"Nnngh..." I gritted my teeth at the suddenly registering brain.

Haruhi however didn't respond. She was still staring at my naked, bleeding chest.

"Haruhi…"

"What?"

"You can let go of my chest now."

It really was the least of my worries right now.

"Huh?" she panted, turning her sweaty face upwards, looking like she didn't quite understand, still a bit disoriented by the confusion in our current surroundings. "Oh, sorry," she said, letting go, her palm slowly lifting off my chest, fingers tips curling away from my hot skin. "C'mon, we have to move," she said with a sudden determination in her voice.

Haruhi took my hand and pulled me away, leading the way in a hasty trot I was barely ready to keep up with, because my whole body ached, especially my arms with the cutting shrapnel in them, but fear kept us both going, strong and fast, even through the burning pain in my lungs.

"I can't believe it… I finally find something supernatural, extraordinary, crazy – and it wants to kill us. Heh, just my luck." Haruhi gave a little, weak, slightly manic laugh.

I made an affirmative grunt.

We hurried along for quite a while before I realized where we were headed. Haruhi was taking me to her private little spot in the hills. It looked like 'Melancholy Hill' (as I had just suddenly dubbed it) would serve as our next pit stop.

It surprisingly didn't take as long as I had remembered to climb the hill, but I suppose aching wounds can have an odd effect on you perception of time.

I sat down on the same log, panting as deeply as I could. I would have been bent over double if it didn't hurt my stomach like a kick in the guts any time I tried to bend over or something. I would have happily remained like that for hours if it hadn't been for the sudden and extremely sharp pain that shot up my right arm.

"Ouuuch!"

"Shut up, you big baby."

I looked over to my side to find Haruhi sitting next to, pulling at a piece of glass, probably a good 5 centimeters across, fully focused on the task at hand. The shard popped out with a sickening squelch.

"Ahh! Damn it!"

At least the shard's length had only been something of a sixth of its width.

Haruhi kept working, luckily only smaller shrapnel left to pry from my skin. Most of them were little more than little cuts, but the larger one she'd removed first kept bleeding. She stopped her work for a while, examining the large wound with a deep frown. Suddenly, she reached up into her hair and started untying the ribbon on her head.

"Too bad we don't have some alcohol," she muttered as she put the ribbon aside. She gave the wound another look and then turned her focus to her sleeve. After a little tussling with it she managed to rip it off and then returned her focus to the bigger wound.

"Seriously? You wanna drink _now_?"

"Geez, you're just all kinds of stupid. Alcohol for your wounds. If you hadn't noticed, we're in a forest. You could get an infection… though a drink might not be so bad right about now either." Haruhi returned her focus to my biggest wound, looking for little pieces still stuck inside.

"Ungh," I grunted as she pulled a little shard next to the big wound out, "Yeah… sure would take the – unnh" I grunted as Haruhi pulled a particularly long, almost needle-looking piece out of me, "– edge off."

"Please." Haruhi took her tattered sleeve and wrapped it around my arm. "Don't make this more _painful,_" then she gave a rather forceful tug to tighten the knot, "with lame puns."

"...Wasn't _that_ a pun?"

"Shut up before I _pun_ch you."

That was definitely a pun, but I wasn't going to risk saying it right now, what with the look in Haruhi's eyes as she dressed my wounds to the best of her knowledge. She had now lifted up a flat rock and was placing it against my wrapped wound.

"What are you doing?"

"Applying pressure."

"But you can't..."

Haruhi took her ribbon and swung it around my arm and the stone and tied it all together tightly so that the stone was pressed to my wound.

"How did you know to do that?" I asked, amazed by the pressure I was indeed feeling against the wound.

"You taught me," Haruhi stated simply as she gave my other arm an examination, far fewer shards scattered across it than on the right arm.

"Oh... I guess I did..."

"But of course I had to come up with a little improvement," she said with her usual ego.

I couldn't stop my lips from curving at the edges a little.

Pulling out what little pieces remained in my left arm, apparently satisfied with her work, Haruhi got up, looking as severely dour with her thoughts.

"We should call the police or something, shouldn't we? …No, what's the point? It's not like they'd believe us or be able to even do anything if they did believe us. Everything just passes through her…" she seemed to think out loud as she started pacing in front of me. "We can't… we can't endanger the others. She's after you, right? And maybe me as well. She hasn't shown any interest in the others yet, so we're gonna keep it like that. We can't go anywhere near the others."

This… was not a good plan. The others were exactly the type of people we needed to be around, but how could I convince Haruhi of this? I certainly couldn't fault her logic. If I had been in her position, unknowing of their skills and powers, I wouldn't have wanted to draw them into trouble either.

But we _had_ to find the others. I couldn't think of anything else.

"No, we have to go. Or, actually, I have to go. We need help. Stay here. I know some people who might be able to help."

I got up to leave, but before I'd barely taking a step I was pushed down.

_Owww_...

I turned over onto my side to see what the hell was up this time. I was already opening my mouth to tell Haruhi off for pushing me over, but the look on her face made stop cold. She grabbed me by the shoulders pushed me further down onto my back, pinning me in place.

"_Don't_… I already nearly lost you once… I can't… can't let that happen again. I'm responsible, I'm your leader."

I looked into her desperate eyes and something... moved inside me, like a boulder tumbling over as a tiny rock underneath that no one would have guessed to be crucially supportive was removed. "...You used that line before on me."

"_Line_?"

"Hmm... I... I'm really not sure how to go about this. I needed to see you and... and things are... things have changed but the way I see you... but right now, things are like this and...

"...What the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know... I really don't know anymore. I'm all out of ideas. It's just not gonna work like this between the two of us so... I don't know."

"Huh? Seriously, what the hell...?" "Wait, are you talking about what happened... _before_?"

"Uhmmm... before?"

"Before... all this?"

"Oh, _you_ mean... yeah, we should talk, shouldn't we? We haven't really had a chance and now... is actually an even worse time to so, come to think of it."

"Yeah, agreed, it's just... Oh for crap's sake! This is too damn awkward! Kyon, look! You nearly _died_! We can't – we can't let opportunities slip by anymore. I can't let myself be dragged down by my fears and worries any longer so... so... so..." the bluster with which she'd started her speech ebbed as she looked into my eyes and she seemed to lose her way for a moment, "so I'm going to put it all on the line and tell you... how I... how I feel."

"I... I think I'd like to hear that."

I was pushing everything and –one back, so I wouldn't be held down by anything or lose out on something… but now, I think… I think if I don't…"

Her hold tightened on my shoulders, fingers starting to dig painfully into them.

I think if I don't hold onto what I already have… I think I'll end up losing something even bigger

Look, Haruhi..." I really wanted to hear more actually, to hear her thoughts and fears and hopes and to be there for her whether she need me or not, but this wasn't the time for...this. "We can't just stay here. What if –"

"Kyon, stop fighting me. I need you to – I need you – I need – I –"

Suddenly soft lips were locked against mine, freezing me in place with electrically paralyzing shock. At first she had her eyes closed, but soon enough they cracked open to unveil an intense stare, soon after which: "We only have a year together, all us and, and the way things were going with you, how easy it was to just... just settle, I guess... I was... I need to do something to get back on track. It was just too... nice, arguing with you about stuff like my plans, so I needed to make sure time wouldn't just pass me by."

"You... actually felt pressured for time? Because you were enjoying your time with me?" "Time goes faster when you're having fun, right?" Haruhi said with a faint little smile. But it soon vanished. "Kyon… don't ever… I don't ever want to lose you. When I threw you out, I… I almost immediately realized how big a mistake it was and how much you mean to me and then I nearly lost you for good and… and I can't let that happen. You mean too much to me. You're my greatest opponent, remember? Without you… I… I'm just… just me, but with you… I'm… I'm something more than I really thought I ever could be. You push me and I push you back and we… we _work_. With you, I'm _really _theSOS Brigade leader. Without you, it's just me playing pretend. I need you in my Brigade, Kyon. I need you in my life. I… I need _you_… Life just isn't any fun without you."

"I… uh…" The striking sensation of Haruhi's warm, smooth lips over mine was still with me, the heat on my lips feeling like it was spreading all over my face now. "I… I kind of feel the same, I guess. You… well, you don't exactly complete me or anything idiotically inane like that, but I… I need you too. I love spending time with you."

"Just… time…?"

"…"

Does she want me to say something... different? But before I had to try and give some sort of answer that would most certainly have been very awkward, Haruhi seized control of the situation again in her typical, confident manner.

"That's okay. I'm really not looking for anything like that, I just… I don't want to lose you and I… I think the best way for that to happen… is if I… give you… incentive to… want to stay with me…"

"Oh, is that it, huh? You want to give _me_ incentive"

"…"

Haruhi looked almost taken aback by what I'd said, before her shocked expression switched into an angry frown after a few blinks of her eyes. "Yeah! Geez, you really know how to wreck the mood, you know!"

Mood? Never mind, I'll let that one go. "Maybe for you, but you trying to claw through my shoulders sort of wrecked it all for me before hand."

"Oh, I… sor-" Haruhi hurriedly released her sharp hold on my shoulder, looking distressed at first, but turning an angry pink almost immediately afterwards. "Well why didn't you _say_ anything, idiot!" she shouted at me and then rolled over with her hands crossed onto her back, pouting.

For a small cooling moment, lyingunder stars, side by side, we let the cold starlight soak into us.

"You're annoying and you need to be put in your place, but…You've always been by my side, my biggest supporter, someone I can always bounce my ideas off of and get an honest opinion. I could always count you to be there for me. You're like a wall, something I can always keep battering at, make myself stronger against the world and all the losers who would be stupid enough to try and stop me, but also someone I could lean on when I just… whenever I just felt like it. It's not because I _really_ need you or anything! It's just nice, sometimes…"

"Yeah, it _is_ nice. Sometimes," I said rather diplomatically.

"Un." Haruhi nodded curtly in agreement

Funny. The way she described our relationship, it sounded just like my weak efforts. You could try to put what we had into words but it would always somehow come short of the real thing in so many ways.

But now I felt like I should say something after the bubbling expulsions of my... Haruhi (no other description still fit her; Haruhi is Haruhi. It's a simple tautolgy, but it works).

"...Thanks... for returning to favor."

"Huh? For kissing you back? Yeah, that definitely counts as a huge favor from me to you. In fact, I think you owe me now. Big. Very big."

"No, for saving me."

"Huh?"

"You really did save my life back there."

"Yeah… I know _that_… but what did you mean by returning the favor?"

"Never mind…"

"… Oh no you don't!" Suddenly Haruhi was leaning over me, frowning with dissatisfied curiosity. "Tell me!"

And before I knew it (an odd turn of phrase), I was being assaulted by probing fingers, as if they could dig or coax something extra from me, tickling me. It made me laugh at first. It made her smile. And that made me happy. But it also made me hurt, laughing like that.

"Ah, stop! heheh! no, seriously! Ah!"

A sudden pain stole through my chest as it heaved in uncontrolled laughter.

"Oh crap, did I hurt you?"

"No…"

"Haruhi's curiosity quickly disappeared in her worry for me. "Hey, idiot! If you're in pain, say it! People have nerves for a reason. Not to mention I despise people who aren't being honest."

"Well, as long as we know what's going wrong for you…" I said with caring sarcasm.

"…Shut up." Haruhi turned to look at my injuries, and then, as she noticed my stare, quickly averted her eyes towards the sky before she rolled away back onto her back next to me.

I thought I'd finally accidentally found a way to quiet her down, unintentionally of course, but then she spoke, stilll staring upwards.

"Kyon, you promise you'll stay with me?"

"…"

"It's just that… the world always felt so empty, boring and pointless, so I did all I could to fix that, but it never really changed, not fundamentally, just superficially with the Brigade, but with you… life doesn't feel so bad…"

"Yeah, I promise, but only if –"

"What?" Haruhi asked hurriedly, a sudden worry in her voice as she interrupted me.

"…As long as you promise me the same thing. I don't want to lose you either and I think if I lose you, I'll lose everything else. You make my life bearable too, not just a boring thing you pass through, you give it… I took a time so long it even surprised myself to come with a word that felt even remotely correct to describing how Haruhi made me feel. Even so, it didn't feel like a perfect fit, but the moment called for _something_ to be said. you give it fulfillment."

"I promise." Haruhi said.

She took my hand, squeezing it tightly. I squeezed it back.

"And now… someone's trying to kill us or worse… I just…"

Haruhi's hand tightened around mine.

"Hey don't worry. We'll be okay. We're together."

This was met with a response I hadn't expected, though I guess I should have. Haruhi gave a little snort.

"This is all starting to sound like some stupid love confession."

"... No... it sounds like something that should have been said a long time ago... by both of us. Haruhi, I... to me you're... You're special to me, all right, there I said it. Can we just leave it at that?"

"…Yeah, let's," Haruhi said quietly, shaking my hand a little, staring expressionlessly upwards at the stars.

And then, a small but very happy looking smile spread across her face as she squeezed on my hand again.

"It's getting kind of cold…" Haruhi said, moving a little closer to me, snuggling her way next to my side in a way that still managed to feel somewhat guarded

I straightened out my arm and Haruhi carefully moved so that she could rest against my shoulder, without touching my sore forearms

"You okay like this?" she asked worriedly, glancing at my wrapped arm before giving me a questioning look

"Yeah, just fine."

"Good. Now don't get any ideas."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"As if, you lecher."

We stared at the sky, and turned to look each other in the eye at exactly the same time, faces nearly touching

"So why'd you kiss me earlier?" we both asked the other in unison

We blinked.

We looked away.

We turned to face each other again.

"You first," we spoke together again.

"Uh," Haruhi gave a frustrated sigh, shaking her head a little. "Fine. I needed you to stop fighting me, to calm down. Stuff like that always works on guys. Besides, being chased by a murderous loon obviously had us both running on adrenalin and such anyway, so it's only natural I wasn't thinking perfectly clearly."

"_Right._"

"What about you? You don't have _any_ excuse, though I'm sure you're even now trying to come up with a little lie to cover it up."

"I –" Damn. "I… I honestly don't know."

"…Don't give me that crap."

"No, I really mean it. When I came to you that night and I found you… well, I don't know how to really describe it but… it was like I didn't have a choice, it felt like the only thing I _could_ do."

Again a pause occurred in our conversation, before we turned to each other again in amazing synchronization to continue where we'd left off. It was as if I'd developed some sort of sixth to know when to turn and listen to her.

"You know… you were… my first."

"Huh?"

"I've been on a lot of dates before, but none of them ever kissed me."

Either they were never even given the chance or wised up and realized nothing good could come from it, which I now know all too well.

"Do we… _really_ have to talk about this? This is all awkward enough as it is. Not to mention crazy, present circumstances considered."

"I don't know. This is all just… so new and confusing. I thought stuff like this was stupid… and I was right. It doesn't make sense. So, that's why… I'd like it to make sense."

"I don't think stuff like this ever makes sense," I said, remembering my time Sasaki.

"Yeah…"

And just like that, after a short pause, it happened. We kissed again. It came perfectly naturally, without any hesitation or awkwardness. We both turned to face each other after the little silence followed by our agreement on the awkwardness of our conversation matter, and gave the other a soft smooch on the lips. We looked at each other uncertainly for only a moment afterwards, before we both realized what had gone wrong the first time, and once again kissed, only for longer this time, with more certainty than ever before that what we were doing was as perfect between us as anything could be. There was no need to talk right now. If either one of us opened up our 'smart' mouths we'd just wreck things.

Once again Haruhi and I found ourselves under the shelter of stars, but instead of watching and experiencing the splendor of the night, neither one of us could keep their eyes, or even hands, off the other.

That night two people came together and were as close to being one as was possible.

Afterwards in the warm glow of the night, the wind started to pick up, rustling the leaves and knocking branches together like hollow bones.

"So this is where I find you… how endearing and sad as well, that the two of you find each other now, at the end, only to lose each other… I'm afraid Atropos must arrive once more to separate two foolish star-crossed lovers."

"Oh crap. Run, Kyon, run!"

Haruhi grabbed me by my wrist and ran off, hap hazadly pulling me along behind her in her haste. A low hanging branch nearly took my head off as we veered off into the dark.

"Why do you run, srping sister? Soon it will all end. Soon you will both be put to rest."

We ran through the forest, nearly tripping over each and every root in our way. This wasn't going to work, was it? _I_ was slowing us down. Every step was a near Herculean effort for me. If it wasn't my lungs and arms stinging, it was my stomach that felt like it wanted to jump out and make its own escape without the rest of to slow it down.

"Haruhi, go on without -"

"Don't you even _dare_, dumbass!" Haruhi snarled as she yanked on my hand and hurried down the hill.

"I only want to give you what life denies."

That was close. How could she be so close? I couldn't see Fuyumi or let alone even hear her approaching us.

I heard the slice cut through the air before I saw the flash of moonlight reflected on the blade. I ducked just in time, feeling the air rush past the hair on my neck. And just as I looked up to see if another attack was coming, I saw Fuyumi step aside and disappear into the shadows again.

"What the hell?" Haruhi yelled as she made a sharp turn, nearly reversing our course completely as we ran in a new direction.

We reached an open space and stopped there, back to back, both panting heavily as our eyes darted about.

It was clear we couldn't outrun Fuyumi, so... so... was this it? Our last stand?

"What the hell do you want?" Haruhi shouted out into the darkness. "Why us?"

"Because I love you and everyone else," a voice answered from out of sight.

"_What?_"

"I will end this charade. This mockery of life ends now. I _will_ kill you! And destruction will breed creation, as is meant to be."

And then I heard the odd sound of a wet thud, of steel hitting tissue. I looked down at the person leaning into me with a knife, not even feeling the thing anymore. My whole body was already a wreck. Everything was numb and tingly if it didn't feel like it was on fire. The knife was pulled out with a sickening squelch and I flet my legs give out from under me, setting me down on my knees.

"And now... it all... _ends._" Fuyumi turned to face Haruhi, knife raised as she took a step closer to her.

"_Ruhn..._"

I thought I had said it, but I wasn't quite sure if I had, because Haruhi wasn't responding. She had her head down and her fists were curled up and shaking.

And then, she looked up.

Haruhi, seething with anger, teeth gritted in a fierce animal-like snarl, charged at Fuyumi.

"_Leave us alone_!"

The scream howled in the roar of the wind that had suddenly picked up. I thought I could see a faint blue glow in Haruhi's eyes as her fist connected with Fuyumi's cheek. And boy, did it connect. Fuyumi was actually thrown off her feet by the punch. As she stumbled backwards with horrified fear in her wide eyes, she clutched at her bruised cheek, red as an apple, as crimson blood trickled from the corner of her mouth.

"Yuh-you… you h-hit me… you a-actually hit m-me…" Fuyumi stuttered. "H... how?"

I now knew fully what the fear of God looked like. Fuyumi fingers were digging into her cheek, squeezing it tighter than a life line in a storm, her hand quivering in primal fear. Her eyes, always so dark and empty, held a shaking terror, that knew fight or flight were no longer even options, utterly hopeless. She looked all too human.

"No!" Fuyumi screamed as her body began to sink into the ground suddenly. "No! What's happening to me? I can't phase back! I'm sinking! I can feel gravity, pulling me down, strong forces trying to pull me apart! I'm falling apart! No, please, don't! Don't do this to me!" she yelled as in agony, tears now streaming down her face.

"_Why_!" was the final screech that shattered the night as her body disappeared from sight, buried by the earth.

Silence.

"What… what just happened?" Haruhi asked, her gaze slowly travelling from the spot where Fuyumi had been to her closed fist.

I was too shocked. A fear I'd only felt in nightmares holding me in place. Had I dreamt this befor? Had I been there before? Where was I? Everything seemed blurry and fading into the dark.

Haruhi opened her fist and gazed in stunned fear at her quivering palm, slowly turning it over. "What the hell just happened?" she said in a weak little voice before she collapsed into her knees, completely spent by everything.

I crawled over to Haruhi, still on her knees, looking like a broken doll.

"I wanted her gone… no matter what… even dead… and now… I don't know, she might be… it's almost like… what I thought… it came true…"

"Haruhi…" I sat down next to her on my knees and held her tightly. She leaned in to my hug. "Don't think like that… she's gone… we're safe. Don't let her get to you, don't give her the satisfaction."

Just like back on that island, I was sure she couldn't possibly have wanted anyone to die or hurt. It wasn't in her. Even now with our lives at stake.

"But she's… gone. No more. Like I just… did it? Did I… kill her? How could I touch her…? I don't get it. What did I just do?"

The world seemed to be growing fainter, darker, almost like disappearing around us. I looked about, and it wasn't just dark. I couldn't see the horizon anymore. I could feel a familiar coldness I'd only felt in one place before, in closed space. Objects in the distance seemed to glow faintly with electric blue and then dissipate. The world grew colder, like all warmth was being drained away. My fingers felt cold and weak, but the coldness wasn't a prickling pain on my skin, more a chill that spread and stole away the heat, not something like the dissipation of kinetic energy it should be. It wasn't just like closed space, it was exactly like closed space.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Don't think about it. Stay with me."

"I… did I just… what if…"

"Haruhi," I said as sternly as I could right now, trying to reach her before her fears got a hold of her.

"This isn't right, this doesn't feel right. None of this is right. It shouldn't be like this! What's happening? You nearly died, that girl might have! Again, you're…" Haruhi placed a hand on my open wound, her hand becoming covered in red in a matter of seconds. "Why is everything so horrible and twisted? Why can't this… this nightmare just _end_?"

The world around us was practically gone, even the faint blue glow disappearing. I didn't even feel cold anymore, all sensation disappearing from my body. I couldn't feel my legs and I wasn't even sure if they were even there anymore.

"I don't want this… _I don't want this_! I want this all to go away! No more blood! No more of this nightmare! This is isn't what I wanted! This isn't what I've been looking for all this time! _No more_!"

"No, don't. Don't let her in. It's _not_ a nightmare. Remember. It's a dream, _your_ adventure, _your_ story. Remember the Brigade, all our friends, all the fun times. Remember –"

_Snow White._

"Remember this."

I kissed her and the whole world went away.

...

...

...

...

...

..

.

.

.

..

...

...

...

...

...

The ceiling. The ceiling of my room was the first thing I saw. I was really starting to get annoyed by the sight of it for some reason.

Was it all just a dream?

...

Screw that crap!

I bounced out from bed and the knowledge that I at least at my pyjamas on barely even registered as I put on my shoes as fast as I could and raced outside. The fact that I didn't feel any pain when I moved didn't factor in until I'd run several blocks either but even so I didn't stop to take stock of my body. It simply wasn't important enougj. The only thing that mattered right now in this little world of a moment was another body that housed the rest of my life.

I didn't even know where I was going. I was in that much of a hurry. But I found what I was looking for when I passed through a park, where people stopped and watched and then walked off with a shrug.

"Haruhi!"

"Kyon!" Haruhi shouted as she came running my way, also in her sleep clothes, a pair of large boxers that nearly went to her knees and an orange T-shirt too small for her that showed an amble amount of her flat midriff with a little face of a panda on it as well.

We stopped right in fron of each other, bumping heads as we doubled over to catch our breaths. But when we looked up, we did it at exactly the same time.

Haruhi was sweaty and still panting, but the relief in the corners of her eyes was as clear as the morning sky today up this close.

"You… you're okay," she said.

"So are you."

"So…" Haruhi said, standing up straight. "It really was real, whatever it was. Kyon, what the hell happened?"

"I… I honestly don't know." I honestly didn't know what to _say_ to her. Then again, I still didn't have the faintest idea what the deal had been with Fuyumi.

"It felt like a dream. It was crazy. What happened? How did we get back home?" Haruhi asked anxiously, peering about as if something from last night might be hiding behind the nearby bushes.

"I don't know."

Haruhi sat down on a nearby bench. I sat down next to her.

"I can't believe all of this… everything that's just happened. Kyon, there _are_ mysteries out in this world! There really are things that -!"Haruhi stopped all of a sudden, her eyes shifting onto my stomach. She slowly placed her hand against my stomach.

"I'm fine," I said, lifting my shirt to show her what I could feel myself. "There's not even a scar," I said as I verified this for myself as well.

"How…?"

"I don't know." I could guess of course, but...

"Kyon… we… I really need to think about all of this. We finally found something paranormal and…"

"Hey… it's not the end that matters, but the journey, right?"

"Yeah, totally, but… what are you saying…?"

"This won't stop you, will it?"

"What?"

"Just because we suddenly ran into something dangerous… it doesn't mean that… I mean, we've had so much fun together. I'd hate to lose that. I don't want that to go away like this. We have a year, remember? We promised to stick together through all of this."

Haruhi smiled before she wiped her wettening eyes. "Stupid wind… blew sand or something in my eyes."

I smiled back at her, not believing her any more than I thought she did herself

"But seriously, what was all of that? Who or what was this Fuyumi? Why did she come after us?"

"She was obviously crazy, with or without the powers."

"Yeah but… even crazy has its reasons."

The grim pause gave me a chance to look about. The world was bright with a blue sky and green trees with people going about their lives as if nothing had happened, as they always did, no matter what happened. In the end, nothing really changed life. Even what were probably assumed to be terrorist attacks couldn't halt life from... being lived. Life goes on. It finds a way. Etc etc and so on and so on.

"Kyon…"

"What?"

"Let's – uhm," Haruhi bit her lower lip, "How about we don't tell the others what happened?"

"Huh?"

"I don't want them to worry over nothing. It's over any way."

"Well, I guess" I had already plannedon telling them anyway about Fuyumi's fate, though there had been no need to tell them what exactly had passed between me and Haruhi out in the forest in the darkness of the night, hidden away from prying eyes.

"Good, Haruhi said, smiling. "It'll be our little secret," she added,beaming with such happiness and warmth she could have kept a polar excavation in their underwer for the whole trip.

"Yeah," I said, smiling a little at the thought despite myself.

"Kyon, we only have a year together with the proper SOS Brigade… you promise me to help make it worthwhile?"

"I promise."

A kiss was delivered to my cheek, with the receipt for it still in transit most likely.

Haruhi miled playfully. "How's that for incentive? You'll get more if you keep your promise."

"Sure."

"Heh, looks like I've found a brand new way make you do as I please," Haruhi said with a mischievous smirk, winking devilishly at me.

_Sigh_…

Though I had sighed, it wasn't one of the usual ventilations of frustration associated with Haruhi. The following smirk from me was a clear indicator of this, even to myself.

"But we're really going to have to do something about your breath first though," Haruhi said with a nasty smirk.

_WHAT? _

Haruhi laughed and ran off.

Off all things to say after _everything_...

But Haruhi and I shared a 'secret' now, much like me and the rest of the Brigade, and we were closer for it. It was our thing, as far as she knew, and she couldn't have been happier, it seemed.

Things had changed, significantly, and yet somehow nothing had changed either. There was still a year of all of this, with the entire SOS Brigade together, before Asahina-san would graduate. I'd help Haruhi make the best of it. We would all enjoy it for as long as it lasted. And when it would end, what would come, well, we would all just have to handle it when it came to that. But now was a time to live in the present. There would be plenty of time to look back later, when you were no longer able to do what you could do now. But now… now was a time for being with the people you loved for as long as you could, and making every moment count, until it all ended.

Life was good.

A new Beginning. Not the End. Never the End.

END OF ACT TWO

* * *

Author's notes: Well, that's that, kind of. The plan had been to write Act 2 and then, perhaps after a small hiatus, to move on to Act 3. Unfortunately, as is often the case, life gets in the way of plans, even best laid ones. I am currently in doing my term of service in the Finnish army, which is mandatory for all capable males (oh, the sexism). I could of course chosen to do civil service and do some kind of work that benefits society in general, but that would have taken twice as much time to complete. And by the time my army service concludes, I'll be looking for a new place of study. So fully completing my grandiose plans for this story are looking rather grim. The only reason I was capable of completing Act 2 was because I had a large amount of the content written before hand (army started in January and ever since there's been more delays than usual, as you guys might have noticed). I simply don't have the time or the energy to write much on my free time. So unfortunately it looks like this might be it for the foreseeable future. The plan for Act 2 had been to conclude the story with the Anti-SOS Brigade while introducing a new villain for the final act. But it seems megalomania took hold of my brain for quite a while. Hell, there's everything with the Tsuruya clan and a tiny loose end with Sam that I never got a chance to fully integrate and explain in the story. So many connections, so many strings left loose and untied... I really do hope I'll be able to return for a final act, but who knows what the future holds. I could be too busy or I could simply lose interest. Continuing to develop Kyon's relationships Uespecially with Haruhi and Yuki), some more development of said characters and others (especially Haruhi after everything that's happened from her point of view), the future of Koizumi's group, the Tsuruya clan and so on. But I've still got around 4 months of service left. And having a life is such a hassle. I honestly can't understand how 'get a life' can ever be used in an insulting manner. Everything's so much easier and stressless when you _don't_ have a life.

Looking back on things, I may have messed up the pacing a bit. I think I should start to write with chapters in mind if I ever get around to Act 3, for which I actually have a few scenes done already, but not nearly enough to continue telling a proper story right now. But as I was saying, I don't really like chapters anymore. I've simply been writing one huge novel and… I don't think that really works with this format. I've just been writing and writing and then going back and chopping it all into readable chunks (I feel somewhere between 5000-9000 is about right). But looking back on things, this may not have been the best for an online story that is periodically updated. The reader can't really choose when and where to stop. As such, a single chapter should probably function better on its own than simply serving the overall story. My bad, sorry. I wrote Act 1 similarly, so I thought I'd stick to the same style. But I do think that as a whole, this story does work well enough. It would be nice to hear some reviews where the whole story is read as such, but that's probably asking for too much. Shame really, as it'd be nice to hear stuff about how my foreshadowing and stuff like that worked, because there was a conscious and perhaps overly methodical process to everything. There's actually a fair amount of stuff in act 1 that only really comes into play in Act 2 (hell, there's even stuff in act 1 that's not supposed to fully kick into gear until Act 3). Yeah, megalomania, it's the only reasonable excuse I can think of. This may not be the proper full ending I'd planned, but it is the intended end of Act 2, so at least there's that level of closure.

Anyway, I'd like to thank anyone who reviewed my story, especially the ones who took their time to try and be as critical as possible. I'm sure I've learned a lot thanks to you. It is definitely interesting to note how differently people can see things, even if I have pointed this subjectivity out many times in context of my story. Even so, each time I hear things I couldn't have imagined myself and rarely the people reviewing share the same critiques and likes for a particular chapter. The most difficult thing I've been trying to learn is to find the write level between explicitness and subtlety, which has been very tricky. For every reader who seems to work out everything from just a few lines of text like they were inside my head there's at least as many people who have a completely different interpretation of everything, which occasionally can unfortunately be a bit detrimental, especially if I'm trying to make some sort of point. But even so, thanks to anyone and everyone who showed even some interest in my story. Having fans of some level was a really nice boost in motivation. I may write stories I'd like to read, but I also want them to be shared. So once again, thank you readers, it's been a pleasure sharing this with all of you. I only wish I could do even more.


	54. Act III: A New Pair of Shoes and Pants

Author's notes: Well, I'm back. After relaxing for nearly two weeks after my term of service ended, I went back to see what I had written for act 3 and see if there was anything nice there. What I found was still promising but thankfully my time away had also spawned a few new ideas and I found myself writing again fairly easily, despite worrying a few months back if I'd still have any enthusiasm left for this story. And now the time has come to draw everything that was started in act 1 to a final close. Expect more inter-personal drama as you've come to expect from this story, especially for a good long while as our characters dwell in happier times after surviving the standard darker second act. Of course that doesn't mean something mysterious and sinister won't be in the works, but this story has always mainly been focused on Kyon and his relationships, plot and philosophy second (if you'll believe it). Updates might however come at a slower pace than the weekly rate I aimed at before, as I don't have the same sized buffer of text to ensure regularity. Things will probably come whenever they're ready. I'm going to try and switch up my writing style a bit too, to try and make chapters read a bit better on their own to compensate for this however.

* * *

"C'mon! Faster, Kyon! Faster!" Haruhi yelled heatedly in my ear, her moist breath urging me on.

"I'm doing the best I can!" I said between gasps for breaths.

"Faster! Faster!"

"Stop squeezing so hard! Why do you have to be on top of me like that anyway?"

"What? You think you'd do better if I was _under_ you? Be realistic!"

"I usually do this type of thing alone, but now with you here it's harder than usual!"

"Well of course it's harder with me here, so what?"

"Well with you riding on top like this, I don't think I can be as fast as I would alone."

"We're handling this together, all right? I don't trust you to handle the goods by yourself! You need a tender touch for this sort of thing!"

"Tender? You're anything but!"

"Only with you, since you need to be put in your place!"

"Look, I know how this works! I know –"

"You wouldn't even know where to stick it!"

"Yeah I do! Around the back! That's how it's best if you want –"

"Absolutely not! Through the front side as fast as possible so we can keep going without stopping!"

"Couldn't we at least take a break?"

"No! We're on a tight schedule! We've only got half an hour before we meet with the others! And we still need to do this twice!"

"Seriously, without you I could have already come and –"

"If I wasn't here riding you, you wouldn't do it properly!"

"Seriously, I know how to –"

"Will you just shut up about that already? I'm really not into smacking you right now, but you keep tempting me!"

"Seriously… I don't think I can keep this up for much longer…"

"Almost there… almost there…" Suddenly an eager enthusiasm started growing in Haruhi's voice was we rode on closer to our goal. "C'mon, Kyon, plow ahead at full speed!"

"RRAAAHH!" I put all I had into the final push, if for no other reason than a faster, even if it was just momentary with a beast like Haruhi, release.

"Yes!" Haruhi's yell was one of near ecstasy.

She then jumped off me and ran, leaving me to catch my breath, panting and heaving harder than any actual beast of burden ever had, and probably with a more vicious handler as well to fear.

"Here you go, Mr. Toriyama! Fresh and warm! Remember Sakurazaki's bakery if you want high quality pastries! And for a limited time only, you will have them delivered to you in a timely fashion! So act now!"

Limited time only meant for as long as it took for Haruhi to gather the funds for… whatever it was that she was planning.

Haruhi handed one of the packages of pastries she had been carrying with a happy and marketable smile and then she turned and hurried back to me. She hopped up behind me and grabbed onto my shoulder with her right hand while her left had the duty of holding what remained of the stack of packages, a _slightly_ easier burden to now carry after our latest delivery.

"C'mon, Kyon! Two more and we'll be done for today!"

"I can't… my lungs are burning!" I wheezed.

"Move!"

Haruhi smacked the back of my head. I heaved my leg back on a pedal and pushed off, making progress like a snail. Haruhi smacked me again. Even so, my trusty old bike didn't go much faster.

* * *

When the last kick of a pedal was given, when I was allowed to squeeze on the break and hear the angelic screech of rubber tires that followed and feel the weight of two tightly clenched hands on my shoulders lifted as the girl riding behind me leaped away, I was finally able to take a deep breath and slump over my bike handles to rest a little.

"Well, how'd it go?" Haruhi eagerly asked the other SOS Brigade members, all of them waiting for us at the agreed rendezvous point.

"I was only able to deliver eight of my assigned fifteen," Koizumi said with an apologetic smile, shrugging like an idiot beyond justifiable condemnation. It was a smile that both said 'sorry' and 'but you should have known better' in the most manipulative manner.

"_Huh_? What are you _saying_?" Haruhi asked dumbly, rather taken aback by this info, like she'd been told the sky had always really been pink instead of blue.

"I'm afraid I seem to have let you down today, Commander," Koizumi said, sounding as sycophantic as ever when it came to Haruhi.

"_Geez_…" Haruhi gave her head an agitated shake while giving her forehead a rub of her fingers (a motion that made Koizumi smirk and give me an odd glance, like he wanted to say something to me), before she turned to face Yuki hopefully. "What about you, Yuki?"

"…Three."

"What? You only delivered _three_ packages? What did you do, _walk_?"

The pale girl nodded.

Haruhi slapped her forehead before she let it slide down to reveal the exasperated grimace of a sick toad. "_Yuki_…"

Haruhi then turned to face Asahina-san, making the girl squeak as she came face to face with Haruhi's glower. "I… I… I got lost…"

"So, you only delivered…?"

Asahina-san fidgeted with her fingers, sheepishly rubbing her knees together as she stared at the ground like a kid being asked why there was a big wet puddle in the middle of the living room. "…N-none…"

"Oh _c'mon_!"

Haruhi's face was turning red and I decided to go ahead and plug my ears for what followed. But just as she took a deep inhale through the nose, her clamped mouth looking ready to burst with outrage, cheeks slightly puffed, she glanced at me and that little pause that followed seemed to deflate her. What could have been a furious blast came out as simple annoyance: "I can't believe Kyon and I were the only ones to deliver all our packages!"

Thirty packages, all in all, meaning five trips back to Sakurazaki's to get a new batch of packages to deliver with Haruhi weighing me down as well until we had arrived at the crossing where we would all gather. My legs had never felt as tired. My _shoulders_ had never ached so much. And the back of my head had definitely seen better days too.

"Well it's too late to deliver the rest now! Old man Sakurazaki said they had to be where they should be by," Haruhi glanced at her phone's display, "ten minutes ago. Don't know why they had to be wherever so fast, but it's not our concern!"

Haruhi gave the three others a reprimanding look, the whole scene playing far too much like a mother scolding her children for my liking.

"I'm very disappointed in all three of you. No treats for any of you! Bad peons, _bad_!" Haruhi scolded the others and then jumped back behind me. "March to the café! And you'll all be paying for yourselves this time! Now go, Kyon! All this yelling and putting up with you lot has left me really thirsty! I wanna have a nice cold drink! You brought your wallet, right?" she asked me.

_Sigh_…

I kicked off and started pedaling for the café that was just a few blocks away. I was just too tired to try and fight back anymore.

As we passed out of the sight of the others, the hands that had tightly been gripping my shoulders loosened and slide down my front into a more relaxed embrace under my armpits to grab around my chest. The head that had towered over mine the majority of the day came to rest against my right shoulder.

"Good work today," she said softly in my ear as her hold on me tightened a little and she pressed her body against mine.

Hearing something like that from my personal slave driver allowed a smirk to escape from me.

"No problem," I muttered, going ahead and slowing down a little. We weren't in any kind of hurry right now.

Things had remained strangely quiet after everything, and I wasn't just talking about the usual sci-fi nonsense. For starters, something had changed about Haruhi. We hadn't done any searches or anything that weird in a while. But what really made me stop and watch her carefully was how silent she had remained about… what had happened. I had hoped – no, assumed that she would keep me in the loop, but it seemed like Haruhi had come to a conclusion of her own. All she had said before was that she needed time to think, and for a day or two you could see an air of hushed consideration about her, until she seemed to gain her old zest for life and dragged me off for drinks. I had expected her to clue me in on what she thought of facing off with Fuyumi, about finally coming face to face with something truly supernatural, but it was like the thing hadn't even happened.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to press the issue, having gained a better understanding of her powers. If Haruhi had for some reason decided this wasn't an issue to be pursued, then it followed that oddities around us probably wouldn't increase, but if I did bring it up, Haruhi might start thinking more about weird things and that was as far from what I wanted as possible at the moment.

I had been happy enough just drinking my soda, listening to Haruhi go on about some nonsense about… practically everything. I don't think there was a single thing the girl didn't have an opinion on, and opinions they certainly were, because none of them were really enlightened views. Sure, Haruhi was a smart girl, but she tended to view things solely from one angle, her own. People like Sasaki and Koizumi would always spend so much time on considering all possible vantage points that it was oddly refreshing to hear from someone practically as egotistical as me.

Holism just wasn't my thing. I simply couldn't juggle all those balls. I had more than enough on my hands already without considering the fates of mankind as a collective and individuals at the same time. Having Haruhi go on about her world and her world alone… felt nice. It was small and understandable (though stupid as hell mostly). Haruhi's world was a lot like my world, even if it was a bit bigger and grander in ambition. A guy could grow comfortable in a world like that. There was definitely plenty of room in it. And if that world was heading closer to mine instead of veering off on dangerous adventures, I was more than willing to allow a meeting between them.

But still, I couldn't help but wonder… why wasn't Haruhi jumping in joy and arranging parades now that she'd finally found what she had been looking for? Better yet, why hadn't she even _mentioned_ any of it?

* * *

It didn't take too long for the others to catch up to us. I had already brought Haruhi her drink and the little treat she'd set her eyes on when we'd entered the café, eyes open wide enough to consume it by themselves and mouth practically lathering at the time, while I was busy draining the huge slushyI had bought for myself along with an extra large soda as the others came up to us.

When the others had shown up, I had automatically reached for my wallet, only to have Haruhi rise up in her seat and point accusingly at me. "Hey! I said you _won't_ be paying today!" The finger had then shifted to the others and told them to get what they wanted themselves.

While the others went about getting their snacks, Haruhi pulled out a little notebook and started scribbling what looked like math problems on it. Her tongue would poke out occasionally in an unpleased manner and she'd glare at the results occasionally, but she didn't say anything as she went about doing her personal arithmetic.

The pastry delivery job hadn't been the first odd job the SOS Brigade had taken in the last few days. In fact, we seemed to be scrambling for any and all venues of money we could get our hands on. At first Haruhi had offered her services in cleaning the school at a super low price for the faculty, but with her history none of the teachers had been trusting enough to give her any extra time in school after lessons and club activities were over.

School had become something of a joke: days were half as long and teachers appeared have been ordered to make absolutely certain everyone was okay through insistent questioning every lesson. Because of the _obviously_ traumatic experiences our town had gone through recently, the schools (or whoever was in charge of decisions like these) had decided that the youth of our town needed time to gather themselves. I'd thought it completely useless, because I'd already done my fair share of personal growth what with all the lives I'd saved and dangers I'd faced, but I certainly wasn't one to complain either. In fact, most people didn't. Sure, there was a sizable enough minority (or maybe it was just loud enough) that felt there was real need to evaluate their lives and safety in light of recent events, but for the most part life went on. Children still played games, people still laughed, merchants would try to sell anything, accidents and personal tragedies still happened, no matter what. Nothing had changed in that regard.

This was probably because whatever speculated act of terrorism might have occurred in our town for all the normal people, the explosions and injuries had been fairly well contained. The injured people didn't seem to have many if any relatives or anyone that really knew them in town (making me wonder from just how far all the espers had gathered to watch over Haruhi and Sasaki). In fact, it was probably only because our school had gotten some damage that they had decided to give the students some time off. Counseling had also been offered, but no one that I knew had taken up the offer. It was hard to imagine anyone wasting up their free time like that, unless they were already in a condition to warrant professional help before the events. But perhaps I was just being a bit cynical, who knows...

"There's no way we'll make enough money like this before school ends…" Haruhi eventually spoke out, slamming her pencil so deep into the notebook it actually stayed vertical for a while before ot slumped to a side and then fully fell over.

"I've heard the city council considering to simply do away with what remains of the semester and extend this hiatus to the summer break," Koizumi said.

"Well, that'd be cool. It'd certainly give us more time to earn some cash. Though I bet they'd give us a ton of homework or something along with it."

"More likely they will simply start the next semester early."

"Those fiends! The summer vacation is sacred! Don't those old farts remember anything beyond their fat bellies anymore? Don't they remember the joy and excitement to rush out and escape into the world and do whatever you want for a few months? It's crap like this that sometimes makes me wonder if I should try and run for office in the future and change the world for the better."

A mental image of troops marching in formation and hailing their new female dictator passed briefly through my head.

"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly is it that we're trying to raise money for?" Koizumi asked.

"Nu-uh, can't tell you. It's – a – sur-_prise_!" Haruhi said playfully, waggling a finger in Koizumi's direction.

Koizumi smiled pleasantly. "Of course. I'm sure we'll all appreciate it when it happens."

"Yup, in Haruhi we trust," I muttered between sips.

"Hmf," Haruhi huffed disapprovingly at me. "It's really amazing how you can sometimes make nearly anything you say sound so childishly sarcastic."

"It's a gift," I said, slurping the last of my slushy before I'd transition to my refreshing soda. Seeing how quickly I'd slurped my slushy, I was fairly certain my soda would still be equally cool and refreshing.

"You should have returned it then."

"Lost my receipt."

"You took the sub-par metaphor too long and ruined it all."

_Slurrrrp_

"Like I said, a gift."

"Now you're just annoying. Not funny in the slightest."

"You sound just like my mother."

"Ah…" My words seemed to have hit Haruhi like a flick on the nose, making her blink in wide-eyed shock at first before her cheeks went crimson. "Sh-shut up!"

_Slurrrrp! _ I countered with a mighty sip of soda. _Ahh… so refreshing!_

But before I could really enjoy the glow of the moment, Haruhi delivered a soft blow to my stomach with a closed fist, sending my drink spraying in Koizumi's face. Asahina-san yelped in surprise.

"Such arrogance from the lowliest member, smiling smugly at his Commander in Chief! It's clear that I can't let up at all with the whip. You just bite the hand that feeds you!"

Nope, it's more like just the hand that whips me. Any feeding is always done by me, whether it's paying for snacks or bringing in healthy helpings of common sense.

"Now apologize to Koizumi for spraying him in the face."

Seriously, like my mother.

As if she could hear my thoughts, Haruhi shot me a death glare.

_slurp…_

"It's quite all right," Koizumi said, dabbing at his face with a napkin Asahina-san had quickly given him after getting over the shock of seeing me assaulted. "Accidents _do_ happen."

Stop enabling Haruhi already.

"Anyway, what were we talking about?" Haruhi asked, slumping over to lean her head against the table with a supporting hand against her cheek. Her face was turned away from me now. Maybe I was being ignored (hopefully). I just wanted to drink what I had left in peace. I didn't have any more money and I had a sneaking suspicion what remained would fail to satisfy me.

"We were talking about our plans for the summer," Asahina-san answered smartly, smiling politely at Haruhi. "O-or the days off we have before it, at least."

"Oh yeah, right… Don't make any plans for a while guys. I'm not sure when it'll happen, what with the lackluster way you all are carrying about, but when it happens it shouldn't be more than a week."

Typical Haruhi. Expecting her Brigade to put their lives on hold for her. But I guess I can't complain. It's not as if I had any plans of my own beyond resting and relaxing. But still, they were plans nevertheless, and mine at that.

"Well… I guess that's that then," Haruhi said, turning her head even further away to stare directly out the window. "Dismissed."

As what passed for the rank of the Brigade filed out of the cafe, I shook my soda, hearing nothing but a miserable little sloshing. I sighed, feeling like I had barely had any of it. I shook it again, but the air in the cup hadn't been transmorgraphied into anything. And if it that wasn't bad enough, I'd just used the term 'transmorgraphied'. Haruhi must have been getting to me more than I'd thought.

"You stayed, huh?" Haruhi asked simply, still facing the window, the reflection of her face blocked by her head.

"Just finishing my drink," I said perfectly honestly.

"Really now? You sure you're not just being a lovesick puppy?" Still her head remained turned, though her tone had changed a bit.

"Knowing how even you adore puppies like any other girl… not feeling particularly puppy-like."

"Hmm…" Haruhi finally turned her head to stare at me blankly in a measuring manner, before she broke into a sly smirk. "You're an odd one, aren't you?"

"Hrng!" I nearly choked on my drink. After a few coughs to clear my throat, my eyes watering at the sudden reaction, I found Haruhi chuckling to herself.

"Now before you say something as uninspired as 'that's rich', would you mind not wasting both our time and just stepping out of the booth? I feel like leaving."

Having lost my taste for what remained of my drink and being dealt two unsuspected verbal blows in quick succession, I sidled off to throw away what little was left of my soda. When I returned (not quite sure why I did that, actually) the booth was now completely empty. I looked around the café but there were only regular customers about. With no reason to stay, I decided to go home as well.

I was out the door of the café when I heard Haruhi just behind me. "Took you long enough."

"You didn't leave?" I asked, turning around to see Haruhi leaning back against the wall between the window and door of the café.

"I left the booth, didn't I?"

"But you didn't go home?"

"Nope."

"…Why not?"

"No reason."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"…Maybe it's just me, but you're acting kind of… strange."

"Hadn't noticed."

How could you notice something like that?

"But speaking of which, you've seemed a bit off to me too."

"Well, things have changed."

"Not really."

"Our school was attacked, my stomach got opened by a freak, then you and I… you know…"

Haruhi glanced off casually, turning her head to glance at the horizon as if she didn't particularly care if I continued or not.

"Actually, on the topic of –"

"I'm not in an amorous mood, Kyon, so you'll have to satisfy your hormonal urges by yourself."

"No, not that. I wasn't talking about us, but about… everything that happened. You've been really quiet about it all."

"What's there to talk about?"

"Are you _serious_?"

Haruhi gave an annoyed look that threw my words right back at me. But I didn't feel like backing off right now.

"We finally found what you've been looking for over a year now, something 'supernatural', and you just… act like it didn't happen. You haven't said a word. It's like it didn't happen. What's up with that?"

"Like I said," Haruhi stepped away from the wall, pushing her chest forwards and stretching her arms a bit above her head as she took a few ginger steps, "what's there to talk about?"

"Once again with emphasis, are you _serious_? Fuyumi could go through stuff and teleport. This is the jackpot, the mother load, your wet dream."

Haruhi's expression, which had remained fairly neutral beyond the occasional instance of annoyance in the passing, now changed into something quite different, but still subtle enough to make it hard for me to read. Her brows furrowed a tiny bit and her lips seemed to tighten somewhat and the way she looked off away from me left me with the impression I hadn't been quite right.

"Fuyumi's gone for good, isn't she? So what's there to talk about?" Haruhi repeated, crossing her hands as she kept staring away at a slight downwards angle.

I looked to what would be my eight a clock just in case there was something to be seen, what with where Haruhi was staring, but I didn't spot anything noteworthy.

"Sure, she's gone and all… but… she pretty much validated everything you've been talking about since… the first time we met."

"Look, Kyon." Haruhi's head snapped back into position to stare at me sternly. "I don't wanna talk about it! It's done! Over! Why don't you get over it as well?"

"Hey, I'm just fine. It's you who I'm… a bit worried about."

"Well don't. I wasn't the one who… who was hurt."

For a moment, the girl looked fragile, almost like the faint breeze might manage to push her over.

"…Hey… Haruhi…"

"Just drop it," Haruhi answered irritably. "I _don't_ wanna talk about it. Life goes on. We're not going to wallow in anything. We're off to the next thing."

"…So your plan is…?"

"Sheesh, are you deaf or just stupid. It's a surprise!"

"Okay, okay. I won't push it."

"Good, because you're really starting to annoy me," Haruhi said, taking a long step closer next to me. She looked up into my eyes. "You really need some lessons in discipline."

"And you'd teach them? That's like asking a snail to teach how to run or –"

Haruhi reached up and kissed me on the lips.

"Shut up, Kyon," Haruhi said nonchalantly as she gave her hair a flick of her fingers and turned about on her heels and started walking away. "See you tomorrow."

…

Huh.

Well, that's one way to shut me up, I suppose. But even so… even though I'd acted like I wasn't interested in talking about the subject, I wouldn't have minded getting a few details on me and Haruhi and where exactly the two us were in terms of our relationship. Haruhi had changed after everything, and not just in terms of her need and desire to search for oddities but it was in the little things as well. Haruhi had always been kind of hot and cold towards me depending on how exactly I reacted to her dumb plans, or the scalding and freezing to be more exact, but now even those things seemed changed. Maybe it was just me, but there was a softness to our interactions that hadn't been there before. Even though Haruhi had given me a little hit in the gut, it wasn't anywhere near the same that flicks on my nose, swats on my head with rolled up paper or even a kick in my butt had been like. It was of course possible that I'd just grown used to it all, but Haruhi seemed to be going easier on me nowadays. I wasn't complaining as such, but it was kind of weird, an adjustment if you will, like wearing brand new shoes. Things were better, I guess, but I still needed to walk in my new shoes some more, let them mould to the shape of my feet and let my feet get used to them in turn, to put it metaphorically.

And all this kissing business… I really didn't know how to deal with it either. In keeping with the apparel theme of my thoughts, Haruhi kissing me was a brand new pair of pants to wear, as it were. It wasn't the kissing I minded at all, it was just the weird way she'd go about it. It was like she'd always spring it up on me without any sort of warning, like I was being toyed with.

Haruhi had come over to my house sometimes, but they hadn't been what one might expect, although they sometimes were as well, or… eh, I don't know; it was weird. Sometimes she'd show up (unannounced of course) and we'd just talk and goof about, but occasionally, and it didn't happen every time, she'd just start making out with me in the middle of it all.

This wasn't really an issue either, as such. No, it was the way she'd go about it. She'd always catch me off guard and then proceed to kiss me passionately, jumping in my lap if I was seated or pushing herself on top of me if I happened to be on my bed, and then when I was just getting over the shock of the sudden ferocity with which she'd attack me, she would usually end it there, just as I was getting into it. It was a bit maddening. It was like she was experimenting or something, pushing and prodding at boundaries I apparently had no true concept of as of yet. She'd always have this strange look on her face afterwards and before I could ask, she'd start up some new conversation or come up with something else for us to do. But luckily all of this didn't happen too often. Visits from Haruhi were still few and infrequent. I could almost still count the times I'd made out with her on one hand. Almost.

…Or perhaps it wasn't me who was being tested...

…

_Anyway…_

It certainly was an interesting development.

And yet... very little had changed between us. Except that there was more bodily contact (thats is, if you didn't count smacking me on the back of my head or flicking me on the nose, of course). Skinship, I believe it's called, or something to that effect. And it was getting hard to remember when Haruhi had last shouted properly at me. It had been long ago… maybe too long…

Were we girlfriend and boyfriend…? Not really, not as such. I honestly didn't know what we were. Friends with benefits? I couldn't even really call it that. In order to be that, there would have to be clear benefits instead of the frustrating manner in which Haruhi went about distributing said benefits.

A thought occurred to me, but it felt strange, although with Haruhi in mind, strange was always a fitting association. Haruhi had said once that she wasn't immune to the effects of affection, having the occasional urge herself, what with being quite the quote unquote healthy girl. Was that it? Was she just letting her impulses be satisfied whenever she pleased? It was a strange thought because it implied Haruhi had been more restrained back in the past than she was now... What a scary thought! And yet, she was softer and more patient with me than ever before… always a source of contradictions and frustration for me, no matter what happened with her, no matter what particulars changed.

Haruhi was still Haruhi. Looking back on things, it really was quite interesting how she'd gone from a sociopathic weirdo who would fondle other girls and use blackmail, to a girl who had come to worry about the people around her, like when Yuki had been sick in the cabin during the blizzard due to some data attack of some sort and now to how she was acting towards me.

The girl had grown up but she hadn't let the fire inside her die out. She was still full of energy and determination if our bike trip was any indication, but still… the way she wouldn't talk about what had happened to us, to me, to Fuyumi, it set me ill at ease. Something had changed in her, and for the first time ever, probably, I hadn't been there to see what exactly it was.

My mind pondered about this for a moment before it wandered off to a file cabinet of recent events for one reason or another and pulled up the mental video on the first time we'd properly made out after Fuyumi, in complete peace and quiet without the fear of death pushing us forward. It had happened in the clubroom, and it had remained the only time we'd made out there. I wasn't sure if I liked or disliked this fact. There was just something wrong about kissing Haruhi there… and on the other hand that was also why it felt so great to do it there.

But anyway, things had started off a bit oddly, then progressed to something in no shape or form any better, really…

Anyway,things had gone like this:

Haruhi had held my tie, narrowed eyes tightly peeled on it as she scrutinized it as if inspecting it for dirt.

"Uhm… so… what? Is this my punishment, for whatever, you keeping me here?"

"Shut up. I'm trying to decide how best to go about this."

I shut up, feeling rather nervous, all things considered. Haruhi had for some reason completely beyond me held me back as everyone was getting ready to leave the clubroom. She'd said something about punishing me, dishing out detention for me as I was almost at the door. Asahina-san had given me a worried look, Koizumi one somewhere between interest and amused sympathy, while Nagato, being the last one to leave, having to close the door, had given me a look, much like any other of hers, but the way she had intently focused on me and then Haruhi had left an odd impression in my head, almost like she would have had something to say about my detention, provided someone had asked her. I certainly would have, but Haruhi had made sure I wasn't going anywhere, stepping between me and the door, arms at her hips as she gave a little glower. The door had then shut, accompanied with the gentle click of the lock, sealing my fate for the rest of the afternoon.

"Do what exactly?" I asked. I honestly had no idea what I was still doing there, with Haruhi no less.

As far as I could tell, I hadn't done anything to warrant Haruhi's discontent, the day passing within the clubroom as it did on most days, but knowing Haruhi, it could have been any number of things to irk her. The odd thing was though, if I had done something wrong before, then surely she would have torn me a new one right then and there. She always spoke her mind, at least if something irritated her.

"Hush up. I need to focus here."

I let Haruhi focus what must have been a hurricane of ideas and thoughts on a good day, each rivaling the other with its sheer inanity.

"Kyon," Haruhi said far too sternly after the wistful pause, making emergency klaxons cry in my head.

"Yes..?"

"I want the Brigade to be a single cohesive unit again… and… and I don't want anything getting in the way of that. You – you're a lech, but you're one of us… I… I wanna make this all work, so I can't have you going about mucking things up." Slowly, almost a bit indecisively at first, Haruhi reached up to gently caress my cheek. "You know you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, right?"

"Yeah, so what? Manure works even better."

My comment certainly made Haruhi pause to let a perplexed look pass across her face before a contemplative one stepped in. I could see the mental calculations being carried about in her eyes, pupils rolling about in the upper hemispheres of her eyes, and about her mouth with her tongue jumping about and causing cute little bumps against her lips and cheek, until the equation for an answer arrived with a borderline sadistic smirk.

"Oh… so you like it rough then?"

"Wha- No, I – that is – No! Don't put words in my mouth, woman!"

"Hmmm…"

"Okay, why are you looking at me like that?"

All of a sudden, Haruhi sprung up on her toes and – kissed me. Right on the lips. Just a little peck though.

"Hmm," she mumbled, as she pulled back, pulling her lips inwards, jaw wiggling a little as she seemed to either weigh her lips or options (maybe both).

"Uh… what?" was all I managed after the sudden but soft assault on my lips.

Haruhi got up close, really close, so close I got a good peak down her school uniform, seeing the curvature of her breasts in the small gap. I tried not to make it too obvious, but Haruhi didn't seem to notice either way.

"Hmm… you try it."

"Uh… what?"

"Kissing me. What else?"

"Oh, ah, okay..."

I grabbed Haruhi by the shoulders and firmly planted myself in front of her. She peeked up at me with an edgy look, anxious to see what I would do and how it would be done. The way she stared at me nearly had a suffocating effect on me, but I pushed through my anxiety and gave Haruhi a kiss on the lips. I tried making it as passionate as possible, but:

"No, something's off," Haruhi said broodingly, taking a step backwards after the kiss was over.

Huh?

"Oh, I know," Haruhi exclaimed, seemingly brightening up like a fresh light bulb as an idea arrived. "Push me against the wall."

Too dumbstruck to argue back, I placed my hand against her shoulder and gave it a little push. Haruhi took a step back, and did indeed come in contact with the wall. She stood there for a moment, before she looked at up at me with a superciliously raised eyebrow.

"Is that _it_?"

"Okay," I said, my confusion starting to frustrate me, "what the hell do you want from me?"

"Sheesh, I thought you were a bit more genre-savvy than this."

Genre-savvy? What, you want me too…? No way.

"Look, do you want to make out?" I asked, nearly giving my head a confused scratch, but was luckily strong enough to fight the stupid urge which would have made me look even dumber. "I mean… if that's what you wanted… you could've… well… _asked_. That is, if you wanted that… did you?"'

I was so confused. Either Haruhi really did want to maybe make out with me, or she was looking for a fight, a physical one. The latter felt less likely, but not because it would have been weird of Haruhi. In fact, a fight would have been much more believable of her. It was just the way this was all going down. If Haruhi wanted a fight, she would have kicked me in the family jewels or done something almost as painful right from the start.

"I mean, seriously, it's not like I – you know – that is – not like I would have said no or anything… I mean… you know… could you just tell me to shut up already?" I should have just gone ahead and given my head a good, long scratch, because I'd just managed to sound far more stupid than I would have looked by doing so before.

"Wow, you can just really kill the mood unlike anyone else. It's astounding, really," Haruhi said as she crossed her arms, leaned on a hip, and gave me a mocking grin.

"…Wasn't much to kill in my opinion."

"I'm doing you a favor here," Haruhi said as she leaned back against the wall behind her, one knee bent outwards as she brought a foot against the wall.

"What? You're doing _me_ a favor? Isn't it you who…"

Haruhi gave me a glare.

"I'll just shut up now."

"Look, we _both_ have needs. _Especially_ you. So, we should figure out a way in which those needs… can be met."

"Really?"

"No, I'm joking. This is all the most elaborate and unfunny gag ever," Haruhi said, indulging in some rare sarcasm on her part, giving her eyes a healthy roll. I really wish she didn't do it at all. She was difficult enough without it. Besides, sardonic derision was more of my thing than anyone else's, though admittedly, I was no master. But one has to stick to what they know best.

"Look, I really don't want to get into this, but… if we're gonna do this, we need… structure, guidelines, I guess. How exactly are we going to go about this?"

Guidelines? Okay, I know I don't have the dating experience you have had, but since when have there ever been any guidelines? …Well, okay, there's some, like social conventions, polite behavior and the like, but when have you been one to follow any of that? And we're not dating anyway, not really. Or are we? Okay, I'm just confused, I'm more than willing to admit it.

"Kyon, there's always a right way to do things and the wrong way. You can't find the strange if you don't look the right way, like we have as the SOS Brigade."

"And like always, _you_ know the right way, of course."

"Well of course," Haruhi asnwered immediately without event a hint of modesty. "Now… best way to start would probably be with what we don't want."

Sure, that sounds reasonable – wait, what the hell is this? We're not dating! We're just… something. You and me… Something.

"Rule #1: Don't make a big deal about this! Although I can understand that something like this must be astronomically huge for you, I do not want you slowing me and the Brigade down! This is most important! Crucial! Your life depends on it!" Haruhi left the wall to its own devices and jabbed a finger in my face. "You have a disability, much like most of humanity. You let your hormones and social conventions control you, making you think you have to pair up with someone. I'm just relieving this pressure, so you can stay with us. Understand that, okay?"

"Yeah… sure."

There was a little pause.

"So…Any demands you'd like to make?" Haruhi asked, placing her hands on her hips.

"What, you're actually willing to let _me_ decide about something?"

"The way I see it, this is pretty much a business deal. A transaction. I get what I want, you get something you want."

Cute, warm and fuzzy, the way a relationship should be. Great.

_Sigh…_

"But don't push your luck!" Haruhi quickly added, her cheeks a little pinker now. "You already nearly ruined everything before! But seeing how important this sort of crap is for you, as the Brigade Commander, I'm ready to shoulder the responsibility of aiding those members that are in need! But if you make a big deal about this and drag us all down with you to your level, you'll be castrated! So it really is up to you, whether we do it the easy or hard way!"

I could easily believe that, that there was an easy and a hard way to make out with Haruhi, though I doubted that the easy way was in any way easy to come by.

"Okay… but, wouldn't just castrating me be a lot easier than having to 'service my needs' all the time? For you, of course." I couldn't help put point out the 'little' hole of logic. It simply came as a natural response to Haruhi nowadays.

"Sh-shut up!" Haruhi angrily sputtered, trading up in redness of the cheek variety. "You want to be neutered like the bastard in heat you are?"

"Of course not! I was just saying!" I immediately answered, feeling an uncomfortable phantom pain below at the mere thought of losing man's one true best friend. (Dog people were insane to even hint otherwise.)

"Well keep your stupid observations to yourself! Isn't that what you usually do?" Haruhi asked huffily.

Yes, but how did you know that?

A sticky silence followed, catching careless words like a spider web before they got a chance to fly out of either one of us. Haruhi looked at ground, hiding her blushing face. I also looked away, giving my neck a scratch, feeling my cheeks heat up as well. Neither one of us said anything else for the longest time until one of us finally broke the silence.

"So…you wanna make out then?"

Haruhi looked up at me, blinking once in slight surprise. "Uhmm… that is to say… I wouldn't mind if you were to… do stuff to me if you wanted…"

The cute sight of a blushing Haruhi was an image I had a harder time to cope with than I had managed to imagine. Most scenarios where I would find Haruhi in an embarrassed state involved me laughing and pointing at her spitefully. But this…

I gulped down a deep helping of air that didn't offer much cooling and could feel my own cheeks rise further in temperature.

Slowly Haruhi leveraged herself up on to her toes, a hesitant pause stealing over her for a moment as she stared at me with something a bit like trepidation, before she screwed up her face and kissed me on the lips. I let the kiss last for a moment, drinking in the sensation, before I put a hand on Haruhi's hip and dared to pull her closer.

What followed was a lot of things. It was weird and awkward. It was uncomfortable and messy. It was nerve-racking and scary. It was stifling hot and sometimes made my knee jerk awkwardly, causing something of a short commotion in-between the bigger commotion. And yet… I would have preferred it if it had continued. It stopping would have meant the beginning of something potentially more awkward.

The table saw the most use. I would occasionally manage to get on top but that hardly ever lasted long. It wasn't that I particularly cared where I was, but Haruhi's knees and elbows tended to press painfully against my body if I let her roam freely over me.

As bad as it was though… when Haruhi's lips touched mine, all the uncomfortable sensations were wiped away. All that existed in those seconds that lasted an eternity was her soft, warm flesh on mine. But before I could even really start, it ended… and it was probably my fault.

"He-hey! Wait… nn-not there!" Haruhi suddenly pulled back, biting her lower lip as she looked at me uncertainly.

"Huh? Wha… what's wrong?"

Haruhi pulled down on her shirt, flushing a bit as she looked away. "I… I'm not really ready for that."

As we'd been making out, my hand had, all on its own, made its way up the contours of Haruhi's sleek side, up her smooth skin, to rest at her side, under her shirt, right under her left breast. I hadn't as such intended on anything, but the mind-wiping power of Haruhi's hot kisses should not be underestimated.

"_You're_ feeling self-conscious?" I asked. Then again, I suppose it wasn't really the first time… But still, to see the dauntless and often exhibitionistic Haruhi blushing in front of me despite appearing in front of me in bikinis and the like was… cute, too damn cute.

"Ah… a maiden's heart isn't something to be toyed with, you know!" Haruhi sharply replied, growing redder in the face as she frowned at me. "One needs to prepare for… for the bumbling assault of an awkward little boy!"

"Yeah, right, it's my fault, _sorry_."

"I think we've had enough for one day anyway," Haruhi said as she eagerly clambered off me, straightening the hem of her dress and her hair.

I sat up on the table and gave my neck a good stretch, only now fully realizing just how uncomfortable a position I'd been in. "So… was that it? We finished?" This was exactly what I'd been dreading, 'the awkwardness that ensued'.

"Uhmm… _Well_…" Haruhi looked about as bothered as me by the current development, but Haruhi wouldn't have been Haruhi if she hadn't gathered herself for one of her typical stabs at handling any subject in her unique style. "Now, uhum, obviously, we're going to be running into some fairly obvious scheduling issues and the like. You'll probably be ready more often than not, even when the time ill suits you, as right now probably was."

"Oh? But it suited you then?"

"Why else would _you_ be here?"

Ah, of course, how Stupid of me…

"Anyway, it's going to be rather difficult to accommodate your requirements what with my busy schedule and all, so… Yeah, after school – whenever I'm not too busy, of course! – would probably be best. But… maybe not here…"

"Yeah… it felt a bit weird… geography-wise as well."

"Yeah… geography…"

We were quiet after that, completely unaware of where to head on this new path we'd discovered.

"Well, see ya!" Haruhi had eventually exclaimed in her usual manner and hurried off with a faint little satisfied smile.

And that had been that.

As clumsy and troublesome as our first 'proper' time together had been, it hadn't taken too long for both of us to relax and find something like what we'd had under the stars before. All was well in my little world right now. A part of me said it wouldn't last. Another part told _that_ part to shut up and go to hell. And the rest of me was just happy to be there, alive and well with the people that mattered to me.

Life _was_ good… so why did it feel like I needed to convince myself of that?


	55. Flock of Flukes

Well, it had finally been decided: our first trimester of our second year (except for Asahina-san, who was still our senpai, though it was becoming increasingly harder to remember this particular fact) would be ending sooner rather than later, so it meant I only had precious few days to enjoy the sight of girls in our school's uniform. It was odd how you could take such a little thing for granted, but upon facing the prospect of losing it, would become completely and utterly consumed by it, especially so without the usual time to prepare as with the usual breaks. Sure, the girls always looked great in anything they wore, but our school's female uniform was just… just something else.

Spring had been exceptionally warm all in all (and felt like it had lasted forever), and with summer showing early signs of its invasion, I could only hope I wouldn't end up completely cooked and roasted by a belligerent sun. Of course, extremely hot weather had its benefits as well, ones that involved my current objects of observation and would no doubt only improve the sight of them. Soon even those cute uniforms would be too much to wear…

It was lunch break and I had decided to escape from Haruhi for once, to admire the other beauties the world had. After all, these are the things a normal schoolboy should have the rights to once in a while in his life, to relax and let the good things in life flow over him.

It really had been too long…

Littered about me in chattering groups of gossip, girls flocked about like exotic birds, complete with long legs and the dynamic plumage of their uniforms. Whenever my eyes would become overwhelmed, I would simply close them and let the soft susurrus of their soft voices leak into my brain.

With my lunch at my side and the joys of a young man's life around me, it was the perfect moment. Or it would have been if Koizumi hadn't found me. I sighed in preparation. The guy couldn't keep his mouth shut for all the gold in the world.

"Enjoying yourself?" Koizumi asked as he sat next to me, looking ahead at what I was looking at.

"I was."

"Ah, I see. My apologies for interrupting your… reverie."

"Did you have something to say then?" I asked, resigning myself completely to my grim fate. It felt as if most of the girls had evaporated thanks to some gender shared sixth sense when it came to maximizing my misfortune. Losing nice things is always worse than never having had anything nice to begin with.

"I merely thought to make a polite enquiry into the current state of you and Suzumiya-san's relationship."

He sure can talk about Haruhi, can't he…? Sometimes I really wish I could go and slide over to another timeline to yank the other Koizumi's from Yuki's world and have him just go out with Haruhi instead… although that guy hadn't _either_ had the guts to tell _his_ Haruhi how he felt. But my Koizumi on the other hand… well, the jury was still out in regards to him, to be perfectly honest. Sure, he had a perfectly logical pretense for asking me about this stuff due to his duties… but honestly, he could so easily just infer what really matters and not ask for the gory details.

"I've allowed you to have free reign in regard to her for what I feel quite a significant while now."

"Oh, you've allowed me, huh? Gee, thanks."

"It's just a turn of phrase."

"A phrase of a turn would be a turn of a phrase."

Koizumi raised an eyebrow at me but I just shrugged apathetically. It had been a joke, but not a funny one by any stretch. It would have been rather disturbing in fact if Koizumi had given it any more of a response than he had.

"_Anyway_… is it now safe to assume the two of you are… official?" Koizumi asked, still looking ahead, though there wasn't anything particularly interesting about anymore.

"I haven't received a badge or a certificate, so I guess not," I answered.

"You know what I mean."

"Nope, don't think so…"

"…Did I interrupt something monumentally important when I sat down next to you to receive this sort of behavior?"

"Can't say. You interrupted me after all."

"Yes, I'm sorry, but I'd really like to –"

"Just you? Not everyone in the world?"

"Well, yes…"

"Alright. Me and Haruhi…"

"…Yes?"

"Are at a… weird place," I said perfectly honestly.

"So the two of you are an item then?"

"No, that's not what I said, _at_ – _all_."

Koizumi simply stared at me, although it was far too clear what it was he was messaging.

"Look, if Haruhi and I really did get together –"

This remark received another funny look from Koizumi, but I pressed on, not wanting to indulge him with his love of semantics and gossip, sometimes both.

"– if we _did_ get together… it wouldn't be like that. We wouldn't live in perfect harmony, with sunshine, daisies, and rainbow unicorn farts. We wouldn't go on _dates_ –" that word still carried a nasty aftertaste to it upon leaving my tongue, especially when there was a little side helping of Haruhi in the mix. One awkward date in a parallel reality had been more than enough to last me a lifetime. "– we wouldn't live together happily for ever after or any of that crap. Haruhi will always be the kind for spontaneous exercises with her chosen band of vagabonds. No… I don't think _either_ one of us would like that."

"Really? I would have taken you for the opposite kind."

"Well, if I really did want nothing but a quiet life… I guess it's true that I would have just walked away a long time ago."

Koizumi grinned. "I see that wall of self-denial is finally starting to crack."

"Shut it. There wasn't a wall. There were just thing that didn't bear minding. Just what kind of an idiot do you take me for anyway?"

"Hmm… I suppose it's always been a bit like this in relationships. Some people fall in love with an image, an ideal of a person. Then they try to make that person more like their ideal; make the lazy boy work harder, reveal and nurture the sensitive side of a tough guy, and so on… but sometimes someone gets lucky and they actually find the ideal person of their affection, and the worst thing that could happen is if they actually changed."

"Shut it. It's not like that. Haruhi and I just fooled around a bit, that's all. Don't make such a big deal about it. _We_ aren't."

"Mmmm… 'we'." Koizumi said with a sly, contented smirk.

"Shut it. How many times do I need to tell you there's nothing special up with us before you believe it?"

"I'm not sure. How many times do you think it would take to tell me the Earth is flat in order to make me believe that statement?"

"Well here's something you should believe in… _Shut_ _it_."

"As witty as ever, I see," Koizumi said, wearing a smile, that no matter what its initial intent had been, mocked me relentlessly. "I'm sure Suzumiya-san likes that about you."

"You're just sadistic, you know that?"

Koizumi snorted. "If you say so…" he said, before he turned to fully inspect me. "By the way, how is Nagato-san these days? I haven't had a chance to speak with her for quite some time…"

"Why do you wanna know about her?"

"Just curious."

"She's fine. We're fine. Everyone's fine."

"Well, however things are with her, or anyone else, I suggest some simple discretion."

"It's not like… never mind. You suck, by the way. And definitely not in the good way."

"Oh my… I shan't even ask about that comment."

I rolled my eyes.

"_Anyway_," I said a bit more forcefully than I had originally wanted to, "I've got some practical questions for you."

"Do go on."

"Now that she has actually encountered something supernatural, do you think she will start believing things such as Fuyumi are really possible? And if that is the case, do you think such things could become more common."

"Monsters, ghosts and the like?"

"Yes."

"Or perhaps she just thought it was nothing but a fluke. She witnessed a person who could seemingly teleport and pass through solid matter. Would you consider this likely even if you saw it happen?"

"Well no, absolutely not, it'd still be a one in a gazillionbazillion chance, something that goes against everything that makes the world tick," I answered, "but it would certainly open some doors… I mean, after getting proof of all your backgrounds, I found myself more accepting of anything new thrown my way

"Exactly, 'more accepting'. It didn't necessarily change your worldview in any significant manner. Within your head, was it ever a true paradigm shift?"

"Of course. Freaks like you actually existed for me now, no offense... by much."

"Hm... Yet you seemed to be equally surprised whenever anything new appeared, no matter how quickly you ended up accepting it. I believe you were always quick to point out how absurd something was, or how you believed it violated the laws of physics."

"…I think I'm starting to get what you're saying. It's like… well, like a fluke, like you said. I could win the lottery once, but that's no reason to believe it would happen again. If anything, given the probabilities, it's probably less likely now."

"I suppose," Koizumi said warily, not completely satisfied with where the conversation was going. He probably thought I was oversimplifying things again, but sometimes a cigar's just a cigar.

"So unless Haruhi keeps getting bombarded with weird things… but how did this happen in the first place? How did something supernatural finally appear? She was still as skeptical about it, wasn't she?"

"Probably but… perhaps it wasn't a question of skepticism anymore. Perhaps, something even more unlikely had occurred for her."

"What, our kiss?"

"Hmm…" Koizumi smiled one of those mysteriously satisfied smiles of his. "We are of course approaching this all from a pre-supposed solipsist angle, even if I do prefer it as such. Let's abandon this line of thought for now. I think we might be getting ahead of ourselves."

"Yeah, let's."

"No… one of the most basic principles of the human condition is one of subjectivity. We see what we want to see in everything. Good and bad, beauty and ugliness, these are more often than not our reflections upon the world, revealing more about us than the world we perceive. It is the naturalistic fallacy: we draw conclusions from nature that are not truly logical. For example, can you tell me how a rock can be good or bad, is there some measurable property of goodness or badness within a rock, or even within a human? How many units of goodness do you possess, Kyon? If you were atomized, would I find even a trace element of justice, beauty of even wisdom in your remains? But when we occasionally do see something as it truly is, beyond our expectations… rarely can we accept it. We seek a distraction to avoid dealing with something we do not want to. We lie, most often to ourselves. We _rationalize_. And reason… is the ultimate lie."

"Okay, you know what? I can see right through you. I know where this is going. We've had this conversation a million times before. This is just going to lead right back to me and Haruhi's relationship."

"Yes, it's quite inescapable. You two are bound together by and for various reasons. Mine can mainly be boiled to your complimentary natures. But when this dynamic of balance was shaken up between you – for and within Suzumiya-san – perhaps she desired for a distraction. Perhaps she required an escape to her private, subjective world, away from the world where you were… something else to her, perhaps even something more. Perhaps she was afraid of losing her world of adventure."

I looked away, wondering how exactly Haruhi's words might have spawned a place for Fuyumi to enter the stage the evening she had appeared before me the first time. Haruhi had certainly been distraught then, and maybe I had had more of a part in all of it than I had thought, but…

"Fuyumi wasn't created then and there, was she?"

"Probably not, but who ultimately knows? But on the subject of Fuyumi, there's something Mori-san would like to see you about."

"What?" I sat up straight immediately, practically ready to jump at the slightest hint of danger. "You guys know something? What is it?"

"I'm afraid I am just as much in the dark about what Mori-san would like to tell you. The invitation was essentially offered to both you and me. I would have told you the other day, but… it didn't quite feel right at the time."

"You know..."

"Do tell."

"You're far more of a pragmatist than you like to let on."

"Am I?"

"Yeah... how you steer any conversation in your direction, how you've guided me and Haruhi, what you did to her back at the fair..."

"...Yes... I suppose so. It's a character trait I'm not too fond of. Sometimes I feel I fail to practice what I preach... I suppose... I lie to myself."

"...Heh..."

"What?"

"Just did it again. It's like you've got it all planned out before we even start. Like you've ran every scenario through in front of the mirror, so you'll easily be able to meet anything with cool, impassive face."

"Hmmm... Perhaps," Koizumi said with said cool, impassive face.

"Geez, what a thing to say. And never mind the pragmatism when it's all underlined by some perverse sense of sadism."

"Hmm..." Koizumi made an amused sound. "Perhaps," he muttered with a smirk.

"So, when's Mori-san want to meet?"

"Keep your calendar open is all I can say. She's been very busy lately."

Koizumi got up to leave, giving his back a little stretch and managed to take a few steps before he turned to me again. _Great._

"Oh, and one more thing. Suzumiya-san is getting rather bored in the clubroom. Would you mind –"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be over soon."

_Sigh…_

* * *

Haruhi clicked the mouse and I heard a short little gasp from her. I glanced at her, surprised to hear such a sound from her, and saw her staring at the computer screen with blank shock, her eyes slowly starting to skitter about the screen. Then her eyes suddenly shifted into a glare that changed its focus from whatever had shocked her on the computer to me. I quickly returned my focus to the game in front of me. When I did dare look at Haruhi again, her angry stare had lessened slightly, but it was now concentrated on Asahina-san who was completely unaware of the hostile evaluation she seemed to be getting. And it definitely was an evaluation. Haruhi's eyes went up, down and about Asahina-san's body with the same speed and anxiety a general might asses the latest images of a field of battle.

"You know, Mikuru-chan," Haruhi said as she crossed her hands and leaned back to put her feet up on her desk, staring at Asahina-san critically. "I don't think you need to wear that maid uniform anymore. Your school uniform will be good enough."

"What? Wh-why?" Asahina-san asked, shocked at the mere thought to remove what was like a second skin to her within the clubroom, blinking in incomprehension.

"I've realized there can be something as _too_ titillating… for _some_ people. There's a lot of weak willed, sneaky lechers in this world… and we hardly need to feed their sick desires, do we?"

"N-no… but I – I rather l-like it…"

Haruhi's face soured, quickly gestating into an angry glare.

"Oh, you like getting that sort of attention, _do you_?" There was an oddly accusatory inflection from the queen of attention grabbing acts as she stood up. "Here I thought you were just putting your heart, mind and _body_ to the service of the Brigade, but it seems you're just doing it for some cheap thrills! I thought you had only our best interests in mind, but turns out you do it only for yourself!"

"No!" Asahina-san's denial came rather sharply for her. "O-of course not!" she added a bit more like her nervous self.

"Get over here!"

Asahina-san froze, pressing a tray to her chest, quivering in place as she stared at her mistress with a face gone pale as the moon. All Haruhi would have needed to do to get the girl moving was to shout even louder, but instead she did something that was probably even more insidious in a subtle way: her glare narrowed into one that promised hell and worse if you only stretched your imagination even only slightly to lengths beyond demons and to those of a human's, like those of Haruhi's. Slowly Asahina-san approached the Commander's desk, like it was the executioner's block. None of us could guess at what Haruhi was up to. Even I had been shocked by the sudden anger and was only now starting to slowly think that I should maybe do something about the situation, but before I could even get up from my seat, Haruhi pointed her seat and Asahina-san, after a short pause and a nervous gulp, sat down in Haruhi's chair.

Haruhi's face scrunched up into a disapproving frown as she weighed some of Asahina-san's hair in her hand like one might judge a freshly caught fish, wondering if letting it go or not was the correct response.

"Maybe we should cut your hair too. You've had this same totally boring style for over a year. I think we have some scissors around here somewhere…" Haruhi said as she strode off to a corner, rummaging about through boxes of miscellaneous items.

"EH? N-n-noo! Please, not that!" Asahina-san whimpered shrilly.

"Come over here!" Haruhi brusquely ordered as she waved a pair of scissors in the air.

I finally found the levers for operating my jaw. "Hey, stop teasing Asahina-san, will you?"

"Oh yeah, and what'll you do to stop me, huh? She's mine to do with as I please," Haruhi shot me an angry glare before she took a bunch of Asahina-san's hair in a fist and without even a second for pause or hesitation, snipped off a chunk of Asahina-san's pretty auburn hair.

"AAHH!" Tears broke out immediately, quickly drenching Asahina-san's face.

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Shut up!"

I finally got up and rushed forward to grab Haruhi by the wrist before she could do any more damage with the scissors.

"Get your grubby hands off me!" Haruhi shouted in my face.

"The hell's wrong with you?"

I felt like punching the idiot, I honestly did! But this time I was able to resist the urge all on my own, even if it was as hard as completely chewing my nails off to do so.

Haruhi yanked herself free from my hold and turned around with her arms crossed, standing perfectly still.

"_Haruhi_."

She twisted about and gave me a terrifying glare, but after staring back at her with what I hoped was even half as angry that glare of hers, Haruhi relented. She turned to face us with her hands clasped tightly to her hips. With her lips pouting, eyes and face scrunched up, eyes looking away, Haruhi took a few steps closer to Asahina-san, whose face was still red and wet. "Sorry, Mikuru-chan," Haruhi said half-heartedly. "Can I go now?" she quickly asked the room in general immediately afterwards, much like a child might.

Asahina-san was still quietly sobbing in Haruhi's chair. "I-it's o-o-o-kay, I've b-been meaning to… to… c-cut my h-h-air anyway…" she said as she stood up, doing her best to smile and look at us in the face, though it was as clear as anything how hard it was for her. Even though she was facing me, I could easily spot the little window that had been formed in her hair near her neck.

"Don't. Don't do that," I told her before I returned my steel hard focus to Haruhi. "Why did you do that?"

"Stop it already! I know I was out of line! Can't you just drop it already? I _said_ I was sorry, didn't I? Isn't that enough?" Haruhi asked hotly, looking rather flushed.

If this had been the Haruhi a year ago, yes, it would have, but now… she damn well knew better. I wasn't going to let her slide out of it this easily.

"What's done is done! I can't go back in time, now can I?"

"No, but you _can_ fix it, can't you? I seem to recall someone having quite a talent for hairdressing when I first met her."

Haruhi's jaw was tightly clenched, her lower lip crumbled up in a fearsome jab upwards, her face turning red with anger as she glared up at me.

"Fine!" she shouted as she turned about on her heels, throwing her hands up in rare defeat. "Mikuru! Sit back down!"

I see she's lost the 'chan'…

"Sit!" Haruhi yelled at Asahina-san, who had remained petrified. "I'm _trying _to help you!"

"It's okay. I'm here," I quietly whispered behind her.

"Uguu…" Asahina-san moaned before she took a step forward that seemed to require an immense amount of willpower.

"Sheesh…" Haruhi muttered, as she looked about, annoyed, with one foot tapping against the floor.

When Asahina-san finally arrived in Haruhi's chair, her legs and hands pressed tightly together to box herself off, Haruhi walked around her, half-bent with her chin out as she inspected Asahina-san's hair with a glower, careful not to make eye contact with the still sniffling girl.

When Haruhi stopped circling like some buzzard behind Asahina-san, she gingerly lifted the cut hair on her palm. Asahina-san shivered slightly at that.

"Will you stop sniffling already? It's really annoying. It's ill-fitting of not only a Brigade member, but a human being. It'll grow back. It's just hair."

I wonder how you'd like it… then again, you would probably just turn a ruined hairdo into a mark of honor and stride about the place with your jaw out, daring anyone to say anything about it.

"We could put her hair in a pony-"

Haruhi's free hand twitched, nearly forming a fist again. For a brief moment I would have missed if I hadn't been watching her so warily for any further vandalism of a natural treasure of our country, a deeply annoyed grimace passed through her face. She however scrunched up her face in determination after a deep intake of breath, an even faster glance at me, and went ahead and tied Asahina-san's hair into a ponytail with a little spare ribbon she seemed to have had on her person.

"_There_! You happy now?" Haruhi snapped, making Asahina-san start. Haruhi then let go of Asahina-san's hair with the same sort of flourish of emotion someone might reserve for throwing away a mousetrap, done with its function. Then she went and turned away to sulk in the direction of an empty corner.

I gave Haruhi a few moments to fume to herself, also making sure Asahina-san was okay (at least her polite smile didn't feel quite as forced now), before I would face the little dragon once more.

"Why did you do that?"

"…Such a philosophical question. How rare from you," Haruhi said without turning to face me. "Why does anyone do anything? It's all either going to be unachieved or be achieved leaving you with nothing to do until everything just swirls down a cosmic toilet like the crap it is."

"…Don't even bother. _Everything_ happens for a reason. I just can't understand what could have caused you to start acting like a snotty little brat again. I really thought you were better than this by now. I thought the people in the SOS Brigade mattered more to you by now. After everything, knowing how close we've all come to losing each other."

"…Shut up, Kyon," the girl said sulkily, though I could also hear a soft hurt in her voice as well.

"What's wrong with you this time? You know you can talk to me."

"…It's nothing…" Haruhi said in a quiet voice. "Nothing important. Just… just something stupid." She placed her hand on her forehead and shook her head. "So stupid…"

Well, that was something at least. She knew she'd overreacted and it looked like she was feeling a little ashamed, not as much as a normal person might, but still enough for now.

Haruhi crossed her arms again and took to window gazing with a stern expression of thoughtfulness. Something was brewing inside her head and none of us left like opening that barrel of laughs before it had all at least gotten some time to ferment.

I looked about the room. Both Koizumi and Yuki were still watching me silently, oserving our interactions as per usual. Asahina-san on the other hand was preoccupied with her hair, now standing near her clothing rack, and very carefully, as if she feared it might fall, she patted at her new ponytail…

…

She looked great with it, I had to admit to myself.

"Well, I suppose we should all be heading home by now anyway," Koizumi said as he stood up, making a show of him checking his watch in the most conspicuous manner.

"Yeah," I agreed with a mutter.

Yuki, with machine like precision and swiftness, closed her book with a little snap, placed it in her bag without looking and then calmly headed out the door. And that was as good as a judge's gavel ending the day. Asahina-san quickly followed, still patting at her ponytail. Koizumi glanced at me warily, before he too followed. I was just about to close the door behind me when:

"Kyon…" Haruhi spoke so softly I nearly missed it.

"Yeah?"

"Don't… don't go yet."

"Okay, sure…"

I closed the door and walked halfway across the room, unsure if I should go any closer.

After a while, when I could see her features relaxing: "So, you wanna tell me what this was all about?"

Haruhi turned to look at me, staring at me with something of a resentful but also contemplative look. She didn't say anything after that and simply walked out without a single word.

_What the _hell_ had happened?_

I immediately went to the computer and opened up the web-browser and checked out the history, hoping to find some sort of clue for today's events. Haruhi had been on the computer before this weirdness had happened. She'd seen _something_… something that had shocked her… What kind of thing could make Haruhi gasp in surprise? What could have caused such a strong reaction from her?

Haruhi's browser history seemed to consist mostly of the most random and esoteric searches on various different search engines, sometimes even the same searches on different engines. The SOS Brigade's homepage was also a commonly obsessive place of visitation. Anyway, the latest pages Haruhi had been to were a typical news site, a site listing supposed UFO sightings, a forum with an impossible to remember address made out of random numbers and letters where people were discussing forensic and detective work relating to what sounded like actual cases (it seemed legit, because of the level of technical jargon involved), a Wikipedia page on Babylonian mythology and a page with a funny and highly suggestive cartoon strip.

…

Well, that all seemed like something Haruhi would check up on. The cartoon was crude but despite the subject being brought up, which might have caused someone like Asahina-san to faint, I could only see Haruhi either sniggering at something so ridiculous or huffing derisively at the lack of imagination from her point of view.

So what the hell had made her gasp?

What if… what if it had been something… odd. I mean, we knew there were rogue data entities out there, more like animals than humans. One had been in Rousseau the dog and another had been in the Computer Club President… the president had been fallen victim to the SOS Brigade's symbol… but Yuki had changed that, hadn't she?

I went ahead and pulled up the crappy homepage, but nothing seemed to jump out at me.

What if something had jumped out and gotten into Haruhi this time? Was that even possible? And if it was… shouldn't Haruhi be sick like the other two dogs infected before by data bugs (no offense to Rousseau)? Or what if… what if this thing could somehow use Haruhi's powers?

…

No way. I'm just scaring myself.

But what if I wasn't?

Haruhi just acted weird. It's not like that hasn't happened before. If Haruhi _didn't_ act weirdly, something would be off. _Then _something would be weird. But this was different. She hadn't acted like this in months. The last time she'd treated Asahina-san this badly was back when we'd been filming her dumb movie… but she'd gotten better.

What could have prompted such a momentary regression? What could have shocked her like this for a moment, made her act out so childishly, so… so… insecure… hmmm… was that really the word I wanted to use here?

Haruhi had been shocked by something, she'd then focused on Asahina-san and decided to strip her of what I assumed Haruhi thought of as '_moe_-factors'…

I crossed my arms and leaned back in Haruhi's chair to search the ceiling for inspiration.

Honestly, if this was any other person than Haruhi, I'd say the person was indeed feeling insecure, maybe even jealous. But this was Haruhi and I couldn't spot anything that could have prompted any kind of significant reaction in Haruhi's browser memory out of the blue like that. Jealous outbursts didn't start with shocked gasps at computer monitors.

I couldn't rule out data entities, but I couldn't understand how one could possibly have returned after Yuki's treatment. Then again, I didn't really understand the first thing about the data entities, let alone the wild ones.

Jumping to 'demonic' possession seemed a bit too much to me right now, especially since Haruhi seemed to have snapped out of it and apologized fairly easily, for her of course. A regression had occurred, but it had indeed been momentary, a kind of passing moment of passion. Once I'd stepped in and told her to stop as sternly as possible, she seemed to snap out of it. That in itself wasn't possession but more like the childish psychology I felt could be applied to Haruhi on a bad day. She might have deep motives and insights but on a more casual level the girl was simply childish and self-centered.

…

I'm rather impressed how well I've learned to break all of this down from Koizumi and Sasaki. But even so, I still hadn't learned enough to put it all back together yet myself.

My gut told me she had had something of an attack of jealousy... but caused by what? What was she jealous of? Why aim that emotion at Asahina-san all of a sudden? How could she just so suddenly turn jealous of Asahina-san? Seriously, in the blink of an eye…

…

I felt stupid for even considering it… and yet… it was still the best idea to come to me. Trusting my gut had usually worked, but this… felt both horribly wrong and absolutely right at the same time. No matter what happened between me and Haruhi, I would probably always feel this ambivalent about her. It was a comforting thought in a weird way.

* * *

That night, while resting at home on my couch with Shamisen lounging next to me at an ear-scratchable distance, my rather rare chance of TV viewing was interrupted by my sister marching in.

"Phone call, Kyon-kun!"

As I stood up to see what was up, my sister naturally seized my spot on the couch and assaulted Shamisen with a fierce tickling that would have earned me a scratching if I'd tried the same while all my sister received was a happy licking of the face.

"Kyon," it turned out to be Koizumi on the other line, "Did Suzumiya-san say anything after club activities?"

"No, not really. Why do you ask?"

"Hmm… I guess it's up to me then…"

"What is?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing monumentally catastrophic. I think I can get to bottom of this shortly. It certainly won't be a bother for me. It's actually something I'd been quietly wishing for."

"And that'd _be_…?"

"I think it'd be better if you knew afterwards. But don't worry; I'm quite confident I can sort this one out on my own. In fact, I'd rather appreciate the chance. Goodnight, Kyon."

The click and following beeping of an empty line followed. I stood there listening for a while, hoping the line would somehow magically open up and someone just for once explain to me everything in a clear and concise manner without any additional mudding of the issue.

I sighed, hung up, and walked back to the living room, determined to do at least one thing.

"Oh, Kyon-kun. Who was… why are you looking – hey, don't, not fair! Put me down!"

I plopped my little sister on the floor and took my rightful place on the couch, to the annoyed hissing of Shamisen. "Oh don't _you_ start too," I told the dumb cat.

"No fair!" my sister wailed before she got up, looking like she might burst into tears and run off, only to rush forward with a smile and bounce on top of my gut.

"Whee!"

"Ooff!"

"You know, this is actually much better," my sister said with a bright smile as she settled down on chest. Shamisen quickly followed suit, leaping up on to the couch and then up onto my forehead for a balancing act that ended with him simply flopping down on my face.

_Sigh_…

"I give up," I muttered as my sister proceeded to pinch my cheeks. I made my pointless last stand, and gave one of her cheeks a squeeze. I should have known it would only result in firmer retaliation. The battle for the couch's supremacy had been lost. Only the strewn bodies of my parents' children (and that of the cat's) remained to watch whatever garbage was being tossed at the public to see what would stick.

At least there were a lot of cute girls involved, even if their singing could be compared to Shamisen's mewling. My sister ate it all up of course; what little girls didn't love cute outfits and flashing light and the simple spectacle of a well put together show? I on the other hand couldn't help but wonder what the girls of the SOS Brigade would look like, dressed up like idols, performing on the main stage. At the very least they would have sounded better (it was pointless to even make a comparison in regards to looks, because no one could ever come close to those three for me).

The evening ended with my sister falling asleep on top of me. So it was up to me carry the little snot nosed princess to her bed, tuck her in, give her a little kiss on the forehead, leaving her none the wiser for my private showing of affection, even if she did smile a little to herself in her sleep. I then went away to engage in sleep as well, yawning mightily all the way until I was under my covers.

But strangely sleep seemed quite elusive once I was ready and waiting for it…

Tomorrow was going to be a bit awkward, wasn't it?

…

Oh crap! Speaking of awkward… I'd nearly forgotten hadn't I? I had something important planned for tomorrow, but with Haruhi always bustling about, making herself the center of my life whether I wanted or not, it had completely slipped my mind.

Damn, damn, damn…

I got up and frantically started searching my desk, then my bookshelf, and then all the pockets of my pants and jackets.

Where the _hell_ was my library card?


	56. Fractal Expansion

The following day passed in something of what I'd call stiff silence. Haruhi didn't talk much but she didn't seem to be in a particularly bad mood. I had however spotted some glances from her throughout the day, glances she would sneak my way but was never embarrassed by if I happened to notice her. For the most part, Haruhi seemed somewhat immersed in light cogitation.

I didn't like it.

A thoughtful Haruhi was seldom good news. It meant she was probably planning, no, _scheming_. Haruhi wasn't a thinker. She was a schemer. It was probably why Koizumi never fully succeeded in understanding Haruhi. He was too much of a nice guy at the heart of it. He could analyze and strategize, but a schemer he was not. You needed to be something of a sneaky bastard to understand Haruhi. No matter what he ever did, it was always for the greater good, even if it might come at the cost of his friends. But Haruhi, and me as well I guess, were capable of acting purely selfishly. In a way, it had been the way I'd been able to save Haruhi. Not because of some greater moral… _rightness_, but because I was, at the very core of it all, a selfish bastard who couldn't lose someone like Haruhi, or any of my friends for that matter.

"Kyon?" Haruhi asked me during a break while we both just sat about in class.

"Hm?"

"What are you thinking about? Now, right _now_?"

"…You."

"Why?"

"Why not? You're here, right in front of me, asking me an inane question."

"Do you think about me a lot?"

"Too much, I think sometimes."

"Do you get bored often?"

"Hmm… depends, really. It comes and goes."

"When I mention the word 'dependency', what comes to mind at first?"

"…Child."

"What about the word 'forlorn'?"

"…Doll."

"'Hate'."

"…Wind."

"'Book'."

"…Nagato."

"'Time'."

"…Summer."

"…'Love'."

"…Night."

"'Goodbye'…"

"…Third year."

"'Ponytail'."

"…What exactly is the point of all of this?"

"It's a simple psychological test."

"What good's it to you when you haven't got the training to interpret it?"

"You're implying psychologists are any more capable."

"Seen a lot of psychologists then to make that assertion?"

"Not really…"

What a non-committing response…

"Anyway, why are you administering a psychological test on –"

"C'mon," Haruhi interrupted, standing up in a rush, "Let's hurry on to the clubroom."

When we entered the clubroom, only Asahina-san was waiting for us. She'd taken to Haruhi's fervently rancorous commands from yesterday and was wearing her school uniform. Her hair had styled back, leaving her bangs in place, and at the back of her head was a very loose loop of hair made into a flat bun that hung about like a limp little ponytail while the majority of her hair hung behind her head loosely. She looked quite nice like that, all in all; you could see her pretty face even better now.

"Ah," Asahina-san started was we entered the room, and her nervousness didn't really lessen as she noticed who it was that had entered.

"Mikuru-chan, you okay?" Haruhi asked immediately.

"Oh, y-yes, I'm quite fine. It _is_ just hair, after all."

"Yeah… I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me," Haruhi said, frowning slightly. Then she looked about, sighed, clenched her jaw and marched over to Asahina-san. "How 'bout I make things even?" Haruhi pulled out the scissors and grabbed a handful of her own hair this time.

"_No, don't_!" Asahina-san shouted out as soon immediately as the shock of seeing the scissors was driven clear from her mind. She grabbed Haruhi by the hand holding the scissors before seppuku of the hair was committed in order to restore honor.

"What? Why not? It'd only be fair, right?"

"You r-really don't need to do that! T-two wrongs don't make a right… right?"

"Well, if you say so…" Haruhi muttered uncertainly, her tongue poking at her cheek in what passed for sheepish behavior for her.

"Really, I'm fine. You needn't worry," Asahina-san flushed a little as she stared anxiously at the scissors until they were set down.

"Fine…"

Haruhi seemed oddly disappointed, as if she'd rather been looking forward to the whole thing. Perhaps things were easier like that in her world, in a sort of linear child-like manner. The rules of the playground would certainly have demanded it, but Asahina-san was one of those people who would gladly turn the other cheek and take as many blows as was necessary so no one else need suffer. It all really made me wonder if Haruhi's understanding of social interactions had been left behind her whenever it had been that she'd decided to pursue the strange. She might care in her own little ways, after being with us for a year now, but it still didn't mean that she didn't have a lot to learn about life in general. It really was amazing how smart some people could be yet at the same time also be so incredibly ignorant of the more obvious things in life. But I guess the world was full of savants of various degrees. Sometimes any amount of growth couldn't change some things that nature had decided to put into deoxyribonucleic acid writing before you were even born. If that was even the case with Haruhi… maybe I should have a word with whoever raised her one of these days instead of giving up to determinism. Then again, I might as well throw coins in wells for all the good it would accomplish now.

Asahina-san scurried off to make some tea, but Haruhi went after her.

"Sit down. I'll make it this time."

Asahina-san looked about uncertainly, like searching for the hidden camera but eventually settled down next to me at the table in the middle of the room. After a while she settled down and the two of us waited patiently for Haruhi to finish brewing the tea, a task she seemed to be fully engrossed by. She went through all the various packets of leaves and spices we'd amassed in our time in the clubroom and seemed to throw together whatever piqued her interest. When she was done, she took special care in serving Asahina-san first while my service was provided with a little frown.

"Ah, yes… i-it's very nice. Thank you," Asahina-san said brightly after taking a sip, taking care to show Haruhi her eager smile.

Sometimes old habits died hard, but when they did… something better could be brought forth.

I took a sip of Haruhi's tea.

…

…

…

Unfortunately this thought obviously didn't apply to tea.

"What's with that grimace?" Haruhi asked, snapping a glower in my direction as soon as I winced.

I slowly put my cup of tea down. We didn't want any accidents, of course. I mean, it'd be terrible if this cup of tea were, and let's just suppose here for a moment, placed vicariously on the edge of the table. It'd be quite a shame. Indeed.

"I just happened to think of something horrifying."

"Oh yeah? What?"

Drinking more of this tea.

"Fine, be that way," Haruhi said as I remained silent.

"It's the thought that counts."

"What…? You can't be serious!"

"Huh?"

"The only time people ever say that is when the product or action is completely terrible!"

Well, I guess that's true.

"It's just boiled water, how could anyone get it wrong?"

"Don't ask me."

"Tth…" Haruhi took a large and heated sip of my tea, swishing the drink between her teeth before she swallowed loudly. "Tastes just fine to me… you're just screwed up in the head."

"I'm sure. But it'd take one to know, right? Isn't that what they say?"

"You really shouldn't put too much stock in what 'they' say. Soon you'll start even believing those people who swear that urine's the best way to keep a pimple free face."

"I'm strangely surprised you haven't tried that, simply for the sake of trying the alternative."

"And why'd I try it? Just what are you insinuating? Besides, why would the stuff your body _ejects_ be any good for you? It's _waste_! It just doesn't make any sense!"

Why the hell are we discussing urine therapy anyway? Just because this tea tastes like some associated product of it?

An amused huff of air escaped from her nose before Asahina-san faintly smiled and shook her head at our bizarre conversation. No doubt she thought we were like an old bickering couple or something equally inane. Although to be fair, our conversation was on the levels of two senile married bats. There was a saying that only the closest of people argued a lot because they knew how to patch up afterwards, but I certainly wouldn't have supported that idea at the time for a lifetime supply of tea made exclusively by Asahina-san.

Haruhi then sat at her desk, lips pursed as she watched over us thoughtfully. In her fingers she spun a pen about, twirling it around once, hit the button at the top twice in quick succession, spun the pen around in the opposite direction, tapped the button again and started the whole process all over again.

"You sure everything's fine with you, Mikuru-chan? You're not bothered? _At all?_"

"Yes, Suzumiya-san… I know it seemed bad at the time but… quite honestly… I kind of like how it looks now…"

"Huh… okay."

Click-filled silence continued its tyrannical rule over our clubroom, but no one had it in them to oppose its reign.

"Hmm… Yuki's late…" Haruhi muttered, spinning about in her chair to look about.

"So's Koizumi," I noted, starting to wonder about that.

"He's not coming today."

"Oh, and why's that?"

"He's got other things to do," Haruhi said, glancing at the clock on the wall with a little frown.

Was this somehow related to Koizumi's call yesterday evening? I looked at the clock, but the ticking hands revealed nothing to me.

Haruhi looked at me sharply, but then returned to her pen twirling, the annoying clicking filling the silence.

"Mikuru-chan," Haruhi spoke out after a short pause, standing up and walking to the side of her desk.

"Mm?" Asahina-san peeped up innocently.

"Kyon?" Haruhi said.

"What?" I answered.

"Could the two of you… stand over there, together." Haruhi pointed with her at the end of the table.

Asahina-san and I exchanged bemused looks until I shrugged. We did as we were told, and at least I did so because I couldn't spot the harm in it at the moment. Of course, with this being Haruhi…

"Mikuru-chan… I've been thinking… you've been very good for… well, since forever and, well… Anyway… _stuff_…" Haruhi explained as vaguely as was humanly possible. She then gave me a little glower. She placed her pen on the desk, her palm resting on top of it as she looked at it thoughtfully, her lower lips pursed.

"Haruhi?" I asked.

Haruhi looked up at me sharply. It was a weird look to give me, even for her. Then she turned about for a bit, seemed to give her chin a little thoughtful caress and turned about promptly.

"Kiss her," Haruhi ordered as she sat down on her table, crossing her arms as well as her legs, a rather revealing act with her school skirt and at such a height. I could spot a bit of light blue as the skirt hiked up her legs but then her legs were firmly closed. "Do it. Kiss her," Haruhi ordered, the sharp stare turning slightly darker as she said so.

"…Why?"

It wasn't at all like I didn't want to kiss a girl as sweet and sexy as Asahina-san, but why the hell was Haruhi _ordering_ me to do it?

"As the Brigade Chief, I gave you an order. It's not your place to question the chain of command. Do it."

I thought you were against this sort of behavior in the Brigade. You threw me out because it seemed like me kissing you would only slow the Brigade down the slightest! And now you want me to _kiss_ Asahina-san?

"Do it! Or do I have to show you how it's done?"

That's not necessary… I've seen enough from you concerning such things…

"Just do it!" Haruhi shouted, starting to sound rather angry. "Or you'll learn firsthand what scaphism was like!"

I looked rather anxiously at Asahina-san only to see my trepidation reflected back at me. If only she hadn't looked at me with those sweet, innocent eyes… I had to give my tie a loosening yank, despite the fact that it was never on too tightly.

"…Why…?" I couldn't help saying it yet again.

"I want to see you kiss her," Haruhi said the words with slow, measured precision.

"Ky-Kyon-kun… it's… it's all right," Asahina-san looked up at me. "If – if it's with you…"

Quite uncertainly, not even wanting to attempt to guess at the motive behind this, I took a hesitant step forward. I mean, I've done a lot of dumber and crazier things than this, right?

Haruhi watched as I kissed Asahina-san, the cute girl in my arms closing her eyes as I did. But try as I might to enjoy this moment, the soft smooth lips of this spectacular looking girl, I couldn't help but peek through the corners of my half closed eyes at Haruhi perched on her desk, still watching the two of us with her scowl on.

"Satisfied?" I couldn't help but ask Haruhi once the odd kiss was over.

Haruhi stared at me with narrowed eyes, but then smirked at me all of a sudden. "Pretty lousy, Kyon. Really," she said as she hopped off the desk.

"Huh?"

"Dismissed."

"What? Just like that?"

"I have to go."

"Why?"

"I'm going to meet up with Koizumi."

"What? _Why_?" Broken record didn't even come close to describing how I felt.

Haruhi's smirk seemed to only widen as I kept asking her more and more, becoming increasingly amused by my growing confusion.

"Why should you care?" she asked, smirking fiendishly at me before she strode off, making sure to trail her fingers along the slender cheek of Asahina-san, making the girl who must have been rattled to the core by now shiver.

As the door swung shut after Haruhi, the two of us were left confused in the abandoned clubroom. My mouth was actually gaping a little but I think I managed to close it before Asahina-san noticed anything.

Just what was Haruhi going do with Koizumi? Did this have something to do with Koizumi's phone call last night? It must have.

"Um, Kyon-kun?"

"Ah, Asahina-san?"

"I…" Once again Asahina-san looked about anxiously, like she was still searching for the cameras of a prankster. "…I'm sorry."

"Huh? For what?"

"For what happened…"

"Why?"

"It's wrong to force people to do something they shouldn't want to…"

"Hey, it wasn't like that. I liked it very much. And it was Haruhi who ordered it."

"Yes… about Suzumiya-san, why do you think she made us do it?"

"Who knows…" I was quickly starting lose interest in her new bout of insanity. I really couldn't bring myself to care right now. If I'd had it in me to be perfectly blunt with Asahina-san, I would have replaced the 'knows' with 'cares'.

"What do you think she was off to do with Koizumi-kun?"

"I'd like to know too… but I guess it'll just have to wait. We can grill him like you guys did to me when I and Haruhi spent a few nights together. Right now I have better things to do."

"Eh? L-like what, i-if you don't mind me asking…"

"I have to go and see Yu- Nagato at the library."

"Eh?"

"See ya," I said as I turned to leave. I was starting to feel rather anxious all of a sudden.

"Nagato-san?"

"Yeah… what?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder.

"I… uuuh, I'm so out of the loop, aren't I?" she asked with a bittersweet smile.

"…Well, not really. You can't be out of the loop if there isn't one."

Asahina-san smiled at me, giving me one of those smiles I usually hated, the ones where the person thinks they know more than you do.

"Of course," she said

I was going to leave, but then… something stopped me. It felt like I'd swallowed a big lump of coal, too big to swallow. I couldn't just walk off like this, could I?

"Uhmm… Asahina-san?"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"Huh?"

Why is everyone always so surprised to hear that question, me included?

"We haven't really talked in a while - I mean - I've been busy and you – well – that is…"

It was amazing how I could face down any threat to my friends, but when it came to asking about the life details of a pretty girl's life, my knees turned to jelly and my mouth would blibber and blabber.

"Oh, I'm f-fine, it's just that… well, I'm sort of stuck here now, aren't I?" she smiled a smile that was a bit too… bittersweet.

"Oh… is… that a problem?"

Asahina-san flushed and immediately waved her hands about in eager denial. "Ah-of course not! I l-love being with everyone here! I-it's just that… before… I always had the _option_ to just go home and come back. Now… it's not like that, I _have_ to have to stay here… not that I didn't before but… you know… I can still go back when I choose but… then…"

"Yeah, I think I get it. Would you… I dunno… like to, maybe… go out for something, sometime?"

"Eh? Uhmmmm…" Asahina-san blushed profusely. "N-no, I – I'm f-f-fine, by myself…"

"You don't have to, you know…"

"I know…"

"Well, as long as we both know then…"

"Yes, we're both very knowledgeable," she said, smiling meekly at me

"Indeed." But just how wise, I wonder?

"I honestly think the two of us should do something together. Just the two of us."

"That won't be necessary. I'm an observer… I… I think I'd like it to stay that way," Asahina-san said in a firmer tone now, though her eyes looked a bit reddish, between a few hurried blinks. "We both have our roles to play. This makes it easier, don't you think? On me, you, Suzumiya-san… everyone…" she said softly, lowering her head. "I'll have to leave one day anyway…"

…

"But, anyway, aren't you late, for a very important date?" Asahina-san said with a bright big smile that would have had at any other given time melted my heart, but now caused something like a little fracture to appear.

* * *

I met Yuki at the library. Apparently she'd been late to show at the clubroom because she'd engaged, yes, _engaged_ in conversation with some of her classmates, girls no less, about seeing me in the library and by then it had been time for our rendezvous anyway. I didn't really feel like asking her to share the details on that, as I was sure it might be somewhat of an awkward thing to hear, but Yuki had told me anyway in those usual clarifying tones she always used that the information she had gathered hadn't seemed applicable to her experience with both libraries and me. I could easily fathom the girls hearing about Yuki's plans and thinking it was all some great romance she was finally partaking in, that the advice they'd given her had probably been overly romantic and sappy and not at all practical, either projections of their desires or possibly even simply excitement that the quiet little introvert with her nose in a book at all times was now off to 'better things'. But luckily Yuki didn't expand much on what she'd talked about, even if she would probably have told me everything word for word if I'd simply asked her.

I leaned back lazily in a chair and flipped through some random manga, but I couldn't really focus. Instead of the drawings, my eyes seemed to keep darting towards Yuki, sitting across from me, reading some new novel quietly.

I tried to focus, I really did, but I just couldn't keep my eyes to myself. The stifling silence of the library was getting to me. It'd been so long since I'd been alone together with Yuki and we… yes, we were _wasting_ our time together _reading_! I couldn't let this stand. The way Haruhi was insinuating her way into my life, quiet moments with Yuki were hard enough to come by in any case.

"So… do you ever… feel like… 'interfacing' some more?" I asked, feeling a bit stupid immediately after saying out aloud what just a moment ago had seemed somewhat witty.

Yuki's eyes quickly shifted to glance at me, before she just turned a page and continued reading, like nothing significant had really happened. We sat there silently, me languidly in a position that was probably going to raise the ire of the librarians if they spotted me the way my feet were up, and Yuki with impeccable posture. Obviously subtlety was not a game to be played with either one of us.

"Uhm… you know I meant kissing, right?"

"We are interfacing currently," Yuki said without lifting her face from her book as she turned a page.

"Huh? Well – yeah, I guess talking is interfacing as well, but…"

"If more is what you require, I am willing to accommodate that need."

"_Really_." This was more of incredulous a statement of than an actual question.

"Yes."

"You don't look all that excited about it."

Yuki once again glanced up at me from between her dry pages. "Would you prefer that?"

"I… hey, it's not about what _I_ want. I mean, wouldn't you like… you know…"

"Kissing?"

"Well, yeah."

"I would not be adverse to it."

Boy, oh boy, I love it when she talks dirty.

"Or do you just like reading?" I asked. I was starting to feel a bit bad about what I was doing, whatever it was exactly. Quite honestly I wasn't sure what I was doing.

"Performing a compilation of data is satisfactory. However, as stated before, kissing would not be an adverse activity either."

"So, do you want to?"

"Do you not enjoy reading?"

"Well, sometimes… it's just that right now I can't really focus. Got... too many things on my mind, I guess."

"I see…" Yuki closed her book and set in her lap. "Buildup of testosterone."

"Huh?"

"Adolescence increases libido as sex hormones are released."

"I've pretty much gone through my supply of puberty already, thanks."

"The human body typically continues growing until the age of 18-20, at least in males while females tend to finish on average by two years earlier. The frontal lobe that controls impulsive behavior generally finishes development approximately at this stage at the latest. Physically humans achieve their physical prime at this point, meaning they are in their best condition for mating in order to ensure the most physically desirable traits are sought for reproduction, which in turn is observed as an increased libido to ensure Darwinistic principles in mating."

"…" Now what could I really say to that?

"Do you require abatement?"

Whoah, hold up. We've just gone from a painfully slow crawl to nuclear missile speeds in terms of our conversation. At least I think so… Am I absolutely sure I know what abatement means?

Yuki held up her book and pointed at the cover. I only now noticed it was one of those stupid books on relationship tips. "Human social interactions appear to function on a quid pro quo basis. I have kept you here against your needs. Now it is only fair of me to meet your needs."

Well, all in all, that was a rather mature way of approaching relationships, much more than most people ever would learn, but Yuki seemed to be propositioning – no, that was the wrong word for what was happening – seemed herself to believe I was the one who needed something… more. She had obviously been reading too much about this subject from writers I strongly and sincerely suspected were much better at the theoretical than the practical side of the matter.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I am not adverse to –"

"Yeah, I _know_. I just… wanted to know if you would like to."

"…I would."

Really? Does she actually want to or is she just saying it for me?

…

Why am I even bothered by which it is? Either one is nice! Much better than what I would most likely get from any other girl. Ever.

"So – uh – should we…"

Yuki got up and walked off, making me stand up, ready to go, engine whirring as someone must have said once or twice before, but she'd only gotten up to put her book back where she had taken it.

"Privacy is preferred in social interaction of this nature, correct?"

"Well yeah, usually." Unless you got your kicks from people watching, though the library at this time of the day probably wouldn't help much if you were inclined for that sort of stimulation.

Yuki gave me a curious look, but didn't actually ask me for more information. Thankfully. Not that I knew much about stuff like that, of course.

"My residence is closer."

Works for me. In fact, this way there certainly wouldn't be any annoying distractions, like my sister barging in or Shamisen bouncing up on me right in the middle of everything (it had happened once, much to Haruhi's enjoyment as the cat preceded to try and give my face an unnecessary shave in the ensuing chaos).

We walked along in comfortable silence, soaking in the sounds and sights of life around us in our own ways. It didn't take long for my mind to start wandering. I couldn't have really said where my mind had been for most of the time, but eventually something made me consider the ramifications of what I was doing. True, me and Haruhi were in something of a 'romantic relationship' but, and I wasn't going to use a lame excuse like we hadn't agreed on its 'exclusivity', it honestly didn't feel like _that_ kind of relationship. And yet… I'd rather she didn't know just how close me and Yuki were as well. And another thing, it wasn't like Yuki meant any less to me than Haruhi did; if you could consider me cheating on Haruhi, then it was just as bad on Yuki as well. But I wasn't cheating on either girl… but… Damn, the more I think about this, the worse it's starting to sound… I'm not some kind of scumbag, right? Both girls mean the world to me. Besides, I'd be perfectly okay if Haruhi found someone _else_ to busy herself with… it's not like it's a double standard or something I'm operating under. If she wanted to, and how could I ever stop her anyway, she could go and date whoever she –

"Ah, Kyon," a frightfully familiarly smug voice shattered my thoughts. "I was just thinking… about… you…" Haruhi's words, having started strong along with that triumphant smirk she had been wearing ever since I had kissed Asahina-san, both faded away as she spotted Yuki next to me.

"_Yuki_?" Haruhi blurted out, stupefied by the small girl's presence.

"Ah, nice to see the two of you as well," Koizumi said as he came out of the nearby café.

"_Koizumi_? What _you_ doing here?" I in turn blurted out in equal shock to Haruhi's.

"Suzumiya-san invited me for some drinks and snacks."

"_Really_?" I asked Haruhi this, simply incredulous.

"What's Yuki doing with _you_?" Haruhi returned the salvo.

"We were at the library," Yuki immediately answered before I could come up with the truth slightly adjusted, something more… innocuous sounding than that.

"_Together_?"

"Yes," Yuki answered dutifully.

"I see…" Haruhi said, giving me a weird look, like I was an ice salesman come to visit her in her igloo, like I was planning something sneaky behind her back. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she seemed to push her lower jaw out almost confrontationally.

"Well," Koizumi spoke out cheerfully, breaking the awkward moment. "Seeing as we're all gathered here, what if we all continue this outing together? Or are the two of you on your way somewhere?"

"_Yeah, are you_?" Haruhi asked coldly, voice almost dripping liquid nitrogen.

"No," I quickly said, stepping a little in front of Yuki, just as she was about to open her mouth to answer, like it was a Pavlovian response. "Of course not. We'd be happy to join you."

And so the four of us soon ended up together in a booth in a new café, Koizumi and Haruhi on one side while Nagato and I sat on the other. Haruhi, just opposite of me, simply kept staring at me with something of a reserved glare.

"So…" I said, turning to Koizumi, the only one I felt I could address at the moment without feeling too awkward, though even that wasn't exactly easy right now either. There was something about his face that was annoying me, but I couldn't quite tell what. It wasn't like his smile was _actually_ mocking me. "What were you two up to?"

"Why do you care?" Haruhi quickly intercepted my question, just as Koizumi was opening his mouth to answer.

"I… I'm just curious?" I attempted using the truth.

"Just?"

"Yeah."

"Tth." Haruhi leaned back and settled an arm against the back of the seat she and Koizumi were sitting on, letting her hand rest somewhere behind Koizumi. "How 'bout you? Since when do you and Yuki go to the library together?"

"We – that is I – needed to do some… studying."

"With lessons scrapped, summer vacation nearly upon us… Geez, Kyon, you are just the _worst_ liar. _Worst!_"

"Fine… I was just looking at some manga."

"Something embarrassing?"

"Yeah."

"Pff… Might have been that, but I doubt anything with text was related with said feeling."

Unfortunately it looked like being with this girl for over a year had not only meant I had learned about her and the mind through the likes Koizumi and Sasaki, but Haruhi had gone through a little osmosis when it came to knowing me as well. She used some glower power on me, but I'd developed something of an immunity to it by now. I didn't even feel like jumping out of my skin anymore now what she did it.

"So, it appears you're going to be less than co-operative about this, Kyon…" Haruhi muttered darkly, her eyes only further narrowing at me before all of a sudden she stood up straight. "Yuki, bathroom! We'll be clichéd little dolts and go there together to gossip! Peeing will be optional."

After Haruhi had marched off with Yuki following obediently behind her, and I was certain they'd passed beyond both hearing and eyesight, "So, when you called me last night… had Haruhi already set this up between the two of you?"

Koizumi simply nodded, looking rather wearing though. He gave a big sigh, rivaling one of my own at its best. "I finally have a real moment alone with Suzumiya-san and wouldn't you know it… she too seems to prefer discussing you, much like Nagato-san."

"You sound _disturbingly_ disappointed." I nearly broke my larynx applying the correct stress to my words.

"I'm feeling rather used, that's all…"

"How's _that_?"

"You're in quite a mood I see, so I suppose some lack for attention should be expected, but really, you can't tell?" Koizumi gave a little amused chuckle. "You certainly do understand the deeper workings and foundations of Suzumiya-san best, but sometimes it is simply astounding how you fail to grasp the most obvious with her. Especially when it concerns _you_. Otherwise you are always so quick to get what angle she is gunning for in one of her projects and soon to point out the flaws, having figured it all out faster than even I can."

"Drink you damn milkshake," I told the idiot. Why couldn't anything really stay private in my world anymore? Every thought inside me was just being queued up for examination by the likes of Koizumi on a weekly basis.

Koizumi smiled. "So you and Nagato-san… I thought I told you to be more discreet. You know how _she_ could react."

"Hey, how was I supposed to know we would run into each other on some random street? Besides, it's nobody's business who I hang out with."

"I believe Suzumiya-san will soon make it her business. She is… in what I believe to be a rather new and alien situation for her. She is, for the first time in her life, out of her depth. There is an uncertainty hidden behind her striking eyes that has never been there before. I fear she might be resorting to old and familiar mannerisms in order to help deal with the new and unknown. People always do, unfortunately. How else could you count for so much of history?"

"...She made me kiss Asahina-san just an hour or two ago, you know," I said in hopes of switching one awkward conversation to one slightly less annoyingly intrusive one.

Koizumi actually looked stunned by this for a short moment. "Really?" he asked, interest peaking immediately, but not in a way a friend of yours usually would if they heard you had lucked out by smooching with the school's prettiest girl. His interest was undoubtedly elsewhere.

And before he could ask, I went ahead and answered. "She just smiled afterwards. Apparently she thought it was a lousy performance."

"…I see… well, that makes things even clearer, to be honest."

"Please don't tell me why you think so. Because I'm pretty sure on what you like to blabber about and I _don't_ like hearing it from the likes of you."

Koizumi grinned. "Why would I do that? It's none of my business anymore now, is it? You do, after all, keep reminding me of this, don't you?"

Dirty bastard, using my own words against me.

"So, what were you and Haruhi up to?" I asked, wanting to move on. I hated talking to Koizumi about things like this. Just the way he smiled at me made me want either rip out my hair or punch him in the nose, and if it came to a choice between myself and him, myself had an unfair advantage.

"But my business is free for you?"

"'All interaction relating to Suzumiya-san could…'"

"Yes?"

"How the hell do you keep talking like that? I can't even copy you…"

"Years of practice," Koizumi said, smiling broadly. "So what about you and Nagato-san?"

"What about us?"

"I'd just hate to have the wrong impression. What if Suzumiya-san asks me about my opinion? What if I end up saying the wrong thing, thus fueling a misconception, and who knows what that could lead to?"

"…That's just a reasonable sounding excuse for gossip, isn't it?"

"Why would you think that?" Koizumi kept smiling.

I just gave the side of my nose a light tap for an answer.

By now the girls were approaching us from their short bathroom break. Peeing probably had indeed only been an option and little more.

"So what did the two of you get up to in there?" I asked as the girls took their previous seats.

"Biology," Haruhi answered coolly.

Well, there were two ways to take that, and seeing as how quickly it had gone, it probably wasn't the first option. Damn it, Yuki, you don't have to be so forthright all the time.

Suddenly I felt a leg against mine. Was that Haruhi again? Was she… playing 'footsies' with me? (And why did I keep referring to it as 'footsies' with mental quotation marks still?) It didn't look like she was moving. Could it be Yuki? Well at least I could be sure of one thing, it sure as hell wasn't Koizumi.

…

It couldn't be. Period.

The foot suddenly disappeared, only to reappear just as suddenly on top of my toes in a toe-wrenching crush.

…Ungh!

Definitely Haruhi, _definitely_! The way she was glaring at me…

I did my best to keep a straight face, to act as if I hadn't even noticed her trying to grind my toes into powder. And without any hint of it, I slowly raised my free foot and delivered and little, but sharp, kick in her shins. Haruhi's eyes opened up wide for a moment as she bite down on her lower lip, turning a shade pinker.

"Are the two of you quite alright?" Koizumi asked uneasily as he peered from one stony face to the other.

"Fine," Haruhi and I said in unison through gritted teeth.

The foot grinding mine lifted at last and both Haruhi and I made sure not to react. This little… battle or whatever the hell it had been, had been and would remain a private one. As always.

"So, did anything interesting happen during club activities?" Koizumi asked Haruhi, smiling inoffensively.

_Sadist…_

"Nope," Haruhi replied, still watching me intently.

"And have you been well, Nagato-san?" Koizumi asked, doing his best to keep some idle chit chat going amidst the dessert of awkwardness without an oasis of relief in sight.

"…Yes."

"So, Kyon, have you been enjoying yourself lately?" Haruhi asked me, smiling without much humor at all.

"I guess…"

"That's nice." The smile was starting get somewhat creep by now.

"You?"

"Loads. "

"That's… nice as well."

"Really? You think that's nice?"

"Well… yeah. I'd hardly call it nice now would I if you were having a bad time, now would I?"

"With you, it's hard to tell sometimes."

Koizumi made a little noise that he strived to muffle with a hand. Both Haruhi and I turned to look, but the only thing we could spot was the amused squint of eyes while his mouth remained hidden. "Sorry… I must have gotten something stuck in my mouth," Koizumi answered as he took his hand away, revealing a polite little smile.

"This is… interesting," Yuki decided to speak out.

"Oh, how's that?" Haruhi asked, sounding a bit peeved by everyone's behavior.

"Observing the effects of a shift in social paradigms is… interesting."

Haruhi raised an eyebrow at that but didn't comment. Instead: "Whatever," she said as she stood up with a slight sneer, "I think I've had enough of… _this_ for one day."

"…Interesting indeed," Koizumi said after a brief pause, watching Haruhi leave, his eyes trailing after her even through the windows. When she was finally gone from line of sight, he leaned back and seemed to relax. He took a final, long sip of his milk shake before he got up to leave as well. He had nearly walked past our booth entirely when he said, "Oh yes, I nearly forgot. Mori-san would like to see you tomorrow at 18:30 at a café called Long Sojourn." He then strode off without another word.

Like hell you forgot. Just waiting to fling this little nice surprise at me.

A waitress swiftly stepped forward, appearing as if through teleportation.

"I trust you'll be paying for all your friends then?" she asked with one of those dangerous smiles that was anything else but hospitable.

_Damn it…_

"No. I will pay for all of us," Yuki said, staring the waitress down.

The smile turned pleasant faster than light traveled.

"Very good, miss."

"You don't need to," I told Yuki as she pulled out a bill big enough to feed a small third world country village for a week.

"No… but I want to. For you."

"…Thanks…"

I felt oddly enamored with the faint girl all of a sudden. As did my wallet.


	57. The Third Ray of Seven is Green

As Yuki and I left the establishment, making our way along, we ran into the final member of our Brigade, wearing… what looked unmistakably like sports gear. Seriously, you couldn't be mistaken about this. It was like Asahina-san had seen some sports magazine and copied her style straight from there. Most people, when they exercise, tend to just through something on because in the end it's going to get sweaty and stinky. But Asahina-san could have easily been on her way to a photo shoot. She had short shorts (I guess Haruhi had managed to rid her of self-consciousness in regards to her looks), a tight little top and even a headband. Of course it was pretty warm outside, but still it felt odd seeing her showing off so much skin in public without any obvious coercion.

"Ah… Asahina-san?"

"Eh?" The girl looked about in anxious haste before she noticed the two of us and smiled. "Oh, it's you two? How are you doing?"

"Fine… Uhmm… what's with the headband? It's not because of your hair, is it?"

"Huh…" Asahina-san felt the fashion item gingerly, blushing a little as she touched it. "Oh, this! N-no, it's got n-nothing to do with t-that! I – I'm actually – uhm – this is – well, I've actually been… sort of… well, ever since that fair… I've been…"

"…?"

"I… I've started going to self-defense classes…"

"_Really_?"

"Ye-yes… I just… I didn't want to… when something big is happening… I… I want to make sure I can do everything I can and… and _more_."

"That's… very big of you."

"…Thank you, Kyon-kun." Asahina-san glanced at Yuki, somewhat anxiously. Despite being friends and strong sisters in arms who would doubtlessly risk their lives to save the other, Asahina-san still tended to be somewhat apprehensive around Yuki. "Did –umm – did the two of you enjoy your time together?"

"We were not together previously, but accompanied by Suzumiya Haruhi and Koizumi Itsuki," Yuki replied.

"Wah? E-everyone got together without me? I really _am _out of the loop!"

Maybe I should try making out with you as well on a regular basis. Then we could all get to together for these merry get-togethers!

Asahina-san looked at me despondently and the half-joking idea of kissing her to make things better suddenly got a lot less funnier.

"You're not being ignored." Not intentionally at least.

"I… I know that, of course."

"Maybe one day you can show me a few moves then," I said, smiling at the sweet girl, full of a soft quiet strength far too many people lacked.

"Unn…" she nodded intently, smiling back at me. "I'll do my best. You will too, right?"

"Yeah…"

I watched the girl hurry off at an eager pace. It made me wonder if I too should be better preparing for the future, even just in some generic sense. Come to think of it, did I have any plans for where I'd go to study next? Or should I just try and get a job immediately? Stuff like this hadn't seemed relevant to my life in such a long time it was becoming harder to try and think about it at all.

"…Are you all right?" Yuki asked quietly.

"Yeah, just fine. Shall we continue?"

Yuki nodded and started leading the way again, even though it wasn't necessary. I doubt I would ever forget a place where'd I'd slept in hibernation for over three years. But as we neared her apartment building, my eyes happened to pass another one, looking gloomier than I had recalled.

_Tachibana Kyoko used to live there… right there… so close…_

It was a dreadfully sobering thought. I could have met her so much earlier, had maybe an even bigger impact on her. I could have possibly changed something, if only I'd come here more often, if I hadn't treated this place as little more than a convenient place for answers and help.

_Sorry… Kyoko… _And _you, Yuki…_

I could have done so much more, couldn't I? But I always push things off, don't I? Am I just a procrastinator… or am I just afraid of something? That if I finally come face to face with the things I don't want to face… I'll end up losing them? Much like the esper girl…

…

Looking back on it all, I had always been slow to act. Whether it was in the first days I met Haruhi and received all those 'subtle' clues from the others on how to deal with the threat of our world disappearing while I was stuck inside a closed space with Haruhi, or that never ending summer, or when I'd been required to travel back in time to ensure there wouldn't be some sort of paradox or something due to the misshappenings surrounding Yuki's made world, or… damn it, the list was just too damn big.

Sure, I'd stepped up to face it all in the end, but that was the problem, wasn't it? _In the end_. When it was absolutely necessary. Yes, I'd stood up to IDSE but only when they'd threatened Yuki, but it was only _after_ Yuki had gone through so much trouble, making a little place for herself without her superiors. Yes, I'd tried to settle things with Kyoko, but it had all come too late to help her either. And things with Haruhi even… I liked to think I'd been fairly straightforward with her, reining her in, but… if I'd really wanted to, if I'd _really_ tried… I could have prevented a lot of trouble from even forming throughout our year together.

I was simply too lazy or scared. I didn't know which. But that would _have_ to change. It couldn't be a half-hearted promise of change like it was every single time in regards to keeping my room clean or doing my homework in time. It would have to be something I'd really have to work at. It wouldn't be easy, but I owed it to all the people in life. Even Asahina-san was doing her part and trying to help us. I couldn't do any less. I'd been doing _that_ for far too long already.

"We are here," Yuki notified me.

I looked up and to my surprise realized the two of us were already inside her apartment building, outside her door. The trip through the front door and up to this floor had completely gone neglected in my head.

Yuki was now watching with what I thought of as a wary look. She had probably noticed the disquiet inside me.

"You seem… contemplative," Yuki said, taking a slight pause to select the most accurate word she could find. I'd noted she'd do this whenever it came to anything more subjective of an evaluation from her than an objective one. I always felt that pause and whatever word followed was far more revealing about what was going on inside her than whatever it was she was evaluating.

"Yeah, you're right," I answered. I wanted to be as open and forward as possible now.

Yuki stared at me for a moment, almost as if weighing me up.

"… I like that."

Suddenly my cheeks felt like they could cook an egg. But before I could get over the surprise and the sudden feeling of bashfulness, Yuki proceeded on inside to her flat. I followed a bit sheepishly, taking my time with my shoes, wanting to calm down a bit.

When I entered the room that was basically more than half of Yuki's entire apartment, Yuki was in the kitchen area, digging into her fridge, which from this angle looked disconsolately empty. Yuki brought me some soda to drink, a rather forthright action from the introvert if you asked me, especially since she hadn't asked me about refreshments or anything like that, but I ended up chalking that up to the nature of our stay here. After all, I'd always offer Haruhi something when she showed up at my place. It was oddly nice to be on the other, the receiving, end for once.

I sat down at Yuki's low table, took a few sips of the cool drink and fell quiet with my thoughts, sinking so deep into them I couldn't have truthfully told anyone what I'd been thinking about if later asked. I hadn't even realized I'd drank all of my soda either. My reverie only broke because I felt a tiny tug on my hand, the soda can feeling like it was going to tip over on its own. I looked down and noticed a fair little hand pulling at it.

"Hm?"

"It is empty. Would you have further refreshment?"

"Oh, ah… no thanks. I'm good… You?"

"I am satisfied."

"Really."

"Yes."

"But all you've been doing is just sitting there… watching me."

"This is satisfactory."

"Really now."

"…This is a circumstance I had hoped to avoid."

"What is?"

"Though my connection to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity remains severed, I am still operating under factors closer to those of a data entity than that of a human. I am quite satisfied watching you, as I can gather much more data about you through pure visual observation. I can detect your body temperature's fluctuations, the transference of ions across synaptic clefts and the diffusion of material across various membranes. I can observe you through wavelengths of light you cannot. I can observe the bio-electric charges that form your mental processes. Towards you this is… unfair."

Unfair… towards me… Oh my God, how can anyone be this damn considerate? It's enough to nearly bring a guy to tears. She can see me unlike I ever could, as some sort of… beautiful biological symphony, and all she can think of is how _unfair_ that is towards me… My God… she is just _amazing_.

"We will never be on equivalent footing. This is an essential factor in achieving success in human relationships, is it not?"

"I guess…"

"I reiterate: I am quite content simply watching you. Verbal communication adds very little data for me. You cannot fully express yourself in your language and neither can I. An analogy: we are two computers operating with different hardware and software, like computers with a vast generational gap. We are capable of only communicating on the most basic level without attempts at emulating the other's patterns. As such, it falls on me to best emulate human behavior to best aid in our limited level of communication. But even if we could attain communication as such beyond most humans… based on my observations, it would still not suffice. Opening one's heart… is always difficult. It is Schopenhauer's hedgehog's dilemma.

"…You know, I think you read too much, Yuki," I said, shuffling a little closer to the girl.

She looked up at me with her usual, cool eyes, dark pools of the night.

"I simply wish… for you to be equally happy in my presence, as I am in yours."

"I don't think it's all quite so hard as we make it out to be."

"But it is what we do. It is… the human condition."

"Only if we let it. The way I see it, life for humans is all about choice. You can choose to let it all get to you… or you can get up and do something about it. I prefer the latter, ultimately."

I went ahead and kissed the girl, feeling like it had been far too long in the coming. Her lips were cool and smooth, shifting about slowly, as if her lips were adjusting to the shape of mine. It was so different from kissing Haruhi, who always seemed to have a sort of… hunger or drive to anything she did. While Haruhi was more aggressive, Yuki's kiss didn't feel any less passionate. Yuki's kisses were soft and done in a caressing manner, her lower lip doing most of the tender work, while Haruhi went all out, launching her lips ahead as if she was aiming to bust through my teeth. And… I really shouldn't be comparing the two girls, should I?

Besides… Yuki had her eyes were closed. Maybe I should too.

When the kiss was over, Yuki looked up at me and there was something in her eyes I just couldn't name. "I understand your attraction for Suzumiya Haruhi better now."

?

"_What_?" I certainly hoped she hadn't picked up this sort of relationship trick from any sort of book!

"Is she not one who adheres strongly to this school of thought as well?"

"Well, sure… but it's not like –"

"Perhaps the two of you are required to further develop your communication skills. You are both already on an equivalent footing by my evaluation in terms of potential for mutual comprehension, however you two still lack the communication skills to become a single entity, if it is even potentially possible for humans to achieve that level of communication."

"…Mrr…" I couldn't argue back, but the logical help aimed to improve my life from the little data goddess's lips was hardly uplifting me to Nirvana. I laid myself down on the floor, looking up at the empty ceiling. Yuki's ceiling was just like mine, cleanly white and empty.

"… It is interesting to note how data entities' and humans' goals are parallel to each other to a certain degree. We all seek absolute understanding of our surrounding elements, to form one cohesive unit, leaving no room for miscommunication or miscomprehension."

Yeah… the whole freaking Universe is looking for love… Can it really be that hard to find? We're all here, aren't we? How hard is it to just… let it all go and knock on the person's door who matters to you and… open up?

Heh… I was one to talk though, wasn't I?

Yuki got up and started towards the door. I turned my head to see what she was doing. As she neared the door there was, of all things, a sharp rapt of a knock on it.

But Yuki hadn't buzzed anyone in… had someone snuck up here…? Suddenly I started feeling rather ill at ease, because this all seemed somewhat familiar. I sat up and gave my forehead a weary rub.

Yuki proceeded to open the door without even asking who was there, and to probably no one's surprise, allowed Haruhi to enter.

"Hey, Yuki, I wanted to talk to you. Um, remember back when… I kissed you? I was just wondering –" Haruhi finally noticed me and after a few short blank blinks of her eyes, "_Kyon_? What are _you_ doing with Yuki?_ Again?_"

* * *

All three of us sat around Yuki's little table; Yuki on bent knees, her back straight and her palms in loosely clutched fists resting on her thighs, while both Haruhi and I sat on our butts, our legs in their respective negligent manners.

"So, now you know…"

Well, I'd actually known ever since it had happened, but I wasn't going to let Haruhi know that.

"You better not be fantasizing about anything dirty!"

I'm actually surprised by how little I've entertained that unique memory. But now that I had been reminded of it, I was pleasantly surprised by how clearly I could remember it.

"I _knew_ it! Stop fantasizing about innocent little Yuki like that! I don't want you focusing your dirty thoughts on her! Who knows how long until you start acting upon them and force yourself on her! I won't have it!"

"Calm down."

"What were you doing here anyway?"

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"I was going to talk to Yuki about something."

"What, the kiss?"

"_No_. Besides, we didn't just start smooching or anything, you depraved dingbat. We talked about… stuff, and that's what I wanted to pick up on."

"…Tea?" Nagato asked.

"Sure, why not."

Nagato stood up and stepped off into her tiny kitchen, going to work with perfect efficiency, lifting up a metal pot and filling it with water before she placed it on a stove. I noticed her little lips move, like she was whispering –

"Hey!" Haruhi cried out along with a quick snapping of her fingers. "Eyes off Yuki!"

"Hm?"

"You've been staring at her a lot lately, you know. Actually you've done it quite a lot before as well."

"So what if I have? It's not a crime… or is it now?" The question was a very serious one. Haruhi might very well start thinking she had that sort of authority over my life and something like that had to be punched in the nose like an approaching shark as fast as possible before it devoured you whole.

"You know I won't allow you to cause anything that might hinder the pursuits of the Brigade!"

"What exactly are the pursuits of the Brigade right now? You've been trying to make a lot of money, for what?"

Haruhi leaned over the table and gave me look that said, 'don't push your luck if you value the use of your teeth'. "…You're starting to sound rather rebellious, Kyon…"

Yuki returned with a pot, steam twisting from it in her wake, and a platter with three stout cups.

"Well, that was fast," Haruhi noted.

Yuki nodded.

"So… what _were_ you doing here?" Haruhi asked me as she took a cup and had it filled by Nagato who was by now behind her.

I really wasn't sure how I should answer that question. Haruhi seemed to be in an irritable and suspicious mood. As such, she would probably catch a lie, but I had a gut feeling like that of a passing stone that the truth probably wouldn't be swallowed any better by Haruhi.

"Communication," Yuki answered as she let a final drop fall into Haruhi's cup.

"Com… munication?"

"…An attempt would be more precise."

"Attempt…?"

"…Yes."

"Hmm…" Haruhi muttered contemplatively, though hardly amicably. "Sit down, Yuki. Drink. Or something," Haruhi said in a hushed voice, patting at her side.

Yuki simply nodded as she took her allotted place beside Haruhi. For a short little while we partook in tea, almost with ceremonial reverence. Yuki's tea, though rather bland for the most part, contained a sweet after taste to it, like a speckling of honey or something. Haruhi finished first, as was typical of her. Whether it was simple thirst or some weird matter of pride, who could tell? She however sat silently, staring at me expressionlessly, giving me no hints whatsoever of what she might be thinking of. Nothing continued happening at a leisurely pace until I got halfway done with my tea. Haruhi wrapped herself around Yuki, eyeing me suspiciously as she did so.

"What?" I asked as I placed my tea down.

"I just don't trust you around Yuki-chan. She's always by herself and so small and kind of anemic looking… a guy like you could easily overpower her, if she got sick like she did in that house we were stuck in during the blizzard."

"And you really think I would do something to Nagato?"

"You never know with people, do you?" Haruhi hugged Yuki tighter. The image before me was like that off a small child clasping a doll in a fit of jealous possession. Even though I loathed what such an image suggested, of both of them, I couldn't shake it.

"And you're not just jealous?"

"Of what?" Haruhi asked sharply. "You're not doing anything, right? That's what you _just _said. Or was that a lie?"

I felt like grimacing but did my best to restrain myself, though I must have failed to some degree as Haruhi frowned back at me.

"Yuki's a special girl and I won't have you corrupting her. She's pure like snow and I like that about her."

I would have liked to have pointed out that snow was rarely if ever pure, for very long at least. Soon it would become a grayish blob as sand and dirt and sometimes salt got mixed into it, never mind the striking yellow it could sometimes also wear. I really would have liked to point out this absurdity, but saying it would have implied the completely wrong thing about Yuki.

"She's not like others. She does what she wants, untouched by the stink of conformity. She's anything but normal and I don't want that to change. The sweaty stench of mediocrity is hard to wash off. Even after a year with someone as super cool as me, you still reek of it."

_Thanks_ for the attempt of ridding me of it.

Haruhi's hands, which had been wrapped around the smaller girl, started wandering. She lifted one hand up and her eyes travelled along the length of the arm. Then Haruhi started pulling at her clothes, lifting the hem of her skirt _here_ and pulling at her collar _there_.

"_Oi_. What the hell do you think you're doing to Yuki?"

"Hmm?" Haruhi, who had by then been pulling off the back of Yuki's uniform looked up at me curiously. "Yuki now? Just what is this? You've never called her _Yuki_ before!"

"Never mind that! Why are you trying to strip her?"

"I'm checking for damage."

"_Damage_?"

"Stuff you might have left out of place," Haruhi scooped her hands down and under Yuki's shirt and cupped her breasts, giving them a squeeze. "And with the way you're talking about her, it rings alarms in my head, no, actually adds to them. Hmm… No hickeys and her breasts are just as I left them."

"_You_? _Left_ them?"

"Never mind that. Now I'm worried if you'll start dropping the san for Mikuru-chan and start moving on to her as well. Is that what all of this is? Are we just your toy things to play with? Us girls… what about Koizumi?"

"Shut up, you idiot," I immediately responded.

"Struck a nerve, did I? No wonder that kiss with Mikuru-chan was so awkward," Haruhi said, smiling smugly, giving Yuki's breasts a good fondle, practically massaging them.

"Okay, stop that."

"Why?"

"It's distracting."

"Really now?" Haruhi's squeezing fingers picked up speed.

"Yuki, if she's making you uncomfortable, just _tell_ her."

"…I do not mind," Yuki said quite placidly.

Haruhi's squeezing came to sudden stop as she blinked and glanced at Yuki's blank face staring at me. "You see, Kyon? She doesn't mind. In a way, I bet she likes it." Haruhi gave a final little squeeze before she withdrew her hands. "But that's not why I was doing it." She then seemed to consider her words again a second time before she added, "Not that I'd mind, Yuki."

"Okay, seriously, what the hell?"

"Seeing as I'm already taking care of you and your needs, I don't see why I couldn't extend the service to her as well. At least it'd be better than leaving her in the hands of a lecher like you."

"…Oh, so that's what this is." My gut instinct had been right after all.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"It's why you made Asahina-san and me kiss as well. Is it why you went out with Koizumi as well? Are you _jealous_?"

"Whah? I – I – Don't be ridiculous! What a freaking narcissist! Always so high and mighty and in love with yourself! You still think everything's about you, don't you?"

"Nice try, but it's true, isn't it?" I said, cracking into victorious grin. "You got _jealous_!"

"Shut _up_! You idiot!" Haruhi was practically blustering now. "Why would _I_ be jealous? You're _rubbish_! Yuki here's _so_ much better!"

And the breasts of Yuki were given another squeeze, but a rather angry one this time, so much so I was actually a bit worried for the girl's sake. But Yuki was as stone-faced as ever.

"If anything, it's _you_ who's jealous! You can't do this because of your petty social conventions and it eats you up inside, doesn't it?"

She's just reaching, very badly now. I'd hit her on the cute nose. My smirk was back again in full force. "You got _jealous_. Is that why you showed up here? Did you want to tell Yuki to keep her distance from me?"

"_You_…"

Hah! _That_ shut her up! This is _fantastic_!

"I honestly can't believe this of you. Jealous… tsk tsk," I said with a smirk I felt would never disappear as I shrugged showily. "That's so… _common_, so _mundane_. So unlike our intrepid leader."

This was great. I had really gotten under her skin. It was funny as hell watching her go so red.

Haruhi gulped loudly, as if steeling herself before she glared at me frightfully. "You're a menace! I found your stash of pictures of Mikuru!"

"Huh?"

Oh crap… oh crap in a crap full of crap…

I'd _completely_ forgotten about those candid shots!

_Shit_…

But wait, was that what Haruhi had seen on the computer and made her gasp. It was; it had to have been! Damn it, how stupid of me! It wasn't the browser history I should have checked, but the recent files! I'd been dragged so deep into the rabbit hole I hadn't even considered the mundane and natural thing anymore! Haruhi had finally found my mikuru-file, and then… she'd told the other girl to get out of her uniform and tried to mess with her hair… made me kiss her as well. Haruhi really _was_ simply jealous. It was just that now…

"Yeah, that's right! I know full well what a twisted pervert you are! That's why I'm making sure you're kept under control and came here to check and see if you were abusing Yuki's trust as much as Mikuru's! You told me those pictures were _wrong_ from your high horse, but _you_ kept them! You're a liar and a hypocrite! Worst of all, you've abused the trust of your fellow Brigade members! You really _do_ need discipline and punishment!"

"I…"

Now _I'd_ been shut up. I couldn't deny any of it. Oh my God, Haruhi's right! For once she is actually right and I have no way to argue against her. _I'm_ the one at fault here…

I think I'm getting dizzy…

"You… you won't tell Asahina-san about it, will you?" I asked. My face burned with a shame I'd never experienced ever before in my whole life. The only things that even came close to this were faint memories of childhood, so distant you couldn't really recall any of the details, like what exactly had happened, even if the feelings of shame and fear and guilt had been seared into your brain along with the pain of a good yank of your hair or a mean slap on the ass.

The victory smirk on Haruhi's face was terrible to watch. I could feel my face burning with shame.

"Just what sort of deviant things have you been doing with those pictures anyway?" her eyes narrowed.

"Nothing!"

"Yeah right! You're a hea- well, fairly healthy teenager…"

"It's not like that…"

"…You really find Mikuru _that_ attractive…?" All of a sudden Haruhi's tone had changed completely, from an angry and suspicious one to a softer spoken one.

"Well," I gave the back of my head a scratch. "She _is_ really cute and sexy… I mean, that's why _you_ picked her for the SOS Brigade, right?"

Haruhi's head lowered a little. She stared at the tea pot placed perfectly at the middle of the table and gave Yuki a tight hug, holding her chin to her neck, burying half of her face in her hair.

"Hey… uh…"

What was this? Was she hurt by what I'd said? She looked kind of like it, but the intent gaze she had on the teapot made her look thoughtful as well. I wasn't quite sure what was going on.

"Hey, you're sexy too, you know," I said, feeling as awkward as the thing I'd said.

Haruhi didn't respond at all. Was she waiting for me to say something, maybe something better? Or was I way off the mark here?

"You're the first girl I've kissed, remember?" I asked, hoping I wasn't reading the situation completely wrong.

Haruhi finally reacted, her eyes shifting from the tea pot to me and then they narrowed in anger. "So _what_? Why do you think I care about something like that?"

"You… don't?"

Okay, I had read the situation completely wrong. A normal girl would probably have liked some reassurances of some kind, but Haruhi was more confident than that. Or was she? Damn it. We were so far out in unfamiliar territory, Haruhi and I, that everything I'd learned about talking to her before felt out of place.

"All I care about is the SOS Brigade working, about us having fun and… maybe some adventures again. Maybe..."

"Okay…"

"That's what matters. Right, Yuki?"

Yuki nodded to this, still staring ahead at me.

"But apparently member number one can't function like this…" Haruhi glanced at me warily, like I was a party crasher at a small get-together. "He's just a horny pervert."

"_Hey_!"

"It makes me wonder… when you know there's a problem, you should try and fix it, right?"

"Wait… just what are you thinking?" I asked warily.

"You really need more?"

"Huh? No – What? No, it's not like that. I mean, you and I, we're not really – and Yuki's also just… We're all just… adjusting."

Haruhi just stared blankly at me, but Yuki of all people nodded to this, catching both me and Haruhi by surprise.

"Yeah, I guess so…" Haruhi muttered. "…Things _have_ changed. But I don't want to lose what we had before either. So…"

[Haruhi got far too serious with thought before she leaned over to whisper hurriedly in Yuki's ear, receiving a nod from the other girl afterwards. The two girls got up and walked around the table, each coming around from different sides. They settled down around me on either side of me.]

"So… what? What are you doing? Why am I being surrounded? What are you planning _now_?"

Haruhi approached me gingerly from the right, not unlike a cat getting ready to pounce. She stared at me intently, her focused solely on me, waiting for the moment to -

"Nn… never mind!" Haruhi pulled back all of a sudden, giving her head a great big shake, her hair waving about. "This is _stupid_! Why did I even think of it?" Haruhi asked almost angrily, her color starting to rise. While Haruhi had not retreated but advanced in a different direction, Yuki proceeded on towards me, coming… very, very close. I would have asked her what she was thinking she was doing but then she reached out, her little fingers like cold electricity on my skin as her fingertips trailed delicately like snowflakes across my skin. She turned my jaw around towards her and… kissed me softly on the lips.

"Y-Yuki! What do you think you're doing?" Haruhi asked in shock that could just as easily have been my own.

"Following orders."

"Abort! Abort, damn it!"

"Whuh – what the hell did you tell her to do?"

"Shut up!"

"Should I progress to phase two?" Yuki asked as she started approaching Haruhi, crawling over me, making Haruhi stumble backwards onto her back.

"No way! I told you to abort! We can't do _that_ with this horndog! He – he won't – he doesn't… don't, not now…"

"Established protocol for the event dictates to not heed demands to cease action."

"I meant from h-him! Not me! Stop! St-" Haruhi's cries were muffled as Yuki delivered a gentle little kiss to her lips. At first Haruhi went pale and froze. Then her eyes slowly travelled from Yuki's to mine, a red hot blush stealing over her face. I simply stared at the scene, just as beautiful and miraculous as before. When the kiss was over and Yuki returned to my side, sitting down as if to wait, Haruhi regained her wits before me.

"Whuh – why aren't you…? What's with this reaction? You… you're not even blushing?"

Because I'd seen something like this before, of course, but how could I ever admit that?

"What – just what kind of a stone cold pervert _are_ you? To be so totally unfazed by two cute girls kissing?"

Shit, that's not right!

"No, uhm, I…"

Damn it. What have I gotten myself into…?

"I always knew you were a lecher, drooling after Mikuru, but this… this is just…"

"Stop already! It's nothing like that!"

"There's no way you could be this cool about it! Whenever you see Mikuru half-naked you practically freak out! But when it's Yuki and me…"

"What are you… if you're implying I find this less hot than Asahina-san in her underwear, then you're… then you're… you're… sadly mistaken?"

_That_… couldn't possibly have been the right response. Haruhi simply stared at me with something that looked disturbingly like horrified disgust.

"More tea?" Yuki asked, holding the tea pot in one hand and an empty cup in the other, her face as placid as ever before.

"Uhm… no thanks," I answered, wondering just how weird this evening was going to get.

A sharp thudding sound however interrupted my thoughts. I turned my head to see Haruhi's fist quivering against the low table, her head down with her bangs covering her face. "Enough already!" She took a deep breath, before she continued, "…I think it's time we turned in."

"Yeah… wait. Hang on. You aren't going home?"

"It's too dark. There might be horny freaks like you out there."

If you're not going outside because of the possibility of freaks like me, then how can you stay _inside_ with the certainty of a freak 'like' me already here?

* * *

Things were quiet now. It was dark outside and barely any light remained except for that of the stars, street lights and the distant vigils of a couple of insomniacs in the distance. Sometimes you could spot a police car making the rounds, but otherwise it was all quiet, especially so in Yuki's little apartment.

While I had been left in what passed for Yuki's living room, to sleep on an extra mattress and sheet, sans pillow, the girls had retreated in to Yuki's sleeping quarters. I'd only been in there once with Asahina-san, and even then only to enter, sleep for what felt a wink and then leave the place practically immediately, a process that had actually taken about three years in real time. I tried to recall if there had been anything special to the room, but couldn't remember it as anything beyond a place to sleep. All in all, it wasn't a room worth thinking about, except maybe as a fung shui artist's training area. But right now, the room along with its occupants was the sole focus of my thoughts.

For the most part, the room had remained quiet. This was probably the worst thing that could have happened. If Haruhi had bothered trying to engage Yuki in small talk (although with Yuki involved, the term microscopic talk would probably have been more accurate a description), then I probably couldn't have heard all the little, silky, soft sounds of two girls undressing. A guy's mind can get rather agitated by a stimulus like that. I'd of course _tried _blocking it out, but with an apartment like Yuki's, where there was next to nothing to help distract you, like knickknacks, pictures, or even books (Where the hell did she keep them all? In the clubroom?), this had proved to be a near impossible task.

Even now I thought I could hear the zipper of a short skirt, followed by the velvety slide of fabric against skin, and then… something like the unclipping of a little plastic hook…

"Uyhhh…" I gave my head a stern shaking about, trying to clear it of unnecessary thoughts. This was, after all, hardly the right place to get excited. If the girls didn't quiet down and go to sleep soon, I doubt I could catch any more than a wink of sleep this time either.

I heard sheets rustle, then quiet, then some more rustling, "Oops, did I take it all? Sorry", and yet some more rustling.

I would have liked to have undressed a bit more as well for sleeping, because the little room was a bit stifling right now, what with three times as many people more than usually in a place that probably ever only saw the bare minimum of ventilation and no more. But unfortunately I had the inkling sensation that if I did do that, I would probably wake up to an indignant Haruhi kicking me in the side upon discovering me like that in the morning.

Since it was so warm nowadays, and jackets weren't really part of our uniforms anymore, I couldn't even bundle it into a makeshift pillow. Yuki's place was also devoid of anything that could have been used as a surrogate pillow. I sighed, lying back on the spare mattress, giving my stomach a little scratch, and started wondering if counting imaginary sheep really worked. I mean, how is activating the parts of your brain that create virtual sheep and the part that adds going to help you sleep? Sure, it'd probably get boring and thus tiresome, but it seemed like such a bother…

"Yuki…"

My deep considerations for the night were however interrupted by a hushed whisper from Haruhi. I held my breath, both worried and intrigued by what would follow.

"…?" I assumed Yuki was making a silent questioning glance at this time.

"What do you think of Kyon?"

"He is kind and gentle."

"…"

"…"

"…Yeah, I guess so…" Haruhi said slowly, like this wasn't something she would have come up with at first if asked to describe me. "What about me? What do you think about me?"

"You are special. Unique."

"Yeah, I know you think that and… I dunno. I like you too, Yuki. You're special too. I kissed you back then thinking I might find something interesting and… ah, I don't know! This is all so weird for me!"

"…For me as well."

Interesting…

"Yeah, what are we supposed to do here? It's not like there's a manual you can read for life!"

"…"

"No, Yuki, there _really_ isn't."

I could easily picture Yuki glance at Haruhi, tilting her head a little questioningly.

"…I see," Yuki replied.

"No… it's an adventure. Heh… man, that words come to bite me on the ass nowadays… what with… with… no, it's not worth talking about, no matter how much _that idiot_ might think it might be… stuff like that only led to him being… Like I said, never mind. No, I'm just glad everyone's okay. I'm just happy we have each other." There was some rustling of sheets again, and then the little scrunching noises of someone sliding along a mattress. This sounds repeated themselves a few more times in short and repetitive succession, like someone was gingerly trying to move about, or… shuffle closer. "I really _do_ like you, Yuki."

"…"

"But only in small doses. You're a good supporting character."

"…"

I heard some more of the shuffling sounds, but they were smaller this time, like it wasn't an entire body carefully moving about, but maybe an appendage, or a head… snuggling closer. My imagination really was the worst thing ever. The thought that it might not be even be that far from the truth did little to assuage my growing frustration. I turned over onto my side, to face away from the bedroom. I closed my eyes shut, tightly. It was time to get some damn sleep already!

"But just in little doses… Uh! Well hello there, what's _this_?"

"Ah…!" Yuki let out a weak little whimper that sent my eyelids open like they were spring-loaded and nearly made me sit up with the same tension.

"Mmm… small doses, eh?"

"…Yes."

I turned about to stare at bedroom door with incredulous disbelief.

"Hehe… I wonder what'll happen if –"

"Ah…!"

I bit down on my shirt's little sleeve to keep myself from saying out loud something stupid. Nothing was happening behind that door! Absolutely _nothing_! Nothing of interest at least! I would just keep my mouth shut and that'd be that. There would be no angry shouting. Because let's face this… this… dream, yes, _dream_ wasn't actually happening. As long as I kept my shock, excitement and fright in check, I wouldn't wake up, or the girls wouldn't and – how was this supposed to go again?

"Wow, looks like I found your weak spot, Yuki-chan! But boy, I'd never have guessed _that_! That's just so weird! I mean, for me – hang on… yeah, that doesn't really feel good at all, but for you…"

"Aahhh…"

"Wow… this is so much fun!"

"Ynh!"

"Ynnrrr…" I bit down harder on my sleeve.

Oh who was I kidding anyway? I wasn't going to be able to sleep let alone dream through a night like this!


	58. Corner Pieces

I met Koizumi standing about at the crossing nearby my destination for the day. We met in silence, nodding at each other before we continued forwards towards the café. We were both a bit on edge, I suppose. This was after all the biggest thing that had happened to us after we'd thought the worst of it all had already happened.

The café was rather small, but it made up for it with a wooden deck in front, with tables complete with large umbrellas to keep the customers protected from offensive uv-rays of early summer. I thought I had prepared myself for the worst, but what I saw sitting at a corner of the deck made me stop in my tracks. That was probably because what I saw was about as far removed from the worst as an amoeba is from a human in the evolutionary chain, i.e. practically completely.

"Kyon?" Koizumi asked, turning to look at me quizzically.

I had never seen Mori-san in anything that didn't technically count as a uniform. Whether it had been the maid outfit on the island retreat or the sharp but sexy business suit of hers during her operations, she'd always looked so… official. But seeing her in a pair of old jeans and a cute little green top was just a bit too much for my young heart to bear. She was just sitting there with one leg over the other, holding one of those unnecessarily large coffee cups in both hands, slowly sipping away at the contents.

_So cute…_

"Kyon?" Koizumi asked again.

"Hang on just for a second…"

At this point Mori-san noticed us and placed her enormous coffee cup down with elegance that could rival Yuki's, smiled warmly and gestured at us to come over.

I think I might be suffering from an early heart attack here… If I were a lesser man, I'd be making a 'hnng' sound right about now.

"Ah, Koizumi-kun, Kyon-kun…" Mori-san said standing up momentarily to give us both curt nods that substituted a bow, making us return the gesture. "It's good to see the both of you in good health. I trust the same can be said of Suzumiya-san and your other comrades?"

"Yes, we're all in a rather good place right now, all things considered," Koizumi answered as we took our seats.

"I'm glad to hear that." Mori-san then turned her focus on me. "Are you sure everything's alright? Kyon-kun looks rather flushed."

"M'fine," I mumbled.

To my continued distress Mori-san got up in her tight jeans and reached over to place a soft palm against my forehead. "Well, it's not a hay fever at least," she said with a little grin that probably knew more than it was letting on but was doing it's best to dampen my embarrassment.

For a moment I felt like my age, a silly teenaged boy, something that I hadn't felt in… well, ever to be quite honest with myself. But then again, I'd never really hung out with an adult woman such as Mori-san like this, so casually, like we were all just equals.

"I've brought you here to discuss… the past, and perhaps our future. But our primary concern is the present of course, though that will at first require some understanding of the past. I wanted to talk to you about this… 'Fuyumi' person you met."

"What about her?" I asked, my awkwardness quickly dissipating at the mention of the name.

"How she's just a small piece in a much larger puzzle."

Mori-san proceeded to pull out some folders full of paper onto the table from a large, fashionable bag resting by her feet. She opened them up and spread them about, revealing papers full of texts and some numbers and the occasional graph of some sort. I was doubly sure now I wasn't going to enjoy what I was going to learn. I looked about the papers and noticed one with a familiar, though younger looking face staring up at me. The corners of her mouth were curved into a soft little smile. It looked almost innocent, but still it made me feel a little queasy. I turned the page over only to discover another picture of the same girl, slightly older, looking tired with dark shadows around her bloodshot eyes. She had a bruise or two on her forehead. I looked at where her name should have been with all the other information about her, but it had been covered with a thick black line.

"The girl originally lived in a town, a good 500 kilometers away from here," Mori-san began, tapping a finger briefly on the picture of the younger looking picture of the girl. "On all accounts, she was a bright and studious young girl. The girl apparently had an interest in theater… before she was institutionalized."

"…Makes sense. She was such a… such a _villain_… but so what? I knew she was crazy. She tried to _kill_ me."

"Note the date she entered care," Mori-san tapped on a spot on the paper.

I looked and found a date that was only a couple of months short of being exactly four years ago.

"It seems the girl first started exhibiting symptoms shortly after the Tanabata festival of that year. As far as her parents know, of course. She claimed she could see different worlds and walk through walls. But as the bumps on her head started increasing, and the girl wouldn't listen to mother to stop playing silly games, the parents became worried. It wasn't until a certain man appeared to see the girl and recommended psychiatric help that the girl was institutionalized. The man paid for all the expenses."

"Who was this guy?"

"We'll get to that later, once you know more about his connections to everything."

"What happened with Fuyumi then?" Koizumi asked, peering up from the papers. "It says here she ran off. How did she manage to escape?"

"She didn't escape. She was released."

"_What_?" I couldn't believe it. That psycho had been _let_ loose.

"At least I suspect so," Mori-san said. "The trail on her goes cold for a few months until she seems to reappear here, in this town, living in a small apartment all by herself."

"_What_?"

"I believe it was a means of getting Fuyumi away from her vigilant parents and get her closer to Suzumiya Haruhi."

"You sound like there was some kind of mastermind pulling strings all along? Who are you talking about?"

"It depends… are you sure you want to go down this road again? From what I had gathered… after that fateful night I left you with Tachibana alone… you wished to make sure all of this was over, that you would no longer be bothered by her or her kind? You do realize that if you pursue this matter, it will lead you down a path similar to the one you walked prior?"

"…But if this something important…"

"I assure you, you will be safer than before. In fact, I'm heading off tomorrow to ensure it. _Personally_."

I looked down at the papers, listing medical conditions and drug prescriptions. There was something dark and twisted going on behind everything once again…

A weak little pain ran through my stomach. Like a knife.

I didn't want to get pulled back into this sort of rabbit hole again. Things were finally good again. I was happy and so was everyone else. I didn't want to risk losing what I had won back. But I couldn't avert my eyes; I couldn't help picking up the papers and scanning them. There was plenty of jargon that didn't mean much to me, but words like manic-depressive episodes, instability and delusions leapt up at me. It didn't seem like many people could agree on what exactly it was that had gone wrong with the girl. There was actually a list of most probable ideas.

"Whatever. This is too depressing. That part of my life is gone and buried. We went through the stupid darkness and came through it stronger and happier than ever before. I won't be sucked back into it again. Keep your sad back stories. I won't shed a tear for the bitch. She tried to kill me. She didn't _have_ to. She made her choice and now she's rotting in hell, or worse, I hope."

"That's rather cold," Mori-san said before she took a sip of her drink, smiling contentedly afterwards, "Though I agree full heartedly."

Koizumi smiled weakly. "I suppose I'm the only one who feels rather sad for the girl."

"Yup, just you," I said.

"Definitely," Mori-san agreed

"You know, you're pretty cool off duty, Mori-san,"

"Thanks. I don't have a lot of free time, so I take all I can out of the time I have."

"And telling me about this is that?"

"This wasn't something that needed to be done. I just felt you _should_ know."

"A-ha"

"Mainly because I'd like to invite you to join me on a little quest for answers… but also because you deserve it."

"Uhm… Thanks, but what kind of quest are you talking about?"

"It would probably be best to start with the beginning. After our organization was attacked and effectively crippled, I was placed in charge of investigating exactly what had happened to us and most importantly how, to ensure it could never happen again. Despite being informed of this Fuyumi character's possible involvement in everything by Koizumi-kun here, I started my investigations with our counterparts. I simply couldn't believe they had nothing to do with everything, what with the timing of the attack against us and all the other crippling attacks against our allies, suspicious as it might have been for them to blow their own base as well at the same time. It was all just a bit… _ too_ suspicious, if you know what I mean. It could have been a ruse."

"But it wasn't, was it?"

"No, it seems Tachibana Kyoko's group has been broken for good. However, as I investigated, I found out something rather disturbing."

"What? Please don't play this game with me."

"What game?"

"Where you do this, delay the big reveal."

"_You're_ the one who interrupted my flow."

"…Fine, sorry. Continue."

"Well, as I searched the holdings of Tachibana's group thoroughly, I found out something disturbing. I found out who owned the land they were hiding on."

"Yeah, so?"

"As I continued investigating, going through the paper trails and interrogating those I could find, it became clear all of their backing was coming from one source. One very familiar to us. The one major contributor to our organization's endeavors as well."

"Who? What?"

"The Tsuruya Foundation."

"_What_?"

It… _couldn't_ be. It wasn't _possible_.

"That's not all… did you check who it was that paid for Fuyumi's psychological treatment and her housing in this town?"

Suddenly the papers I had wanted to discard where burning my hands. I shuffled through it all until I found it. Printed in black was the name Tsuruya.

"What the _hell_ does this mean? This can't be a coincidence. No way."

"You are correct. It can't possibly be a coincidence." Mori-san took another long sip. "I presented my findings to our leaders, of course. Despite being able to see the obvious, they were all unwilling to do anything about the information I had found."

"What? _Why the hell not_?"

"Our organization is crippled. We have never suffered such a huge loss. Even when we started we had more man power and disposable income. Our field effectiveness has been greatly reduced. Furthermore, our leaders are afraid that acting on the information now, when we are at our weakest, could only end us."

"But… this is… _those cowards_!"

"Yes… and this is why I resigned."

"Excuse me?" Koizumi asked, looking equally taken aback as I did at last.

"I finally saw what I had known for a long time… our organization was weak and ineffectual. Change needed to be made. I took with me all the equipment and manpower I could,"

"You… you _did_?" Koizumi asked, sounding truly bewildered.

"I have started a new organization to take its place. A more… effectual one."

"What's that mean?" I asked sharply.

"Well, for starters, we will no longer fear doing what is necessary." Mori-san gave the exact answer I hadn't wanted to hear before she glanced at her watch. "Which is why I will be going to see the Tsuruya Foundation within the hour. The two of you are free to join me. I felt you two deserved the right to know." She then stood up to leave, leaving money for her drink on the table. "You have… 50 minutes to decide. I will be in front of the Tsuruya Foundation exactly then for my scheduled meeting with the head of the foundation. I will not wait."

Mori-san strode around the table but stopped next to me, staring down at me thoughtfully before the corner of her mouth rose a little. "You're cute, Kyon," Mori-san said, the strict face of a guardian melting away for a moment to smile at me while ruffling my hair a bit before she walked off. "Too bad you're a bit too young."

I followed her entrancing gait until she was out of sight and I realized how slack my jaw felt. I turned to Koizumi as soon as I fixed the matter. "She... she was kidding, right?"

Koizumi looked at me, mirroring my bemusement. The best he could do as an answer was to shrug uncertainly.

"Eh, _Anyway_… People like me and Mori-san will remain vigilant in the shadows, protecting all of you. If you really want to, you can just walk away. I doubt anyone could blame you for that at this point."

"No… they couldn't…" I muttered vaguely.

"So if you don't want to… I can go by myself."

Damn it… I really didn't want to do this, but I'd have to, wouldn't I? I'd have to go and see what this new development was about.

"No, I'm coming with you. If there's still something out there in the world that could threaten Haruhi and the others… I _have_ to know about it. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror ever again," I said, "Although even now there's not much to look at."

Koizumi grinned.

"Besides, I still remember the last time you guys tried to 'help'. Not that I think _you_ would try something so stupid again but… sometimes a person can lose sight of what they're protecting if they stay too far away from the thing they're trying to protect."

Koizumi nodded firmly. "Indeed."

The two of us took our time and walked across town to where we should meet Mori-san. The address had been all over the papers, one located at what was essentially the business area of my town. Tall office buildings littered the area, each built to outshine the other. But outside one in particular stood a familiar misshapen wreck of a man, and as it turned out, glaring at our destination through bleary eyes.

"Bloody bastard…" the man muttered out loud.

"Sam…? What are _you_ doing here?"

"_Who're you_?" he asked in kind, completely unfamiliar with me by the look of it.

"Uh… well, no one really."

"Hh… we got that in common, kid. With bastards like these in charge of the world… Huoh… Told him it wouldn't work, would be too early, but did he listen to me? No. Bloody bastard…" The smelly man slouched, looking like he might collapse, but then he suddenly lifted his head and peered about as if looking for something, walking off in what I felt was a completely random direction. "I need a drink. Wonder how they're doing with artificially engineered negligible senescence… could drink _all_ I ever wanted without worrying 'bout my liver…"

"Who was that?" Koizumi asked, raising an eyebrow at the shrinking sight of the bum and then shifting it to me.

"No one," I answered, giving the sad truth of the matter.

I'd always thought there had been something odd about the old fart, but I hadn't expected this. Worst of all, he seemed to have been no more than middle-management, meaning there were currently far bigger and more important people to contend with. I could have followed him and asked some questions, but I doubted anything I could pry from the alcohol addled head of that poor man could be more critical than going straight to the source.

Mori-san soon appeared, having donned her battle gear, the fitted business suit she usually wore. She bid us follow her and we stepped into one of the largest buildings in my town, several stories high with nothing but glass panes surrounding it completely. We walked past a desk at the front where a pretty twenty-something year old girl greeted us and pointed at the elevator at the opposite end of the entrance hall, on the other side of a fountain in the middle. We entered the elevator in silence. Mori-san pressed a button for the penthouse and for a moment I thought something had gone wrong until I fully became conscious of a soft little tug at the bottom of guts that had started the moment the button had been pressed. And then I started feeling extremely underdressed for this whole place.

Soon the elevator slid to a nearly imperceptible stop, as if momentum had sneaked off to smoke a cigarette and hastily returned to put up a half-hearted appearance because it simply had to, the barely detectable humming of distant machines nearly vanishing completely. A soft ding followed as the doors slid open with something that sounded nearly like a gentle, satisfied sigh, revealing a wide room that occupied what must have been the entire floor, brightly lit by natural light from glass windows that doubled as the walls. Placed symmetrically about the room were little raised daises, holding up various ancient relics from all sorts of ethnical and cultural backgrounds. Tablets and weapons, pots and jewellery, tapestries and idols; anything one might find in a museum of cultural history was there.

But the one thing that struck the person entering at first and wouldn't let go, was the man standing behind a large mahogany desk on the opposite side of the vast room. He held his hands behind his back as he watched the beautiful view from his tower of luxury. My town was sprawled beneath him in the early summer haze, people milling about the streets like some sort of insects that functioned in hives; six legs, little pincers, antennae… now what were they called, these overly used parallels with humanity?

I glanced at Koizumi, suddenly feeling the first waves of anxiousness I should have felt a lot earlier, what with us coming face to face with the man who seemed to be the circus leader of all the true mayhem in our lives, but I guess I'd simply been too hot with justified anger at the time the meeting had been set up to fully realize what I was walking into.

Koizumi stared stoically ahead, none of his features betraying his thoughts. Mori-san too wore the cold face of a warrior, impossible to read. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down and act cool as well, but that somehow felt like a lost cause so far in my life.

We stood there for a short while, all completely quiet until the man dressed in fine grey suit seemed to notice us in the reflection of the window he was staring out of, a wide and rather wolfish, if I do say so, smile spreading across his face in the reflection.

"Ah, my guests!" the man bellowed happily as he spun around, arms raised in greeting as if he meant to embrace us all from across the room. "Do come closer! It's such a large room! Hohoo!"

The three of us walked forward in silence, approaching the giant desk, which I only now noticed was where a sheathed katana and wakizashi and been placed on a small rack, right in the middle of it. Both blades hadn't been sheathed completely up to the hilt i noticed as we approached. A few centimeters of the silver steel between the guard and the lacquered surface of the sheath gleamed with a hungry light to it in the light of the day.

"Sit! Sit!" the man practically barked, pressing a something hidden under his desk, causing the floor to open up in front of his desk to allow the rising of three seats for us.

"Care for something to drink?" a metallic cylinder as tall as me rose from the floor next to the table, opening a panel on the side with a soft hiss, revealing a cooled interior with all manner of beverages inside, from what looked like expensive and old brandy bottles to a choice selection of carbonated sodas.

"Relax!" the man gave the order casually enough not to be rude, though his sense of volume seemed to have run off wild a long time ago with its absence going completely missed by its owner. He really was quite literally barking at us in his deep voice. In fact, there was something decidedly canine about the Tsuruya clan. Tsuruya-san had her cute little tooth that made her look like a sly fox sometimes while her father had the look of a wolf, cleaned up and barely contained in his business suit. His hair was cut short, to possibly a few centimeters at most in length but still managed to look rather mangy and spiky, while his impressive beard had been cut with clinical precision, close-cropped along the square lines of his jaw. Even though the man looked to be well in his fifties at the least, with his hair beginning to fade in color and a face that could have been carved by a shoddy carpenter due to the wrinkles, which he had plenty of, especially around his eyes, the man was in excellent shape with well toned muscles sliding under his suit like pythons whenever he moved. He really did feel like a wolf in sheep's clothing, barely contained.

"My daughter has told me so much about you all! Well, except for this smartly dressed young lady of course! Hah! I _do_ love a woman with my sense of style!" Tsuruya leered at Mori-san in an appreciative way that made me gulp nervously, though Mori-san met his eyes with a strength I didn't have.

The large man's eyes swerved to me next, gauging me in an instant. "I'm especially glad to met you, young man!"

"Uhm, thanks…" I honestly didn't know what else to say. What else _could_ I have said? Well, obviously I could have said a lot of things, but the way this man had engaged us… it was like he was Santa Claus on acid in Thailand. You simply hadn't expected _him_, and not like _this_.

"Ah! Finally! One of you speaks! The bravest one or the most foolish one? Hahhahaa! No offense meant, of course! Though there's rarely much difference between the two either! Hah! You deserve something a little more special!" he said, diving for the drink cabinet.

"Uh…" I really didn't know how to respond to the exuberant old man, who was so disturbingly like his daughter in personality. "Nothing alcoholic, thank you," I found myself saying with politeness I hadn't intended as my brain strained for something at all to say.

"Hah! Of course not! You're just a kid still! Your liver's still developing!" The man gave me a shrewd glance from the side of his cabinet, giving a little wink at me. "But when has that ever stopped lads like us? Hehe!"

Took out some glasses poured for himself something amber in color and me what was probably just a cola drink.

"I still remember my first time… got talked into it by a girl, no less! Can you _believe_ it! But of course you can! And it's so hard to find such fiery and tempestuous girls with bellies of iron in our neck of the woods, isn't it? Why'd I ever let that one go…" The man for once seemed to lose some of his volume as his thoughts drifted off to a place of warm nostalgia for a moment. "But I'm sure I don't need to tell you what that's like," he said, the earlier sharpness returning to his eyes as he gave me a glance.

"…"

I couldn't help but wonder if this was all an act, to get me and the others to lower their guards, to accept him easier… especially how he seemed to be trying to align his life with mine. The guy certainly knew more about us than he should have, that was for sure.

"So, what exactly can I do for you all on such a fine day?

The man looked about eagerly at each of us in turn, like he was ready and waiting to run and fetch a stick if one of us had thrown it.

"Oh, wait! Pardon me! I've completely failed to observe the proper etiquette haven't I? I must have come off as rather rude! I failed to give myself a proper introduction and denied one from you! Though what purpose it could really serve for us anymore is quite beyond me, but silly customs must be entertained, shouldn't they?" Tsuruya asked, standing as straight as possible before he pulled off a bow that would have made a geisha feel jealous of. "I am Tsuruya Kenji, pleased to make your acquaintance. What would you have of me on this fine day?"

"I think you know quite well why we're here, _Tsuruya,_" Mori-san said coolly.

"Hah! I see my courtesy to you was not reciprocated… Hmm… certainly sets an interesting mood, wouldn't you agree?" the man inquired, sitting down and leaning back in his lavish leather chair as he crossed his fingers contemplatively. "But indeed, I am fairly certain why you are here at last. It was only inevitable, after all."

The man looked thoughtful for a moment as he framed his trimmed beard with a hand.

"Isn't it weird how we humans have made these pointless shows of respect that have lost all meaning except that to not do them invites disdain while executing them raises people's opinions of them so little. Here we have our bows and across the big sea they have their handshakes. It's rather endearing how the Americans especially find us to be more polite than they think they are, when the only difference between us is a manner of custom, the _way_ in which we act politely, not the amount. Oh, if I had a yen every time someone has failed to greet me the proper way… I'd probably receive a _third_ of my fortunes! Those chaps who think we're so damn polite clearly haven't taken a stroll among _real_ people, in our country let alone theirs. I'd bet that aforementioned third of my assets they'd receive far more handshakes in the States than they'd receive bows here!"

But Mori-san was not going to be deterred from her quest for answers. "Just what exactly is your connection to our group of espers and the others?" Mori-san asked as subtly as the bluntest sledgehammer.

Tsuruya stared for a moment at the young woman before he grinned, revealing his sharp canines. "What do _you_ think my connection is to them?"

"You've been providing financial backing for both groups for over three years."

Tsuruya frowned at this, giving his beard a thoughtful rubbing, like he was combing it for nuggets of answers. "I may have placed some assets with various groups associated with extrasensory perception at some point… but who can honestly keep track of so much money over so many years?" he asked, smiling with oafish innocence as he gave great big shrug of his wide shoulders.

"Don't even try it. The paper trail may have been hidden quite adeptly, but it was still there, hidden in fake names and various subsidiaries."

"Perhaps you should speak with my accountant – accountants – I'm fairly sure I had more than one at some point…" Tsuruya said, smiling with a playful glint in the corner of his eye. "I'm simply terrible with all those numbers and such."

"Why are you trying to deny it? What could you possibly gain by still lying?"

The man gave another rub of his beard before he decided upon what to tell us. "Oh… plenty of things. Little, tiny things that do however add up."

"He's testing our intel and openness," Koizumi spoke out.

Another toothy grin was revealed on the opposite side of the great table. "Sharp lad, indeed you are, Koizumi Itsuki." He poured himself some more scotch. "I suppose there's really not much point in being coy anymore, though what exactly you think you'll take away from this meeting really _bamboozles_ me, heh!" The man sniggered, seemingly finding his own words more amusing than we did. "Are you expecting me to reveal some deep dark secret? The roots of an ancient conspiracy and/or prophecy? Some revelation that will help you put all the pieces together at last? No, dear children, that is not my role in all of this. My function is very much like that of the drink I hold in my hand: a lubricant, if you will."

"_Excuse_ me?" I had to say it, or my lips had to blurt it out by themselves at least.

"Hahahahaa… I may have chosen poorly there. Perhaps I am more of a catalyst. It's hard to say. Science and literary features were never my strong suit. I am not a player in the game, but more like… the referee. Or the host. Or whoever makes sure that things actually _happen_ and that there's a level playfield for anyone to go ahead and give it their best shot at the grand prize."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. His words sounded eerily familiar, not unlike his daughter's when I'd taken a time-displaced Asahina-san to hide out at her place for a few days, when the cheerful girl had told me she simply liked to stay back and watch other people be happy.

Sharp eyes turned to focus in on me once again. "Surely you don't think this is all mankind is ever going to be? There must be more to our existence than what we think we have right now."

"I don't think we're quite following you yet." At least I wasn't.

"Hmmm… Let's see… how to put this… Throughout the ages, there have always been exceptional individuals who have risen above the meek, humble and scared to push mankind ahead, men born of such inherent power that they have shaped our world views, our lands and values. They have acted as creators, shaping the worlds of others as public gods. Whether it has been Jesus or Hitler, Buddha or Genghis, Mohammed or Alexander, mankind has always been lead by those… with a _dream_, someone who has _vision_, become enraptured not simply by charisma but an _idea_. These visionaries have created worlds and destroyed them, both literally and metaphorically, bringing mankind forward. As always, it has never been easy bringing mankind forward and these men have had their fair share of followers and twice as many enemies, but without them… I'm sure man would simply have stagnated, settling into quiet little lives and been done with it. They brought men together, both on their side and against them. They forced mankind to change, to either their view or something that could overcome it, something _even_ stronger. However, men – _and_ women," Tsuruya added, making a conciliatory nod at Mori-san, "like this don't occur often enough, leaving most of us to dwell in the void of existence and waiting for some… Godot to arrive and push them ahead again. Mankind are like cattle, needing herding, to be driven into better fields… but why should it be like this? Why can't we all have the power to shape worlds and lives? Why can't we all be great and worthy? Why can't we all be gods of our worlds?"

A bold man, no doubt, to make such comparisons between such differing characters, but that was also a rather worrying thing in its own right.

"Aren't we? What's stopping anyone from trying to change the world for the better?"

The man chuckled. "Certainly a point of view to keep in mind of course, but wouldn't you agree that there still needs to be _more_? I want to push mankind ahead! To take the power of evolution and revolution under our own control! I want us to _advance_! I want us to do _better_! And I _will_ make it happen!"

"…Is that what Haruhi is to you? The next step in… human evolution?"

"Hmm… something like that, to put it completely inaccurately in an extremely vague sense that however in some typical twist of language manages to convey the meaning intended. She is one of many relatively recently discovered individuals capable of manipulating the dimensions of reality, though her control is greater than of most current… subjects?"

"There are others?"

"Certainly. You're standing next to one right now, boy! In fact, you are _surrounded_ by dimension manipulators in your little club. From what we've been able to determine, the espers can manipulate certain, very specific folded and compact dimensions of reality, while the time travelers from the future are capable of only manipulating one dimension, time. The aliens posses the widest range of dimensional manipulation capabilities; it's uncertain just how many, but at least the four ones that all of us normal humans are capable of operating under fall under their jurisdiction. But Suzumiya-san… my men theorize she has full control over all eleven dimensions of reality, capable of folding space-time and other levels of the universe. She does _not_ create matter or energy; nothing can break these fundamental laws of conservation. However, her abilities allow her to change our limited dimensional _existence_ by tapping into other dimensions."

I was way over my head with all of this. At best I was simply aware of some of the facts he had mentioned, but some different alien world had been extrapolated from it all.

"Eleven? Why… why eleven?"

"Because more would just be silly! _Ha_!"

"…" I stared at this strange man, unable to understand... who he was, what he wanted, what was doing and it... it... it was making me angry.

"Sorry, shouldn't have done that… stolen that joke, I mean. Anyway, where were we?"

"Enough."

"Hm?"

"_Enough_. Tell us what you're after! Tell us what your connection is with everything! Especially with Fuyumi!"

"Fuyumi…?" Tsuruya cocked a bushy eyebrow, nearly making me burst in anger before he managed to continue before I lost it for good, "Ah, yes… _that_ one… She was in quite a bad state before I set her right, you know."

"_Bad state?_" The words were stampeding out of me now, the part in my brain that usually kept me under control taking a coffee break, with great intent to later strongly deny that it had heard anything if asked about the noise coming out from me right now. "Worse than attacking us? Worse than _stabbing_ me? _Worse than killing me_?"

"…" The man gave me what must have been his first empathetic look at any of us, and the force of the look made feel ashamed all of a sudden, like I had no idea what I was talking about, like I was being pitied both for my experiences and the naivety of my youth. "Yes, son, much, much worse. She wasn't exactly what one would call homicidal before, but she was obsessed with finding an ending… to what at any given time, I was never quite sure. But I know where it all began. After being institutionalized she went to a very dark place… No, not in her head… not yet… The girl had a remarkable ability, to travel through dimensions, to pierce the veil of reality with a mere sliding step. She could see the very quanta of our existence, the little strings that make us all."

"String theory…?" Koizumi stepped forth. "_Really_?" He asked rather disbelievingly.

"Yes, something like that…" Tsuruya said somewhat unconvincingly, like he wasn't all too sure on the matter either. "I believe she might have been searching for the end point of all these strings. Why she thought there was one or why she felt the urge to find it… who knows. We once thought the Earth was flat, that the sun had to be rescued during an eclipse, even still a vast majority believes in a benevolent omnipotent force guiding us despite the lack of any supportive evidence of any kind, and some people like _pineapple_ on their pizza… we are strange creatures. However, she found something… something dark and twisted out in the void… and then it was clear I had to step in. It was distressing to see such a bright and all-in-all happy child grow so dark so quickly. She truly became obsessed then. And by then I knew I had to intervene before something _truly_ terrible happened. It was too late to remove her of her obsessions, but perhaps there was a way to redirect them in a more positive manner. I tried to instill in her a sense of… rebirth, that death may not be the end, that like it is for the Phoenix or Ouroboros, the end is simply the beginning… that there is such a cycle of death and rebirth in the natural world, how forest fires bring rejuvenated life… that if such a prevailing truth was so ingrained in life, then perhaps the whole Universe was caught up in such a cycle of improvement… she seemed to like the idea. She liked how… purposeful endings could be. She found it... poetic. It gave her life a new lease, a function of sorts. In essence, she was now working for me, working to advance mankind, although by her own means. Whatever other symbolism or conspiracies she might have told you came from her studies, hobbies and obsessions… she always _did_ like theater."

I only now noted the man hadn't taken a single sip of his drink, though he had swilled the drink about in its glass with the careless excitement of a drunkard. It was starting to become quite clear this man was anything but the fool he wanted to be seen as.

"Such a shame what happened to her…"

"Yeah, _terrible_ shame… shame it didn't happen earlier."

Tsuruya sighed and gave me a weary look, like I really didn't know any better.

"What exactly is you end goal?" Mori-san asked. "Clearly everything from ensuring Fuyumi's release and relocation to our financial backing and those of others... it's all been some means of affecting the circumstances around Suzumiya Haruhi."

"Yes… she's our pride and joy, I suppose. Though in reality, it's difficult to say what role I have truly played in her life."

"What do you hope to gain? The advancement of humanity in general is just too vague a plan…"

"I'm afraid it really is that simple. She's a prototype, a vanguard, a precursor, call her what you will… but she is a key to our future… we just need to find the key for _her_ as well," Tsuruya said, grinning at his drink, though for the briefest of moments, I caught him glancing my way. "I'm just not the type of man to make plans, you know!"He said boisterously, swinging his drink about. "That's because you can't plan for the future! You can only prepare for it. Whatever comes our way comes. You cannot stop a river's flow but you _can_ redirect it."

Tsuruya stood up, put his drink down and walked around his giant table, making everyone tense as he came around.

"I swear on my honor, I wish none of you any harm, even indirectly. And if that's not enough, then I swear on the life of my precious daughter, my personal future. Suzumiya Haruhi is an important part of the future, but not the only one. She is only one facet, and something rather uncontrollable at that. I have other enterprises, business and projects. I'm in the middle of planning a major relief effort in various parts of Africa, shifting businesses there to generate jobs and bring basic comforts to everyone, such as simple water purifying products. And in China and India, I'll be pushing forward technology that should cut down toxic emissions by 75% while also offering plenty of new jobs. While America… is proving to be somewhat of a more difficult endeavor; a charitable people in most respects, though to what end they believe such an unreliable thing can do to help people in the long run I will never understand. I blame the Cold War and the marks left by the propaganda of the time, though the current propaganda is equally damaging. It's a shame really that even all of my wealth can't help all the poor souls out in the world, in _every_ country, even here in Japan, but so called developing countries are so much easier to handle than countries with well established capitalistic powerbases to contend with. Most of Europe is doing well, though I fear for their economic unity. The Middle-East as well is somewhat problematic as well, though simple humanitarian aid is simple enough to hand out where necessary."

Just who was this man, with his grand and arguably presumptuous plans for the world and mankind? He seemed truly genuine in his desire to help mankind but his methods were questionable at best. He was just in a completely different league from anything I'd really faced before. Sure, I'd been in places where all of existence had been at peril, but those dangers had always been boiled down into a single point, a single decision and act to hope and solve everything. While what I'd done was like hitting a distant mark on those occasions, what this man seemed to be doing was a juggling act with chainsaws and tigers trying to claw at his head with every pass. Whatever it was he was planning… I really _did_ believe that Haruhi was just a part of a much bigger picture for him, a pretty big piece, but ultimately just one piece all the same. I didn't trust him much, but somehow I did trust his word on him not being a threat to us, not directly at least. He was a bold and brave man… which was both reassuring and frightening at the same time.

"Farewell, boy. I have a feeling this will be the last time we ever meet. Good luck with your endeavors," Tsuruya said, holding out a big hand.

For some reason that I couldn't quite put to words, I couldn't avoid shaking his hand. For some reason not shaking his hand would mean losing, proving that I was the boy he kept calling me. But if I shook his hand… somehow, we would both be men, simply chasing our respective dreams. If I shook his hand, he would acknowledge me and I him.

I took his hand, squeezing as hard as I could but as the big hand squeezed around mine, I hoped the man wouldn't decide to try likewise. But just as the grip seemed to enclose my hand completely and I could feel a pressure building, it stopped and a steady shake was delivered.

"Hrmm… you'll make a good man yet, boy. One day."

"And you'll make a good cautionary tale if you try anything funny with my friends."

"Hohohoo!" Tsuruya Kenji unleashed a deep bellow of a laugh, slapping a hand down against my shoulder, making me tilt over a little. "You or one of your many super-powered guardians? I like you kid, but you still have a long way to go before you can throw your weight around. You might want to keep such a cocky an attitude in check before you can backup your claims!" The man then walked back to his seatt and finally took a sip of his drink, growing contemplative as the liquor poured into his throat. "I trust you can show yourselves the way out without my guidance," he said as his chair spun about to face the windows behind him, so he could look upon the horizon and everything between it and his feet.

Without another word the three of us retreated to the elevator, but before the lift arrived: "Feel free to look around if you so desire… though naturally you won't be allowed into the labs, due to standard safety protocols. It'd be quite a bother if a laser or acid or something burned your faces off."

We glanced at each other, but took the elevator without another word.

After a while, Mori-san told us she would indeed take a look around. I didn't like to dwell on it, but a part of me suspected she wanted to scope the place out, perhaps in mind for a closer and unobstructed look at her choosing later on. She left me and Koizumi on one of the middle floors, while we continued on downwards in worried silence. We excited the elevator at the ground floor, in the lobby with the fountain.

"Do you… think we should look around as well?" Koizumi asked hesitantly.

I didn't know. How could I know how to respond to any of this? This just shifted everything around for me. For so long it had seemed like the forces around Haruhi were small and isolated in Haruhi's little world of adventure, but this… this was completely different, this brought it all to a different scale. This created a web that had consequence far off beyond the horizon, where I could never even see what my choices would bring with them, when before it had been simple choices that affected my life the same as anyone else's I knew. I wasn't even sure if Tsuruya was an enemy, though he certainly had me worried.

"…Sure, why not…"

It wasn't like I could think of a better option. We walked off, taking a little corridor to our right. It didn't take long before one of the walls facing inwards turned into glass and revealed the giant innards of a lab, filled with men and women in white coats scrambling about with a giant mechanical orb in the center, sparking with blue coils of electricity once in a while in a leisurely manner.

"What the hell…?" Something like this had been hidden in _my_ town?

"No… it can't be…"

At first I had thought Koizumi was also responding to shocking sight as the one I'd noticed, but there was something in his voice that made me look up. Sitting low with his back bent forwards not too far off form us on a bench placed before the giant panes of glass was a guy, slivers of purplish-white smoke rising from his mouth. He had long, dark hair well past his shoulders that had been pulled back into a ponytail. The guy even had a little stubble, grown in patchy and uneven. He really didn't look like someone who cared at all for his appearance, though his shirt and pants were what looked like fresh cotton. The general feeling of apathy and neglect coming off this guy were enhanced as he turned his dark eyes on us, the brown irises so dark they almost matched his pupils. But it wasn't just his eyes that worried you, it was the way they seemed to look through you at first and then lazily, almost like it was something of a struggle, focus on you yourself.

"Ah… Itsuki… long time no see… cigarette?" The guy asked, holding up a half-empty pack to Koizumi.

"No…" Koizumi answered in a hushed voice at first, though he didn't seem to find much more strength afterwards. "No thanks. I quit a long time ago."

"Oh yes… You did… Oh well, it doesn't matter."

"…" Who the hell was _this_ guy now?

"…" The guy turned back to his sights, looking languidly out a window facing the sterile white innards of the massive building, inside which blue lightning crackled about at random intervals. "See that? It was supposed to be the Solution."

"To what?" I found myself asking.

Usually I would have asked for a name, but the way this guy had started out talking didn't make me believe he'd pay me much attention if I didn't follow him along in this conversation. There was something about his voice that said he was really only putting up with what he was already saying, anything beyond that would be pure waste.

"To everything. They powered it up a few years ago and there was a giant flare of energy… that all but disappeared. It was supposed to bring about a new age for man. A nearly unlimited source of… power or something. But it didn't work. Nothing ever does. It's all according to Murphy's."

The guy balanced a cigarette upright delicately at the tip of his finger for a short moment before he popped it into the corner of his mouth with practiced skill. I watched him silently, trying to gauge him and just how exactly to respond to him. He wasn't particularly suspicious on his own, but these surroundings (the innards of some giant scientific lab run by a manipulative man for context) could have made a smiling old lady of a hundred years with a bad back and arms the size of twigs look shifty and potentially dangerous.

"Occasionally they get spikes of energy, but it's remained immensely unstable, sending otherwise imperceptible waves of energy into the town at what appeared to be random intervals, then disappearing as it comes into contact with thus far uncategorized energy signatures, forming little… bubbles. It was actually quiet for a really long time, until it flared again, almost as brightly as it did the first time… almost a week ago. They can't even tell if it's _sending_ energy out or just _reacting_ to something out in the world and _channeling_ that energy. Heh… their crowning achievement, worth as much as a bucket of spit… doesn't make you think, does it? Of course it doesn't. You've got your own empty problems to contend with. But who says it can't be fun though…" the guy said as he lit a cigarette and took a few deep puffs despite being indoors. He looked upwards with an expression, half-bored and half-interested as he blew a ring of smoke up at a smoke detector, landing the electrical unit dead center of the ring. The he waved a pair of outstretched fingers at it and I could see the red power light dim and switch off while the ring of smoke slowly dissipated around it. "Fun…" the guy said with faint detachment, like he was trying to remember the name of some pace he'd visited a long time ago.

"Come along," Koizumi said, turning to me. "We should go." There was something in his eyes that told me not to question.

I followed him out to the lobby and out the front doors and only when the doors closed behind us, leaving the bored looking guy well behind, did I ask him, "Who was that?"

"Just an old…" The pause was uncommonly long and thoughtful even for someone as considering with his words as Koizumi. "Someone I knew in a different life."

I could tell this wasn't a topic he wanted to discuss so I decided against pressing him. The way Koizumi was staring off into nothing in particular… I guess it was the closest thing to a proper glare from him, though the look in his eyes seemed to be restrained by a sense of worry and regret as well. It wasn't often you saw the guy looking this miserable.

I allowed him to come to grips with this new development, whatever it may be, in his own time but resolved myself to find out sooner rather than lather what our bump into the bored looking guy had meant. Fortunately for me, this happened earlier. As we came to a crossing and strode off down a random street, Koizumi opened up all by himself.

"He's an esper."

"Huh?"

"The person we met on our way out… except…"

"What?"

"He's not like us… not even like Tachibana-san…"

"What do you mean?"

"He… never needed to be inside a sealed reality in order for his powers to work."

"What? There's a guy like _that_?"

"Yes… and the fact that he seems to be with the Tsuruyas is somewhat… worrying. He was never… he never…"Koizumi struggled to collect his thoughts for a moment, but soon wore his normal mask of detached passivity. "He didn't really believe in anything. He was just… I don't know. I still don't know what he was for me…"

"…We all have people like that in our lives, I guess," I said, various faint memories of Haruhi, Sasaki and even little Yuki hopping through my head.

"No, not like this," Koizumi replied dismally, seemingly having read my thoughts. "It wasn't that he was malicious or something like that… he just never cared. And it… when someone has so much power and doesn't care how he uses it…" I saw Koizumi slowly grip his left wrist, holding it tenderly as if some old wound had opened. "I'd rather not discuss it."

"Sure…"

We walked in silence until we arrived to the nearest crossing where Koizumi gave me a brooding farewell. As he walked off I wondered what exactly was waiting for all of us around the bend. And just when I thought I could relax and settle the social problems of my life without all the conspiracies and mysteries…

Sigh…

I guess the 'honey moon' period can only last so long…

…

_Just what am I saying?_


	59. Undisclosed Desires

"It's been decided!" Haruhi exclaimed, bursting onto the scene in typical fashion for her.

"Of course you wouldn't care to elaborate, because that'd be far too sensible," I said without even glancing at her, knowing that appealing to her to lower her decibel levels would be as pointless an endeavor as trying to keep an ice cube cool by blowing on it.

Haruhi strolled forward into the SOS Brigade clubroom, catching the sole inhabitant in a tight embrace around the neck from behind. Whether it was her typical obliviousness at work or some form of light admonishment for my impudent question would have be left for other people wiser than me to decide.

"Hush now. You're _so_ impatient, you know," she said, ruffling my hair, not afraid to use her knuckles to do so.

"Ah… so what's been decided?"

"Where we're going!"

"…"

I was still at a loss. As per usual.

"We're going somewhere?" I tried some simple decoding.

"Yes!" Haruhi yelled excitedly in my ear, causing a little ringing inside.

"I see…" As if. "When was this decided? Have you been having secret meetings behind my back?" People tended to do that more often than I'd ever imagined.

"Cute," Haruhi muttered, giving my head another rub with her fist. "But no, I thought after everything that's… you know, happened recently, we could have a little break!"

A break, huh…? That's sure something I would have liked to have experienced, but with Haruhi along it would barely count as such. Sometimes I really did wonder what my life would be like if Haruhi wouldn't be in it… but those times were few and far in-between and only occurred when I was feeling somewhat morose. I certainly wouldn't have been full of energy and vim and vigor and whatnot but bored instead… and sometimes I had trouble remembering what that had been like. I sort of missed being bored. It hadn't just been a familiar state of mind, it had been something of a way of life over a year ago.

"What's with that look?"

"Huh?"

"You were totally spacing out… and outer space seemed rather sad."

"Just thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"The past."

Haruhi looked blankly at me for a moment before she grinned smugly. "_Before_ you met me."

"Did I really look _that_ sad?"

We were flirting a little bit, weren't we?

"Like one of those flat deep sea fish with their long sideways faces."

"I see…"

So much for flirting.

"…" Haruhi gave me a quizzical look before she found her earlier excitement lying about somewhere in the backyard of her mind. "_Anyway_… It's been decided!"

"Yeah, it has. Whatever it is!"

"We're going to an island retreat! Some sort of fishing village and they'll be having some sort of festival too!"

"How'd you manage to arrange it this time? Is Koizumi behind this again?"

"Nope! Tsuruya!" Haruhi exclaimed with great big grin.

…_Tsuruya…?_

"This is gonna be great!"

Tsuruya?

"Kyon?"

What did this mean? Surely it had to mean something? How could it _not_? But even our honorary member Tsuruya-san? She was just a school girl, right?

"Hey, you there?" Haruhi waved her hand before my face, which I ignored.

It could be a coincidence… _Surely._ Then again, what if Tsuruya-san was being used by her father? Maybe I should go talk to her. Find out what she knows. She hardly seems the nefarious type, thought if someone was _truly_ nefarious, they wouldn't let it show, now would they?

"Hey! Kyon!"

"How did she arrange it?"

"Huh? Who?"

"Tsuruya-san. Did she just walk up to you and…?"

"Uhm, no, actually I ran into her, we talked a bit about what's going in our lives, I mentioned my plans, the reason why I'd been gathering money and she said she arrange place for us to go to, somewhere nice to relax _and_ save a bunch of cash. We could maybe use all the money we gathered for the clubroom! Yeah! We could get like, like a soda machine and a TV. Or what about a fountain? That would really class up the place! Eh? Eh?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Or maybe we could get some cloning devices and try to breed Velociraptors from DNA taken from an ancient mosquito trapped in some resin."

"…"

"You're not listening to me! _Are you_?"

"Sure. Sounds great."

"Great audible sigh, Kyon, you're just hopeless… You know that, _right_?"

"How could I not with you constantly reminding me? By the way, did you know actual Velociraptors are nowhere near the same size they are in movies? The ones in movies were more like Deinonychus… -eses… Deinonychii?"

_Tsuruya…_ what did this mean…?

"Like I said, hopeless! Even if you seem to have regained some level of your more usual slow awareness… totally hopeless."

To be fair, though I hated to be that when it came to dealing with someone who had been involved in me and everyone else's misfortune, the Tsuruyas hadn't _technically_ done anything wrong to us, directly at least. If I did believe old man Tsuruya, he was just facilitating change. You couldn't really complain too much to a tournament sponsor for example for what the players did, although to a certain extent it was his responsibility as well. But still… all of this was sitting uneasily with me… But I guess there's not much I can do except keep an eye out for anything suspicious.

"So, _where_ exactly are we going?"

"It's almost summer, and summer's best experienced in the countryside! Preferably near a beach, of course!"

"Ah, yes, of course…"

"Apparently it's a pretty sizable island in the south! Big ole town, rather cultural an' all! Lots of local festivities and the like! Tsuruya said she once stayed there for a week and went through _nine_ different events! Though that was probably her blowing smoke up my –"

"Thanks, I think I've heard enough."

It _sounded_ innocent enough… which made it worse. You could always outright decline going to a dangerous little shack in the woods because of the obvious, but something that sounded so nice would just make me look like a grouch for declining. Besides… the way Haruhi was smiling about… it was like she'd had her heart set on it forever and the way she was looking at me… I couldn't refuse, could I?

"We'll have such a great time! It's just what we've needed!"

"Yeah… just what we've needed…"

"What's with that?"

"With what?"

"That anemic reaction."

"I just… I dunno…"

Then Haruhi surprised me by stepping closer onto her toes and draping her arms around my neck. "C'mon, it'll be fun. I promise I'll make you enjoy it. Even if it kills you," she said with a pleased smile.

"Gee, thanks."

"I don't think you're really getting the message, Kyon."

All I could do was imagine a new battlefield for me to run through like a gauntlet. "And how would you do that?"

"Think on it for a moment."

"…Are you saying…" Suddenly my mind was crisp clear. "You'd do _that_?"

"_Maaaybe_…"

"But the last time you… well, it didn't quite… the table was sort of… and my knee was…"

"Wait, just what are _you_ talking about?"

"You know… that _thing_ you did back in the kitchen that time."

"What thing?"

"When you stuck your… and then sideways…" I was starting to feel exceptionally stupid and embarrassed. "What were _you_ thinking then?"

"Taking you to a paleontological museum, what else, dino-boy?" Haruhi said with a great big roll of her eyes as she turned about to walk off. "I mean, that's _clearly_ what you're interested in nowadays."

"No wait! Seriously! What were you talking about?"

"I guess you'll just have to find out," Haruhi gave me a alluring wink of her eye over shoulder before she walked off, her ass (or maybe I was just letting my imagination and thoughts on Haruhi's sadistic side get to me) shaking a bit more than usual.

However prospective a trip might be with Haruhi and everyone to some lovely little resort, I simply couldn't accept it quite yet, not so easily at least. So I got my stuff and headed off towards Asahina-san's classroom, hoping I could still catch up to my target. I'd only managed to lounge about in the SOS Brigade's clubroom for only a couple of minutes, after all. Haruhi and I, along with our class, had been let loose a bit earlier than everyone else, so that was how I'd managed to beat the ever punctual Yuki there.

When I reached Asahina-san's classroom, the place was unfortunately nearly deserted. Luckily there were some people I could ask about and they gave me some hints where a certain long haired girl might be at the moment.

I walked back out into the afternoon summer heat and headed towards the sports tracks and fields out back. Plenty of guys and girls were out and about at this time, wearily practicing in their respective clubs for whatever sports they liked in the blaze of the sun. But I didn't bother looking among the crowds. The person I was looking for was, after all, someone who preferred to watch.

I found Tsuruya-san sitting with her chin propped upon both her palms on one of the most faraway bleachers, watching a game of cricket of all things. It was something of a surprise our school had something some might call a bit esoteric for a hobby. I'd never really bothered learning the rules, though I had tried it once or twice. For the most part, it seemed fairly direct, sort of like baseball combined with bowling, I suppose, in a really weird manner.

I climbed up to the top to join her, but she didn't seem to notice me, staring off at the game with a faint grin.

"Tsuruya-san?" I asked hesitantly.

"Ah, Kyon-kun, my boy!" Tsuruya-san snapped out of her reverie and smiled broadly my way whilst winking. "How's it hanging?"

"Where it should, by all accounts. Of course, I might need a second opinion."

"That's good. Mine's raised and ready to go!"

"Well, that's ni – huh?"

"Never mind." Tsuruya-san's grin widened. "I'd offer you some tea and crumpets (whatever they are) to go with the scenery, but I'm fresh out."

"It happens."

"So, what brings you to me on this fine day?"

"That little island getaway you've handed to Haruhi."

"Ah, yeah…" Tsuruya-san returned to watching the game, wincing as the ball and bat made a loud cracking sound as someone scored a homerun or whatever you did in cricket when you went over the boundary, if anything. "Too bad I can't come. My dad wants me to stay at home this summer, unfortunately. But it's pretty nice of him to make it up for me by sending you guys away anyway. I'd love to join you guys, but there's no sense in scrapping something the great SOS Brigade Commander's been trying to get working just because little old me can't come along in the end, now is there?" Tsuruya-san asked with a smile that was doing its best to keep her from sniggering a little.

"How'd you come up with it?"

"Well, Haru-nyan actually let me in on the plans a while back, but the idea actually came to me as I overheard father the other day, talking something fancy-schmancy 'bout some experiment that'd be going on near the old place and I recalled how great the town was!"

Surely I wasn't being lied to? If I was, Tsuruya-san was the most adept liar in the world and even an Oscar would be a greatly diminishing prize. No, if anything was likelier, it was her father that had intentionally let slip something like that in front of his daughter. But how could he have known about Haruhi's plans? It was of course possible and rather likely that Tsuruya-san might simply have told her father about it earlier, but the possibility that there were even more spies in my school and life than I'd even considered was there as well.

But most worrying of all was this experiment, whatever it was, and the fact that Tsuruya-san's father wanted to keep his precious daughter as far away from it as possible while thrusting us as close to it as possible. Or was I just being really paranoid? What if it really didn't happen to have anything to do with us? The man thought of himself as some kind of philanthropist foremost, so who knows, maybe the experiment was just growing super corn or something.

Maybe…

Should I try to stop this? Were we in any possible danger? Both of the Tsuruyas seemed truly sincere in their words, and it was hard to imagine anything nearly as threatening as the things we'd faced barely a couple of weeks ago come at us. Tsuruya-san's father might have a hand in it all, but could he himself truly be any greater a threat than a coalition of time-travelers, super magical aliens and espers had been? It was difficult to imagine…

"Ha-chan seems really excited though!"

"Ha?"

"Haruhi-chan."

Ah, of course. Nicknames of any sort and Haruhi just didn't seem to mix in my head. She'd always simply be Haruhi to me, as she had been from the beginning.

"You seem… strangely contemplative, Kyon-kun."

"I guess I'm just adjusting still."

"_Still?_ Geez, it feels like you've been doing that for nearly a year now."

"Well, when someone like Haruhi barrels into your life, it takes a while."

"To be serious though, if you ask me, very little's changed between the two of you. The inevitable just took its sweet time."

_The inevitable…_ she just had to go and throw something like that out in relation to Haruhi. Sigh… it was always somewhat depressing thinking about Haruhi and her powers like that, even if that hadn't at all been what Tsuruya-san had been implying.

"Well, see ya around, Tsuruya-san. Hope you have a fun summer on your own."

"Oh, I intend to, most definitely," Tsuruya-san said with a wolfish smile as her eyes followed the wind up of the bowler's (one of the few terms I did remember about the game).

* * *

The next day the SOS Brigade was gathered once again at the little café that had practically become our second home base because of how often we frequented it whenever we were out on any sort of excursion. Everyone else was there except for Her Royal Snootiness. The two other girls were in the know about me and Koizumi's visit to the Tsuruya Foundation now. However, neither one had had much to say beyond being careful in the future, just in case. As far as either one could tell, the Tsuruyas weren't truly a threat at the moment. And if near-omniscient aliens and time travelers with knowledge of the past didn't think it a threat, maybe it wasn't… _maybe_. Anyway, it seemed that Mori-san was on top of the matter anyways, and at the end of the day I trusted her to do her best to keep me and everyone else safe.

"Uhm… why do you think w-we're here today?" Asahina-san asked, turning her bright, shimmering eyes to me, still managing to cause a deeper thump in my heart with her looks just as the first time I'd seen her.

"Dunno… but I think she might be ready to tell us what she might be planning," I said somewhat honestly.

Haruhi had called only me, ordering me to gather the other subordinates but not tell them yet about her plans, because as the commander it was her duty to spread the joy or some such nonsense. Of course since I pretty much knew already what was coming, I could have easily told them, but since Haruhi wanted to be the bearer of good news (_shocking_), I decided to keep my mouth shut for now.

"She's been collecting quite a lot of money… Do you think she might be buying something for the SOS Brigade?" Asahina-san asked the group as a whole this time, turning her head about slowly to look at each of us in turn in the booth.

Yuki simply kept reading the pamphlet she had discovered on the floor on her way to our table, while Koizumi kept to his coffee, staring at its dark depths while resting his cheek against a palm. The guy looked a lot like I imagined I must have when I'd shared tea with Sasaki at my place, seeking for some insight in the reflection. So it was pretty much up to me keep the conversation going.

"_Maybe_. But with the club and all our stuff locked up soon, I don't see much point in adding to our collection… but hey, since it _is_ Haruhi, you never know."

Asahina-san smiled coyly, her eyes going to the table before she glanced up at me with charming demure all her own. I wouldn't have minded just talking with her by myself, but I soon discovered I had very little to say to the pretty girl, though some of the things I did come up with and would have liked to have told to her were things I'd rather leave out saying in front of Koizumi and especially Yuki.

"Well, I'm sure whatever she has planned will be a lot of fun," Asahina-san said, smiling broadly, though I thought I could note an uneasy edge to the grin. No doubt her memories of Haruhi's 'fun' ideas were clearer and more vivid than mine.

I looked out the window, half-wanting Haruhi to pop up in the passing crowds and a quarter-wishing she didn't. The last quarter was so far ambivalent about the girl and thus undecided.

"A-are you alright, Koizumi-kun?" Asahina-san asked.

"Hmh?" Koizumi raised his head, looking like he'd just been woken from a dream and somewhat uncertain of where he'd found himself now. "Oh, yes… I'm quite fine, thank you for asking. I just have a few things on my mind, is all."

"Oh," Asahina-san went, apparently uncertain what to make of this. She looked about with bemusement before she settled down to quietly sip her soda through a straw, peering about occasionally at all of us.

The window seemed to have enthralled me with its magical gleam. Two dark ravens were perched on a branch of a nearby tree, staring back at me through the window. Without even noticing, I pulled out a lemon drop and only realized I'd done so as I tasted citrus suddenly.

"Hey, thinking 'bout me?" I heard Haruhi's voice.

"Huh?" I turned to see Haruhi smirking smugly at me.

"Though I suppose wondering why dogs lick themselves could also summon an equally empty look on such a dullard's face."

Haruhi slumped down into her seat and her announcement progressed just as one might have guessed. Haruhi put on a show, flourishing her hands as she painted pictures (rather lacking in her standard grandiose fantastical elements, but exciting in an everyday manner), while Asahina-san listened in silent awe, gasping occasionally, while Koizumi smiled genially and Yuki placed her pamphlet down to listen as well.

I was reminded of our last meeting here and the words Haruhi _wasn't_ saying were hitting me harder than before. But before I could get a word in edgewise, Haruhi was bustling off, telling us to prepare and be ready by this Friday. Koizumi as well decided to take his leave as soon as possible now that the afternoon's business had been dealt with. Asahina-san looked about tentatively and decided that she also wanted to hurry off and prepare. Soon I was left alone with only Yuki for company, who seemed to have rediscovered her pamphlet again, finding some line of text far more interesting than me.

_Sigh…_

Why _did_ I feel so sullen, all things considered?

Things were nice. Things were quiet. Things were… normal.

_Sigh…_

Unless Haruhi was around, things were just too calm, slow and normal. Before, there had always been _something_. Something to ask and talk about with Koizumi, something that would either make Asahina-san blush or squeak in horror, something that would have Yuki passing hints and clues amidst reading. But now there was just the uncertainty that Tsuruya-san's father brought and not much else.

I wished Haruhi had remained. At least we could have squabbled a bit or something. She would have called me lazy and useless, maybe stupid, and I would have called her crazy and delusional, maybe stupid as well, but she was off planning… a _vacation_, not a trip to a deserted island where mysterious things were bound to happen, but a _vacation_.

What have you _done_ to me, Haruhi? This is starting to go beyond mere co-dependency…

_Sigh_…

Maybe this trip wasn't such a bad idea after all, maybe it really _was_ what I needed, to leave behind my normal life in more ways than one and hopefully gain some perspective on it all. Maybe Haruhi had the answer hidden in her pretty little head all along, as was the case more often than someone like me would like for it be.

* * *

Haruhi looked great in casual wear, as was her habit. She wore a shirt made out of jean fabric, a thin, yellow sleeveless hoodie with it zipper barely a third of the way up. She had thigh socks/stockings (so sue me, I'm still a guy, I still haven't the faintest clue what so different about them) with the occasional unobtrusive floral pattern. Under her yellow hoodie was a white shirt with a moderate sized v-cut that drew the eye but managed to not expose much at all.

Asahina-san wore a light blue sundress with white wavy patterns on it and a straw-hat with a white ribbon around it. She wore little, light brown moccasin boots that didn't go past her ankles. Around her neck, wrapped loosely was a light yellow scarf made of some thin fabric that was practically see-through.

Yuki had also found something new and casual for the trip. She wore a grey plaited skirt, a simple white t-shirt and a deep blue vest the color of the ocean, left completely unbuttoned. She wore sandals, her little toes free to wiggle about as they pleased (if only she actually did so…).

Both Koizumi and I had collared t-shirts, of the same light green though the patterns were different. I decided to pop my collar, despite it in no manner enhancing my look beyond adding something distinguishing between the two of us. We both had long shorts as well, of differing hues of beige. I resolved to change my shirt at the least as soon as possible.

"C'mon, guys, hurry up!" Haruhi waved to follow as she marched onwards into the bustling station.

The crowds were immense, all things considered. Summer vacation wasn't officially starting yet in a long while, a couple of weeks at most, but still, you could spot people who looked like they were heading to the tropics crowding up the place. It was even hotter and more stifling in the press of people inside the station than it had been outside. I nearly got separated from the others more than once in the confusion.

However, as we were finally approaching our train:

"Oh my, what a pleasant surprise," someone said in calm, peaceful tones that didn't seem to be taken in by much in the world, like a zen-master's.

It couldn't be... but it had to be!

"Sasaki!" I exclaimed even before I finished turning to greet her warmly smiling face.

"Kyon... it's good to see you again," she said, and her eyes seemed to grow even softer as she stared at me in a loving manner before she glanced behind me. "And the rest of you. How unequivocally nice this is indeed."

She inspected us quickly, hitching the large knapsack hanging on by only one strap higher up her shoulder. She too was dressed for summer, but was wearing some short, tight green shorts and an orange top. One her feet however were what looked like hiking boots, however.

"I see you're all packed. Heading off somewhere?"

"Yeah. But it looks like you're going off somewhere as well," I said, pointing at the large knapsack.

"Oh this little thing? I'm surprised you even noticed," she said, smiling happily at me

We both laughed a little and then just stared at each other.

"Ah-_hum_," Haruhi cleared her throat, stepping up next to me, rather close, more so than usually was warranted. "Sasaki-san..."

Sasaki-san, eh? Quite a show of egalitarianism going on here.

"Ah... _Suzumiya-san_... I don't believe we ever even properly got past the introductions."

"You can just call me Haruhi."

"I'd be honored. And there's no need to stand to ceremony for me either. Just Sasaki will do fine. I actually prefer it. Honorifics feel so... gaudy, disrespectful in their own little way, so cold and distant. We're all the same, aren't we?"

"I guess..." Haruhi said slowly, not one to like such ideas but being surprisingly diplomatic about it all for once. In fact the girl seemed more guarded towards Sasaki than anyone else ever before, an impression that had remained upon first seeing the girl. Haruhi had her arms crossed and the wary look in her eyes spoke levels (of what _exactly_ I wouldn't have said yet).

"Where are you guys heading?"

"Some island retreat somewhere south."

"Sounds nice."

"Where are _you_ headed?"

"Hmm… nowhere really. Wherever I feel like, wherever the road leads, or something of that nature."

"Seriously?"

"I guess you could say I'm headed for an adventure. Which way is the wind blowing?" Sasaki grinned infectiously.

"You really have no travel plans…" Haruhi however had developed a high tolerance, however.

"It's the truth, as far as I know it."

"Hrmmm… whichever way the wind blows, huh." Haruhi looked thoughtfully at her and then at me, before she pulled out one extra ticket. "This was supposed to be Tsuruya-san's…"

"Hang on, are you… inviting me to come with you guys?"

"No, of course not, I just… well, if you don't want to, that'd be okay too. I'm just pointing out that there's a ticket going to waste."

"I see… then in the name of frugal practicality, I _insist_ you take me with you," Sasaki said with a happy smile. "Quite honestly, I'd been wishing for a chance to get to know all of Kyon's friends better."

"Yeah, friends…"

And so, with what seemed like immense providence or improbable convenience, Sasaki joined our troop. I was of course ecstatic to have my old friend along for the trip, making me wonder why I hadn't come up with asking her in the first place anyway, especially so if everything was being payed for us anyway. But even so, Haruhi taking the initiative like this, even if she was huge on spontaneity, smeleld somewhat off to me.

When Haruhi and I were a bit further off away from others, I whispered, "Why'd you ask Sasaki along?"

"Why not? Isn't she your _friend_?"

"Yes, but –"

"And before you read too much into this or anything, I'm also still rather curious about her."

"No real reason to be. She's just a friend of mine from before I met you."

"Mm… exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"If nothing else, maybe I can get some dirt on you."

"Oh… I guess I should have expected that from you. But you really don't need more material to blackmail me with, now do you?"

"True, there _is_ that disturbing pornographic file of yours still on the computer."

"Porno…? So you finally admit your intentions about those pictures?"

"Tth… _I_ never lied about my intentions regarding them. I think it'd be a good idea to see how everything you've told about your past matches with Sasaki's version… _Your_ thoughts and opinions on _anything_ shouldn't be trusted."

_Sigh…_ she actually had something of a point, didn't she? I felt like a damn hypocrite, a _dumb_ one as my hypocrisy had been discovered.

But anyway, it was the fact that Haruhi was growing interested in my past that was more upsetting than anything else. Things really were starting to get more serious between the two of us, despite my claims to the contrary. I still couldn't honestly see the two of us ever working quite like a proper couple in any capacity (my misadventure living with the girl in an alternate reality had given me pretty good picture of how that wouldn't work, date included). We _were_ flirting more than usual… weren't we? Although putting it like that sort of implied that we'd already been doing it to some degree. Had we been flirting before? I guess, maybe, in a way if you kind of wanted to stretch the term and -

Forget it. My thoughts were all over the place, which was exceedingly terrible as they should be coming along to relax with the rest of me. Sometimes I felt I kind of analyze all this stuff a bit too much. Although, more often than not, leaving things unconsidered usually led to trouble… As bothersome as it was to waste my time overthinking things with Haruhi involved, it was usually worth it in the end.

* * *

"So… Sasaki-sa… _ Sasaki_, why'd you have all your stuff ready and packed… did _Kyon_ tell you we were going somewhere?" Haruhi asked, leaning over the table we were all seated around in a lounge car.

"No, no…" Sasaki, who was sitting across from Haruhi, assured calmly. "I was in fact going to go off on my own… little adventure."

"_Where_?"

"Wherever the road may lead."

"Oh… 'kay…"

"Haven't you ever just wanted to get up and about and simply leave everything behind?" Sasaki asked, likewise leaning forward to face Haruhi, unflinchingly meeting her eyes.

"Sure, but I – how can you _not_ have a plan? Of _any_ kind?" Haruhi raised her hands in incomprehension. "Shouldn't you _at least _have something vague and hackneyed planned out like seeing the Pyramids or the Great Wall? And how are you out of school? Only North High's been given any lenience due to what happened to our school!"

"Oh, well…" Sasaki looked off a bit sheepishly, "I'm actually… well, I guess there's no other way to say but… I'm off on unofficial leave."

"Huh?"

"_Really_?" I asked.

"I left to see some of the world around me," Sasaki explained, "even just a small slice, all on my own. I felt there was no more my school could offer me at this stage."

"What about your parents?" Haruhi asked suspiciously.

"They're rather understanding… In fact, they've felt my growth has only been stunted by public education. If I hadn't insisted on going to school with other people of my age to experience the social dynamics of everyday life, they would have had me entered into some sort of special program… I imagine I'd be cooped up in some university right now writing a paper if I hadn't been persuasive enough."

"Wait," I said, "if your parents feel like you're wasting your time in normal school… why'd you go to the same cram school I did?"

"Yeah, why _did_ you go to the same cram school as Kyon?" Haruhi inquired.

"Because I wanted to," Sasaki simply answered.

"…"

This left everyone (apart from Yuki) staring at Sasaki in either puzzlement or deep suspicion, the latter of which was all coming from Haruhi in a mix with the former.

"You _wanted _to…?" Haruhi asked in sheer disbelief. "But… studying is _sooo_ boring. I mean, it's so damn easy."

Speak for yourself. It's so bothersome playing trivial pursuit with stuff you know you'll probably never use in your adult life anyway.

"Yes, it was a bit wearier than I had expected… but I got the chance to meet Kyon, so it was all worth it," Sasaki said, smiling quite contentedly.

Haruhi's lips thinned as she glanced at me quickly.

"Remember that little trick I pulled on you once?" Sasaki asked me.

"Of course, how could I forget? My shirt was such a mess afterwards."

"Hrrm?" Haruhi made a little unenthused, inquiring noise, sort of like a little growl as she glanced at me again with narrowed eyes.

"You two seem to have had a great time together," Asahina-san said, smiling innocently at us. "It's a shame we didn't all know each other back then."

"Yeah, _real_ shame. You could have been bouncing about in cram school for all the other losers there who _had_ to go there…" Haruhi said sharply.

"I say, someone like Asahina-san would certainly have brightened the place up a fair amount," Sasaki said, politely returning Asahina-san's smile.

"Tth. Whatever." Haruhi frowned, giving her nails a glance. And then she stood up. "C'mon, Yuki, Mikuru, let's go look around."

Koizumi glanced at me and then Sasaki, before he excused himself to the lavatories, wearing an oddly knowing expression. What it was he thought he knew, I couldn't even guess, though on one hand the things Koizumi knew and I didn't could probably fill a few encyclopedias worth of material.

Sasaki grinned at me and took the chance to come around the little table between us and sit next to me.

"Sorry about that."

"About what?"

"Haruhi…" I sighed. "She _does_ have an endearing side to her, I swear."

"I can believe that. I think there's just some… hmm… well, feels like some misplaced anger to me," Sasaki said.

"I really don't think she's got anything _big_ against you."

"Me? I was thinking her frustration was with herself more than anyone else in particular."

"Hmm… Yeah, I guess that's possible too…"

"…"

"…"

"Kyon… are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"Still that same old reaction?" Sasaki asked, smiling at me in a half amused way.

"Uh… I… actually, I'm good. Never better."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"…What about you, Sasaki?"

"Hm?"

"What, _that_ reaction?"

"I'm sorry, it just… it really caught me by surprise. I do value you greatly, but sometimes you can be a bit self-absorbed, and I really don't mind and… yes, I'm fine as well."

"I was just curious… because the last time we saw each other properly…"

"I was half-naked," Sasaki said, smirking broadly as she turned to face the window with a delightfully whimsy look in her eyes.

"Uh, yeah…"

Sasaki chuckled. "Yes, yes I was… It really was quite the experience. My first and probably last attempt at such things."

"That bad, huh?"

"What?" Sasaki actually snorted in laughter. "_Snrf_! Oh no! Hahaha! Nothing like _that_! I just – oh my, this is going to sound horrible… I just didn't think it was all _that_ special. It _was_ nice, of course. Oddly exhilarating, though I feel no need to try and recreate the event."

"Well, obviously I hadn't gotten to the big finisher, what with me running off like a mad man in the middle," I said, unable to hide a smirk.

"I'm sure you're quite accomplished." Sasaki smiled back at me.

"I wouldn't go _that_ far… but you might be right."

"It's just that romance isn't my cup of tea… Kyon," she said, slowly turning to face me with a bright smile, the summer sun shining behind her through the window. "Even though I _do_ love you…"

"…Yeah, I know…" I glanced away.

"I'll always be there for you if you need me, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Good." Sasaki returned to watching the passing scenery blur past the window.

I turned away, wondering when the others would return and suddenly I felt a small weigh against my shoulder. Sasaki had rested her head against my shoulder, her eyes closed, a content edge to her sides of her mouth as she settled her body against mine.

"As long as you know…" she muttered dreamily.

I brushed some of the loose hair from her face.

"Yeah, I know. And I hope you'll know I'll always be there for you as well, even though you'll probably never need me, not like how I need you."

"No, you'll give me what I need… always…"

Sasaki closed her eyes and I simply listened to her slow, calm breathing become even slower and calmer, feeling her side against mine whenever she inhaled. I watched her pretty little face, lips parted ever so slightly to allow the faint rushing sound of air against skin. I simply waited and watched rays of light dance over and the occasional shadow whip past her face. A lock of hair slowly dripped lower across her forehead with every exhale, until it got stuck in the lashes of one of her eyes. Gently, I took two fingers and deftly raised the strands back into place.

Sasaki smiled as I did so. "Always…" she muttered.

I patted her on the head, wondering how many stars had have aligned to allow for such a great person to be born, who was so unafraid and caring and beautiful trhoughout. I would never have a better friend, I knew for certain.

* * *

Later on Sasaki, Koizumi and I were walking along towards the train car with all the food.

"You know," Sasaki said ponderingly, "I really can't help but wonder… why haven't you guys tried to take advantage of Haruhi's power in any form? Potentially, you could solve many problems such as world hunger."

"And how exactly could we pull off a miracle like that?" I asked.

"Well, since (potentially) her conceptions of reality are a part of how reality is formed, you could maybe try and convince her food prices have dropped or something."

"She wouldn't believe that without proof. She's the type to march into a store, holding me by the ear so she can go and shout in it 'A-ha! I knew you were lying!'"

"Well how about doctoring a news paper article where Africa receives enough aid to solve all food problems at the least?"

"Interesting proposals," Koizumi finally spoke, "but convincing her of the would-be-fact would still require a great deal of effort."

"I'm actually even more surprised you guys haven't tried to profit off her. I mean, everyone _says_ they want to help starving people out, but when it actually comes to helping people out, or that is to say _pay_ for the help, people tend to find incredibly pressing concerns. That or they're just apathetic about others, those that do not directly concern them, which is the category I feel Haruhi falls into better. However, if it's something involving you too, you might actually convince her that… you have a chance at winning the lottery, if you use some sort of hoodoo or something she might approve of."

…Why the hell hadn't I thought of that?

"Interesting indeed… but quite honestly, I believe Suzumiya-san has already had ideas planted in her to the advantage of a certain individual…"

"What? Who? Who's been manipulating her?"

Koizumi slowly turned to look at me and simply raised the tip of an eyebrow. In my confusion, I turned to Sasaki who only snickered a little. "I see…" she responded.

"Wait, of course… the two of you think _I've_ been putting ideas in her head."

"Quite a lot, actually. No one else seems to be capable of changing her thoughts or attitudes on anything. As I've said before, you have a grounding effect on Suzumiya-san. If it weren't for you, reality might now be completely unrecognizable to our current selves."

"Grounding Haruhi in reality is _not_ manipulation."

"Yet isn't it what you want from her? Or, at least, it's what you always say you want from her."

"Well, why wouldn't I?"

"All I'm really saying is… be careful with what you wish for. Your hold on Suzumiya-san is great. Your influence is so great, you yourself might as well be god."

"So I make reality more real, big deal. But if you insist, I'll let you erect a golden statue in my honor."

"But is it _really_ what you want, Kyon?" Sasaki asked.

"Indeed." Koizumi glanced at Sasaki, wearing a faint grin. "I can see why you like this girl, Kyon. She's very direct, a personality type you seem to be attracted to, as can be witnessed by your relationships with both Suzumiya-san and Nagato-san."

"One should never feel apologetic when they have a sound and valid point of view. Anyway, we're neglecting the crucial role of perception. Although reality might be the same for all of us, we might not necessarily see the same thing others do when we check in a mirror. There is dissonance, between what we expect to see, what we want to see, what we are capable of seeing and what truly exists. Quite honestly it's amazing we can presume to have any true knowledge of the world around us even with the help of reason."

"Suzumiya-san's world views have recently gone through a rather radical shift, I believe, yet very little has changed in the world around as far as we are aware. It would perhaps suggest that there isn't as large an incongruence as might have been expected. I believe Kyon's 'grounding effect' has had a glacier like effect on the shift in paradigms. There has been a slow shift of desires, one taking precedence over the other in a manner that has allowed stability. However, I cannot help but wonder if this shift bears with it some levels of exclusivity and if that could eventually bear a similar dissonance with Suzumiya-san's desires and expectations as it was over a year ago."

"When one end of the see-saw goes down, the other goes up; there's only a momentary moment of equilibrium."

"Quite aptly put."

"All I got was 'calm before the storm'," I said.

"Which is essentially tantamount to what was said," Sasaki said before she raised the corner of her mouth and an eyebrow at me. "You really aren't as dumb as you'd like everyone to think, even yourself. Is it a defense mechanism? A method to avoid standing out? Self-esteem issues? Or methodic manipulation to avoid attention?"

_Sigh_…

"Hardly anything so… psychological, I believe. I think it's simply the result of a sarcastic sense of humor. Derision is common for a mindset like that, sometimes focused outwards and sometimes inwards. Not to mention his predilection for procrastination, which is occasionally rationalized away using justifications as something being 'too bothersome'."

"_Thanks_, Freud and Jung; the two of you really know how to kickstart a fun vacation," I replied.

Sasaki sniggered and Koizumi grinned, sharing a look between them. They seemed to be hitting things off nicely, which was no surprise because A) Sasaki was awesome and B) they were both weird like that, in that high conceptual stuff and me were both favorite topics of discussion for them. While the two of them went their separate ways looking for snacks to haul to our gathering, I was left alone near the cashier. I looked around and noticed some cheap lottery tickets…

No, I really shouldn't. I mean, it's stupid… Although… Hey, you never know before you try, right?

As I went ahead and bought a little snack to go along with my little experiment, I decided to leave Koizumi and Sasaki behind. The two were engaged in conversation, thankfully one that didn't relate to me, but sounded like something I didn't want to get in the middle of in any case either. I walked off and found Haruhi sitting by herself in the lounging compartment we'd seized.

"So… Haruhi… I got this lottery ticket, and my granpa had this good luck ritual, guaranteed to make it work… you think it's possible?" I asked, trying to appeal to her desire for the supernatural... for scientific curiosity, of course. Greed had no part in this whatsoever.

Haruhi gave me an impatient look.

"Well?" I asked.

"Don't be stupid. Do you know how unlikely it is to get the right numbers? If you want, I could do the math for you. Just give me the range and how many numbers I can choose."

"Yeah, I know _that_… but what about my granpa's luck ritual?"

"I dunno. What is it?"

"Uh…" Ah damn, I really should have planned this better… the other two had even _said_ convincing Haruhi would take a lot of effort. "Well, you see… if I show it to anyone else… it won't work…."

Haruhi squinted at me suspiciously, highlighting the look with an elevated eyebrow. "Well don't let me stop you in wasting your time and money… but if you do win some, I expect seeing some of it in the Brigade's coffers," she said, turning away to look out of a window.

By Brigade's coffers, she of course meant in her feeding budget… but did she actually _believe_?

"So… do you think it could _actually_ work?"

"How the hell should _I_ know? Haruhi angrily asked, still facing the window. "Geez, that's like the second time you've asked that inane thing. What does it matter what I think?"

_Sigh_…

"Never mind." I stuffed the pointless ticket in my pocket.

* * *

While we'd spent most of our time in a lounge car for the day, as the scenery started to darken, we headed through the train to the sleeping cars. Sleeping arrangements went as followed: Asahina-san and Yuki would share a compartment, Koizumi and I another and Haruhi and Sasaki one. This had been decided at some point by consensus, though I didn't quite remember being asked or voting for anything.

As we made our way through the train, I offered to help Sasaki with her luggage, which was roughly twice the size of any of ours and seemed to be causing some trouble for her in the narrow corridor.

"Geez, what do you have in here? A kitchen sink _and_ some loose bricks?" I asked as I hefted her luggage up.

"No, just a cooker and a few cans of gas, a GPS, small tent, a flashlight (extra big), some books, binoculars, note book and pens, sleeping bag, batteries… you know, stuff."

"Hff." Haruhi pushed her way past me, nearly toppling me over in her hurry.

"Whoops there, Kyon," Sasaki said, steadying me.

"Are you guys coming or not?" Haruhi's voice came from distance but was close enough so you could hear her irritation.

"Hmm… Oh, I forgot, I didn't bring any toothpaste with me. I'll quickly go buy some. Just leave my stuff wherever it is I'm going," Sasaki said as she hurried off.

The one thing she forgot naturally happens to be the thing that doesn't weigh anything...

I left Sasaki's bag in her sleeping quarters, looked about and realized I was just across from her and Haruhi. Koizumi was still off somewhere as I entered our shared compartment, a small little room, but all in all rather sizable for a passenger train. The compartment could easily have held four people if beds had been placed above the two on the sides. But this train apparently went for comfort instead of squeezing as many people on as possible, as was witnessed by the small tv screen on one of the walls. There was overall an odd design to the place, like that of something old and worn having been retrofitted with more current comforts.

I had actually opened my bag and taken some of my stuff out when Haruhi showed up.

"C'mon, Kyon, you're bunking with me."

"…Huh? But… _what_?"

"You," Haruhi pointed at me, "will sleep," she put her palms together and tilted her cheek against them into an imitation of sleep, "with me," and then she pointed at herself.

"…_Why?_ Aren't you going to have a fun time gossiping about me or something?"

"Gossiping about you, fun? Pick one, you smug freak," Haruhi said rolling her eyes.

"But I just unpacked and… Sasaki doesn't mind?"

"Nope."

"Koizumi?"

"Is there something wrong with my breath or something?"

"No, no… I just… well, if you don't mind me saying it, this is pretty forward of you."

"Depends on what you think will happen in there."

"…Is this… about Sasaki?"

"Of course not." Haruhi roughly took hold of me by the front of my shirt and yanked me out of my sleeping quarters, pulling me across the narrow hall into her own. Once she let go she gestured to the bed on the right before she flopped down on the bed on the left. She crossed both her arms and legs and sat there with her eyes closed, frowning at something with her head lowered at an angle. Just what it was that was annoying her behind her eyelids at the moment I could only have guessed at.

"You sure about this? You, me, sleeping together?" I asked, as I put my stuff down and sat down on my bed, across from Haruhi.

"Of course. Why else would I say so?"

"Well, you're a girl."

"Oh, this should be good. What kind of stereotype you've had crammed down your throat since infancy have I failed to live up to this time?"

"It's not just that but… I know you're not _exactly_ keeping our relationship a secret from the others, but this seems a bit… attention rousing, something that could flog up the gears, or something." Anyone with any understanding of engineering would probably want to have my head right about now.

"I'm not declaring anything in regards to you."

Beyond what dragging me into the same room to sleep implies.

"Besides, do you really enjoy Koizumi's company over mine?"

"Usually no."

"Then what's the problem?"

I wasn't getting anywhere like this, was I?

"You know there's really no need for you to feel –"

"You talk too much, Kyon." Haruhi suddenly jumped up and pushed me back into the wall behind me, hopping onto my lap, straddling me before she delivered a wet kiss on the lips. "Seriously, way too much." The girl smirked confidently down at me.

I could always handle shutting up like this, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was me this time that was being manipulated. That was the thing about relationships, of course. It was a reciprocal process, one person affecting the other in a constant cycle that left the chicken and the egg question in the dust. When had it started between the two of us? Which one had made the first move in our private game? Or had it started for both of us at the same time, when we first saw each other, when we first traded words… who knows. In any case, I felt I'd been put into check with a move and would have to move out of it if I wanted to –

Haruhi pushed me down onto my back, moving only to allow me to get my legs straight.

Never mind. Looks like it's checkmate for me.

She kissed me again and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly before she slowly maneuvered it to her hip. She let it stay there for a while, before she returned her hand again to guide mine, first down off her jean skirt, to touch the smooth skin of her thigh and then decided to make a u-turn back up again, but taking something of a scenic route upon return, sliding further around behind her and then underneath the skirt. If some people had asses that wouldn't quite, Haruhi had an ass that would rear up and charge ahead with a blood curdling howl (in a totally sexy way, of course). It took a surprisingly long time for my slowly traversing hand to find the fabric of her underwear.

"Just how tiny _are_ your underwear?"

"Why don't you find out?"

I knew she was just teasing me, hoping to make me blush or maybe even grumble, but I knew enough to dodge her pushing of my buttons and retaliate with a few pushes of mine on _her_ buttons (no double entendre intended). Maybe I could make her show me that cute blush of hers again.

"Why don't I?" I said, sitting up a bit as I hitched Haruhi a bit closer.

And there it was, just a tiny pinkening of the cheeks.

"Go – Go right ahead. What's stopping you?"

I grinned, pulling a little on her underwear, watching as her eyes got wider the further the fabric got. She gulped nervously and scrounged up some indignant glaring to throw my way.

"You wouldn't _dare_…" she said menacingly as she realized the situation she was in. They really _shouldn't _make underwear quite so elastic.

"You willing to bet your behind on that?"

"…_What do you want_?"

"Remember what you were promising me?" I eased off some of the tension on her underwear as a show of good faith.

"We don't have any kitchen utensils…"

"I think you can manage without them. I didn't particularly care for the spoon anyway. And this time there's no table to get in the way."

"I _knew_ I was going to regret showing you that trick."

That sounded like tacit enough admission to me, so I de-stretched some underwear some more.

"Well, maybe we can forgo the more strenuous antics _if_ –"

There was a slight snapping sound of eleastic and a shout of "_Wooh_!" as I grabbed Haruhi around the waist and spun her around underneath me

"I get to be on top this time."

The girl blinked up at me in surprise for a brief few moment, exhilaration coloring her skin, before she grinned.

"You're terrible. When did you learn to behave like this?"

"Probably around the time the 'trick' entered my life. It's not something that just let's go of your mind, you know. It's not something a guy like me can easily forget."

"You mean a pervert like you."

"Same difference as far as you're concerned, right?"

Haruhi rolled her eyes. "You really _do_ talk too much."

"Easily fixed."

I kissed her and soon we were earnestly making out. Before I knew it however, Haruhi was on top again. I didn't really mind though. Soon enough we both calmed down however and I quickly found Haruhi lying next to me with her head resting against my chest, the brown mess of hair after our evening activities bobbing up and down to my breathing.

"This is… nice, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"You like it when things are… nice and calm."

"I like it when you relax and stop being the indomitable Commander of the SOS-Brigade and just let yourself be yourself."

"…Yeah, things are a lot… safer like this."

"…Safer?"

Haruhi got up and walked over to her bed, pulling the sheets tightly around her. "Goodnight, Kyon…"

"Goodnight, Haruhi."


	60. Old Long Syne

I woke to the soft and warm feeling of a hug. A hand was draped around my side, clutching at the collar of my shirt. I could feel the press of a body, a decidedly lithe and female body, pressed against my back. As I stirred I felt a nose nuzzle against my neck. My blanket had been pulled over my head, leaving me in the faint glow of what I could only assume was morning through the fabric. Carefully I tried turning about, and at first the girl at my back resisted, before she shifted and her head was now resting against my chest, rising along with the rhythm of my breathing.

It was nice.

I wondered why Haruhi had bothered to make her way to her own bed only to return to mine once I was asleep, but I didn't mind. Quiet moments with Haruhi like this were precious in their own way. I slowly ran my hand across the smooth skin of her shoulder, past her neck to her shoulder-length hair. Gingerly my fingers trailed across her forehead, pulling back her bangs. I decided to try and risk it and do something rather forward of me and wake the girl with a little kiss on the forehead.

As I lifted my head and delivered the little kiss, I couldn't help but notice something… off. Haruhi's hair looked lighter in the shade of my sheet than it had in the darkness of night. Yes, there was more light present now, but the hair was still somewhat lighter than it should.

And then I heard it, a contented little hum from the girl on my chest and I realized who it belonged to.

…

…

…

What was _she_ doing in here, under the covers with _me_?

I felt equally embarrassed and ashamed at the same time, not to mention somewhat frightened. I would have to wake her, carefully, before Haruhi woke up and I'd been in for trouble that was in no shape or form truly my fault.

But how to go about it…?

I gave the girl's cheek a careful little poke. She made a little sound, but for the most part seemed to be unperturbed by the touch.

"Hey…" I hissed an extremely quite whisper.

The girl seemed to have only fallen into a deeper sleep in the seconds that had followed the gentle little nudging.

"C'mon, please, wake up. I don't need whatever stupid thing this is going to bring right now."

The girl turned over, away from me, pulling at the blanket with her, wrapping her lithe form tightly in the shroud.

I sighed._ Typical…_

By now Haruhi had begun to stir as well. I contemplated on simply running off and hiding somewhere but that would probably shift even more undue guilt onto my shoulders. I decided to simply resign myself to the fates and leaned back against the nearest wall, to wait out whatever might come my way. As Haruhi woke, her eyes flickering open in the yellow dawn light, they were those gently smiling eyes I'd usually only seen in the deep dark shadows of passionate nights, but far sooner than I would have liked they turned and grew wider as they spied the other girl in the compartment, sleeping by my side.

Haruhi practically jumped straight up into the air, sitting up on her knees, wide awake now in the splitting of a second. "Sasaki? What are _you_ doing in here?"

It took a brief moment for Sasaki to rouse, even with the shouting. "Oh? What? Kyon, why are in my bunk?" Sasaki asked as she looked about, still drowsy with sleep, eyes half-closed as she yawned.

"You're in _our_ room!"

"…Yeah, I know… Why is _he_ here?"

"No, me and Kyon's room!"

"…I thought you and I were supposed to sleep together?" Sasaki turned her head about slowly, looking about half-blindly through eyes still hampered by the sand of the sandman. She smacked her lips wearily before she unleashed a giant yawn.

"Yeah! We _were_! It's just… just that… What are you doing in _here_?"

"…I'm not too sure… hmmm… Oh, I _do_ remember Itsuki and I were in the same room, getting ready. I was so tired and… oh right, he _did _tell me about the switch… Oh gosh, I must have sleep walked. I haven't done it in years. So weird. My apologies," Sasaki said as she stood up, pulling the sheets along with her, pulling them around her slender body. If you'll excuse me, she said evenly as she yawned yet again and walked off, wobbling a little with every step. "My brain… it's just goo in the morning… huaaaah… was I supposed to be in the room across? I wonder…"

When Sasaki left the room, she however left behind an awkward little silence that thankfully didn't last long.

"Was… was she _naked_ under there?"

"I… I…" I had to give this some careful thought. "I have no idea."

I was quickly rushed out of my room afterwards as well, told to get out quite insistently despite my appeals to the early hour. Soon I was out in the hall, joined by Koizumi who had apparently also dressed quickly to allow Sasaki to dress at her ease, something she had told him didn't really matter to her, but Koizumi being who he was had insisted on it. Asahina-san and Yuki also joined us soon enough.

We made idle chit chat, swapping greetings and asking how everyone had slept until both Sasaki and Haruhi came out from their respective rooms at the same exact moment. Sasaki smiled in that faint, happy way of hers, like she was seeing an old friend she had always known would be coming back even after a long time, while Haruhi watched her in a wary manner, not unlike seeing a friend after a long time, but someone rather different in appearance and behaviour than what she remembered.

Breakfast passed in relative silence, although not in an awkward manner. For the most part people kept to their meals although Sasaki was keen to ask any of my friends little questions here and there, about what felt extremely trivial to me. But then again, that's how she made friends. Slowly in a rather organic way, she grew into a part of your life. Through little innocent questions about how you felt about scrambled eggs to what you thought of current events allowed her to deduce things like Sherlock Holmes (though I'd heard he more commonly used logical induction rather than deduction).

For the most part we split up afterwards, bumping into each other randomly, settling down to have little talks about this and that, here and there. It was well past noon when I happened upon Koizumi in what had supposed to be our sleeping quarters for the previous night. He was reading a book, uncharacteristically frowning with his brows deeply furrowed, even giving the back of his head a scratch like I might sometimes.

"What are you reading?" I simply had to ask as I sat down across from him.

"Basically what equates to string-theory for dummies," Koizumi answered without taking his eyes off the little lines of text.

"Oh… sucks to be you, I guess."

"As if it wasn't difficult enough on its own, there are sub-theories to consider… the more I know about this topic, the more confused I feel I'm getting."

"A brain teaser then. Must be nice having one of those thrown your way once in a while."

"More like a brain wrangler…"

There was a knock on the compartment's door.

Was it the girls? But if Haruhi was leading them, why was there knocking? Haruhi would just burst through the door. Then again, it could be one of the others. Normal things like knocking before entering didn't seem too alien to them.

"Who's there?" I asked.

Who knows, it might be Asahina-san or maybe even –

"Tickets."

– obviously that. Alright, better just get it over with. I suppose you have to regularly check random compartments after the occasional stop.

I rummaged in my pockets for a moment, a moment so long it made a slight panicky nervousness start building until I found my ticket.

"Ah, I'll get the door," Koizumi said to me as he went ahead to address the person on the other side of the door. "I'm afraid some of us are away at the moment, but – umph!"

My head snapped in the direction of the weird sound just in time to see Koizumi fall to his knees, holding his stomach, gasping for air.

"What the hell?"

The man stepped past Koizumi and advanced towards me. Another man stepped into our room as well, making sure Koizumi stayed down while the first man to enter pinned me down as well with surprising speed.

"Where is she?"

"Who?"

"The one who would –"

_Thump!_

The man's question came to a sudden stop as we both heard the sound of a body falling over. As the man holding me down turned his head to look back at the door, his nose came in contact with a fist that was so fast it was as if it had teleported into his face.

The man toppled over, right on top of me, weighing a freaking ton!

"Uff! What – what the hell?"

"Hurry. This train will stop at a station in 20 minutes, but Suzumiya Haruhi could most likely return before then," an unfamiliar female spoke as she pulled the unconscious man off me. "We have to hurry," the girl told me, giving me a piercing stare that was not to be questioned. But that wasn't going to happen.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked as the limp body fell off me onto the floor.

"I was hired by Mori Sonou to watch over you and Suzumiya Haruhi for the duration of this excursion," the girl simply stated as she dragged the prone body next to the other unconscious man next to Koizumi, who had managed to get back on his feet but was still panting.

The girl was rather short, by a head least, her brown hair was at best shoulder-length and it was kept in a tight and raised ponytail that wasn't very long. Her clothing looked old and worn, hand me downs from who knows how many generations back. She wore socks with thin reed sandals tied around them that only really covered the soles of her feet. She looked like a… ninja, I guess; at the least like something that had escaped from a tv show.

"Wait, you… what?"

"Hurry. I need you two to help me drag these two into another compartment. I'll deal with them later."

"_Deal_ with them? Just what does that –"

"I have not been authorized to use lethal force except in extreme circumstances against threats of a specified nature… if that was you concern," the girl added, giving an answer that sounded like it had been drilled into her, as she gave me another one of her piercing stares before she kneeled down and secured our attackers hands and feet with those plastic straps I'd usually only ever seen used in moving. The mysterious girl pulled them so tightly around the hands of our attackers that they lost a lot of color.

I looked over at Koizumi for a little help, but he seemed just as ignorant about this new development as I did.

"You were hired… by Mori Sonou?" I asked.

"Yes. Now grab this one by the hand and the legs, you two. I'll carry this one," the girl said as she got down and lifted the guy who was actually a bit bigger looking on top of her shoulders, rising up with the weight with the acumen of a professional heavyweight lifter, keeping her center of gravity low and lifting with her legs. "Hurry," she once again repeated as she twisted her shoulders and carried her charge away with little to no trouble at all, despite the guy being at least twice her size.

"Uh… Koizumi?" I asked, still particularly uncertain how exactly to respond to this situation.

"I… I'm not quite sure myself, but… she's got a point. We really shouldn't let Suzumiya-san see this."

"Right… well, you take the guys legs then."

"Hurry!" the mystery girl called from the hallway.

As we struggled to lift our guy up, the shifting center of weight of a fully grown man proving to be rather hard to balance between the two of us, Koizumi and I eventually made it out into the hallway and proceeded in the direction the girl had gone. As I was beginning to wonder where exactly we were supposed to take our attacker on the train, with nothing but closed doors to other compartments all around us, the girl popped her head out from behind one of the doors.

"Do you require assistance?"

Before Koizumi could go ahead and complete the slight emasculating feeling that had started growing as the tiny girl had managed to easily carry her guy away, while the two of us struggled with our own slightly smaller guy, by asking for help as he looked like he was going to do, I told her we could manage it. Koizumi gave me a raised eyebrow but I decided not to meet the look by trying to get a better hold on the heavy bastard by hitching him up a bit.

When we got inside the compartment the other bad guy had been slumped into a seat with a blanket on top of him and a hat on his head pulled low to cover his eyes, made to look like he was napping.

"Put the other one there," the girl pointed to a seat opposite the other occupied one as she pulled out another blanket from a little shelf above the seats.

We did as told and as soon as we had gotten the man in his seat, the girl pushed us aside and put the blanket on top of him as well and turned his head towards the window since there weren't any more hats to hid the faces. But the other guy probably needed the hat more anyway. The guy under the hat had been the one on top of me who had received the – by the looks of the red, bloody messy thing just under the brim of his hat – nose shattering blow.

"Go," the girl said as she gave the other guy some final adjustments to complete the illusion of peaceful nap time.

"Hey, wait. We want to know –"

"Not now. We need to sweep your compartment for anything that might have been left behind by these men or otherwise damaged. I will be there shortly. I don't trust civilians to do a thorough job, but I don't have the time."

"All right, we'll do that," Koizumi said, placing a hand on my shoulder as I was about to object. "Come along," he whispered to me.

"Who is she? Can we trust her?" I asked immediately when I was sure we were out of her earshot.

"I do not know."

"Not even that Mori-san had hired her?"

"No, I honestly didn't. This is all new to me as well," Koizumi said, spouting a worried frown that wasn't lying.

"Why wouldn't she tell us? It's really not something that would slip one's mind, now is it?"

"If Mori-san did indeed hire this girl and decided not to tell us, I'm sure she had some reason. What exactly, I do not know. But quite honestly… the way she looks…"

"Yeah, I noticed that too… Do you think… nah, but doesn't she really look a lot like…"

"Mori-san?"

"Yep, like a younger version or… what if it's a clone?"

"I think you've been hanging around with Suzumiya-san a bit too much lately."

"As if cloning would be the craziest thing we've come by."

"There's no need to make assumptions."

"Did you find anything?" the spookily familiar looking girl asked, appearing behind me.

_Crap_! I hadn't heard her sneak up behind us at all! Or was she actually another teleporter?

"No."

Whether this had been expected or not or whether it was good or bad I couldn't tell, as the glum face that stared intently at me revealed nothing whatsoever. The girl then walked past me and did a quick search of the compartment. However it didn't look like she had found anything as she was soon leaving.

"I've been advised to tell you to continue act normally in the absence of immediate threats… please do so."

"Sure…"

"Good. I hope we won't be required to see each other again."

At first I took that the wrong way of course, but upon brief examination of the sentence, I understood what she meant by it. I wanted to thank her, but by then the mysterious girl had already vanished. Peeking down the hall revealed no sign of her.

Left in the unconscious body-free compartment, there was only so many options to chose from as to how to continue: "Who do you think it was they were after?"

"I suppose there's a range of possibilities, but only one ever truly feels like the most likely one, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah… do you think Tsuruya was behind it? As far as I know, he's the only one who knew where we were going."

"Perhaps. However, this hardly seems his style. If nothing else, he has demonstrated immense patience by simply funding operations for years without properly allowing any of us to know of him, without ever even pressuring any of his investments into action. This however… was rash and ill-planned."

"…You got a point there… maybe we should call this whole thing off."

"I doubt you could convince Suzumiya-san to simply drop this so suddenly unless you told her the truth and… what _is_ her level of knowing, exactly?"

"All she really knows is that Fuyumi had powers and… that's it, really. I've tried talking to her about it, but she just walks off. I have no clear idea on what she thinks or feels about it all. In a way, the less she knows is better but at the same time… sort of unfair, you know?"

"Hmm… so, will you?"

"What?"

"Tell her the truth? Is your relationship on that level yet?"

I considered this for a moment. Things were nice and sweet, but there were still things hanging in the air between the two of us that hadn't been resolved or even spoken of. "…No… unfortunately not."

"Then we prepare, as always. Come. Let's find Asahina-san and Nagato-san."

The remainder of our troupe was discovered within the food car, all of the girls eyeing sugary sweets with varying levels of interest. Haruhi and Asahina-san were nearly equal in their desire for a particularly puffy looking piece of cake. Then came Yuki of all people, staring intently at a cheesecake with a single strawberry sitting quite audaciously in the middle of a creamy yellow center, shifting her point of view to examine the thing at every angle possible. And with the least amount of interest was Sasaki, comparing various cookies, eyeing the prices before the various coatings.

I approached the girl and whispered in her ear, "Sasaki, could you keep Haruhi busy? The rest of us need to talk in private."

Sasaki took a moment to look critically at me, but didn't ask any questions. "Alright."

Without any sign of hesitation or even planning, she simply strode over to Haruhi and engaged in conversation, whether the other girl wanted it or not, the latter which seemed to be the more likely in this case.

"C'mon," I told the others as we headed towards the opposite end of the train to discuss developments. We found an empty compartment, Koizumi closing the door firmly behind us.

"W-what's happened?" Asahina-san asked anxiously, noting both Koizumi's and my tensed faces.

"We were assaulted a few minutes ago," Koizumi answered.

Asahina-san gasped excessively audibly but Yuki simply glanced my way, looking me up top to bottom, before she returned her focus to Koizumi.

"We're not entirely certain what they were after specifically, but a certain 'she' was their target. As always, it is probably safe to assume it is Suzumiya-san that's their target."

Asahina-san nodded morosely, her lips quivering a bit. Yuki kept watching.

"However, we were timely rescued by… well, I'm not quite sure how to put this…"

As Koizumi seemed to take too long in finding the _exactly_ perfect words, I went ahead and answered in his stead. "By a little ninja clone of Mori-san."

"_Wh-what?_" Asahina-san gasped in utter confusion, blinking first at me and then Koizumi.

"Well, _something_ like that… certainly ninja-esque, and there _was _a resemblance… but it seems that we have been given a protector by Mori-san. However, I'd feel better if we could add to this level of protection."

Yuki nodded. "I have begun insemination of protective programs into this transport vehicle. Currently there are 152 humans aboard, excluding us. 118 of them are contained within compartments, while the rest are in dining carts or servicing them."

"Good, good…"

"I… I've been allowed the use of _some_ technology after everything that's happened, however, I would a-appreciate it if you didn't ask me what it is…" Asahina-san said.

"Any bit helps, even if it is 'classified information'. I'm afraid I cannot truly add to our security beyond being wary."

"Is this really going to be enough?" I asked.

"Don't worry, Kyon-kun. We're all here and ready. We'll protect you and Suzumiya-san," Asahina-san said, once again donning that determined look that had become more common on her cute face lately. "We _won't_ let anything happen this time. I _promise_."

The sheer confidence Asahina-san seemed to be oozing left me at a loss for words at first. "…Thanks," I fortunately managed.

/

As the train ground to an easy halt we took our baggage and hurried off eagerly, some more so than others. This time everyone was carrying their own bags, although I would have volunteered to carry everyone's bags if it had meant making as much distance with locomotive and making escape to the place of relaxation I had been promised, which seemed increasingly harder to believe to exist at all on this round earth, no matter where I went.

"What… what is _he_ doing here…?" Koizumi's low but uncertain tone made me turn about.

A young man with a clean, short but stylish hair cut that looked sharp enough to cut cheese was stepping off the train. The patchy facial hair was gone and the clean white woolen shirts and pants were gone, replaced by jeans and a smart looking jacket, fit for a business lunch or two. But the face was still unmistakable: it was Koizumi's old friend, the special esper from in the Tsuruya Foundation building. The guy noticed me and Koizumi staring at him and simply smiled, giving us a little nod of acknowledgment before he walked off, carrying a small suitcase leisurely over his shoulder.

I sighed, sliding my hand down my face. "_Why_…?" It all just seemed so unfair.

"What are you dorks mumbling about?" Haruhi called from ahead, looking about for directions.

"Nothing," I said as I followed her as she found an arrow pointing to the docks.

From the train station we took a short, arranged bus ride to the wharf where we hopped on a ferryboat that took us toward a large island. The docks waiting on this other side of the narrow pass of water were actually bigger than the one on the mainland. There were plenty of shops and restaurants about, but Haruhi led the way past it all to where rows of taxis were waiting for prospective clients. The island seemed like it was rather used to seeing tourists. I could easily imagine the place crawling with people in a matter of weeks when rest of the country started enjoying summer vacation as well.

We took a pair of cabs. Haruhi was quick to put me with her in the same car and upon looking at her options for a while, decided upon Koizumi. The other girls would have to follow in their own car. We drove for a couple of hours, out past the town that sort of reminded me of my own hometown, though smaller, and quickly passed through thick forests to come around to the open sea on one side and what looked like a rainforest on the other.

But soon enough the scenery began to change, sandy beaches began materializing on the seaside in place of rocky cliff sand the trees parted on the other side to give way for small rice fields and houses. Haruhi had been apt in her concise description of the place; if there was one word that could be applied to the place, it was certainly 'cultural'. Most of the houses were made of wood, sometimes sporting what looked like clay for support and insulation on the sides, and some of the ones off near the beach actually still had thatched roofs. We swerved through dirt roads and once again were bereft of signs of civilization for a short while, the sea surrounding us on both sides now as we appeared to be heading onto a little cape or peninsula.

Our destination turned out to be a large traditional-styled wooden house with shoji doors and surrounded completely by a veranda. We paid our fares and it fell to me and Koizumi to be the gallant males and do our best to carry everyone else's luggage, but as Sasaki's bag was a bit too much even between the two of us while also carrying everybody else's bags, Sasaki gladly took her own to carry.

"C'mon, guys! We've spent enough time traveling! Let's go and see if they've got a hot spa or something!" Haruhi said eagerly as she hurried along and rang a bell that had been clearly marked for just such purpose with obtrusive colors.

"Ah, would you get that, dear?" We could hear a wispy, old woman's voice.

"Of course, granny," a younger, _much_ younger sounding girl answered.

A few light footsteps tapped across wooden floors to the accompaniment of the occasional creak and then the front door slide open to reveal a happily smiling face. "Hello and welcome to –" The earnestly enthusiastic greeting came to a sudden and extremely dead stop.

Tachibana Kyoko, owner of the smiling face, lost possession of her best asset instantaneously as she noticed who it was she was greeting. Her mouth opened slightly in dazed horror as her eyes widened enough to allow said full horror force its way into her brain. She stood there frozen, much like the rest of us were due to her sudden appearance, before the sliding door was shut as quickly as was humanly possible.

"No, no, no, no nononononononoooo…" Everyone could hear the desperate muttering from the other side of the door.

"Was it that delivery boy again, Kyo-kun? The one who's clearly got a thing for you? You really should give the poor guy a smile at least, even if he is an idiot."

"_WhatamIgonnadowhatamIgonnado_?" The despairing muttering continued unabated.

"Just a little wink and he'll be off with a heart light enough to keep his head in the skies for a week out of your hair."

"It's _not_ him!"

"Oh… then who?"

"No one! Wrong number! Absolutely no one!"

"Now, now, I might be close to going senile, but I'm dead sure I didn't hear the phone ring."

"Ah, uhm… oh bother… _Ahhh_… why here? Why _me_? It's not _fair_!"

"I'm starting to feel you're keeping something from me, Kyo-kun. Secrets ill-suit young hearts unless they are matters of love."

"Why don't you just hit me right on the nose, while you're at it…"

The door slide open again, revealing an old shriveled lady with wrinkled old skin and pure white hair. She was a short little round thing, all smile and not enough teeth to make the smile look at all endearing. And behind her stood, Kyoko… frozen in terror with her hands tightly pressed at her sides, her fingers curled up but not within her palms, while those she kept rigidly horizontal, as her face was burning a magnificent red.

"Welcome, welcome! Welcome to the Tachibana inn! We're not by any road, but this has never seemed to stop weary travelers from setting their burdens down and relaxing by our beautiful beach, where only the best service imaginable is guaranteed!"

Kyoko's eyes dropped to floor, staring at her feet as if accusing them of betraying her, the now balled fists quivering a little. Her face was still as red as you could get and she looked liked she'd rather be standing in front of a herd of stampeding elephants than us. She took a giant gulp before she looked up again and bowed deeper than was necessary by any means.

"(Welcome)," she said in tiny, mousy voice.

"What was that? Speak up dear." The old woman lifted a hand to cup around an ear. "You'll have to excuse my great-grandchild. I think she might be feeling a bit love sick. It's been a few days since her beau last visited. A young restless heart can be so distressful."

"Granny!" Kyoko immediately gained some volume to her voice, not to mention some color to her cheeks, which I'd just thought to be impossible.

"There we go. Not so hard, was it? No need to be shy, you've done this before… although I can see there's a pair of handsome, strapping young men here. Ohohooo, no wonder you're all flustered… you're just like your grandmother, Kyo-kun." Granny Tachibana smiled queerly at her granddaughter (really?) and then turned to us again. "You must be the ones that young lad Tsuruya told me about. You're a bit earlier than I'd expected, but I suppose there's been some advancements in the traveling since the last time I left the island…" she smacked her lips slowly as she thought about this, "thirty or something years ago. But _do_ come in! Come in! Now, I'm sure our quests would like to be seen to their rooms. Their trip must have been so very exhausting."

I felt a firm grip establish itself around my wrist. "Don't say anything. Not yet at least," Sasaki whispered behind me.

I looked sideways at Haruhi, surprised that there hadn't been a big reaction like 'Hey, I know you!' from the girl. But Haruhi was wearing an odd frown, looking rather unsure.

"Come along, come along… I'll show these three to their rooms and you can handle the other three, alright, Kyo-kun?" the elderly woman said, gesturing at Sasaki, Yuki and Asahina-san who happened to be together on one side of our group.

"Ah – but granny, I –"

But it was too late. Despite looking like a breeze from an open window could topple her, the toothless old woman had a surprisingly quick shuffle that left the others hurrying up to keep pace.

I could hear exasperation being vented through her nose, but Kyoko kept a professionally blank face as she told us to follow her to our rooms. Koizumi was shown his room first, entering with a simple thank you to his guide before he closed the door behind him, looking thoughtful for a _refreshing_ change. The rest of us kept going round a corner.

"So… Tachibana Kyoko… how very strange to run into you like this," Haruhi decided to finally speak.

"Uhm… Yes, it is indeed," Kyoko replied.

"You were in our school for a really short time. Why'd you leave?"

"Uh, well, I just, it didn't seem like, there was stuff going on and, and…"

"Don't tell me you ran off scared because of that little act of vandalism to our school," Haruhi said with something of a… sneer to her voice, I decided.

"…Yes, that was it…" Kyoko answered compliantly.

Haruhi's eyes narrowed as she stared at the back of Kyoko's head, before she briefly glanced at me, her eyes only narrowing further as she got a glimpse of me.

"I see," Haruhi said with frosty neutrality.

"Well, this'll be your room. The – the next one is K-Kyon's… Please follow -"

"That won't be necessary," Haruhi sternly said.

"Huh?"

"Put my stuff in my room, Kyon. He'll find his own way later, I'm sure. Even he should be capable of finding a room right next to this one without your guidance."

"Oh, I see. Well… good, very good then. I'll just be off then," Kyoko said as she hurried off.

I watched her go but before the girl had even got around a corner, I was viciously yanked into Haruhi's room.

"Just dump my stuff over there!" Haruhi pointed at a corner. She then crossed her arms with a huff and looked off in the opposite direction.

I quietly did as I was told. When I was done, I walked over to her, unsure of what should happen next. I gave the back of my head a scratch, wondering if I was free to go or not.

"Well? What do you still want?" Haruhi asked angrily, not turning her head to glare at me though.

"Nothing, nothing," I said as I backed off.

I went ahead and put all my stuff in my room. It was a nice, traditional style place, complete with tatami flooring and sliding shoji doors all around. All the rooms were basically connected to each other, like mine and Haruhi's were, though there were removable wooden panels placed between rooms (I made sure to check this immediately after putting my stuff away, half-worried I'd be leapt on by Haruhi before I discovered them). One wall faced the sea and it had sliding glass panes on the outside, so if you wanted to, you could pull back the paper walls and see the ocean while keeping yourself protected from the wind. The room was rather large, all in all, especially for one person. At the center of the room was a sunken irori hearth, big enough to roast a little pig if one desired to, surrounded by mats of cut bamboo or some kind of reed.

I looked about, feeling anxious, like I'd missed something, that something had been put in the wrong place, but when you just dump everything you have in the corner, there's not much room for error. I gave the back of my head a scratch and it didn't take long for me to understand what was in the wrong place for me. Of course, I'd known _this_ for a while now, but right _now_ I knew I had to do something about it or I'd end up driving myself crazy. Already I was fighting back depressing and anxiety inducing thoughts.

I walked out hurriedly, looking about for the thing out of place.

"Uhum," someone made a familiar, polite, little noise behind me and for a moment I thought I thought I'd found what I'd been looking for before I spun around and found Kyoko's great-grandmother looking up at me inquisitively. "Looking for something, lad?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. Where's Kyoko?"

"Oh? Kyoko, eh? So you _do_ know her?"

"Uhm, yes."

"I _knew_ it." The woman made a gummy grin. "That girl is so transparent to me. She'd have to be, I suppose, what with me raising her for the majority of her life. But anyway, she's outside, taking care of firewood. I imagine you'll all want a good old fashioned 'bar-bee-queue'. Though in my day we just cooked stuff and that was that. Now _that'd _be old-fashioned, if you ask me."

Just how old was this woman?

"Uhm, thanks. Which way to…?"

"Oh, just down the hall and take the last door out left."

As I neared the door at the end of the hall, I could hear the heavy thudding of what could only have been an axe, always preceded by the thick swooshing of the blade.

_Whuu-Thunnk!... Whuu-Thunnk!... Whuu-Thunnk! Whuu-Thunnk! Whuu-Thunnk!_

The sounds seemed to be growing much louder than they should have by simply approaching, not to mention more faster.

I peered around the door and spotted Tachibana Kyoko standing in a shoulder-wide stance in the middle of a sandy little clearing with a huge old log before her, with two piles of wood on either side of her, one with cut wood while the other was composed of wood still waiting to be cut.

Kyoko was chopping away, swinging the axe with unnecessary speed and strength. As I watched, I soon realized how she was keeping up such a maddened pace; she wasn't actually cutting wood anymore, simply hitting the old, dry log that was used as a workstation with everything she had.

_Whuu-Thunnk!Whuu-Thunnk!Whuu-Thunnk!_

Eventually the old log split in two with a beastly crack and a little shower of shrapnel, leaving Kyoko bent over the shattered remains, panting and heaving while her axe rested in the deep wound, still clutched firmly in both her hands.

"Damn it…" I could hear Kyoko say, sounding like she was near to bursting into tears.

I finally felt brave enough to step out, now that the girl's fury seemed to have been used up on the destroyed log.

"Hey, Kyoko," I said, unable to come up with anything better to start with.

The girl was startled by the sound of my voice, actually jumping up straight as she dropped the axe. Luckily it was only the blunt edge that bounced off her toes.

"_Yaaahhh_!" Kyoko yelled in pain as she started hopping about on one foot, grasping at her injured toes with both hands.

I rushed forward to help balance her, as she was veering about dangerously. But as I got closer to the spinning, shouting girl, she hopped backwards immediately upon seeing me approach, only to fall over what remained of the big log.

"Hey! You okay?" I asked her as I reached a hand down to pull her up.

"Just fine," the embarrassed girl mumbled, keeping her gaze focused on my shoes, bangs covering up her pretty eyes quite thoroughly.

"C'mon, let me help you up," I said, offering my hand some more.

"N-no, that's not necessary. I'm just fine."

"Oh come on. You just dropped a heavy block of metal on your toes. And I think you scarped a knee."

"I'm fine, thank you," she said in a hushed voice.

"Kyoko, I just –"

"I'm fine, damn it!"Kyoko suddenly shouted up at me, revealing a flushed face and wet eyes.

I froze, so stunned by the upset sight of her. But slowly I managed to wrangle up enough brain cells back into place to pull back a bit.

"Damn it," Kyoko muttered as she hastily wiped at her eyes. "…Sorry. I'm sorry about that. I must have looked so stupid."

"No, not at all," I immediately lied.

"Sure," Kyoko said despondently, thankfully not calling me out on the little fib.

"Uhmm… How 'bout I help you," I said and quickly added, "by cutting up the rest of the wood," hoping this might be less embarrassing for the poor girl than trying to help out directly with her foot for example.

"Uh… Thanks."

While I started working on what remained of the wood, pushing half of the big log over so I'd have a new steady place for the chopping, Kyoko gathered herself up and limped over to a neatly stacked pile of wood next to the house, sitting down on it to nurse her foot.

Soon the hushed afternoon was filled with the return of the slow whoosh and thunk of an axe. I could smell the salt of the sea in the air around me and feel the silent eyes on my neck, watching me carefully. I kept to my work, breathing the cooling air in slow and rhythmic breaths, keeping my mind fully focused on myself and what my body was doing instead of the girl who _must_ have been keeping equally focused on me.

"Why'd you have to come _here_, Kyon? Out of all the places in Japan, why did you have to come to the one place where _I_ was…?"

I didn't bother telling her we hadn't known she was here. It hadn't been that kind of question. It'd been a rhetorical one, bemoaning her misfortune, something I had plenty of personal experience with. It didn't demand an answer, _especially_ from me, but it didn't mean I shouldn't try to answer either.

"Sorry."

Kyoko made a great big sigh that would have made me proud on a normal day. "It's nice to see you though."

"You too," I admitted.

We didn't trade any more words after that though. I stuck to my work and Kyoko remained seated where she was. We remained that for a long time, so long that the sky started turning pink and the clouds a deep purple with the setting sun, all interspersed by fading lances of golden rays.

I stopped for a moment to wipe my sweaty brow with the back of my hand. As I was getting ready to raise my axe again, I was stopped by a gentle tap on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder to find Kyoko standing behind me, looking firmly at her feet, her skin pink in the light of the setting sun.

"Yeah?"

"Here…" she said softly, offering me a plastic bottle of water with a nozzle from which to squirt some water out, without making eye contact.

"Thanks."

I took the bottle gratefully and sprayed my mouth full of refreshingly cool water. I then handed the bottle over and without another word prepared to pick up where I'd left of but was interrupted.

"U-hum…"

I turned around, wondering what was coming my way this time, but hopefully not in quite the same subdued manner as everything else, even if it was a nice slow way to ease ourselves into our current places in the world, it was also slowly starting to get a bit wearisome.

"Thanks… for the help," Kyoko said, standing meekly in front of me, holding one arm with the other hand.

"No problem."

An embarrassed silence followed. My hold on the axe tightened. I wished I could just get back to chopping the wood. It didn't have eyes with which to coyly avoid looking at you in the eyes with, no matter what you did to it.

"Ah…" Kyoko looked up at me, her smooth little lips parting, like she wanted to say something… or maybe even… but whatever it was she had intended to do was lost as she stared sadly into my eyes. She turned about and walked off, no longer limping even if she was favoring one foot over the other. But before she disappeared for good, she turned about at the backdoor to look at me. "I hope you enjoy your stay here," she said with a politely detached tone and then walked off.

Even though I hadn't really spoken with Kyoko… I strangely felt a bit better now, like something that had been dislodged inside me had been knocked back into place again. It wasn't like I was trying to force a round peg into a square hole anymore.

I remained outside and chopped up the rest of the wood and got almost all of it piled away before Haruhi came looking for me and told me off for wasting my time. She threw a towel in my face and told me to clean up for dinner. I considered making a comment about behavior like that, but thought the better of it. Calling Haruhi either a typical mother or even a girlfriend, even in a teasing manner, probably wouldn't score me any points in either the short or the long run.

I wiped the worst of my sweat of my brow, and a bit under my armpits after Haruhi had gone off ahead of me, and followed into the large house, guided by the scent of grilled meat coming from the center. Everyone else was already seated and served on similar mats as the one around my hearth around a large grill pit in the open center of the giant house.

Haruhi was sitting cross-legged and already hungrily digging in, chomping away at what looked like the ribs of some little animal. Yuki sat on one side of Haruhi on her knees, quietly munching away with speedy efficiency, while Asahina-san sat on the other side on her knees as well, looking a bit embarrassed by the others fervor, only taking little nibbles herself.

I sat next to Koizumi who was sitting beside Sasaki, who happened to also be sitting cross-legged. If there was something to be said about Haruhi and Sasaki, it was that neither of them was much for ceremony. Kyoko's great-grandmother was busy frying what looked like a large wok of vegetables. I looked about but couldn't spot Kyoko anywhere. While Sasaki and Koizumi partook in some light conversation together (for them, that is; something about mono-polars and whatnot), I ate my meal in silence.

Later on, when nearly everyone else had finished their meals and excused themselves, aside from the withdrawn Yuki and oblivious Haruhi who had simply walked off without a word, Sasaki sat down next to me while I was chewing away at my last bits of meat.

"Kyon, I've spoken with the others and they all assure me we'll be safe. Is there something I should know?" Sasaki's eyes glowed in the light of the dimming embers.

"I guess this standard fair for us. We've been locked away in cabins in blizzards, dealt with kidnappings, supernatural assaults of varying kinds, suspected murder cases on weird islands, time loops… So what I'm _trying_ to say is that an assault at the two of us isn't exactly something to worry about… too much, in comparison…"

"I see." The glow of her eyes seemed almost self-sustained, this close.

"We've apparently got a ninja protector in the shadows as well."

"So for you this really _is_ a relaxing sojourn."

"To be honest… It's actually kind of… I dunno. I'm really not so bothered by it, but at the same time… It's hard to put into words. The strange stuff feels normal and when it's not around I… my normal life, it's… kinda empty, unless Haruhi is in it. Or Yuki, I guess. But…"

"It's an uncertain time for you, I can understand. You're probably worried about the future, although you're doing all you can to try and live in the present."

"The future seems depressing. No matter what happens, there's going to be choices, missed opportunities and I… I don't want to leave what I have behind yet. I feel like I've grown so much and yet… I wish I hadn't. I used to be somewhat afraid of the thought of spending an eternity in a time loop, forever living my youth, but now…"

"You still have nearly two years in your school with Haruhi."

"But… it's not the same. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with her and all but… things, _all_ things, were so simple when this all started, when we were all just friends and the future wasn't even a passing thought and now… I find myself thinking about me and Haruhi and Yuki and, well, _everyone_ I know and I can't help but wonder if I've made the right choices and what am I going to do about all of them in the future."

"You carry a heavy weight on your shoulders, Kyon, but a fair share of it is unnecessary. You don't _need_ to look over everyone."

"But for so long, they've all been doing it for me, while I've been prattling on with Haruhi."

"You feel you owe them all something… especially Yuki and Haruhi, don't you?"

"…"

"Is that a good foundation for a relationship?"

"... No."

"I'm not trying to discourage you. Far from it." Sasaki pulled up her legs, holding them close to her body, looking almost cold even though it was still pretty warm after the fire. "I _know_ how much they all mean to you. However, I think the best way you can help your friends and loved ones is… to let go of them. You can't possibly always be together, watching each other's backs. Love is wonderful, especially so when shared, but there's something in us that like to selfishly hold on to it for ourselves and only the closest to us. Too much love spreads you thin. You need to stop running after everyone and thing and… hmm… you need to relax, I guess."

"I'd like to, but I think I should go and ask Yuki if she's got –"

"Security 'programs' are in place. You have a ninja out there somewhere. Even some undisclosed futuristic technology in the mix. All the major threats to you and Haruhi have been dealt with. Relax. Like you already said, whatever might be worrying you right now doesn't compare to what you've faced already."

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Or is _that_ what has you down?"

"If only I could be sure myself…"

Suddenly I felt a slight tingle of pain against my nose as it was flicked. "Ouch."

"Relax, Kyon, relax." Sasaki was staring at me quite seriously with a concerned frown, catching me somewhat off guard. "You're always running after everyone. That should… change."


	61. Quantum of Leisure

I woke up disturbingly early. Worst of all was that there didn't seem to be any kind of reason for it. There was no alarm, no cute girl jumping on top of me or even the warm stifling feeling you might have gotten if your sheets were too thick for sleeping. I simply woke up.

The sky was still dark, though you could see a distant light creeping its way across the horizon. The sun itself wasn't even up above the sea yet. I yawned, wondering if this meant I should just try and go back to sleep again when I noticed something.

Jumping off the little peer of the hostel into the dark waters was a slim figure. Which one of the girls in particular it was (and surely it had to be _one_ of them, right), I couldn't tell from this distance. Even so, the sight was enough to rouse my curiosity.

I dressed quickly and quietly, putting on a jacket as it might still be a little nippy out there with no sun and the wind from the sea. But when I got outside, having crept my way along the hallways without having run into anyone, it was pleasantly warm even if there was enough of a wind to warrant the jacket. Once the sun got up it would probably be very comfortable with the sun and some wind.

Once I got to the little peer, I couldn't spot the figure I'd seen earlier. I scanned the dark waters but couldn't see anything splashing about. The whole world seemed simply grey: dark grey waters lapping at the peer, grey clouds above and a lighter grey where the sun would come up. I was just about to give up when something broke the surface of the water near me. A fair little hand soon followed, placing itself against the wooden planks to pull the rest of the body up.

"Oh," I said offering a hand to help, "I guess I should have guessed it'd be you, Yuki."

The girl took my hand but cocked her head questioningly at my words before I pulled her up. She was in a dark blue one-piece swimsuit that could easily have been the one given to her by the school.

"Don't you have a towel?"

Yuki simply swept her wet bangs out of her eyes, sleeking them back across her head. "No." She then sat down, holding her knees as she watched the distant waves leading up to the spreading fount of light on the edge of the world.

I sat down next to her. "Aren't you cold?" I asked, hoping for a chance at convenient chivalry by offering to give her my jacket.

"No," Yuki stated before she leaned against me, laying her head against the side of my shoulder.

"Oh, I see." I'd just been outplayed. I couldn't help but smirk. Maybe I should try reading a book about relationships for tips as well.

We sat there for an indefinable time, waiting on different hues to emerge in the clouds. While it had all started with rather dreary and mild whites and yellows, various oranges soon followed along with some deep crimsons. Some of the more distant clouds at the edge of vision turned a deep purple.

"I have been thinking…" Yuki spoke suddenly, taking her head off my shoulder.

"About what?" I asked, turning to face her.

"Us."

"…What about us?"

Yuki turned to face the sunrise once again. "I have stated this before: we are very different creatures. The difference is not simply physical and mental but temporal as well. The average life expectancy of a human male in this country is 79 years. My kind are not limited by biological senescence."

"Oh…"

"Furthermore, we have differing needs and wants, ones that seldom intersect. Our communication will always be limited to my approximation of your language. It is… difficult."

"So…"

"…I doubt you would achieve maximum utility in a relationship with me, unlike with another human."

"…" Just what was this supposed to mean?

"I would advise you to seek a relationship that allows for it."

"…"

"However…" Yuki turned her head to look me straight in the eyes with her dark ones. "I would be… disheartened if our contact was unduly limited." She then turned her sights back to the horizon. "Relatively, my kind are entities who function on a more macroscopic level while humans would be more microscopic. However, I have a unique vantage point on the universe through you. Some day it will end and I will return to my kind. Because my link to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity remains severed, it is crucial I continue to survive and experience as an individual so that I may report to my superiors at a later thus far undefined date. I view my gathered data with you to be the most precious, surpassing even the data gathered on Suzumiya Haruhi. I… thank you."

"Right back at you."

It was a nice sweet moment… one that shouldn't have been mired by my self-doubts.

'_You feel you owe them all something… especially Yuki and Haruhi, don't you? …Is that a good foundation for a relationship?'_

And here I was, saying thank you to a girl who I definitely owed my life several times over. It was a dreadfully sobering thought. Were all my more intimate relationships built on this sort of foundation? There was certainly some similarity between my relationships with Haruhi, Yuki and even Kyoko to some extent in that there was some element of debt. I owed Haruhi a better time for everything she was missing out on while I was out there having her adventures for her, and I owed Yuki for saving my life and also for what she'd missed out on in life, and Kyoko… I felt like I could have helped her more, like Yuki, if only I hadn't been the procrastinating type.

I owed them all something… but could I ever live up to that?

* * *

Breakfast passed in silence, mostly because Haruhi wasn't there. Old granny Tachibana told me she'd checked and found the girl still sleeping. Tachibana told me she'd keep something warm for Haruhi.

Kyoko however was amongst us now and that probably also contributed to the atmosphere. She kept to her bowl of fruits and yoghurt, never looking up. But if she had, she would have noticed Asahina-san sneaking not too nonchalant looks her way. Koizumi and even Sasaki would also occasionally glance at the poor girl. The only one who was as solely focused on her food as Kyoko was Yuki, going through a second helping.

Sasaki and I happened to trade a look and she immediately answered my unspoken question. "No, I haven't spoken to her yet. But I will soon enough."

Good, good… Sasaki would probably have better luck with her. I might have snuck in deeper into Kyoko's heart, but Sasaki was still close enough to help without any significant hurdles to overcome in approaching the girl.

"Shall we go look around?" Asahina-san came over to suggest after she'd finished eating, smiling pleasantly at me.

"You guys go on ahead. I'd like to catch up with Kyoko," Sasaki replied.

"Oh," Asahina-san seemed somewhat taken aback by this at first, but her smile quickly returned. "A-alright."

And so Asahina-san and I proceeded to walk out into the warm little forest behind the building. Bugs were all around us, hidden in the foliage but all their buzzing and chirping was rather audible. It might have been annoying at another time, but with the rather stifling atmosphere around the sweet Asahina-san, the susurrus was a welcome companion to any awkward silence.

"It's… it's a rather pleasant place, i-isn't it?" the girl eventually said however.

"Sure… Is there something you want to ask, Asahina-san?" I asked, keeping pace as I looked about the area.

"I… uhm, I just, I'm… things right now, they're a bit… how are things with you and… and everyone else?"

"Fine, but kinda weird. If you'd asked me over a year ago… the only girl I'd really have thought I'd have any proper relationship with, it would have been, well," I sheepishly scratched the back of my head, feeling some extra heat against my cheekbones, "…you."

Asahina-san's eyes widened and her blush was rather fierce as well. "I, uhm, I, I, I… th-th-thank you… I g-guess…"

"Yeah…" I looked away. "Funny how things can change like that."

"Umm… and now, you and I, w-we're… probably the m-most distant in t-the group…"

"…Maybe… but it, uhm, it doesn't mean that I don't think of you."

"Hm?"

"Ah – _as_ someone important to me! Not that I think about _you_ as such, I mean, no, that's not…"

I suppose it was a testament to Asahina-san's stunning looks that she could still make my heart flutter up into my throat even after over a year to acclimatize my senses to her presence. The short little quiet that settled between us was somewhat hot and unsettling. It really was true I suppose what they said about comfortable silences between people you really loved the most; with Yuki and Haruhi it never bothered me but with Asahina-san silence would only make me more nervous. I wanted to say something witty, make the girl laugh or even smile, not stumble over my tongue like a common dolt. I never felt so bad around the others. Now all I could do was sneak hidden glances at the girl by my side like I had a year ago, coming up with something to say and realizing how stupid it sounded no matter what it was.

"Well… I'm going to go and… check around for that… ninja chick?" I wasn't sure what I should call the newest strange addition to my life but I suppose it had to be dealt with. Not to mention it would probably mean less embarrassing little moments around Asahina-san.

However, Asahina-san simply looked at me quite expectantly. It was hard to disappoint her, even now.

"You… want to come with? " This wasn't exactly what I'd been thinking off when I'd said the two of us should do something together.

"Uhm… if you don't mind."

We walked deeper into the woods where the shade was thicker and weeds grew taller. I helped Asahina-san over the bigger rocks and fallen trees in our way and every time our skin touched, I could feel a little shiver run down my spine. The girl wasn't much better off, judging from the quaint little blushing. The two of us hadn't been alone in each other's company in such a long time that it almost felt like we'd gone back in time to the first few weeks of the SOS Brigade. It was all so strangely… coy of us.

It was only when we were far away from our vacation resort that it disappeared behind a veil of green that I decided we'd gone far enough.

"Hey! You out there?" I shouted out into the forest around me.

Nothing.

I looked about but couldn't see anything. I was just about to shout again before I'd try elsewhere when I heard a hushed voice from behind me ask "Yes?"

"Ihhh!" Asahina-san squeaked in surprise, latching onto my arm as I turned about on my heels. "She… she really _does_ look like a little Mori-san…" she whispered in my ear.

The young little ninja's eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

"I, uhm," It was hard not to feel nervous and apprehensive under those hard eyes, "just wanted to, you know, check up on things…"

"I have set up perimeters; a primary one around the building you'll be staying at and a secondary one around the entire island. It took a while…" The little shadows under the young girl's eyes were clear enough evidence of that, even if the eyes themselves were as sharp and clear as ever.

"How'd you manage that?" I asked, wondering what sort of magic was being used. Maybe some sort of ancient seals or maybe even magical familiars.

The girl raised her left arm which had what I'd taken as some sort of padding or armguard around it, tapped it with her right hand, and opened a little panel with a mechanical whir. "Technology, what else?"

"Oh." And now I felt pretty stupid. I really _did_ hang around Haruhi too much.

"Do you know why all the samurai died out?" The girl asked, seeming apropos of nothing as far as I could see.

"Well, of –" And suddenly knowledge I knew should have been there after hundreds of dry history lessons, actually wasn't. "Well, not specifically, as such."

"It's because they couldn't change with the times. Their code of honor was so deeply entrenched in their antiquated weapons and the denial of them from others and weapons of any other kind, that the moment cannons and guns started rolling into this country en masse, they were swiftly dusted away as dregs of bygone years. Our way has always been of adaptability."

"So, you really are a ninja then?"

"Our clan has operated for centuries. We have been called ninja and worse throughout."

"Uhmm… hello?" Asahina-san said uncertainly, still clutching my arm.

The young ninja's blade-sharp gaze shifted to her in less than a heartbeat. But as she seemed unlikely to respond, Asahina-san was forced to continue on her own, something she wasn't particularly keen to do all by her lonesome.

"Wh-what's your name? I – I'm A-Asahina Mikuru… by the way."

"Yes, I know," the girl answered coolly.

"Well?" I added, trying to help the violet that was progressively shrinking next to me under the cold stare of the young girl.

Now the displeased stare was shifted to me. The girl crossed her arms before she frowned at me out right. "Mori Usagi."

"Really?"

"Yes. My parents decided to grow a droll sense of humor after their first born."

"I didn't mean _that_… but Mori Sonou's your older sister then? Is she a ninja too?"

"…Yes to the first and a definite no to the second."

"Huh?"

"My sister left to pursue a 'higher' calling over four years ago. She forsook her heritage and left to work for a bunch of nobodies because she believed it meant something. She _changed_… Over the course of _one_ night, the sister I had always admired and respected, turned away from us. She was a prodigy. She could have changed the world, ruled it from the shadows… instead she left it all behind to watch over some _stupid_ little girl."

"I… I didn't know." That was about as diplomatic as I dared to get now that some deadly venom had finally been added to the girl's serious tones.

"It doesn't matter."

"But she still came to you guys and you accepted her job offer? And why weren't we told?"

"A job's a job. Only the weak and uncouth would let petty emotions get in the way of a business contract. And my sister probably wanted to give you every chance to enjoy your trip in ignorance of my presence, not to mention remaining unsees even by you would have made my job easier."

"I see. So, are you guys… proper ninja? Do you still assassinate?"

"In the current information age with the increased development of forensic science and the danger of their shameful actions spreading across the world in a few seconds, few contractors choose to risk an assassination nowadays. Most of our revenue comes from corporate espionage and sabotage along with ensuring the security of persons, possessions and information."

"You play both sides?"

"Certainly, to an extent. However, we never take directly conflicting contracts."

"Of course, you have standards."

The girl's eyes finally furrowed into a threatening glare. "Is sarcasm the worth of your life? Usually gratitude for one's life is administered with at least some degree of humility."

"Sorry. I do appreciate –"

"It doesn't matter. Now do you need to know anything? I'd like to get back to work. I need to make sure everything's ready before I take an extended session of power napping. I've got a tight sleeping schedule planned for two weeks. This _won't _last longer than that, right? Otherwise I'll have to start incorporating occasional sleep sessions of a solid seven hours into my schedule."

"No… probably not…"

The girl gave me a little glower, before she stalked off into the thickets around us.

"She's… quite intense, isn't she?" Asahina-san said.

"Probably for the better. Or at least I hope so."

The girl sure was as tough as nails, like her sister, but the girl didn't know how to throttle back like her older sister. Perhaps the girl was determined to take her sister's place, even show her up, believing her sister to have abandoned her legacy. That was probably it…

* * *

"Waah! Why didn't anyone wake me? I've slept through half of the day! _ Kyon_!"

_Sigh…_

There was rather heavy thump against the sliding wall to my room, a little but violent rattling and a "What the hell?" before the person on the other side realized that entrance had been firmly denied to her (I'd made damn sure of that). But quickly enough I could hear fast steps out in the hall before Haruhi herself burst in.

"What the hell?" she repeated, looking at me crossly.

"It's a vacation. Usually people enjoy sleeping late."

"_Sleep_? Who wants to waste their time on _sleep_? If it was possible, I'd never sleep at all!"

"I bet."

"And now I feel all tired and stiff." Haruhi made one of her more endearing frowns. "How does sleeping excessively cause that anyway? Man, I could really use a massage…"

"…"

"_Hint_, _hint_."

"_Notdoingit_, _notdoingit_."

"You are just the worst subordinate ever," Haruhi said, raising her hands up behind her neck as she twirled about and either quite carelessly or quite methodically, fell over straight onto the tatami mats around my room. She watched the ceiling with a clear calmness as if she'd been lounging about like that there in my room for hours.

"It's part of my charm." I set up a default line of dialogue she'd appreciate.

Haruhi blew a raspberry or two, showing her appreciation. "This place had a hot spa, right?" she asked with barely a frown now, grasping her right shoulder with her left and giving it a few slow rotations. "I feel like soaking away until I'm nothing but a big old prune or until a kappa comes and steals me away."

"Why'd you want either?"

Haruhi shrugged indifferently. "Experience."

"Wait. You've never soaked long enough to get all pruney?"

"If I don't want to waste time sleeping, what makes you think I'd want to waste time bathing excessively? Geez, you idiot. A shower's so much better, but if I could –"

"You wouldn't do it either?"

Haruhi gave me a quick unamused glance from the corners of her eyes before she gave a little exasperated sigh. "I actually went three weeks without bathing like three years ago until my mom threw a bucket of soapy water on me… and then hosed me… and only _then_ took me in for a scrupping… and several other ones…"

"_Okay_… why'd you go without washing for three weeks anyway?"

"Because obviously I was hunting for… you know what, never mind. I just wanna _soak_!"

Haruhi's desire to soak quickly turned into a little event of its own. Everyone ended up either volunteering for it or getting dragged along. The hot spa wasn't actually part of the wayhouse, but a brisk fifteen minute walk away up a rocky hillside. Kyoko ended up being the one to lead us there, quietly and at a fair distance ahead of us all, since her granny would rather be assaulted by electric eels than face all those stairs (her words, not mine).

The hot spa was what you would probably have expected, dried bamboo walled buildings with fencing about it all. The spa wasn't uni-sexual though. I suppose that was good when there were a lot of guests about, but when there's just me and Koizumi on one side, you start to sort of wish _anyone_ else was around. The guy's little smiles just turn incredibly creeping when you're all alone with him and have no pants on.

"Quite relaxing, isn't it," he asked, doing _it_.

I shut my eyes and the loathsome grin disappeared from sight and let myself slip a little deeper into the steamy water. "I guess…"

"You've seemed rather no-committal to anything lately."

"Please, I'm too young to be in constant therapy. Or too old. I don't know."

I could hear the girls entering their side of the bath, splishing and splashing, high voices mingling together, giggles and little squeals drawing my mind away from my body on this side of a bamboo stalk wall and onto the other like a choir of sirens would have. I let myself sink deeper into the warm waters.

It was all quite relaxing… Waves of shadows and a distant glow danced behind my eyelids while the warmth sank inside my body and rose into my head, filling it with soft but heavy clouds…

I think I might have actually fallen asleep if some sort of scrabbling noise hadn't brought me back to the present. I cracked open my eyes and saw Koizumi also stirring, slowly turning his head about. I too looked about, wondering what the noise was.

There was a little crunch above somewhere, so that's where I looked next. On top of the wall of bamboo stalks, something shaggy and brown was waving about.

I got up and pulled a nearby towel tightly around my midriff. I walked over towards the weird thing, wondering if it was a wild animal, and if it was, hoping to shoo it away before it did something like intruded on my bath. I was nearly at the source of the scratching when I stopped along the wall.

Something was off about this.

I stared at the patch of brown closer for a moment. It took me a moment to realize it was someone's wet hair haunting the top of the wall.

No… What the hell? What is she –

"A-_HA_!" Haruhi's head popped up over the bamboo wall while she also swung her arm down to point accusingly at me. "I _knew_ you'd end up trying to peek!"

"You're the one who's – !"

_Crack!_

The bamboo wall on which Haruhi was leaning over snapped with what I could only assume was the weight of ironic hypocrisy and the intrusive girl came tumbling over to our side of the spa.

Koizumi, still half submerged in water, politely covered his eyes while I on the other hand… couldn't pry my eyes away from the sight of an actual naked girl right in front of me for the first time. I'd seen a fair amount of Haruhi's form way back when she'd been in her bunny girl outfit and even in our more intimate moments together but nothing like this so far… How did someone ever get a body like _that_? It was like God was a tortured artist who had gotten out some paper and pens, worked out just the right proportions, just dumped it all into a single mold and then destroyed all his notes and the mold so his masterpiece could never be recreated.

"Whatever, go ahead! Gawk as much as you want! It's not like I care!" Haruhi put her hands on her hips defiantly, turning her red face and keeping her nose held high and closing her eyes like she was a dog breeder who had found an unwanted bastard in the litter.

"Suzumiya-san!" Asahina-san pleaded, holding both her hands tightly in front of her eyes as she had pocked head in through Haruhi's path of wreckage in the wall. "P-please! C-come back here!"

Sasaki joined Asahina-san in the hole in the wall and gave a little laugh, before she said, wearing a big smile, "You guys are just so silly! I'm glad I came along!"

"_Pleeease_…!" Asahina-san insisted, still keeping her eyes tightly covered.

"You sure you don't want a towel, Haruhi?" Sasaki asked, still smiling broadly.

Haruhi simply huffed at that.

And I still couldn't stop staring.

Truth be told, I had very little recollection of what followed, beyond certain anatomical details. Eventually Asahina-san gathered her courage and with her eyes still covered, made the perilous journey to Haruhi with an extra towel. It would have been quite a comical sight watching her sidle over with one hand covering both her eyes while the other held tightly to her own towel and the extra one, and then see her try to awkwardly hand the extra towel over without taking a hand away from either her eyes or her own towel, if I'd been paying her more attention at the time than I had.

But somehow Haruhi had been covered up and moved out of the men's side. And before I even realized it, I was soaking alone in the water when my mind seemed to return to its body after a rowdy trip. It took a moment for me to gather myself and make it in doors to the showers and wash off with some cooler water and soap. I was about to leave the bath area completely when I heard sounds coming from the spring baths again, shuffling and scratching like earlier. Carefully now, much more so than the last time I'd heard weird noises in a bath, I peeked around the doorway out into the baths.

"Jeez… always have to clean up after them…" Tachibana muttered as she threw a tarp over the damaged wall and set about securing it in place firmly. "Thought this was over for me…"

I wondered if I should approach her, but seeing as things were probably still somewhat awkward between the two of us, showing up in nothing more than a towel probably wouldn't help. However, I decided that I did want to talk to her, to alleviate some of her frustrations, so I resolved to go off and dress as quickly as possible. But by the time I had pants and a shirt on, Kyoko was already gone.

* * *

All things considered, the hot spa was pretty big. The place could easily have housed around two dozen people. There were maybe four rooms for guests to rest and relax with various items to play with and entertain. In all honesty, I was starting to wonder how such a big resort seemed to have no other visitors besides us. Then again, the vacation season hadn't officially started yet, so there was that to consider instead of letting my paranoia set a foot inside my head.

Sasaki and Koizumi were playing a game of chess in one of the rooms, both watching the board contemplatively, each in their respective, thoughtful pose. Sasaki was sitting cross-legged, cupping her chin with a half-closed palm. Koizumi was also sitting cross-legged, but with his elbows resting against the sides of his knees, fingers locked together, against which his chin was set against.

"You know, I can't help but feel rather suspicious about all of this," Koizumi said, breaking his pose to move a pawn, leaving his chin to the sole support of his left fist.

"How so?" I asked.

"Meeting Tachibana Kyoko like this… it's really too big of a coincidence."

"But her group's finished, isn't it?"

"True, we have verified this but… well… no…" he muttered, losing himself in his thoughts, as Sasaki moved her knight.

"What? You think there's something going on?"

"No more than usual," Koizumi responded, moving his bishop nearly completely across the board to harass Sasaki's queen.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, look at who have joined our trip, will you?"

"Well, just Sasaki here… and Tachibana's only working at this place."

Sasaki moved her endangered queen, eating a knight of Koizumi's.

"Yes, but look at it from a different perspective. Like that of Suzumiya-san's."

"What are you getting at?"

"The two of you have gotten closer, into a deeper relationship."

"It's not like th–"

"Romantically or not," Koizumi said, pushing deeper into Sasaki's lines with another bishop

"…Fine, yes we have." I still hated talking about this kind of stuff with the guy.

"Anyway, what with Sasaki-san's and Tachibana-san's presence here… well, look at how Suzumiya-san has always perceived them."

"Get to the point."

Sasaki moved her rook forward, eating another pawn.

"From the moment she first learned of Sasaki-san and you, how deep a relationship the two of you shared, she -"

"It's not li–"

"Suzumiya-san reacted with confusion. There was even a sealed reality after a long, peaceful interim." Koizumi took one of Sasaki's bishops with a knight. "Then when Tachibana-san showed up at our school, from Suzumiya-san's perspective, the two of you seemed to get closer as well. For Suzumiya-san, these two girls, as such, represent threats to you and her relationship."

"It's not –"

"Please, nothing so simple or one-dimensional, not necessarily at least. None of these relationships have to be romantic, even with Suzumiya-san, for her to feel threatened when it comes to your shared relationship. Time with either one is less time with her – and the Brigade, by extensions her dreams. You two are close, no matter how much you dislike admitting it. Now, let's break all of this down. To Suzumiya-san, Sasaki-san represents the old friend, someone with whom you share a deep bond, a rather significant threat. To Suzumiya-san Tachibana-san on the other hand represents a more active, intrusive, almost hostile invasion, someone actually targeting your affections. It seems to me… this is all a sort 'test' for your relationship, pitting you – and herself to an extent – against potential threats to your relationship, whatever it might be like in your private moments."

"…"

Sasaki retaliated by using her queen to take out a rook.

…And here I was thinking I was turning into something of a _ladies' man_… Good grief.

But on a serious note, it was rather creepy thought to even consider that your past might be retroactive to your present, that everything you remembered having gone through was the result of current circumstances, and who knew how they had originally formed. What if Sasaki had never really been there in the first place and had simply been placed into my past simply because things had gotten more serious between me and Haruhi? Or any of the others for that matter?

"But the potential roles of the two others still eludes me, especially as they have not been placed properly into play yet," Koizumi said, staring intently at the board.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you obviously have a rather strong, physical attraction for Asahina-san. I don't think there's a single person who hasn't picked up on it."

Sasaki grinned rather broadly at this, but didn't say anything, which honestly made it even worse.

"So what?" I asked sharply, feeling a new heat enter my cheeks.

"So I don't understand why this relation hasn't also been set up yet for testing." Koizumi blocked Sasaki's queen from eating a uniquely trapped knight by placing a pawn in the way. "Then again, perhaps Suzumiya-san is aware of its more… superficial foundation."

"Aha…"

"And about Nagato-san… does Suzumiya-san even know just how _deep_ your relationship is with her?"

She certainly suspected foul play… and then some. Koizumi really could guess closely at a lot of things and yet somehow also be so amiss in general if you asked me. If his dumb idea was right, Yuki had been put 'into play' a good while back.

Sasaki made a thoughtful noise, choosing not to take the obvious pawn but instead moving further down the board. "Hmm, interesting. I'm not actually a big supporter of psychoanalysis in the field of psychology, since chemicals have been empirically proven to have a much greater influence on the mind than much else, but it is even my opinion that the mind is, at least in some regard, greater than the sum of its parts, without which it couldn't work of course. No silly nonsense about souls and such, thank you very much!"

"I understand that, though I do not fully adhere to the thinking of that sort of reductionism. After all, cognitive processing, such as creation of memories, does lead to new synaptic connections, meaning there is some sort of link from the mind to the brain, and not solely the other way. I'm not saying it's necessarily some sort of 'soul' or something, but the mind does seemed to possess a degree of autonomy beyond the physical." Koizumi moved a lonely pawn along the side.

"I tend to agree. Facticity only has a limited effect on us, though all in all the effect is quite large. But overall, thanks to critical and analytical thinking, it is at least possible to become aware of factors influencing choice, thereby potentially creating the possibility of… hmm…" Sasaki moved a rook into the center for more tactical options, "'truer' choice, I believe. However, I do believe the mind is more of a metaphor for the brain, much like water is for a group of H2O molecules. Then again, one could say all language is metaphorical."

"Indeed. I'm glad you see it that way, in regards to human autonomy. I was worried you would simply infer I was trying to make a case for the soul, though I admit, I am sort of operating along Descartes' 'Ghost in a machine', but even so I'm not too convinced of a proper duality, at least in regards to matter and thought in a physical sense, existing."

"Descartes… love his writings on skepticism and his foundationalism is rather interesting, but his mind-body view is riddled with typical causal problems, unless you accept that it's God's will that the mind, something immaterial, can somehow affect the material body. It simply relies too heavily on a weak premise and weak assumptions forced upon thinkers due to the role of Catholicism of the time."

Sasaki moved a rook into the middle of the board.

"Speaking of souls and such, you know what aggravates me even more though? The secular variant: that as long as we remember a person, they live on within us. Haven't people realized memories fade with age? And how is it supposed to comfort anyone that their existence continues at best for maybe a generation in the minds of others? I'm all for honoring and respecting the deceased, but why do people have to attach such annoying sentimentality and romanticism to it?"

Koizumi moved his rook in similar fashion, but not close enough for Sasaki to get at. "Hmm, I'm not sure either. People certainly do seem attached to the extremely problematic view that there is both something immaterial and physical that forms us. I find that hard to believe, being more of a non-dualist myself. So reality would be one or the other for me, physical or non-physical, despite our myriads of interpretations of it."

"Material monist here," Sasaki raised her free hand as if taking attendance. "Something simply has to exist outside the concept of mind with which we've chosen to describe and potentially limit our understanding of consciousness, even Haruhi's, even if we as individuals might exist as products of her mind and powers, or even within her mind; how else could she have formed anything? Functioning solely on a priori knowledge without any a posteriori knowledge would yield nothing. Colors, shapes and forms, units… I don't think any of that could be constructed purely conceptually. Imagination isn't really creative power, but a warping force of what has been experienced, I believe. Of course, what it is that exists independent of what we term as the 'I' could be _anything_ and our perception of it could be deeply different from the truth."

"However, it's not inconceivable that we are led astray by hallucinations, memories or even by some 'godly' entity."

"But our senses can corroborate on the sense-data. The likelihood of both touch and sight both detecting a table for example is rather unlikely to be a coincidence rather than something being detected." Sasaki took another pawn with a knight.

"Yet the possibility exists, and if there is room for doubt, we don't have any definite knowledge."

"I suppose it depends on your definition of knowledge. Is knowledge absolute without even the potential for mistake or something that's relative to the circumstances?"

"Ah, you're speaking of the reliabilistic theory of truth; very fascinating." Koizumi decided to take out the offending knight before he continued. "It certainly is interesting if it matters that we know that we know. One could of course continue that line of thinking ad infinitum. However, it is certainly an interesting thing to consider upon realizing that justified true believe can only get us so far. If we do hang on to justified true belief, that knowledge is only knowledge in an absolute sense, it leaves us in an uncertain state where might never know anything at all, where we might never truly be justified unless a proper answer is given to the problems of skeptics."

"Focus, people," I said, letting my palm make its course down my face in a truly material and fully physical display of frustration.

"Well…" Koizumi paused running through his conversational log, back to the topic at hand, "where we had left off, it seems to me that almost all of these girls are here to test you."

"I would not outright object to the hypothesis. Seems sound enough, but we need more evidence for proper support," Sasaki said, still engrossed in the game.

"Agreed."

"You two are insane. Mental. It's not like that," I said. "I mean, come on, Sasaki. You're not here to tempt me somehow."

"Maybe I am," the girl gave me a mischievous smirk and a wink, before returning her sharp focus to the board. "Besides, this isn't about temptation if Koizumi's hypothesis is correct. Simply testing the strength of your bonds… to see who garners more of your focus."

"You two are insane," I repeated firmly, knowing truth followed from repetition

"Well, we _are_ philosophers." The pair shared an amused smile.

I decided to leave the two fools to their games. But upon opening the door to exit, I was stopped by the sight of Asahina-san out in the hall with only a towel wrapped tightly around her. The girl turned red immediately as she saw me and made a little squeak. The girl's skin glistened with droplets of water and the way she was holding her towel tightly to her chest made the whole situation rather uplifting in more ways than one. But I closed the door immediately, hoping that'd be enough to escape some shared embarrassment, even though only the shared part was mitigated.

"A sexual attraction for Mikuru, you say…" Sasaki muttered contemplatively

"Yes, a rather strong one," Koizumi answered, his eyes also still glued to the board.

What did I do in a former life to deserve this kind of heckling?

"Well, Itsuki, I do believe two things have just happened for you."

"What?"

"You have gained some arguable support for your hypothesis."

"And the other thing?

"You've lost the game."

"I have?" Koizumi glanced down at the board, raising a well-practiced eyebrow that didn't feel all that sincere.

"Checkmate." Sasaki smirked.

"Ah, well played." Koizumi smiled amicably.

"Big surprise," I grumbled, sitting back down next to the pair to examine the checkmate situation since I didn't feel like risking the halls yet again. "Koizumi sucks."

"Hmm… If you say so," Sasaki said, before returning her attention to Koizumi. "Were you even playing seriously? I think we both noted the mistake you made earlier on, and your game seemed to lose its edge right from there, talk notwithstanding…"

Sasaki watched Koizumi for a short moment, right in the eyes without making the guy falter and then smirked at me. "I think he's been letting you win, Kyon."

Koizumi shrugged and smiled. "Guilty as charged, I'm afraid."

"What? Oh _c'mon_… even at _Uno_? That's not possible."

"I always thought you knew," Koizumi said, smiling a bit too widely.

"You really _have_ grown something of a sadistic edge, you know." Whether this proposition was true in relation to all the potential deceptions across a year or just regarding a current jape at my expense didn't matter.

"Well, I suppose that concludes our gaming for the day. However, Sasaki-san, if you don't mind, I'd like to keep discussing with you."

"Fire away," Sasaki said, leaning back onto her elbows.

"What do you know about all the circumstances surrounding us, generally speaking?"

"I think I've got a pretty good gauge of things. But I am a bit curious about the particulars of powers."

"Powers?"

"Alien or esper. What do you do and how?"

"It's all rather situational. I can only use my abilities in pocket dimensions."

"That's what you say at least."

I watched Koizumi carefully for a moment after a comment like that, but he failed to react in any significant manner.

"What about the aliens? I'm actually more interested in how they work. From what I've gathered, they seem to have an immense level of control over temporal and spatial matters," Sasaki continued, giving her hair a light little flick of her fingers.

"Indeed," Koizumi said. "I suspect the data entities are capable of viewing and experiencing more than just the three spatial dimensions we can. How else could they view time beyond a linear fashion, gaining access to past events as well as the future?

"Seriously, can someone explain this whole eleven dimensions thing to me?" I interjected, remembering Tsuruya-san's father's boasts.

"It's M-theory, a sort of sub-theory of string theory. We are only capable of viewing three special dimensions of our reality. Time travel and the data entities full knowledge of time are only capable through a better understanding of these other dimensions of reality."

"Wait… time travel is a part of this as well?"

"Time is sort of like a dimension, though not really."

I gave him a funny look. "You don't say."

"Hmm… I think it'd be better start out with more basic stuff," Koizumi said, shifting his shoulders a little. "Imagine a being existing solely with two-dimensional capabilities, a… self-aware cartoon character, for example. Create a möbius strip for it to travel on –"

"And that'd be?"

"Oh yes, forgive me. Well, imagine –"

"Take a strip of paper, twist around in the middle and glue the edges together," Sasaki cut in.

"Yes, quite right."

"And that's worth a special fancy name then?"I asked. "A loop of paper with a twist in it?"

"It demonstrates a principle," Sasaki said with a shrug, "quite succinctly, I might add. So yes, I'd say it deserves one."

"As I was saying," Koizumi said, giving his throat a little clearing, "imagine a being existing solely with two-dimensional capabilities. Create a möbius strip for it to travel on and it will think it is only traveling on a two-dimensional plane, while in reality, it is twisting around in the third dimension. For other two-dimensional entities, this would appear as teleportation, possibly even time-travel depending on how that entity is traveling through various dimensions other dimensions. Now apply this thinking to our level of being. Our travel through time into what we call the future is us twisting through the fourth dimension. We cannot perceive this dimension fully, but the aliens can perceive it fully while time travelers use it to the best of their understanding."

"So wait, when I'm time traveling… do I travel to other dimensions or realities?"

"That would be more of a semantics debate, quite honestly. Both and neither. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure. Probably another reality, though there might be proxies. But anyway, the concepts are a bit vague to the general populace and have been misunderstood quite frequently. A dimension isn't really another reality, but another 'fold' _in_ a reality, like the difference between a square and a cube … It's really quite bothersome how fantasy masquerades as 'science' fiction…"

"Okay, never mind. But what about the other dimensions in this theory? What are they?"

"Well that's the thing," Koizumi said. "They're unobservable."

"Then how do people know about them?"

"Abduction," Sasaki said.

"_What_?" This was just getting weird.

"Logical abduction. Abductive reasoning. And no, it has nothing to do with what you think it sounds. It's reasoning towards the best answer, determining a precondition (or basically guessing), commonly employed in science. Do you know about Mendel and his beans?"

"String beans?"

"Heh. Cute, but no. Mendel did a study with beans to determine how phenotypes, visible traits for you, were inherited. To save time and put it as simply as possible: he reasoned that there must be some sort of mechanism that allowed phenotypes to be passed down in a hereditary fashion. He basically discovered genes without ever even seeing one."

"Alright, I get that but what about all the strings and dimensions? How does it all work?"

"Quite honestly, if you think you have a firm grasp on quantum physics, you haven't got a clue how it really works," Koizumi said, shaking his head a bit as gave a defeated smile. "For example, the potential for passing through a wall exists even for a perfectly normal homo sapien with no extrasensory capabilities according to quantum mechanics, but calling the odds of a quantum tunneling event occurring for every particle that forms your body at the same time astronomical would be the greatest piece of litotes ever constructed… but of course… that's where espers step in…"

"Strings… Fuyumi kept talking about strings…" I recalled.

"Hmm…" Koizumi hummed thoughtfully. "Perhaps she was able to perceive other dimensions of space and reality, the tiny membranes that form everything, perhaps even capable of traveling along them in ways we cannot. It certainly would explain her abilities to a degree… and her mental state. Humans are simply not capable of processing more than three dimensions fully. We can only conceptualize the others."

"Time's not a concept."

Both Sasaki and Koizumi grinned at each other. "We'll let that one slide, Kyon," Sasaki said.

"Huh?"

"Do you really want to get into this?" she asked, smiling in a way that would have been teasing on anyone else.

I took a moment to consider this. Time was real, everyone knew this. But did I really want to put this to the test with the likes of Sasaki and Koizumi?

"It's more of a way we've _chosen _to describe the sequence of events occurring in succession than an actual physical _thing_ in and of itself. After all, how does one truly measure time? All our units of measurement are quite arbitrary. We are only able to perceive time through the change in things. We cannot actually measure time quite like we can dimensions, and even those measurements are rather suspect. And of course there's relativity to consider, the relationship between time and space, energy and matter and how it all bends –"

"Okay, okay!" I quickly halted the girl before I would be drowned in a sea of physics and philosophy. "I get it!" and it was the truth, sort of. I understood it was complicated, if nothing else. "Man… I don't really understand any of this…"

"And you're probably still approaching it all from the point of view that there can only be _one_ dimension of time. What if there are actually _two_ dimensions of time rather than one? Or maybe even more? But would that just be a mathematical analogue or is it real? How exactly _can_ we explain the concept of time?"

"To be fair, my grasp on the subject is shaky at best," Koizumi said. "In fact, I'm not quite sure how much I got right and wrong concerning all of this myself. If anything, I fear I've made a complete fool of myself trying to explain any of it. I'm sure if someone who was actually even somewhat familiar with quantum physics were to hear me now, they'd be tearing their hair out."

Sasaki snickered. "I wouldn't be surprised."

We sat there for a moment, each taking in what we'd heard and said and trying to piece it all together, though I suspected I wasn't the only one failing to make sense of it all by the sight furrowing of brows. It was strangely comforting to know that even the great Koizumi and Sasaki could still be stumped by some things in this world.

"Perhaps Fuyumi was something of a fully functioning four-dimensional being. For a flatlander, a two-dimensional being, a three-dimensional being would appear magical, capable of entering even locked rooms and then disappearing while it was actually moving in the third dimension. Extend the same principle to our functioning in a three-dimensional realm, and to a limited extension in a fourth one, and then what you might have is an esper like Fuyumi…Perhaps Suzumiya-san is also something like that…" Koizumi added wistfully.

"…Perhaps. Or perhaps she's something even more…" Sasaki replied, leaving us all in concerned, contemplative silence.


	62. The Games Commence

As everyone gathered together to leave the hot spa, me and Sasaki wound up at the end of the troupe. We made our way through the forest, along the paths interspersed with rocky stairs here and there. The woods were quiet by now, dusk silencing all the creatures of the day while the nocturnal critters were still being roused. Even Haruhi's conversations with Koizumi and Asahina-san at the front of the march were kept at normal human levels, something relatively quiet of her. I thought I could hear a single hoot, but when I looked about I only spotted a pair of ravens perched on a thick branch overhanging the path. This was the second time I'd seen a pair like that of birds I was fairly certain weren't very common in my country staring at me in a rather short time.

"I still can't help but wonder…" Sasaki spoke, nearly making me jump as we'd just passed under the spooky birds, which turned around on their perch to follow our hiking (I actually checked).

After a little pause where I'd waited for her to continue I asked, "What?"

"Actually, never mind. I'd rather not. It's sort of depressing. Not to mention you've dealt with it, I believe."

"What? Seriously, tell me."

"Fine. But you _insisted_, remember that. Do you still wonder if what we think and feel… is always defined by what she thinks, expects and feels?" I realized Sasaki's gaze had been fixed to the back of Haruhi's head throughout the walk quite firmly, and still was.

"Yeah… and it _is_ pretty depressing. That's why I don't like thinking about it. I tried, but I got nowhere."

"You're happy with her though, right? With Haruhi?"

"Sure. I guess."

"Then again… it's not like you could help it if she desired it…"

"Don't worry about it. I don't. And I'm much happier for it."

"I'm sure. But I simply can't switch it off like that. I think I'm one of those people who would rather be miserable with the truth than happy with a lie." Sasaki turned her head towards me, her smile… rather melancholic. "But it seems like I'll never have either in this world." She looked away, almost like she'd spotted a faint and distant glimmer off in the woods. "The truth is elusive and no happiness is given to me by lies. Sometimes I'm quite envious of people like you and Haruhi, people who simply… live, push through it all."

"Are you seriously saying you're not like that?"

She turned to smile at me again, but this time it felt more genuine. She pushed some flittering strands of hair out of her eyes in the gentle ocean breeze, afternoon sunshine trickling across her hair and shining in her eyes beautifully. "Perhaps you're right. Elusive doesn't mean unattainable, after all."

By now we'd made it back to the beach. While Haruhi pulled both Yuki and Asahina-san with her for some late horseplay in the sand, something Asahina-san was as politely against as possible after having just bathed, me and Sasaki hung back near the path back to the spa. Both Koizumi and Kyoko stood mostly to themselves, waiting on Haruhi and the others to finish, the former smiling faintly while the other stood with hands crossed, looking expressionlessly off in some vague direction.

"You know…" I said after a while as the orange sun made contact with the water on the distant horizon.

"What?" Sasaki asked, also looking out to sea.

"Never mind."

"No, don't tease me like that. I _insist_." Sasaki grinned.

"Heh… But you know it already."

"It doesn't hurt to be reminded sometimes."

"You're awesome."

Sasaki smiled a little wider.

"It's just amazing that no matter what you have to say, you still manage to sound somewhat… uplifting. If things had been different… if I'd never… well, maybe I've been listening to Koizumi too much."

"I think I know what you meant… it might have been nice and maybe even cute… but ultimately, compared to now, it would have been settling for the safer and easier thing, don't you think?"

"The old me wouldn't have thought that settling. It would have been utopia, the luckiest break ever."

"But that's not you anymore."

"No, I guess not."

"Hmmm…" Sasaki turned to look at Haruhi playing about on the beach with Yuki, burying Asahina-san under a pile of sand together despite the gentle mannered enquiries to stop before there was too much sand on top of her. "As long as you're happy…"

A couple of days passed easily without any interruptions or dangers. And in the calming, warm surroundings of our lovely wayhouse it was becoming increasingly more difficult to remember why I had ever held any worries in my life. Everything was simply so comfortable.

Even Haruhi seemed to have discovered what rest and relaxation meant. In fact I'd never seen her smile like that simply lying about, sunbathing out on the beach. It was strange seeing the girl looking so content while also being so quiet. When I'd told her about this little observation of mine, she'd simply curled the corner of her mouth a little and made a little of of air escape through her nose before she'd turned on to her back. I didn't mind of course, at all. Simply watching her like that was nice enough for me on the other hand.

All of us did a lot of swimming in those couple of days as well. It was then when movement and sounds surrounded her that the mischievous little imp in Haruhi would always resurface like a shark. Whether it was splashing water on Yuki or Sasaki, or even stealing a piece from Asahina-san's bikini until I hunted her down, Haruhi was in constant motion in the water. More often than not I'd be made to jump as something slid between my legs, only to realize it was Haruhi as she burst up, spraying me with water and laughter. Sometimes she'd even manage to sneak up behind me and jump on my back. And that probably served as the catalyst for the water polo.

It was a bit tricky, even though there were for once an even amount of us. Koizumi and I were never the ones to be carried, naturally, but amongst the girls… it seemed like the game would be just me and Koizumi switching partners until Sasaki volunteered to be the one on bottom for the other girls. I was basically solely paired up with Haruhi in the beginning, but as Sasaki kept switching between carrying Yuki and Asahina-san but also received worried questions and apologies and then compliments for what she was doing, Haruhi volunteered to also serve as a mount on occasion. Although Haruhi never ended up carrying Sasaki I'd noted, even though she wound up carrying Haruhi at least once. When the games ended it was impossible to say who had won, but it was certainly easy to say it had been great fun.

And whenever we came out of the water, Kyoko was waiting for us with fresh towels, bowing and handing them out politely. She'd trade polite conversation with anyone who tried it (except for Haruhi who always just snatched her towel without a word and walked off drying her hair). Kyoko would even smile a little when Sasaki spoke to her, but whenever I tried anything as little as meeting her in the eyes, she'd avert her gaze, but she could never avert the little flushing of her cheeks.

Aside from that, the days were largely unremarkable. The closest thing to a mystery I suppose was Granny Tachibana wondering where the regular delivery boy was when someone else showed up with a box of goodies. "It's been a few days now, hasn't it? I hope the dear boy's all right… and wasn't there a girl who went missing less than a week ago too? Oh dear, I hope it's not going to be like four years ago again…"

That had naturally made some bells ring in my head, but upon asking the dear old woman about it, a bunch of kids had gone missing for a couple of weeks only to be discovered on the beach one day four years ago. None of them could recall what had happened to them. Aside from long scratches on their arms, there didn't seem to be any other signs of harm done to them.

Haruhi happened to overhear most if it as well, at least the juicier bits (well, what she would definitely consider juicy), but the moment I noticed her standing off a way behind me with an almost detached look on her face, Haruhi looked almost shocked. She blinked and frowned, blushing a little before she quickly twirled about and left in a hurry.

The story was creepy to be sure, but was it really connected to us at all? After all, loads of stuff had happened four years ago. Loads of stuff must be happening right now in the world. It was a bit hard not to mention presumptuous to think that stuff happening so very far away from me and Haruhi was also connected to us. Everyone else in the know of these sorts of things generally agreed as well with me, though it did leave an impression on them.

However, another day or two passed without incident, although there was something in the air that I could sense. Whatever it was though, it wasn't coming from beyond, but from within. I think Haruhi was slowly starting to get a little anxious again. Resting and relaxing, even if she felt it was needed, simply weren't enough to hold someone like Haruhi down for too long. I could feel it like little pinpricks against the back of my neck, like the slow approach of a storm. I couldn't really put a finger on it, although there was something of a correlation I suppose between Haruhi's growing anxiousness and Kyoko's proximity to us.

In our short time at the resort, I'd noticed how Kyoko had slowly edged her way towards Sasaki, progressively getting closer every time I saw the pair, nowadays standing slightly behind the girl. She seemed more at ease in the presence of her friend and ward. She could even be spotted smiling, just a little, on occasion.

It was good to see her smile again. Really good.

Haruhi had grudgingly accepted the girl's presence as well, though she hardly ever spoke a word to Kyoko. It was clear that neither one of the girls was comfortable in the other's company. Kyoko got along well enough with Yuki and even Asahina-san, who soon let go of her nervousness around the girl when Kyoko braided her hair for her once. Asahina-san even shared with her why she needed the extra hairdressing, garnering an understanding and sympathetic nod from Kyoko.

If only I could have done something that easy to make things easy between me and Kyoko.

Whenever Kyoko would notice me looking at her, she'd look away as if she was embarrassed, her face flushing lightly as she'd turn her head to look the other way, but only for a moment. Furtively, like she didn't want to look at all, she'd make a quick fleeting look my way before she'd focus on something else or busy herself with something small within reach, a nearby stone she'd suddenly find immensely interesting or a tiny crease only she ever seemed to spot on the hem of her dress. More often than not though, Sasaki would notice the little shift in Kyoko behind her, like she could read a subtle shift in the wind. Sasaki would approach and with quick ease only a close friend could possess, would guide Kyoko back into the current activity, taking the anxious girl's attention away from her momentary obsessions. Kyoko always seemed to smile with relief soon after.

"She's still attracted to you, isn't she?" Koizumi said as he sat down next to me on the patio to join me watching the girls, placing two soda cans between us, covered in drops of condensation.

Why had I told the guy about her? Why had I told the guy _anything_ about my personal life? With him being such a gossipy hag, it was quite a blunder on my part. At least my private moments with Haruhi and Yuki, and even Sasaki, had remained closed off from him.

"…Guess so…"

"You sound so gloomy, having a pretty girl interested in you," Koizumi said with a grin.

I couldn't help it. Whenever I saw Kyoko, I… I felt something like guilt and shame. There was no real logic to it, but when had that ever really been required when it came to feelings relating to girls. There certainly didn't seem to be any logic when it came to them expressing themselves either.

"I think you did right by her in the end," Koizumi said consolingly.

It was a hollow compliment. If you asked me, the girl was still hurting from what happened to her that night. It couldn't have been easy losing so much so suddenly. Sasaki had called me the following day and informed me that Kyoko had already packed what little stuff she had had in her little box of an apartment, leaving no more than a voice mail for the girl who was probably the closest thing she had had to a friend in her time there. I hadn't asked her about the contents, but Sasaki had told me anyway that there hadn't been much beyond a farewell and a sorry.

"Even so… it does make me wonder… how you seem to –"

"Don't start with that again. You already told me someone might be interested in keeping me… happy, was it? Or was it interested? Involved?"

Koizumi grinned again at me. "That actually wasn't what I was going to say, but... I think you sell yourself short. You always pull through when you're needed. It's an attractive quality."

"It's nothing special. Even the scared and lazy will do what's needed when it's, you know, _really_ needed to be done."

"Perhaps, but certainly you don't think that's all there is to it?"

"I'm _not_ a hero, Koizumi."

"I never said you were." There it was again, that stupid grin. "You don't need to be in order to garner someone's affection. But in any case, this is proving to be a rather revealing chat concerning your self esteem, however. It's almost like you _need_ to have your cynicism off-set by… positive influences in your relationships."

I gave the guy a stare, leaving the sight of the talking girls alone for a spell. "Why do you have to make everything sound so damn suggestive. You couldn't do any worse with outright innuendo."

Koizumi laughed. "Perhaps I'll give it a try some day, for your sake. Heheh."

"I shudder at the thought," I said, turning away and leaning my chin against my hand.

"But perhaps you do have something of a point, returning to earlier conjecture. If Sasaki's and my thoughts on our purpose here is even close… something is going on, with Suzumiya-san."

"I think she might be a bit jealous."

"A bit?"

"Fine, a bit _more_ than just a bit."

"Hmm, yes… but perhaps it's a bit more than that."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure. I'm not the one dating her."

"Well neither am I," I said haughtily.

"Yes, your relationship is a bit more relaxed than conventionally between two lovers…" Koizumi said like he hadn't even really heard me, "but I doubt very much that has diminished the feelings on either side."

"(Sh-shut up.)"

"Oh my… what a modest and meek response from our 'hero'."

I cleared my throat and tried to keep calm. "Shut up," was unfortunately all my heated brain could get out.

"Anyway, it might be rather difficult to soothe Suzumiya-san with so many… relevant people to your life here, no matter what the conditions are that have brought everyone here."

"She'll get over it. It's not like she can stay –"

"_I challenge you_!"Haruhi's shout shattered the illusion of tranquility for good.

"Oh my…" Koizumi said as he got up to see better what this latest commotion was about.

I buried my face in my palm, wishing I was somewhere else entirely. _Anywhere_.

"You think you're such hot shit, why don't you prove it!" Haruhi shouted.

"Oh, I was simply suggesting –" Sasaki tried, but –

"Oh, I know what you were suggesting and it's none of _your_ business!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. You and –"

"And it's not just _that_! You've been acting so smugly calm and nice all this time. It's _unnatural_!"

"Sasaki-san," Kyoko stepped into the conversation, "you don't need to take this from –"

"And _you_, stay out of this!" Haruhi's tone became even more challenging. "_This_ isn't any of your business! But if you're looking for a fight, you'll get yours too!"

_Girls_… I just don't get them. One moment they can be smiling and chatting happily and the next they're at each other's throats, making nature documentaries look like the latest super happy 'phun' time program for little kids. At least a guy would just straight up punch you in the nose if he genuinely hated your guts (and was really stupid to boot)… but girls, they could get methodically malicious and start ruining lives instead of just faces with relative ease. But at least it hadn't got that far yet, though it wasn't much a strain of the imagination to see it happening. At least they weren't being _polite_ about it. There was nothing worse than snide remarks disguised as pleasantries, when people would beat around the bush like that, denying each other the chance to directly deal with the problem at hand.

"Please, everyone, just calm down!" Sasaki insisted, stepping between Haruhi and Kyoko with her hands raised, as if she was ready to hold the two at bay.

"Uh-uhm, yes, p-please, t-there's no need for –" Asahina-san said, stepping forward as well, holding her hands up to her chest in a pleading manner.

"The _nerve_!" Kyoko said, oblivious to anyone else but Haruhi. "How do you get off on bossing people about like this! No matter how nice and friendly anyone tries to be, you just turn into a _total_ bitch!"

"Takes one to know one!" Haruhi shouted the childish comeback without a hint of shame.

"We should step in, don't you think?" Koizumi asked, though he sounded like he needed my reassurances more than his own.

"No… just… let it go… let her get it out of her system. It's the best way, honestly. If we try to intervene and plug Haruhi up, she'll just burst later, louder and angrier. It's better to get it all out there in one go."

"People aren't your little playthings! We have our _own_ lives outside of yours, you know!" Kyoko shouted, angrier than even before, some withheld frustrations of her own being released if I was any judge.

"Who cares about you and your life?" Haruhi answered with a rivaling tone and venom to her voice. "I wasn't even talking to you! You're _not_ worth the time! You're a _nobody_!"

"_Screw you_!"

By now both Haruhi and Kyoko were being held back by Asahina-san and Sasaki respectively. The two shouting girls looked ready to trade blows, and I started to doubt my understanding of the world of girls on the wisdom of my responses to dealing with them. Maybe we _should_ step in…

"_Tachibana Kyoko_!" The voice might have belonged to an old woman, but the tone could easily have belonged to that of a veteran general.

Kyoko froze, a surely deep-seated fear taking over. She didn't turn to face her great grandmother, not technically speaking, until she'd lowered her head and shoulders into the humblest setting. She walked slowly up to her granny, keeping her head down.

"The pots need scrubbing."

Kyoko nodded silently and slouched off.

"I apologize. The girl's not usually so… confrontational. But she's recently been through… some troubling events. Please, take no personal offense," Granny said, bowing as low as she could.

Haruhi let her breathing calm down a bit before she replied. "No problem. It's okay," she said, though her angry frown betrayed the sentiment.

Granny bowed again before taking her leave. The scene she left behind however remained in a mentally disheveled state. Everyone was quiet for a good while, and only when Haruhi looked about at all of us, flushing a little as she did so, did motion return to the scene. Taking a little gulp of air, she screwed up her face into a frown again and said, "Well what are you all looking at?" And then she made to walk off, striding off with rather big steps.

But before Haruhi got far, Sasaki hurried after her, catching her by the shoulder. "Haruhi, wait."

"What do _you_ want?" Haruhi asked, doing her best to contain some of the indignity in her tone.

"…I accept."

"Huh?" Haruhi blinked, the surprised incomprehension pushing the irritation clear out of her for a moment at least.

"Your challenge."

"Oh, ah…" Haruhi quickly recovered her earlier composure. "Well, that's good! At least you're not craven, yellow-bellied or the like! At _least_!" She turned about with a magnificent flick of her hair and marched inside the wayhouse.

Sasaki stood there for a brief moment, before she went inside as well. While the other SOS Brigade members gathered together to talk amongst themselves, I made my way to Sasaki, who was apparently making her way to her room, looking a bit… smaller than usual.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Of course." Sasaki stopped and turned her head to smile gently at me.

"What did Haruhi get so angry about?"

Sasaki looked at me in a measuring manner for a moment before she answered. "You, of course."

"_Me_?"

"Yes."

"What did you say to her about _me_?"

"I simply told her how much you matter to her and she should not be worried. I think the 'should' part was where I crossed the line, though I doubt she liked hearing about your thoughts and feelings from me in any regard. It implies a certain level of intimacy."

"Right…" I agreed, wishing Koizumi wasn't such a busybody about my business. "But… why'd you accept her challenge anyway? You're not… you're not going to lose to her to try and make her feel better are you or something like that, because that'll only –"

"No, Kyon," Sasaki said quite strictly at me. "I'm going to _crush_ her."

"Huh?" I must have misheard.

"I think… it's high time to stop testing you and your devotion to her, and _test_ hers. I think you've been running catch up to her for long enough. Kyon," Sasaki stepped up to me, brining her face a bit too close to mine. "I'm going to fight for your affection."

"What? But I – you said – but – but… I give up. I. Give. Up. I just can't understand you girls and I never will."

"It's cute when you're confused," Sasaki said, smirking teasingly as she pinched my cheek.

"Stop it."

"But I'm in _love_ with you!"

"You are the _worst_ friend ever."

"But the best _lover_."

"Let go of my cheek already; it's not made of rubber, you know."

"It's made out of _cuteness_."

"That does it. I'm going now. Just, ngh, let go of my cheek already!"

"But I _love_ your cheek of cute loveliness." Sasaki was grinning exceptionally broadly by now.

I took a hold of her cheek. "You _don't_ want to start this. I'm a veteran at this. I have a _little_ sister."

Sasaki's grin mellowed into a genuine little smile, which also seemed somewhat disheartened in a weird way.

"Moments like these… I sometimes I wish I really could be more than just a friend to you, Kyon."

"…I think I know how you feel."

The two of us stood there for a indefinable little moment. Neither one of us seemed to realize we were still holding the other's cheek as we stared and sank deeper into the pools of the other's eyes. But then, some movement below her pretty eyes caught my notice and I realized Sasaki was smiling again. I couldn't help returning the favor. We released our holds on the cheeks, and it came just in time, to be perfectly honest. Haruhi came around a corner, still fuming, and spotted us standing there together, only a distance a breath could have crossed between us. She swerved around in a huff to go back the way she'd come, turning her head away with her nose held high disdainful disapproval.

* * *

The following day Haruhi and Sasaki met on the beach, a short distance away from the resort. The two stared each other down, neither giving an inch. Haruhi stood sternly with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed in a measuring manner. Sasaki simply stood, looking quite relaxed, only moving when she used her hand to brush away some of the bangs the wind was blowing into her eyes. Haruhi who had the same length of hair and a similar style didn't bother with that, letting her hair billow freely over her frowning face.

Everyone else was gathered as well, even Kyoko. We stood in a loose circle around the pair, forming a sort of ring around them, as if they were in a fight. The two girls seemed to already be caught in a staring contest before anything had even officially begun.

"Shall we agree on the rules then?" Sasaki asked, raising her voice above the wind. "And the prize?"

"Sure."

"If you win, Kyon is all yours. But if I win, he's mine."

"Hah! That's hardly… wait, _WHAT?_ K-Kyon? Why are we fighting over _Kyon_?" Haruhi asked in shock, the haughty arrogance quickly getting traded into a cute blush.

'Ouch' though… the way she was stressing my name was a little demeaning, to be honest.

"Isn't it obvious? I love him," Sasaki stated before she glanced softly in my direction, smiling very warmly before returning her attention to her opponent. "Ever since meeting him in cram school so long ago, our relationship bloomed into something more in my heart whilst we were separated. And now that we've been seeing each other again, I can't keep my love hidden any more, even if there is another girl in Kyon's life. I will make him mine." Sasaki said far too seriously, staring at Haruhi challengingly.

Both Haruhi and Kyoko gaped at her in wide mouthed shock.

"You… you can't be serious…" Haruhi eventually managed.

"But I thought you…" Kyoko mumbled. "That you didn't… you _know_, at all an' stuff."

"Kyon will be mine and mine alone, unless _any_ of you care to face me," Sasaki now turned her gaze about to look each and every other girl in challenge.

Asahina-san blushed profusely and averted her gaze to the ground, Kyoko's lower lip was rumbled up in an uncertain pout, Haruhi was still staring at Sasaki with a mixture of shock and anger but also yearning for a challenge, and even Yuki had met Sasaki's cool gaze with one of her own.

"Oh my…" Koizumi said.

"You can say that again," I said, feeling somewhat unwell by what was taking place.

I couldn't honestly be this appealing to this many girls. Sure, we'd been through a lot, saved each other's lives now then, and I'd tried to be as nice and supportive as possible to each and…

…

…

…

There just _had_ to be something supernatural going on here, right? _Right?_ Good guys always finish last! _Everyone knows that_! Besides, who wouldn't feel a bit flustered with the way Sasaki was acting?

Haruhi seemed to be having a hard time swallowing this all. Her face was reddening as her lips tightened and her brows furrowed. Her fists were clenched and one of her feet was twisting and turning a little, grinding at the sand beneath her.

"_Fine_!" Haruhi shouted, crossing her hands moodily. "We'll fight over stupid Kyon if that's what you want. But simply taking you down an arrogant peg or two will have to do as a _real_ prize."

"Whatever you want, as long as you promise Kyon will be all mine when I win."

"_If_ you win! And you _won't_! And whatever! It's not like I care about what happens to dumb Kyon anyway!"

Girlfriend of the year right here, definitely…

"Good," Sasaki said. "Then shall we decide on the rules? In fact, in what sort of manner were you planning to challenge me anyway?"

"That's just it, with various challenges, of _course_," Haruhi said snidely.

"Very well then. Shall we start now? Do you have something in mind?"

Haruhi smug defiance wavered for a bit, as she also bit her lower lip. "Uhm…"

It was rather typical of her, wasn't it? Throwing herself head first into challenging someone without even any consideration on how to go about said challenge.

"N-nothing big and grand… _yet_! But we should test all facets that make a person great! Back in the days true geniuses were polymaths and true heroes could handle any threat with any tool! So…"

"Yes? We have a gladiator match while trying to solve equations and paint the Mona Lisa at the same time?"

"Don't be stupid," Haruhi chided grumpily. She was probably just using any opportunity to buy some more time, if I was any judge of her.

"Well perhaps we should first outline some… facets, was it? Virtues and attributes to be tested, yes?"

"Well of _course_."

"So… what makes a person great…" Sasaki raised the cusp of her palm to her chin, tapping her forefinger to its side while her eyes searched the sand before her. "…Or better yet, what makes a person a good enough companion to Kyon."

"Don't – that's totally – so completely," Haruhi glanced quickly at me in a glowering manner and found the word she was looking for, "dumb."

"If you say so…"

"Fine! _Whatever_! I guess you should have a say in what kind of challenges we're to do any way… to be fair and stuff…"

"Indeed," Sasaki agreed, shifting out of her thoughtful pose to smile pleasantly at Haruhi, an action that only made the other girl frown harder. "Perhaps we should both consider some separately and return to the challenges later… but before that, I have one attribute that's necessary to anyone even remotely successful to some degree."

"What's that?"

"Luck."

"Tth." Haruhi crossed her arms. "That's stupid."

I had a suspicion it was only stupid because Sasaki had suggested it. Even if Haruhi was a quintessential go-getter, she still believed in Tanabata wishes and all sorts of talismans. She might not be a devout follower of Lady Luck, but I doubted she really didn't believe in it to some degree. How else could she explain some of the things that had happened to her, like finding her ideal SOS Brigade for starters?

Haruhi unfolded her hands and took a deep breath however. "But whatever." She turned sideways with a single step forward, turning hip and shoulder towards Sasaki, raising an outstretched fist at the other girl. Sasaki did likewise, offering her closed fist. Though the fists were barely a few centimetres apart, neither girl was looking at the instruments of their first battle, but deep into each other's eyes, both searching for a tell, a weakness, anything that might give them an edge.

"Sudden Death or something that should prove it in a more statistically pleasing manner?" Sasaki asked, smiling.

Haruhi's eyes narrowed. "I can't be bothered playing this child's game for that long. One shot, that's all. If that's not luck, nothing is."

"As you wish."

"If we play too much, we'll just learn to read and counter each other."

"Indeed. Shall we begin?"

Haruhi simply nodded resolutely.

The wind rustled in the leaves of nearby trees, whistling in the stalks here and there. Sand blew in little twists around their feet. I could even hear Asahina-san gulp nervously on the other side of the circle around Sasaki and Haruhi. Without any word or recognizable sign to anyone else, both girls raised their fists at the same time and… held them there, watching, waiting. They kept staring into each other's eyes until something must have betrayed one of them and the fists were thrown down as if to strike downwards but stopped halfway only to rise up again. I realized only then that I had been holding my breath and judging by a quick glance that I dared to take away from Sasaki and Haruhi, I wasn't the only one. The fists were raised together once more and then finally a third time, before…

"_Scissors_."

"_Rock_."

Only the wind sighed for a brief moment afterwards, the sand billowing and cascading around us all as the gavel of fate came down along with the fists.

"Oh my…" Koizumi said softly, eyes peeled on the pair.

"Yeah…" I agreed, although I wasn't too sure what it was I was agreeing to.

"N-no way…!" Haruhi blinked in sheer disbelief before the shock turned to the irate kind. "Why would you pick _rock_? How could you _not_ choose paper?"

"I just had a hunch…" Sasaki said. "You struck me as the kind of person who would always like to bust through with a rock, but also as someone with enough smarts to be self-aware enough of that aura to try and abuse the fact."

Haruhi gritted her teeth. "Nngh… Another round!" she burst loudly.

"Didn't we agree on sudden death?"

"Gnrr… _Fine_! You won this round! It was a stupid game anyway!" Haruhi stomped off, fuming all the way up to her reddened ears.

Sasaki watched her go, giving the tip of her chin a little tap with her forefinger. "I guess that's a start…" She then walked off as well, leaving the rest of us in something of conversational pickle.

"I wonder," Koizumi muttered out loud.

"I'd rather not," I admitted.

"I… I'm not really sure what to think of this." Asahina-san joined us.

Both Yuki and Kyoko kept silent with their eyes focused mainly on me.

I gave the back of my head a scratch and smacked my lips. "Welp, I guess that's that for today…" It certainly hadn't been what I'd been expecting after all the shouting and taunting. If endings could be anticlimactic then this had been exceptionally… anti… introductory? Anti-establishing?

Asahina-san and Koizumi walked off, quietly talking amongst themselves. Yuki followed, but not before shooting a final cryptic gaze my way.

And then I realized I was alone with Tachibana Kyoko.

Kyoko had turned her head away, looking off to the horizon to her left instead of me. Her slender neck glowed in the afternoon sun. The two pigtails were gently waving in the wind. But before I could look at her any further, without feeling some acute embarrassment for my probing eyes, Kyoko's eyes shifted suddenly, meeting my gaze directly. I couldn't hold the exchange for even a second, but Kyoko was already walking off by the time I averted my stare.

"Uh, hey," I said, my hand jerking forward a little as if to reach out to her, "Um, wait…"

"What?" Kyoko stopped to ask from over her shoulder. Her expression revealed nothing whatsoever to me, nor did her tone.

"I just…"

"Kyon, I appreciate the effort, but… please, for my sake at the least, just forget about me. I've got a new life here. It's nice and simple and… there's no…"

"You're not just running away then?"

"No," Kyoko said more strongly now, turning around to fully face me. "This is what I want, Kyon. I want safe and simple. I don't… whatever games she's got you playing, I don't want to be part of it any more. I just want to be Tachibana Kyoko, nothing else. And maybe, just maybe, that'll lead me to the next best thing."

"I hope you find it then."

"…Thanks…" Kyoko said softly, looking away again before she turned around and hurried off.

I went indoors as well. There was a faint aroma of cooking meat and spices wafting through the warm corridors. Dinner would be done soon, I guessed, but before that I simply had to see Sasaki about something first. I found her in her room, sitting down with her legs crossed, looking at another chessboard with all the pieces about on what appeared to be random places, like she'd found an abandoned game.

"Sasaki, you do know that if you're trying to test Haruhi's feelings for me, then dressing it up in the form of a simple competition won't prove anything, right? Haruhi'll fight just for the principle of the matter. She hates, absolutely _hates_ losing."

"Yes, I know… which is why it's a good thing this little competition of ours isn't going to be over in just one day. The real fight will be taking place between the events."

"If it was anyone else, I'd say you were rather enjoying yourself."

Sasaki cracked a little smirk as she stared at the chessboard. "It _is_ rather fun, isn't it?"


	63. Paranoid Android

It was a new day, a new challenge. This time the two girls would be undertaking a challenge of Haruhi's design. Everyone was gathered once again to watch the pair compete, with snacks this time however. Today's challenge would be rather long and exhausting, something Haruhi firmly believed Sasaki couldn't cope with. The pair would take part in what was basically a mini-triathlon. The first part would be a grueling swim to a little outcrop of stone that jutted out from the sea a good sixty or so meters away and back again, only to repeat the circuit again and again for us long as they could. And then the next event would be waiting.

"So we score a point every time we complete a circuit?" Sasaki asked, stretching her sides, looking firm and slender in a blue bikini with an orange scarf or something with white floral patterns draped around her hips. "Any time limit?"

The girl had suddenly started working on the way she looked, and it was definitely working. I couldn't help but notice the way the cloth hung rather low on one side of Sasaki's hip, exposing some skin. It was weird how your eye was drawn to something like that when the girl was in a bikini anyway.

"Yeah, no time limit," Haruhi gruffly told Sasaki. "This part's about endurance."

"Ah, a good thing to test. Isn't it, Kyon?" Sasaki called over her shoulder to smile at me.

I blushed a little at the implication despite myself just as Haruhi also glanced back quickly before she turned her attention back to sea before her. "C'mon, we're wasting time," she said sharply.

"Indeed," Sasaki said, taking hold of the scarf around her hips with one hand. She then pulled it off with one fluid motion, sending the cloth rippling away in the faint wind.

"Ready," Haruhi squatted down, putting one leg further back, preparing to launch herself off like a professional sprinter.

"Steady," Sasaki said, bending her knees a little.

Everyone held their silence as the water lapped at the dark wet sand that held the border between it and the lighter warm sand the rest of us were sitting on.

"_Go!_" Haruhi and Sasaki decided unanimously, both kicking off together.

Haruhi was the first in the water, leaping in like a tiger after a prey while Sasaki took her time to jog to the water and gently slide into it. Haruhi was quickly in the lead halfway to the rock by the time Sasaki was fully submerged aside from her head, paddling away calmly. Founts of water splashed around Haruhi as she flung her hands, digging into the water for more speed.

"Idiot," I couldn't help but say out loud.

"Hm?" Asahina-san looked curiously at me.

"She's going to wear herself out before long if she keeps that pace up for long," I explained.

"I didn't know you cared so much who won," Koizumi said, grinning.

"I _don't_. I'm just spectating."

"Taffy anyone?" Asahina-san asked raising the paper-wrapped sweets from the picnic basket between us, noting my tone.

I politely declined but when Yuki tugged on my T-shirt's sleeve, I quickly took her meaning and grabbed a handful for the girl. She examined the sweets individually ever time before popping one in her mouth and chewing slowly.

"Well, _I _hope Sasaki-san wins," Kyoko said from behind most of us. She was also seated but while the rest of us had chosen to sit on either side of the basket, she had taken to sitting behind it to herself.

Somehow I felt that no matter who won, I'd be the one losing in some manner. Either Haruhi would become next to unbearable in her gloating in victory or angry and sulky in defeat; neither outcome was something I looked forward to dealing with. But Sasaki had her own endgame and she had been impossible to talk out of it much like Haruhi would have been. Something had stirred in Sasaki with this contest. She was like a scientist who had discovered a new element and was putting it through a rigorous series of tests to understand its nature. Haruhi had been something of a point of interest for her for a while now but it was now that Sasaki was finally allowed to engage in the study of Haruhi that she had revealed a determined side to her not unlike the one Haruhi possessed.

By now Haruhi was nearly back to the beach and Sasaki nearly to the rock. To her credit, Haruhi showed no signs of slowing thus far, but no matter how much time passed, one would always remember the fairytale lessons of childhood. Rabbits never beat turtles, they never even came close if they were arrogant enough, and Haruhi was arrogant enough to fill-in for several dozens of racing rabbits.

"I just hope nothing stupid happens…" If one of the girls wore themselves out in this stupid contest, it… wasn't something I liked to think about. Much like the fairy tales of childhood, the practical dangers and considerations of the world had also been hammered into my psyche long ago. _At least they hadn't _eaten_ just before swimming…_

"Hah! You'll have to do better than that if you want to even keep up!" Haruhi shouted through the spray of water around her as she met Sasaki halfway between the rock and the beach. Sasaki simply kept silent as she continued with her breaststroke.

"Would anyone care to place some wagers?" Koizumi asked.

"What, you don't have a whole shopping list of a family of ten's worth of moral scruples about betting?" I asked sardonically. "And what about the geopolitical considerations?"

Koizumi grinned. "No, but I did consider making this all even more entertaining for the rest of us. Those two don't always have to be the only ones having fun, now should they?"

"Two thousand yen on Sasaki then," Kyoko said, rather forcefully. I couldn't help but glance over my shoulder at the girl behind me, watching the swimming pair with such determined concentration it was if she was also out there.

"I'll meet that," Koizumi said.

Asahina-san was biting at the corner or her lower lip, watching Sasaki and Haruhi swimming. "Uhmm… I… I just don't know. They're both so determined!"

Even if I had had extra money to go around, I wouldn't have bet on either one. It really didn't matter to me who won.

"…Is there more taffy?" Yuki asked, looking at me as she once again tugged on my T-shirt.

* * *

By the time Haruhi collapsed on the beach, panting and heaving very heavily, Sasaki had overtaken her in laps. Whilst Haruhi had kept to freestyle as long as she could manage, eventually paddling along like a dog as her strength was drained, Sasaki had switched to backstroke, keeping the same pace throughout. Currently Sasaki was leading three points and wasn't showing any clear signs of stopping.

"Damn it…" I could hear Haruhi wheezing into the sand against her face.

"You should have paced yourself better," I said, coming over to toss a towel over her heaving body.

"Shut… up…"

I sat down by her side, to watch Sasaki shrinking away towards the rock. "Are you okay?"

"Of course… not… I can't… lose to her…"

"Afraid of losing me?" I asked teasingly.

"Don't be… so incredibly… _stupid_…"

I grinned at the feeble comeback.

"Like I'd ever… lose you…"

"Hm?" I looked down at Haruhi, covered in her towel. Her breathing had calmed down by now and she didn't look quite so much like a little hill that was about to burst its top. Now she looked a lot smaller. "Sweet talk now?"

"Ugh… That's not what I meant. Do you have to be so damn annoying all the time?"

"Probably yes, why _else_ would I do it? Who knows, I might die if I didn't. Maybe I need your frustration," I said, turning my butt around on the sand to face and look down on Haruhi. "Your eyes are too small, your nose too big, your jokes suck, and you're about as witty as the gunk in my ear when I get really sick!" I exclaimed, unable to hold my amusement at the current situation in check.

"_Hahaa_… very funny. You're really getting a kick out of me being beat down and trodden, aren't you, you sadist?"

"A little bit, to be perfectly honest."

Haruhi put her hands to her sides and pushed off, although her hands trembled rather dangerously as she did so. She turned about onto her back, half of her face and front covered in wet sand.

"You've got a little something on you."

"Where?" Haruhi asked, and I wondered if she was once again resorting to sarcasm in one of her weaker moments or really so tried as to not notice.

"Here." I brushed some sand off her shoulder. "Here." Then some off her chest, just below her collarbone. "And here." And finally placed my hand to her cheek, cupping the coarse sand covered side of her face. "There's a lot of other places but I think this area might need some immediate attention."

Haruhi simply stared up at me in a somewhat indiscernible manner, blinking slowly once or twice before frowning carefully."…You're so weird when you flirt."

"Really, you thought that was flirting?"

"It wasn't?"

"If it wasn't appealing and/or romantic, then no."

"_Droll_…" Haruhi scoffed at me.

I brushed some of the sand off her cheek, the little coarse dust rubbing her skin, making it red. "Fine, if you don't want my help, you can clean yourself."

"I've got sand in crevices I didn't know I even had. Damn right I'm going to clean it up myself!"

"Suit yourself."

"Although… I wouldn't mind if you… took care of some of the stuff on my face…" I could actually see her skin under the sand turn pinker shade.

"Ah, Haruhi…" Sasaki spoke up, walking out of the surf, smoothing back her soaked her, water dripping across her body. "I believe it's five points in favor of me. Oh, and I see you picked up my shawl. Thank you, Kyon."

"Shawl? That's what it's called?" I asked, straightening up to hand over the little piece of decoration.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. It's a rectangular piece of cloth that isn't a scarf. Who knows?" Sasaki took me by the arm. "Escort me to my room? I could do with a little… refreshing."

"H-hey!" Haruhi suddenly stood up. "You can't just – I mean – we're not done yet!"

"Oh? We're not?"

"No! Of course not! This was about endurance!"

"Are you sure you're fit to continue? You seem rather worn out."

Haruhi gritted her teeth. "I can take you on, anywhere, any time."

"Unless it involves long distance swimming, I can't help but notice."

Haruhi settled for simply glaring at Sasaki. "_We're not done yet_," she said through gritted teeth.

"I see… quite an interesting design. Whoever makes more laps gets more points but ends up being more tired for the following event. Quite strategic."

"Yeah, _sure_." Haruhi walked off towards the others. "Koizumi, did you prepare the trail?"

"Yes. I was ready before this all started," Koizumi answered, smiling gently but with an odd edge ever since he'd had to cough up two thousand yen.

The next stage was a sort of speedy treasure hunt. Koizumi had hidden twenty-one items in the forest for the girls to find. He'd also drawn them little maps showing the general area of where they could be found. However, there was a time limit of two hours to return with as many of the items as they managed to gather. If one failed to return on time, they received no points whatsoever. Koizumi however had hidden a few packs of three items together, but they were always the furthest on the map, creating a high risk/high reward situation. All in all it was a another grueling race after all that swimming.

"Shall we go then?" Sasaki asked, smiling innocently.

"Yes, as fast as possible," Haruhi answered.

"Hold on girls…" Koizumi said, taking a look at his watch. "Allow me to set the time and… _go_!"

The two girls ran off into the underbrush, the rustling of ferns and leaves disappearing surprisingly quickly as they disappeared.

"You want to make another bet?" Kyoko asked, staring off in the direction the two girls had run in. Her arms were crossed although she wore a smug little grin that had showed up after Koizumi's off little smile had appeared after the first race.

"No, perhaps not this time."

"Suit yourself."

The way Koizumi and Kyoko seemed to managing some conversation between each other made me feel anxious. "I'll make a bet with you, if you want," I said, hoping for an easy segue into the dialogue.

"Oh… no, I'm fine with my winnings for now anyway…" Kyoko said, turning away slowly.

"Oh… 'kay…" I guess I'd simply have to accept that the girl had moved on past me, which was a bit upsetting. No matter what had happened afterwards, I had still sometimes thought of her and the way I'd left her.

"Eh, anyone want some sandwiches?" Asahina-san asked, holding up the picnic basket, once again arriving with an offer of food when I needed a distraction. "I prepared them myself with Granny Tachibana."

"Sure."

We all settled down to eat her sandwiches. I kept glancing at Kyoko and she kept noticing me, but sadly enough it didn't seem to be causing any reaction in her. Instead I was the one starting to feel foolish. I'd been worried about leaving her like I had and here she was, acting like I hadn't really been anything special to her. It was annoyingly… hurtful, I realized. A part of me had thought I had meant the world to her, and maybe I even had, but now… I was like an acquaintance, nothing more. It was petty and childish to feel like this, I knew, but I couldn't help it. She had been the first girl who had outright wanted me, not burdened by any true obligations to me or weighed down by misconceptions of the nature of relationships, like some other people in my life. She had been such a normal girl and she had _wanted_ me. And now I was almost like a nobody to her. It hurt, the fact of which pained me even more. I'd clearly let my ego get to me, which usually didn't happen, though someone like Haruhi might disagree. Haruhi thought I was one of the most arrogant people on the planet and she'd let me get an earful before I'd silenced her with our first 'proper' kiss. Maybe she really had had a point way back then. Maybe I really was arrogant in my own ways.

Everyone else ended up talking about places worth visiting on the big island. There were waterfalls on the other side, a market and an old castle as well. There'd be some sort of event the next day, some old festival about something Kyoko couldn't remember. I however didn't really have much of an ear for it.

Only an hour had passed when the forest started rustling with the approach of someone. For half a moment I expected the ninja girl to emerge but I soon realized she had never made so much noise. The person who ended up pushing their way through the green foliage was Sasaki, holding in her arms only five or so items.

"Back already? You do realize you've still got like half an hour, right?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm aware." Sasaki dropped her items before Koizumi to tally up the points, since he was functioning as the judge by default in all of this. "I decided to play it safe since I was already in the lead. Besides, if I'm to make any _real_ headway, being here early is really the only way to do it."

"And how's that?"

"You'll see soon enough, I suspect."

"Hmm," Koizumi said, done with the scores. "Six points, Sasaki-san. Well done."

"Phew," Sasaki exhaled as she plopped down next to me. "Anything to eat?" she asked and was swiftly handed a sandwich by Asahina-san.

"Mmm… delicious."

"Thank you," Asahina-san said, "I used something different in each one."

"Did you try this?" Sasaki asked me, peeling back the top layer to show the contents.

"No," I decided after a quick check. "Mine had some yellow paste in it."

"You should try this then. Here, allow me," Sasaki said, staring deep into my eyes as she leaned in over my lap to offer the food.

"Oh, uhm… you really don't need to."

"No, I don't."

I took a bite nonetheless, and it was quite tasty, but my expression must have betrayed me as Sasaki raised an eyebrow at me that demanded some elaboration.

"Don't you think you're overdoing this a bit?"

"I think the more important question is, do you mind?"

I gulped down an uncertain knot in my throat that had started developing the moment Sasaki had looked at me enticingly and then slid halfway into my lap. Sasaki was cute and charming and maybe in another life we would have been soulmates if you wanted to get vapid, but right now she was a friend who was toying with me in a really unusual manner. I simply wasn't sure how I should be responding to it. I _knew_ it was all just some sort of beguiling act, but it was proving to be a rather good one.

"Nn… no, not really. I guess."

I noticed Kyoko make a disapproving glance our way, but what exactly it meant specifically I couldn't have said. A part of me I didn't want to acknowledge at the moment was hoping it contained even a hint of jealousy but the slightly more rational part of me was saying it was just what it looked like: disapproval. It was a game, something that had managed to drag even her dear friend into it and she simply didn't like it.

"As in anything, context is key, Kyon," Sasaki said, but for the first time in a while, her tone lacked the playfulness it had adopted for the duration of her operation. Perhaps she wasn't quite enjoying this as much as I had thought, or how much she had wanted me to think. It was starting to become unsettlingly clear that Sasaki could accomplish pretty much anything if she simply set her mind to it, even emotional manipulation.

It didn't take too long for Haruhi to show up, heaving heavily once again, her face red as a tomato. Bundled under her arms were more various items than Sasaki had had with her. She dumped the stuff in Koizumi's lap as well before she plopped down on my other side. She looked about and seemed to notice something unpleasing in the faces of the others, but I was apparently too slow to notice what it had been.

"What's… my score?" Haruhi asked in between some final deep breaths.

"Very impressive. You got nine, meaning you're only two points behind Sasaki-san."

"There's a third part as well, right?" Sasaki asked. "I'm just wondering if we could take a little break. I'm still rather hungry and a doubt Haruhi here is much better off either."

"Don't worry about me," Haruhi said, shooting a cool look past me at Sasaki on my other side.

"You must be starving. You've burned so much energy today," Sasaki simply stated before looking around her. "And what about everyone else?"

Sasaki's polite inquiries seemed to only incite Haruhi's annoyance. "Damn it!" Haruhi shouted, standing up with her fists clenched at her sides. "Stop doing that already!"

"Doing what?"

"Acting like you're so damn –"

"Hey, calm down, Haruhi," I said, deciding to make sure no more shouting would happen. "She's just asking."

Haruhi switched her glower to me but bit her lip and sat back down with both her arms and legs crossed as she started fuming in the direction of the sea.

"Perhaps you could both satisfy everyone's appetites and finish the competition," Koizumi suggested.

"What? We cook everyone a meal to see who's the better cook?" Sasaki asked, grinning at the idea.

I simply wondered if Sasaki had let Koizumi in on the whole nature of this game.

"No," Haruhi said, still glaring away at the sea. "This is a test of endurance, not some stupid housewife competition."

"But surely it would make more sense to –"

"I said _no_."

It must have been a bit difficult for Haruhi to have someone in our group that wasn't ready to do as she pleased. Usually that spot was taken by me, but I'd hardly ever garnered this much anger from the girl.

"Besides, if I'm to impress Kyon and win him over, I think it'd be a great chance for me to show him how well I could take care of –"

"Stop turning this into a joke! Are you even listening to me? Damn it!"

And then the earth shook. It was only a small rumble, but it was enough to knock everyone flat on their backs or stomachs.

"What – what the hell was that?" Haruhi asked first, her anger completely gone now.

"It… it must have been an earthquake," Koizumi said, looking quite rattled, his eyes flitting quickly to Haruhi and then me.

"It was probably…" Kyoko spoke up, losing her words as she looked around nervously, gulping as her eyes passed Haruhi, before she mustered her courage supplied in a unconvincing voice, like she wanted to believe it but quite couldn't, "Probably the new power plant. Yeah. They've been telling everyone how they'd be getting a new piece of equipment this week. They said there could be some slight disturbances… yeah…"

"Wh-wha-what k-k-k-kind of a p-power plant causes earthquakes?" Asahina-san muttered, still lying flat in the sand with her hands covering her head.

I looked around and saw that everyone was looking at me and Haruhi nervously. Only Haruhi and I seemed to have not leapt to the same conclusion as everyone else had.

"Yeah, that's a damn good question," Haruhi said, looking about all around her, completely oblivious to everybody else's nervous stares.

I remembered the esper guy I'd briefly met at the Tsuruya Foundation, talking about some power source. And the next time I'd seen him had been here on this island with a suitcase, smirking at me. And now there was apparently some kind of power plant here that had just had a new part delivered to it.

…

I'd probably have to let my ninja protector know there was a good place of interest for her to scope out. But everyone else was probably more worried about Haruhi right now than I was.

But whatever it had been that had been the cause of the trembling of the earth was forgotten as Granny Tachibana came bustling over to us, frazzled and worried with a carrot stuck in her whispy hair. Kyoko and Asahina-san both got up to make sure the old woman was okay, but she barely seemed to hear them, instead asking about our safety. Everyone quickly decided it would be best to retire for the day, if for no one else's sake except Kyoko's great grandmother's sake, who seemed to have been quite shaken up by the whole event.

"I lost my brother and husband in an earthquake…" the old woman muttered almost as if in daze.

"Come along, granny," Kyoko told her, as she led her down back towards the hostel.

"Don't worry," Asahina-san said softly on the old woman's other side, carefully doing her best to remove the carrot.

While everyone else was moving along after the Tachibana's, I noted a certain someone's missing presence from the assemblage. I looked about and found Haruhi still looking off into the horizon, but her expression seemed rather forlorn, almost like she'd lost something.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, fine."

The situation suddenly reminded me of a very similar situation and I realized just how long it had been that I'd been going without any sort of answers to any of my earlier questions.

"You sure? Because… you sure you're not keeping something from me?"

"What? Why would think that?" Haruhi asked, flushing a little.

"To be perfectly honest, it feels like you've been keeping something from me for a while now, Haruhi. Ever since -"

"No, stop right there. Not this again. I told you, we're on a vacation."

"…From what?"

"Huh…?"

"Ever since Fuyumi you've been… kind of shut off from me."

"What are you talking about? We've never spent so much time together before!"

"True, but you've also been avoiding certain subjects, a lot. You _know_ you can talk to me, so… what's the problem?"

"I just…" Haruhi sighed, looking off into the horizon once again. "I guess I just don't know what I want with my life at the moment, Kyon."

"I know that feeling."

"Do you? Do you really now?"

"Why are you starting to get hostile?"

"I'm not being hostile, _you_ are!"

"Look, something's clearly been bugging you for a while now. So far I've let you be to yourself, hoping you'd come and talk to me on your own accord, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen. Do I always need to push you into opening up to me? Are you still going to keep running around, delivering pies and competing in contests instead of just…" I looked off at nothing in particular, folding my arms as I sighed deeply. "You know what? Never mind."

I turned to leave.

"…W-_wait_." Her voice sounded insistent, though also hesitant like she wasn't used to talking like this.

"What?" I asked, without turning around.

"I… look, none of this is easy for me, a lot of it is… just plain weird to me. Stupid; I've told you _that_ much, haven't I? I _do_ want to tell you everything there is to know about me but… what if…"

"No, no what if's, Haruhi." I didn't turn around to tell her this. I felt my back would help deliver the message for me, as Haruhi's back had often succeeded in doing for me. "If you really do want to talk to me, then talk to me. What are you so afraid of all of a sudden? You've never been afraid like this of anything before, not in a way that stopped you from being who you are."

My shoulder was grabbed, hard, and I was turned about to face Haruhi, glaring at me through eyes that shone with a fresh and budding wetness to them. "I'm worried for your sake, idiot!"

"Huh? Why?"

Haruhi stared up at me defiantly but there seemed to be a deep worry hidden in her eyes as well. I hadn't even noticed her hand against my stomach before she pulled it back.

"And don't tell me I don't talk to you, when you don't talk to me either!"

"Wait, don't just suddenly change the topic! What did you mean by -"

"Why do I always have to be the last one to know how feel about me as well, huh?" Haruhi interrupted, not be denied an outburst after I'd asked for it. "Why don't I know you feel about Sasaki and Yuki and, and... _everything_! You never tell me anything about yourself! All I've been allowed to do is infer how you feel from your stupid thoughts on _my_ ideas! You can't accuse me of withholding from you when you do it too! What do _you_ think and feel about Fuyumi, _huh_?"

"I…"

Could I really tell her, tell her everything? I didn't know that yet. I'd trust the girl with my life but it was true I'd been withholding things from her too, for longer than she probably even knew. Could we really have any kind of proper relationship like that? Neither one of us seemed to trust the other with our secrets, both worried because it might... hurt the other? What was Haruhi so worried about? Why was she worried about me?

"Yeah… you won't say…" Haruhi said slowly, looking off at a lowered angle.

"I'd like to, I really would, but…"

"Maybe it doesn't matter."

"Huh?"

Haruhi took my hand, enclosing it in her palms. Her head drooped low so I couldn't see her eyes as she looked distraughtly at my hand. "I just… I'm sorry if I haven't been completely open with you and been acting a bit weird lately. It's just… you mean a lot to me and… I don't want to lose you but I… I've never had someone like you in my life. Not really," she admitted, almost shamefully.

"Well, to be fair, I've never had someone like you in my life either. You make my life hard, sure, but it's a good hard, you know?"

"Yeah, I do."

"If I am the wall you can bounce your ideas off on and even lean on when you need to… well, I guess I'd be a really lonely and pointless wall without you."

"Heh…" Even though her face was at an downward angle, I could still see the corners of of her smile. "That was pretty lame."

"Yeah, I know. But I can't help it. You bring out the lameness in me."

"And you in me."

"That's not a problem for you anymore, then?"

"No, you idiot," Haruhi looked up again, her face nothing but happy smiles. She leaned forward onto her toes and kissed me softly on the lips.

We walked back together, taking our time to walk along the waterfront with our bare feet. With the wet sand squashing beneath our feet we left a little trail behind us, gradually disappearing as the waves washed it away, cooling our feet with a wet fizz as it rippled up and past our ankles before it retreated to do so again. Haruhi looked calm and happy in the afternoon sun, golden reflections of the low hanging sun skittering across her hair whenever she'd look my way and simply smile. We didn't really say much as we walked, but that was okay. Simply holding hands was more than enough at the moment. It was silly to even think it but... it was like our hands were made to fit together. I actually felt myself blush a little at the silly thought.

Soon, perhaps too soon, we were near the wayhouse, the silhouette of one of the girls standing in a lit doorway. "Hey, are you guys okay back there?" the silhouette revealed itself as we heard Sasaki's voice call out to us.

Haruhi's hand tightened around mine as we approached the wayhouse and Sasaki who was walking out to meet us.

"I was starting to get worried," Sasaki said, brushing some of her hair out of her eyes after after the wind had blown it about.

"We're fine," I answered.

"That's good." Sasaki smiled gently at us.

"What do you want?" Haruhi asked, not quite as passive aggressively as usually.

"Nothing. I was simply worried about you two. A perfectly reasonable reaction after an earthquake, I should think."

"Yeah, _exactly_…" Haruhi muttered, though we could all clearly hear her.

Sasaki had raised an eye brow at Haruhi's mutterings, but she soon ushered us in.

"I just don't trust her," Haruhi muttered only so loudly that I could hear her without any provocation.

"Why's that?"

"Remember when we were trying to dig up stuff on Asakura way back when?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember how _I_ acted to the doorman? Or when we got on that island with the fake murder and storm with those people related to Koizumi?"

"Oh yeah. I don't think I've ever seen you be so reasonable and calm… uhm, but anyway, Sasaki's not like that and -"

"Whatever. I'm tired. Take me to my room?"

"Seriously?" I asked, somewhat taken aback by the request from Haruhi of all people.

Haruhi answered with a little frown. "Fine. I'll go by myself," she stated, carelessly dropping her hold on my hand like it was used napkin.

I really should have simply just obliged. It wasn't like I even had anything else I needed to do. I would simply have gone to my room which was right next to Haruhi's. But my brain simply sputtered like an engine with a clog in the pipes when the request had been thrown my way. Haruhi's softer quiter moments were always things that simply managed to catch me off guard. There wasn't enough past experience with that side of Haruhi for me to quickly react to it.

I met Yuki on my way in the hallways. She was standing about, doing nothing, without even a book within reach of her. Even for her however she seemed somewhat stiff.

"You okay?" I asked.

She turned to look at me. "Yes."

"What are you doing in the hall like this?"

"Waiting," Yuki answered simply, but before I could ask for a bit more in the way of clarification, she continued, "for you."

"Oh, is that so?"

Yuki tilted her head a bit to one side. "Yes," she said after a brief pause of consideration.

"Well? Why were you waiting for me?"

"I felt I desired to make known to you some of my personal observations and inferences."

"Go on," I said, not knowing what else to say, really.

"I am uncertain what exactly it is you seek to accomplish with this gambit."

"Gambit?" That was an interesting word to hear from the precise alien.

"Suzumiya Haruhi is at an unfamiliar stage in her development. She lacks a context from which to extrapolate reactions from."

"Hey, that's not so different from how it was originally, was it?"

"Over a year ago Suzumiya Haruhi had had several years to develop her understanding of and reactions to the world around her. She has recently showcased signs of reverting to standard responses from over a year ago in the face of new and stressful developments. You have caused a paradigm shift. She must reconstruct her responses to fit within her new worldview, but you and this Sasaki appear to be forcing her to confront her current relation to the world with minimal time for adjustment."

"That's… an incredibly scientifically romantic thing of you to say, Yuki. I never really pegged you for the overly romantic type."

"I have recently been appropriating great sums of data on the subject."

"Yeah… I can definitely see a certain slant to everything you're saying… How much of it was fiction, by the way?"

"A vast majority. There does not appear to be much scientific study on these matters, at least not in relation to other known and observed phenomenon. The topic matter is… enshrouded in high levels of subjectivity and personal preference, lacking any consensus beyond how essential it appears to be to subjects. Most of the data appears to be concentrated in magazine articles for the female gender. These magazines claim objectivity in the study of these matters, but they usually lack categorized and analyzed data values. They often neglect mentioning sample sizes as well. I do not find them to be very informative… although they are oddly interesting."

I really should have tried to put a firmer stop to this sort of data compilation earlier on.

"Her time with you has caused development along largely less expected outlines. If it had been the Suzumiya Haruhi from a year ago facing all these changes, the reactions would have been more severe."

"These changes wouldn't have happened without all the developments between all of us during the course of that year."

Yuki nodded.

"I guess it's sometimes hard to remember that all of you guys have spent a year with her as well. From a personal point of view, it seems _much_ longer. But you really do care about Haruhi, don't you?"

"My existence as a humanoid construct developed for the sole purpose of observing Suzumiya Haruhi. After remaining on standby for three years, the day I was set on active duty was not only a pleasant increase in processable data in vaster surroundings. When I first made visual contact with Suzumiya Haruhi, I experienced… satisfaction."

"You were happy then?"

"No. My function was being performed. It was simple satisfaction. It was quite different to what I have come to experience with you and Suzumiya Haruhi. I like to categorize that experience as happiness.

"Thanks." I kissed the fair girl's cheek. "Your perspective on these things does help. A lot."

Yuki smiled her beautiful little smile. "I am happy to be of assistance to you."

* * *

"Ah, hey Kyon," Sasaki peeked around my room's door, smiling eagerly. "I know we sort of forgot about the third event, but…"

I was a bit confused at first until the sight of a cooked meal and the wafting aromas arrived at my nose that I realized just how hungry I was. Never one to turn down a free meal, especially so when it's been delivered to me, I dug in eagerly. I was halfway through the meal before my hunger had weakened enough for my brain to be overheard.

"Wait, what are you planning to accomplish this time?"

Sasaki chuckled. "I see Koizumi wasn't wrong when he told me you had a rather paranoid side to you as well."

"Usually I wouldn't really suspect anything but Haruhi's in the next room with only a really thin wall between us. 'Context is everything', after all."

"Indeed," Sasaki said, before she let loose a drawn out sigh as she settled down to lie next to me, staring up at the ceiling. "Obviously I lacked the full context of you and her relationship. Though the power balance might have been more in her favor, I had believed it was all more stable than this. I had assumed your influence on her had made her… more stable."

"You're talking about the little earthquake, aren't you? Kyoko said it was probably that new power plant." Which in and of itself was a concern due to its connection to the Tsuruyas without bringing Haruhi's powers into it all. Although I suppose you could never really discount them either in anything.

"Somehow I find it rather hard to believe it was pure coincidence. If this contest really does have the potential of rousing subconscious reality warping, maybe I should just stop before something… nasty happens."

"Why is everybody always so deadly scared of her powers all the time? Yes, I _know_ she could end the world and once came close to doing it, but that was over a year ago. She's changed. On top of that, everyone seems to always focus on the negatives. What about all the positive things Haruhi's caused? She brought me together with people I now consider to be true friends. Before I never really had that. Yeah, I had friends, but not like this. I wouldn't have shared anything more than a few jokes and laughs with them. With the SOS Brigade and even you, I can share so much more, what I hate and like, what I'm scared of and what I hope for, even if it is really stupid."

Sasaki didn't answer, still staring with weary placidness up at the ceiling.

"My point is, Haruhi's done good things too. Maybe she could do even better things, like you suggested on the train."

"…The problem is, Kyon, it's by and large her subconscious that's in charge. And when the subconscious that is in charge is somewhat unstable, little things can easily become big things. Annoyances can gestate and pop out as anger, doubts can bloom into fears. No offense, Kyon, but if the power was in the hand of someone calmer and less prone to impulsiveness, like me for example, this probably wouldn't even be a topic worth considering."

For a moment less than a second I was reminded of Koizumi's distant warnings about Sasaki and my deep instilled trust in her. After witnessing firsthand how easily she could start playing this game with Haruhi, it didn't seem quite as much as heresy as it had for so long.

"…Would you still take it if it was offered to you?"

Sasaki remained silent for a long time. "…I don't know… Maybe, if I really felt I had to…"

"Then let's hope that day never comes."

"Yeah…"

After Sasaki had left with my empty dishes, I opened the doors to the beach and leaned against the frame, watching the evening spread and darken over the beach.

Sasaki didn't want the powers, I knew that. Even so, I was like a paranoid android sometimes, like I was programmed to engage in suspicion and doubt whenever possible. Right now a part of me was weighing in on how credible it was that Sasaki had been playing me along like a harp. It was crazy though, if everything was some sort of plan, Sasaki would have either had to know about the future when we met in cram school to make it all happen, to instill in me this trust in her to further the only way anyone knew to transfer Haruhi's (or Sasaki's) power (back) to her. Of course, there had been that one other time traveler…

It was crazy though. Sasaki simply didn't have that drive. She might have the cunning and forethought of an evil mastermind like Haruhi sometimes, but unlike Haruhi Sasaki lacked that deep burning drive. She was at peace with her place in the world. There was no way Kyoko and her alien and time traveling allies could have come to convince her to hatch a plan that spanned years in the making. No teenager had that kind of patience, not unless they were like Sasaki of course…

…

…

…

Damn it. Sometimes I really did hate where my mind could go.

It was stupid, it had to be. After going through huge, terrible, life threatening fights that had shown the worst of what Haruhi's powers could bring, wouldn't showing up now be the best time to convince me into helping transfer the power though? And how did that even work? Kyoko had spoken of my importance in it back when we had properly been introduced to each other in that café. And now she was here as well. Maybe I should finally ask her about that and make sure I get a clear answer.

_Sigh._

There were too many things you'd have to take into account, too many unknowables, too many things that you couldn't predict, too many things that could simply go wrong that should have prevented from all of this being some kind of long term con. It was stupid, but standing there alone in the dark, it actually felt like a vague possibility. The worst part was in knowing that Sasaki actually had become the only person I'd trust with these powers over these years. She was calm and collected, with no obsessions or intense ambitions, nothing that those stupid powers could twist around like some evil monkey's paw. Haruhi was full of wishes and desires to make grotesque mockeries out of, but Sasaki? Sasaki was like the second coming of the Buddha. Which was exactly the kind of person I might actually consider giving the powers to after everything…

…

Damn it.

…

Damn it all.

The world around me, even with the beautiful beaches and waters before me, was always conspiring against me. It had all warped me, I told myself, feeling like I was just trying to rationalize it all away. The opposite of course was more likely, but who would have ever liked to admit to something like that? It was the world, always the world around me and never me, right? Unfortunately I knew better these days thanks to the tutelage of my friends. Life was what you made it, but sometimes it was as much a tacky gift as it was a useful curse.

Of course standing about alone in the dark probably didn't help matters much.

The door of my room slid open again with a heavy 'thunk'-sound as it hit its limit, swiftly closing again before I had even turned my head to see who it was. I was pushed about and onto my back, two hands pressing down on my chest. The sudden vertigo of my head swishing so violently back left me dazed as the ceiling had rushed past my eyes. Something settled against my hips, something smooth, warm and firm wrapping around them. I only had time to blink before a brown blur passed my eyes, two dark amber lights twinkling as soft, thin things were pressed against my lips.

"I'm using you. Totally just using you."

"I… I actually don't have a problem with that." _Oddly_ enough, I noted, and hell if I could even come up with a good sounding reason for that with Haruhi's hungry lips against mine that wouldn't make me sound completely brainless.

"Shut up," Haruhi said strictly as she kissed me again. "_You're being used_."

Just as I was getting used to the sweet feel of her lips against mine, something wet and sleek slid through my mouth, batting my stunned tongue out of the way before it started swirling about like it was an anaconda trying to coil itself around my tongue. Haruhi's tongue swam around in my mouth like an oiled penguin, slipping and sliding against mine with acrobatic skill.

How could a tongue feel like this? Had I really been the first guy she had ever kissed?

I moved my shoulders, trying to get into a more comfortable position, to give her a better chance to nestle in closer against me, but just as I made my move, a hand firmly pushed me away, sending the back of my head against the hard wooden floor.

"Aghh!"

"Done," Haruhi simply stated as she got up off me.

"You're… huh? What? Done, but you –"

The 'thunk'-sound made its appearance yet again as Haruhi swiftly left, moving so fast I couldn't even see her face, before the door slid shut, leaving me alone, hot and bothered but with my doubts and concerns blasted clear out of my head. I was left winded enough not to even bother thinking what had spurred that sudden and aggressive show of affection. But whatever it had been, I was glad it had happened even if I'd only gotten a little taste.


	64. The Beginning of the End

"Rise and shine!"

…?

"C'mon!"

"…Whuh?"

"Time's a wasting!"

Haruhi seemed to have regained some of her cheerful energy, channeling it in her usual belligerent manner. Too bad the end of the pillow I leveraged over my head did very little in terms of defense against her.

"Up you get!"

Whether this had been caused by our talk the other day or what I had come to think of as a stress relieving kissing incident I couldn't have said. Either way, I sort of regretted at least one of them at the moment. I probably got more sleep on a school night than I had.

"Up~pa~pappa~up~up!" The sing song torment continued.

"It's too early…"

"It's a bright morning!" Haruhi simply said like it counted as an actual counter-argument, as if the more cheerful it was the more persuasive it was.

Haruhi was putting me in mind of my sister, something I didn't like to have done to me concerning the girl I would occasionally make out with. And it certainly didn't help that she'd tied her hair into a lopsided ponytail much like my little sister's.

This was the worst morning ever.

"Could you…"

"What?"

"Fix your ponytail, please?"

Haruhi frowned warily. "Why?"

"No reason…"

There was bit of silence for a moment as Haruhi simply discarded her ponytail completely before she continued with my waking. "Up!"

"…"

"What's with you today?" Haruhi asked, frowning with her tongue bulging up the side of a cheek

"Nothing. It's vacation. _You_ keep saying that. Vacation for me means sleeping for as long as you want."

"Oh, would you look at the time."

"Why? What time is it?" This should be good…

"It's about time I stopped caring about your stupid, half-assed excuses. Up! Get! Up!"

"Why…?" I moaned as my limp body was pulled up by the arms.

"There's a festival today! We have to go and see!"

"But what about –"

"Never mind that! We can still do that afterwards!"

"But the other day you wouldn't quit on account of anything!"

"It's my damn competition, isn't it? I can postpone it if I want. Now get the hell up! If I have to dress you up, pour your breakfast down your throat and carry you to get you to come, I'll do it!"

Be my guest…

"UP!"

Oww! "Great, now my ear's ringing. Did you have to flick it _and_ shout in it?"

"Probably. Maybe I _live_ on your annoyance."

"…" I had known my little teasing of Haruhi the other day would come back to haunt me, but I hadn't expected it _this_ soon.

"Well?" Haruhi queried impatiently.

"No. Vacation time. Let me sleep, woman." 'You're worse than my mom', I had the good grace (or enough wits about at this ungodly hour) not to say though.

"Fine! Be that way!"

Are you really relenting? "Thanks…" I guess.

It really did seem like Haruhi had backed off. I was given blissful silence and it felt like I'd soon be lulled into sleep again due to it. But then slowly, as if coming from a vast distance, I heard the slow rub of fabric against fabric. I cracked open one eye lid but couldn't see anything aside from the wooden ceiling. There was a soft little tug on my sheets and then they were pulled up higher, but only slightly so.

What's going on?

Something was definitely moving at the end of my mat, sliding in under the sheets. I sat up and found a sheet covered bump where my feet were. Suddenly I could feel a hand brush against my calves, slender fingers gliding over my skin, sending goosebumps up my entire leg.

"Woah! Wait! What do you think you're doing under there?"

"I told you didn't I?"

Told me what? Was I _that_ tired just a minute ago as to miss something concerning this? What did you tell me?

Haruhi was practically on top of me now.

"Hold on, you idiot! I'm not wearing any –"

Haruhi came to a sudden stop around my midriff. The advance of the sheet covered hill had halted and that probably wasn't going to be a good thing. I flopped back onto my mattress, sighing as a last resort. The sheet was tossed up off my chest and over Haruhi, sitting on my chest now with the sheets draped around her.

"What the hell…?" Haruhi stared at me with an eyebrow raised to incredulous heights. "You're wearing socks but not… you have _got_ to be the weirdest person ever!"

"It was really hot at night so I… but then I got cold feet… and…" Why was I even bothering? Nothing I could say would help me out of this awkward situation right now, not even the truth. "But hey, at least we're even now…"

Haruhi tilted her head quizzically, frowning at me in miscomprehension until understanding dawned on her face in red glory. "As–as if! It hardly even compares!"

"Ouch. You don't have to put it like that."

"I–I–I didn't mean it like that! _Idiot_!" Haruhi grabbed my pillow, yanked it roughly from under my head and threw it in my face. It was then yanked off and raised over Haruhi's shoulder threateningly. "And get up already!" She stared at me angrily, her face red and frowning. "…And I didn't mean _that_ any other way either!" The pillow was thrown into my face, hard (well, for a pillow).

"I didn't even say anything," I calmly pointed out from underneath the soothing darkness of pillow that was drawing me away back into the depths of sleep.

"Shut up, pervert!"

You wish I was…

"Just because I've been cutting you some slack recently, doesn't mean you get to run amuck!"

This was all a bit too much for me to handle in my current state of mind and body. I was too weary to match wit with a loud half-wit and naked enough to make myself a uncomfortably aware of my own body.

"Look, how about this?"I asked, trying to stifle a yawn. "I promise to get up and do as you want if you just leave me alone for five minutes, okay?"

"Tth! Some gall! You think you're in any _position_ to negotiate? I mean _literally_! If I just turn around and grab you by the-"

"Okay, okay! I'm getting up!" I said. I was fairly certain she might actually carry out her threat, whatever it had been exactly, and I had no desire to test her patience in case I ended up finding out in any case. I pulled up the sheets with me to cover myself a bit as I got up. "Happy?"

Haruhi gave me a look, her face scrunched up in a frown like she was appraising an old cheese wondering if it had been out in the sun too long. "Not really."

"Just get out, will ya?" I said, feeling even more awkward in my own skin.

"Whatever."

After dressing I found Haruhi waiting outside my door, leaning against supporting pillar with her arms crossed and her lips in a queer pucker. She still looked a bit rosy-cheeked, but that was just fine with me. A Haruhi burning up with any old passion of hers, whether it was even anger or annoyance, was a nice to see again, all things considered. That meant she wasn't bottling it up to explode at a later date.

"So why did you wake me up again so early?

"There's a festival today."

"What festival?"

"How should I know?" Haruhi asked peevishly.

Typical. "So you just woke me to harass me then."

"No. We need to prepare."

"Why? It's a festival. You just go there and enjoy yourself. What's there to prepare?"

Haruhi clucked her tongue admonishingly, waving a finger beside her face, now drawn into smug frown. I hankered down mentally for a flash flood of Haruhi-logic I knew was coming. "Kyon, Kyon, Kyon… Look where we are. We're in a traditional town with a traditional setting with a traditional festival about to begin."

I think I could see where this was going despite all the subtle use of language. "We need something 'traditional' for it, don't we?"

"Hff. Even the broken clock is right twice a day. It seems."

"Seems? Shouldn't that be obvious by itself?" That was probably one of those _a priori_ thingies Sasaki and Koizumi liked to discuss on occasion. Probably.

"I could have said the same thing before about preparing for the festival, but naturally I'm above such petty remarks," Haruhi said, showily articulating at her chest in a nearly regal manner. Her personage was in a particularly good mood today for some reason, but I was actually happy even if that meant belittling me in a very crude manner. It was nice trading some verbal blows in a sparring manner again, even if Haruhi's jabs were as nonsensical and hypocritical as ever.

"Of _course_. Anyway, what's your idea of preparation?"

"Yukata of course, sheesh. I'm sure they've got to have plenty of those lying around in a totally traditional place like this."

"Sure, just like they're bound to have lions in every African town. Or a polar bear on every street above the Arctic circle."

"More like they're bound to have annoying nay-sayers like you everywhere trying to stomp on people's fun. How you managed to get _any_ friends outside the SOS Brigade _still_ astounds me."

"One of life's great mysteries, I'm sure," I said before adding in a lower voice, "for you at any rate."

"What was that?" Haruhi asked before actually hissing a fake whisper really loudly in a mocking response, "_Probably something whiny_."

Haruhi's plans were soon made apparent to everyone else in typically loud fashion. Most of them met the idea with their usually compliant manner whenever Haruhi suggested something. Only Sasaki seemed somewhat reserved while Kyoko failed to react at all in any way aside from stopping to set the breakfast table for us, as it seemed like breakfast would be delayed today due to Haruhi's plans.

"No peeking!" Haruhi had told me vehemently after she had been led to a room that did indeed contain spare yukata for all of us. It had been an odd procession getting there, as Haruhi had tried to seize control and lead at the front, but not knowing where the clothes were, had been forced into a sort of awkward walk either one or two steps in front of Kyoko, our true guide, or a few behind when Kyoko took a turn Haruhi hadn't been expecting whenever Haruhi got on ahead of us.

"What, like I tried back at the hot spa?" I had asked, rolling me eyes.

"Yes," Haruhi had simply stated, as if it was blindingly obvious a fact.

I had sighed, but smiled as well at this.

I was in a really good mood today for some reason. Even Haruhi's silliness felt about 34% more charming than usual. However, there were a few little negative factors preventing me from attaining a glorious and magical level of the astounding level of 60% satisfaction and contentment I rarely achieved. If that figure seemed low to anyone, they were probably a bit too oblivious to everything in the world, a lot like Haruhi whose highs of satisfaction could easily reach levels of 150% of that of a normal person. Then again, Haruhi could reach some impressive lows as well.

But anyway, while the girls were busy trying on various different colored yukata, I took the chance to go out into the woods and see my ninja associate about a certain little task. The girl seemed to look a bit better than before, the shadows under eyes not quite as deep as the last time I'd seen her, but she took my information and suggestion with typical business-like curtness of hers.

By the time I returned, Koizumi, Sasaki and Kyoko were waiting outside on the porch. Koizumi was in a rather boring yukata with blue and white vertical lines, grinning softly to himself as he thumbed his way through a little booklet. Sasaki was in cherry leaf pink one with big white floral patterns around the edges. Kyoko stood beside her in a lemon yellow one with green little birds flying across the cloth, tying up her friend's hair into a little artistic bun. Kyoko looked quite serene like that, working on little folds and twisting the hair about like some rope. Even though Sasaki's shoulder length hair was a limiting factor, Kyoko seemed quite content with her work, smiling gently all the while. Sasaki was looking passively out to sea, leaning forward against the railing with her chin in her palm.

"Haruhi still in there?" I asked as I came up the little stairs next to him.

"Naturally. Suzumiya-san always seems to be unable to resist the urge to treat Asahina-san like a doll of her own, or Nagato-san either when the opportunity for it arrives," Koizumi said, turning a page, his smile widening a little as a squeak and a grunt came from inside. "Suzumiya-san seems to be in good spirits today. Yesterday had me a bit worried."

"You should know better by now, don't you think?"

"I suppose. I've been watching her for so long, but now that she's going through her biggest changes… I feel I'm being left out more than before…" Koizumi let out a little sigh of air. His smile looked like someone's who had given up the cutest of the litter of puppies he'd raised to someone else to take home. But when he turned to face me his smile was the happy mask it usually was. "I'm sure you must be quite proud of what you've achieved."

"I suppose… though I really wouldn't have thought of it like that."

"I suppose that's what she likes in you…"

Koizumi was in one of his moods again, the ones that made me wonder how much he shared with his alternate version's within Yuki's world. A part of me really would have liked to know if he really felt more for Haruhi than he'd ever allow to let on, but another part of me didn't want to impose like that on him, and yet another, perhaps louder part, didn't want to hear something like that about Haruhi from him at all. But whatever was the case, I didn't really want to risk knowing. There was an off chance I could let Koizumi unburden himself, what a friend probably should do, but that revealed burden could simply latch onto me which wasn't something I wanted either if I was being perfectly honest with myself.

My earlier and rather shameful thoughts from last night returned however thanks to Koizumi's mood. I decided I wanted to talk with Sasaki, to let her put me at ease like only she sometimes had the knack for. Kyoko noticed me approaching and her gentle smile slowly drifted away. She stared at me passively for a moment before she strode off on her own without a word.

"So, you guys are done with your competition then? For today at least?"

"Yes…" Sasaki glanced sideways at me before she looked off again at the horizon. "Kyon, just in case I've caused any unnecessary strife or confusion for you, I… I'd like to apologize. I did not mean to cause any harm to you or anyone else. I misjudged."

"Don't worry about it. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Do you think we should completely forego what I'd planned originally?"

"Do whatever you like. True, it might make Haruhi angry and annoyed, but sometimes she needs to be pushed and prodded. She's rough like that."

"All right then, I'll… use my better judgment." An amused huff escaped from her nose before she smiled at me. "This time."

"Let's just have a fun time today. That's all I want right now."

"Yes, right now…"

Maybe it was just me but the others all seemed to be in a slightly downhearted mood, like it had just been announced that Christmas would be snowless or the Tachibana eve would be dark and rainy. Whatever fun was to come, it wouldn't be as fun as it should have been and it would just be a small respite on the way to an uncertain future which was the result of past caution and worry. I didn't know why the three were feeling like this.

"Are you guys all still worried about that little tremor the other day?" I asked Sasaki, though it was really aimed at both Koizumi and Kyoko as well. It was possible after all that the two espers were picking up on something I or anyone else couldn't thanks to their powers along with Sasaki, as observant as ever, picking up on their distress.

"I'm afraid it will always remain a worry to some degree, even if Suzumiya-san has achieved increasing levels of stability. A wise man may hope for the best, but should always expect the worst as well," Koizumi answered.

"Indeed," Kyoko agreed, but it lacked the sort of 'I told you so' undertone to it she might have had to it weeks ago.

"Well if it really was somehow related to Haruhi and Haruhi alone and not those Tsuruyas' power plant and that super esper we know is there (need I remind you guys of these factoids?), I have a strong feeling it's not a problem anymore," I said.

"Oh, and why is that?" Sasaki asked, still looking out at sea but I could spot the little curl to the side of her mouth. "Did you take care of it or something?"

"I… well, no, that is, what I mean…"

I should just have shut up and not have said anything. Judging by the grin Sasaki was now sporting, the almost defeated but relieved smile of Koizumi's and the little displeased pucker of Kyoko's lips, it seemed it wasn't too hard to imagine that I'd let a little too much slip among these kinds of people. For anyone else their discretion and sense of tact to not to say anything more might have been a good thing, but Sasaki's grin and Koizumi thoughtful stare alone were enough to unset my stomach. But somehow Kyoko being privy to more details than she had cared to hear was perhaps the most… embarrassing, I suppose. I was a private person, but with these people in my live it hardly ever felt like I would be given the chance to live my life without feeling like I was under a microscope.

But just as I thought I'd been trapped on all sides by knowing looks, Haruhi pushed her way out of the house, the sliding doors clapping loudly. Her hair had been done up nicely into a little loop behind her head, sort of like ponytail but with the end coming back again to be pinned down flat against the back of her head. She was in a rich red yukata, with darker crimson patterns weaving their way around her body.

"Well?" Haruhi asked, walking forward, thrusting her hands to her hips.

"Huh?" I was caught off guard by the sudden shift in atmosphere from a pressuring focus from all sides and now a more concentrated one from Haruhi.

"What do you think?" Haruhi said, turning about gingerly, but turning her head around quickly as she went to keep me in sight as much as possible.

"Oh, you look great."

Kyoko was quietly glowering at Haruhi. "Did you really have to push the doors open like that? They're really old, you know."

Haruhi returned a similar look, but thankful didn't take to arms. "Well, _sorry_," she said, "but these kind of things are to be done in a certain type of way. You can't just slowly edge your way out. A tarp is always pulled off in a fast fashion for a big reveal. People need to take the whole thing in at once or they'll focus on the totally useless little details."

"I see," Kyoko said coolly, turning away to look off, thankfully. For a moment I'd been worried we might have the beginnings of another shouting match between the pair.

Asahina-san came out next, dressed in yellow with red fish hopping across the yellow, like they were hopping out of the water to greet the rising sun.

"I… I'm not really sure about this…"

"It's fine, it's fine," Haruhi said, waving her concerns away with hand like they were little flies.

"It would be difficult to find anything that didn't suit you, Asahina-san," Koizumi said, saying what I had wanted to. The girl blushed a little at the compliment but was quick to courteously thank him.

Yuki came out last in a simple white one. At first I thought it was just white, but as she approached it seemed like there was a certain blue tinge to it that shifted in the light. As she got closer I realized it was speckled with tiny blue spots. She had managed to walk nearly up to me when I realized she was carrying something. Pressed to her lower abdomen, half hidden behind her arms, was a wrapped up yukata, a deep green not unlike that of our school uniform with deep red squares at large intervals. "What's that?" I asked her.

"We chose it for you," she answered.

"'We?'"

Yuki just nodded.

I sort of wanted to know who exactly this 'we' had included in addition to the obvious fierce and nosey leader of ours. Perhaps they had all been asked their opinions on it by Haruhi at some point, but the fact that it was Yuki handing it to me made me feel like they'd found _exactly_ the right color for me. Who knows, maybe even aliens can grow a flare for fashion, so who am I, a lowly human, to argue with an interface of some supreme overmind? At least, that was how I liked to think about it.

It didn't take long for me to go inside and change, and by the look of things, what with girls' clothes all over the place, most of it in neat piles aside from the ones that looked a lot like Haruhi's, I could leave my other clothes there as well. When I got out everybody else was chatting away and I managed to say a few things myself as well.

"Well, it's nearly noon. I think we could all do with some food, especially if we're going to be out all day," Kyoko announced suddenly, clapping her hands together briefly, adopting a polite and courteous demeanor as she led us all to a late brunch, acting like the perfect host. Even I received a pleasant 'thank you' when she delivered a bowl of fruit to me and I complimented her on her dress.

After we'd finished eating we walked to the festival with Kyoko in the lead. Her great-grandmother had set us off with a smile and a wave. The girl seemed to take heart in this until her granny commented on how nice it was to see her going out again, making Kyoko blush and tell her granny off, but to no avail as the crone seemed to only delight in her great-granddaughter's mortification.

The festival was indeed what one might expect; lots of games and shows. Music and the sounds of dancing were all around us. The air was thick and stuffed with noise; of cheering and shouting and laughter loudest of all. Even the air smelled lively with the smell of fried sea food and vegetables.

Everyone seemed to be in a good now that we were out among the festivities. You had to hand it Haruhi at least in that regard, that she was great at providing happy distractions. Even she herself seemed to be quite charmed and elated. She took me by the arm, practically hugging her body against mine as she pulled me along, pointing at people and things with near child-like enthusiasm. It was indeed great to enjoy such nice and innocent things in her company after everything that had come before. There were no dark, chilly wintery winds here in the heart of happy summer fun. Haruhi's body was warm and soft against mine, the thin fabrics between our skin barely even registering, making my skin tingle. I felt so happy I was starting to thinking my brain had gone on vacation as well at last.

Haruhi was quick to get at some games. Although Haruhi shined in any little competition she jumped into, she was particularly deadly at an ancient whack-a-mole game that looked like it had been put together nearly a hundred years ago. After finishing that game with a furious flurry, giving her mallet a fanciful twirl, Haruhi gave Sasaki something like a challenging look but Sasaki either chose to ignore it didn't in fact notice it.

For most of the day however I was given a chance to hang with everyone else equally, aside from Kyoko who still kept mainly to Sasaki's company. Even so, Kyoko's and my interactions as such weren't stilted or more awkward than they were with anyone else. It was just that she hardly ever seemed to be around me, but at least even she was smiling with the rest of us as we wandered about looking at all the interesting things about for us to discover.

I alone stopped at little tent that was selling what Haruhi would definitely have termed as 'traditional' things. There were even some masks for kids, ones that reminded me of one Yuki had gotten once at some event or whatever. It was surprisingly hard to remember where exactly we had been and doing what, now that I thought about it. Haruhi had filled our lives with near endless amounts of celebrations so that it had all started to meld into one giant tangled mess. A pleasant and warm mess, but a mess nevertheless. Time had simply blown past in her company. But that would have to be enough reminiscing about the past, since my reverie had probably left me far behind the others. I was just about to leave when I felt a light touch against my lower back.

"Don't turn around." If I hadn't recognized the voice, I might have shouted in surprise instead of simply growing anxious. My little ninja had apparently arrived to report. How she knew where to find me was a bit disconcerting since I hadn't told her anything about this day's plans. "I completed scoping out the energy plant. I found nothing out of the ordinary but I have schematics and pictures."

I guess those were good things to have, just in case.

"I also made visual contact with the other target. He was simply lounging around, reading a book. Bored looking, as you initially described, fits him perfectly, I have to say."

"He wasn't doing anything?"

"He hardly spoke with anyone. He remained close to a room with a safe in it. I was unable to assess the contents. Whatever it is they have in there, they've chipped in a lot of money to keep safe. I noticed at least seven different alarm systems dedicated to that room. Otherwise security was typical for such a facility."

"So, we have no idea what it is they have there…"

"None. However, from conversations I managed to overhear, it seems to be a critical component in their next stage. They spoke of how things would go differently now, that they would not repeat the same mistakes as they had four years ago, that they would be able to contain the energies released better. They plan on activating the device in a matter of days, maybe even today, but that seemed unlikely."

"All right, thanks."

There was no reply and when I turned around a second or two later the girl was already long gone. It was pointless to look around, I knew, but I couldn't help my disbelief that any normal human being could be capable of such an easy disappearing act so I ended up looking around like an idiot in any case.

Without any signs of the younger Mori-san I went off to find the others. All around me the festival of whatever was starting to pick up. More people had shown up, plenty of them dressed like us. The smell of fried food was thick and heavy in the air; it felt like walking through haze of fat. Little children ran about, nearly knocking me off my feet on more than one occasion as they bumped into my legs before they scurried off with laughs and shouts, chasing each other without any notion of courtesy. I shouted after them every time until perhaps the fifth or sixth time it happened before I simply gave up. A pair of old men sitting on a bench spotted me and nodded their heads at me sympathetically, one of them even shrugging in that 'what can you do'-sort of way. I had a sensation of both kindred spirit with them but also worry at such a connection with men who must have been well over eighty years.

I spotted my friends around a salesman selling shaved ice by I letting my ears lead the way towards the loudest parts of the festival; Haruhi must have been arguing the merits of certain flavors by the sound of it. As I hurried on towards them I bumped into someone yet again. Feeling more impeded than before, as I now had a certain direction I'd been heading in , I had more than half a mind to grab the kid that had bumped into me and give him a mouthing off, but the person before me was another old man in old raggedy clothes, smiling toothlessly at me.

"Flowers?" the man asked, lifting a basket he'd been holding up so I see all the attractive colors amassed within.

"What? No, sorry. I'm not the type, really."

"Certainly a young, handsome bachelor such as yourself has a significant other to whom a pretty flower would be a nice compliment."

I considered this for a moment before I agreed with the smooth talking salesman against my better judgment, as I was fairly certain I was being ripped off once the prices became public. I liked to think it would be worth it, though.

"Uhmm… thanks, I guess…" Haruhi said uncertainly, looking awkwardly at her gift as she received it. It felt like she was doing her best not to simply toss the flower away like an unwanted birthday present. In fact, she seemed almost shocked and weirded out by the gift, like she had no idea what to do with it.

Yuki's reaction was rather similar, to my disappointment. She thanked me as well, but it didn't seem quite so heartfelt either. The girl dangled the flower before her, examining it from every angle. Eventually she held it to her chest though with one hand, apparently intent on carrying it like that for the rest of the night. Asahina-san accepted her gift with a typical blush and a polite thank you. Sasaki was also courteous about her flower as expected.

When I next turned about to look around, I thought Haruhi had actually ditched her flower, but she'd simply tucked it behind her ear. Both Asahina-san and Sasaki followed suit, each helping the other fix the pretty little thing properly.

_One more to go, I guess_.

Kyoko was standing off to the side as had become her habit nowadays, looking a bit somber all alone and out of the light. When I approached she looked at me curiously, but as I got closer to her, her eyes became fixed to the last flower I had in my hands. Even when I was standing right in front of her, she wouldn't lift her eyes from the flower.

"Thanks, Kyon," Kyoko said softly, staring long and hard at the flower, looking at it like it was a long lost family heirloom returned to her, before her deep eyes shifted to look up at me. For a moment I thought I had seen a glimmer of something in her eyes that had been missing ever since I'd seen her here on this island but it was gone as she spun around and hurried off to where Sasaki was.

Sigh… Why was I still so hung up on the cute esper? She'd moved on, so why couldn't I? For some reason I wanted to have even half of what I'd had with her before. I didn't want to chase her or anything like that but now that I was seeing her again, I wished she could be as much a part of my life as much as all the others I cared about.

The day continued nicely and everyone was enjoying their time as far I could tell. It was well past noon when I noticed Haruhi wasn't among the group as we were headed towards some sort of act or show or something. She'd stopped next to a pole we'd passed on our way and seemed to be completely captivated by something attached to it. I walked up to her to see what she had found.

"Another one? This one's a girl…" I heard Haruhi mutter as she stared intently at one of the posters pinned to the pole. She only looked off ponderingly once at the hills to her left, before returning her attention to the poster.

"Hey, what are you looking at? Something interesting?" I asked as I came up to her.

"Huh?" It was like she had snapped out of a indecent daydream, looking about animatedly before she realized I was behind her. "N-nothing! C'mon! Let's get going!"

Even so, as she hurried off, I took a closer look at the poster, still curious about what had had her so fixated, more so because of her reaction than anything else. The poster she had been examining had to have been the one about the girl staring happily back at me, gone missing four days ago. She was our age and had apparently last been sighted around the big hills at the north side of town. I looked north and spotted a lonely but large house on top of it.

This was weird. Since when did Haruhi ignore the promise of adventure and mystery? Wasn't a missing person exactly her type of thing? She'd certainly put plenty of effort into Asakura back in the day when she'd disappeared.

But since it looked like I wasn't going to get any answers from Haruhi, I'd have to sate my curiosity to some extent turning to another source. I worked up my courage and approached Kyoko, but it must have still looked a lot like a shy little boy inching towards a girl who was the queen of the school by the way I got closer in a gawky manner.

"What's that big house, or mansion I guess, on the hill?" I asked, happy enough with myself that I didn't sound too nervous.

"Oh? That old thing?" Kyoko asked, stepping up next to me to get a better look on her toes. "It's indeed an old mansion. It was abandoned shortly after the war. Most people say the owner lost his business and couldn't afford the place. But it's remained abandoned because…"

"What?"

"No, it's stupid. We shouldn't mind the old place at all."

"C'mon, tell me," I used my more coaxing tone.

Kyoko sighed. "Fine, since you asked. It's supposedly haunted."

"_Haunted_?" Haruhi's interest piqued immediately, even from a distance. She strode over to us quickly. "What's haunted?"

"Nothing," Kyoko replied curtly.

"I _heard_ you say it," Haruhi said, sounding like she wasn't going to be in a very patient mood with Kyoko.

Kyoko thankfully only sighed and shrugged in defeat. Once again I'd been worried the two girls would start another row, but thankfully at least Kyoko had a cool enough head on her shoulders not to try for a second round. Or maybe whatever her granny had said had been enough to curtail any future fights; Kyoko had seemed quite frightened when old lady Tachibana had found her yelling. It wouldn't be much of a stretch that the old woman took a more conservative approach to discipline, even if she was sweet and kindly. My grandparents could also be quite strict given the opportunity and did manage to inspire more fear in my parents than me and my sister.

"That house on the hill, the big one. They say it's haunted," Kyoko quickly supplied, probably hoping to hop on away from this particular conversation if the slight flexing and tensing of her ankles were any indication.

"Why?" Haruhi asked, crossing her arms while squinting at the distant mansion.

"What do you mean 'why'?" Kyoko asked, more brusquely now.

"What's so special about it? Was someone murdered there? Have there been ghost sightings? Was it built over an ancient temple or shrine or some kind of burial mound or what?"

"I don't know," Kyoko said with voice that sounded like it had wanted to ask a more aggressively put 'how should I know?' originally, like all this talk of haunting was for people much dumber than herself.

"There must be _some_ reason for it."

"Well the previous owner's daughter was said to have committed suicide, but I have no idea if it's true. If it did happen, my granny's probably the only one around here who would remember, but she never talks about the place. I've asked her before."

"A suicide, huh… I guess that could cause a haunting."

"Actually, people say it's the other way around."

"Huh?"

"They say the haunting _caused_ the suicide. Weird, crazy things happen in there at night, apparently."

"What kind?"

Once again Kyoko's answer was an annoyed one as she started glowering at Haruhi for added affect, growing weary of all the questions. "How should I know? I haven't been here in years." She blew some air out the corner of her mouth and seemed to grow a bit calmer. "No one's been there for years… there were some accidents or something… like… four years ago, involving some kids, but I don't think any of them died…"

Four years ago, four years ago, four years ago… I've been hearing that a lot lately. It felt like I was back to over a year ago, but instead it was four years ago rather than the old three I kept hearing all the time now. This was all starting to go well past the point of mere coincidence.

"Although…"

"What?"

"I heard they were nearly all institutionalized afterwards… whatever they'd seen or had done to them… Look, can we not talk about this, okay? It creeps me out."

"…Fine," Haruhi agreed reluctantly

It had probably been the most civil conversation the pair had had in a long time.

For the rest of the evening we settled down at the edge of the festival to eat various things we'd bought along the way. Most of the food was fried, although there were a few delicious stews and cooked meals as well. Even so it was all delicious, containing a certain quality to it you simply couldn't get in cities.

Everyone seemed to be in high spirits for once at the same time. There was laughter and talking all around me. It was getting quite late when I realized that one of our number had faded away into the background, withdrawing to herself in uncharacteristic fashion. I was actually a bit surprised to see Haruhi standing off on her own, leaning against a nearby tree, her arms crossed as she looked upwards at the top of a hill, her eyes fixed on the lonely mansion on top.

When there was a break in a conversation between Asahina-san and Sasaki I'd been a part of as well I excused myself. I gingerly approached Haruhi, hoping to spot something that would tip me off on what exactly it was that she was feeling but I didn't find anything discreet as I got closer pensive looking girl.

"Hey… you've been staring at that house for a long time."

"I have?" Haruhi seemed to stir from her gazing as if from a dream, blinking warily around her.

"…You wanna go up there, don't you?"

"Nnn… no, not really." She sounded hesitant at first but then resigned.

Haruhi's almost forlorn manner made even me stop and feel glum. It wasn't like her. What was she keeping from me? What had changed for her?

"Hey, if it means so much to you, we can go see the supposedly haunted mansion."

Haruhi turned to look at me with big bright eyes. Her expression was unlike any I'd seen on her before. It was eager like she could often get, but there was a certain resolved quality to it, a certain uncertainty keeping it in check. However, there was also a happy surprise playing around the corners of her mouth.

"_Really_?"

"Wh… Why are you asking _me_?"

"I'm _not_! That's totally stupid! I just…" Haruhi's voice turned soft as she glanced meekly at the mansion again.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"You can tell me."

"I just… _damn_ it. I _really_ wanna go but…"

"If you want to, then we can go."

"It's not about that…"

Haruhi hadn't quite been her usual ever since we ran into Fuyumi. She was keeping something from me concerning it all and it seemed to be hindering her 'true' sense of adventure. This little… vacation didn't count as the typical Haruhi. This was just that, a vacation for her, with no ulterior motives, something quite reasonable after coming into contact with something as stressful as a murderous slider/teleporter, something completely _not_ Haruhi. I realized there was only one way I could find any answer, doing what I'd told Sasaki earlier today. I was going to find out what it was, even if I had to force it out of her.

"…Fine. It's decided then. We're going." I took her by the hand. "We're going on an adventure and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Kyon, you…" Haruhi's colored surprise left her speechless as I pulled her along after me.

Geez, talk about a role reversal… _me_ dragging _Haruhi_ into adventure. Not too long ago it had been her dragging me to a mysterious fair.

Haruhi followed me silently, in strangely cowed state for her. Her hand was tightly gripping mine though, which I took to be a good sign.

It wasn't hard to get the others to go along, especially as Haruhi soon took the lead in her usual fashion, stepping out from behind me once it became apparent I wasn't the best speech giver. She'd say stuff about adventure and mystery, about solemn duties not only as SOS Brigade members but as human beings (this was probably on account of Sasaki's and Kyoko's presence), and how perfectly signs of her own design fit together this evening.

We soon headed back to the inn and changed into something more practical. Well, I suppose skirts are more practical than yukata at least, as all the girls switched to one. Most of them pulled on kneesocks and light jackets and vests for the cooling evening however. Koizumi and I also put on some proper pants and shirts.

I was alone waiting outside while Koizumi had gone to fetch flashlights when Kyoko came to me.

"We really shouldn't be doing this…" Kyoko muttered glumly.

"Why?" I asked.

"That place… even if it isn't cursed, it's old and dilapidated. There's a reason no one except idiots on a dare go there."

"Well, at least I'm not doing it on dare. Not too sure about the idiot part though."

And then I finally got one out of Kyoko, a happy little smile. I smiled back at her, but that seemed to have been the wrong thing to do for whatever reason. Kyoko's wonderful smile evaporated like a drop of water off the side of a pyramid in the middle of the day as she saw mine. She backed off, looking guarded for a passing moment before she hurried off.

Damn it…

Anyway, we were well on our way to the mansion when Koizumi walked up to my side. "Are you certain we should be doing this?" he asked, "Going into an abandoned building at when there could still be more of those people about who attacked us on the train?"

"If we stick together, what can they do? Especially if we have Nagato with us."

"Hmmm… I'm just worried. They came at us so suddenly, in such a rash fashion, that it feels strange how we've been allowed to be so much at ease for so long. It's almost… unnatural."

"Maybe they've learned not to mess with us."

"Maybe… which is even more unnerving than the alternatives, to be quite honest."

"Yeah, I suppose… but we've faced worse things than a few thugs."

Koizumi gave a modest smile. "Yes, I suppose you're right."

The hike up the wooded hill was actually pretty easy. The wind that rustled the leaves, whispering around us, lent a nice cooling effect. The incline of the slope was slow to begin and it was only near the tope that I actually had to bend my knees a bit on the climb. And before I knew it, there it was, the haunted mansion I was dragging everyone to with two dark shapes flying around it, dark wings flapping almost lazily…

And suddenly I wasn't anywhere near as sure as I had been about this as I had been moments before. Both of the espers in our group seemed to be getting bad chills about this place, even if they were rationalizing it. They weren't exactly the only ones, to be perfectly honest. And there _were_ potentially still some people after us. _And_ this was an old and potentially dangerous building.

…

But I had to do this, didn't I? That wasn't just an empty old mansion, was it? No, it was something more for me.

I had so many doubts nowadays. It hadn't been like that before. Before future concerns and worries were things not to be worried about. I thought I'd get by to wherever I would get by just focusing on doing well with the things right in front of me. But nowadays all I could do was think about the future, my future, Haruhi's and everybody else's. I had so many doubts now, even about Sasaki of all people.

Maybe Haruhi wasn't the only one having a hard time adjusting to our relationship's progression. Maybe she wasn't the only one who needed to be dragged on this little adventure. I think I needed to go back and see what I had been offered so long ago but done my best to decline for so long just as much as Haruhi needed to be pulled along to face whatever it was she was avoiding. I needed to see if what I had had and what I had now were really that different, I guess. Perhaps… I needed to know I hadn't lost something in all of this that I had once taken for granted to such a great length that I hadn't even realized it was gone until it had disappeared. Or perhaps I just needed a good kick in the behind to clear my head.

I didn't know what I was doing, so that was why I was doing this, I guess. I just needed a clear direction to head in. For a while now, after Haruhi had given up on her more fanciful ideas, I'd felt like I had been drifting along. I realized the feeling had been there for a long time and it had only disappeared again for a while when the Anti-SOS Brigade had made their final moves. That feeling had been there before Haruhi had burst into my life, but even worse, more extreme now that I looked back on it. Back then I hadn't known what else a person could have, how much people could come to mean to you, but even so I was worried I would drift into that place again if I didn't act, if I didn't find what I needed. Somehow I needed to rid myself of so many doubts, and with a clear goal in my head right now, this seemed like the best way to do it.

"Kyon?" Haruhi took my hand.

"Hm?"

"I just… I wanted to tell you I'm glad we're doing this together." Haruhi said softly, but then looked happily up at me. "Thanks."

I squeezed her hand tighter and my worries and doubts were gone, for the moment at least.

"C'mon, let's go on an adventure."

"Yeah," Haruhi said, sounding rather excited. Her smile was bright even in the darkening evening settling down around us. Whatever it had been that had been causing her trepidation seemed to have gone. "Let's do it. Together."

So together we went, our friends following, into the waiting darkness.


	65. A Red World

The heavy looking doors opened surprisingly easily, although the shriek of rusty hinges was nearly painful on the ears. As Haruhi and I stepped inside together, we both stopped and sniffed at exactly the same time. The air was thick with a heavy musky old smell, full of the stench of decay. The stone floor of the entrance hall had layer of dust so thick it was like snow; walking in it left clear footsteps after you and billowing clouds around your feet as you went. Rusty European medieval suits of armor stood at the sides of the hall, each one of a different design.

"Wow… this is so… so…"

Sad? Pathetic? Depressing?

"So… _cool_!"

Of course.

"Who do you think lived here? Some businessman, right? Maybe he lost all his money in the war because he was funding secret research to create super soldiers but was shut down, maybe, maybe… maybe because what he was doing was so monstrous! Maybe there's test tubes of freakish mutants in the cellar!" Haruhi said with heated excitement.

"…."

"What? Why are you smiling at me like that? It's super creepy."

"…"

"Seriously."

"So you want to check the basement?"

"_No_," Haruhi told me brusquely with a frown. But then she smirked at me, "I want to check out everything!"

After everyone else had filed in after Haruhi into the entrance hall, Haruhi turned about in the middle a few times to take in the sight of the dilapidated looking place before she turned to address everyone.

"All right, everyone! Gather around!" Haruhi called out. Soon she was circled by everyone. "This place is pretty big by the looks of it, so I'm thinking maybe we should split up. Maybe little groups or even pairs. Pairs, probably. If there is anything cool in here, I want it found as fast as possible."

"What exactly are we looking for?" Sasaki asked a question most of the rest of us wouldn't have bothered asking at this point in knowing Haruhi.

"Anything! Something weird. Something strange. You never know!"

"Why do you think this place has anything like that? Anything valuable has been taken a long time ago," Kyoko said, crossing her arms.

"There's valuable and there's important stuff. People think shiny baubles and trinkets might be valuable, but they're nothing if they don't have… what'cha callit… history, context, gravitas…"

"Magic?" Sasaki asked, smirking almost cheekily.

"Sure…" Haruhi said reservedly, like she wasn't sure if she was being made fun of or not. "Anyway! We're here now in this strange place, so let's not waste it!"

Haruhi grabbed me by the hand and pulled me along, running off at the nearest doorway. "First ones who find something interesting get a foot massage from Kyon!"

"Hey! You can't just promise something like that!"

But it was too late by now. Haruhi pulled me along forcefully towards the nearest doorway. As we passed through the doorway I felt a strange presence on my skin, like a cold wind had passed right through me. But the odd sensation was gone as suddenly as it had appeared.

"Are you sure we should be going off alone like this?" I asked Haruhi but she didn't answer.

Haruhi led me down the corridors, peeking through doorways but hardly ever stopping for long, pulling me along before I'd even gotten a good look myself.

"So what happens if we find something, the two of us?" I asked after we'd passed about a half dozen empty rooms.

"Well naturally _I_ get the foot massage."

Oh swell. I'll definitely not try and sabotage our attempts in the slightest then.

"But… maybe I'll give you little something too. Something special."

"And that would be…?"

"Maybe it'll be that_ thing_ you like… or maybe something else... you know, I've been thinking about hanging around more with Yuki… and maybe Mikuru too."

"Sure, and then someone will show up at the door with ten million yen for me. Why do you like to try to tease me like this?"

"Because I know you're the kind of freak to be affected by stuff like that. You're so easy."

After a short pause of continued unrewarding searching of the premises, I decided to ask, "…Do you really think we'll find anything?"

At first I thought Haruhi hadn't heard me, as she simply kept peering about for anything interesting, but eventually, without stopping her search however, she spoke, "…No, not really. But that's okay."

I nearly choked on dusty, old empty air. "Wuh-wait, what?"

"What? What's with that reaction?" Haruhi now looked at me but with a high raised eyebrow.

"That's… that's _okay_?" That was the last word I'd ever expect her to use to describe how she felt about that, let alone a vast majority of things. Usually things were either awesome or terrible in Haruhi's world uniquely bi-polar world.

"Yeah," Haruhi said, as if this had been obvious for some time.

"You… you're serious?"

Haruhi frowned. "Why are you acting so weird?"

"Me? _I'm_ acting weird?"

"Yeah, like your whole world's been turned upside down."

_Sigh_… "Never mind…"

Was she just messing with me again? It was becoming increasingly hard to tell nowadays, like she'd started picking up more subtle uses of language than simply shouting, like sarcasm for example. Maybe some of me was starting to rub off on her just as some of her had rubbed off on me. How else could you account for me throwing caution to the wind to reach some half-assed goal like this?

We walked in silence, both of us keeping a careful eye on our surroundings. But there was very little beyond dust and cobwebs around us. Eventually the tedium of worn out and faded tapestries and broken mirrors was ended as Haruhi pulled me into a rather large room at the corner of two hallways.

"Wow, this place even _smells_ dusty," Haruhi said, turning about.

I walked over to a worn old desk. Whoever had lived here more than half a century ago had been really into imports. Most of the furniture looked European in design, and of particularly old design. However, it was all mismatched. There was a great big cuckoo clock on the wall, next to a great dark wooden bookshelf with little griffins at the corners. There was an ornate coffee table on the other side of the room, carved with curves and little oblong holes around the base so that it looked like it had been put together from slender branches fused together. The desk before me was a sturdier thing, more modest and minimalistic but still screaming high design in its simple elegance from a more modern age. It was becoming easier to believe that whoever had lived here had been living well past their means. It was like the owner had bought anything and everything that was foreign with a big enough price tag on it.

I pulled open one of the desk's large compartments open, but there were only ruined papers and notebooks growing a second chance at life under dust and abandoned spider webs.

"Did you find something interesting?" Haruhi asked from the bookshelf, though she did not look my way as she pulled out a dusty volume.

"Not unless you have fun with fungi."

"It doesn't look too promising here either," Haruhi said, prying the book open with some effort. Pages that had become glued together with age and negligence tore apart. Haruhi sighed as she put the book back in its place. She looked disheartened for a moment before she looked my way and smiled faintly.

Another weird reaction to disappointment… I remembered how over a year ago she'd fallen into a deep depression when we hadn't discovered anything interesting about Asakura's sudden disappearance, a depression deep enough to nearly reboot the world from scratch. But that was long ago, very long ago for Haruhi at least. It made me wonder how much exactly I had changed, if much at all.

Haruhi walked around the room, her slender legs gliding across the room as she looked about in slow and easy inspection of the gloomy furniture. She looked so detached, like a ghost looking at the distant memorabilia of her past. Around she went, her eyes drifting along until she sat in an armchair by the fireplace. She leaned her cheek in her palm and simply watched the old pile of ashes by her feet.

"It's so weird…" she muttered aloud.

"Did you sit in something?"

She made a little amused snort but didn't respond otherwise. She was still keeping to herself, but I felt like everything was still going well in terms of her opening up to me. Slowly she was being put at ease by her surroundings, her tension concerning this place, whatever it had been, melting away the more we discovered how little there was to it actually. It was strange. She was in her element and yet… not at the same time. It was like she really was happy not to have found anything interesting here.

Haruhi's smile was shattered however as a deep thud came echoing from the hallway. "What was that?" Haruhi actually jumped in her seat, turning around and up on her knees to peer over the back.

"Hello…?" I called out carefully.

There was no reply.

"Anyone out there?" Haruhi called out, but remained behind her chair. She looked my way and shrugged as she hopped out of the chair towards the door.

I realized I'd been clenching the side of the desk only now that my fingers were starting to ache with the effort. Once I let go I hurried over to Haruhi who was peering around the doorframe.

"You see anything?" I whispered from behind her, leaning over her to look over her head out into the dark halls.

"Nothing," Haruhi answered.

We looked about for a few more seconds before we glanced at each other, broke into grins and laughed at each other as we stepped out into the perfectly safe hallway.

"We're so stupid," Haruhi said.

"Probably just a rat or something," I agreed.

"You were totally crapping your pants."

"You were hiding behind that chair."

"I was ready to pounce from tactically sound spot."

"More like you were in tactically sound place to hide your shame."

"More like you were in –"

Something heavy and wooden clattered against the floor somewhere, echoing down the hallways. The sound shut us up real quick.

"I think somebody's here with us." Haruhi took hold of my hand. After a hesitant pause, a courage scrounging gulp, she stepped in front of me, almost protectively. Then again I wouldn't have been too surprised if Haruhi thought whatever was coming our way was coming our way was coming from the back and I was being used as a meat shield.

"It could just be one of us…"

"Then why didn't they answer? None of them are really the mischievous type, are they?"

I could hardly argue that.

"Stay behind me," she ordered.

We took a few hesitant steps forward together. There no more sounds however. Even so we kept walking down the long, long hallway. If you asked me, the hallway felt a lot longer going the other way, but then again my heart as pumping faster with adrenaline either earlier. It took a while before I started seeing the end of the hall. Light was filtering downwards beyond the approaching doorway with little dust motes flowing down slanted shafts of light. The room looked spacious, like it opened up. Maybe it was the entrance hall. I wasn't quite sure, because I seemed to recall taking a few more lefts and rights earlier.

Haruhi looked around, turning her head about quickly, like she thought she could catch someone else along with us in the narrow hallway. When she was satisfied she looked me right in the eyes and did some hand gestures she probably thought were standard military signals. However, amidst all the unnecessary finger puppetry, there were a few explicit signs that said we would be moving forward. As a final sign, Haruhi silently pressed a finger to her lips before she proceeded sneaking ahead, pulling me along at a crouch.

As we entered the new hall, Haruhi immediately broke her stealth mode. "Wha… what the hell?"

I could hardly blame her. I thought the light had been coming down from a skylight, but as I looked upwards, the dim glow seemed to be miles above us, a little pinprick of dim white and blue amidst darkness. It wasn't just the stunning height the building seemed to have gained all of a sudden that was most surprising however. We were upside down. Or actually no, wait, there were stairs leading downwards, right in front of us… but there were also stairs on the ceiling… there were even ones on the walls. In fact, you couldn't really spot a place in the cavernous hall we had wandered into where there wasn't a staircase

Haruhi was gaping at the strange scene around her, her wide open eyes clearly not enough to capture all of what was before her. "It's… it's like that painting…"

"_What_ painting?" I asked in a voice I would never have used with anyone but Haruhi. What the hell was the idiot babbling about now? Something weird was going on and she was talking about some stupid painting.

"The painting where there are stairs leading _everywhere_. Up, down, sideways, forwards and back… it's one of my faves actually. Escher, I think."

"Well, how nice for you then."

Haruhi gave me an extremely unamused smoldering look. But before she got the chance to say anything, there was the sound of something metallic clanking behind us this time.

"Shit! It's coming!"

Haruhi yanked on my arm and pulled me down a flight of stairs and through a doorway. We emerged on the other side where a flight of stairs led upwards. It was longer than the first one, but even though we were running full speed now, I had the time to see our surroundings better. Hidden in the gloom, I could spot stairways everywhere… indeed going up, down, sideways, forwards and back. _Where the hell were we?_

Just as I was starting to worry we'd become stuck in the strange stairs, as we'd returned to them a third time, we left it and found ourselves in a hallway. Whether it was the same one we'd been in originally or not, I couldn't have said.

"C'mon!"

"Haruhi, where are we going?"

"Haruhi?" Sasaki asked, turning around to look curiously at me and then around her. "I don't see her anywhere."

Sasaki was holding my hand, just like Haruhi had been, leading the way. While she had been leading the way, her outfit and hair had looked just like Haruhi's, but now that she'd turned it was clear as day she was most definitely _not_ Haruhi. How was that possible? I hadn't let go and I'd barely taken my eyes off the girl leading me except to glance backwards occasionally.

"Sasaki? H-how are we… I was just alone with Haruhi a second ago. We were… we were running from something?"

"Kyon, are you all right? You and I have been together ever since we all split up in the entrance hall. Haruhi ran off with Nagato Yuki and I think the others went off together."

"That… that's not right."

"It's what happened," Sasaki said and there was not room for an ounce of doubt in her tone.

"No, something's wrong. Something's messing with us… or me. Me and Haruhi we were… we were running from something… What about us?"

"We _did_ hear some noises, it's true, but…"

"Maybe we should head back."

"Yeah, maybe you're right. Just be careful. We were walking _away_ from those strange sounds…"

Hesitantly we began our slow inching backwards (though it felt a lot like forward if you asked my increasingly confused self). Thankfully the firm hold Sasaki had on my hand lent me some much needed courage.

When we got to a corner, my hand tightened half voluntarily for some more comfort before I carefully peeked around it. Around the corner the hall was just as empty and dark as the one we'd been walking along. In the gloom it looked like the hallway simply continued forever into the dark. But since nothing threatening was in sight, I kept on marching onwards, hoping to find any of the others.

"Sasaki, you okay back there?" I asked after a while, "You've been really quiet for a while now."

"…"

"Sasaki?" I turned around, but did not see the girl I had been expecting holding onto my hand. Instead it was Yuki staring curiously up at me.

_What the hell…? _I'd had Sasaki tightly by the hand the _whole_ time!

"Yuki?"

"…?" the girl tilted her head slightly in that questioning manner of hers.

"Okay, this might sound crazy but… have we been together since we all split up in the entrance hall?"

Yuki nodded and then asked, "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, something is very wrong. Either there's like a bunch of alternate me's running along with people and my consciousness keeps hopping between them or something weird is going on."

"You and I have remained in close proximity throughout this exercise."

"Could you… I dunno, like scan this building or something?"

Yuki stared emptily at me for a moment before she let go of my hand and whispered something low and indistinct. Then she blinked. Then she whispered again. And then she blinked _again_.

"I am unable to analyze this premise beyond anything past immediate sensory perception. I am unable to locate the others."

"Shit… what the hell is going on?"

Did I really just walk all of us into some giant trap? This had just been supposed to be a little adventure to clear my head and maybe pry into what was going on in Haruhi's. I'd been so sure nothing could happen to us, especially with Yuki watching over us but look at us now, scattered and apparently without our strongest protector's powers. Even with all my doubts concerning the future, I'd grown overconfident in our current state. What could have caused this?

"So are your powers completely gone then?"

"No. Something is simply limiting my data manipulation to a very specific region. It is…" Yuki's words faded out as her eyes closed. Her knees buckled as she fell forward into my arms.

"Yuki?"

There was no answer.

"Yuki?" I called out again, giving the girl a little shake, but that didn't help at all.

Carefully I put her down against a wall, sitting her up. I knelt down on my knees before her and felt her brow and it felt hotter than usual. I was just pulling out a bottle of water and pouring some it on a napkin I'd had in my pocket so I could dab at it when Yuki jerked to attention, eyelids fluttering almost like she'd just rebooted herself.

"Yuki? Are you okay?"

"Yes. Something is trying to force a connection with me. I am familiar with it however. It will not be capable of hindering my operational capabilities as it has in the past."

"In the past?" Yuki had only ever become sick like this because of one cause. "It's those other aliens, isn't it?"

Yuki nodded. "It is highly probable."

Oh great. Just what we needed all out of the blue, those other aliens making a move. I guess it had been foolish to assume aliens like that could have been beaten off like humans, like Fujiwara and the other espers.

"All right…" I said, trying to sound like I had a plan when all I was really doing was buying some time. I looked around and thankfully there wasn't anything directly threatening around us yet. "We need to find the others somehow."

"Huh? W-why is t-that? It's just a little scratch, Kyon-kun. I… I'd hate to disappoint Suzumiya-san by forcing us all to go back when she's having fun on account of…. just a little scratch."

I slowly turned my head back towards the girl sitting in front of me. It however wasn't Yuki, but Asahina-san nursing a bruised knee.

"Asahina-san…"

"Y-yes, Kyon-kun?" the girl asked. She seemed nervous thanks to my attention, but eager to please.

"Something's going on. Something weird. I think we might be under attack again, probably from those other aliens."

"_What_?" The girl squeaked, looking about frantically.

"I was just talking to Yuki and she –"

"B-b-but you've b-been with me the whole -"

"Time, yes, exactly. That's just it. I keep bouncing between people and everyone else seems to think I've been with them all along. Either I'm going crazy or it's an attack. I think the latter's more likely because Yuki said something was affecting her powers, a lot like in that cabin in the winter, remember?"

"Uhmm… Yes, yes I do. B-b-but Kyon-kun…" Asahina-san bit her lower lip, looking like she really didn't like what she'd just come up with. "If… if it is the other aliens… how does that explain you jumping around like you said?"

"I… I don't know. Maybe they're doing some kind of data manipulation on me or something."

"But… why do it to _you_?"

"Good question, actually. Letting me know about it… that doesn't seem like a good idea if they really do have us split up somehow…"

"Uhmm…" Once again Asahina-san bit her lower lip in a way that would have been fatally endearing under any other circumstances.

"What?"

"What… what if it's isn't them?"

"What do you mean? "

"I just m-mean…" Asahina-san turned redder. "I mean, Nagato-san is my friend b-b-but… if her powers are being affected… by something making contact like last time… what if it's not the others? What if it's… _her_ people."

"The IDSE?""

"Y-yes… she _ has_ had her connection with them severed, what if it's them trying to… recoonect?"

"Hmmm…"

"Uhmmm…" The lip was once again bit.

"What?"

"I-it's just that, like I s-said before, Nagato-san is my friend but her s-superiors… remember when… when they had those… those _things_ inside your head?""

"The nanties?" Where exactly was she going with this? "Yuki removed them."

"Yes… t-t-that's what she said…"

"No, I refuse to believe she lied."

"I-I-I-I d-don't think so e-either, not really!" Asahina-san was practically glowing red even in the dark. "She - she is my friend, like I said, but… we all have our missions and e-even if she believes she removed them all… wh-what if some of them weren't removed? What if there were some she c-couldn't remove? What if some of them had been given direct commands by the IDSE to remain and hide themselves once you escaped t-their simulation?"

I suppose it was possible…

"Wait, are you saying… that they're messing with me brain?"

"It – well, it's possible…" Asahina-san said nervously, "isn't it?"

"Or… maybe it's it really is the other's and the nanite's are causing interference or something."

"I… I guess it's possible."

"Well whatever's the case, we really should find the others. C'mon. Can you walk?" I asked, getting up and offering Asahina-san a hand to pull her up.

Tenderly, almost like she was afraid I would swat her hand away, Asahina-san reached out. When she finally took my hand however, she smiled. "Y-yes…"

"What about… well, can you do anything that could help us?"

"N-no, I'm sorry… I'm not allowed to interfere…"

"I thought you'd been given some kind of stuff to –" I stopped mid-sentence however as I noticed Asahina-san's expression. It looked like she might burst into tears, gulping down what looked like shame.

"I'm so so sorry, Kyon-kun, I'm just so useless!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I was just h-having such a good time that I… I left everything at the inn… n-not that they'd have b-been much help right now anyway… i-if it really is aliens… uuhh… I was only given clearance to technology capable of handling humans of this era…"

"Don't worry about it. We'll figure out what's going and then –"

"What do you mean? Figure what out?" A voice that sounded an awful lot like Kyoko's asked me.

Oh damn it… I'm not going to make any progress like this! All right, calm down. You've done this a couple of times already. Just sum it all up really quickly.

"All right, here's the deal: I keep hopping around between people either as a result of some sort of alien trap or brain manipulation due to having had nanites placed in my head at an earlier date. We've been split apart and have been left without Nagato's protection with no easy way of find each other. There is potentially something after Haruhi and Sasaki. That, or I've just gone crazy."

Kyoko stared at me for a very long moment, mouth gaping slightly, until she blinked in confusion a few times at what I'd said seemed to finally sink in. "_What_? Did… Did you hit your head on one of those low hanging beams back there?"

"I don't know, did I?"

"Kyon, you're starting to worry me," Kyoko said, giving one of her arms a little hesitant rub as she looked nervously at me.

"No offense, but right now that's a perfectly reasonable response. Either I am going crazy or we're under attack."

"Okay, hold up," Kyoko said, raising a hand for emphasize, as if she could stop time with a motion. "If we really are under attack and that alien girl can't help us… why are _you_ bouncing around?"

"Good question. Asahina-san thought I might have those nanites in me still to some degree, so that at least would explain it if this is happening just to me."

"What? That you _think_ you're being swapped around to walk with different people?"

"Yes."

"…"

"What?"

"Why would they do that? Why mess with you like that?"

"Well either it's some kind of interference due to the nanites I might still have or it's…" I felt a slight blush come over my cheeks. Thankfully Kyoko didn't seem to notice in the dark. "I know it'll sound a bit self-aggrandizing… but I'm really important."

"Thanks for your modest opinion."

"I'm the one who's basically foiled… well, _everyone's_ plans regarding Haruhi."

Kyoko sighed. "Well, I guess that's true enough."

I took Kyoko's hand but as our skin touched, the girl screamed. The scream was loud and high but cut short as the girl's eyes swirled upwards. A great big trembling made its way across her whole body until she fell over backwards. I leapt forward just in time and caught her in my arms as I landed on my back.

"Kyoko!"

"Ungghh… something's… focusing on… you… some presence… mind…" Kyoko hissed like every word came with great pain.

"Are you okay?"

"You have… to get out…"

"Look, I'll carry you, okay?"

"Nn… no… no… nooo…"

The girl was squirming in my lap, like there was something crawling under her skin. I had to get her out of here. _Now_.

"C'mon, drape your hand over my shoulder. We're getting you out of here."

"…No… you have to go… I have to…" Kyoko pushed herself up, breathing deep and fast through gritted teeth. "No!" she pushed against my chest and my chest exploded in white-hot pain. My head was wiped blanked with the agony.

"Kyon! Kyon!"

Someone was shouting my name but it sounded like it was coming from far, far away, almost like from underwater. The knives in my fingers and legs slowly disappeared though and shapes and shadows started to come into focus through my bleary vision.

"Kyon!"

Clawing hands were at my chest. One was grasping and pulling at my shirt while the other started hammering down on it.

"Ha… Haruhi…?"

I was slapped so hard in the face my head was nearly twisted off. The hit was so hard it didn't even sting my cheek until several seconds afterwards.

"Wh-why did you slap me?"

"Don't ever do that again!"

"Do what?"

My ears were still ringing, but I wasn't entirely sure if it was because of what had happened with Kyoko or because of the slap.

"Never mind! Get up!" Haruhi pulled my arm over her neck and started pulling me across the floor.

"What's… what's going on…?" I said between pants.

"It's coming… it's closer than before."

I didn't even bother to ask what. If something really was coming for us I needed to save my energy for running. I staggered along leaning against Haruhi, half running and half falling over as we made our way down what felt like an endless corridor.

I don't know for how long we struggled ahead like that in never-ending corridors but when we both collapsed at a wall we were both gasping deeply for breath. We sat together with our backs against a wall next to each other, each one looking the other way down the corridor for… anything.

"_Shit_," Haruhi nearly spat the word after an eternity of gloomy silence.

"What the hell is going _on_…?"

"I wish I knew…"

I took a deep breath, and tried to take sock. Oddly enough, it was Haruhi's hands at my chest earlier that came to me first. "Why did you… why were you exposing my stomach?"

"I…" Haruhi stalled, staring ahead at the floor in front of her emptily.

The hall felt like it grew darker in the waiting silence.

"I just…" Haruhi paused again and her hand went to gingerly touch my stomach. "…Look, I just don't want you to get hurt! _Okay_? Isn't it obvious? Are you stupid?"

"We all have our off days."

"I just… I want you to be safe."

"Don't worry, it'll be okay."

"How? You don't _know_ that! Anything could happen!" The hand pressed tighter against my stomach. "Just because you say or even wish something like that… doesn't mean it's going to happen…"

"Haruhi, don't think about it. Everything will be okay."

"Why do you keep _saying_ that? Why does it matter what I _think_?"

"…Look, I just don't want you to worry, okay? Isn't it obvious? Are _you_ an idiot?"

"Shut up, Kyon… Don't joke about this."

I took her by the hand on my chest and held it tightly. "We'll be okay. You just gotta believe." I doubt I could, especially if someone was just telling me to do so like an idiot.

"I… I can't. I just can't."

"…"

"So that's why… we have to go, we have to get out. I can't…" Haruhi looked me sternly in the eyes. "We have to get you out. This is my fault."

And so our march continued, but the silence around was deafening now. It felt like the darkness around us was alive and hungry, swallowing all everything from the sound of our footsteps to our breathing as it closed around us. After a while I grew sick of the haunting silence around us.

"Earlier…"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you say this was your fault?"

Haruhi stopped dead in her tracks so suddenly that I actually bumped into her back. I took a wobbly step back and waited, but her back was just like so long ago, over a year ago, telling me not to talk. But then that wall was brought down as suddenly as it had been propped up with a sigh and a drooping of the shoulders.

Haruhi turned around, but I almost wish she hadn't. The look in her eyes, I didn't know how to describe it. I'd never seen something like that in her eyes, or even in anyone else ever. The closest thing I could fit to the look was a distant memory of my mother, holding me tightly while my head felt like it had been cleaved in half. I'd been running along like the idiot little kid I had been and I'd tripped over a rock, landing forehead first against the pavement. My mother had looked so worried, so desperate, so _hurt_. But even so that wasn't truly a shared look between my mother and Haruhi. There was also a deep anger flickering behind it all.

"Do you know how horrible I felt when it happened?" Haruhi started off, firm but somehow hollow. "When I finally had in front of me something amazing, something extraordinary? I was so… Imagine building a bridge or something. Slowly you've been building it up, hoping you'll get across to something, anything! Anything but what you had… this empty silent world full of shadows. And just when it looks like you've run out of pieces to lay down, when it feels like all the people who had shared that work with you fade away… to have someone come across to you with their own bridge, meeting yours and everything you've wanted and more is open to you… Do you understand how amazing that moment was?"

I said nothing. I had never truly experienced something like that. I had never been driven enough, wanted anything badly enough. So I held my silence.

"Worst of all, it was all just so damn brief. Before I even knew what I had found… You were there, right in front of me, bleeding."

That stunned me, left me open and without a reply. Even so, I was just about to say something, _anything_, when Haruhi continued.

"Do you know what it was like watching you bleed out? The whole world went red and I just… I just want to fight but I can't, couldn't… you were just… bleeding. And I couldn't do anything. I have never felt worse in my whole life, never that weak and powerless… I don't ever want to feel like that again, ever again. Even in little things I feel like I have to fight, just so there isn't even the slightest chance I'll lose you. I can't lose you, Kyon, I just can't."

Haruhi sat down against the wall and hugged her knees tightly.

"Before I'd even realized what had happened, there you were, bleeding away in front of me and there's nothing but red in the world. Everything exists as red, _on_ the terms of red. The more red there is in the world in front of you, the more it all goes horribly wrong. It's all just red and it won't go away, no matter how hard you try to stop it. It's just… all red… and I…"

Haruhi clasped her forehead with her hand and closed her eyes tightly, a few small tears squeazing their way out of the corners of her eyes however.

"I can still see that little red world in my dreams, sometimes even when I'm awake… and I just… I just… I lash out. When I found Mikuru's pictures on the computer… When I saw you with Yuki when I'd been out with Koizumi… When Sasaki told me how I should treat you… the world went red and I was so angry and afraid… it's almost like it's happening again. I'm reminded of how weak I was, of how I couldn't hold on to you, protect you, of the red… I see red on my hands. And I _hate_ it. I hate feeling so weak. I hate feeling like… I'm just like everyone else."

I sat down next to her, still somewhat staggered by not only the out-pouring of deep and pained emotions from Haruhi, but by all the memories of when I'd nearly died, with Haruhi's screams had been drifting away as I slowly disappeared.

"I… I've tried to act like I n-normally do, but I can't! I can't go where I used to! I can't go out to find aliens and espers and time travelers because that's where it always turns red now… I… I just can't go there anymore… I can't lose you, Kyon. I can't! I _won't_! I… I love you, Kyon. I-I really do…"

So that was why she had kept to herself, why she hadn't had the same drive to go out and look for the extraordinary. It was because of me. The numb shock now disappeared. Instead I was suddenly overwhelmed by a rush of conflicting feelings. I felt so wretched, so glad, so guilty, so proud…

"I… I had no idea," I managed to say in my confusion. "I thought you were just being jealous… but you should have told me how you felt, right from the beginning. I mean… I knew there _must_ have been a reason for you not talking about what had happened but, I hadn't thought it was so… so hard for you. You've always been so strong and open with how you you feel."

"I should have, I really should… but everything was so… _nice_. I didn't want to lose it, even a little bit. For so long you'd just been there, in the Brigade and I didn't know if… I'd always thought you were only staying in the Brigade because of people like Yuki and Mikuru and maybe because I gave you something to do, not because you really wanted to be there because of me. But then you kissed me and it all changed so suddenly… I couldn't think. I couldn't work. It felt like you'd destroyed everything I'd been building for so long and what I was with such a careless little thing so I pushed back and then it happened… I found what I'd been looking for years… but it had a price. To go where I'd wanted to go for so long… I would have had to give you up, but I couldn't, not when you were bleeding out right in front of me… right then and there I only wished for one thing and one thing only. I'd pay any price, sacrifice anything, just so I could have you with me. I'd even live in a boring empty world so long as I had you there by my side. I tried to live fully like that with you but even though I was happy to be with you, it somehow felt off. This vacation was supposed to be the next best thing, something that would give me something I had wanted before but would keep you safe by my side. But now we're here, building another bridge across and… what if…"

"There's nothing out there forcing you to choose between me and your dreams. Just because you enjoy yourself doesn't mean I'm going to die. And even if I did… I'd want you to never stop being who you are, Haruhi. I don't want you to change, not too much. I love you, I love what you do, I love the way you change the world for me. And if you ever stopped truly being you… I'd die inside in any case a little bit."

Haruhi raised her head, her eyes red and angry. "I won't let that happen, I won't. _Never_." The girl stood up all of a sudden and turned to face the dark corridor. Her face was wet and red but the tears had stopped coming and her expression was of angry determination. "Whatever's out there… I won't let it take from me anything anymore. I won't stop looking for what I've always dreamed of but I won't lose you either! I won't let fear hold me back!"

Just as I got up to stand by her side Haruhi grabbed my hand. "C'mon, we have to find the others and figure out what's going on. Whatever's out there should be afraid of us and what we'll do to it when we find it. Nothing messes with the SOS Brigade and gets away with it." Haruhi turned around, but didn't let go of me as she did so, her hold only tightening on me. "You hear that? We're coming for you! We're not afraid! We're gonna kick your ass if you have one!"

Haruhi's challenging declaration was met with eerie silence.

"All right, Kyon," Haruhi said, turning around to give me a little smile. "Let's do this, together."

I grasped her hand tighter. "Together."

And we were off again, running along down the corridor. We would probably have run through a wall if one had suddenly appeared before us.

"So, what do you think is causing this? Some kind of spatial distortion?" Haruhi asked, the good old Commander coming back onto the field again after being away for much too long. "It's not mirrors, that much is obvious. But I guess it could be some kind of illusion." Haruhi was in full battle mode now, options and plans running through her head as we now ran down twisting corridors. "Hopefully we'll find Yuki and Mikuru first, because those two are probably the most vulnerable. The others are tougher, but who knows what's hiding here. We could be vastly outnumbered and not even know it! We need to act fast, catch them by surprise. This place is obviously some kind of trap, trying to either keep us stuck in here or drive us somewhere. Sure, we might be heading right into danger but if that's inevitable, we need to rush forward with all our might before the trap is properly sprung. We need –"

_KRKKRKRKRKRRRKKKRRRRR!_ An awful sound escaped from the wooden planks under our feet, freezing us in place.

"Crap!" Haruhi hissed. "Don't move! We don't want to shift our weight at all or it might all come -"

_KKKKKRKRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHSSHHHH!_

The floor under our feet gave away. It was like gravity had disappeared, leaving us weightless. But that only lasted for one blissful heartbeat before it returned with a heavy tug on my navel. We fell into the deep darkness below, tumbling and rolling down along with all the debris around us.


	66. Blood Tells All

…

…

…

I could smell something. That was the first sensation that stirred me towards consciousness, I think. It wasn't a pleasant smell, though. It was a pungent stench with a backdrop of mold and decay behind it. The smell was invasive, strong like something that had gone horribly wrong in an apothecary. It crawled its way up your nostrils, clawing at the insides of your throat until it got inside your lungs to stay and roost.

A rough cough brought me into full awareness, whipping my head back into the stone wall behind me. I opened my eyes but everything was a blurry mess of tears. My eyes stung with the smoke and smell that dominated the dark hole I was in. There was light from a fire nearby, under a dark blur that looked an awful lot like a cauldron, but beyond that I couldn't yet say what was around me.

My arms were sore as well, especially around the wrists. I tried to move them, but found that I had been secured tightly to the cold stone wall behind me by rough ropes. There was a faint jangle of a metal ring when I moved my hands a little. It was the same for my legs as I stood up straight on them.

I tried blinking a few times to clear my vision, but that seemed to make my eyes only wetter. If only I could have used my hands… but someone had tied me up and the natural follow-up question to that was 'who'?

"Eh… a-anyone there…?" I croaked, actually tasting the heavy air, something I wished wasn't possible.

Nothing answered.

I tightly closed my eyes shut, trying to squeeze out the tears so I could see better. As far as I could tell I wasn't injured. Maybe a few bruises here and there but nothing serious. When I opened my eyes again I could see a bit clearer. I blinked and it seemed to clear away the worst of it, though my eyes still stung thanks to the ripe smell hanging about in the dark. I could now however see that it had indeed been a cauldron with a flame under it, as I had thought, right in front of me, filling up most of the little space I was in. Behind it were crude shelves made of wooden planks that had simply been implanted into the dirt wall opposite me. To my left there was another dirt wall but with thick roots sticking out into the hole we were in. Between the roots a small hay mattress had been laid. Above me was darkness, but occasionally when the flames flickered you could spot a ceiling, so that meant I wasn't where I had fallen. And to my right was –

"Ha-Haruhi…?"

The girl was tied to the wall just like me, rough ropes at her wrists and ankles, tied to metal rings imbedded in the cold stone. She must still have been unconscious as her head hung loosely against her chest. I called out to her again, even called her a name I was sure would make her respond usually, but nothing affected her.

How had this happened? We had a ninja protector out in the shadows and a godly alien on our side. We'd beaten off a time-traveler, espers and aliens. But now it looked like we had been undone by illusions and freaking unsafe hole in the flooring… I'd thought Tsuruya-san's father was the only potential threat left, bit what was this now? Had I been too focused on him and his plans for that power plant here, making our ninja focus her attentions in the wrong direction? What was this new threat anyway? Could I have avoided it if I'd just been more careful? Could I have known this would happen with all the new security we had in place?

I'd just wanted to go out with Haruhi and the others, have a little adventure, just a little fun that we had long been overdue after going through so much… and now we were here… I'd tempted our fate, pushed our luck. The ancient Greeks had come up with a word for this sort of bahavior a _long_ time ago… but what help was _that_, I ask you?

"Done dreaming… aren't we?" A raspy voice said, the person it belonged to shuffling in from a dark alcove to our right. It was a girl who must have been a couple of years younger than us, though the way she looked I couldn't be certain. I would have said she was messy, but only if I'd tried competing in a competition for the understatement of the century. Her hair was a tangle of hair, dirt and various…miscellaneous items. I was fairly certain there was a twig or two and what looked like copper wiring and pieces of eggshells to name a few of the things. The most eye-catching feature was naturally her dark eye patch over her right eye.

As she came fully into the light of the flickering flame, two shadows fluttered past her and around the little room, stopping to perch on top of the bookshelves where a special roost had been prepared for them. The two dark ravens watched me with their black, shiny eyes, quorking slowly amongst themselves, as if making idle talk out of me.

"Who are you..?"

The dirty girl ignored me and walked to her rickety shelves, inspecting various jars of dark gooey fluids with floating bits and pieces of indeterminable origin. She kept her back to us for a long silent while, searching for something. When she turned about, she held a small knife in her hand.

"What are you…?"

"To test," she simply said, quickly approaching me with the raised knife.

"B-back off!" I turned my head away from the approaching knife. "Stay away from me!"

"Stop wriggling. Wouldn't want to miss-cut."

As the knife came dangerously close to my eye, I did indeed cease struggling. She turned my face around roughly by the chin, like she was a butcher inspecting a shipment of livestock. "Blood tells all. It tells when life is ready to bloom inside us and when the threat of death approaches. But even more than that… I know how to read it."

And without any kind of hesitation she swiftly drew her knife across my cheek, just under the cheekbone. I yelled in pain before trying to stifle it by gritting my teeth. My saving throw at trying to remain as manly as possible was denied however as a dirty thumb was brushed roughly against the stinging wound, opening the skin further. I shouted without restraint.

"Hush now," the girl said softly, caressing my cheek as she got closer.

Panting and bound I had little choice but to go along. I couldn't fight back or even really say anything as the girl rose up on her toes. Her face was close enough to kiss (or bite) me. Underneath all the dirt the girl wasn't actually all that bad looking, I had to admit. Even so the stink of her alone made me wish I had several kilometers between us. The fact that she was also some psycho only made that desire grow exponentially in strength.

The girl studied my face for a while, eyes flickering back and forth over my features, only stopping sometimes to look me straight in the eyes. But suddenly she tilted her head and moved forward, making me flinch and knock the back of my skull against the stone wall behind me. Before I'd gotten over the sting of stone I felt something warm and slick slide slowly against the aching wound on my cheek. The girl pulled back, frowning as smacked her now blood red lips.

"Yuck. Putrid, vile… tastes like puss. Tastes like death. You should not be here. You are a wound in this world, still bleeding, now beginning to fester," she said, her face downcast and her eye focused on her blade as she wiped it clean on her dark, soiled dress.

Before I'd even started to decipher her words the girl was off, turning about to circle about Haruhi, looking her up and down.

"Hey! Don't even think –"

Without pause the creepy girl cut Haruhi's cheek as well. Like she had done with my blood, she gave it a slow and long lick off Haruhi's cheek. "Ahhh… so forceful, full of energy, lively." The girl must have found Haruhi's blood especially appetizing, because her tongue lapped at the dripping cut a few more times. She ran the tip of her tongue across the wound and then kept sliding it across Haruhi's cheek, spreading a red smear across her face until she reached her lips. She kissed Haruhi, painting her lips red with her own blood. A hand slid slowly across Haruhi's side and up her slender body, coming to rest at her chest for only the briefest of moments, before she grasped a breast and gave it a firm squeeze. My dazed tongue was instantly unleashed by a sudden uproar of anger.

"Oi! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The girl slowly turned away from her… snack or whatever made this despicable situation sound slightly less despicable (there wasn't such a word). She licked her lips, turning them even redder as some of Haruhi's blood was wiped across them. "Life… you want it too, don't you? You want to hold life in your hands… intoxicating, all that power. Death yearns for life; She completes Him. He loves Her so much it hurts. They can never embrace. He is her End."

"Just what kind of a crazy witch are you?"

"Witch…?" she seemed amusedly shocked by the word. "Nehhehehee, I guess I am! Ever since then… I've been able to see things… I saw you, here, I saw the banishment and I saw the avatar's return from exile. Ever since… four years ago… I saw the abyss and it stared back at me…" Her words trailed off and an empty look overtook her face. Without any warning she lunged toward me, bringing us face to face, her hot breath stinking with the faint coppery smell of blood. "And guess what it did, what it did! Hehe! It flinched! Keheheeehehhehehee!" The moment her mad laughter stopped she kissed me on the lips. Tasting what she had tasted I immediately twisted my head away and spat in disgust.

While I'd been doing the best I could to sanitize my mouth in my bound state, the creepy girl had wandered off to Haruhi. She had pulled out a glass vial from inside her worn robes. Once more she sampled some of Haruhi's blood before giving the cut a squeeze and collecting as much of the blood as she could in the vial.

"Oh, they'll need this, need this very much. Only the essence of the one who did the deed of banishment can undo it. They'll try using her sons' and daughters' blood… oh, how they will try. Measure ounces and liters, but never enough without right ingredient…" The witch gave the vial of blood a shake, swirling the contents about, "but in the end only the spring mother's hot blood can summon the winter daughter back from the cold earth to whence banished. Hmm… Won't use mother's blood… won't think of that… she's sacred… not to be touched… only the daughter may do that. Only darkness can touch the light… no matter where or how fast light runs, darkness will always be there to greet it, asking 'what took you so long?' Heh… Oh, they'll want this, want this indeed, but they won't know it… instead, they'll take the boy and girl… but their blood won't be enough."

"Who? Who will they take?"

"I do not know them, but you do. You'll want to stop them… you'll need the other."

"Other what?"

"The one the avatar likes to think is the third sister, idiot! What else? Keheheheheehehehee! Trinities, boy! The Maintainer put it all together, hid the Creator from the Destroyer! Hahhahahaaa! Isn't it funny? Such marvelous stories we tell to make sense! But only blood holds truth! I know the story told by the avatar. The Maintainer wanted more, to see what she was measuring, to _know_ why the length of a yarn must be what it is… she always asked the questions… couldn't take the uncertainty and flippancy of her younger sister, so imaginative, too creative for her own good, just making more and more, abandoning what came before, nor the certainty of her older sister… didn't want 'what', but wanted 'why' as well… she broke the wheel, cycle, circle… Cut the Ouroborus in twain! Kheh! Nehehehehee… It's a nice story… too bad this world is simply empty and all stories are just that…" She added softly, almost sadly, before she looked up with that mad gleam in her eye again. "We are all just pawns, can't you see, see the strings? Can't you see who's pulling them, can't you see who's done it all to us? The _real_ baddie bad guy… the _true_ villain of the story made for you _this_ time." She placed her palms against my cheeks, framing my face as she got closer. "Why are we always blindest when it comes to those we love?" she spoke softly again, her tone almost sultry as she came closer and closer to me, her bloodstained lips nearly touching mine.

I twisted my neck away. "Stay away from me, freak! What do you even want?"

She caressed my cheek, her touch tender and soft. Almost caringly she brushed her thumb against the cut. When she withdrew it, she sucked on her thumb for a quiet, pensive moment, before looking at me curiously. "Better… fear and concern… these are the things you know best… but it's still not enough… there's potential for growth, like in manure, though you have been tied down the most… but maybe that's it… Hmm? Want? Yes, yes, nothing… no, not nothing, nothing is coming… do _I_ want it?... Hmm… do not know… but how can one have nothing if it is nothing? Nothing can't exist. If it did, it would be something, no?"

"Who _are_ you? Why are you here?" I asked, hoping to have a chance at learning even something small. So far I'd gotten nothing understandable from her.

"This house… a man gave it to me… three years ago. Nice big beard. Bigger wallet… kheh! Said I was handy to have around, part of his experiments, step on a ladder no longer being used – no, built. Had a better girl now. Bigger. Better. Powerful…" She walked away to slowly run her finger down along the side of Haruhi's cut cheek, spreading some of the drying blood about some more. "…Beautiful…"

"Was it… Tssuruya?"

"The Tsuruya-clan?" She sounded fearful for an instant, but a nervous chuckle started quickly afterwards, turning into a crazy cackle even faster. "They want it! They want godliness next to cleanliness! They want power! Not for themselves, but for everyone! The fools! What is good, is rare! What is rare, is rarely known and appreciated! Nothing truly good is ever popular! Nehehehheehheee! A billion flies like manure, they can't _all_ be wrong! HEHHEHHEEHEEE-OOOHHOOHHHOO!" She took a moment to catch her breath, brushing away a few loose locks of greasy hair that had escaped her crow's nest of hair away from her face. "Idiots, right? You can't grow a god in your cellar. You can't take her milk to feed the babes… because then we'd all be the same in our dreams… no one special… all boring in exciting ways… still the same, just like in a stadium? Equality is the home of stagnancy, the bane of progress."

"If you say so…"

"Can't you _see_? Why can't you see? See like me! Cut out my eye, I did, did too!" the girl shouted excitedly, pointing at her eye patch. She then pointed at the two ravens that stared silently down at us from their seats. "Fed it to them! Why! Why? Knowledge! Sacrifice! Like Master Odin once! In a different Dreamtime! In a different story! In one of the many worlds before the sisters three! One with trees, big ones, no trinities! Too many trinities in these new dreams! I blame girl! She likes it both ways! Nehehehehehee! Can't settle for one thing!" There was a crazy tick to her remaining eye now as the girl walked about her cauldron.

"What the hell are you?" I asked, having nothing left but the same old frustrating question.

"Heh… I've been called so many things, lost track… Soothsayer! Prophet! Witch! Crackhead! Crazy! Me! You! We're all insane to be sane! Insane in the membrane! The branes can't take it for too long! Thread's spun too thin! Dreaming too long! The strings! Can't you see the loom? Can't you see how it's all unfurling? You can't just stop midway! Not halfway!" The girl truly looked insane now, panting heavily as her remaining eye twisted about with heated but empty fervor.

"Nnnngghh" Suddenly she grasped her head tightly, her fingertips digging into her scalp with the effort, looking like she was trying to stop her head from blowing apart. "Why can't you see? Why can't anyone else _see_? Why am I the only one not blind?"Her head shook violently in the hold of her tightly clasping hands for a moment but then it ended and she was left breathing deeply. "In my head, little dark things skitter and scratch at my skull, gnawing at my thoughts… The End approaches… this I know…"

"And who's _that_ now?"

"Not who, what. Not something you can face. Not a villain for you to vanquish. Ancient and true. But wrong, new. Something forced into the history of this world. A force of nature but unnatural. It does not plot, it does not scheme. But it has servants. Those who seek to do it's bidding, not knowing what is wanted, men of faith. It comes now or it will perish. Be the change you want to see. Don't you _see_? Can't you see the change you have brought? Don't you know what you have done?"

"No… I _don't_. What are you talking, what change?"

"Don't you see what you have done? You have shaken the world to its core, pushed down the very foundations of this world, changed the designs on how it was built… and the world… does not like it when it told to sod off for a different kind."

"…" In spite of all the crazy, I was startting to think I knew what was coming. Maybe something really was coming for me. Maybe something really _did_ want a choice to be made…

"It will never die, not without a fight, not without a triumphant last stand. Death is inevitable. This is what happens when worlds collide. When an immovable object meets an unstoppable force. You changed the dream… and the dream is not happy about that."

Silence followed and held dominion with a highly oppressive approach for while. In the dark Haruhi's earlier confessions tonight arrived to skirt around the edges of my gloomy thoughts.

"But what will _I_ do…" the strange girl said softly now, sounding almost wounded.

The silence that followed was an even deeper one. I didn't know what to do. There was no way I could use force get Haruhi and me out of this due to way I was bound and the fact that my imprisoner was several kinds of nuts at the same time didn't leave much hope in talking my way out either. One of the ravens quorked while the other flapped it wings, like they were unsettled or even bored by the current state of affairs. The action seemed to snap the witch girl from her silence however. "In any case…" She raised the little bottle of Haruhi's blood, giving it a swirl. "This will probably see use tonight."

There was a small scuffling sound in the dark hallway leading into the small room, followed by some muffled swearing. Both I and the witch started at the sound. Who was this then, to cause that kind of reaction in both of us? Was it too much to hope someone who could rescue us was coming our way? Our capturer however wasn't doing anything beyond waiting, like I was. She hadn't even withdrawn her knife or anything.

"My, my… what a strange coincidence…"

_Ah crap… this _couldn't_ be good news, not in the slightest._

It was the same guy I'd seen at the Tsuruyas' business building, the one who'd exited the train along with us. He really did look good in his new clothes, but his eyes were the same as they had been the first time I'd seen him, empty and weary. "Though I suppose coincidence really doesn't play much of a role in your life, now does it?" the guy asked, taking out a packet of cigarettes from a pocket on his jacket. He upended it, gave it a few pats on the bottom and then pulled out a cigarette that had come out with his mouth. He stood there motionlessly, staring at me for a silent moment as if in a trance. But suddenly I noticed a faint orange glow in his eyes and looked downwards from his eyes. The tip of his cigarette had started glowing, slowly gathering strength until it was glowing as brightly as a burning coal. Only then did the guy break his silent posture to inhale deeply, take out the cigarette and blow out a deep big ring of smoke.

"You really shouldn't have come here tonight…"

"And why's _that_? Specifically, you know. Because it's not it sure as hell can't be because I'm tied down to a wall and being tortured, right?"

More smoke was blown as I continued being casually observed. "Then again, I suppose it wouldn't have mattered. The little rats had something planned. You would probably have ended up here regardless," he spoke like he hadn't even heard me.

"Who exactly are you? What do _you_ want?"

I only got some more smoke blown my way as an answer. The guy turned around to face the girl. "I sensed you… 'practicing your magic'. How're you doing, sis?"

"Fine, fine…" she muttered, busy with whatever it was that was in the cauldron.

"My dear little sister," the guy said, turning to talk to me once again. "Shame she wasn't a bit older when it all happened. Then again, I suppose she wasn't as bad off as Itsuki was before we found him…"

"Koizumi…?" Although I knew they'd known each other in the past, mentioning Koizumi here and now caught me off guard.

"Poor fellow. Just because you can't stop dreaming about some girl you've never met doesn't mean you should go throwing yourself off a bridge."

"_What_?"

"Oh, figure of speech. Pay it no heed or whatever," he said in a flat tone, giving the nails of his half-closed left hand a little look. "I really do wonder what I should do about you two… I was sent here mainly to observe… to be something of a double agent. But truthfully? I can't really decide who's side I want to be on… One offers a nice way to kill time while the other offers to do away with it entirely… neither one really strikes my fancy. It's all so… whatever, you know?"

"No, I don't think I do."

"Really? Never had a sense of ennui in our modern times? Freedom is our curse. More than ever in the course of history, choices and options abound… It might have been easier, way back when, when most peoples' choices were reduced to the simple dichotomy of death or submission… but now…?" The guy sighed, "Whatever."

I chose to remain silent, to wait and see just what kind of person this guy turned out to be.

"When every door is open to you and anything that closes can just as easily be unopened, what do you choose? What do you do when the world's your oyster but you've lost all sense of taste? I even have the 'sword' with which to open it…"

"I'm sure you're being very clever and everything, but what the hell are you talking about? What on earth do you want?"

"That's the problem, isn't it? What _do_ I want?" he walked over to Haruhi, cupping her chin to raise her closed eyes up to his. "Beautiful… I can't help but wonder sometimes if my life had been different, maybe even more fulfilled, if I'd just done what everyone had expected me to do… but I doubt I could ever have gotten as much out of being her companion as Itsuki did."

"_You_ were supposed to tail Haruhi in high school?"

The guy glanced at me from the corners of his eyes. "It was the plan, many years ago."

"Why'd you decline?"

"…" The guy turned his eyes back to Haruhi. "I'm not meant for her any more than any of the rest of us were. I knew it just as well as the rest of us knew how we had to be there by her side. I broke away from _that_ specific chain of misery… but I didn't find anything better either. All I have now is emptiness. It only impresses few of the ladies, really." He grinned faintly.

Was he actually being serious about anything? The way he was smiling, it was like one of those Taniguchi would have when he was making one of his inside jokes, right before he realized he was the only one 'inside' of it.

"But what about you?" he asked with some genuine sounding interest, turning about to face me.

"What _about_ me? My horoscope? My pet peeves and the like?"

The corner of the guy's lipp curled a bit. "Before I make any decisions, I'd like to get to know both sides a bit better. You were just some random guy pulled into all of this, right?"

"I guess."

He grinned again. "Liar. I know as much as you do about all of this at the least. I know where you were four years ago. I know what you've been up to for over a year now. A more cynical man would say you've been playing this out from the beginning. Makes me wonder, what else happened with you four years ago?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you see something back then too, as a kid?"

"No. I'm just as average as they get."

"_Clearly_." The guy breathed out deeply, smoke billowing both from his mouth and nostrils. "Still… we can all dream, can't we? How high will you soar before you melt your waxen wings?"

"I don't need to go anywhere except away from this place with all my friends."

"Hff… fancy yourself as a humble and noble hero then, do you? How tiresome. I've come across so many of your kind I've lost count. You're losing points, you know. I'm more inclined to give old Tsuruya the finger and just go along with these stupid cultists. He's clearly placed far too much faith in you and the girl."

"What's he planning anyway?" I had nothing to risk at the moment, and subtlety definitely would help me in the slightest right now.

"Something stupid. But I suppose it won't be completely worthless to see where he's going with it all either. Actually, there is a part of me that is intrigued by his second attempt at harnessing the power of the cosmos and what not. The guy can dream big, unlike you."

"What do you want of me? I've already told you I just want to get the hell away from here with my friends."

"That won't be an option, one way or the other. Everything's set and ready. The cultists will be coming for you, no matter where you go. I could call them down here now and be done with it."

"Who are these cultists and what do they want?"

"Do you ever do anything beyond asking boring questions? How _does_ the girl put up with you? From what I know of her, you should be exactly the type she hates. So frustratingly mundane."

"She likes conflict."

The guy actually laughed at that. "I suppose anger isn't too far removed from love. It certainly isn't its opposite. Apathy would be, I'd know… Hmm… Maybe she had a point to prove with you, who knows."

It was basically what Haruhi admitted to me out in the park weeks ago, but that impulse had changed a long time ago.

"Hmm… Anyway, our time is up. I have places to be, people to see. It's going to be a busy night. We have a science experiment to conduct and a ritual to perform. One way or the other, it's going be an interesting night."

"Wait," I said, but when he didn't respond and kept walking away, I had to repeat myself, louder, "Wait!"

"Whatever it is, kid. I doubt I'm interested."

The situation was getting desperate. Unfortunately I had very little to bargain with, especially when dealing with a guy who probably didn't care too much about doing the right thing. "Let us go, please. This can't be what Tsuruya wants of us."

He sighed. "I was right…" he turned around to look at me with his dead eyes. "You offer me nothing except stagnancy. Why should I let you go? If you have your way, things will just continue to be the same. All the others want to change the world, you just want to keep it as it is."

"And what's wrong with the world as it is?"

"For you, it's probably good, even amazing. But not all of us can have magical adventures and hot girls around us."

The guy was seriously starting to piss me off now. The condescension was intolerable. "Are you bitter or something?"

He huffed in amusement. "If only. I'm just really an observer in this world. We all are, really. Anything I do in this life will amount to nothing in the end. We're all going to die and what little impact we had will be forgotten and destroyed as time passes. All of existence will just get snuffed out someday and what will there be left to show? Nothing. So why not enjoy yourself in this bleak, empty world? Why not do what you want, why not experience something interesting like the reshaping of everything or its complete erasure? You offer nothing interesting whatsoever. You're just _boring_."

This guy… he reminded me of Haruhi in a strange way. Like Haruhi, the world everyone lived in was something only to sneer at. But unlike Haruhi, he lacked the will to change what he saw wrong and uninteresting. In that regard, he was a bit like I had been, before Haruhi…

"I'll let you be an honorary SOS Brigade, how about that? You could join us on our 'adventures', maybe even catch up with Koizumi." It was stupid, it was corny, but what else did I have left? Maybe the guy was even more like me than I liked to think. Then again, initially I myself hadn't been too keenon any of this, but if I'd known better back then…

The guy took a long drag on his smoke, releasing it as a thin jet. "A joke in poor taste. I bet the last thing Itsuki would want was my company… although…" For a brief moment his eyes sparked with something as he looked away from me but it was snuffed out like the cigarette in his hands by the cold emptiness as quickly as it had appeared. "It doesn't matter. Sister, tend to them. Our friends upstairs will want them sedated."

"Kheheheheee…" the witch giggled in a hoarse way, throwing something into her pot that caused a lot of bubbling. She grabbed a wooden cup from her shelves and dipped it in the cauldron. She went to Haruhi and lifted her face up and poured some of the thick liquid down her throat.

"Your turn," she said as she approached me with half of the cups contents still waiting. I tried to turn my mouth away, but suddenly new ropes from nowehere were binding themselves around my head, limiting my movement. The girl reached up, squeezing my nose shut, forcing me to breathe through my mouth. The hot brew quickly followed, a thick concoction sludging its way down my throat. I coughed and spat out as much as I could but I could feel some of the slimy liquid make its way down my throat.

"Sleep… dream a good dream…"

Sleep did come indeed, no matter how hard I tried to resist it. It was like someone had knocked me out. I could feel my head get too heavy too quickly, making my chin bump against my chest before I tried, and failed, to lift it up again.

…

Nothing existed for me for dangerously long time. Nothing whatsoever.

…

…

…

I had no idea how long it had been when I began to hear something.

_You've gotten me thinking…an activity I haven't much bothered with in a long, long time, what with how it simply increases my certainty in everything's meaninglessness…_

Who…? Who was that? Whose voice was I hearing…?

_Yes, the end of the universe could be grand but then again it might just as well be a dud. The way these fanatics talk about it… it really is nothing more than the realization of nothing, emptiness, oblivion… not entirely without merit, of course… but it's so… boring, such a final note to an unfinished song. Life is already so pointless, but not completely empty of distraction. In any case, I'm feeling especially indecisive tonight so I've decided to have some fun. Like I said, it's going to be a big night. How about you go out there and make it even bigger for me, okay? Show me what that stupid Brigade of yours can really do…_

It was _him_ wasn't it…? How was he doing this…?

_Most of your friends have been released from the house… I can sense their anxiety… Most things considered, you should probably get to them before do something… hasty…_

He's… a special esper, right… Damn it… thinking is so… slow… hard…

_They have Itsuki and some girl… you _might_ want to try and rescue them… they're members of your little adventure club, right? Of course, you'd have to wake up for that, wouldn't you?_

My eyes sprang open to a swirling sky full of revolving streaks of light for a good second or two before everything went dark again, but with the accompaniment of a flare of pain in my nose and dirt in my mouth. It felt like my head was spinning, which only make the action of gagging on dirt even more nauseating. I rose just in time onto my elbows to throw up right in front of me. I was hacking for air for a good minute before I tried looking around me. It didn't help.

I was in a world of revolving, dancing shades. Even so, I was fairly certain I was still in the same hole. Fairly certain. Amongst all the swirling shades I think I could see the flicker of the fire. But it was everywhere. Was there a fire spreading? There were roots and chemicals, were we being burned alive? But I barely felt any heat at all.

Two of the darker shades started circling around my head, the flutter of oily wings loud and obnoxious. Thankfully the fluttering came to a halt as they settled down in front of me, the shapes of the dark ravens coming into focus slowly.

"Kraw! Hey, boy! Boy! Boy-ee! Wakey! On the sauce? Too much? The witch doth brew a mean one! Aye-ee!" One of the raven's screamed shrilly at me.

"Bulpplp…" Something sick spewed from my mouth, something so nasty that it nearly made me puke again. I wiped my mouth clean before sitting up to squint at the bird shapes. "Great, now the birds are talking to me… what the hell did that rhymes-with-witch give me?"

"You should find Mother before _they_ do..." quoth the other raven now.

My head might still have been spinning, but I was pretty sure I knew who they were talking about. Who did people around me ever talk about if not _her_? She was always the safe bet…

"I thought… huaghh… I thought they didn't dare touch her?" I asked, starting to crawl forward slowly, hoping to find… something, anything, whatever might help.

"Not to wound! Not to bleed her out! They save that for her sons and daughters! But chain her they might! And then… they'll wait… for the End…" the first raven spoke, giving its balck wings a little shake at the end.

"You're running out of time boy," the other one said. "Too much time in the sun, I suspect… Have you grown soft? That is, softer? She always thought you were weak, didn't she?"

"Naw! Not really! He's whiny and pathetic, sure! But he's got some stuffing in him too! He can take a punch!"

"You sure? He looks like he took a few already…"

"Sh-shut up, you assholes…" I muttered as threateningly as I could manage without coming too close to puking my insides out.

The first raven cackled manically in response.

"Where… where do I have to go?"

"Not when?" the raven that had laughed at me asked.

"What…? More time travel…?"

"Kehahahahawww! He took it, took the worm! You're all so easy, so weak. No wonder this all has to go! It's all going too soft, like a ripe old apple full of tasty worm-things! Yum!"

"No, no time travel this time, for you," The second raven said, the one that felt slightly less crazy if you got past the whole 'talking raven' bit. "But you're clearly in no state to pursue if you think taking our advice seriously is a worthwhile endeavor."

"Awh hush you! We're his guides! Spirit guides!"

"We're _not_."

"Sure we are! We're everyone's in this girl's world!"

"We watch and observe, that has been our duty since creation."

"Hasn't been that long then! Heh!"

Their voices were giving me a headache. "What the hell…?" I moaned, rubbing my forehead.

"All stories are the same, though they carry different names, though gods and saviors do different deeds."

"The Three! The Tree! The Tri! Perhaps I should even Try getting all'a this right!"

"Just because things are called different things does not mean they are different."

"You know that story of the elephant and the blind men, right? Where one yanks at his trunk, the other a leg and the third the tail and the fourth… heh heh! Anyway, they's all got a different tale to tell afterwards, I'm sure!"

"_Indeed_."

"But hey! We haven't introduced ourselves! I'm Huginn and that's Muninn! Or was it the other way around?"

"You are indeed Muninn, memory. Unreliable and full of fancies."

"And you're so dull you have to be Huginn, thought."

I was hallucinating, I was absolutely sure of it. Unlike other mythological tales like those about Hindu gods, I knew this was about old Norse ones. I was certain of it because I knew exactly where and when I had heard about them. It had been so many years ago, at least eight, when my father had read to me from a collection of mythologies from across the world. The mention of Odin must have caused the old memory to resurface. The birds were right though, all the stories were the same. Whether it was Brahma or Jehovah, there was always a creator. And as surely as there was Buddha or Jesus or some hindu avatar to save us, there was a Shiva or Satan or something to destroy it all. It was the same story, over and over again, just with different names. I just needed to figure out what my role was in all of it. And of course, there was always a beginning and an ending…

That… or I needed to realize just how crazy I was going letting all of this get to me. Just because Fuyumi had believed in some Holy Trinity (and the world was full of those too), didn't necessarily mean that was how it was. I was under the influence of… something. I had to clear my head, but how? _How_?

"She is at the root of it! She'd have to be!" the first raven shrieked, spreading its wings not unlike a propeht.

"You're just terrible," the other said, before pecking at a loose feather in its coat.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" I asked.

"The World Tree."

"The _root_ of it all! From which all sorts of fruit are born! You may taste the truth, but only for a price!"

"I could go for another eyeball, now that you mention it."

"So you can see, you must first blind yourself!"

My head felt so heavy and stuffy, like thoughts were icebergs floating upon a sea of unconscious, only their small peaks showing. "Blind… love is blind…"

One of the ravens scoffed. "A real genius we have here."

"Does he always regurgitate what's been put in his head like dear old mother used to do for us when we were wee hatchlings?"

The bird was right… This wasn't real… I was just projecting memories, things people had said along my journey, told me at various stages… It was all a messy mishmash… It couldn't be real… couldn't…

"Stop with that already. You just keep making me hungrier," the slightly calmer bird said with reproach.

"What else is blind… let me think!" the other one quorked.

"Justice."

"I was _just_ going to say that!"

"Death."

"I suppose, what with no eyes. Someone must have eaten them."

"I told you to stop that. I'm so peckish, more so than usual, what with all the pecking a bird does."

"You suppose he knows twice the truth, then? The All-Father only gave one for knowledge."

"Perhaps Death is the only true thing. Thus the two empty eyeholes."

"Ooh! Ain't that a real twisty kicker of a poetic thingamabob?"

"When the dream of life ends, the truth of death is revealed. Maybe that's why you have to lose your eyes, so you can see the truth."

"A wise guy, eh? Or better yet, a poet, eh? Well all's been said and better too! You only appreciate what you've lost, am I right, boy-ee?"

"Huh?" I was trying not to listen to these two, as a matter of fact, but thir loud, shrill voices were like knifes in my head.

"You should know, right? Or was it the other way around? Do you think you'll learn, really learn the truth of it?"

"Of… what? Losing something? What – what are you saying? Nobody's going to… to die when I'm still…"

"Dead on your feet? Unsure of what you're even hearing and seeing? I wonder."

"Yeah, just what in Hel's name do you think we are?"

"…Hallucinations… there was… was something in the water she gave me…"

"Maybe and maybe. But who says we're _your_ hallucinations?"

"Indeed. I don't think we're your thoughts and memories."

"We're the All-Father's! Or was it a mother? Wait, weren't we talking about a tree? Now even _I_ don't know anymore!"

"Memories often lose their edge with time and become twisted."

"Just because you got the better end of the stick don't mean – oh, hey! We're here!"

Haruhi was in front of me, lying on the ground unconscious. I was sure I'd been crawly around in the dark passages for hours, but it looked as if I'd barely made it half a meter to my right.

"Are… are you going to keep following me… I… I could really use all the help I can get…" I was clearly going insane. What had been in that potion. Or was I really getting _this_ desperate.

"No. We watch. We observe. We are this world's thoughts and memories."

"And we've grown hungry!"

"Hungry for so many things."

"Mainly we're really just interested in you though! You've caught the master's eye, the one!"

"Who…? Who is this master?"

"Blind, so blind you are."

"So does that mean he knows?"

"Probably yes, deep inside his heart, though he dare not say it, dare not even think it."

"I guess we'd know, huh? Wouldn't we? Right? Wouldn't we?"

"Perhaps. Sometimes he acts in ways that disappoint, that are so easy to guess. But sometimes he acts in a way that makes our hearts beat ever faster. And sometimes we are him. Sometimes we are her, sometimes we are the world, and sometimes we are the dream that was left to become a shadow. Sometimes we are everything and nothing."

"It comes and goes!"

"Indeed. I'd like to blame you, boy, and more often than not you are the cause of it all, but sometimes you are truly innocent. It is just that you have become so entwined in all the roots and membranes of this world, in all the strings weaved over it all, it is sometimes hard to tell the difference, where gods and men begin and end."

"This world is just as much yours as it is the master's! Take good care! I'd hate to lose it and never eat another eyeball ever again!"

"Indeed."

And then the birds were gone. They had to be; it was dead silent around me. I looked around, to see if anyone else was there, but only I and Haruhi remained in the gloom as the fire under the cauldren was turning to embers. I thought I could hear a faint greasy flutter of wings in the tunnel ahead of me, but by the time I turned my head, the sounds were gone.

This was probably my only chance… I had to take it… even if I was being toyed with, through drugs, magic or telepathy, I had to take the chance… even if this was another illusion, even if this was that esper guy yanking me around in my head… I had to take this chance…

I pulled Haruhi over my shoulders and made my way into the dark tunnel, walking awkwardly with Haruhi's weight and the slight vertigo, fairly sure there was a faint glimmer of light at the end of it.


End file.
